Washington Blade, Volume 55, Issue 12, March 22, 2024

Moms for Liberty:

A tale of two counties

In book ban fight, Maryland’s progressive Howard a stark contrast to neighboring Carroll, PAGE 08

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D.C. jury finds AARP Services illegally fired gay man

Former employee awarded $2.1 million in damages

By LOU CHIBBARO JR.

A.

A D.C. Superior Court jury on March 15 handed down a verdict finding that the D.C.-based AARP Services, Inc., an arm of the AARP that interacts with businesses supportive of the nation’s seniors, illegally fired a gay manager because of his sexual orientation.

The jury’s verdict, which it said was based on a “preponderance of evidence,” came six years after Richard A. ‘Rick’ Deus Jr., who worked for AARP and AARP Services for 11 years, filed a lawsuit against his former employer in May 2018. The lawsuit charges that AARP Services violated the D.C. Human Rights Act by firing him after falsely accusing him of accepting gifts for travel from businesses affiliated with AARP that violated AARP employee ethics policies.

His lawsuit says he was fired in February 2018. At that time, he held the title of director of program management at AARP Services.

The lawsuit says AARP Services cited the alleged travel violations as the reason for its decision to fire him. The lawsuit named AARP Services and its then chief executive officer, Lawrence Flanagan, as the two defendants responsible for Deus’s firing.

But the jury’s verdict only named AARP Services as being at fault in the firing. It did not find Flanagan at fault and did not hold him responsible for damages, even though Flanagan testified at the trial that he made the final decision to terminate Deus on grounds that Deus violated the travel policy.

The jury also chose not to hold AARP Services responsible for paying punitive damages to Deus, whose lawsuit called for $5 million in compensatory damages and an additional $5 million in punitive damages.

In its verdict, according to online court records, the jury awarded Deus $1,612,916.18 in compensatory damages and $578,351 in damages for emotional distress that AARP Services is required to pay Deus. The court records show the jury awarded Deus another $1,118.89 to be paid by AARP Services for its alleged breach of contract with him in its decision to fire him.

An attorney representing AARP Services immediately following the verdict filed a motion requesting that Superior Court Judge Shana Frost Matini, who presided over the trial, issue a “directed verdict” overturning the jury’s verdict.

Such a motion is often filed by individuals or organizations on the losing side of a lawsuit, but such requests are rarely approved. Matini said she would schedule a hearing to consider the motion in May.

“I’m thrilled that the jury found that I was treated differently from my co-workers and discriminatorily fired,” Deus told the Washington Blade after the jury handed down its verdict. “That’s clearly what they found, and they awarded emotional pain and suffering,” he said. “But overall, I’m elated. It’s been six years of my life that I’ve been fighting and telling people that I was treated differently than anybody else and today I got my vindication.”

Laura Segal, AARP’s Senior Vice President for External

Affairs, told the Blade in a statement, “AARP is pleased with the jury’s verdict that Lawrence Flanagan lawfully terminated Richard Deus’s employment.” She added, “AARP Services, Inc. (ASI) disagrees with the remainder of the verdict and is exploring all options for further legal review. We remain committed to an inclusive culture and warmth and belonging, where everyone is welcome.”

Attorneys representing AARP Services argued at the trial and presented witnesses denying Dues was fired because of his sexual orientation. They asserted that AARP Services had and still has gay and lesbian employees and managers and that the company has a longstanding policy of prohibiting discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation or marital status.

Deus’s lawsuit accused AARP Services of targeting Deus for discrimination based on his marriage to another man as well as for his sexual orientation. The jury did not find that AARP Services engaged in discrimination against Deus based on his marital status.

Flanagan was among the lead defense witnesses who testified at the nine-day-long trial. He testified that he has worked for many years with gay colleagues, has a gay relative who he admires, and would never have allowed his staff to engage in discrimination while he served as AARP Services CEO.

He noted in his testimony that his decision to fire Deus was based, in part, on the recommendation of AARP Services’ human resources or personnel director, Michael Loizzi, who is an openly gay man. Loizzi, who also testified at the trial, said that as a gay man he would never have called for Deus or anyone else to be fired because of their sexual orientation. He stated in his testimony that he recommended to Flanagan that Deus be fired because Deus violated AARP Services travel policy and lied to his supervisor about the details of the travel to get his supervisor’s approval under false pretenses.

Deus, during his own testimony, strongly disputed claims that he obtained permission for his travel by providing false information to his supervisor. His lawsuit states that both his supervisor and AARP Services’ legal counsel cleared him for the two trips that he has been accused of taking in violation of policy.

His lawsuit identifies other AARP and AARP Services employees who have taken business trips like the two taken by Deus that allegedly violated travel policy who were not fired or disciplined. A few faced disciplinary actions but were allowed to retain their jobs, the lawsuit says.

“This case is about the unequal treatment of a gay man when juxtaposed to the treatment of our heterosexual comparators,” Darrell Chambers, Deus’s lead attorney, told the Washington Blade after the verdict. “This is not a case about an organization or a group of people who hate gay people and decided that they were going to fire this man because they hate him,” Chambers said.

“Instead, it’s a case where the punishment that they consistently applied to gay employees, re Mr. Deus and Mr. Sanders, was harsher, far harsher than the punishment they applied to heterosexual employees who committed the same or similar acts.”

Chambers was referring to former AARP Services employee Jack Sanders, who is gay and who testified on video played at the trial that he was summarily fired on grounds that he allegedly sent pornographic photos or video images to another AARP Services employee, who complained about receiving the pornographic images.

Sanders has said the pornographic images in question were sent to the employee by his ex-boyfriend who wanted to portray Sanders in a negative light. Through telephone and wire transmission records Sanders was able to show that the images in question were sent from a device in Washington, D.C. at a time that Sanders was in Chicago, proving that Sanders could not have been the person who sent the images.

Deus’s attorneys brought out at the trial that AARP Services failed to give Sanders a chance to defend himself, prompting him to file his own lawsuit against AARP Services for which a settlement was reached. The terms of the settlement have not been publicly disclosed. But Deus’s attorneys cited Sanders’s case as yet another example of how AARP Services has treated gay employees differently from heterosexual employees.

AARP Services attorney Alison Davis argued during the trial that discrimination based on Deus’s sexual orientation had nothing at all to do with the decision to fire him. Davis told the jury that the two trips that Deus took that led to his firing, one to New York City and the other to New Orleans to attend the Sugar Bowl football game, were financed in part by companies that do business with AARP in violation of AARP and AARP Services policies for travel. Among other things, she said the Sugar Bowl is considered a championship game that has a value higher than smaller gifts that AARP employees are allowed to accept.

Deus testified that his reason for accepting an invitation to the Sugar Bowl game was to spend time with the new account director at the Allstate insurance company, which paid for the Sugar Bowl game ticket. “In 2019, we were going to be negotiating a new contract with Allstate and we wanted to establish a good relationship with her before the contract negotiations began,” he told the Blade. “That’s how you do business.”

Deus said he was referring to Allstate’s business relationship with AARP Services, which he said, similar to its interaction with other businesses, helps AARP provide support and services to the nation’s senior citizens.

In her cross examination of Deus on the witness stand, Davis also raised AARP Services’ claim in contesting the lawsuit that the emotional distress and depression that Deus says he suffered because of his firing could have been caused by issues unrelated to the firing. Davis asked Deus if his emotional distress was caused by stress that Deus has said he experienced years earlier when he came out as gay to his parents, who are ordained ministers, and in his interaction with his sister, who had been diagnosed as being bipolar.

Deus said that while his coming out to his conservative parents nearly 30 years ago and his sister’s mental health issues were a concern years earlier, he and his parents had long since reconciled over his sexual orientation and his sister’s mental health issues played no role whatsoever in the emotional distress he experienced after being fired by AARP Services.

In her cross examination of Deus on the witness stand, Davis also asked him if his decision to be interviewed by the Washington Blade last year for a Blade story about his lawsuit could have contributed to the difficulty, he said he encountered in finding employment after he was fired by AARP Services. Deus, who testified that he was hired by at least one other company that later laid him off, said he did not believe a Blade story about his lawsuit would have an adverse impact on him.

RICHARD

DEUS, Jr. claims AARP Services fired him for being gay.

Moms for Liberty: A tale of two counties

In book ban fight, Maryland’s progressive Howard a stark contrast to neighboring Carroll

By CJ HIGGINS

COLUMBIA, Md. — “I know there are children here,” said Jessica Garland, a little tremble to her voice. “This is my warning. There’s stuff that’s going to be said from these books. So if you want to remove your child, please do so now.” And with a deep breath, she continued. “He pushes against me, shoving the tip inside with a pop.” She paused for effect. The audience let out a few giggles and gasps of faux horror. Not a single parent removed their child from the room.

Garland was here in Howard County visiting from Carroll County, where as the chapter vice chair of Moms for Liberty, she had succeeded in pushing for the school board to ban “sexually explicit content” from school libraries. But her presentation here was attended by more mocker moms than soccer moms, fully clad in rainbow capes and Hawaiian necklaces, who had come to protest the event.

It is unlikely that the Howard chapter of Moms for Liberty will succeed in getting any books removed from schools, where none of the school board has signed the Moms for Liberty pledge to “secure parental rights at all levels of government.” The political makeup of Carroll and Howard counties is nothing alike: 60% of voters in Carroll voted for Trump in 2020, where only 26% in Howard did. Carroll County is an odd island of red in a sea of blue among the metropolitan counties of Maryland, with proximity to either Baltimore or D.C. It has a long history of right-wing proclivities, as a hotbed of KKK activity in the 20th century, and with only 59 of its 4,500 residents voting for Abraham Lincoln back in 1860.

Howard County, in contrast, seems like a queer paradise. The school system boasts a huge selection of LGBTQ programming, none of which can be found in Carroll schools: a biannual rainbow conference, LGBTQ book clubs for all age levels, Q&As for parents with queer kids, a queer literary magazine, and a Pride prom. But just because Moms for Liberty won’t succeed in replacing the school board doesn’t mean that they haven’t had any impact in Howard County.

At the Jan. 6 meeting of the school board, parents complained that their kids felt unsafe because of the recent political activity. And the school system has been pestered with numerous requests through the MPIA (Maryland Public Information Act) to report on the extent and funding of its LGBTQ programming. While the Howard County School System does employ a LGBTQIA+ Initiatives Specialist, Danielle DuPuis, they have not funded the many initiatives DuPuis has orchestrated since her hiring in 2022. DuPuis pays for the programming with fundraising through T-shirt sales, and with grants from organizations like Community Allies of Rainbow Youth. This lack of funding is a consequence of the school system’s tight budget, not of Moms for Liberty — but it is hard to imagine the school system diverting any of its limited funding to its LGBTQ programming with Moms for Liberty breathing down their neck.

