parental control is a term that is used to describe the watchful eye that you can have on your child while they are onlin e when you are not around. These controls allow th e parent, who holds a master account with their internet service provider, to take control over th eir specific allowances to the child. For many par ents, this allows them some level of protection for when the child is online. Since more and mor e children at younger ages are getting online, th e need is growing and very important is this cont rol.
TABLE OF CONTENT What Is Parental Control?
3
What Levels Are Out There?
7
The Need
3
Areas Your Child Needs Protection
8
Enter Parental Controls
3
Protect Your Child And Computer
3
Parental Controls For Your Computer’s Protection
3
Is It Enough?
4
Control Wisely
4
What Can Be Done?
4
Service Provider
5
How Your Child Can Get Around Your Control
5
There Is Hope, Though
6
Should I Create A Screen Name For My Child?
6
A Child’s View
6
Communicate Your Needs
7
Talk to your child about
7
Different Levels Of Protection
7
Online Activity Reports
8
What’s An Activity Report?
8
Through Website Browsing
9
The Key To Successful Discipline
12
When A Child Asks Why
12
Encourage Your Child To Feel Important
13
Our Ever-Changing Role As A Parent
15
Positive Discipline Without Hurting Your Child
15
Protect Your Child’s Emotional Well-Being
16
Successful Two-Way Communications With Your Child
16
The Truth About Lying
17
Follow Through Is The Key To Successful Discipline
13
Training The Fussy Eater
18
Make Quality Time With Your Child Count
14
Our Ever-Changing Role As A Parent
18
parents, this allows them so me level of protection for when t arental control is a ter he child is online. Since more a m that is used to describe th nd more children at younger ag e watchful eye that you ca es are getting online, the need n have on your child while they ar is growing and very important e online when you are not around is this control. .
online to do their dirty wor k, your child is at risk. You cou ld just prohibit them from getti ng onto the web, but that really is not realistic anymore. The fa ct is that students use the intern et to research their homework, These controls allow the parent to talk with their friends a , nd who holds a master account wit to play educational (or not h The need for parental contr so their internet service provider, t ols educational) games online. T o is high. With many of toda he take control over their specifi y’s likelihood of taking this aw c pedophiles and criminals lurki ay allowances to the child. For man ng y 3
The Need
from them is not high simpl he or she needs and wants to e do but to do those things safely. because much of life also revolv As you can see, there is little hop That’s really the important aspect es to remember. e around being online. They sho that you will actually be able t p online, they meet people online o never allow your child to get o , and they need to be able to us n the web. But, parental control e Parental controls allow you to it as a tool to aid them in man s can help you nonetheless. Wit keep track of what your child is y doing online. Although the best h functions of everyday life. these tools, your child can safel case scenario is that you will be able to sit with your child and do y do the things that they want whi what they need to on the web wit h le you control where they go andthem, this is not even remotely what they do, to a certain level possible in most cases. There are many things that you can do . Parental controls can also helpto help protect them including you to parent your child’s use ofusing parental controls. But, these the internet, but allowing you t controls don’t only help protect your child. Many of them can hel o set time limits and to keep the p m within certain websites.
Protect Your Child And Computer
Enter Parental Controls
Parental controls are a tool that every parent should have o n their hands. Most internet servic e providers do offer some level o f protection for your child, if yo u allow them their own scree n name and access to the web. Wit h the help of parental controls, yo u allow your child to do the thing s
to protect your computer and network, too. That makes them even more important for you to consider.
Protection For Your Child The reason to use parental controls starts with the ability to protect your child. There is no doubt that this is the real reason you’ll use them in the first place. The fact is that protecting your child with these tools helps to
keep them out of the hands o f predators that are lurking on th e web. While you can’t take th e internet away from them always In addition to providing protection , for your child, parental controls you can protect them by usin also help you by protecting your g overall well being including these controls to limit who the your computer ’s well being. y For example, many parental talk to, where they go online, an controls provide protection from d downloads. Your child isn’t able even how long they are online. to download something off the
Controls For Your Computer’s Protection
Parental
a few minutes to find out w hat parental controls can offer to y addition, it will keep your chil our needs and then get them on y d from visiting websites that hav our computer to keep your child a e nd this potentially your computer from becomi troublesome files and elements on them. Tha ng vulnerable to what’s t lurking means it protect your compute on the internet. Without y r ou as well as your child. realizing it, you could be savi ng Parental controls have yourself from countless proble the ms foundation of helping your famil down the road by just setting y up to remain safe. You’ll find man parental controls. y different ways to use them to saf e guard your family, in fact. Tak e 4
Is It Enough?
web unless you approve it. This is a very important tool as it helps to keep spyware, adware, and viruses off your computer. In You
may have seen an advertisement for parental controls. You may even be considering the purchase of th is type of software. What you sho uld realize, then, is that parent al controls are only one step in t he process of protecting your chil d. Although it seems like the solut ion you need, parental controls c an also be one of the most import ant tools for your child but it may n ot
be the only tool that is necessary .
When you couple educating your child about the risks and the regarding the dangers that ar parental controls that you put in Most parents realize place, your child can and will be e the protected when they are online. importance of monitoring thei lurking online that allow the With these controls in place, m r you can safely make decisions child online. But, even thoug to be vulnerable. The fact is tha regarding the well being of your t h child. Without them, your child many children, even younge you are providing this throug is at risk for countless online r h experiences. Protecting your child ones, are able to navigate around the use of parental controls, yo means educating them, as well as the protections you put in plac yourself, with the risks that are u also need to educate your chil e lurking. for them. If they do this, you ma d y not know its happening and you r child is left just as vulnerable a Parental controls allow you, as a s parent or guardian to be able to they were in the first place. control the computer in which your child or younger adult is For that reason, education i s one of the most importan t considerations you should have.
Control Wisely
Educating your child about th e safety necessaries online is a mus t. Children can easily be taught ho w to stay safe online, just as yo u teach them to stay safe in public . You just need to communicate with them what the risks are a s well as how to avoid becoming a victim to these risks.
INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
using. You know the importance of doing so. Online predators are out there and they are readily stalking even the youngest of children that venture onto the web. Using parental controls allows you to keep control of the situation so that you can make decisions for your child that will ultimately help them deal with what happens online.
What Can Be Done? Each internet service provider will
have their own different set o Before you make that investment, f remember that some internet parental controls that you can us service providers do provide this, e. or at least some parental controls, The first thing that you will nee with their service to you. d to do is to find out what types o There are many different options f that you can use. Here are a few o software are being offered to you f through your provider. If you d the services that are available. o find that these parental control • Monitor who can send your s child email. are not enough to really protec • Monitor who your child can t your child, you can find other send emails to, as well. s available to you to purchase • Determine who can send . instant messages to your child or who your child can chat with in
5 chat rooms. Limit them by nam e or age, or just allow certain ones . • Monitor the time that they a re online. Set a timer for each vis it as to how much time they can b e online each time they come ont o the web. • Determine which websites yo ur child can go to as well as wh at
type of website it is. Some limit the child to only those web sites that are approved by you. There are other services that you can use when it comes to par ental controls. There is no doubt that you’ll be able to find the r ight type of control for your n eeds either with your current inte rnet service provider or with addit ional software that you purchase. The goal here is to find the pro duct
that offers you the overall best solution and protection for y our child. This isn’t the type of t hing that you should put aside and do later. With parental controls, you stay in control of what your c hild does online as well as what how long they are online in the first place. One of the tools that m any internet service providers pro vide to you is that of an online ti mer.
This timer is a tool that you shou cases. You can choose to limit ho ld w consider for a number of reason Face it. You simply can not monit much time your child goes online s. each time they do get online. Or, or In many cases, it is a helpful to you can determine how many your teen online all day ever ol hours they can be online for each that monitors how long yo y day and limit them. In addition day. If you aren’t home and the ur , child has been online as well a y you can even limit how many are online, they may be there th times they can be online during s enforces the limit that you plac e the course of a week, if you entire time. The internet is full o like. You can limit the number of e on that amount of time. You ma f times that your child can get on things to do, websites to visit an the web as well as how long they ke the decisions and you get to kee d are allowed to stay there. lots of people to interact with. I p t You determine how much time those rules going, too. can become a very easy way t your child gets online. Once you o set this number, when their time push away the time without eve is up, the software or internet n service provider tells them so. I knowing that you are doing it. T f he they don’t sign off themselves, internet does draw in childre the provider will do it for them n , of all ages, but remember, you helping you to enforce the rules r that you’ve set in place. In mos parental controls are in plac t e cases, this is a free service as part to help provide you with th of the software you purchased. I e f protection you need. An online timer is a simple enou gh program. All you need to do is t o simply tell it just how long yo u will allow your child to be online . There are several types of setting s that you can select from, in mos t
INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
it isn’t provided, then get it and start giving yourself an extra hand of protection even when you are not home.
Service Provider Did you know that kids are crafty creatures? You may think you have them protected online with the use of parental controls. You’ve done a good job at making sure that the controls are fair but that they are in place to help your child to do well throughout their time online. Most importantly,
you believe your child is safe no Teens are especially crafty, but w that they are online and usin don’t put it past your older child to do this as well. The fact is that g the web. The problem is that you children learn things about how to do what they want to do onlin r child may know a way to gettin e whether its at school or just g around those controls an through friends. It happens and you shouldn’t believe your child d therefore may be able to actuall is protected when he or she may not be. y avoid doing so. What happens is simple. Whil e your parental controls may work for your internet service provider, you child may be using another software that’s already installed
How Your Child Can Get Around Your Control
from many of these services. T he first thing to do is to learn wh at on your computer to get aroun opportunities your child has d to them. What’s more is that thei get online around your intern r et other electronic software ma service provider. Find out ho y w also contain the ability to ge they are getting online simply t by online without you even realizin watching or talking to them. Th g en, it. Such programs as Interne look for the right product on t t he Explorer, Netscape and other market that will help you to li s mit are one of the easiest ways t their access to the internet acro o The good news is that there ss get around parental controls are all boards. You may be one of t . parental control products on t he Other elements such as instan he lucky ones that has an intern t market that can still protect y et messaging that is done outsid ou e 6
of the internet service provid er, such as with a different progra m, chat rooms, forums and even f ile sharing programs are out the re. What’s more is that their handh eld gaming systems are now able to get online in some cases.
There Is Hope, Though
service provider that actuall controls for your child on your ow y n provides this type of protection t screen name means that you’ll o have to implement those controls your child through their service. on yourself. This is difficult to do If since most adults don’t want to b not, find out how these parenta e Considering parental control l limited in where they go and wha s controls work and use them. t for your child is somethin they do. That’s fine because many g internet service providers actually all parents today that have allow you to create additional a screen names that fit under your computer within their hom account. That means that you e can create a new screen name for should do. Here’s why. Your child your child that can have its own gets online and visits with parental controls on it, helping to a protect your child. simple and seemingly safe online environment such as a chat roomOnce you have your own child or a message board. They begi set up with their own screen n name, the process of setting up communicating with people fro parental controls is simple. It m takes just a few minutes to go in in their neighborhood or around the world. But, although they ar e just talking and being innocent , the other person that they coul d be talking to is nothing lik e what they seem. They could b e a predator. Or, they could be another kid just like your own. T he problem is that there is no way o f knowing who they are.
Screen Name For My Child?
