The Child Advocate - September 2011

Child Advocate

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September 2011 Issue 1, Volume 20

Back to School

Washington State PTA Legislative Assembly SeaTac Marriott Hotel

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October 14-15, 2011

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Local unit and council delegates from across the state determine the legislative priorities and learn how to help move these issues forward during the next state legislative session.

Each local unit is allowed a minimum of 2 voting delegates.

Early bird registration is $140 (after September 30th registration fee is $185) and includes all materials. The registration fee does not include meals or housing. On-line registration is now available on WSPTA website www.wastatepta.org.

Washington State PTA Convention Seattle Airport Doubletree Hotel

May 4-6, 2012

Child Advocate

a Washington State PTA parent involvement publication

Washington State PTA 2003 65th Avenue West Tacoma, WA 98466-6215 Website: www.wastatepta.org Email: wapta@wastatepta.org Phone: (253) 565-2153 or 1-800-562-3804 Fax: (253) 565-7753

VISION:

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Instructions Not Included...When “Don’t Talk to Strangers” Isn’t Enough

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Home From School Safety

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Family Rules for Better Living

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Keeping Kids Motivated at School

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Help Stop Underage Gambling

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The Child Advocate is published online every month from September through

Save the Date...

The

Peer Pressure and Our Kids

May by the Washington State PTA, 2003 65th Avenue West, Tacoma, WA 984666215, (253) 565-2153. Contributors are welcome. Call the State PTA office for guidelines. Whenever PTA is used it also refers to PTSA. PTA is a registered trademark of the National Congress of Parents and Teachers.

Novella Fraser, Washington State PTA President Bill Williams, Washington State PTA Executive Director Karen Fisker-Andersen, Editor

“Making every child’s potential a reality.”

MISSION:

PTA is: n A powerful voice for all children, n A relevant resource for families and communities, and n A strong advocate for the well-being and education of every child.

The Washington State PTA accomplishes the mission of PTA by

• Speaking on behalf of children and youth in the schools, in the community, and before governmental bodies and other organizations that make decisions affecting children; • Supporting parents* in developing skills to raise, protect and advocate for their children; • Encouraging parent*, teacher, student and community involvement; • Promoting opportunities for positive outcomes for children; and • Being a financially stable, well-managed organization that promotes diversity, provides quality service, models best practices and values its members and employees. *Parent may include adults who play an important role in a child’s family life since other adults (grandparents, aunts, uncles, or guardians) may carry the primary responsibility for a child’s health, welfare, education and safety.

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Peer Pressure and Our Kids

n today’s culture, kids often feel pressured by their peers to conform to a set of criteria that dictates how they look, act, and talk. Some kids may feel they need a certain brand of shoes, cell phone or video game system to be accepted by their peers. Negative peer pressure may cause kids to underperform at school or treat others disrespectfully or use profanity. It may also negatively influence kids to use crude slang language or incorrect grammar to win approval. Sometimes kids get so caught up in trying to act like someone they are not, they forget who they are and their personal beliefs and goals.

Kids sometimes they think that having the right stuff and being a part of a certain group will make them feel happy and fulfilled. Usually the opposite is true. When self-esteem comes from outside sources--not based on who we are and what we feel—we often feel more vulnerable, less reassured of ourselves, and increasingly unhappy.

It’s important to note, however, that not all peer pressure is bad.

Sometimes our peers help inspire us to be better, try harder, or be more responsible. Friends provide kids with wonderful opportunities to

The Child Advocate, September 2011

learn how to treat one another, encourage one another, learn from one another, and enjoy life together.

Warning Signs for negative peer pressure

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Sudden drop in grades.

Low self-esteem.

Have friends who don’t seem to be very inclusive or friendly.

Insecure as to having a place in the group and feeling constantly afraid of being excluded.

Unusual dependence on friends’ opinions on everything. They have no opinions, or interests of their own.

What to do

Make sure your kids know that you value them for who they are. They are more important than their stuff, their athletic skills, or their popularity. Recognize positive character qualities when they demonstrate them; for example, when they have shown good effort in a difficult situation or acted with honesty when it might have be seemed easier to be dishonest.

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Help them learn to identify themselves by what they believe, how they act, and not by what they wear.

Encourage friendships who demonstrate similar values and beliefs as your children and who bring out the best qualities in your kids

Talk about what it looks like to walk away from peer pressure. Praise your children when they have the courage to do this. Practice role playing for standing up for their beliefs.

Be a good role model for the kinds of attitudes you are trying to encourage. Show your children when you resist the pressure to “keep up with the Joneses.”

