VOSAS MAGAZINE by VOSAS MAGAZINE

Letter from...

The Editor HAPPY NEW YEAR! IT’S OUR 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! It’s 2022, and if you’re reading this, you made it! What a rough couple of years it has been. Sometimes it seems as if things will never get better, but I want to encourage you to keep going. We have to maintain hope for much better days! And wear your mask!

Well it’s our 2 year anniversary, and I want to give you a BIG heartfelt THANK YOU! Thank you for not only supporting the magazine, but supporting those who have so bravely shared their stories. We’re so grateful for this platform, and will continue as long as you read. Unfortunately, sexual abuse is so prevalent, and we only feature no more than 12 stories a year, there will be many more told. The upside is, the more we continue to speak the many more survivors will begin their journey and become free. We love you all so much, please continue to share this publication. The more hands it touches the better our society will be!

Dee Marie

Chief Editor President/CEO

SURVIVOR’S STORY

Gwendolyn Jones My Story – When Tragedy Struck I was born to teenage parents in Monroe, Louisiana in September of 1958. In 1964, at age six my great aunt on my mother’s side of the family became my guardian and I lived with her for six years in St. Louis, Missouri. In 1970, I then was moved to Dallas, Texas at the age of 12 to live with my birth mother and younger siblings. The sexual abuse began immediately upon my arrival. My mother’s significant other who would later take on the role of stepfather in my life chose to sexually abuse me and in the process betray my trust and violate my boundaries. After several outcries, I was abandoned in the confusing world of incest by non offending adults who failed to believe, protect and support. I was subjected to chronic and ongoing sexual abuse in an environment where I expected and should have been cared for, protected and safe. Sexual abuse isn’t just physical, as some believe, it’s also verbal and visual. Sadly, I experienced all three forms that continued for a period of five years. While stranger rape is a reality, sexual abuse is frequently committed by someone the victim knows and trust. As the abuse escalated I took matters in my own hands and ran away to Louisiana in March 1976 at age 17.

A child can never provide genuine consent to engage in sexual activity with anyone. Children are not psychologically or emotionally developed to comprehend the consequences associated with sexual activity. Adults are100% responsible for their behavior when a child is in their presence. Upon returning to Dallas, Texas, in August 1976, I graduated with honors (National Honor Society) from high school in May 1977 at age 19 while living with extended family members. No longer being abused, I tried to move forward with my life as best as I could, however, without proper guidance and direction, I was making a lot of unhealthy choices and mistakes about life. You could say, “I was looking for love in all the wrong places.” I was in a constant battle with feelings of low self worth, guilt, shame and self defeating thoughts that there was “something wrong” with me, after all that’s why the abuse happened, I incorrectly reasoned. Relationships were difficult because I wouldn’t allow others to get close to me out of fear of being hurt again. I put up a wall, controlled or attempted to control people and my environment which only led to additional problems. Somehow I never connected the dots to the troubles I had in everyday life to the past sexual abuse from childhood. Sexual abuse of any kind is never your fault! You didn’t “ask” for it, and it wasn’t sex. It was abuse.

