3 minute read
Three Strands
written by Cindy Southworth
(Ecc.4:12, NIV)
Shortly after I accepted this invitation to write about relationships, I wrestled with how to brand this column. Immediately I thought of the verse that has been with my husband and me since we went into full-time ministry. It is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, which reads:
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
David and I married in 1999. Since we had both been previously married, and I was bringing three children into the marriage, we knew statistically we had a 30% chance of having a lasting relationship. We attended a marriage conference prior to “tying the knot,” and learned we needed to weave God into every aspect of our marriage – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This gave “tying the knot” a new meaning for us. We could not “do marriage” alone. We included daily devotions and prayer together, joined a local church, and kept company with believers who would help us foster spiritual growth. We did not let our busy schedule deter us from acknowledging that God would lead us to build oneness in our marriage.
We came to understand that marital oneness is not “sameness,” but rather a unity of purpose. God showed us His purpose for our relationship – it began with weaving us together to become like-minded in our spiritual walk. We developed a united front as we ushered our children into adulthood. We encouraged each other to develop the gifts and talents God had given each of us, and asked God to show us how to use those for His kingdom. As our marriage matured, God led us to begin a marriage ministry to lead others to have the same God-honoring marriage He had developed in us.
I’ve met many challenges in my life - emotional and physical abuse, failed marriages, stepfamily challenges, and health issues, to name a few. Each season has taught me great spiritual lessons, helped me grow as an individual, shaped me for ministry leadership, and best of all, helped me understand just how magnificent God truly is. He promises never to leave us or forsake us (Deut. 31:8); and He uses these seasons not only for our benefit, but as Gloria (my spiritual mother) taught me, for us to take others by the hand and “put their hand back in God’s hand.” I have learned there is nothing better than complete dependence on a holy God who loves us more than we could ever know, remaining with us through the euphoria that comes with victory and the frustration that accompanies struggle.
Today, nearly twenty-one years later, my husband and I have experienced the fruit of God’s labor as we have coached many couples to beat the divorce statistics and have a great marriage. There is no greater joy than seeing couples love each other, enjoy life together, and find their common purpose. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 comes alive as we realize we cannot do it alone, nor were we ever meant to. God wants to be the central theme of every relationship, whether it is marriage, parent-child, sibling, or friendship. He created us to be in relationship with one another; to spur one another on to do things that bless, glorify, and honor God; and bring out the best in each other.
Honestly, today I am a better person because I said yes and married the man God chose for me. We are better together because we both said yes to the One who has woven together this thing called marriage. A marriage of three strands: God, husband, and wife. It is the union of two souls woven together by His love and grace.
Cindy Jacob Southworth has an M.S. in Counseling Studies, is an AACC Certified Relationship Coach and John Maxwell certified coach. She and her husband David have been in full-time marriage ministry since 2005 and pioneered the Marriage 911 intensive and women’s BreakThrough retreats. They have also developed the UP Leadership program, that prepares couples for marriage ministry. Recently retired in central Florida, they devote their time now to writing and developing leaders for ministry and enjoying their nine grandchildren. You can learn more about them by watching their story at https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qaX-MBxUyE&t=11s.
