2015 Gay Wedding Guide by Washington Blade

The wedding specialist for the Westin Georgetown answers 20 gay questions PAGE 28 Daughter of plaintiffs in Va. same-sex marriage case sees parents renew marriage vows PAGE 32 Nuptials came sooner than anticipated for couple PAGE 32 Many churches, hotels, gardens and more welcome same-sex couples PAGE 38

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How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell? I’ve dated women since my senior year of high school. The real test came when I came out as bisexual to my ﬁrst serious girlfriend. That can be a diﬃcult pill to swallow, even in the queer world.

WASHINGTON BLADE PHOTO BY MICHAEL KEY

Noelle Jumaili The wedding specialist for the Westin Georgetown answers 20 gay questions By JOEY DiGUGLIELMO joeyd@washblade.com When Noelle Jumaili initially meets with same-sex couples planning weddings at the Westin Georgetown (2350 M St., N.W.) who have little sense of what they want, she has simple advice. “I just say start simple and just imagine it as a party — what would your perfect party look like?,” the 25-year-old Falls Church, Va., native says. “There are no rules other than that so it just becomes, how can we make that happen? You don’t need a wedding. Think of it as a celebration of the two of you.” The Westin staff is reaching out to same-sex couples. Of the roughly 20-30 weddings it hosts per year, Jumaili says about 30 percent currently are same-sex. They hope to make it more like 50 percent soon. She says the company’s ethos of sustainability, oneness and health appeal to her and says words like “eco-friendly” and “unique” are big. She says part of the fun of working with same-sex couples is helping them achieve visions that are sometimes outside traditional wedding vendor, heteronormative fare. “The gay couples that come in, they usually end up leading me to my favorite new vendors,” she says. “They do often ask for fun, unique things I’ve never even heard of. It’s never really difficult to find the right vendor, it’s just finding the right brand. There’s always somebody out there who can make a black cake, or dove-shaped invitations or whatever — you’d be surprised what people ask for.” Jumaili’s own journey took unexpected turns. Though she identifies as both queer and bisexual, she married a man, Phil James, last June (he identifies similarly, she says). And yes, she says she had concerns about getting swallowed up — even by perception — in the hetero world. “I never thought I would get married at all,” she says. “But we didn’t do things very traditional … and I think everyone at our wedding understood where we were coming from. (Conforming) can easily happen, but I have very successfully maintained a nice, eclectic lifestyle. We just combined forces to keep the adventure going, really.” They live in the Shaw/Bloomingdale area. She enjoys makeup tutorials, junk fiction, tattoo sketching and culinary studies in her free time. She can be reached at noelle.jumaili@westin.com.

Who’s your LGBT hero? I will always admire RuPaul for starting the mainstream dialogue in a fun, exciting, relatable way. And you gotta love those wisdoms: “When the going gets tough, the tough reinvent!” What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present? Well, Town Danceboutique has a vodka/ Red Bull slushy machine so… Describe your dream wedding. My dream wedding came to life on a perfect Sunday in June last year, at the base of the Jefferson Memorial. What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about? Coming from a place of cultural diversity, I would hope that as we move forward, opening our minds and hearts to appreciate how fluid sexuality and identity can be, we also trace where preconceived notions are born and embrace understanding for all different lifestyles. What historical outcome would you change? Maybe I’d go back to the drafting of the Constitution and throw in a few key phrases like “freedom of orientation and lifestyle” or “equal rights for women.” What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime? I must confess, “Sex and the City” was it for me. A wide-eyed dreamer, I started to understand all the ways women could thrive (however unrealistic the details may have been). Nonetheless, I decided immediately that I’d have my own flat in the city, a towering closet of Manolos, and a hundred lover’s tales to tell. Close enough! On what do you insist? Authenticity. Attitude. Glamour. What was your last Facebook post or Tweet? A photo of the most gorgeous wooden chuppah in our ballroom, dressed

