AN INSIDE LOOK AT FOSTER PARENTING

By Melissa McCance

Foster parent: a person temporarily serving as a parent for a child who has lost or been removed from a parent’s care and who is not the person’s own biological child.

It’s a simple and straightforward definition but an ironic one considering there is nothing simple or straightforward about being a foster parent. The decision to bring other people’s children into your home does a lot more than ramp up everyday things like laundry, meals, family schedules, and transportation.

These children’s life histories can create issues that make them more challenging to parent. A child may exhibit any combination of sadness, confusion, mistrust, anger, combativeness, poor socialization, lack of discipline, and more. There is no doubt that loving, committed foster parents can be in for a journey that will tax them mentally an exceptionally rewarding experience.

John and Mary (not their real names) are an area couple whole-heartedly invested in fostering. They married in 2017 and, after some moving around, settled north of Battle Creek. John began working in insurance which is still his line of work. While living there, they became licensed as foster parents—a step John and Mary decided upon before their marriage. The first placements were a boy and girl (now their adopted children) and they have a biological daughter born soon after the adoptions became final. Other moves followed and they’re now in a larger home in Hillsdale County which allows for more children.

The couple has fostered a wide range of ages including teenagers who are significantly harder to place than younger children. They’re contracted with the state for three Temporary Placement Provider beds for emergency placements by the state and could be children who are coming out of psychiatric hospitals, juvenile detention, police custody, etc. Those placements are two-week contracts during which time the state tries to find a long-term placement. If the child fits in with their household, John and Mary can sign on for additional two-week segments if another placement hasn’t been found. However, if the state finds another place for a TPP child, the child must be moved.

At this time, John and Mary are licensed for the several general placement along with their three children. Currently, they’re waiting for their reclassification as a group home to be finalized. John explained that the rules and regulations governing the foster parent system can make it difficult for licensed parents to navigate the system. John and Mary said they coordinate with their licensing worker to figure things out.

In order to allow them to handle everyone’s schedules; the appointments with social workers, health care providers, educators, etc.; and intermittent or ongoing crises, the couple hires help when they can find people who meet several strict requirements and who are sincerely interested in being part of the process. At this time, they would like to find someone willing to work nearly full time (under 35 hours per week) as a salaried employee.

Some people have helped by supervising the younger children, but Mary says the biggest help to them is covering the housework so she and John can invest in the children. Additionally: “If one of us is handling a crisis, you really need another set of eyes on the situation to see what’s happening and be able to provide another account.” Because foster parents are closely monitored by Child Protective Services and the foster care workers—a necessary step to ensure that the children are safe—having another person there when a child is acting out or creating chaos can be important.

I don’t think it really takes a community to raise a child,” says John. “But it does take a community to raise a foster child.

When asked what they feel the essential qualities are for someone considering being a foster parent, John and Mary offered a good list: a heart for the children, flexibility, and a backbone to hold your ground with difficult children, foster care workers, or even doctors.

The need for foster parents is great. Since their first placement in January 2020, Mary and John have had 34 foster children; amazingly, 22 of those 34 were placed just in the first nine months of 2023. However, it’s not a move to be taken lightly. Across the United States, 30% to 50% of foster parents quit within the first year. Fostering is an opportunity to offer love, attachment, connection, and stability to a child who’s lived in chaos. “We try to attract them to what is good in life and we teach them what is necessary to have it. Why you behave, why you finish school, why you need a job,” explains John.

If you would like to connect with John and Mary to discuss being a foster parent or if you are interested in learning more about the support position, you can send a message through the Simply Hers Facebook page and we will forward your contact information to them.