The Wake, Issue 4, Fall 2014

Volume 14, Issue 4 | nov 10 - nov 23

Behind the Scenes of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives PG. 10 The Guy Behind Center PG. 13 Q&A: Simon Hanselmann PG. 16

THE WAKE STUDENT MAGAZINE | VOLUME 14, ISSUE 4 Megabus Megasucks PG. 5

The Guy Behind Center PG. 13

The U’s Ebola Plan PG. 5

Q&A: Simon Hanselmann PG. 16

Behind the Scenes of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives PG. 10 The Basics on “Basic” PG. 11

EDITORIAL: Editor-in-Chief Grace Birnstengel Managing Editor Lauren Cutshall Cities Editor Emily Mongan Voices Editor Kayla McCombs Sound & Vision Editors Alex Nelson, Sam Schaust

Art Directors Lizzie Goncharova, Max Smith

Gorillaz Releasing New Content? PG. 19 Gamers, Keep Your Gates Open PG. 20

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Copy Editors Sara Glesne, Lindsey Pastrorek Before each issue of The Wake goes to design, editors meet with the writers who picked up stories for their section to Editorial Interns edit their pieces, offer suggestions, and talk with them about Lianna Matt, Johnny Tvedt, what needs to be worked on before the final deadline.

Shawna Stennes, Olivia Riley And every meeting, I’ve noticed something funny happens.

Art Interns Cera Nelson, Andrew Tomten, I’ll often compliment a writer on their voice, or a particularly Olivia Novotny, Breanna Vick, punny headline, only to be met with “Oh, but I’m not in Breck Hickman the J school,” or “I’m not really a writer, I’m an engineer.”

Faculty Advisor Well, I’ve got news for you “non-writers” — if you come to Shayla Thiel-Stern a Wake meeting and pick up a story for that issue, you’re a writer in my eyes. It doesn’t matter if you’re a writer only for those two weeks that we work on the stories, or if you find love it enough to change your major.

Public Relations/ I’ve gotten in the habit of prefacing my edits with “This is Advertising Manager my first time as an editor…” which you think I would’ve Jennifer Burns stopped doing by the fourth issue. It doesn’t matter that I’ve never worked as an editor before I joined the Wake this Social Media Manager year. Working here has given me an awesome opportunity Abby Richardson to pursue something I’m interested in, and to me that’s Distributors the beauty of this publication.

Ryan Condron, Chris Roebber Regardless of experience or major, anyone can come to a Wake meeting and sign up to be a writer, illustrator, or Production Interns photographer. It doesn’t matter if you’re a business major Kirsten Erickson, Alexa Orak, Carter Gruss

PRODUCTION: Executive Director Kelcie McKenney Head Designer Kate Johnston Graphic Designers Amanda Gentle, Kayla Lutteke, Erin Slayton Web Manager Sam Gordon Finance Manager Ben Larwa

THIS ISSUE:

©2014 The Wake Student Magazine.

All Rights Reserved.

Cover Artist: Andrew Tomten

Established in 2002, The Wake is a fortnightly independent magazine and registered student organization produced by and for students at the University of Minnesota.

Photographers: Trevor Scholl, Cera Sylar, Hailey Enge Illustrators: Meagan Marsh, Olivia Novotny, Max Smith, Nicole Carlson, Kevin Beckman, Abigail Rommel. Kristen Wangsness, Peter Marriuto, Lizzie Goncharova, Breck Hickman, Cera Sylar Contributing Writers: Gina Van Thomme, Maya Muerhoff, Hailey Enge, Alex Nelson, Amy Verrando, Lianna Matt, Erik Newland, Maci Bekele, Nicole Carlson, Madison Bloomquist, Olivia Riley, Kevin Beckman, Matthew Maple, Russell Barnes, Johnny Tvedt, Kristen Wangsness, Andrew Tomten, Cera Sylar, Ryan Meaney, Karl Witkowiak, Lily Noonan, Peter Diamond, Shawnna Stennes, Sam Schaust, Abigail Rommel, Lauren Cutshall

The Wake Student Magazine 126 Coffman Memorial Union 300 Washington Avenue SE Minneapolis, MN 55455 The Wake was founded by Chrin Ruen & James DeLong.

by day or, like me, were too nervous to show up to any Wake meetings before that.

The Wake is all about giving students a voice, and each issue I’m blown away but just how true that is. So everyone—cut this “I’m not writer/illustrator/photographer” nonsense out. You’re here, you’ve picked up a story, and you’re doing a great job. So be it just for a week, or for the rest of your life, wear that hat proudly.

Emily Mongan Cities Editor

Disclaimer: The purpose of The Wake is to provide a forum in which students can voice their opinions. Opinions expressed in the magazine are not representative of the publication or university as a whole. To join the conversation email gbirnstengel@wakemag.org.

www.wakemag.org facebook.com/thewakemagazine @the_wake wake-mag.tumblr.com

ONE-PAGE MAGAZINE

WAKE RANTZ Situations where I’ve been catcalled: At 2 pm on a Monday while on the way to grocery shop, at 11 pm on a Thursday while just trying to get some pizza in my sweats, and at 2 am on a Friday drunk as hell while dressed to the nines. None of these situations warrant or will ever warrant making me fear for my life. It doesn’t matter where or when, don’t harass women because it gives you a power rush in front of your ugly friends. If you catcall, you’re worse than trash.

Why do unpaid internships still exist?

What am I going to get out of this experience that’s worth me not being able to pay my rent? Are you going to let me live in your offices and use your Wi-Fi when Comcast shuts off my services? Are you going to introduce me to Michelle Obama?

Sometimes I go down to the dining hall just to make a pb&j sandwich to take back to my room. On my retreat back from Operation PB&J, I always get looks in the elevator. Sometimes looks of envy, the looks of people jealous that they hadn’t thought of the idea first. But mostly I get disgusted, embarrassed, judgmental looks from people who think I’m a fucking zoo animal. I’m a human being and it’s my right to eat a sandwich in bed if I please.

Annoyed with something?

Send your 10 to 150-word rant to rants@wakemag.org and yours might be in our next issue!

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Classes That Aren’t Classes, But Should Be

By Gina Van Thomme MATH 1001: How to Tip A Waitress This class deconstructs the foreign concept of tipping at restaurants. Some of the questions explored will include what is a tip? How does one give a tip? Is rounding my $7.98 bill to $8.00 considered a tip?

CSCL 3407: Homeless or Hipster His jeans are ripped, hair is unbrushed, and wait… is that a fedora? It can be hard to tell the difference between an ironic fashion statement and a person in need, but this class will help students make the distinction. But mostly it will discuss why anyone is wearing a fedora in the first place.

FSCN 1076: Is This Still Edible?

Don’t open Tupperware unaware. This class will help

students figure out if the leftover tater tot hotdish that’s been in the fridge for two weeks is still okay to eat.

PUBH 3204: Adjusting to Chronic Bitchface Do you feel fantastic while your face’s natural resting position is silently condemning those around you? Do you naturally look like an unimpressed McKayla Maroney at the 2011 Olympic Games? If you answered yes to either question, this class is for you.

PE 4008: Advance Bike-Dodging In this upper level division of PE 1006’s Beginner Bike-Dodging, students will put what they’ve learn into practice. Students simply spend the class crossing streets on campus while trying not to get killed by bikers who believe that they are above having to stop at red lights and stop signs. Instructor consent required.

CORNBREAD HARRIS: A TWIN CITIES LEGEND

5 RESTAURANTS THE U NEEDS NOW

By Maya Muerhoff

By Hailey Enge

There are plenty of restaurant options available to hungry U of M students, but sometimes you get a craving you just can’t shake. These restaurants don’t currently have locations near campus, but we can dream, right?

Having worked at Loring Pasta Bar in Dinkytown for almost two years, I have seen Cornbread Harris perform busy Friday nights there many times. He is a small man with a big voice and even more charisma.

1. Taco Bell. Perhaps the most prolific AmericanizedMexican restaurant chain in America, yet the University of Minnesota doesn’t have one. Strange.

2. Dunkin’ Doughnuts. If America runs on Dunkin, shouldn’t the University do the same?

3. Culvers. Known as the pride of the Midwest, this restaurant can be found in Saint Paul, but why not spread the buttery goodness to the Minneapolis campus?

4. Panera. Sometimes you just really need a cinnamon and sugar bagel… toasted and with butter spread.

5. iHop. Open 24 hours for late-night studying and pancakes, it seems iHop was made with college students in mind!

What could we use another $50,000 statue of?

11%

Jerry Kill

Despite being in his 80s, Cornbread performs every Friday night at Loring Pasta Bar and enthusiastically speaks to anyone who wants to meet him.

In 1955, Cornbread helped create and record the song “Hi Yo Silver” by Augie Garcia, released on the North Star label. Many consider this song Minnesota’s first rock ‘n’ roll recording. A jazz and blues singer, pianist, and songwriter, Cornbread’s talent and music has spanned many decades and his dedication and passion for music is as strong as it ever was.

“He’s the real deal,” saxophonist John Devine told me once, and I can see that’s true.

46% The guy who sings outside Espresso Royale

19% G.G.

26%

The Wake Eye

THE WAKE CITIES

Megabus Megasucks A reminder to maybe avoid the Megabus for your holiday travels

By Alex Nelson When all of my friends graduated from high school and abandoned my sorry community-college ass for sloppy nights at their Big Ten of choice, the only chance I had of having any fun that year hinged on the pinnacle of modern transportation services: the Megabus.

These days, pretty much anything short of a steak burrito with guac fails to lure me from my bed. Yet, one weekend that year, I purchased Megabus tickets, packed a suitcase, and prepared for a weekend of sloppy sorority-girl fun at the University of Iowa. Just an eight-hour Megabus journey stood between my honorary Alpha Delta Pi

sisters and their honorary house gay—yours truly. Only an eight-hour megabus journey on one of the snowiest weekends of the year.

After successfully riding the train alone into Chicago (a feat indeed for someone incapable of most adult things), a wave of triumph passed over me and I was ready to tackle my Megabus. I stepped out of the doors of Union Station onto the streets of Chicago that were being pelted with brutally icy rain and wind. I cursed myself for arriving a responsible hour early in respect to my departure time, because I spotted the Megabus station right away. It was the congregation of defeated persons standing outdoors, unprotected and soaked, surrounded by drenched luggage that stretched the entire block.

