Child Advocate
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March 2009 Issue 7, Volume 17
Building Building Life Skills Skills Life
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College Bound Scholarship Program
There is still time to enroll your students! Now in its second year, the College Bound Scholarship Program has enrolled more than 21,000 students. Commendable as this number is, more than 60,000 7th, 8th and 9th grade students are eligible – much work remains to be done! Eligible 7th and 8th grade students must sign up by June 30 of their 8th grade year. This year only, 9th graders also have until June 30, 2009 to sign up. College Bound was a new program during the 2007-2008 school year; therefore, the Legislature granted last year’s 8th graders a one-time exception. Visit www.hecb.wa.gov/collegebound to request free materials. The site also offers suggestions for ways to promote College Bound at your school. Strapped for time and money? Promote the College Bound Scholarship at your school’s next assembly, sports event, or science fair. Does your community actively encourage all its students to pursue higher education? Consider collaborating with civic leaders to host a districtwide sign-up event at your local college or community center. In February Governor Gregoire sent a letter to the school board presidents with an accompanying draft resolution endorsing the College Bound Scholarship. In her letter, Governor Gregoire emphasizes her commitment to ensuring that all students, regardless of economic background, have access to postsecondary education. n
Contents
7 The Art of Talking to Youth
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Developing Money Management Skills
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Preparing Kids for the Future: A Focus on Developing Responsibility, Time Management Skills & Conflict Resolution Skills
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Critical Thinking: Key to Good Decision Making
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Career Planning: Motivation for School Success
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The Child Advocate is published online every month from September through June by the Washington State PTA, 2003 65th Avenue West, Tacoma, WA 98466-6215, (253) 565-2153. Contributors are welcome. Call the State PTA office for guidelines. Whenever PTA is used it also refers to PTSA. PTA is a registered trademark of the National Congress of Parents and Teachers. Laura Bay, Washington State PTA President Bill Williams, Washington State PTA Executive Director Karen Fisker-Andersen, Editor
Child Advocate
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a Washington State PTA parent involvement publication
Washington State PTA 2003 65th Avenue West Tacoma, WA 98466-6215
WSPTA Vision, Mission and Goals
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VISION:
“Making every child’s potential a reality.”
MISSION:
PTA is: ■ A powerful voice for all children, ■ A relevant resource for families and communities, and ■ A strong advocate for the education and well-being of every child. The Washington State PTA accomplishes the mission of PTA by
■ Speaking on behalf of children and youth in the schools, in the community, and before governmental bodies and other organizations that make decisions affecting children; ■ Supporting parents* in developing skills to raise, protect and advocate for their children; and ■ Encouraging parent* and community involvement. * Parent may include adults who play an important role in a child’s family life since other adults (grandparents, aunts, uncles, or guardians) may carry the primary responsibility for a child’s health, welfare, education and safety.
Phone: (253) 565-2153 or 1-800-562-3804 Fax: (253) 565-7753
Website: www.wastatepta.org Email: wapta@wastatepta.org
The Art of Talking With Youth By Ed Crouch, MSW
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oung people often exasperate us. Most don’t converse as easily as adults, and teens seem driven to escape, or to make us miserable. Yet as parents, family, or friends, we can successfully communicate with youth. Let me suggest two tested tips. Avoid Questions
When our children came home from school we almost always asked them, “How was school?” Our daughter told all. By contrast, our son usually replied, “Fine.” If we followed up with, “What did you do?” his “Nothing,” was an echo heard by many frustrated parents all over America. The conversation needn’t have ended here. When cross-examination doesn’t work, stop doing it. Kids feel pumped with questions all day by teachers and schoolmates alike. I bet they’d appreciate a break while they have a snack. If such a student returns from school sullen, resist the temptation to greet them with, “What’s wrong?” Rather try, “I hope everything’s OK.” You haven’t put them on the spot and they know you understand
The Child Advocate, March 2009
something’s up. If you don’t want to make them uneasy with a direct question, try, “I’m curious about” (an upcoming social event - their coach - that you never get to meet their best friend). That way, they really don’t have to answer you, but they know you’re interested. And by all means avoid the “why” question. To a youth it may feel impossible to answer! Share Yourself
Instead of asking kids about what may have been a bad day, tell them about your own frustrations at work or home while they were away. When you convey your own good or bad day you are sharing yourself at a deep and even vulnerable level. In so doing you model courage. You may know the story of the prodigal son. When this rebellious young man returned home after squandering his inheritance, his father threw him a feast. He didn’t pepper him with embarrassing questions about his behavior while away. Instead, he celebrated his joy at simply having his son home. Gift children with your time and energy. Be real. Contribute your
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considered opinions about love and marriage, and the meaning of real success in life. You have feelings about war, death, taxes, local and national politics. Our kids know our prejudices anyway. Our philosophy shows in our living. Risk giving it words. In the process, you give young people the green light to bare their frightened hearts. Even adult to adult it’s a good idea to minimize questions. The other night after a play, five of us parents got together for dinner. During the first course, we asked a lot of questions – and gave answers, catching up on our activities and our families. But the most delicious part of the evening was when we stopped asking questions and risked telling
personal stories, and laughing together. What a feeling! We all left the restaurant feeling closer to each other. By avoiding questions and sharing from your own life, you will expand your capacity to both give and receive from your teens. Success will make you feel more worthwhile as a parent. In the process you will have helped your son or daughter overcome their fear of life.