Teach your kids to have no tolerance for bullying, whether its physical, mental or relational bullying. Explain what each of these types of bullying are and what to do if your children see it happening.

Give your kids time rather than more stuff. Teach them how to do new things. Enjoy spending time together at a park, walking the dog or playing a game.

Enroll your kids in sports, music programs, or clubs. Encourage your children to learn new things, have fun, work hard, and have a positive attitude. Discourage comparing your children to others or boasting about abilities. Teach your kids to be positive influences on teammates.

Use teachable moments to talk about why character is more important than possessions. Encourage your children to earn money for special things they want to buy. This helps them to take care of their things better and be more satisfied with what they have.

Encourage your kids to listen to their instincts. Teach your kids that it’s ok to say no and to leave a situation that doesn’t seem right. Tell them they can always use you as an excuse to get out of a potentially bad situation. n

Instructions Not Included When ‘Don’t talk to strangers’ is not enough

By Maria Chavez Wilcox President of Childhaven

• Avoid emphasizing only “stranger danger.” The fact is most children are sexually

abused by someone they know. Let your children know it’s OK for them to tell you if someone touches them inappropriately – no matter who that person might be.

• Don’t just tell your kids to say No, make them practice it. Children are condi-

tioned not to “talk back” to adults. Help them feel comfortable by asking them to practice shouting “No!” or “Stop!” with you.

• Ask detailed questions of program providers. Find out how camps, sports teams,

after-school activities, etc., train and screen adults who work with children.

Italkedgrewabout. up in a time and a culture where sexual abuse just wasn’t No stories in the media, no calm talks with parents, no advice columns in newspapers.

Thank goodness, times have changed.

As a child sexual abuse survivor myself, I know how damaging it can be to children and families. I also know how important it is to have caring adults who can help children recover and – just as importantly – who can help prevent sexual abuse before it happens through actions like these: •

Don’t wait. Begin talking to your children about safe and unsafe touching when they are pre-schoolers. And keep the conversation going as they grow. Look for opportune moments – such as a TV movie or news story about child sexual abuse – to reinforce and remind.

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Listen to your instincts. If someone just doesn’t feel right to you, don’t risk leaving your child alone with him or her.

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Stay vigilant. Even when parents do everything right in talking to their kids about inappropriate touching, children can always be vulnerable to stronger, manipulative adults. Look for warning signs like sexual acting-out with other children, sudden fear of people or places, or abrupt changes in behavior like bed-wetting.

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Educate yourself. This article is just a start. Ask your child’s school or pediatrician for in-depth resources to learn more about how to talk to your children and what to watch for. n Since 1909, Childhaven has been a safe and caring place for babies, toddlers and preschoolers. Today, Childhaven is a community leader, statewide advocate and national model in the treatment and prevention of child abuse and neglect. For more information, call 206-624-6477 or visit the website at www.childhaven.org.

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Home From School Safety B

ack to school brings changes for many families. The introduction of a school routine, homework, along with extra-curricular activities, meetings and various events sometimes seem overwhelming this time of year.

For some families, back to school might also mean back to work for the first time since having children, or an end to daycare. It may mean that your child for the first time ever might be coming home to an empty house for a couple hours.

Many factors need to be considered when deciding whether or not your child is mature enough to stay home alone. Does he make good decisions and follow your instructions?

Does she feel comfortable staying home alone? Does he have a way to get home from school safely, such as walking with neighbor kids or riding the bus? Will she be in charge of watching younger siblings? If you think your child is up to the challenge, let him stay home alone first in shorter increments to see how he does before allowing him to stay home alone after school or with younger siblings.

leaving a key under a mat, because burglars often know where to look for hide-a-keys. Also avoid leaving a window unlocked.

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Teach your children what to do in case of emergencies. Have a first-aid kit available and make sure they know how to handle basic first aid and have access to a phone to call 911 if needed. Make sure there are working smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors at home and teach your children what to do so they know how to get out and call you if the alarm goes off while they are home alone.

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Determine family rules for cooking, answering the door, and playing outdoors when you are not home. Children generally should not cook when you are not home, but if they do, then using a microwave is generally safer than the stove. Make sure they know how to use the microwave properly so they won’t burn themselves when removing hot things out.

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Have phone numbers for neighbors and family members posted on the refrigerator in case your children need to reach someone in an emergency and you are not available.

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Instruct your kids to never open the door to strangers. Some children might be tempted to open the door if it is a delivery person, but they should be taught not to do this when they are home alone.

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Establish guidelines for computer usage when children are home alone. For example, you might decide it’s ok for kids to be on the computer doing homework, but not on the Internet when parents are not home to supervise.