I joined the group and waited an unbearable hour until my bus was expected to arrive. An hour passed. And

then another hour. Still no bus. If you’ve traveled with Megabus, you may have experienced this. But this time, it was thirty-something degrees, raining, and windy as fuck. I knew I was doomed when I discovered that people around me were awaiting other busses. Cleveland was supposed to arrive this morning, Nashville was six hours late. My bus to Iowa City was nowhere to be found.

Nearby, a family was huddled around an elderly woman in a wheelchair, trying to keep her warm as she sob-shivered and mumbled prayers. After waiting four hours, I glanced at them and thought to myself that I would be okay with it if their bus arrived before mine; they deserved it. Whenever I feel like a pathetic piece of shit, I think back to that one altruistic thought I’ve had in my privileged life and feel comforted. My bus ended up coming within 45 minutes, before theirs, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

It was the congregation of defeated persons standing outdoors, unprotected and soaked, surrounded by drenched luggage that stretched the entire block.

What Spreads Faster: Ebola or Fear?

U of M prepares readiness plan as Ebola anxiety spreads

By Amy Verrando For the past few months, Ebola dominated the headlines.

There have been 9,936 known cases of the virus identified this year alone, and 4,900 of those cases have proven fatal. This means that, as of now, Ebola has about a 50 percent mortality rate. It is because of this that the University of Minnesota has taken action.

The University has taken “preparedness measures” in order to prevent the spread of Ebola, should the virus ever reach Minnesota. According to Brooks Jackson, Dean of the University of Minnesota Medical School, it is “highly unlikely” that the Ebola virus will ever spread to Minnesota due to the few isolated cases seen in the US so far.

However, if Ebola ever reaches Minnesota, a big part of the “preparedness plan” simply calls for early preventative measures to restrict the spread of the disease on campus.

The prevention part of the plan includes a travel restriction on all students to any countries that are currently struggling with Ebola, regular advisory group meetings regarding the latest updates from groups such as the World Health Organization, and numerous information sessions for any students interested in learning more about

Ebola. Additionally, the University highly recommends getting the flu shot because early influenza symptoms are similar to Ebola. In doing this, we can help prevent needless panic that has spread with the Ebola virus.

The second part of the preparedness plan involves educating theUniversity community on the symptoms of Ebola and the potential signs that someone may be a carrier of the virus. Staff at Boynton Health Services, University health clinics, and other medical centers servicing the University has been trained on the signs and symptoms of Ebola.

In the event that someone is identified as having the virus, the patient will be transferred to one of four hospitals that have been designated as the “go-to hospitals” for Ebola treatment: the University of Minnesota Medical Center in Minneapolis, Mayo Clinic Hospital in Rochester, Allina Health’s Unity Hospital in Fridley, and the St. Paul campus of Children’s Hospitals and Clinics of Minnesota. Any close relatives or contacts of someone who tests positive for the virus will also be closely watched and quarantined.

To find out more about the University of Minnesota’s Ebola preparedness plan, visit safe-u.umn.edu/ebola/index.html. As evident from the University’s numerous preventative measures, we are more than ready to fight this virus if needed.

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THE WAKE CITIES

Mooove Whenever You Want Robotic milking machines benefit both cows and farmers

By Lianna Matt Meet one of the most undervalued employees in Minnesota: the iconic black and white dairy cow. Not only does this domestic, friendly worker not crush us with its 1500 lb body weight when we ask milk from it, but sometimes she licks her farmer friends when they visit. In short, we’ve got to show these animals some love because in Minnesota alone, they produced 9 billion pounds of milk in 2009, a number that likely increased this year.

To help with the growing production, robotic technologies are becoming more common in the dairy industry in the forms of robotic milking machines, automatic feed pushers, and more. However, we cannot forget that cows are living creatures, and U of M Animal Science professor Dr. Marcia Endres’ research helps to ensure that despite the business behind the dairy industry, the cows are well-treated.

“My research is mostly about animal welfare and how we improve the environment of the cow to keep her healthy and content. That’s my goal in life,” said Endres.

this year and the possible price decline as the technology becomes more common, Endres hopes that more people will be open to robotic milking machines.

While the machines might save farmers from waking up at 3 a.m. to milk the cows, the computer chip allows them to keep better track of the cow’s welfare, too. Endres described a hypothetical scenario where a farmer could receive a text from the computer saying that a certain cow’s milk quality or activity decreased, and that he might want to check on her.

Here on the St. Paul campus, our hired hands use more conventional milking methods. Workers called cow pushers move the 120-cow herd to a milking parlor at certain times of the day. There, smaller groups of cows are rotated into the parlor to be manually attached to milking machines, a process that on the largest dairy farms in America can take up to seven

In Endres’ work, she not only evaluates how the farmers adjust to the robotic technology, but how their barns are set up, what bedding they use, whether their cows have sores on their legs, and other factors. Cows don’t speak English, so “It’s my way of learning from the cow,” said Endres. “Is there a relationship between the prevalence of lameness and production on the farm?

The time of day that the cow comes to the machine?”

hours per milking shift, said Endres.

Because the machines are so expensive, and they can only milk about 70 cows per day, larger dairy farms (upwards of 3000 cows) in places like California aren’t seeing the practicality in investing in the robotic technology yet. However, with the first rotary-style, 72-stall milking machine being installed in Wisconsin

“I’m open to all options,” said Endres. “You have to choose the one that works for you and the cows.

I’m here to learn about the different systems and to optimize the animal welfare in these different systems while protecting the environment and working with management.”

The new robotic milking machines originated in European markets and are now making their way across the United States. Smaller Minnesota dairy farms— averaging about 150 cows—are beginning to purchase these box-stall milking machines at about $180,000$200,000 a pop, not including barn installation and remodeling bills. But the payoff is worth it.

The robotic milking machine allows both the farmers and the cows more flexibility. Farmers can save themselves the physically taxing work of lifting heavy milking machines from the ground for hours on end, and they can manage the labor on a small farm better. They told Endres, “Now I can go to my kids’ games. I couldn’t before.”

The cows, who have to be milked usually 2-3 times a day, now walk to the robotic milking machines voluntarily.

Depending on how the barn is set up, the cow might just be wandering freely—no more being tied to a pole— when she decides to walk over to the machine. There, a computer chip in her collar and laser sensors identify and record the cow’s health information, from how active she’s been that day, her milk temperature, and more. If a cow meanders to the machine just because she wants to eat concentrate, the incentive “candy” the machine dispenses, the machine might not even milk her because her udder isn’t filled with enough milk.

Dr. Endres’ research isn’t about making these new technologies, though, but evaluating how they work in the real world.

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Dr. marcia endres

While the freedom that the robotic milking machine gives to cows and farmers makes the technology incredibly attractive to proponents of efficient management and animal treatment, Endres made sure to clarify that she supports all systems—if they’re implemented in the right way.

THE WAKE CITIES

Parkour’s Leap in Popularity The history behind one of the U of M’s most misunderstood sports

By Erik Newland When you’re walking around campus and see someone leap a railing or scale a wall, and they’re not running from the police, chances are they’re training parkour. The University Parkour and Freerunning Enthusiasts has been around for several years and can often be seen training on campus. The group remains small, in part due to a misunderstanding of what parkour actually is.

Parkour is a non-competitive discipline of negotiating obstacles using only one’s body as efficiently as possible.

It does not, as some might think, include jumping off buildings or shouting “hardcore parkour” like that one episode of The Office. It involves vaulting, rolling, climbing, and other movements. No, not everyone who does

parkour can backflip, and most tire of hearing that question.

Parkour originated in France but only recently has been gaining popularity in America. The American Parkour organization started in 2002, and groups began to organize across the country over the Internet. One such meetup group started in Minneapolis and was the unofficial beginnings of the University Parkour Club, which was officially formed in 2009. In 2011, a couple of guys from the meetup group started Fight or Flight Academy, the first parkour and freerunning gym in Minnesota. The parkour club became loosely affiliated with the gym, and goes there during the winters.

The club provides an environment different from other groups, combined with a discipline unlike any other.

Brant Axt, a former president of the club, is a longtime member who helps welcome and teach newcomers.

“There is no competition to parkour, only support and progression,” Axt said. “The best thing about our club is how much we love to educate people about movement and how we love to see everyone progress. There is no competitive goal.”

The progression aspect of Parkour is what makes it different from other sports. Traceurs, practitioners of parkour, are constantly hounded by people telling them

trevor scholl

they are going to hurt themselves. Parkour emphasizes learning basics first and working up to complicated moves at one’s own pace so they don’t get hurt in the first place.

The philosophy of Parkour is freedom of movement.

Remember when you were a kid and you used to climb and jump and run around on things? Parkour is all about not losing that fuel. It is about movement and reclaiming the landscape around you. Plus it can be a lot of fun, so get out there and play!

Meet the Minnesota Climbing Team

Now in its second year, the team you’ve probably never heard of is reaching great heights

By Hailey Enge Let me introduce you to a University of Minnesota team you’ve probably never heard of: the Minnesota Climbing Team. The team was started last year after Bryan Karban, the head of the St. Paul Campus gym’s climbing wall gathered students with an interest in starting a group for students interested in climbing.

The Minnesota Climbing Team has made it extremely easy to become involved, even for rock climbing novices.

To join, one can simply talk to the officers or members, pay club dues, buy a pass for the Recreation Center Climbing Wall at $50 for a semester, and start climbing— no experience or equipment is necessary!

During the team’s first year, 30 people joined. Now in its second year, the team boasts 54 members.

The team is involved in the Collegiate Climbing Series, a subset of USA Climbing, and travels to other schools in the Midwest to compete including Mankato, Nebraska, USD, and SDSU. “We are a competitive climbing team. You are not required to compete, but strongly encouraged,” team president Abby Vanderheiden said. “We have one practice for people who have never climbed, one for people with a little experience, and one for advanced climbers. We’re all about working really hard and seeing our members improve.”

hailey enge

Vanderheiden enjoys practicing with the team as well as the competitive aspect. “It’s a great way to meet people; at

the end of last year I get to know climbers from other schools.”

Along with practices and competitions, the team also has free day-trips and weekend-long trips to local climbing spots.

New this year for the Minnesota Climbing Team will be a weeklong trip to Red Rocks, Nevada over winter break.

Team vice president Tom Zelman also raves about the team’s competitive aspect. “I really like having an atmosphere where you push and bring yourself to your mental and physical limits and then see something happen from moving past that,” Zelman said. “Going into practice knowing that atmosphere is there is really great.”

“Involving yourself in climbing is one of the best things you can do to grow as a person,” Zelman said. “From falling again and again on the wall, you apply these lessons to the rest of your life. We coach each other, train each other, and grow; it’s something you need to experience.”

