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Honoring John Lewis
ARTICLES 02 Editor's Note 04 Plight For Equality 08 Author Tyrell Morris 14 Teach Me Tie Organization 24 Antoinne Jones 28 Black Men & Therapy 31 A Dad Making it 34 Letter to my daughter 35 John Lewis
CONTRIBUTORS Terri Hunt King Jasmine Yates Branden Valentine Marla Bauistia Mashonda Waddell Desmonae Flowers
PHOTOGRAPHY Artije Photography Black4Combat
D E S T I N Y M A G . C O M
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EDITOR'S NOTE
This year 2020 has taught us that life is short and cherish the ones you love, with tomorrow not certain all we have left is yesterday memories, and today's laughters. Waytoparent is a black owned company, and is only right that we use our platform to voice the injustice that's been an ongoing problem for generations. This year we have the opportunity to vote, and make a change to not encourage hate but to embrace each other. Let's not miss this opportunity. I wish everyone safety and success, please remain safe, wear your mask, and vote! #BlackLivesMatter #SayHerName WTP | 2
By: Marla Bautista
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-Marla Bautista WTP | 6
TYRELL MORRIS
Mediocrity is never anyone’s intent in life, however sometimes we become complacent. We get into a place where we’re comfortable, and although we want more out of life we don’t have the will power or knowledge to achieve our ambitions. Lucky for us, we live in a world where instructions exist for every aspect of life, and not only do they exist they’re easily accessible.
Author Tyrell Morris expresses the need follow your dreams.
So if you are ready to turn some of those dreams into reality you should definitely read our exclusive interview with Tyrell Morris, Dream Coach and Author of Make Your Next Move Your Best Move: The Dream Play Booklet,
WRITTEN BY MASHONDA WADDELL
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where he dropped some gems on not only achieving goals, but being an upstanding family man while doing so.
Tell us about your background and how you gained the expertise to write such an insightful book? I went from homelessness to leader in my community by creating a mentally strong mindset. I’m not an expert, and don’t ever believe I will be because I’m still learning. I didn’t always have a goal to attend college. But by gaining that mindset, I’m currently in school to obtain my bachelors in Business Management with marketing, and the end goal is getting my PhD in Psychology. To better understand the mind and how we think when in certain situations. For me, the expertise I gained is from being young, making bad decisions and to surrounding myself around others who had the lifestyle I wanted. God, prepared me to help others. That’s my expertise. Jesus is the ultimate example and I watch closely. But the book began in my lowest moments when I just wrote letters to myself from my future self guiding me to my next level, my next move. I was being coached from a perspective I already had, I just wasn’t making it a practice. Until I wrote it down, and that’s what Make Your Next Move Your Best Move is all about, changing your perspective. Do you believe that it’s reasonable for a person to pursue multiple dreams at one time and what advice would you give to someone who’s doing this? It all depends on the differences and similarities of the dreams. If your ultimate dream is to own your own business and you have a dream to go to school to learn marketing then yes, pursue both. That is reasonable. But if you have dreams to own a restaurant, do real estate, be a singer and start a music business, then it’s not reasonable because your focus is all over the place. I just had this conversation with a young entrepreneur client of mine, and I suggested to him and anyone else walking this path, focus on one major definite goal and accomplish that, then pursue your other dreams. Let your first dream branch out into others. Once a person achieves their goal, what’s next? When a person achieves their goal what’s next is to set and pursue another one. Dream bigger. Plan bigger. Acquire bigger. Become bigger and better. That’s like asking a seed what is next after you grow roots? The answer is to grow and become more.
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How do you make sure that you stay present in your marriage and with your children? We definitely believe and have a relationship with Christ. We constantly pray together, read bible devotionals, share scriptures and words of encouragement to build that bond. My family is about sharing our daily moments together, so we have dinner at a table and ask how the other's day was and what was exciting or blah about it. We create a habit of spending as much time together as possible, whether it's my son helping his mom bake a cake, him and I watching a movie together or the family playing card games. As a child, my parents worked a lot and my siblings and I played multiple sports so we really didn't have time to bond. My goal as a father and husband was to break that and do as much as possible to always stay connected. Even my daughter Serenity, who stays in Texas with her mother. We have daily communication rather through text or phone calls. I let her know I love her and that I’m praying for her. I stay present by just asking questions as if she was in my household. It’s difficult at times, but necessary. Please share some advice for a father that is struggling with managing family time while chasing their dreams? What your kids have going on is priority. They are your number one priority. Be that example for them so they can be that for their children.
