FROM THE EDITOR
Nowhere Man By Rob Okun
Life After the Norway Massacre
He’s as blind as he can be Just sees what he wants to see —Nowhere Man (Lennon & McCartney)
I
n the storyline that emerged about selfconfessed Norwegian mass-murderer Anders Behring Breivik how was it possible that discussions about gender— about masculinity—remained largely on the margins? Haven’t the media, in this country anyway, had close to two decades of such stories to “get it?” Rather than (oddly) emphasizing their location—“school shootings”—instead of who did the killing, almost always men—much of the media and the pundocracy are again failing to ask the central question: Why are men perpetrating these heinous acts? After all these years shouldn’t we expect those reporting and commenting on the news to finally pay attention to the larger narrative these horrific incidents represent? Amidst the glut of reports on the crisis with boys— including television documentaries, radio shows, and magazine cover stories—why are they still not connecting the dots. Yes, “It’s about the masculinity, stupid,” is too much of a throwaway line in 2011, but forgive me my exasperation, as I forgive others before me. In the ongoing struggle to prevent men’s violence—and to encourage men to critically examine the messages we’ve received about manhood and masculinity—there is a growing legion of men who have followed, for at least the last three decades, women’s lead in working to end violence against women. And, as men, there are many also working to recast masculinity. To see the Anders Breivik narrative devolve into political crime reporting—“A 32-year-old anti-Islamic, lone gunman opened fire yesterday...”—is maddening; not emphasizing the gender dimension of the story another lost opportunity to engage in a national conversation about contemporary manhood. Even after the “do-over”—the hurried corrective scramble many people took after wrongly accusing Muslims of having perpetrated the attack in Norway—the gender question went largely unexamined outside of feminist blogs and listservs. Anders Breivik’s story has a lot in common with all the other male killers of recent years, both younger and older, who needed to
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As our hearts continue to ache with those of the Norwegian people in the wake of the murder of 76 women, men and children, we must turn this tragedy into more than a teachable moment. We need it to be an ongoing international teach-in—semester after semester after semester, in country after country after country.
feel powerful, who needed to be seen. Not to discount his Islamophobia and virulent opposition to a multicultural Scandinavia, dig deeper and you find a white man at the very least uncomfortable with his masculine identity. Embedded in the pages of his 1518-page tract of hate, Breivik both denigrates women and decries the feminization of Europe—in his mind the “cause” of the growing Islamization of Norway. Breivik is not an aberration; not just a lone, crazed gunman; rather he is the latest canary in a deadly masculinity mine whose coldly calculated killing spree warns us of the risks we face if we don’t remake masculinity. Now. It is a dangerous business to allow new generations of boys to grow up believing men are—or should be—all powerful and dominating, that they can traffic in violating women with impunity. As the new documentary film, The Bro Code: How Contemporary Culture Creates Sexist Men reveals (see cover story, page 22), boys and men are conditioned to old-school myths about manhood that dehumanize and disrespect women. And, when necessary, that “training” is extended to any man who tries to opt out of the age-old Man Box of bluster, bullying, and bravado.
Meanwhile, behind closed doors in cottages in tiny hamlets, cavernous suburban ranch houses, and dark apartments in big cities, lonely, angry, disconnected men are living lives of sometimes noisy desperation. Psychotherapists say the few they do see represent the tip of an enormous iceberg. Howling on the inside, simmering at near full boil on the outside, the Anders Behring Breiviks of the world are crying out for help. But too many of us are either too afraid of them or turned off by their political rants. Either way, we ignore them at our peril. As our hearts continue to ache with those of the Norwegian people in the wake of the murder of 76 women, men and children, we must turn this tragedy into more than a teachable moment. We need it to be an ongoing international teach-in—semester after semester after semester, in country after country after country—engaging men and boys, (and women and girls) in a collective effort to reject the bro code, to intervene with society’s perpetual manufacture of sexist, violent men. If not now, when?
Voice Male editor Rob Okun can be reached at rob@voicemalemagazine.org.
Summer 2011
Volume 15 No. 54
Changing Men in Changing Times www.voicemalemagazine.org
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Features 7 Opening a Dialogue on Rape, Violence and Gender By Eve Ensler
8 What Did You Do in the War, Daddy? By Tom Weiner
12 Fighting Gender Bias in Preschool By Jenny Soffel
16 A Ride to End Rape By Luke Heller
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17 Beyond Men Behaving Badly Syndrome By Rob Okun
19 AIDS Is Still a Worldwide Plague By Larry Kramer
20 Why Are Women Invisible in the Men’s Movement Against Gender Violence? By Rachel Griffin
22 Cracking the Bro Code Misogyny USA By Chelsea Faria / Tackling the Sexist Man By Stephen Koenig
27 An 1800 Mile Walk to End Sexual Violence By Joshua Daniel Phillips
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29 SlutWalks unlikely to Lead to Sexual Liberation By Gail Dines and Wendy J. Murphy
Columns & Opinion 2 4 5 11 14 30
From the Editor Letters
31 32
books
Men @ Work OutLines
Why Conservatives Should Favor Gay Marriage By Jonathan Dudley
Fathering
Navigating the Fatherhood Journey By John P. Engel
Poetry
Selections from The Silence of Men By Richard Jeffrey Newman
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Resources
ON THE COVER “Ronnie” from The Jersey Shore - photo: © MTV
male positive • pro-feminist • open-minded Summer 2011
Mail Bonding
Staff
Rob A. Okun Editor
Lahri Bond
Art Director
Michael Burke Copy Editor
Read Predmore
Circulation Coordinator
Zach Bernard, Chelsea Faria, Stephen Koenig Interns
National Advisory Board Juan Carlos Areán
Futures Without Violence
John Badalament The Modern Dad
Eve Ensler V-Day
Byron Hurt
God Bless the Child Productions
Robert Jensen
Prof. of Journalism Univ. of Texas
Sut Jhally
Media Education Foundation
Bill T. Jones
Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Co.
Jackson Katz
Mentors in Violence Prevention Strategies
Michael Kaufman
White Ribbon Campaign
Joe Kelly
The Dad Man
Michael Kimmel
Prof. of Sociology SUNY Stony Brook
Charles Knight
Other & Beyond Real Men
Don McPherson
Mentors in Violence Prevention
Mike Messner
Prof. of Sociology Univ. of So. California
Craig Norberg-Bohm
Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe
Chris Rabb
Afro-Netizen
Men’s Consciousness
Years ago, after finding Voice Male, I shared it with male allies who wanted to better understand the work I do here at the New York State Coalition Against Sexual Assault. The articles are often written by “regular guys” as my buddy once said, and aren’t too academic or full of jargon that can turn off readers…I have shared my subscription with incarcerated men, men in recovery from addictions, and my partner, who all gave it a “thumbs up” and found it provocative and inspiring to become more involved in waging peace. The Spring 2011 issue helped restore my hope that women and men will continue finding ways to work together to fight for reproductive justice for women while simultaneously addressing the debacle of victimblaming that still prevails in the mass media. Yes, misogyny is still alive and well. Understanding the root of it—as connected to all the other oppressions—is at the core of Voice Male’s mission. It will take each one of us to turn this upside down world back on its feet—grounded in respect for Earth and the diversity of life we all share. It is always with a sense of relief that I find the next Voice Male in my mailbox.
Thank you for your editorial, “Women’s Rights Matter to Men” (Spring 2011). It is so inspiring to see this written in a publication directed to men’s consciousness (though obviously it is not any more for men than the editorial is for women). You really articulate the consciousness for us all and I thank you for getting such a “male voice” heard out in the world.
Chrys Ballerano Sexual Assault & Mental Health Community Educator, New York State Coalition Against Sexual Assault Albany, N.Y.
Jevon Williams New York City
THANK YOU: Pam Predmore
Nicky Silver Oakland, Califonia
Young, Black and Refreshed A friend of mine referred me to your publication because she thought it was peculiar for a young, black male to have the sentiments I have concerning women. I have read most of the articles in the last issue and I absolutely love the attention you give to the issue of abuse against women— attention general media sources would try to ignore or misrepresent; specifically, the case of the 11 year-old who was assaulted by a gang of men and boys. I remember raving to a friend about how scary and depressing and maddening it was. Then, seeing you addressing it as one of the first things while visiting your website, was instantly refreshing. Thank you.
Letters may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, 33 Gray Street, Amherst, MA 01002.
VOICE MALE is published quarterly by the Alliance for Changing Men, an affiliate of Family Diversity Projects, 33 Gray St., Amherst, MA 01002. It is mailed to subscribers in the U.S., Canada, and overseas and is distributed at select locations around the country and to conferences, universities, colleges and secondary schools, and among non-profit and non-governmental organizations. The opinions expressed in Voice Male are those of its writers and do not necessarily reflect the views of the advisors or staff of the magazine, or its sponsor, Family Diversity Projects. Copyright © 2011 Alliance for Changing Men/Voice Male magazine. Subscriptions: 4 issues-$28. 8 issues-$45. Institutions: $40 and $55. For bulk orders, go to voicemalemagazine.org or call Voice Male at 413.687-8171.
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Submissions: The editors welcome letters, articles, news items, reviews, story ideas and queries, and information about events of interest. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed but the editors cannot be responsible for their loss or return. Manuscripts and queries may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, 33 Gray St., Amherst, MA 01002.
Massachusetts Children’s Trust Fund Prof. of Gender Studies, California State Long Beach
Using VM to Wage Peace
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Men @ Work
Bringing Up a Genderless Baby? At the end of July, Baby Storm was a six months old; it lives in Toronto, Canada, and is as cute as can be. Wait—did I say “it”? That’s right. Storm’s parents were keeping the infant’s sex a secret from everyone but the immediate family and a handful of confidants in an effort to provide
Egyptian Women: After the Revolution Women of Egypt played a prominent role in the revolution earlier this year. They were key organizers, leaders and spokespersons during all phases of the revolution and demonstrated in large numbers in the streets. They were also beaten and some sacrificed their lives during the protests. However, post-revolution events—such as fundamentalists calling for sex segregation in public transportation and for
the child freedom to eventually decide on a gender identity, without the influence of societal expectation and traditional gender roles. Instead of dolls for girls and trucks for boys, Kathy Witterick and David Stocker have decided “anything goes.” Storm’s parents got a fair amount of venomous feedback after a Toronto Sun article on their decision by Jayme Poisson went viral. It’s fairly clear that they are loving parents with admirable intentions—to see fewer children limited by stereotypes or stigmatized for their differences, whether it’s what they want to wear, do or be. Letting kids express their gender “creatively,” as Poisson puts it in her story, is great; it’s good parenting to let them sample lots of different kinds of roles. But women to be veiled—have made women’s rights activists anxious that women’s rights may be stalled. “Women are… worried what the post-revolution days have in store for us. It seems likely that we may even lose the rights we had before the revolution,” says a women’s rights activist only identified as Ms. Sulieman (no relation to the former Egyptian vice-president). Citizens around the world are being urged to write to Egyptian prime minister Issam Sharaf urging him to take steps to meet the demands laid out in a new Women’s Charter so women have the opportunity to participate in Egypt’s political life. They are also being urged to write to express support for the demands of Egyptian women to integrate women and their rights in all post-revolution institutions and policy frameworks as laid out in
the fact is that gender differences are not all socially invented, says Dr. Harold Koplewicz, and they’re not all chosen—“there are differences in male and female brains that show up rather early in children’s development. It’s not just a stereotype that girls tend to develop language skills earlier, and find it easier to sit still, while boys tend to be more rambunctious. Some of the typical variation in boys’ and girls’ play—the trucks vs. dolls—is based on those inherent differences between the majority of boys and the majority of girls.” What we want for all children, Dr. Koplewicz says, “is for them to be comfortable in their own skin, to feel good about their bodies, their gender identities and their sexual preferences—whatever they the Egyptian Women’s Charter now signed by more than a halfmillion people and submitted by former Chilean president Michele Bachelet, the Executive Director of UN Women. The Charter urges that: • Women are represented on the committee entrusted with drafting the new constitution, in legislative committees, and in forums that discuss national issues • Women occupy at least 40 percent of ministerial positions and 30 percent of parliamentary electoral lists are comprised of women • There be full equality between men and women in all spheres of life • Women are provided equal opportunities in accessing labor markets, credit, capital and skills training, and protection from any kind of sexual harassment in the workplace • All discriminatory legislation against women should be reviewed and revised to reflect human dignity and justice for the family • Women law school graduates must be provided equal opportunities to acquire judiciary posts
may be, and whether or not they’re typical. That isn’t to say that these are choices, either, though children experiment with clothing and play and personas as they develop knowledge and confidence about who they are.” Being secretive about a child’s gender seems rather antithetical to the necessary process of developing an identity, he believes. As parents, Witterick and Stocker “seem to be raising their three children in a kind of bubble by creating an expectationfree zone, which may be great for experimentation but doesn’t help them develop the strength and confidence to be comfortable in the world inhabited by other children and adults.” For more information visit the Child Mind Institute at www.childmind.org. • A strong national women’s machinery be established • A gender equality committee is established inside the parliament and an ombudsperson for gender equality be appointed to ensure gender mainstreaming in all government policies, plans and programs • A national policy is formulated to reflect a positive image of women and to help create a culture with no discrimination against women. Proponents says such steps will ensure that Egyptian women—and men—have a brighter future based on selfdetermination, mutual respect and dignity. Send letters to: Prime Minister Mr. Issam Sharaf, Magless El Shaàb Street, Al Kasr El Einy, Cairo, Egypt; pm@cabinet. gov.eg; Also to: Field Marshal Mohamed Hussein Tantawi, Supreme Council of the Armed Forces, 11 Al’ourubah Street, Cairo, Egypt; amd@mmc.gov. eg To learn more go to: http:// equalitynow.org.rste057vlmp01. blackmesh.com/take_action/ discrimination_in_law_ action381.
