When Goodbye Comes

By Cindy K. Sproles

Death is a hard subject to approach— one most individuals prefer to ignore. If we don’t think about it, then it’s not a reality. The thoughts of giving up a loved one are sometimes more than we can bear. Life without that person is unimaginable. Yet, death is real, and none of us has a magic “get out of jail free” card on this one. Death will, at some point, touch every individual.

In an article published in the Washington Post (February 17, 2012), Dr. Craig Bowron, M.D. brought to light many thought-provoking ideas every family should consider regarding the natural progression of life of their aging parents.

Dr. Bowron noted how and why life expectancy has risen since the 1900s. Improved medical advances have played a strong role, but the simple development of improved diets, cleanliness, and urbanization has decreased mortality by thousands. Still, the primary cord that rings true in our present-day world is the lack of family involvement until death’s knock suddenly arrives.

What does this mean? In the early years of our nation, the elderly came to live with their children. Families, as a whole, shared the duties of caring for their aging parents. Parents were cared for in-home, allowing their parents to slip away with dignity and in an environment where they felt cared for and loved.

Today’s world separates families. Children move, leaving aging parents behind. Though they may keep in touch, distance removes the tight connection and personal awareness of needs.

For many, the care of an aging parent is not intentionally ignored, but the distance skews it. The inability to be actively involved in the day-to-day routine of a senior’s health issues has vanished. As a parent’s health deteriorates, children no longer experience the progression of illness or disease. Instead, they assume all health issues are fixable.

Medical technology is impressive, and many diseases or problems slow due to this wide range of technology, but even at its best, medical devices are not always the fix-all we long to have. The care of the elderly is taken from family members and laid upon the shoulders of medical professionals. When this happens, we expect exceptional results. Dr. Bowron states, “…our culture has come to view death as a medical failure rather than life’s natural conclusion.”

Studies have shown the effects of prayer on those who suffer extreme illness. Though every patient may not recover, they have a lower stress level, peace, and personal acceptance level for their treatment and prognosis. A life involving faith tends to find a certain peace and comfort that a non-believer does not have.

When we stand toe-to-toe with death, it forces us to seek preservation. The ultimate desire to extend an individual’s life sometimes only causes them more pain and suffering.

The hard truth is death is the natural progression of life, and though we should make every effort to use medicine as a means of healing, there is something to be said for the quality of life—the acceptance of the progression of life.

This article by no means advocates that families opt out of medical care or lifesaving measures. These things are indeed personal preferences. Modern medicine is a blessing for many, and lifesaving advances are miracles. However, this article advocates the awareness, acceptance, and compassion for caring for an aging parent and the importance of understanding their end-of-life desires. It advocates personal and family involvement long before illness strikes, building deep, strong bonds that live on after the loss of a parent.

Care for your parents. Remember, even in your life’s busyness, your family’s priority stands greater than anything else. Discuss end-of-life decisions with aging parents to know their wishes. The conversations are hard at best. Extensive measures may be the parent’s choices, and then they may not. Either way, there is peace in knowledge. Knowledge allows a family to prepare and then accept the progression in the throngs of hardship and loss. Prepare in advance and find that when the need arises, the preparation eases future decisions. Saying goodbye is never easy, but closure is there when things are in place.

Veterinarians and rescue organizations repeatedly stress the significance of having pets spayed or neutered. This process, which is a relatively minor procedure with an excellent recovery rate, renders the animals sterile so that they cannot reproduce. Many animal shelters will not even allow people to adopt pets before the dogs and cats have undergone the spay or neuter surgery. Prospective pet owners may wonder just why spaying and neutering is so important. Here are a few reasons.

• Increased longevity: A study that focused on Banfield Pet Hospitals’ database of 2.2 million dogs and 460,000 cats found that, compared to animals which were not neutered or spayed, neutered male dogs lived 18 percent longer and spayed female dogs lived 23 percent longer, while spayed female cats in the study