The Wake - Issue 7 - Spring 2023

The Mead & The Hunt

by Sommer Wagen

wind-sculpted dunes of snow; my footprints make fractures and fissures.

i'm in search of golden torchlight, a warm jubilee and honey delight overflowing from a chalice.

roses bloom on your cheeks and your ornamented nose. their thorns prick you, stinging your skin and chilling you to the bone. i will tame them with my touch i will bring your mouth to mine and share with you my spoils.

Fortnightly Student Magazine

Volume 22 Issue 7

©2022 The Wake Student Magazine. All Rights Reserved.

Established in 2002, The Wake is a fortnightly independent magazine and registered student organization produced by and for students at the University of Minnesota. The Wake was founded by Chrin Ruen and James DeLong.

Disclaimer: The purpose of The Wake is to provide a forum in which students can voice their opinions. Opinions expressed in the magazine are not representative of the publication or university as a whole. To join the conversation email eic@ wakemag.org.

Editor-in-Chief

Managing Editor

Cities Editor

Voices Editor

Online Editor

Copy Editor

Music Reviews Editor

Multimedia Producer

Multimedia Editors

Srihita Raju

Sophia Goetz

Vishalli Alagappan

Carter Starkey

Quinn McClurg

Abby Vela

Peter Nomeland

Ben Villnow

Natalie Aue

Kailee Baumann

Cities Interns: Sydney Peshon, Ava Rausch

Voices Interns: Devna Panda, Goamaar Paul

Features Interns: Maddie Roth, Joshua Kloss

Online Interns: Bianca Llerena

Copy Editors: Vern Nowakowski, Hana Handzija

Music Reviews Interns: Shanna Sivakumar

Executive Director

Creative Director

PR/Ad Manager

Social Media Manager

Art Director

Web Manager

Distribution Manager Designers

Marie Ronnander

Laura Kuchar

Gracie Kibort

Makayla Hilluka

Natalie Williams

Brennan Neuser

Selam Gerezgiher

Makenna Larson

Mallory Paul

Kat Regas

PR/Ad Interns: Cheyney McKinney, Jacob Nelson

Art Interns: Sana Ikramuddin, Alex Kozak, Brooke Lambrecht

Art

Editorial Production This Issue

Writers

Max Pritchard, Quinn McClurg, Shanna Sivakumar, Rachel Hope, Dez Ulrich, Sydney Peshon, Peter Nomeland, Gracie Kibort, Ava Jax, Emma Ihlenfeld, Zoe Meyer, Abby Vela

Creative Submissions

Somer Wagen, Zoe Meyer, Laura Kuchar

1 Brooke Lambrecht, 2 Sana Ikramuddin, 3 Natalie Williams, 4 Alex Kozak, 5 Zoe Meyer

Cover and Feature Art: Natalie Williams

Feature Spread Design: Makenna Larson

Five Easy Hot Dogs, SOS, Rush!, Floodwater Angel, Grab Hold of What Floats, and Like...? images from original sources.

The Wake is Hiring!

Do you love being part of a super cool community, managing money, and like, numbers and stuff? We’re looking for a new finance manager!

Email eic@wakemag.org for more information.

The Wake Student Magazine 126 Coffman Memorial Union 300 Washington Avenue SE Minneapolis, MN 55455

Worst First Dates

Okay so I show up to dinner and this man is dressed like the monopoly man but with a fedora instead of a top hat. We get half way through dinner and he starts ranting about how women don't appreciate nice guys. At this point I am one foot out the door. But then the conversation started to get weirder. He was explaining how the moon landing was faked, the Holocaust was deserved, how skateboards are oppressive to white men, and how refugees shouldn't expect free handouts because he had to work his way through America. He was a 20 year old dude living with his parents. He would only call me "M'lady" the entire date. And said how later he was going to "Show me How a real man acts in bed." So I excused myself to the bathroom, asked the waitress to cover for me (shoutout to her), snuck out the back, blocked all his numbers and social media, and drove home.

We met and walked in circles around a Hobby Lobby for a couple hours. In that time, they told me (in graphic detail, for multiple minutes) how all of their male rats cannibalized each other, and how it reminded them of a recurring dream where their friends betray them to sacrifice them to a giant worm god (in graphic detail, once again). Went on a second date afterward.

Boy offered to cook me dinner in a dorm kitchen. two words - raw chicken. -TOOTS

In Spring of 2021 I went on a first date with a guy I met on Hinge. It was a fairly informal meetup at Dogwood Coffee and for the first 45 minutes or so, things seemed to be going fairly (and suspiciously) well. That is, until we got into the subject of shrooms/micro-dosing. I should stipulate, totally not against the psychedelic nor the practice of micro-dosing. However, after he cited his discovery of empathy via his first shrooms trip (surprise!) as evidence as to why everyone should micro (or hell, macro) dose regularly, he somehow casually yet enthusiastically informed me that for the past nine months, he had been micro-dosing his elderly parents’ coffee with shrooms.

Needless to say after this lovely little bombshell from Mr. Micro-Dose, I excused myself to the “bathroom” (opting to bring my coffee cup with me as clearly there were now risks associated with leaving it unattended) and made a swift exit out the back.

Moral of the story: delete your dating apps.

Dude took me out to a Denny’s in Anoka... He proceeded to spend the whole date talking about how he hates working at GameStop, is a kleptomaniac, how the last whites-only church is a short drive away, and his pet raccoon. He then said we should steal the tips from the Denny’s waitress and didn’t tip for his own meal.

-BABYLON

McGEE

If you think you’ve been cursed with bad first dates...know you’re not alone! Some brave Wake sta members have bared their souls to reveal their worst first dates...EVER.

Art by Laura Kuchar

Letter from the Social Media Manager

Dear Reader,

I would be lying to you if I said that I love the “college experience”. Last year, as a first year, was one of the darkest periods of my life. I slept sixteen hours a day, went home almost every weekend, and essentially became a shell of a person. Each morning when I would grudgingly flop over in bed at the insistent cries of my alarm, I remember just exhaustedly thinking “okay, what’s next?”. This might not seem like the healthiest coping method, but it ultimately got me through the day.

