The Weekend 14 March 2014 by Weekend-BristolPost

Weekend The

WHAt tO DO WItH YOUR tIME AnD MOnEY

FROM FRIDAY, MARCH 14, 2014 ISSUE 95

Inside Bristol Design, the city’s oldest tool shop

refUeL WITh SOMe ‘DUDe fOOD’

climbing without ropes

The reTUrN OF DIrTY DANCING

And THE EnGLISH BEAT GOES On

IDEAS

If you see one bad film

If you’re looking for inspiration on how to make the most of your free time... this is the place to start

Competition Give your mum a real Mother’s Day treat at Bristol’s superb Marriott Royal

Better than a punch

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If you try one gadget

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SHOPPING

TOOLS OF THE TRADE Independent of the week Natalie Banyard gets over her DIY phobia and visits Bristol’s oldest tool shop

ools. It’s really not my area of expertise. I’ve never wielded a hammer or planed a door – and I have no intention of doing so. Yet every time I walk past Bristol Design on Perry Road, I can’t resist peering in at this old-fashioned store crammed to the rafters with traditional woodworking implements. One of the oldest shops in the area, Bristol Design supplies specialists, professionals and enthusiasts with a truly remarkable range of new, second-hand, rare and antique hand tools. Owner Charles Stirling opened the shop, just up from the BRI at the bottom of St Michael’s Hill, 30 years ago. And while most traditional tool shops have long since closed, Bristol Design remains and thrives. Shop assistant Glenn Hall, 60, explains that the shop’s secret of success is its ability to offer a vast range of top quality and hard-to-find tools to a very diverse customer base. “We do a very wide range of high quality tools – ones that we believe will help our customers achieve the best quality job.

“These are tools to be used by professionals and enthusiasts. “They’re not beautifully shiny, barely used, impeccably presented antique tools for the collectors. But while we don’t address the top end collectors’ market, we don’t deal with the bottom end either. “We sit a long way above the car boot sale market and believe that quality is paramount. “We have a massive stock here in the shop as well as a warehouse just outside Bristol. “Our planes are a particularly big seller. We sell all sorts of quality second hand planes and we also make our own. “We have cheaper ones which students may buy to deal with a door or shelf, up to the more expensive, top quality ones for craftsmen looking for a less common shape.” It’s clear the small shop hasn’t changed much in the past 30 years. The thick, wooden shelves and haphazard wooden boxes are overflowing with planes, hammers, turning tools, chisels and files. Saws and draw knives of all shapes and sizes hang from the uneven whitewashed walls and there’s a small selection of old carpentry books, including How to make a rocking horse.

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“There’s a happy aura of decay here,” smiles Glenn. “It’s a shop that is well loved by staff and customers alike.” The core business comes from specialists and professionals, who either want to achieve a finish that you can’t get with modern electric tools, or who haven’t got power on site. Glenn gives me a local example: “One of the old Bristol University buildings was being refurbished a couple of years ago and the carpenters were fitting fire strips on the doors on the five-storey building. “The noise of the electric router offended the people that were working there, so it was suggested that they take the doors outside to work on. Well, you’re talking about 120-year-old heavy doors, five storeys and no lifts. This was not going to work. “So one of their older carpenters came in here and bought a very old plough plane and he did all the doors by hand

and when he came back in he said he made a much better job of it and he did it just as quickly. I think that’s a lovely story.” Glenn says that he also sees a lot of carpenters in their mid-30s who have trained on building sites or in kitchen fitting with power tools, but who are keen to learn a more traditional, handmade approach. Bristol Design is happy to supply them with tools and free advice. But it’s not just professional carpenters who love to rummage through Bristol Design’s extensive stock. Students, hospital patients, enthusiasts, gardeners, tourists and the BBC props department have all passed through the yellow door. A lot of local hairdressers and chefs also pop in to get their scissors and knives sharpened on site. Listening to Glenn, it’s abundantly clear that tools are a passion. But like the shop itself, there’s more to Glenn than

meets the eye. “My background is very diverse,” he smiles. “I came to Bristol in 1980 to teach stage craft at Bristol University’s drama department. I then met Aardman’s Peter Lord and David Sproxton and spent 11 very happy years working for them. I did a few other things and now I work here because I love working with tools and making things. “I think Bristol Design is a very important shop – one of the oldest if not the oldest on Perry Road. It’s a lovely area – all part of the Christmas Steps Arts Quarter, which is a lovely local initiative that gently changes the area in a positive way. “So we continue, we thrive and we don’t plan on going anywhere soon.” Here, here.

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COOL TOOLS For tackling that endless list of little household and gardening jobs, it helps to have just the right piece of kit. But just because something is practical doesn’t mean it has to look utilitarian. Here are some of the best-looking tools on the market.

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IRISH INSPIRATION Monday (March 17) is St Patrick’s Day, which the Irish and their friends celebrate in style. Keep up and on trend with our green-themed wardrobe suggestions and accessories.

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HEALTH&FITNESS

SCALE THE

HEIGHTS Health & fitness Kate Edser leaves no stone unturned in her quest to discover bouldering – climbing without ropes – which you can enjoy in relative safety from the cosy and colourful confines of Bristol Climbing Academy

wash with primary colours, the cavern I’m gazing at is a bit like a tropical fish tank, just without the water. The walls slope at all angles and are studded with odd-shaped hand and foot holds in all shapes and hues; the floor a sea of squashy blue matting. It’s soft for a very good reason: so that falling bodies don’t break (too much). This is Bristol Climbing Academy, the city’s only specialist bouldering centre (climbing without ropes), and I’m listening to a safety briefing from one of the instructors, Tom Holding. Essentially, I’m told to keep my wits about me, don’t walk under or near where people could fall on me and if I’m jumping down from a wall, to land with bent knees. “Bouldering is dangerous in a different way to rope climbing,” Tom explains. “With rope climbing if you have an accident it’s probably going to be serious because you’re going to fall a long way on to something that isn’t very soft. “In here, the height is no more than 3.4m so the distance you have to fall is significantly

reduced and it’s all matted. Most bouldering centres get injuries, like sprains, occasionally breaks, but rarely life-threatening injuries, with a rope climbing accident, you’re probably going out on a stretcher.” Tom has been climbing for 16 years, since he was a child, and scrurries around, up down, side to side, across the ceiling, like a monkey. Describing the difference to using ropes, he says: “Climbing with ropes, generally you’re just aiming to get to the top and to go as high, or as fast, as you can. In here, the point is to make it as hard as possible and it’s about the refinement of the movement and the problem solving; working out how you’re going to do it. “Bouldering is a lot less committing and it’s more social because you can be with a group, not just with your climbing partner. Then there’s the physical aspect, where you’re pushing your body and problem solving. “To be exceptional at bouldering you need to be really supple and really strong, but to be good at it, at lot comes down to technique. There is no point being ridiculously strong if you can’t then apply it. “If you always climb with your

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body straight on to the wall, you’re going to struggle, if you want to move up, you need to do a pull-up – probably with one arm – but if you twist you can reach a lot further. “Everyone expects the best climbers to be massive and weight-lifters. We’re not. I’m a skinny wee thing. I personally find the best people on their first session are eight-year-old girls who do ballet because they weigh nothing and they’re aware of where their limbs are and they have really good core strength and co-ordination. “The people who plateau the fastest are strong guys, who have the muscle bulk and they’re used to using it – if it’s difficult they want to just pull harder. But when you climb, you

always need to try and keep straight arms and relax.” So I have a go. Expecting it to be difficult, I’m surprised that I get to top of the first wall I try with relative ease, so Tom moves me on to another and another, increasing the difficulty all the time. “Yes you can,” he says with confidence as I look down at him and raise one eyebrow, and he’s right – I make the last reach. All the hand and foot holds are made of textured resin, so they’re grippy, and colour co-ordinated for difficulty. Each of them – and there are hundreds – are taken down, washed and put back in a different place every few weeks, so there are constantly new problems for regulars to solve.

The origins of bouldering

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For Tom, climbing has become a way of life. “I love it. I spend all day talking to people I like and people I have something in common with and I really enjoy teaching people to climb. “The social element is amazing and it’s not just a sport or a hobby, it’s a lifestyle, so my friendship group, everyone I know, climbs. It’s quite a caring community.” Bristol Climbing Academy (and another in Glasgow) is owned by enthusiasts Richard Emerson and Paul Twomey, who opened it almost five years ago. They love the sport so much they call themselves “lifers” and have noticed a growth in the sport’s popularity. Richard reckons this is partly due to the low start-up costs.

He says: “There no faff and the cost of getting started is much less than rope climbing because you don’t need expensive harness. It’s the same as getting into running, all you need is a pair of shoes, which cost anything from £74 to £120. “It’s easy for people to get into. All they have to do is book on for an hour’s induction and then they are able to come in as often as they like, hire shoes and bring guests.” Paul adds: “The next stage after the induction is movement and technique instruction, which teaches you how to use your body to climb more efficiently, and then you start to be able to problem solve better, which makes it easier.” Like Tom, they both highlight

the friendly aspect of bouldering. Richard says: “There’s also a real sociable aspect. “Of an evening there’s lots of people standing about looking and that’s going across generations, from teenagers to people as old as me, and across abilities, from people who’ve been doing it for life to people who are relatively new to it. It’s a really democratic activity.” And Paul is keen to point out other benefits: “A lot of people also use it instead of a gym because it has that social element as well; you’re hanging out with your mates, you’re eating good cake and coffee and you’re having a good time with like-minded people. “It is also one of very few sports where a complete novice

can be rubbing shoulders with the elite and there is no friction between that.” But there are very good people who use the centre, including members of the GB junior team. The academy also takes people bouldering on Dartmoor (with portable mats), runs competitions for all ages, including a schools league, and sessions for special needs children, for whom bouldering can improve strength and co-ordination, confidence and social skills. Bristol Climbing Academy is at Charlton Street, St Philip’s, BS5 0FD. For more information, visit www.theclimbingacademy.com; call 0117 907 2956, or email info@theclimbingacademy.com.

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GADGETS

American technology

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he next time someone says “cloud” to you, make sure you correct them. “Cloud” is just another buzzword. It just means “internet”. It’s become popular because it sounds much more interesting to sell something called “cloud backups” than it does to sell something called “internet backups”. Backing up is, of course, essential. If you don’t have your computer or your phone backed up, stop reading this right now and go and back it up. Sooner or later, the tiny drive that stores all your data (including your work documents, your half-finished novel and your old wedding photos) will go kaput, and if you don’t have it backed up you’ll have lost the lot. Online backups (whether you use the “cloud” word or not) are convenient for lots of reasons. You can access them from anywhere, and any computer. If you use them instead of backing

up to an external hard drive, that’s one less gadget to have on your desk (although it’s better to have multiple backups if you can). Backup software is better now, too. Mostly, it’s a case of set it up and forget about it. There are many services you can try, including OneDrive (onedrive.live.com), Backblaze (backblaze.com) and CrashPlan (crashplan.com), but my

favourite is Dropbox (dropbox.com). It’s better because it works like a normal folder on your computer, even when you’re offline. Anything you put in your Dropbox folder is automatically uploaded to the internet – or the cloud, if you insist – in the background. It’s a brilliant backup because it doesn’t feel like a backup at all. It just feels like you’re using your computer as normal.

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GET SMART Think high street mobile phone stores are a bit overwhelming? We took a trip to the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona, where manufacturers show off their latest, fanciest wares. After walking the many miles of aisles, here are our top six new smartphones.

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DAYS OUT i [{l}l Ulsslu

GET ON YOUR BIKE (OR SOMEONE ELSE’S) 18

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ou may well have seen mud-streaked mountain bikers heading back from Ashton Court and wished you could give it a go. The truth is you can, and you don’t even need your own set of wheels. Lots of people are put off when they see (usually male) cyclists in top-of-the-range branded gear, cameras on their helmets and a scary look in their eyes dashing round the woods near Clifton, but Bristol’s trails are actually easier than in many other places. Sam Fowler, one of the team who runs Pedal Progression, which hires bikes from near the

golf course at Ashton Court, says: “We have two trails here and they are both very good for beginners, there are no really steep bits for example. “We see kids as young as six having a go, and people on balance bikes. It’s a great place to learn.” It’s been a boom time for Pedal Progression and the other outlets that hire mountain bikes out in the Ashton Court area. People have been using Ashton Court and Leigh Woods for riding since the 1980s, but the trails were always natural. Since the man-made surfaces were put in four years ago, use of the trails has gone through the roof. It’s estimated that 120,000 laps of the two trails are

Further afield Haynes International Motor Museum

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enjoyed by cyclists each year, beating even the Forest of Dean trails. There are two courses, the Nova Trail, and Yer Tiz. The Nova trails at Ashton Court add up to roughly 7km while the Leigh Woods section is around 4km. The trails are set up so you can cycle from one to the other, although this will mean crossing one road. Pedal Progression’s prices are (adults) £10 per hour, £14 for two hours, £19 for three hours. Children’s rates are £8 for one hour, £12 for two hours and £14 for three hours. You’ll need a photographic ID to book the bikes (only driving licence or passport accepted) and a chip and pin card. Included in the hire price is a

helmet, spare inner tube, a pump and, if needed, a map. If you want to record your ride, you can also hire a helmet camera. The Ashton Court and Leigh Woods trails aren’t the only ones on offer; see bristoltrailsgroup.com for maps of alternative rides. And if you’ve got your own bike it’s free of course. For a full range of Pedal Progression services, see www.pedalprogression.com for more details. The team offers skills courses and has an in-house mechanic. Note that it’s closed Mondays and Tuesdays. Another business not far from Ashton Court that offers bike hire is Blackboy Hill Cycles. See www.blackboycycles.co.uk for what they do.

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EATING OUT Lunch for locals Couple’s dream is a delight \ol T|ujo Jv @8: Npzowvukz Zvhk4 Npzowvukz4 Jypz{vs4 J[9> ;\M6 \lsB 8?A:8 8>:;:86

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Reviews by Mark Taylor

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EATING IN Real Italian cooking using some humble ingredients

aking inspiration from the old Roman saying that “the more you pay, the less well you eat”, best-selling TV cook Bill Granger’s latest book demonstrates how to take common, humble ingredients and turn them into healthy, satisfying Italian dishes. The cornerstone of Granger’s cooking is also the cornerstone of the best of Italian cuisine: simple, flavoursome dishes with short ingredient lists and uncomplicated methods, centred on easy-to-find ingredients that needn’t be expensive. In Bill’s Italian Food, Granger offers a bold new twist on the country’s popular cuisine. The book was written and photographed over the course of a baking hot summer holiday Granger had with his wife and three daughters in Puglia and there is a genuine sense of family cooking in many of the dishes. Divided into themed chapters, there are quick and easy suppers and deliciously stress-free meals for friends to no-fuss one-dish oven-baked comfort food and big Italian-style feasts for the large groups at the weekend. Whether it’s a child-friendly tomato and mozzarella gnocchi bake or a slow-roasted lamb shoulder flavoured with orange, anchovy and fennel for Sunday lunch, this is a book for every occasion and every household budget.

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ADVERTISING FEATURE

The home-from-home cruise that departs from your doorstep

t’s the time of year when people begin to plan and look forward to their holidays for the months ahead. With travelling through airports stressful and difficult, more and more people are choosing to cruise from the UK, avoiding all the hassle, restrictions (and for some, the fear) of flying. Plus you get to visit a string of diverse destinations in one trip – you can see why 1.8 million Britons took a cruise last year. For years the luxury of cruising from a local port has been reserved for those who live near to Southampton. For 2014, however, as part of a brand new programme of sailings from Fred. Olsen Cruise Lines, their classically-styled ship, Boudicca, will offer a range of sailings from Avonmouth, Bristol. It is anticipated that people will be drawn to sail from Bristol from a wide area, bringing more business to the region, though it is local

holidaymakers who are likely to benefit the most. Along with just 800 other guests, you can hop on board Fred. Olsen’s ship and cruise to some fascinating destinations, including the Canary Islands and Lisbon; Dubrovnik, Venice, Athens; and Reykjavik, Olden, Bergen and Flåm in Norway. Sailings depart from late April to mid June, covering durations from six nights to nearly a month. While cruising is often seen as expensive and luxurious, it can be a very inexpensive way to holiday. On their cruises from Bristol, Fred. Olsen include all meals, live entertainment and shows, daytime activities and, of course, en suite accommodation too, with prices from £71 per person, per night. Drinks on board cost about the same as a local pub back home too so you won’t need to loosen the purse strings as much as you’d think, or you can take Fred. Olsen’s offer to

Above and top, Fred. Olsen Cruise Lines’ classically-styled ship, Boudicca which will be sailing out of Avonmouth this year go all inclusive with a package priced at just £10 per person per night. With cruising becoming more popular with a wider audience, there are different types of ships to meet the needs of different types of holidaymakers. New gigantic mega-ships are being launched all the time, with ever more facilities and on board options, making the ship as

much of a destination as the places you’ll cruise to. Other lines, such as those sailing from Bristol, have smaller, more traditionally-styled ships, which offer a more intimate, relaxed style of travelling, with the emphasis on good service and a home-from-home atmosphere. If that appeals, you’ll find cruises departing from your doorstep this year.

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TRAVEL in association with

WELCOME TO THE

CHAMPAGNE LIFESTYLE World travel Sarah Trevelyan visits the creme de la creme of ski resorts, playground of the rich and famous

ourchevel is world famous for its slopes, five-star hotels, Michelin-star restaurants and designer boutiques. It is the ski resort for the rich and famous – Posh and Becks, Robbie Williams, David Walliams, Formula One team owner Eddie Jordan, F1 drivers David Coulthard and Jacques Villeneuve, Chris Evans and Ian Botham have all holidayed there. Kazakhstan’s president Nursultan Nazarbayev and his friends are reported to have paid £1.2 million for Sir Elton John to sing at a private Christmas party in Courchevel and Eminem is also reported to have played at private Russian parties there. There is no question why Courchevel is the resort of choice for the rich – it is the creme de la creme of ski resorts. It is part of the 3 Valleys ski area in the French Alps – the largest in the world at 600km of pistes connected by 170 ski lifts.

