Child Advocate
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Februar y 2013 Issue 5, Volume 21
Nurturing Your Children
3 Steps to Balance Your Life T he first thing parents can do to nurture their children is to establish
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balance in their lives. If parents are doing too much and are constantly tired, irritable and overworked, they cannot be the kind of parent, employee, volunteer, friend and spouse that they would like to be. s Prioritize. Start prioritizing the activities in your life by writing a list of all your roles/things in your life you do. Next, write some realistic goals for each of these areas. List your most important goals for each category first. Don’t forget to write goals for your taking care of yourself in your list--such as eating healthy meals and exercising regularly. Try to accomplish the first few goals in each area of your life each week and try not to worry about the things that didn’t make it to the top of your list. For example, your top goals for the housework might be to keep up on the dishes and laundry, which might mean you are not be able to vacuum as often as you’d like. To address the things on your list that you can’t get to, consider paying your children to do some extra chores around the house. s
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Make a double batch of dinner when you are cooking and store the other batch in the freezer for a day you are too busy to cook. Carpool with other families whenever possible to avoid some of the running around. Keep a donation bin next to your laundry hamper so you can easily sort out clothing and toys that are no longer used. Simplify.
Hire your child or a neighborhood child to mow your grass. In your volunteer positions, form committees so the work can be spread out among other people. Delegate.
These are just a few suggestions to get you started on leading a more balanced and healthy lifestyle. n The
Child Advocate
a Washington State PTA parent involvement publication
Washington State PTA 2003 65th Avenue West Tacoma, WA 98466-6215 Website: www.wastatepta.org Email: wapta@wastatepta.org Phone: (253) 565-2153 or 1-800-562-3804 Fax: (253) 565-7753
VISION:
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Are We Raising an Entitled Generation of Children?
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How to Motivate Your Kids
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Successful Parenting: What Every Parent Needs to Know
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Helping Kids Develop Confidence and Optimism
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The Child Advocate is published online every month from September through May by the Washington State PTA, 2003 65th Avenue West, Tacoma, WA 98466-6215, (253) 565-2153. Contributors are welcome. Call the State PTA office for guidelines. Whenever PTA is used it also refers to PTSA. PTA is a registered trademark of the National Congress of Parents and Teachers. Novella Fraser, Washington State PTA President Kirk Miller, Interim Executive Director Karen Fisker-Andersen, Editor
“Making every child’s potential a reality.”
MISSION:
PTA is: n A powerful voice for all children, n A relevant resource for families and communities, and n A strong advocate for the well-being and education of every child. The Washington State PTA accomplishes the mission of PTA by:
• Speaking on behalf of children and youth in the schools, in the community, and before governmental bodies and other organizations that make decisions affecting children; • Supporting parents* in developing skills to raise, protect and advocate for their children; • Encouraging parent*, teacher, student and community involvement; • Promoting opportunities for positive outcomes for children; and • Being a financially stable, well-managed organization that promotes diversity, provides quality service, models best practices and values its members and employees. *Parent may include adults who play an important role in a child’s family life since other adults (grandparents, aunts, uncles, or guardians) may carry the primary responsibility for a child’s health, welfare, education and safety.
Are We Raising an Entitled Generation of Children? T
here is a troubling trend of children growing up with an entitlement mentality today. If you take an honest look, you may even see it creeping into your own lives. Many children now expect a participation trophy whenever they are on a sports team or treats at the conclusion of every game; they may expect a goody bag whenever they go to a birthday party; teens may expect parents to buy them the latest phone or game system or a pair of expensive designer jeans. There are many factors contributing to this growing trend. Advertising, of course, constantly sends kids messages that suggest they need certain products to be socially accepted by their peers and to be happy. Television shows and movies may also send these messages. The emergence of social media is another contributing factor to this sense of entitlement. Kids sometimes develop an over-inflated view of themselves when they have hundreds of “friends”on their friend list. Even though most people portray a life on social media that is hardly an accurate account of reality, when kids see images of their friends doing a lot of fun activities, they may feel that they somehow deserve to be entertained in this way as well.