What goals are you currently pursuing? As stated earlier my current goals for growth are getting back in school and finishing my degree for my PhD. Learning is something I strive for now and I can't get enough of it. I am constantly reading a book, listening to an audio message or attending seminars. In the near future, I see myself as being a New York Times bestselling author and speaking to students, colleges and businesses all over the world, about the power of their words and living their dreams.
To gain more useful tips from Mr. Morris purchase his book on Amazon, or reach out to him through Instagram @iamtyrellmorris or by email at strengthonlythroughyou@gmail.com.
SAY HER NAME! ARREST THE MURDERER OF
BREYANNA TAYLOR
WTP | 14
WTP | 16
Rest In Power
Chadwick Boseman 1976 - 2020
SAY HER NAME! ARREST THE MURDERER OF
BREYANNA TAYLOR
WTP | 24
By: Desmonae Flowers
By: Desmonae Flowers
andrew Legget Black Men & Therapy Andrew, who is the last of three boys, is from a small town called Fair Bluff, NC. He has been married to his wife for 7 years and they have two beautiful children together, a 15-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter; Andrew has not been coy about his experience with therapy. Therapy is not just imperative for the Black community but for Black Fathers. African-Americans are taught that you should be able to pray your issues away. For Andrew, that simply wasn't the case. Therapy allowed him to grow into who he is today and explore who he wants to be. It has not only benefited Andrew but it has opened the floor to encouraging more black men to consult with a therapist as well. WTP had the privilege to sit and talk to Andrew not only about his experience but how we as a community can break the stigma and get through our traumatic events.
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Desmonae: What prompted you to go to therapy? Andrew: My past is what prompted me to go to therapy. Although I thought of myself as a great husband and father, the issues from my childhood became dormant because they were never resolved. The abandonment issues I felt from my father not being home, were beginning to affect my relationship with my wife and children. I knew it was time for a change. Desmonae: Do you believe that therapy and prayer can coexist? Andrew: I’m a firm believer that God places doctors, therapists and counselors on this earth to help with his flock. So yes, prayer and therapy can coexist. In fact, the two should walk hand in hand. Desmonae: How has therapy benefited you? Andrew: I’m more communicative and allow myself to be expressive so that I no longer hold my emotions in. Having to grow up fast, any form of expression in my eyes was considered weak.Therapy has broken that barrier for me and allowed me to be who I am today. From the transparent conversations I have with my wife, to telling my daughter that she can tell me anything no matter how hard or tough it may be, it places me in an unbreakable bond with them both. It also sets the tone that more black men should be open to listening to their children, especially their daughters.
A Dad
By: Jasmine Yates
Making It Work Most will argue that being a single parent means a person is constantly with their child(ren) but the other parent may keep them here and there. That‘s one way to think about it. So what do you call a parent that has their child 24/7 with no one to hand them off to? A SUPER PARENT! These parents are far and few, but they do exist. Sometimes it can be because the other parent left, they have custody or the worst of them all the other parent passed away. In this scenario, the mother passed away. A SUPER dad, who would not like to be mentioned, became a single father when his daughter was 14 years old. You would think that he would have given up, raising a teen all by himself but not this dad. For years, he was married to a beautiful woman who gave birth to their one and only child. It was the opposite parenting styles for them, with the mother being the major disciplinary and him being a little less stern. It was a balance that was perfect for the both of them. As years passed, his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. In February of 2009, she passed away. With so many emotions, he not only had to figure out his own feelings but he had to protect his daughter, so he thought.
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"in the beginning it was through co-workers and friends. I would be at work and have a thought or hear a song and feel emotions coming forward. A co-worker had an office and I would have the routine of going to his office and just sitting, then crying. He would simply get up and close the door. When I was done we would pray and it would be better. Well I believe it was at dinner one night or something like that when the emotions came. My daughter saw, came to me, placed an arm and said it will be okay. She was the grownup in that moment. From then on I didn’t hide my emotions. I can’t say they were more or less prevalent, but I do know from that my daughter knew she was not the only one experiencing a loss”
For many men, not just fathers, they have this belief that they have to be the strong ones. They have to be the one to hold everything together, that showing emotion just isn’t going to solve anything. Luckily, for this man he proved to his daughter and to himself that showing emotions is exactly what you need to do in order to not feel as though you’re alone. It’s not easy being a father of a teenager because not only did she lose her mother but she’s going through the puberty stages as well. With any teenage girl, you would want her to look towards her mother for answers especially since you don’t really know the ends and outs of a young woman’s body. So how did he do it? With the help of friends and family. For this father, he had loving friends to help guide him through the important stages but he had to learn the different “attitudes” that came with his teenage girl. “Lots of emotions come with teenage girls and early on I had to discern whether it was something at school, with a friend, or the feeling of loss. I am sure my daughter got tired of me asking what’s wrong, is anything wrong, or what’s going on. I figured from the answer I could glean the source and then work to fix it. With mom being Type-A and I am a solid Type-B, it was difficult for me in the beginning to recognize and bring forth the dynamics in personality that she needed. Parenting from a timemanagement and a defined structure was not natural for me.” Regardless of the attitudes that he may have come across there was still a sense of finding the light in all of this. From the talks with her mom, to baking nights, advice and scrabble night there were so many memories that would still be wrapped in her mind as the days went on. It’s not easy trying to adjust to being that stern, patient, supportive, counselor and everything else that comes with being a parent but now you have to pull not only yourself but your child out of grievance. Sometimes you’ll find yourself so lost in your own emotions that you forget that your child needs you too. It’s the memories that you guys make together.