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The pistes are the best prepared in the world. Various themed areas provide skiers with a variety of exciting settings. They are bashed and groomed ready for the early bird skiers every morning, there are plenty of lifts taking you to all areas of the mountains, the sign-posting once you are up there is good and the runs are vast and varied. From the minute Courchevel came to be in 1946, its founders always wanted more – more grandeur, more comfort, more innovation. Almost 70 years on and the result speaks for itself. And, still striving for perfection, it is going to get even better – with 140 million euros in planned investment over the next seven years, Societe des 3 Vallees (SV3) currently has the most ambitious schedule in France. Four hundred and seventy professionals work on the resort: patrollers, snow groomers, avalanche experts and snow experts. “These people make the resort what it is,” says Thomas Thor-Jensen, director of the ski

area. “It’s more than just a job, the mountain is our passion.” And it is hard not to fall in love with the mountains when you are there. It was our first time in Courchevel and we skied every day in perfect conditions. The sun was out, we had blue skies, and lots of Champagne powder snow – very light, dry, and smooth snow, which is great for skiing. The slopes are amazing – beautiful wide runs with lots of off-piste options alongside for the more adventurous. There was very little queuing for the lifts and all were comfortable and the staff were friendly and helpful. There’s a good choice of mountain restaurants – amazing ones which were pricey or you can ski to Courchevel Moriond for more reasonably priced ones. There are countless five-star hotels and luxurious private chalets (with heated drives!) to choose from if you can afford them, but if you want to sample the Champagne lifestyle for a tenth of the price then check out

Hotel Saint Louis. It is a fantastic small boutique hotel a snowball’s throw away from one of the main pistes. You simply cross over the road and ski down to La Croisette, the main lift area, where your journey for the day can start. The staff are friendly, helpful and efficient. The rooms are clean and comfortable. Dining is on a half-board basis which includes breakfast, afternoon tea, pre-dinner drinks and canapés and four-course evening meals, and the food is excellent. There is a bar with a welcoming log fire and leather sofas – perfect to sit back and relax in after a day’s skiing. Families are well looked after in Courchevel with lots of added attractions for children, from a free soft-play area and a merry-go-round for toddlers to a bowling alley, climbing wall, arcade and ice rink for the older children. Children as young as 18 months are on skies in Courchevel. They have specific equipment and the specialised ski instructors help them gain an understanding of the snowy setting in excellent conditions. A day skiing in Courchevel isn’t necessarily more expensive than elsewhere. Families have special passes so they can ski for 187 euros per person per week. For those who don’t have much time or aren’t very sporty, the Minipass provides access to a selection of ski lifts from 22 euros per day (up to 18 pistes). Another option is the three-hour Pass. Beginners have free access to eight ski lifts and three moving walkways. The pass is free for under-fives and over-75s. You won’t find a more varied playground than Courchevel with its 19 green, 35 blue, 34 red and eight black pistes. Skiers of all

abilities will find a setting to suit them here. Zen Zones have been created to provide a space to practice and progress in peace. On the Verdons piste, the Family Park is the perfect place for families. The Indians Piste is a favourite with children – you can stop off and warm up in the Indian’s teepee by the wood fire and look at the wooden animals on display. As for advanced skiing, experts will find some of the most exciting couloirs (deep mountainside gorges) in the three Valleys at the peak of Saulire (Couloir Tournier and Grand Couloir). Courchevel isn’t just skiing heaven either. There are all sorts of things to do away from the pistes. Every winter the toboggan run is getting more and more popular. From La Croisette you can reach Courchevel Village on a 2.3km sledding piste. There are also two areas for children, one for the three to six-year-olds and one for the six to 11-year-olds. The “yooner”, a vintage sled used in the 1900s for local school children to get to school, has been highly popular and introductory sessions with training are available.

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And the Beat goes on...

rom their formation in 1978 to their break-up five years later, Birmingham ska band The Beat enjoyed a string of top ten singles, which went on to become classics of the early Eighties. Part of the ska revival and the 2-Tone movement that launched the careers of Madness, The Specials and The Selecter, The Beat rapidly became one of Britain’s most successful bands of the time, hits including Hands Off – She’s Mine, Mirror in the Bathroom, Too Nice to Talk To and Can’t Get Used to Losing You. When the band split in 1983, guitarist Andy Cox and bass player David Steele went on to form Fine Young Cannibals. Co-vocalists Dave Wakeling and Ranking Roger went on enjoy further success with their band General Public before going their separate ways. Ranking Roger is still touring the UK with his version of The Beat and he played Bristol’s Fleece last week. And now Dave Wakeling, who has lived in the USA for several years, is back in the UK for his

first major tour fronting The English Beat. The show will feature a mix of hits from The Beat and General Public, as well as a few new songs, and he’s being supported by Roddy Radiation, the original guitarist of The Specials. A lot of people might still be confused by the fact that two versions of The Beats are touring the UK 30 years after the original split, but Dave Wakeling says that there’s room for both. “We said that if either of us came to each other’s country, then we would work together, but sadly that has never happened. The English Beat is me in America and it has become an uncomfortable truce. “Roger and I get on well but you’ve got a situation where he’s been able to run a band in England and he doesn’t want to be a junior partner in our “administration”. “I’m a crooner and Roger’s a great toaster, but I believe the songs I wrote are ultimately sung better by me because I wrote them for my voice.” The Beat were well-known for producing danceable, melodic songs, some of which –

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including Stand Down Margaret, a song about Margaret Thatcher – had a political edge reflective of the era. “We had a particular idea that we wanted to have upbeat music and combine it with slightly darker lyrics about the things that go on in all our lives that we don’t really talk about. Most days of our lives are happy and sad, and we wanted songs that reflected that. “We would have loads of press and interviews and people would be asking ‘what’s your favourite breakfast?’ or ‘what’s your favourite colour?’. “It was a shame there were so many things I felt so strongly about but all I had to talk about was breakfast when I wanted to talk about environmental, nuclear, peace and war issues. I didn’t see why we had to start talking about nonsense. “And I think that’s one of the long lasting effects of The Beat. It was about making a point about important issues. “The Beat was special, though. Everything seemed easy and fitted together. There was a magic it to it, but three years after we formed, it was almost

impossible to even get a rehearsal together. It started to become obvious that some of the will had gone. “Some members wanted a two-year break, some couldn’t afford to do that.” As well as performing with The English Beat, Dave has worked on various projects in the USA, as well as raising a young family. For the first half of the 1990s, he worked for Greenpeace and he is now the US ambassador for the Specialized teenage cancer charity. “I have two small children, so aside from the music, I wanted to be there for them, help them with their maths – or at least until they were ten and I didn’t understand the questions anymore! I also coached my kids’ soccer teams over in LA so it has been great. “I’ll go down in history as the guy that split up The Beat, but we all knew the time was right and I’m still very proud of what we achieved and I am extremely excited to be back in the UK on home soil to perform all the hits again.” David Marks

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FILM

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doubt if Weng Weng needed all of that hardcore martial arts training because it seems as though Filipino baddies have problems spotting a 2’9? midget in a leisure suit who is more than willing to kick them in the weiner boobs.” CultReviews.com Until now, the Bristol Bad Film Club’s screenings have all featured cult “Western” films, but now they are putting on their first “world cinema” night with For Y’ur Height Only – a James Bond rip-off from The Philippines staring Weng Weng, a 3ft tall martial artist. The success of the James Bond franchise naturally spawned a series of parodies and imitators, but none of them hit upon the idea of casting a dwarf in the lead role. A genre in its own right, For Y’ur Height Only completely corners the spy-martial arts-dwarfsploitation market that the world was crying out for in 1981. Weng Weng, who was born Ernesto de la Cruz, always dreamed of becoming a martial

40 Weekend From Friday, March 14, 2014

artist superstar and trained hard all of his life, but it was Hong Kong producer Raymond Jury that hit upon the idea of casting him as Agent 00 in his unique take on the famous spy series. The film made Weng Weng the most famous actor in The Philippines at the time, and he was actually made an honorary agent by future President General Ramos. It’s easy to see why fans flocked to see “the world’s smallest martial artist”. The film is essentially an excuse to show Weng Weng dispatching dozens of foes by punching them in the crotch. Strangely, this never gets old. Like James Bond, Weng Weng’s Agent 00 also has an arsenal of cool gadgets (including a flying hat) and is very popular with the ladies. “I’m a big fan of James Bond, but nothing prepared me for the genius of miniature spy,” said Bristol Bad Film Club co-founder Tim Popple. “Bond may have a Walther PPK and a

licence to kill, but he doesn’t get to kick people in the balls. Nor does he have genius dubbing. This has to be seen – and heard – to be believed.” Ah yes, the dubbing. Despite the cast all being Filipino, the film’s “English track” is populated with a menagerie of accents. Mexican, English, American “redneck” – they’re all here and you won’t believe your ears. “You’ll never watch a Bond film in the same way again,” said co-founder Timon Singh. “Whenever I watch Goldfinger again, all I’m going to think is that this film needs a scene of Bond dancing awkwardly in a Philippine disco… before punching bad guys right in the happy sack.” All proceeds from the screening will be going towards The Children’s Liver Disease Foundation. For more information, visit www.bristolbadfilmclub.co.uk or the club’s Twitter (@TheOtherBBFC) and Facebook page.

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oys will be buffoons in John Butler’s raucous comedy about male friends who gets into scrapes during a stag weekend in rural Ireland. Far gentler than The Hangover but peppered with similar moments of outrageous misfortune, The Stag chugs along pleasantly and elicits wry smiles as the characters find themselves stark naked in a wood with only makeshift squirrel-skin thongs to spare their blushes. Butler’s script, co-written by actor Peter McDonald, trades in broad stereotypes and never threatens to shatter preconceptions. Thus the wimp who claims “I can’t abide U2” at the beginning of the film weeps openly to a ballad by Bono and co in the closing frames, and a domineering brother-in-law reveals chinks in his armour to remind us that bullies have hearts too. It’s a blessing that the script dodges the outlandish, gross-out humour that seems to be the stock-in-trade of American comedies about friendship and male bonding. So while there are some bodily fluids, they remain safely off camera, and the two gay

characters aren’t simply targets for a barrage of homophobia. Groom-to-be Fionnan (Hugh O’Conor) is a self-confessed metrosexual, who would rather attend a hen party with his beautiful fiancee Ruth (Amy Huberman) than suffer the horrors of a stag do. He is heavily involved in preparations for the big day and lovingly constructs a miniature representation of his dream reception room. “Very few [grooms] make dolls’ houses,” observes the wedding planner tartly. “It’s a diorama,” he protests. At the behest of his bride-to-be, Fionnan allows best man Davin (Andrew Scott) to organise a lads-only weekend. They settle on a rugged camping expedition with good mate Simon (Brian Gleeson) and long-term couple Big Kevin (Andrew Bennett) and Little Kevin (Michael Legge). Ruth is keen for Fionnan to bond with her fearsome older brother, nicknamed The Machine (Peter McDonald), and assumes her sibling will be invited on this outdoors retreat. Davin conveniently forgets to tell The Machine, but the bullish brother-in-law is tipped off and he gatecrashes the stag party.

Fragile bonds of friendship are tested to the limit as Fionnan and co withstand a barrage of insults from The Machine, trekking from disaster to despair via a near-death experience with a gun-toting farmer. At 94 minutes, The Stag doesn’t outstay its welcome but saying a resounding “I do” to Butler’s uneven film is tricky. The cast inhabit roles with warmth and gusto and the rapport between Scott and O’Conor papers over some of the cracks. McDonald’s altercation with an electric fence provides a comic highpoint but his character’s persistent nagging wears thin. A cosy coda tries unsuccessfully to convince us that The Machine’s heavy-handed tactics were all designed to make Fionnan and co better men.

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From Friday, March 14, 2014

Weekend 41

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f your favourite movie quotations include “Nobody puts Baby in a corner” and “I carried a watermelon?”, then you should Pachanga your way down to The Bristol Hippodrome as smash-hit musical Dirty Dancing takes over the theatre from Saturday. Bristol audiences had the time of their lives when the smash hit show toured to the city last year. The theatre bubbled over with excitement as full houses swooned at the love scenes, cheered the dance sequences, swayed to the music and joined in with the classic dialogue before rewarding the cast with standing ovations. After Bristol, the production went on to thrill audiences across the country, breaking box office records. Now Dirty Dancing – The Classic Story On Stage returns to Bristol by popular demand for three weeks only. The stage show is written by

Eleanor Bergstein, script writer and co-producer of the phenomenally successful 1987 film starring the late Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey. For the uninitiated, Dirty Dancing tells the heartpounding story of teenager Frances “Baby” Houseman and dance instructor Johnny Castle. It’s the summer of 1963 and 17-year-old Baby is at a loose end on a family holiday – until she stumbles upon the staff quarters when an all-night dance party is in full swing. Baby becomes mesmerised by the raunchy dance moves, the pounding rhythms – and by hunky resort dance instructor, Johnny. Baby’s life is about to change forever as she is thrown in at the deep end as Johnny’s leading lady both on stage and off with breathtaking consequences. With log balancing, sexy water antics, sweaty hip-grinding, fights, passion and “that” lift,

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Dirty Dancing mesmerised generations of viewers on the big and small screens before its glorious transition to the stage. Muscle-bound Gareth Bailey will be stripping off as brooding, hip-swivelling, troubled dancer Johnny – one of the most iconic roles in popular culture. Gareth started his Dirty Dancing journey in the first UK tour where he played Robbie. He then went on to play Johnny Castle in South Africa as part of the international tour of Dirty Dancing, prior to joining the West End company at the Piccadilly Theatre. Roseanna Frascona will be carrying the watermelon as idealistic Baby Houseman, who discovers love and life in the summer she will never forget. Dirty Dancing – The Classic Story On Stage features all the much-loved characters and the original, quotable dialogue from the hit film with exciting extra scenes added in. The stunning dance

sequences and brand new choreography come alive on stage, all set to the timeless Dirty Dancing soundtrack including Do You Love Me?, Hey Baby, Hungry Eyes and the Academy Award Winning (I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life. The original London production of Dirty Dancing – The Classic Story On Stage opened in 2006 and was sold out six months in advance. The show played for five triumphant years at the Aldwych Theatre, breaking all box office records with advance ticket sales of over £15 million, which made it the fastest ever selling West End show. The production has gone on to open in Australia, New Zealand, Germany, the Netherlands, Sweden and South Africa, consistently breaking box office records. Now it’s back in Bristol, and fans have yet another chance to enjoy this classic rites of passage tale.

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Escorted Holidays 8

days from

£789

£719

per person

Classic Italy

Portofino, Florence & Tuscany

This wonderful, week-long touring holiday combines a three-night stay overlooking the glorious Bay of Naples with four nights in the Tuscan Hills. Included guided tours to some of Italy’s greatest sights and renowned cities, including Vesuvius, ancient Pompeii, The Amalfi Drive, Florence, Orvieto and Rome, all make for a memorable holiday.

Based in one of Tuscany’s most celebrated spa resorts, this wonderful holiday includes unforgettable excursions to the famous resorts of Santa Margherita and Portofino, and to exquisite Florence.

Our price includes:

• Return flights to Italy direct from Bristol • Return airport to hotel transfers • Seven nights’ half-board accommodation at the three-star Hotel Belvedere, Montecatini (upgrade to the four-star Grand Hotel Regina

Departing May to October 2014

• Return flights to Italy from Bristol • Included visits and attractions • Three nights’ half board at the three• Return airport to hotel transfers star Hotel Villa Serena, Castellammare • The services of a tour manager di Stabia • Four nights’ half board at the three-star Hotel Santa Chiara, Chianciano Terme

Our price includes: available for a supplement) • Visit to Santa Margherita and Portofino, including boat trip • Visit to Florence • One suitcase allowance per person • The services of a tour manager

days from

£439 per person

£499 per person

Highland Railways

Cannes & the French Riviera

Fly to and from Scotland, stay in the heart of the Highlands and enjoy three spectacular railway journeys while you’re there: the famous West Highland Line from Fort William to Mallaig, the charming Strathspey Steam Railway and the breathtaking stretch between Inverness to the Kyle of Lochalsh.

Enjoy a marvellous few days of rest, relaxation and exploration in one of the world’s most celebrated playgrounds. Based in captivating Cannes, this wonderful-value six-day escorted holiday includes an excursion to fabled St.Tropez and glittering St.Raphael, and also offers exciting optional tours to elegant Nice, sun-kissed Antibes and fabled Monte Carlo.

Our price includes:

• Return flights to Edinburgh from Bristol Fort William to Mallaig on the famous West Highland Line, plus a trip on the • Four nights’ dinner, bed-and- Scottish Strathspey Steam Railway breakfast accommodation at either the Highlander or the Carrbridge Hotel • Touring and airport transfers by coach • Rail journey from Inverness to Kyle • The services of a tour manager of Lochalsh, a 42-mile journey from

• Return flights to Nice direct from Bristol • Five nights’ bed and continental breakfast accommodation at the three-star Abrial Hotel, Cannes (upgrade hotels are available for a

Departing May to October 2014

Departing June, July, September and October 2014

supplement) • A full day excursion to St Raphael and St Tropez • Return airport to hotel transfers • One suitcase allowance per person • The services of a tour manager

0843 487 5833 Quote BEP www.newmarket.travel/bep Calls cost 5ppm from a BT landline. You may also be charged a connection fee. Mobile and other providers’ charges may vary. Operated by Newmarket Air Holidays Ltd. ABTA V7812, ATOL protected 2325. Prices are per person, based on 2 sharing. Subject to availability. Single supplements apply. Terms and conditions apply. These suppliers are independent of Local World. When you respond, the holiday supplier and Local World may contact you with offers/services that may be of interest. Please give your mobile or email details if you wish to receive such offers by SMS or email. We will not give your details to other companies without your permission.

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Escorted Holidays 8

days from

£769

£889

per person

Capri, Pompeii and the Amalfi Coast

Moscow & St. Petersburg

Departing June to October 2014

Departing July to October 2014

Featuring half-board accommodation in Sant’ Agata, this wonderful holiday includes escorted visits to Pompeii and the enchanting Isle of Capri, and a breathtaking drive along the Amalfi Coast.

Don’t miss this opportunity to see two of the world’s must-see cities in one unforgettable week. Red Square, the Kremlin, Victory Park in Moscow, and the Hermitage, the Admiralty and Peter & Paul Fortress in the ‘Venice of the North’ are just some of the highlights of this wonderful holiday.

Our price includes: • Return flights to Italy from Bristol • Seven nights’ half-board accommodation at the threestar Hotel Delle Palme, Sant’ Agata (upgrades available for a supplement)

• Escorted excursions to Capri, Pompeii and the Amalfi Coast • Coach travel and transfers • One suitcase allowance per person • The services of a tour manager

Day Trip from

£499 per person

Our price includes: Moscow to St. Petersburg • Flights to Moscow from Bristol, returning from St. Petersburg • Two nights’ bed & breakfast • Two nights’ bed & buffet breakfast accommodation at the Park Inn Pribaltiyskaya hotel, St. Petersburg accommodation at the Holiday Inn Suschevsky, Moscow • Guided city tours • One night in a first-class compartment • The services of a tour manager on the overnight sleeper train from

BOOK BEFO RE 31 MARCH TO SAVE

£25

days from

£869 per person

PER PERSO

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Santa’s Lapland Day Break

Corsica and the South of France

Join us for the most exciting, most magical and without doubt most unforgettable day ever, flying beyond the Arctic Circle to enjoy a host of funfilled activities, and of course, a family meeting with a very special person.

