Washington Blade, Volume 54, Issue 46, November 17, 2023

(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)

Former congressman seeking a comeback to ‘safeguard democracy,’ PAGE 10

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New College Park mayor has mixed record on LGBTQ issues Fazlul Kabir voted against measure to ban discrimination

By LOU CHIBBARO JR. | lchibbaro@washblade.com

FAZLUL KABIR opposed several pro-LGBTQ measure while serving on the College Park City Council.

S.M. Fazlul Kabir, a native of Bangladesh who received a doctorate degree in electrical engineering in the United Kingdom before moving to College Park, Md., in 2003, won re-election as College Park mayor on Nov. 5.

He has served on the College Park City Council since 2011

as mayor in May of this year in a special election held shortly after the resignation of gay College Park Mayor Patrick WoMarch of this year on multiple counts of possession and distribution of child pornography.

Wojahn has been held without bond since the time of his arrest. He pleaded guilty to most of the charges against him in a plea bargain deal with prosecutors at a Prince George’s County Circuit Court hearing on Aug. 2.

He is scheduled to be sentenced on Nov. 20. a four-candidate race in the May special election. He succeeded Kate Kennedy, a Council member who became acting mayor at the time of Wojahn’s resignation until the in second place.

5 in College Park’s regularly scheduled mayoral election, builder and strong supporter of advancing College Park as a diverse suburban community and home to the Unihas lived in College Park with his wife and two sons for The statement says he taught cybersecurity at the University of Maryland for eight years before beginning his current job as an information architect for the federal government.

Kabir, while expressing support for the LGBTQ community, has voted against two pro-LGBTQ bills as a member passed by a vote of 6-2, with Kabir voting no, amended the city charter to ban discrimination in employment, housing, and public accommodations based on a wide range of categories, including race, religion, sexual orientation, and gender identity.

The 2020 measure called for College Park to sign on to in support of the city of Philadelphia, which was being a contract with Philadelphia to place children with foster parents. Philadelphia terminated the contract after the organization, Catholic Social Services (CSS), refused to place children with same-sex foster parents based on its religious beliefs, an action that violated Philadelphia’s non-discrimination law.

The College Park Council voted 5-3, with Kabir and two other Council members voting no, to sign on to the College Park’s support for Philadelphia’s effort to uphold its nondiscrimination policies impacting LGBTQ foster parents.

City Council records show Kabir abstained from voting during LGBTQ Pride week in June of that year.

When contacted by the Washington Blade for comment on his LGBTQ voting record, Kabir pointed to his statements during the Council meetings at the time the three votes were taken, in which he expressed general support for LGBTQ rights.

The Blade watched and listened to his statements on each of the three measures in question as well as the statements by other Council members on video recordings of each of the three separate Council meetings that are available for viewing on the Council’s website.

“In none of these votes I used my faith as the reason “Being a member of several minority groups, I value the dignity of every resident of our College Park community,

he told his fellow Council members during the discussion over the amicus brief question. “And both the LGBTQ and the faith groups are very, very important and very strong to live together here in peace and with respect and dignity. Taking a side, one side over the other, will only divide would vote against College Park joining the amicus brief.

The measure passed the Council by a vote of 5-3, with Kabir and two others voting no. Among those voting yes were then gay Mayor Patrick Wojahn and then gay Council member P.J. Brennan.

Kabir told the Blade in his written statement that while he voted against the Philadelphia amicus brief, he voted one year earlier in favor of College Park signing on to an amicus brief for another LGBTQ-related Supreme Court case known as Bostock v. Clayton County. The amicus brief supported the gay plaintiff in that case, for whom the Supreme Court issued its landmark ruling that LGBT people are protected from discrimination under the U.S. Regarding his decision to abstain on the Council’s May front of the City Hall building for one week, Kabir did

said.

“I much appreciate the contributions of the LGBTQ+ community to making College Park a better place for all

a substitute motion calling for establishing a city policy for approving banners to be hung on an outside wall of the City Hall building with the mayor given authority to approve them.

Council voted to approve the nondiscrimination charter amendment, Kabir argued that the proposed amendment was unnecessary because the Maryland state non-discrimination law covered the identical provisions of the proposed College Park charter amendment.

Council members. “The mayor shall consider the applications and approve those that are appropriate and sup-

“And discrimination happens all the time and we should added, noting that the College Park charter never included this type of language that’s now included in state law.

Kabir told his Council colleagues during that Council session that he had further concerns over the proposed non-discrimination charter amendment’s provision on public accommodations. He called that “kind of very controversial because it includes the bathroom and the ulation to feel comfortable going to either restrooms or bathrooms, but many of our heterosexual residents, they He also points out, however, that the Council approved a second nondiscrimination measure during that same Council session that applied to the College Park city government’s own internal employment policies, and which also included sexual orientation and gender identity protections. He voted for that measure, which passed the Council unanimously.

On the Council’s vote on Aug. 11, 2020, in support of joining the Supreme Court amicus brief in the Philadelphia case, Kabir said he did not believe the Catholic Social Services Group was engaging in discrimination. He noted that while the group did not take on same-sex couples as clients, it readily referred any same-sex couples it came in contact with to other organizations under city contract that would help them become foster parents.

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The Council then voted 5-3 against Kabir’s motion and voted 5-0 with three abstentions, including Kabir’s abstention, to approve the original motion to display the meeting, Kabir joined his fellow Council members in voting yes in a unanimous vote to extend the display of the victims of the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando, Fla., hands of a lone gunman.

Then College Park Mayor Wojahn introduced the moKabir, meanwhile, told the Blade that during his second month as mayor this year he issued a mayoral proclamation declaring June 2023 as Pride Month in College Park.

PJ Brennan, who’s gay and served on the College Park Council alongside Kabir for seven years before retiring from the Council, points out that under the College Park municipal government, a city manager runs the day-today operations of the city government. The mayor can propose legislation and presides over Council meetings, but he doesn’t have a vote on the Council except to break “I think he might wrestle with legislation that is overtly pro-LGBTQ, but I think that’s true with anybody that comes from a religious community where LGBTQ rights acter is really nothing but loving. He’s always been very Brennan, who has a husband and two kids. “If he does have any negative feelings, I don’t see him pursuing leg-

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Hundreds of thousands attend pro-Israel rally in D.C. Congregation Bet Mishpachah members among participants

By MICHAEL K. LAVERS | mlavers@washblade.com

Organizers of a pro-Israel rally that took place on the National Mall on Tuesday said upwards of 290,000 people attended.

House Majority Leader Mike Johnson (R-La.); Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.); House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.); U.S. Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Iowa); U.S. Rep. Ritchie Torres (D-N.Y.), Deborah Lipstadt, the special U.S. envoy to monitor and combat anti-Semitism, actress Debra Messing, CNN’s Van Jones, Israeli singer Omer Adam and relatives of some of the Israelis who militants from Hamas and other Muslim extremist groups kidnapped on Oct. 7 are among those who spoke at the March for Israel.

Hundreds of thousands of people attended the March for Israel on the National Mall in D.C. on Nov. 14, 2023.

(Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

“Oct. 7 was a crime against the Jewish state, indeed against humanity, so barbaric that it cannot be ignored,” said Torres. “It cannot go unpunished. Hamas must be brought to justice.”