This programming is important precisely because Howard County schools are not a queer paradise. On March 9, I attended one of Howard’s newer offerings: a Q&A for parents of queer students. The stories they told were shocking. Two parents described a Rainbow Fun Run that was held at Clarksville Middle School to raise money for queer youth. Students were encouraged to wear rainbow colored clothes for the event — but a dozen of the middle schoolers showed up in black from head to toe, wearing pins that said “There Are Only Two Genders.” It was refreshing to see the group react with humor. “Black is one of the colors of the rainbow,” one said. “You’re still participating anyway!”

Jessica insisted at the Moms for Liberty meeting that they were not trying to target LGBTQ books. “We did not target homosexuals, transsexuals [sic],” she said. It was clear the protesters in the audience did not believe her from the signs they carried: “Protect Trans Youth,” “Hate and Ignorance are Not Family Values,” “Ban Bigots Not Books.” They have good reason to distrust the intentions of Moms for Liberty. The Capital News Service conducted an analysis of the books Moms for Liberty targeted for removal in Carroll County, and concluded that a disproportionate number of those books were written by queer authors on queer subject matters.

But even if the quest to ban sexually explicit material from school libraries is in bad faith, the Moms for Liberty are right about one thing: The books they are targeting are sexually explicit. No protester at the event argued that the books weren’t sexually explicit, and yet no one defended the presence of sexually explicit books in schools, either. Perhaps this is not so surprising. Who wants to be seen arguing that schools should carry pornographic books? It’s far easier to defend LGBTQ books, and giggle at the spectacle of dirty words on a PowerPoint.

Unfortunately, the research on adolescents and pornography has a long way to go. In a highly cited meta-analysis of more than 100 articles on the subject published

between 1995 and 2015, Jochen Peter and Patti M. Valkenburg were able to conclude very little. The literature points to an association between adolescent pornography use and both casual sex and sexual violence (both as victim and perpetrator). But the articles suffer from numerous biases. For one, they do not discriminate the content of the pornography: videos depicting consensual and non-consensual sex are lumped in together. There is a huge heteronormativity bias: queer forms of pornography have not been extensively studied. There is a negativity bias: the articles are actively looking for negative effects, not positive ones. (And all of this research has been done on internet pornography, not sexually explicit books in school libraries.)

At the end of the Moms for Liberty meeting, Nina Yukich, a fifth grade student, stayed behind to speak with Jessica. And though the library staff had already stacked up chairs for the night, I stole a seat to watch the exchange. Nina’s guardian, Dinah Yukich, had had a hostile encounter with Jessica during the Q&A portion of the event. Jessica called on Dinah as the “gentleman back there,” and Dinah accused her of “willfully and intentionally” misgendering her.

Jessica leaned down as she spoke with Nina, who stood clutching her copy of “Gender Queer,” one of the most common targets for book bans in schools. “Who do you want to talk to about this stuff?” Jessica asked. “Do you feel comfortable talking to teachers? And if this is your trusted adult — if you don’t have a trusted adult, or a friend, or a mom, or can write a letter to somebody — if you don’t have anybody to talk to […] you shouldn’t be alone reading that book.” I couldn’t believe my ears. Here was Jessica, not so subtly impugning Dinah as an untrustworthy adult. I was fully prepared for another hostile exchange.

But Dinah just stood by, observing. At no point did she interrupt Jessica, or start arguing on Nina’s behalf. It occurred to me that Dinah was letting Nina have an independent experience of the event. Dinah and Nina could obviously confer afterwards — it wasn’t as though Dinah was abdicating her role as guardian. But in letting Nina experience the night on her own, Dinah was giving the two of them something to genuinely confer about.

Dinah’s approach seems to me a model of the kind of parenting at stake in this debate over books. Do we let kids engage with sexually explicit material on their own, trusting them to confer with adults afterwards? Or do we need to be there all the while, ripping out any pages we don’t want them to see?

(CJ Higgins is a postdoctoral fellow with the Alexander Grass Humanities Institute at Johns Hopkins University.)

GABRIELLA MONROE holds a poster that reads ‘Ban Bigotry Not Books’ outside Howard County’s Central Branch library in Columbia on Feb. 26, 2024 (Photo by Sam Mallon for the Baltimore Banner)

D.C. Council member proposes LGBTQ senior housing in Ward 2

Calls on mayor to include funding for project in

By LOU CHIBBARO JR. | lchibbaro@washblade.com

D.C. Council member Brooke Pinto (D-Ward 2) is calling on Mayor Muriel Bowser to include $22.9 million in the city’s Fiscal Year 2025 budget to establish what Pinto calls the city’s “first affordable housing for LGBTQQIA+ seniors in Ward 2.”

In a Feb. 27 letter to Bowser proposing specific amounts of city funding on a wide range of issues, including the Council’s recently passed crime bill, Pinto told Bowser the need for affordable housing for LGBTQ seniors is pressing.

“Having faced decades of workplace and healthcare discrimination and been barred for most of their lives from marrying or having children, our LGBTQQIA+ seniors are more likely to face financial and health challenges and need housing and social supports as they age,” Pinto states in her letter.

“As the Council-funded task force meets to identify a site for a Ward 2 Senior Center, we should endeavor to locate a building that serves a dual purpose: a Ward 2 Senior Center as well as LGBTQQIA+ senior housing,” Pinto states. DHCD [D.C. Department of Housing and Community Development] should leverage federal Community Development Block Grants funding to produce at least 80 affordable units for low-and-moderate-income seniors and provide meals and other supportive services,” she wrote.

Pinto was referring to legislation passed by the D.C. Council and signed by the mayor creating a Wards 2 and 3 Senior Wellness Center Feasibility and Planning Task Force, which is assigned to “advise and guide” the mayor, the Council, and other city government agencies in the development of senior wellness centers in Wards 2 and 3.

The task force, whose members are appointed by the mayor and the Council, has already met twice and has discussed one possible building in the Dupont Circle area that could be considered for a seniors wellness center and residence for seniors, according to John Fanning, a member of the staff of D.C. Council member Anita Bonds (D-At-Large). Bonds serves as chair of the Council’s Committee on Executive Administration and Labor, which oversees city programs pertaining to senior citizens.

Fanning, who is gay and a longtime D.C. LGBTQ rights

FY 2025 budget

advocate, and gay D.C. civic activist and former Dupont Circle Advisory Neighborhood Commissioner Mike Silverstein, are among those who have been appointed to the senior wellness center task force.

Silverstein said LGBTQ community members in the Dupont Circle area are suggesting the task force and the mayor consider arranging for the city to purchase a building owned by Baltimore’s Johns Hopkins University at 1740 Massachusetts Ave., N.W., for the senior facility.

The university used the building for many years for its various educational programs before it moved its programs and offices into a newly renovated building on Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W., near the U.S. Capitol.

“Since the mayor’s budget hasn’t been released yet, there’s no telling whether there’s dedicated funding included for the purchase of this property,” Fanning told the Washington Blade.

A spokesperson for Johns Hopkins University’s D.C. office couldn’t immediately be reached to determine the price the university is asking for the building, which it announced last year it was planning to sell. The D.C. Office of Tax and Revenue states on its website that the 8-story building has been assessed for 2024 at a value of

$35,894,220.

“Council member Pinto’s request to the mayor is a vitally important first step toward establishment of LGBT+ affirmative housing in the historic epicenter of our community,” Silverstein told the Blade. “The need is clear, as so many of our seniors are struggling to age in place with soaring rents and inflation eating away at savings or just dealing with the effects of social isolation that comes with the loss of a partner or close friends,” Silverstein said.

“There’s no question the District’s budget is very tight and this project as envisioned would be a very heavy lift,” Silverstein added. “But just putting this request on the table and perhaps setting up a task force to seek a way forward is a giant step forward,” he said.

Silverstein noted that a city-funded senior housing facility under existing law would have to be open to all city seniors, not just LGBTQ seniors, but he said it would be “LGBT+ affirmative,” making it an important and welcoming place for LGBTQ seniors.

News surfaced this week that Bowser, who had planned to release her budget proposal to the Council this week, needed more time to finalize the budget and it would be released sometime later.

Mayoral spokesperson Daniel Gleick told the Blade last week that ideas like the Pinto LGBTQ-supportive housing proposal would be part of the budget process discussions by the mayor and the Council in the coming weeks.

Pinto’s proposal for an LGBTQ-supportive senior housing facility in Ward 2 comes six months after Mayor Bowser and other city officials participated in a groundbreaking ceremony launching the construction of Mary’s House for Older Adults, which is expected to be the city’s first home for LGBTQ seniors. The Mary’s House facility, which is located in the city’s Fort Dupont neighborhood in Ward 7, will include 15 single-occupancy residential apartments, compared to the 80 apartments that Pinto’s proposal calls for.

LGBTQ rights advocates nevertheless have called the Mary’s House Project, which is receiving city funds as well as support from private donors, an important project organized and founded by longtime LGBTQ community advocate Imani Woody, who is expected to operate the facility when it opens.

D.C. mayor honors 10th anniversary of Team Rayceen Productions

D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser issued an official proclamation declaring Monday, March 18, 2024, as Team Rayceen Day in honor of the local LGBTQ entertainment and advocacy organization Team Rayceen Productions named after its co-founder Rayceen Pendarvis.

“Whereas Rayceen, along with Team Rayceen Productions co-founder, Zar, have spent 10 years advocating for the Black LGBTQI+ community using various forms including in-person events, social media, and YouTube,” the proclamation states.

The proclamation adds that through its YouTube

Channel, Team Rayceen Productions created a platform for “Black LGBTQIA+ individuals to discuss various topics including spotlighting nonprofit organizations and small businesses, voter registration and participation, the state of LGBTQIA+ rights and resources in D.C, gender equality and equity, and the amplification of opportunities to bring the community together.”

It also praises Team Rayceen Productions for its partnership with the Mayor’s Office of LGBTQ Affairs in helping to produce “exciting events like the District of Pride talent showcase held each June and the iconic 17th

Street High Heel Race celebrated in October.”

“Whereas I thank Team Rayceen Productions for its vital and necessary work and am #DCProud to wish you all the best as you continue to support Black LGBTQIA+ residents across all 8 Wards,” the proclamation continues.