with hanging candle votives and white hydrangeas. Swoon! If your life were a book, what would the title be? “Running in Heels” If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do? Lobby for Rihanna and Katy Perry to become the next power couple. What do you believe in beyond the physical world? Harmony always ﬁnds a way. What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders? For just a moment, all eyes are on you — be unforgettable. What would you walk across hot coals for? An ice cold, extra dirty martini. What LGBT stereotype annoys you most? We all eventually pick a label from some pre-approved drop down list. What’s your favorite LGBT movie? I’m a big David Lynch fan so I loved “Mullholland Drive,” however, “But I’m A Cheerleader” will always have a place in my bubblegum heart. What’s the most overrated social custom? Flatware What trophy or prize do you most covet? There aren’t a lot of awards in the Wedding Pro world but my passion really comes from creating the most heartfelt masterpiece out of a client’s vision. Every day I strive to win their beaming smiles. What do you wish you’d known at 18? We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. Why Washington? I grew up around here and always dreamed of moving to a “real city” but eventually started to see that D.C. has hope. Every day we become a more innovative, edgy town. I’m so proud!

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‘We won!’

Daughter of plaintiffs in Va. same-sex marriage case sees parents renew marriage vows By EMILY SCHALL-TOWNLEY

Most kids do not have the opportunity to see their parents get married. However, my two moms and I have always done things a bit diﬀerent. For most of my childhood I believed my parents were married. Why shouldn’t they have been? All my others friends’ parents were married so it only made sense that mine should be too. I had even seen pictures of them in a church, wearing fancy dresses and feeding each other cake, so that must have been their wedding. When my parents, along with several other couples, went to San Francisco in 2008 and got married in City Hall, I still did not make the connection that the ceremony taking place was a big deal. They had been together all my life, we lived together as a family, why did this one ceremony make a diﬀerence? It was not until a few years later,

Nuptials came sooner than anticipated for couple By TIM BOSTIC Editor’s note: Tim Bostic and his partner, Tony London, were the lead plaintiffs in a 2013 lawsuit that successfully challenged Virginia’s constitutional amendment that defines marriage as between a man and a woman. Sitting in the fitting room of the dress shop, waiting for one of the female attendants in our wedding to get fitted, I watched transfixed as a young woman gave precise orders to her mother and aunt. She knew exactly where she wanted her veil to fall, how tall her bouquet would be and exactly how she was going to hold it. At that moment I had an epiphany. The reason that I’ve been floundering around is I had no vision for our wedding or reception. As a gay man who never thought getting married was possible, I tuned out when people started talking about weddings. We were so concerned about being able to get married it never

and when were chosen to be plaintiffs in the Bostic v. Rainey case, did I finally begin to understand the importance of marriage for my parents. When my parents first joined the case, I did not realize the long journey we had ahead of us. A road filled with press conferences and interviews, cameras and angry protestors, hearings and happy times was laid out in front of us. Despite the daunting path that lay ahead, my parents and I persevered through the challenges and finally arrived at the finish line, marriage equality in the state of Virginia. The day was October 6, 2014, and it started out just as any other day. For the past few weeks, we had been waiting on the edge of our seats for the decision of the Supreme Court on whether to grant our case certiorari. I was in my AP photography class when I took out my phone to check for any texts. Lo and behold, on my screen was a message from my mother saying, “We won!” At first I was rather confused by this statement, seeing as how the 4th Circuit decision had come out in July. Why was she telling me this again? Did she have a sudden moment of nostalgia and felt a need to share?

It was not until she followed the previous text with another that I realized what was really happening. “Supreme Court denied cert on all cases! Previous ruling stands! Marriage equality in Virginia!” For a moment I was quite unsure what I was supposed to do. The text was then followed by another with my mother telling me she was going to contact the school to have me taken out of class so I could join the national press conference call. A few short minutes later, the office staff delivered a note to me and I went to the office where I would join in on the conference call. I quickly made my statement when the call began and then sat and waited patiently for 45 minutes until the call came to a close. However, the real excitement of the day was yet to come. Even with little time and no preparation, a ceremony was planned to renew my mothers’ marriage vows. When I arrived home after school, I was greeted by two parents rushing to get dressed and telling me to dress up too. Soon we were out the door and driving down to the John Marshall Courthouse where the ceremony would be held. There was a flurry of attention as soon as we arrived, with

various people coming up to chat with us including Congressman Bobby Scott and state Sen. Donald McEachin. We even got a personal call of congratulations from our governor, Terry McAuliffe and got the chance to talk with our good friends and co-plaintiffs, Tim Bostic and Tony London. Throughout the whole day, other samesex couples had been married at the same spot. My parents’ renewal of vows was going to be a little different though, as the attorney general of Virginia, Mark Herring, would be presiding. When the time finally came, we made a few quick statements to the press gathered before the actual ceremony began. I remember making a joke about how Virginia was finally for ALL lovers. To recall what I was feeling at the moment is challenging. The culmination of all the work over the past year was before me and the air was already filled with emotion. As I stood there, I thought of what this meant to our family and all the families who were affected by this amazing day.