Israeli President Isaac Herzog spoke virtually from Jerusalem.

U.S. Sens. John Fetterman (D-Pa.), Bob Casey (D-Pa.) and Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn.) and U.S. Reps. Grace Meng (D-N.Y.), Ruben Gallego (D-Ariz.), Eric Sorensen

(D-Ill.), Steny Hoyer, Norma Torres (D-Calif.), Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.), Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-Fla.), Jim Hines (D-Conn.), Maryland state Rep. Joe Vogel (D-Montgomery County), former Arizona state Rep. Daniel Hernández, Rabbi Jake Singer-Beilin of Congregation Bet Mishpachah in D.C. and A Wider Bridge Executive Director Ethan Felson also attended the march that the Jewish Federations of North America organized.

“Today, the LGBTQ community marched with Israel in Washington, D.C.,” said A Wider Bridge on its Facebook page.

Matt Adler, a Jewish Israeli American, attended the rally with A Wider Bridge. He was holding a sign with the slogans “we are one family” and a “special thank you to our brave Israeli Druze and Arab soldiers” written in English, Hebrew and Arabic when he spoke with the Washington Blade.

“It’s really important to show that Hamas is bad for all peoples: Palestinian and Israeli,” said Adler. “As an LGBTQ community member, I think it’s important to stand on the side of peace for all, and Israel represents that peace for me.” which the U.S. and Israel have designated a terrorist organization, launched a surprise attack against communities in southern Israel from the Gaza Strip.

The Israeli government has said roughly 1,200 people have been killed, including at least 260 people who Hamas militants murdered at an all-night music festival in a kibbutz near the border between Israel and Gaza.

The Israeli government also says more than 5,000 people have been injured in the country since the war began and Hamas militants kidnapped more than 200 others.

Hamas rockets have reached Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, Ben Gurion Airport and other locations in central and southern Israel. Israeli Defense Forces and Hezbollah, another anon border.

The Hamas-controlled Gaza Health Ministry says more than 11,000 people have died in the enclave since the war began.

The Israeli government has cut electricity and water to Gaza and has stopped food and fuel shipments.

The IDF on Tuesday entered Shifa Hospital in Gaza City.

Israel has said it has “concrete evidence” that Hamas has operated out of the facility that is the enclave’s largest hospital. circulated on social media on Sunday. Helem, an LGBTQ rights group in Lebanon, condemned them.

“Love doesn’t manifest through genocide, occupation, colonization, killing, bombing and detention,” said the organization in a post on its X account. “Not in our name!

Tens of thousands of people took part in a pro-Palestine rally in D.C. on Nov. 4.

U.S. Rep. RITCHIE TORRES (D-N.Y.), center, speaks with March on Israel attendees on Nov. 14, 2023.

(Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has rejected ministration, meanwhile, has sought to address incidents of antisemitism and Islamophobia that have increased since Oct. 7.

“We need to hear more American voices, especially from the progressive left that I am a part of, speaking out for human rights for Jewish people in addition to all peoples in the region,” Adler told the Blade. “We all deserve safety and security.”

Police haven’t determined if incident was hate crime

By LOU CHIBBARO JR. | lchibbaro@washblade.com

rity camera on Nov. 7 tearing up and pulling down part of a two-story tall LGBTQ Pride banner from the outside wall of Bethesda United Methodist Church in Bethesda, Md., according to Montgomery County police.

WTOP News and the online news site MOCO 360 report that one of the church’s ministers, Dennis Williams, was leaving the church on Tuesday, Nov. 7.

“I’m a member of the LGBTQIA+ community,” MOCO 360 quoted Williams as saying. “It was gut wrenching,” he told the news site. “It made me emotional, because we belong to a church that is so welcoming and has embraced us as a family so well. It was really sad to see.”

WTOP reports that police said a preliminary investigation found that on Tuesday, Nov. 7, at around 9:35 p.m.

Williams told WTOP the video shows a person in a white hoodie initially trying to pull the banner down before using something to cut it. WTOP reports police have not yet determined whether the incident was a hate crime.

MOCO 360 reports the suspect’s features are not distinguishable on the video recording. It reports the incident took place about an hour after the last parishioner left the church following an event.

Williams told WTOP the church will be putting up a new Pride banner to replace the damaged one. He told MOCO 360 the church put up the Pride banner in June in recognition of Pride Month.

“It is important for our church to put [the banner] up

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A two-story Pride banner on the side of Bethesda United Methodist Church was damaged last week.

(Photo courtesy Bethesda United Methodist Church)

so the LGBTQ+ community knows we’re a supportive church,” he told the online news site.

The church is located at 8300 Old Georgetown Road in Bethesda.

NOV E M B E R 1 7 , 2 0 2 3 • WA S H I N GTO N B L A D E.CO M • 0 9

By CHRISTOPHER KANE “The state of the race here” for New York’s 17th congressional district “is good for those of us who want to safeguard democracy and protect LGBTQ+ rights,” Mondaire Jones told the Washington Blade by phone Next year, Jones is looking to reclaim the House seat that he held from 2021 to 2023 before “unusual redistricting events” cost him the Democratic nomination and “lifelong political hack” GOP U.S. Rep. Mike Lawler

with all of his Democratic opponents, combined, in Q3, Jones is focused on the stakes: “If you believe, as many people do, that with Joe Manchin’s retirement we are likely to lose the Senate,” began Jones, referring to the dimmed chances of Democrats retaining control of the upper chamber following the West Virginia senator’s announcement of plans not to run in 2024.

“And if you believe most of the polling in the presidential race, which has shown Donald Trump well positioned to take back the White House,” he continued, “I am the only person standing in the way of Mike Lawler” and Republican allies “passing a national abortion ban, gutting Social Security and Medicare, rolling back LGBTQ+ rights, raising the price of prescription drugs, and exacerbating the uniquely American problem of mass shootings.”

“There are people in Congress and on television who say things like, ‘if Joe Biden doesn’t change his position on Israel, then the young people and people of color are not going to vote for him’ — rather than [talking] about how irrational that is” or highlighting the Biden-Harris administration’s work on behalf of young people, from student loan forgiveness to the child tax credit and the largest climate action ever undertaken And if reelected, he noted, Trump has promised to reinstate the Muslim ban imposed during his administration and would expand it to include barring resettleAnother example of the disservice done to votjust referred to his political opponents as vermin, which is an invocation of the sinister rhetoric used by people like Adolf Hitler to demonize an entire race of people,” Jones said.

“The fact that the New York Times treated like a mere divergence from the speeches Donald Trump typically gives as opposed to the more sinister harbinger of a fascist and an anti-Semite and a racist who has promised to weaponize government against groups of people who he does not like is really a failure of the New York Times to get this moment; to understand this moment in American history.”

