REGAINING
CONTROL
REGAINING
CONTROL This Journal Belongs To:
© 2014 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without permission. The opinions expressed in this book are those of the author only and not those of York College of Pennsylvania. This book is an experimental class project for purely educational design purposes. Design by Nicole Wagner Printed by www.lulu.com
REGAINING
CONTROL Nicole Wagner
In Loving Memory of:
CONTROL: 1. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command. 2. to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one’s emotions. 3. to test or verify (a scientific experiment) by a parallel experiment or other standard of comparison. 4. to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of: to control a forest fire. 5. Obsolete. to check or regulate (transactions), originally by means of a duplicate register.
About this Journal:
At this time you may feel like you’re losing control of everything. You may feel like your life is being chosen for you. This journal is here to help you regain control. This journal created just for you is a gift from your family at Olivia’s House: A Grief and Loss Center for Children. This journal is not meant to be filled out in order from front cover to back cover. At the bottom of each page is a colored box like the one you see below. In the box, you’ll find two different page numbers to choose from. You can pick whichever one you like, there are no rules. You control what page gets filled out next; you control the order this book gets completed. Don’t worry about spelling and punctuation; simply write what you feel in the moment. Along with the page numbers, there is also an activity to help you in this grieving process. This activity challenges you to go beyond just answering the journal question. In time you can read through your journal and you can see your strength and healing in its pages.
To begin your journal, turn to page 34
I remember the vacation when you...
Place photo here
2
Add a photo of you on vacation with your loved one. Turn to page 22 or 46
I will never forget...
4
Plant a tree in honor of your loved one. Turn to page 8 or 36
My life has changed because...
6
Next time it rains, go outside and play. Turn to page 18 or 38 If this is your last page turn to 48
The funniest thing you ever said was...
8
Where in Olivia’s House were these photos taken? Turn to page 16 or 40
A smile comes to my face when I think about...
10
Each night write about one thing that made you smile for one week. Turn to page 2 or 42
I miss you most when...
12
Go a full day without talking or talking as little as possible. Turn to page 20 or 44
What I wish I could teach others about grief is...
Handprints Each hand tells a story A tale of grief and deep hurting The throbbing and burning incessant But grief is lifelong as the sea It reaches far, it’s overwhelming Unfathomable, impossible Each hand tells a story A tale of courage on the road to healing In the center of each handprint A heart lies open Their hands teach us
14
Talk to someone new. Turn to page 6 or 26
It was tough when...
16
Write something that makes you angry on a balloon then pop it. Turn to page 10 or 30
Olivia’s House has taught me...
18
Count all the butterflies at Olivia’s House. Turn to page 12 or 28
Five wishes that I have are...
20
Throw a penny into a fountain and make a wish. Turn to page 4 or 24
If you could call your loved one one more time, what would you say?
22
Technology blackout: go a full day without any form of technology. Turn to page 14 or 32
I am happiest when...
24
Go outside, lie in the grass and look at the clouds or stars. Turn to page 8 or 36
I am strongest when...
Sometimes Sometimes I feel very sad. I wonder what she is doing. I try to remember her. I wish she were here. Other times, I feel happy because she is in a better place. Sometimes my dad, brother and friends help me laugh again. I remember the good times we had. Sometimes I am sad, sometimes I am happy!
26
Listen to your favorite song then draw or write how it makes you feel. Turn to page 18 or 38 If this is your last page turn to page 48
Something you always did that I do now is...
Place photo here
28
Add a picture of you and your loved. Turn to page 20 or 44
What are five questions you hate not having the answer to?
30
Cut out pictures or words from a magazine that describe who you are. Turn to page 2 or 42
The toughest part of being in our family without you is...
Place photo here
32
Add a photo of you and your loved one. Turn to page 6 or 26
Place photo here
34
After you died I...
Add your favorite picture of your loved one. Turn to page 18 or 38
If I could have one more day with you, we would...
36
Write a letter to your loved one and keep it. Turn to page 16 or 40
Holidays without you have been...
Sometimes Sometimes I feel alone. I wonder why it had to be my dad. I try to stop being so angry. I know that everything is far from okay. I dream that you really are here watching me. Sometimes my sister helps me to laugh again. I remember how you used to always sing! I hope I’ll get to see you again. Sometimes I wish I could have just one more day.
38
Place photo here
Add in a photo of your loved one on a holiday. Turn to page 12 or 28
People don’t understand me when...
40
Write down a secret then hide it somewhere in Olivia’s House. Turn to page 10 or 30
I am just like you because...
42
Where in Olivia’s House were these photos taken? Turn to page 22 or 46
Your death has taught me...
44
Where in Olivia’s House were these photos taken? Turn to page 4 or 24
Some of your favorite things...
46
Have someone help you make your loved one’s favorite food. Turn to page 14 or 32
Eight Weeks of Healing 30 balloons red-white bobbed and wove prepared for flight messages scribbled with thoughts of love we miss you, you’re in my heart I miss your hugs. 30 children on the path of grieving let out feelings and emotions on the way to healing the release came after the count of three our messages soared toward heaven and we forgot to breathe we watched the balloons consumed by night and in that moment we kneweverything was going to be alright.
48
The End.
The pages of your journal may be complete but your story has just begun. Remember that you control decisions in your life. Make each day count and always strive to improve your day. I hope this journal helped you through your process at Olivia’s House and helped you find yourself along the way.