“What I did, didn’t erase the Disneyland or Aquarium trips. Rather it placed timestamps on spring break, summer vacation, and prom. Those milestones of transition from teen to adult.” Being a single dad does come with hardships no matter what the cause was on how you became a single father. The one great thing that we can get out of this is the memories, the bond and the emotions, although were placed unwittingly, that created a beautiful relationship between him and his daughter. Even though he had to give up the things he enjoyed, it’s something that any great father would do to be the man needed for his child.
His Advice… Be a parent first: This probably lends more to modern times, but you have to parent your child. Set rules, boundaries, and establish a rapport. Be consistent in giving praise and doling out punishment. This base will establish how the relationship will flow and guide parent and child through puberty, teen, and young adult. The tricky part is this goes for you as well. Do as I say not as I do will quickly lead to the butting of heads. So when bedtime comes it should not be the child walking away while you continue to play NBA2K. Nope, turn it off and do something else. Remember the adage of “Better for the Child than it was for You”: This point leads into how you spend time with the child. Maybe you didn’t have anyone to play Uno with or you never got to see “the” movie while it was in theater. Well now is your time to show your child a better way.
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LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER Dear Rube, At 16 weeks you were a nightmare. Listen baby stay with me in this letter, its not about bashing you, this is about honesty and pure love. You were a nightmare, you physically would fight sleep, like throw a proper tantrum, you couldn’t even stand and you would kick your little legs. Your mom would always defend this behavior (talkn bout) “She is just over tired, her grandma didn’t put her down for a nap.” I honestly didn’t want to hear any of that business. Also, you would cry in your sleep, like cry like someone was hitting you in the knees with a pipe, causing me and your mom to run half dressed to your room only to find you little butt fully asleep. Most time you would be crying because you didn’t have your pacifier that was literally resting on your cheek. To make matter worst as soon as we would put it in your mouth you would spit it instantly, in those moments at 1am I would want to climb to the top of your crib and elbow drop you for the disrespect but I know your mama would be tripping if I did it. When you were born, I cried, I couldn’t stop, tears fell for at least an hour, you were so beautiful. Some babies smile after they get settle but you scowled and mean mugged everyone like I do and that made me cry more. You made me want to live a healthier life, I wanted to make sure I would be here for you, to see you grow, to laugh and give you a shoulder to hide behind when we watch scary movies. There are times when we are going to disagree and it will appear like I’m mean or like things I do aren’t fair, try to understand I do it out of love. This world is a mess. You are black which means people are not going to like you based on the color of your skin. You were also born a woman which means people are going to think you should stay in your place. Listen to me baby, fuck those people. I want you to know you can do what ever you want, I hope you have the courage to try new things and move through this world bold with your head held high! When you choose a career know that you don’t have to do it forever, know that you can change your mind, know your life is yours to live sweetie. Just know that you are my pride and joy, you also make me sick, you throw up all the time. I am amazed that you stay nourished. For what ever reason every time I put you in a car seat you fill your diaper to the point you overflow your diaper. Sometimes you look me dead in my eyes and poop, I want to pop your little forehead. Lil rube give your mama a break when you get older, she would give her life for your wellbeing, I heard mothers and daughters fight, I pray that doesn’t happen to you guys. She like me has your best interest in mind, its hard to imagine how we will act in certain situations but try to forgive us we will do our absolute best, but we have our own short comings and insecurities. We are going to try not to put them on you but we, your parents are human. There is no book to help with raising you and just like you change we do too, we are all growing and changing every day, please try to understand. If you display your emotions like your mother just be patient with me, I’m not big on showing a lot of emotions, there have been times your mom would cry and I would rub her shoulder because I didn’t know what to do with my hands. In conclusion I love you daughter, you are amazing, you are my headache, please be patient I am doing my best, be confident, be bold, don’t be afraid to love, keep your head up, be honest with yourself and others. I love you baby. Dad
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John Lewis
“We are scared as Black people in America. Black men, Black women, Black kids, we are terrified.” – LeBron James of the Los Angeles Lakers
By: Terri King Hunt It’s hard for some in America to understand why these “rich Black people” such as LeBron James, or Doc Rivers would say things like this or why they can’t “just shut up and dribble a ball”. It’s hard for them to understand what happens to the psyche of the Black community as a whole every time a video of Jacob Blake or George Floyd is circulated. But WE, get it. We in the Black community understand exactly what it means to be black in America. We understand, like one man put it, “To be black is equal parts pride, fury, hope and utter heartbreak these days.” and trying to navigate that explosive mix of emotions can consume you. This is why the life of John Lewis and all he stood for means so much to black men and women in our communities and why it should be cherished by every Black man in America.