Jones also bristles at how the media have sometimes characterized certain congressional Republicans as moderates, citing, for instance, the entire conference’s support for their new Speaker, U.S. Rep. Mike Johnson “I am concerned because the media have given a platform to the small handful of House Republicans

who even purport to be moderate,” he said. “Their treatment of these people who masquerade as moderates despite voting like extreme MAGA Republicans will give the impression to people that they are not part of the problem in the way that Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene are,” Jones said, referring to the far-right

Former congressman MONDAIRE JONES is working to win back his seat after ‘unusual redistricting events’ cost him the Democratic nomination. (Photo courtesy Mondaire Jones Campaign)

These Republican members include Lawler, who “did not have to vote with the extreme MAGA Republicans,” Jones said, but chose not to separate himself from the far-right faction of his caucus “on issue after issue,” which is “because he himself is an extremist.” denialism” and “mocked women and our Orthodox communities here in the lower Hudson Valley” while voting “to overturn a gun regulation intended to keep us safe from mass shootings” and for an abortion ban “without exception for rape or incest.”

All to defend a seat in Congress in a district where “People here in the 17th district want to protect a woman’s right to an abortion,” he said. “They want to protect LGBTQ+ rights and ban assault weapons so that kids can stop getting gunned down in schools throughout the country.”

Jones continued, “Mike Lawler opposes these things.

He also wants to cut Social Security and Medicare and raise the cost of prescription drugs as evidenced by the fact that he has been working to unravel the provi-

RUNNING ON HIS RECORD person of color to ever represent this district and the

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In Congress, he was named the most legislatively ac“I’ve got a record of actually delivering for this district,” Jones said. “I brought hundreds of millions of dollars for schools, housing, and health care in the lower Hudson Valley. I negotiated passage of the bipartisan infrastructure law. And it was my bill with [U.S. Rep.] Jerry Nadler [D-N.Y.] called the Respect for Marriage Act that has made strides in safeguarding marriage equality for so many LGBTQ+ Americans around the country, even if the Supreme Court were to go back on its precedent.”

He added, “I have a track record of being an effective legislator, and people want me back.”

“I have great respect for the members of the Equality Caucus and the LGBTQ+ members in both chambers of Congress,” Jones said. “I will say that it is apparent to both me and, I think, to many people who have compared last term with this term, that my voice is missing the LGBTQ community.”

Among other matters, he said, this would include “of course, the Supreme Court, healthcare, healthcare equity,” – including access to PrEP medication regardless of one’s ability to pay for it – “ and justice.”

“Even the conversation around student debt cancellation is one that I described as an issue of LGBTQ justice to the president in the Roosevelt Room in the spring of 2022 when I was conveying to him the importance of canceling student debt by executive order.”

Additionally, Jones said, “When I look at what’s happened, when I look at what’s happening abroad, in certain parts of Africa, with respect to the criminalization of queer people, that is something that I would be Black member of Congress.”

“I don’t see anyone leading on that or on the Supreme Court,” said Jones, a lawyer who has worked Davis Polk, and as a clerk for a judge in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York. “It makes me sad,” he said, “but I also know that is the reason why continue the work that I started last year.”

The High Court “is itself something that poses an existential threat to the lives and livelihoods of the LGBTQ+ community,” Jones said.

To remedy the problem, Jones supports court expansion – a move he proposed in legislation with Nadler and U.S. Rep. Hank Johnson (D-Ga.) during the last term. It could be “a critical step to protecting basic freedoms for the LGBTQ+ community not to be discriminated against by business owners, as well as protecting the right of women to exercise their own healthcare rights, whether it is abortion or any other healthcare decision that they want to make.”

The Supreme Court has also imperiled American democracy, Jones said, referencing the 2013 decision in to the hundreds of racist voter suppression bills that we have seen introduced in dozens of states around the country — and that, in many of those states, have become law.”

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Tim Scott drops out of presidential race

U.S. Sen. TIM SCOTT (R-S.C.) (Blade photo by Michael Key)

U.S. Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.) on Sunday announced he will drop out of the Republican presidential primary contest, in a move that reportedly caught his own campaign staff by surprise.

“When I go back to Iowa, it will not be as a presidential candidate” the senator told former GOP congressman and Fox News host Trey Gowdy, on his program “Sunday Night in America,” two months ahead of the Iowa caucuses.

“I am suspending my campaign,” Scott said, adding, “I think the voters who are the most remarkable people on the planet have been really clear that they’re telling me, ‘Not now, Tim.’” The second major Republican candidate to leave the race after former Vice President Mike Pence, Scott’s cam-

paign struggled to advance in the polls, which have seen former President Donald Trump maintain a decisive lead over the other GOP hopefuls.

According to FiveThirtyEight averages, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is in a distant second place, 42.6 points behind with 14 percent support from likely Republican primary voters. He is followed by former South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, biotech entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy, former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, and two candidates polling under one percent.

CHRISTOPHER KANE

Vatican says trans people can be baptized The Vatican last week released a document that says transgender people, under certain circumstances, can be baptized, serve as godparents, and serve as witnesses to Catholic weddings, a move praised by LGBTQ Catholics in the U.S. The document, which was signed by Pope Francis and a high-level Vatican cardinal, was released Nov. 8 on the website of the Vatican’s Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith.

Among other conditions it appears to set, the document says a trans person, including those who have had is not likely to cause a “scandal.” It says a trans person can also serve as a godparent if there is no “risk of scandal” to the church.

The LGBT Catholic organizations New Ways Ministry and Dignity USA issued statements saying they would have preferred the Vatican to advance its support more lics in general, but they consider the latest statement an important step in the right direction. “ high-ranking church leaders do not perceive gender identity as a de facto barrier for participating in Catholic sacraments,” said Francis DeBernardo, executive director of New Ways Ministry. “ decision, contrasts strikingly against the restrictions some U.S. bishops have imposed on LGBTQ+ people in recent years,” DeBernardo said. “Additionally, though the doc-

ument appears to caution that people in same-gender relationships may not be suitable godparents, the new decision’s emphasis that ‘pastoral prudence’ be used on a case-by-case basis opens the possibilities for married gay people to serve in such roles,” he said.

POPE FRANCIS signed a document affirming that trans Catholics may serve as godparents.

“It is encouraging to see the Vatican making it clear that LGBTQ+ people are not automatically banned from our church’s sacraments,” said Dignity USA Executive Director Marianne Duddy-Burke in a statement.

“There have been too many bishops and priests who receive sacraments like baptism and even Communion, which are central to our lives as Catholics,” Duddy-Burke

said.

“We remain concerned that our identities continue to be seen as causing ‘scandal,’ as in this document, and would like to work with church leaders to clarify what that means,” her statement continues. “The reality is that majorities of Catholics already support full inclusion in our church, including access to the sacraments, for LGBTQIA+ people,” she said. “We continue our work to achieve full equality.”

The Vatican document says it was released in response to a letter submitted in July by a Brazilian bishop raising questions about the possible participation of LGBTQ people in baptisms and weddings.

Among those who have welcomed the Vatican document as an important advancement is the Rev. James Martin, a Jesuit priest and longtime advocate for LGBTQ inclusion in the Catholic Church, according to the Associated Press.

“In many dioceses and parishes, including in the U.S., transgender Catholics have been severely restricted from participating in the life of the church, not because of any canon law, but stemming from the decisions of bishops, priests and pastoral associates,” the AP quoted Martin as saying.

“So, the Vatican’s statement is a clear recognition not only of their personhood, but of their place in their own church,” he told the AP. “I hope that it helps the Catholic Church treat them less as a problem and more as people.”