“Now, therefore, I, the Mayor of Washington, D.C., do hereby proclaim March 18, 2024, as TEAM RAYCEEN DAY in Washington, D.C. and do commit this observance to all Washingtonians,” it concludes.

LOU CHIBBARO JR.

D.C. Council member BROOKE PINTO (D-Ward 2) seeks to establish the city’s ‘first affordable housing for LGBTQQIA+ seniors in Ward 2.’ (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

Nicole Berner becomes first LGBTQ judge on 4th Circuit

Following the U.S. Senate’s 50-47 vote earlier this week supporting her nomination, Nicole Berner will become the first LGBTQ judge to serve on the 4th U.S. Court of Appeals, which adjudicates cases appealed from courts in the Mid-Atlantic region.

An attorney who previously worked as general counsel for the Service Employees International Union and as a lawyer for Planned Parenthood, Berner is the 11th confirmed LGBTQ judicial appointee who President Joe Biden nominated.

The Biden-Harris administration has now confirmed as many queer jurists with lifetime tenure to serve on U.S. federal courts as former President Barack Obama did over the course of two terms in office.

“The civil rights community celebrates Nicole Berner’s historic confirmation to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit,” Maya Wiley, president and CEO of the Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights, said in a statement.

“Ms. Berner is a brilliant lawyer who has defended and advanced our civil and human rights, including the rights of working people, reproductive rights and the rights of LGBTQ people,” she said. “Her commitment to equal justice is evidenced throughout her life and legal career, and we look forward to her service on the bench.”

“Ms. Berner also becomes the first openly LGBTQ person to ever serve on the 4th Circuit and just the third openly LGBTQ woman to serve on any federal appellate

court in the nation,” Wiley said. “Her confirmation adds crucial lived experience to the court and sends a powerful signal to young LGBTQ lawyers, law students and other potential future judges that they belong on the federal bench.”

Democratic U.S. Sens. Ben Cardin and Chris Van Hollen of Maryland had supported Berner’s nomination.

“Nicole Berner has shown her outstanding qualifications and readiness to join the federal judiciary,” Cardin said. “Since we first recommended her to President Biden, we have been impressed with her spirit and expertise and her willingness to stand up for worker rights, families and underrepresented communities throughout her legal career.”

Van Hollen said, “For decades, Nicole Berner has represented working families and historically underrepresented communities. Her vast qualifications and accomplishments clearly show that she is dedicated to the rule of law, fairness and the principles of democracy — but more than that, her character has shown her to be a champion of those too often left behind by the legal system.”

CHRISTOPHER KANE

Pornhub blocks Texas from site over age verification law

Aylo (formerly MindGeek) the largest global adult online entertainment conglomerate, owned by Canadian private equity firm Ethical Capital Partners, has restricted access to its platforms including its flagship Pornhub in Texas after a court battle forces the state’s age verification law to take effect.

Texas Republican Attorney General Ken Paxton had appealed a U.S. District Court decision that enjoined him from enforcing House Bill 1181. Paxton and others argued that purveyors of obscene materials online needed to institute reasonable age-verification measures to safeguard children from pornography.

A week ago the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals partially vacated the original injunction, ruling that the age verification requirements are constitutional.

“Applying rational-basis review, the age-verification requirement is rationally related to the government’s legitimate interest in preventing minors’ access to pornography,” the three judge panel of the 5th Circuit explained.

“Therefore, the age-verification requirement does not violate the First Amendment.”

While the court vacated the injunction against the age-verification requirement of the statute, it upheld the lower court’s injunction against a separate section of the law that would require pornography websites to display a health warning on their landing page and all advertisements.

The Houston Chronicle reported people who go to the site are now greeted with a long message from the company railing against the legal change as “ineffective, haphazard, and dangerous.” The company calls for age verification by the makers of devices that let people on the internet, instead of individual websites.

Age verification legislation was enacted in several states in 2023 in addition to Texas, including North Carolina, Montana, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Utah and Virginia.

The new laws require users to provide digital confir-

mation via a certified approved third party vendor like London-based digital identity company Yoti. The other possibility would be a state approved digital ID such as the California DMV’s Wallet app, which contains a mobile driver’s license.

Users accessing Pornhub from within Louisiana are presented with a different webpage that directs them to verify their age with the state’s digital ID system, known as LA Wallet. The law passed in 2022 subjects adult websites to damage lawsuits and state civil penalties as high as $5,000 a day if they fail to verify that users are at least 18 years old by requiring the use of digitized, state-issued driver’s licenses or other methods.

The Associated Press reported this past October that an adult entertainment group’s lawsuit against a Louisiana law requiring sexually explicit websites to verify the ages of their viewers was dismissed by U.S. District Judge Susie Morgan in New Orleans.

BRODY LEVESQUE

Sens. Butler, Smith introduce Pride in Mental Health Act

U.S. Sens. Laphonza Butler (D-Calif.) and Tina Smith (D-Minn.) introduced the Pride in Mental Health Act last week, legislation that would strengthen resources in mental health and crisis intervention for at-risk LGBTQ youth.

“Accessing mental health care and support has become increasingly difficult in nearly every state in the country,” said Butler, who is the first Black LGBTQ senator. “Barriers get even more difficult if you are a young person who lacks a supportive community or is fearful of being outed, harassed, or threatened.”

“I am introducing the Pride in Mental Health Act to help equip LGBTQ+ youth with the resources to get the affirming and often life-saving care they need,” she said.

“Mental health care is health care,” said Smith. “And for some LGBTQ+ youth, receiving access to the mental health care they need can mean the difference between living in safety and dignity, and suffering alone through discrimination, bullying, and even violence.”

The Minnesota senator added that data shows LGBTQ students are experiencing “an epidemic” of “anxiety, depression and other serious mental health conditions.”

For example, a 2023 study by The Trevor Project found that 54 percent of LGBTQ youth reported symptoms of depression, compared to 35 percent of their heterosexual counterparts.

Joining the senators as cosponsors are Democratic U.S. Sens. Ed Markey (Mass.), Bob Casey (Penn.), Peter Welch (Vt.), Alex Padilla (Calif.), Jeff Merkley (Ore.), Cory Booker (N.J.), and Tammy Baldwin (Wis.). Baldwin was the first LGBTQ woman elected to the House in 1999 and the first LGBTQ woman elected to the Senate in 2013.

Leading the House version of the bill are LGBTQ Democratic U.S. Reps. Sharice Davids (Kan.), Eric Sorensen (Ill.), and Ritchie Torres (N.Y.), along with 163 other House members.

CHRISTOPHER KANE

NICOLE BERNER speaking at American Constitution Society virtual symposium on The Future of Labor Law in a PostCOVID Economy, Dec. 22, 2020. (Screenshot/YouTube ACS)

U.S. Sen. LAPHONZA BUTLER (D-Calif.) (Blade photo by Michael Key)

EXCLUSIVE: USAID LGBTQ coordinator visits Uganda

U.S. Agency for International Development Senior LGBTQI+ Coordinator Jay Gilliam last month traveled to Uganda.

Gilliam was in the country from Feb. 19-27. He visited Kampala, the Ugandan capital, and the nearby city of Jinja.

Gilliam met with LGBTQ activists who discussed the impact of the Anti-Homosexuality Act, a law with a death penalty provision for “aggravated homosexuality” that President Yoweri Museveni signed last May. Gilliam also sat down with USAID staffers.

Gilliam on Wednesday during an exclusive interview with the Washington Blade did not identify the specific activists and organizations with whom he met “out of protection.”

“I really wanted to meet with community members and understand the impacts on them,” he said.

Consensual same-sex sexual relations in Uganda were already criminalized before Museveni signed the Anti-Homosexuality Act. Gilliam told the Blade he spoke with a person who said authorities arrested them at a community meeting for mental health and psychosocial support “under false pretenses of engaging in same-sex relations and caught in a video that purportedly showed him.”

The person, according to Gilliam, said authorities outed them and drove them around the town in which they were arrested in order to humiliate them. Gilliam told the Blade that prisoners and guards beat them, subjected them to so-

called anal exams and denied them access to antiretroviral drugs.

“They were told that you are not even a human being. From here on you are no longer living, just dead,” recalled Gilliam.

“I just can’t imagine how difficult it is for someone to be able to live through something like that and being released and having ongoing needs for personal security, having to be relocated and getting support for that and lots of other personal issues and trauma,” added Gilliam.

Gilliam said activists shared stories of landlords and hotel owners evicting LGBTQ people and advocacy groups from their properties. Gilliam told the Blade they “purport that they don’t want to run afoul of” the Anti-Homosexuality Act.

“These evictions really exacerbate the needs from the community in terms of relocation and temporary shelter and just the trauma of being kicked out of your home, being kicked out of your village and having to find a place to stay at a moment’s notice, knowing that you’re also trying to escape harm and harassment from neighbors and community members,” he said.

Gilliam also noted the Anti-Homosexuality Act has impacted community members in different ways.

Reported cases of violence and eviction, for example, are higher among gay men and transgender women. Gilliam noted lesbian, bisexual and queer women and trans men face intimate partner violence, are forced into marriages, endure corrective rape and lose custody of their children when they are outed. He said these community members are also unable to inherit land, cannot control their own finances and face employment discrimination because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

The U.S imposed visa restrictions on Ugandan officials

shortly after Museveni signed the law. The World Bank Group later announced the suspension of new loans to Uganda.

The Biden-Harris administration last October issued a business advisory that said the Anti-Homosexuality Act “further increases restrictions on human rights, to include restrictions on freedoms of expression and peaceful assembly and exacerbates issues regarding the respect for leases and employment contracts.” The White House has also removed Uganda from a program that allows sub-Saharan African countries to trade duty-free with the U.S. and has issued a business advisory for the country over the Anti-Homosexuality Act.

Secretary of State Antony Blinken on Dec. 4, 2023, announced sanctions against current and former Ugandan officials who committed human rights abuses against LGBTQ people and other groups. Media reports this week indicate the U.S. denied MP Sarah Achieng Opendi a visa that would have allowed her to travel to New York in order to attend the annual U.N. Commission on the Status of Women.

Museveni, for his part, has criticized the U.S. and other Western countries’ response to the Anti-Homosexuality Act.

Gilliam noted authorities have arrested and charged Ugandans under the law.

Two men on motorcycles on Jan. 3 stabbed Steven Kabuye, co-executive director of Coloured Voice Truth to LGBTQ Uganda, outside his home while he was going to work. The incident took place months after Museveni attended Uganda’s National Prayer Breakfast at which U.S. Rep. Tim Walberg (R-Mich.) spoke and defended the Anti-Homosexuality Act.

