student papers at Illinois State University. The newly created coffee room was ideal for the purpose. When I’m at home, I never get anything done. In my solitary existence, all I can do is eat, sleep, or read. When it finally dawned on me that I was now a solitary soul in a big world, the tears gushed out involuntarily. There were some students in the coffee room, but for once, I couldn’t care less. I was broken. Completely. *** Dad stopped at the petrol shed on the way home. He had to make sure we had enough petrol to get home. The opening of the tank was on the orange belly of the bike just in front of where I was sitting. I loved the smell of petrol. Dad said, “Don’t breathe, Malli. Let’s see how long you can hold your breath!” I could only do about forty five seconds, but by then, we were good to go. The ride home I remember vaguely, like in a dream; it was, literally and figuratively. I almost always fell asleep, with the wind in my hair and the unmistakable Old Spice after-shave scent fanning my noon-day dreams. I remember waking up near the lake, just about five or six minutes from home. This is where we could always smell kadju fruit. In retrospect, I realize now that it was some chemical.
Dad wore a red helmet, brown gloves, and khaki pants, like a
policeman. At home, He really was … a policeman. On the orange motorbike, Dad’s arms were around me, so I couldn’t fall off. How could He buy a new Malli if I did? *** Home was never complete without Mom. Dad often remained in the periphery, supporting, providing, and fueling the engine, so to speak. He called me Malli, little brother – that’s what I was to all my siblings as I was the youngest. People always exclaimed that I was the baby. I guess I was. If I wanted anything, I always knew that Dad would buy it for me. As a little boy, I never wondered how He was going to buy it, but at that age, I just knew; that’s what Dads did. Whether out of work, penniless, or traumatized financially and otherwise, Dad was the breadwinner, the patriarch, the provider. Dad knew everything, especially math. He was an accountant. Well, that might be a glorification. He worked in the accounts department. He often helped with my math homework, but He was an impatient teacher, and I got tired of His instruction very quickly. FEATURED ALUMNI WORK
95