LOU CHIBBARO JR.

Senate control at stake with Manchin’s decision not to run Republican prospects of recapturing control of the U.S. Senate were boosted last week with the conservative Democratic U.S. Sen. Joe Manchin’s (W.Va.) announcement that he will not seek reelection.

Mindful that his party controls 48 Democratic and three independent votes in the upper chamber, and that Republicans are favored in next year’s Senate map, Democratic Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (N.Y.) has been privately urging Manchin to run again in 2024.

Separately, the West Virginia senator is considering whether to run for president as an independent, sparking concerns that he would peel votes away from President Joe Biden, who is running for reelection.

“After months of deliberation and long conversations with my family, I believe in my heart of hearts that I have

accomplished what I set out to do for West Virginia,” Manchin announced in a video shared on X. West Virginia Gov. Jim Justice (R) had already disclosed plans to run for Manchin’s seat, with polls showing the conservative governor handily beating the senator in a hypothetical contest.

In March, Justice signed a law banning guideline dicare for minors in the state.

President Joe Biden issued a statement about Manchin’s announcement: “For more than forty years – as a state legislator, a Secretary of State, a Governor, and a Senator – Joe Manchin has dedicated himself to serving the people of his beloved West Virginia. During my time as Vice President and now as President, Joe and I have worked together

1 2 • WA SHIN GTO N BLADE.COM • NOVEMBER 1 7 , 2 0 2 3 • NAT I O NA L NE WS

to get things done for hardworking families.

“From the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law – which is upgrading America’s aging infrastructure, to the PACT Act – which is making sure our veterans get the care they deening our energy security and lowering prescription drug costs for our seniors, to the most meaningful gun safety legislation in three decades, we’ve made real progress. I was also proud when Joe voted to make hiswoman to serve on the United States Supreme Court.

“Joe, Gayle, and the entire Manchin family should feel proud of the Senator’s service to West Virginia and to our country. I look forward to continuing our work together to get things done for the American people.”

CHRISTOPHER KANE

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Authorities in Mexico’s Aguascalientes state on MonRosa Icela Rodríguez on Monday said it remains unclear

their home.

The Associated Press reported Jesús Ociel Baena’s their partner. State prosecutor Jesús Figueroa Ortega

-

Aguascalientes state is located in central Mexico. magistrate on Aguascalientes’ electoral court. Baena in

tion remain commonplace in Mexico.

-

JESÚS OCIEL BAENA as atin merica s first non inary udge. hey ere found dead in their home in e ico s guascalientes state on ov. . hoto courtesy of aena s ace oo page

MICHAEL K. LAVERS

-

tion as head of the Diocese

POPE FRANCIS

hoto y palincha via igstoc

church’s LGBTQ inclusion

-

The pope’s decision to

-

ton-Houston (Texas) released a statement after the pope’s Vásquez of Austin as apostolic administrator of the same -

-

under-

course of action for the church on the issues of ordaining

The Vatican’s Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith on sexuality.

Then the Vatican released a document stating transgenPending more permanent arrangements for the Diocese

Faith. ing that he felt

Indian Home Minister Amit Shah on Aug. 11 introduced

-

-

-

BRODY LEVESQUE

-

-

or transgender people.

inalized consensual same-sex sexual relations. Section resurfaced during parliamentary committee discussions.

-

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than good for LGBTQ youth Congress must not undermine online victories we have achieved

Protecting children in our ever-increasing online world has never been harder but unfortuthe right balance between protection and privacy can be. For example, some proposals, balance, particularly with regard to LGBTQ+ children and teens. In a year where state legdoesn’t undermine or reverse the online victories the LGBTQ+ community has achieved.

safety of children online, while in the same breath, saying that “protecting minor children from the transgender in this culture” should be among the top priorities of conservatives.

content can be recommended to which users, and enables them to go after platforms by claiming that recommending LGBTQ+ content to kids causes harms such as depression or

school libraries and when people providing healthcare to trans children are being falsely access information, further isolating them.

services, including controlling who the child can communicate with and limiting access to certain content. While parental control tools provide important safeguards for helping

While on its surface that may not seem like a bad thing, it’s crucial to understand that not

our community from reaching out for education, help or support.

those who do not.” That is why so many organizations advocating on behalf of the LGBTQ+

forward.

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RODRIGO HENG-LEHTINEN

(he/him) is executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality.

Let’s commit to creating a safer world for trans people Trans Day of Remembrance reminds us of the work ahead

Each year on Nov. 20, we honor Transgender Day of Remembrance. In 1999, a small group of trans activists gathered to memorialize the lives of two Black transgender women, Rita Hester and Chanelle Pickett, who were lost to violence. Over the past two decades, this day has become a time for our community to come together to honor those we have lost, and to commit to creating a better and safer world for trans people.

Thanks to the tireless advocacy of transgender activists, allies, and organizations like the National Center for Transgender Equality and partners around the country, life for healthcare, greater visibility in media, and increased understanding of gender diversity.

More Americans are beginning to become familiar with the transgender community, and this familiarity counteracts the dishonest tactics that extremist politicians use to score political points.

Unfortunately, backlash often follows progress, and we have seen anti-trans legislation escalate alarmingly over the last few years.

In 2023 alone, we saw more than 500 bills introduced that target LGBTQI+ rights, and more than 400 of these attacked the basic safety of the transgender community. Nearhealthcare for trans youth.

The Williams Institute of Law estimates that, “144,500 transgender youth in 30 states

FBI

to pending legislation.” Extremist politicians are endangering these youth. Everyone, including those of us who are transgender, deserve to access the best possible healthcare, and age-appropriate healthcare for our trans youth is crucial for them to live full and authentic lives. This legislation is based on fear-mongering, misinformation, and outright lies that exploit the public’s relative unfamiliarity with transgender people and our needs. That hostile rhetoric sends the signal that it’s OK to attack transgender people simply because of who we are.

Acceptance and support for LGBTQI+ youth quite literally save lives. According to the Trevor Project’s 2022 Report, young people who felt highly supported by their family reported attempting suicide at less than half the rate of those who did not receive support.

Sadly, we live in a world that often fails to see our brilliance. Our lives are misunderstood. Extremist politicians target us in the media and attack our rights to healthcare, safety, and education. And there are some people in our society who threaten our very goes far beyond violence, statistics, or reports.

Trans people are out here thriving every single day, even in the face of systemic social and physical violence. We celebrate with each other when we are happy and support each other when we are down. We love hard, we laugh hard, and work toward our rights and creating a more inclusive society. Organized advocacy efforts, legal battles, and social movements are gaining momentum, reminding us that change is possible.

Everyone deserves to be healthy, safe, and loved for who they are – and that includes transgender people of all ages. Trans people are vital and beloved members of our communities. We are brilliant, we are beautiful, and we are full of joy. Our lives have meaning – and we matter.

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KABIR PARIKH

is a trans man and resident of Texas.

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Two signs of our future: one younger trans siblings

designated it an extremist group.