Summer 2011
Men @ Work
Engaging Men in North America More than a hundred individuals representing organizations and projects in North America strongly endorse strengthening efforts to prevent violence against women and to support boys’ and men’s expression of a healthy masculinity. Those were among the findings of a survey from MenEngage North America, a component of MenEngage, a global alliance of non-governmental organizations and United Nations agencies working to engage boys and men to achieve gender equality (www. engagingmen.net). There is significant interest in building a network within North America, including Canada, Mexico, the United States, and the Caribbean. “As the field of working with men to promote gender equality grows, it is clear that many professionals find value in creating a network of likeminded colleagues” with whom to share information and collaborate, according to a recently published report on the survey. “The challenge ahead is to build a vision for the network that is participatory, inclusive, and… provides clear objectives for what MenEngage North America hopes to achieve over the next several years,” organizers say. The MenEngage Alliance promotes a global movement of men and boys engaged in, and working toward gender equality, and questioning violence and nonequitable versions of manhood. It is coordinated by a steering committee and international advisory committee. Members include: Sonke Gender Justice (co-chair); International Center for Research on Women (co-chair); EngenderHealth; Futures Without Violence; International Planned Parenthood Federation; Men
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for Gender Equality-Sweden; Men’s Resources International; Promundo; Sahayog; Salud y Genero; Save the ChildrenSweden; White Ribbon Campaign; the World Health Organization; and UNDP, UNFPA, and UNIFEM. Worldwide, members include more than 400 non-governmental organizations (including Voice Male) from Sub-Saharan Africa, Latin America and the Caribbean, North America, Asia and Europe. Visit www.engagingmen.net to learn more.
War and Peace: Gaming the Gamers Profits from war-themed video games have exploded over the past decade, eclipsing even the biggest Hollywood blockbusters. But while the mass appeal of these games is clear, their influence on kids, and the wider culture, is not. Are war games just entertainment, or are they cheapening— and deadening—our attitudes toward war? In a new Media Education Foundation film, Returning Fire, director Roger Stahl profiles three culture-jamming activists who made headlines when they used game technology to force players to think about the potential costs of turning war into entertainment. Among the activists is Joseph Delappe, whose “Dead in Iraq” project explored the line between simulated killing and the actual casualties of war. To learn more—and view a clip from the film, go to www. mediaed.org.
and blueberries, when nutrition consultant Karen Ansel, MS, RD, CDN, reported on the healthboosting benefits of beer—people took notice. Although many men don’t need a reason to pick up a six-pack, nutritionist Ansel describes five ways beer does the body good—in moderation. • Sneak in Some Fiber Beer contains the soluble fiber, beta-glucans, which is linked to lowering cholesterol levels and boosting heart health.
Stopping the Hate An innovative campus program supports colleges and universities in preventing and combating bias and hate crimes on campus as well as fostering the development of community. The “Stop the Hate Train the Trainer” program teaches senior administrators, student affairs professionals, faculty, and students to learn to use new and creative tools to take action on hate crimes and bias-motivated violence issues on campus. Stop The Hate offers a three day, 18 to 20 hour training and a more than 250 page training manual. The program was developed in partnership with the AntiDefamation League, Association of College Unions International, Campus Pride, The Southern Poverty Law Center, Wilbron Institute, Matthew Shepard Foundation, Napa Valley College Criminal Justice Training Center and the Center for the Prevention of Hate Violence. The next training, at Napa Valley College, Napa, California begins September 26th. For fees and to learn more go to www.stophate.org.
Is Beer Good for Men? Yo, men! Listen up: Beer— consumed in moderation—can have health benefits. An article on links between beer and heart health is part of a revamped section on men’s health that can be found at www.eatright.org/menshealth, the website of the American Dietetic Association (ADA). And, while you can’t go wrong eating super foods like spinach
• Keep the Heart Happy Guys love beer, beer loves guys. Drinking one or two brewskis helps decrease the chances of blood clots by increasing HDL cholesterol (the “good” kind) while lowering the “bad” LDL levels. • Protect Your Bones Drinking one to two beers a day can help improve bone strength (conversely heavy drinking can weaken them)—the silicon found in beer has been linked to strengthening the skeletal system. • Break the Seal Beer drinkers have been shown to have a lowered risk of kidney stones compared to their hard liquor loving friends because of beer’s high water content and diuretic effect. (Who knew?) • Get Your Daily Dose Beer has been found to be a good source of heart healthy B vitamins like B6, B12 and folate. One 12-ounce beer delivers 12.5 percent of the daily B6 vitamin requirements. These benefits are for drinking beer in moderation. Remember beer isn’t calorie-free! http:// www.mensfitness.com/nutrition/ beverages/beer-does-the-bodygood. —Bari Lieberman
Opening a Dialogue on Rape, Violence and Gender By Eve Ensler To writer-activist Eve Ensler, the changing landscape in the case of Dominique Strauss-Kahn (DSK), the former head of the IMF accused of sexually assaulting a hotel chambermaid, was “both surprising and surprisingly not surprising.” Earlier this summer, the New York Times reported claims that there were serious problems with the prosecution’s case after the credibility of Strauss-Kahn’s accuser, an immigrant from Guinea, was called into question. Allies of the one time French presidential hopeful welcomed the turn of events—the accuser becoming the accused—and expressed hope Strauss-Kahn would soon return to the political scene. To Ensler, though, “the collapse of this case is not the worst thing that could happen: that would be for us all to retreat into our corners, to retrench our polarized positions. What is important is what we learn from this global episode, and what dialogue it leads us to.” In her commentary below, the award-winning playwright addresses key questions this game-changing case raises about rape, gender, and violence.
H
ow do you fight a rape case if you have lied in your past? How do you fight a rape case if you have been sexually active? How do you fight a rape case as a woman who wants a future in journalism, politics, banking, international affairs? How do you fight a rape case and ever hope to be taken seriously again or be perceived as anything other than a raped victim?
charming company president/caring psychotherapist/honored history professor/visionary film director when you risk being despised by those around him? How do you speak out against the charismatic leader of the party or country when to do so jeopardizes the standing of the party, the country itself, and could let the opposition take power? How do you press charges for sexual harassment and not worry about losing your job, or being seen as weak or unable to protect yourself or hang with the guys and “take a joke?”
How do you fight a rape case as a woman in places like Congo where there are no real courts and no one is held accountable? How do you fight a rape case as an illegal immigrant with no rights in that country?
When do we stop separating how we treat women from our vision of a free, equal, just world— i.e. how do you call yourself a socialist, an intellectual, a leader, a freedom fighter, an anti-apartheid, anti-racism, pro-earth champion, and not make honoring women a central part of that equation?
How do we get men to stop raping lesbians or independent or highly sexual women as a “corrective act” rather than addressing the forces and powers they are truly angry at? How do we get men to understand the impact of rape: how the external bruises are internalized and remain for ever?
Joan Marcus
How do you fight a rape case if you still believe rape is your fault, if you don’t even know what rape is, if you are afraid of upsetting your boyfriend/husband, or afraid of getting him in trouble because he will be more violent to you?
How do we create a real dialogue between men and women about violence: what it does, how it hurts? How do we stop saying that women who are opposed to violence hate sex? When do we stop seeing them as the same thing?
The DSK scandal has rocked the world: it has brought into question How do you speak out against issues of sex, power, race, class and Author/playright/activist Eve Ensler performing her solo show The Good Body. rape and not be called a man hater, gender. It is not simply a matter a gold digger, a slut? How do you of winning or losing this particular convince women to speak out when their character is called into public case. The stakes are much higher. This case is a defining moment, a question? signifier of the direction we move in—towards transformation or more How do you speak out against incest or childhood sexual abuse abuse and loss. if your mother is sleeping with the man who is abusing you, and you know she loves that man or will not believe you? How do you speak out against the adored, handsome, powerful,
Eve Ensler is author of I Am an Emotional Creature and The Vagina Monologues. A Voice Male advisory board member, she is also the founder of V-Day, www.vday.org. A version of this article originally appeared in The Guardian. Summer 2011
Men Confronting the Vietnam Draft
By Tom Weiner
What Did You Do in the War, Daddy? Three Soldiers statue, Vietnam Veterans Memorial, Washington, D. C.
Educator Tom Weiner spent seven years working on Called to Serve: Stories of Men and Women Confronted by the Vietnam War Draft but, he says, he has been on a quest to fully understand that era for more than four decades. One evening in December 1969, all U.S. males between the ages of 18 and 25 discovered their fate in the Vietnam War draft lottery. A ball with a date corresponding to each young man’s birthday was randomly picked from a large glass bowl. The lower the number the more likely you would be drafted. For Weiner and his contemporaries, “the memory of that night is as fixed in our consciousnesses as the various assassinations, moonwalks, and… Woodstock. Whatever any of us were doing before that fateful evening, we were, almost all of us, transfixed by that lottery drawing…” What follows is an edited account of Weiner’s experience—he drew number 117—and excerpts from four others, among the dozens of men and women he interviewed for the book. Lottery Number 117 I had obtained a variety of letters documenting such conditions as allergies, a slight curvature of the spine, calcium deposits on my feet, and a letter from the Trinity College school counselor. I also had a conscientious objector application pending… I didn’t know what would happen the day I went (above) to a facility in Newark, New Tom Weiner in Jersey, for my physical. What the early 70s and today. I did know was I was not going to war. I was immediately struck by how few white men were in the waiting area. It hit me that if I wasn’t going to serve, one of the men sitting near me was going in my place. This realization felt horrible. My anxiety grew as each of the letters I’d brought didn’t work: I still hadn’t failed the physical. The letter from the counselor at Trinity College got me an interview with the Army psychiatrist who only asked two questions. First,
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“Have you ever smoked marijuana?” I answered affirmatively. The second question was, “Have you ever had a suicidal fantasy?” I also answered, “Yes.” The psychiatrist scribbled a few words on a piece of paper and handed it to me. I glanced down and read the words, “1-Y, Drug Abuse.” I was out. Even at the moment I received the verdict those words felt haunting to me. What effect would they have on my life? What mattered most, though, was I had found a way to avoid serving in a war I thought immoral. As the years went by I realized there was a possibility that the stories of my contemporaries might no longer be told. That these powerful, cautionary tales might fade away with the passing of those who had lived them. So, in 2004 I began interviewing men and women who had encountered the draft. I soon realized there was more to the story than ways to beat the draft—my initial intention. Those accounts, while certainly compelling, did not, by any means, tell the full story. I would need to interview men and women who had experienced the range of decisions, including: serving in the armed forces in Vietnam or the States; resisting the draft and going on the run, being imprisoned, or fleeing to Canada; choosing conscientious objection; finding a way to “beat” the draft through a medical deferment or subterfuge; and assisting one man—or many—through
counseling or lending moral support by, for instance, joining them in Canada. Each story has a chapter in Called to Serve; each illustrating a different experience. In the end, 30 of the 61 interviews I conducted are included in the book. The others can be found on my blog, www. calledtoservevietnam.com/blog. I encourage Vietnam era readers to add their stories there. In telling these stories I am advocating long overdue healing from the wounds the war inflicted on a generation. The stories delve into family background: Was their father a veteran, for instance? What were the family’s political views, especially about Vietnam? How well—or poorly—did they get along with their parents and siblings? Where did they grow up? Did they attend college? Were they in a romantic relationship? What were their career aspirations? All of these factors played a significant role in what unfolded. In order to forgive ourselves—and one another—the influence these conditions had on each person needed to be acknowledged, expressed, and, ultimately, understood. What follows are excerpts from three men’s and one woman’s stories: George Williams, an infantrymen who served in the Army, died in September 2010 at the age of 63. Steve Trudel, 61, who resisted the draft, has been counseling men who have abusive to their wives and partners for three decades. Peter Jessop, also 61, a conscientious objector, is a contractor with a long history in social justice and community activism. Finally, peace activist Frances Crowe, 92, has been an inspiration to generations with her tenacious commitment to a green planet and a world without war.
