Through a Mother’s Eyes

by Diane Cheveldayoff

Adapt vs. Conform

Proverbs 16:9 says We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps (NLT). This scripture epitomizes my last few months. My husband and I had very solid plans that all changed rather suddenly. One after another, after yet another. Within weeks, God completely redirected our plans. We had been heading in one direction, but after a series of events, we knew where we had been heading was not God’s plan.

Acts 16:6-7 tells how the Spirit stopped Paul and Silas from going first into the province of Asia and then into Bithynia. Paul and Silas didn’t question why; they only knew God had plans for them to go elsewhere; in their case, they were to go to Macedonia.

Sometimes, the Holy Spirit stops us from going in a direction that had previously felt Godordained. Does this resonate with anyone else? Although we may not know how or why at the moment, we ultimately know and trust God’s design and protection.

Trying to adapt to God’s plan as we listen to Him has become a well-used word lately in our circle. When there is a lot of adjusting going on in your life, it can help to reread the last part of the above scripture from Proverbs 16:9—but the Lord determines our steps—and then trust He has a much better plan than our own.

When I started thinking about how we often have to adapt to various circumstances, it caused me to reflect on parenting our girls. When our children ask for advice, it’s important to internalize our own adjustments as we seek to share practical applications. Adapting is necessary when our lives are in flux or when we are in a position of dealing with unknown surroundings, making new friends, experiencing adventures, discovering and handling challenges, facing the void from losing a loved one, or navigating and adapting to a new phase or place in life. All these situations can be both exhilarating and exhausting. Nonetheless, as we deal with each one, we know it is by God’s strength, not our own, that we will come through them all, seeing His plan more clearly.

Our daughter who now lives in Alaska is actively prepping for her first winter weather of potential 40 degrees below zero. There is a plethora of practical things required to prepare. The temperatures she has been accustomed to can’t possibly compare to the arctic cold of Alaska. In September, she realized that the snowcapped mountains’ white contrast was becoming more prevalent, creeping down the slope and getting closer and closer. She had already been thinking of all she needed to do, but reality hit her, and she knew time was of the essence. She grasped the need to winterize her car—including keeping necessities in the car in case she became stranded, and have winter essentials on hand—including required tools for snow storms, wood for fires, and a preserved stock of food. Being prepared for the frigid cold in Alaska is a real-life NEED, not just a suggestion. Even though I get a little concerned with our daughter’s safety during this untested season, it’s so cool to hear her talk about her local church group, termed as her essential community, who are committed to helping each other. God can use all circumstances to help us grow and depend on Him.

For her, Adapting = being in a mode of survival under winter circumstances and adjusting to her environment as she prays for God’s wisdom.

Another one of my daughters is currently navigating being a newlywed. Anyone who has been married knows that marriage requires a huge number of adjustments on both parties’ sides. While theirs was not a short dating process, they still face elements of being married that don’t usually come into play when dating. In general, relationships can be challenging under the best of circumstances, and they become even more complex when life heaps on more and more hurdles, including dealing with jobs, health, family, and finances. God continues to give this young couple life lessons as they adapt. We’ve seen their growth personally and spiritually as they blend their lives.

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. (PROVERBS 16:9 NLT)

For her, Adapting = building a strong and resilient relationship that will withstand whatever may come their way.

Our third daughter is free-spirited and adventurous and doesn’t stay in one place long. She often travels alone to faraway countries for months at a time, dealing with new environments and cultural influences. Our focus is not always on where she is going as much as what she’s doing. Lately, she is often 30-60 feet below in some deep blue ocean, free diving with whales and sharks. (Dolphins and other marine life now seem tame in comparison!) Add the element of surprise while holding your breath at that depth, and that’s when it becomes a little uneasy for Mom. But to hear about her God encounters, whether with nature or people, is indescribable. And seeing her recognize God’s presence and give Him the glory takes my breath away.

For her, Adapting = being mentally and physically prepared to handle a low-oxygen environment while staying aware of surroundings and knowing how to identify, avoid, and disarm dangers.

We typically consider the process of adapting to be positive, whereas conforming might have a different connotation. In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the first four synonyms for “adapt” are: “adjust,” “conform,” “tailor,” and “suit.” However, I find it interesting that the first four synonyms of the word “conform” don’t include the word “adapt,” but “obey,” “follow,” “adhere (to),” and “comply (with).” The definition of “conform” in the American Heritage Dictionary states, “To be or act in accord with a set of standards, expectations, or specifications.” In our world today, to “act in accord with a set of standards” is probably not always a good action to take, as the world’s standards are often not in line with the Bible. However, just as the first two synonyms are “obey” and “follow,” being obedient is another form of compliance, and being compliant to or complying (with) God’s prevailing standards—following His direction—is highly recommended and promises to be fruitful.

Until writing this, I never liked the words “compliant” and “conform.” I’ve always felt they carried a bad connotation. But now, my viewpoint has changed; I realize I want to comply with what the Bible teaches I want to keep God’s standards and strive to be like Christ. We can be prepared to adapt in our relationships, situations, and environments by being compliant with God’s directions and commands. Of course there are times when God pushes us out of our comfort zone, but we can trust that His push puts us on His ordained path or helps us grow and develop into who He wants us to be. And yes, this may require us to adapt or comply with godly principles and actions. Please don’t confuse compliance to God’s will with conforming to all the world entices us to be or do. Adapting and conforming can be positive or negative actions. In God’s eyes, let’s be sure our actions show Christ as we obey and follow His will and way.

Romans 12:2 says, Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in His eyes (TPT). Don’t miss the last part of this scripture. If we don’t conform to this world, our minds and thoughts will be transformed, not just allowing us but empowering us to discern God’s will for our lives. And it gets even better! God will see ours as a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in His eyes. For God to see us that way…Wow!! How amazing is that?

Diane has 46+ years in the hospitality industry — planning, contracting, and executing meetings and events worldwide. She and her husband Les, married over 33 years, have three beautiful adult girls.

She supports his pastoral role and as AACC certified coaches they enjoy helping others have healthy relationships. Contact Diane at Diane@ExecutiveDiamond.com (www.ExecutiveDiamond.com).