Want to be a part of the team?

Get involved by emailing: umnclimb@umn.edu

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THE WAKE CITIES

Take the Stress out of Registration

Tips to keep in mind as you get ready register

By Maci Bekele Once again, the time to register for next semester’s courses is upon us. If you are a returning student, you probably have some experience dealing with the confusing One-Stop registration website. However, if you are new to the mayhem that ensues from registration and are utterly confused on how or what to register for, don’t panic! Before you go crowding your adviser’s office, here are some tips to keep in mind as you begin registering for spring semester.

of what the classes are like. This is better than realizing halfway through the semester that a class isn’t what you signed up for. Ask around, who knows? You might discover something really awesome.

up—reducing great amount of stress and panic had you done it the last minute—but you also get another great benefit: a spot in classes that seem to always fill up at the speed of light. Like yoga!

• Start early. By having a head start, not only will you have time to change things around if something comes

• Make an event out of it. Get your friends or floor mates together; grab your laptops and some snacks and register together. This way, not only will it be less stressful, but you also get to see what classes your friends are taking and see if you can coordinate with them.

• Have a general idea of what classes you want to take.

If you have decided on a major, great, half of your work.

You can log into Graduation Planner on One Stop to see what things you need to do to graduate on time. However, if you are undecided or undeclared, looking at your One Stop’s APAS Reports is a great place to start.

Although registering can be a bit stressful, especially if you are new to it, it should not be a cause for a major headache. With these tips under your belt, you’ll be one step closer to starting the registration period on a good note. If that fails, you can always camp out in front of your adviser’s office until they see you. Happy registering!

• Talk to students who have taken the classes you are considering. Course descriptions are not always what they seem; by talking to students, you get a real sense

Pizza Studio Aims for Slice of U of M

Fast-growing pizza chain challenges Mesa’s hold on Dinkytown

newest PizzaRev location in Edina has gained a lot of popularity, so it’s safe to assume that Pizza Studio could possibly do well with the same business model. The chain is “leading the charge in the fast casual pizza segment,” according to their website, but can a Subway-style restaurant compete with tradition?

the college student pizza market. Their first Minnesota location opened up in January in the Mall of America, and the Dinkytown site will be their second.

For almost a decade, Mesa Pizza has served its quirky specialty pizzas by the slice and delivered late into the night. It regularly attracts lines around the block, and finding a parking spot around it is nearly impossible.

Specialties like the Macaroni and Cheese and the Gyro pizza make Mesa unique, and their name is synonymous with delivery for late night studying or partying.

While Mesa is a traditional pizza restaurant, Pizza Studio takes a more hands-on approach. Like Chipotle or Subway, customers can choose everything from their crust to the toppings for a personal sized pizza. This is not a new trend in pizza chains, though, as similar chain PizzaRev has an almost identical business model. The

Will Pizza Studio beat out Mesa as the most important pizza restaurant on campus? Probably not. Pizza Studio doesn’t do delivery. Pizza Studio might be a faster way to get a pizza for lunch in Dinkytown, but Mesa seems like it’s going to be delivering Mac and Cheese ‘za to your dorm in the foreseeable future.

By Erik Newland Almost every University of Minnesota student has eaten Mesa pizza. Whether you order it for a dorm party or go out for a Friday night meal, it has been part of the U of M experience since 2006. Is it possible for its hold on student culture to be challenged?

Pizza Studio, a fast-growing pizza chain from California hopes to do just that. It’s opening a new location just a block down 4th Street from Mesa, in what could be seen as a bold or poorly-informed move to take a slice of

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THE WAKE VOICES

hungry and afraid

College: where every meal is an ordeal

By Gina Van Thomme Classes are done and you’re in a good mood Until you remember you need to find food “I could order a pizza,” you think with glee But you couldn’t afford one unless it was free

Suddenly, meal prep goes from okay to dire You watch as your dinner starts on fire The pan with the pasta is getting hotter and hotter You realize you skipped the instruction that said to add water

You get back to your house to scavenge for food But one look in the cabinet tells you you’re screwed The scene before you is even shitter than Moodle You don’t even have Ramen. Not even a noodle

After you clean up the mess, you give up for real Risking your life isn’t worth making a meal Your future is bright, but your cooking is a shame You have no one but your own self to blame

You consider options with tears in your eyes This cooking stuff is gonna be your demise You’re hungry now and there’s nothing to eat “I miss my mom,” you admit with defeat Suddenly you remember you have Mac and Cheese A mix of sodium and pasta? It’s a major yes please You bring out a pot and wait for the pasta to boil You don’t understand how people deal with this toil

But wait a minute! There’s been divine intervention You find a box of cereal to relieve this great tension Cereal is more than just breakfast—it’s a way of life It’s a friend and companion during your time of strife You rip open the box and pour out a bowl You’re happier than a stripper finding a pole But once you pour the milk, you almost get sick It probably shouldn’t look this yellow and thick

MAX SMITH

You give up all hopes of preparing a meal This growing up stuff lacks a lot of appeal If you’re being honest, you can barely boil water You say a prayer for your future son or daughter You have only one option left. You get online.

You’re so hungry you’ll do desperate things just to dine You search the web as you quietly say, “What student group am I joining today?”

Marriage equality predictions

The forecast for when the rest of America will quit being assholes

By Nicole Carlson Marriage equality is a proud point for many Minnesotans.

The most recent data reveals that same-sex marriage is legal in 32 states. However, it’s banned in many others, causing a divide across the country. The states banning same-sex marriage are mostly in the South and the Midwest. Hold your gasp, please. In several of these states the bans have been thrown out, but appeals are still pending. This means that for now there are 18 states that do not yet have marriage equality. When are they going to catch up? Highly professional “research” has lead to these sophisticated predictions…

In Florida, same-sex marriage will be legalized in 2016 after Mr. Mickey Mouse controversially reveals that his relationship with co-star Goofy was not strictly platonic.

Such a beloved celebrity opening up will perhaps help to persuade Florida to give equality a chance. By 2018, Louisiana and Mississippi will allow same-sex couples to hold hands (in their homes). They’d rather not talk or think about the marriage part yet.

Montana, North Dakota, and Ohio will legalize same-sex marriage in 2020 when a group of progressive 4th graders explain the concepts of “separation of church and state” and “human rights” in terms that legislators can understand.

South Dakota, the state that has anti-anti-gay bullying laws, will allow same-sex marriage in 2025 when it finally learns it is not actually part of the South. This will come as a huge shock to its inhabitants who have puzzling accents and inherently conservative viewpoints.

Missouri, Kansas, and Michigan will accept same-sex marriage around the same time after it is kindly pointed out to them that “I don’t like it” is not a valid excuse to restrict the rights of others. If only they had realized that sooner. Nebraska, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Texas will legalize gay marriage in 2045 when all those who oppose it die out due to natural selection (which they did not believe in). Tennessee, South Carolina, and Georgia will begrudgingly allow same-sex marriage several years later due to the increasing number of 11-toed babies that need adoption.

Finally, in 2060, when half the world is taken over by talking apes, when oncefree nations fear the “thought police,” and when Southerners can legally marry their tractors, Alabama will battle it out at Bigotry’s Last Stand. Alabama will lose, and secede from the union… which was actually America’s plan all along.

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THE WAKE VOICES

Behind the Scenes of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives

How The Food Network changed a small northern Wisconsin town and café—and my life, too

By Madison Bloomquist Over the summer, I went back home to northern Wisconsin. I love my hometown and the surrounding area—it has beautiful lakes, a national forest, and some of the best outdoor recreation areas in the country. It also has my favorite restaurant, The Brick House Café and Catering. The Brick House is a breath of fresh, gourmet, and caffeinated air in the land of cheese curds, beer, and cows. It has a full-service espresso bar and classic yet contemporary comfort food made with as many local ingredients as possible. In the height of summer, it is rare to see a seat unfilled with tourists and regulars alike. I was lucky enough to be part of their staff for a few months. I figured I would be waiting tables, frothing milk, and explaining the differences about the local lakes to tourists. Sure, I did all of those things and more, but the summer also gave me—and the rest of my town—a dream come true.

In early May 2014, The Brick House’s owner, Heather Ludzack, got a call from a production assistant at Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives (DDD). An anonymous person gave them a tip that The Brick House would be a good candidate for the show. Though The Brick House is extremely well known in our area, Ludzack was shocked. At DDD’s request, she sent a list of favorite menu items, pictures of the café, and full menus. Then, DDD pitched the idea to Guy Fieri himself. Fieri loves northern Wisconsin and was looking for more places to shoot there anyway, and a month later the show called Ludzack to say the restaurant had been chosen. “I was so nervous I didn’t even tell my staff or family for over a week,” Ludzack said. “I just couldn’t believe that they were coming to our little town and our little restaurant!”

As a self-proclaimed Food Network nerd, I was over the moon as well. When Ludzack gathered a group of us employees together to tell us the news, I quite literally dramatically gasped. National television shows do not come to Cable, Wisconsin. In fact, sometimes it feels like nothing but mosquitoes come there. Finally, our beautiful neck of the woods was getting some recognition! The next few weeks were filled with preparation.

We all wanted the café and menu (chosen by Fieri himself) to be in tip-top shape. I clearly remember the days before filming when my coworkers and I excitedly polished the entire café. We were so proud of Heather, the café, and the town itself.

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THEBRICKHOUSECAFE.NET

The Brick House is a breath of fresh, gourmet, and caffeinated air in the land of cheese curds, beer, and cows.

The production days themselves were whirlwinds of food, lights, cameras, and hanging out with DDD’s amazing crew. Ludzack could not compliment them enough.

“They just bent over backwards to make the experience a positive one, and make us all feel at ease and comfortable in front of the cameras,” she said. “Of course, Fieri himself was every bit as wild and funny as he is on camera, but off camera was also a really down to earth, kind, and friendly person.” He and Ludzack got along very well, and he loved the dishes he chose: Crème Brulée French Toast, the Lake Owen Panini (our signature sandwich), and the Espresso Barbecue Pulled Pork Sandwich. I personally did not get to talk to Fieri very much, but I will probably never forget the first words he said to me. Even though we filmed in July, it was only in the low sixties outside.

Fieri walked past the open window, shivered, looked at me, and asked, “Is that cold air really coming from outside?” I had to tell him yes, yes it was, and welcome to northern Wisconsin. He laughed and walked away, leaving me star-struck and dizzy. The entire crew left

us with hugs, autographs, and kind words about the restaurant and our staff.

