I Have a Confession

By Aaliyah Johnson

I have a confession.

I am in love with depression.

Love at first sight, you may say,

But I was hoping I would be the one that got away.

I wondered if I even wanted to,

‘Cause for a long time being blue,

Was all I ever knew.

-

He first came to me one day,

With an awful lot to say.

He told me after my grandfather died,

That he and I were gonna go for a ride.

An emotional roller coaster full of downs and downs,

Friends and family say eventually I’ll come around.

But I have a confession,

I am in love with depression.

-

For a while, he went away,

I was able to breathe those days.

But then my dad let me down,

In my sorrow, gladness he found.

He assured me we’d be closer this time,

And to sit back and unwind.

He told me to reflect on all my mistakes,

At this point, my mental capacity was at stake.

-

One day, depression introduced me to self-harm,

Boy did she put on a charm.

She told me if I cut myself,

That depression would go on the top shelf.

“Cut your worries away,”

She’d say,

That’s the only way to take off the weight.

-

As the marks got deeper,

I became weaker.

I did not see a reason to live anymore.

Life and my situation, I abhorred.

I wore long sleeves to hide my scars,

I imagined that I looked bizarre.

Because on hot summer days,

I was the only one that looked misplaced.

-

After a relationship that lasted umpteen years,

And a bunch of negative thoughts in my ears,

I was introduced to healing,

Finally, someone that was appealing.

He taught me to pray,

And honestly, I would not want it anyway.

We often hear the term “prayer changes things,”

Without any real understanding of what it all means.

-

When we pray,

Something ought to break.

Revealing our true feelings,

Introducing us to healing.

I can feel a breakthrough,

After years of feeling blue.

-

So yes,

I confess,

I now deal,

With strategies that help me continue to heal.