George Williams: Infantryman Fear was always a common denominator, no matter where you were, no matter what you were doing. Even when we were back at base camp, we weren’t safe. We had been mortared there a couple of times, and one time somebody got blown up by (above) a mortar round. That George Williams’ army photo, and kept the fear with you. before his death There were so many in 2010. emotions, though; it’s hard to pinpoint any one as the strongest. Sometimes we’d get into a firefight, and it would be so chaotic… [A]t that time a lot of guys were wounding themselves, trying to get out. I mean I’ve seen guys cut themselves on the shoulder, so they wouldn’t have to carry a backpack. One guy I know drank a bottle of booze, and then told another guy to smash his hand. The range in people’s attitudes was unbelievable. There were people who loved being in combat; really to the point that I thought they were psychotic. They loved the act of killing. Then there were guys who wanted to get out so badly they would do anything. I was somewhere in the middle. I was trying to do my job, despite the fear that was with me all the time. That fear was so powerful; it was almost like it was strangling me. I just wanted to get my time over with. There was a calendar with a Playboy-type model posing, and it was a line drawing with 365 little blocks in the woman’s body. Each day you would shade in the block, and where the vagina was, that was home. Everybody had one of these calendars, marking the days off.
There were a lot of Vietnamese children there. One day I noticed that, no matter where you went, there were kids running all over the place. As a child I wasn’t well off. My family was on welfare, but when I was in Vietnam what I had thought of as the poverty level was blown away. One little boy was holding his sister who was eating out of a sandbag that we threw our food away in. It was a really dirty sandbag, and he was feeding her out of it. His clothes were all tattered… More and more I realized we weren’t there for a legitimate reason. Even the way we fought the war showed how crazy it was. We would fight, take over certain areas and leave, and then they’d regain them and we’d go back and have to take the same place over again. It just didn’t make sense, strategically, militarily. It felt like we could have been there forever. It was like constantly taking one step forward and one step back. It didn’t make sense to a lot of soldiers, to a lot of ground soldiers at least... I was really opposed to the way the war itself was being fought. There were the “zippo raids.” I didn’t like them at all. Even if the Viet Cong were around the area, why burn a whole village? If we got shot at, we used mortars until we could get an air strike, but a lot of the time we hit innocent villages. That’s what the Viet Cong did. They hid behind the villages, but we took out the whole village killing many innocent people…
Steve Trudel: Draft Resister I decided to send my draft card back to the State Department with the War Resisters’ League. I had hoped that thousands of young men—from college campuses, which obviously were very privileged places—would show how seriously we were opposed to this war. It turned out there were (above) only about a thousand of Steve Trudel in us who did it in the entire the early 70s and today. country… [Nixon administration attorney general] John Mitchell refused to accept the draft cards… I thought of it as the war of rejections. We were rejecting the system and he was rejecting us. I had made my decision because I felt identified with the people we were killing. I felt terribly conflicted about even being in college while others were being sent off to war. I left college after my sophomore year. [At the time] I was experiencing PTSD from being beaten as a child by my father. I was trying to come to terms with that in a different way, but there was the backdrop of the Vietnam War constantly in my face, re-traumatizing me because Richard Nixon—my father wouldn’t let us call him Tricky Dick; we could only call him the President…—was more of the same. My dad was completely pro-war. All of his investments in the stock market were in the war machine. My mother was basically a pacifist, but she never spoke out. Certainly we were raised as pacifists. I was always taught not to start a fight. I was taught to love, to cooperate. I was taught to tell the truth. I knew my mother did not feel the same way as my father but she could not have spoken up against him. I never really thought about what might happen after sending in the draft card. I was 20 years old and I was incredibly distracted by Summer 2011
other psychological processes. I think that when you’re the victim of abuse, your talents and light are incredibly compromised. The drama of war acted as a constant reminder of my own abuse. I definitely knew I could go to jail for sending in the card. I was not going to flee the country. I could have worked against the war in Canada, but I felt I had an obligation in the same way any young person joins the military because they love their country and they want to protect it. I never got my card back. That was my way of being a soldier… At any point I could have gone to jail. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I would have gone to jail. That’s how I would have followed my conscience.
Peter Jessop: Conscientious Objector My parents were thrilled when I applied for status as a Conscientious Objector (CO), only because I could try to do something else rather than spend (above) CO Peter a couple of years in jail. I think Jessop in the they were happy about that and late 60s and at least a little bit supportive. I was out of school and I was out of touch. I didn’t have a lot of contact with people who were doing what I was doing. I was in contact with (prominent war resister) John Bach and we were writing. John was very supportive, and I found that useful, although there was always a little bit of tension in me about, “Am I as courageous as he is? Am I doing enough?” His was a very high standard. Finally, I decided I didn’t need to meet that standard. I only needed to meet my own standard: applying for status as a CO. For my appeal, I stood in front of my draft board. I don’t remember the faces. I remember them being white, and I remember them being men and suited. I had a guy I knew with me—the minister in the church I grew up in. I didn’t know him well, but I’d had a long discussion with him. He agreed to accompany me to the appeal. I think you could take one person with you. I was nervous about how I was going to do. I hadn’t done a lot of prep work with anybody but I re-read everything I’d written. There were two things that struck me about the experience. One was that conscientious objector status is for those who know how to read and write well. I was really aware of that. Writing the essay was like writing a thesis. How do you explain your beliefs? The other was this sense that it didn’t matter what they decided. There was a certain amount of strength in that for me. They asked me lots of questions. There was one similar to the “What if your sister is being raped?” question. In the end I remember saying, “Basically it doesn’t matter what you do here today. I don’t intend to serve in the military.” I remember adding, “I don’t mean that as a threat. I don’t mean that necessarily to influence your decision. I just mean to tell you that I have no intention of being inducted into the Armed Forces, so I appreciate your time here today.” I remember trying to be relatively straightforward about it and not expressing anger, which I certainly could have tapped into. I simply said that I had chosen this path, and if they didn’t experience the sincerity in my voice, then that’s their decision. I remember leaving there thinking, “Okay, that piece is done now. I can stop worrying about that piece and start looking for the next one.”
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Frances Crowe: Draft Counselor Prior to the escalation of the Vietnam War, I was a full-time mother, housewife, and homemaker with three kids, two of whom were adolescent boys. The kitchen seemed always to be filled with young men after school talking about what they were going to do about the draft. After hearing their stories, I decided I would go to the Central Committee for Conscientious Objectors, to take a week’s draft counseling training course. I came back and visited some draft centers, such as one in Cambridge, one in New Haven, and several others, but I didn’t get to see what I considered draft counseling. I saw angry young men, mostly resister types, “conducting interviews.” What they were really doing was telling other men about their (mostly illegal) options, such as how they could throw protein in their urine samples to indicate kidney problems, gain or lose weight, or see a psychiatrist. These crazy, demonizing things were very disturbing to me. I came back and went to the University of Massachusetts School of Education [in Amherst] for a course in group counseling. I decided to take what I called the feminist approach to draft counseling, i.e. to do groups, similar to the consciousness-raising groups of the women’s movement. We had a home with a large lower floor where I could have a draft-counseling center. I decided that Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and Friday nights, I would do groups from two to five o’clock and seven to ten. I went to our local paper… to see about putting an ad in announcing my groups. Their immediate response was it would be illegal to print that. I asked them to check with their lawyers; after all, all I was doing was telling draftees about their legal options under Selective Service. The lawyers affirmed my right to put my ad in, but they ran it as a little ad in the classifieds. “Young Men, Are You Conscientiously Opposed to Participation in War in Any Form? If so, come to a draft information session.” Nobody came. Now remember, this was before there were Xerox machines. I had a big, old mimeograph machine. It was very hard to cut stencils and grind out copies; nevertheless, I prepared flyers. In those days students at the five colleges in our area weren’t allowed to have cars, and there was no bus service between the schools. So everybody hitchhiked. I decided the thing I should do was to drive back and forth between the colleges in our area [of western Massachusetts], Amherst and Northampton, picking up hitchhikers and giving them the flyers with information about the counseling sessions. The first Monday morning I went out, I managed to fill up the station wagon with young men going to Amherst. As soon as they got in the car, I asked them,” “What are you going to do about the draft?” Oh, they had crazy ideas about going to Canada or Sweden, failing physicals, or cutting off part of their trigger finger. I talked fast and drove slowly. Then I gave them stenciled maps to my house, with an invitation to my first draft counseling session, the following Tuesday at 2 o’clock. I did that all day, and by Tuesday afternoon, I had a roomful… There were people in the military, people trying to decide how to not go into the military, or whether they would let themselves be drafted. There were girlfriends, mothers, wives, even at one point, a father of a potential draftee… There were others who joined us for the meetings including mothers and fathers whose sons were confronting the draft. Some were very skeptical at first. “What are you doing?” “Who are you?” “What’s this all about?” But we were just right out there with our efforts to support their sons. We were honest and trusting, and soon they trusted us. It was a wonderful, open process.
OutLines
By Jonathan Dudley
Why Conservatives Should Favor Gay Marriage When Jonathan Dudley was earning his master’s degree in divinity at Yale, he never thought years later he’d be cheering the legalization of gay marriage in New York. Yet even back then he began to see an interesting pattern in some of the biblical passages he was analyzing. “Many conservatives use the Bible as a definitive source for why gays should not be afforded the right to marry,” said Dudley. “The problem is that there is very little in the Bible about same-sex pairings, and what’s there can easily be interpreted in multiple ways.” What follows is an excerpt from his new book, Broken Words: The Abuse of Science and Faith in American Politics.