Ludzack knew outright what this experience could mean for her business and Cable itself. The area survives on tourism and the show will likely bring in lots of visitors and revenue. A lot of people watch DDD. A lot of people want to eat where, and what, Guy Fieri ate. Ludzack has already noticed an increase in business, and the show hasn’t even aired yet! When I worked at The Brick House, many people asked me what they should order or what Fieri liked. I would tell them, “Well, Guy Fieri approves of our Espresso Barbecue Pulled Pork sandwich, would you like to try that?” They almost always said yes. Nearly every person who knows our story has told me that no place is more deserving than The Brick House. Ludzack, the café, and the town itself are the perfect candidates for the show, and I personally came to appreciate them all even more through the experience. The episode airs November 7 at 9 p.m. on The Food Network—tune in!

THE WAKE VOICES

The Basics on “Basic”

Classism takes on a new disguise in common slang

By Olivia Riley “Oh my God, do you see them all? With their UGGs, and their leggings, and their Starbucks… wow. Look at these basic white girls!” a guy in one of my classes laughingly remarked about passersby to his friend and me.

“You do realize that you are currently talking to me, a white girl, right?” I asked, mildly shocked.

“Well, yeah, but you’re not one of those white girls, you’re not basic, you know?” was his response.

I struggled to understand the implications of this statement. So, since I don’t fulfill certain stereotypes, am I somehow better than “those” white girls? The number of gender, race, and class prejudices exposed by this brief conversation was astonishing to me.

A brief definition of “basic” (from the unimpeachable authority on slang, Urban Dictionary) is: “An adjective used to describe any person, place, activity involving obscenely obvious behavior, dress, action. Unsophisticated.”

That last adjective exposes the true ugliness of this word, and the modern classism it perpetuates. The use of “basic,” especially when paired with the phrase “white girl,” is not only related to a slew of racial and feminist issues, but ones of social class as well.

Classism is differential treatment based on social class or perceived social class… the systematic assignment of characteristics of worth and ability based on social class.

For a long time, classes have been divided by the “haves” and the “have-nots.” The financial stability needed to constantly be fresh, unique, and modern enough so as to avoid the dreadful title of “unsophisticated” or common is not something shared by all, and judging others by having or not having a particular brand of coffee or boots is simply a new avenue of bigotry in a long and varied history of discrimination based on social class.

So, when you call someone basic are you, however inadvertently, perpetuating a culture of prejudice and classism? The short answer: yes, I’m afraid so.

Judging others by having or not having a particular brand of coffee or boots is simply a new avenue of bigotry in a long and varied history of discrimination based on social class.”

The long answer: this isn’t meant to be a guilt trip, but an eye-opener. We’ve all probably heard someone close to us use the word “basic,” and we may have even said it ourselves. The message I hope you can take away from this is: before we go around casually sticking labels on people, we should take the time to figure out what the true and complete meaning is behind the language we use, so we can recognize and reject the many prejudices that are still present in our culture.

Substituting Face for Patriotism

The dangers of misrepresenting history in public education

By Kevin Beckman In an admirable act of civil disobedience, almost one thousand high school students from Jefferson County, Colorado, the state’s second largest school district, walked out of class in early October to protest a proposal by their school board which would significantly alter the school district’s Advanced Placement History curriculum.

The proposal in question would create a school board committee tasked with ensuring that all U.S. history materials taught in Jefferson County “promote citizenship, patriotism, essentials and benefits of the free enterprise system, respect for authority and respect for individual rights.” The proposal also said that instructional materials “should present positive aspects of the United States and its heritage.” The committee would be directed to inform the school board of any “objectionable materials” it might encounter. Julie Williams, one of three conservative members who control the county school board and who helped design the proposal said that it’s not about teaching history inaccurately, but about not encouraging students to disobey the law. She also argues that the current AP History curriculum “emphasizes race, gender, class, ethnicity, grievance, and American-bashing.”

Student protesters claim that if the school board succeeds at changing the curriculum, a dangerous precedent would be set—and it’s easy to see their point of view.

The misrepresentation of history in the name of patriotism, even in something as simple as a high school class, not only sets a dangerous precedent for censorship, but also does enormous injustice to the actual events that shaped our country into what it is today. If the Jefferson County school board wants to discuss patriotism, then they should note the obvious fact that civil disorder and social strife are at the patriotic heart of American history–from the Boston Tea Party to the American Revolution to the Civil Rights Movement.

And the claim that the current AP History curriculum emphasizes race, gender, class, and ethnicity? Well, it’s right.

It’s ludicrous to suggest that these things weren’t central to some of the most important events in American history. The Jefferson County school board may consider the teaching of certain events which show the U.S. in a negative light to be American-bashing, but in reality it’s just an objective telling of the American story. Insinuating that the U.S. has always been the good guys is laughable.

KEVIN BECKMAN

The point of history is learning from our past to better influence our future. But how can we learn from a past that’s been twisted to promote an agenda? This is why knowing our history, our actual history, is so important. We have a responsibility, as members of this country and this planet, to make sure that our generation and the generations that follow know the real events that shaped the world they live in—not a bunch of clouded half-truths formulated by an unknown party. The story of our past shouldn’t change depending on who tells it. Our history makes us who we are, and forgetting that can be tragic and dangerous.

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THE WAKE VOICES

Vaccinate your children!

…and tell others to do the same

By Matthew Maple Despite substantial health benefits such as resistance to spreading and contracting disease, many Americans continue to argue against vaccination. They usually stand by two major arguments: that vaccines aren’t healthy, and that they cause autism. Unfortunately, many people believe these claims, despite the scientific evidence against them.

Personally, it’s hard for me to understand the logic of those who are against vaccines. It seems very selfish to risk not only the health and safety of children, but of others’ children as well. Avoiding vaccines puts both you and others at risk of contracting any number of illnesses rather than significantly boosting the chance to live a healthy life.

Vaccines don’t poison you, they don’t give you diseases, and they certainly don’t cause autism. Vaccines work by injecting a dead version of the virus into your blood. Your

body then creates little devices called antibodies whose sole purpose is to destroy that specific virus. This way, if you are exposed to the virus in the future, your body will be ready to fight it off. Being injected with a dead virus is the exact opposite of being infected with a live (and actually dangerous) one.

Still, anti-vaccine advocates claim that their child is better off without vaccinations, not only out of their misguided fear that vaccines cause disease, but also because they think they cause autism.

Some parents fear autism more than anything else in the first years of their child’s life. This scare started in 1998 when a medical journal called The Lancet published an article written by a man named Andrew Wakefield. In it, he claimed that the vaccine used to protect against measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR) caused mental disorders characteristic of autism. Later, it was proven that Wakefield had falsified evidence and had not followed the medical code of ethics, and he was stripped of his medical license. This was too little, too late,

however, as his declaration had already scared plenty of people into fearing vaccines.

Vaccines don’t spread disease, but outbreaks can occur when people decide not to vaccinate. In fact, the only reason smallpox has been effectively eradicated for over 30 years and no longer needs to be feared is because of routine vaccinations. Conversely, the measles virus has shown the highest number of cases in 20 years due to unvaccinated people bringing it back to the US and infecting other unvaccinated people, most often children.

According to the World Health Organization, children are particularly susceptible to spreading and becoming infected by diseases such as measles, as are the very old, and those who are already ill. Without proper education, anti-vaccine campaigns could snowball over the years into a dangerous, disease-ridden avalanche. So please, do your part to protect the herd, and get your vaccinations!

Please visit: http://www.autismspeaks.org/ for information on autism awareness, as well as http://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/index.html for more info on vaccine safety

White-washed diversity

How cultured is our campus?

By Russell Barnes The University of Minnesota takes pride in being a diverse campus, featuring a banner of seven students, four of them persons of color, on its admissions website.

Our website also claims the University is strengthened by the “different representations of races, religions, ethnicities, economic backgrounds, geographic origins, genders, sexualities and beliefs.”

Sadly, these words serve as a cover-up to the truth— we are enormously white-washed.

The student body is now composed of less than 70 percent white students, and we accept 3.4 percent more international students than we did four years ago, according to the Office of Institutional Research. However, the enrollment of domestic minority groups has not increased nearly that much. In fact, the enrollment of domestic blacks has actually decreased over the past four years.

So what is the U doing to help provide more opportunities to people of color?

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They are removing the Postsecondary Teaching and Learning Department, a department that has historically been useful in helping people of color and disabled people transition into the University’s demands, from the College of Education and Human Development.

Coffman Union’s second floor was renovated, placing groups whose membership is predominantly white, such as the Minnesota Student Association, into the front and center, granting them more visibility. Cultural centers, on the other hand, were placed into the corners with less visibility, with the Women’s Student Activist Collective and the Queer Student Cultural Center forced to split a single room into two due to space constraints.

I don’t think anyone who chooses not to disclose their sexual identity/orientations wants to feel pressured to disclose them if they have to ask where the QSCC is.

This also brings up the lack of gender-neutral bathrooms on campus and having to have your legal name on your U Card. Everyone should feel comfortable in the bathroom and not fear getting attacked. Students should

also feel safe in classrooms, and should not be harassed if their name doesn’t match their gender representation.

Students have tried voicing their concerns in the past.

Sometimes it has been successful, and in 1969, student voices were so loud that the African Studies department was created. More recently, the Whose Diversity? initiative launched a campaign this past Spring alongside a series of demands that would, in their minds, make the university more inclusive. Although their demands may not have been fulfilled, it re-opened a chapter for a discussion the university needs to constantly have regarding the way it systematically oppresses various historically marginalized groups.

The Guy Behind Center

Why the Minnesota Vikings quarterback carousel continues to spin in 2014

By Johnny Tvedt Photos from Vikings.com

The Vikings are bad. Anyone who lives in Minnesota, knows anything about the NFL, or has turned on a Sunday matinée game can see it. It’s a weekly cycle, the fans get excited only to be let down by another last second, heartbreaking play by the other team. In a normal situation, a team that falters for a few seasons goes into a rebuilding process. They reload on young talent and head back out to show the world what they’ve become. This often works; think of the Indianapolis Colts after they shipped Peyton Manning off to Denver: 11 wins and a trip to the playoffs. Rebuilding is the only way to become relevant again. Get rid of the old, ineffective plan and had back to the drawing board. However, to the fans in Minnesota, this sounds all too familiar. We’ve been at the drawing board since Brett Favre traded in his helmet and cleats for a lawn mower and a cozy ranch in Southern Mississippi. So what’s the problem here?