occurred to me to think about the wedding itself. The one thing I would advise anyone is make sure you have people you can rely on. Our caterer, Cathy Carter with East Beach Catering, and our wedding planner, Ivory Morgan-Burton with Storybook Events, have helped me as I slowly came to understand all of the ins and outs of planning a wedding. The number of things that have to be done meant we had to choose between our wedding or our honeymoon. We had hoped to go on a safari after the wedding. The wedding won. When we started our fight for marriage equality in Virginia, we were cautioned that it would not be a fast process. The attorneys told us it would probably take five years, so I wasn’t thinking about the wedding because I was focused on obtaining the right to marry the man I love. Thus, when the Supreme Court decided in October not to hear our case and uphold the 4th Circuit Court’s decision, I found myself with no more fight on my hands but a wedding to plan instead. The day after the decision, we met with the rector of our church and picked the first Saturday available, May 2. When I sat down with my caterer Friday of the same week, she knew I had a date set and she asked where the reception was

going to be. I told her that I didn’t know, and that was why I was there. Blanching, she looked at me and said, “You are getting married May 2nd, and you don’t have a venue?” I told her, “Cathy, I didn’t know we could get married until this week!” Bless her heart, she got on the phone, made about 10 phone calls in as many minutes, and found us a venue. The problem was it only held 200 people, so our hope of being able to invite all of the people in the community who supported us was shot. Of course, as I begin to understand the costs involved in a wedding, I guess it worked out. While much of the planning has been stressful, there have also been some amazing moments. Once we had the church and our venue, I started to reach out to my friends to ask them to be attendants. It felt awkward calling people and asking them to spend money on clothes, airline tickets and hotel rooms. As I asked them to stand up with us, I apologized about them having to spend so much money. All of my straight friends laughed and said they’ve done this numerous times and they know what’s involved. They told me this is one time they were truly happy to do it. About three weeks after the decision, we went to a dinner party with three

other couples from our neighborhood. As we sat down at the table, the hostess told us our next-door neighbor Jim brought champagne to toast our engagement. It seemed a little strange since we have been together for 25 years, but it also felt good. As he raised his glass to toast us, he said if 20 years ago someone had told him that this conservative, Virginia Military Institute graduate would support marriage equality, he would have told them they were out of their mind. However, he was so grateful that Tony and I moved in next door to him and opened his mind and heart. He thanked us for making him a better person. I think straight people understand just how important marriage is and these experiences illustrate how important it is that LGBT folks have the opportunity to partake in this major societal rite. So on May 2, Tony and I will stand in front of our friends, family and community and pledge ourselves to each other for life, and while I know a piece of paper doesn’t make a difference in terms of our love for one another, it validates us a couple in the eyes of the law and our community. When we wake up on May 3, I don’t know if we will feel any different. But, I do know that on May 3, Tony and I will finally be married.

EMILY SCHALL-TOWNLEY is the daughter of Mary Townley and Carol Schall, two of the lead plaintiﬀs in a lawsuit that successfully challenged Virginia’s same-sex marriage ban.