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he biblical prop that politicians lean on to condemn gays is an illusion, as are other elements of their arguments. If the goal is legislation that both preserves marriage and reflects the Bible’s teaching, it is far easier to argue that divorce should be illegal than it is to condemn gay marriage. Although the New Testament only contains one uncontested reference to same-sex pairings, divorce is condemned throughout the New Testament, both by Jesus and the Apostle Paul. What’s more, the prevalence of divorce poses a far more credible threat to the culture of marriage in America than does the prospect of gay people marrying each other. In today’s America, the divorce rate for new married couples is 50 percent. As gay marriage is still outlawed by the Defense
The prevalence of divorce poses a far more credible threat to the culture of marriage in America than does the prospect of gay people marrying each other. of Marriage Act, we can’t blame the divorce rate on gay marriage. That figure is due to the dissolution of heterosexual marriages. A growing number of theologians and young evangelicals have realized the Bible doesn’t require Christians to condemn gay rights. In fact, there is a growing movement that supports the idea that some of the translations and interpretations of passages in contemporary Bibles are errant, and also that the Bible even provides fodder for supporting gay marriage. The community of evangelical biblical scholars—almost exclusively white heterosexual men—has a history of producing interpretations of the Bible that reflect its own interests and disadvantage those without power. The same leaders who insist on the most rigorous, stringent reading possible on homosexuality have come up with all sorts of nuances and complicating considerations to justify leniency for themselves when it comes to more obvious biblical condemna-
tions of divorce. So why is it that same-sex relationships don’t get the same treatment? The reason is simple: it doesn’t serve anyone involved with interpreting the Bible for the purposes of creating modern religious canon. The same community that insists on a “traditional” reading of the Bible on gay relationships has embraced tendentious, historically recent interpretations claiming the Bible says life begins at conception. And the same intellectual habits and social structures that led yesterday’s white evangelical community to ignore the civil rights movement, oppose the feminist movement, and drag its feet for far too long in the face of environmental destruction are still in place today—and they shape how evangelical leaders are thinking about homosexuality. In reality, the older generation’s opposition to gay marriage tells us more about their allegiance to social conservatism than it does about their allegiance to the Bible. J o n a t h a n D u d l e y, a graduate of Yale Divinity School, is currently a medical student at The Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in Baltimore. He has provided medical care to underserved Latino populations in Guatemala, Ecuador and Grand Rapids, Michigan. For more about his work, go to www.jonathan-dudley.com. Summer 2011
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No “Him” or “Her”
Fighting Gender Bias in Preschool
Egalia pre-school director Lotta Rajalin
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t the Egalia preschool in Stockholm, staff avoid using words like “him” or “her” and address the 33 kids as “friends” rather than girls and boys. From the color and placement of toys to the choice of books, every detail has been carefully planned to make sure the children don’t fall into gender stereotypes. “Society expects girls to be girly, nice and pretty and boys to be manly, rough and outgoing,” says Jenny Johnsson, a 31-year-old teacher. “Egalia gives them a fantastic opportunity to be whoever they want to be.” The taxpayer-funded preschool, which opened last year in the liberal Sodermalm district of Stockholm for kids aged one to six is among the most radical examples of Sweden’s efforts to engineer equality between the sexes from childhood onward. Breaking down gender roles is a core mission in the national curriculum for preschools, underpinned by the theory that even in highly egalitarian-minded Sweden, society gives boys an unfair edge. To even things out, many preschools have hired “gender pedagogues” to help staff identify language and behavior that risk reinforcing stereotypes. Some parents worry things have gone too far. An obsession with obliterating gender roles, they say, could make the children 12
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confused and ill-prepared to face the world outside kindergarten. “Different gender roles aren’t problematic as long as they are equally valued,” says Tanja Bergkvist, a 37-year-old blogger and a leading voice against what she calls “gender madness” in Sweden. Those bent on shattering gender roles say “there’s a hierarchy where everything that boys do is given higher value, but I wonder who decides that it has higher value,” she says. “Why is there higher value in playing with cars?” At Egalia—the title connotes “equality”—boys and girls play together with a toy kitchen, waving plastic utensils and pretending to cook. One boy hides inside the toy stove, his head popping out through a hole. Lego bricks and other building blocks are intentionally placed next to the kitchen, to make sure the children draw no mental barriers between cooking and construction. Director Lotta Rajalin notes that Egalia places a special emphasis on fostering an environment tolerant of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. From a bookcase she pulls out a story about two male giraffes who are sad to be childless—until they come across an abandoned crocodile egg. Nearly all the children’s books deal with homosexual couples, single parents or adopted children. There are no Snow White,
Egalia pre-school
By Jenny Soffel
Cinderella or other classic fairy tales seen as cementing stereotypes. Rajalin, 52, says the staff also tries to help the children discover new ideas when they play. “A concrete example could be when they’re playing ‘house’ and the role of the mom already is taken and they start to squabble,” she says. “Then we suggest two moms or three moms and so on.” Egalia’s methods are controversial; some say they amount to mind control. Rajalin says the staff has received threats from people apparently upset about the preschool’s use of black dolls. But she says that there’s a long waiting list for admission to Egalia, and that only one couple has pulled a child out of the school. Jukka Korpi, 44, says he and his wife chose Egalia “to give our children all the possibilities based on who they are and not on their gender.” Sweden has promoted women’s rights for decades, and more recently was a pioneer among European countries in allowing gay and lesbian couples to legalize their partnerships and adopt children. Jay Belsky, a child psychologist at the University of California at Davis, said he’s not aware of any other school like Egalia, and he questioned whether it was the right way to go. “The kind of things that boys like to do—run around and turn sticks into swords—will soon be disapproved of,” he said. “So
gender neutrality at its worst is emasculating maleness.” Egalia is unusual even for Sweden. Staff tries to shed masculine and feminine references from their speech, including the pronouns him or her—han or hon in Swedish. Instead, they’ve have adopted the genderless hen, a word that doesn’t exist in Swedish but is used in some feminist and gay circles. “We use the word hen for example when a doctor, police, electrician or plumber or such is coming to the kindergarten,” Rajalin says. “We don’t know if it’s a he or a she so we just say ‘Hen is coming around 2 p.m.’ Then the children can imagine both a man or a woman. This widens their view.” Egalia doesn’t deny the biological differences between boys and girls—the dolls the children play with are anatomically correct. What matters is that children understand that their biological differences “don’t mean boys and girls have different interests and abilities,”Rajalinsays.“Thisisaboutdemocracy.Abouthumanequality.” Jenny Soffel, a freelance journalist dividing her time between Stockholm and Berlin, writes about gender. A version of this article appeared on Alternet (www.alternet.org).
Summer 2011
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Fathering
Navigating the Fatherhood Journey By John P. Engel
“Fathers benefit from deeper connection with other fathers.” That observation rang true for John Engel, a coach and consultant who believes working with dads, “bring fathers together to grow and learn.” After leading a recent group, he wrote the following reflection.
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he value of connection is particularly strong for what I call beginnerfathers, in other words, fathers of young children. Each stage of childhood— and the birth of each child—offers corresponding new stages of fatherhood, and so, all fathers are beginner-fathers. (Of course, the same is true for mothers, spouses, partners, and parents.) But, at a recent event, “The Fatherhood Journey,” it was the value of a deeper fatherhood connection that was most evident. Three themes emerged in conversations prior to, during, and following the event; they shed light on the vital importance of greater connection among fathers: the power of childhood father experiences, feelings of father isolation and motivation to understand father identity. Fathers contain reservoirs of strong emotions about childhood experiences with 14
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their own father. These childhood father experiences are powerful sources of fathering wisdom. Yet, wanting to father in ways both familiar and unfamiliar to one’s own father can produce the realization that questions are more plentiful than answers. Many fathers also experience father isolation. Such feelings of aloneness can include feeling disconnected from one’s self, spouse or partner, children, childless friends, and from other fathers. These largely unspoken feelings can emerge in the early stages of pregnancy and continue with the birthing process, postpartum phase and well into the parenting journey, when many family support systems tend to be focused on the health and well-being of mothers and babies. Combining this with the fact that many men, and by extension fathers, have been trained to believe that seeking support is unmanly, means that, as one father stated, “Fathers are under-supported;” so, consequently, families are under-supported. Together, the themes of childhood father experiences and father isolation suggest the presence of an additional benefit from connection among fathers, namely the opportunity to support clarifying one’s father
identity. Father identity is based on a father’s understanding of self as father. Father identity stretches the boundaries of self—including growing pains—to greater realms of we, often leaving greater confusion about me. Fatherhood can be a rewarding journey helping men to grow in profound ways. Yet, sifting through childhood, father experiences, feeling father isolation, and clarifying father identity can, at times, leave men lost in a fatherhood wilderness without a map, compass or, in many cases, a willingness to ask for directions. In this way, fatherhood is an opportunity to relearn the adage that life is not a destination; it’s a journey. Navigating life, and fatherhood, skillfully yet imperfectly, requires attention to both the inner and outer dimensions of the journey. The terrain of the outer journey is marked by the events and demands of the everpresent and all-consuming world around us. It includes late night feedings, breadwinning, diaper changes, grocery bills, ear infections, mortgage payments, doctor and dentist appointments, car repairs, teething, utility bills, day care, layoffs, temper tantrums, new jobs, preschool, work travel, birthday parties, anniversary dinners, kindergarten,
lawn mowing, parent-teacher conferences, elder care; the list is endless. The goals of this outer journey are accomplishing tasks and caring for others. The methodology involves clarifying problems and finding solutions. The mantras are pithy. Work harder, live more; buy more, spend less; change your attitude, change your altitude; and no pain, no gain. Outward confidence is the hallmark of success. The tool of choice is a smart phone, the electronic multi-tool that holds your daily life-map, your work and home schedule, in your hip pocket; connects you to anything and everything you need, and don’t need, to know on the World Wide Web; and serves as a beacon for sending or receiving S.O.S. messages 24-7 in the form of email, text or voice. The inner journey is different, but related; it’s the inner terrain of our being. This place, which resides in every father, is unfamiliar, mysterious. It is a place where questions trump answers and slogans are meaningless. It is a wireless deadzone. It encompasses the largely unmapped emotional, psychological,
and spiritual peaks and valleys of the self. Traveling this terrain feels uncertain, vulnerable; the path is elusive. So we don’t go there, at least not very often, and certainly,
Sifting through childhood father experiences, feeling father isolation, and clarifying father identity can leave men lost in a fatherhood wilderness without a map, compass, or a willingness to ask for directions. not for very long. And even if we explored our inner wilderness as younger, more idealistic men—and few of us have—the wilderness of fatherhood can be more treacherous to navigate. Experienced wilderness travelers know a map is of limited value without a compass,
for when the map is unclear, a compass still points to north. Likewise, when the map of fatherhood, particularly the outer journey, becomes unclear, our internal map and compass can be used to orient us to our own true north. Paradoxically, learning to read and skillfully use our own, internal map and compass is supported by being in community with other fathers. The call, of course, is to gather with, connect to, and share and learn from other fathers. Doing so will create an environment for fathers to both orient themselves within their role, and begin to cultivate what I call fatherhood wisdom. When fatherhood is a destination it is easy to feel lost; when fatherhood is a journey, it is easier to navigate. By collectively navigating the fatherhood journey, men lead in ways that support healthy fathering, healthy partnerships and healthy families. John P. Engel, principal of LifeMigrations Coaching and Consulting, facilitates The Fatherhood Journey. You can contact him at lifemigrations@msn.com.
Summer 2011
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A Ride to End Rape By Luke Heller
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few months ago I strapped on my stilettos and rode into downtown Asheville, North Carolina, for the annual “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes,” where men walk in high heels as a symbolic way of acknowledging the dangers women face. After parading through the city with all the walkers, I set off on my bicycle on a different path. With hundreds of people cheering me on who had just literally just “walked the walk” I began the first leg of a bicycle tour across the country to raise awareness about the epidemic of sexual assault impacting women’s lives. For the last few years, I have been involved with Our VOICE, the Rape Crisis Center in Asheville. One day I found myself thinking there must be some way to incorporate my passion for the rape crisis center’s work with my passion for bicycling. The result was RideToEndRape. As a sociology undergrad at the University of North Carolina in Asheville, I was fortunate to have some professors and peers who tapped into my passion for engaging men to challenge gender norms. In a community such as Asheville (where alternative is somewhat normal), I found myself surrounded by many men involved in alternative masculinities— whether they were conscious of it or not. My passion for the center’s work and vision grew out of my thesis on how men learn masculinities through their peers and roles models. I probably wouldn’t have believed then it would snowball into a national bicycle tour to promote male involvement in sexual violence prevention. Pioneering women began the rape crisis movement in the 1970s by creating crisis centers across the country. Over the years, these centers have grown to become hubs for victim services and, more recently, leaders in community prevention and education programs. Despite all the gains, after several decades of providing appropriate victim support, it has become clear that victim support is not enough to end rape. In fact, it’s like putting a band aid on a gushing wound. This story is all too familiar for those who are familiar with sexual violence prevention. Centers staffed primarily by women long have been providing victim support. They now recognize that men must be a vital part of the equation in preventing sexual assault. While it’s true men comprise the overwhelming majority of perpetrators, it’s also 16
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true that the vast majority of men are not perpetrators. As important as it may be to pay attention to perpetrators, the greatest returns may yet be found in work with men who are good guy bystanders not yet aware that by their silence they are being complicit with those who would harm women. As the shirt I wear bearing an Eve Ensler quote says, “When men stand up to end violence against women, the world is going to change.” So what happens when we don’t stand up? Nothing, nothing at all. If this ride has taught me anything it is that people of all identities are needed in the work of ending sexual violence, including men. How do we challenge patriarchal behavior without being patriarchal? How do men find their niche without crowding out the women who have been tirelessly doing this work for decades? I’m not yet prepared to provide the answer but I can share some of my experiences over 4,750 miles on the road promoting men getting involved in preventing rape. I am often asked if I have had any negative experiences on the RideToEndRape. Some of those whom I am closest to had considerable concern about me cycling through remote areas where I might not be well received. I have been fortunate. More often than not, people who gaze at my bike long enough and acknowledge the cause have nothing but kind and thankful words. However, there was one incident in Allentown, Pennsylvania that I would rather forget. On the other hand, I hope I never forget it. I was nearing the end of a lovely day of riding through the Pennsylvania countryside. Cruising through a residential street, I heard a deep voice shout something to the effect of, “Hey cutie, bring that thang on over here!” When I turned to see where the voice was coming from, I recognized that the catcalls were for me. The guy’s buddies stood on a nearby stoop chuckling. I had an intense moment of feeling threatened; I realized on some level I was being objectified. My body tensed as my survival instinct kicked in. Although intellectually I knew I was not physically in danger, the experience triggered something inside of me that I had never felt before—I had just been physically threatened simply because I was wearing tightfitting cycling clothing. [continued on page 28]
Beyond Men Behaving Badly Syndrome By Rob Okun
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here is always a scarcity in the news contrasting men congressmember Anthony Weiner, who finally resigned with MBBS—Men Behaving Badly Syndrome—with, after confessing he had sent those photographs over Twitter. well, the good guys we rarely hear about. What broad- (And, despite the twists and turns in the Dominique Strausscast outlet, newspaper, or Internet blog would highlight a Kahn case, the string of allegations about his sexual behavior father who stays home to raise his children when they can swirling around DSK is unlikely to change his diagnosis as having a virulent strain of MBBS.) cover a sex scandal like the ones of the last few months? What does it say about some men that they risk their careers, Manhood, like fatherhood, is in transition as more men reputations, and marriages for a roll in the hay, real or virtual? reject conventional ideas of both roles. That’s the bigger story. Or, worse, if they force themselves on women. What insecuriAs Voice Male readers know, for more than three decades a ties are at play? What pressures are they experiencing? What slow, but steadily growing movement of men—fathers featured feelings are they trying to keep at bay? While we might prominently among them—has been charting a new course rightly exclude for how we behave DSK, we can season as men. Rather than our outrage for the being threatened others with a dollop by feminism, these of compassion and men recognized invite men who that women taking feel—and act— action to redefine differently to stop their role in society being bystanders, presented an opporto clearly articulate tunity for men to do a different definithe same. tion of manhood, Sure, initially demanding it most men were have its day in the confused and angry national conversawhen they realtion about men. ized women were For eons society serious about no has condoned Men longer accepting a Be h aving Badly playing field tilted Syndrome. But for in men’s favor. the men who have Slowly, though, rejected its main some men got it: ingredients—priviwomen rejecting lege and entitletheir confining ment—it is time to gender box meant end our silence. A men also could bust society that celeout of ours. brates the stud more Sex offensive: Anthony Weiner, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Many found in than the dad reaps fatherhood a chance what it sows. Fatherto rediscover our capacity to nurture—an ability drummed hood may not be sexy but it sure is real, awakening in men out of us early, beginning when we first heard the words “big a capacity to access our highest angels—from cultivating boys don’t cry.” Why not cry? It is in our tears and fears that men rediscover empathy and patience to practicing sacrifice and humility. Not our full humanity. It takes courage for men to express our every man has to become a father to personally dig deep, but vulnerability rather than our anger. But doing so opens us up for many it has proven to be the doorway to growing up. For too long, Dad has been a caricature of pop culture. So to being labeled a mama’s boy or worse. So we go the other sure, as summer winds down, fire up the barbecue if you like, way—dominating others, often women, to try and nourish our but let’s use it to ignite a campaign to reclaim manhood. That’s sad inner lives. The result? Operating from below our waists the best legacy the child Anthony Weiner’s wife is carrying can rather than from within our hearts. receive from its father. And from the rest of us. Most people empathized with the betrayal Maria Shriver felt when former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted he fathered a child with another woman a decade A version of this article appeared in Women’s eNews (www. ago. We identified with Huma Abedin, wife of New York womensenews.org). Summer 2011
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“I celebrate you for standing with women in the struggle to end violence against women and girls. Your brave magazine is bringing forward the new vision and voices of manhood which will inevitably shift this paradigm and create a world where we are all safe and free.”