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Anatomy of a post-cancellation comedy tour: Ashley Gavin in D.C. After doxxing and death threats, a focus on jokes that transcend identity

By CJ HIGGINS I was dressing up to go to Ashley Gavin’s stand-up comedy show at the Lincoln Theatre when I got a text from Sydnie, Ashley’s assistant. I didn’t remember giving Sydnie my number — although I must have, surely? We had been in contact the past few days about setting up an interview with Ashley about her show here in D.C., and just today we had managed to schedule a time for tomorrow afternoon.

But suddenly the interview wasn’t looking so sure. Sydnie was texting to ask for a list of my questions for the interview, and if I didn’t provide them, I wouldn’t be getting tickets to tonight’s show. I had two hours to get back to her. “So sorry about that!” Sydnie texted.

The ultimatum caught me off guard — but perhaps it shouldn’t have. Ashley Gavin was the subject of controversy this summer for some of her crowd work during a show in Indianapolis. After a fan cheered a little too loudly at a joke, Ashley informed her she was the “the most annoying fan who has ever been to one of her shows,” and that she should “kill herself.” When the fan responded, “I’ve already tried,” Ashley responded that she didn’t try hard enough, and implored her again and again to kill herself. The fan broke down in tears, and left the show.

ASHLEY GAVIN is back on the comedy circuit after a summer controversy.

The familiar cycle of celebrity cancellation played out.

Calls were made on Reddit to boycott Ashley’s shows.

Ashley released an apology video. YouTubers scrutinized the apology clip-by-clip on their channels. Ashley reported getting doxxed in death threats. (The irony!) The fan Ashley accosted, Olivia Neely, raised money for suicide awareness online. And now Ashley Gavin is back on tour, had her assistant screening my questions.

When Ashley took the stage at the Lincoln Theatre, it quickly became clear that her audience is kindling for are Ashley’s die-hard fans. Some of these fans have paid hundreds of dollars for meet-and-greet tickets after the show. They’re on the younger side, and are largely lesbian or queer. They turned 21 during the pandemic, and they haven’t necessarily been to a comedy show before.

They’re fans from online — of Ashley’s TikTok, or her podcast. But all the way in the back are more casual viewers,

edy more generally. They might have bought their tickets last minute. They’re a little older than the die-hard fans, a comedy club scene.

their struggle.”

So one of the more unique things Ashley will do as a comedian is address her online, die-hards fans directly at the beginning of her show. She’ll tell them that she’s on the right side of things, that she won’t pull the rug out from under them, politically speaking. She’ll tell them that they should feel free to laugh, to let it out, not cover their mouths. “I know who my audience is, and they want some safety. And they want some trust. And the fastest way that I can earn that trust is to be up front, and just say I’m not going to trick you tonight. The person you came to see, the person you think I am, I am that person.” But it’s a ence safety, while maintaining that a comedy show is not a “safe space”? It’s no wonder the kindling might catch

It’s great that these two different groups can come together to enjoy a comedy show. But there’s one big problars have very different expectations for the show. And Ashley isn’t looking to satisfy all of them.

On the one hand, the comedy regulars aren’t necessarily used to the content of her show, which especially on this tour, is largely comprised of material about being lesbian. Ashley wants the straight people in the room to know these jokes are for them too. One of the few bits involves picking out a random straight man in the audience. She’ll learn his name, and then check in on him after this or that joke later in the set as the ‘representative straight man’ in the crowd. “I’m speaking to the people who might not feel comfortable in the room,” Ashley explained to me during our interview. “I’m saying like, hey, I know you’re there, and this is for you. And I’m really glad that you’re here, you know.”

But if Ashley wants the comedy regulars to adjust to the content of her show, she also wants her online, die-hard comedy club or theater. Her die-hard fans are new to the comedy scene, and she wants to make a proper introduction. This isn’t simply out of magnanimity. Ashley intends to put on the kind of show the comedy regulars are there to see. And if her fans from TikTok or her podcast are going to enjoy it, that means adjusting their expectations.

“I’ve read it in my comments [online] before,” Ashley lamented. “I’ve read like, ‘This was not a safe space.’ Maybe because of gross things, or some of the darkness of the jokes. I’m frequently like, what made you think it was going to be a safe space? Art is not a safe space.”

As Ashley sees things, part of going to a comedy show is letting go and not worrying about whether the jokes doubt, especially if you know them from online. And she thinks letting go of your worries isn’t giving up on your political convictions — it’s empowering. “[My fans] are very into social justice, and very into doing the right thing, [and] I want to give them the opportunity to let go a little bit, and release some of their tension, and their pain, and

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wondering whether there wasn’t an easier way. Why ask fans who want safety to ride out a non-safe space?

I think it helps to understand what Ashley wants out of being a comedian. A major dy special was her frustration with being called a “lesbian comedian.” She talks about wanting to be called a great comedian, not a lesbian one — someone who is in the running with other great comedians, whose jokes transcend any particular identity. And if you want to be a great comedian, and not “the lesbian comedian,” it makes sense that you might want your mostly queer online audience to acclimate to the comedy club scene. She doesn’t want to put on a lesbian show. She wants to put on a great comedy show.

So what of Ashley’s hopes for being a great comedian, post-cancellation? On her Chosen Family podcast, taped just one day before her show in D.C., Ashley gave a picture of where she thought things stood. “My audience has changed. I’m experiencing this new audience saw what happened and kind of understand, OK, these were meant to be jokes,” Ashley told her co-hosts. “The folks who don’t see it that way aren’t really at the show anymore, and the show is far more enjoyable for everybody there.”

When I surveyed the audience after Ashley’s show, her prediction seemed to bear out. Everyone I talked to either didn’t know about the summer’s controversy, or didn’t care. “I know nothing of drama. That takes a lot of energy to follow,” said Sunshine, a fan of Ashley’s from over the pandemic. People wanted to chat about Ashley’s crowd work, particularly the drunk girl from Missouri who just wouldn’t give up. They had nothing to say about Indianapolis. Perhaps for Ashley Gavin, the post-cancellation cycle doesn’t end with her remaining fans forgiving and forgetting. Just the forgetting, and moving on.

(CJ Higgins is a postdoctoral fellow with the Alexander Grass Humanities Institute at Johns Hopkins University.)

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Friday, November 17

CALENDAR |

By TINASHE CHINGARANDE

Monday, November 20

Thursday, November 23

Center Aging Friday Tea Time will be at 2 p.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ adults. For more details, email adam@thedccenter.org.

GoGay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Speed Friending” at 7 p.m. at The Commentary. This event is ideal for meeting new people and making new friends in a casual, facilitated environment. Admission is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Center Aging Monday Coffee and Conversation will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. LGBT Older Adults — and friends — are invited to enjoy friendly conversations and to discuss any issues you might be dealing with. For more information, visit the Center Aging’s Facebook or Twitter.

Genderqueer DC will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group on Zoom for people who identify outside of the gender binary, whether you’re bigender, agen-

Saturday, November 18

For more information, visit www.genderqueerdc.org or check us out on Facebook.

LGBTQ People of Color Support Group will be at 1 p.m. on Zoom. This peer support group is an outlet for LGBTQ People of Color to come together and talk about anything affecting them in a space the strives to be safe and judgement free. For more details, visit thedccenter. org/poc or facebook.com/centerpoc.