I’ve integrated this into my life and carried it with me since. Whenever things get overwhelming, and believe me, they do, it’s served me well to, as my roommate loves to tell me, “Take a breath” and ask myself what’s next. What is the most important thing for me to do? What can I do now to help myself later? As it turns out, oftentimes the best things I could do were the little things. Taking a shower, going for a walk, brushing my teeth. These little “resets” have made all the difference in my productivity, physical, and mental health.

I joined The Wake this past fall as a Social Media Intern, and holy smokes was I nervous. I mostly worked with the Twitter account, which was a great introduction and allowed me to learn the ropes of not only the accounts, but also The Wake family as well. Then, a few weeks ago I was invited to take over as the Social Media Manager, and I was so excited that I called my dad in tears. Almost immediately afterwards, my tears of excitement transformed into tears of anxiety. I was facing a big transition and had no idea where to start.

“What’s next?”

Three weeks into the position, and I could not be happier. I am connecting more with The Wake family, have so many more ideas for the social’s accounts, and have a much stronger sense of roots here at the University of Minnesota. Life is overwhelming but you are so strong. The small things are important. Take care of yourself. Remember, good things are coming, you just need to make it through today. I believe in you.

Love Always, Makayla

Hillukka

Social Media Manager

Art by Zoe Meyer

Art by Zoe Meyer

Additions to the UMN Dictionary

You won’t be able to stop using these new vocab words!

BY MAX PRITCHARD

The Minnesota Modern Dictionary is proud to present the longawaited addition of words for common University of Minnesota phenomena that have no single-word equivalence in the English Language.

Rest assured that these words have not sprung up out of nowhere, but rather the definitions have been assigned to the names of towns throughout Minnesota that could frankly benefit from having a little more to do.

Backus (n.) : The inevitable collision resulting from two Campus Tour Leaders walking backwards directly towards each others’ groups down the same sidewalk.

Bloomington (n.) : (measure) How often one enters their Internet ID and Password each week, all while slowly losing their mind. “How often every single month do I type those exact same phrases? A bloomington.”

Blomkest (n.) : The romantic tension between Goldy the Gopher and other Big 10 mascots.

Breezy-Point (adj.) : Showing an innate ability to spend two minutes answering a discussion question without saying anything of substance.

“Jimmy’s seminar was spoiled by a very breezy-point speaker.”

Funkley (adv.) : To go about one’s work in a state of funk; commonly associated with the three-week period between Thanksgiving and the holiday break.

Goodhue (n.) : The beautiful purple-red color of the sky on those days when you think that living in the Midwest might not be all that bad.

Hibbing (ptcpl. vb.) : Avoiding eye contact with someone you befriended during welcome week and haven’t spoken to since.

Payneville (n.) : When you make a public transport error and accidentally ship yourself to St. Paul.

Taconite (n.) : (religious) A member of a sect whose primary mode of worship is braving the freezing winters with as little protection as possible; often seen strutting through blizzards in a pair of shorts.

That’s all for now–we look forward to hearing these terms filter into everyday lexicon!

BY QUINN MCCLURG

“Cumar” is an Irish word for “confluence;” “confluence” is an English word for the joining of two streams. Cumar at the Southern Theater is a performance centered at the crossroads of song and dance, and Irish and West African culture. Of course, definitions fall short of the example of demonstration.

So you may ask yourself, what does a doun doun have to do with Riverdance or a banjo with bounding? Well, rhythm is a language that can be understood by all and integrated in any number of ways: a tap dancer collaborates with a djembe player; a doun doun completes the verses that a banjo, a flute, a clarinet, and a fiddle could not; a traditional Irish orchestra with the flowing sighs of West African dance. The silences between each performance’s style were bridged, contrasted, and enhanced by one another; a practice requiring sufficient nuance, knowledge, and trust of the other to execute.

One moment, the audience in tears of a riverbank of some moonlit river; the next, the audience called to action, to gasping, to triumph, the jubilation resounding off the 113-yearold walls of the theater. And when all was finished? A cast call and a humble bow before sidling off stage for a post-show meet-and-greet.

I am going to put my journalistic integrity at risk here by saying that I did not know anything about Irish or West African culture before attending this show; however, I do not believe that it was required—the experience itself, the contrast and collaboration across the two very distinct styles, taught me more than a solo showcase of either of them would. Performance is unpretentious in this respect: as long as you are able to receive the energy, you are able to understand, especially when six world-renowned musicians and eight widely-acclaimed dancers are present to translate.

Best defined as confluence, conversation, collaboration, crossroads.

Cumar

Music is somehow a universal, public love and also an incredibly personal experience for all. Prior to 7th Street Entry’s New Years Eve-Eve concert, I had only ever attended big scale concerts of widely known artists, with crowds of people pushing against you as they try to take your place in the audience, phones held above their heads for the entire set.

In contrast, this New Years Eve-Eve concert was held in an intimate venue, where I could see each chord the guitarist strummed. To see artists in a small venue gives you an experience that is incredibly special. I was lucky enough to listen to five new artists from Minnesota that had so much talent packed into their sets.

Walking into the First Avenue & 7th St Entry venue, I was greeted by DJ Qani, a Minneapolis-based DJ. He entertained the crowd before, after, and in between artist performances. I really enjoyed

The Art of Intimate Concerts

A review of 7th Street Entry’s New Years Eve-Eve concert

BY SHANNA SIVAKUMAR

his mixes, as they were based in more R&B songs and provided a nice cleanse between each of the band-heavy artists.

The first opener of the night was Tysm!, a 21-yearold Asian American artist with an impressive baritone flow and deep-bass instrumentals. His music would be best described by a large venn diagram with each circle a different genre— rock, rap, indie, and pop— and his discography would go in the center where all the circles overlap. Some of his songs get you jumping in the air, while others give you a bad case of the stank face. Either way, a pleasure to listen to.

The next opener was alternative sister duo, Creeping Charlie. The best way to describe their music is to equate it to a beautiful view from a cabin that looks out over a lake. Except sometimes the view kickstarts an existential yet introspective crisis with the listener (in a good way!). From soft,

creeping melodies (no pun intended) to alternative rock head-bangers, Creeping Charlie delivered a wide range of music.

The third artist and special guest performer of the evening was singer-songwriter Ber, a Minneapolis native with a gorgeous voice. She’s responsible for the Tiktok-viral song “Meant To Be,” which has racked up over 60 million Spotify streams. I was lucky enough to hear her sing it live and acoustic. Her stage presence was laid-back and comfortable, and she navigated the crowd with grace. For most of her set, headliner Landon Conrath was on stage with her as a guitarist, which was a delight to see. Ber is truly so talented and loves to perform, and it was visible when I watched her performance that night.