“Among the things I like about Voice Male is the racial, ethnic and sexual diversity in both its articles and features and its fearless engagement with controversial issues related to masculinities and feminism. It is our movement’s ‘magazine of record,’ playing a role analogous to the one Ms. magazine plays in the women’s movement.”
—Jackson Katz, writer-activist
—Eve Ensler, activist-playwright
(MVP Strategies)
(The Vagina Monologues)
What’s happening with men and masculinity? That’s the question Voice Male tries to answer each issue as it chronicles manhood in transition. The changes men have undergone the past 30 years, our efforts following women in challenging men’s violence, and our ongoing exploration of our interior lives, are central to our vision. The magazine’s roots are deep in the male positive, profeminist, anti-violence men’s movement. We draw inspiration from the world-changing acts of social transformation women have long advanced and the growing legion of men agitating and advocating for a new expression of masculinity. At this key moment in the national conversation about men, Voice Male has much to contribute. Join us! 4 issues-$28 / 8 issues-$45 Institutional Rate: 4 issues - $40 / 8 issues - $55 To subscribe—or to make a tax-deductible gift—please use the enclosed envelope or go to:
voicemalemagazine.org 18
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AIDS Is Still a Worldwide Plague By Larry Kramer
Theatergoers in New York had a rare experience this spring: a 30th anniversary revival of the eye-opening play The Normal Heart, by Larry Kramer, which explores the AIDS crisis with honesty, rage, and love. Those attending received a copy of a one-page flier Kramer wrote to remind audiences the AIDS epidemic is far from over, and far from under control. What follows is a version of playwright-activist Kramer’s handout, which he simply titled, “Please Know.”
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verything in The infected and the dying Normal Heart are so grotesquely high happened. These they are rarely acknowlwere and are real people edged. who lived and spoke and Please know that all died, and are presented the efforts at prevention here as best as I could. and education continue Several more have their unending record of died since, including abject failure. Bruce, whose name Please know that there is was Paul Popham, and no one in charge of this Tommy, whose name plague. This is a war was Rodger McFarlane for which there is no and who became my general and for which best friend, and Emma, there has never been a whose name was Dr. general. How can you Linda Laubenstein. She Playwright Larry Kramer win a war with no one died after a bout of polio in charge? and another trip to an This is a war for which there is no general. How can you win a war with no one in charge? iron lung. Rodger, after Please know that beginbuilding three gay/AIDS agencies from the ground up, ning with Ronald Reagan (who would not say the word committed suicide in despair. On his deathbed at Memo- “AIDS” publicly for seven years), every single president rial, Paul called me (we’d not spoken since our last flight has said nothing and done nothing, or in the case of the in this play) and told me to never stop fighting. current president, says the right things and then doesn’t Four members of the original cast died as well, do them. including my dear sweet friend Brad Davis, the original Please know that pharmaceutical companies are among Ned, whom I knew from practically the moment he got the most evil and greedy nightmares ever loosed on off the bus from Florida, a shy kid so very intent on humankind. What “research” they embark upon is calcubecoming a fine actor, which he did. lated only toward finding newer drugs to keep us, just Please know that AIDS is a worldwide plague. barely, from dying, but not to make us better or, god Please know that no country in the world, including forbid, cured. this one, especially this one, has ever called it a plague, Please know that an awful lot of people have needlessly or acknowledged it as a plague, or dealt with it as a died and will continue to needlessly die because of any plague. and all of the above. Please know that there is no cure. Please know that the world has suffered at the very least Please know that after all this time the amount of money some 75 million infections and 35 million deaths. When being spent to find a cure is still minuscule, still almost the action of the play that you just have seen begins, there invisible, still impossible to locate in any national health were 41. budget, and still totally uncoordinated. I have never seen such wrongs as this plague, in all its guises, represents, and continues to say about us all. Please know that here in America case numbers continue to rise in every category. In much of the rest of the world— For more information, visit TheNormalHeartBroadway. Russia, India, Southeast Asia, Africa—the numbers of the com. Summer 2011
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Why Are Women Invisible in the Men’s Movement Against Gender Violence? By Rachel Griffin
As an advocate and survivor herself, Rachel Griffin has often expressed “genuine gratitude to men who have labored in the movement against gender violence.” In her roles as a college professor, speaker at universities and conferences across the country, and as a volunteer, she says,“Some of the most emotionally meaningful moments I have experienced have been in the company of male college students ‘doing the work’—the work of confronting patriarchy when they see it with their newly opened eyes; the work of naming sexism when they hear it with their just enlightened ears; the work of trudging through the guilt of male privilege when they feel it with their recently apprised hearts.” Yet though their work has brought tears to her eyes, Prof. Griffin says she has also noticed “what I perceive as a grim pattern among men taking the brave steps required to dismantle hegemonic masculinity.” Because she doesn’t want her thoughts to be hastily dismissed as an “angry feminist rant,” she believes it is critical “to call attention to those men’s courage—not to reinforce dominant characteristics of how ‘real’ men move through the world—but rather to acknowledge their discomfort. The kind of vulnerable discomfort that I imagine accompanies accepting the feminist invitation to deconstruct what, for some, has likely been the only understanding of masculinity they have ever known and aspired to.” Voice Male welcomes Rachel Griffin’s insights in the pages of the magazine.
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n many of the college campuses I have been to, attended, and/or worked at in the last decade, the grim pattern I have witnessed among men courageously working to deconstruct hegemonic masculinity looks something like this: • Men are recruited to become educated about gender violence, oftentimes by men wearing T-shirts and passing out fliers with the words of wise men on them. • Men are educated by men about how gender violence manifests in U.S. American society. • Men are exposed to contemporary male activists and scholars who function as important role models for men on this journey. • Men educate their campus communities and aspire to be progressive mentors for other men. • Repeat. If this pattern is effective, then men’s campus groups are able to flourish and develop positive reputations as special groups of “good” men who are knowledgeable about gender 20
Voice Male
violence (these men are “especially good” if they are on a campus where gender violence is still perceived as a “women’s” issue). Setting my momentary cynicism aside, overall, the powerful contributions of men’s groups on college campuses are just that—powerful and necessary. Yet, I must also acknowledge my grave disappointment with the pattern outlined above. In essence, what we seem to have is a vast number of men looking primarily to other men, and highlighting the contributions of men, in their efforts to advocate for the fair and just treatment of survivors of gender violence who are disproportionately women. A hard question: Why are the contributions of women largely invisible among men’s groups that advocate against gender violence? Honing in on feminism, second wave feminists in particular made profound contributions to contemporary understandings of patriarchy, sexism, and gender violence. From my perspective, we are largely indebted to their work for documenting the refusal of women to accept the imposition of gender violence as definitive. Likewise, their voices eloquently call for—and
frame—what many now consider a progressive sense of masculinity. Nevertheless despite their immense contributions, I have met only a handful of male advocates who have read the published works—or sadly even recognize the names of—Gloria Anzaldúa, Susan Brownmiller, Angela Davis, Andrea Dworkin, Audre Lorde, Gloria Steinem, and Alice Walker (to name just a few of those who seem to be forgotten). For me, the reality of their absence among men who aspire, or claim, to be progressive role models for other men is devastating, dehumanizing, and ultimately infuriating! Similarly the invisibility in much of the men’s movement of more recent progressive works by scholars such as Kimberlé Crenshaw, Shamita Das Dasgupta, and Andrea Smith is, to put it mildly, quite problematic. From my perspective, ignoring such important voices strengthens the very system that anti-gender violence activists are aiming to dismantle, and simultaneously weakens our ability to collectively draw on the wealth of our activist roots. Given the good intentions I believe most male advocates against gender violence have,
what I’m about to write may sting: men cannot intimately understand the complexities of domestic violence, rape, and the meaning of stolen reproductive rights because male privilege in our patriarchal world protects them from having to do so. Therefore, there are things that women can know and write about gender violence from within their bodies—things that I can know and write from within my body—that men cannot know or write from within their male bodies. This critical reality calls for men to read, engage, struggle with, and visibly acknowledge the works of the women whose efforts are the foundation upon which their movement against gender violence rests. Another hard question: when an entire genre of works authored by indomitable women goes “missing” in the everyday discourse of men struggling for gender consciousness—who benefits? Men. Especially those men who, I imagine, progressive men do not intend to serve: those who have a vested interest in maintaining the ideological, psychological, and physical domination of women to maintain their privilege. Yet the cycle of recruitment and education practices noted above further erases women by negating their voices, dismissing their knowledge, and positioning males as the authority figures of the men’s movement against gender violence. Sensing the irony of my last sentence, it seems commonsensical to position men as the authority figures of the men’s movement against gender violence. However in so doing, women are stripped of
voice and agency despite the reality that our bodies—day in and day out—are on the line in the midst of this struggle; our risk is not optional. To address this issue practically, I want to voice some suggestions. Even if some of what I’ve written has triggered hurt feelings I hope men will consider these requests: • Familiarize yourself with the contributions of past and present female anti-gender violence activists who represent multiple identity groups at the intersections of age, race, ability, sexual orientation, nationality, class, etc. To do so, follow feminist-oriented publications such as Ms. magazine or Feministing. com. You can also contact your local women’s center for resources or take a class on feminisms, gender violence, or related topics. • Publicly mark your familiarity. To do so, you can reference the works of women as you educate and write about gender violence. For campus groups in particular, you can include their quotes on your T-shirts, brochures, stickers, buttons, etc. • Publicly mark the importance of honoring the contributions of women to anti- gender violence activism. To do so, be transparent and explain why you choose to highlight the perspectives of women and how you are furthering your resistance of hegemonic masculinity by doing so. Specific ideas include
featuring the work of women in a newsletter you publish and having group members make presentations on the work of different female feminist scholars. At the beginning of this article I expressed my belief that men play a vital role in the movement against gender violence. I will end there as well. I need men to care because they can access privileged spaces that I cannot; they can advocate in ways that my female body of color cannot. Men have much to gain from confronting patriarchy with clear, unblinking eyes; fully feeling male privilege with unguarded hearts; explicitly hearing the language of oppression with acutely sensitive ears. The gender justice movement needs you, men. Are you seeing? Are you feeling? Are you listening? Rachel Alicia Griffin, Ph.D. is an assistant professor in the Department of Speech Communication at Southern Illinois University at Carbondale. As a critical intercultural scholar, her research interests span critical race theory, Black feminist thought, popular culture, and gender violence. Rachel is a frequent guest on campuses and at conferences to deliver keynotes on gender violence that speak to power, privilege, and intersectionality.
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Film How Contemporary Culture
Creates Sexist Men
Cracking
© MTV
the Bro Code
To “Ronnie” from The Jersey Shore “There are three words: beers, bitches, and the beach . . . That’s all you need to know.”
In his new documentary, The Bro Code: How Contemporary Culture Creates Sexist Men, filmmaker Thomas Keith takes aim at the forces in male culture that condition boys and men to dehumanize and disrespect women. The Bro Code deconstructs a range of contemporary media forms, zeroing in on movies and music videos that glamorize womanizing, pornography that trades in the brutalization of women, comedians who make fun of sexual assault, and a groundswell of men’s magazines and cable TV shows that revel in old-school myths of American manhood. Even as epidemic levels of men’s violence against women persist in the real world, the message The Bro Code uncovers in virtually every corner of our entertainment culture is clear: It’s not only normal—but cool—for boys and men to control and humiliate women. Arguing there’s nothing normal, natural, or inevitable about this mentality, Keith, whose documentary Generation M: Misogyny in Media and Culture was released in 2008 (see Voice Male, Spring 2010), challenges young people to step up and fight back against the idea that being a real man means being sexist. When Voice Male interns Chelsea Faria and Stephen Koenig joined editor Rob Okun to preview the film recently, a lively discussion ensued. As members of the generation for whom the hour-long film in part was made, Faria, 21, and Koenig, 19, were encouraged to write the articles that follow.
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Misogyny USA
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By Stephen Koenig
love being known as a college football player on the field, but I hate being known as a college football player off it. The reputation—not to mention the image—attached to playing football is hard to carry: a misogynistic party animal who counts sexual partners and beers just as much as he counts sacks and touchdowns. While many men aspire to the notion of being a “player,” for football players the expectations to uphold the core values of “real manhood” are magnified. From our earliest life, young men are directed on a different track to adulthood than are our female counterparts. If we are to believe the media—in its self-appointed role representing society—boys value toughness and a strong libido as definitions of the ideal man. This social pressure is central to the unrealistic notion that mistreating or demeaning women is acceptable. And, frankly, this problem isn’t anything new—as filmmaker and professor of philosophy Tom Keith points out, “We churn out the same sexist male stereotypes that have been around forever.” Keith’s new documentary, The Bro Code: How Contemporary Culture Creates Sexist Men, is a cinematic intervention aimed at interrupting the cycle of misogyny. At its core, The Bro Code forces viewers to reconsider how males are seen and how both men and women have been harmed by a mediadriven society determined to mold men in its image. As a male college student, I can attest that the situations discussed in The Bro Code are not isolated events taken out of context—they are as real as they are dangerous. Harassing women for the sake of enjoyment or “male camaraderie” is an all too common occurrence on college campuses. I’ve regularly witnessed it. Even at prestigious Yale University, fraternity members paraded around last year shouting an insensitive and horrifying chant: “No means yes, Yes means anal” (see Michael Kimmel’s article “Women Can Say No…and Yes” in the Winter 2011 issue). Such revolting behavior cannot be seen as just one isolated group of juvenile frat boys at one collegiate institution being sexist and stupid: that same chant (or some variation of it) is uttered by college-age men across the country, spreading a message of hate and dominance over their female peers. As a college football player, I am exposed to such behavior way more than I would like. That’s not to say Amherst College football players—or any other group of male college athletes—are bad people. My team is very close and supportive of one another. But it is our very cohesiveness that makes standing up for something you feel is wrong all the more difficult. Every Sunday, the day after our weekly game, there is a team meeting. While most of the time is spent watching film and discussing strategy, time at the beginning of these meet© 2011 The Bro Code
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By Chelsea Faria
he expression of masculinity portrayed in The Bro Code: How Contemporary Culture Creates Sexist Men is of a feministphobic society overrun by hypermisogynistic men perpetuating violence and oppression. From provocative media clips from the video game “Grand Theft Auto” to television’s Jersey Shore and Family Guy, to the super-sexualized music videos of pop stars, there’s a lot of bad news about men. Hopefully, though, The Bro Code will achieve its larger goal of getting even the toughest, most badass bro to take a critical look at how women in general are treated (and how he, in particular, treats the women he knows), and how he chooses—or perhaps feels pressured by social norms—to carry himself in the world. The new film by Tom Keith exposes the complacency of the mainstream media, including its reticence to challenge troubling social “norms” about manhood. One could argue that the media is more than reticent but actually encourages such cultural norms. That was among the most disturbing revelations in The Bro Code. A prime example is the hype the reality television show The Jersey Shore received. The character Ronnie epitomizes the sexdriven, misogynistic and unemotional (or is he?) man. He vows not to fall in love, implying that understanding love would somehow compromise his image. To Ronnie, “There are three words: beers, bitches, and the beach…that’s all you need to know about the Jersey Shore. I mean, I really don’t know what love means. The whole thing about this is pretty much about getting laid. Just take your shirt off and they come to you. It’s like a fly comes to shit.” (Need a barf bucket?) While it may be Ronnie’s protruding biceps and smug attitude that draw millions to tune in each week, his misogyny is front and center. Nevertheless, last summer The Jersey Shore was one of the most talked about reality shows. Each episode, between five and eight million viewers tune in. Season four, which began in August, and the fifth season, scheduled to air in early winter, are expected to do as well or even better. Ronnie and the rest of the cast are each paid a couple thousand dollars per episode to spout their sexist drivel. Power, money, and misogyny—a dangerous combination to women and men. Despite everything about him, I have reserved a bit of sympathy for Ronnie. While documenting the pressures men and boys feel to conform to the tough, powerful, hypermasculine image the media perpetuates—an image considered desirable by many women—The Bro Code highlights the difficulties men face trying to escape. They have few tools to challenge a misogynistic culture. Consider, too, the messages men have long received from parents, peers and coaches. It’s hard to speak out against mainstream masculinity, especially if your role models and close friends would at best disapprove, and at
Tackling the Sexist Man
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© 2011 The Bro Code
worst, harass and bully you. What will it take to get more men and boys to intervene? For one thing, affirming guys who are no longer satisfied just being bystanders when they witness sexist behavior. As The Bro Code makes clear, classic gender stereotyping has an impact on women’s psyches as well as men’s. In The Jersey Shore, the women feel pressured to “compete with other women for the coveted prize of who can be the hottest, the sexiest, the naughtiest…” filmmaker Keith reminds us. Growing up, my mom always told me that I had natural beauty. I remember in middle school feeling perhaps she had to say that because she was my mom. After all, the images of women that I was bombarded with were persuading me to think otherwise. My mom is a constant reminder for me that socialized gender norms are really not the norm. Fortunately my mother disapproved of the myriad ways women would alter their appearances to garner men’s approval. Growing up I may have doubted her integrity but I see now that she was right. Watching The Bro Code discuss women and the cultural norms that haunt us, I found myself questioning my own identity. Where do my actions fit in with the media’s expectations? Are women—myself included—really attracted to bad boys, or is that just a storyline the media plays over and over until we learn it, adopt it, live it? Some men adopt hypermasculine behaviors, The Bro Code suggests, because they believe women are attracted by it—that women wouldn’t date but only want to be friends with gentle sensitive guys. But for any males reading this article, listen up: I guarantee you that women are not impressed by sexism, misogyny and other acts that degrade our gender. Pay attention, guys: acknowledging emotions and displaying emotional maturity are assets in any relationship. Devaluing women—and placing us below men on the pedestal of power—is, well, just not that sexy. It’s a real turnoff, actually. As a woman, my anger was palpable as I watched the film play, for example, Mel Gibson’s sexist voice mail tirade against his former
© 2011 The Bro Code
partner, Oksana Grigorieva; or show sorry frat boys at Yale chanting, “No means yes. Yes means anal.” I know there are guys out there challenging this kind of behavior. But there needs to be a lot more. I’d certainly like knowing more guys had my back How does it feel to often be the only person in a room offended by a rape joke or by a stand-up comedian’s steady diet of sexist and homophobic drivel? Uncomfortable. Infuriating. Isolating. Should I speak up and be a total buzz-kill as my heavy energy pervades the room with my (politically correct) comments, or should I keep quiet and secretly cringe inside? “A feminist just can’t take a joke, right!” Or, “You feminists just have no sense of humor?” This is the world I live in. This is what I’m up against. I’m aware of that world every time I feel the need to dissent. Still, The Bro Code reminds me that I am not alone. I’m glad that documentaries like this one dissect the messages—crack the code— conveying the debilitating impact the bro code has on all of us, male, female, transgender. I hope the film sparks critically important conversations. Hopefully, too, it will persuade viewers to question their role in the struggle to create a violence- and oppression-free society where women’s rights are valued just as much as men’s. Women have endured a lot in the struggle for the rights we enjoy today. In her poem “Grand Canyon,” singer Ani DiFranco makes that point eloquently. “Why can’t all decent men and women/Call themselves feminists?” she writes, “Out of respect/For those who fought for this.” Perhaps, as sociologist and longtime profeminist writer-activist Michael Kimmel, a Voice Male contributing editor, points out in The Bro Code, it’s time for men to learn from the women’s movement—especially from the women “who were smart enough in their confusion to realize that they needed a social movement that will change the entire world in order to figure out what it means to be a modern woman.” Men, it seems, could very well benefit from doing the same.
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Voice Male intern Chelsea Faria is beginning her final year at Hampshire College in Amherst, Mass. An advocate for media reform and an aspiring journalist, she is writing her thesis on the CIA-commissioned drone war in Pakistan, and the war on terror. She can be reached at ccf08@hampshire.edu.