South Asian Support Group will be at 1:30 p.m. on Zoom. The peer support group is an outlet for South

Tuesday, November 21

The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. To be more fair with who is receiving boxes, the program is moving to a lottery system. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5:00 pm if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required.

For more information, email supportdesk@thedccenter. org or call 202-682-2245.

Virtual Yoga Class with Jesse Z. will be at 12 p.m. online. This is a weekly class focusing on yoga, breathwork, and meditation. Guests are encouraged to RSVP on the DC Center’s website, providing your name, email address, and zip code, along with any questions you may have. A link to the event will be sent at 6 pm the day before.

about anything affecting them. It’s a secure, judgement-free environment to discuss relationships, sexuality, health, well-being, identity, culture, religion, or anything that is on your mind. For more details, email board.khushdc@gmail.com.

BiRoundtable will be at 7 p.m. This event is an opportunity for people to gather in order to discuss issues related to bisexuality or as Bi individuals in a private setting. For more details, visit Facebook or Meetup.

LGBTQ+ Social Mixer will be at 5:30 p.m. at Showroom. This is a weekly cocktails and dinner social mixer for the LGBTQIA community. This event is free and more details are available in Eventbrite.

Wednesday, November 22

Sunday, November 19

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, includ-

AfroCode DC will be at 4 p.m. at Decades DC. This event will be an experience of non-stop music, dancing, and good vibes and a crossover of genres and a fusion of cultures. Tickets cost $40 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.

GoGay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Dinner & Conversation” at 6 p.m. at As You Are. Guests are encouraged to come enjoy an evening of Italian-style dining and conversation with other LGBTQ+ folk on the enclosed front patio. Admission is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email centercareers@thedccenter.org or visit www.thedccenter.org/careers.

OUT & ABOUT Holiday market coming to Union Station DCBB productions will host “Union Station Holiday Market” starting on Thursday, Dec. 7 at 11 a.m. at Union Station.

There will be vintage clothing, art, jewelry, collectibles, crafts and home goods. Union Station Holiday Market will ists, commuters and D.C. residents can enjoy this eclectic holiday experience and sip delicious wine and cocktails from Union Station’s 1908 Lounge.

For more information, contact aroyster@mercuryllc.com.

Union Station hosts a holiday market starting Dec. 7.

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LEFT PAGE

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THEATER

Memories of time spent in India revealed in ‘Public Obscenities’ An inspiring production from writer-director Shayok Misha Chowdhury

By PATRICK FOLLIARD For writer-director Shayok Misha Chowdhury, the memories and imaginings of time spent in India are revealed in “Public Obscenities,” an inspiring new production currently playing at Woolly Mammoth Theatre.

Born in India, raised in Boston and now living in New York, Chowdhury, 38, has visited his native country often over the years. Those visits serve as a connection to family ings among diasporic gay folks and those on the subcontinent.”

A Woolly co-production with Theatre For A New Audi“Public Obscenities” follows Indian born Choton (Abrar Black American boyfriend Raheem (Jakeem Dante Pow-

while showing Raheem his world.

In the past, Chowdhury, 38, has written musical experimental pieces but had never written a solo author naturalist play. “This is my debut as a playwright. What’s more,

WASHINGTON BLADE: How much of “Public Obscenities” is about you, Misha?

SHAYOK MISHA CHOWDHURY: The plot isn’t autobiographical, but the circumstances are. My partner is an African-American video artist and I’m more words driven.

We’ve travelled many times. Unlike Choton, I don’t have a Ph.D. longing for what might had been had he remained. can desire and be desired by people who look like him and speak to them in his mother tongue. There’s a cross connection: He likes what they have and they like that he lives in American with accepting parents and can easily have a relationship with a Black man.

BLADE: It is also a bilingual piece?

CHOWDHURY: Entirely bilingual in a very natural way.

Characters speak either Bangla or English given circumstances. Choton’s partner doesn’t speak Bangla so the main character is translating in real time. When Bangla-speaking characters are in a scene, the audience is reading supertitles.

BLADE: Is it tough casting a bilingual piece?

CHOWDHURY: Yes, more than anything it was a casting challenge. Finding these actors is what made the them in and housing them.

BLADE: And place is very important?

CHOWDHURY: The house is a character in the play.

SHAYOK MISHA CHOWDHURY

Very much a scenic replica from real life; I’ve spent time in that house. For the Woolly production, the scenic designer has added a meta conceit: You enter through a movie theater and behind the screen of the cinema hall that house is revealed. But once there, it will feel the same.

“Public Obscenities” has been described as theater verité. The aesthetic leans into documentary precision and mimics the rhythms of real life. There’s been a rewrite for this latest iteration. We have the same cast that appeared at Soho Rep in New York. They were assembled BLADE CHOWDHURY: It’s not a coming out story; not a fami-

2 8 • WA SHIN GTO N BLADE.COM • NOVEMBER 1 7 , 2 0 2 3

hard to prove that he’s native to this place yet still himself.

BLADE: Is it hard to be objective when directing your own work?

CHOWDHURY ask yourself. Here my proximity was a gift. The nature of this project involved precise vision.

‘Public Obscenities’ Through Dec. 23

Woolly Mammoth Theatre Company 641 D St., N.W. | $52-$85 | Woollymammoth.net

NOV E M B E R 1 7 , 2 0 2 3 • WA S H I N GTO N B L A D E.CO M • 2 9

DINING

Saying an abrupt goodbye to Crazy Aunt Helen’s Popular restaurant shuttered after just two years

By EVAN CAPLAN Vibrant, LGBTQ-owned restaurant Crazy Aunt Helen’s closed two weeks ago. Known for its purple staircase, maximalist décor, and parade of events, this Capitol Hill desti-

during its two years in business.

In a public statement on the closing, owner Shayne Mayson noted that there were several challenges he faced, like “opening during COVID, our location challenges, staffing challenges, repair and maintenance costs associated with an older building and equipment.”

He also said, “we gave it our best go. I’m so proud of my waitstaff and kitchen crew for taking my vision for Crazy Aunt Helen’s and bringing it to life. They are the reason we made connections with our neighborhood and the DC community. I will miss working with them very much.”

Crazy Aunt Helen’s opened in 2021 to much fanfare, given that owner Mayson was no stranger to the industry. He had previously worked with the Hank’s Oyster Bar team for several years, on top of three decades in the restaurant world.

Drag brunches and other events helped establish Crazy Aunt Helen’s as a favorite in the LGBTQ community. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Setting up in the former Finn McCool’s bar space, Mayson crafted an all-day, Americana-style restaurant based on comfort food and lots of entertainment.

“We offer a fun, welcoming space for guests, as well as employees,” he said to the Blade last year.

To start, Mayson solicited design assistance from Pixie Windsor of Miss Pixie’s (also an old friend of his) to bring the space to life. Windsor’s tastes and style resulted in the

3 0 • WA SHIN GTO N BLADE.COM • NOVEMBER 1 7 , 2 0 2 3

ings, and celebrity prints that gave the space unique character.

On the table was American comfort food, but with Mayson’s own twists. Appetizers included items like fried green tomatoes, and entrees featured chicken fried steak smothered in chicken sausage gravy and vegan crab cakes. The restaurant became known for its big brunch and breakfast menu, decadent in offerings with items like cinnamon bun pancakes.