The Child Advocate, February 2013
Over-involved, yet well-meaning, parents may also contribute to the problem of entitlement mentality. Sometimes parents are so devoted to their children that they solve all of their children’s problems and orchestrate every aspect of their children’s lives. They may make sure their kids are on the “right” sports team, purchase whatever their children desire to help them fit in with their peers, and keep them busy with fun activities every day of the week. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being involved in your children’s lives and providing them with enrichment opportunities, playdates, and being their advocate when there is a reason for them to be in a certain classroom; these actions by parents are important and valuable to children, but there also needs to be a balance in providing kids with opportunities to learn, grow and sometimes struggle at times as well. The problem with a sense of entitlement is that kids grow up believing that they deserve things and don’t learn how to work hard and earn the things they want. It robs them of learning self-motivation, resourcefulness and resilience. It also can lead to feelings of bitterness, jealousy, obsessive thoughts, and even depression when they don’t have what others have.
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Leadership News
Kids need to understand that they don’t need to prove their worth by Heather Gillette through material WSPTA Leadershipitems, beauty, fame or awards. People who can afford Director to buy the latest gadgets and toys are always on the lookout for what’s next. The same goes for beauty; the explosion of the cosmetic surgery industry in our country shows us that even being beautiful can’t bring long-term happiness as one procedure sometimes only leads to the next.
bers of their family or their friends, without feeling threatened in doing this.
Why YOU Should Attend the Act responsibly. 100th Annual WSPTA Convention s Model acts of kindness toward others. Be generous with your time
and money to help people out. Teaching kids to sacrifice their time to do kind acts for less fortunate people helps them appreciate what Following tips howagain you can be involved children’s lives the most optimal training same way you are, has a tendency to make for you to tailor t’s that are time ofon year – time for our in your they have. without creating an atmosphere thatConvenleads to an entitlement mentality. you feel more validated and energized in experience for your position. annual Washington State PTA your s Praise your children whenchoices. they have acted selflessly. tion. Do you it on your calendar yet Choose tohave be content. My top five count-down of – May 3-5, 2013? This year we celebrate 2. Networking –This event is one of the Teach delayed gratification. reasons to attend: s Be content with Convention your own livesand andwe stop comparing your lives our 100th WSPTA best opportunities you will find to meet with your yourthe children who they–are. s enjoy Teach childrennew, the difference between wants andmeet needs. are hosting it neighbors’ in a brandlives. newAccept location, 5. for Traveling I actually theyour opporlike-minded people. You theDon’t most Sometimes kids aren’t as popular, athletic tunity or academic as we’d myself inbuy children everything they want. Instead, provide opportuniHyatt Regencyour Hotel in Bellevue! to immerse the your experiamazing new people from all over the state like them to be, but if we really examine our motivations for these for them to earn money save up they want. ence. Packing for the entireties weekend who havetocome to for thewhat convention forThe thefact Whether you have a convention desires, they mayattended be more for our own parentalwhere pride Ithan worked and saved for the item will help them appreciate get our to experience a that newthey location same reasons you have. Everyone is willing before or are well-being. brand newEncourage to the idea, this children’s your kids to do enjoy the item forshare. a longer period of time. andtheir takebest, partbut in love the chargedand atmosphere of to You should never feel embarrassed convention surethey to hold them foriswho are. a wealth of like-minded people is fun. to ask someone to tell youactivity more about a pros Provide opportunities for kids to decide which to particiopportunity for each and every one of you. gram they mentioned in a class you were s Be thankful. Send your kids some very clear messages on a daily pate in, rather–than allowing them to participate in every activity in 4. The Giveaways and Special Offers Being ourabout 100th anniversary youwhat willthey findhave. Encourage your together. Or, checkout the recognition room basis being thankful for they want all at once. At convention you can get some amazing intriguing and thank vignettes of ourtotruly childrenfacts to write you notes others. stuff! Make sure you check out the exhibi- for a wealth of ideas to bring something new s Tell your children when are