Ed Crouch, MSW , was a social worker at Ryther Child Center in Seattle for 10 years. He also maintained a private practice of adult and child therapy, marriage and family counseling for 37 years.
Developing Money Management Skills savvyFkids. ollowing are some tips to help you raise moneyn Provide
opportunities for your children to make extra money. Encourage your children to shovel snow in the winter, baby-sit, weed yards, or walk dogs for extra money. n Give your children a regular allowance, and along with that allowance, some responsibility for purchasing things they need—such as birthday presents for friends or Christmas presents for family members. n As your children get older, require them to have more financial responsibilities. Increase their allowance so teens learn to be responsible for purchasing their own clothes and entertainment as well. n Teach kids to budget their money. For younger children, this may mean having three “piggy” banks—one for spending, one for saving and one for charitable contributions. For older students, show them how to budget their money using a spreadsheet. Encourage them to establish budgets by setting aside percentages for different purposes, and include savings and charity as part of those budget items. n Sign your children up for a savings account at your local bank. This provides a wonderful teaching opportunity for your children to learn about saving, and interest. n Encourage your children to set goals. If there is something special they want to purchase, encourage them to set aside money each month toward that item. They may decide to choose to bring a lunch instead of buying hot lunch to save extra money for that special item. n Avoid the use of credit cards as long as possible with teens. When they do sign up for a credit card, talk to them about responsible use of that card, such as asking themselves if they would still make the purchase if they were buying the item with cash, and paying the
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complete credit card bill each month. Also talk to them about the pitfalls of owning a credit card—the importance of cancelling it immediately if they misplace it, and the ease at which bad spending habits can put them into debt. n Show your children how to keep track of their spending. One quick and easy way to help your daughter track her spending when she’s at the mall is to encourage her to keep an envelope with clothing receipts in her purse each month. That way she can easily see how much she has left in her clothing budget for the month and avoid going over. n Teen jobs can provide students with extra money, but be cautious that their jobs are not interfering with schoolwork, and inhibiting chances of real career opportunities. Also if your students have jobs, encourage them to save money for furthering their education or for other lifelong goals, rather than to spend all their money on clothes and entertainment. n
a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine
Preparing Kids For the Future: A Focus on Developing Responsibility, Time Management Skills & Conflict Resolution Skills
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reparing children for their future is not a task that can be done in a compartmentalized fashion over a three-week period, but it grows out of everyday experiences throughout childhood. Life skills, such as learning to be responsible, managing time, and resolving conflicts are all things parents can help their children learn. Following are ways you can teach your children life skills, starting today. Teaching Responsibility Expect your children to contribute their time and energy around the house. Chores are an excellent opportunity for children to learn new skills and how to be responsible. Start small and grow from there. Make one change, then allow the family some time to adjust before introducing another change. Once your child remembers to complete the first task on her own, gradually add more responsibilities. As she demonstrates more responsibility; reward her with additional privileges, such as staying up later, having sleepovers from time to time, or raising her allowance. Provide training. Sometimes children don’t know what is expected of them. For example, describe what you mean by a clean room, and if they don’t know where to start, then give them some guidance — such as, ‘Start by picking up the things on the floor, then pick up the things on the bed, and so on,’ Teach them how to cook, how to properly wash the dishes, how to do laundry, and so on.
