[New] They Just Don’t Make ‘Em Like They Used To

A review of the best McDonald’s toys

BY NIKHIL KUMARAN

The Best (or Worst?) of KIDZ BOP

Censorship

BY ANIKA WILSNACK

BY BERYL BELMONTE

1. From providing an endless supply of memes to being the first PBS cartoon to feature a gay wedding, “Arthur” is nothing short of a cultural relic. It had everything a kid could ever ask for: a catchy theme song, celebrity guest stars, and snappy retorts delivered by the iconic D.W.

2. As a former iPad kid and burnt-out “gifted” kid, it’s no surprise that “Cyberchase” is next on my list. This show pioneered the movement for diversifying the STEM field, with two women of color as lead characters. Extra points for the queercoded outfits and gender envy I had for Motherboard.

3. When it comes to early 2000s nostalgia, “Dragon Tales” definitely takes the cake. With its creative worldbuilding, colorful animation, quirky characters, and musical masterpieces, it’s no wonder that my elementary school friends and I would always dream of traveling to our own magical Dragon World.

4. Nothing warms my heart as much as “Curious George.” The friendship between George and The Man With the Yellow Hat radiates wholesome energy, and the silly adventures they go on never fail to put a smile on my face. This is a comfort show that only gets better with time.

5. “The Magic School Bus” isn’t just a show—it’s an experience. It looks camp right in the eye, with Miss Frizzle’s exaggerated outfits and ironically named devices like the “bingbongifier.” It also takes immersive learning to a whole new level, with some episodes quite literally giving us an inside look at our physiology.

The golden arches have gone through a lot of changes over the years. From the original 1950s design to the now-minimalistic modern design, one thing has stayed consistent. A toy with the Happy Meal. For the sake of journalistic immersion, I decided to get a Happy Meal, as a 20-year-old college student. When opening the iconic red box, a wave of nostalgia rushed through me. But nothing beats the classic toys. The top three are as follows:

3. The “Star Wars” fingerboards: These mini skateboards are probably the reason I can’t really do long division in my head. In elementary school, I spent countless class periods mastering the kickflip as well as nose grinding that piece of plastic across every object in my immediate vicinity. Until of course, my second-grade teacher confiscated it for “causing a distraction in class.” I’ve obviously gotten over it.

2. Sega handheld toys: I think we all are forgetting that Happy Meals had actual video games in them at some point. The Sega Digi Sportz handheld devices are forever ingrained in my memory. Specifically, I remember the bright yellow basketball simulator that, when I was younger, kept me occupied during long car rides and whenever I was dragged along to the bank.

1. Hot Wheels: Let’s get real here. The number one spot undoubtedly belongs to the Hot Wheels cars. As the absolute MVPs of the Happy Meal, these cars managed to stay iconic throughout the decades. They don’t really ask for much. All they require is your imagination and a hand to pilot them.

While KIDZ BOP may be a product of a decades-long battle for music censorship, they’ve undoubtedly shaped many childhoods and pushed boundaries no one asked them to. I’ve taken the initiative to craft the perfect Kidz Bop playlist, sifting through 20 years of mom-approved pop covers so you don’t have to!

Montero (Call Me By Your Name) - Lil Nas X “I want that jet lag from livin’ and flyin’ Put a smile on your face whilst we’re dinin’”

Bold choice, KIDZ BOP. I guess there’s a market for parents who do not want to explain sexuality to their “Old Town Road”-obsessed kids. The lyrics aren’t terrible, they’re just so confusing that I doubt you’re really avoiding your child’s questions. 3/10

That’s What I Like - Bruno Mars “Gold jewelry shining so bright Strawberry milkshakes so nice”

I feel like so many other less ridiculous words would have worked besides “milkshakes.” Also, does champagne need to be censored that badly? At least they’re getting creative. 3/10

My Immortal/In The End - Evanescence/Linkin Park

I’m living for the early 2000’s Kidz Bop emo era. The lyrics aren’t too special, but hearing a choir of 5 year olds sing Evanescence and Linkin Park is an out of body experience. 10/10

Green Light - Lorde “How we danced when we danced on the light up floor”

Sometimes it feels like Kidz Bop writers just throw in “dance” or “friend” when they’ve given up. This is one of those times. Lorde, I’m sorry. 2/10