THE WAKE FEATURE “He just needs to move on,” a radio reporter

described Christian Ponder weeks ago. The former first round pick went out and laid another egg during a nationally televised game, this time against the Green Bay Packers. The poor quarterback situation did the men in purple in. The night ended with a vicious loss to the division rivals. Ponder went out that night as already the third starting quarterback the Vikings have used in this young season. To describe him as somebody that “just needs to move on” almost seems like déjà vu. This is exactly where the problem can be pinpointed. The Vikings simply lack stability behind center.

The teams always in contention for a playoff spot in the NFL have elite quarterbacks. New England, Green Bay, Denver and New Orleans are always in the postseason hunt or looking for their next title because their quarterback makes them competitive despite any other problems on the depth chart. No team is inherently a “Super Bowl roster” top to bottom; problems will exist. But an elite quarterback is the best makeup for these blemishes. Guys like Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, and Peyton Manning cancel out the negatives. The elite quarterbacks of the league make the players around them better and propel their teams to be more than initially thought possible. They make them Super Bowl contenders.

Brett Favre last played for the Vikings in 2010. In the four seasons since, only one quarterback has completed a full 16 game season: Ponder during a lackluster 2012 campaign. Six others have stepped up to the plate in attempt to be “the one.” Most recently, the team took a chance on a young man from Louisville—Teddy Bridgewater.

The selection comes just three years after taking Ponder in the first round of the NFL Draft. In the years following Favre, the Vikes are winless in the playoffs with just one appearance, and in other instances the team hasn’t even gotten close to a playoff birth. To add insult to injury, the fans just aren’t as involved. The quarterback is often the face of the franchise; they give a team their identity. You don’t need to be a hardcore fan to recogniz names like Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers. With the Vikings not having that recognizable face to garner attention and fandom, the ticket sales for the team have plummeted.

During the Favre era, a television blackout, or the failure to broadcast the game on local television due to not selling the game out, was unthinkable. In 2012, two years after Favre, the Vikings neared this horrible fandom mark on multiple occasions. The quarterback’s success and recognition then is directly linked to the team’s success both in the league and with fans. Due to the Vikings lack of a true leader at quarterback, their eagerness to create overturn at the position, and

their misfiring in the draft—the team has put itself in a continuously spinning carousel of failure behind center.

The Vikings have yet to end this cycle. Let’s explore why.

The first error the Vikings have made at Quarterback isgoing with the “just good enough” guy to lead the offense’s passing game. Let’s call this the “Modest Mistake.”

Since drafting Adrian Peterson in 2007, the team has hitched its offensive game plan on his trailer. Since the Vikings plan on using the league’s best running back as much as possible, the team hasn’t placed the same emphasis on the passing game that other teams do. As a result, we find a quarterback that is just “meh.” The average Joes of the world don’t bring you Super Bowls, even when coupled, or formally coupled, with the best running back in the league. The correction here is to put the emphasis where it should be; the passing attack.

The league just isn’t geared toward running the ball anymore. Times change and right now, the Vikings look like the stereotypical old geezer reminiscing about how things “used to be better.”

The next mistake the Vikings have made relates to drafting quarterbacks. They’ve pulled trigger too early in the draft, hoping they can take a shot in the dark and land it on the next franchise quarterback. Let’s call

vikings.com

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THE WAKE FEATURE The seven Vikings quarterbacks since Brett Favre’s 2010 departure: 1. Tarvaris Jackson #7 (2010)

• • •

Started one game for Vikings in 2010 after a Favre injury. Proceeded to get hurt in this game Since the Vikings, he’s floated around the league as a backup Won a Super Bowl last year with the Seahawks

2. Joe Webb #14 (2010-2012)

•

• •

Started two games in 2010 and the 2012 Wild Card Playoffs Converted to wide receiver in 2013 Now the third string quarterback in Carolina

3. Donovan McNabb #5 (2011)

• • •

Picked up by the Vikings after a failed stint in Washington Started six games for the Vikings in 2011 before being benched Didn’t finish 2011 before being released

4. Christian Ponder #7 (2011- now)

• •

12th overall selection in the 2011 NFL draft Benched 4 times since being named “starter” in 2011 • Currently the backup to Teddy Bridgewater • “Should just move on”

5. Matt Cassell #16 (2013-now)

• • •

Picked up after a failed stint in Kansas City Benched twice since taking over for Christian Ponder in 2013 Currently out for the season with a broken foot

6. Josh Freeman #12 (2013)

• • •

Picked up by Vikings midway through 2013 Started one game, never threw a touchdown as a Viking Currently unemployed

7. Teddy Bridgewater

• • •

•

Drafted with 32nd pick in the 2014 NFL draft Recorded his first NFL touchdown pass in week seven against the Buffalo Bills Moved from a college stadium to a slightly nicer college stadium

this mistake “Christian Ponder.” Now to be fair, Ponder wasn’t always bad. He actually owns rookie franchise records including most completions by a rookie (158) and most rookie passing yards in a game (381 against the Falcons). Despite a few good performances, Ponder was never considered a first round pick, let alone the 12th overall selection, the spot the Vikings selected him. Poor drafting sets teams back. The draft is a function of the league that allows the poor and lowly teams to catch up to the rest of the league, but when they blow this opportunity, there is no going back. The Vikings made this mistake with Ponder. He wasn’t a game changer, which is what you hope for in a first round pick.

The next problem coincides with the “Christian Ponder” mistake. This one is when the organization pulls the plug too early and moves on to the next quarterback experiment without fully realizing what could have been made of the previous. This mistake can be referred to as “The Guillotine.” Josh Freeman came to the Vikings in an odd mid-season fashion in 2013 after a fall out with his previous coaching staff. Shortly after his Minnesota arrival, Freeman was thrust into the starting role on Monday Night Football where he proceeded to finish the game without a scoring drive. The next week, the Vikings had a new starting quarterback. This is an instance of “The Guillotine.” A quarterback was given up on to make room for Freeman, who was then given up on the following week. This predicament doesn’t point to just poor play under center, it also brings the coaching staff into question.

Which brings us to the final problem in the Vikings circus of horrible quarterback handling—the poor decisions made by the coaches. A quarterback is like an actor, and even the best actor puts on a bad performance when direction is misguided. In this instance, the head coach is the director and this problem is “The Coaching Problem.” Clever, right? As previously mentioned, the Vikings have used seven different quarterbacks since Favre left town. In that time, they’ve also used three different head coaches. One of the Vikings’ 2011 quarterbacks, Joe Webb, once fell victim of this critical Vikings error. In the 2012 Wild Card Playoffs, Webb was forced in as quarterback. The decision itself was misguided as Ponder was only ruled out by the coaching staff hours before kickoff. In a playoff scenario, you tend to give a guy a heads up when he’s about to go in as the starting quarterback. The coaching mistakes didn’t stop there. Webb was playing with the NFL’s most recent 2,000-yard rusher at the time, and was still forced to pass on 30 attempts (just 11 completions mind you).

Webb, who had very little in-game experience at the time, was put into a situation destined for failure. His stats and the game looked horrible. This is blatantly an error of the coaches. You simply don’t pass the ball 30 times when you have the NFL’s leading rusher. You

flickr / joe bielawa

especially don’t do it with a guy who’s never started more than one game. The “Coaching Problem” goes above the quarterback’s head like an ill-advised Ponder pass.

The problems could be laid out for days. Every team has its flaws. The Vikings just continue to make the same mistakes at a very critical position. The quarterback can’t be a modest, easily replaced, or a poorly directed individual. The NFL revolves around this position. The face of the franchise, the marketing campaigns, the jersey sales, and mostly importantly, the success of the team, all starts with the quarterback.

Teddy Bridgewater walked into his first Viking’s training camp as quarterback number seven since Brett Favre hung it up. Pulled out of the draft with the last pick on the first round, the Vikings used the selection to provide hope to a fan base that surely needs it. This is why the quarterback is so important. With just this selection, even with all the aforementioned mistakes, the fans came reeling back. We haven’t seen much of Bridgewater yet this year, but he offers promise. He offers the fan a chance to see what happens when a new coaching staff doesn’t pull the plug too early, misguide their man under center, and to see what happens when the passing game leads the team to success. The problems since Favre left are now well documented. But with all things in the NFL—it’s about the future. Hopefully Teddy allows us to put the last six guys into the past and deliver us into a brighter tomorrow.

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THE WAKE Q&A

Q&A with Simon Hanselmann Simon Hanselmann is a need-to-know name in the world of independent comics. On his coast-to-coast book tour for the recently published “Megahex,” Simon took the time to chat with The Wake about the sortof origins for his characters Megg, Mogg, and Owl, trying to get Matt Groening (creator of “The Simpsons”) to quote-drop on his book, recent attempts from Adult Swim to make his comic a TV program and more.

By Sam Schaust THE WAKE: You mentioned earlier in the night you’ve only been to America twice before, and now you’re on a book tour. Have you been enjoying it for the most part?

SH: Yeah, I’m liking it. I spent eight days in New York this year and it was too much. So going to Pittsburgh was a huge relief. I was like, “Oh my God — greenery and old buildings!” It was really pretty and quaint.

In Charlottesville, there were dogs in bandanas and cookouts, and it was really slow-paced and nice. The stereotype of America in Australia is, “Hey, I’m walkin’ here!” and thinking you’re gonna get mugged instantly.

I don’t find it like that at all. I lived in the UK for a couple of years — I’ve been around the world — and everywhere’s kind of the same. You’ve just got a different kind of Starbucks and they’ve got a different cappuccino. Everywhere is pretty similar.

SIMON HANSELMANN

Everywhere’s kind of the same. You’ve just got a different kind of Starbucks and they’ve got a different cappuccino.

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THE WAKE: I have to bring up the “Twin Peaks”themed VICE comic you did with “Megg, Mogg & Owl.” Your comic was released around the same time as the “Twin Peaks” Blu-ray box set. Did you mean to time it so closely?

SH: No, I have the old gold box set and I didn’t realize that it synced up. That was just based on an actual “Twin Peaks” marathon my ex-girlfriend and I had.

We watched all of it over, like, 29 hours. All of it, and “Fire Walk With Me.” It drove me insane. By the end of it, I had eaten so many donuts and baguettes… We

THE WAKE Q&A were trying to sync up all of the food, like when Ben and Jerry Horne are eating the baguettes, we ate the baguettes.

THE WAKE: Well, with “Twin Peaks” as an influence on you, what are some more of the American influences — even just in terms of comics — that have rubbed off on you?