Should I Create A
The problem with using paren t
limiting and they can be quit protection and their needs to be e online. liberal. As a child gets older The right decisions can be made and create the rules that you want , your child following. Selecting he or she may not require a so that everyone can get online and do what they need and want the appropriate tools will help s much protection as they did i to. you to monitor what your child is doing so that you don’t have n to limit your own access to the the beginning. As a parent, it i internet. In most cases, different s levels of protection are available important to educate you’re you As a good parent, you realize the so that you can select the one r that’s right for your child. Take child the risks of being online. It importance of using parental controls to help protect your chil the time to insure that you talk s to them about why you are using also important to monitor ho d while they are on the internet. parental controls. Don’t use it as a w punishment, but a protection for well their parental controls ar But, controlling your child’s behavior online can be somewhat e your child’s well being. working for both your needs o of a downer for them. After all, they want to get online to play Parental controls can be very f fun games, to talk with their them to understand the reason 7 s why they need to be protecte d friends and yes, even to study online as well. Simply educatin . g There doesn’t have to be a limit t them about what the risks are w o either side of this coin. You can s The first thing that you should d ill provide a level of protection t o et your child’s parental control level before ever allowing your child o your child in and of itself. But, it to s is get online, is talk to them abo appropriately to allow them to d up to you to make this happen f ut o or the risks. If you taught your chi age appropriate things that the your child. ld y want to do and still have som never to talk to strangers wh Talk to your child about intern en e control over the situation. But walking home from school a et nd predators. Inform your child ho , to hold an adults hand to cro w to make this work, you have t ss easy it is for an adult to preten o the street, then you need to hel d communicate them. p to be another kid. They ofte n INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
A Child’s View
Communicat e Your Needs
spend hours studying how t getting on the web. Most children o today are educated enough in do this, in fact, so that they ar computer lingo and methods to e be able to get around some of the knowledgeable of the controls you put in place. For that latest reason, educating your child to trends. The end result is that you the “why” is essential to their well r being. Again, if you taught your child really does believe there i child to never talk to strangers, What information shouldn’t be you need to help them realize s another child on the other end o given over the internet such as that the web is full of strangers. last names, addresses, and phone f that instant message and they ar numbers. e more than willing to tell that chil • Tell your child never to talk abo d ut anything they need to know. the specific school that they go t o
Talk to your chil d about
Different Levels O f Protection
• Talk to your child about th e appropriate and inappropriate subjects that should be talked about online • Inform your child how to reac t and what to do when they don’t feel comfortable anymore. Mak e sure they know that you won’t be mad at them. Talk to them about parental controls that are a tool you’ll be using to protect them, not to limi t them. These are just a few of the ver y important things you need to tal k to your child about in regards to
software that you purchase, you age levels or different skill levels. can keep your child safe but stil Here are a few options that may l be available to you. With parental controls, you have provide them with the ability to • General: This type of parental the ability to keep your child safe do what they need online. control is not limiting. It is the online.These tools keep a watchful standard service that you, as an eye on your child while they are adult would use. It allows for free online and doing the things that access to the internet without any they want to do there. The good restrictions in place. news is that thee are many levels of protection in place for you to • Teens: The next level down is th use. That means that you’ll be able to successfully implement at It’s important to realize that there the right level of control for your that may be more appropriate child, instead of just restricting are different levels of parental for a teenager. It restricts various them completely. With a good controls available to you. You’l elements but it does allow them internet service provider ’s l to visit more freely online. It parental controls, or outside find a number of different ways helps to control such things as to protect your child at different those under the pre teen yea they are a young teen. The go 8 rs. od Many of the parental controls news is that you can find the ri ght pornographic websites and othe at this level protect your child fr solution for your child and ha r ve potentially threatening situations om moving outside the designat a successful online experien . ed ce areas for them. Many inter that’s safe, too. • Young Teens: With a bit mor net e service providers offer uniq One of the first question that y protection, your pre teen or you ue ou ng online experiences as a parent needs to ask abo teenager can have more access t geared ut o towards these children that parental controls is just what the things that they want to d is do o completely kid only. they limit and how do they but still be protected from cha do t Parental controls are up to y just that. There are many differe rooms that are not child specific. ou nt to select. Don’t make the mista ways that predators can co • Kids: The lowest levels ke me of of thinking that your child into contact with your child. Y protection come into play fo will ou r be happy with a kid’s only are need to use parental controls a if as INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
What Levels Ar e Out There?
well as education to help protec are those chat rooms set up for t children as young as ten to talk them from all areas in which the was put in place to allow a about games and school. Your y parental controls should allow for n are vulnerable. Think of it in othe some protection from chat rooms adult other than you to pick up r that aren’t approved by you or your child with. But, that level o aren’t known to be kid safe areas. instances. f • Email: Email addresses can easil You probably taught your chil protection doesn’t protect them y from strangers that approac be obtained. It only takes the d right words in an e-mail’s subject a secret, family password tha h them walking home from school line to get your child to open on t . the email and get into trouble. Parental controls must cover al Parental controls can limit who l can send email to your child. areas of vulnerability. • The Web: The web browsing abilities that your child has are als o important. Parental controls must protect your child from visiting websites that are not appropriate or ones that you specifically block . Here are a few of the mos t important ways that you nee d to protect your child whe n they are online. Remember, thi s isn’t everything and with ne w technologies as well as new way s to meet others online happening every day, you still need t o monitor other areas as well.
Areas Your Chil d Needs Protection
• Chatting: Chat rooms are a common thing online. Ther e
things they want and need to doThey will help your child to stay online. safe when they are online and they definitely will help you to know what your child is up to • Instant Messaging or IM’s: One when they are online. Although of the most common ways to chat you may think you are spying on online today is through 18 instant your child, you are ultimately just messaging. It’s private and easy protecting them from all that is to use. Parental controls can help Does your internet servic potentially lurking on the web block unwanted individuals from e that could threaten them. chatting with your child. provider help you to set u p All of these parental controls can what are called online activit be adjusted to fit your child’s y needs, age and your preferences. reports for your child when the Consider limiting all of the y options to fit your child. When are online? Parental controls are you implement these parental things you should consider using controls, you help to protect your . A parental control activity report child when they are doing the is put in place to help protect what websites they have visite to be something that you tell you 9 d r including those that are the mos child about, if you feel that yo u your child while they are online t frequently visited. Some activit don’t want to. It is a report tha by informing you of what they t are doing while they are there. It y will provide you a report of what reports will even help you t comes to the master account o r they’ve been doing when they ar o know what types of website the person responsible for th e e signed onto their account. This s can help you know where they’v they have tried to visit but tha child’s screen name account. Th t e e are restricted through the use o best thing is that your child ca gone and who they’ve talked to. n Most importantly, it helps you f your parental controls. This allo remain safe and you’ll know abo to monitor if they are being safe ws ut online. your child to stay protected whil what potential risks they are takin g You may be able to learn many e with and then be able to protect them things from these reports. They communicating others from making mistakes. It is rare t will help you to know ho many o emails they are getting as wel online. be able to prevent mistakes that l The activity report does not hav your child makes. Simply takin as who they are getting them g from and who they are sending e them to. It will help you to know INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
Online Activity Reports
What’s An Activit y Report?