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10 great spots for a Virginia gay wedding

PHOTO COURTESY OF KIMPTON HOTELS

Many churches, hotels, gardens and more welcome same-sex couples By MARIAH COOPER Virginia started recognizing same-sex marriage last October. The list of fabulous places to have a ceremony is equally as exciting. From churches to hotels, ﬁnding the perfect place to make that lifetime commitment is easier than you might think. Christ Church (118 N. Washington St., Alexandria, Va.) is a great place to make those vows with a historic twist. The church has been open since 1773 and has that classic Georgian architecture to make any wedding feel special. The Episcopal church is great for anyone looking for a more traditional ceremony. historicalcchristchurch.org. The Falls Church Episcopal Church

(115 E Fairfax St., Falls Church, Va.) is another good option for a church wedding. The church’s small size makes it the perfect place for an intimate wedding with close friends and family. thefallschurch.org. The Metropolitan Community Church of Northern Virginia (10383 Democracy Lane, Fairfax, Va.) is a nice church for anyone who is looking for a Christian and LGBT-friendly place to wed. The church proclaims it has a “speciﬁc outreach to queer and queer-friendly people seeking authentic spirituality and renewal.” It serves the community in other areas throughout Maryland and D.C. as well. mccnova.com. Unitarian Universalist Church of Arlington (4444 Arlington Blvd., Arlington, Va.) prides itself on being “a dynamic community of individuals who share a liberal spiritual journey.” The church oﬀers two reception halls for an

after ceremony celebration in the form of a sit-down dinner or dancing. There is also a commercial kitchen available for a caterer and the church also provides professional musicians to accompany the ceremony and its surrounding gardens are available for photos. uucava.org. Lorien Hotel and Spa (1600 King St., Alexandria, Va.) is a gorgeous venue for an elaborate ceremony and reception. Its amenities include cocktail receptions for up to 125 guests, wedding receptions and dinner for up to 100 guests and a private terrace reception on the top ﬂoor for up to 80 guests. It also includes a complimentary guest room for the wedding couple. The venue, a part of Kimpton hotels and restaurants, also specializes in LGBT weddings and is TAG approved (i.e. LGBT friendly as determined by Community Marketing, Inc.). It also has had a score of 100 on the HRC index for over 10 years. lorienhotelandspa.com.

Sheraton Reston Hotel (11810 Sunrise Valley Drive, Reston, Va.) is another hotel to help make a wedding special. This same-sex marriage friendly venue offers an array of customized wedding packages to create the exact wedding you want. The hotel offers a complimentary wedding night suite, menu tasting for up to four guests and even complimentary shuttle service for overnight guests to and from Dulles Airport. Sheratonreston.com. Hilton Alexandria Old Town (1767 King St., Alexandria, Va.) is an option for those who want a larger wedding party. Its space can accommodate up to 500 people. Their on-site wedding consultants are available to help plan every detail from large to minor. Don’t stress about a caterer since Hilton provides food and beverage in its wedding packages.hilton.com. Falls Church Marriott (3111 Fairview Park Drive, Falls Church, Va.) is located near Tyson’s Corner for a convenient place to shop and entertain for guests. The venue gives a complimentary room to the wedding couple, complimentary parking for the couple and their guests, white glove butler service, a custom wedding cake and much more. marriott. com. Athenaeum (201 Prince St., Alexandria, Va.) is a neo-Classical Greek Revival temple that is great for those concerned with the aesthetic of their wedding. The space can accommodate 110 people for a cocktail reception and a seated dinner for 80. Its main gallery includes 22-foot coved ceilings and large windows. There is also a secluded garden on the grounds. nvfaa.org. Stonewall Golf Club (15601 Turtle Point Drive, Gainesville, Va.) is for those who want a scenic view to make the day extra memorable. Located alongside Lake Manassas and on a golf course, the spectacular views are endless. There are also water fountains and floor to ceiling windows for up to 150 guests to enjoy.

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Host your wedding at Hillyer Art Space, a unique contemporary art venue located in the artistic and internationally chic Dupont Circle. This renovated historic carriage house is the perfect backdrop for your event, ideal for both cocktail receptions and seated ceremonies and dinners. AMENITIES -contemporary art by local & international artists -beautiful wood floors & high ceilings -newly renovated kitchen & restrooms -brand new gallery track lighting

C O N TA C T 202.338.0325 events@hillyerartspace.org VISIT h i l l y e r a r t s p a c e . o r g / v e n u e re n t a l

LAYOUT -three open rooms which allows for flexible use -accomodates up to 200 people -ada compliant entrance and restrooms

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images: joan blemar (top middle) / anthony palliparambil, jr. (middle left) sylve van helden (middle right) / mike chasman photography (bottom left)