This wonderful holiday combines two nights on the fabled Côte d’Azur and five on the spectacular island of Corsica, with included tours of sparkling Nice and the island’s beautiful north coast.

Our price includes:

Departing 23 December 2014

• Return flight from Bristol to Pajala, Lapland • Transfers to ‘Santa’s Home’ • Thermal clothing • Snowmobile safari, Reindeerdrawn sleigh and Husky Dog Sled rides

• Private family meeting with Santa Claus • Two-course lunch and hot drinks • Fun activities • Friendly Lappish hosts and Santa’s helpers

Departing April to June, September and October 2014

• Return flights from Brisol to Nice • Coach travel and daytime ferry crossings from Nice to Corsica • Two nights’ bed and breakfast accommodation at the three-star Campanile Nice Aeroport Hotel

• Five nights’ half-board accommodation at the three-star Saint-Christophe Hotel, Calvi • Nice walking tour • Guided tour of Corsica’s north coast • The services of a tour manager

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othering Sunday falls on Sunday, March 30 this year – and Gloucester Road’s thriving gallery Room 212 has decided to mark the annual event in suitably creative style. The gallery’s Celebration of Motherhood exhibition, which runs for the last fortnight of the month, features a wealth of paintings, prints, sculptures and gifts that pay tribute to the experience of motherhood and to the unique bond between mothers and children. To use art to celebrate motherhood is, as Room 212’s owner Sarah Thorp explains, not so very random a decision. “Motherhood can be seen as the ultimate in creativity and nurturing,” Sarah, an artist herself, reasons. “We will be reflecting this in much of the art you’ll see at the gallery this month.” The idea for the Motherhood exhibition came, in fact, from another regular Room 212

exhibitor, artist and sculptor Laura Robertson. “Laura is a multi-talented artist, and motherhood – and womanhood in general – is a prevailing theme throughout her work, from her Tea Cup Women prints and paintings to her beautiful feminine sculptures in clay and breeze block,” Sarah explains. “She often represents herself and her children in her work, and has illustrated a children’s book about Gordon the Goblin who has now become the beloved Gloucester Road mascot.” Elsewhere in this exhibition, illustrator/printmaker Christine Howes contributes a series of prints depicting mother-andbaby relationships throughout the animal kingdom, while mixed-media artist Debby Bird uses textile art to explore and celebrate the everyday and domestic and Carrie Pooler exhibits a simple, poignant print of a mother and child. You’ll even find a witty and poignant recipe, by Lucy Reeves and Julie Branfield, for Motherhood Cake – sample ingredients, “200g plain domestic

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servitude”, “100kg of odd socks” and “Limitless drops of tears at anything happy or sad”. Also present is Jitka Palmer, a well-known Bristol artist who works in various mediums. As well as carving sculptures from Bath and Portland stone and creating beautiful painted clay vessels and sculptures, Jitka also draws and paints in ink, (such Mother and Child, pictured above), pastel, charcoal, watercolour and tempera. “In this complicated world I draw on personal experiences, past and present, with a view to reflecting the spontaneity of ordinary human life,” Jitka says. “Motherhood is therefore an obvious theme for me.” “Many other regular Room 212 artists are working on pieces to add to the theme,” Sarah reveals. “As usual there will be plenty of original cards and gifts on offer, as well as prints and paintings. We’ll also be running a couple of workshops, which could work either as a special treat for mothers or for children to make something for their mums.” These include, on Wednesday,

March 19, a session where participants will make a beautiful fascinator using recycled materials such as vinyl singles, feathers and flowers. A week later, meanwhile, children will be able to come along after school and make a soap or sparkly bath bomb for mum. Elsewhere, Sarah’s twice-weekly knitting club allows visitors of all ages to meet in the gallery’s creative surroundings and practise this age-old craft with strong associations with motherhood. “Room 212’s strength is the incredible variety of work on offer,” Sarah continues. “This feeds into the creative practice of many of the customers, and it is becoming an inspirational outlet for many new mothers wishing to return to creating and selling art.” One example Sarah cites is Rosie Webb, a successful London illustrator who returned to Bristol on becoming a mother. “Rosie has shown her work at Room 212 since the day we opened, and her quirky watercolours of animals and birds are firm favourites with children and adults alike.”

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BOOKS Bristol coroner is back on the case Jvvr vm {ol ~llr \ol J|yupun i U Z Phss w|ispzolk i Uhu{sl4 ô9:6AA ohykihjr

ristol coroner Jenny Cooper’s sharp senses are revived once more by author M R Hall, in his sixth crime novel, The Burning. The story centres on a dreadful tragedy, where a house has burned to the ground with three members of a family inside. Evidence of foul play is quickly uncovered and it isn’t long before the police investigation is drawn to a close, but as Jenny prepares the inquest, she is troubled by the official version of events. There are too many loose ends, too many coincidences; her conscious won’t let the matter rest. Suspecting a connection with the mysterious abduction of a little girl ten years previously from the same South Gloucestershire village near Thornbury, Jenny sets about asking her own searching questions. But can she unearth Blackstone Ley’s secrets, before it’s too late? Solidly researched and with a clear, yet meticulously detailed plot, M R Hall’s story is both convincing and compelling. While Blackstone Ley is fictional, the numerous local references and geographical landmarks – the Clifton Suspension Bridge and the Avon Gorge viewpoint, for example – will add extra resonance for local readers. Meanwhile, the heroine is fighting a personal, as well as a profession battle, as she tries to find the way forward in a complicated relationship. M R Hall, pictured, is a Bafta-nominated screenwriter, producer and former criminal barrister, who lives in Monmouthshire with his wife and two sons. He was nominated for a second CWA Gold Dagger Award for his previous novel, The Flight. His other novels featuring Jenny Cooper are The Coroner, The Disappeared, The Chosen Dead and The Redeemed.

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Dept. Of Speculation

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PROPERTY

WORTHY OF THE SUPERLATIVES Property of the week The Ox Barn, Pucklechurch

state agents are well known for their use of superlatives when describing properties on their books, but in this case the terms “stunning” and “delightful” which appear in the brochure are quite

appropriate. What we’re looking at (with some degree of envy) is a barn conversion – a stone-built property that’s surrounded by fields and retains a decent plot, landscaped with manicured grass and patios, surrounded by tall fences. It has even got its own summer house. An electric gate secures the front of the barn, which is covered mostly with smart block paving (an area large enough to fit a dozen cars), while a larger-than-average

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double garage has storage under the eaves. So, first impressions are good. And the interior doesn’t disappoint either. Large, pale-painted rooms and plenty of windows and glazed doors make it bright, while zoned under-floor heating throughout adds one of many touches of luxury. Flagstones have been laid throughout the ground floor, with oak floorboards above, along with oak skirting and an oak staircase. Original beams around 300 years old populate the vaulted ceilings while an inglenook fireplace and a hand-built solid oak kitchen merely add to the farmhouse feeling. The central entrance hall, off which is a shower room, doubles as a study area, and has both TV and telephone points. On one side of the hall is the huge lounge/diner, with windows and glazed double doors front and

rear. It’s here you’ll find that inglenook, with wood-burner, while three TV points and two telephone points give the family plenty of choice when arranging furniture. On the other side of the hall is the kitchen/ breakfast room, complete with breakfast bar to seat four, black granite work tops, a Belfast sink and integrated washing machine, dishwasher and an electric six-ring range cooker. French doors open to the rear garden. Upstairs are three double bedrooms, each with a vaulted, beamed ceiling and all sharing a smart shower room, including a whopping walk-in shower and marble flooring.

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LET THERE BE LIGHT Looking for some deals to spruce up your home? Alison Cork, from HomesAndBargains.co.uk, has put together these latest offers.

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Spring is here so it’s time to start planning and planting Ohyklupun Isp [tp{o myvt Jypz{vs5ihzlk [ljyl{ Ohyklu Thukzjhwpun ohz pklhz mvy {yhuzmvytpun h nhyklu ~p{ov|{ johunpun {ol lu{pyl zwhjl

fter a long wet winter, we’ve been eagerly awaiting spring and it will be great to get out in the garden and – hopefully – enjoy some milder weather. The first daffodils are popping open, so it seems like gardens are beginning to wake up. Now is good time to start planning and coming up with ideas for your garden, so it is ready for summer. Although it’s lovely to go for a total revamp, a few touches here and there can give a garden a new feel. We recently added a couple of new features that totally transformed a front garden in Bristol. The client wanted an easy-to-maintain space that was also attractive to look at. For a start, on top of the front wall, we built a timber screen that added some privacy for the house. Using wooden boards, we cut wavy lines into them, then spaced them out (picture below). This allowed a bit of light to pass through and highlight the shapes cut into the wood. We also added a “dry” water feature. This had a large rock, with pebbles around it. Then we placed blue slate through the pebbles, giving the effect of moving water. There are several ways to quickly change a garden. Planting an attractive tree can instantly provide a focal point that will last for years. Placing a tree in a front garden means that you will see it every day and it will improve the look of a street. Also, selecting an area of a garden and concentrating a lot of new plants can add a blast of colour and vibrancy. For a transformation with slightly greater impact, try dividing up the space into “rooms”, which gives a garden personality. Having a large lawn and long borders either side can be uninteresting. In another Bristol garden (main image) we divided a garden into three rooms. The first space had stepping stones running through a lawn. To one side, a deep bed was planted with lots of plants in “hot” colours. This area led to a rose arch, with a low picket fence

either side that spanned the width of the garden. The arch and fence were planted with climbing plants, but left enough space for the eye to wander to the next section of the garden. This led to a heavily planted area on one side and a grass mound seat on the other. The last section of the garden had a large pond with a bridge over it that led to a seating area. Each of this garden’s sections had a different ambience that you could “feel” as you moved through the garden. For more about Secret Garden Landscaping, visit www.secretgardenweb.co.uk, or contact via email to info@secretgardenweb.co.uk.

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TELEVISION

Film highlight

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Real reason chocolate bars are shrinking

immy Doherty’s Friday Night Feast programme with his celebrity chef pal Jamie Oliver is a light-hearted affair. This new programme is likely to be anything but. It sees Jimmy venture out from his Suffolk farm to go on a global journey exploring the rising cost of food, something

that has the experts worried almost on a similar scale to climate change. In Friday Night Feast the duo have dabbled in championing local cuisine and produce that brings low food miles to the plate. In this programme, Jimmy will discover that prices reflect some of the big challenges of the times we live in, such as the rapidly growing population of the

world, and volatile weather. In the first of two programmes, he reveals the world events that have affected how much people pay for British staples such as rice, beef and bread. And he’ll find out why those of us who have long believed our chocolate bars are shrinking are right – and the reasons why. Episode two goes out on March 25.

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TV PICKS

THE VOICE UK 7.15pm, BBC1

Emma Willis and Marvin Humes present the first knockout round, in which the coaches reduce their teams of seven down to the three acts that will perform in the live shows.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live (S,HD). With guest Bradley Walsh. 11.30 Football Focus (S,HD). 12.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 12.15 Live Six Nations Rugby Union (S,HD). Italy v England (Kick-off 12.30pm). 2.30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union (S,HD). Wales v Scotland (Kick-off 2.45pm). 4.35 Live Six Nations Rugby Union (S,HD). France v Ireland (Kick-off 5.00pm).

FILM RATINGS â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Excellent â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Very good â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Good â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Average â&#x2014;? Poor

STEWART LEEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S COMEDY VEHICLE 10pm, BBC2

Another ramble through the eclectic mind of the comedian, filmed at the Mildmay Club in Stoke Newington, north London. The routines are interspersed with clips of script editor Chris Morris grilling the comedian about his ideas and the episode ends with a short film.

BBC2

6.10 Sport Reliefâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Top Dog (R,S,HD). 8.40 Life on Earth (R,S). 10.30 Fred Dibnahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Made in Britain (R,S). 11.00 Great British Railway Journeys (R,S,HD). 11.30 James Martin: Home Comforts (R,S,HD). 12.15 Mary Berry Cooks (R,S,HD). 12.45 Talking Pictures (R,S). 1.35 Film: Rope (S,HD) (1948). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 2.55 Formula 1 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Australian Grand Prix Qualifying Highlights (S,HD). 4.25 Final Score (S,HD). 5.30 Llanelly House Restored (S,HD).

VIKING ART: A CULTURE SHOW SPECIAL 8.30pm, BBC2

Exploring the Vikings: Life and Legend exhibition at the British Museum, learning how the Norsemen forged a network connecting their culture over four continents.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 Dinner Date (R,S). 10.25 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 11.25 ITV News and Weather (S). 11.35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S). 12.05 The Unforgettable Larry Grayson (R,S). 12.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (S). 1.30 Midsomer Murders (R,S). 3.25 Film: Zookeeper (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. Comedy, starring Kevin James. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 5.30 ITV News West Country (S). 5.40 ITV News and Weather (S).

ANT & DECâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SATURDAY NIGHT TAKEAWAY 7pm, ITV

The Geordie duo turn the tables on Holly Willoughby when they go undercover as guests on Surprise Surprise. Plus, the cast of West End musical The Commitments gets involved in a St Patrickâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day-themed End of the Show Show.

Channel 4

11.00 Live Paralympic Winter Games (S). Further coverage of the eighth day of events in Russia, featuring the opening stages of the wheelchair curling final at the Ice Cube Curling Centre in Sochi. Coverage continues on More4. 1.30 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). Rishi Persad and Gina Bryce present live coverage of seven races. From Uttoxeter, races start at 2.05, 2.40, 3.15 and 3.50. From Kempton Park at 2.20, 2.55 and 3.30. 4.10 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access. 10.15 Police 5 (R,S,HD). 10.45 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief (R,S,HD). 11.45 Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Pay? Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll Take It Away! (R,S,HD). 12.45 The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). 1.45 Film: Kate & Leopold (S) (2001). Time travel romantic comedy. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 3.55 Film: Columbo: Publish or Perish (S) (1974). Crime drama, starring Peter Falk. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 5.25 Film: Columbo: Prescription Murder (S) (1968). Crime drama, starring Peter Falk. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

Stewart Leeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Comedy â&#x20AC;Ś 10pm

The Cube, 8.20pm

Hostages, 8pm

6.30 Flog It! (S). /75. From Cirencester, Gloucestershire.

6.00 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! Top 100 Senior Moments (S). Giddy grandparents, cheeky pensioners and absent-minded mistakes.

6.10 Channel 4 News (S). 6.35 Paralympic Winter Games Highlights (S). Action from the eighth day of events in Russia.

â&#x2013;ź

7.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 7.15 The Voice UK (S,HD). 10/14. See Choices Above.

7.30 Dadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Army (R,S). 4/14. Pike gets trapped in a minefield.

7.00 Ant & Decâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Saturday Night Takeaway (S,HD). 4/7. See Choices Above.

7.05 Marvelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Agents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 11/22. Coulson uncovers vital information about the mystery of his death.

7.05 NCIS (R,S). 19/24. Two agents are murdered.

â&#x2013;ź

8.35 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins (S,HD). 9/9. Game show in which strangers pair up to win money. Last in the series.

8.00 The Perfect Morecambe & Wise (S). 3/9. 8.30 Viking Art: A Culture Show Special (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.20 The Cube (S,HD). 3/8. A windsurfing instructor and a seamstress tackle a series of tough challenges, from agility tests to skills trials, aiming to win a jackpot of ÂŁ250,000. Phillip Schofield hosts.

8.00 Hostages (S,HD). 10/15. After one of the presidentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s staff is murdered, the victimâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s colleagues decide to take matters into their own hands, while Ellen finds someone who might be a viable donor for Nina.

8.00 NCIS (R,S). 20/24. McGee is shocked to discover that a double murder appears to have been inspired by his latest novel.

â&#x2013;ź

9.25 Casualty (S,HD). 29/48. Iainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s troubled former Army mate Kenny takes him and Big Mac hostage.

9.30 QI (R,S,HD). 12/18. With Jack Dee, Chris Addison and Rich Hall.

9.20 The Americans (S,HD). 1/13. See Choices Above.

9.00 Limitless (S,HD) (2011). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

9.00 NCIS (R,S). 21/24. An informant is murdered. 9.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

â&#x2013;ź

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

10.15 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 10.30 Match of the Day (S,HD). Gary Lineker presents highlights of the latest Premier League clashes, which included Hull City v Manchester City at the KC Stadium and Aston Villa v Chelsea at Villa Park. Followed by National Lottery Update.

Live Six Nations Rugby â&#x20AC;Ś 12.15pm

â&#x2013;ź

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after

â&#x2013;ź

12.05 The Football League Show (S). Highlights of the latest fixtures. 1.25 Weatherview (S). 1.30 BBC News (S,HD).

10.00 Stewart Leeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Comedy Vehicle (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above. 10.30 Page Eight (R,S,HD). David Hareâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s spy drama about an MI5 officerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s attempts to investigate a threat to the stability of Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s security services. Starring Bill Nighy, Rachel Weisz and Ralph Fiennes. The next part of the trilogy â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Turks & Caicos â&#x20AC;&#x201C; is on Thursday at 9pm.

10.15 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather. 10.30 The Return (S,HD) (2006). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

12.10 Film: Unrelated (2007). Drama, starring Kathryn Worth. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 1.50 Film: Battle Beyond the Stars (1980). Sci-fi adventure, with Richard Thomas. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 3.25 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.00 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 In Plain Sight (R,S,HD). Mary befriends a woman who fled an organised crime family. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

10.00 Live Boxing (S). Coverage of the first two quarter-finals in the Maxi Nutrition Knockout from the Rivermead Leisure Centre in Reading, where the light heavyweight tournament begins.

11.05 The Rum Diary (S,HD) (2011). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

1.20 The Good Wife (R,S,HD). An attorney with a disability uses his condition to sway a jury. 2.05 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus. 4.10 Trans World Sport (S). A look at the rivalry between Duke Blue Devils and North Carolina Tar Heels. 5.05 Mobil 1 (S). 5.30 Live Paralympic Winter Games (S). Coverage of the ninth and final day of events in Russia.

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Live Boxing, 10pm

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hanaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Hanaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Helpline (R,S). 5.50 Hanaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Helpline (R,S).

A routine operation goes awry, putting Philip and Elizabethâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s children at risk, as well as their own cover identities. Spy drama, starring Matthew Rhys, Keri Russell and Noah Emmerich star.