On the drinks side, Jo-Jo Valenzuela, from the Game Sports Pub in Adams Morgan helped put together the cocktail list, with drinks like a lemon drop. The team leaned on locally produced liquor and beer to support D.C.-area business.

The restaurant quickly earned accolades – and detractors.

In 2022, Crazy Aunt Helen’s, after just a year of being open, won the Best Restaurant award from the Blade. It was nominated in two other categories. It won the Blade Best Of award again just last month.

The restaurant was also known for pushing boundaries. Among its many events, the Drag Storytime event in February of this year garnered attention for its targeting by far-right groups. While these groups did not appear, hundreds of supporters from the neighborhood and across D.C. did show up in a massive display of solidarity. Holding rainbow umbrellas in a chilly drizzle; they showed support for and by LGBTQ community and allies. There was also a small police presence to protect the supporters.

One of the Drag Storytime performers was Tara Hoot, who took a leading role in the events held at Crazy Aunt Helen’s. Such events featured a Broadway cabaret, a circus-themed murder mystery, a “Mx. Tater Tot” competition, comedy shows, dinner theater, trivia, and dozens of drag brunches.

Tara Hoot got her start in live drag performances at Crazy Aunt Helen’s after Mayson spotted her on Instagram. “I’d have to refer to him as my Fairy Drag Father for giving me Diving in, Tara hosted the ‘Tara Hoot’s Bingo and a Show’ and ‘Tara Hoot’s Story Time Family Brunches’ often, selling out the 90-seat audience. “I tried to make them something different, campy, and fun.” She was also a host for the weekly Sunday brunch that featured other queens like Shiqueeta Lee. It was this brunch that helped put Crazy Aunt Helen’s on the map.

“I really learned how to be a performer during my time at Helen’s because of Shayne giving me the chance to be creative,” she says. “The connections I made with so many people was also super important and magical.” She attributes not only getting her start but several connections with other performers and opportunities to working at the restaurant.

She also spoke to how impactful Crazy Aunt Helen’s was for her and the other perhumans and people trying to bring you down. Crazy Aunt Helen’s was an escape from that — a really wonderful place to celebrate performers of every kind, not just drag, and I’m really going to miss it.” supporting the restaurant.

“When I was creating the restaurant, I knew I wanted to create a space where everyand folks could feel that when they came in to dine with us or to see a show.”

NOV E M B E R 1 7 , 2 0 2 3 • WA S H I N GTO N B L A D E.CO M • 3 1

FILM

An engaging story that provides visibility for strong, authentic queer characters

By JOHN PAUL KING Biopics are the thing this year, it seems.

So far, 2023 has brought us big-and-buzzy movies about a world-changing scientist (“Oppenheimer”), a pop culture princess (“Priscilla”), and an unsung hero of the Civil Rights movement (“Rustin”), with the much-anticipated “Napoleon” from Ridley Scott, starring Joaquin Phoenix in the title role, soon to come. All of these have Even Rustin, whose long-obscured historical contribu-

ly be said to have a more famous name than the woman whose story (or, at least, part of it) is told in “Nyad.” form Nov. 3, relates the saga of marathon swimmer – also author, journalist, and motivational speaker – Diana Nyad, who in 1978, at age 28, attempted and failed to become ida. Someone else (equipped with a shark cage) would go on to claim that record, but the movie picks up the saga when Nyad (Annette Bening), now 60, decides to try the swim again. To make her unlikely dream come true she enlists the aid of her best friend and former coach challenges. to complete what she started long ago – not to mention a seasoned sea captain (Rhys Ifans) to guide her course and a team of experts brought in to help protect her from the dangers of the deep – Nyad embarks on a late-life quest to accomplish her seemingly impossible goal, re-

fusing to give up the effort despite failure, fate, and the uncontrollable forces of nature itself.

As written by Julia Cox and co-directed by husbandand-wife team Jimmy Chin and Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi of the sports-bio subgenre, from training montages to heartbreaking setbacks to adrenalin-pumping suspense, and – to its credit – manages to do so without feeling like a cookie-cutter repetition of formula. Part of this, of course, can be attributed to the “edginess” points it earns by focusing not only on an athletic hero that is not only female, but a 60-something gay female at that.

Another key factor is its adventurous environment and setting, which puts us into a world that most of us will never visit and forces us to imagine a feat almost none of us could hope to achieve. The thrill of the ride is more than enough reason to take the journey, and it’s easy to be sucked into the vicarious experience as we root the movie’s eponymous real-life heroine on toward a hopedfor triumph.

Still, it’s impossible not to observe a certain rote qual“Nyad” without knowing her story (which, with the exception of those with an interest in the world of competitive long-distance swimming, is likely to describe most of us), it seems unthinkable that Diana Nyad won’t accomplish what she sets out to do – after all, why would a movie about her exist had she not done so? Presumably recognizing the same point, Chin and Vasarhelyi angle their movie toward the visceral, attempting to immerse us in

on the eventual outcome. This is a story about a personal journey, about the friendship and teamwork that make it possible, and not a “will she make it or not?” nail-biter. who anchor it. As Nyad, Bening is an indomitable – sometimes imperious – spirit, driven to the point of obsession, and might well come off as something less than likable were it not for the perfectly balanced counterweight proeasy chemistry between them, a symbiotic alignment that Stoll likes her, and we respect the easy-going Stoll more heightening the emotional connection we feel toward both and giving the movie a loving heart – albeit a platonic one, since “Nyad” refreshingly focuses on a story of female friendship without imposing a perfunctory and unnecessary “Hollywood” love story into the middle of it – with which we all can relate even if we can’t relate to the intense physical and psychological pressure of being a long-distance open sea swimmer.

Yet even with two superb performances leading the charge, there’s still an air of disingenuousness to “Nyad,” a showy, exaggerated sense of drama that feels designed to keep things exciting. After all, no matter how intense a real-life marathon swim might be for the person in the water, watching it from the perspective of an observer hard to keep itself moving briskly, leaning heavily into way over the routine stuff between the obstacles and setbacks. It’s an understandable approach, but one that fails to generate real suspense, because (as noted above), Nyad’s eventual success feels like a foregone conclusion from the beginning, even when things lean hard into the stakes-raising drama of swimming with hungry sharks happen, they feel manufactured.

Indeed, some of the events in the narrative are manufactured, and while such examples of artistic license have always been standard practice in telling true stories on regarding its representation of events – particularly its demembers of her support team. Those controversies are omitted or glossed over here, which can’t help but tarnish the movie’s clear intent to celebrate a queer hero.

Nevertheless, as a piece of old-fashioned, inspirational Hollywood entertainment, it works well enough,

JODIE FOSTER trains ANNETTE BENING in ‘Nyad.’

3 2 • WA SHIN GTO N BLADE.COM • NOVEMBER 1 7 , 2 0 2 3

awards-worthy status in spite of itself. And if, in the long run, it doesn’t rise to the level of their performances, it’s still an engaging story that provides all-too-rare visibility not just for strong and authentic queer characters, but for strong and authentic older ones, too.

In Hollywood, that’s got to be almost as remarkable a feat as swimming 100 miles in the open ocean.