note of what they are doing will regards to web browsing with also help you to have some peac parental controls does not allow e of mind when you can’t watch for any website access. Move up over their shoulder when they area step and the child is able to visit only websites that you deem on the web. are okay and approve. Next step up usually allows your child to visit kid based websites that are
Through Website Browsing
Your child came home from scho ol today talking about a website tha t they just have to visit. Parental controls allow you to provide you r child with the protection they need when online and visiting websites that they learn about. If you are a parent that isn’t sure about the type of protection that this software can provide in regards to website browsing, it pays to learn more about it. In fact, you may want to invest som e time in learning what options are out there. Each parental control software that are available offers different types of protection and different levels of it. Yet, as you may know, these elements are in place with your guidance. You’ll need to make the decisions about what is right for your child and what is not. When it comes to web browsing, you can limit as much as you want or as little as you want them to access. The highest level of access in
INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES protect
them from. Select the lev fun, children are doing it more el and more and at younger ages. of protection that’s appropriate So, how can you protect your chil known to be safe locations on the for your child then enforce it with d web. Finally, you can give them your internet service provider ’sfrom entering the wrong chat room? And, can you know what full access to online web browsing parental controls. they are talking about there? without any restrictions, if you Many kids enjoy getting on like. the web to talk to their friends. Chat rooms are the most common You should set the website Parental controls can help you to type of communication tool after browsing abilities on your protect them in these situations. instant messaging. In these cases, parental control software to fit You may ask why they can’t just the individual visits a specific your child’s age and their ability pick up the phone and call their website that has a chat room. to navigate the web. Each child is friend. Or, you may wonder what In these rooms, people come different here, but you can base is so great about typing in their together from all areas of the world the information on what they responses to friends. Regardless or just specific areas, depending like to do and what you want to of why online chatting is so muc on the type of room that it is. This h is also one of the prime locations the software has approved. Ea to monitor this information, if y 10 ch ou of these options are yours would like to. With some parent al for a predator to pretend to b to consider. You have to determi control over the chat room, yo e u a child and therefore come int ne what the right level of protecti will feel better about your chil o on d contact with your child. is available to you. being online. With parental controls, you ca Parental controls usually Email is something that kids us n can e adjust your child’s ability t monitor where your child is goi all of the time. Parental control o s communicate in chatrooms. Yo ng and attempting to go with t offer you some way to hel u p can completely restrict the he use of activity reports. But, th protect your child from thes m e from all chat rooms, allow the ey may not be able to tell you what experiences. Through the use m of access to some chat rooms tha ’s going on in the chat room. The parental control ability, you ca t n you approve or keep them onl re are other software tools that y keep your child as well as yo y ur in kid friendly chat rooms tha ou can purchase and use discrete online computer network, saf t ly e
from the spam and inappropriat need to use some type of parenta e l email that could potentially com child in regards to email. control to monitor your child’s e email capabilities. Predators can through to them while they ar Email modifications can be set upuse email as a way to come into e for each child that has their own contact with your child. It also on the web. All parental contro screen name. In fact, giving them is a large vulnerability to your l a screen name gives them ancomputer in regards to spyware software is different, to som email account. On the youngest and spam. Therefore, you should e of internet users there may be no select the appropriate level of degree, but all can provide yo need to allow them to use email.protection for your child’s email. u But, as a child gets older, emai Probably the most vulnerable with the ability to protect you l r becomes a standard part of the area of the online experience to online experience and therefore is something that they really wan t to take advantage of. It is up t o you to allow or not to allow emai l communications and parental control software will help you to make the decision as to what to include. Email protection can be completely restricted, limited by only those you approve to communicate with your child through email, or it can be something you use spam filters on. If you use spam filters o n your child’s email account, you’ll need to adjust the setting to the appropriate level (many times th e highest filtration) to protect them from the elements there. There is no doubt that you wil l
are plenty of times when you’l someone new they would like l to talk with, they have to have wonder about the fascination approval from the master screen your child happens to be one of with instant messaging, but name to do that. This means that the most used tools by them. That nevertheless, you’ll need parental you know exactly who they are chatting with. is instant messaging. Parental controls for it. controls may be able to provide you with the help you need in When it comes to parentalOne of the most important things regards to these needs, though. controls for instant messaging, to remember about instant Instant messaging is fun and there are many different ways messaging is that there are many cool. Kids love the fact that they that protection can be used. The different services available. Many can get online and talk with their most commonly used is with ancomputer systems actually have friends. It is also an affordable approval list. You get to choose several installed on the computer way to communicate, being the people that your child ca already, even if you have never used them. That means that free of charge, for long distance n conversations. Yes, the phone is communicate with by monitoringa crafty child can open these still going to be used and yes ther their list of friends. If they hav software tools, set them up and e use them, without you even e give you the best control ov in your home, your 11 er child your child while they are online. understands there is no roo m knowing that they are doing s Children are inquisitive by natur for questioning the rules you se o t e. and going completely around parental controls in the process. When they are younger, it’s usua forth and the consequences of lly For this reason, as well as overal because they want to bett breaking the rules. er l Younger children usually do no protection, you should monito understand something. t When r they are older, it’s because th understand a lengthy explanatio how they are using ey n instant messaging services and mak want to better understand w of why it’s important that they b hy e e sure that the parental contro you think something is importa home from their friend’s hom nt e l and why they should also feel t at a certain time or why the tools that you use monitor al he y l same way. Regardless of their a aren’t allowed to play ball in th internet access methods ge, e not just those that are through you it’s imperative that when setti house. But the one thing they d ng o r internet service provider. This wil forth the rules and expectatio strive to do most of the time ns is l INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
to make their parents proud and Though your child may challenge happy. So when a young chil you by asking your reasoning d set forth, simply explain to them why a rule has been put in place, asks “Why?” or “Why not?” whe that “because it makes me happy it also shows their growth as an n when you follow the house rulesindividual thinker. So try not to they are told they can’t play wit and do what I have asked of you. get angry or frustrated when h they do so; realize it’s their way ” something or someone or wh You should avoid using the term, of understanding their world y “Because I said so,” as that onl around them. they have to obey a rule you’v y e adds to the child’s frustration and It’s imperative for a child’s healthy development to feel important confusion. and worthy. Healthy self- esteem Older children, adolescents and is a child’s armor against the teenagers alike will probabl challenges of the world. Kids who feel good about themselves seem y to have an easier time handling require more from your explanation. When they question conflicts and resisting negative “Why?” or “Why not?” it’s best t pressures. They tend to smile o directly, honestly and clearly stat e your reasoning. “I asked you t o be home by 10 p.m. because we have to be at the dentist’s office first thing in the morning for you r check-up and we can’t be late. ” It is also a great opportunity fo r you to reiterate the consequence s of breaking the rule. “If you ar e not home by 10 p.m., you’ll b e grounded from going to you r friend’s house for a week.” B e consistent, be firm, and be clear.