And finally, as the headline act of the night, Landon Conrath took the mic. He performed many songs from his impressive debut album, “Nothing Matters Anyway,” to an energetic and devoted crowd. I loved his set, but also the way he communicated with the audience, cracking jokes with them and being honest about how he was feeling that night. I really enjoyed hearing his music with a live band and getting to see him perform as a guitarist and a singer. And after going home and listening to his studio releases, it’s easy to see that he’s a natural at making music.

It was also Julia’s (Creeping Charlie’s lead singer) birthday that night, and it was wonderful to get to be a part of her birthday celebration! Ber got her up on stage and the crowd wished her a happy birthday, which was a fun surprise for the audience but more of a surprise for Julia herself.

The best part of the New Year’s Eve-Eve concert was the casual atmosphere around it. It felt like we were friends with all of the artists, getting to hear fun new music (new to me, at least) and celebrating local Minnesota talent. I walked into the concert with no prior knowledge of any of the artists but I walked out with a playlist of new songs to listen and enjoy. I never realized how talented the local Minneapolis music scene is, and I’ll continue to get my hands on as many tickets for local venues as I can.

The Search For the One

Why Do We Feel Pressured to Find Our LongTerm Partners in College?

BY RACHEL HOPE

From a very young age, I have been surrounded by people with an open and unapologetic love for everyone in their lives – namely their life partners. It is a beautiful gift to grow up surrounded by healthy and loving relationships. It gave me a realistic outlook on what I want my future relationships to look like.

That said, there are many high school and college sweethearts in my family. My grandma started dating my grandfather during her sophomore year of high school, and while my grandfather passed away 20 years ago, I can still feel how much they loved each other through my grandmother’s stories. My eldest cousin started dating her husband when she was 14 years old. Many others in my family have similar beginnings to their relationships. This, for better or worse, provided me with an unrealistic timeline for my life.

My family never put pressure on me to find a partner. However, from mere observation, I’ve put an immense amount of pressure on myself to find the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with by the ripe age of 22. How can I not when so many TV shows and movies depict a couple falling madly in love in their late teens and/or early twenties?

There’s an unspoken understanding that many students go to college not only to earn a degree and transition into adulthood but also to find a spouse or life-long partner. As a result, I set the

expectation for myself, and other college students, to fall in love the minute they move into the dorms.

In my experience, this led me to rush into the few relationships I’ve had and leave my heart unguarded. At times I operate under the assumption that to have a successful college experience I need a partner at every step of the way. Obviously, this isn’t true but when an idea is ingrained so deeply in you it’s hard to abandon it.

Falling in love is an inherently beautiful experience, and it’s one that I can’t wait to experience again. I believe humans were made to love and be loved – but there isn’t one timeline we should all be following. It’s not realistic to assume that just because those around you found their life partners at a young age, you will too. We’re all creating our own paths and there’s no guidebook on when we should check boxes off – or even if there are boxes to be checked at all.

As college students, we’re all still trying to figure out our lives. Many of us are still exploring our interests to figure out our career aspirations. On top of that we’re told college is a time to find your lifelong friends. Between academics, internships, friendships and romantic relationships, it’s a lot to juggle.

Instead of looking at college as a list of mandatory experiences we need to check off, I try to think of

it as a journey. I may find my life partner while I’m here, or I may find them later in life. That doesn’t determine the quality of my college experience.

Life is meant to be experienced without societal timelines and expectations. I’m a firm believer in fate and that you meet people exactly when you’re meant to meet them. Reminding myself of this makes it easier for me to embrace other aspects of my life aside from finding a long-term partner.

Shopping Sustainably (And Affordably)

Where (and why!) to shop sustainability within the Twin Cities area.

BY DEZ ULRICH

Shopping sustainably is one significant way to reduce your carbon footprint. Not only has clothing production doubled over the years, but also the lifetime of an article of clothing has decreased. Both factors contribute to the fact that humans discard 92 million articles of clothing every year (Mulhern 2022). Therefore, shopping sustainably, like with thrift stores, can decrease the amount of textile waste. Not only are there plenty of sustainable stores within the Twin Cities area, but they also still have current trends and styles alongside the vintage look.

There are wonderful thrift stores in the area: Sisterhood Boutique, an East African, woman-owned thrift store, focuses on empowering young girls and providing affordable clothing, helping millions of Americans a year; The Salvation Army, a nationally known thrift store, offers countless different styles of clothes; roughly 5 miles away from campus is Hidden Treasures,

My Adventures in Shanty-ville

Eggrolls, ice DJs, and artistic shanties–what else is there to ask for?

BY SYDNEY PESHON

Up until this week, I always thought a “shanty” was a type of beer. As it turns out, a “shandy” is a mixed drink with half beer and half lemon lime beverage, and a “shanty” is actually a small, poorly-built shack. When I visited the Art Shanty Projects this past weekend, my expectations were proven wrong when there were no drinks in sight but rather just numerous talented artists presenting their amazing art.

a thrift store that centers on building and connecting within the community; The Golden Pearl Vintage caters mainly to the vintage look, although it is a tad pricey; the iconic Goodwill may be overrated but still remains a solid choice, and they started the idea of leaving behind “not charity, but a chance.”

Additionally, if you’re trying to clean out your closet, give back to the community, or simply just make money—do it sustainably! Instead of adding your clothes to the waste, first try reselling them. My two favorite consignment stores are Plato’s Closet and Buffalo Exchange. I have had great luck selling my clothes at both, although it is important to note you’re probably not going to make hundreds of dollars. But! I know as a broke college student, $15-$20 can be a lot! Additionally, they are both thrift stores, and since a majority of their clothes were sold to them, they’re in wonderful condition and still affordable.

The Art Shanty Projects is a four-weekend art festival showcasing different artists and their temporary structures. This event displays many impressive, intricate, and insanely detailed ice sculptures, guaranteeing a jaw drop. The art installations are interactive and engaging, ranging from beds with blankets built from rearrangeable dyed ice cubes, a house of treasures where you can take and leave a treasure (I traded some earrings for a small chicken statue), a solitary ice tree that offered a musical place to meditate, a colorful and informational gardening shanty with hanging shoes and barbie heads on reefs, and an orange and pink orb pyramid, among other whimsical and creative constructions.

