Holy Hush

written by Deborah Watson

Thirty something, medium build, Rebekka, crawls out of her single person tent into the early morning dew kissed ground. She places her hand on the cold grass to balance herself as she stands. That is when she sees it. ANIMAL TRACKS.

But what kind?

They were small enough, faint enough, and stayed far enough away from the tent not to concern her as much as her bladder did. She grabs her safety bag and walks towards the hole in the ground she dug the day before.

Rebekka sits on her makeshift toilet and watches the sunrise as she relieves herself. But its only her bladder that has found relief. Her mind and heart still race with the decisions she knows she will have to make soon.

“Why do I have to love your crazy intuitions?” Rebekka asks herself.

She stands and pulls up her biking shorts she brought to sleep in. Not the wisest choice for early fall, but it was the only choice when given such short notice. Rebekka covers her recent urine not to attract curious creatures. The wild was not something she was accustomed to growing up in the city. Her husband, Aaron, forty-something, rugged mountain man and modern-day prepper, won her heart at the bar one night. His stories of adventure sounded marvelous in comparison to her insane city life and she was ready for change.

But this?

Rebekka returns to her tent to grab her forgotten journal and study book before making her way to her sacred morning perch. She cuddles up on the cold, wet rock for her first morning alone. It’s been ten years since she’s been completely alone. Ten years of a whirlwind of promises that always had excuses as to why they didn’t take place. She stopped believing him years ago, but always held on to hope that one day, maybe he would take her on the adventure of a lifetime.

Rebekka opens her journal and stares at the blank page contemplating what to write. The warmth of the rising sun reminds her of her friend Felicity’s place. “Inhale count to 4 and hold, hold, hold, for 7: 3, 2, 1, exhale for 8.” Felicity’s voice echoes in Rebekka’s mind as she exhales.

Rebekka wonders why it is so important for her to learn how to breathe.

Within seconds, as if a light goes off inside of her, she realizes that her marriage is suffocating her in the chaos of broken promises, crazy dreams, and visions that never come to fruition.

Rebekka closes her journal book and sets it aside to take time for herself and remember how to breathe. This time it would not be because someone was coaching her to do it. It would be because she wanted to do it. It was time for her to take care of herself before she goes crazy, becomes terminally sick, or gives up on living completely.

Rebekka inhales and exhales with precision three times in a row. She can hear the nature around her waking to the morning sun. She smiles. This. This is what she thought Aaron was bringing her to. She grabs her journal and pen and begins to write.

The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

“What is my life without Aaron?” Rebekka wonders as she exhales into the morning breeze.

Rebekka is on a journey of making a life decision of living with or without her husband Aaron. She sees the “the little things” that are circling her life that are leading her to a decision, but she is not going to rush into it. Instead, she is choosing to steal away and be alone and search the heart of God for her life.

I have been married for 30 years and our next anniversary is soon approaching. I can’t imagine what is going on in Rebekka’s head, and heart this day. The only thing I can imagine is that it must have been something tragic, traumatic, or terribly hard to understand, for a city girl, like her, to run away to the mountains to be alone.

Because of the length of my marriage, I do understand that marriage takes work on both sides of the relationship. There are moments in life when the journey is not easy. We were never told life would be easy. The difficult times are the perfect times to enter behind the veil of a Holy Hush with the Lord and seek His will for our lives.

There are many examples of this in scripture: Job, Esther, Ruth, Abraham, Moses, Jesus.

When was a moment in your life that you found yourself in a “Holy Hush” waiting on an answer from the Lord? What were three key scriptures that helped you during those moments? If you are in the middle of one, like Rebekka, may these encourage your heart: Psalm 119:105 and 2 Cor. 4:16-18.

Next month, find out what is on Rebekka’s mind about her husband Aaron that has caused her to be on this pilgrimage.

Deborah J. Watson, Executive Director from Studio222films.com and curator of the Branson International Film Festival is a writer, producer, and director in the film industry with a heart to reach hurting people with a message of hope. Her stories are often written as allegorical narratives based on scripture and her Christian worldview.