of major anxiety and frustration. from their mistakes and failures. Children who think poorly o Be honest and sincere in your f praise. Help them realize that you more readily and enjoy life. These themselves have a hard time also suffer from self doubt and kids are realistic and generally finding solving problems, and can make mistakes from time to optimistic. It’s also been shown may become passive, withdrawn, time, but that you know that you are important, valued and loved. that children who feel important or depressed. When you nurture your own self are well-rounded, respectful, and You are the biggest influence -esteem and importance, your excel in academics, extracurricular activities and hobbies and in your child feeling important,child will learn to do the same, so develop healthy relationships valued and worthy. Remember be sure to lead by example and to praise your child for a job wellsteer clear of self-depreciating with their peers. done, and also for putting for yourself or engaging in activities that lower your self-worth or In contrast, for children who do a not feel important or cherished valiant effort. Praise the goodimportance. have low self-esteem, and traits they naturally possess, and challenges can become sources help them find ways to lear Your child may have inaccurate n or irrational beliefs about activities that foster a sense 12 Let’s face it. There are just so of teamwork and accomplishmen me days when it would just see themselves, their abilities or thei t. m r easier to let your child ha traits. Accentuate the positiv Through these and other positi ve ve, e his way than feeling like you about your child, and encourag affirming activities, your child ’re is e sure to develop a strong sense fighting a losing battle wh your child to set en of realistic trying to discipline them. Th expectations and standards fo self importance, value and wo ey rth r beg, plead, cry, barter and screa themselves. Help them identif which will carry into their ad m ult y - anything to get out of doing t traits or skills they’d like to impro years. he ve time for their crime. Howev and help them come up with er, a don’t lose your strength a game plan for accomplishin nd g your will during this time. I that goal. Encourage your child t t’s o times like these when consiste become involved in cooperativ nt e disciplinary action is imperati ve INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
The
Key To Successf ul Discipline
to teaching your child positiv Afterwards, take time out to e discuss the situation with your and acceptable behaviors. Ther misdeeds or bad behavior. child, and if it seems that perhaps e a consequence that worked is no room for negotiation when Hopefully before any misdeed at first isn’t working anymore, it rethink that punishment and s comes to bad behaviors and ther negotiate with your child. Of occur, you’ve sat down wit e course, parameters that are set h should be no room for exception for their well-being or safety your child and discussed th s should never be negotiated. But e when it comes time for punishin in other instances, it may be time consequences of misdeeds g to develop a new consequence and inappropriate behavior based on your child’s age, or decisions. Be concise an temperament or maturity level. d consistent when discussing these It’s also imperative that your consequences so that when the spouse and any other adult time to implement them comes caregivers are all on the same , page and following through on you can follow through with ease punishments with the same level . of consistency and clarity. Should Children are classically testin you determine that what was onc g e the boundaries and limits se working isn’t working anymore t on them on a continual basis , and the temptation to ‘ben d the rules’ just once or twice ca n be overwhelming when they’r e really trying your patience. But b e firm yet fair. Emphasize that thi s was the understood consequenc e for this particular misdeed o r inappropriate action, and that now is not the time to negotiate .