The Child Advocate, March 2009
Time Management Encourage your children to make weekly goals, then daily ‘to do’ lists to help them manage their time more effectively to achieve their goals. At the top of the ‘to do’ lists should be the essential items that must be completed each day or week, followed by the things that would be nice to complete. To stay on task, some people find it helpful to set a timer and try to finish that assignment before the bell rings. Other people find it useful to schedule a brief reward time, such as time to check their email or have a snack, after they finish one assignment and before they start the next. Encourage your children to do their most difficult tasks first, and their easiest tasks last. Not only does this cut down on procrastination, it helps them to do their most difficult task when they have the most energy and focus. Purchase a calendar for your children and any other office supplies that will help them stay organized. Have your children map out a basic weekly schedule for their activities and homework, allowing some time for ’kick back and relax’ time, and allowing some time for accomplishing tasks towards long-term goals. Also encourage them to block out a little time each week to look at their lists and update them. Recognize that this schedule is just a guideline, and that if something comes up that your children want to do, it is okay for them to be flexible as long as they complete the tasks they need to before they can have fun.
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Conflict Resolution Every individual needs to know how to cope with conflicts. When your children get in disagreements, take some time to help them through this process. First they need to understand each other — how the other one feels and why he feels that way. It is especially important for your children to remain calm and focus on listening to the other person, without interrupting, during this process. This might require introducing some relaxation techniques to your children, such as taking deep breaths. Children should remember to keep this process focused on the conflict
at hand, without bringing up past grievances, and they should keep the exchange free of name calling, shouting or violence. Once both parties have had a chance to express their feelings, then try to come to some common ground. From this point, you can help them look at different solutions or compromises and their pros and cons. Solutions need to be achievable within the time and resources available, should not cause an additional problem and should eliminate the cause of the conflict. n
Critical Thinking:
Key to Good Decision Making I
t is important for children to begin learning how to make good decisions. This gives them the tools they need to become responsible for their actions. Begin by providing opportunities for younger children to make simple decisions in their lives, for example, choosing what to wear to school or selecting the site of a family gathering. Parents should always set limits for decisions made by children. Decisions should never be harmful to the child or those around her or compromise family values. Explain to your children why this is important. Help your children understand that decisions have consequences not only for themselves but for others as well. Decisions that they make for themselves may affect other people around them. Your children may not understand that there are consequences for not making a decision when one is needed. Ignoring a problem will not make it go away. It often makes the problem even more challenging later on. Sometimes not making a decision when one is needed will result in a valuable missed opportunity. Parents should model good decision making strategies. Be accountable for your decisions. Accept and learn from your mistakes. Your children will likely do the same. Let your children know when you are dealing with peer pressure, conflicts and making decisions. Vocalize your thinking process of determining what the problem is, how it affects others, and what the possible consequences might be for different courses of action. Remember that decisions are based on one’s experiences. Different people will have a different perspective on the problem and different solutions will result. There is usually more than one way to solve a problem. Teach your children formal decision making techniques for more difficult decisions. Together with your children, go through these five steps to teach them to analyze difficult problems and think critically
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about finding the best solution. Step one: Correctly identify the problem. Encourage your children to verbalize what the problem is. n Step two: Generate alternative solutions to the problem. Encourage your children to verbalize what those solutions might be. n Step three: Evaluate each solution for its workability by asking: Is it safe? How will people feel? Is it fair? Will it work? n Step four: Choose a solution. Encourage children to verbalize what that solution is. n Step five: Evaluate whether the solution is working, and change to an alternative solution if necessary. As your children become familiar with the steps involved in formal decision making, step back and let your children make their own decisions. Help your children only if they ask you for advice. Be ready to accept your children’s decisions. If a solution they come up with on their own fails to solve the problem, be supportive and encourage them to find another solution. Avoid the temptation to save your children from bad decisions (unless their solution is unsafe for them, or other children or goes against your family values). Sooner or later your children will need to face consequences of bad decisions. It is better for them to learn this lesson when they are younger and the stakes are not as high. n n
a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine
Career Planning:
Motivation for School Success W
