VOSAS MAGAZINE VOL 2 Issue 6 by VOSAS MAGAZINE

Letter from...

The Editor The Beauty Around Us How often do you pause and appreciate the world around you? For me, the perfect morning is waking up to birds chirping, the sunlight creeping through the blinds, the TV on national news, enjoying a hot cup of tea, reading my Bible, and reading VOSAS Magazine! Although that would be the best way to start my day, it rarely happens.

God created an entire earth and its beauty just for us to enjoy. Unfortunately, daily activities of life has trapped us into a cycle of go, go, go! If I had only one thing positive to say about year 2020, it gave us no choice but to be still and realize how much we need to slow down. I challenge you to be intentional about the small things such as a nice breeze, the clouds in the sky, and beautiful sunset. It might sound corny, but you might be surprised how these small things can allow you to appreciate the beauty around us. It’s good for your mental well-being!

Dee Marie

Chief Editor President/CEO

SURVIVOR’S STORY DISCOVERING YOU!

Survivor, Chief Editor, Dee Marie, with her 3 children, Trevaughn, Tia, and Tymone Latimer.

Hey! There are so many thoughts in my head, I had no idea how I would get them written down! For the past few years, I have been the type of person to live out loud. Ever since I decided to speak out about my past trauma of sexual abuse, I have been pretty vocal about my life. But as of this past year, I have

grown a lot and have been asked a lot about my newly found “freedom” and what did I do to discover it.

Firstly, I’ll say that I really believe my freedom started when I exposed the truth about my past. Not only did it free me, but many that share the same secret. Speaking out about my past traumatic experience gave other survivors permission to heal. Healing is truly a journey! It’s scary, painful, exhausting, freeing, and everything else in between. When my journey to healing began, I did not immediately choose therapy. I did speak with a counselor, but I felt as if I wasn’t damaged that badly, so I really didn’t have to continue. I wasn’t an alcoholic, I wasn’t a drug addict or

promiscuous, so I was good. So I thought anyway. Moving forward, I facilitated support groups, held events such as an annual walk for Sexual Assault Awareness Month, talked with many, many survivors, and learned so much I didn’t know about sexual abuse. I even started this magazine! But one thing we must realize as survivors, or anyone that is healing from any past situation, there are after effects. You don’t walk away from the trauma the same person. Our actions, thought process, emotions, patterns, and behaviors will resurface, and tell on us every time. Let’s talk about 2020! What a year we never expected! By mid 2020 we were in the midst of a pandemic, and unfortunately many of us were losing friends and family members due to this terrible virus.

For me, 2020 also became a time of reflection. I had been an empty nester for a year, and ready for my husband to find me! I was working from home, no one else there, I thought okay it’s time. Also during this time God was showing me, ME! He brought back to my mind times when I felt less than and when I gave others permission to see me the same way. One thing abut being in a broken state is that how you feel about yourself is how you teach other people to treat you. God literally showed me that my struggles were not exactly as I perceived them to be. See, I was learning and growing, but not allowing myself space to do so. The problem was, I was holding unforgiveness against myself! I held hostage every mistake I thought I made raising my children, every wrong decision I made

financially, and every bad relationship I allowed myself to entertain. But you want to know something awesome, God was with me fixing all of

my broken pieces. So if God, who made me, could love me in spite of my mess, and see me as this beautiful masterpiece, why wouldn’t I believe the same thing about myself? 8

During the midst of this revelation, I kept following a certain therapist. And I would think to myself, I need to call her and set up an appointment, but I never would. One day I came across some of her information again and at that point I had started to notice some patterns of behavior in myself that needed to be addressed. I decided to make the phone call, and at that moment, I found my new therapist. By this time it was 2021, and after much needed time to reflect, believing what God says about, and feeling like I could take on the world, it was time for me to start living intentionally. After my very first therapy session, I knew it was definitely a match. Having the right therapist for you is vital to your healing process. Be sure to read The Counselor’s