older, they question because the Children of a younger age, do y not usually understand the entire want a better understanding o reason behind why it is necessary and develop a new parameter, f for them to be back home from a be sure all adult caregivers are why they must give importanc friends place at a particular time brought into the loop so that e or why, while in the house, they to the same things that you do follow through remains consistent shouldn’t play ball. But to their . and clear. credit, they always strive to make Irrespective of how old the chil their parents happy and proud. d This is why, whenever a child asks is, it is important that when yo ‘why not’ or ‘why’ when they are u told to go to bed early or to do are making the expectations andsome chores, you should never sa rules, the child does not questio y n ‘because I say so’. Instead tell the the validity of your claim and full m Children, by nature, are y that they should do it because inquisitive. While young, they understands the consequences o it makes you happy when he or question because they want f she follows the rules that have a better understanding of disobedience. been set and does what you have something. When they become asked. Giving no explanation or morning and I don’t want us is growing to be an individu 13 to al be late.” This will also be a go thinker. Therefore it is best yo u just making a demand adds to th od time to reiterate what happe do not get frustrated or angry a e t child’s confusion and frustration. ns on breaking a rule. “ if you are n them when they question yo u; Teenagers, adolescents and older ot back by 10, you will be ground remember it is their own metho children will perhaps require ed d a more elaborate explanation. Thei for a week”. You should exerci of understanding the world. se r why’s and why not’s should b clarity, consistency and firmness . e INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
When A Child Ask s Why
Encourage
met with a clearly comprehensiv e reason. “ I do not want you to sta y out till after 10 because we hav e to be at the airport early in th e
Although a child may constant ly question the requirement of putting a rule and the irrelevan cy of it, it also shows that the chi ld
Your Child
To Feel Important
natural traits and support them in the process of learning from If a child must develop in children tend to readily smile and failures and mistakes. You should a mostly enjoy their lives. They ar always be sincere and honest healthy manner, it is necessar e when you praise them. They must y optimistic and realistic. Childre learn that everybody suffers selfthat he feels worthy doubt in their lives but regardless n and with a healthy self-esteem are of how often you make mistakes, important. A good self-esteem proven to be over all respectfulit is important to feel valued and is and well-rounded kids whoimportant. When you teach by a child’s safety against a world ofusually do well in academics a example and show your child ho challenges. When you feel goo s w d well as extra-curricular activitie you go about dealing positively about yourself, you find it easie s with day-to-day matters, the r and have a healthy relationship child automatically learns the to handle challenges and conflict with their friends and peers. same. Never expose the child to s and resist negative pressure. Suc On the other hand, children who h have a damaged sense of sel f worth have lower self-esteem and they are not able to cope up with challenges and are often anxious and frustrated. It is common fo r children with low self-esteem to show withdrawal symptoms as they get more depressed and passive and show weak problem solving ability. Parents are instrumental in how their children feel about themselves and it is their duty to make sure their children feel worthy and loved. When yo u child does a good job, remember to always praise him or her fo r the job as well as for the effort . Recognize and compliment their
good team spirit, encourag e involvement in cooperative a self-depreciating environment activities. or activities that lower your own Giving your child a positiv worth. e Often children have irrational environment with positive and inaccurate beliefs about activities ensures that your childThe truth is, that sometimes themselves and their traits and will develop a strong self esteemwe feel it is much simpler just abilities. Emphasize your child’s and a high sense of worth andletting your child get away with positive qualities and urge them value which will equip them i something than fighting a battle to have realistic expectations n you are anyway going to lose. and to set proper standards for their adult years. They just make you give up by themselves. Encourage them to pleading, screaming, begging and recognize their positive traits crying that you just don’t have th and skills and show them how e to develop these so that they heart or patience any more to go can accomplish their goals. Also through with your point. However to ensure that your child has , Children tend to test the li Hopefully, before the occurr 14 mits ence and boundaries that are set of any misdeeds, you w for you must not lose your will or y ould them and it is easy to let th our have discussed and expla em strength at such times. Its at the ined bend the rule when your pati se to your child the conseque ence times that disciplinary action nces wanes. But you must be firm is of inappropriate and necessary so that your child lear behavior fair and without loosing y ns and misdeeds. They our acceptable and positive behavio should r. understand clearly what ac ground explain that this was the Bad behavior should not be ma tion consequence discussed and de will be taken for bad beha so negotiable and there shouldn’t vior. be Be clear, concise and consis it shall be. But do not forge t to any scope for exceptions in term tent s in explaining these so that w discuss the issue with the c hild of punishment for misbehavi hen and work out a better solu or it comes to tion and bad deeds. implementation, if the question of one arises. you can follow through e But asily.
Is The Key T o Successful Discipline
INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
Follow h
Throug
you need to constantly conside this that the bond between child r and parent is strengthened, and your child’s age and maturity an comes to punishments. If yo the child begins to count on you d and trust you. Parents who spend u accordingly work out disciplinar enough time with their children decide to make some changes i y find that their child is doing bette action. Sometimes as a chil n r this area, make sure that all th d in school, hobbies and sports. grows, so should the way w e Though you can schedule the other adults involved are inform time you spend with your child, e ed approach them. spontaneity is always the best so that the follow through alway option. Therefore, it is best yo It is necessary that your spous s u remains clear and consistent. spend time with your children in e a as well any other caregiver, ar relaxed environment and that yo e u in agreement with you an do things that you can both enjo d y. follow through with the sam e You might be wondering where consistency and clarity when you will find that kind of time it . But you need to prioritize and di g out enough time from your busy Today, we all have such bus schedule. Here is a list of thing y s lives, what with the househol you could do with your child to d make the most of the time you chores, social activities an have available. d work; we hardly get to spen d any time with our children. Bu t as you know, spending qualit y time with your children is on e of the most important things i n bringing them up. It is throug h
Make Quality Tim e With Your Chil d Count
INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
Go through the list of household chores and see which you can leave out or spend lesser time on in order to spare some time. You can also keep some chores for after your child’s bedtime so that you can spend that time with your child. You can even make some of your routines together interesting. You can sing songs together on your way to day care. You can even use the time spent in the car while driving to and from school to discuss things going on in your child’s life. 15
A Parent Our children grow up even befor e we realize it. It seems like jus t yesterday that they were crawlin g around trying to walk and suddenly they’re in school, making friends, learning new things and becoming independent. It has been said that as soon as children are born, they are learning to let go. Accordingly, our strategies of parenting must change. Our parenting role must adapt the growth and change that our
When you have two or mor is less important than the grocery shopping or the dry cleaning. e children, it is important to giv Children need routine an e each individual attention. It mig d stability, so ensure that the ht be difficult for you and you migh quality time you plan takes place regularly. You can use weekend t really have to try very hard, bu mornings to take the dog for a walk together, or you can choose t make sure you are creative and one day per week to have an flexible while spending time wit eat out. There are many way s h each child. And at no cost shoul of spending time together, just make sure that it counts. d you cancel out on time spen t with each child. If you do thi s, the child may feel that he or sh e
Our EverChanging Role A s
children go through, maturin should reflect in your parenting g . and developing with them. Certain children are less sur e As a child grows, so does the of themselves and need mor e ir guidance while others are ver temperament and y personality which is unique to them. Withou fast at learning and might no t t require you to constantly guid knowing, you would e have developed parenting skills tha them. We must according to the child’s requirement and need t cater to the individuality of you , guide the child and give him or h r child. No two people are exactl er encouragement to become mor y and completely alike, and thi e independent. While encouragin s applies for children as well. Th g an independent attitude yo is u
must also teach them that it is patience and we end up losing not wrong to ask for help when our temper and calm. It is very required and we must praise and reliable tools we posses in order easy to end up feeling annoyed, compliment their good deeds, to adjust and assess our parentin sad, angry, irritated, hurt and traits and actions. confused. These periods of time g skills. We must keep open eyes are the true test of our parenting Our ears and eyes are the most and ears to see and hear what is skills. Therefore it becomes happening in our children’s lives important that we exercise and what they are trying to tell discipline firmly but kindly. us. We must be available to our children whenever they need us And the truth is, nobody wants as well as constantly urge them to hurt their children either to be strong and independent. Sometimes it depends on the situation. A child may not necessarily require you to be directly involved in their academi c progress but might require your support when it comes to social issues like making friends and talking to new people. The bottom line is that your parenting skills should grow and mature your child does. Keep an open ear and eye to communicat e openly and honestly with your children, and you will both matur e into great individuals.