Continues at washingtonblade.com

MICHAEL K. LAVERS

Burundi president says LGBTQ people should be stoned

Burundian President Évariste Ndayishimiye on March 8 reiterated his call for LGBTQ people to be stoned in a stadium.

Ndayishimiye made the remark during the commemoration of the International Women’s Day in Gitega, the country’s political capital. He first called for the public stoning of LGBTQ people last December during a public event.

LGBTQ activists sharply criticized the comments and some international diplomats even threatened to cut economic ties with Burundi. Ndayishimiye, however, seems unmoved by this pushback and maintained that if it meant if his nation would cut economic ties with the developed countries on the basis of his anti-LGBTQ stance then so be it, reaffirming that nothing will change his stance.

Jésus Dior Kant, a gay man and LGBTQ activist from Burundi, said the president’s remarks are tantamount to publicly calling for the lynching of gay people.

“This violent and anti-LGBT+ rhetoric endangers the lives of many individuals in Burundi and stains the nation’s commitment to human rights,” said Kant. “Such discourse not only incites homophobia and violence but also violates international human rights laws and norms that protect individuals regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.”

Kant also said what Ndayishimiye said now poses a real and immediate threat for LGBTQ people in the country.

“The impact of this statement is not merely rhetorical, it poses a real and immediate threat to the safety and

well-being of the LGBT+ community in Burundi,” said Kant. “It encourages hate crimes, promotes discrimination and undermines progress made towards equality and justice. This is not just a problem for the LGBT+ community but a stain on the moral fabric of our global society, reflecting on us all.”

Kant called for Ndayishimiye to immediately withdraw his remarks and commit to protecting the rights of LGBTQ people in the country.

“Your call to stone gay individuals constitutes a blatant violation of human rights and an incitement to violence and discrimination,” said Kant. “We implore you to take the necessary measures to withdraw your statement advocating violence against the LGBT+ community, commit to protecting LGBT+ individuals in Burundi by enforcing laws that guarantee rights and well-being and respecting international human rights conventions, ensuring that Burundi is a nation that respects and values every human life.”

Clémentine de Montjoye, a researcher at Human Rights Watch’s Africa Division, said the anti-LGBTQ crackdown in Burundi could become worse, including continued political repression and restrictions on freedom of expression to maintain the governing party’s control.

“This type of fear-mongering is not new in Burundi, where sexual relations between people of the same sex have been illegal since former President Pierre Nkurunziza signed a new criminal code into law in 2009,” noted de Montjove. “The law was a fierce blow to Burundi’s LGBT people, who had begun to come out and organize, albeit

in small numbers, to demand their rights be respected.”

De Montjove further noted the National Assembly’s human rights commission added the anti-homosexuality provision in the 2009 criminal code at the last minute, apparently under pressure from Nkurunziza, who made statements on television that described homosexuality as a curse.

“Ndayishimiye, who presents himself as a progressive, rights-respecting leader, should be working to reverse this trend rather than stoking more fear and hatred,” said de Montjoye.

DANIEL ITAI

Burundian President ÉVARISTE NDAYISHIMIYE (Screen capture via Gentil Gedeon Official YouTube)

Why come to Washington Plaza Baptist Church?

It’s about the preaching, the people, and the purpose

I grew up in a Lutheran church before I really knew who I was. Before my own opinions and belief system were formed. Before “welcoming and affirming” churches existed.

I did the “expected” thing: got married to a man, had children, became a wife and a mom. But I knew there was more to me than that, the part I had to keep hidden because of the society “norms” so many years ago. I attended a Mormon church because that was the type of church my husband attended. As I became more myself having my own opinions and thoughts, and my husband tried to be more controlling, the marriage, of course, failed.

I quit church. I moved on in life and met a wonderful woman. I knew there was a God, but I figured since I was “living in sin” He didn’t like me too much. My way of looking at it was “God, you stay in your corner and I’ll stay in mine, and we’ll get along just fine.”

Four years later, in September 1982, my partner was diagnosed with cancer. A couple of months later, she passed away.

During those few months my friend invited me to go to her Assembly of God church. I became a regular. One Sunday in January 1983, I gave my heart and life to Christ, becoming a full-fledged believer. And once again, I gradually put away the part of me that was “unacceptable to God.”

As time went on, I attended various churches. I attended an Anglican church for 15 years. I loved God, but I could not reconcile how I felt — my LGBTQ self — with scripture as I knew it at that time. It was at a church leadership meeting, when we were voting on a new marriage policy to exclude gay marriage, that I realized my “calling”: to tell the LGBTQ community that God really loves them and accepts them as they are.

I studied scripture, praying for clarity, and realized that those “clobber verses” have been traditionally misinterpreted, misunderstood, or taken out of context. I began looking for a church that was friendly to the gay community. I learned that the correct terminology is “welcoming and affirming.”

And I found Washington Plaza Baptist Church!

Warm and welcoming, I felt I had found a home. They knew my identity from the start, as I had let it be known that I was looking for a “welcoming and affirming” church. And they loved and accepted me.

So Who is Washington Plaza Baptist Church?

WPBC is a progressive American Baptist church, located on Lake Anne Plaza, with a long and rich history. It was the first church in Reston, Va., a part of Robert E. Simon’s design for the new town named after him. Washington Plaza Baptist Church is an inclusive Christian Community whose worship, communion, and fellowship are open to all. We are a safe place for all people to worship regardless of race, creed, age, cultural background, gender, or sexual orientation. We affirm that all have access to the love of Christ and service to God.

WPBC is very active in Pride. We were involved with the formation of the first Reston Pride and continue to participate each year. We open our fellowship hall for the performers to change and to cool off, and we have a table on the Plaza where we give away free Pride paraphernalia as well as hugs. WPBC has held weddings for same-sex couples — including my wife’s and mine — with most of our members helping in some way to make the day special.

At Washington Plaza Baptist Church, I have been fully embraced for who I am. I have been in leadership from early on. The pastor, Rev. Michelle Nickens, delivers sermons that are powerful and relevant, with a focus on being Christ-like in all areas, including social justice. The people live out their claim of inclusivity and affirmation. The church community truly loves and cares about the people within the church as well as those outside its doors.

Our address is 1615 Washington Plaza West, Reston, Va. Reach us at 703-471-5225, administrator@washingtonplazachurch.com. (We’re on Lake Anne Plaza, right next door to the Lake Anne Coffee House and Wine Bar.)

PETER ROSENSTEIN

is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist. He writes regularly for the Blade.

Hur knew the political ramifications of his report

The case against Biden is over while Trump’s continues

I read the transcript of President’s Biden’s sit down with Special Counsel Robert Hur, then listened to Hur, who actually resigned before he testified before Congress, and found him totally unbelievable.

He’s a man looking for something. That something is most likely a job in Trump’s administration should he win. He refused to answer that question when asked. When asked by Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) if he realized what political games would be played with his report, he said it was it was in no way political. Hur gets credit for being smart. He went to Harvard and Stanford, and was a law clerk for Chief Justice William Rehnquist. He served as Special Assistant and Counsel to Christopher Wray, then assistant attorney general in charge of the Justice Department’s Criminal Division. There is no way a smart, accomplished man like Hur wouldn’t recognize the political implications of what he wrote.

I think once he found he couldn’t actually indict the president, because there was no indictable offense, he had to come up with a reason that would satisfy the Republicans he was trying to impress. So, what better than going along with the Republican playbook saying Biden was an old man who couldn’t remember anything and writing that is how a jury would see him? What a pile of BS. The reason they wouldn’t convict is there was no crime committed.

Interestingly, Hur went even further down the Republican rabbit hole, and said Biden was only looking for money when he wanted to use the information from a high security paper in a book he was writing. But of course, like any former president or vice president, he was going to get a great book deal, which was in no way dependent on him having any high-level security papers in his possession to share. Again, ridiculous to pin it on that especially when you think about all the grift in the Trump family.

Clearly, Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), who chairs the committee, the same Jim Jordan who I was most likely bumped out of a first-class seat on a recent American Airlines flight for, jumped on that to say Biden and his family only wanted to make money even if illegally. Again, it is beyond rational belief that Hur, a smart guy, wouldn’t understand he played right into Jordan’s hand. I think he put that in specifically for Jordan, and other Republicans, to use. Now he had to have some balance to his report, so he explained why Biden didn’t do what Trump did, Biden having cooperated with the feds, while Trump did just the opposite. But the reality is this didn’t make any difference to the Trump case, and didn’t break new ground in any way. Smart thing to do by Hur, but then I keep giving Hur credit for being smart.

The State of the Union speech put to rest Biden being an old man who couldn’t think on his feet. He clearly did, and even managed to make Marjorie Taylor Greene look like a bigger fool than she is. He had Speaker Johnson sitting behind him, actually having to clap for some things he said, even if he tried to hide those claps beneath the camera’s range. This is the same Speaker who in a press conference recently confused Israel with Iran, saying repeatedly the Congress would approve funds for Iran. President Biden delivered a strong and clear speech, which put many Democrats’, and independents’, minds at ease.

The case investigating Biden taking documents is now over, at least with regard to any of the legal issues. That doesn’t mean Republicans will drop it, and Hur gave them the grist for their lies to continue. Hur kept saying he didn’t exonerate Biden, we can debate the meaning of the word exonerate, but again this shows how smart Hur is, and he did this for the Republicans he wants to impress. Despite this, his final report showed there was nothing to prosecute Biden on.

The president can put this behind him, while Trump still has to deal with his case. The president is moving forward with a campaign that will show the American people why he, and Kamala Harris, should be reelected. He is out campaigning across the country making a strong case for his vision of the future, and talking about issues like abortion, and protecting democracy. If I am right, and Trump loses, Hur will realize what a big mistake he made, placing his bets on the wrong horse.

“Five stars isn't nearly enough praise. Every aspect of the operation is like a well-oiled machine and I couldn't be any happier about the entire experience.”

- Ramin, Google Review

WINNER OF THE 2022 TONY AWARD FOR BEST PLAY

THE LEHMAN TRILOGY

BY STEFANO MASSINI

ADAPTED BY BEN POWER

DIRECTED BY ARIN ARBUS

EXTENDED NOW–MARCH 30

–DC Theater Arts

“LOVED ARIN ARBUS’S STAGING...

an illuminating departure from the Broadway/Park Avenue Armory version and just as striking.”

—Peter Marks, formerly of The Washington Post, on social media

“WHOLLY SEDUCTIVE AND COMPELLING... Arbus’s production is cohesive and original, elevating the sterling text still further into an electrifying night at the theatre.” Washington City Paper

“THRILLINGLY AMBITIOUS EPIC...