SH: I started off with the underground stuff when I was 13. It was all Daniel Clowes, Peter Bagge, Chester Brown, and all that stuff. I love Todd Solondz, like, I saw “Welcome to the Dollhouse“ when I was 18 or something and fucking loved it. I love “Mr. Show with Bob and David,” and I like the old “Upright Citizens Brigade” show in the late 90s. “Strangers with Candy” was a big thing. My mom was dealing a lot of drugs in the late 90s and we got cable when it first came out and it had all of that late 90s American stuff. Yeah, it was hugely influential. Especially, “Mr. Show” — I love “Mr Show.”

THE WAKE: Oh, I agree. I’m sure meeting David Cross and Bob Odenkirk would be a dream. Recently, I actually saw Tim Heidecker and Eric Warehiem, and then also John C. Reilly in his Steve Brule getup, too.

SH: God, I love Tim and Eric.

THE WAKE: I was gonna say, I’m sure you would.

SH: Yeah. When “Tom Goes to the Mayor” came out, it was basically “Mr. Show: The Next Generation.” Like, Bob Odenkirk produced it and he was in a lot of it. I started watching and I was like, “Holy shit, Bob Odenkirk is in it!” I really wanted to get a David Cross quote in “Megahex,” but he didn’t write back. I mean, he’s done quotes for Dave Cooper’s Fantagraphics books and I was like, “Can we please get David Cross?!”

I tried to get Matt Groening as well because I fucking love “The Simpsons.”

THE WAKE: That’s so strange he didn’t because he loves your work!.

SH: I know! He’s a fan. He almost did the quote, but he’d just given one to Esther Pearl Watson and he said he didn’t want to be a “quote whore.”

THE WAKE: With your book “Megahex” consisting mostly of your Tumblr comics compiled with some new material, too, was that an easy process to give a synthesized story to your whole “Megg, Mogg & Owl” collection?

SH: I probably spent about an evening just intensely laying out the comics on the ground and trying to put it into a cohesive whole, because I wanted it to read like a graphic novel. And I made the 69 pages of extra stuff to put more of an arc into it. It’s all to be continued in “Megg’s Coven.” I mean, Owl moves out at the end and Megg has to deal with her mother and stuff — most of that being autobiographical. Yeah, but it wasn’t too hard. It was kind of a panic getting it all done. I was two months late and it turned out all right I thought.

THE WAKE: Now I’m sure you get asked this a lot, but the characters in your cartoons feel very real. They go through very real situations, real-world problems, and I have to ask: how much of yourself settles into what you write?

SH: Quite a lot. I mean, I eat like shit. Like, I eat a whole pizza every day and drink a lot of Red Bull. All that stuff with Megg getting sick from eating bad food is me. I do smoke a lot of pot and it helps me work, like, I draw almost 14 hours a day. I feel like it’s an analogy: Megg and Mogg just taking drugs all day and do nothing. I kind of do that but with work. Like, instead of being lazy I work perpetually. And all of the horrible kind of stuff, like the sexual assault on Owl — that happened to a friend of mine. I feel uncomfortable saying, “Yeah!

It’s all autobiographical!” because people are going to think I’m doing all of these horrible things. But it’s just friends of mine from Hobart, Tasmania — it was a weird scene. A lot of very depressed, bipolar alcoholics. I’m just a story thief. If you’re friends with me, I will steal ideas from you and put them into “Megg, Mogg & Owl.” THE WAKE: That’s what Larry David does with his famous journal.

SH: Exactly! The Larry David notebook. That’s what I do. I keep a notebook and I’m always on the lookout for little things. I put notes up on the wall, put them all together like a jigsaw, expand them a little bit with some bad writing, and it all comes together. And I listen to a lot of “Simpsons” commentary from the writer’s room.

I try and write “Megg, Mogg & Owl” like a sitcom. I punch it all out, sit it aside for a bit and then redo it and slam it out.

THE WAKE: I have to ask what’s next for “Megg, Mogg & Owl.” What would you expect of expanding it beyond paper and into digital video? Would you ever do that?

SH: Oh, I’d love to do it! Like I had that offer from Adult Swim wanting to turn it into a show, but they haven’t gotten back to me since I said I wanted to own the characters. Because that’s a problem — they all want to own the characters. Otherwise I’d love to do it; I’d love to get a team together and do it but I think I’m just too unprofessional at the moment. I need to get my shit together more…I don’t know. There might be a video game, like, a little Megg and Mogg sort of lo-fi RPG. I’d love to do that. I want to make more T-shirts and some little action dolls — just more silly merchandise. But I also don’t want to over-merchandise it.

THE WAKE: Well, what would you say if you had to envision it being an Adult Swim cartoon, like, if you could take one piece of this show and another piece of that show, is there any conglomeration of aspects that you could see it being?

SH: Just “The Simpsons” crossed with Todd Solondz, basically. Just a darker “Simpsons.” And I’d be up for live action, as well. Like, my French publisher made these

puppet videos with a puppet Mogg. But I really do want Lindsay Lohan to play Megg. I just don’t know if I can pull it together, though. I’ve had four major networks write to me about this shit but nothing has come to fruition. It’s a cutthroat industry. For now I’m just enjoying the comics. I’ve got about five years of stuff written. “Megg’s Coven” will be like 400 pages, and I’ve got another book that’ll be at the Toronto Comics Art Festival next year that’s like 60 pages. I’ve got another thing that’s set when Megg’s a teenager. I’m gonna start jumping around in time with it a bit.

THE WAKE: Do you think we’ll ever see your 200-plus page graphic novel “Girl Mountain”?

SH: (laughs) No. THE WAKE: Is that because you’ve aged and it’s too far back in the catalog and now you’re shoving it under the bed?

SH: Yeah, I started it in 2003 with writing it and finished drawing it in 2010. And I don’t hate it, but I don’t think it’s that good. If I put it out I feel like I’d have to finish the rest of it because I wrote it as a 1,000-page thing and I got a quarter of the way through it. So yeah, I’m picking it apart for ideas for “Megg, Mogg & Owl” because a lot of stuff in it, like, going to parties is teenage kind of shit that I can put into “Megg, Mogg & Owl.” But I’ve got some new stuff planned. I want to draw “Happiness,” the Todd Solondz movie, but with all the “Simpsons” characters and just do it as really sloppy mini-comics. And I’ve got a sci-fi thing I kind of want to do. It’s based on a novella from the 60s where a bunch of sailors are lost in the middle of the ocean and they create a mental realm of their own making and have to govern it.

THE WAKE: Now, this question is for anyone who is new to “Megg, Mogg & Owl.” Suggest for me your favorite, or quintessential comic of yours to jump into.

SH: Probably my other book “Life Zone.” I purposefully made that to ease people into it.

THE WAKE: Any specific comic in “Life Zone?” Like “Jobs” for instance?

SH: I guess so — that’s the one that got nominated for an Ignatz Award this year. But I think “Altered Beast” – the last one – is the best. The thing is, I’m just growing the characters up. I could do “Megg, Mogg & Owl” for the rest of my life. Like, “Girl Mountain” was me as a 20 year-old processing my teen years, and now “Megg, Mogg & Owl” is me processing my twenties. When I’m 40, I’ll just start processing my thirties, and I’m already crossing into that because Owl is turning 30.

THE WAKE: Well, I’ll let you know, the comic of yours that got me hooked was when your infamous side character Werewolf Jones sliced up his balls with a cheese grater as a party trick.

SH: Oh yeah, just a classic.

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Scandinavian Pop

ballads to retro-tinged pop and soul. Lykke Li has a penchant for dressing in black, matching the overcast tone of her music.

Continuing the legacy

By Kristen Wangsness

Scandinavia is a longtime exporter of funky pop music.

Stockholm’s ABBA took over the ‘70s from the moment they won Eurovision with their song “Waterloo” in 1974.

The dynamic duo Roxette dominated the ‘80s with their single “It Must Have Been Love” and “Listen to your Heart,” which have both been covered and remixed countless times. Ace of Base, who sprung from Gothenburg in the ‘90s, were four siblings who topped the charts with tracks like “All That She Wants” and “Don’t Turn Around.”

Northern Europe continues to be a hotbed for innovative, experimental, and undeniably catchy pop music. Here are some contemporary Scandinavian pop highlights.

Robyn Queen of the dance-pop genre, Robyn has the dance skills to match her music. She experiments widely with the production of her songs, which vary from painfully honest love songs to confidence-building anthems. She is also one of the few people who can make a mullet look effortlessly stylish.

MØ Karen Ørsted of Copenhagen makes electropop that sounds like an edgy dream. Her debut album dropped

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earlier this year, and each track lived up to “XXX 88,” the surreal track she made with Diplo in 2013.

Say Lou Lou These identical twins are as Australian as they are Swedish, having grown up living between the two countries. Their music features harmonized vocals over lush and cinematic production. In addition to their own creations, their discography includes beautiful covers and collaborations with artists such as Chet Faker.

Lykke Li Hailing from Stockholm, Li’s songs range from mournful

Nervous Nellie This indie-pop group from Stockholm is comprised of two sets of brothers. Their music is reminiscent of the kind of dreamy pop exported from Sweden in the ‘80s mixed with the acoustic pop the country’s known for today.

The Knife Two siblings from Gothenburg make moody electronic music with lyrics as cryptic as the artists themselves, who avoid media and refuse to attend award ceremonies. They also run their own record company, Rabid Records.

Other talented Scandinavian artists to check out include: Icona Pop (who’ve got a discography to match their formidable Charli XCX-penned single “I Love It”), Mr. Little Jeans (check out her electro-cover of Arcade Fire’s “The Suburbs”), Fallulah (her excellent album: “The Black Cat Neighborhood”), Niki & The Dove (who claim the top two songs on my iTunes most played: “The Fox” and “The Drummer”) NONONO (surely you’ve heard their anthem “Pumpin’ Blood” in a commercial or department store). The list, and the legacy of Scandinavian pop music, goes on and on…

Only Two Platinum Records This Year?!

Why record sales have frozen solid

By Andrew Tomten So far this year, only one album from a single artist has sold a million copies. That’s right. No album has gone platinum in 2014, except for the soundtrack to “Frozen” and Taylor Swift’s “1989.” In fact, her album went platinum in its first week, beating out every other album made this year. While that may at first come across as horrifically depressing, there are some possible explanations for this phenomenon that could either serve as comforting or additionally bleak.