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Finally, remind them that you are more concerned about their safety that appearing polite to strangers. n

Getting Home Safely

Whether your children are walking home or riding the bus, there are some good habits parents can teach their children to stay safe on the way home from school.

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Determine the safest route home and instruct your children to stick to that route. They should never take shortcuts through alleyways or through the woods.

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Abide by safety rules: cross at crosswalks, look both ways, listen for cars and look again before crossing the street,

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Instruct your children to walk with other neighborhood children.

There is usually safety in numbers.

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Remember what they have learned about stranger safety. Never stop to talk to someone in a car that pulls to the side and asks for directions. Remind them that you don’t want them getting into anyone’s car, even someone they know, unless they check with you or unless they person can supply the parents’ pre-established secret “ok” passcode.

Home Alone Safety Tips

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Instruct your children to call a parent when they get home and lock the door behind them. Your child should return his key to the place in his backpack where it belongs so he will have it the next day.

Give a trusted neighbor a key in case your child forgets his. Avoid

The Child Advocate, September 2011

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Family Rules for Better Living

F ollowing are some tried and true guidelines for developing family rules for a smooth transition to back-to-school routines:

kids even prefer to take showers in the evening, so they can sleep in a bit longer in the morning.

Smooth morning routines

Getting back into the morning routine after a summer of sleeping in can be very difficult for some kids. With a little planning and preparation the night before, morning routines can go smoothly even for the most morning-challenged students.

• Set a clear bedtime for your children, especially if they have difficulties getting up in the morning. Kids really need at least 9 hours of sleep at night to function at their best the next day.

• Encourage your kids to set their own alarm clocks. If your child is in the habit of turning on the “sleep” button and going back to sleep, then move the alarm clock to the other side of the room, so she has to get up and walk over to turn it off.

• Have your kids pack their backpacks, and set their clothes and shoes out the night before, so there isn’t any frantic looking for stuff in the morning. Lunches can also be packed the night before. Some

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• Make sure your kids are up in time to have breakfast without being rushed. Breakfast is an important element of the morning routine that not only sets the tone for the day, but helps students do their best at school as well.

• If your students are repeatedly feeling rushed or frazzled in the morning, push up the wake-up time to an earlier time and have them go to bed a bit earlier as well.

Homework without hassles

Kids learn responsibility and good work habits through homework.

Establishing rules around homework will help keep these responsibilities with the student and will help eliminate homework hassles that lead to ineffective use of time and difficulties in family relationships.

• Purchase a planner or a spiral notebook that your kids take to school each day so they can write their homework down. On this planner, they should also have their extracurricular activities listed for each week.

Their first task when they get home from school is to make a schedule

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that shows when, where and how they will complete their homework around their other activities each day.

• Keep the homework rules short and easy to remember. For example, when homework is done, then TV, texting and Facebook are allowed.

Be consistent with your homework rules for all members of your family.

• For students that repeatedly fail to turn in assignments on time or do a poor job at school, the natural consequences for them would be to cut back on their social activities so they have more time to do school work. Make certain that your children know your expectations about turning work in on-time and doing their best in school.

Balancing after school activities

With kids going in different directions nearly every day of the week, you may need a little help around the house. Enlist your kids to help you, so you can get to where they need to be on time.

• Have a place for them to store their sports gear and make sure they know to return it to that place after each practice. They need to keep track of their stuff and take that burden off of you.

• Kids with phones can set reminders for when they need to start getting ready for an activity. Getting ready includes making sure they have all the gear they need and finding you to make sure you remember that they need a ride.

• Have a master calendar of events posted on your refrigerator for everyone to see. Have your older kids post updates to the calendar as they get schedules or emails from their coaches.

• When teens or older kids get together with their friends, parents need to know where they will be, who they will be with and when they will be home. If they are spending the night at a friend’s house, the parents should be able to call to verify that this is the case and that a parent or other responsible adult will be home.

• Sleepovers, parties and time with their friends are privileges to be earned, not entitlements. If your kids are being disrespectful to you or to other members of your family, or are not pulling their weight around the house, these privileges may be revoked for a period. Make sure your children know how you expect them to treat family members, contribute around the house, and complete their school work. n

Keeping Kids Motivated with School Work T here are some key items that parents can do to keep kids on task and motivated to complete school work.

1. Make a plan. Have children write out all the homework they need to complete and schedule the order they are going to do it in. Generally, it’s best to do the hardest tasks first.