ITV2

11.05 The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Only Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). 2.30 Rizzle Kicks â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Hot Desk (R,S,HD). 2.40 Film: Flipper (S) (1996). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 4.40 Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Got More Talent: Funniest Moments Ever! LOL Moments (R,S,HD). 5.40 Film: Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (S,HD) (2004). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

Batman & Robin, 7.35pm

7.35 Batman & Robin (S,HD) (1997). The caped crusader and his sidekick take on icy villain Mr Freeze and seductive femme fatale Poison Ivy. Comic-book adventure, starring George Clooney and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Including FYI Daily. â&#x2014;?

THE RUM DIARY 11.05pm, Channel 4

Premiere. A New York journalist tires of America in the early 1960s, and relocates to Puerto Rico. His obsession with a woman who has also arrived from the States leads to him getting mixed up in the corrupt dealings of her property tycoon fiance. Comedy drama, starring Johnny Depp.

7.10 Make It or Break It (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 10.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 11.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 5.00 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD).

Sky1

8.00 The Fantasy Football Club. 9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 WWE Superstars (HD). A round-up of all the latest wrestling news. 1.00 Glee (R,S,HD). Graduation day arrives. 2.00 Sinbad (R,S,HD). The adventurer searches for a stone that can predict the future. 3.00 Futurama (R,S). 4.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

THE AMERICANS 9.20pm, ITV

THE RETURN 10.30pm, ITV

LIMITLESS 9pm, Channel 4

A woman is plagued by psychic visions of a murder and becomes convinced she is going to be the killerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s next target. Thriller, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar.

GOLD

6.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 7.40 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.20 One Foot in the Grave (S). 1.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 3.00 Film: Carry On Teacher (1959). Comedy, starring Ted Ray. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 4.45 Jeeves and Wooster (S). Aunt Agatha decides Bertie should marry. 5.55 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! (S). First episode of the Second World War comedy, starring Gorden Kaye.

How I Met Your Mother, 7pm

Revolution, 10pm

Blackadder the Third, 8.05pm

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 15/23. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 16/23.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 20/24. 6.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5/24.

6.40 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. 11/13. A quirky review of Marbella Belles.

7.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 22/22. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 6/24. Barney and Robin lie about how they met.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 17/22. Homer must save his marriage. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 18/22. Homer is recruited to be a deacon.

7.05 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. 8/13. 7.35 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. 9/13. A quirky look at Lemur Island, Wagsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Boutique and Lewis.

8.00 The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD). 10/22. Stephen thinks he has an idea about what happened to his father.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 5/12. Comedian Jimmy Carr and rugby union player Mike Tindall join team captains Jamie Redknapp and Andrew Flintoff on the quiz.

8.05 Blackadder the Third (S). 4/6. Prince George hires two actors to improve his speechmaking. 8.40 Blackadder the Third (S). 5/6.

9.00 Aliens (S,HD) (1986). Lone survivor Ripley joins a military force on a mission to face a horde of the creatures that wiped out her crew. Scifi thriller sequel, with Sigourney Weaver and Michael Biehn. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

9.20 Blackadder the Third 9.00 Arrow (R,S,HD). 13/23. (S). 6/6. The Duke of Nyssa â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the daughter of Wellington challenges Raâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s al Ghul â&#x20AC;&#x201C; arrives in the prince to a duel. Starling City to bring Sara back to the League, while Laurel struggles to come to terms with the fact that her sister is alive.

A failed writer acquires a drug that increases his brain power, but his new abilities attract dangerous attention. Sci-fi thriller, starring Bradley Cooper.

Sky Sports 1

7.30 Premier League Preview (HD). 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 FL72 Live (HD). Leyton Orient v Brentford (Kick-off 12.15pm). 2.30 Saturday Team Talk (HD). 3.00 Soccer Saturday (HD). 5.00 Live Saturday Night Football (HD). Aston Villa v Chelsea (Kick-off 5.30pm).

FL72 Live, 12pm

(HD). Sarah-Jane Mee presents a full re-run of the dayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s top Premier League match.

10.00 Bottom (S). 1/6. The pair 10.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice 10.00 Revolution (S,HD). try to improve their sex 12/20. The truce is (HD). Sarah-Jane Mee lives. almost shattered when presents extended Rachel makes a grim highlights from the 10.40 The Young Ones (S). discovery, while the Premier League, 1/6. First episode of the Nevilles put their allowing viewers to anarchic comedy. political plans on the access the latest round of backburner to spring son top-flight fixtures, JD from prison. including Sunderland v Crystal Palace.

11.20 40 Days and 40 Nights (S,HD) (2002). Romantic comedy, starring Josh Hartnett and Shannyn Sossamon. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

11.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 3/10. With Johnny Vegas, Charlotte Jackson and Harry Redknapp.

11.30 The League of Gentlemen (S). 1/6. A hiker visits Royston Vasey.

11.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). Leyton Orient v Brentford.

12.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 1.00 Karl Pilkington: The Moaning of Life (R,S,HD). 2.00 Miami SWAT (R,S,HD). 3.00 Armed and Dangerous: Ultimate Forces (R). 4.00 Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD). 5.00 Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD).

12.10 Extras (S). Ben Stiller guest stars. 12.50 Extras (S). Ross Kemp and Vinnie Jones guest star. 1.25 Bottom (S). The pair try to improve their sex lives. 1.55 The Young Ones (S). First episode of the anarchic comedy. 2.30 The League of Gentlemen (S). A hiker visits Royston Vasey. 3.00 Close

12.00 Saturday Reloaded (HD). 1.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League. 2.30 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League. 4.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 4.30 Spanish Football (HD). 5.30 Scottish Football (HD).

12.10 Rude Tube: Rude Tunes (R,S). 1.15 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2.15 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.35 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 3.00 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 3.25 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.50 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 4.20 Glee (R,S,HD).

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7.00 Great TV Mistakes (R,S). 7.30 Doctor Who (R,S,HD). Part two of two. The Doctor tries to make peace between humans and Silurians. 8.20 Top Gear: Burma Special (R,S,HD). Part one of two. The presenters drive lorries through the Southeast Asian country. 9.20 Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (S,HD) (2001). Action adventure, starring Angelina Jolie. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 10.55 Family Guy (R,S). 11.20 Family Guy (R,S). 11.40 Family Guy (R,S).

12.05 Family Guy (R,S). 12.25 Family Guy (R,S). 12.45 Family Guy (R,S). 1.05 Family Guy (R,S). 1.30 Bluestone 42 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Pramface (R,S,HD). 2.30 Impractical Jokers (R,S,HD). 3.00 Who Needs Ibiza? The Great 8.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Game of the Day British Holiday (R,S,HD).

10.00 Celebrity Juice (R,S,HD). 1/10. With Pixie Lott and Kian Egan. 10.50 Crazy Beaches (S,HD). 1/6. New series. Tourists enjoy life in the infamous Greek resort of Malia.

1.15 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.40 Fake Reaction (R,S,HD). With Charlotte Crosby, Gemma Cairney, Ivo Graham and Louie Spence. 2.15 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.40 Rizzle Kicks â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Hot Desk (R,S,HD). 2.50 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

BBC3

7.00 Great Barrier Reef (R,HD). Creatures that travel thousands of miles to visit the reef. Last in the series. 8.00 Shipwrecks: Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sunken History (R,HD). The stories behind shipwrecks. 9.00 Salamander (HD). 9.40 Salamander (HD). Paul Gerardiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cover is compromised. Last in the series. 10.30 Motown at the BBC (R). Performances by the labelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s artists. 11.30 Smokey Robinson Live in Hyde Park (HD). A 2013 performance by the soul and Motown legend. 12.30 Sings the Rolling Stones (R). 1.30 The Sky at Night (R,HD). 2.00 Shipwrecks: Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sunken History (R,HD). 3.00 Great Barrier Reef (R,HD).

SATURDAY March 15

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TV PICKS

CATCHPHRASE 7pm, ITV

Stephen Mulhern hosts the game show, asking three contestants to ‘see it and say it’ as they try to guess the familiar phrases hidden in animated clues.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 7.25 Match of the Day (R,S,HD). 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show (S,HD). 10.00 The Big Questions (S,HD). 11.00 Sunday Politics (S). 12.15 MOTD2 Extra 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S). 2.00 Formula 1 – Australian Grand Prix Highlights 4.00 Deadly on a Mission: Pole to Pole 4.35 Lifeline 4.45 Regional Programme 5.15 Songs of Praise (S,HD). 5.50 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE MUSKETEERS 9pm, BBC1

The sword-swinging quartet are tasked with bringing the fearsome Labarge, a court official under arrest for killing two Musketeers, back to Paris, but the Red Guards are resentful of their handling of him and a fight breaks out between the two regiments. Vinnie Jones guest stars, with Luke Pasqualino.

BBC2

6.00 Film: I Know Where I’m Going! (S,HD) (1945). ●●●●● 7.30 Monty Don’s Italian Gardens (R,S,HD). 8.30 Countryfile (R,S,HD). 9.25 Gardeners’ World (R,S,HD). 9.55 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (S). 11.25 James Martin: Home Comforts (R,S,HD). 12.10 Michel Roux’s Service (R,S,HD). 2.10 Film: Rear Window (S,HD) (1954). ●●●●● 4.00 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD). 4.30 Collectaholics (R,S,HD). 5.30 The End of the Pier Show

HARRY’S SOUTH POLE HEROES 8pm, ITV

Prince Harry joins four injured British soldiers on a 125-mile expedition in the Antarctic as part of the Walking with the Wounded South Pole Allied Challenge 2013.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 10.25 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R). 11.20 ITV News and Weather (S). 11.30 River Monsters (R,S,HD). 12.30 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S). 1.35 All Star Family Fortunes (R,S). 2.20 Agatha Christie’s Marple (R,S,HD). 4.15 Film: The Man with the Golden Gun (S,HD) (1974). James Bond adventure, starring Roger Moore and Christopher Lee. ●●●

TOP GEAR: BURMA SPECIAL 8pm, BBC2

Having forded rivers, climbed mountains and endured a Burmese trucker stop, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May must now venture into the Shan state, an area riven by civil war and normally closed to Western TV crews, as they take their lorries toward Thailand and their final challenge.

Channel 4

10.30 Sunday Brunch (S). With guests Vicky McClure, Jonny Owen, Boyzone and John Newman. 1.25 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). Leonard’s mother visits and he is horrified to learn that Sheldon knows more than he does about his own family. 1.50 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.50 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 3.45 Paralympic Winter Games: Closing Ceremony (S). The Games conclude in spectacular style at the Olympic Stadium in Sochi. 5.55 Channel 4 News (S).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Power Rangers Super Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.35 Power Rangers Megaforce (R,S,HD). 11.05 Chinese Food in Minutes (S). 11.25 Film: Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (S,HD) (2011). ● 1.30 Film: Dr Dolittle 3 (S,HD) (2006). ●● 3.20 Film: Arthur and the Invisibles (S,HD) (2006). Adventure, starring Freddie Highmore. ●● 5.05 Film: The Haunted Mansion (S,HD) (2003). Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy. ●●

▼

Hellboy II: The Golden … 6.50pm

6.30 The Floods That Foiled New Year: Caught on Camera (R,S). The flooding that caused misery for thousands of homeowners across the nation.

6.45 5 News Weekend (S,HD). 6.50 Hellboy II: The Golden Army (S,HD) (2008). Action fantasy sequel, starring Ron Perlman. ●●●●

7.00 Wild Burma: Nature’s Lost Kingdom (R,S,HD). 2/3. Gordon Buchanan and Justine Evans go in search of the sun bear.

7.00 Catchphrase (S,HD). 1/12. See Choices Above.

7.30 Live from Space: Lap of the Planet (S). 3/3. See Choices Above.

8.00 Top Gear: Burma Special (S,HD). 7/7. See Choices Above.

8.00 Harry’s South Pole Heroes (S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Fast and Fearless: Britain’s Banger Racers (S,HD). 2/2. Part two of two. Former champions come out of retirement for the Olly Moran Memorial Race at the Arena Essex Raceway, competing against the best of the younger drivers.

9.00 Mr Selfridge (S,HD). 9/10. Determined to get Selfridges back on track, Harry asks Delphine to organise a special event in store, but takes a risk by inviting notorious US journalist Winifred Bonfils Black.

▼

Deal or No Deal, 2.50pm

6.35 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

▼

after

Mr Selfridge, 9pm

6.00 The Hairy Bikers: Restoration Road Trip (R,S,HD). 1/3. The duo meet people restoring machinery from the Industrial Revolution.

9.00 The Musketeers (S,HD). 8/10. See Choices Above.

▼

Mock the Week … 10pm

6.15 Blandings (S,HD). 5/7. Connie tries to impress important visitor Colonel Fanshawe. 6.45 Countryfile (S,HD). The aftermath of the floods in Somerset. 7.45 The Voice UK (S). 11/14. The line-up for the live shows is revealed as Kylie Minogue, Tom Jones, Will.i.am and Ricky Wilson settle on the three acts they are each taking through to the quarter-finals.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 10.25 Match of the Day 2 (S,HD). Mark Chapman presents highlights of the day’s Premier League matches, which were Manchester United v Liverpool at Old Trafford and Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal at White Hart Lane.

10.00 Mock the Week Looks Back at Britain (R,S). 8/10. Another themed selection from the show’s archives. 10.35 Line of Duty (R,S,HD). 5/6. Arnott uncovers new details about Denton’s personal life which appear to support her claim that she is being framed.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather. 10.15 You Saw Them Here First (R,S,HD). 1/2. More TV debuts by some of Britain’s best-known faces and long-forgotten footage from yesteryear, with Brian Blessed, Alison Steadman, Sue Nicholls, Nick Pickard and Lesley Joseph.

▼

The Musketeers, 9pm

11.25 Minority Report (S,HD) (2002). See Choices Above. ●●●●

11.35 The Shooting Party (S) (1985). Period drama, starring Edward Fox. ●●●●

11.15 Anglo-Welsh Cup Rugby Union (HD). Action from the final.

▼

6 7 8 9

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

1.45 Weatherview (S). 1.50 BBC News (S,HD).

1.10 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). 2.05 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). Part one of two. Ric’s daughter Jess prepares to undergo surgery. 3.05 Sign Zone: Silk (R,S). Martha represents a mother accused of helping her paralysed daughter to die. 4.05 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.15 The Store. Home shopping. 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

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9.00 Killer Elite (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. A former secret agent takes on one last mission to save his mentor, but assassins are sent to stop him. Action thriller, with Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro. ●● 10.05 Terminator Salvation (S,HD) (2009). See Choices Above. ●●

11.15 On Deadly Ground (S,HD) (1994). Ecological thriller, starring Steven Seagal. ●●●

12.15 Film: Memento (S,HD) (2000). Thriller, starring Guy Pearce. ●●●●● 2.10 The Good Wife (R,S,HD). 2.55 One Born Every Minute (R,S). 3.45 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). Two families who have relocated to Aberdeen for work. 4.40 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). Beat-thebanker game show. 5.35 Freesports on 4 (S,HD).

1.15 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Dangerous Drivers’ School (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

PARTY WRIGHT AROUND THE WORLD 10.50pm, ITV2

Mark Wright gets a taste of aristocratic life, living for a week with Benjamin Slade and his 20-year-old godson Arthur at Maunsel House in Somerset. Mark spends most of the time on a crash course in becoming a country gent, attempting croquet, horse riding and shooting before taking on the task in hand.

Astronauts on board the International Space Station complete a live 90-minute orbit of Earth, while Dermot Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Leary is with the team providing support in Houston.

ITV2

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R). 6.45 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.25 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 12.00 Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Got More Talent: Funniest Moments Ever! LOL Moments (R,S,HD). 1.00 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! 2.00 Film: Babe: Pig in the City (S,HD) (1998). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 3.55 Ant & Decâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Saturday Night Takeaway (R,S,HD). 5.20 Film: About a Boy (S,HD) (2002). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

Educating Joey Essex, 9pm

7.15 Mr Beanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Holiday (S,HD) (2007). The bumbling fool wins a trip to France in the church raffle, only to cause chaos when he is accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson and Willem Dafoe. Including FYI Daily. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

9.00 Educating Joey Essex (S,HD). Phillip Schofield narrates as former The Only Way is Essex regular and endearingly naive Joey Essex heads out of his comfort zone to the wilds of South Africa.

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 Make It or Break It (R,S,HD). 7.15 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 10.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Revenge (R,S,HD). 1.35 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 2.30 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4.00 The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD). 5.00 Troy (R,S,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Hour of Power (HD). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 9.00 Ashley Banjoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). 9.30 The Monuments Men Special (R,S). 10.00 WWE Superstars (R,HD). 11.00 WWE: Experience (HD). 12.00 Sinbad (R,S,HD). 1.00 Futurama (R,S). 2.00 The Monuments Men Special (R,S). 2.30 Modern Family 5.30 Duck Quacks Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Echo (R,S).

FILM PICKS

LIVE FROM SPACE: LAP OF THE PLANET 7.30pm, Channel 4

MINORITY REPORT 11.25pm, BBC1

GOLD

6.15 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 7.55 One Foot in the Grave (S). 10.35 Film: Carry On Teacher (1959). Comedy, starring Ted Ray, Kenneth Connor, Charles Hawtrey and Kenneth Williams. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 12.20 The Vicar of Dibley (S). 3.10 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.15 Blackadder the Third Prince George hires two actors to improve his speech-making. (S).

Mission: Impossible, 8pm

Hawaii Five-0, 9pm

The Vicar of Dibley, 7.10pm

6.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 9/22. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 7/24.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 14/22. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 22/22.

6.30 Blackadder the Third (S). 6/6. The Duke of Wellington challenges the prince to a duel.

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 17/23. 7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 18/23. Sheldon takes charge of Pennyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hair accessories business.

7.00 Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey (HD). 1/13. New series.

7.10 The Vicar of Dibley (S). 8/8. The villagers celebrate Christmas.

8.00 Mission: Impossible (S,HD) (1996). A secret agent is accused of betraying his fellow spies, and sets out on a mission to clear his name. Action thriller based on the 1960s TV series, with Tom Cruise and Jon Voight. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 11/22. Marge and Homer make plans for the future. 8.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 17/22. Homer enrols on a fathering enrichment course.

8.15 The Vicar of Dibley (S). 1/4. Geraldine receives a surprise visitor.

9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (S,HD). 9/24. The remains of a secret service agent turn up in a barrel, heralding a deadly plot to kill the President, while McGarrett has a surprise in store when his colourful Aunt Deb visits.

9.05 The Vicar of Dibley (S). 2/4. Alice suggests an unconventional nativity play.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.15 Rude Tube: Rude (S,HD). 7/12. Tunes (R,S). 5/6. Alex Zane focuses on music10.50 Party Wright Around makers who have shot the World (R,S,HD). 3/6. to stardom thanks to See Choices Above. the internet, including George W Bush apparently performing a cover of a U2 song.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD). 8/24. Callen and the team discover a stolen anti-terrorist device is being held at the Russian Consulate, so they decide to stage an off-the-books operation to prevent an attack on LA.

TERMINATOR SALVATION 10.05pm, Channel 4

A cop goes on the run when three supposedly infallible psychics foretell he is about to kill a man he has never heard of. Sci-fi thriller, starring Tom Cruise.

10.00 Extras (S). 1/6. Ben Stiller guest stars. 10.40 Extras (S). 2/6. Ross Kemp and Vinnie Jones guest star.

In the future, resistance fighter John Connor leads a war against the deadly robots that have taken over the world. With Christian Bale.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 7.00 Scottish Football (HD). 7.30 Champions League Weekly (HD). 8.00 Game Changers (HD). 9.00 The Sunday Supplement (HD). 10.30 Goals on Sunday (HD). 12.30 Live Super Sunday (HD). Manchester United v Liverpool (Kick-off 1.30pm). 3.30 Live Super Sunday (HD). Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal (Kick-off 4.00pm).

Live Super Sunday, 12.30pm

7.00 Footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Greatest Teams. 4/16. 7.30 Footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Greatest Teams. 2/16.

8.00 Live Spanish Football (HD). Real Sociedad v Valencia (Kick-off 8.00pm). Coverage of the La Liga clash at the Anoeta Stadium.

10.00 Football Special (HD). Manchester United v Liverpool and Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal. Highlights of the Premier League matches at Old Trafford and White Hart Lane respectively.

11.20 Nighty Night (S). 1/6. 11.15 My Mad Fat Diary 11.00 Armed and 11.30 Spanish Football Gold First episode of the black (R,S,HD). 4/7. Liamâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new Dangerous: Ultimate (HD). Real Madrid v comedy, starring Julia girlfriend Amy threatens Forces (R,S). 6/8. Chris Barcelona. Davis. to beat up Rae. Ryan joins Israelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s border 11.45 Spanish Football Gold security force. (HD). Real Madrid v Barcelona.

12.50 Mom (R,S,HD). Baxter sets up camp on the driveway. 1.15 Mom (R,S,HD). 1.40 The Vampire Diaries (R,S,HD). Stefan informs the others about Katherineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s declining health. 2.25 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.50 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.20 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.50 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 1.20 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 1.50 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 2.20 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 2.40 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.05 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.25 Hollyoaks

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12.00 Getting On. Kim tries to progress through her training. 12.40 Rev (S). The new teacher at the church school turns out to be an atheist. 1.20 Nighty Night (S). 1.50 Getting On. 2.20 Rev (S). The new teacher at the church school turns out to be an atheist. 3.00 Close

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes 2: The Sequel (R,S). 7.20 Alice in Wonderland (S,HD) (2010). Fantasy adventure, starring Mia Wasikowska. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 9.00 Russell Howardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Good News (R,S,HD). The appointment of the England Manager. First aired in 2012. 9.30 Russell Howardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Good News (R,S). 10.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 10.25 Family Guy (R,S). 10.45 Bluestone 42 (R,S,HD). 11.15 American Dad! (R,S). 11.40 American Dad! 12.00 Wilfred (S,HD). 12.25 Wilfred (S,HD). 12.45 Wilfred (S,HD). 1.05 Wilfred (S,HD). 1.30 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 2.00 Jaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;mie: Private School Girl (R,S,HD). 2.30 Pramface (R,S,HD).

BBC4

7.00 The Golden Age of Steam Railways (R,HD). Part two of two. Further efforts to rescue Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s standard gauge railways. 8.00 Oh Do Shut Up Dear! Mary Beard on the Public Voice of Women (HD). 9.00 Timewatch: QE2 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Final Voyage The farewell journey of RMS Queen Elizabeth 2. (R). 10.00 Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky (HD) (2009). Premiere. Factbased drama, with Anna Mouglalis and Mads Mikkelsen. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 11.50 Britain on Film: Dedicated Followers of Fashion (R). 12.20 The Byrd Who Flew Alone 1.50 California Comes to the Whistle Test 2.50 Oh Do Shut Up Dear! Mary Beard on the Public Voice of Women

SUNDAY

11.50 The Big Reunion 2014 (R,S,HD). 6/8. Damage reunite â&#x20AC;&#x201C; with explosive results.

12.00 Armed and Dangerous: Ultimate Forces (R,S). 1.00 Street Crime UK (R,S). 1.30 Street Crime UK (R,S). 2.00 Street Crime UK (R,S). 2.30 Street Crime UK (R,S). 3.00 Street Crime UK (R,S). 3.30 Street Crime UK (R,S). 4.00 Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD). 5.00 Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD).

BBC3

March

12.00 Spanish Football (HD). 1.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 1.30 Footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Greatest (S). 2.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 2.30 Super Rugby Try Time (HD). 3.00 Spanish Football (HD). 4.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 4.30 Spanish Football Gold (HD). 4.45 Spanish Football Gold (HD).

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TV PICKS

THE MICHAEL MCINTYRE CHAT SHOW 10.35pm, BBC1

ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE 9pm, Channel 4

The funnyman meets presenter Jeremy Clarkson, actor David Jason and Strictly Come Dancing champion Abbey Clancy.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45 Watchdog Test House (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Food Map of Britain (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

Cheryl, who has cerebral palsy, must overcome a traumatic turn of events in theatre, while Sarah and Mark put their footballing differences aside in the birth room. A five-year fertility journey is almost over for first-time mother Zoe and her partner Anthony and theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re ready to savour every moment of her labour.

BBC2

6.05 Tom Kerridgeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Proper Pub Food (R,S,HD). 6.35 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.35 Countryside 999 (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone 10.35 Click (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 The A to Z of TV Cooking (R,S,HD). 1.20 War Walks (R,S). 1.50 British Isles: A Natural History (R,S). 2.40 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15 Are You Being Served? (R,S). 4.45 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

THE PLANTAGENETS 9pm, BBC2

In this new series, Robert Bartlett tells the story of Englandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s longest-ruling royal dynasty, beginning by examining how Henry II forged an empire after ascending the throne in 1154.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With singer Sophie Ellis-Bextor. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). New series. Pets looking for a new home. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

POLICE INTERCEPTORS 8pm, Channel 5

Sergeant Baxter strikes it lucky when a routine check on a car uncovers a case of suspected drug dealing, and things turn nasty when three men are arrested on suspicion of theft. Elsewhere, a petrol thiefâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stealing spree comes to a halt after a highspeed pursuit.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S,HD). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Coach Trip (R,S,HD). 12.40 River Cottage Bites (R,S,HD). 12.50 Film: Ride the High Country (S,HD) (1962). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). A pensioner is rushed to the intensive care unit. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: The Accidental Witness (S) (2006). Thriller, starring Natasha Gregson Wagner and Currie Graham. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Mary Berry Cooks, 8.30pm

The Agenda, 10.35pm

Food â&#x20AC;Ś 8pm

The Gadget Show, 7pm

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6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 20/22. Bart catches a virus. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Maxine is unnerved by Siennaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s obsessive mission.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Sean puts Andy under more pressure to retract his testimony. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

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7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Matt Baker and Jo Brand. 7.30 Bang Goes the Theory (S,HD). The team gauges the fight against cancer. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 16/30. Spin-off from the popular quiz. 6.30 Sport Reliefâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Top Dog (S,HD). 11/15. Louise Minchin and Martin Roberts compete. 7.00 Top Gear: Burma Special (R,S,HD). 7/7. Part two of two. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May venture into a state riven by civil war. Last in the series.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Cain tries to stop Belle from telling Sean the truth. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Tim is worried to learn that Kevin is returning to the Street.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.55 The Political Slot (S). With Conservative Party Chairman Grant Shapps.

7.00 The Gadget Show (S,HD). Jason Bradbury and Rachel Riley take a look at 3D projectors. Followed by 5 News Update.

â&#x2013;ź

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Kat agonises over giving false evidence at the trial. 8.30 The Great NHS Robbery â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Panorama (S,HD). Allegations of fraud in and against the NHS.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD). 34/37. The quarter-final matches conclude. 8.30 Mary Berry Cooks (S,HD). 3/6. The perfect Sunday lunch.

8.00 I Never Knew That About Britain (S,HD). 3/8. Why the nation drives on the left. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Tim tells Sally he is scared she will reunite with Kevin when he returns.

8.00 Food: Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Really in Your Trolley? â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Channel 4 Dispatches (S). Morland Sanders investigates food fraud. 8.30 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade (S,HD). 1/8. New series. Sales techniques used by shops, market stalls and restaurants.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by 5 News at 9.

â&#x2013;ź

9.00 Silk (S,HD). 4/6. Martha takes on the US government by representing a young man fighting extradition to America on terrorism charges. Amy struggles to cope and Caroline gets out of her depth.

9.00 The Plantagenets (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Widower (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 One Born Every Minute (S). 4/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Pay? Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll Take It Away! (S,HD). 4/4. Paul Bohill and Steve Pinner face some tough decisions when they are tasked with repossessing a house in which a woman is living with two very young children. Last in the series.

â&#x2013;ź

6 7 8 9

The One Show, 7pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

10.00 The Culture Show: Tony Parsons â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Art of Boxing (S,HD). Leading cultural figures who were boxing enthusiasts. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 The Agenda (S,HD). 6/10. Tom Bradby and guests look to the week ahead.

10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats (S). 5/9. Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show. 10.50 Gogglebox (R,S). 2/12. Some of Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most opinionated and avid viewers share their thoughts on the Paralympic Winter Games, Call the Midwife, Secret Eaters, Dancing on Ice and The Taste.

10.00 The Big â&#x20AC;&#x153;Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Payâ&#x20AC;? Debt Debate: Live (S,HD). A discussion on issues raised in the series that gave an insight into the world of debt collection from the perspectives of debtors, creditors and those who collect the payments.

â&#x2013;ź

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.20 Regional Programme (S). 11.50 Regional Programme (R,S,HD).

11.20 Fast and Fearless: Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Banger Racers (R,S,HD). 2/2. Part two of two. Former champions come out of retirement for a memorial race.

11.05 The Secret Mediterranean with Trevor McDonald (R,S,HD). 3/4. The broadcaster visits Italy, Spain and Morocco.

11.50 Troy (S,HD). 5/6. The magician goes on an unusual shopping spree.

11.00 Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (S) (2006). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

12.35 Weatherview (S). 12.40 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: The Great Sport Relief Bake Off (R,S). 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD). 4.00 Schools â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Acting Around Words (S,HD). 4.30 Schools â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Writing for Walford (S,HD). 5.00 Schools â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Play On! (S,HD). 5.30 i.am.Will Shakespeare (S,HD). 5.55 Wonders of Nature: Birds of Paradise (S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly (S,HD). A look ahead to the last-16 secondleg ties. 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 4.10 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.50 Random Acts (S). 12.55 Scandal (R,S,HD). 1.40 Hostages (R,S,HD). 2.30 The Good Wife (R,S,HD). 3.15 One Born Every Minute (R,S). A woman carrying triplets is booked for an emergency Caesarean. Last in the series. 4.10 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). Three workers search for homes in London. 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

1.05 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 The Hitchhiker Slayer: Born to Kill? (R,S,HD). A psychological profile of American serial killer Thor Nis Christiansen. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). An Edinburgh mansion gets a makeover. 4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

10 11

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Fact-based drama, starring Reece Shearsmith and Sheridan Smith. Mildmannered nurse Malcolm Webster sets about poisoning and murdering his first wife, before moving on to a new bride.

ITV2 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 8.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.00 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (S,HD).

MOONE BOY 9pm, Sky1

With Fidelma and Dessie’s big day just a week away, the Moone household is gripped by wedding fever – until travellers move into the field next door. Martin is intrigued by the arrivals, especially new classmate Majella, with whom he soon becomes more than just good friends.

E4 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Sky1 6.00 UK Border Force (R,S,HD). 7.00 Airline USA (R,S). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). 3.00 Greggs: More Than Meats the Pie (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

THE WIDOWER 9pm, ITV

RIDE THE HIGH COUNTRY 12.50pm, Channel 4

TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY 11pm, Channel 5

A marshal hires his former partner to help protect a gold shipment. Sam Peckinpah’s Western, with Joel McCrea and Randolph Scott.

GOLD 7.25 Steptoe and Son (S). 8.05 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 9.15 As Time Goes By (S). 9.55 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.35 One Foot in the Grave (S). 11.15 Waiting for God (S). 11.55 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 1.15 To the Manor Born (S). 1.50 Steptoe and Son (S). 2.30 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

A racing champion is forced to move back in with his parents. Comedy, with Will Ferrell and John C Reilly.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Football Special (HD). 10.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 10.45 Football League Gold (S,HD). 11.00 Spanish Football (HD). 12.00 Scottish Football (HD). 12.30 Football League Gold (S,HD). 1.00 Football Special (HD). 2.30 Spanish Football (HD). 3.30 Scottish Football (HD). 4.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 4.30 Game Changers (HD). 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD).

The 40 Year-Old Virgin, 10pm

My Mad Fat Diary, 10pm

Modern Family, 8.30pm

Harry Hill’s TV Burp, 8pm

FL72 Live, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 7/30. Potential suitors woo a single man from Carmarthenshire.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 19/23. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 20/23.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 6/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 2/22. Bart is placed on medication.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 3/11. Guest starring Roy Barraclough.

6.30 FL72 Review. A roundup of recent matches.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Harry Hill narrates camcorder calamities. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Theatrical calamities.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Dirk tries to take the blame for Browning’s death. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 5/22.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 11/24. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 3/22. Milhouse’s estranged parents consider a reconciliation.

7.00 Bring Me Morecambe & Wise (S). 1/5. Tribute to the comedy double act, featuring clips from some of their earliest TV performances.

7.30 FL72 Live (HD). Preston North End v Sheffield United (Kick-off 7.45pm). Coverage of the League One fixture at Deepdale, where the Lilywhites welcome the Blades.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 11/19. Charlie offers Alan advice on ending his relationship. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12/19. Rose returns from England.

8.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 9/22. Jake’s favourite pizzeria burns down. 8.30 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 6/24. Caroline throws away one of Max’s treasured belongings.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5/22. Marge buys a tandem. 8.30 Modern Family (S,HD). 6/24. Gloria hires a male nanny to look after Manny.

8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 8/13. Comic review of TV favourites. 8.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 9/13. A quirky look at Lemur Island, Wags’ Boutique and Lewis.

9.00 Mom (S,HD). 13/22. Christy suffers an injury. 9.30 Mom (S,HD). 14/22. Christy and Bonnie discover hurtful secrets about each other.

9.00 Moone Boy (S,HD). 5/6. 9.00 Revenge (S,HD). 11/22. Victoria becomes a prime See Choices Above. suspect for the shooting 9.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). after she blacks out and 3/22. Homer is paralysed cannot account for her by a venomous spider. whereabouts on the night of the wedding.

9.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S). 2/7. Messrs Corbett and Barker reminisce about sketches including Garlic Breath Party and Swedish Made Simple. Alison Moyet guests.

7.00 Hotel of Mum and Dad (R,S,HD). Two couples from Norwich move into their own homes. 8.00 Junior Paramedics (R,S,HD). The students reach the halfway point of their placements. 9.00 Life and Death Row (S,HD). New series. A look at capital punishment through the eyes of young people. 10.00 Prostitution: What’s the Harm? Young people’s attitudes to prostitution. (S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.05 Life and Death Row (R,S,HD). 1.05 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 1.35 Prostitution: What’s the Harm? (R,S,HD). 2.35 Going Native (R,S,HD). 3.00 Life and Death Row (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD). 8.00 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD). 8.30 Only Connect Special: Sport Relief (HD). 9.00 TB: Return of the Plague (HD). The crippling effects of multidrug-resistant tuberculosis. 10.30 Fossil Wonderlands: Nature’s Hidden Treasures (R,HD). Professor Richard Fortey travels to fossil sites to learn about the distant past. 11.30 Classic Albums Elvis Presley’s debut album. (R). 12.20 Only Connect Special: Sport Relief (R,HD). 12.50 The Walshes (R,HD). 1.20 Brushing Up On – British Beaches (R). 1.50 More Old Jews Telling Jokes (R). 2.20 TB: Return of the Plague (R).

MONDAY

10.00 Stella (R,S,HD). 8/10. 10.00 The 40 Year-Old Virgin 10.00 My Mad Fat Diary Emma falls even harder (S,HD) (2005). A man (S,HD). 5/7. Rae demands for Marcus, Ben is who has never had sex is to be treated like an suspended from school, set up on a series of adult and decides to stay and the police let Luke dates, only to fall for a out late and push the go – but he can’t escape woman who does not boundaries at home. the suspicions of those want a physical However, things turn around him. relationship. Comedy, nasty when she starring Steve Carell and befriends a group of Catherine Keener. ●●● older boys.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses 10.00 Sporting Heroes: (S). 3/6. A retired Dickie Davies jeweller offers Del-Boy Interviews Tom Finney the deal of a lifetime – (HD). A chat with the then suddenly has a late former football heart attack and gets player, who played for taken to hospital with Preston North End in the the merchandise still in 1940s, 50s and 60s, and his briefcase. represented England on 76 occasions.

11.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 5/24. 11.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 6/24. Lily and Marshall struggle to agree on baby names.

11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 17/24. Deeks is shot during a robbery at a shop.

11.15 Men Behaving Badly 11.00 FL72 Review. A round(S). 6/7. Gary plays nurse up of recent matches. to Dorothy. 11.55 Early Doors (S). 5/6. Joan and Eddie celebrate their anniversary.

12.00 Revenge (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.20 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 2.45 One Tree Hill (R,S,HD). 3.25 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 4.20 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). Christina learns who fathered the baby she is carrying for Wilhelmina.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). Sam traces the leader of a Yemeni terrorist group. 1.00 Hawaii Five0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Miami SWAT (R,S,HD). 4.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). 5.00 Greggs: More Than Meats the Pie (R,S,HD).

12.35 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina installs a flotation tank. 1.10 Men Behaving Badly (S). Gary plays nurse to Dorothy. 1.40 Early Doors (S). Joan and Eddie celebrate their anniversary. 2.10 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina installs a flotation tank. 3.00 Close

12.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.50 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.20 The Only Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). Reality programme following a group of people in Essex. 2.00 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

BBC3

12.00 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 12.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 1.30 Sporting Heroes: Dickie Davies Interviews Tom Finney (HD). 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). 3.30 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 4.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 5.00 Sporting Heroes: Dickie Davies Interviews Tom Finney (HD).

March

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TV PICKS

SHETLAND 9pm, BBC1

The first of three twopart stories concludes. DI Jimmy Perez and his team are finally closing in on the killer when they discover a hiding place in the victims’ old home.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45 Watchdog Test House (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S) 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

HOLBY CITY 8pm, BBC1

Guy is pulled up before the board after Zosia backs a complaint against him, but when she begins to crumble, it seems the CEO is more interested in protecting his daughter’s career than his own. Ric is also in trouble after covering for Jess’s part in the hit-and-run, although she seems unwilling to let her father take the blame.

BBC2

9.05 Sign Zone: Great British Garden Revival (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Great British Railway Journeys (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 The Super League Show (S). 1.45 British Isles: A Natural History (R,S). 2.35 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S).

THE GREAT BRITISH SEWING BEE 8pm, BBC2

KIRSTIE’S BEST OF BOTH WORLDS 8pm, Channel 4

The six contestants are tested on their ability to work with fabric that is difficult to sew, having to make a nylon anorak, and fashioning a pair of trousers to fit themselves.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With guest Mark Wright. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). A woman looks for a new owner for her thoroughbred horse. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

Kirstie Allsopp meets Nick and Nikki, who are looking for a new home no more than 30 minutes away from Bristol’s Southmead Hospital, where Nick is an anaesthetist. Currently his commute takes up to three hours a day, but when on-call he needs to get to work quickly.

Channel 4

9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Coach Trip (R,S,HD). 12.35 Hugh’s 3 Good Things: Best Bites (R,S,HD). 12.50 Film: Bend of the River (S,HD) (1952). ●●●● 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). The Gungate Hotel in Tamworth, Staffordshire. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). Two agents are murdered. 3.15 Film: Cries in the Dark (S) (2006). Thriller, starring Eva La Rue. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Sean takes Sasha hostage. 6.30 The Big “Can’t Pay” Debt Debate (S,HD). A discussion on issues raised in the series.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). David learns Alicia already knew about Priya’s eating disorder. 7.30 Live UEFA Champions League (S,HD). Chelsea v Galatasaray (Kick-off 7.45pm). Adrian Chiles presents coverage of the last-16 second-leg clash at Stamford Bridge, where the score is level at 1-1 following the opener in Istanbul. The Blues took an early lead in that encounter thanks to Fernando Torres, but the Turkish champions fought back with a second-half equaliser from Aurelien Chedjou. However, the Londoners will be confident of making home advantage count and progressing to the quarter-finals, despite the likely presence of former Chelsea star Didier Drogba up front for the visitors. See Choices Above.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.55 The Political Slot (S). The SNP’s Aileen Campbell discusses Scottish independence.

7.00 Highland Emergency (R,S,HD). 27/30. RAF Rescue 137 responds to the scene of a massive car crash. 7.30 Police 5 (S,HD).

8.00 Kirstie’s Best of Both Worlds (S,HD). 4/7. See Choices Above.

8.00 Benidorm ER (S,HD). A holidaymaker is rushed to hospital suffering from a suspected stroke, and a young man’s 21st birthday celebrations are brought to an abrupt halt after a fall. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Food Prices: The Shocking Truth (S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. Jimmy Doherty goes on a global journey exploring the cost of food, revealing the events that have affected the price of British favourites such as beef and bread.

9.00 The Mentalist (S,HD). 12/22. Jane helps the FBI investigate the murder of a hi-tech cartographer consulting for the Pentagon who had been given a lethal cocktail of drugs that caused his heart to fail.

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Police 5, 7.30pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 21/22. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Dirk tries to take the blame for Browning’s death.

▼

Kirstie’s Best of Both Worlds, 8pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

▼

Emmerdale, 7pm

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 17/30. 6.30 Sport Relief’s Top Dog (S,HD). 12/15. Teams captained by Mark Durden-Smith and Danny Baker compete. 7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 25&26/30. Catherine Southon and David Harper head to Seaton, Devon, for an auction showdown.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Presented by Matt Baker and Jo Brand. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Stacey rushes to stop Kat lying in court. Followed by BBC News. 8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 23/52. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Great British Sewing Bee (S,HD). 5/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 Shetland (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 An Hour to Save Your Life (S,HD). 3/3. Medics fight to save the lives of a critically injured motorcyclist, a 77-year-old woman who has had a suspected stroke, and a tree surgeon who fell 20 feet. Last in the series.

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10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 Keeping Britain Safe 24/7 (S,HD). 3/4. The unsung heroes of spring, from the Scottish engineers restoring power after seasonal storms to the Midlands trauma centre staff dealing with sporting injuries.

10.00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme (R,S,HD). 3/6. With guests David Harewood, Matthew Morrison and Diarmuid Gavin. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time (S,HD). Chelsea v Galatasaray and Real Madrid v Schalke 04. Matt Smith presents action from the last-16 secondleg ties at Stamford Bridge and the Bernabeu respectively.

10.00 Undercover Doctor: Cure Me, I’m Gay (S,HD). Christian Jessen investigates and undertakes a range of controversial gay “cures” in the UK and US, from old-school aversion therapy to modernday “rehabilitation” techniques.

10.00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (S,HD). 7/24. A woman’s body is found at an industrial laundry. 10.55 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 10/20. Megan investigates when a recent lottery winner is found stabbed to death in his flat.

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10 11

Sport Relief’s Top Dog, 6.30pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

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6 7 8 9

EastEnders, 7.30pm

11.35 Swansea: Living on the Streets (S). 2/3. A homeless man sleeping in local residents’ lofts.

11.20 Viking Art: A Culture Show Special (R,S,HD). Andrew Graham-Dixon explores the Vikings: Life and Legend exhibition at the British Museum.

11.35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S). An emu runs wild on a busy road.

11.00 Coppers (R,S). 2/5. Traffic officers in Cambridgeshire offer an insight into their jobs.

11.55 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 11/20. A bride falls to her death on her wedding day.

12.10 Weatherview (S). 12.15 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: The Great Sport Relief Bake Off (R,S). With Kirsty Young, Jane Horrocks, Greg Rutherford and Jason Gardiner. 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Loose Women (R,HD). With guest Mark Wright. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

12.00 Random Acts (S). 12.05 Poker (S). The Pokerstars.com EPT Super High Roller event in London. 1.05 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). 1.30 Trans World Sport (R,S). 2.25 Volleyball (S). 3.20 Freesports on 4 (R,S,HD). 3.45 Mobil 1 (R,S). 4.10 Secret Removers (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.50 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief (R,S,HD). Richard Taylor and Will Davies help a designer clothing chain. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). A split-level bungalow in Perthshire. 4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S).

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STORM NATION: THE AFTERMATH 9pm, Sky1

Chelsea v Galatasaray (Kickoff 7.45pm). Adrian Chiles presents coverage of the last16 second-leg clash at Stamford Bridge, where the score is level at 1-1 following the opener.

ITV2 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (S,HD).

Throughout winter, Britain endured its worst battering from the weather since records began with floods and gales causing widespread destruction. This documentary explores how, as spring approaches, thousands of Britons are moving on with their lives as they learn to live with a new reality.

E4 10.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

LIVE UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE 7.30pm, ITV

AMERICAN PIE 2 10.50pm, ITV2

The teenagers reunite after their first year at college to spend the summer at a lake house. Jim is concerned by his lack of sexual experience, and goes in search of an old flame, Oz struggles to keep a long-term relationship going, while Finch tries to master the art of tantric sex. Comedy sequel, starring Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Seann William Scott, Alyson Hannigan, Eugene Levy, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Mena Suvari, Shannon Elizabeth, Natasha Lyonne and Tara Reid.

GOLD 9.00 As Time Goes By (S). 9.40 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.20 One Foot in the Grave (S). 11.00 Waiting for God (S). 11.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 1.00 To the Manor Born (S). 1.40 Steptoe and Son (S). 2.20 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.30 As Time Goes By (S). 4.10 Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.50 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.30 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 9.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 10.00 Sporting Heroes: Dickie Davies Interviews Tom Finney (HD). 11.00 Super League Full Time (HD). 12.00 FL72 Review. 1.00 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 1.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 2.30 Sporting Heroes: Dickie Davies Interviews Tom Finney (HD). 3.30 FL72 Review. 4.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 5.30 Football Asia (S).

The Vampire Diaries, 9pm

Troy, 10pm

Hawaii Five-0, 8pm

Only Fools and … 6.50pm

Live UEFA … 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 5/30. Liverpudlian John picks three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 22/23. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 23/23.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 8/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5/22.

6.10 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 5/11. 6.50 Only Fools and Horses (S). 3/6. Del lands the deal of his life.

6.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). Highlights from La Liga.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Harry Hill narrates camcorder calamities. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Comical clips, narrated by Harry Hill.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Cindy decides to tell the truth about her role in Browning’s death. 7.35 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 6/22.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 11/21. Lisa takes out a restraining order against Bart. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 10/24.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 13/19. Alan dates one of Judith’s friends. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 14/19. Charlie and Jake go on a double date.

8.05 Rude Tube: The Best of the Best (R,S). Showcasing the most popular internet videos of all time. 8.15 Dr Dolittle (S,HD) (1998). The home and surgery of a doctor who can talk to animals is overrun with wildlife, causing his colleagues to fear he has lost his mind. Comedy, with Eddie Murphy and Ossie Davis. ●●●

8.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 9/24. The remains of a secret service agent turn up in a barrel, heralding a deadly plot to kill the President.

8.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S). 2/7. Messrs Corbett and Barker reminisce about sketches including Garlic Breath Party and Swedish Made Simple. Alison Moyet guests.

9.00 Storm Nation: The Aftermath (HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 10/13. A quirky review of The Real Extras and Freaky Eaters. 9.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 12/13. Quirky TV review.

9.00 The Vampire Diaries (S,HD). 12/22. After getting into an awkward conversation with Nadia, Matt decides to throw an impulsive party – where Caroline makes a shocking confession to Elena. 10.00 Celebrity Juice (R,S,HD). 1/10. With Pixie Lott and Kian Egan. 10.50 American Pie 2 (S,HD) (2001). See Choices Above. ●●●

12.55 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Alan dates one of Judith’s friends. 1.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Charlie and Jake go on a double date. 1.45 The Vampire Diaries (R,S,HD). Caroline makes a shocking confession to Elena. 2.30 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

7.00 Ronaldo: A Golden Year (HD). A look back at a remarkable 2013 for Cristiano Ronaldo. 7.30 Live UEFA Champions League (HD). Real Madrid v Schalke 04 (Kick-off 7.45pm). Coverage of the last-16 second-leg encounter at the Bernabeu, where the Spanish giants will expect to progress to the quarter-finals.

10.00 Troy: Best Bits (S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 8/24. Callen 6/6. Highlights from the and the team discover a magic show, in which stolen anti-terrorist Troy baffled members of device is being held at the public at Notting the Russian Consulate, Hill Carnival and so they decide to stage performed many other an off-the-books mind-boggling tricks operation to prevent an and illusions. Last in the attack on LA. series.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses 10.15 The Footballers’ (S). 4/6. Rodney wins a Football Show (HD). holiday at a five-star Dave Jones is joined by hotel in Majorca, but guests including cannot understand why footballers, managers the trip is for three and club chairmen to people. David Jason, discuss all the major Nicholas Lyndhurst and stories in the week’s Gwyneth Strong star. football news.

11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 The Smoke (R,S,HD). (R,S,HD). 11/24. The guys 4/8. Mal tries to make make fun of Penny’s peace with Kev. boyfriend Zack. 11.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12/24.

11.10 Men Behaving Badly (S). 7/7. Gary finds Dorothy in bed with Tony. 11.50 Early Doors (S). 6/6. Melanie meets her real father.

11.15 Premier League Review (HD). A look back at recent fixtures in the English Premier League.

12.00 Rude Tube 2012 (R,S,HD). 1.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.25 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.45 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.10 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.30 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD).

12.30 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina hits 40. 1.10 Men Behaving Badly (S). Gary finds Dorothy in bed with Tony. 1.40 Early Doors (S). Melanie meets her real father. 2.10 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina hits 40. 3.00 Close

12.15 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.15 Spanish Football Gold (HD). 1.30 Revista De La Liga (HD). 2.30 The Footballers’ Football Show (HD). 3.30 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 4.30 Football Asia (S). 5.00 The Footballers’ Football Show (HD).

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). 5.00 Greggs: More Than Meats the Pie (R,S,HD).

BBC3

7.00 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD). Ellie Taylor visits Bromley, southeast London. 7.30 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD). A trainee solicitor enters the Personal Overhaul Device in Birmingham. 8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A man from Essex plans his wedding. 9.00 Hair (S,HD). The five remaining contestants enter the quarter-final. 10.00 Pramface (S,HD). Laura confronts Jamie’s new girlfriend. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 Hair (R,S,HD). 1.10 Pramface (R,S,HD). 1.40 Life and Death Row (R,S,HD). 2.40 The Cariad Show (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hair (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD). 8.00 Weird Nature (R). 8.30 Secrets of Bones (HD). 9.00 Fossil Wonderlands: Nature’s Hidden Treasures (HD). Exploring a site in China known as the “Dinosaur Pompeii”. 10.00 The First World War (R). 10.50 What Do Artists Do All Day? (HD). 11.20 Hidden Histories: WW1’s Forgotten Photographs (R,HD). 12.20 The Golden Age of Steam Railways (R,HD). 1.20 Weird Nature (R). 1.50 Secrets of Bones (R,HD). 2.20 What Do Artists Do All Day? (R,HD). 2.50 Fossil Wonderlands: Nature’s Hidden Treasures (R).

TUESDAY March 18 ��’� ��

Bristol Times �� ’� ��

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Uhyjo 9<4 :89<

Wednesday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

DIY SOS: THE BIG BUILD 8pm, BBC1

COLLECTAHOLICS 8pm, BBC2

Nick Knowles heads to Manchester, enlisting the assistance of tradesmen and other locals to help a couple whose dilapidated home is unsafe.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45 Watchdog Test House 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

Mel Giedroyc and antiques expert Mark Hill join taxidermy-lover Nigel as he hunts for a giraffe to top off his collection of stuffed animals, and set up a stall to sell off his excess items to raise the necessary funds. They then help Bob find a new market for his beloved Mason’s pottery.

BBC2

6.00 Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food (R,S,HD). 6.30 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.30 Rip Off Britain: Food (R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: Wanted Down Under (R,S). 9.00 Sign Zone: Inside the Animal Mind (R,S). 10.00 Sign Zone: Food & Drink (R,S). 10.30 Sign Zone: See Hear (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 The Budget 2014 (S). 3.00 Coast (S,HD). 3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

W1A 10pm, BBC2

Spoof documentary sequel to Twenty Twelve following the challenges faced by Ian Fletcher in his new job as head of values at the BBC. Hugh Bonneville and Jessica Hynes star.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.15 Budget 2014 – An ITV News Special (S,HD). Chancellor George Osborne delivers his budget statement. 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

SECRET EATERS 8pm, Channel 4

A married couple agree to have their eating habits scrutinised 24 hours a day by Anna Richardson to find out more about their weight gain. Helena, 55, is convinced her size is all down to the menopause, while husband Murray is at a loss to explain why he’s clocking in at 18 stone.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Coach Trip (R,S,HD). 12.35 River Cottage Bites 1.00 Film: The Badlanders (S) (1958). ●●● 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). Jason Bradbury and Rachel Riley take a look at 3D projectors. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: Virtual Lies (S,HD) (2012). Premiere. Thriller, starring Christina Cox. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Collectaholics, 8pm

You Saw Them Here First, 8pm

Peter Kay Live … 9pm

NCIS, 9pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 22/22. Homer forms a security group. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Cindy decides to tell the truth about her role in Browning’s death.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Oscar tries to persuade Evelyn to attend Ethan’s funeral. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

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7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Matt Baker and Gabby Logan present the live magazine show, featuring an update on Alex Jones’s progress as she climbs a 1,200ft rock face in Utah.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 18/30. Spin-off from the popular quiz, hosted by Jeremy Vine. 6.30 Sport Relief’s Top Dog (S,HD). 13/15. 7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 27&28/30. Charlie Ross goes cricket-mad and Charles Hanson unearths skulduggery as they drive from Chesterfield to Grantham.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Donna returns to the village. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Eileen asks Marcus to find somewhere else to stay.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.55 The Political Slot (S). Lib Dem MP Lorely Burt on the benefit of staying in the European Union.

7.00 Dangerous Drivers’ School (R,S,HD). Ashley Grigg helps a 24-year-old careworker overcome his phobia of driving on motorways. Followed by 5 News Update.

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6 7 8 9

Crimewatch, 9pm

8.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 Collectaholics (S,HD). 2/3. See Choices Above.

8.00 You Saw Them Here First (S,HD). 2/2. Patsy Kensit, Mark Benton, David Threlfall and Tony Robinson brave the video vaults, and Kimberley Walsh surprises Coronation Street’s Samia Ghadie with clips of her TV beginnings.

8.00 Secret Eaters (S). 2/8. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Drive-By Slayers: Born to Kill? (S,HD). Psychological profiles of Dale and Jeff Hausner and Samuel Dieteman, who embarked on a killing spree in Phoenix, Arizona, between May 2005 and July 2006. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Crimewatch (S). Kirsty Young presents an appeal for information about Claudia Lawrence, who went missing five years ago. Plus, a fresh collection of wanted faces and new crimes caught on camera.

9.00 Line of Duty (S,HD). 6/6. AC-12’s investigation exposes a vicious criminal gang run from within the police, while Fleming remains determined to prove Denton had a role in the ambush. Last in the series.

9.00 Law & Order: UK (S,HD). 2/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 Peter Kay Live at the Bolton Albert Halls (R,S). The inimitable comedian’s stand-up show in front of his home crowd at Bolton’s town hall, featuring his unique brand of observational comedy.

9.00 NCIS (S,HD). 7/24. See Choices Above.

10.00 First Dates (S). 6/8. 10.55 Embarrassing Bodies Down Under (S,HD). 1/8. New series. Christian Jessen heads to Australia, where he and physicians Sam Hay, Ginni Mansberg and Brad McKay address intimate medical concerns. They begin in Sydney.

10.00 Castle (S,HD). 13/24. The detective who investigated the death of Beckett’s mother is killed. 10.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S,HD). 2/22. The team investigates the killing of eight people at a local diner.

▼

10.00 W1A (S,HD). 1/4. See Choices Above. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 On Assignment (S,HD). 1/8. New series. Monthly current affairs programme, presented by Rageh Omaar.

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 Crimewatch Update (S). Responses to the earlier programme. 10.45 A Question of Sport (S,HD). 20/36. With Jonathan Davies, Adam Gemili, Kevin Davies and Anne Keothavong. 11.15 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show (R,S,HD). 2/6. The comic meets Jeremy Clarkson, David Jason and Abbey Clancy.

11.20 An Hour to Save Your Life (R,S,HD). 3/3. Medics fight to save the life of a critically injured motorcyclist. Last in the series.

11.10 Harry’s South Pole Heroes (R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. Prince Harry joins four wounded soldiers on a trek to the South Pole.

12.00 Blandings (R,S,HD). Connie tries to impress important visitor Colonel Fanshawe. 12.30 Weatherview (S). 12.35 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: See Hear (R,S,HD). 12.50 Sign Zone: The Great Sport Relief Bake Off (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD). 4.00 Schools – Science Britannica (S,HD). 5.00 Schools – Life on Planet Ant (S,HD). 5.30 Schools: Virtually There – Spain (S,HD). 5.55 Schools – Wonders of Nature: Caterpillar to Butterfly – Change (S,HD).

12.10 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Film: Columbo: Negative Reaction (S,HD) (1974). See Choices Above. ●●● 4.35 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

▼

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11.55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (R,S,HD). 5/19. A student counsellor is murdered.

12.00 Random Acts (S). 12.05 Film: Brokeback Mountain (S,HD) (2005). See Choices Above. ●●●●● 2.20 Film: Bigger Than Life (S,HD) (1956). Fact-based drama, starring James Mason. ●●●● 4.00 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.55 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.50 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Botched Up Bodies: Abroad (R,S,HD). British people needing corrective surgery after undergoing cosmetic procedures overseas. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.35 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S).

While investigating the fatal stabbing of a psychiatrist, Ronnie and Joe find evidence suggesting he was having an affair with one of his underage patients. Drama, starring Bradley Walsh and Hattie Morahan.

ITV2 7.25 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! 7.45 Jeremy Kyle Show 8.30 Dinner Date 9.30 Real Housewives of Atlanta 10.30 Real Housewives of New Jersey 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale 1.00 Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Got More Talent: Funniest Moments Ever! 2.00 Jeremy Kyle 4.10 Real Housewives of New Jersey 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker

NCIS 9pm, Channel 5

Tony reviews satellite footage of rebel forces in the Middle East and spots Kersey among a group of insurgents, concluding that Joe Westcottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fear of him was well-founded. Back at HQ, Abby creates a 3D computer model of the attack that occurred in Afghanistan.

E4 6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 7.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed 9.00 Made in Chelsea 10.00 New Girl 10.30 Happy Endings 11.00 Charmed 12.00 Rules of Engagement 12.30 Hollyoaks 1.00 How I Met Your Mother 2.00 The Big Bang Theory 3.00 New Girl 3.30 Happy Endings 4.00 Rules of Engagement 5.00 How I Met Your Mother

Sky1 6.00 So You Think Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Safe in the Bathroom? (R,S). 7.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 2.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). 3.00 Greggs: More Than Meats the Pie (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

LAW & ORDER: UK 9pm, ITV

COLUMBO: NEGATIVE REACTION 3am, ITV

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN 12.05am, Channel 4

A photographer murders his wife and makes it look as if she was killed by a kidnapper. Crime drama, with Peter Falk.

GOLD 7.45 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! 8.55 As Time Goes By 9.35 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.15 One Foot in the Grave 10.55 Waiting for God 11.35 Last of the Summer Wine 1.00 To the Manor Born 1.40 Steptoe and Son 2.20 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! 3.30 As Time Goes By 4.10 Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.50 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.30 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Two cowboys, herding sheep on a mountain, pursue a secret and ultimately doomed love affair. Starring Jake Gyllenhaal.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 12.00 The Footballersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Football Show 1.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). 2.00 Premier League Review (HD). 3.00 The Footballersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Football Show 4.00 PL 100 Club 5.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights

Party Wright â&#x20AC;Ś 9pm

The Big Bang Theory, 8.30pm Live UEFA â&#x20AC;Ś 7.30pm

Porridge, 8pm

Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Story?, 10.15pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 1/30. Christina from London tries to find love.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/23.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 10/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 6/24. Lisa and Bart help Krusty find his father.

6.10 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 7/11. 6.50 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4/6. Rodney wins a holiday in Majorca.

6.00 Boots â&#x20AC;&#x2122;nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; All (HD). Super League review.

7.00 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.30 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). Naughty animals and crazy teenagers.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 7/22. Lily becomes jealous of Marshall and Chloeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s relationship.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 15/19. Alan worries Charlieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s womanising is getting out of control. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 16/19. Alan plans Evelynâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wedding.

8.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 6/24. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 7/24. Sheldon is hurt when Professor Proton contacts Leonard.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 4/22. With the voices of Lucy Lawless and Tom Arnold. 7.30 Live UEFA Champions League (HD). Manchester United v Olympiakos (Kick-off 7.45pm). All the action from the last-16 secondleg tie at Old Trafford, where the English and Greek champions meet. Subsequent programmes are subject to change.

9.00 Party Wright Around the World (S,HD). 4/6. Mark Wright heads to the remote Australian mining town of Karratha, where he tries to adapt to the world of cockroach racing, Aussie Rules football and Outback camping.

9.00 The Tomorrow People (S,HD). 11/22. Cara faces a mysterious visitor from her past, and Russell is sent on a dangerous mission that could lead to a clash between different groups of Tomorrow People.

8.00 Porridge. 8/8. Mackay and Barraclough discover Fletch is making booze in his cell and the crafty con seems certain to spend Christmas in solitary. Festive special from 1976.

7.00 Live UEFA Champions League (HD). Manchester United v Olympiakos (Kick-off 7.45pm). All the action from the last-16 secondleg tie at Old Trafford, where the English and Greek champions meet.

9.00 Bring Me Morecambe & Wise (S). 2/5. The series paying tribute to the double act continues with a look at some of the most memorable guest stars to appear on their shows. 10.00 Only Fools and Horses 10.15 Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Story? (HD). (S). 5/6. Delâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s beloved Sarah-Jane Mee presents mum apparently makes a discussion show contact during a seance focusing on recent sports at the Nagâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Head, developments. inspiring him to visit the doctor to seek treatment for stomach cramps.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.00 Rude Tube 2012 (S,HD). 8/12. Reality (R,S,HD). 1/6. Alex Zane programme following a presents 50 internet group of people in videos on the theme of Essex. failure, featuring spelling bees, crashed 10.50 Educating Joey Essex Lamborghinis, the (R,S,HD). worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s worst bedroom band and a skateboard disaster.

10.00 Duck Quacks Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Echo (R,HD). 6/8. Lee Mack hosts the comedy panel game, with actor Ricky Tomlinson, comedian Jon Richardson and radio DJ Sara Cox talking about amazing facts and random trivia.

11.50 The Big Reunion 2014 11.00 My Mad Fat Diary (R,S,HD). 5/7. Rae (R,S,HD). 6/8. Damage demands to be treated reunite â&#x20AC;&#x201C; with explosive like an adult. results.

11.20 Men Behaving Badly 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 11.15 Total Rugby. A round(S). 1/7. Tony returns (R,S,HD). 21/24. Eric goes up of recent rugby union from holiday. undercover when a matches. rocket engine expert is 11.55 Early Doors (S). 1/6. Ken 11.45 Football Gold (S,HD). killed. discovers forged Manchester United v banknotes in the till. Newcastle United from 2002/03.

12.50 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Alan worries Charlieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s womanising is getting out of control. 1.15 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 2.30 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

12.00 Miami SWAT (R,S,HD). The work of the elite tactical unit. 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). 5.00 Greggs: More Than Meats the Pie (R,S,HD).

12.05 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 12.35 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 1.05 Rude Tube 2012 (R,S,HD). 2.05 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 2.30 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.55 Bobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.15 Bobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.40 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD).

12.35 Porridge. Christmas special from 1976. Fletch is caught making booze in his cell. 1.25 Outnumbered (S). Another guest arrives to stay with the family. 1.55 Men Behaving Badly (S). Tony returns from holiday. 2.25 Early Doors (S). Ken discovers forged banknotes in the till. 3.00 Close

12.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.00 Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Story? (HD). 2.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 3.00 Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Story? (HD). 4.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 5.00 Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Story? (HD).

BBC3

7.00 Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Tell the Bride (R,S). A groom takes sole charge of organising his wedding. 8.00 The School That Rocks (S,HD). Following students at the Academy of Contemporary Music. 9.00 Who Needs Ibiza? The Great British Holiday (S,HD). The campsite suffers a mid-season slump. 10.00 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 10.30 Impractical Jokers (S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Who Needs Ibiza? The Great British Holiday (R,S,HD). 1.30 Impractical Jokers (R,S,HD). 2.00 Prostitution: Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Harm? (R,S,HD). 3.00 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 3.30 Pramface (R,S).

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7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo travels from Welshpool to Aberystwyth. 8.00 Edward VII: Prince of Pleasure (R). Unravelling the mystery of the monarch. 9.00 How to Get Ahead: At Renaissance Court. Florence under the reign of Grand Duke Cosimo Medici. 10.00 Brakeless: Why Trains Crash: Storyville (HD). 11.00 Parks and Recreation (HD). 11.20 Parks and Recreation (HD). 11.40 The Walshes (R,HD). 12.15 Great Barrier Reef (R,HD). 1.15 Shipwrecks: Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sunken History (R,HD). 2.15 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD).

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TV PICKS

DAVINA: BEYOND BREAKING POINT 9pm, BBC1

TURKS & CAICOS 9pm, BBC2

The inside story on the punishing Sport Relief challenge that Davina McCall undertook last month, in which she ran, swam and cycled more than 450 miles.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45 Watchdog Test House (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Food Map of Britain (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

The second part of David Hareâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s spy trilogy, set immediately after the events of 2011â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Page Eight. Johnny Worricker is hiding out from MI5 in the West Indies, but an encounter with a CIA agent forces him into the company of some dubious American businessmen. Starring Bill Nighy and Christopher Walken.

BBC2

6.05 Tom Kerridgeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Proper Pub Food (R,S,HD). 6.35 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.35 Rip Off Britain: Food (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Lifeline (R,S,HD). 1.10 War Walks (R,S). 1.40 British Isles: A Natural History (R,S). 2.40 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S).

ADE AT SEA 8.30pm, ITV

In this new series, Adrian Edmondson sets sail to explore Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s maritime past and meet people whose lives are influenced by the sea today. He begins in Brixham, Devon.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

DANGEROUS DOGS 9pm, ITV

The first of a two-part programme looking at the dramatic rise in the number of dog attacks in the UK. Dog warden Kelly, who was hospitalised after an encounter with a Staffie two years ago, tries to save a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;viciousâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Akita that has been abandoned in a squalid house in Birmingham.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 News (S). 12.05 Coach Trip (R,S,HD). 12.35 Hughâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 3 Good Things: Best Bites (R,S,HD). 12.50 Film: Sea Devils (S) (1953). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.15 Rosamunde Pilcherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Spring (R,S). Stephen vows to contest his fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s will. 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

The Hairy Bikersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Asian â&#x20AC;Ś 8pm

The Chase, 5pm

The Hoarder Next Door, 8pm

The Hotel Inspector, 9pm

â&#x2013;ź

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 1/25. Part two of two. The mysterious shooting of Mr Burns is solved. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Trevor plans to take revenge.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Hannah and Zac track down the mystery woman from the funeral. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

â&#x2013;ź

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Alex Jonesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rock-climbing challenge. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Judgment day arrives â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and repercussions are felt all around. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 19/30. Spin-off from the popular quiz. 6.30 Sport Reliefâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Top Dog (S,HD). 14/15. The second semi-final of the competition. 7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 29&30/30. Charles Hanson has doubts about his purchases, while his rival Charlie Ross finds a profit in an unlikely item.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Marlon comes face to face with Donna. 7.30 After the Floods: Tonight (S,HD). The lasting impact of the winter floods across Britain.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.55 The Political Slot (S). Labourâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Tulip Siddiq talks about payday lenders.

7.00 The Travellersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Secret Cash Stash (R,S). Paul Connolly investigates fraudsters in the Irish traveller community. Followed by 5 News Update.

â&#x2013;ź

6 7 8 9

Question Time, 10.35pm

8.00 Holiday Hit Squad (S,HD). 3/4. Helen Skelton investigates excess baggage, Angela Rippon meets Brits with broken bones in a Turkish A&E department and Joe Crowley checks into a neglected hotel in Malta.

8.00 The Hairy Bikersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Asian Adventure (S,HD). 6/6. Dave Myers and Si King head to South Korea as they conclude their culinary journey around Asia, sampling the countryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s take on barbecued food and fried chicken. Last in the series.

8.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Marlon struggles to take in Donnaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s news. 8.30 Ade at Sea (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Hoarder Next Door (S). 3/10. Featuring a Lancashire hospital administrator whose kitchen is packed with out-ofdate food, and an Essex woman with a collection of nearly 30,000 Disney figures.

8.00 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief (S,HD). Richard Taylor uses a Cirencester corner shopâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s CCTV to name and shame thieves, and Will Davies kits out a designer clothes store in London with the latest security system. Followed by 5 News at 9.

â&#x2013;ź

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Davina: Beyond Breaking Point (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Turks & Caicos (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Dangerous Dogs (S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Inside Rolls-Royce (S). See Choices Above.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector (S,HD). 7/8. Alex Polizzi tries to reverse the fortunes of the struggling Green Man Pub and Hotel in Wembley, north London, where old-fashioned bedrooms are putting off guests.

â&#x2013;ź

10.35 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 Edge of Heaven (R,S,HD). 4/6. Struggling with his feelings for Michelle and Carly, Alfie goes to his father â&#x20AC;&#x201C; who has just turned up out of the blue â&#x20AC;&#x201C; for some much-needed relationship advice.

10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (R,S,HD). 1/4. Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel showâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s version of the quiz, with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson joined by Rhod Gilbert, Kevin Bridges and Josie Long.

10.00 Botched Up Bodies: Brides (S,HD). Documentary looking at the increase in women opting to have cosmetic surgery ahead of their weddings, and revealing what happens when procedures go wrong.

â&#x2013;ź

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 25/38. Chief Treasury Secretary Danny Alexander and Shadow Health Secretary Andy Burnham are among the panellists facing questions from the audience in Warrington, Cheshire. 11.35 This Week (S). The past seven days in politics.

11.20 Weather (S). 11.25 The Restaurant Man (R,S,HD). 5/6. Russell Norman helps a mother-of-ten in Coventry.

11.35 Regional Programme (S).

11.05 One Born Every Minute (R,S). 4/10. A woman with cerebral palsy must overcome a traumatic turn of events.

11.00 Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Pay? Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll Take It Away! (R,S,HD). 4/4. Paul Bohill and Steve Pinner try to repossess a house. Last in the series.

12.20 Skiing Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.25 Sign Zone: The Great NHS Robbery â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Panorama (R,S). 12.55 Sign Zone: The Great Sport Relief Bake Off (R,S). 1.55 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD). 4.00 Schools â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Poets in Person (S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 After the Floods: Tonight (R,S,HD). The lasting impact of the winter floods across Britain. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

12.05 Undercover Doctor: Cure Me, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Gay (R,S,HD). 1.00 Random Acts (S). 1.05 First Dates (R,S). 2.00 Katie: My Beautiful Friends (R,S). 2.55 Food: Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Really in Your Trolley? â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Channel 4 Dispatches (R,S). 3.25 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade (R,S,HD). 3.55 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.50 Kirstieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Handmade Treasures (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels: Soho Blues (R,S). Officers catch Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s biggest shoplifting gang. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Michaelaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.35 Michaelaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wild Challenge (R,S).

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INSIDE ROLLS-ROYCE 9pm, Channel 4

Santiago hosts a Thanksgiving dinner at her apartment for all of her colleagues, but the event risks turning into a disaster, especially when Holt and Peralta have to leave in a hurry to catch a thief who has stolen a large sum of money from the evidence lock-up. Can Boyle save the day?

ITV2 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (S,HD).

8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 10.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 3.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Sky1 6.00 So You Think You’re Safe on Holiday? (R,S). 7.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD). 3.00 Inside RAF Brize Norton (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

SEA DEVILS 12.50pm, Channel 4

FILM PICK

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE 9pm, E4

Behind the scenes at the renowned car manufacturer’s Goodwood factory, as the team builds the luxurious Celestial Phantom, which comes complete with diamond-studded interior.

A smuggler in 19th-century Cornwall sneaks a woman into France, only to discover he has accidentally helped a spy flee the country. However, he later realises she is actually a double agent plotting to foil Napoleon’s invasion of England, and comes to the rescue when she is captured. Swashbuckling adventure, directed by Raoul Walsh, and starring Rock Hudson, Yvonne De Carlo, Maxwell Reed, Bryan Forbes, Denis O’Dea, Michael Goodliffe, Jacques Brunius and Ivor Barnard.

GOLD 7.55 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 9.00 As Time Goes By (S). 9.40 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.20 One Foot in the Grave (S). 11.00 Waiting for God (S). 11.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 1.00 To the Manor Born (S). 1.35 Steptoe and Son (S). 2.15 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.25 As Time Goes By (S). 4.00 Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.40 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 10.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 11.00 Football Asia (S). 11.30 Total Rugby. 12.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 2.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 3.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 4.00 Football Asia (S). 4.30 Premier League World (HD). 5.00 FL72 Preview.

The Big Reunion 2014, 9pm

How I Met Your ... 8.30pm

Arrow, 8pm

You, Me & Them, 8pm

Live Super League, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 17/30. Potential suitors woo a single man from Berkshire.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2/23. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3/23.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 12/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 14/22. Bart is kidnapped by a chimpanzee.

6.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Camcorder calamities. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Equestrian antics and clumsy mums.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). John Paul’s last day in court arrives. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 8/22. Marshall and Lily elope.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 8/22. With the guest voice of Joan Rivers. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 4/22. Homer gets a new assistant.

6.00 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 9/11. Auntie Wainwright’s bargain proves a puzzle. 6.40 Only Fools and Horses (S). 5/6. Del visits the doctor.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 17/19. A CSI team investigates a mysterious death. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 18/19. Charlie is attracted to an older self-help book author.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 8/24. Sheldon punishes Leonard for a past mistake. 8.30 How I Met Your Mother (S,HD). 7/24. Daphne reveals the truth about Marshall.