planning and saving up for someamazing history shared throughout the back you to your unit or tweak something you tor booths for giveaways. One of your s Don’t allow negative thoughts of jealousy and self-pity. Find a thing special. Show your children how you develop your family weekend. We have been hard at work to are already doing to keep it fresh. class choices will be to select an “exhibior activity your children enjoy and can help them feel good budget. add hobby new, relevant training choices. One tor visit” to allow you ample time to tour TOP REASON TO ATTEND: about themselves. Focus your attention on building happy and lovclass that is very exciting and has multhe booths guilt-free. And forgetkids to to look at advertisements and commercials critis don’t Encourage memories and relationships with your family and close friends. tipleing implications is our “Generational 1. The Information - Training opportuattend general sessions for fun cally.door Helpprizes. them recognize and understand the marketing messages Differences” class. This will give you nities are a great way to get current and s Do things as a family. Demonstrate your love for your kids by directed towards them. Explain to them that advertisers intentiongreat insight into outreach, how to work 3. Validation – The work that we do up-to-date ideas and convention is the spending time together. Don’t use material items as a means to alally try to make people feel inadequate without their product. more effectively as a board, how to foster around the singular vision of making every WSPTA’s biggest leadership opportunity for leviate guilt from working too much and not spending enough time volunteerism, and more. We are also child’s potential a reality special.teach It your children our members. This This year isyou will have 101 s is Finally, self-control. sometimes a difwith the family. presenting some new classes around social can be hard for people to understand whyfor kids, classbut choices, overhow ninethey sessions, ficult concept talk to spread them about can control media andyour communications. Thetoconvenwepraise do what do. Having the along first withbefore a number s Help children learn how encourage and otherwe memtheirchance actionstoby thinking acting.of nroundtable discustion packet will describe all of the options spend time with people who are wired the sion groups. n
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Attend WSPTA’s 100th Annual Convention Photo courtesy of University of Puget Sound
May 3-5, 2013 Hyatt Regency Hotel in Bellevue (located next to Bellevue Square)
An inspiring weekend with a variety of training opportunities, engaging keynote speakers, and plenty of fun!
Photo: 37th Annual WSPTA Convention, (May 2, 1950) Courtesy of the Tacoma Public Library, NW Room
Be a part of Washington State PTA history. Plan ahead to attend! February 2013 WSPTA Key Communicator
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3 a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine
How to Motivate Your Kids M any kids struggle with being motivated at school. Most homework isn’t fun, so it is a rare child who doesn’t struggle at staying motivated. Parents can encourage good study habits by providing a specific time and place to do their homework each day; a good environment with plenty of light, desk space and supplies to accomplish their work; and provide them with assistance when needed. Ultimately, though, the decision to be motivated has to come from the children. However, there are some things parents can do to help their kids understand the importance of studying, how it can benefit them and how it can eventually provide access to what they want to do with their lives when they grow up. Motivating kids. Point out your children’s strengths. Nothing is more motivating to kids than honest and positive praise from their parents. Often kids who do not naturally excel in sports or academics think they don’t have any talents. They usually don’t recognize that being able to communicate well, having courage, or being determined are strengths, yet these are often more valuable talents in the long-term than the ones that are commonly recognized by kids. Teach your kids that there is always a way to achieve their dreams; nothing is out of their reach if they are willing to work hard. If they have difficulties with their schoolwork, and you are not able to help them at home, suggest they arrange to meet with the teacher after school to get their questions answered or help them find someone who can provide the assistance they need. Help your children identify possible career interests. Together with your kids, research the post secondary education requirements for those fields—where the schools are located and what level of high school education and activities are required for entrance into these schools. Then, help your children develop short and long term goals to steer them in the right direction. It’s easier to work hard at school when they know that hard work