Perhaps the lack of record buying in 2014 is just a fluke, but with ridiculously easy ways of obtaining music such as Spotify, Pandora, and torrenting, is the age of purchasing entire albums reaching its demise? It certainly seems so when looking at Top 40 lists. They indicate that music purchasers tend to buy one or two songs off an album rather than full-lengths, adding to their library of individual songs from various artists. Obviously, the attitude of purchasing songs singularly was not possible when music was solely sold on vinyl and cassette tapes, but modern

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technology allows this trend to be increasingly popular.

Why don’t we just buy albums? We used to do it all the time, so what’s the big holdup now? Well, the music business today is not what it used to be. Companies that stream music make money by selling the convenience of their owned music. Why would one exit out of Spotify in order to pay for the album they were just listening to for free, or even go so far as to bike to a record store and buy the physical copy of it? While there are people that are passionate and supportive enough of artists to do this, this may not be in everyone’s best interest. Music streamers are placing a plate of cookies next to a plate of broccoli on America’s dining table; our musical diet is changing.

On the optimistic side of things, we certainly saw albums hit the one million mark last year. Daft Punk, Vampire Weekend, and Kanye West did very well, and it should be noted that some years for music are better than others.

All we can do as listeners is make the best out of what

we have, and hope that our record and ticket purchases may change things. Moreover, with emerging genres and young artists, the ability to produce desirable music is still alive. Every day, there are more creative artists born, and though it may seem like we’re digging ourselves a musical grave, it should only serve as further inspiration for artists to turn the situation on its head and make something truly stunning out of it.

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How Social Media Killed Musician Beefs

The effects of Twitter, Instagram, and musicianship on conflict

By Ryan Meaney Conflicts between musicians have been around for decades, fueling fires and sometimes creating great music in the process. Most great musician beefs, such as the East Coast/West Coast hip-hop rivalry of the ‘90s, stem from a central conflict and spark a creative overhaul aimed at the opposing force. Today, however, social media has all but killed the musician beef altogether.

What was once a way to prove your worth in the musical community by presenting one’s artistry has now become a petty Twitter argument better suited for eighth graders. For example, consider the recent beef between the artist formerly known as Snoop Lion and Iggy Azalea.

Snoop posted on his Instagram a not-so-flattering picture of a woman and joked that it was Azalea without makeup.

This set the queen of fancy on a Twitter tirade, calling Snoop out for praising her to her face but making fun of her behind her back. Subsequently, Azalea’s mother set up a meeting with Snoop’s mother to discuss the situation, since they’re apparently both 14-year-olds.

As these Twitter beefs usually go, both traded a few more

jabs before all was put to rest and forgotten about. It ended as quickly as it had began, and nothing positive came of it. Which is disappointing, because isn’t that the whole point of making music in the first place? What better medium to tell the world how you’re feeling, whether it be sad, happy, upset, embarrassed, or confused—all emotions that seemed to have come to light during this conflict.

Music should be expressive and send a message; if Azalea really wanted to send a message, she should have used her creative ability to make music to get her views across.

Take, for another example, the beef between indie singer-songwriter Mark Kozelek (also known as Sun Kil Moon) and Philly-based indie group The Waron Drugs.

During a festival performance in Ottawa, Sun Kil Moon’s set was interrupted by the noise of The War on Drugs sound-checking

before their set on another stage. Kozelek responded by writing the song “War on Drugs: Suck my Cock,” a seven minute ballad detailing the event and why it pissed him off. Frankly, the song is about a few other things that piss Kozelek off. It features Kozelek’s wordy verses, allowing the story to be fully set up for the listener. It’s funny, well-written, and demonstrates his musicianship more than it does anything else.

The difference between these two beefs is that Kozelek decided to use his craft to tell his story, as he does with everything he writes about. Instead of passively jabbering away from behind a computer, he utilized his feelings to do what he does best. I think he summed it up best when he stated in a recent press release: “I don’t have Twitter or Facebook. I make albums.”

Gorillaz Releasing New Content?

I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad

By Karl Witkowiak In 2001, Blur frontman Damon Albarn and “Tank Girl” illustrator Jamie Hewlett created the virtual electronic/ hip-hop band Gorillaz. The band went on to become one of the most beloved music acts of the 2000s before they went on hiatus in 2011. After three long years, however, Albarn announced that our favorite animated band would be making their welcome return in 2016. Albarn stated that they were “in the process of reactivating the collaborative band” during an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald on Sunday, Oct. 19. This was foreshadowed just a year earlier as Hewlett said, “I believe there is a future for the Gorillaz, but Gorillaz is quite a complicated and expensive thing to produce. So I think we need to wait a little bit to see what happens...” With that amount of time and money being devoted to this new LP, we could be in for a treat.

Gorillaz entered the music scene in 2001 with their self-titled LP. They started as a hip-hop/alternative band with songs such as “Clint Eastwood” and “Rock the House.” What made this band even more unique,

however, was that the band was mainly animated and the characters were colorful and unique, such as the vulgar Murdoc Niccals. The characters also went through phases, with a new one being introduced with each LP, and where the characters would change with time.

what to expect, both with the music and with the band’s storyline. Despite the fact that I have no idea what to expect, I will still be waiting in anticipation for 2016 to roll around the corner, as I’m sure most Gorilaz fans are.

For example, Noodle, the guitarist, aged from 10 to 13 in between Phase One and Two. The tone of their music ended up changing with time as well. While their next LP, Demon Days, continued the hip-hop feel with songs like the iconic “Feel Good Inc.,” their next LP, Plastic Beach, evolved into something that was more electronic and indie, although some hip-hop elements remained in their music. Overall, I feel that the change was welcome without being jarring and I can safely say Plastic Beach is my favorite of their albums. They released one more album, The Fall, before their hiatus.

The Gorillaz’s music has always been unique. I expect this next LP to be similar in tone to Plastic Beach, but the best thing about Gorillaz is that you never know

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Sleater-Kinney: Exhumed Idols

The feminist indie rock trio reunites after a near decade-long absence

By Peter Diamond “In one more hour, I will be gone,” Corin Tucker sang in a banshee-like howl during the final encore of the last Sleater-Kinney concert in Portland’s Crystal Ballroom. It was August 2006. Originally written about her break up with fellow bandmate Carrie Brownstein, it served as a fitting farewell for the last great American rock band preInternet. “It’s so hard for you to say goodbye,” Brownstein mumbled in response. The two figures haunted the stage as Janet Weiss rattled off a stampede of thunderous drums behind the pair.

The end of Sleater-Kinney was the end of an era.

Following in the steps of their riot grrrl matriarchs and Pacific Northwest post-grunge predecessors, the band was formed in early ‘94 by Tucker and Brownstein, with Weiss joining two years and two albums later. Kurt Cobain died the same year.

The echo was heard again when a mysterious, blank 7” vinyl appeared in the band’s newly released box set, Start Together. “Exhume our idols! Bury our friends!

We’re wild and weary but we won’t give in!” the

scream-a-long, anthemic chorus cheers. With a reenergizing jolt of lightning, “Bury Our Friends” brought Sleater-Kinney back to life, as the free lead single off their comeback album No Cities to Love ignited the web.

Now primarily known for her comedic work with Fred Armisen in the sketch comedy series Portlandia, Brownstein and her band helped launch a wave of feminism in music that reverberates to this day. The women proudly appropriated traditional rock music icons to their pleasure. The cover of 1997’s “Dig Me Out” pays homage to The Kinks’ 1965 The Kink Kontroversy.

“You’re No Rock n’ Roll Fun” off the 2000 album All Hands on the Bad One criticized their frequent reductive billing as a “girl band.” These women weren’t afraid of being political to make a point. 2002’s One Beat was in direct conversation with post-9/11 America.

“The heart is hit in a city far away, but it feels so close,” Tucker tearfully observes in “Faraway.”

The humble Washingtonians last album, 2005’s The Woods was a cinematic end to their fiery run, with

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bursts of warm noise towering over their most incendiary songs. Sleater-Kinney represents everything a great rock band can accomplish without an ego—a voice that refuses to be ignored.

Gamers, Keep Your Gates Open

Women have a place in video games, too, you know

By Russell Barnes Women are not placed on this earth for male satisfaction and objectification. The objectification and sexualization of women in video games is the target of the Gamergate controversy that arose in August. As of 2013, 48 percent of gamers are female, according to the Entertainment Software Association. Yet female gamers are still overwhelmingly treated as sexualized human beings developed for male pleasure. And when any woman speaks up, they are slut-shamed and subjected to terroristic threats.

I’m sorry to break it to you, but we don’t live in postfeminist society, and we need feminism, especially in video games.

You may ask, “Why?” Well for one example, women in 2013’s “Grand Theft Auto V” were heavily sexualized in bikinis, while its male characters were heavily covered up. The “Dead or Alive” series has engines developed exclusively for its female characters’ breasts, and has

Female gamers are still overwhelmingly treated as sexualized human beings developed for male pleasure.

Anita Sarkeesian, host of “Tropes vs. Women,” an online series that critically analyzes the role of women in video games was scheduled to speak at Utah State University on Oct. 15. Her speech was cancelled after the university received a terroristic threat stating that a mass shooting would occur if she appeared.

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a volleyball-themed spinoff that features bikini-clad women and the same breast engine. The “God of War” series features topless women in various backgrounds alongside a selection of oddly sex-infused mini-games.

These games are aimed at a predominantly male audience,

depicting women as sexual objects for the pleasure of male gamers and in-game male characters.

It’s not just the sexualization of women that is problematic. Many women are treated as mere jokes.

Princess Peach was depicted as a helpless damsel in distress over 13 times before receiving her own game, Super Princess Peach, in 2006, only to have stereotypical PMS jokes implemented into the gameplay. Female clones of video game characters, such as Mrs. Pac Man, are rampant throughout the video game community.

Both rely on negative female stereotypes, and creating female clones removes female characters’ autonomy and reinforces them as a weaker gender in comparison to their male counterparts.

I’m not saying one cannot play or enjoy the aforementioned video games. However, I request that all gamers, especially men, critically analyze the portrayal of women in video games and understand how said portrayals mimic our society’s negative stereotypes of women.

THE WAKE SOUND & VISION

Princess Kaguya: Ghibli’s Post-Miyazaki Resurrection The present, past, and future of international cinematic giant, Studio Ghibli

By Lily Noonan The legendary film director and producer Hayao Miyazaki took his final bow with The Wind Rises in 2013. And in August, Ghibli co-founder Toshio Suzuki stated that the studio “was entering a ‘housecleaning’ or ‘restructuring’ phase” since Miyazaki’s retirement. This ambiguously suggested that Ghibli would be dismantling their production department. It’s no secret that Ghibli’s fan base and workers alike deeply miss their founder’s presence.