Healing & Recovery As a young adult, I didn’t realize the impact the previous experiences had on me. Sexual abuse wasn’t talked about as openly in those days as it is now. The magnitude of its impact would become painfully real to me as I matured. My disclosure of the sexual abuse was met with silence and secrecy and the issues were swept under the rug and never addressed openly and appropriately. Like many survivors, I adopted the false belief that once I left the abusive environment and the abuse had stopped I could move on with life as normal. Little did I know the damage that had been done to my soul. The unaddressed emotional pain festered over time and would manifest itself in my life in the following ways: 1. false beliefs I believed about the abuse “it’s my fault” and a negative view of myself 2. plagued with destructive emotions of fear, anger, guilt, grief and shame only kept me in emotional turmoil and were my constant companions 3. a distorted body image 4. troubled interpersonal relationships 5. distorted view of the Creator I married in 1980 at age 22 and we have two children together. For years I carried the trauma and pain into my relationships and projected my past pain onto the people who were currently in my life. I viewed life and spiritual matters through the distorted lenses of sexual victimization instead of the wholeness and healing God had for me. For years I wore the mask of denial and pretended I was OK, but in actuality I was suffering with deep internal pain. I wasn’t in denial of what happened to me, I was in denial of the impact to my life. Then in 1994, at age 36, my life began to unravel and I hit an emotional wall when the person who chose to sexually abuse me passed away. I didn’t understand the emotional crisis it put me in which left me even more confused, angry and depressed. Sharing my dilemma with a personal friend she suggested I go see a counselor at our local church. When things were not getting better I heeded her advice and weeks later walked into a counselor’s office for the first time who diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and clinical depression related to the sexual trauma in childhood. The effects of the abuse also manifested itself in my body through Temporomandibular Joint Syndrome (TMJ) which was revealed by painful jaw movements due to stress and teeth grinding during sleep. “You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there,” —Jeremiah 6:14 (TLB) After working with me for six months the counselor suggested I locate a sexual abuse support group to further my healing. Much to my dismay the groups were not readily available in my community and I had given up hope of ever finding a group until an intern at my local church started a sexual abuse group, using the Shelter from the Storm© curriculum in January 1995. Although excited, I had my reservations upon entering the support group because I couldn't comprehend at the time how being a part of a group would address the effects of sexual abuse in my life. Surprisingly, the support group was everything I needed! As I began the healing process, I realized that what I needed more than anything was—a safe place because I never felt safe growing up. A safe place to be accepted and encouraged to address the issues I needed to face and to not face them alone. A safe place to learn the truth about my experiences because for the longest I was blamed therefore I blamed myself, thinking I had done something to cause the abuse. The support group gave me community with other women who had similar experiences. It gave me a safe place and safe people to share my thoughts and feelings with as I was able to without feeling rejected, blamed and condemned. It gave me the tools I needed to address the trauma and emotional pain from the past and over time I began to heal and advocate for myself and others. The recovery process identified the source of my pain, my negative thoughts and emotions—child sexual abuse. Emotional healing is not an overnight event. Recovery is a process—it will take time, commitment and work.

Thriving - Not Just Surviving In 2007 while on my healing journey I established ARISE! International, Inc as a faith based nonprofit 501 (c) 3 organization whose sole mission was to raise awareness of the devastation that sexual abuse has on individual lives, families and communities. The organization operates on Christian principles and utilizes Scripture and prayer for truth and guidance. When I facilitated my first support group in the Fall of 2008, we added to our mission support and recovery. To date I have led over a hundred clients through the recovery program, Shelter from the Storm© Hope for Survivors of Sexual Abuse, the same curriculum that led me to truth, healing and freedom. I’m passionate about making support groups an available resource for survivors who are ready to begin the healing journey because of the difficulty I had in locating a support group when I needed one. Today, the mask is off and I’m not afraid to speak my truth. I know personally there is hope and healing from the aftermath of sexual abuse because I’m living it. I know my value and worth, I have healthy boundaries in all relationships, I know the truth about my past and I have assigned responsibility to those involved. The reality is, the experience of sexual abuse will always be a part of my personal history, however, I’m proud to say the devastating effects of the criminal acts perpetrated against me don’t control my life any longer. I didn’t choose it, nor want it, it was something that was beyond my control. The past doesn’t define my present or my future—it wasn’t my fault and I wasn’t responsible, my stepfather was. People don’t want to think about sexual abuse—let alone talk about it especially the abuse of children. However, it is a global pandemic in our society and it’s occurring at alarming rates. Sexual abuse is the most unreported type of crime. My case was never reported to the proper authorities. In fact, 99.9% of clients I see in the recovery groups cases were never reported. To be sexually abused is to be touched by evil and evil always has a negative impact. The experience creates wounds in a person’s soul and emotional wounds need to be addressed and attended to in order to heal properly. “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive: and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” —Maya Angelou I’ve put in the work and I now have the tools I need to address any depressing thoughts, memories and feelings that may surface as I "do life" with healthy thinking and behaviors based on truth and not false beliefs. I have a comprehensive support system around me to continue to encourage me as I move forward in life. I’m a firm believer in the process of recovery that I’ve devoted my life to helping survivors reclaim their voice and power. Today, I speak at various meetings and conferences about sexual abuse, I’ve written articles on the topic, wrote the foreword for memoirs of those who have reclaimed their voice and I have received several awards and recognition from various organizations and community leaders. Today I’m thriving in an area that brought so much pain, frustration and heartache into my life. If you’ve experienced sexual abuse, the good news is you don’t have to continue to live with the devastating effects of sexual trauma. Help is available. Too many people are suffering in silence needlessly. Healing is a choice. You can choose to not address the pain and continue to hurt perpetually or you can choose to address the pain appropriately and experience healing and freedom. I hope you will choose the latter—like I did and so many others have. It’s never too late to heal. “When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.” —Brene`Brown

