Nonna's kNOWledge

Forgive NOW

BY CAROLYN JOY

The definition of the word forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake. The definition of forgiveness takes it one step further: to make a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve or accept your forgiveness.

As a Momma and Nonna of a large family, I sure do know how easy it is to hurt or offend, say or do something wrong, or legitimately sin against someone. Even the best of us are sinful people with flaws and offenses who make mistakes.

As the Bible says in Hebrews 12:15 (ESV), See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.

To understand forgiveness, let’s first examine what unforgiveness looks like. Unforgiveness is when you are unwilling or unable to forgive someone for hurting you, betraying you, breaking your trust, or causing you intense emotional pain. Unforgiveness creates an emotional storm of distress in which feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, insecurity, and fear surface. Unforgiveness also creates a hardened heart, and feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, and hatred toward the offender.

Unforgiveness toward one person can affect a whole family. Likewise, forgiveness toward one family member can change the temperature of an entire family gathering and the bonds that grow between family and friends throughout the years. Unforgiveness that kills family bonding can exist between parents, children, siblings, grandparents, friends, aunts, uncles, or cousins, just to name a few.

When we don’t forgive, we release all the chemicals of a stress response. You can’t change the past. There’s nothing you can do to remove the harm others have caused you. However, not forgiving damages our mood—we see our lives through a lens of vengeance, hostility, resentment, anger, and sadness. I have heard the description that “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” The Bible says in Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV), For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

How do we forgive? A better question to ask is: Do I harbor any unforgiveness in my heart? As the Bible says in Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV), Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of understanding. Is there someone who has hurt or offended you and now you cannot be in the same room with them? Perhaps, you have not forgiven them. Is there someone who has sinned against you and you wish them ill? Quite possibly, you harbor unforgiveness. Is there someone you know who makes you anxious, mad, or resentful? Do you ever find yourself wanting to emotionally hurt someone? Do you lash out in anger or vengeance?

I am not saying forgiveness is easy. In fact, it may be the most difficult action and emotion for us to recognize the necessity for and to extend and release. The more people we know, the more relationships we have; and the bigger our families and the larger our circle of friends are, the more we can get hurt. But even as we care for our own hearts and well-being, we need to forgive the people who have caused us pain. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23 NIV)

You are responsible for your heart, your mind, your body, and your emotional well-being. Search your heart. Turn your heart and your offender over to God. You will be amazed at how wonderful forgiveness can feel. Offer forgiveness NOW, and watch God use that to change the world of the people around you.

Nonna’s Chuckle:

My three-year-old granddaughter was having a rough time, misbehaving all day. In an effort to offer forgiveness and change the underlying mood, my daughter said, “Do you know that no matter what you do or say, I still love you with all my heart?”

My granddaughter looked up with weeping eyes and responded, “Well, I still love you with all my body!”

Sometimes our hurt and pain run so deep it takes our whole body to forgive!

Carolyn Joy is a Southwest Florida Real Estate Agent, mother of three married children, and Nonna to eleven grandchildren. She serves in her church and helps lead a women’s Bible study in her community.

She’s also a published author. The Overflow of the Heart and Let Your Heart Overflow with Joy are both devotional journals that include writing prompts and encourage memorization of scriptures and writing out prayers. Her fiction novel, Out of the Grey Zone, demonstrates God’s grace, mercy, forgiveness, andunconditional love.