Positive Disciplin e Without Hurtin g Your Child Children, very often, try our
INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES punishment
follows through for And most significantly, you must the same misbehavior, and to never forget that it is the child’s explain the discipline honestly behavior in a certain instance that physically or verbally. When we and openly with the child you disapprove of and not the child itself. feel that what our child has done afterwards. is wrong and we want to teach If required, you can give yourself him or her this distinction, yelling, While enforcing disciplinary hitting and punishing the child is action, the temperament, age a little time before deciding to the worst course of action to take. and maturity level must always b respond to a misdeed of your e child. Sometimes we need a little When teaching our children kept in mind. Disciplinary actions time to cool off before dealing discipline, our goal should be to should always be discussed well with the child in order to think teach them what cooperative, in advance so that the child, whe carefully and not make any mistakes of our own. Hitting and kind, respectful and responsible n behavior is. The best method of confronted with a particular kind yelling should be strictly avoided. teaching this is to be consistent, of situation, is fully aware of the consequences, and hopefully As a parent, you must keep ensuring that the same chooses to behave accordingly. needs of the child and parent and busy lives with our jobs 16 s. and our families, that we easily With enough love, forget one of the most important patience, aspects of our child’s life - his or your mind open, and should b forethought, understanding an her emotional well-being. The e most critical times in a child’s willing to learn from and wit d firmness, the process of disciplin life are the first three years. In h this critical phase, constantly your child. Every human make e will have a positive outcome. switching providers of childcare s or having a ‘part time’ parent mistakes and we must keep i come irregularly in their lives n can be extremely destabilizing mind that every and traumatic for the child. Just disciplinary as the child’s physical needs are action may not work for ever met, it is equally important to y meet his or her emotional needs child. Children are as unique a and it is the duty of the involved s adults like parents, educators anybody else, sometimes mor and care providers to make a e joint effort towards achieving so, and it is important that an
Protect
Your Child’s Emotiona l y Well-Being form of discipline enforced on th e So often do we get caught u child is made fitting to his or he p r in the rigmarole of our hecti character and individual c
INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES For all these reasons, it i s this on a daily basis. If a child’s imperative that the caregivers constructive. Parents should make emotional requirements are not , satisfied, especially up till the age parents and all involved adult sure that the care providers of the child are consistent and stable of three, it can have devastating s effects on him or her. It can result should try hard to ensure tha and see to it that the care provider is not changed too many times. in disruptive, defiant and violent t behavior. emotionally, the child’s needsThe child will feel secure and safe are always met positively an only if it is given a consistent and structured routine and schedule. There are a number of reasons d why the first three years of the in a manner that is healthy an During this period, you must try to spend a lot of quality time with child’s life are so important. This d your child regardless of how busy is the period when emotional and stressed you may be. Sensing separation and bonding takes stress is a frightful situation for place. Misbehavior on the child’s children and you must ensure this part can result if either one of these doesn’t take place. Therefore you processes is interrupted. This can need to constantly remind him or have far reaching consequences her that you are not too busy to in their relationships in life and take him or her out. can hinder the development of healthy relationships when they You must never forget that a child’s become adolescents and adults. emotional need is as important as its physical needs and you need The brain undergoes extremely to do your part in order to ensure rapid development up till the age that your child knows he or she is of three; a kind of development secure, safe, loved and treasured. which never repeats again in life. By the age of three, the child’s brain has already cemented from what they have experienced up til l that point. Therefore, it becomes necessary that these experiences should be supportive, loving, positive and safe, so that the brai n can be conditioned to function Communicating effectively with positively. If they have had hurtfu one’s child is perhaps one of l, the toughest challenges that frightening, dangerous or abusive parents have to face. In spite experiences, then without doubt of trying to open a two-way the brain will be conditioned to communication line with our expect negativity. child, it gets frustrating if we find
Successful T w o - W a y Communications With Your Child
that their attention is not on the communication lines when all th time we find it completely alright ongoing conversation or on us e to converse with them when we at all. We complain about broken are hard questions, you mus 17 t show you child the most effectiv whenever unwanted behavior are folding clothes, reading the e takes place. of newspaper, writing letters or manner communication. cooking meals. Kids are after all kids and it is Become a good listener. You mu normal for them to be nonBy nature children get easil st communicative and non-reactive encourage them to tell their sid sometimes. Your child is your y domain and you should know distracted and do not alway e of the story and to voice thei best how to interpret his or her s and gauge improvement in respond as expected to their r opinions and respond positivel communication skills. Modeling environment. It becomes the positive communication skills duty of the parents to encourage y to show that you understand the is the best way of ensuring positive communication patterns that your child imbibes healthy and to discourage the act of ir point of view. communication patterns. ignoring communication. In orde r to make sure that a non-verbal You must communicate with yo agreement does not ensue, it is ur important to educate the child o child in a consistent manner. Yo u n proper communication forms an must send out the same signal Honesty and dishonesty are s d hence prevent this. Teaching by ach time you interact. The chil qualities that a child learns at home. Often parents are example is the best method. Whi d must be allowed to see that yo perturbed when their child lies. le conversing, you must direct your u complete attention on them and will definitely call their attentio It is common for young children to tell tall tales and make up total focus on the conversation. n stories. This is a normal tendency Allow voicemail to take your calls as kids enjoy telling and hearing , stories that are fun. Children often turn the television off or go to a tend to confuse the difference room with no distractions if that’s between fantasy and reality. This what it takes. is perhaps more as a result of an extremely active imagination You must gently and in age than of an attempt to hide the appropriate terms explain to your truth. As children get older, they child what is wrong with their may tell lies to suite their needs, form of communication and why like shirking responsibility and it doesn’t work. Even when there avoiding work. Parents should
The Truth About Lying
treat each instance of lying as an isolated one and respond by teaching the child about the necessity of trust and honesty.