Corner in this magazine’s issue. I will admit I was just a tad bit nervous because vulnerability is not one of my strongest assets. Being honest with my therapist about some of my emotional damage allowed her to point out a lot of my insecurities I carried throughout my adult life. I realized, and honestly still finding things today, that a lot of my insecurities where things I put on myself because I believed the opinions of other broken people. “What’s the evidence?” My therapist asked me this question about believing my insecurities. If there’s no evidence, those beliefs need to take a seat. But if there’s something that needs to be worked on, then address it, do the work, and move forward! It felt so good going back to therapy and digging more into myself. For me it was true freedom! I decided to do something for me that I never thought I would or could do. I

decided to take a SOLO trip! Yes I traveled to Clearwater, FL alone! Let me tell you, it was the best thing I could have ever done! I felt so rejuvenated that I think this will be an annual retreat for me, unless I get married. Then we can go as a couple. Haha! For YEARS, I have always wanted to go to New York. It was my favorite city I had never visited. I decided it was time to do that as well! And we did! My babies and I had the time of our lives, and NYC did not disappoint. What a fantastic city it is! I have to tell you this. One of the biggest highlights of my New York vacation was when the pilot said, over the intercom as we were landing, “Welcome to New York City.” I still feel chills just typing this. When the pilot said that, my son shook my shoulder as if to say, you made it! That was such a “ WOW” moment for me. I was doing the work within me,

and it was so rewarding to be start living my dreams! That’s what healing will do. Whatever life has thrown you, it is up to you to make the decision on how you will respond. Not necessarily responding to a certain person at a certain time, but responding to life period. How will you live going forward? God created this beautiful world for us to enjoy, and I challenge you to take time to enjoy! Discover the beauty inside of you! Not someone else’s beauty, YOUR BEAUTY! We can admire people, and be encouraged by them, but you shouldn’t strive to be them. God created you as an original. Take the time to discover to beautiful gift of you. I decided to take God’s Word as truth. He said, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows every last thing about me, even my darkest areas. If He says it, I believe it! I discovered ME!

Andrea Jackson, CIT , contributor Supervised by:Jean Moretto, PhD, LPC

Andrea completed her Master of Arts degree in Professional Counseling May 2017 from Lindenwood University. Andrea believes that a primary means of change lies in developing a strong therapeutic and collaborative relationship. She utilizes a strengths based approach in working with clients to develop a unique t to their personal needs and draws from several modalities including, but not limited to, cognitive behavioral therapy and solution based work.

Andrea has worked with clients of all ages and has dealt extensively with depression, anxiety, sexual abuse and behavioral issues. When requested by the client, Andrea nds that seeking God authentically in session results in healing and can lead to life forming changes.

Andrea is a member and also on the board at Moving4ward Ministries, a 501c3 organization created to provide the community of St. Louis and St. Charles counties of Missouri, a place where adult survivors of sexual abuse ages 18 and older, regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, can feel safe sharing experiences that has caused lasting e ects on professional resources so healing can begin. Andrea is Youth Mental Health First Aid Certi ed.Andrea is also a member of the International Honor Society of Counseling Professionals, Chi Sigma Iota.

THE COUNSELOR’S CORNER

Working with a therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist in a therapeutic relationship gives you an opportunity to explore your thoughts, feelings, and patterns of behavior. It can also help you learn new coping skills and techniques to better manage daily stressors and anxiety you may experience on a day to day basis.

• • • • •

Explore thoughts, feelings, and worries without judgment.

Develop coping strategies for di erent situations.

Practice self-re ection and awareness.

Work on habits you’d like to change.

Improve, understand, and communicate about relationships.

If you’re thinking of trying therapy, you might’ve already noticed the surprising amount of types of therapy available. Though some approaches work best for speci c conditions, others can help with a range of issues.

In therapy, you’ll work with a trained mental health professional. What you’ll do in each appointment depends on the preferred methods of your therapist and the issues you’re looking to address.

What should you expect in therapy?? You’ll work with a trained mental health professional. What you’ll do in each appointment depends on the preferred methods of your therapist and the issues you’re looking to address.

You can expect to spend some time discussing how challenging situations, emotions, and behaviors a ect your life.

This will likely involve working through some negative events or distressing thoughts or it could just be navigating through some minor situations that life tends to throw us. It may be di cult in the moment, but the end result is usually a happier, more ful lling life.