Edward Gero, Mark Nelson, and René Thornton Jr. climb an acting Everest.”—David Smith, The Guardian, on social media

“SUBERB CAST, POWERFUL DIRECTION.”

BroadwayWorld

“NOT TO BE MISSED.”

The Georgetown Dish

“ASTOUNDING.”

Maryland Theatre Guide “EXCEPTIONAL.”

DC Trending

The Lehman Trilogy is presented by arrangement with Concord Theatricals on behalf of Samuel French, Inc.

Photo of Edward Gero, Mark Nelson, and René Thornton Jr. by Teresa Castracane Photography.

Rehoboth author’s new book tackles love, loss, and the allure of P-town

Will Freshwater’s series concludes with ‘The Dark Horse’

By KEVIN NAFF | knaff@washblade.com

For those of us who have experienced the allure of Provincetown, there’s no mystery about why author Will Freshwater set his series of three books there.

It’s not just about the scenic, remote location, or the many fine restaurants and spirited bars and nightclubs and theme weekends. Not just the picturesque harbor and its famed magical light. It’s about a shared sense of community unique among LGBTQ destinations.

Freshwater, whose latest book “The Dark Horse” is out now, lives in Rehoboth Beach, Del., with his husband Stephen Cremen. And although Rehoboth became home after Freshwater retired from a career as a corporate attorney at Verizon in 2021, P-town always beckons. He first visited during the height of the AIDS crisis.

“I don’t think we’ll ever experience anything like that again,” he said. “The community welcomed anyone who showed up on the ferry looking for love and support; it was a transformative experience.”

Freshwater’s parents worried that he’d never find a “normal,” happy life as a gay man, but P-town put those fears to rest.

“I saw people who were plenty happy and living lives that were what they wanted to be,” he recalls. “I had never been able to hold my boyfriend’s hand and walk down the street; young people can’t conceptualize that. It felt like home for me … it felt welcoming, a warm place where I could be myself.”

So, naturally, the protagonist in his series of books, John Wells, travels to P-town from D.C. to find himself.

The first book in the Provincetown series, “Favorite Son,” is a familiar read to any gay man of a certain age who worked on the Hill in the 1990s — the sting of the closet, the need to be the best at work, and the chance meetings of romantic partners while riding the Metro. The story of John Wells, a senior Hill staffer, takes a turn after tragedy sends him reeling to P-town to heal.

The second book in the series, a prequel titled “The Light Reflected,” takes readers back in time when the main characters — all gay men — are in their 20s. Freshwater says it wasn’t a conscious decision to write a prequel, but that it evolved out of wanting to show younger readers what life was like for gays at that time.

“We did stupid stuff and made stupid mistakes and ran away,” he said. “As a reader I often want to know what made a character a certain way. I was aware of my audience and in my generation I had the older mentors that shared our history and they died; I wanted readers to see what it’s like for these characters to be in their 20s not just their 30s. I wanted to give that perspective to younger readers because I don’t know how they’re going to experience that if not through books.”

The new book, “The Dark Horse,” finds the characters Danny and Peter/John in domestic life in Boston where Danny runs the family business. Everyone is feeling restless and a bit miserable.

“It’s about what happens after the fairy tale,” Freshwater said.

The book also confronts the issue of unresolved feelings for past boyfriends, which takes the characters back to Provincetown. There’s a shocking plot twist at the end of the second book, an unexpected ending for the romance genre, that is resolved to satisfaction in the final book.

“You won’t know until the final four pages of the book how it resolves,” he notes.

This is the shortest book in the series and Freshwater says it took just 11 months to complete, compared to six years for the first book and eight years for the second book.

“There’s a great sense of closure and I can always visit these characters but I’m excited to move on and do new things.”

Indeed, Freshwater is working on several new projects, including a book set in Rehoboth that he’s co-writing with a friend, the gay romance author B.J. Irons. Freshwater is writing one character, a Rehoboth local who manages an inn on Baltimore Avenue and wants to “break out of his shell.” Irons is writing the other main character, a developer from Los Angeles who moves to Rehoboth to open a large resort across the street from the inn. The book explores their friendship and business rivalry.

Rehoboth became home for Freshwater and Cremen thanks largely to the pandemic.

“I’d been coming here since age 3 because it was the closest beach to Pittsburgh,” he said. “When I was in law school I got introduced to a guy who had a house on the beach between Rehoboth and Dewey so I used to come down a lot in the mid-1990s and became hooked.”

The couple bought a house in Rehoboth in 2018 and split their time between there and a home in New Jersey.

“When the pandemic started, we went to Rehoboth for two weeks thinking it would all blow over quickly and then never went back.”

The couple began questioning their stressful lifestyle of maintaining two homes and corporate jobs. So they sold the New Jersey house and moved full time to Rehoboth in 2021.

In addition to the new book, Freshwater is writing a children’s book using the classic “Velvet Rage” as inspiration. It features a puppy with a pink spot on his cheek while all the others in the litter have a black spot. The dog wears a mask to conceal his difference, but when it comes out everyone accepts him.

“It thematically speaks to not hiding who you are,” he said.

Freshwater offers sound advice to aspiring writers struggling to find their voice and overcome writer’s block.

“It always starts with an idea or character or theme and then you develop a broad outline and then work your butt off,” he said. “Decide when you’re going to write and make a commitment that you’re going to do it, like an athlete who commits to practice every day from 3:30-5:30. Don’t wait for inspiration, just commit to writing every day, and then edit, edit, edit until it feels like what’s inside your head.”

The new book is self published because Freshwater craved creative freedom.

“I’m not sure what traditional publishers have to offer anymore,” he said, “like YouTube for musicians, if you’ve got what you think is a high quality manuscript, put it out there and it will generate a following.”

Freshwater will read from “The Dark Horse” at an event on Saturday, March 23, 5-7 p.m. at Top of the Pines (56 Baltimore Ave., Rehoboth Beach). His books are available at Amazon and anywhere books are sold.

Author WILL FRESHWATER’s new book ‘The Dark Horse’ is out now.

It’s Official: The Future of Senior Living Is Here

A seismic shift in senior living is underway, and the epicenter is right here in Tysons. Earlier this month, The Mather opened its doors to those 62 and better, offering luxury of a different kind in an unprecedented Life Plan Community.

The Mather, situated on nearly four acres at 7929 Westpark Drive, is a $500 million development and 293-apartment-home residence operated by Mather, a not-for-profit organization dedicated to creating Ways to Age WellSM. The new community boasts 38,000 square feet of amenities, including multiple restaurants and a bar/lounge; a fitness center with exercise equipment, group fitness studio, and indoor pool; a luxury spa; outdoor spaces including a yoga terrace; public/private park spaces; and more.

“We’re proud to open this ‘next-gen’ Life Plan

Community that defies expectations of what senior living looks like,” said Mather CEO and President Mary Leary. “The Mather is a bold reflection of our unwavering commitment to provide luxury of a different kind.”

What sets The Mather apart is the blend of international flair, high-tech services, biophilic design, and wellness-forward experiences woven throughout the community.

International cultures are showcased throughout The Mather. A curated collection of artwork, sculptures, and antiquities from around the world reflect themes of connection, unity, and nature. Additionally, The Mather’s amenities are named to celebrate global cultures.

Each of The Mather’s three restaurants, as well as its bar and lounge, showcases cuisines from around the world, such as sushi, Berkshire Pork Bao, Mushroom Biryani, and crab cakes with mango-habanero salsita. The Mather’s food and beverage program seeks to please the most refined of palettes while adding inspired touches like a hydroponic micro-farm, onsite honey production by Italian bees, and a dedicated bake shop/pastry shop with a German-made, state-of-the-art bread oven.

In addition, The Mather uses technology throughout the community to enhance the experience. Residents can use an in-house app to sign up for programs and classes, request special cleaning or maintenance services, make restaurant reservations, and schedule spa appointments; robots are on hand to deliver restaurant orders to residents’ front doors; and custom Alexa devices support

smart-home technology as well as community information.

The Mather is pre-certified LEED Gold and pursuing WELL Building certification. Its biophilic design reflects the intersection of interior spaces and programs, with nature in an urban setting. The overall design provides sustained interaction with the natural environment.

in Tysons

live herb wall for custom teas and treatments, an infrared sauna, a multi-sensory Gharieni Welnamis wave bed, as well as signature spa services.

The Mather’s wellness-forward features are accentuated not only in the community’s high-end amenities, but also in its variety of programming. Residents can explore their passions and find new interests through an array of creative, social, and intellectual opportunities. Examples include a salon series with Smithsonian curators, nature immersion programs, creative sessions with area teaching artists, and sensory pool experiences with live music and meditation.

The Mather is surrounded by three acres of green space, offering residents opportunities to enjoy an urban lawn for concerts, a dog park, badminton and bocce courts, and walking paths with seating areas and sculptures.

“Residences have open floor plans with floor-toceiling windows that maximize natural light,” Leary said. “And The Mather’s amenity spaces invite involvement with the outdoors to enhance wellbeing, whether residents are swimming laps in the saltwater pool or relaxing on zero gravity loungers in a Himalayan-sea-salt-infused breath room.”

A highlight amongst The Mather’s many wellness features is its spa, with offerings including the breath room with a Himalayan sea salt wall, a

Saturday, Apr. 13 at 8 p.m.

Celebrate 100 years of this revolutionary ensemble

The Mather’s apartment homes range from 800 to 3,300 square feet, and feature expansive views, high-end finishes, and innovative smart-home technology. Pricing includes a one-time entrance fee (starting at $650,000) that is 90 percent refundable to the resident or resident’s estate, and a monthly service fee. Prices are based on apartment size, view, service package, and health plan selected.

All of this adds up to a community that has broken new ground in senior living. A place where the gorgeous interiors and breathtaking décor are matched by the richness of quality programs, services, and offerings, and all are designed to enhance residents’ lifestyles. That is truly luxury of a different kind.

Saturday, April 27 at 8 p.m.

A dazzling concert of Wagner, Brahms, and Schumann

Saturday, Apr. 20 at 8 p.m.

A moving concert experience combining music, spoken word, and stunning projections

Saturday, May 4 at 8 p.m.

A moving concert celebrating this Romantic era composer

MARTHA

The Mather, a luxury Life Plan Community in Tysons, VA, offers residents a unique blend of international flair, high-tech services, biophilic design, and wellness-forward experiences.

Among The Mather’s many wellness features is its spa, where residents can take breath therapy near the Himalayan sea salt wall.