COUNSELOR’S CORNER

Andrea Jackson, CIT , contributor Supervised by:Jean Moretto, PhD, LPC

Andrea completed her Master of Arts degree in Professional Counseling May 2017 from Lindenwood University. Andrea believes that a primary means of change lies in developing a strong therapeutic and collaborative relationship. She utilizes a strengths based approach in working with clients to develop a unique t to their personal needs and draws from several modalities including, but not limited to, cognitive behavioral therapy and solution based work.

Andrea has worked with clients of all ages and has dealt extensively with depression, anxiety, sexual abuse and behavioral issues. When requested by the client, Andrea nds that seeking God authentically in session results in healing and can lead to life forming changes.

Andrea is a member and also on the board at Moving4ward Ministries, a 501c3 organization created to provide the community of St. Louis and St. Charles counties of Missouri, a place where adult survivors of sexual abuse ages 18 and older, regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, can feel safe sharing experiences that has caused lasting e ects on professional resources so healing can begin. Andrea is Youth Mental Health First Aid Certi ed.Andrea is also a member of the International Honor Society of Counseling Professionals, Chi Sigma Iota.

Depression and this Season Are you in a funk every year around this time?

Don't brush off that yearly feeling as simply a case of the "winter blues" or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. Are you sad because you miss loved ones who have passed? Either way, you don’t have to disregard this feeling and stay in bad mental place. Let’s first talk about “Seasonal affective disorder” (SAD) which is a type of depression that's related to changes in seasons. SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you're like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. Less often, SAD causes depression in the spring or early summer. SAD can also occur during Spring and Summer months but it’s less common. Symptoms may start out mild and become more severe as the season progresses. Signs and symptoms of SAD may include: • Feeling depressed most of the day, nearly every day • Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed • Having low energy • Having problems with sleeping • Experiencing changes in your appetite or weight • Feeling sluggish or agitated • Having difficulty concentrating • Feeling hopeless, worthless or guilty • Having frequent thoughts of death or suicide

Fall and winter SAD Symptoms specific to winter-onset SAD, sometimes called winter depression, may include: • Oversleeping • Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates • Weight gain • Tiredness or low energy

When to see a doctor It's normal to have some days when you feel down. But if you feel down for days at a time and you can't get motivated to do activities you normally enjoy, see your doctor. This is especially important if your sleep patterns and appetite have changed, you turn to alcohol for comfort or relaxation, or you feel hopeless or think about suicide.

CREATE A VISION FOR YOUR HEALTH! 5 Steps to create vision for your health: 1. Examine yourself. Are there things in your life that you can control that will lead you to better health? 2. Meet with your physician. It’s great to meet with your physician to discuss what’s best for you when it comes to changing your lifestyle. 3. Devise a plan. Write the vision and make it plain. Journaling is a great way to stay on task. Goals not written down are just dreams. See it before you see it! 4. Have a support system. It’s always great to have an accountability partner, or someone that can support you in your journey. That could also be your exercise group, or friends at the gym. 5. Put it into action. Faith without works is dead. All the journaling in the world won’t work unless you do! You got this!

Please note these are tips only and are not to be taken as medical advice. It’s important to consult with a physician before starting in new healthy lifestyle plan.