Beyond the art installations and ice sculptures themselves, the Art Shanty Projects also honorably hosts: a quirky food truck selling specialty egg rolls, an incentive to cautiously trek over the icy Lake Harriet (a photo op in front of a snow castle), oilpainting stations, DJs on ice, a chance to read a pollination rap, and my personal favorite—kick sleds. With a latte in a gloved hand and childhood sense of wonder, my friend slid me through art installations crowded with captivated audiences, allowing me not only to get an adrenaline thrill ride but also to marvel at how mesmerizing these mystical and surreal shanties were. Although the temperature was hovering around zero degrees, I wasn’t cold—I was Alice in Winter Wonderland

Art by Laura Kuchar

Once again, it’s that time of year when we all swoon, celebrate our relationships, and feel either overwhelmed or repulsed by love. Valentine’s Day is fast-approaching, which means you’ll soon be inundated with offers on chocolates, balloons in the shape of hearts, and pictures of heterosexual couples. Despite increasing cultural acceptance of LGBTIA+ couples, Valentine’s Day is still not a holiday specifically created for those who identify as queer identifying individuals and their partners. We encourage you to refute that idea this year.

Of course historically, Valentine’s Day wasn’t even about heterosexual couples, much less same-sex or LGBTQIA+ couples. A liturgical commemoration of Christian martyrs gave rise to the holiday, and originally, Valentine’s Day was celebrated by commemorating the execution of a priest, St. Valentine. We may significantly alter this day into anything we desire, as evidenced by the fact that it changed from being a day of beheading to beetrothing. And transform we did.

Whether it’s the Savage X Fenty Valentine’s Day lingerie collection or the profusion of Hallmark greeting cards and films, our capitalist society has found a way to cash in on this holiday and encourage participation, whether or not you’re single. For individuals who don’t find themselves reflected in the depiction of this day, this makes it very difficult. Often, only heterosexual couples are depicted in jewelry advertisements, items are designed for “His & Hers,” and Hallmark only produces 11 Valentine’s Day cards for same-sex relationships compared to 764 for heterosexual ones.

The celebration of Valentine’s Day itself is predicated on the idea that everyone in a romantic relationship has the right to freely celebrate their love in the public sphere, which furthers the corporate manipulation of Valentine’s Day by excluding the LGBTIA+ population from the narrative. When queer couples choose to engage in romantic activities in public, they frequently have to worry about receiving verbal, physical, or emotional harassment from other members of society. In the world of queer Valentine’s Day, these realities include the awkward—but frequently necessary—conversation explaining to the waitress that you are not just two best friends and will be paying on one ticket, the possibility that a florist or restaurant will turn down your requests due to your sexual orientation or gender identity, or the lack of representation that you feel invalidates your love. It’s not fun for queer people, but it can’t possibly be fun for anyone, including straight couples who don’t want to get married, polyamorous couples

who face discrimination when they go out to eat, aromantic couples who are tired of hearing that their relationships must always be “romantic,” and single people who are pressured to feel bad for not being in a relationship of some kind. Today, our perspective on love and relationships is so limited and, in fact, really unhealthy. It is useless to promote the heteronormative, nuclear ideal. Queer couples are certainly excluded from Valentine’s Day, but additionally, the idea that anyone can feel bad about not being included in it is the most irritating part. It’s time to do away with this antiquated, consumerist, and exclusionary method of celebrating love.

In an anonymous survey, The Wake asked queeridentifying students at the University of Minnesota whether they felt they saw themselves represented adequately in Valentine’s Day marketing. The majority of the answers resounded negatively with a simple “no” or “not well enough.” However, a few stipulated specifics, exclaiming, “Generally, I do not feel identified as asexual on Valentine’s Day” and “No, and even in the rare cases where queer couples are seen in marketing, it doesn’t feel realistically queer.”

When asked why they thought queer-identifying individuals faced egregious lack of representation in these marketing campaigns, one student claimed “Because marketing is typically driven by what the majority find ‘normal’. Also likely from the fear of being canceled.” Another student cited this harmful norm as being driven largely by

“...our capitalist society has found a way to cash in on this holiday and encourage participation, whether or not you’re single. For individuals who don’t find themselves reflected in the depiction of this day, this makes it very difficult.”

homophobia and overall traditional biases that exalt the heteronormative “His and Hers” couple over all others, exclaiming, “Historical homophobia, capitalistic organizations not wanting to lose their homophobic customers by presenting queerfriendly ads.”

While a few responses claimed that this sort of marketing that caters to binary representations of romantic couples was merely in the interest of profit and did not bother them, the majority pointed out that the lack of representation and celebration of queer expressions of love comes from the societal refusal to decenter hetero and cisgender relationships from the norm.

campaigns that show queerness in a natural way (not displaying it just to ‘be inclusive’). It would feel wrong for an entirely heterosexual marketing team to create advertisements that display queerness.”

retailers to remind us to show people that we care about them. On Valentine’s Day, a bunch of roses doesn’t exactly demonstrate much thought.

Since many are already familiar with the farsed “rainbow capitalism” attempts on the part of large corporations to appeal to queer-identifying individuals, we then asked students what ways corporations could be more inclusive beyond just rainbow hearts. One student suggested implementing more gender-neutral products and “doing away with prioritizing marketing of ‘His & Hers’ products.” Another stated, “Employing queer people and allowing them to create marketing

Lastly, our survey posed a question about queerness beyond February 14th celebrations: “What are some ways we should reform our intrinsic biases about what the traditional and ideal Valentine’s Day couple looks like?” While there were many terrific and thoughtful replies, some of the most notable highlighted that celebrations of queerness need to do more than just inclusivity for inclusivity’s sake. One student remarked that the concept of love should be lauded for all its dimensions, not just sexual. “We should keep in mind that love doesn’t necessarily indicate it’s sexual or romantic. Second, love can occur between anyone as long as you care about that individual.” Another asked that love not only be considered as happening exclusively between couples but also within poly and asexual relationships. “There’s such a ridiculous emphasis on couples in the U.S. Asexual people exist too; why not have a ‘single and happy’ day? So much so that we’ve made a whole day to make single individuals feel more alienated.”

In the end, Valentine’s Day only accomplishes two things. First, it makes sales pitches for goods like chocolates, roses, movies, and vacations. It manipulates us into making purchases out of “showing that we care” by using our relationships and emotions as leverage. We shouldn’t need

The second is that it promotes the stereotype of how heterosexual, monogamous, sexual, and romantic relationships “should” be. In the eyes of a culture that forces us all, inexorably, toward the nuclear family ideal, if you don’t have this— whether it’s because you don’t want to or you really don’t—you are failing. When sexual and romantic connections are prioritized above all else and heralded as the goal that we should all be working towards; that is the natural result. Then comes marriage, our own home with a garden, and, naturally, 2.5 children.

Currently Valentine’s Day serves as a painful reminder that despite how far we may seem to have progressed from the antiquated ideals of previous centuries. While capitalist representation is certainly not the be-all-end-all, we might all be a little happier on February 14th when Hallmark starts making those kitschy cards for queer couples and entertainment media stops producing love stories with the same Nicholas Sparks, romantic subplots.

We must keep practicing and celebrating love for everyone up until that time, not simply those who have the greatest alternatives for romantic presents. As one student put it the most aptly, “Love is love. Valentine’s Day is stupid.”

“One student suggested implementing more genderneutral products and ‘doing away with prioritizing marketing of ‘His & Hers’ products.’”

Why is Everything About Rich People and Murder?

Rich people keep killing or getting killed in pop culture. Why is that?

BY PETER NOMELAND

Two movies from last year, “Glass Onion” and “The Menu,” end in, more or less, the same way. A female protagonist, who has just survived a night of outwitting a bunch of crazed rich people, watches from afar as the building where most of the story has taken place burns to the ground. They are so similar you would think someone copied and told the other to change a few things so no one would notice like it’s a math exam. The similarities don’t just end there, though. Both projects are just two of the latest entries in recent class critiques that have pitted the ultra-wealthy vs. the working class, often with deadly results. From films like these to Emmy-winning HBO dramas like “Succession” or the “The White Lotus,” a trend has emerged in the last few years of satirical looks at the rich and powerful thrown together with a murder of some kind. Rich people killing each other, rich people killing someone and getting away with it, or rich people getting killed by a weird group of vengeful chefs (spoilers for The Menu).

The concept of rich vs. poor depicted in media is not a new tactic. Some of the most popular and influential books and films of all time, like “The Great Gatsby’’ or “Chinatown,” revolve around the dark side of the ruling class. But as the 21st century has moved along, events such as the stock market crash of 2008, the Occupy Wall Street movement, and the recent worldwide pandemic have revealed even further economic gaps between

the top to the bottom of society. And out of that pandemic, as well as the Trump culture war years, has emerged an explosion of a specific satire of the rich, showing off their extreme wealth and ridiculous behavior in contrast to the rest of the world which probably includes most of the viewers. A lot has been made about how many of these projects can be seen as “wealth porn” and that a lot of the popularity has to do with audiences liking seeing beautiful rich people in exotic places, sort of how you watch Architectural Digest Youtube videos. But that’s where the murder comes in. Two filmmakers who have been using rich people murder mysteries to some of their biggest success are Rian Johnson and Mike White for the “Knives Out” movies and “The White Lotus” anthology series, respectively. In Johnson’s case, both “Knives Out” and “Glass Onion” show Daniel Craig’s detective, Benoit Blanc, investigating a murder within a group of extremely wealthy people. Using the basic mystery format, Johnson investigates the potential fraud of these so-called “elites,” whether it be rich kids holding onto the success of their father or a group of so-called “disruptors” led by an Elon Musk-like figure played by Edward Norton who all end up being frauds in the end, earning none of the success and riches they’ve achieved. In both movies, the murder is revealed to be in service of preserving the wealth and power they have already undeservedly earned.

In “The White Lotus,” White “explores the class anxieties that can burst forth, ‘alien-like,’ when we shell out thousands of dollars to unwind,” as Inkoo Kang puts it in The New Yorker. Each season begins with the reveal that someone at a hotel has been murdered and flashes back to the beginning of the week, showing us basically every genre of a rich asshole you could think of, as well as the service workers that they take advantage of, from hotel staff to sex workers.

At the end of the first season of “The White Lotus,” a feud between Shane, a rich fratty guest, and Armond, the manager of the hotel, ends with the accidental murder of Armond. Shane gets off completely free from the incident, and the hotel immediately finds a new manager. This might be the most clear-cut and obvious example of what these projects are trying to say: that all this wealth and power given to these select people will always have dangerous consequences. Maybe the phrase, “eat the rich,” isn’t so out of the question, especially in “The Menu” (spoilers again).

17 Ways to Leave Your Lover

BY DEZ ULRICH

1. Say your futures don’t align anymore. Two years, four months, ten days–that’s how long you’ve been with your partner. Only, a couple of weeks ago you realized you weren’t counting down to your anniversary but a point of freedom.

2. Give the “I need space” talk. Love lasting is an idealistic concept that works for some people; however, the odds of never breaking up or being broken up with are slim. I admit, I have broken up with and been broken up with.

3. Get with their best friend or sibling. And you would think that with over eight billion people on this planet, humanity would have found the perfect way to break up with someone. Perfection is a false construct, when there are feelings involved–to any degree–it will never be flawless.

4. Ghost or block them. Maybe change your number.

Even if it’s “mutual,” someone always has a photo soaked in happy memories dropping from their bag or a new lover they subconsciously compare to their old one. Perhaps there is truth to the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” or perhaps long distance just isn’t meant for everyone.

5. Strand them on vacation (without a passport).

If there is overexposure then believe me when I say there is also underexposure. When someone’s love language is quality time or physical touch, smiling through a screen into each other’s pixelated eyes will never feel the same as when it all started and you could hold hands or go out on lunch dates.

6. Explain how you’re not ready for a relationship anymore, it’s not them. Different people have different ways to break up with someone and if you’re like the boys in my building, you might have drastic pieces of advice for breaking up with someone. Even so, I know they would never hit someone with a car and leave them paralyzed just as I know how hard it can be to think of the most realistic way you see yourself leaving someone.

7. Fake your death. (Be willing to leave everything behind).

If there is one thing I understand the most, it’s leaving a long-term relationship and needing to completely remove yourself from the world. (And yes, even breaking up with someone leaves you affected somehow.)

8. Take them on a picnic and tell them you want to break up: calmly, nicely. While eating ice cream on the couch cursing out men disappointing their lovers on television or crying over stupid girls, is understandable, let it only last a couple of days. Don’t let it consume you.

9. Accuse them of cheating (jealous issues) And remember, it’s normal to want to leave. Go see the world or– just go see the garden you always walk past.

10. Hide their EpiPen or insulin. I’m not going to give you advice or suggestions on when to break up with someone or why you should. If you’re responsible enough to be in a relationship, you’re responsible enough to know why you want to break up and when.

11. Admit to cheating.

Not at the wedding, leaving them at the altar. Not with a jumbotron at their favorite sports game.

12. Valentine’s Day Break Up Bear.

When leaving someone, the least you can do is make it private. Even if your worlds are so intricately intertwined and you share a friend group–drama will definitely ensue.

13. Leave and tell them to “deal”

Only, that does not mean you have to encourage or engage. Break up with your lover before breaking up the group.

14. Have your friend dump them.

In short, there are hundreds of ways to “leave your lover.” However, not all of them are good options.

15. Be “un-date-able”

And if you were looking for the ultimate advice column with this article, I’m sorry if I disappointed you. I write to be blunt and engaging.

16. Via text message.

All these different tips came from anonymous sources–not just me. A majority of them have actually happened.

17. Be honest.

Tell them you lost feelings, can’t be in a relationship anymore. Whatever you say will hurt or affect them in some way. Even if they don’t show it.

So when it comes to your way to leave your lover, make sure you pick a good one.

Breakups aren’t supposed to be easy, but they’re not supposed to be cruel either.

You’re Invited to my Valentine’s Day Party!

BY GRACIE KIBORT

Ms. Gracie Kibort and Wake Magazine formally request the honor of your presence to celebrate the holiday of all things warm and fuzzy this Tuesday, February 14th. All will share romantic and platonic love, and libations will be served— reception to follow. RSVP ASAP.

Valentine’s Day, albeit a personal favorite of my own, is a polarizing holiday for many. Whether you believe it’s a capitalistic ploy to vend greeting cards and hardened chocolate, were emotionally maimed by your high school boyfriend or shower your significant other in gifts galore, the opinions are dichotomizing. If you’re a hater of all things V-day and have sworn off dating altogether, I will commiserate with you to your heart’s content (see what I did there?)

But hear me out! Deep in your cynical chamber of incredulity, I commend you to forage for a positive V-day mem from yesteryear. Surely you have not always felt this blackened and bitter? (If so, you still have my utmost support). Ah-ha! Suddenly, the sugary stench of conversation hearts hits your nose! There’s your Sketchersshoebox-turnedmailbox you were so very proud of. You feel the abrasiveness of the construction paper hearts, and recall the faint rustling of Snoopy-themed

Valentines you spent all afternoon slaving over for your classmates in your backpack. Sweetheart, you’re back in your third-grade classroom. Good news my sweet misanthrope, the hardened candy shell of your cold heart has begun to crack!

As we meander our way into adulthood, we often feel like something is missing. We grapple with our sense of self, our true identities. I’m not the first person to advise you to appeal to your inner child when searching for ways to find joy, and I won’t be the last. However, if you find yourself aimlessly searching for fulfillment but it is nowhere to be found, ask yourself what truly brought you joy as a kid. Of course, this could pertain to a plethora of activities, but per the topic at hand, start simple. I’m all for a seasonal arts and crafts session, love songs and homemade brownies, and even some ice skating. It’s a longer list than you might think.

Carrie Bradshaw said it best “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.” We often neglect our friendships, focusing rather on our romantic prospects instead of the love right in front of us. Platonic love is sacred and beautiful and gets forsaken this time of year. But as I guide you back to the linoleum floor of that third-grade classroom, recount your excitement to

disperse your punny Valentines to your pals. Snoopy would go to Ally, Charlie Brown to Emily, and you’d definitely give Lucy to Catherine. Celebrating our friendships was innate to our identity. Replaced by bitter dread when the seasonal section shifts to flushed hues of cerise and vermillion as January strikes, at what point did this feeling of platonic adoration and doting for February 14th evaporate?

At some point between elementary school and adulthood, we fall victim to the impression that Valentine’s day is only for the coupled. If we revert back to our thinking prior to the false notion that one must feel lonely if they aren’t in a relationship on the 14th, it’s a day to remind your people that you love and care for them and to wear lots of things with hearts, which I am all for. At the very most it’s an opportunity to give people sappy, soupy, Snoopy Valentine’s cards and heart-shaped tchotchkes and reap the reward of making your people smile. At the very least, it’s telling someone they make you glad they’re here and eat a bunch of candy. All we have are our own little worlds, we might as well share some chocolate with a friend. So I hope you’ll make it to my Valentine’s Day party sporting your best pink getup; and not just because you’re single, bitter, and I feel a bit bad, but because the elated little kid inside of you deserves some air every now and then to experience some love, too.

DND: Do Not Disturb

BY AVA JAX

DND: The basics of this 1970s tabletop roleplay game consist of 3 parts: dungeon master prep, player decisions, and dice outcomes. I like to view the game as collective storytelling. It’s collaborative, improvised, and there aren’t winners or losers unless you’re roped into playing with your older cousins. There are conventions. There are 500+ hour podcasts. There ~apparently~ are people anxiously waiting to see Chris Pine as a bard for 2 hours in the upcoming DnD movie.

Whether you’re a seasoned DnD fanatic or only know the Demogorgen, the recent events in the RPG world are important to tune into. These decisions may influence what creative licensing will look like and, ultimately, what creating 3rdparty work looks like.

OGL: Open Game Licensing, which has existed for 23 years, is a public copyright license. Created by Hasbro wizards themselves, it grants permission to modify, copy, and redistribute some of the content designed for their games, notably game mechanics. This creates opportunities for 3rdparty developers to make their own content, allowing people to customize the game beyond the cookie-cutter framework DnD gives you. Basically, OGL is like if your One Piece Wattpad

fanfic could become a part of the franchise and make money (you wish).

As seems to happen these days, a file was leaked to the public early; It stated that the newest version of the game would not be carrying-over OGL laws. Some of these changes were to be: Invalidating all existing ODL Royalty fees

Mandatory reporting of all new ODL content, etc.

WTF: A change that stifles creativity in a game built for creativity caused an insane amount of revolt, understandably. It’s looking tough, with 25,000 signatures on a petition against the changes, and “more people than ever [looking to] Pathfinder as an alternative to Dungeons & Dragons.” Since then, Wizards of the Coast has gone back on a few of the more controversial changes, however, this would’ve and still will put many developers’ jobs on the line.

The truth of the matter is that developers are writers and artists. Their work and time are valuable. Even if you find the 7 books of official material sufficient, homebrew content still holds a place in the DnD community. Especially considering that third-party creators are

responsible for much of the innovation in Official DnD content. Not only is changing OGL damaging to smaller artists, but it also stunts the growth of DnD in the future. This is all to say that even if restricting OGL wasn’t morally wrong, it’d be destructive to the game itself.

To DnD or not to DnD: Of course, DnD wouldn’t fully lose its magic…maybe just its sorcery... However, I think this brings up a more important point. Open Game License restrictions contribute to the current culture of undercutting smaller artists in the name of corporate-churned content. What makes the game special is that you, your friends, and the community make it special. DnD should simply support the ideas of its community. Developers that contribute to that deserve to be paid and credited as such. And not to digress, but I think it could be argued that DnD isn’t collective storytelling without these rights to create.

Much of this discussion—and the future of DnD— remains unfinished. It’s easy to find these current conversations on OGL, AI art, and commissioned work disheartening. I know I’ve been frustrated.

A leaked document was almost the end of this beloved game

Five Easy Hot Dogs

By

Mac DeMarco

Atmospheric background music at its finest

BY EMMA IHLENFELD

Mac DeMarco’s fifth studio album, “Five Easy Hot Dogs,” gets its titular inspiration from the 1970 film “Five Easy Pieces,” during which Jack Nicholson’s character takes a road trip across the US. Similarly, DeMarco recorded his 2023 instrumental release while on a solo road trip through North America, naming his songs after the cities he stopped in.

The tracks come and go, none standing out. The album has an easy peace and a subtle melancholy reminiscent of a sunset. It is easy to envision yourself on the road while listening, going somewhere or nowhere, and watching places and times go by.

As a longtime fan of DeMarco’s work, I certainly wouldn’t say this is his greatest, as I believe his unique vocals and lyricism bring out his best. However, I have long felt that he is one of the most talented instrumentalists of the modern age, a true master of the soft, indie rock guitar riff. This album puts his versatile musical ability on full display, proving once again that he doesn’t need lyrics to draw deep emotion out of a listener.

“Hot Dogs” is atmospheric background music at its finest- the type you can forget is playing just as easily as you can be mesmerized by its alluring wonder.

“SOS” By SZA

SZA’s talent for vulnerable lyricism returns with “SOS”

BY SHANNA SIVAKUMAR

After five years of listening to “Ctrl” on repeat, SZA has given her fans an entirely new album with twenty-three songs, titled “SOS.”

With an album cover reminiscent of the late Princess Diana’s loneliness and isolation, SZA delivers on an LP that brings her listeners deep into the crevices of her mind in matters of love and every other feeling that accompanies it.

“SOS” opens up with a track that begins in morse code. The code spells out the letters the album is named after before delving into what SZA does best: dissecting love through her music.

Alongside a diverse roster of featured artists (Phoebe Bridgers, Travis Scott, etc.), SZA weaves lyrics of both confidence and insecurity, of jealousy and infatuation, into this impressive album.

Multiple songs on “SOS” are almost acoustic, such as “Blind” or “Special,” driving home the intimacy and vulnerability of the album. Other songs are more feel-good and upbeat, such as “Conceited” or “Low,” which feature a prominent bass and lyrics that reinforce confidence in the listener.

With the emergence of TikTok as a viable music platform, “SOS” has blown up online significantly faster than “Ctrl” did in 2017. Multiple songs have gone mainstream, including “Kill Bill,” “Low,” and “Blind,” just to name a few.

SZA remains at the forefront of R&B with this LP. “SOS” has found its place as one of the best albums of 2022, thanks to SZA’s talent for storytelling through lyricism and melody.

Rush! By Måneskin

A strong and modern rock album with songs that will make you test the limits of how loud your headphones can go

BY ZOE MEYER

Måneskin rose to fame after their song Zitti e Buoni won the Eurovision Song Contest in 2021. The drug accusations in the aftermath of their victory only added to their status. The band is known for their provocative lyrics and bold performances–both in concert and on the red carpet. They are the embodiment of the phrase Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll.

Måneskin breaks away from the indie rock and pop-punk sounds that have dominated rock music in recent years and instead draws inspiration from the grunge and glam rock scene of the 80s and 90s. Their new album, “Rush!,” focuses heavily on punk baselines and loud rhythmic guitar to pair with the more pop-flamboyant lyrics of the lead singer.

“Rush!” has drawn mixed reviews from fans as the band switches from singing mainly in Italian to English. This switch evokes the question regarding whether or not they are conforming to a more mainstream sound and losing most of the originality that their native tongue brought. Their new songs are now a sound we have heard in bands like Queen, Greta Van Fleet, and Green Day.

The most successful of Måneskin’s songs are those that create unique sounds. These include the songs in Italian and those that let go of the pop-punk era and draw more into the 90s punk music scene with loud instrumentals and attitude-filled lyrics.

Overall, the album is a strong and modern rock album with songs that will make you test the limits of how loud your headphones can go.

Floodwater Angel

BY ABBY VELA

Floodwater Angel, while being a band I had heard many fantastic things about, hadn’t been on my radar until the release show for their RPG-themed album, “Dungeon Crawlers.” I went into this January release without any expectations, knowing nothing of the local group’s sound or style; I can safely say that this album blew me away.

Self-described as a “psychedelic glam band,” Floodwater Angel embodies the essence of dirty, grimy psychedelic rock and adds something near-ethereal, creating an incredibly captivating soundscape. Songs like “Linked Materia” and “She Doesn’t Have the Guts” use synths, delay, and layered vocals to transport the listener to a land far away.

Of course, Floodwater Angel wouldn’t be a true psychedelic-rock band without some head-bangable material. Stand-out examples include “Homemade Nine Barreled Handgun,” one barrel for each of the US Supreme Court justices after overturning Roe v. Wade, and “Doom Scroller,” a song for those moments of Twitter-induced existential dread. I appreciate the added timeliness of this release, both the mentioned songs and the album as a whole. Beyond just being a great listen, the added lyrical depth gives the release a quality of replayability that’s intrinsic to my musical experience.