Tackling the Sexist Man [continued from page 23]
© 2011 The Bro Code
© 2011 The Bro Code
Not only does the sexyings is always dedicated to is-cool message entice various players bragging many young women into about how much alcohol dressing and acting to seek they consumed and what male approval, but it also sexual conquests they had enhances the power of achieved the night before. the media’s “ideal man.” Anyone—including me— If women are supposed who does not go along with to be sexual and men are this idea of masculinity supposed to view women is forced to sit and listen as sexual objects, then uncomfortably. For those supporting both images who disagree, such stories reinforces the dominant, of “achievements” drive a sexist society which we wedge between team coheinhabit today. sion and moral beliefs: Do The Bro Code shines a I remain quiet, thereby harsh light on contemposuggesting that I agree rary men, exposing how or excuse such behavior, difficult it is to form a posior do I speak up and risk tive male identity in today’s alienating my friends and “The guys on the football team aren’t just a society. The other guys on teammates? This question bunch of bad boys ragging on women. the Amherst College footultimately pits courage ball team are not just a against diplomacy. The They have been taught their whole lives that bunch of bad boys who get result? Stressful weekly women are subservient to men.” off on ragging on women. meetings for me and many They have been taught others. that their view of women If it wasn’t bad enough being subservient to men that the epidemic of is right. That message mistreating women has has been reinforced their infected college campuses, whole lives. It can’t be the media has minimized expected to be rejected the danger of sexual overnight. I hope enough violence against women people—especially college by using rape or other students and particularly forms of sexual violence males—see The Bro Code as the punch line of jokes. in classrooms across the The Bro Code does a country so that they can good job of exposing this crack the code and stand media-condoned behavior, up to wrongful treatment including a mysogyof women. nistic scene from Family I n t h e e n d , i t ’s Guy, Seth MacFarlane’s not about hating the animated hit comedy series. “players”— athletes or In the episode, main charsexual conquistadors—it’s acter Peter Griffin—after about hating the “games” hearing on the news that they play. A film like The three young women had Bro Code makes clear that been raped and murdered— whines, “Everybody’s getting laid but me.” Not only is this joke insensi- the best way to stop men from mistreating women is to educate them tive, but it conveys to Family Guy’s mass—and largely male—audience about the sexist culture into which they were born, one that continues to devalue women. It’s time more men recognized that making fun of rape is okay. Such a dangerous message—broadcast our responsibility to speak up on behalf of our by men like former college basketball coach Bobby Knight (who once mothers’ and sisters’ safety. As The Bro Code said in a television interview, “I think that if rape is inevitable, relax and demonstrates, we have the tools. The question is, enjoy it”)—perpetuates the violent, insensitive behavior that defines are we “man enough” to use them? today’s negative masculinity. The Bro Code exposes the disconnected dots between so-called humor and actual sexual violence against Voice Male intern Stephen Koenig is a sophowomen. more studying anthropology and economics at The film reminds viewers it is not just men who are sent mixed Amherst College, where he also plays tight end messages. The media also pushes a sexual image on girls and women, on the Amherst football team. He can be reached telling them that “sexy is cool” and “the ideal woman is provocative.” at skoenig14@amherst.edu. Summer 2011
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been walking for a couple of weeks now, all the way from Miami. We’re walking to raise awareness about sexual violence.” With a warm smile, she poured us some much needed water, flipped open her order booklet and pulled a pencil from behind her ear. Rebecca smiled at her and said, “We’ll By Joshua Daniel Phillips have the chicken dinner and a turkey sandwich. And, I know it says you charge extra for splitting up meals, but we were wondering if you could waive that?” “No problem. What are you all doing again?” the waitress asked. “We’re walking to raise awareness about sexual violence.” I watched as those words entered her soul; her mood became calmer—more somber. Her voice lowered to just above a whisper and I knew what I was about to hear before the first words even emptied over her thin, red lips. “I’m not originally from here. In fact, I’ve only been here a few months.” She sighed and collected herself. Rebecca and I briefly stole a look at one another. “Two years ago, back in Montana, my 14year-old daughter was raped. I put her into counseling, but it wasn’t working. One day Sexual violence is a cultural issue that affects millions of people and the we packed up and moved out here so she could be in a better space violence will not stop if we continually choose to collectively ignore it.” mentally.” So writes Joshua Daniel Phillips, who, with two college friends from With that, she raised her head and a slight smile came across her Central Michigan University, Rebecca Mercado Thornton and Kate face, her eyes piercing through to my heart. Then she nodded and Kreps, decided not to ignore the epidemic. The three friends hatched a returned to the kitchen. For me it was in that moment that the walk plan to walk up the East Coast to raise awareness about this ongoing was forever changed. I was less than three weeks in and already I social ill. With few resources and minimal funding, the trio began in had found myself realigning my priorities. Through ten months of Miami and, over three months, walked to Boston, carrying their only planning, the three of us struggled both internally and externally with possessions on their backs, and never knowing where they would sleep issues regarding how to get this walk going for us. People would join each night. In his book, 1,800 Miles: Striving to End Sexual Violence our cause determined to walk with us and then bail, unsympathetic to One Step at a Time, Phillips recounts the walk the trio took three the fact that their abandonment had cost us time and money. summers ago. What follows is an excerpt from the book. But with that waitress’s nod I was reminded why I had begun f you one day decide to walk the Atlantic coast of Florida, you advocating against sexual violence in the first place. With that nod, the may become well informed as to how the highways hug the coast, waitress reminded me of who I was really trying to gain the support of. never more than a few feet from the ocean. This pattern of smooth I was walking to gain the support of survivors. With that nod, I was pavement, with the coast in sight, stays fairly much in place until the reminded that while our faces may be in newspapers and on the nightly last 100 miles, when the roads begin to travel more inland due to a news for the “heroic” task set before us, we were not heroes and it was rougher coastline. It was when we retreated inland on Highway 1 that not our faces that represented the issue of sexual violence. If we need I visibly noticed the staggering class change. Condos became trailers to have heroes, then the heroes should be the everyday faces of those and fine dining establishments became the greasy spoon. I could affected by sexual violence. The faces of our neighbors, our friends, see and smell and touch its undesirability by tourists. I knew these and our loved ones who have been rendered faceless, their voices people because their town was a lot like the town where I was born. rendered voiceless. Despite the overwhelmingly emotionless shrug of The highway scraped across the top of dirty gas stations—the only society’s indifference they continue to survive. businesses that outsiders would touch on their way to more affluent This single mom packed up 40 years of her life’s work and moved people and things. from one coast to another where she knew no one only to find herself We approached the south end of town and quickly spotted one of living in a trailer park and waitressing at a diner so her little girl could those greasy spoons. Set just in front of a trailer park, it blended into its have a chance at reclaiming the peace of mind that was violently taken landscape like a camouflaged G.I. in the jungles of Vietnam. I entered from her. She was a hero. slowly, admiring a plethora of lawn ornaments. Oversized amphibians, Sure, it can be said we gave up three months of our early 20s to do wire flamingo sculptures, and vintage diner posters sucked you into something admirable. But what we often lose sight of is that for every the atmosphere. Throwing our bags off to the side of the main entrance piece of hell we hear about on our journeys as advocates, others live the (a custom that many restaurants let us do and which we were thankful struggle every day. There are choices in advocacy work. for), we were seated by a pleasant waitress. What’s heartbreaking is that this waitress’s story isn’t extraordinary. “I saw you all walking this morning on my way to work,” she said It is all too ordinary. We should remember that the true heroes in the in a welcoming voice. “That must have been about 15 miles back.” “Yeah, that was us.” I tried to imitate her pleasantness. “We’ve [continued on page 28]
An 1800 Mile Walk to End Sexual Violence
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A Ride to End Rape [continued from page 16]
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fight against sexual violence are like the waitress we met in northern Florida. They are the people who are willing to give up their lives in order to help people they love through the everyday struggle. No, three of us are not heroes for walking. We were just fortunate—blessed with the opportunity of having been touched by the lives of heroes. Joshua Daniel Phillips is an activist, writer, and speaker. He is currently working on his Ph.D. at Southern Illinois University. To contact him or order a copy of 1,800 Miles, please visit his website, www.joshuadanielphillips.com. The book is also available on Amazon.
My friend Mary asked me if I thought it would be safe for a woman to travel solo across the country by bike. I had to admit I had never really considered my personal safety on the trip, a gap in my thinking I ascribed to male privilege. As a man, I am rarely confronted with the kinds of dangers women regularly face. Unlike women’s reality, no man I know is taught from an early age to protect himself by keeping an eye at all times on his drink to make sure it isn’t spiked; or not walking down dark alleys; or checking the car’s backseat before opening the driver’s door; or pretending to talk on the phone so you could tell someone if you were being harassed, or worse. As a man these safety precautions are not part of my day to day reality. Most reactions to the ride have been positive. Countless women have expressed thanks. There have been other times when I visited a rape crisis center and the staff didn’t know what to do with me. I was aware of the odd sense of uneasiness they were feeling, wondering: “What does this man want from us?” In those cases I accepted their pamphlets and other materials and made my way, aware of how much work still needs to be done by men wishing to collaborate with women. Having been able to connect one passion, biking, with another—working to end rape—has allowed me the opportunity to tour the country and visit many beautiful places. While I have had great adventures, I am certain this experience would have felt empty without the incentive I have to promote a just, egalitarian gender culture. I have had the good fortune to meet countless inspiring individuals on the ride who have dedicated so much of themselves to this cause. My gratitude is boundless to everyone who has made this ride a life changing experience I will never forget. Luke Heller is a graduate student at Western Carolina University working on a degree in social work. When not studying, he promotes men’s involvement in sexual violence prevention across America—on two wheels. He can be reached at heller.luke@ gmail.com.
RidetoEndRape: Where Luke Rode After leaving Asheville, North Carolina, Luke Heller’s RidetoEndRape traveled to the following locations around the United States: Boone, N.C.; Roanoke and Charlottesville, Virginia; Washington, D.C.; Baltimore, Maryland; Wilmington, Delaware; Philadelphia, York, and Allentown, Pennsylvania; and New York City. Heller traveled to Denver for his sister’s wedding, and then rode through Colorado to Salt Lake City, Utah; Missoula, Montana; Seattle, Washington; Portland; Oregon; and several cities in California, including: San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Monterey, and Santa Barbara, ending in August in Los Angeles. For more information about the ride—including reading Luke’s blog—visit www.ridetoendrape.com. 28
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SlutWalks unlikely to Lead to Sexual Liberation By Gail Dines and Wendy J. Murphy The spontaneous popularity of SlutWalks around the world has catalyzed a vibrant debate among feminists young and old—and their profeminist male allies—about the implications of reclaiming a word with a long history of denigrating women. In this provocative piece Gail Dines and Wendy Murphy, who between them have logged decades of women’s rights and anti-rape activism, argue strongly that women should take to the streets to condemn victim-blaming, but not for the right to be called “slut.”
As teachers who travel around the country speaking about sexual violence, pornography and feminism, we hear stories from women students who feel intense pressure to be sexually available “on demand.” These students have grown up in a culture in which hypersexualized images of young women are commonplace and where hardcore porn is the major form of sex education for young men. They have been told over and over that in order to be valued in such a culture, they must look and act like sluts, while not being labeled “slut” because the label has dire omen need to take consequences—including being to the streets to blamed for rape, depression, condemn violence, anxiety, eating disorders, and but not for the right to be called self-mutilation. “slut.” It wasn’t long ago that Women need to find ways being called a “slut” meant social to create their own authentic death. No “nice” boy would take sexuality, outside of male-defined you home to meet his parents terms like “slut.” The recent and no “good” girl would ever TubeCrush phenomenon, where be your friend. At the same time, young women take pictures of refusing to submit to sex meant men they find attractive on the you were a “prude” or “frigid.” London tube and post them to In short, there was no right way a website, illustrates how easily to be. Things have improved women copy dominant societal a bit in that young women are norms of sexual objectification more insistent on their right to rather than exploring something sexual autonomy, but sexually new and creative. And it’s telling active women remain vulnerable that while these pictures are to harsh social judgments even The word “slut” is so saturated with the ideology that female sexual energy deserves themselves innocent and largely as the mass media celebrate and punishment that trying to change its meaning is a waste of precious feminist energy. free of sexual innuendo, one encourage such behavior. And can only imagine the sexually research shows that the label “slut” still has their sexuality. But the focus on “reclaiming” aggressive language that would accompany a long-term negative consequences, especially the word “slut” fails to address the real issue. site dedicated to secret photos of women. for younger girls. The term “slut” is so deeply rooted in the While the organizers of the SlutWalk might Nevertheless, a group of activists patriarchal “madonna/whore” view of women’s think that proudly calling themselves “sluts” organized an event called SlutWalk that took sexuality that it is beyond redemption. The is a way to empower women, they are in fact place in Boston in May. It followed on the word is so saturated with the ideology that making life harder for girls who are trying to heels of a similar event in Toronto, where female sexual energy deserves punishment navigate their way through the tricky terrain women rallied in response to a comment made that trying to change its meaning is a waste of of adolescence. by a representative of the police that “Women precious feminist resources. Women need to take to the streets—but should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to Advocates would be better off exposing the not for the right to be called “slut.” Women be victimized.” myriad ways in which the law and the culture should be fighting for liberation from To be sure, such a comment from law enable myths about all types of women— culturally imposed myths about their sexuality enforcement is highly offensive in suggesting sexually active or “chaste” alike. These myths that encourage gendered violence. Our that some victims of rape are responsible for facilitate sexual violence by undermining daughters—and our sons—have the right to the criminal acts of their attackers. Rather than women’s credibility when they report sex live in a world that celebrates equally women’s admonishing women to dress a certain way, crimes. Whether we blame victims by calling sexual freedom and bodily integrity. police should be warning potential offenders them “sluts” (who thus “asked” to be raped), that they should “avoid assaulting women in or by calling them “frigid” (who thus secretly Gail Dines is a professor of sociology and order not to go to prison.” want to be overpowered), the problem is that women’s studies at Wheelock College and the The fact that more than 2,000 turned out we’re blaming them for their own victimization author of Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked to march around Boston Common suggests no matter what they do. Encouraging women Our Sexuality. Wendy J. Murphy is adjunct that women are, indeed, hungry for sexual to be even more “sluttish” will not change this professor of sexual violence at New England autonomy. But something else was at work Law in Boston. ugly reality.
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here: many of the banners protested the ubiquity of sexual violence in the lives of women. Signs made by protesters showed that women are angry with being blamed for male violence and fed up with the failure of the culture to hold men accountable. Clearly the theme of the SlutWalk has struck a nerve, with similar events being planned around the world, including one held in London in June. Organizers claim that celebrating the word “slut” and promoting sluttishness in general will help women achieve full autonomy over
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Poetry Poems by Richard Jeffrey Newman from The Silence of Men
After the Funeral
Again The front door opens onto the hallway running through the apartment like a spine. To the left, the living room, the green couch there’s somewhere a picture of me kissing cousin Deborah on, and the bridge table where Grandma Ruth taught us to play Mah Jong. Further down, the kitchen, the brown chairs, my father and his father drinking beer, talking the horses. Straight ahead, the door I don’t remember ever seeing open. He says he’s going to teach me a lesson. He says it’s my mother’s fault. He pushes me back into the bathroom. Then nothing but my father sleeping. The dream ends. I’ve wet my bed.