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ADVICE

Making excuses to stay single You don’t have to settle, but you should set realistic expectations

By MICHAEL RADKOWSKY Michael, bottom lines. Serious, intelligent, wants a I am a 43-year-old gay guy and single. I’ve family, takes care of himself. These are deal never been in a relationship for more than a breakers for me and I can’t settle. few weeks.

I broke up with a guy last week who is I really would like to be with someone. I really a great, sweet guy. We actually lasted have a clear image of the life I would like to almost two months. My friends love him. He have. Kind, sexy husband, beautiful home, wants a family, is completely a sincere individual. But the sex really was mediocre.

I’ve been dreaming of this my whole life I’d love your feedback. and feel the clock ticking. Why am I still single?

Michael replies: I’ve gone on many, many, many dates. But I haven’t found “the one.” to reject potential partners so that you don’t My friends tell me I am too picky and they have to deal with the realities of being in a also say I don’t really want to be in a relationrelationship. ship, or I would be in one by now. I completeYes, it’s possible you haven’t yet met a guy ly disagree. I know I want to spend my life you really click with. Of course you want to with someone. spend your life with someone who wants the But what they keep saying really bothers same general outline of life that you do. And me and I am afraid they might be right, even of course, you want to like that person a lot though I don’t think it’s true.

Somehow, no one I have met is on the But I think it’s more likely that you are resame wavelength as I am, in major ways. jecting guys with whom you could have Some guys don’t want kids. Some only fothe life you dream about. The big clue, of course, is that last guy you broke up with. He to having a decent body. Some never read checked so many of your boxes—but the sex anything but Instagram.

“

was mediocre.

Well, sex isn’t always amazing, even with someone you care about and to whom you’re attracted. It’s often possible to improve sex (did you talk to him about doing so?). And seven weeks doesn’t give you a lot of data, or the relationship much of a chance.

So why are you in such a rush to get out of relationships? If you’re interested in being in a long-term relationship in the future, explore this question. A few general points to consider: What was your parents’ relationship like when you were growing up? The relationWhen those relationships were angry, tense, or problematic in some big way, we may deep level, even if we think we want one.

How do you feel about being gay, and about being in a relationship with another guy? Many gay men are uncomfortable in relationships, for many reasons. We may have negative feelings about ourselves, so we feel we don’t deserve much. We may have all sorts of judgments about other gay men, so we reject potential partners. We may think gay relationships are less-than. We may not see a lot of role models for healthy long-term gay relationships around us.

How do you feel about striving to be close to another person with no guarantee of how it will go? The combination of intimacy and vulnerability that a close relationship requires can feel scary. My guess is, you avoid it—and

if you didn’t talk to your last guy about the sex issue, I’m right.

Vulnerability is unavoidable if you want closeness. They go together. If you aren’t willing to be vulnerable, you will be alone, or in a distant relationship.

One more angle to consider: Accepting a less-than-perfect partner.

In our culture, which promotes images of perfect bodies, homes, vacations, partners, and lives, it can be hard to accept the reality What will people think of me if I’m with this guy? Why should I have to settle?

You don’t have to settle, but again, if you’re not willing to, you’ll likely be alone. And keep you think is perfect, something will come up — or he will change over time (just as you will).

Beyond the wonderful times of joy and companionship that you are seeking, great relationships push us to tolerate all sorts of experiences far outside of our comfort zone.

Enduring these experiences is frequently hard work and sometimes painful. It’s also a path to growth, resilience, and a meaningful, deeply lived life.

(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online information has been changed for reasons

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AUTOS

Fab gifts for car fans

From stuffed animals to a $20,000 model car

By JOE PHILLIPS

For those of us who still love Tonka Toys and Matchbox cars, here are some fun gift-giving ideas for all ages this holiday season.

Ford Bronco Plush Horse

For kids—or adults who just like horsing around—the Ford Bronco polyester stuffed animal ($27) is super soft and comes

mane, glossy black eyes and a kicky green bandana. Bonus: It’s machine washable.

Kia Hamster Seatbelt Buddy

Kia also has its own stuffed animal: the hamster seatbelt buddy ($13), dressed in a black T-shirt and white Kia logo. on the back come

Montblanc Enzo Ferrari Special-Edition Pen

Dedicated to race-car driver and automaker Enzo Ferrari, this Montblanc special-edition pen ($1,000) is made of metal, resin and platinum-plated detailing.

The pen cap features the dates of Enzo’s birth and the clip is inscribed with his famous phrase: “You cannot describe passion, you can only live it.”

Ford Lightning Multi-Tool Keychain

Electric vehicle fans will get a charge out of the Ford Lightning multi-tool keychain ($10), which doubles as bottle opener, scissors, knife, measuring tool and

of stainless steel, this keychain is named for the EV version of the Ford F-Series, the best-selling truck in the U.S. for 46 years.

Land Rover Classic Watch

seatbelt.

BMW Small Fashion Wallet

Nix the purses and overstuffed billfolds.

The BMW small fashion wallet ($70) is only 4.1x2.9 inches and features two card slots, one banknote compartment and the BMW logo tastefully stamped on the outside.

Vintage Subaru License Plate

The vintage-looking SUB-ARU license plate ($12) is made of recycled aluminum and measures 6x12 inches. Is it just me, or could there be a subtle message here: I am a “Sub…Are You”?

ly by children or controlled by parents. Built-in Bluetooth, FM radio, USB and SD port for music are also here. Oh, and there’s a real horn to help make sure everybody gets out of the way.

Mercedes Game Kit

Planes, trains and automobiles…take this Mercedes game kit ($50) anywhere to jazz up your journey.

Includes dominoes, dice and playing cards, all in a sturdy metal box.

Toyota GR Supra ‘Through the Years’ T-Shirt

Celebrating Toyota’s renowned sportster, the GR Supra “Through the Years” T-shirt ($25) has screen-printed silhouettes of this super coupe from 1978 to today.

Made of polyester, cotton and rayon, with tear-away label and side seams.

Cadillac Golf Balls

For golfers looking for a Caddy with a capital “C,” these Titlest Pro V1 golf balls ($70) sport the Cadillac logo. Softer, quieter and with better game spin than most of the competition, these golf balls are the most popular on the pro tours.

Ferrari 250 TR 1958 Lucybelle II Model Car

True

Forget a pricey Rolex, the Land Rover Classic Watch ($207) is all about understated elegance. Features include luminated hands and indices, Land Rover lettering, date aperture, textured Italian leather strap, water-resistant casing, and a rotating outer bezel that can be aligned to a second time zone.

Lexus LX 570 Kiddie Car

EVs are everywhere, and that includes the battery-powered Lexus LX 570 kiddie car ($695). Built for ages two to seven years old, this ride has a white exterior, chestnut brown interior and working LED lights, doors and seatbelts.

With remote control access, the car can be driven manual-

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Ferrari preciate how the original 250 TR—named Lucybelle II and driven by American drivers Ed Hugus and Ray Erickson—placed a respectable seventh place at the 24 Hours of Le Mans in 1958. At 24 inches long, this handcrafted 1:8 scale model ($19,995) has thousands of engineered parts (including a trunk that opens and a removable engine cover) to showcase one of the most coveted Ferraris in the world.

Mx. Shakers (Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)

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