There is one song that’s not quite like the rest of the album, but I think it may be my favorite. “Because of Winn-Dixie” is a slow-building, acoustic number—the only acoustic song on this record. It’s simple and stripped with some of the most beautiful lyrics on “Dungeon Crawlers.” Carried by the vocalist’s heart-breaking performance, “Winn-Dixie” leaves the listener warm, hollow, and wanting more.

Floodwater Angel’s “Dungeon Crawlers” is a solid release, combining my favorite aspects of psych-rock and shoegaze, and I cannot wait to see what they create in the future.

Grab Hold of What Floats By Brazos “Like..?”

Indie jazz musings on revival Ice Spice’s bass-boosted entry into the music industry

BY QUINN MCCLURG

The word on the street is that the entirety of Brazos’ newest album, “Grab Hold of What Floats,” was written over the course of three weeks. The common response on the street is, “Who is Brazos?” This is to be expected, as Brazos has not released any music in the last nine years; the album has received little attention since its release.

“Grab Hold of What Floats” is a slightly more laid-back release and is consistent with the band’s usual style, a sauntering intertwining of folk and indie with jazz undertones to gentle, philosophical exploration. The tracks “The Shining” and “Folded Wings Folded” stand out as the most curious and substantial, with stimulating lyrics such as: “A face made of faces, a name made of names / And love is a light that the dark can’t contain” and “I felt the essence of my friends / random shopkeepers and kids / I heard the laughter of your breath / On playgrounds and cafe decks.”

Initially, I was rather unfair to this album and its degree of easy-listening. When compared to previous releases, “Grab Hold of What Floats” lacks the painful novelty and naiveté of their first album, “Phosphorescent Blues,” and the triumphant rush of their second album, “Saltwater.” But this album feels like a flexing of old creative joints, a stirring from a matured sleep; it was not made to be a victory march but a relaxed stroll through a “transcendent groove,” an appreciative wonder for everyday things, a whimsy for life found in the face of fatigue.

I find it to be exactly what it needs to be.

BY SHANNA SIVAKUMAR

“You thought I was feelin’ you?” I am, actually. I love Ice Spice, and she’s cemented her entry into the music industry with her new EP, “Like..?”.

Ice Spice has been dropping singles since 2021, but she gained mainstream recognition with her song, “Munch (Feelin’ U),” that went viral on TikTok and caught everyone’s attention with her flow and lyricism.

“Like..?” is an EP filled with a heavy bass that rattles in your ears (quite literally, in her song “Princess Diana”) and catchy, repetitive hooks. Each song has minimal instrumentals consisting of bass, hi-hats, and various additional rhythmic elements complementing her rapping style. All of the beats are a product of producer RiotUSA, with whom Ice Spice has worked on every track in this release (his producer tag can be heard at the beginning of each song—“Stop playing with ‘em, RIOT”).

A highlight from “Like..?” would be her fifth track on the record, “Bikini Bottom,” which samples sound effects from Spongebob Squarepants and are simultaneously hilarious and addicting.

Bronx-born Ice Spice is a manifestation of late 90’s to early 2000’s nostalgia with heavy lipgloss and velvet tracksuits, serving a renaissance of “Lip Gloss” by Lil Mama. She’s got an unapologetic, unique style that sets her apart from other new rappers. Her relaxed, effortless flow and signature image have made her a new threat within rap and hip-hop.

Floodwater Angel’s latest combines the best aspects of psych-rock and shoegaze

Virginia’s Basement

BY PETER NOMELAND

Virginia’s Basement is a Twin Cities-based emo band composed of Santana Vigil, Kyle Zendejas, and Ramón Varela. They participated in last Friday’s Battle of the Bands: Battle One here at the University of Minnesota and released their debut album, “Bubby.” last October.

: What’s the band’s origin story? Where did the name come from?

Santana: The name comes from my mother’s name. Her name is Virginia, and I’ve always practiced in her basement. And then after years of practice and failure, I met Kyle, and he pulled me out of my shell. We practiced together for about two years on and off, and we kicked things off with Ramón during COVID times.

: How would you describe your music?

S: I call it emo trash. That’s what I call it. I’ve told everyone it’s the worst shit in town (laughs).

: Who are some of your biggest musical influences?

S: So I started off by listening to a lot of Bright Eyes and Fugazi and Elliott Smith and just all

the sad artists. Then it was hardcore emo from the 1980s, and then in 2014, there was a big emo scene here in the Twin Cities, so those [groups] were big inspirations.

: You released an LP in October. How did it feel recording and getting it out there?

Kyle: It was cool because we went through someone I played in a band with back in the day. This is essentially the first record he produced and mastered and everything, so it was cool to go through him as an old friend. It’s still unreal that we actually released music so quickly; we did it in the span of like three months

S: We had only been a band for about nine months at that point. We and we busted our asses gigging or whatever, to a point where we had this album that we really cared about Bobby, and we wanted to fucking get it in, and

he had a great doggy. And it was like half the cost of a normal studio, but it was well worth it. Like the production value and all the synths and keyboards, jazz was worth the money. To get there we literally did gigs we hated gigs we loved and all that, and the journey was amazing. And we busted our asses to get there.

: What do you enjoy about performing live the most?

K: I guess just like seeing people go crazy for our music. It’s just insane that we can write music that people enjoy for some reason.

S: I love it; it’s a one-of-a-kind experience. The adrenaline you get from being up there can cause you to literally black out from how excited people are to sing your songs back to you.

: What’s helped your guys succeed the most and what advice would you have for other groups?

S: We gained a ton of knowledge growing up in the scene, and that’s a big reason why we’re doing good now; we know what people were doing wrong five years ago. and what all the bands were focusing on, or whatever. Also, just being nice to people.

: What’s the near-term future plan for the band?

S: Keep playing shows with our favorite artists and make keep making a difference in the music scene and grow, also a little Midwest tour could be killer.

: What are some favorite memories you have of performing?

K: When the crowd toppled over the stage because of how packed the venue, Rose Club, was.

: How was the Battle of the Bands here at the U?

S: Battle of the bands was a beautiful experience. Getting to watch new bands play that we’ve never heard of. Connecting with the members, familiar fans, and new fans was great.