CALENDAR |

Friday, March 22

Center Aging Monthly Luncheon with Yoga will be at 12 p.m. at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. Lunch will be held in the climate-controlled atrium at the Reeves Center. For more information, email adamheller@thedccenter.org.

GoGay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Happy Hour” at 7 p.m. at DIK Bar. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Saturday, March 23

Black Lesbian Support Group will be at 11 a.m. on Zoom. This is a peer-led support group devoted to the joys and challenges of being a Black lesbian. For more information, visit the DC Center’s website.

GoGay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Sunday, March 24

AfroCode DC will be at 4 p.m. at Decades DC. This event will be an experience of non-stop music, dancing, and good vibes and a crossover of genres and a fusion of cultures. Tickets cost $40 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.

GoGay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Coffee & Conversation” at 12 p.m. at As You Are. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Monday, March 25

Center Aging: Monday Coffee & Conversation will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of their choice. For more details, email justin@thedccenter. org.

Queer Book Club will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This month’s read is “Hijab Butch Blues” by Lamya H. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.

Tuesday, March 26

Pride on the Patio Events will host “LGBTQ Social Mixer” at 5:30 p.m. at Showroom. Dress is casual, fancy, or comfortable. Guests are encouraged to bring their most authentic self to chat, laugh, and get a little crazy. Admission is free and more details are on Eventbrite.

Genderqueer DC will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group for people who identify outside of the gender binary, whether you’re bigender, agender, genderfluid, or just know that you’re not 100% cis. For more details, visit www.genderqueerdc.org or Facebook.

By TINASHE CHINGARANDE

Wednesday, March 27

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email centercareers@thedccenter.org or visit www.thedccenter.org/ careers.

Asexual and Aromantic Group will meet at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a space where people who are questioning this aspect of their identity or those who identify as asexual and/or aromantic can come together, share stories and experiences, and discuss various topics. For more details, email supportdesk@thedccenter.org.

Thursday, March 28

The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email supportdesk@thedccenter.org or call 202-682-2245.

Virtual Yoga with Charles M. will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a free weekly class focusing on yoga, breathwork, and meditation. For more details, visit the DC Center for the LGBT Community’s website.

OUT & ABOUT

Trans Day of Visibility is here and here’s how to celebrate

Howard County LGBTQIA Commission will host its inaugural event celebrating Trans Day of Visibility on Sunday, March 31 at 4 p.m. at Busboys and Poets in Columbia, Md.

The purpose of this inaugural event is to create a welcoming and inclusive space that celebrates and amplifies the voices of the trans community and its allies, highlights the joy and resilience of trans and non-binary individuals everywhere, and elevates their voices and shares their diverse experiences.

This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Queer Book Club will be at 7 p.m. on March 25. This month’s read is ‘Hijab Butch Blues.’

Woman crashes ex-girlfriend’s wedding to

a man in

new

play

Nonbinary playwright Bryna Turner brings ‘At the Wedding’ to Studio

By PATRICK FOLLIARD

For nonbinary playwright Bryna Turner, the way to theater was first as an actor. But as gender non-conforming, they couldn’t really see a future in it, so they decided to write their own plays.

“At the Wedding,” Turner’s play about a woman named Carlo who crashes her ex-girlfriend’s wedding to a man, is currently making its area debut at Studio Theatre with a production staged by out director Tom Story. The comedy made its world premiere at LCT3 at Lincoln Center Theater and was featured in the New York Times Best of 2022 “Unforgettable Theatrical Moments” category.

Brooklyn-based Turner, 33, is inspired by experience, storytelling, and language. With “At the Wedding,” they humorously explore loneliness, estrangement, and a love for living.

WASHINGTON BLADE: How do we meet Carlo?

BRYNA TURNER: In the opening monologue, Carlo is at the kids table at a wedding reception telling them not to make her mistake. You’ll fall in love but that will only break your heart. That kicks the show off and this is who we’re dealing with.

BLADE: How was falling in love for you?

TURNER: My experience when I fell in love was that I was joining the human race. But then comes heartbreak…. that other thing everyone was always talking about. Poems and music took on new meaning.

BLADE: But you can find a laugh in pain?

TURNER: Comedic tone is important to me because that’s how I view the world. I like to have a laugh when things are hard or sad.

Also, I feel like it’s a way to bring people in. You relate to a character who makes you laugh. Two of my plays begin with a lesbian yelling at the audience. It’s almost like crowd work.

BLADE: Were you ever hesitant about writing queer plays?

TURNER: I was lucky at Holyoke [Mount Holyoke College where Turner was an undergrad]. Director Brooke O’Hara was teaching there when I attended and she brought in some queer plays; she showed me there was a canon to join and that was exciting.

BLADE: When did you first identify as nonbinary?

TURNER: In 2022. I’d been butch-presenting for over a decade. Then during the pandemic, I began spending more time alone. When alone, you grant yourself more permission to think.

For me, I’d always wanted to be independent and not ask for anything, to be butch on my own. As nonbinary, suddenly I had to ask people to use my pronouns. Also, it granted the opportunity to allow people to surprise me in mostly positive ways.

BLADE: Was becoming a produced playwright tough?

TURNER: I wanted to be a playwright at 21 and I had a play produced when I was 27. Now, looking back, I can see it happened pretty quickly, but at the time it felt like forever.

While doing my MFA in playwriting at Rutgers University, I was working in the box office at the Public Theater in New York where I managed to see things like “Fun Home” and “Hamilton.”

If I wasn’t working, I was commuting to Rutgers in New Jersey, and I was always writing. I had to be diligent. I’m a perfectionist, but I got things done. I wrote scenes in between waiting for customers at the box office or on the train. It took a lot of energy; drive pushes you.

BLADE: A while before “At the Wedding,” you wrote “Phases of the Moon” about lesbian poet Elizabeth Bishop. What sparked that interest?

TURNER: It’s about her time at Vassar College when she fell in love with a woman. It’s set in the 1930s but it’s bit anachronistic. There’s a scene with a Tegan and Sara song.

Bishop identified as a socialist vegetarian while at one of the most expensive women’s colleges during the height of the Great Depression. I thought to myself, ‘I know that girl, too.’ I love how we can know this person across nearly 100 years.

BLADE: Can you describe your formative years?

TURNER: I grew up the youngest of four in a small coastal town surrounded by redwoods. It was pretty rural but included an enclave of hippies. Despite being a shy kid, I developed an interest in theater. My parents were relieved. I had tried a lot of things and quickly lost interest: soccer, ballet, Tee-Ball. I remember striking out and all my family laughing. I threw down the bat and that was it.

BLADE: Do you think about who you’re writing for?

TURNER: I do. I’m thinking of a queer audience, and writing things that I want to see. In doing that, I’ve been happily surprised that straight people want to come along too.

Playwright BRYNA TURNER (Photo by Lila Barth)

Neo-noir ‘Femme’ offers sexy, intense revenge fantasy

A work of real and thrilling cinematic vision

By JOHN PAUL KING

GEORGE MACKAY and NATHAN STEWART-JARRETT star in ‘Femme.’

They say “revenge is sweet,” and it must be true. Why else would so many of our popular stories, dating all the way back to “Medea” and beyond, be focused on the idea of getting “even” with the people who have done us wrong?

It’s a concept with obvious appeal for anyone who has felt unjustly used by the world – or, more accurately, by the people in it – but that has particular resonance, perhaps, for modern queer audiences, long used to being relegated to the status of “victim” in the narratives we see on our screens. In “Femme” — the new UK indie thriller helmed by first-time feature directors Sam H. Freeman and Ng Choon Ping, now in limited theatrical release and expanding wider over the next two weeks — it provides the irresistible hook for a gripping tale of calculated vengeance in the face of anti-queer violence. Like the best of such stories, however, it’s as much a cautionary tale as it is a wish-fulfillment fantasy.

Set in London, it centers on Jules (Nathan Stewart-Jarrett), aka Aphrodite Banks, a popular drag performer in the city’s queer club scene who, after a performance one night, steps out in full costume to buy a pack of cigarettes and becomes the victim of a traumatic “gay bashing” incident at the hands of a young man goaded to violence by a thuggish gang of friends. Months later, though he’s recovered from his physical injuries, he is still deeply affected by the inner scars that linger. Robbed of the confidence that allowed him to perform, he’s withdrawn into a reclusive life, until concern from his friends and housemates prompts him to finally venture out into the world for a night of cruising at a gay sauna – where he encounters his bully doing the same thing.

Unrecognizable and anonymously masculine out of his drag persona, Jules finds himself beginning a dangerous and duplicitous game in which he plans to “out” his former attacker – whose name, as he learns, is Preston (George MacKay) – in the most humiliating way possible. As his scheme begins to play out, however, he encounters an obstacle: in getting to know the closeted Preston, he is surprised to discover not only empathy for someone living their life in terrified camouflage, but a mutual attraction that develops despite the horrific history between them.

Framed as a self-described “neo-noir” story, a designation that implies a certain flavor of moral ambiguity as

much as it does a tense and shadowy tale of intrigue or a psychologically complex tone, it’s a movie that relies heavily on style in order to sell its conceptual premise. Realistically, we might question the boldness that permits our protagonist to enact such a potentially hazardous scheme, but in the context of its genre trappings we are lulled into accepting it. And while most of us are likely “jaded” enough to question the possibility of tenderness between its two leading characters, the accepted conceits of the film noir form are enough to sell it to us – or at least allow us to grapple with it alongside Jules, whose righteously Machiavellian master plan is threatened by the feelings he “catches” in spite of himself.

That, of course, is part of the whole point. “Femme,” though it establishes itself by virtue of its very title as a testament to the struggle to “pass” for straight in a world that places a value judgment on perceived adherence to a strict norm for gender and sexuality, hinges on the idea that such things aren’t quite as clear-cut as we want to make them. Despite the black-and-white certainty we cling to when it comes to the subject of abusive or toxic relationships, there’s an emotional component that can only be ignored or dismissed at our peril, and even our most resolute intentions can be undermined by the shades of gray we discover in our hearts.

Freeman and Ping – who also wrote the screenplay, adapting their own BAFTA-nominated short film from 2021 (starring Harris Dickinson and Paapa Essiedu) into a feature-length expansion – seem bent on challenging our snap judgments, on forcing us to sympathize with our oppressors by showing us the ways in which they, too, are prevented from living a fully authentic life by the expectations of their cultural environment. Even more challenging for many modern audiences, perhaps, might be the unavoidable observation that, in enacting his plan of revenge, Jules crosses the line between being a victim or being a victimizer – a fine point in progressive discourse that may lead to uncomfortable implications in a social environment that has become marked by divisive moral constructs and hardline ethical posturing.