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“What stands out to me is watching the Republican Convention and they’re spewing this fear. All you hear is Donald Trump and all of them talking about fear. We’re the ones getting killed, we’re the ones getting shot … it’s amazing to me how we keep loving this country and this country doesn’t love us back.” – LA Clippers coach Doc Rivers8
SAY HER NAME! ARREST THE MURDERER OF
BREYANNA TAYLOR
John lewis was called the conscience of congress. He represented Georgia for more than three decades. As the last speaker from the civil rights movement of the 1950 and 1960s, he gave his entire life to the fight for freedom, justice and equality for those who needed it most. At the helm of the bloody campaign to end Jim Crow laws, with blows to his body and a fractured skull to prove it, Mr. Lewis maintained his position on the frontlines of justice throughout his life. He was a fierce fighter for change but had a gentleness about him. He led a life of consistency, and believed there were moments where “good trouble” was necessary trouble. John Lewis tirelessly pursued a better America until he no longer could.
Many have recounted Lewis’ many historic accomplishments, he was among the original 13 Freedom Riders, he was the founder and early leader of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee, which coordinated lunch-counter sit-ins, he served as one of the key organizer of the March on Washington, and he was the front line marcher on the Edmund Pettus Bridge on the day now referred to as “Bloody Sunday”. At nearly every turn he was beaten, spat upon or burned with cigarettes. He was tormented by white mobs and absorbed body blows from law enforcement more times than can be counted. With all that being said and with all the work Lewis did to achieve justice, life as a black man in America is still unsafe. So what has been learned, was it all in vain? What does the life and legacy of John Lewis mean to the black man? What can be learned from his life and sacrifice? John Lewis died at 80 years of age and he was championing our cause for nearly 60 of those years. Therefore we must take a moment to pause, reflect and learn. Here are 5 things black men (and women) in America must learn from the life of John Lewis.
John Lewis died at 80 years of age and he was championing our cause for nearly 60 of those years. Therefore we must take a moment to pause, reflect and learn. Here are 5 things black men (and women) in America must learn from the life of John Lewis. Be Courageous. Courage is not just a desire or a want. Courage is an action word. Courage is a response of steadfastness in the face of threat. Courage is the only way we will overcome the hatred and injustice that is deeply embedded in the fibers of this nation. Courage is necessary. Forgive. Forgiveness is not just a saying. It too is an action word and forgiveness is necessary if forward movement is the desired outcome. Forgiveness is not the denial of wrongdoing, but rather it is the acknowledgment of that wrong, a refusal to remain stuck in the past and movement in the direction of future solutions. FBecome an agent of unity. While it is admirable to be an agent for change, we must begin to understand the power of a unified body. It is only through unity that our power and might will be fully recognized and respected. Be persistent. Real change, change that changes the very genetic make-up of something can not and will not happen overnight. This type of change requires perseverance, determination, consistency and persistence.
VOTE. The utter disrespect that is on display when we choose not to vote is palpable. We can not say that we are working for change if we are not voting. If we learn anything from Senator John Lewis, it is that “OUR VOTE MATTERS.
John Lewis 1940-2020 WTP | 40
While Mr. Lewis represented Atlanta, his natural constituency was disadvantaged people everywhere. Known less for sponsoring major legislation than for his relentless pursuit of justice, he was always on assignment. The life of John Lewis demonstrates for us the importance of seeing the state of our nation, acknowledging it and deciding to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. John Lewis reminds us of the importance of faith; the importance of maintaining faith. He put it this way on Twitter in 2018: “Do not get lost in a sea of despair. Be hopeful, be optimistic. Our struggle is not the struggle of a day, a week, a month, or a year, it is the struggle of a lifetime. Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble.”
Thank you Senator Lewis, we hear you and we are marching forward. You did your part, it is our time to do ours.
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