will lead to something worthwhile someday. Teaching kids to work efficiently. School is your child’s work. The effort they put into their schoolwork not only translates into helping them build a stronger academic foundation, it actually teaches them good work habits, which is something they will draw from for the rest of their lives. Learning how to work more efficiently helps students achieve a sense of satisfaction and often leads to increased motivation. For students, working efficiently means understanding how they uniquely process information and learn and applying that knowledge to the way they study. There are many different kids of learning styles, but the main ones are visual learners, auditory learners, and tactile/kinesthetic learners. Visual learners are characterized by learning best through sight, such as looking and pictures, studying written words, or writing things out. Auditory
The Child Advocate, February 2013
learners are characterized by learning best through sound--such as listening to lectures, repeating words or phrases or explaining things to themselves aloud. Tactile and kinesthetic learners find they learn best by working with their hands, acting things out, building models, and using their bodies to be actively engaged in the learning process. Once you have helped your children identify the most efficient way for them to study, then it’s the parents job to let their children take charge of their studying--yet be accessible if needed for question or help. Follow up with your children about their study habits. If they have trouble staying organized or meeting deadlines, help them brainstorm ideas that might solve these problems. In addition to learning styles, other factors that contribute to working efficiently involve the learning environment. Does your child study best in the afternoon, in the evening or early in the morning? Does your child do best when it is quiet or when there is some soft ambient music playing? Does your child study best by himself or in a small group? Encourage your children to identify environmental factors that contribute to his most efficient studying. Finally, encourage lifelong learning. The only thing we know for certain about the workplace of tomorrow is that it will be different from today. There will be technological advances and new ways of doing things and communicating with each other. Ask you children to teach you something you don’t know. Be a role model for your kids by being resourceful and motivated to be a lifelong learner. n
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Successful Parenting:
What Every Parent Needs to Know B eing a parent is both rewarding and challenging. Often once you figure out your first-born, your next one is completely different. However, there are a few principles that hold true no matter the age or disposition of the child. First and foremost, your kids need to know that you love them. Demonstrate your love to them through many means to ensure that this message gets across to each child. For example, don’t just tell your children you love them; smile at them; spend time with them; listen to them; write notes to them and put those notes on their pillows, in their lunch boxes or on the mirror; give them hugs and kisses or loving pats, a tousle of the hair, a high five or touch on the shoulder; surprise them occasionally with acts of service, such as making their favorite meal or doing their chores for them when you know they have a lot of homework. Children who feel loved are more secure and have a higher sense of self-esteem. Following are more ideas in developing an authentic relationship with your children.
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Provide opportunities to grow. s
Be involved and available. s
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Join PTA and if you are able to, get involved at school and at PTA activities. Get to know your children’s friends, teachers and the parents of thier friends. Help them to stay motivated to do their homework. Monitor their progress at school, but avoid intense pressure on academic outcomes. Good parent involvement practices do not include putting excessive pressure on your kids in academics or athletics. A better approach to parent involvement is to make sure your child comes to school prepared to learn, has the tools he needs to be successful, help at home
when he needs it, knows that you value education and are connected to his school and teachers, and expect him to perform the best he can. Be available and involved both mentally and physically. Learn about your child’s interests. Play with your kids, watch a movie together, read a book together, help your children with homework when needed and be available to listen when they want to talk. Enjoy each other. Spend time in conversation while commuting to practices, running errands, or on a long trip in the car. If you have some spare time on a busy day, get some ice cream or coffee together and enjoy some downtime between activities.