Before we scare you off with discussion of high-concept themes and “culture war” rhetoric, however, it’s crucial to bring up the elements that lift “Femme” above and beyond the level of so many such narrative films and makes it a somewhat unexpectedly potent piece of cin-

ematic storytelling – and all of them have to do with the skill and intention behind it.

As to the former, the movie’s first-time directors manage a remarkable debut, steeping their film in moody, genre-appropriate visuals and murky morality, paving a path for us beyond the easy assessments proscribed for us by conventional thinking and forcing us to follow our sympathies into an uncomfortable confrontation between what we “know” as right and what we feel as true; at the same time, they push back against any natural sentimentality we might have about the situation by stressing the toxicity of the relationship in the middle of their film, the ironically-reversed insincerity of its dynamic, and – perhaps most importantly – the reality of the defining circumstances around it. While we might find ourselves longing for a happier outcome than the one we start off with, the film makes no pretense that the unlikely-yet-somehow-believable romance it asks us to embrace is a realistic one; derailed by deep denial, traumatic associations, and a calculated lack of honesty on the side we’re supposed to be on, it’s clear from early on that a “happy ending” between these two opposed-but-somehow-parallel figures is unlikely if not impossible. Nevertheless, we hope for it, in spite of ourselves.

That works largely because of the movie’s lead actors. Both Stewart-Jarrett (“Candyman”) and MacKay (“Pride”, “1917”) deliver fully invested, utterly relatable performances, finding the emotional truth behind their interactions with as much palpable authenticity as they bring to the chemistry between them. They force us to abandon our preconceived ideas about each character by finding the human presence behind them, and it makes the story’s final outcome feel as heartbreaking as it does inevitable.

As for intention, “Femme” – which premiered at last year’s Berlin International Film Festival and went on to gather acclaim across the international film fest circuit –might be a little hard to take for the easily triggered, we won’t deny it. Still, it’s a work of real and thrilling cinematic vision that goes beyond easy morality to highlight the tragedy that comes from living one’s life behind a mask for the sake of societal acceptance. It’s also exciting, smart, and unexpectedly sexy – all of which make it a highly- recommended addition to your watchlist.

Gay hotel company brings luxury to Puerto Vallarta Tryst Puerto Vallarta to open this spring

By SEBASTIAN FORTINO

The Tryst Puerto Vallarta begins welcoming discerning gay guests this spring, just in time for the Mexican resort city’s Pride celebrations.

The 55-room resort includes a penthouse suite featuring two terraces, three large suites with expansive living areas and terraces and several junior suites with unique features. A highly anticipated rooftop pool with a bar area and restaurant offering fine Mexican cuisine are just some of the highlights.

“You can stay here and never leave the resort,” said Tristan Schukraft, the driving force behind Tryst Hotels, and self-described CEO of “everything gay.”

While he started out in his career working in the early days of electronic ticketing, Schukraft may be more known for his work with MISTR, a popular online source for PrEP. He also recently entered into an agreement to purchase the Abbey in West Hollywood, Calif.

With Tryst he promises “it’s a fun, exciting atmosphere.”

“The idea is not just the guests are coming to the resort, but locals,” said Schukraft. “So, when you stay here it’s the way to mingle with the local gay community.”

To welcome and include both guests and locals, the resort will host drag brunches in the hotel restaurant. Weekend parties featuring DJs on the eighth floor pool and bar area also seek to make this not just a place to stay, but one to celebrate with the community.

Schukraft hopes visitors will get to know guests or locals poolside, or in the restaurant, and make lifelong friendships.

Or perhaps find a bit of romance: After all the hotel is set in the famed Zona Romántica.

“Tryst Hotels are not merely luxury destinations; they are a celebration of gay culture, where every guest is embraced,” said Schukraft. “Our mission is to create spaces where luxury and identity flourish without compromise.”

The D.C. Travel and Adventure Show took place last

month in D.C., and LGBTQ-specific travel was among the topics the convention highlighted. The Washington Blade in its preview of the expo noted LGBTQ travelers may book a resort or vacation that promises “everyone is welcome,” but upon arrival feel uncomfortable by reactions of staff or other guests due to expressing their identity as queer people.

Schukraft has experienced this.

“I was at a hetero-friendly hotel in Miami, but it was also marketed to gay men,” he explained. “So, you have two guys kissing at the pool and you have a straight couple looking over and wondering are they staying at a gay hotel. It’s sort of an awkward occurrence.”

Everyone, therefore, is welcome at Tryst resorts, but it is not being marketed outside of the community.

“My boyfriends and I have even experienced side-eye glances for our choice of swimwear,” Schukraft said. “You won’t find that at Tryst Hotels.”

Speaking of attire: Many luxury guesthouses, inns and hotels catering to gay men offer clothing-optional zones for guests. It’s an allure for some travelers.

But, not at Tryst.

“Don’t get me wrong, clothing optional resorts are fun, but that’s not our concept. Our concept is a luxurious, inclusive resort,” Schukraft said with a touch of elan apropos for the “CEO of everything gay.” “Of course wear your thongs [and] Speedos.”

Tryst Puerto Vallarta and Tryst San Juan in Puerto Rico, which is slated to open in 2025, are being marketed as gay-owned, gay-focused resorts with luxurious offerings and amenities. Many resorts known to epitomize luxury may be seen as slightly conservative or “stuffy.”

Luxury promises not to come only in the form of superior bedding, bathrobes, slippers and skincare products, but also in the stunning interiors.

The Puerto Vallarta property engaged the same studio known for their acclaimed work at the Four Seasons Tamarindo. Designers from Estudio Esterlina bring a refined mix of minimalism, modernism and Mexican.

“Why can’t you have fun and luxury in the same space? Here, you let your hair down by the pool, enjoy a pool party, a fine Mexican meal in our full-service restaurant, a drag brunch on weekends and socialize with new friends all while feeling safe,” Schukraft said. “Our goal is to show luxury doesn’t have to mean stuffy.”

Tryst Puerto Vallarta (Photo courtesy of Tristan Schukraft)

Examining importance of queer places in history of arts and culture

‘Nothing Ever Just Disappears’ shines with grace and lyrical prose

By TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

Go to your spot.

Where that is comes to mind immediately: a palatial home with soaring windows, or a humble cabin in a glen, a ramshackle treehouse, a window seat, a coffeehouse table, or just a bed with a special blanket. It’s the place where your mind unspools and creativity surges, where you relax, process, and think. It’s the spot where, as in the new book “Nothing Ever Just Disappears” by Diarmuid Hester, you belong.

Clinging “to a spit of land on the south-east coast of England” is Prospect Cottage, where artist and filmmaker Derek Jarman lived until he died of AIDS in 1994. It’s a simple four-room place, but it was important to him. Not long ago, Hester visited Prospect Cottage to “examine the importance of queer places in the history of arts and culture.”

So many “queer spaces” are disappearing. Still, we can talk about those that aren’t.

In his classic book, “Maurice,” writer E.M. Forster imagined the lives of two men who loved one another but could never be together, and their romantic meeting near a second-floor window. The novel, when finished, “proved too radical even for Forster himself.” He didn’t “allow” its publication until after he was dead.

“Patriarchal power,” says Hester, largely controlled who was able to occupy certain spots in London at the turn of the last century. Still, “queer suffragettes” there managed to leave their mark: women like Vera Holme, chauffeur to suffragette leader Emmeline Pankhurst; writer Virginia Woolf; newspaperwoman Edith Craig, and others who “made enormous contributions to

‘Nothing Ever Just Disappears: Seven Hidden Queer Histories’

By Diarmuid Hester

c.2024, Pegasus Books | $29.95 | 358 pages

the cause.”

Josephine Baker grew up in poverty, learning to dance to keep warm, but she had Paris, the city that “made her into a star.” Artist and “transgender icon” Claude Cahun loved Jersey, the place where she worked to “show just how much gender is masquerade.” Writer James Baldwin felt most at home in a small town in France. B-filmmaker Jack Smith embraced New York –and vice versa. And on a personal journey, Hester mourns his friend, artist Kevin Killian, who lived and died in his beloved San Francisco.

Juxtaposing place and person, “Nothing Ever Just Disappears” features an interesting way of presenting the idea that both are intertwined deeper than it may seem at first glance. The point is made with grace and lyrical prose, in a storyteller’s manner that offers back story and history as author Diarmuid Hester bemoans the loss of “queer spaces.” This is really a lovely, meaningful book – though readers may argue the points made as they pass through the places included here. Landscapes change with history all the time; don’t modern “queer spaces” count?

That’s a fair question to ask, one that could bring these “hidden” histories full-circle: We often preserve important monuments from history. In memorializing the actions of the queer artists who’ve worked for the future, the places that inspired them are worth enshrining, too.

Reading this book may be the most relaxing, soothing thing you’ll do this month. Try “Nothing Ever Just Disappears” because it really hits the spot.

Palm Sunday - March 24 “Jesus rides triumphant into Jerusalem”

8:00 a.m. Liturgy of the Palms and Holy Eucharist Rite I Zabriskie Chapel 3606 Seminary Road

10:30 a.m. Bagpiper-led Procession with Palms to Immanuel Chapel VTS Post Office

Liturgy of the Palms and Holy Eucharist Rite II with Choir Immanuel Chapel

Maundy Thursday - March 28 “Commemoration of The Last Supper”

7:00 p.m. Holy Eucharist Rite II with Choir, Foot Washing, and Stripping of the Altar Immanuel Chapel

Good Friday - March 29 “The Passion of Jesus Christ”

12:00 p.m. Stations of the Cross Immanuel Chapel

3737

7:00 p.m. The Solemn Liturgy of Good Friday, with Choir Immanuel Chapel

EASTER SUNDAY - March 31 “Celebrating Christ’s Defeat of Death”

8:00 a.m. Festival Holy Eucharist Rite I Zabriskie Chapel 3606 Seminary Road

9:15 a.m. Festival Holy Eucharist Rite II with Brass, Choir, and Timpani Immanuel Chapel

10:30 a.m. Reception and Children’s Easter Egg Hunt, the Grove at VTS Chapel grounds

11:15 a.m. Festival Holy Eucharist Rite II with Brass, Choir, and Timpani Immanuel Chapel

12:30 p.m. Reception in the Parlor Immanuel Chapel

Giving up drinking is killing our relationship

What happens when one partner is sober and the other isn’t

By MICHAEL RADKOWSKY

Hi Michael,

I’m a 38-year-old guy, was single for most of my 30s, which I didn’t like at all, and I finally met a great guy last Memorial Day Weekend.