2. Schedule snacks and study breaks as a reward for getting one task done before moving on to the next.

3. Don’t lose perspective. Make sure your children know why homework is important and how it will relate to their lives. Homework teaches responsibility, helps them learn a subject better, and the knowledge they learn each year builds on itself so they have a good foundation for the next school year. Also, be sure to show your kids what kinds of career opportunities are available and what types of classes they need to take to pursue those opportunities.

The Child Advocate, September 2011

4. Create a place to do homework that includes good lighting and all the supplies they will need to get the work done.

5. Encourage kids to use their best learning style when studying whenever possible. For example, if they are good auditory learners, have them make flash cards, so they can practice saying the material out loud.

6. Shoot for a personal best. Encourage your children to try to get a better grade on the next test than they did on the last one.

7. Celebrate successes. Plan a special evening for your child when she has made a significant accomplishment at school. n

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Help Stop Underage Gambling

by Debby Vandall

Iblingn October, 2009, the Washington State GamCommission used funds from forfeiture/ seizure cases for a two-year initiative to enhance gambling crimes education and awareness in Washington State. Our goals were to ensure that our agency’s resources continued to be effectively used and: • To assist law enforcement; • Increase the prosecution of gambling crimes; • Increase public awareness of underage and problem gambling; and • Provide assistance to prosecutors, law enforcement and tribal governments to encourage filing of gambling and gamblingrelated cases.

Photo credit © iStockphoto/RBFried – The subject of the photo is a model and is not involved in the illegal activity depicted.

Part of this program also included partnering with the Evergreen Council on Problem Gambling (ECPG) and conducting presentations to civic groups, schools and nonprofit organizations to raise awareness of gambling issues.

Through this relationship with ECPG, I learned that teens that start gambling by age 12 are four times more likely to become problem gamblers. When high school seniors took the Healthy Youth Survey in 2008, three percent of these seniors acknowledged that they had symptoms of problem gambling. Also, a survey conducted by Rachel Volberg in 1999 revealed that 8.4% of Washington teens gamble frequently enough to be at risk for developing a gambling problem.

Studies show that the effects of gambling on the brain are similar to meth and cocaine. “Pathological gamblers demonstrate frontal lobe impairment consistent with that of methamphetamine-dependent individuals,” according to studies performed by Kalechstein, Fong, Rosenthal, Davis, Vanyo, and Newton (2007) Journal of Neuropsychiatry & Neurosciences.

The following signals may indicate whether your son or daughter may have a gambling problem: • Loss of interest in school and/or a job; • Unreliability and lying; • Debt; • Unexplained money; • Loss of relationships; • Pursuing gambling at any cost – “chasing losses”; and • Stress or depression, which unfortunately, may lead to suicide and death.

For a teenager, gambling may be considered fun and just a game, but it may pave the way for future hardship if he or she is a problem gambler.

For example, teens may begin by playing poker on the internet for free, but once they get “hooked” and use a credit card to continue play, that’s when this activity becomes illegal in Washington State. Then, they may start borrowing from their friends, or using their parents’ credit cards to continue playing. And, if they are unable to pay their debts, then they

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may start stealing in order to pay back their debts.

The legal minimum age for most gambling in Washington State is 18 years. Prior to 2009, Washington law did not have a penalty against minors who gambled. A law that passed in 2009, RCW 9.46.228, made it unlawful for any person under age 18 to play, or attempt to play, in authorized gambling activities such as punchboards, pull-tabs, and card games or to participate in fund-raising events (casino nights).

Anyone under the age of 18 found to be participating in these gambling activities can be issued a civil infraction with a fine of up to $125.

Judges may also require the minor to serve up to 4 hours of community restitution and pay court costs. The minor would also forfeit any winnings.

Minors might also become involved in illegal forms of gambling such as sports betting, animal fighting and bookmaking. Convictions for these crimes can result in severe criminal penalties.

To ensure compliance with the statute, agents of the Washington State Gambling Commission conduct “emphasis patrols” to determine if card rooms and other licensees allow minors to gamble. Commission Agents work with minors who try to enter licensed establishments to gamble.

At first, the percentage of licensees passing inspections was low; however, it has steadily and significantly improved. Businesses can also set up their own in-house self-compliance checks. Gambling Commission Agents continue to offer licensees guidance on ways to prevent minors from gambling, including how to distinguish a valid identification from a fake one.

We encourage you to talk to your son or daughter about the risks of underage gambling. If you would like us to discuss this subject at your child’s school or at a meeting of a community group, you may request a presentation from the Washington State Gambling Commission by contacting us at: presentations@wsgc.wa.gov or call 800.345-2529. n Debby Vandall is a Special Agent for the Washington State Gambling Commission

a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine