The Weekend 10 January 2014 by Weekend-BristolPost

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WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR TIME AND MONEY

FROM FRIDAY, JANUARY 10, 2014 ISSUE 86

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If you’re looking for inspiration on how to make the most of your free time... this is the place to start

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SHOPPING

HOLY COMIC BOOKS! Independent of the week Natalie Banyard visits Excelsior! – a haven for the city’s comic book enthusiasts 4

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irstly, I must confess that I don’t know my Marvel from my Manga or my Sandman from my Watchmen. I have never set foot over the threshold of a comic shop, but had conjured up images of bespectacled geeks and trenchcoat-wearing role players being served by a comicobsessed shop owner in a Spider-Man T-shirt. On the latter point I was right when, for the purposes of this page, I visited Bristol’s independent comic shop, Excelsior! and met proprietor Marcus Kent. Lifelong comic enthusiast Marcus opened Excelsior! (named after famed American comic book writer Stan Lee’s motto) after becoming disillusioned with Bristol’s comic scene. “I used to work for a

competitor, but I got disheartened,” Marcus tells me. “The managers at this store told us not to call it a comic shop and to call it a ‘sci-fi cult and collectibles store’. They didn’t want knowledgeable enthusiasts helping out the customers – they wanted sales people. “Feeling fed up and seeing a gap in the market, I did some sums and decided to open my own comic shop.” Excelsior! opened its doors on Bond Street, Broadmead, in 2009. Like many new enterprises it was a struggle at first but, with the support of loyal customers, it started to turn a corner and is now highly valued by the West’s comic book fraternity. Excelsior! stocks a massive range of comics and graphic novels, including back issues and limited editions. The choc-a-bloc shelves are also crammed with books, board games, role playing games, Star

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2 Wars toys and collectibles. “We stock it all, as well as our own particular brand of abuse,” grins Marcus. But while its massive product range is a big draw, Marcus maintains that it’s the emphasis on customer service that keeps people coming back. “We have very loyal customers who won’t buy from anywhere else,” Marcus tells me. “They like that we’re comic enthusiasts ourselves, that we’re knowledgeable and that we’re very honest with them. “We will recommend stuff to our customers, but we will also tell them if something’s not worth buying. “Our ethos is that, if we sell people good comics, they will return and buy more. If we fob them off with bad comics that we’re just trying to shift, they won’t trust us and won’t come back. That’s pretty unique.” But that’s not the only

noteworthy fact about Excelsior!; in 2011 it featured on the cover of a Marvel comic. Thousands of shops all over the world applied for the honour of having a photo of their premises on the cover of issue 666 of Amazing Spider-Man. The winners then had special editions produced. “For me it was all very surreal,” enthuses Marcus. “I have been a Spider-Man fan all my life – my mum has drawings I did of him when I was four or five. I suppose it is a lifelong dream I never knew I had! “I also got to meet my idol – Stan Lee. He hosted a meet-andgreet for a select few very lucky people, including myself. “I gave him an Excelsior! T-shirt then he said ‘hi’ to all of our customers on video. This was easily one of the best moments of my life.”

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SUPER COOL Whether you’re a serious comic enthusiast or just enjoy the odd Marvel movie, there are some great super hero products on the market.

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ADVERTISING FEATURE

Whatever your needs, we have a fully-comprehensive solution

ith five showrooms throughout the region and its main office and central warehouse in Clevedon, Timbercraft has much to offer customers from Bristol and beyond. Through the network of showrooms we offer a superb range of kitchens, bathrooms and bedrooms, with a strong emphasis on quality. Above all else, our fitting service is fully comprehensive, so that clients know they will only ever need to deal with one company to resolve all issues regarding their project. We have built up a robust system of checking each order to minimise errors and a superior level of site supervision so that every job is thoroughly surveyed before any orders are placed for goods. For each project there is a designated installer overseen by an experienced project manager and backed by in-house customer services staff.

SHOWROOMS If you are looking to replace your kitchen, bathroom or bedroom, then pay us a visit. The showrooms are all designed with the customer in mind and, where possible, we have set up “rooms” to simulate a real kitchen, bathroom or bedroom. Our showroom-based

specialist designers are highly trained and have a wealth of experience, so they will make it easy for you to envisage your home as it could be in the future. You will find the show rooms very relaxing places, with helpful, experienced staff who allow visitors to browse in peace.

DESIGN SERVICE Our designer’s advice to you will be entirely free. Our method of operation is to visit your home to take a detailed brief of your intended project. Measurements, often supported by photographs, will be taken of the existing space, which are kept on file so the designers can accurately plan your updated room. You will then be invited back to one of the showrooms, where the designer will present ideas to you in detail, using full-colour computerised imagery which means you will be able to “see” the finished product. This is your opportunity to fine tune the details, so that a scheme can be finalised which fulfils all your requirements. At this juncture the designer will be able to discuss costs in some detail with you and different options can be examined to achieve what you want at a suitable price. At no time will you be pressurised to go ahead with something you are not entirely happy with.

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Showrooms Clevedon: 21-25 Alexandra Rd; tel: 01275 872431. Keynsham: 29 High Street; tel: 0117 986 1896. Patchway: 69 Gloucester Road; tel: 0117 904 6352. Thornbury: 44 High Street; tel: 01454 281002. Wells: Units 3-4 Jocelyn Drive; tel: 01749 678140. Web: www.timbercraft.co.uk Email: sales@timbercraft.co.uk Opening times: Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5pm; Saturday 10am to 4pm.

INSTALLATION For many years now we have offered a fully comprehensive installation service in contrast to many of our competitors, who are only set up to handle the core installation work. Long ago we came to recognise that people would prefer to deal with one company, who can do all the work, so that they do not have to deal individually with tradesmen, whose work schedules may be difficult to co-ordinate. Very often we come across kitchens or bathrooms, where a small amount of building work is required, for example a

wall needs removing or an area needs plastering. This is often inconvenient as this work must be completed before the main installation works can start. We spend a long time scheduling each project, so that, wherever possible, one job can move seamlessly to the next, with absolutely minimal disruption. We also offer a comprehensive decorating and tiling service to ensure that all projects can be supervised and completed by us. When customers decide to proceed with us, we always give them a schedule for the week the work will commence. Shortly after placing an order, one of our project managers will visit your home to run through the job with you. Just before the work is due to proceed, a customer services manager contacts you to confirm the start time. The customer service manager is your main point of contact and will be in regular contact throughout the project. One of our project managers will oversee the work. They are all experienced installers and are ultimately responsible for ensuring that our very high standards are maintained. Whatever your needs – a kitchen, bedroom or bathroom – Timbercraft can provide the answers with care and professionalism.

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THINK PINK Pastel pink is bang on trend for 2014. Get pretty in pink with these great little numbers from the high street.

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HEALTH&FITNESS

FROM FAT TO

SUPER-FIT Ultra running Kate Edser meets the man who went from being seriously overweight to finishing a 46-mile race

hen overweight, unhealthy people talk seriously about getting fit, invariably that means building up to a few hours exercise in a week, perhaps even joining a gym, or a cycling or running club. No so for Ira Rainey, for whom the transformation from fat to fit meant dropping three stone and building up to a 46-mile race around Bristol. This man doesn’t do anything by halves. “I wouldn’t say I get bored easily, but if I do something, I like to do it 110 per cent and I think that sums up the mind set for an ultra marathon,” he says as we chat in a café near his office. And now, having completed his local “ultra” challenge, Ira is already planning longer challenges further afield, building up to a 100-miler. If he weren’t telling me all about it with a straight face, I might think he had reverted to his previous profession as a stand-up comedian. These days he works in IT, lives in Kingswood, Bristol, and works in Bath, but in his youth, Ira was also a semi-professional

BMX rider – a risky pursuit which he gave up with the advent of marriage and children. In the past he’s also been a bus driver and was partly responsible for the now-defunct satirical thatbebristle website and for penning A Dictionary of Bristle, recently reprinted. This year, Ira’s writing skill and quirky sense of humour has been mish-mashed one again, resulting in a new book. From Fat Man To Green Man is an intriguing, funny and sometimes poignant account of his long-distance running experience to date and is named for the race that forms the core subject – the Green Man Ultra, a 46-mile course around the Community Forest Path. Ira had completed the Bristol half marathon once and then gave up running until a few years later, in 2002, when he realised the expanding effects of beer and junk food. He joined Bitton Road Runners in 2005, which turned out to have the single biggest impact on his running. He says: “I met a whole new group of perfectly normal like-minded people of all abilities; I ran more, trained better and raced harder. Over the years that followed I ran in countless 5k and 10k

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races, 15 half marathons and completed three marathons. I even actually enjoyed some of them. I had now become a proper runner.” But he was still fat; obese in fact, at 16st 6lbs. The kick-start Ira needed was to come as a blow: a dear friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He says in the book: “Life can be so brief and it should be lived to the full and with my slacker attitude I realised I wasn’t exactly giving myself the best chance of doing that. I decided that I really had to take some decisive action. “I wanted to tackle my age-old bad habits for good, lose some serious weight and coerce myself into taking my health and fitness much more seriously. Running would be key to this.” But, having ticked the half and full marathon boxes, Ira was restless for a new challenge. Describing himself as

“inherently lazy” and “an eternally delusional optimist,” he admits in the book that he jumps into things “with a reckless hopeful idealism”. Which partly explains why he thought the Green Man was a good idea. From about August 2012 to March 2013 he kept a record of every training run; the weather, who he was with, where they went – key details of which form a good chunk of the book. He cut back on the booze and the rubbishy food he so loved, and gradually increased the mileage. This meant pounding the Bristol to Bath railway path to work and back, some lunchtime runs, and a longer route at weekends, with plenty of hill work and off-road terrain, building up to about 40 or 50 miles a week. Learning the 46-mile route was also key: a wrong turn could add unnecessary time – and pain.

Ira’s ultra marathon training tips

Break it down Don’t start off running 50 miles by counting down from 50. Break it down into smaller, more manageable chunks, such as 10 five-mile runs. When running, just focus on each mile; complete that mile, mentally tick it off, forget it and move on to the next.

Forget fast Speed isn’t as important in an ultra marathon as it is in a road race. Sure, you want to finish in a good time and, yes, somebody is going to win it, but the likelihood is, it won’t be you. So don’t worry about being slow, or even breaking up long runs up with some periods of walking. Walking up hills, or for five minutes every half hour is fine, so long as you keep moving – it’s about endurance.

Stuff your face

It was a strategy that paid off, since Ira finished the Green Man Ultra in nine hours and 48 minutes. “When I crossed the line I was ecstatic and the sense of achievement was bonkers,” he says. But such happiness was slightly tempered for Ira by the fact that he had to get up the next day and run the Bath half marathon! Anyone who pushes their body has to deal with pain, and Ira outlines various niggles which interrupted training, and a more serious back problem (after the Green Man), which put him in hospital and out of action for three months. By the time he finished the race, Ira was the slimmest and fittest he’s ever been, so it was galling to lose all of that while recovering, and it was July before he was able to start running again, just in time to do the Chippenham half marathon in September.

So what’s next? Ira has already entered the Highland Fling – a 53-mile race in Scotland at the end of April – and plans on extending that at some point to the 95-mile Glasgow to Fort William West Highland Run. “I really enjoy running and when you get into a rhythm, you just go,” he says. “For me, it’s about peace and quiet and thinking time and you get out and see different places.” If it were that simple, we’d all be doing ultra marathons!

From Fat Man To Green Man is available as an eBook for £3.99, or in paperback after January 27 for £9.99 from www.tangent books.co.uk.

Learn to eat and drink while you are running. You can stop to shovel it in, but it is important to keep your energy levels topped up. Don’t just stick to energy gels, try eating some real food too, like banana sandwiches, peanut butter cakes, or fruitcake. Make sure you take plenty of water too and drink on the move by using a backpack with a bladder, or a bottle belt.

Train tired Get used to training when you are tired. You’ll be slow and aching, but it’s important to get an understanding of how you might feel on race day. Try running more than once in a day, and do back-to-back long runs over a weekend. At least once, try to cover the entire distance of the race spread over two or three consecutive days. Don’t neglect your rest days though, as these are just as important to help muscles recover and prevent injury.

Stay positive and enjoy! It’s important to keep a positive mental attitude. While fitness plays a big part, so much of ultra marathon running comes down to the right mental attitude. There will be low points along the way, but look for and celebrate every small positive to keep up your spirits. Believe in yourself; recite a positive mantra; visualise yourself crossing the finish line in the time you are aiming for. Remember that you chose this challenge and you owe it to yourself to take it all in and enjoy it.

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How to make a fitness plan – and stick to it Plhs{o huk mp{ulzz �� ’� �� ’� �� – ��

nother year is upon us and, inevitably, so too is a January full of resolutions to fulfil. The new year is always the time when we set out to achieve something, and many of our goals relate in some way to health and fitness. If you are one of the many people who have decided that this year you are going to get fitter, or lose some weight, then here is some advice about how you can achieve, that goal. Firstly, and most importantly, you need to get yourself in the right place mentally. If your resolution is half hearted, I can guarantee it won’t last much past February. Is your goal a “should” or a “must”? If you stop thinking in terms of “I should go to the gym” and tell yourself you “must go to the gym”, then you will be more inclined to make it happen. I then suggest that you write down your number one goal and make sure that it is measurable. So, don’t just say “I want to lose weight”. Be specific about how

much and by when. Likewise, if you want to get fitter, do you want to be able to run a specific distance, or at a certain speed? Set achievable goals so that you can be buoyed by success when you reach it. You can then set yourself another goal when you have reached the first one. Having set down a goal, ask yourself why you want to achieve it. Be specific – and write down at least seven reasons. Next, you need to come up with a tangible plan of action, which you can stick to. Firstly, schedule your gym visits and workouts like you would a social engagement. There are 168 hours in a week, so setting aside a handful of them for exercise is very achievable. And, since PureGym is open 24 hours a day, there really is no excuse for not finding time for the gym! If you are joining a gym for the first time, take full advantage of the induction session. It will give you a point of contact at the gym and will ensure you are familiar with the facility and all

the equipment within it. The personal trainer will also be able to give you specific advice about exercises and workout programmes that will help you achieve specific goals. Don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions at the outset – that is what the personal trainers are there for and they will be more than happy to help. If you find it hard to get motivated by yourself, classes are a great way to keep your workout routine varied and most gyms offer them free as part of the membership fee. From aerobics to pilates and circuit training, there is something for everyone. More generally, you may be unsure of what exactly you should be doing as part of your workout. The types of exercise you can do fall into two broad groups – cardiovascular and resistance training.

Cardiovascular exercise is a sure fire way to improve your stamina and will help you to burn calories, so will be an important part of any plan where the goal involves some weight loss. Cardiovascular exercise involves anything that raises your heart rate significantly, such as running, cycling, or rowing. If you are embarking on a fitness regime for the first time, then you should aim to build up the intensity of your workouts slowly. But don’t go too easy on yourself; if you don’t get out of breath, or break a sweat you’re not trying hard enough! Resistance training will help to tone and define muscle, but it will also help speed up your metabolism, which in turn will result in weight loss. So, now you have your goal, you know why you want to achieve it, and you have made it a “must”, instead of a “should”, so there’s nothing stopping you. Good luck! For more about PureGym on Bristol’s Harbourside, visit www.Puregym.com

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GADGETS

Windy world

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ust before 2013 was drawing to its close, Google went shopping and bought itself a new company: Boston Dynamics (www.boston dynamics.com). If you’ve not have heard of it, take a look at the company’s demo videos. You might find your eyes popping out of your head. Boston Dynamics specialises in spookily lifelike robots. The best known is Big Dog, a huge quadruped capable of carrying heavy loads across rough terrain. Big Dog’s cousin LS3 looks similar, but has learned some new tricks. Knock it on to one side and it will gracefully right itself and return to its feet. It’s designed to accompany infantry soldiers on patrol, and it’s more than a little terrifying. The question everyone’s asking now though is, what’s in it for Google? What does a company that sells advertising on an internet search engine want with a military robot research team? The answer, I think, is answers. Google has solved the web and knows about information. It needs to find new problems to solve. And, fortunately for Google, it’s one of those companies – like Amazon and Apple – that has time and money to sit and think about things like this. Yes, it’s hard to see any connection to Google’s main line of business, but maybe there isn’t one. Maybe Google doesn’t need one. A few years ago, Google’s experiments with online maps resulted in the spin-off team that’s now working on self-driving cars. Don’t forget the company co-founders, Larry Page and Sergey Brin; they’re classic technologists and tinkerers. They buy interesting companies and clever people simply because they can. They’re investing in a future that none of them can foretell, and they just need to be ready for it when it comes.

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GET FIT KIT The mouthwatering memories of mince pies will soon be replaced with the realisation that even your elasticated trousers are unnervingly snug. Don't despair though, thanks to these workout aids, getting fit again can be easy. Ok, maybe not easy, but certainly less grimace-inducing than you fear.

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here’s something mightily depressing about forlorn, discarded Christmas trees littering gardens and gutters after the festivities are over. But this year, Bristol’s Christmas trees are being given a second lease of life, forming a temporary forest on Bristol’s harbourside. Bristol creatives, MAYK and Bristol City Council invited the residents of Bristol to donate their post-Christmas trees to Second Chance, a unique art project which has seen the creation of a festive woodland on Waterfront Square. The quirky and somewhat moving spectacle is already proving a hit with workers, dog walkers and families. Dreamed up by Czech artists Michaela Klakurková and Jan aloudek in co-production with the New Stage of the Czech Republic National Theatre, Second Chance started life in Prague in 2010, and this year continues its international journey in Bristol and Berlin. MAYK’s Matthew Austin said: “We came across Second Chance in Prague, where it has been running outside the Czech National Theatre for a number of years. We knew immediately that this was a perfect project for Bristol. “There is something both powerful and gentle about this uncluttered gesture to make something beautiful out of

something that ordinarily gets discarded without care. “Its resonance in Bristol as a city championed for its ecological conscience speaks for itself, and feels especially timely as we gear up for our year as European Green Capital in 2015.” More than 350 trees were donated last weekend – many more than expected – with participants having their photo taken with their tree before it was added to the forest. Kris Donaldson, Director of European Green Capital 2015, added: “One of the many reasons that we have been named European Green Capital 2015 is the sense of fun that Bristol brings to environmental causes. “Second Chance is a great example of this creative spirit, and we hope that projects like this will inspire the arts industry to play a key role in helping Bristol communicate green issues in 2015.” The temporary Harbourside forest will be in place until January 25, when all the trees will be chipped and residents will be invited to take away a bag of chippings for their gardens. Any remaining chippings will be used on Bristol’s parks as well as to help heat local schools. Matthew concluded: “People can walk past throughout January and see how the trees have changed the landscape. It’s a lovely story of reinventing and recycling. It’s very Bristol.”

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In and around the city Seed and Seed Potato Day

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EATING OUT Lunch on a budget Where all bases are covered Jhypz{hz Kvmmll Kvsslj{p}l :A ^pj{vyph [{yll{4 Jypz{vs4 J[9 >II6 \lsB 899? A:: ?9996

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Reviews by Mark Taylor

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Wine of the week Janare Sannio Greco 2012

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EATING IN Noodle sarnie that will save your bacon

lthough it is widely acknowledged that John Montagu, the fourth Earl of Sandwich, invented the humble sarnie in the 16th century, its origins go back much further than that. According to food blogger Helen Graves, the first sandwich on record can be traced as far back as the 1st century BC, when Rabbi Hillel the Elder created one to be eaten at Passover to symbolise the suffering of Jews. That first sandwich consisted of a mixture of chopped apples, nuts, spices and bitter herbs placed between “matzah” (thin bread), although the modern Hillel sandwich replaces the apple with roast lamb and horseradish. Helen Graves’ new book, 101 Sandwiches, features recipes for sandwiches from around the world, from classic French croquemonsieur and variations of the BLT to the more exotic caramel pork banh mi baguette from Vietnam and shrimp Po Boy from Louisiana. If you are looking for new inspiration for a work or school lunchbox, or simply fresh ideas for a sarnie at home, 101 Sandwiches has something for everybody. This recipe comes from Japan, with the more unusual ingredients easy to find in large supermarkets, or specialist Asian shops. Helen Graves says: “While we might be found wolfing down burgers and kebabs after a night out, I like to imagine the Japanese scoffing down fried noodle sandwiches or “yakisoba pan”. “Apparently, this sandwich is widely available in convenience stores. Noodles are fried with vegetables, such as carrot and bell pepper, then seasoned with yakisoba sauce (an intense, umami-rich concoction) and stuffed into a hot dog bun. The sandwich is finished with strips of pickled ginger, dried seaweed, and often sweetened mayo.”

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TRAVEL

A REALLY CRACK(L)ING HOTEL UK travel Tim Davey heads for the woods to check out the quaintly named country house hotel, The Pig, ahead of the opening of a sister hotel between Bath and Bristol.

h, yes,” said the lady at reception, “you’re staying in The Hen House.” Now, being in the middle of the vast rural spaces of the New Forest, such an aside could be disconcerting when you are checking into a hotel. But this was no run-of-the-mill establishment. The Pig does things differently. The Hen House, our accommodation for the night, was located around the corner of the magnificent main house and down

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through the gardens. And what a room, or rooms, to be specific. For this was a two-storey abode which was, quite simply, charming. Downstairs was the bedroom, a massive bed and an en suite loo, plus an area catering for those desiring proper coffee and a bite to eat, courtesy of a Nespresso, a kettle, a fridge, and lots of snacks you find hard to resist. Upstairs, though, came the piece de resistance. A wonderful bathroom. Taking centre stage was a massive stand-alone claw-foot bath and a plush

banquette on which to recline. In one corner was a flat screen telly and in the other a wet room with not one but two side-by-side huge monsoon showers. But it gets better, because at one end of the room was a log-burner, plus wood and all you needed to get it blazing away and give the room a fabulous aura. You could have just spent all weekend in there just wallowing in this ultra-deep bath watching the telly, while supping the odd glass of champers. We had checked into The Pig late afternoon after driving down from Bristol.

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The weather was unpredictable en route and on the fringe of the New Forest we ran helter-skelter into a ferocious hailstorm. So after seeking refuge from the deluge and a lunch break in the charming little town of Fordingbridge we drove up on to the forest plateau and went for a walk. We didn’t have a map but as this was more of a stroll than a route march we didn’t actually need one. The nice thing is you can just park up and go walkabout. However, if you are putting in some serious distance between you and your vehicle, do remember which way you have strayed. If not, you could easily end up as a modern-day version of Hansel and Gretel. We were dawdling our way towards the hotel and, after a spell of sunshine on our walk, the clouds darkened again. So we made a quick trip into Lyndhurst, picking up some leaflets at the information centre and going for a stroll through this charming town. It’s on a busy crossroads so far as roads go but there are some intriguing places here, including a couple of decent antiques shops. Then it was time to head for another of

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the Forest towns, Brockenhurst, and, about one mile out of town, The Pig. There’s a big roadside statue of a pig announcing its presence but just before that my wife had spotted a real free-ranging porker roaming through the forest, doubtless getting stuck into all the acorns lying around. The whole ambience of the place is the key to The Pig being so enjoyable, we felt. It’s both nicely laid back and wonderfully efficient at the same time. The main house is where the action is, housing the bar, the library, drawing room and restaurant. We progressed from the bar to the restaurant, slowly and satisfyingly, tasting some amuse bouche, including a quail’s egg version of scotch eggs, and pickled veg from the kitchen garden. Then to the restaurant itself, a wonderful place, which felt like sitting in a very tasteful greenhouse with loads of terracotta pots and vegetables, herbs and so forth dotted around the tables. But there’s more to it than just a good atmosphere, for this place knows how to serve up some seriously good cuisine. We ate a locally cured meats board with homemade bread, pickles and tomato chutney and a pheasant terrine with piccalilli made with ingredients from the hotel’s walled kitchen garden. I chose “The Pig’s Extraordinary Bath Chap” served on a board with apple sauce and herb roasted squash. My wife had scallops with bacon and a cauliflower puree. Breakfast was just as good. And before we left we took a stroll down through the kitchen garden, bidding adieu to the pigs wallowing around, the chickens, the quails, the ducks. There’s a potting shed in the garden, too, but it’s not your average one. It may look normal from the front, but it houses a fully kitted-out beauty salon. The food policy sources its menu from a 25-mile radius and there’s even a map on the back of the menu if you don’t believe them. Before returning home and before the weather broke again, we popped down to the coast at Lymington and Milford-on-Sea, for a few sea breezes, happy in the knowledge that the next hotel/ restaurant venture like this is opening on Bath and Bristol’s doorstep very soon. Nyvt Nypkh 4 Rhu|hy 984 :89<

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Tee off on one of the Emerald Isle’s fantastic courses _vysk {yh}ls Xl{ly Ovkzpmm {yh}lsslk {v Qylshuk {v {y opz ohuk h{ q|z{ h ml~ vm {ol ;88 nvsm jv|yzlz vu vmmly

on’t forget to fill the kettle on the tenth tee – was the puzzling instruction from the starter at Tulfarris Golf Club on a wet Irish afternoon in County Wicklow. Then he explained that free tea and coffee was supplied at the halfway shack beyond the ninth green. But it was necessary to make sure the water was boiled for the next group to avoid slow play. That cup of tea and biscuits were never more welcome for a soggy group drenched by the kind of “soft” Irish rain that sustains such a green and pleasant land. Had the organisers reversed our schedule that day we would have missed the rain. We spent an enlightening morning visit to the Irish National Stud at Tully in County Kildare a short drive from The Curragh racecourse. In glorious sunshine we joined international tourists learning about the country’s coveted

thoroughbred industry, just as the Queen did two years earlier. Famous stallions in retirement are on open view in paddocks. A full skeleton of Ireland’s most famous racehorse – the legendary three-time Gold Cup winner Arkle – has also been preserved at the entrance. Despite the rain that started from the first tee, squelching our way round Tulfarris, set on three peninsulas overlooking Blessington Lakes, proved to be an enjoyable test. Then it was off for two more days to explore wonderful Wicklow where numerous golf courses welcome visitors from around the world. They include The European, Powerscourt, Rathsallagh, Druid’s Glen and the two we visited, Macreddin and Glen of the Downs, all within a few minutes of the splendid classic yet contemporary Glenview Hotel which overlooks the Wicklow Mountains. Macreddin is Ryder Cup captain Paul McGinley’s first design featuring tree-lined

fairways, an abundance of yellow gorse and spectacular views through the valley. McGinley nominated the 158-yard downhill fourth and the 12th with a 250-yard carry over water to reach the fairway leading up to a green surrounded by trees, as his favoured holes. So take plenty of balls…. Our final visit was to Glen of the Downs, designed by Cheltenham’s noted Walker Cup captain, Peter McEvoy. Views of Big and Little Sugar Loaf mountains and the Irish Sea beyond sloping fairways, were features of an enjoyable 6,443-yard parkland lay-out with elevated tees and strategic bunkers. There is even a double green shared by the eighth and tenth holes. Another off-course highlight was a Saturday night visit to the famous Johnnie Fox’s Hooley night in Glencullen. The Irish “craic” attracted a packed house of international visitors to enjoy Irish singing and dancing. Imagine our surprise to

discover that the Tulfarris Hotel and Golf Resort was offering a package of dinner, bed and breakfast and golf for just less than £60. The Glen of the Downs and Macreddin also offer specials which are posted on their websites. Ireland boasts around 300 golf courses and countless accommodations in all price brackets. And many golfers prefer the leisurely sea passage provided from Holyhead by Irish Ferries who offer attractive packages and, unlike airlines, do not charge excessive fees for transporting golf gear.

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MUSIC

A spellbinding, unmissable show from Olivia and Joe OQO WN \PM _MMS Wsp}ph Kohul 7Rvl ^vsr �� ’� ��

ondon-based singer-songwriter and multiInstrumentalist Olivia Chaney is a rising star of the UK’s new-folk scene and has been tipped as “one to watch” by such musical luminaries as Ray Davies and Jarvis Cocker. Recently signed to the legendary American label Nonesuch – home to Emmylou Harris, Joni Mitchell and Bjork – Chaney has already collaborated with Zero 7, Alasdair Roberts and The Labèque Sisters. But it is her solo work that has gained her a growing following and two nominations in the forthcoming BBC Radio 2 Folk Awards. Her debut album is due to be released later this year and it’s one of the most eagerly awaited of 2014. In February 2013, she self-released her eponymous debut EP, which found her further fans with media and public alike, and she appeared at the South By Southwest Festival in Austin, Texas, as part

of a line-up showcasing new English folk acts. The purity of Chaney’s voice casts a powerful spell, whether singing her own material or cover versions of other folk heroes, such as Joni Mitchell’s A Case of You and the Bert Jansch song Running From Home. Although she studied as a singer at the Royal Academy of Music, she’s a self-taught musician with an eclectic musical upbringing that incorporates blues, jazz, folk and classical. She says: “None of my family are professional musicians, but I’ve been so lucky that they all love music and are moved by it. I’ve grown up with that reverence for it. “Car journeys to and from Italy as a kid formed a deep listening appetite, from Joni and Dylan to Mozart and Billie Holiday to Prince and plenty of less tasteful stuff. “With skies rolling, windows wound down in the heat, the impatience of crossing borders, or my sister taking up all the room, music provided another

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extraordinary landscape and it was an escape; another world.” Chaney taught herself to play music when she was a child, with help from her father, a painter, and her grandfather. “I started picking things by ear, improvising, composing little pieces. My dad would try to teach me boogie woogie piano and 12-bar blues, while my grandfather taught me a few bits of Bach. Eventually I took up lessons, learnt to read music and studied classical cello, piano and sang in a brilliantly diverse-repertoire all-girls choir. “Somehow, I got a scholarship to leave home and study at Chetham’s School of Music in Manchester, then the Royal Academy as a singer on the jazz course, which was the nearest thing I thought they had to creative freedom. After that, I did lots of experimenting, collaborating in the contemporary classical scene before finally taking my dad’s advice after 20 years to learn the guitar. I just practiced like a maniac. I was broke, jobless for

a while and it was a rather unhappy, lonely period of my life, but I’m glad I persevered as I did so much groundwork then.” Chaney says that signing to Nonesuch was a dream come true, as many of her musical heroes have released material on the same label. “It’s amazing, like something I’ve hoped for all my life without quite realising. I’ve listened to a huge range of the Nonesuch output since I was a kid, without necessarily being aware that it was the same label. Chaney’s Bristol show is opened with a rare appearance by Joe Volk, the Bristol troubadour now based in Switzerland whose debut solo album was produced by Portishead’s Adrian Utley and released on Geoff Barrow’s Invada label. As double-bills go, this unmissable show at St George’s Bristol already has all the hallmarks of one of the best of 2014. David Marks

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Contemporary Italian dining at Filini bar & restaurant, Radisson Blu Hotel, Bristol Fresh and mouthwatering dishes from the heart of Italy and Sardinia

You’ll find Filini at Radisson Blu Hotel Broad Quay, Bristol BS1 4BY, United Kingdom tel +44 (0) 117 934 9500 www.radissonblu.com/hotel-bristol www.filinirestaurantbristol.co.uk

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Don’t miss Sheppard, Ilett, Pursglove, Howe

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t’s tempting to allow the profound sense of loss that greeted the death of Nelson Mandela on December 5, 2013, to fog critical judgement of Justin Chadwick’s worthy biopic. Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom is reverential and respectful, adapted from Mandela’s memoirs of the same name by Oscar-nominated screenwriter William Nicholson (Gladiator, Shadowlands). There is nothing here to desecrate the memory of the South African statesman, who was a lynchpin in the abolition of apartheid. Equally, Chadwick’s gallop through 52 years of turmoil doesn’t delve into the minutiae of a flawed human being behind the myth. It’s a handsomely crafted yet emotionally underwhelming skim-read of important historical footnotes.

Mandela’s 27-year incarceration, most of it on Robben Island, accounts for around 40 minutes of the earnest picture, but feels considerably longer. The film opens in the Xhosa village of Mandela’s youth, with a slow-motion tribal ritual that ushers Nelson into manhood. We jump forward to 1942 Johannesburg, where Mandela (Idris Elba) is an idealistic lawyer, whose eyes are gradually opened to the harsh reality of an unfair justice system. He weds nurse Evelyn Mase (Terry Pheto) and they raise a family but the marriage buckles under the strain of his involvement with the African National Congress (ANC). They divorce in 1958 as Mandela and his ANC brothers stand trial for treason – the same year he meets, courts and marries social worker Winnie Madikizela (Naomie Harris).

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“If they want a war, we will give them a war,” Nelson asserts, abandoning his pacifist leanings in the aftermath of the Sharpeville massacre in 1960. The ANC begins a sabotage campaign, and Nelson is sentenced to life in prison alongside fellow activists Walter Sisulu (Tony Kgoroge), Ahmed Kathrada (Riaad Moosa), Raymond Mhlaba (Zolani Mkiva) and Andrew Mlangeni (Simo Mogwaza). Culminating in Mandela’s release from prison and the 1994 elections, Long Walk To Freedom tips its hat to key facts we already knew. There is a heart-rending scene of Mandela receiving a telegram informing him of the death of his firstborn son Thembi in a car accident, and iconic scenes of a grey-haired Mandela and Winnie walking hand-in-hand out of Victor Verster prison.

Elba is more physically imposing than his subject, but he captures the cadences of Mandela’s speech and delivers rousing calls to arms well. Harris is equally impressive as the woman who was wrenched away from her children and suffered physical and emotional abuse to break her spirit. The 146-minute running time is both too brief to summarise Mandela’s entire life and too long to sustain key episodes that Nicholson chooses as his narrative. We want less and more, and settle for something in between.

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refaced by a tongue-in-cheek disclaimer – “Some of this actually happened” – David O Russell’s comedy about a hare-brained scheme to expose corruption within the corridors of power opens with a con man tending to his “unnecessarily elaborate” comb-over. The obese scoundrel stands in front of a mirror – belly protruding, man boobs succumbing to gravity – and meticulously glues a fake mane to his bald pate then moulds what little hair he does have around the centre-piece. Pleased with his work, the swindler struts into a neighbouring room, where an argument ensues and an enraged associate cruelly ruffles the coiffeur into humiliating disarray. This protracted prologue perfectly encapsulates American Hustle: a self-indulgent, painfully

funny and scattershot film that attempts to con us into believing it is smarter and funnier than the glossy and expensive mess that flickers before our eyes. Russell is blessed with a talented ensemble cast and individually, they deliver powerhouse performances that elicit howls of laughter or tug the heartstrings. Unfortunately, putting all these misfit characters together in one film feels like the inmates have taken over the asylum while the writer-director casually strings together polished vignettes with scant regard for narrative clarity. Like a Christmas bauble, the film is beautiful and sparkly, even dazzling at times, but also hollow. Irving Rosenfeld (Christian Bale) is a brilliant con man, trapped in a loveless marriage to a harridan wife, Rosalyn (Lawrence), who makes it painfully clear that she will demand sole custody of their son if Irving divorces her.

“She was the Picasso of passive-aggressive karate,” laments Irving in droll voiceover. So the hustler throws himself into his work, recruiting an inexperienced sidekick Sydney Prosser (Amy Adams), who poses as an English aristocrat in order to bleed funds from gullible businessmen. Irving and Sydney are arrested by ambitious FBI agent Richie DiMaso (Bradley Cooper), who forces them to put their dubious talents to good use by entrapping New Jersey Mayor Carmine Polito (Jeremy Renner) and his underworld associates. As Irving and Sydney lure Carmine into their web, an increasingly jealous and vengeful Rosalyn threatens to destroy the undercover operation as well as Irving’s burgeoning love for his assistant. Inspired by the ABSCAM FBI sting of the late 1970s and early 1980s, which brought down several politicians and public servants, American Hustle has

moments of brilliance. Sydney and Rosalyn’s big showdown brings out the best in Lawrence and Adams, both using verbal barbs rather than claws to draw blood. A mirrorball dancefloor seduction to the disco beat of Donna Summer’s I Feel Love is sweating and sensual, and Rosalyn’s destruction of an early microwave (“the science oven”) is a hoot. But despite these undeniable pleasures, you cannot escape the pain of American Hustle’s frequent longueurs, over-bloated running time and shambolic plot. A hot mess? More like pleasantly lukewarm.

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he Ancient Roman legend of The Rape of the Sabine Women tells how the first generation of Roman men acquired wives for themselves from the neighbouring Sabine families (rape here meaning abduction, rather than its more violent modern meaning). The tale was later adapted into a comic short story, The Sobbin’ Women, by early 20th century US poet/author Stephen Vincent Benét. Benét’s short story became the source for the 1954 musical comedy film Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, which found a new life as a 1982 Broadway and West End musical. A brand new adaptation of the latter is touring the UK this winter and spring – and the tour kicks off next week at Bristol Hippodrome. It’s been given an award-winning makeover with stunning new choreography by

acclaimed Broadway director/choreographer, Patti Colombo, and stars Dancing on Ice champion Sam Attwater and Helena Blackman, runner-up in BBC1’s How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? The action takes place back in the 1850s, in the remote mountains of Oregon in the north-western United States. Adam, the eldest of seven brothers living on an isolated farm high up in the mountains, goes to town to get himself a wife. Convincing Milly, whose parent died on the Oregon Trail, to marry him that very day, he forgets to mention that he has six younger, rowdier brothers – and that they all live together. Milly, shocked at first, decides to reform the uncouth siblings, who are anxious to get wives of their own. Then, after reading about the Roman capture of the Sabine women, Adam has what he thinks is an inspired solution to his brothers’ loneliness – they will kidnap the women

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they want, carrying them off from their families in the night, together with a pastor to marry them. But, pursued by the townsfolk, a massive avalanche means they are all trapped together for months before the winter snow melts. The show features some timeless classics, including Bless Your Beautiful Hide and Goin’ Courtin, as well as two new songs never heard before in any UK stage version of the show. “As an evening of rollicking entertainment, this production is a real heart-warmer,” praised The Daily Telegraph during the show’s opening run before Christmas, while The Times commented that “the glory of it is the crazy, hopping, spinning, tapping, somersaulting choreography”. Both cast and crew have some pedigree behind them. Patti Colombo was hailed by the Wall Street Journal as “one of the finest musical-comedy

choreographers in the business”. Her choreography for Seven Brides won a brace of prestigious awards back in the US, and she’s also been nominated for an Emmy Award for her US TV version of Peter Pan. Attwater, who plays Adam, landed his first TV acting role in 2009, playing Ricky in Hollyoaks: the following year he joined EastEnders and its online spin-off, EastEnders: E20 as Leon Small. More recently, meanwhile, Attwater was in action as Brad Majors in the 40th anniversary tour of The Rocky Horror Show, which also stopped off at the Hippodrome. “This is my first serious leading man role,” he notes of his role in Seven Brides. “Adam is the man of the house, and stepping into a part like that is a challenge because the roles I have played until now have been younger. “It’s a real chance to show people what I can do.”

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‘THE ULTIMATE FEEL GOOD SHOW’ MANCHESTER EVENING NEWS

‘The magic of dance works wonders. ‘An evening of rollicking entertainment.

AN EXUBERANT MUSICAL’ A REAL HEARTWARMER’ SUNDAY EXPRESS

DAILY TELEGRAPH

as Adam

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For further information, including casting and additional dates visit SevenBridesTheMusical.com

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Theatre listings continued... Don’t miss The Perfect Murder

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ormed in 2006, Miles Morgan Travel has 12 branches throughout the South West and Wales and has recently been voted the UK’s Best Travel Agent. They pride themselves in their customer service and the expert knowledge of their teams. As a main agent for Fred. Olsen Cruise Lines they can ensure that you get the very best price on all cruises departing from Avonmouth with the added benefit of a private return taxi from your own front door* There are four stunning itineraries to choose from for 2014 on-board the popular ship Boudicca and Miles Morgan Travel are delighted to have one of their experienced Cruise Escorts on every sailing to ensure that their customers have

all the help that they need every step of the way. With their January sale you can save up to 30% on these cruises. Book one Fred. Olsen Cruise and save 10%, book two cruises and save 20% on both cruises, book three and save 30% on all three* That’s an amazing deal! A cruise that is proving to be the hot favourite with our customers is the 28 night Adriatic and Venice sailing on 17th May 2014 with its fabulous itinerary. Admire the spectacular scenery as you cruise through the Bay of Kotor, take time to absorb the beauty of the city of Dubrovnik, an overnight stay in the romantic city of Venice gives ample time to explore the waterways and beautiful architecture. From Piraeus, take a tour to Athens to

see Acropolis with its splendid views out over the centre of the city, again with an overnight. Prices of this cruise start at less than £75* per person per day! Cruising is a popular choice for single travellers and now people who chose to travel alone will find many cruises with no single supplement in the new Solo brochure from Fred. Olsen – call today for your copy on 0800 0124 529. Miles Morgan Travel has been escorting customers on Fred. Olsen ships for years and many return year after year and are welcomed on board by crew who not only remember their name but also their favourite tipple! Isn’t it time that you tried?

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ART

The art that has literally saved lives XQKS WN \PM _MMS [{|kpv ]wz{hpyz [h{|ykh 4 Rhu|hy 994 {v [h{|ykh 4 Rhu|hy 9@4 Jypz{vs O|psk6 [ll spz{punz mvy kl{hpsz6

ucked away in a small side street behind its more prominent artistic neighbour, Spike Island, is one of Bristol’s most distinctive and – for its many members – life-enhancing artspaces. Studio Upstairs is a working arts community for people in mental and emotional distress and those in drug and alcohol recovery: it provides its membership with the space and resources to make art, as well as therapeutic support. “The majority of Studio members are people who have not found sufficient support within the mainstream health services,” explains Studio

Upstairs’ Project Coordinator Marcus Lanyon via the Studio’s Mission and Aims. “The Studio grants a safe social space where, in the medium to longer term, members can experience a sense of belonging.” “Studio Upstairs specialises in enabling an individual to become autonomous,” Marcus continues. “It is a place where people can start to shed definitions and diagnoses, to challenge the associated stigmas, and to develop relationships and determine how they use the space. They can create and use art as a catalyst for personal and social change.” Periodically, Studio Upstairs members exhibit their work at venues around town. And for the group exhibition at the Guild Gallery this month you can expect some typically vibrant, colourful, thought-provoking and accomplished work by current

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members, in media ranging from figurative portraiture through to sculptural pieces. “The breadth of work is dynamic and wide-ranging, offering a snapshot of the current range of artistic activity taking place at Studio Upstairs Bristol,” Marcus reveals. “Arts practice is a particular way of ‘being in the world’ in terms of feeling, thinking, perceiving, expressing and relating,” he continues. “The Studio encourages artistic practice as a serious endeavour, and supports the development of an identity as an artist. “A strong sense of identity is a key to self-esteem, confidence, finding a meaning and reason for living. As many members straddle the boundary between life and death, the art practice and therapeutic intervention in the Studio aims to address this, taking members on a journey in establishing such an identity. “As a result, at Studio Upstairs

everyone is either an artist or on their way to becoming an artist.” Members and ex-members are eloquent in their testimonies of the effect the Studio has had. “I am now an ex-member and have my own studio at Mivart Street, have exhibited in several art trails and group shows and look forward to my first solo show in Bath this summer,” notes one. “I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would not have achieved this without Studio Upstairs.” Another has written that the Studio “offers me many things which I struggle to find elsewhere – inclusion, encouragement, friendships, non-judgmental acceptance, a sense of belonging and hope. This creativity provides meaning where previously there was none.” More simply, a third terms it “the most meaningful intervention in my mental health support that I can remember.”

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Don’t miss Let Me Illustrate II

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EXHIBITION

Joëlle Tuerlinckx WOR(L)D(K) IN PROGRESS? Until Sunday 16 March 2014 Exhibition spaces open Tuesday–Sunday 11am – 6pm, free admission Visit arnolfini.org.uk for Christmas opening hours Arnolfini 16 Narrow Quay, Bristol BS1 4QA arnolfini.org.uk @arnolfiniarts #JoelleT (Image left) Joëlle Tuerlinckx, WOR(L)D(K) IN PROGRESS?, Arnolfini, installation view, 2013. Photo Stuart Whipps (Image right) Joëlle Tuerlinckx: Modèle originale, 2009 Supported by

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COMEDY A comedian we can all warm to

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BOOKS

Down To The Sea In Ships

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eil Weir served as an infantry officer in the 10th Battalion Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders for much of the First World War. Yet he never spoke to his family about his experiences. But now, thanks to newly discovered diaries, his voice is finally being heard. Neil Weir died in 1967, but it was only in 2009 that his grandson, Mike Burns, discovered his diary among some packing trunks he had been left. Mr Burns, who lives in Norton Malreward, near Bristol, enlisted the help of military historian Saul David to put together a book of his grandfather’s experiences. A captain and company commander at the age of 19, Mr Weir fought at Loos, at Ploegsteert Wood where his sector contained one of the largest mines ever dug under the German trenches, and on the Somme. Injured in an accident in the trenches, he went on to train other young officers and then to work at the War Office, ending his military career in a section concerned with British intervention in the Russian Civil War. Mr David, a professor in war studies, said: “It is extremely rare for a cache of First World War diaries and letters as important as the Weir Papers to come to light almost 100 years after the events they describe. “Mike told me over the phone that he possessed not only his grandfather Neil Weir’s war diary – covering the period 1914 to 1920 – but also two large trunks of his grandfather’s letters and papers that he had yet to open. “I drove to his house and we opened the trunks together. “Apart from the detailed war

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Meet the Parents

diary, written in the 1920s from notes he must have made at the time, we found nothing that covered the almost 18 months that Weir spent on the Western Front. “Until, that is, Mike spoke to various members of his family who eventually produced more than 40 letters that Neil Weir wrote from school, university and the front line from 1908 to 1916. “In addition, the family produced the diaries of Neil’s mother and a large collection of letters written to Neil by his fellow officers and soldiers – many from the front line – after he was invalided out of France towards the end of 1916. “Taken together, they chart

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Neil Weir’s remarkable journey from a pampered and naïve public schoolboy to a hard-bitten veteran of the trenches and a staff officer at the War Office, who was so affected by the comradeship of soldiering that he did everything he could to obtain a regular commission.” Mr Burns, who runs his own online graphic design company, said: “I knew my grandad had worked in the War Office but I never knew he had actually served in the First World War. He never talked about it. “I was shocked after unearthing his diary and letters, and decided the best thing to do would be to work closely with an historian.”

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! LE SA M OW N A R O 10 OR M TO

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Be a part of something special: Entrance Examinations: Saturday 18th and 25th January 2014

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PROPERTY

BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL Gone are the days when a wall was just there to serve a function, it can now be a defining and attractive feature too, says Julia Gray

reating a feature wall is a simple but effective way to give a room a focal point and, if you get it right, a great new look. You can create such a feature wall in most rooms – those with chimney breasts, alcoves and walls behind key pieces of furniture usually work well. But not all rooms will have a suitable wall, perhaps they are too small or unusually shaped. Adding colour and/or pattern to one wall is the most obvious approach. When choosing a paint colour, try some tester pots first to see how the colours work with the other walls and the rest of the room. Painted stripes look fabulous, but are fiddly to do well. You’ll need to use low-tack masking tape for adjoining stripes, and try a tester piece of tape first in case it’s not as low tack as it claims to be. Alternatively, do freehand rough stripes with a paintbrush or roller and no tape – it is much less time-consuming, but the result is more of an acquired taste.

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Wallpaper is another great way to create a feature wall and enable you to enjoy wallpaper without it overpowering the room or making it look too busy. You can even create a horizontal feature on all four walls by hanging wallpaper between the picture rail and cornicing, between the picture rail and dado rail, or between the dado rail and skirting board. Perhaps you like the idea of adding texture to a room but not more colour? This is easy to do with paintable, textured wallpaper, which is also an effective way to conceal less-than-perfect plaster. Murals are similar to wallpaper, but usually depict a scene (a beach, cityscape, mountains, fields, etc) or a large-scale design, such as typography or a map, rather than a more conventional pattern. Unlike wallpaper, which can be hung on as many or as few walls as you like, a mural is usually designed to be used on just one wall. You can have one of your own photos made into a mural, or choose an off-the-shelf image/design that come in standard sizes or

made-to-measure – and you can even get them for ceilings, doors, garages and more. Feature walls can be practical as well as pretty. For example, you can have a tiled one in a bathroom or shower room, and a chalkboard one in a kitchen or playroom. Chalkboard paints are available in different colours, so your feature wall doesn’t have to be black. If you’d prefer something less permanent, how about a chalkboard sticker? In fact, any wall stickers (that you can stick to the wall then remove without residue) are fantastic for feature walls. They are widely available, come in lots of different designs, colours and sizes, and enable you to create a unique look that you can easily change. For a really personal feature wall, group together lots of framed photos on one wall. The key is to have a theme, such as all black and white prints, or frames the same colour, to avoid it looking a mishmash. This will take some time and trouble to get right, but – as with most things – putting in the extra effort will be worth it.

HOME HEAVEN Looking for some deals to spruce up your home? Alison Cork, from HomesAndBargains.co.uk, has put together these latest offers

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SAVINGS! Costco Wholesale is a membership warehouse club, dedicated to bringing our members quality goods and services at the lowest possible prices. We provide a wide selection of merchandise, plus the convenience of speciality departments and exclusive member services, all designed to make your shopping experience a pleasurable one. We are confident in the quality and value of our products, and we stand behind them with our guarantee of satisfaction.

Join in the warehouse or online: www.costco.co.uk/membership The annual membership fee for Standard Trade Membership is £20 (plus VAT). The annual membership fee for Standard Individual Membership is £25 (plus VAT). Membership Criteria applies. Membership must be obtained before purchases can be made.

CAFÉ PASS THIS VOUCHER ENTITLES THE BEARER TO A SNACK* FROM OUR CAFÉ Valid until 31/01/2014

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tumperies may be a throwback of a bygone age, but, perhaps thanks to the current trend for all things retro, they could once again command a place in the British garden, creating a cornucopia of planting opportunities and providing a haven for wildlife. To this end, TV gardener Chris Beardshaw, inset, has been scaling the country in search of examples of these Victorian features, similar to rock gardens but created from upturned stumps, logs, roots and pieces of bark, originally designed to display the spoils of intrepid Victorian plant hunters. In the course of his travels, Chris visited the home of the first UK stumpery at Biddulph Grange in Staffordshire, as well as the most famous stumpery in the country, that of the Prince of Wales in the grounds of Highgrove House, as featured in the Great British Garden Revival

on BBC Two on January 9. “Stumperies were the original vehicles that really excited people about ferns,” says Chris. “Their development coincided not only with an amazing array of exotic ferns coming into the UK from around the world, but also the realisation of how ferns propagated themselves.” So, if you’re feeling inspired, you’ll need a shady area under a hedge or tree, or against a building. To make a stumpery look natural, you need to bury two-thirds of it in the ground and, although hardwoods, such as oak, sweet chestnut and beech are the best to use because they take longer to rot, conifers can be used too. If you live in the countryside, logs and stumps should be pretty easy to find, or inquire at your local woodland management centre, and talk to

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farmers, landowners and the Forestry Commission. If you live in an urban area, contact a tree surgeon for spare wood. Chris adds: “Think of a stumpery as a marriage between the more formal parts of the garden and the wilder areas or landscape that surrounds it. Piling logs or stumps or branches is very good for hedgehogs and beneficial for insects and reptiles. “A stumpery is part of a cycle of life in the garden and as part of that decomposition you get many fungi growing, some of which are edible. “The rotting timber replicates the native woodland – rich in organic matter, with moisture-retentive soils and the stumps create lots of cracks and crevices in which ferns excel. “Stumperies can be really

surreal places and are great when associated with ponds and water gardens, under-planted with hostas and astilbes as well as carnivorous plants.” “The root plate should be lying on its side so that the trunk of the tree is also on its side and in doing that you are really replicating a windblown tree. That means that you can create little crevices and divots around the plants and it’s into those little spaces that you can plant. Use ferns as the mainstay and then you can interplant with many winter bulbs such as winter aconites, snowdrops and species daffodils and scilla. Then you can include typical woodland dwellers like epimediums, uvularia and hostas. “It’s about creating a framework. A stumpery isn’t just for spring or summer months, it’s great for having that continuation of bulbs flowering before the tree canopy opens up, so early spring bulbs are very rich.”

18-19 Elton Road, Clevedon, Somerset, BS21 7EH

www.hawthornsretirement.co.uk

Retirement dreaming? Wake up to the benefits of renting at ‘The Hawthorns’ FINDING a practical solution which matches the quality of your retirement living dream may be easier said than done – and renting may not automatically spring to the top of your list of possible solutions. However, increasing numbers of UK retirees are discovering what their counterparts in America and Australia found out a few years back – that renting your retirement home offers many advantages over continued property ownership. Even more are discovering how you can continue to benefit from both! Hawthorns Retirement has brought its highly successful American formula for retirement living to the UK at Eastbourne, Clevedon and Braintree. These developments, in a nutshell, offer you continued independent living, none of the worries of home ownership and total flexibility to change your lifestyle at a month’s notice should circumstances dictate. And all this is achieved by renting your retirement home at The Hawthorns.

Call 01275 790060

Your monthly rental includes all your many monthly expenses including all your meals and snacks, utility bills, housekeeping, maintenance – even a free mini-bus to take you to the shops and back. If you sit down and calculate what you are spending on all those items living in your own home, the rental fees appears very reasonable indeed. As well as the financial argument, life at The Hawthorns offers the added benefits of security, companionship and the flexibility of handing in just one month’s notice of your decision to leave. Whilst many residents fund this idyllic retirement lifestyle from the proceeds of the sale of their home, many others opt to rent out their own property and fund their new-found lifestyle from the rental income, maintaining their property as part of their estate. Maybe you should wake up to the benefits of renting!

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TV PICKS

REFLEX 6.15pm, BBC1

Shane Richie hosts this game show in which two families battle each other in a series of physical and mental challenges. The first contestants are from London and Essex.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live (S,HD). 11.30 The Good Cook (R,S,HD). 12.00 Football Focus (S,HD). 12.45 Saturday Sportsday (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 1.15 Live Athletics: Great Edinburgh Cross-Country (S). 2.45 Live Darts: BDO World Championships (S). 4.30 Final Score (S,HD). 5.15 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 5.30 Dynamo: Magician Impossible (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE VOICE UK 7pm, BBC1

The return of the singing contest in which the emphasis is on vocals rather than looks. Pop princess Kylie Minogue and Kaiser Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson are the new coaches, alongside old hands Tom Jones and Will.i.am, while Big Brother’s Emma Willis and JLS’s Marvin Humes take over as hosts.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two 6.30 Film: The Informer (1935) ●●● 7.55 Film: I Married a Witch (1942) ●●●● 9.10 Life on Earth 10.05 Life on Earth (R,S,HD). 11.00 Fred Dibnah’s Made in Britain (R,S). 11.30 Great British Railway Journeys (R,S,HD). 12.00 The A to Z of TV Cooking (S). 12.45 The A to Z of TV Gardening 12.50 Film: Summer Magic (S) (1963). ●●● 2.35 Film: The Go-Between (1971) ●●●● 4.30 Live Darts: BDO World Championships (S).

SPLASH! 7pm, ITV

NCIS 8.40pm, Channel 5

Another line-up of celebrities compete for two places in the semi-final of the diving contest, under the tutelage of Tom Daley. Hosted by Vernon Kay and Gabby Logan.

ITV

6.00 Pat & Stan (R,S). 6.30 Dino Dan (R,S). 6.50 Canimals (R,S). 7.15 Sooty (R,S). 7.40 Almost Naked Animals (R,S). 8.05 Horrid Henry (R,S). 8.30 Victorious. 9.00 Deadtime Stories (R). 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 Dinner Date (R,S). 10.30 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 11.25 Countrywise (R,S). 11.45 ITV News and Weather (S). 11.55 Film: Rest in Peace, Mrs Columbo (S) (1990). ●● 1.55 The Chase (R,S,HD). 2.55 Boyzone at 20: No Matter What (R,S,HD). 3.55 Show Me the Telly (R,S,HD). 4.55 Regional News (S). 5.05 ITV News and Weather (S). 5.20 Film: Ice Age: The Meltdown (S,HD) (2006). ●●

The shooting of a petty officer looks like an open-and-shut case when a Russian man is found with a recently fired gun in his car. However, the investigation takes a dramatic turn when it is revealed he is working as a spy for the Department of Homeland Security. Crime drama, with Mark Harmon.

Channel 4

6.10 American Football Playoff Highlights (R,S). 7.00 Trans World Sport (S). 8.00 The Morning Line (S). 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 11.25 The Simpsons (R,S). 12.30 The Taste (R,S,HD). 1.30 Channel 4 Racing (S). Live coverage from Warwick and Kempton Park. 4.05 Channel 4 News (S). 4.35 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 10.00 Power Rangers: Megaforce (S,HD). 10.35 Slugterra (S,HD). 11.00 Access 11.05 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Eviction (R,S,HD). 12.30 World’s Busiest Hotel (R,S,HD). 1.30 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 2.30 Film: Columbo: How to Dial a Murder (S) (1978). Crime drama, starring Peter Falk, Nicol Williamson and Kim Cattrall. ●●● 4.05 Diagnosis Murder (R,S). 5.05 Diagnosis Murder (R,S).

▼ ▼

7.00 Nature’s Weirdest Events (R,S,HD). 2/3. Bees in France that are making multicoloured honey.

7.00 Splash! (S,HD). 2/7. See Choices Above.

▼

after

7.00 The Voice UK (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.30 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins (S,HD). Nick Knowles hosts the game show in which two pairs of strangers compete by listing as much as they know about given subjects. Including the Lotto and Thunderball draws.

8.00 Dad’s Army (R,S). 12/14. Captain Mainwaring enlists an unusual recruit. 8.30 Morecambe & Wise: The Curtains (R,S,HD). 2/5. Highlights from the comedy duo’s routines in front of the stage curtains.

8.30 Take Me Out (S,HD). 2/8. A psychic single dad, a bodybuilder, a train enthusiast and a children’s party planner try to win a date with one of 30 single women. Paddy McGuinness presents.

▼

6.00 Flog It! (R,S). 4/40. Contestants in Swansea hope a Moorcroft vase will beat their Hartlepool rivals’ Clarice Cliff pottery at auction. Presented by Paul Martin.

9.20 Casualty (S,HD). 20/48. Lily and new doctor Ethan try to diagnose what is wrong with a teacher showing strange symptoms, while Zoe and Tess fight to save the life of Dixie’s girlfriend. George Rainsford, Crystal Yu, Sunetra Sarker and Jane Hazlegrove star.

9.30 QI XL (S,HD). 15/16. Extended edition. Sue Perkins, Reginald D Hunter and Jimmy Carr join Alan Davies as host Stephen Fry asks a range of questions of the topic of kitsch.

9.45 The Jonathan Ross Show (S,HD). 2/10. See Choices Above.

▼

Nature’s Weirdest Events, 7pm

6.15 Reflex (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

10.10 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 10.30 Match of the Day (S,HD). Gary Lineker presents highlights of the latest Premier League clashes, which included Hull City v Chelsea at the KC Stadium and Manchester United v Swansea City at Old Trafford. Followed by National Lottery Update.

10.15 Burke and Hare (S,HD) (2010). Premiere. Two Irishmen in 19th-century Edinburgh have to dispose of a dead lodger, and learn a doctor pays well for cadavers to use in his anatomy lectures. Comedy horror, starring Simon Pegg, Andy Serkis, Tom Wilkinson and Jessica Hynes. ●●●

10.45 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather

▼

6 7 8 9

Casualty, 9.20pm

11.55 The Football League Show (S). Manish Bhasin presents highlights and all the goals from today’s fixtures in the Championship, League One and League Two, including Ipswich Town v Queens Park Rangers at Loftus Road.

11.40 Darts: BDO World Championships (S). Action from the eighth day at the Lakeside Country Club in Frimley Green, which featured both of the men’s semi-finals and the ladies’ final.

11.00 Miami Vice (S,HD) (2006). See Choices Above. ●●●

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

1.10 Weatherview (S). 1.15 BBC News (S,HD).

12.30 Film: They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? (S,HD) (1969). Desperate couples in Depression-era America compete in a dance marathon and are pushed to the edge of physical and mental endurance. Drama, with Jane Fonda, Michael Sarrazin, Gig Young and Susannah York. ●●●● 2.25 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes from BBC Two.

1.20 Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 Ladette to Lady: Australia (R,S). The girls compete to earn a trip to the Trumpet Motor Rally. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

The Jonathan Ross Show, 9.45pm

The Taste, 12.30pm

NCIS, 8.40pm 6.05 Mr & Mrs Murder (S,HD). 2/13. Charlie and Nicola are called to clean up a crime scene at a golf club after a dispute between dog walkers and players results in murder.

7.15 Crocodile Dundee (S,HD) (1986). A New York reporter searches the Australian Outback for a maverick hunter with a legendary reputation, and invites the adventurer back to America. But the die-hard Aussie needs to draw on all his survival skills to adjust to life in the urban jungle. Comedy adventure, written by and starring Paul Hogan, with Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon and Mark Blum. See Choices Above. ●●●●

7.00 CSI: NY (R,S). 21/23. A teenager is shot in front of his younger brother. 7.45 NCIS (R,S). 3/24. A missing Navy lieutenant’s car is found covered in blood.

9.00 Hostages (S). 1/15. See Choices Above.

9.40 5 News Weekend (S,HD). 9.45 Celebrity Big Brother (S,HD). Highlights of the famous housemates’ past 24 hours under the all-seeing eye of Big Brother, as they try to get used to living alongside one another.

10.00 Wanted (S,HD) (2008). A disillusioned man learns his father was a member of a secret society of superpowered assassins dedicated to eliminating people who are destined to commit acts of evil in the future. Having inherited his father’s special abilities, he is recruited into the organisation and must take on a former member who has betrayed it. Action adventure, starring James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman. ●●●

10.45 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Psych. Rylan Clark is joined by a panel led by former celebrity housemate Carol McGiffin and Iain Lee, as well as psychologists, body-language experts and celebrity fans, to analyse the behaviour of the housemates.

12.00 Film: House of Flying Daggers (HD) (2004). Officers are sent to locate a rebel threatening the Tang dynasty, and happen across a beautiful blind dancer. Martial arts adventure, starring Zhang Ziyi and Takeshi Kaneshiro. ●●●●● 2.10 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 4.20 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.15 Countdown (R,S,HD). 5.55 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino 3.05 True CSI (R,S). The murder of a Warwickshire teenager. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.05 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.25 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

8.40 NCIS (R,S). 4/24. See Choices Above.

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A surgeon faces a moral dilemma when masked men take her family hostage and order her to kill her next patient â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the US president. Thriller, starring Toni Collette, with Dylan McDermott.

ITV2

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R). 6.45 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R). 7.05 Coronation Street (HD). 9.25 Emmerdale (HD). 12.25 Film: Step Up (HD) (2006). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 2.30 Film: Curly Sue (HD) (1991). Family comedy, starring James Belushi. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 4.30 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R). 5.00 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R). 5.30 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R).

THE JONATHAN ROSS SHOW 9.45pm, ITV

The host welcomes another batch of celebrity guests to his famous green room before subjecting them to a no-holds-barred bout of questioning. He is joined by Hollywood actor Aaron Eckhart, soon to be seen in new movie I, Frankenstein, and skating duo Torvill and Dean.

6.00 Switched (R). 6.25 Ugly Betty (R,HD). 7.10 Charmed (R). 8.00 Glee (R,HD). 9.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 11.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 11.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 12.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 1.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R). 3.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 4.00 2 Broke Girls (R,HD). 5.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Glee 7.00 Glee 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club 9.00 Game Changers 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00 WWE Superstars 1.00 Neverland 2.45 Futurama: Welcome to the World of Tomorrow (R,S). 3.00 David Attenboroughâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Kingdom of Plants (R,S). 4.00 Inside RAF Brize Norton (R,S,HD). 5.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

HOSTAGES 9pm, Channel 4

MIAMI VICE 11pm, ITV

GOLD

6.05 Jeeves and Wooster 8.10 Jeeves and Wooster 9.20 Jeeves and Wooster 10.30 Jeeves and Wooster 11.40 One Foot in the Grave 12.20 One Foot in the Grave 1.00 One Foot in the Grave 1.40 One Foot in the Grave 2.20 Steptoe and Son 3.00 Steptoe and Son 4.00 Steptoe and Son 5.00 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp 5.30 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp

Evan Almighty, 6.30pm

What Happens in Vegas, 9pm

The Mask of Zorro, 7pm

Blackadder II, 7pm

6.00 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R). Naughty animals and crazy teenagers. 6.30 Evan Almighty (HD) (2007). God recruits a politician to build an ark and save the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s animals from an impending cataclysm. Comedy sequel to Bruce Almighty, starring Steve Carell and Morgan Freeman. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

6.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Ted and Lily have an argument. 6.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Milhouse falls in love. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Bart and Lisa look into the future.

6.00 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp 6.30 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. A comic look at soaps and celebrities.

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Leonard asks a woman out. 7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon loses his job.

7.00 Blackadder II. Edmund takes in a young lad as his manservant. 7.40 Blackadder II. Edmund is appointed Lord High Executioner.

8.30 Tomorrow Never Dies (HD) (1997). James Bond joins forces with a Chinese agent to foil a media mogulâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s scheme to start a war between their countries. Using an undetectable stealth ship, the press baron plans an attack on both nationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s navies, knowing they will blame each other â&#x20AC;&#x201C; giving him exclusive global media coverage of the resulting conflict. Spy adventure, starring Pierce Brosnan. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

8.00 The Tomorrow People (R). American sci-fi drama, starring Robbie Amell, Luke Mitchell, Peyton List, Aaron Yoo, Madeleine Mantock and Mark Pellegrino.

7.00 The Mask of Zorro (1998). The swordwielding saviour of Spanish California returns after 20 years in prison, tutoring a thief to take over his heroic role and tackle corrupt government officials, who are using slave labour to mine gold illegally. Adventure, starring Anthony Hopkins and Antonio Banderas. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

10.50 The Magaluf Weekender (R,HD). The show following the antics of six young people on holiday returns, with three lads from Weston-superMare and three girls from Liverpool staying at the Lively Hotel.

9.00 What Happens in 9.40 An Idiot Abroad Vegas (HD) (2008). Two (R,S,HD). Ricky Gervais strangers accidentally and Stephen Merchant booked into the same send their friend and hotel room in Las Vegas former radio producer spend a night on the Karl Pilkington on a town together. After a world tour, beginning wild and drunken time with a visit to China. in the casinos, they wake up to find they are now a married couple, and 10.40 An Idiot Abroad later win $3million (R,S,HD). Karl Pilkington which they both have a arrives in India, where claim to â&#x20AC;&#x201C; leading to a he attends a spring battle of wits over who festival in which people keeps the money. throw coloured dye at Romantic comedy, one another, and pays a starring Cameron Diaz visit to the Taj Mahal. and Ashton Kutcher. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

CROCODILE DUNDEE 7.15pm, Channel 4

Two undercover narcotics detectives pose as smugglers to infiltrate a powerful drug cartel. Crime thriller, starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx.

8.20 Blackadder II. Edmund becomes jealous of the adulation that Sir Walter Raleigh has been receiving and announces he intends to go on a voyage around the Cape of Good Hope.

Comedy adventure, written by and starring Paul Hogan, with Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon, Mark Blum, Michael Lombard and Christine Totos.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Football Gold 6.30 FL72 Highlights (HD) 7.30 Premier League Preview (HD). 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 FL72 Live (HD). 2.30 Saturday Team Talk (HD). 3.00 Soccer Saturday (HD). 5.00 Live Saturday Night Football (HD). Manchester United v Swansea City (kick-off 5.30pm).

Live Football, 5pm

(HD). Sarah-Jane Mee presents a full re-run of the dayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s top Premier League match.

9.00 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. The comedian looks back at the weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s smallscreen highlights, subjecting the latest soap, reality shows and documentaries to his unique brand of scrutiny. 9.30 The Ladykillers (2004). A criminal mastermind posing as a professor rents a room in the Deep 10.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Sarah-Jane Mee South from an elderly presents extended woman in a bid to tunnel highlights from the through her basement to Premier League, a nearby casino. The allowing viewers to Coen brothersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; comedy access the latest round of remake, starring Tom top-flight fixtures, Hanks, Irma P Hall and including Cardiff City v Marlon Wayans. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? West Ham United.

11.40 Men Behaving Badly. 11.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.40 Road Wars (R,S,HD). Gary decides to make an (R,HD). Leonard fears he Police officers use Sheffield Wednesday v honest woman of is wasting his time with unmarked cars fitted Leeds United. Dorothy, but first has to Penny. Starring Johnny with on-board video face that traditional Galecki. cameras, offering an ordeal â&#x20AC;&#x201C; his stag night. insight into vehicle crime 11.30 Rude Tube: Epic Skills Starring Martin Clunes and how it can be (R,HD). and Neil Morrissey. prevented.

2.25 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R). Harry Hill narrates another selection of mishaps, including a driver reversing his car into a river and a science teacher setting his lab on fire. 2.50 Teleshopping Buying goods from home. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service.

12.30 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut (R,HD). An extended edition of the comedy panel show. 1.20 My Mad Fat Diary (R,HD). 2.20 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,HD). 2.45 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,HD). 3.10 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,HD). 3.35 Glee (R,HD). 4.20 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.20 Men Behaving Badly. Garyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wedding day arrives. 1.00 Film: The Ladykillers (2004). A criminal mastermind plots to steal a fortune â&#x20AC;&#x201C; but his unsuspecting old landlady looks set to ruin his plan. The Coen brothersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; comedy remake, starring Tom Hanks, Irma P Hall and Marlon Wayans. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes IV: May the Fourth Be with You (R,S). Blunders in Hollywood films. 7.30 Top Gear (R,S,HD). Richard Hammond drives the Mastretta MXT. 8.30 Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (S,HD) (2011). Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Johnny Depp. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 10.40 Family Guy (R,S). Peter and Lois go on a second honeymoon. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 Family Guy (R,S).

12.10 Family Guy (R,S). 12.30 Family Guy (R,S). 12.50 Family Guy (R,S). 1.15 Family Guy (R,S). 1.35 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 2.00 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 2.20 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2011 (R,S). 3.15 Live at the Electric 3.45 Great Mistakes: 8.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Game of the Day Movie Revenge of the Fifth

11.55 The Interpreter (HD) (2004). A UN translator claims to have uncovered a plot to assassinate an African head of state. Thriller, starring Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

12.40 Road Wars (R,S,HD). Police officers combat vehicle crime. 1.30 Road Wars (R,S). 2.20 Ross Kemp: Extreme World (R,S,HD). The battle for Karachi in Pakistan. 3.10 Ross Kemp: Extreme World (R,S,HD). 4.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD). 5.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD).

BBC3

BBC4

7.00 Nasa â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Triumph and Tragedy (R). Conclusion. The disasters that have marred Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s space programme. 8.00 A Very British Murder with Lucy Worsley (R,HD). How murder infiltrated popular culture during the Victorian era. 9.00 The Bridge (HD). Saga and Martin continue to hunt the eco-terrorists. 10.00 The Bridge (HD). The deaths of the terrorists are investigated. Thriller, starring Sofia Helin. 11.00 Tubular Bells: The Mike Oldfield Story (R,HD). 12.00 Tubular Bells: Mike Oldfield (R). 12.25 Synth Britannia at the BBC (R). 1.25 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R,HD). 2.00 Nasa â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Triumph and Tragedy (R). 3.00 A Very British Murder with Lucy Worsley (R,HD).

SATURDAY January 11

12.00 Saturday Reloaded (HD). A round-up of the latest football goals. 1.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League. 2.30 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). 4.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). 5.30 FL72 Highlights (HD).

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TV PICKS

SHERLOCK 8.30pm, BBC1

The detective’s latest case sees him coming up against the master blackmailer Charles Augustus Magnussen – the one man he truly despises. Benedict Cumberbatch stars.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 7.35 Match of the Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show (S,HD). 10.00 The Big Questions (S,HD). 11.00 Sunday Politics (S). 12.15 MOTD2 Extra (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15 Moving On (R,S,HD). 2.00 Bargain Hunt (R,S). 2.45 Real Lives Reunited (R,S,HD). 3.15 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.00 Songs of Praise (S,HD). 4.35 Dolphins – Spy in the Pod (R,S,HD). 5.35 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

DANCING ON ICE 6.15pm, ITV

Another seven past contestants get their skates back on for the ninth and final series of the celebrity ice-dancing competition. The 14-strong line-up includes previous winners and show favourites. Phillip Schofield and Christine Bleakley present. The results are at 8.30pm.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.40 Film: A Woman’s Secret (S) (1949). ●● 8.05 Monty Don’s French Gardens (R,S,HD). 9.05 Countryfile (R,S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (S). 11.30 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S,HD). 12.15 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S,HD). 1.00 Live Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). 5.00 Ski Sunday (S,HD). 5.45 Live Darts: BDO World Championships (S). Coverage of the men’s final.

THE TEA TRAIL WITH SIMON REEVE 8pm, BBC2

ALL STAR FAMILY FORTUNES 7.45pm, ITV

The adventurer examines the tea industry in eastern Africa, meeting some of the millions of people involved in picking, packing and transporting it to the UK.

ITV

6.00 Pat & Stan 6.30 Dino Dan 6.50 Canimals 7.15 Sooty 7.40 Almost Naked Animals 8.05 Horrid Henry 8.30 Victorious. 9.00 Deadtime Stories 9.25 ITV News 9.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.30 Murder, She Wrote 11.30 ITV News and Weather 11.35 Inside the National Trust 12.35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 1.35 Catchphrase 2.20 Splash! 3.50 All Star Mr & Mrs 4.50 The Chase: Celebrity Special (R,S,HD). 5.50 Regional News (S).

Vernon Kay invites opera singer and Britain’s Got Talent star Paul Potts and former MP Ann Widdecombe to take part in the game show. The contestants answer a series of questions based on a survey of 100 members of the public, and the team that reaches the final round can win up to £30,000 for charity.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.00 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.25 Frasier (R,S). 9.30 Sunday Brunch (S). 12.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 1.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2.25 The Simpsons (R,S). Lisa uncovers an unusual fossil, which the townsfolk are convinced is the skeleton of an angel. 3.30 Film: 27 Dresses (S,HD) (2008). See Choices Above. ●●● 5.40 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). High-stakes game show.

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 10.10 Power Rangers: Super Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.45 Slugterra (R,S,HD). 11.05 Access. 11.10 Celebrity Big Brother (R,S,HD). 12.10 World’s Worst Holiday Horrors (R,S,HD). 1.15 Film: Holes (S,HD) (2003). Adventure, starring Shia LaBeouf. ●●● 3.30 Film: Space Jam (S,HD) (1996). Comedy, with Michael Jordan. ●●● 5.10 5 News Weekend (S,HD). 5.15 Film: Loch Ness (S,HD) (1996). Drama, starring Ted Danson. ●●●

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

after

▼

6.35 News (S).

▼

7.00 Celebrity Mastermind (S,HD). 10/10. See Choices Above. 7.30 Antiques Roadshow (S,HD). 13/26.

7.45 All Star Family Fortunes (S,HD). 3/10. See Choices Above.

7.00 Jamie and Jimmy’s Friday Night Feast (R,S,HD). 1/6. Recipes with Jamie Oliver and Jimmy Doherty.

▼

8.30 Sherlock (S,HD). 3/3. The detective’s latest case sees him coming up against Charles Augustus Magnussen – the one man he truly despises. But how can he tackle a foe who knows the personal weakness of every person of importance in the Western world? Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman star, with Amanda Abbington, Rupert Graves and an appearance from Lars Mikkelsen, better known to fans of Danish drama The Killing as politician Troels Hartmann. Last in the series. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Tea Trail with Simon Reeve (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.30 Dancing on Ice: The Skate Off (S,HD). 2/10. Two more couples are eliminated from the competition, leaving just 10 to continue skating into next week and beyond. Phillip Schofield and Christine Bleakley have the results.

8.00 Speed with Guy Martin (S). 3/4. See Choices Above.

9.00 Operation Grand Canyon with Dan Snow (S,HD). 2/2. The historian and his team conclude their recreation of the pioneering 280-mile expedition through the natural wonder that was led by explorer John Wesley Powell in 1869.

9.00 It’ll Be Alright on the Night’s Best of the Worst (S,HD). Griff Rhys Jones presents this compilation of clangers from the show’s history, featuring small-screen stars including Morecambe and Wise, Kenny Everett and Frankie Howerd.

9.00 Fast Five (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. Criminal Dominic Toretto is broken out of prison by his partners in crime and together they flee to South America. They begin assembling a gang of crooks to carry out a heist in Rio, but the FBI’s top manhunter is in the country and hot on their trail. Action adventure, the fifth in the The Fast and the Furious series, starring Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster. ●●●●

▼

Jamie and Jimmy’s Friday … 7pm

6.00 ITV News and Weather (S). 6.15 Dancing on Ice (S,HD). 2/10. See Choices Above.

Power Rangers… 10.10am

7.05 My Super Ex-Girlfriend (S,HD) (2006). Ordinary New Yorker Matt starts dating a woman he meets on the subway, unaware she is the superhero G-Girl. When he breaks up with the insecure crimefighter, she is outraged and uses her superpowers to make his life a misery. Meanwhile, her arch-enemy sees Matt as a potential ally in defeating G-Girl once and for all. Fantasy comedy, starring Uma Thurman, Luke Wilson and Eddie Izzard. ●●● 9.00 Celebrity Big Brother (S,HD). A chance to catch up with the latest events inside the house as the celebrities cope with living under constant surveillance, with all the arguments and alliances, as well as the revelations in the diary room.

▼

It’ll Be Alright on the … 9pm

10.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 10.25 Match of the Day 2 (S,HD). Mark Chapman reviews the day’s Premier League action, featuring Newcastle United v Manchester City at St James’ Park and Stoke City v Liverpool at the Britannia Stadium.

10.00 Let Me In (S,HD) (2010). Premiere. A bullied 12-year-old boy befriends a mysterious girl who has recently arrived in his neighbourhood. He is unaware she is a vampire, and is responsible for a series of recent killings. Horror remake, with Chloe Grace Moretz and Kodi Smit-McPhee. ●●●●

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather 10.15 Birds of a Feather (R,S,HD). 2/8. Sitcom, starring Pauline Quirke, Linda Robson and Lesley Joseph. 10.45 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Mary Berry (R,S,HD). 2/7. The Great British Bake Off judge looks back on her life and career.

▼

Operation Grand Canyon … 9pm

6.00 Countryfile (S,HD). John Craven explores the Surrey countryside favoured by Arthur Conan Doyle.

11.25 The Revolution Will Be Televised (S,HD). 2/6. Satirical comedy sketches. James and Barnaby visit Brussels. 11.55 Cemetery Junction (S,HD) (2010). Comedy drama, starring Christian Cooke. ●●●

11.50 Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). Stuart Bingham v John Higgins. Hazel Irvine presents action from the second match in round one of the non-ranking tournament at Alexandra Palace in London.

11.45 River Monsters (R,S,HD). 1/7. Jeremy Wade investigates the piranha’s fearsome reputation, swimming with the fish in the Amazon and inciting them into a feeding frenzy.

11.35 End of Days (S,HD) (1999). A former police officer protects an innocent woman from the Devil, who plans to bring about Armageddon. Supernatural thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. ●●●

11.55 Hens Behaving Badly (R,S,HD). 1/3. A bride-to-be invites her long-lost sister and future mother-in-law to her night out in Manchester, while another parties in Newcastle before emigrating to Australia.

▼

6 7 8 9

Antiques Roadshow, 7.30pm

1.25 Weatherview (S). 1.30 BBC News (S,HD).

12.40 Snooker Extra (S,HD). Mark Selby v Mark Davis. Hazel Irvine presents extended highlights of the opening match in round one of the Masters at Alexandra Palace in London. 2.40 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). John Craven joins the staff of 18th-century Devon estate, Killerton. 3.35 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). Jac goes into early labour. 4.35 This Is BBC Two (S).

12.10 The Store Home shopping. 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside, where he invites American guests to air their differences, and dispenses his own judgment on the situation. 3.00 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

1.40 Southland (R,S,HD). John Cooper returns to duty and teams up with new partner Jessica, and Lydia worries about the safety of a former confidential informant. 2.25 Coming Up: Sink or Swim (R,S,HD). 2.50 How Not to Get Old (R,S,HD). 3.45 Secret Eaters (R,S,HD). 4.40 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent (R,S,HD). 5.35 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.55 SuperCasino 3.05 My Depression Diaries: Kerry Katona (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.25 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Rhu|hy 984 :89<

10.00 The Switch (S,HD) (2010). See Choices Above. ●●●

CELEBRITY MASTERMIND 7pm, BBC1

The racing fan embarks on a mission to fly using muscle power alone, teaming up with engineers from Southampton University to build the fastest man-powered aircraft in the world.

ITV2

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R). 6.45 Emmerdale (R,HD). 9.30 Coronation Street (R,HD). 12.00 Take Me Out (R,HD). 1.10 Film: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (HD) (2005). Premiere. Comedy, with Amber Tamblyn. ●●● 3.30 Film: Step Up (HD) (2006). ●● 5.45 Film: The Incredible Hulk (HD) (2008). Adventure, with Edward Norton. ●●●

John Humphrys hosts as Tony Livesey demonstrates his knowledge of the Jam, Ava Vidal reveals what she knows about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Monty Halls answers questions on the life and times of Jacques Cousteau and the Rev Richard Coles tackles the Mapp and Lucia novels of EF Benson.

6.00 Switched (R). 6.25 Make It or Break It 7.05 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed 9.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 10.00 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 12.30 Revenge (R,HD). 1.30 Rude(ish) Tube (R). 2.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 3.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 4.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (R,HD). 5.00 The Tomorrow People (R).

Sky1

6.00 Hour of Power 7.00 Glee 9.00 Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues – Behind the Scenes 9.30 The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Special 10.00 WWE Superstars 11.00 WWE: Experience. 12.00 Sinbad 1.00 David Attenborough’s Kingdom of Plants 2.00 Futurama: Welcome to the World of Tomorrow 2.15 Film: The Mask of Zorro (1998). ●●●● 5.00 Ashley Banjo’s Big Town Dance

FILM PICKS

SPEED WITH GUY MARTIN 8pm, Channel 4

27 DRESSES 3.30pm, Channel 4

GOLD

6.00 One Foot in the Grave 7.00 One Foot in the Grave 7.40 One Foot in the Grave 8.20 Steptoe and Son 10.20 Outnumbered 11.00 Outnumbered 11.40 Outnumbered 12.20 Only Fools and Horses 1.40 Blackadder II 2.20 Blackadder II 3.00 Blackadder II 3.40 The Vicar of Dibley Story 5.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 5.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp

Rude Tube, 9.40pm

Banshee, 10.30pm

Only Fools and Horses, 9pm

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Raj’s parents set him up on a blind date. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 Jordan & Perri’s Ultimate Block Party (S,HD). 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 6.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. A comic look at soaps and celebrities.

7.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Robin suffers acute anxiety as her wedding day nears. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). Bart and Lisa have families of their own. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer goes to prison.

7.00 Outnumbered 7.40 Outnumbered. Sue finds an inappropriate image on the family computer.

8.00 You’ve Been Framed! Top 100 Holidays (R). Comedian Harry Hill narrates a selection of camcorder calamities and viewers’ mobile phone footage.

8.00 Dragonball Evolution (HD) (2009). An ordinary teenager is recruited by a mystical martial arts master for a vitally important quest. Fantasy, starring Justin Chatwin. ●●

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Three Halloweenthemed tales. 8.30 An Idiot Abroad (R,S,HD). Karl Pilkington stops off in Israel on his way to Petra, Jordan.

8.20 Outnumbered. Pete has an eventful Saturday morning game of tennis, Ben decides to take a close interest in his dad’s medical tests, and Karen devises her own version of Britain’s Got Talent.

9.00 The Magaluf Weekender (HD). A trio of lads from Buckinghamshire and two students from Preston check into the Lively Hotel, and new girl Ali clashes with head rep Imogen.

9.40 Rude Tube (R,HD). Alex Zane counts down 50 videos featuring people who have gained notoriety for their skills, including a worker in a chicken shop and a magnetic boy.

9.30 An Idiot Abroad (R,S,HD). Karl Pilkington travels to Mexico and immerses himself in the country’s culture, before heading for Chichen Itza, home to temples built between the ninth and 12th centuries.

9.00 Only Fools and Horses. Rodney dates the daughter of the Duke of Maylebury, and Del sees the chance for the family to marry into the aristocracy. Christmas special from 1986, starring David Jason.

The Incredible Hulk, 5.45pm

THE SWITCH 10pm, Channel 5

A single woman acting as a bridesmaid at her sister’s wedding struggles to hide her love for the groom. Romantic comedy, starring James Marsden.

A man begins to suspect he may be the father of his friend’s son. Comedy, with Jennifer Aniston, Patrick Wilson and Jason Bateman.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Spanish Football (HD). 7.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 7.30 Game Changers (HD). 8.30 The Sunday Supplement (HD). 10.00 Goals on Sunday (HD). 12.00 The Sunday Supplement (HD). 1.30 Live Super Sunday (HD). Newcastle United v Manchester City (kick-off 2.05pm). 4.00 Live Super Sunday (HD). Stoke City v Liverpool (kick-off 4.10pm).

Live Super Sunday, 1.30pm

7.00 Live Spanish Football (HD). Espanyol v Real Madrid. Coverage of the second half of the La Liga clash at the Estadi Cornella-El Prat.

10.20 Best of Not the Nine 10.00 Football Special (HD). O’Clock News. Stoke City v Liverpool Highlights from the and Newcastle United v comedy sketch show. Manchester City. Action from the double bill of 10.55 Best of Not the Nine Premier League matches, O’Clock News. which took place at the Highlights of the sketch Britannia Stadium and St show. Starring Rowan James’ Park. Atkinson, Mel Smith and Griff Rhys Jones. 11.30 Harry Enfield and Chums. Comedy sketches with the funnyman and partners in mirth Paul Whitehouse and Kathy Burke.

11.30 Scottish Premiership Football (HD). Inverness Caledonian Thistle v Dundee United.

12.25 Film: Duplicity (HD) (2009). Two former spies with a romantic past together go head to head working in counter-intelligence for rival multi-national corporations. Thriller, with Julia Roberts and Clive Owen. Including FYI Daily. ●●● 2.50 Tinie Tempah: The Hot Desk (R,HD). 3.00 Teleshopping

12.05 French and Saunders Easter Special. The comedy duo’s own version of The Lord of the Rings. 1.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme. Linda’s sister takes up residence. 1.30 Best of Not the Nine O’Clock News. 1.55 Best of Not the Nine O’Clock News. 2.20 Harry Enfield and Chums.

12.00 Spanish Football (HD). 1.00 Football Special (HD). 2.30 Scottish Premiership Football (HD). 3.00 Spanish Football (HD). 4.00 Football Special (HD). Stoke City v Liverpool and Newcastle United v Manchester City. 5.30 Scottish Premiership Football (HD).

12.10 Ross Kemp: Extreme World (R,S,HD). The actor explores the dark side of Marseille. 1.10 Ross Kemp: Extreme World (R,S,HD). 2.10 Ross Kemp: Extreme World (R,S,HD). 3.10 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 4.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD). 5.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Voice UK (R,S,HD). Kylie Minogue and Ricky Wilson join the judging panel on the singing contest. 8.35 102 Dalmatians (S,HD) (2000). Disney family adventure sequel, starring Glenn Close. ●●● 10.05 Family Guy (R,S,HD). Brian discovers that the cure for cancer is being kept secret. 10.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD). Brian uses Stewie’s time machine to impress women at bars. 10.50 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 11.15 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 11.35 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 12.05 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2011 (R,S). 1.05 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). 1.35 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 2.05 Rachel Bruno: My Dad & Me (R,S,HD). 3.05 Failed by the NHS (R,S,HD).

8.00 Live Spanish Football (HD). Levante v Malaga (kick-off 8.00pm). Coverage of the La Liga fixture at the Estadi Ciudad de Valencia.

10.30 Banshee (R,S). A blast 10.00 The Butterfly Effect 10.50 The Big Bang Theory from the past threatens (HD) (2004). A college (R,HD). Sheldon and to blow Hood’s cover student discovers he can Leonard invent excuses when an ex-convict he travel back in time to his to avoid going to watch served time with stops troubled childhood and Penny’s performance in off in Banshee, while change future events a musical, but Proctor blackmails a for himself and his maintaining the reverend into handing friends – but his pretence makes matters over his land. meddling in the course ever more complicated. of history leads to unforeseen consequences when he 11.20 How I Met Your 11.40 Nothing to Declare returns to the present Mother (R,HD). Lily and (R,S). The work of day. Supernatural Marshall struggle to find customs officers in thriller, starring Ashton a babysitter. Australia. Kutcher, Amy Smart, Eric 11.50 How I Met Your Stoltz, William Lee Scott Mother (R,HD). and Melora Walters. Including FYI Daily. ●●● 12.20 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Victoria drops hints about taking her relationship with Ted to the next level. 12.50 My Mad Fat Diary (R,HD). 1.50 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 2.15 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 2.35 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 3.00 Bob’s Burgers (R,HD). 3.20 Hollyoaks (R).

BBC3

BBC4

7.00 The Golden Age of Steam Railways (R,HD). Part one of two. A bid to rescue Britain’s narrow gauge railways. 8.00 The Golden Age of Steam Railways (R,HD). 9.00 Len Goodman’s Dance Band Days (R,HD). The Strictly judge reflects on British dance bands of the 1920s and 30s. 10.00 Timeshift: How to Be Sherlock Holmes – The Many Faces of a Master Detective. Documentary exploring various portrayals of the sleuth. 11.00 White Elephant (HD) (2012). Premiere. Drama, starring Ricardo Darin. ●●● 12.40 Born to Be Wild (R,HD). 1.40 The Doors: The Story of LA Woman (R). 2.40 Len Goodman’s Dance Band Days (R,HD).

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TV PICKS

THE GREAT SPORT RELIEF BAKE OFF 8.30pm, BBC2

GO HARD OR GO HOME 8pm, Channel 5

Solo sailor and adventurer Hannah White challenges members of the public to participate in some of the world’s most extreme endurance races with only 12 weeks’ training. In the first edition, she prepares doctors Matthew Degnan, John Logan, Rabia Osman and Andy O’Brien to compete in a bike race in the Pyrenees.

New series. Michael Vaughan, Samantha Bond, Bonnie Wright and Johnny Vaughan take part. Hosted by Sue Perkins.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Wanted Down Under (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (S,HD). 11.45 Real Lives Reunited (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Father Brown (S,HD). 3.00 Perfection (S,HD). 3.45 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.30 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Rip Off Britain: Holidays (R,S,HD). 7.50 Real Lives Reunited (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: Britain and the Sea (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Britain’s Empty Homes (R,S). 10.35 Click (R,sS,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Live Snooker: The Masters (S,HD).

THE BLETCHLEY CIRCLE 9pm, ITV

Part two of two. The friends search for evidence that will prove Alice’s innocence and save her from the gallows, and what they discover points to a high-level military conspiracy.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs (R,S). With Barry McGuigan, Simon Gregson and Suzi Perry. 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R,S). Highlights from the show. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? USA 11.20pm, BBC1

Christina Applegate sets out to find out what happened to the grandmother she never knew. Travelling to Trenton, New Jersey, the actress reads court records that reveal a bitter battle for custody of her father, who as a result was raised by his own grandparents.

Channel 4

6.30 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.15 Will & Grace (R,S). 8.05 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 The Secret Millionaire Australia (R,S). 11.00 Building the Dream (S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 2.10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (S). 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show. 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). A murder is committed while an NCIS employee is moonlighting. 3.15 Film: Love Begins (S) (2011). Drama prequel, starring Wes Brown and Julie Mond. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Great British Railway … 6.30pm

A Great Welsh Adventure … 8pm

Dogs: Their Secret Lives, 8pm

Baby Faced Brides, 10pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 10/22. Marge writes a novel. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Fraser punishes Trevor for his forbidden liaison with Grace.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Oscar tries to warn Spencer about Murray. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Alex Jones and Matt Baker. 7.30 Regional Programme (S). Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 101/140. Quiz show. 6.30 Great British Railway Journeys (S,HD). 6/20. Michael Portillo embarks on the first leg of a journey to Leeds. 7.00 Great British Garden Revival (S,HD). 9/10. Toby Buckland meets a conservationist who works to save species of fruit trees that are close to extinction.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Sam is arrested and charged with arson. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Todd corners Marcus and makes it clear he is attracted to him.

7.00 News (S).

7.00 World’s Scariest Weather (R,S,HD). Tornados, wildfires and tsunamis caught on camera. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

The One Show, 7pm

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Carol gets a shock when she receives her test results. 8.30 Fake Britain Special (S,HD). Matt Allwright reveals the hidden dangers of the January sales.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD). 25/37. The first quarter-final. 8.30 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off (S,HD). 1/4. See Choices Above.

8.00 A Great Welsh Adventure with Griff Rhys Jones (S,HD). 2/8. The funnyman explores the Gower Peninsula. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Eileen accuses Todd of trying to wreck Marcus and Maria’s relationship.

8.00 Dogs: Their Secret Lives (S). Updated version of the documentary using hidden cameras and a groundbreaking scientific study to reveal what dogs get up to when their owners are not at home.

8.00 Go Hard or Go Home (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 I Want My Baby Back (S,HD). Investigation into the evidence gathered in child-abuse cases and the possibility that tiny fractures on babies’ X-rays may be linked to vitamin deficiency rather than violence.

9.30 The Sacred Wonders of Britain (S,HD). 3/3. Neil Oliver finds out how the epic journey of St Cuthbert led to the Lindisfarne Gospels and visits Glastonbury Tor to explore the story of the Holy Grail. Last in the series.

9.00 The Bletchley Circle (S,HD). 2/4. See Choices Above.

9.00 Benefits Street (S,HD). 2/5. Documentary following the lives of people who are heavily reliant on welfare payments, revealing the daily challenges they face in tough economic times.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother (S,HD). Marcus Bentley narrates as the famous housemates lie in their beds, chat on the sofas and argue in the kitchen – all for the enjoyment of the viewing public.

▼

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Have I Got Old News for You (R,S,HD). 1/9. Comedy actor Stephen Mangan hosts the comedy quiz, with Paul Merton and Ian Hislop joined by Pointless co-presenter Richard Osman and broadcaster Joan Bakewell. 11.20 Who Do You Think You Are? USA (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

11.20 Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). Stephen Maguire v Joe Perry. Jason Mohammad presents action from the fourth match in round one of the non-ranking tournament at Alexandra Palace in north London.

12.05 The Graham Norton Show (R,S,HD). Graham meets a quartet of movie stars – Robert De Niro, Sylvester Stallone, Carey Mulligan and Jonah Hill – who are all in the studio to talk about their new films. 12.50 Weatherview (S). 12.55 BBC News (S,HD).

12.10 Snooker Extra (S,HD). Judd Trump v Marco Fu. 2.10 Sign Zone: Idris Elba – King of Speed (R,S). Part two of two. The Luther star examines the importance of precision driving skills in motorsports, learning the art of rallying from former world champion Ari Vatanen. 3.10 This Is BBC Two (S). 3.55 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

▼

after

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 300 (S,HD) (2006). Leonidas, fearless king of Sparta, leads 300 of his finest warriors into battle against the vast invading armies of the ruler of the Persian empire. As the outnumbered Spartans fight for their country, his queen, Gorgo, tries to rally support for her husband at home. Fantasy action adventure based on Frank Miller and Lynn Varley’s comic-book series, starring Gerard Butler. See Choices Above. ●●●●

10.00 Dave: Loan Ranger (S). See Choices Above.

10.00 Baby Faced Brides (S,HD). Documentary following three brides-to-be who will be walking up the aisle as teenagers, including an 18-year-old who was with her boyfriend for just four months before he proposed.

11.00 American Football Playoff Highlights (S). Action from the divisional play-off matches. Presented by Vernon Kay, with analysis by Nat Coombs and Mike Carlson.

11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Emma Willis presents the CBB companion show, including celebrity guests’ thoughts on the latest developments and behind-thescenes insights.

12.40 Jackpot247. Viewers get the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD).

12.05 Random Acts (S,HD). 12.10 Speed with Guy Martin (R,S). The racing fan aims to fly the fastest man-powered aircraft in the world. 1.05 Hostages (R,S). 2.00 World Without End (R,S,HD). 3.30 Secret Eaters (R,S,HD). 4.25 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent (R,S,HD). 5.20 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (R,S,HD). 5.30 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 Living with ADHD: Louis Smith (R,S,HD). Documentary exploring how the condition affects the gymnast’s life. 1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.05 Autopsy: Michael Jackson’s Last Hours (R,S,HD). 3.55 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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MAD DOGS 9pm, Sky1

Entrepreneur Dave Fishwick tries to help people who have become trapped in cycles of debt after borrowing from payday loan companies by trialling a series of high-risk loans.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.25 Coronation Street 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.30 Dinner Date 9.30 The Real Housewives of DC 10.30 The Real Housewives of Orange County 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale 1.00 Coronation Street 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Orange County (HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

Psychological thriller, starring Max Beesley, Philip Glenister, John Simm and Marc Warren. Four life-long friends visit Majorca to meet the fifth member of their group and celebrate his early retirement, only to become entangled in a web of deception and murder.

E4 6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 7.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed 9.00 Glee 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R). 11.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

DAVE: LOAN RANGER 10pm, Channel 4

MONSTERS VS ALIENS 7.35pm, BBC3

300 10.35pm, ITV

The king of Sparta leads 300 warriors into battle against the vast invading armies of the ruler of the Persian empire. Adventure, starring Gerard Butler.

Animated sci-fi comedy, with the voices of Reese Witherspoon, Seth Rogen, Hugh Laurie, Will Arnett and Kiefer Sutherland.

GOLD 6.00 To the Manor Born 6.30 As Time Goes By 7.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 8.00 Jeeves and Wooster 9.10 Keeping Up Appearances 9.50 Bread 10.30 Last of the Summer Wine 11.50 Porridge 1.10 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 2.10 To the Manor Born 2.50 As Time Goes By 3.30 Jeeves and Wooster 4.40 Keeping Up Appearances 5.20 Last of the Summer Wine

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Football Special (HD). 10.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 11.00 Spanish Football (HD). 12.00 Scottish Premiership Football (HD). 12.30 Football Special (HD). 2.00 Scottish Premiership Football (HD). 2.30 Spanish Football (HD). 3.30 Football 4.00 Game Changers (HD). 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD).

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm

Revenge, 9pm

Mad Dogs, 9pm

The Vicar of Dibley, 9pm

Live Football, 7pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). Tatiana from Kent considers the menus of five suitors. Narrated by Charlotte Hudson.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Leonard, Raj and Howard go camping.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer joins the power plant’s softball team.

6.00 Last of the Summer Wine 6.40 Porridge. Pilot of the classic comedy, starring Ronnie Barker.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Featuring a springcleaning dog. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). A practical joker scares a bungee jumper.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Robin discovers Nick is not very intelligent and decides to end their relationship.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). The 500th episode of the long-running animation. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer becomes a food critic.

7.20 Porridge. Crafty con Fletcher helps new inmate Godber settle in by giving him a few lessons on coping with prison life.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R). Alan chooses Jake’s guardian. Comedy, starring Jon Cryer. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R). Charlie is shocked to learn an old flame has had a sex change.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon and Penny bond as they miss Leonard. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Leonard and Sheldon go through an adjustment period.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S). Pilot episode of the comedy about an extended family. 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Phil tries to teach his son a lesson in responsibility.

8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. The quirky comic takes a surreal look at soap sagas and celebrities. 8.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. A comic look at soaps and celebrities.

6.00 FL72 Review. A roundup of recent matches, featuring all the goals from the Championship, League One and League Two. 7.00 Live Monday Night Football (HD). Aston Villa v Arsenal (Kick-off 8.00pm). All the action from the Premier League match at Villa Park, where the hosts are looking to do the double over the Gunners. Arsenal’s defeat at home to Villa on the opening weekend of the season seemed to confirm the difficulties faced during recent years by Arsene Wenger, but his side have instead gone from strength to strength in their quest to finally win some silverware.

9.00 Mad Dogs (R,S,HD). } 9.00 The Sweetest Thing 9.00 Revenge (HD). Emily 9.00 The Vicar of Dibley. See Choices Above. (HD) (2002). A woman finds herself in Alice shocks Geraldine more interested in oneunfamiliar terrain when with a pre-wedding night stands than true she targets former revelation. love is forced to reassess Grayson Global 9.40 French and Saunders her priorities when she executive Paul Whitley, Easter Special. The meets the man of her while Victoria makes a comedy duo’s own dreams. However, when bold move concerning version of The Lord of she hears he is getting Patric. the Rings. married, she sets out on a hectic road trip across 10.35 Gimme Gimme 10.00 Banshee (R,S). A 10.00 What Happens in America to stop the Gimme. A half-naked grocery store robbery Kavos (R,HD). At the wedding. Romantic man mysteriously spirals into a hostage medical centre, there is comedy, starring appears in the flatsituation at the school, cause for alarm when a Cameron Diaz, Christina sharing pair’s kitchen where Deva and some of reveller is brought in Applegate, Selma Blair after a drunken night of her friends are serving after being found and Thomas Jane. partying – and a cryptic detention, overseen by collapsed in a bar, and Including FYI Daily. ●●● note doesn’t shed much the mayor’s wife. doctors suspect a spiked light on the situation. cocktail is to blame. Kathy Burke stars.

12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Uncle (R,S,HD). 1.00 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents: Thailand 2.00 Football’s Suicide Secret 3.00 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents: Thailand

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Orangutan Diary (R). Troubled Lomon finally makes progress. 8.00 Natural World: Grizzlies of Alaska (R,HD). A grizzly bear prepares her two cubs to survive winter. 9.00 Icebound: The Greatest Dog Story Ever Told (HD). A remarkable dogsledding journey. 10.00 Storyville: Mandela, The Myth & Me (HD). The legacy of Nelson Mandela. 11.15 God’s Cadets: Joining the Salvation Army (R,HD). 12.45 Natural World: Grizzlies of Alaska (R,HD). 1.45 Hurricanes and Heatwaves: The Highs and Lows of British Weather (R). 2.45 Icebound: The Greatest Dog Story Ever Told (R).

MONDAY 13

11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Spartacus: Vengeance 11.15 Gimme Gimme Gimme. Tom lands an (R,HD). Leonard argues (R,S,HD). Glaber’s forces audition. with Penny. Johnny gain new recruits, Galecki stars. prompting Spartacus 11.55 Gimme Gimme and the rebels to train Gimme. Linda finds 11.30 The Big Bang Theory harder to keep their new romance with a (R,HD). Leonard, Raj and sanctuary safe. motorcycle courier. Howard go camping.

11.00 FL72 Review

12.10 Two and a Half Men (R). 12.40 Take Me Out (R,HD). A psychic single dad, a bodybuilder, a train enthusiast and a children’s party planner try to win a date with one of 30 single women. Paddy McGuinness presents. 1.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R). 2.30 Teleshopping

12.00 The Tomorrow People (R). American sci-fi drama, starring Robbie Amell. 1.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (R,HD). 1.55 What Happens in Kavos (R,HD). 2.50 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 3.10 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,HD). 3.40 Glee (R,HD). 4.25 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.00 SPFL Round-Up (HD). A review of the latest round of fixtures from the Scottish top flight. 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). Highlights of Saturday’s show. 1.30 Monday Night Football (HD). Aston Villa v Arsenal. 4.00 FL72 Review 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD).

12.35 The Vicar of Dibley 1.10 Gimme Gimme Gimme 1.40 Gimme Gimme Gimme 2.10 Gimme Gimme Gimme

7.00 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes (R,S). 7.05 Great Movie Mistakes (R,S). 7.35 Monsters vs Aliens (S,HD) (2009). See Choices Above. ●●●● 9.00 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents: Thailand (S,HD). New series. Another set of unsuspecting youngsters fly to Bangkok. 10.00 Uncle (S,HD). 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

January

11.00 Fake Reaction (R,HD). With Charlotte Crosby, Gemma Cairney, Ivo Graham and Louie Spence. 11.40 Two and a Half Men (R).

12.15 Spartacus: Vengeance (R,S,HD). 1.30 Nothing to Declare (R,S). 2.00 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 4.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

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TV PICKS

HOUSE OF FOOLS 10pm, BBC2

Comedy about a man frustrated by the uninvited lodgers, visitors and guests who constantly fill his house. Written by and starring Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Wanted Down Under (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (S,HD). 11.45 Real Lives Reunited (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Father Brown (S,HD). 3.00 Perfection (S,HD). 3.45 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE TASTE 9pm, Channel 4

Culinary competition in which contestants are mentored by Nigella Lawson, Anthony Bourdain and Ludo Lefebvre. The experts see their hand-picked contestants in action for the first time as guest chef Richard Corrigan sets and judges a classic challenge – to make the best prawn cocktail.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 7.50 Real Lives Reunited (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Britain’s Empty Homes (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Live Snooker: The Masters (S,HD).

PAUL O’GRADY’S ANIMAL ORPHANS 9pm, ITV

DEATH IN PARADISE 9pm, BBC1

The comedian travels across South Africa and Zambia helping to hand-rear orphaned animals. As his trip begins, he bonds with a penguin named Stevie.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs (R,S). With Jenni Falconer, Bobby Ball and John Higgins. 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R,S). Highlights from the show. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

Return of the Caribbean detective drama. A group of old university friends arrives on the island for a reunion, only for one of the party to meet a sticky end when he is murdered with an ice-pick. Kris Marshall joins the cast, with Ben Miller, Sara Martins and Danny John-Jules.

Channel 4

6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will & Grace (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 The Secret Millionaire Australia (R,S). 11.00 Building the Dream (S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 2.10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (S). 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). With Dictionary Corner guest Helen Skelton. 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 World’s Worst Holiday Horrors (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: Too Late to Say Goodbye (S) (2009). Drama, starring Stefanie von Pfetten, Rob Lowe, Lauren Holly and Yannick Bisson. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Wild Brazil, 9pm

James Cracknell … 10.35pm

Location, Location, Location, 8pm

Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun, 8pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 11/22. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Sinead regrets her vengeful tryst with Robbie, unaware that Jason knows about her infidelity.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Evelyn is dismayed when Spencer turns up at Sanctuary Lodge. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Live chat and topical reports. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Masood and Shabnam call a truce. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 102/140. Quiz show. 6.30 Great British Railway Journeys (S,HD). 7/20. Michael Portillo travels through Buckinghamshire. 7.00 Great British Garden Revival (S,HD). 10/10. Chris Beardshaw champions the herbaceous border. Last in the series.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). 7.30 River Monsters (S). 2/7. A fish suspected of having killed a honeymooning bride in Colombia.

7.00 News (S).

7.00 Highland Emergency (R,S,HD). 20/30. 7.30 Highland Emergency (R,S,HD). Two climbers are critically injured on Ben Nevis. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

Holby City, 8pm

8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 14/52. Jac and Jonny struggle to cope, Mo’s sister Adele makes an impression as she arrives to join the nursing team and the return of an unwelcome face from the past shocks Arthur. Guest starring Ian Lavender.

8.00 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off (S,HD). 2/4. Jo Brand presents as Kirsty Young, Jane Horrocks, Greg Rutherford and Jason Gardiner make gingerbread biscuits, banoffee pies and representations of their jobs in cake.

8.00 Weight Loss Ward (S,HD). 2/3. Recluse Doreen Thomas returns to the Weight Loss Ward for help reducing her 31-stone frame, and Laura Lamb has two days to lose four-and-a-half pounds.

8.00 Location, Location, Location (S,HD). 2/6. Phil Spencer and Kirstie Allsopp are in the West Country, helping a family put down roots after years of moving around and trying to find a first-time home for a newlywed couple.

8.00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun (S,HD). Two teams of novices are among those competing in Gibraltar’s triathlon, and marine police go on a highspeed chase along the coast in pursuit of smugglers. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Death in Paradise (S,HD). 1/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 Wild Brazil (S,HD). 1/3. New series. Stephen Mangan narrates a documentary following the lives of families of capuchin monkeys, giant otters and coatis as they strive to raise their young.

9.00 Paul O’Grady’s Animal Orphans (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Taste (S,HD). 2/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother (S,HD). A chance to catch up with the latest action as the celebrity contestants continue to get to know each other – for better or worse.

▼

10.00 House of Fools (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather 10.35 James Cracknell: Sports Life Stories (S,HD). 1/8. New series. A profile of the former rower who won gold as part of the coxless four at both the 2000 and 2004 Olympic Games staged in Sydney and Athens. Previously shown on ITV4.

10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (S). 13/16. Part two of two. Mill Street Bistro proprietor Joe Nagy slips back into his old ways. 10.55 The Undateables (R,S,HD). 1/4. A gold medallist at the World Dwarf Games prepares for a date.

10.00 Autopsy: Whitney Houston’s Last Hours (S,HD). 2/3. See Choices Above.

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 Motorway Cops (S). Documentary series following traffic police as they try to enforce the law on some of Britain’s busiest and most dangerous highways. 11.35 Disturbia (S) (2007). See Choices Above. ●●●

11.20 Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). Ronnie O’Sullivan v Robert Milkins. Action from the sixth match in round one of the nonranking tournament at Alexandra Palace in north London.

11.35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S). Rare Fijian crested iguanas arrive at Australia Zoo as part of a breeding programme and the resident rescue team leaps into action following a traffic accident.

11.55 Random Acts (S). Short film in which a young man’s artistry takes on a life of its own.

11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Emma Willis presents the CBB companion show, including celebrity guests’ thoughts on the latest developments and behind-thescenes insights.

1.15 Weatherview (S). 1.20 BBC News (S,HD).

12.10 Snooker Extra (S,HD). Ding Junhui v Shaun Murphy. Hazel Irvine presents extended highlights of the fifth match in round one of the Masters at Alexandra Palace in north London. 2.10 Sign Zone: The Midwives (R,S). Students undertake on-the-job training at Birmingham Women’s Hospital. 3.10 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Viewers get the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 Loose Women (R,S,HD). Celebrity interviews and topical studio discussion. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD).

12.00 Poker (S). Action from the Pokerstars.com European Poker Tour Barcelona. 12.55 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). A look back at the last six months of 2013. 1.25 Trans World Sport (R,S). Including an interview with Max Whitlock. 2.20 Beach Volleyball (S). 3.15 Secret Eaters (R,S,HD). 4.10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 5.05 Deal or No Deal

12.00 Botched Up Bodies (R,S,HD). Buttock injections that led to amputation. 1.00 SuperCasino 3.05 Hens Behaving Badly (R,S,HD). A bride-to-be parties in Newcastle before emigrating to Australia. 3.55 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

▼

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NOW TAKING CHRISTMAS BOOKINGS

ALL ABOARD: EAST COAST TRAINS 8pm, Sky1

Staff at York station have a busy time coping with bank holiday crowds and passengers making their way to the races. While information controller Julie manages to enjoy the atmosphere, new train dispatcher Liam is run ragged. Plus, East Coast rail employees prepare for their very own red carpet awards.

Dr Richard Shepherd investigates the death of the singer in February 2012, with the post-mortem revealing the damage done by years of drug and alcohol abuse.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.25 Coronation Street 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.30 Dinner Date 9.30 The Real Housewives of DC 10.30 The Real Housewives of Orange County 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale 1.00 Coronation Street 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 The Real Housewives of Orange County 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker

E4 6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 7.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed 9.00 Glee 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube 11.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 3.30 Futurama (R,S,HD). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

AUTOPSY: WHITNEY HOUSTON’S LAST HOURS 10pm, Channel 5

DISTURBIA 11.35pm, BBC1

TOMORROW NEVER DIES 9pm, ITV2

A teenager under house arrest passes the time spying on his neighbours, and begins to suspect one of them is a serial killer. Thriller, starring Shia LaBeouf.

GOLD 6.15 Bread 6.45 To the Manor Born 7.25 As Time Goes By 8.00 Jeeves and Wooster 9.10 Keeping Up Appearances 9.50 The Brittas Empire 10.30 Last of the Summer Wine 11.50 Porridge 1.10 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 2.10 To the Manor Born 2.50 As Time Goes By 3.25 Jeeves and Wooster 4.40 Keeping Up Appearances 5.20 Last of the Summer Wine

James Bond battles to stop a media mogul’s plan to start a war between Britain and China. Spy adventure, starring Pierce Brosnan.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Monday Night Football (HD). 11.30 SPFL RoundUp (HD). 12.00 FL72 Review 1.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). 2.00 Monday Night Football (HD). 4.30 Football Gold 4.45 Football Gold 5.00 SPFL RoundUp (HD). 5.30 Premier League Review (HD).

Two and a Half Men, 8pm

Big Momma’s House, 9pm

All Aboard: East … 8pm

Last of the Summer … 6pm

Soccer AM: The ,… 1pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). Gemma from the Wirral chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Bernadette takes an interest in physics.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S). Claire is made to feel inadequate when an old friend visits. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6.00 Last of the Summer Wine. 6.40 Porridge. Fletcher and Godber while away a long night.

6.30 Football Gold 6.45 Football Gold. Manchester United v Newcastle United from 2002/03.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). A boy falls through floorboards. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). An elephant slips on a banana skin.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). The day of Freddie and Sinead’s wedding arrives. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). Marge, Bart and Lisa taste success in the world of food blogging. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

7.20 Porridge. The inmates face a day of hard labour digging drains on a lonely stretch of moorland. Comedy, starring Ronnie Barker.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R). Teri Hatcher guest stars. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R). Judith suggests Jake see a therapist. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Angus T Jones.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Amy spoils one of Sheldon’s favourite films by pointing out a plot hole. Comedy, starring Jim Parsons.

8.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 8.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. The quirky comic takes a surreal look at soap sagas and celebrities, subjecting them to his unique brand of scrutiny.

7.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (HD). A look at some of the greatest teams in the history of the game. 7.30 Soccer Special (HD). Julian Warren introduces pre-match reports and news of all tonight’s goals as they go in, while studio guests keep an eye on the big games and talking points. Plus, a classified results roundup from all of this evening’s fixtures.

9.00 The Vicar of Dibley. 9.00 Tomorrow Never Dies 9.00 Big Momma’s House 9.00 Road Wars (R). Police (HD) (2000). A dedicated Geraldine receives a (HD) (1997). James Bond officers use unmarked FBI agent will stop at surprise visitor. Clerical joins forces with a cars fitted with on-board nothing to catch a comedy, starring Dawn Chinese agent to foil a video cameras, offering dangerous escaped French and Emma media mogul’s scheme to an insight into vehicle convict, even if it means Chambers. start a war between crime and how it can be donning a fat suit and their countries. Using an prevented. 9.55 Gimme Gimme drag to pose as the undetectable stealth Gimme. Linda’s sister obese old woman who ship, the press baron takes up residence. lives across the road plans an attack on both from the felon’s nation’s navies, knowing 10.35 Gimme Gimme 10.00 Premier League girlfriend. Comedy, with 10.00 Brit Cops: Zero they will blame each Gimme. Tom poses as a Tolerance (R,S). Review (HD). A look Martin Lawrence, Nia other – giving him soap star to impress an Following police officers back at recent fixtures in Long, Paul Giamatti, exclusive global media Italian he meets in a in Hammersmith and the English Premier Jascha Washington, coverage of the resulting pub, and a night of Fulham as they try to League, as the season Terrence Dashon Howard conflict. Spy adventure, passion ensues. The next protect the public from continued with matches and Ella Mitchell. Edited starring Pierce Brosnan, day, jealous Linda does dangerous and affecting both ends of for language. ●●● Jonathan Pryce and her utmost to bring their persistent criminal the table. Michelle Yeoh. Including whirlwind liaison to a offenders. FYI Daily. See Choices swift end. Above. ●●●● 11.00 Rude Tube: WTF?!? 11.30 Two and a Half Men (R,HD). Alex Zane (R). Judith’s sister Liz presents 50 of the (guest star Teri Hatcher) internet’s most turns up at Jake’s extraordinary videos. birthday party, to the delight of Charlie, who remembers her from a previous encounter.

11.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). Comedian Jimmy Carr and rugby union player Mike Tindall join team captains Jamie Redknapp and Andrew Flintoff.

11.15 Gimme Gimme 11.00 Football’s Greatest Gimme. Tom announces International Teams he is getting married. (HD). 11.55 Gimme Gimme 11.30 Football Gold (HD). Gimme. Tom decides to Classic action featuring pull his finger out and Watford. set up a drama school. 11.45 Football Gold (HD).

12.00 Two and a Half Men (R). Judith suggests Jake see a therapist. 12.25 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records: Bonkingly Big Hits Incredible and peculiar record-breaking attempts. 1.25 Ladette to Lady: Australia (R). 2.20 Teleshopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 1.00 An Idiot Abroad (R,S,HD). 2.00 Brit Cops: Zero Tolerance (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 4.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

12.35 The Vicar of Dibley 1.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme 1.50 Gimme Gimme Gimme 2.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme

12.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Kripke plays a prank on Sheldon. 12.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.00 Revenge (R,HD). 2.00 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 2.20 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,HD). 2.50 One Tree Hill (R,HD). 3.30 Glee (R,HD). 4.15 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.00 Football Asia (S). Soccer news from the Far East, featuring profiles of the teams leading the leagues. 12.30 Premier League Review (HD). 1.30 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 4.30 Premier League Review (HD). 5.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (HD).

BBC3

7.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). 8.00 Tough Young Teachers (R,S,HD). Six new graduates teach at three of London’s toughest schools. 9.00 Underage & Over the Limit (S,HD). Tackling underage drinking in the North East of England. 10.00 Bad Education (R,S,HD). Fraser prepares for the arrival of French exchange students. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). Masood and Shabnam call a truce. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Underage & Over the Limit (R,S,HD). 1.30 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 2.00 Tough Young Teachers (R,S,HD). 3.00 Underage & Over the Limit (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Orangutan Diary (R). 8.00 Stories from the Dark Earth: Meet the Ancestors Revisited (R). 9.00 One Wild Winter: Surviving Avalanches (R,HD). A record of the winter of 2012 in the Scottish mountains. 10.00 Climbing Everest with a Mountain on My Back: The Sherpa’s Story (R,HD). An insight into the Sherpa community. 10.55 The Eiger: Wall of Death (R). 12.00 Natural World (R,HD). 1.00 Stories from the Dark Earth: Meet the Ancestors Revisited (R). 2.00 Climbing Everest with a Mountain on My Back: The Sherpa’s Story 2.55 One Wild Winter: Surviving Avalanches

TUESDAY January 14 ��’� ��

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TV PICKS

MIDSOMER MURDERS 8pm, ITV

LIVE AT THE APOLLO 9.30pm, BBC1

Martin Strickland is found covered in truffle oil and mauled to death by a wild boar, in a case which leads DCI Barnaby to investigate a celebrity chef.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Wanted Down Under (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (S,HD). 11.45 Real Lives Reunited (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Father Brown (S,HD). 3.00 Perfection (S,HD). 3.45 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

Ventriloquist Nina Conti recently landed a gong at the TV car crash that was The British Comedy Awards. Now she and handy sidekick Monkey compere an evening of comedy at the Apollo in Hammersmith, London. Rob Beckett and Jimeoin will be lending a hand with the laughs for the last in the current series.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 7.45 Real Lives Reunited (R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S). 9.00 Sign Zone: Great Continental Railway Journeys (R,S). 10.00 Sign Zone: Kangaroo Dundee (R,S). 10.30 Sign Zone: See Hear (S). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Live Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). Neil Robertson v Mark Allen.

THE RESTORATION MAN 8pm, Channel 4

George Clarke follows a couple’s project to transform a church in the port of Brixham in Devon and uncovers a link between the building and the local fishing community.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs (R,S). With Denise Welch, Gareth Gates and Nicholas Parsons. 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R,S). Memorable moments from the show. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

FINDING MUM AND DAD 10pm, Channel 4

Connor and Daniel have been in care for more than a year waiting to be adopted, but as brothers aged six and four, they are hard to place. This Cutting Edge documentary goes behind the scenes of a new scheme designed to give children such as these a last chance at finding new parents.

Channel 4

6.00 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard (R,S,HD). 6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will & Grace (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 The Secret Millionaire Australia (R,S). 11.00 Building the Dream (S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 2.10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (S). 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: Flower Girl (S) (2009). Romantic drama, starring Marla Sokoloff and Ardy Fatehi. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Karl considers pulling out of the mayoral race.

Mock the Week, 10pm

The Chase, 5pm

24 Hours in A&E, 9pm

Celebrity Big Brother, 9pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 12/22. Milhouse and his mother leave Springfield. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Freddie and Sinead’s wedding day arrives.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Tamara organises a surprise for Casey. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Matt Baker and Alex Jones. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 103/140. Quiz show. 6.30 Great British Railway Journeys (S,HD). 8/20. Michael Portillo travels from Northampton to Nuneaton. 7.00 Nature’s Weirdest Events (R,S,HD). 3/3. Bears turning to a life of crime and fish attacking birds on land. Last in the series.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Charity lets Declan in on her scheme to free Sam. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Nick pours his heart out to Stella.

7.00 News (S).

7.00 Help! I’m 16 But Look 60: Extraordinary People (R,S,HD). A 16-year-old with a genetic condition that has left her skin loose and wrinkly. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Sonia is intrigued by Carol’s reason for turning up on her doorstep. 8.30 Waterloo Road (S,HD). 12/20. Penniless Carol Barry is reluctantly forced to go back to working in a bar for a sleazy boss.

8.00 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off (S,HD). 3/4. Omid Djalili presents as Michael Ball, Emma Freud, Jamelia and Victoria Pendleton make traybakes, iced ring doughnuts and cakes paying homage to their personal sporting heroes.

8.00 The Restoration Man (S). 3/7. See Choices Above.

8.00 Bigger Big Body Squad (S,HD). A man prepares to have a leg amputated due to weightrelated diabetes, and the programme reports on a council that has expanded its cremation facilities to accommodate large bodies. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

9.30 Live at the Apollo (S,HD). 6/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Wild Brazil (S,HD). 2/3. The monsoons arrive and the giant otter cubs must learn to swim ahead of their river flooding, while the coatis have to eat as much as they can as their habitat comes under threat.

8.00 Midsomer Murders (S,HD). 3/5. When wealthy farmer Martin Strickland is found covered in truffle oil and mauled to death by a wild boar, the case leads DCI Barnaby to investigate imposing celebrity chef Ruth Cameron at the Wyvern House restaurant. However, secrets from the past surface after the murderer strikes again, and the repercussions are felt further than they were originally intended. With Neil Dudgeon, Neil McCaul, Sharon Small and Marc Elliott. See Choices Above.

9.00 24 Hours in A&E (S,HD). 2/8. A 50-year-old mechanical engineer is rushed in with a suspected heart attack, while two elderly people are admitted with possible brain haemorrhages.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Eviction (S,HD). Emma Willis presents the third eviction of the series, announcing who has come bottom in the vote and chatting to them about life in the house.

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6 7 8 9

Tropic Thunder, 11.05pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 A Question of Sport (S,HD). 12/36. With ex-England cricketer Mark Butcher, Sydney Olympics gold medal-winning heptathlete Denise Lewis, world champion canoeist David Florence and former swimmer Mark Foster.

10.00 Mock the Week (R,S). 4/13. Milton Jones and Ava Vidal join Dara O Briain and panellists Hugh Dennis, Andy Parsons and Chris Addison for the comedy panel show taking aim at the week’s news. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 The Jonathan Ross Show (R,S,HD). 2/10. The host invites Hollywood actor Aaron Eckhart, ice-dance duo Torvill and Dean, funnyman Griff Rhys Jones and businesswoman Karren Brady for a chat. Kodaline provide the music.

10.00 Finding Mum and Dad (S,HD). See Choices Above.

10.30 Hens Behaving Badly (S,HD). 2/3. See Choices Above.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.05 Tropic Thunder (S,HD) (2008). The cast of a Vietnam War movie unknowingly wanders into the middle of a real-life conflict. Comedy, directed by and starring Ben Stiller, with Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. ●●●●

11.20 Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). Barry Hawkins v Ricky Walden. Hazel Irvine presents action from the eighth and final match in round one of the nonranking tournament at Alexandra Palace in London.

11.40 The Cube: Celebrity Special (R,S,HD). 10/12. Double Olympic gold medallist Kelly Holmes and TV presenter Jenni Falconer take on the challenge, hoping to win up to £250,000 for their chosen charities.

11.05 Benefits Street (R,S,HD). 2/5. Documentary following the lives of people who are heavily reliant on welfare payments, revealing the daily challenges they face in tough economic times.

11.30 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Rylan Clark and his guests discuss tonight’s eviction.

12.45 Weatherview (S). 12.50 BBC News (S,HD).

12.10 Snooker Extra (S,HD). Neil Robertson v Mark Allen. Jason Mohammad presents extended highlights of the seventh match in round one of the Masters at Alexandra Palace in London. 2.10 Sign Zone: See Hear (R,S). Celebrating the reopening of the Cornwall Deaf Club. 2.40 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone

12.35 Jackpot247 Interactive gaming. 3.00 Film: The Affair of the Necklace (S) (2001). See Choices Above. ●● 5.00 ITV Nightscreen (HD). 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD).

12.05 Random Acts (S). 12.10 4Music: Launched at Red Bull Studios (S). 12.35 What Happens in Sunny Beach (R,S). 1.30 Film: The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising (S,HD) (2007). See Choices Above ●● 3.10 Southland (R,S,HD). 3.55 My Friend Michael Sniff (R,S). 4.00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent (R,S,HD). 4.55 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.20 The Big Game (S,HD). Action from the poker game in which amateurs compete alongside world-class professionals and some of the legends of the game. 1.15 SuperCasino. 3.05 Botched Up Bodies (R,S,HD). 3.55 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

10 11

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after

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THE KUMARS 9pm, Sky1

The family chat show returns to TV after a seven-year break, with aspiring star Sanjeev (Sanjeev Bhaskar) still at the helm, while Grandma and dad Ashwin (Meera Syal and Vincent Ebrahim) join in with the questioning. Guests on the first show are Daniel Radcliffe, Chevy Chase and Olivia Colman.

A bride-to-be embarks on a sophisticated weekend in Barcelona with three of her friends, while another hen has a night full of surprises and tears thanks to her doting daughters.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.25 Holiday Airport 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.30 Dinner Date 9.30 The Real Housewives of DC 10.30 The Real Housewives of Orange County 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale 1.00 The Cube (R,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 The Real Housewives of Orange County (HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

E4 6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 (R,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed (R). 9.00 Glee 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube 11.00 Rules of Engagement 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R). 4.00 Rules of Engagement 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 8.30 Modern Family (R,S). 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

HENS BEHAVING BADLY 10.30pm, Channel 5

THE AFFAIR OF THE NECKLACE 3am, ITV

THE SEEKER: THE DARK IS RISING 1.30am, Channel 4

A French aristocrat vows to regain her wealth and title by arranging for the theft of a necklace. Period drama, starring Hilary Swank.

GOLD 6.10 The Brittas Empire 6.40 To the Manor Born 7.20 As Time Goes By 8.00 Jeeves and Wooster 9.10 Keeping Up Appearances 9.50 The Brittas Empire 10.30 Last of the Summer Wine 11.55 Porridge. 12.35 Porridge 1.10 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 2.10 To the Manor Born 2.50 As Time Goes By. 3.25 Jeeves and Wooster 4.40 Keeping Up Appearances 5.20 Last of the Summer Wine

A teenager embarks on a quest to prevent dark forces seizing the six parts of a mystical artefact. Fantasy, with Alexander Ludwig.

Sky Sports 1

Fake Reaction, 11pm

How I Met Your Mother, 5pm

The Kumars, 9pm

Gimme Gimme … 9.55pm

What’s the Story?, 10.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). Five women aim to woo a bachelor from Stockport. Narrated by Charlotte Hudson.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Raj lusts after a girl at a party.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Phil and Luke spend time together. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

6.00 Last of the Summer Wine The trio encounter a man with an inflatable doll. 6.40 Porridge

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). A poodle performs a handstand on one paw. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Harry Hill narrates camcorder calamities.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Marshall takes on Brad in the biggest case of his career.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Moe’s bar is threatened with closure. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Moe undergoes plastic surgery.

7.20 Porridge Fletcher takes on the role of agony aunt and ends up writing letters home for the other inmates.

6.25 Live Copa Del Rey Football (HD). Athletic Bilbao v Real Betis (Kickoff 6.30pm). Coverage of the last-16 second-leg match at the Estadio San Mames.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R). Heather Locklear guest stars. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R). Charlie tries to cure Alan of sleepwalking, while Jake visits a therapist.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon re-evaluates the time he spends with Amy. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon unwittingly makes a scientific breakthrough.

8.00 Ashley Banjo’s Big Town Dance. The Got to Dance judge and his fellow Diversity members continue to teach the people of Stockton-on-Tees how to dance.

8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp The quirky comic takes a surreal look at soap sagas and celebrities, subjecting them to his unique brand of scrutiny. 8.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp

9.00 The Kumars (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 The Vicar of Dibley Alice suggests an unconventional nativity play. 9.55 Gimme Gimme Gimme Linda and Tom discover a dead body in their living room and spend the rest of the day trying to identify it.

9.00 Benidorm (R,HD). A 9.00 The Tomorrow People cocktail waiter turns up Stephen appeals for the looking for work and group to help him as quickly impresses Joyce, Ultra tries to probe his much to Mateo’s brain, but when John annoyance, while Tiger rebuffs the request, Cara and Michael steal the allsecretly goes to his aid. inclusive wristbands and sell them in town.

BBC3

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes – Not in 3D (R,S). 7.05 Top Gear (R,S,HD). 7.55 Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (S,HD) (2011). Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Johnny Depp. ●● 10.00 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents: Thailand (R,S,HD). Another set of unsuspecting youngsters fly to Bangkok. 11.00 EastEnders (R,S,HD). Carol visits youngest daughter Sonia. 11.30 Family Guy (R,S). 11.55 Family Guy (R,S).

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 12.00 Premier League Review (HD). 1.00 Football Asia (S). 1.30 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 4.30 Football Gold. 4.45 Football Gold. 5.00 Premier League Review (HD). 5.55 Football’s Greatest International Teams (HD).

8.30 Live Copa Del Rey Football (HD). Osasuna v Real Madrid (Kick-off 8.30pm). All the action from the last-16 secondleg clash at the Estadio El Sadar.

12.15 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.35 Uncle (R,S,HD). 1.05 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents: Thailand (R,S,HD). 2.05 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2011 (R,S). 3.05 Great Movie Mistakes III: Not in 3D (R,S). 3.30 Uncle (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Elephant Diaries (R). 8.00 Timeshift: How to Be Sherlock Holmes – The Many Faces of a Master Detective (R). Documentary exploring various portrayals of the sleuth. 9.00 Hidden Histories: Britain’s Oldest Family Businesses (HD). 10.00 The Treasures of Ancient Egypt (R,HD). 11.00 Icebound: The Greatest Dog Story Ever Told (R,HD). 12.00 Natural World: Grizzlies of Alaska (R,HD). 1.00 Britain’s Most Fragile Treasure (R,HD). 2.00 Timeshift: How to Be Sherlock Holmes – The Many Faces of a Master Detective (R). 3.00 Hidden Histories: Britain’s Oldest Family Businesses (R).

WEDNESDAY January 15

10.35 Gimme Gimme 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.30 What’s the Story? (HD). Gimme Tom gets a new (R,S,HD). A naval Sarah-Jane Mee presents cat that he hopes is commander’s daughter a discussion show destined to find fame on is kidnapped and buried focusing on recent sports Coronation Street, while alive, prompting Callen developments. Linda starts a romance and the team to race to with a convicted serial her rescue while killer. Comedy, starring uncovering clues about a Kathy Burke and James man already in prison. Dreyfus.

10.00 The Magaluf Weekender (R,HD). A trio of lads from Buckinghamshire and two students from Preston check into the Lively Hotel, and new girl Ali clashes with head rep Imogen.

10.00 Rude Tube: WTF?!? (R,HD). Alex Zane presents 50 of the internet’s most extraordinary videos, from rodent toothbrushes and a Swedish bear dance to an unusual method of unblocking a toilet.

11.00 Fake Reaction (R,HD). With Charlotte Crosby, Gemma Cairney, Ivo Graham and Louie Spence. 11.50 Two and a Half Men (R).

11.15 Gimme Gimme 11.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut 11.00 A League of Their Gimme Linda plans (R,HD). With Alex Jones, Own (R,S,HD). Former Tom’s 30th birthday. Tinchy Stryder, David Liverpool striker Robbie O’Doherty and Fowler and TV presenter 11.55 The Vicar of Dibley Katherine Ryan. Christine Bleakley join Alice suggests an team captains Jamie unconventional nativity 11.50 The Big Bang Theory Redknapp and Andrew play. (R,HD). Flintoff.

11.30 Football Gold 11.45 Football Gold Action from the Premiership clash between Arsenal and Manchester United in the 1999/2000 season.

12.20 Two and a Half Men (R). Alan starts sleepwalking, and Charlie feels duty-bound to cure him. Meanwhile, Jake starts seeing a therapist. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen. 12.45 The Magaluf Weekender (R,HD). 1.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R). 2.30 Teleshopping

12.20 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 12.45 The IT Crowd (R). The friends find their lives heading in different directions. 1.20 The IT Crowd (R). 1.50 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut (R,HD). 2.30 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 2.50 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,HD). 3.20 Glee (R,HD). 4.05 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.00 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 1.00 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 2.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 3.00 Football League Gold (HD). 3.15 Football League Gold (HD). 3.30 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 4.30 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 5.30 Football League Gold (S,HD). 5.45 Football League Gold (S,HD).

12.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 1.00 An Idiot Abroad (R,S,HD). 2.00 Brit Cops: Zero Tolerance (R,S). 3.00 Ross Kemp in Search of Pirates (R,S,HD). 4.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

12.50 Gimme Gimme Gimme Linda and Tom discover a dead body in their living room and spend the rest of the day trying to identify it. 1.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme 1.50 Gimme Gimme Gimme Comedy, starring Kathy Burke and James Dreyfus. 2.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme

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TV PICKS

SILENT WITNESS 9pm, BBC1

Part one of two. Nikki and Jack travel to Scotland to examine the body of a lap dancer found in a remote forest. But then more remains are discovered.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Wanted Down Under (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (S,HD). 11.45 Real Lives Reunited (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Father Brown (S,HD). 3.00 Perfection (S,HD). 3.45 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

HIDDEN KINGDOMS 8pm, BBC1

Documentary revealing the survival techniques used by the animal kingdom’s smallest creatures. North America’s Sonoran Desert is home to the grasshopper mouse, which is capable of disarming scorpions and centipedes, and displays a power that enables it to avoid the attentions of rattlesnakes and tarantulas.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 7.50 Real Lives Reunited (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: Tudor Monastery Farm (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Kangaroo Dundee (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Live Snooker: The Masters (S,HD).

BENIDORM 9pm, ITV

Liam decides he has fallen in love with Bianca, Donald and Jacqueline receive sad news about their friend Big Donna and Martin Weedon arrives at the resort for a stag do. Adam Gillen stars.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs (R,S,HD). With Patsy Palmer, John Prescott and Nicky Byrne. 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R,S). Memorable moments from the show. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

BIRDS OF A FEATHER 8.30pm, ITV

Tracey can’t ignore the fact that Garth and Marcie aren’t getting any time alone – so she decides to change the bedroom arrangements to give them space and privacy. After failing to sleep in the lounge, Sharon tries to bed down in the loft, where she makes a discovery that might solve all their problems.

Channel 4

6.00 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard (R,S,HD). 6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will & Grace (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 The Secret Millionaire Australia (R,S). 11.00 Building the Dream (S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 2.10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (S). 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Baby Faced Brides (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Eviction (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.20 Film: Avenging Angel (S) (2007). See Choices Above. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Paul tells Lucy he is leaving the franchise.

Live Snooker: The Masters, 7pm

The Rise of the E-Cigarette, 7.30pm

Supersize vs Superskinny, 8pm

Winter Road Rescue, 7pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 13/22. Guest starring Simon Cowell. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Freddie prepares to lead Mercedes to her demise.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Jett tells John he should let Marilyn know how he feels about her. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Kat discovers Alfie’s money-making plans could take him to Australia. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 104/140. Quiz show. 6.30 Great British Railway Journeys (S,HD). 9/20. Michael Portillo travels from Leicester to Loughborough. 7.00 Live Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). The second quarterfinal. Jason Mohammad presents coverage of the bestof-11-frames match in the nonranking tournament.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Rachel faces a big decision. 7.30 The Rise of the E-Cigarette: Tonight (S,HD). The debate surrounding electronic cigarettes.

7.00 News (S).

7.00 Winter Road Rescue (R,S,HD). Conclusion. The Scottish town of Lochcarron is cut off by a landslide. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

Question Time, 10.35pm

8.00 Hidden Kingdoms (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off (S,HD). 4/4. Ed Byrne presents as Alistair McGowan, Rochelle Humes, Doon Mackichan and Helen Skelton make pizzas, Eccles cakes and tiered cakes depicting sporting equipment. Last in the series.

8.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Charity and Declan run through the plan one last time with Rachel, but it remains to be seen whether she will go through with it. 8.30 Birds of a Feather (S,HD). 3/8. See Choices Above.

8.00 Supersize vs Superskinny (S,HD). 2/8. A 19st 5lb serial dieter swaps with a fizzy drink addict, and Emma Woolf meets the family of Jay Taylor, who lost her battle with anorexia last year. Presented by Christian Jessen.

8.00 World’s Worst Holiday Horrors (S,HD). Including footage of a fire on a cruise liner in the Gulf of Mexico and a couple looking on helplessly as their six-year-old son slams into a building while parasailing. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Silent Witness (S,HD). 5/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 Wild Brazil (S,HD). 3/3. There is a fierce drought that culminates in huge and ferocious fires, and the capuchin monkeys, giant otters and coatis must use their survival skills to endure the extreme conditions. Last in the series.

9.00 Benidorm (S,HD). 3/7. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Undateables (S,HD). 2/4. See Choices Above.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother (S,HD). More from the house, including another chance to see Wednesday night’s eviction and the housemates’ reactions after waving goodbye to another famous contestant.

▼

10.00 Charlie Brooker’s Weekly Wipe (S). 2/6. The writer and broadcaster offers a satirical look at the latest news from politics, the media and the internet, casting a critical eye over trends in TV, cinema, computer games and social media. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD) Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Weight Loss Ward (R,S,HD). 2/3. Recluse Doreen Thomas returns to the Weight Loss Ward for help reducing her 31-stone frame, and Laura Lamb has two days to lose fourand-a-half pounds.

10.00 What Happens in Sunny Beach (S). 2/3. The sex lives of young British people on holiday in the Bulgarian seaside resort, including women taking part in the most risque games Sunny Beach has to offer.

10.00 Botched Up Bodies (S,HD). 2/3. A woman who suffered disfigured lips and an infectionriddled face after having filler injections and a man left toothless following a succession of disastrous dental procedures.

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 16/38. David Dimbleby chairs a debate from Durham, where a panel of guests faces topical questions from the audience.

11.35 This Week (S). Andrew Neil introduces a round-table chat, in which he, Michael Portillo and and Diane Abbott take a light-hearted romp through the political and parliamentary developments of the past seven days.

11.20 Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). The second quarter-final. Jason Mohammad presents highlights of the best-of-11-frames match in the non-ranking tournament at Alexandra Palace in London.

11.35 The West Country at Westminster (S). Debating the issues that matter to people in the region.

11.05 24 Hours in A&E (R,S,HD). 2/8. A 50-year-old mechanical engineer is rushed in with a suspected heart attack, while two elderly people are admitted with possible brain haemorrhages.

11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Emma Willis presents the CBB companion show, including celebrity guests’ thoughts on the latest developments and behind-thescenes insights.

12.20 Skiing Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.10 Snooker Extra (S,HD). Hazel Irvine presents extended highlights of the opening two Masters quarter-finals at Alexandra Palace in London. 2.10 Sign Zone: Iceland Foods: Life in the Freezer Cabinet (R,S). The company deals with the fallout from the horsemeat scandal. 3.10 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone

12.05 Jackpot247. Viewers are offered the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with an entertaining mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 The Rise of the E-Cigarette: Tonight (R,S,HD). 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S).

12.10 One Born Every Minute (R,S,HD). A woman who endured a traumatic birth returns to the ward. 1.05 Random Acts (S). 1.10 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 2.00 The Fat Fighters (R,S,HD). 2.55 Secret Eaters (R,S,HD). 3.50 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent (R,S,HD). 4.45 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.40 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino Viewers get the chance to take part in live interactive gaming, with an entertaining mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.05 True CSI (S). 3.55 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

▼

after

Harry Potter Studio Tour Day Trip Saturday 8th February Come along for a behind the scenes tour at Warner Bros Studio London

Call 01454 319047 to book now spaces are limited! *Includes coach and 3 hour studio tour

Adult

£47.5s0 * Childre n £39.50 *

Holidays

The Coach Stop, 1 Hounds Rd, Chipping Sodbury. BS37 6EE | www.chauffeurhireplus.co.uk

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Rhu|hy 984 :89<

2 BROKE GIRLS 9.30pm, E4

Caroline is stood up by a date, so she and Max decide to make the most of the evening anyway and enjoy dinner at a trendy new restaurant. However, the pair take matters into their own hands when they find the performance of the eatery’s staff is not up to scratch. Comedy, starring Kat Dennings.

A man with Asperger’s syndrome panics when meeting dating agency employees and a jazz singer with Tourette’s syndrome has dates with a man and a woman.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.25 Coronation Street 6.55 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R). 8.30 Dinner Date (R,HD). 9.30 The Real Housewives of DC (R,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of Orange County (R,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Orange County (HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

E4 6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 (R,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed 9.00 Glee 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube 11.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1

FILM PICKS

THE UNDATEABLES 9pm, Channel 4

THE SWEETEST THING 10.50pm, ITV2

GOLD

6.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 3.30 Futurama (R,S,HD). 4.00 Yonderland (R,S,HD). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

AVENGING ANGEL 3.20pm, Channel 5

A woman chases the man of her dreams across America in a bid to prevent him from marrying someone else. Romantic comedy, starring Cameron Diaz.

A preacher dusts off his gun after outlaws murder his wife and child, destroy his church and wreak havoc in the town. Turning his back on the cloth, he heads for the desert to begin a new life as a bounty hunter, only to return to the community several years later. Western, with Kevin Sorbo.

Sky Sports 1

6.15 Brittas Empire 6.45 To the Manor Born 7.20 As Time Goes By 8.00 Jeeves and Wooster 9.10 Keeping Up Appearances 9.50 Brittas Empire 10.30 Last of the Summer Wine 11.50 Porridge 1.10 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 2.10 To the Manor Born 2.50 As Time Goes By 3.25 Jeeves and Wooster 4.40 Keeping Up Appearances 5.20 Last of the Summer Wine

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 10.00 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 11.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 12.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (HD). 12.30 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 2.30 Live Dubai International Racing Carnival (HD).

Tricked, 9pm

2 Broke Girls, 9.30pm

Inside RAF Brize … 8pm

Porridge, 6.40pm

Ringside, 11pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). A man from Staffordshire takes part in the matchmaking show.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon gets a job at a diner.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Mitchell and Manny enjoy an outing together. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6.00 Last of the Summer Wine Compo finds he has a love rival. 6.40 Porridge The inmates hunt for a thief.

6.30 Premier League World (HD). A round-up of the latest news surrounding the Premier League.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). A woman throwing a printer at her husband. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R).

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). Freddie is torn between following his head or his heart. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Lisa falls in with a bad crowd. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). A miracle tree appears in the Simpsons’ garden.

7.20 Porridge Fletch decides to sort out Godber’s torrid love life, and comes up with a cunning plan involving his own daughter.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R). Charlie meets Judith’s support group. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R). Charlie decides to have a vasectomy. Last in the series.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon is hurt when Professor Proton contacts Leonard. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (HD). Sheldon punishes Leonard for a past mistake.

8.00 Inside RAF Brize Norton (S,HD). Training begins for a group of new recruits preparing for a potential deployment in Afghanistan. Last in the series.

8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp The quirky comic takes a surreal look at soap sagas and celebrities, subjecting them to his unique brand of scrutiny. 8.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp

7.00 Live European Challenge Cup Rugby Union (HD). Bath v Bordeaux Begles (Kickoff 7.45pm). Coverage of the Pool Two encounter at the Recreation Ground, as both teams played their sixth and final match of the stage.

9.00 An Idiot Abroad (R,S,HD). Karl Pilkington’s journey continues in Egypt, where he tastes local delicacies including rabbit meat, and takes a boat ride down the Nile, before visiting the pyramids.

9.00 The Vicar of Dibley Alice and Hugo’s baby is christened amid chaos, and David asks Geraldine to marry him. With guest star Sean Bean. 9.55 Gimme Gimme Gimme Tom and Linda go clubbing.

9.00 Tricked (R,HD). Magician 9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine Ben Hanlin goes (HD). undercover to scare 9.30 2 Broke Girls (HD). See Helen Flanagan, and Choices Above. takes star of Shameless Jody Latham on a nasty fishing trip.

10.35 Gimme Gimme 10.00 The Kumars (R,S,HD). 10.00 Fake Reaction (HD). 10.00 FL72 Preview A look 10.00 The IT Crowd (R). The Gimme Linda gets a Daniel Radcliffe, Chevy With Mikey North, Kirk ahead to the latest three friends find their new job in a factory Chase and Olivia Colman Norcross, Laura round of fixtures in the lives heading in while Tom lands a role in are the first stars as the Whitmore and Tom Championship, League different directions a sofa advert, increasing home-made comedy Deacon. One and League Two. after a sexual his exposure to the male chat show returns, harassment suit is 10.50 The Sweetest Thing population – with hosted by Sanjeev settled disappointingly. (HD) (2002). A woman disastrous consequences. Bhaskar and Meera Syal. more interested in one- 10.30 The IT Crowd (R). Jen Comedy, starring Kathy night stands than true asserts herself as Burke. love is forced to reassess manager. her priorities when she meets the man of her 11.15 Gimme Gimme 11.00 Rude Tube (R,HD). Alex 11.00 A League of Their 11.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing dreams. However, when Gimme Linda’s old Zane presents a Own (R,S,HD). Sportsmagazine, including she hears he is getting youth custody warden countdown of 50 based comedy quiz, highlights of recent married, she sets out on turns up. memorable online video hosted by James Corden. bouts and interviews a hectic road trip across pranks, from a stag-do 11.55 Gimme Gimme with the stars currently America to stop the bungee stunt to a Gimme Linda’s long-lost causing a stir in the ring. wedding. See Choices zombie running riot on son appears. Above. ●●● the streets of Miami. 12.40 Two and a Half Men (R). Jake’s inappropriate remarks at a meeting of Judith’s divorcee support group leave Charlie struggling to convince the ladies he is a good influence on his nephew. 1.10 Two and a Half Men (R). 1.35 Tricked (R,HD). 2.30 Teleshopping.

12.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 12.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.00 Revenge (R,HD). Emily targets former Grayson Global executive Paul Whitley. 1.55 Rude Tube (R,HD). 2.50 One Tree Hill (R,HD). 3.30 Glee (R,HD). 4.15 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.35 The Vicar of Dibley 1.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme Linda and Tom land new jobs. 1.50 Gimme Gimme Gimme Linda’s old youth custody warden takes up residence in the back garden, and Tom begins work on a TV script that came to him in his sleep. 2.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme

12.00 NFL – A Football Life (HD). A profile of Matt Millen, the former Oakland Raiders, San Francisco 49ers and Washington Redskins linebacker. 1.00 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 2.00 FL72 Preview. 3.00 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 4.00 Ringside (HD). 5.00 FL72 Preview.

BBC3

7.00 Winter Wipeout (R,S). 8.00 Motorway Cops (R,S). 9.00 Tough Young Teachers (S,HD). 10.00 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD). Jason Manford guest-hosts the stand-up show. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). Kat discovers Alfie’s money-making plans could take him to Australia. 11.05 Family Guy (R,S). Brian gets a job at The New Yorker. 11.30 Family Guy (R,S). Lois tells Peter to bond with Stewie. 11.50 American Dad! (R,S,HD). Roger sells Senator Buckingham’s daughter to a drug lord. 12.15 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.35 American Dad! (R,S). 1.00 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD). 1.30 Tough Young Teachers (R,S,HD). 2.30 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). 3.00 Tough Young Teachers (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R,HD). 8.00 Ever Decreasing Circles (R). Martin’s new neighbour threatens his authority. 8.30 Ever Decreasing Circles (R). Martin resigns from the Residents’ Association. 9.00 The Treasures of Ancient Egypt (HD). Art from one of Ancient Egypt’s most opulent eras. 10.00 Lost Land of the Volcano (R,HD). 11.00 Stories from the Dark Earth: Meet the Ancestors Revisited (R). 12.00 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R,HD). 12.40 Ever Decreasing Circles (R). 1.10 Ever Decreasing Circles (R). 1.40 Lost Land of the Volcano (R,HD). 2.40 The Treasures of Ancient Egypt (R).

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TV PICKS

THE GRAHAM NORTON SHOW 10.35pm, BBC1

Graham is joined by Michael Fassbender, talking about his role in new movie 12 Years a Slave, and Lena Dunham, creator of hit comedy drama Girls.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Wanted Down Under (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (S,HD). 11.45 Real Lives Reunited (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Father Brown (S,HD). 3.00 Perfection (S,HD). 3.45 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.30 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

ROBSON’S EXTREME FISHING CHALLENGE PIERS MORGAN’S LIFE STORIES: NEIL 8pm, Channel 5 Actor Robson Green visits eastern Canada, MORRISSEY where he takes on local expert Debbie Norton 9pm, ITV in one of the world’s best rivers for salmon. On Prince Edward Island, he joins anglers from all over the globe for a prestigious international catch-and-release tournament in pursuit of bluefin tuna.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 7.45 Real Lives Reunited (R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S). 9.00 Sign Zone: The Sacred Wonders of Britain (R,S). 10.00 Question Time (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Live Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). The third quarter-final. Jason Mohammad presents.

The actor most associated with his comic role as Tony in Men Behaving Badly discusses some revealing topics in Piers Morgan’s hotseat.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs (R,S,HD). With Antony Cotton, Michael Owen and Rachel Stevens. 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R,S). Highlights from the show. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

AN ISLAND PARISH 8.30pm, BBC2

The documentary returns with more tales chronicling life on Sark in the Channel Islands, beginning with the residents making preparations for Christmas. Julie installs lifesize handmade elves in her shop and fisherman Baz Adams distributes vast quantities of mistletoe.

Channel 4

6.00 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard (R,S,HD). 6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.05 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.55 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 The Secret Millionaire Australia (R,S). 11.00 Building the Dream (S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 2.10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (S). 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Bigger Big Body Squad (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 The Mentalist (R,S). 3.15 Film: Jane Doe: Til Death Do Us Part (S) (2005). Thriller, starring Lea Thompson, Joe Penny and William R Moses. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Gem puts Georgia’s life in danger.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Roo receives the devastating news that Harvey is missing at sea and John. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Alicia reluctantly allows Leyla to babysit Jacob. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Hayley knows her time is almost up.

7.00 News (S).

7.00 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

Neighbours, 5.30pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 14/22. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Freddie is torn between following his head or his heart.

▼

8 Out of 10 Cats Does … 9pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

▼

The Americans, 10.35pm

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 105/140. Quiz show. 6.30 Great British Railway Journeys (S,HD). 10/20. Michael Portillo completes his journey to Leeds. 7.00 Live Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). The fourth quarterfinal. Hazel Irvine presents coverage of the best-of-11frames match in the nonranking tournament.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). 7.30 A Question of Sport (R,S,HD). With Mark Butcher, Denise Lewis, David Florence and Mark Foster. Followed by BBC News; Regional News. 8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Sadie returns home unexpectedly while Jake and Lauren are in bed. 8.30 Miranda (R,S,HD). 6/6. A fed up Miranda packs her bags to go travelling. Miranda Hart stars. Last in the series.

8.00 Mastermind (S,HD). 19/31. Specialist subjects include Charles Rennie Mackintosh and the novels of David Peace. 8.30 An Island Parish (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Martin Lewis Money Show (S,HD). 3/6. How to get compensation for delayed flights. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Roy wheels Hayley round the Street to say her goodbyes, and Tracy seeks revenge on Stella.

8.00 Jamie and Jimmy’s Friday Night Feast (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Silent Witness (S,HD). 6/10. Part two of two. The team is under pressure to close the net on the serial killer, and as concerns grow over missing mother Sarah, finding her becomes the top priority. Emilia Fox and David Caves star.

9.00 Italy Unpacked (S,HD). 2/3. Andrew Graham-Dixon and Giorgio Locatelli visit Lazio, where they explore the legacy of those who took refuge away from the regional and national capital Rome.

9.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Neil Morrissey (S,HD). 3/7. See Choices Above.

9.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (S). 3/4. Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show’s version of the famous quiz, with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson joined by guests Kathy Burke and Josh Widdicombe.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Eviction (S,HD). Emma Willis presents the fourth eviction of the series, announcing who has come bottom in the vote and chatting to them about life in the house.

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 The Graham Norton Show (S,HD). 13/21. See Choices Above.

10.00 QI (S,HD). 16/18. Liza Tarbuck, Susan Calman and Sandi Toksvig join Alan Davies on the comedy quiz, with host Stephen Fry asking questions on a kaleidoscope of topics beginning with ‘k’. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 The Americans (R,S,HD). 4/13. An assassination attempt on President Reagan causes chaos in both the FBI and KGB, and Stan puts pressure on his mole to find out if the Soviets were responsible.

10.00 Sarah Millican: Chatterbox Live (R,S,HD). Stand-up show recorded at London’s Bloomsbury Theatre in 2011, in which the comedienne shares humorous insights into her life, including the perils of living alone.

10.30 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Emma Willis and Rylan Clark present the CBB companion show, featuring gossip, chat and features from the house. Including a debate on the burning issues, celebrity guests’ thoughts on the latest developments and behind-thescenes insights.

▼

10 11

Mastermind, 8pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

▼

6 7 8 9

A Question of Sport, 7.30pm

11.25 EastEnders (S,HD). Omnibus. Carol gets a shock when she receives her test results, Masood arrives back from Pakistan with his daughter Shabnam and Sharon finds Carl’s mobile in Phil’s cupboard.

11.00 Weather (S). 11.05 Snooker: The Masters (S,HD). The fourth quarter-final. 11.55 Snooker Extra (S,HD). Jason Mohammad presents extended highlights of the third Masters quarter-final.

11.35 Benidorm (R,S,HD). 3/7. Liam decides he has fallen in love with Bianca, Donald and Jacqueline receive sad news about their friend Big Donna and Martin Weedon arrives at the resort for a stag do.

11.05 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S,HD). 1/22. New series. Comedy, starring Andy Samberg. 11.35 Saw II (S,HD) (2005). See Choices Above. ●●●●

11.30 Celebrity Big Brother: Live from the House (S,HD). Rylan Clark and his guests discuss tonight’s eviction, debating whether the public made the right decision.

1.50 Weatherview (S). 1.55 BBC News (S,HD).

1.55 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S). David Dimbleby chairs a debate from Durham, where a panel of guests faces topical questions from the audience. 2.55 Sign Zone: PQ17: An Arctic Convoy Disaster (R,S). The story of an Allied convoy heading to the Russian port of Arkhangelsk in 1942. 3.55 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.25 Jackpot247. 3.00 Film: The Pledge (S,HD) (2000). See Choices Above. ●●●● 5.05 ITV Nightscreen (HD).

1.10 Random Acts (S). 1.15 Film: Chinatown (S,HD) (1974). A private eye uncovers a gruesome secret when he investigates the husband of a wealthy socialite. Mystery, with Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway. ●●●●● 3.25 The Big C: Hereafter (S,HD). 4.20 Film: August Rush (S,HD) (2007). Drama, starring Freddie Highmore. ●●

12.00 SuperCasino Viewers get the chance to take part in live interactive gaming, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.05 True CSI (R,S). 3.55 Highland Emergency (R,S,HD). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

▼

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POLICE INTERCEPTORS 7pm, Channel 5

Actress Sienna Miller shares her recipe for Tuscan duck ragu, Jamie Oliver cooks a whole salmon in salt and Jimmy Doherty creates a DIY hog roast for the ultimate crackling.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.55 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.30 Dinner Date 9.30 The Real Housewives of DC 10.30 The Real Housewives of Orange County 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale (R,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Orange County (HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

Andy collars a suspect thought to have caused criminal damage at a house party, but the father of the host arrives and inflames the situation, while Duggie and Mark respond to a report of a car that has been abandoned after being involved in a crash near Carlisle.

Sky1 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Hawaii Five0 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.00 Yonderland (R,S,HD). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

JAMIE AND JIMMY’S FRIDAY NIGHT FEAST 8pm, Channel 4

THE PLEDGE 3am, ITV

SAW II 11.35pm, Channel 4

A cop on the verge of retiring becomes obsessed with the murder of a seven-year-old girl, and starts his own investigation. Drama, with Robin Wright.

GOLD 6.15 The Brittas Empire 6.45 To the Manor Born 7.25 As Time Goes By 8.00 Jeeves and Wooster 9.10 Keeping Up Appearances 9.50 The Brittas Empire 10.35 Last of the Summer Wine 11.55 Porridge. 12.35 Porridge 1.10 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 2.10 To the Manor Born 2.50 As Time Goes By 3.30 Jeeves and Wooster 4.40 Keeping Up Appearances 5.20 Last of the Summer Wine

Sinister criminal Jigsaw holds eight strangers captive, planning to carry out sadistic punishments for their past sins. Horror sequel, with Tobin Bell.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 FL72 Preview 10.00 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 11.00 Premier League World (HD). 11.30 Football Gold 11.45 Football Gold 12.00 European Challenge Cup Rugby Union (HD). 3.00 FL72 Preview 4.00 Copa Del Rey Football (HD). 5.00 Premier League World (HD). 5.30 Football Gold 5.45 Football Gold

Take Me Out, 11.25pm

The Big Bang Theory, 6pm

Modern Family, 8pm

Keeping Up … 4.40pm

The Fantasy … 6pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). Stephanie from Edinburgh picks three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Jay and Phil compete for the job of basketball coach. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6.00 Last of the Summer Wine Foggy keeps an old tradition alive. 6.40 Porridge Mackay takes a well-earned holiday.

6.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). John Fendley and Paul Merson present a discussion on key fantasy football issues.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Motoring mishaps and naughty animals. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). An elephant slips on a banana skin.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Robin attempts to sabotage Barney and Patrice’s relationship.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Marge buys a tandem. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer choreographs the Super Bowl half-time show.

7.20 Porridge The inmates of Slade Prison are given time to pursue their hobbies. Comedy, starring Ronnie Barker and Brian Wilde.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R). Sean Penn guest stars. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R). Alan discovers Judith has a new boyfriend.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon punishes Leonard for a past mistake. 8.30 2 Broke Girls (R,HD). Caroline and Max go to a trendy new restaurant.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Manny has a heart-to-heart with Claire. 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Mitchell and Claire’s mother visits.

8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp A comic look at soaps and celebrities. 8.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp A comic look at soaps and celebrities.

7.00 Live European Cup Rugby Union (HD). Coverage of a clash from the sixth and final round of pool fixtures (Kick-off TBA), as the line-up for the quarter-finals starts to take shape in Europe’s premier club competition.

9.00 The Butterfly Effect (HD) (2004). A college student discovers he can travel back in time to his troubled childhood and change future events for himself and his friends – but his meddling in the course of history leads to unforeseen consequences when he returns to the present day. Supernatural thriller, starring Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart, Eric Stoltz, William Lee Scott and Melora Walters. Including FYI Daily. ●●●

9.00 What Happens in 9.00 A League of Their Own 9.00 The Vicar of Dibley Vegas (HD) (2008). Two (R,S,HD). West Ham The village suffers a strangers accidentally United manager Sam water shortage. booked into the same Allardyce, Paralympic 9.55 Gimme Gimme Gimme hotel room in Las Vegas cycling champion Sarah Tom lands a make-orspend a night on the Storey and funnyman break role in a play, and town together. After a David Walliams join host man-eating Linda is only wild and drunken time James Corden for the too happy to help. in the casinos, they wake comedy sports quiz. up to find they are now a married couple, and 10.35 Gimme Gimme 10.00 Stella (R,S,HD). Rob 10.00 The Fantasy Football later win $3million Gimme Linda lands makes Stella a lifeClub (HD). John Fendley which they both have a herself in hospital with a changing offer, but as and Paul Merson present claim to – leading to a saucepan on her head, chaos engulfs her family a discussion on key battle of wits over who and the consolation of a and friends, cannot fantasy football issues, as keeps the money. good-looking nurse is bring herself to accept. well as the weekend’s Romantic comedy, short-lived when Tom Premier League matches. starring Cameron Diaz takes him home for a Also featuring guests and Ashton Kutcher. ●● romantic dinner. from the worlds of sport and showbiz.

11.25 Take Me Out (R,HD). A 11.00 Rude Tube (R,HD). psychic single dad, a Online videos on the bodybuilder, a train theme of sporting enthusiast and a success and failure. children’s party planner try to win a date with one of 30 single women.

11.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). James Corden welcomes Alastair Cook and Kevin Bridges to the sportsbased comedy quiz.

11.15 Gimme Gimme Gimme Tom throws a dinner party. 11.50 Gimme Gimme Gimme Tom auditions for Crossroads.

11.00 Premier League Preview (HD). 11.30 Football Gold. Chelsea v Manchester United from the 1999/2000 season. 11.45 Football Gold

12.35 Two and a Half Men (R). 1.05 Two and a Half Men (R). Alan discovers Judith has a new boyfriend. 1.30 I Am Britney Jean: Britney Spears’ Road to Las Vegas (R,HD). The pop star prepares for her performance residency in the city. 2.25 Teleshopping 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 A League of Their Own: Best Bits – Part One (R,S,HD). 1.00 An Idiot Abroad (R,S,HD). 2.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Ross Kemp in Search of Pirates (R,S,HD). 4.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S).

12.30 Gimme Gimme Gimme 1.05 Gimme Gimme Gimme 1.35 Gimme Gimme Gimme Tom throws a dinner party in a bid to improve his social status, while Linda gets an offer she cannot refuse from talent scout Suze. 2.05 Gimme Gimme Gimme Comedy, starring Kathy Burke.

12.00 European Cup Rugby Union (HD). 3.00 IRB Rugby World Sevens (HD). A review of the South Africa Sevens. 3.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 4.30 Premier League Preview (HD). 5.00 Football Gold 5.15 Football Gold 5.30 Football Gold 5.45 Football Gold

12.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.00 PhoneShop (R,HD). 1.35 Cardinal Burns (R,HD). 2.05 Very Important People (R,HD). 2.30 Balls of Steel Australia (R). 2.55 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,HD). 3.20 Rude Tube (R,HD). 4.15 Glee (R,HD). 4.55 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

BBC3

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes IV: May the Fourth Be with You (R,S). 7.30 Doctor Who (R,S,HD). 8.15 Doctor Who (R,S,HD). Earth is invaded by millions of sinister-looking black cubes. 9.00 Sherlock (R,S,HD). The detective takes on a master blackmailer. Last in the series. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). Sadie returns home unexpectedly while Jake and Lauren are in bed. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 11.45 Live at the Electric (S,HD). 12.15 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 1.00 Uncle (R,S,HD). 1.30 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents: Thailand (R,S,HD). 2.30 Live at the Electric 3.00 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2011 (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 BBC Proms Chamber Music (HD). Norwegian trumpeter Tine Thing Helseth performs. 8.00 Paul Tortelier at the BBC (HD). Petroc Trelawny introduces archive footage of the cellist. 9.00 Born to Be Wild (HD). The story of US rock music in the 1970s, when rock stars became multi-millionaires and their output grew in popularity. 10.00 Alice Cooper – Brutally Live (HD). 11.30 Guitar Heroes at the BBC (R). Performances by Alice Cooper, Queen and Black Sabbath. 12.30 Born to Be Wild (R,HD). 1.30 Alice Cooper – Brutally Live (R,HD). 3.00 Guitar Heroes at the BBC (R).

FRIDAY January 17 ��’� ��

Homes &Living �� ’� ��

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