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Teach your kids responsibility. As children get older, gradually give them more responsibilities around the house, and provide them with an allowance or encourage them to get a part-time job so they can purchase items they need such as school clothes and gifts. Show them how to vacuum, do laundry, cook and clean. Establish boundaries. Provide your children with clear expectations on what their responsibilities and freedoms are and what consequences they face if they fail to meet those expectations. Provide logical consequences for when those boundaries are not respected. Don’t give in to whining and complaining. Instead, in a loving and caring way, explain that your family rules are in place because you love them deeply. Teach kids to solve conflicts. Help kids try to understand the situation from another person’s perspective, then encourage them to come to a
a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine
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common ground to look at different solutions that are positive for both parties and achievable within the time frame and resources available. Don’t be too quick to rescue your children from natural consequences that result from bad decisions. Students who are sheltered from their mistakes won’t learn from them.
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Listen and learn from them. s
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Encourage your children to share their opinions. Focus on your child without interruption. Maintain eye contact with your child and really try to understand what your child is saying and how she is feeling. Avoid looking at your watch, answering the phone or emails, and be sure to turn off the TV or radio. Use teachable moments to talk to your children about your experiences and your values. Conversations may start around current events, TV shows or movies, hobbies or interests or sharing family traditions or your own childhood experiences.
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When your children would like to talk to you, they should first respect your need to finish up a conversation you are already having with someone else. This also applies when parents want to discuss something their children. Respectful communication never includes interrupting the other person, yelling or using insulting language. Allow the other person to complete his story with your full attention, then rephrase what you think he said for further clarification. Avoid getting in heated discussions with your children. Take time to cool down if you feel you need it before certain discussions with your children. When you’ve made a mistake, acknowledge your mistake and apologize to them. Always thank your children for coming to you, especially if it was a difficult topic to discuss. When discussing difficult topics, parents should refrain from judging their children. Avoid giving unsolicited advice; instead together discuss what possible outcomes might be and how to choose the best solution. n
Helping Kids Develop Confidence and Optimism O ptimism is a way of life that can be learned. It can help us cope with disappointments or setbacks. Following are some tips to help your kids develop a healthy sense of optimism: s Make sure you and your children get enough sleep, along with nutritious food and regular exercise. Healthy bodies are able to meet the challenges that face us better. In addition, well-rested minds are more able to view problems in a positive light. s Listen to your children talk about their friends, ideas, and interests. It helps them feel loved when you listen to them and are interested in what they have to say. Children who feel secure in their family relationships are more likely to have a higher sense of self-esteem and more optimistic views on life. s Laughter is a gift to the human spirit. A hearty laugh can make us feel better when we are sad or depressed. As a family, make sure you are enjoying some light moments every day. Enjoy a funny TV program together, take an opportunity to laugh at yourself sometimes, have an occasional tickle war with your kids, play games with your kids, plan a fun family adventure, or just be silly sometimes. s Encourage children to learn from mistakes. When parents act positively, rather than negatively, to mistakes by focusing attention on what can be learned from mistakes, children are more willing to try new things. s Help your children avoid negative self-talk; replace this with a “can do” attitude. Point out all the reasons you think they can
The Child Advocate, February 2013
succeed. Be a resource to them if they need someone to talk to or share ideas with or just if they need help. s Praise your children for hard work, determination, being selfstarters, or being resourceful or creative. Be aware of how your praise is interpreted by your children. If you are only praising your children for their achievements, then they might feel that your love is conditional on their achievements. s Be a good role model for being optimistic. Try to see every situation in a positive light and as a learning opportunity. Be confident that eventually you will succeed. n
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Be a smARTS Crusader An Arts Education Guide for Parents and Families – A resource for those seeking or pondering the best ways to help improve their child’s education.
smARTS smARTS For Students For Students
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Learn why the arts are a vital component of a complete education. Get the confidence and facts to speak out in support of mportant arts learning required for all K-12 students. Understand how to start opening
Email advocacy@ artsedwashington.org to sign up to receive updates and arts education news. Visit the smartswa.org website for tools and resources.
An Arts Education Guide for Parents and Families An Arts Education Guide for Parents and Families An Arts Education Guide for Parents and Families
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Tools and resources are available now!
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