Despite Miyazaki stepping down — and Studio Ghibli’s uncertain future — their most recent film, The Tale of Princess Kaguya is becoming so critically-acclaimed that it just might resurrect Ghibli’s production post-Miyazaki. Kaguya is based off an ancient Japanese legend, “The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter.” The fairytale revolves around a tiny princess discovered in a bamboo stalk.

The bamboo cutter takes the princess home and he and his wife raise the princess. It took eight years and almost $50 million to complete 137 minutes of Ghibli magic. The artistic style ventures dramatically from Ghibli’s traditional anime style, while also mirroring watercolor sketch paintings.

this is because Ghibli films always deeply emphasize the preservation of Japanese culture. Miyazaki was greatly influenced by folklore, Shintoism, and Buddhism.

Environmental and ecological significance are also frequent themes in Ghibli films such as the Darwinism of animals and humans in Princess Mononoke and conservation of sea life in Ponyo. The reverence of the ancient folklore

co-founder Isao Takahata was the leading director of Kaguya. Takahata also has an impressive discography of Japanese films. Interestingly, Takahata is a French literature scholar, and was greatly influenced by French film and Italian neoclassicism in his Japanese films. This lovely blend of Eastern and Western culture is perhaps one of the reasons Ghibli’s movies are so accessible to audiences.

In the incredibly cynical world we live in, Ghibli films elevate our imaginations with beautiful, innovative landscapes inhabited by unique characters that are both majestic and undeniably human.

Ghibli’s magical worlds are universally inviting; however, their work is pure popular culture and trend. Miyazaki was not held back by trying to make reference to pop culture or incorporate jokes “for the parents” in his lowerrated films. Rather, when you enter the bathhouse of Nausicaä or Howl, they are not putting on a show, as most animated Western films do.

Kaguya has received 100 percent positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, despite Miyazaki’s absence. This is a huge rebound from the mixed reception of Miyazaki’s final film, The Wind Rises, which wasn’t warmly welcomed because of its pacifist controversy and dragging storyline.

But Kaguya, although concurrently released during Ghibli’s supposed hiatus, may have redeemed Ghibli and brought it back to its original, Oscar-winning grandeur.

Graham Fuller of New York Daily News reviews, “This adaptation of a 10th century folk tale is less sumptuous than Ghibli maestro Hayao Miyazaki’s surreal classics, yet it’s also more affecting than most of them. An allegory about the irrecoverable joys of childhood, it may make parents hug their kids now.”

and the natural implications of bamboo paintings being brought to life in Kaguya keep the tradition of environmental appreciation and historical preservation in Ghibli films constant.

The world of animation is constantly evolving with new technology, and animated characters are able to look more fluid, beautiful and realistic than ever. But rather than taking advantage of this animation technology to create a sleeker, more digital look as seen in newer anime, Suzuki chose the watercolor sketch animation, as if the characters leapt off a bamboo painting. Perhaps

Despite Studio Ghibli films falling under the “anime” genre, Ghibli fans certainly don’t have to be hardcore anime fans to appreciate Studio Ghibli films. With American voice talents like Tina Fey, Mel Gibson, Christian Bale, and Lucy Liu, Ghibli keeps its global appeal by recruiting famous Western actors to voice the mystical characters in their English interpretation. Ghibli

Miyazaki stepping down is certainly somber for many. Young people all over the world grew up with his films that are perhaps more pure than even the most famous Disney films. But, although the mastermind behind Spirited Away, Kik’s Delivery Service, and Howl’s Moving Castle (to name a few), Kaguya proves that although Miyazaki is no longer producing films, he has properly mentored his successors to carry on his legacy.

In the incredibly cynical world we live in, Ghibli films elevate our imaginations with beautiful, innovative landscapes inhabited by unique characters that are both majestic and undeniably human. Few artists can truly make you accept the terms and conditions of the bizarre elements of their conceptual fantasyland. But when Howl’s floating castle makes it’s first appearance, or a tiny princess is discovered in a bamboo stalk, or when Chihiro first enters the mysterious bathhouse, tugged heartstrings are guaranteed.

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The Tasty Tunes of Burger Records California record label molds a culture of cassette tapes and teenage garage rock in Orange County

By Shawnna Stennes The Orange County lo-fi music scene glows with its newfound burger subculture spearheaded by independent label and record store Burger Records.

Riding on a wave of cassette tapes, California garage pop, and a DIY attitude, Burger Records is cruising smoothly in a crumbling record label industry.

Based out of Fullerton, California, Burger Records was put in motion in 2007 by high school pals Sean Bohrman and Lee Rickard when they began making cassettes for their friends’ bands, just because they were cheap and practical. As Bohrman and Rickard gained a reputation for selling $6 limited-run cassette tapes, other Orange County bands caught wind of the medium’s revival and began releasing both old and new material on tape through the label.

While Burger Records now presses vinyl on occasion and sporadically releases CDs, cassette tapes continue to be the marrow of their market. “They’re a novelty now to people who experienced the whole cassette thing in the ‘80s,” said Bohrman, while discussing modern cassettes in an interview with music blog Tiny Mix Tapes. “But the kids today who have old cars with cassette players, for them it’s just a different format to listen to. It’s not any kind of nostalgia for them; it’s just something to listen to music on.”

With debut records making up nearly 90 percent of the music released on Burger Records, Bohrman and Rickard pride themselves in launching bands still in their salad days, gravitating towards high school bands in particular. In an interview with Mike Abu from Vice Magazine, Rickard defended Burger’s support of rookie musicians: “Teenage bands are free-spirited and uninhibited. They’re realists. They don’t think, they just do. They live freely. There’s innocence to their rock ’n’ roll. It’s true-blue American, one of a kind. We take pride in nurturing these bands and watching them grow.”

The Burger Records label has now released the music of more than 600 artists including headliners such as Black Lips, The Growlers, Ty Segall, and Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth.

Burger bands are showcased on the annual Burgerama Caravan of Stars Tour as well as the annual all-ages Burgerama Festival in Orange County that has consistently sold out in years past. No extravagant business practices are really noticeable with their mounting success, however, as Bohrman and Rickard can be seen on tour with their bands, monitoring the Burger Records merch table or selling cassette tapes out of a car.

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3 REVIEWS

Romeo and Juliet: Unrated and Unscripted

By Cera Sylar Ten Thousand Things Theater Company, known for their creative interpretations of major works of art, took William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet and breathed new lines into its traditional script.

Perhaps the most astonishing aspect is the brilliantly mixed color of the cast. Both Romeo and Lady Capulet are played by black actors, while Juliet and her father are played by white actors. The contradiction introduced new fire and curiosity to an otherwise still very well-done play.

The showings at Open Book are staged in a square of foldout chairs, with the stage in the center. The four corners are used as access points for the cast to make their entrances and exits, as well as to carry on their props. Among the few props used were chairs that doubled as balconies and benches that doubled as beds. It is a clever utilization of modern furniture that set up scenes in an un-distracting fashion.

The costumes, or lack there of, are modernized and in simple black and white. Romeo wears faded jeans, and Juliet, a black tank top. Without the distraction of a convoluted stage or wardrobe, it makes it all the more easy to admire the exquisite passion and onstage energy portrayed by the cast. Each actor brings with them an animated spirit of their own, filling each original line, as well as the ad-lib lines, with a unique vigor.

The production, running from Oct. 10 to Nov. 2, has formal showings at Open Book, and the Minnesota Opera House, as well as various free and “pay as you can” shows at a handful of other venues around the Twin Cities.

BirdmaN

BIRDMANTHEMOVIE.COM

By Abigail Rommel

Birdman is a dark comedy that centers on themes of life in and out of the limelight. Michael Keaton stars as Riggan Thomson, a washed-up movie star who plans to make a comeback by writing, directing, and starring in his own Broadway production.

Throughout the film, Riggan battles a form of psychosis where Birdman, a character that eerily resembles Keaton’s Batman, follows him around. Sometimes the audience hears Birdman talking to Riggan, sometimes Birdman makes an appearance alongside Riggan, and sometimes Riggan and Birdman become one on screen.

What Riggan does when he is alone appears very different from when supporting roles enter into the picture. After a failed preview of his play, Riggan goes to his room and appears to destroy his dressing room through telekinetic power. Riggan’s powers are almost convincing, until supporting role, Zach Galifianakis, opens the door on Riggan, and we see an ordinary breakdown. Insanity and reality are meant to be questioned.

This movie is full of big name actors playing supporting roles, including Emma Stone, Galifianakis, Edward Norton, and Naomi Watts. Lindsay Duncan’s role as the snooty theater connoisseur and critic, Tabitha, is especially entertaining. There is also no doubt that Norton channeled his inner acting diva and that Stone brought a portrait of newly lost innocence to the film.

These roles were phenomenal. But, the relationship, or lack thereof, between Tabitha and Riggan provides a rise of tension throughout the film, and into the climax.

Riggan was always seeking some form of recognition and affirmation of his work as an artist. And after a failed attempt to get on Tabitha’s good side, Riggan finally goes out with a bang.

Men, Women & Children

By Lauren Cutshall For his film Men, Women & Children, Director Jason Reitman has once again taken the vulnerability of the masses and spread it out before us—unapologetically.

Opening quietly on Oct. 17, the film lets us in on a secret— we are a society plagued by technology and we can’t even count on each other to get ourselves out of it. The film’s vignette style, compiling several stories of various families, gives you a glimpse into one melancholy story after the next until one eventually mirrors your own.

The film follows several characters who, though constantly “connected,” are still tragically alone. They are people who believe sex can replace closeness. Yet, to avoid becoming a two-hour PSA on technology, the film makes its comments subtly. Adam Sandler surprises with a role worthy of a large collective sigh, and Jennifer Garner’s obsessively protective mothering contrasts starkly with Judy Greer’s blatant anti-parenting. Also worth noting is Kaitlyn Dever, a book-reading teenager who brings to the film a breath of fresh air.

With a cast of both newcomers and film veterans, the film gives off a dreamlike vibe—dramatic enough to make its point, but also realistic enough to make you think While the understated acting of Rosemarie DeWitt may not be much of a surprise, you will certainly re-evaluate Adam Sandler’s acting skills after witnessing his role as a discontented suburban father.

Men, Women & Children fills the slot for the understated yet profound film currently in theaters, and if you’re looking for something unique and thought provoking, you won’t regret seeing it. Though, be sure to see it with a friend—you’ll want someone to talk through it with, and you certainly won’t want to text them about it.

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Folwell Hall Room 12 | We need writers, illustrators, photographers, and fans!

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