never lie, and if they do, emphasize the inappropriateness of it. Consequences of lying must be discussed clearly and in situations like not telling ones a comprehensive manner with Sometimes adolescents feel girlfriend or boyfriend the real the child early in his or her life. that it is alright to lie in certain reason for a breakup as they are There are, however, some forms afraid of hurting someone else’s of dishonesty that should cause feelings. Adolescents might also concern and might be a symptom lie to retain a sense of privacy an of some underlying emotional problem. Sometimes children d feel psychologically independent know the difference between a of their parents. The main role lie and the truth but choose to models in a child’s life are his or make up elaborate stories to gain her parents. When parents catch attention. their child lying, they should approach the matter gently but Other adolescents or children, firmly, emphasizing the differenc who seem to be sensible, can also fall prey to repetitive lying. It is e between a lie and the truth and common for them to feel that a li the necessity for honesty. They e should try to communicate to is the most convenient method their child and find out the reaso of dealing with the expectations of teachers, parents and friends. n for dishonesty and help the child Here the child is not trying to be find an alternative. It is best to malicious or bad but just falls into lead by example and a parent a habit of repetitive lying. If the repetitive lying goes beyond a When it comes to eating, toddle if healthy eating patterns ar 18 rs e can be extremely fussy, rejectin established early in life. Ther e point, it is best to take it seriousl g new food half of the time. Most are many ways of ensuring yo y ur and consult a professional child o of the toddlers are like this and it child consumes a variety of food r s. adolescent psychologist who can is no surprise that food issues cau You may even need to offer provide help in time. se a a lot of anxiety in parents. certain type of food to yo ur Problems such as eating disorde child at least 10 times befor e rs and obesity can be avoid they finally agree to eat it. Man y ed
Training The Fuss y Eater
INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUE should
S
parents, unfortunately, give into be calm and patient during meal frustration and give up after fou times and ensure your child has r will learn to have a restricted tast access to a fair variety of foods. or five tries. You never know, you and toddler e may find something in common. You must make the food fun for t too. Don’t let your preferences pu t he child. You can offer your growin a limit on your child’s food intake. It is possible that yours and you g toddler colorful foods such a r child’s taste vary and you might s be serving them an item that the raisins, carrot sticks, y grapes, apples, crackers and cheese stick simply don’t like. Always openl y s We watch our children grow right which he or she will find fun an eat a wide variety of foods in fro before our very eyes. It seems nt d like yesterday they were a baby interesting. You must explain to of your children so they might try learning to crawl, walk, and feed them in their language how goo to do the same. themselves, and now they’re d food can help them play longe If you have a healthy and energet ic r and run faster by making the child, then they must be eating well. If you still feel unsure, kee m p bigger and stronger. watch over what and how much Parents are usually the children’ food they consume over the day. Unlike adults, children eat often s role models and children try t and not just three meals per day. Snacks and handfuls can add up o emulate them. If you eat only to quite a bit. To confirm, you can take your child to a pediatrician a certain kind of food, your chil and check your child’s weight an d d height status.
Our EverChanging Role A s A Parent
Don’t worry too much becaus e a child will always eat, unles s he or she is ill. They have ver y good judgment when it comes to hunger and fullness. Alway s
INSTILLING THE RIGHT VALUES
in school, involved in activities, making friends, and learning to be more and more independent. Parents before us have said that from the time they’re born, we are constantly learning to let go. As a result, our parenting strategies have to change. As our child grows, develops, learns, and matures, so does our parenting role. As your child has grown, you undoubtedly have discovered they have their own unique personality and temperament.
You’ve probably unconsciously give praise in order to build their redeveloped your parenting skill self esteem and confidence level. s Yet another child may be very around the individual needs o intrinsically motivated and very f willful and not need a great deal your child. And no two childre of guidance or leadership from n you. While you encourage their are exactly alike, and therefore independence, it’s also important , that you also encourage their neither should your parenting ability to ask for help when style. Some children may need needed and continue to praise more guidance and feel mor good deeds, actions, and traits. e unsure of themselves, so we’veThe most important tools we hav become used to having to guide, e lead, show and encourage that in order to successfully adjust our child consistently through their parenting skills are our eyes and childhood while still trying to our ears. We have to see what’s encourage independence and
going on with our child and we have to hear what they are telling us. It’s important that we enco urage our child to be their own individual while still being available to them at whatever level or degree the y need us to be. Sometimes it’s situation-specific as well. A child may not need us to be as directly involved with their schooling to ensure their overall academic success, but they may need us to be more involved in t heir social life as they may be feeling a bit shaky or scared when it comes to making new friends or meeting n ew people. So the bottom line is this: as your child grows and changes, so should your parenting skills. Keep your eyes and ears open and communicate honestly and openly with your child, and you’ll bot h mature gracefully.