FACTS, TIPS, AND SAFETY • One out of every three girls, and one out of every five boys will be sexually abused before they reach the age 18. • 90% of all survivors know their abusers or their abuser is in their circle of trust. • Only 2-4 percent of survivors are making false accusations. • Sexual abuse is one of the most underreported crimes. • Sexual abuse/assault can also include speaking aggressively about sex with a minor, being forced to watch inappropriate videos against one’s will, being forced to take sexually explicit photos. • If you suspect someone is being sexually abused, you can report anonymously. • It’s important to have honest conversations with your children about body parts and boundaries. • Educate yourself and others. • Know the signs • Believe Survivors!

SPOTLIGHT ARISE! International, Inc

A PLACE OF HOPE AND HEALING

MISSION ARISE ! International, Inc is a faith based 501 (c) 3 non profit organization established in 2007 whose mission is to glorify God by showing the love of Jesus Christ as we support and help survivors of sexual violence heal emotionally, socially and spiritually from the devastating effects of inappropriate sexual behavior through the facilitation of Christ-centered support groups. VISION We envision a world where every survivor has a community of support. OVERVIEW We utilize the curriculum, Shelter from the Storm© Hope for Survivors of Sexual Abuse. The curriculum is designed for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse who desire is to experience deliverance and wholeness (spirit, soul and body). It will empower participant’s to realize that they are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ rather than victims of their past. The support groups are led by experienced, trauma informed and trained facilitator’s who understand, recognize and respond to the effects of sexual trauma. We offer virtual groups to female clients ages 18 and up in the Spring and Fall semesters through ZOOM Video Conferencing. Registration is required. The groups are limited to 8 participants and will last 15 weeks. The groups meet for two hours per week, Tuesdays at 7pm CST during each semester. Contact us through our website at www.ariseintl.org for more information or connect with us via social media platforms. FOLLOW US

BEAUTY It is very cliché to say, but beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. I think when people hear that saying, they are thinking that the beholder is the person looking at them. That’s how society has kind of trained us to think. Honestly, the beholder is yourself. Beauty is whatever you want it to be in that moment, whatever you see for yourself. Society will make one look “beautiful” and everyone runs to that speci c look, and all end up looking the same. Or if a person can’t achieve that look, then they “aren’t beautiful.” No! It’s your individuality, your personal style, the unique thing about you that makes you beautiful. As an Esthetician in the beauty world, I strive to bring out peoples personalized, individual beauty. So often, I will have a client come in for a service, and I will ask them, “What is your desired goal, what is it that you want?” Almost every time they will respond saying, “Whatever you think looks good, you know.” This is the same response I get from different people, and it’s frustrating, honestly. I always step back and take a moment to explain, no, it’s not about what I want, it’s about YOU. My goal is to teach and help woman to be their true authentic beautiful self, whatever that means to them. If it means fake lashes and lled in brows, let’s do it! If it means all natural with a healthy glow, let’s do it. It’s all about what makes that individual feel like their best self. I want to help women realize that the only way you will truly feel good about who you are is if you are being true to who you are, and not worried about what everyone else thinks or says their beauty should look like. Do what makes you feel beautiful, and the beauty that God placed DaLisa Rashad in you will exude all over you.

VOSAS MAGAZINE celebrates 2 years! Sexual abuse is not a topic to celebrate or take lightly. It is a very serious public health crisis that has been going on for decades, probably centuries. Here at VOSAS Magazine, we honor survivors of sexual abuse for their strength and courage to not only come forward with their stories, but allowing us to use our platform to tell it publicly. As we move forward we want to bring you even better content that will INFORM, ENCOURAGE, AND EMPOWER all our readers. We want to change the narrative. Healing from past trauma is not easy, but it is possible! If you are a survivor, please know that you do not have to continue down a path that is destructive, but you can live victoriously. As Gwen Jones stated, it’s time to THRIVE and not just survive. We understand that in our society victim blaming is real, but here at VOSAS, we believe you! Our Goal: INFORM - Offer facts and information about sexual abuse that will give you tools to support survivors, and give resources to survivors themselves so they can begin their healing journey to thrive. ENCOURAGE - Let survivors know we believe you, you are not alone, and you have every right to tell your truth. We will continuously be your voice. EMPOWER - To give all readers the knowledge to speak boldly about sexual abuse, and not longer keep this topic taboo. Let’s continue the conversation. As we move forward in this new year and years to come, we will always offer this platform as a means to change the narrative.