Here are some methods for nding a therapist to help you reach your therapeutic goals.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Consult your healthcare provider (ex.- primary physician, specialist, etc…) for a referral. …

Determine what kind of support you need. …

Ask someone you trust. …

Use a reliable online database or social media site (ex.- Google, Facebook, LinkedIn). …

Explore local resources (ex- news stations, local magazines like V.O.S.A.S). ...

Reach out to organizations that address your area of concerns. …

Think about your goals ahead of time but it’s not required to know exactly what you want to accomplish in therapy. Sometimes we need assistance with our goals and that’s ok.

Know the in’s and out’s of what type of insurance you have and the bene ts you have access to.

Last thing I want to share that I have found to be true in regards to therapy….you must be honest with your therapist and more importantly you must be honest with yourself. It won’t be bene cial for you nor your therapist if you’re not honest or if you refrain from providing crucial information.

TAKE THE LEAP

The process of nding a therapist is a personal one that must be customized to your particular needs and desires. Once you pinpoint what those are, follow the above steps and you’ll soon be on your way. If therapy is something you’ve considered for a while, take the leap toward a happier and healthier you. You are worth it!

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TIPS, SAFETY, FACTS

Sexual violence (SV) is a serious problem that can have lasting, harmful effects on victims and their family, friends, and communities. CDC’s goal is to stop SV from happening in the rst place. The solutions are just as complex as the problem In order to prevent SV, we must understand and address risk and protective factors at the individual, relational, community, and societal levels CDC developed a resource, STOP SV: A Technical Package to Prevent Sexual Violence [2.85MB, 48Pages,508], to help communities take advantage of the best available evidence to prevent sexual violence. This resource is available in English and Spanish [17MB, 48 Pages, 508], and can impact individual behaviors and the relationship, family, school, community, and societal factors that in uence the risk and protective factors for violence. Many of the strategies focus on reducing the likelihood that a person will engage in sexual violence. The strategies and their corresponding approaches are listed in the table below

Healthy Living Consistency Is Key: Lining up your mind with your actions Let’s face the truth! There are many diet plans and many di erent ways out here to loose weight. We’ve all tried them, and honestly some of them do work. But no matter how you spin it, the truest way to live a healthy lifestyle is to eat right and exercise, period! The wild part is, we all know exactly what we need to do! So if we know what to do, why don’t we just do it? Key word, DISCIPLINE!

It takes us making up in our minds that living a healthy lifestyle is what we will choose. But once you make the decision, you now have to tell your body, let’s change our diet and get moving! Your mind and your actions must line up.

Let’s make a decision today to be intentional! Let’s be intentional about our food choices! Tell your taste buds you don’t need those cookies! Let’s be intentional about getting up early or choosing a time before bed to get in that workout! Tell your body it has no other option but to move! We have to rid ourselves of excuses, even when we have limitations. You may no be able to spin, but you can do arm circles. The main objective is to stay active!

In all changes in life, consistency is key! Line up your mind and actions, and make the commitment.

Exercise at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes! Staying active is an important part of being healthy and a great way to promote self care!

Making better food choices will fuel your body with the necessary nutrition needed to remain active! Eating right and exercising go hand in hand! 15

UNAPOLOGETICALLY ME! To love me or not to love me that has always been the question. I always thought that if I lose weight then I would be happier and more comfortable with myself. So, 14 years ago weighing at 395 pounds I decided to have gastric bypass surgery. I just knew that this would fix all my issues. I went through the process and within a year I had lost 173 pounds. I was in a size 16 looking good physically but mentally was still the same girl who had low self-esteem. I assumed that losing the weight would immediately give me confidence. What I failed to realize is that I fixed the reflection in the mirror but had failed to fix what was going on internally. I hadn’t dealt with the issues from my childhood that caused my mental and internal struggles. I assumed that looking good would equate to feeling good which is true to some form but it only lasted for a little while. I was hoping that this would be the lifestyle of happiness that I longed for. But even though I had gotten rid of the trap of obesity I was still trapped in trauma. It was in 2011 that I finally began speaking out loud my childhood trauma and how it had affected me. It was at this point that I could no longer hide internally and had to deal with the long term affects of that situation. It was as if a light had been turned on and a burden had been lifted. I was no longer trapped in a jail of shame and self-loathing. I could now breathe. I was now able to walk in my truth and felt free to do so. Once I felt that freedom it was something I never wanted to give up. There was no longer anything holding me back from being the true me; the me that I have always wanted to me. I became more outgoing. My confidence began to grow. The light that was growing strong on the inside start to radiate and glow on the outside. In the past couple of years, I have begun to regain some of the weight that I had loss. So far it has been a total of 50 to 60 pounds. Has this changed the love I have for myself? No. I have discovered me in the midst of losing the weight and regaining a portion of the weight. Because of this the love I have for myself and the happiness the I have developed is not determined by what I look like on the outside but on how I feel on the inside. Through this journey I have realized that my weight rather up or down does not determine who I am or how happy I am. I have learned that my happiness, my joy and my confidence flows from the inside out and not from the outside in. I have discovered that the joy that I have created out of finally allowing myself to face and heal from trauma can’t be taken away. I have discovered a love for me that can never dissipate it but can only grow. The lesson in this for you, the reader, is to let you know that you can heal, learn to love yourself and then you will begin to live your best life freely. Once you allow yourself this type of joy there is nothing that can take it away.