My Father Loses His Grip You can pee in the ocean but not in the pool. Waves are bigger than I can hold my breath. Out there, a boat in a bathtub, the fourth one today. The water’s fingers pull my father’s arms apart. Be careful: The sun bakes little boys. Salt in my mouth, sand in my swimsuit. Do fish have teeth? I’m waiting for God to wrap me in a towel and carry me to heaven. I’m tumbled, grab rocks that don’t grab back, gulp air: My lungs are too small to float. Above my voice, I know I can’t be seen. I hear my name crumbled and the water parts. Hands and my father’s face descend, lift me to his eyes, wrap me in his fear. 30
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That night, again, I dreamed you were leaving, but this time I was older, and when I walked you through the marketplace, and you put down your suitcase to embrace me, I drew the silence of all the years you’d been dead to me around my right to grief. I wished you gone and you were. In photographs, I see you feeding me, your face younger than mine now. In one, I’m a small bundle on your shoulder, and the flat of your palm is the world against my back, teaching me to let go of what is useless. You have been useless to me. You never knew the red shepherd I threw my Frisbee for. In my mind, I matched him stride for stride, and when he leapt to snatch the floating disc from air, he called to me and we sailed off, a boy who could run with wolves, a dog with language and the gift of flight. I named him Larry, after you, but true names are secrets, so I called him Joe.
In addition to The Silence of Men (CavanKerry Press, Ltd., 2006), Richard Jeffrey Newman has published three books of translation of classical Iranian poetry, most recently The Teller of Tales (Junction Press, 2011). His essays on masculinity and sexuality have appeared in a wide range of publications, including The American Voice and Salon. com, and he is currently publishing a series called “Fragments of Evolving Manhood” on his website, www.richardjnewman.com. He is professor of English at Nassau Community College, Long Island, N.Y.
Books After Prostate Cancer: A What-Comes-Next Guide to a Safe and Informed Recovery By Arnold Melman, M.D., and Rosemary Newnham, Oxford University Press, 2011 In After Prostate Cancer: A WhatComes-Next Guide to a Safe and Informed Recovery, Dr. Arnold Melman and Rosemary Newnham have written a book designed to help victims of prostate cancer and their families recover and cope after surgery and treatment. Prostate cancer is the number two killer of men, just behind lung cancer. Those who survive—it’s a disease that strikes one out of every six men—continue to face hardships long after the illness is gone. Survivors have been known to suffer from erectile dysfunction and urinary incontinence, lasting anywhere from a few weeks to becoming a permanent problem. According to Dr. Melman, such changes to these men’s lifestyle can leave them feeling angry, scared, anxious or—most notably—depressed: 15 percent of post-prostate cancer patients
suffer from depression, a fivefold increase over the general population of older men. Melman, chair of the department of urology at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, and Newnham, a seasoned medical writer, have crafted a book designed to be read by family members of the patient as much as the patient himself. For all the advances in detection of and treatment for prostate cancer, little has been done to help the victims and their families deal with aftereffects. This is where After Prostate Cancer delivers. The book explains the physical, psychological and social implications of the illness, including offering tips on how to tell others about the disease. Written for both men and women, After Prostate Cancer is sensitive to survivors in both gay and straight relationships. The book also encourages men to speak openly about their problems, breaking through the social stigma that too often keeps men from speaking. “The silence that surrounds these side effects may actually increase anxiety,” Dr. Melman believes, urging men to express themselves. After Prostate Cancer features real accounts
of recovery by patients who have survived to encourage others to share their struggles. For more information about the book, log on to www.afterprostatecancer.net. —Stephen Koenig
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Resources for Changing Men Family Violence Prevention Fund Working to end violence against women globally; programs for boys, men and fathers www.endabuse.org Healthy Dating, Sexual Assault Prevention http://www.canikissyou.com International Society for Men’s Health Prevention campaigns and health initiatives promoting men’s health www.ismh.org Paul Kivel Violence prevention educator http://www.paulkivel.com A wide-ranging (but by no means exhaustive) listing of organizations engaged in profeminist men’s work. Know of an organization that should be listed here? E-mail relevant information to us at info@voicemalemagazine.org 100 Black Men of America, Inc. Chapters around the U.S. working on youth development and economic empowerment in the African American community www.100blackmen.org A Call to Men Trainings and conferences on ending violence against women www.acalltomen.org American Men’s Studies Association Advancing the critical study of men and masculinities www.mensstudies.org Boys to Men International Initation weekends and follow-up mentoring for boys 12-17 www.boystomen.org Boys to Men New England www.boystomennewengland.org Dad Man Consulting, training, speaking about fathers and father figures as a vital family resource www.thedadman.com EMERGE Counseling and education to stop domestic violence. Comprehensive batterers’ services www.emergedv.com European Men Pro-feminist Network Promoting equal opportunities between men and women www.europrofem.org
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Lake Champlain Men’s Resource Center Burlington, Vt., center with groups and services challenging men’s violence on both individual and societal levels www.lcmrc.org Males Advocating Change Worcester, Mass., center with groups and services supporting men and challenging men’s violence www.centralmassmrc.org ManKind Project New Warrior training weekends www.mkp.org MANSCENTRUM Swedish men’s centers addressing men in crisis www.manscentrum.se Masculinity Project The Masculinity Project addresses the complexities of masculinity in the African American community www.masculinityproject.com MASV—Men Against Sexual Violence Men working in the struggle to end sexual violence www.menagainstsexualviolence.org Men Against Violence UNESCO program believing education, social and natural science, culture and communication are the means toward building peace www.unesco.org/cpp/uk/projects/ wcpmenaga.htm
Men Can Stop Rape Washington, D.C.-based national advocacy and training organization mobilizing male youth to prevent violence against women. www. mencanstoprape.org MenEngage Alliance An international alliance promoting boys’ and men’s support for gender equality www.menengage.org Men for HAWC Gloucester, Mass., volunteer advocacy group of men’s voices against domestic abuse and sexual assault www.strongmendontbully.com Men’s Health Network National organization promoting men‘s health www.menshealthnetwork.org Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe, Inc. Statewide Massachusetts effort coordinating men’s anti-violence activities www.mijd.org Men’s Nonviolence Project, Texas Council on Family Violence http://www.tcfv.org/education/mnp. html Men’s Resource Center for Change Model men’s center offering support groups for all men www.mrcforchange.org Men’s Resource Center of West Michigan Consultations and Trainings in helping men develop their full humanity, create respectful and loving relationships, and caring and safe communities. www.menscenter.org Men’s Resource Center of South Texas Based on Massachusetts MRC model, support groups and services for men mrcofsouthtexas@yahoo.com Men’s Resources International Trainings and consulting on positive masculinity on the African continent www.mensresourcesinternational.org
Men Against Violence (Yahoo e-mail list) http://groups.yahoo.com/group/menagainstviolence/
Men Stopping Violence Atlanta-based organization working to end violence against women, focusing on stopping battering, and ending rape and incest www.menstoppingviolence.org
Men Against Violence Against Women (Trinidad) Caribbean island anti-violence campaign www.mavaw.com.
The Men’s Story Project Resources for creating public dialogue about masculinities through local storytelling and arts. www.mensstoryproject.org
Men’s Violence Prevention http://www.olywa.net/tdenny/ Mentors in Violence Prevention—MVP Trainings and workshops in raising awareness about men’s violence against women www.sportsinsociety.org/vpd/mvp./php Monadnock Men’s Resource Center Southern New Hampshire men’s center supporting men and challenging men’s violence mmrconline.org MVP Strategies Gender violence prevention education and training www.jacksonkatz.com National Association for Children of Domestic Violence Provides education and public awareness of the effects of domestic violence, especially on children. www. nafcodv.org National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Provides a coordinated community www.ncadv.org National Men’s Resource Center National clearinghouse of information and resources for men www.menstuff.org National Organization for Men Against Sexism Annual conference, newsletter, profeminist activities www.nomas.org Boston chapter: www.nomasboston. org One in Four An all-male sexual assault peer education group dedicated to preventing rape www.oneinfourusa.org Promundo NGO working in Brazil and other developing countries with youth and children to promote equality between men and women and the prevention of interpersonal violence www.promundo.org RAINN—Rape Abuse and Incest National Network A national anti-sexual assault organization www.rainn.org Renaissance Male Project A midwest, multicultural and multiissue men‘s organization www.renaissancemaleproject
Resources for Changing Men The Men’s Bibliography Comprehensive bibliography of writing on men, masculinities, gender, and sexualities listing 14,000 works www.mensbiblio.xyonline.net/ UNIFEM United Nations Development Fund for Women www.unifem.org VDay Global movement to end violence against women and girls, including Vmen, male activists in the movement www.newsite.vday.org Voices of Men An Educational Comedy by Ben Atherton-Zeman http://www.voicesofmen.org Walk a Mile in Her Shoes Men’s March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence http:// www.walkamileinhershoes.org White Ribbon Campaign International men’s campaign decrying violence against women www.whiteribbon.ca XY Magazine www.xyonline.net Profeminist men’s web links (over 500 links) www.xyonline.net/links.shtml Profeminist men’s politics, frequently asked questions www.xyonline.net/misc/ pffaq.html Profeminist e-mail list (1997–) www.xyonline.net/misc/profem.html Homophobia and masculinities among young men www.xyonline.net/misc/ homophobia.html
Fathering Fatherhood Initiative Massachusetts Children’s Trust Fund Supporting fathers, their families and theprofessionals who work with them www.mctf.org Fathers and Daughters Alliance (FADA) Helping girls in targeted countries to return to and complete primary school fatheranddaughter.org Fathers with Divorce and Custody Concerns Looking for a lawyer? Call your state bar association lawyer referral agency. Useful websites include: www.dadsrights.org (not www.dadsrights.com)
www.directlex.com/main/law/divorce/ www.divorce.com www.divorcecentral.com www.divorcehq.com www.divorcenet.com www.divorce-resource-center.com www.divorcesupport.com Collaborative Divorce www.collaborativealternatives.com www.collaborativedivorce.com www.collaborativepractice.com www.nocourtdivorce.com The Fathers Resource Center Online resource, reference, and network for stay-at-home dads www.slowlane.com
Men at Work Training August 10th - 12th, 2011
National Center for Fathering Strategies and programs for positive fathering. www.fathers.com National Fatherhood Initiative Organization to improve the well-being of children through the promotion of responsible, engaged fatherhood www.fatherhood.org
Gay Rights Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation Works to combat homophobia and discrimination in television, film, music and all media outlets www.glaad.org Human Rights Campaign Largest GLBT political group in the country. www.hrc.org Interpride Clearing-house for information on pride events worldwide www.interpride.net LGBT Health Channel Provides medically accurate information to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and allied communities. Safer sex, STDs, insemination, transgender health, cancer, and more www.lgbthealthchannel.com. National Gay and Lesbian Task Force National progressive political and advocacy group www.ngltf.org Outproud - Website for GLBT and questioning youth www.outproud.org Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays www.pflag.org
The Prison Birth Project working to provide support, education and advocacy to women and girls at the intersection of the criminal justice system and motherhood.
www.theprisonbirthproject.org Summer 2011
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Voice Male
General Support Groups: Open to any man who wants to experience a men’s group. Topics of discussion reflect the needs and interests of the participants. Groups are held in these Western Massachusetts communities: Hadley, at North Star, 135 Russell Street, 2nd Floor: Tuesday evenings (7:00 – 9:00 PM). Entrance on Route 47 opposite the Hadley Town Hall. Greenfield, at Network Chiropractic, 21 Mohawk Trail: Wednesday evenings (7:00 – 9:00 PM). Group for Men Who Have Experienced Childhood Neglect, Abuse, or Trauma: Open to men who were subjected to neglect and/or abuse growing up, this group is designed specifically to ensure a sense of safety for participants. It is a facilitated peer support group and is not a therapy group. Group meetings are held on Fridays (7:00 – 9:00 PM) at the Synthesis Center in Amherst, 274 N. Pleasant Street (just a few doors north of the former MRC building). Group for Gay, Bisexual, and Questioning Men: Specifically for men who identify as gay or bisexual, or who are questioning their sexual orientation, this group is designed to provide a safe and supportive setting to share experiences and concerns. Gay or bi-identified transgendered men are welcome! In addition to providing personal support, the group offers an opportunity for creating and strengthening local networks. Group meetings are held on Mondays (7:00 – 9:00 PM) at the Synthesis Center in Amherst, 274 N. Pleasant Street (just a few doors north of the former MRC building).