8.00 Arrow (S,HD). 14/23. Felicity feels dejected when Sara becomes a fully fledged member of Oliver’s team.

8.00 You, Me & Them (S). 2/6. Debs invites Tim to dinner. 8.40 Outnumbered (S). 5/6. Pete worries he might be out of a job.

9.00 The Big Reunion 2014 (S,HD). 7/8. A night out ends in chaos when hangovers derail the rehearsal schedule, and a member of 5th Story is on the edge of a breakdown.

9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S,HD). 10/22. See Choices Above. 9.30 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 3/6. Simon faces a dilemma.

9.00 The Smoke (S,HD). 5/8. Dennis’s reckless behaviour angers Mal, Kev is distracted by the upcoming anniversary of the Churchill estate fire and the team searches a rundown building for a little girl.

9.20 Gavin & Stacey (S). 6/6. Nessa and Dave’s wedding day arrives.

7.00 Super League Superstars (HD). Weekly chat show featuring people from the world of rugby league. 7.30 Live Super League (HD). Warrington Wolves v Wigan Warriors (Kickoff 8.00pm). Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson present coverage of the fixture at the Halliwell Jones Stadium.

10.00 Celebrity Juice (S,HD). 10.00 Fresh Meat (R,S,HD). 2/10. With Paloma Faith 3/8. Vod tries to break and Ronan Keating. up with Javier. 10.50 Dads (S,HD). 7/19. David 10.55 Troy: Best Bits and Eli are temporarily (R,S,HD). 6/6. Highlights forced out of their from the magic show. house. Last in the series.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses 10.15 FL72 Preview. A look 10.00 Revolution (R,S,HD). (S). 6/6. Rodney ties the 12/20. The truce is ahead to the latest knot with Cassandra, almost shattered when round of fixtures in the while Del tries to dodge Rachel makes a grim Championship, League a bashing from the discovery, while the One and League Two. dreaded Driscoll Nevilles put their brothers over some political plans on the stolen mobile phones. backburner to spring son JD from prison.

11.55 Rude Tube 2012 11.15 Mom (R,S,HD). 13/22. (R,S,HD). 2/6. Online Christy suffers an injury. clips featuring animal 11.40 Mom (R,S,HD). 14/22. antics. Christy and Bonnie discover hurtful secrets about each other.

11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 23/24. A Navy Seal imposter is set alight.

11.10 Men Behaving Badly 11.15 Super League Gold (S). 2/7. Tony develops an (S,HD). The 2013 Grand interest in astrology. Final. 11.50 Early Doors (S). 2/6. Phil 11.30 Super League and Nige celebrate a Superstars (HD). drugs raid.

12.10 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.40 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.10 The Only Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). Reality programme following a group of people in Essex. 1.55 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.15 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). The team investigates Hetty’s disappearance. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Miami SWAT (R,S,HD). 4.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD). 5.00 Inside RAF Brize Norton (R,S,HD).

12.30 You, Me & Them (S). Debs invites Tim to dinner. 1.10 Outnumbered (S). Pete worries he might be out of a job. 1.40 Men Behaving Badly (S). Tony develops an interest in astrology. 2.10 Early Doors (S). Phil and Nige celebrate a drugs raid. 3.00 Close

1.00 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 1.30 Revenge (R,S,HD). Victoria becomes a prime suspect for the shooting. 2.20 My Mad Fat Diary (R,S,HD). Rae demands to be treated like an adult. 3.10 Fresh Meat (R,S,HD). 3.55 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 4.45 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). Guest starring Lindsay Lohan.

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12.00 Super League (HD). Warrington Wolves v Wigan Warriors. 1.00 FL72 Preview. A look ahead to the latest round of fixtures. 2.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine. 3.00 Super League (HD). Warrington Wolves v Wigan Warriors. 4.00 FL72 Preview. 5.00 Ringside (HD).

BBC3

7.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). Andy Jones plans his wedding to Serina George. 8.00 Hair (R,S,HD). The five remaining contestants enter the quarter-final. 9.00 Junior Paramedics (S,HD). Steph attends an armed siege. 10.00 Bluestone 42 (S,HD). A government minister visits the team. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). Judgment day arrives – and repercussions are felt all around. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). Stewie auditions ifor a TV show. 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Bluestone 42 (R,S,HD). 1.00 Junior Paramedics (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hair (R,S,HD). 3.00 Junior Paramedics (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 8.00 Ever Decreasing Circles (R). 8.30 Brushing Up On – British Woodlands. 9.00 Arena: Whatever Happened to Spitting Image? (HD). Looking back at the satirical show. 10.00 The Walshes (HD). Ciara’s boyfriend Graham moves. 10.30 Some Football Managers with Jokes (HD). 11.00 Timewatch: QE2 – The Final Voyage (R). The farewell journey of RMS Queen Elizabeth 2. 12.00 Queens of Heartache (R). 1.00 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 1.40 Ever Decreasing Circles (R). 2.10 The Walshes (R,HD). 2.40 Arena: Whatever Happened to Spitting Image? (R).

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TV PICKS

SPORT RELIEF 2014 7pm, BBC1

Fundraising fun live from Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park, London, featuring Kylie, Little Mix, Boyzone, an allstar sporting challenge and the return of Del-Boy and Rodney.

BBC1

11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45 Watchdog Test House (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Food Map of Britain (R,S,HD). 4.15 Sport Relief Does Glee Club 2014: Final (S). 5.15 Pointless Celebrities â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Sport Relief 2014 (S,HD).

MASTERMIND 8pm, BBC2

John Humphrys welcomes five more contenders back to the famous black chair for the third semi-final. Their specialist subjects are Egyptian pharaoh Tutankhamun, the life and career of former prime minister Clement Attlee, the life and books of vet and author James Herriot and English history between 1399 and 1485.

BBC2

9.05 Sign Zone: The Great Interior Design Challenge (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Pound Shop Wars (R,S). 10.35 The Travel Show (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 The A to Z of TV Cooking (S,HD). 1.20 War Walks (R,S). 1.50 The Nature of Britain (R,S). 2.40 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.25 Bergerac (R,S). 4.15 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S).

A VERY BRITISH RENAISSANCE 9pm, BBC2

GOGGLEBOX 9pm, Channel 4

New series, in which James Fox celebrates an era from the early 1500s to the mid-1600s in which Britain embraced cutting-edge art, literature, architecture and science.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With Andrea McLean, Coleen Nolan, Jamelia and Jane Moore. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

Posh tipplers Steph and Dom, hairdressers Christopher and Stephen and other favourites share their opinions on what they have been watching during the week. The programme captures their instant reactions and lively â&#x20AC;&#x201C; sometimes emotional â&#x20AC;&#x201C; discussions from the comfort of their own sofas.

Channel 4

7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Coach Trip (R,S,HD). 12.35 River Cottage Bites (R,S,HD). 12.45 Film: The Man from Colorado (S) (1948). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Pay? Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll Take It Away! (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 Diagnosis Murder (R,S). A call girl is murdered. 3.20 Film: Jane Doe: Ties That Bind (S,HD) (2007). Thriller, starring Lea Thompson. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Gardenersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; World, 8.30pm

Coronation Street, 7.30pm

Gogglebox, 9pm

NCIS: Los Angeles, 10pm

â&#x2013;ź

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 2/25. Bart and Milhouse vie for a film role. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). John Paulâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s last day in court arrives.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Jett and VJ play detective after finding a bracelet inside a buried box. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

â&#x2013;ź

7.00 Sport Relief 2014 (S,HD). See Choices Above.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 20/30. Spin-off from the popular quiz, hosted by Jeremy Vine. 6.30 Sport Reliefâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Top Dog (S,HD). 15/15. 7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S). 11/30. Anita Manning and Philip Serrell set off on a road trip across the north of England searching for treasures.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Marlon remains adamant he wants nothing to do with Donna. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Kevin arrives back on the Street.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). Jason Bradbury and Rachel Riley take a look at 3D projectors. Followed by 5 News Update.

â&#x2013;ź

6 7 8 9

Pointless Celebrities â&#x20AC;Ś 5.15pm

8.00 Mastermind (S,HD). 27/31. See Choices Above. 8.30 Gardenersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; World (S,HD). 3/31. Carol Klein gives advice to a couple just getting started with their first garden.

8.00 Student Nurses: Bedpans and Bandages (S,HD). 6/8. Former carpet fitter Alistair gets his first taste of surgery. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Kal admits to Leanne he is attracted to her.

8.00 Marvelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Agents of SHIELD (S,HD). 12/22. The team investigates an attack on students at SHIELDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s academy of science and technology, while Coulson and May meet a former agent who reveals startling information about Skye.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers (S,HD). Porkchop is given his first solo run of the season, while fellow rookie Austin is part of a threeman team hauling a huge modular building to Prudhoe Bay. Followed by 5 News at 9.

â&#x2013;ź

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 A Very British Renaissance (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 Edge of Heaven (S,HD). 5/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Gogglebox (S). 3/12. See Choices Above.

9.00 Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels: Soho Blues (R,S). 4/6. An insight into a nightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s patrol with a London ambulance crew dealing exclusively with alcohol-related incidents. Plus, police set out on the trail of drug-users.

â&#x2013;ź

after

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 Sport Relief 2014 (S,HD). The concluding part, including Andy Murray on Mock the Week and the Clash of the Titans swimming relay. Plus, football managers telling gags and highlights of the eveningâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s events.

10.00 Sport Relief 2014 (S,HD). A behind-the-scenes look at the Only Fools and Horses special. 10.40 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

1.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Omnibus. 2.30 Weatherview (S). 2.35 BBC News (S,HD).

1.05 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S). Danny Alexander and Andy Burnham answer questions in Warrington. 2.05 Sign Zone: Wild Brazil (R,S). The giant otter cubs must learn to swim before their river floods. 3.05 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 Duplicity (S,HD) (2009). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

11.10 Revolutionary Road (S,HD) (2008). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

12.55 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service.

10.00 The Last Leg (S,HD). 8/8. With Frank Skinner. Last in the series. 10.50 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S). 5/9. Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD). 4/24. An ex-marine now working for a private security firm is suspected of murdering a businessman in Iraq, and the team tries to find him before his employers dish out their own justice.

11.35 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S,HD). 10/22. Santiagoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s plans for a Thanksgiving dinner party go awry.

11.00 CSI: NY (R,S,HD). 6/17. A woman is found dead in a Central Park pond. 11.55 Access. Showbiz news and gossip.

12.05 Film: Juno (S,HD) (2007). Comedy, starring Ellen Page. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 1.45 Random Acts (S). 1.50 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.15 Happy Endings (S,HD). 2.35 Happy Endings (S,HD). 2.55 Franklin & Bash (S,HD). 3.35 The Good Wife (R,S,HD). 4.20 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). How to haggle for a better TV package. 5.15 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Dangerous Driversâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; School (R,S,HD). TV presenter Kate Walsh is assessed by an instructor. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 Michaelaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wild Challenge (R,S). 5.35 Michaelaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wild Challenge (R,S).

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Still reeling from the news Carly is now dating his boss Maartie, Alfie (Blake Harrison) decides to take on the South African in the Margate fun run and asks Michelle to help him train for the race.

ITV2

STELLA 9pm, Sky1

A fun family outing for Stella, Michael and the kids takes a darker turn when Katie ends up in A&E, a wake-up call that raises questions about the couple’s future together. The Morris household might have to make room for another guest when Collette finally rumbles her husband’s affair with Emma.

Sky1

FILM PICKS

EDGE OF HEAVEN 9pm, ITV

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD 11.10pm, BBC2

DUPLICITY 10.35pm, ITV

Two former spies with a romantic past together go head to head working in counterintelligence for rival corporations. Thriller, with Julia Roberts.

A married couple live a picture-perfect life on the surface, but in truth feel stifled by their situation. Drama, starring Kate Winslet.

GOLD

Sky Sports 1

BBC3

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm

Aliens, 9pm

Stella, 9pm

Bring Me … 8pm

Live Super League, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 6/30. A woman from Manchester takes part in the show.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4/23. Raj faces being sent back to India. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/23.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 14/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 9/22. Bart and Lisa have families of their own.

6.10 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 1/10. 6.50 Only Fools and Horses (S). 6/6. Rodney ties the knot with Cassandra.

6.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 6.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD).

7.00 Alice in Wonderland (S,HD) (2010). Fantasy adventure, starring Mia Wasikowska. ●●● 8.40 Great Movie Mistakes III: Not in 3D (R,S). 9.00 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 9.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 10.00 Life and Death Row (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 1/22. A clip of a singing cat. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Unlucky actors and deadly dancers.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Danny tries to keep Peri from revealing his secret. 7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 8/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 16/22. Grampa becomes a matador. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 21/22. Ned and Edna tie the knot.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 19/19. Charlie faces a dilemma. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1/24. Charlie is shocked by a former girlfriend’s son.

8.00 Troy: Best Bits (R,S,HD). 6/6. Highlights from the magic show, in which Troy baffled members of the public at Notting Hill Carnival. Last in the series.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 8/22. The family encounters Sideshow Bob in Italy. 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 6/24. Gloria hires a male nanny to look after Manny.

7.30 Live Super League (HD). Leeds Rhinos v London Broncos (Kick-off 8.00pm). Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson present coverage of the fixture at Headingley, where a home win is expected.

12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Pramface (R,S,HD). 1.00 Impractical Jokers (R,S,HD). 1.30 Who Needs Ibiza? The Great British Holiday (R,S,HD). 2.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 3.00 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 3.30 Bluestone 42 (R,S).

9.00 The 40 Year-Old Virgin (S,HD) (2005). A man who has never had sex is set up on a series of dates, only to fall for a woman who does not want a physical relationship. Comedy, starring Steve Carell. Including FYI Daily. ●●●

9.00 Aliens (S,HD) (1986). 9.00 Stella (S,HD). 9/10. Lone survivor Ripley joins See Choices Above. a military force on a mission to face a horde of the creatures that wiped out her crew. Scifi thriller sequel, with Sigourney Weaver and Michael Biehn. ●●●●●

9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (S,HD).

10.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 3.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 So You Think You’re Safe in the Garden? (R,S). 7.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD). 3.00 Inside RAF Brize Norton (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

10.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (S,HD). 7/8. Lee Mack hosts the comedy panel game in which Terry Wogan, Carol Vorderman and Jimmy Carr come up with all manner of amazing facts. 11.20 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 6/10. A saxophonist, an electrician, a beatboxer and an engineer take part.

12.35 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Charlie faces a dilemma. 1.05 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Charlie is shocked by a former girlfriend’s son. 1.30 Mom (R,S,HD). Christy suffers an injury. 1.55 Mom (R,S,HD). 2.15 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00 As Time Goes By (S). 9.40 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.20 One Foot in the Grave (S). 11.00 Waiting for God (S). 11.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 1.00 To the Manor Born (S). 1.40 Steptoe and Son (S). 2.20 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.30 As Time Goes By (S). 4.10 Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.50 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.30 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

8.00 Bring Me Morecambe & Wise (S). 2/5. The series paying tribute to the double act continues.

9.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). The brothers jet off to Monte Carlo five years after achieving their dream of becoming millionaires – only for a dodgy deal to see them heading home. 10.35 Only Fools and Horses 10.15 The Fantasy Football (S). Christmas special Club (HD). John Fendley from 2002. Trotters and Paul Merson present Independent Traders a discussion on key embarks on a booze fantasy football issues, as cruise to France under well as the weekend’s new managing director Premier League matches. Rodney.

11.00 Moone Boy (R,S,HD). 5/6. Martin hits it off with a new girl at school. 11.30 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1/24. The team searches for Hetty in Romania. 12.10 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 12.40 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 1.10 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 2.15 The Midnight Beast (R,S,HD). 2.40 Little Box of Horrors (R,S). 3.05 Balls of Steel Australia (R,S). 3.35 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.55 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD).

12.30 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). The CEO of a software company is kidnapped. 1.30 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.20 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.10 Miami SWAT (R,S,HD). 4.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD). 5.00 Inside RAF Brize Norton (R,S,HD).

9.00 FL72 Preview. 10.00 The Rugby Club (HD). 11.00 Premier League World (HD). 11.30 Super League Superstars (HD). 12.00 Super League (HD). 1.00 FL72 Preview. 2.00 The Rugby Club (HD). 3.00 Premier League World (HD). 3.30 Super League Superstars (HD). 4.00 Super League (HD). 5.00 The Rugby Club (HD).

11.15 Premier League Preview (HD). A look ahead to the weekend’s fixtures. 11.45 Super League Gold (HD). The 1998 Grand Final. 12.10 Film: Green Card (1990). Romantic comedy, starring Gerard Depardieu and Andie MacDowell. ●●● 2.10 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina gets involved in Patsy’s magazine. 3.00 Close

12.00 Super League (HD). 1.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 2.00 Premier League Preview (HD). 2.30 Champions League Weekly (HD). 3.00 Super League (HD). 4.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 5.00 Premier League Preview (HD). 5.30 Champions League Weekly (HD).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Transatlantic Sessions (R,HD). 8.00 In Their Own Words: 20th Century Composers. The process of writing music in a postwar world. 9.00 The Rolling Stones Return to Hyde Park: Sweet Summer Sun (R,HD). The veteran band’s 2013 London concerts. 10.10 The Rolling Stones at the BBC (R). 10.55 Brothers in Arms (R). A celebration of rock bands fronted by brothers. 11.55 The Kinks at the BBC (R). Archive performances by the band. 1.00 The Rolling Stones at the BBC (R). 1.45 Brothers in Arms (R). 2.45 The Kinks at the BBC (R).

FRIDAY March 21 ��’� ��

Homes &Living �� ’� ��

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Enjoy your home, enhance your lifestyle

A comfortable lounge area

One room, many uses A conservatory can offer you the space to relax, entertain or provide the additional room that a young family needs to grow. Designed to fit in with your lifestyle a conservatory can provide the additional space you are looking for - without the turmoil and expense of moving house.

A refined dining room

Your local manufacturer and installer being the only company in the whole of the South West to hold four BRITISH KITEMARKS AND SECURED BY DESIGN. Ourr ac Ou accr cred cr edit ed itat it atio at ions io ns ar aree yo your ur guar gu aran ar ante an teee of th te thee qu qual ality al ty an and th the stan st anda an dard da rdss we ac rd achi hiev hi evee fr ev from om co conc ncep nc ept ep to co comp mple mp leti le tion ti on

A space for the whole family to enjoy

A light and airy garden room

SHOWROOM Unit 6, Bridge Rd Ind Est, Bridge Rd, Kingswood, BS15 4TA TEL 0117 9061180 / 01225 738606 | FREEPHONE 0800 0133122 HOURS Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm. Sat 9am - 1pm | VISIT US ONLINE www.crwindows.co.uk