Minister Latonya Buford

SPOTLIGHT

RAINN'S MISSION RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE, online.rainn.org y rainn.org/es) in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country and operates the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense. RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual violence, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice.

FASHION Shop Online Now

with TIFFANY DORSEY Ti any Dorsey, owner of SUGAZ KOUTURE BOUTIQUE. has come to rede ne fashion by carrying trendy and stylish pieces for the “Voluptuous Woman”. When shopping, she nds many of the clothes are less than fashionable. She has come to put an end to that. She does not see “US” as plus size women. We are women that are sexy, sassy, classy, beautiful, con dent, and everything we desire to be. Her Motto “ I ROCK THIS BECAUSE I’M GOOD WITH ME” represents who they are at SUGAZ KOUTURE BOUTIQUE and shapes how they choose pieces for their online store.

LOVE THE FASHION OUT OF YOU!! Hey Suga! It's Tiffany Dorsey here, owner of Sugaz Kouture Boutique. Let's talk Fashion. Did you know that fashion is the very essence of who you are and how it makes you feel? It's a form of personal expression, an expression of the inner you. Sis, the real inner you. A few years ago, I found a box with pictures from my teenage and early adulthood years. While looking through the pictures, one thing stood out. In every picture I wore dark colored clothing. Black and dark grey were my colors of choice. I began to think about my life and who I was during those years. It hit me. I lacked self con dence, didn't feel like I mattered nor like I belonged, and was what society and those close to me considered to be "fat". I wore dark colors to mask my TRUTH. Wow, What a startling revelation. As I continued to go through the pictures, I paid close attention to the pieces that I wore. For the rst time, I was confronting my truth during this time. As the tears fell, I made a decision that changed my life for the better. This was the beginning of self care for me. I began searching for the woman I was meant to be and I was determined to heal, completely, from the inside out With these changes, I developed a strong sense of clarity. It unlocked the door to a beautiful life. I wanted to be of service to people, minister to the hearts of women, and to help them see what I had not seen in myself, a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. I would do this through my love of Fashion. This is how Sugaz Kouture Boutique was created. I wanted curvy women to love the skin they are in. I encourage women to love every wrinkle, roll, dimple, and to simply love themselves in its entirety. If anything is preventing you from this, do what it takes to x it. Black. I still love it, but I try not to wear it often. Going through the transition of "Becoming Me", I began to wear beautiful bright colors: pink, purple, yellow, and green. Wearing these bright colors made me feel happy, courageous, bold, powerful, and more importantly FREE. I felt good, I felt good about me, and fashion helped me do it. The saying is true, when you look good, you feel good. What is fashion to you? Remember, fashion is an extension of our inner selves, our truth. For me, it has been a source of healing and growing. It has given me a sense of purpose in life, and an opportunity to connect, share, and inspire women to love every ounce of themselves. Sis, take the necessary steps to become a better you, to heal from the inside out, and to change what no longer works for your life. Embrace you. Love you. Be You - RELENTLESSLY YOU! LOVE THE FASHION OUT OF YOU Be Blessed. Stay Safe. Stay Healthy. Stay Happy Tiffany Dorse CFO - Chief Fashion Of ce Sugaz Kouture Boutique