an unwanted part of me

By Torrie Herrington

It starts in my chest

and spreads through my body

like blood in my veins

My nails dig into my palms,

crescent moon scars leave a constant reminder of how I cannot control

my body or

my breaths or

my mind

-

I beg myself–please

Please don’t start to cry

not in front of them

god–why can’t I just fit in

-

Tears fleeing from my eyes because

they know my head is full of torment

and I cannot blame them for wanting to escape

but–

-

I am so tired of living in a body I cannot control

Tired of having no say-so in my own mind,

making a fool of myself in front of others,

only being perceived as the overtly

emotional type

-

I am not my anxiety,

but it is a part of me,

and while I hope to escape it,

it will always be entrapped inside me