hen students have an idea of what they want to do with their lives, they are more successful. By having a focus, students are more enthusiastic, have a higher motivation level and achieve more. Often students who don’t know what they want to do with their lives find themselves in situations where they are academically unprepared for post-secondary education. This is significant since in today’s culture, 70% of jobs require some sort of post-secondary education. Parents can help their students find what they love. By motivating children to find their interests, you can show them how the school can provide access to go where they want to go. Children who connect to something they love, work hard at it and are deeply engaged. This is the key to self-motivated students, and the basis for success in life. Discovering Your Child’s Interests Every child, no matter now young or old, possesses unique talents and interests--whether it’s writing, taking things apart and putting them back together, sports skills or musical talents. There are several ways parents can help their children make the most of their passions and talents: n Encourage your children to take an after school enrichment class. Many recreation centers and community organizations have classes available for after-school enrichment. n Encourage your children to keep a notebook on topics of interest. Have them jot down answers to their questions in the notebook, draw charts or diagrams that explain how something works, or include anything they find useful on the topic. n Log on to the Internet with your children and see if you can find information on your childrens’ interests or talents. n Encourage your children to “seize the day.” If they want to learn how to do something, there is no time like the present. n Encourage your children to teach a younger brother or sister how to do something or explain to them how something works. Sharing their knowledge with others helps them gain a better understanding of what they already know. n Encourage your kids to try new things. Let them know it’s ok to make mistakes when trying something new and that one of the best ways
The Child Advocate, March 2009
to learn how to do something is simply to try it. Encourage children to read and check out library books on topics that interest them. By learning about topics that interest children, they can also learn good study skills that can be applied in other subjects at school. n Your teenagers may be even able to participate in a job-shadowing experience in which they observe experts in the field for the day. n
Moving From Interests to Goals After students have identified their interests, they need to get out of the classroom and talk to people to see if their vision is something that fits. It’s important that students don’t start this process with a job in mind, but instead, with skills and interests in mind, then later identifying jobs that might fit. Although parents can help students look at the viability of different careers that relate to specific skills and interests, it is the students who need to make decisions about possible careers. Once your students have identified career interests, help them research what the post-secondary education requirements for these fields are, where the schools are located; and what high school education and activities are required for entrance into these schools. Help your students develop short term and long term goals to steer them in the right direction. Long term goals include what job they want, what colleges they would like to go to, what majors they would like to study, and what courses they will need to take in high school. Short term goals may include what they will do each week or each quarter to meet their desired outcomes. Provide a location in your children’s
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bedrooms where they can post their short and long term goals. Encourage your children to think about and update their short term goals periodically as well. Other Helpful Hints for Parents n Provide encouragement to your students, rather than praise. Encouragement might sound like, “I trust your decision,” “It looks like you really worked hard on that,” “You really seem to be enjoying that.” “I appreciate your help when you...” Encouragement teaches self-motivation. Praise simply teaches kids to please others. n Accept mistakes as learning tools for growth in your own life. Readily admit when you’ve made a mistake, and tell your kids what you’ll do differently the next time. n Take advantage of life-long leaning opportunities for yourself. The only thing we know for certain about the workplace of tomorrow is that it will be different than today. There will be technological advances bringing new electronic devices, computer software, and new ways of doing things and communicating with each other. Show interest in new technologies and when your kids are ahead of you in this area, ask that they teach you. Our children will need to be resourceful and motivated to educate themselves and to stay current on these emerging technologies.
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Finally, encourage your students to take responsibility for their own learning. When children come to you for help, rather than giving them an answer, parents can show them how to look up information on the Internet, in the dictionary, or in their textbooks. n
WSPTA Convention 2009 Convention Highlights... Dynamic guest speakers...
From both the National PTA and the community!
Convention classes...Eight class sessions with
eleven different classes in each session to choose from!
Displays...View award-winning PTA programs, unique fund-
raisers, and the Reflections display!
Register Today!
Plan to attend on May 1-3, 2009 at the Seattle Airport Doubletree.
Register at www.wastatepta.org
Convention Volunteers Needed…
Be Inspired...Be inspired and renewed in your journey as a child advocate, a volunteer leader, and a parent! Have Fun...Have fun with friends and meet other PTA leaders from around the state!
Learn...With new, innovative classes set in strands including leadership, parent involvement, and advocacy, you will have endless learning opportunities!
Get Involved… Vote on candidates and bylaw amendments to determine the future of the Washington State PTA! Get New Ideas...Learn more about the programs
other PTAs are doing and discover some new fundraising opportunities for your PTA!
Many volunteers are needed at the WSPTA Convention! Volunteers are needed in these areas: Exhibitor Security, Recognition Area, Pre-registration, General Sessions, Information Booth, Worker Room, Hospitality and more. The number of volunteer positions available is being reduced this year and will fill up fast. Convention Volunteer workers must contribute a minimum of three hours to receive free attendance for that day. Volunteer workers may attend classes, General Voting Sessions, and visit all exhibits and vendors. To sign up to volunteer or to obtain information about volunteering at convention, please email Sharon Pfeiffer at conv2008volunteers@gmail.com or call 206-244-3389.