The Essential Guide to Strengthening Relationships with Emotionally Focused Therapy

Insights from Pinny Roth, LCSW-C on Love, Connection, and Mental Wellness

TBY PINNY ROTH, LCSW-C

oday, we’re sitting down with Pinny Roth, LCSW-C, a skilled Emotionally Focused Therapist (EFT) who helps couples, individuals, and those preparing for marriage navigate their emotional landscapes and strengthen relationships. Before opening his private practice in Silver Spring, MD, Pinny served as a community rabbi in San Diego, CA.

With warmth, humor, and insight—Pinny has become a trusted resource for those seeking to repair, heal, and fortify their relationships. His practice in Kemp Mill offers counseling and workshops that focus on fostering meaningful, lasting connections.

Let’s dive into our conversation to learn more about his journey, his approach to therapy, and why relationships are at the very core of his work.

This is the first of a monthly column on relationships and mental health, where Pinny will answer readers' most commonly asked questions. Have a question? Send it to info@eft.center.

What inspired you to focus on relationships as the cornerstone of your therapy practice?

Relationships are at the heart of mental health. As humans, we are homo vinculum— wired to bond with others. Just as oxygen is essential for our physical health, healthy relationships are crucial for our emotional well-being. When our relationships thrive, everything else seems to fall into place. Food tastes better, beds feel more comfortable, and we face life’s challenges with optimism. But when things aren’t going well with loved ones, even minor annoyances feel unbearable. A strained relationship can cast a shadow over everything. Research from Harvard’s Study of Adult Development shows that strong, positive relationships are the most significant predictors of long-term happiness and health—outshining wealth or career success! That’s why I’ve made relationships the focus of my practice. They elevate or disrupt everything else in life. You transitioned from being a rabbi in San Diego to a relationship therapist in Silver Spring. How did that journey shape your approach to therapy?

I earned my Master’s in Social Work before becoming a rabbi, knowing that much of a rabbi’s role involves counseling. I like to joke that when I transitioned from the rabbinate to therapy, I realized I could do everything a rabbi does—and get paid for it!

Seriously, my time as a rabbi gave me a unique perspective. I heard people’s struggles, celebrated their joys, and understood how past experiences shape present challenges. It taught me to hold space for pain and offer a path toward healing. Therapy allowed me to dive deeper, helping people not just make sense of their struggles, but transform them.

My work with young professionals as a rabbi was especially formative. Helping them navigate dating and relationships gave me a front-row seat to the challenges in forming lasting partnerships. This experience deeply informs my premarital work today— helping couples set themselves up for success.

Your practice is called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Center. What exactly is EFT?

Emotionally Focused Therapy is an evidence-based, empirically validated approach grounded in the science of adult attachment. EFT helps people understand their emotions and strengthen their connections.

The process unfolds in three stages:

1. Mapping Emotional Patterns: The therapist explores each partner’s emotional landscape to uncover triggers and patterns driving their reactions. This helps couples understand the roots of their conflicts.

2. Replacing Old Dynamics: With these insights, the therapist reframes how couples communicate, teaching them to express vulnerabilities in ways that invite connection, not conflict.

3. Consolidating Gains: Finally, the therapist integrates these new habits into daily life, ensuring lasting change. As I joke with couples, “This stage ensures I don’t have to move in with you!”

Research shows EFT’s effectiveness—70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and 90% report significant improvements. EFT provides a clear roadmap to foster secure, healthy bonds and lasting transformation.

Your website mentions uncovering patterns and connecting dots in people’s lives. Can you share an example of how identifying these patterns has helped a couple create meaningful change?

Absolutely! Recently, a husband felt like he was constantly failing his wife, while she felt unimportant and unprioritized. They loved each other deeply, but were stuck in a cycle of disconnection.

In therapy, we uncovered the emotional roots of their dynamic. The husband, raised as the “black sheep” in his family, was hypersensitive to criticism. The wife, parentified as a child due to her parents’ career focus, longed to feel prioritized—something she rarely experienced growing up.

This dynamic created a painful loop. The husband withdrew when criticized, which left the wife feeling even less important. Her frustration, in turn, amplified his feelings of inadequacy, perpetuating the cycle.

Once we mapped out their dynamic, they saw each other’s behavior not as flaws but as responses to old wounds. This understanding shifted them from blame to compassion, fostering a deeper connection. The husband began prioritizing his wife’s needs, and the wife viewed his sensitivity as a reflection of his past—not a lack of care. There’s a powerful image and quote from my workshop (shown) that illustrates the struggle and the inner longing of couples in distress. It depicts what couples experience and the hope to break free from their “cages” of self-