Until New Year’s I would have said that everything was going great. I was on Cloud Nine. Eric is kind, handsome, smart, and a great catch.

But in December he decided to do “Dry January.” It was kind of on a whim I think. We were out with some friends and one of them said he was not going to drink at all for the month of January. He thought alcohol was playing too big a role in his life so he wanted to see what life would be like without it. Another friend said he would do it too, and then Eric said he would.

I wish we hadn’t gone out that night and then this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.

So, as the month progressed, Eric started talking more and more about how much better he was feeling without alcohol in his body or his life.

I don’t think we drank that much pre-January. Yes, we’d have something to drink every time we went out, with friends or just together, but not to excess.

At some point, Eric started saying that he wasn’t really enjoying going out with our friends, as he wasn’t drinking and they were (except the two friends who were also doing the Dry January thing). This meant I’d either go out without him (which I didn’t like) or we’d stay home, or go out just the two of us. But then if I’m drinking and he’s not, it just feels awkward. He hasn’t said anything but I feel like he’s judging me whenever I have a drink.

I was hoping he’d relax about the whole thing at the end of the month but now he’s decided he doesn’t want to drink anymore at all.

To make matters worse, he says that the month made him think more about the big role alcohol plays in his life (his words) and he has started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

So where does this leave me? I do want to keep drinking. I’m just a social drinker and I don’t have a problem with alcohol. I think it adds a fair amount of fun to my life. Plus, all my friends drink (including the two who did Dry January) and it’s a big part of our socializing. If you don’t drink when everyone else is drinking, it’s really not fun and it feels weird.

At this point Eric doesn’t go out with the friend group we were going out with because he doesn’t have a good time as the only non-drinker. (I get it, that’s one of the reasons I drink when my friends are drinking.) So I go out sometimes without him, which as I mentioned doesn’t feel so good, and which I don’t think is great for our relationship; or I don’t go out with my friends, which I don’t like.

I love Eric and I could see us having a great life together but his not drinking has opened what feels like a chasm between us.

How do couples handle this situation, where one person wants to stop drinking and the other does not? The impact is seeming increasingly huge to me and I don’t see how to make it stop being a divisive problem.

Michael replies:

I don’t think that Eric’s sobriety needs to be a divisive

problem, if you can tolerate that you don’t get to have your life with Eric be exactly as you would like.

This is the same dilemma that everyone in a serious relationship must face. Our partners are always different from us in some important ways, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first. And we have to figure out how to live with these differences, contentedly for the most part. Our partners face the same challenge.

Of course, not every difference can be (or should be) resolvable. For example, if one person is determined to parent and the other person is determined to be childfree, it makes great sense to part ways — unless one person decides they’d rather stay with their partner than have it their way.

You and Eric have to figure out if your differences around alcohol are a deal-breaker, or if you can find a way to build a solid relationship, even as you drink socially and he is sober.

Whether and how you do this are for the two of you to figure out. That said, here are some ideas for your consideration:

• Can you accept Eric’s not joining you for some or even many of your social activities?

• Can you and Eric talk about what might help him be more comfortable joining your friends now and then?

• Can you ask Eric what it’s like for him when you are drinking, rather than assuming that he is judging you? (Important question for your consideration: What led you to make that assumption rather than asking him?)

• If Eric is making friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, would you want to join him at times when he socializes with them?

The main ingredients here are generosity, flexibility, collaboration, and curiosity.

Speaking of curiosity, rather than wishing that the two of you had missed that invitation to participate in Dry January, how about being curious about Eric’s decision to stop drinking? I suspect that your dismissiveness has a negative impact on his desire to be close to or confide in you. If you are curious about this important life change that Eric is undertaking, you will certainly learn a lot about your boyfriend, and likely deepen your connection.

(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to  michael@michaelradkowsky.com.)

Don’t procrastinate buying your home

Some experts predict rates will fall in June

By JOSEPH HUDSON

As springtime fills the air, cherry blossoms are blooming, much of the year still lies ahead and many have started to think about how they are progressing with their 2024 goals. If the dream of buying a house was put on hold when the interest rates went from 3% to almost 8%, and life got in the way of an idea that had gotten onto your to-do list, maybe now is the time to dust it off.

Mortgage lender Tina Del Casale from Sandy Spring Bank says, “There is still hope the Fed will be happy with inflation numbers by June to finally pull the trigger on lowering interest rates.”

The rates might not be as low as they were in 2021, but historically, they are still not as high as they were 20 years ago. Some people’s parents remember getting interest rates that were 12%, 14% or even higher.

One of the biggest questions I get at homebuyer seminars is about is the process. What is buying a house ACTUALLY like? I usually tell them that it’s like anything else. One step at a time. One form at a time. One bank transfer at a time. One house showing at a time. One home inspection at a time. If you have the wherewithal to plan a vacation, you can buy a house.

• Finding a Realtor

• Finding a lender to get pre-approved (how much is your budget and what is a comfortable monthly payment)

• Are there any first-time buyer programs that could be used? Is there down payment assistance?

• Looking at the houses.

• Finding one you like, and putting an offer together:

• An offer usually involves a sales contract, any special forms that the jurisdictions require (lead-based paint acknowledgements, what appliances and systems in the house are included/excluded, if the home is part of a

homeowners association, or a condo association, etc.)

• Any forms related to getting an inspection done.

• Who is selling the house, who is buying the house, how much is it being sold for, where it is exactly, and who are the others involved in the transaction (title company, agents, etc.)?

• Getting any inspections done.

• Negotiating any changes in the sales price or terms, or credits for inspection items.

• Getting the final approval for the loan and then going to settlement.

Spring is in the air and it’s a great time to buy a new home.

(Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Many people get interested in buying a house, but the “unknown” of it all can be daunting. It could be that the best way to think about it, is that like most things in life, you can’t cross every bridge BEFORE you get there. You just take it one day at a time. Some things will be surprisingly easy. Some things will require the advice of experienced lenders, Realtors, home inspectors and title attorneys.

But if the process doesn’t begin somewhere, somehow, the idea just stays in one’s head in the “to do list” file. And then 3 years go by, 5 years go by, 7 years go by. And your friends that DID buy a house laugh themselves to the bank when they go to sell the house they bought 3 years ago, 5 years ago, or 7 years ago.

If you need any recommendations for a local lender or Realtor, please don’t hesitate to ask.

JOSEPH HUDSON

is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at joemike76@gmail.com or 703-587-0597.

LEGAL NOTICES

SUPERIOR COURT OF THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA

PROBATE DIVISION 2024 ADM 000247

Estate of John Christian Weber aka J. Christian Weber, Deceased Notice of Standard Probate (For estates of decedents dying on or after July 1, 1995)

Notice is hereby given that a petition has been filed in this Court by James A. Gillis and Michael J. DeBoer for standard probate, including the appointment of one or more personal representatives. Unless a responsive pleading in the form of a complaint or an objection in accordance with Superior Court Probate Division Rule 407 is filed in this Court within 30 days from the date of first publication of this notice, the Court may take the action herinafter set forth.

Admit to probate the will dated August 9, 2002 exhibited with the petition upon proof satisfactory to the Court of due execution by the affidavit of the witnesses or otherwise.

Date of first publication: March 15, 2024

Name of newspaper and/or periodical:

Daily Washington Law Reporter, Washington Blade /s/ James A. Gillis, Signature of Attorney 3033 Wilson Blvd, Ste 700, Arlington, VA 22201 610-348-7367 /s/Nicole Stevens, Register of Wills, Clerk of the Probate Division

MASSAGE

MASSAGE FOR FIT & ACTIVE MEN

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Tell ‘em “I saw your ad in the Blade!”

AUTOMOTIVE

2015 RED HONDA FIT, 4 door, MD inspected. Like new 27,000 miles, $15,700. Call Marty 301-325-1973

CLEANING

FERNANDO’S CLEANING

Residential & Commercial Cleaning, Reasonable Rates, Free Estimates, Routine, 1-Time, Move-In/ Move-Out

202-234-7050 or 202-486-6183

COUNSELING

COUNSELING FOR LGBTQ

People Individual/couple counseling with a volunteer peer counselor. GMCC, serving our community since 1973.

202-580-8661

gaymenscounseling.org  No fees, donation requested.

EMPLOYMENT

MANAGER INTL BIZ DEV, Wash, DC Biz strat film prod: fin, mktg, ops, track comp/mkt trends; 5yr+ exp fin, acctg, event prod. Email resume: giaver.productions.llc@gmail.com

HOUSEHOLD HANDYMAN/ ASSISTANT in my Woodley Park DC home.  Depending on your skill set may include ironing, cleaning gutters, simple carpentry/plumbing repairs, shoveling snow, yard work, decorating for holidays, sorting and filing documents.  Average five hours/week.  More than minimum wage.  Start March 25. 202-265-2085.

HANDYMAN

BRITISH REMODELING

Local licensed company with over 25 years of experience. Specializing in bathrooms, kitchens & all interior/ exterior repairs. Drywall, paint, electrical, wallpaper, roofing & siding.

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LEGAL SERVICES ADOPTION, DONOR, SURROGACY

legal services. Catelyn represents LGBTQ clients in DC, MD & VA interested in adoption or ART matters.

MODERN FAMILY FORMATION

Law Offices, Slattery Law, LLC. 240-245-7765

Catelyn@ModernFamilyFormation.com MOVERS

AROUND TOWN MOVERS & STORAGE

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Ask about the Blade discount!

Call Today 202.734.3080

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REAL ESTATE / RENT / DC LOGAN CIRCLE

1412 Corcoran St NW #1

Spacious 1 BR Japanese Riverbed Garden in the Heart of Logan Circle & steps away from the beat of 14th Street, on a quiet tree lined street, over 700 sq. ft., beautiful maple wood floors & cabinets. BR big enough for a king size bed & a sitting area, spa like bathroom with Carrera marble, gourmet kitchen with granite countertops & SS appliances, in unit W/D, and an intimate private garden sanctuary. 3 blocks from Whole Foods, Amazon Fresh, Trader Joes, Safeway, CVS, & multiple gyms. Restaurants (Le Diplomate, MXDC, Etto) & shopping (Room & Board, Cork & Fork, West Elm, Logan Hardware) are steps away. Smoke free, no pets, street parking. $3200 (includes water) + 1 mo. sec. dep. due at lease signing.

Call (844) 773-9446

ROOFING

BEST VALUE ROOFING LLC, Local Residential & Commercial

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