The Weekend 28 March 2014 by Weekend-BristolPost

Weekend The

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FROM FRIDAY, MARCH 28, 2014 ISSUE 97

A leap

into the unknown WHEN THE INVISIBLE CIRCUS MET THE OLD VIC PERFECT GIFTS FOR MOTHER’S DAY

WE ARE SAILING, WE ARE SAILING

THE ART OF COOKING DAN DAN NOODLES

WHERE THE WILD BEASTS ARE

IDEAS

If you see one exhibition

Fables &

fairies

If you’re looking for inspiration on how to make the most of your free time... this is the place to start

Competition Win tickets to The Chocolate Festival at Brunel’s Old Station, Bristol

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SHOPPING

BLOOMIN’ LOVELY Independent of the week Natalie Banyard visits the magical kingdom of The Flowerman, and gets some ideas for Mother’s Day

he vast windows where you could once spot bored, suited office workers sipping coffee as they prodded at their laptops have now been transformed into gateways to a magical garden. The ornate floor-to-ceiling windows at the entrance to St James Arcade in Broadmead have been filled with stunning floral arrangements since The Flowerman took over the premises last December. Florist Christian Roman was supposed to take over the empty shop – formerly Costa Coffee – as a pop-up shop for four weeks. However, The Flowerman and his fabulous array of bouquets, plants and floral compositions proved so popular that there’s no sign of him leaving any time soon. Christian tells me: “We initially opened in early December for four weeks as a pop-up shop, but like a good champagne, we keep on popping and we could be here for the next 40 years!” Christian is exactly how you’d imagine and want a florist to be. He’s French, he’s flamboyant, he’s passionate, he’s obsessed by flowers... Christian has been embracing blooms since 1980. It all started in France with one Moses baby

basket, followed by a five-year stint in Australia where smiling eyes showed him the way to Ireland… (It’s a long story!). The attraction of the world’s biggest flowers auction proved irresistible and our Flowerman lived and worked in Holland, surrounded by tulips, before moving to our fair city. “I have been The Flowerman for most of my life, everywhere from Ireland to Holland,” he tells me. “I came to Bristol because I had heard a lot of great things about the city and there was nobody here doing what I do. “Initially, I got contracts and business with hotels and weddings, and then I saw this shop and absolutely loved it. It has these amazing windows and was on the entrance to this gorgeous arcade, so I decided to give it try for Christmas. “Well, it was just too good! We were very busy. You cannot imagine the number of people who said ‘You have to stay – we need you!’” The Flowerman really is something special. On the day I visit the window display, which Christian updates regularly, is an incredible natural tableau made up of bay and bonsai trees, hanging orchids, unique wooden sculptures and beautiful blooms. Inside, there’s a colourful array of plants and fresh flowers from roses to ranunculus and

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passionate about it.” As you’d expect, wedding arrangements make up a large part of The Flowerman’s business, and Christian’s personal touch is a unique selling point. “I have designed some classically beautiful as well as some crazy things over the years,” Christian recalls, “like some 10ft tall arrangements, canopies of flowers hanging upside down over tables, stunning individual orchids... “I can do whatever you want – although what you want is not always what is needed,” he adds with a conspiratorial smile. “A bride often comes in with an idea from something they’ve seen in a book, but I say ‘No – let’s start again!’ A wedding day is very personal and so should your flowers be. “One very tall, attractive, dark

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skinned girl came in and I thought ‘she needs to just carry a single red rose’ – that’s what she did and it was stunning. “Not only did everybody comment on how striking it was, but I also saved her a lot of money! You see it doesn’t have to be extremely expensive. We can work with a budget but still make it stunning. Imagination is

the cheapest but most important thing you can get!“ After having such a successful Christmas following the shop’s launch, Christian reflects on a busy beginning to 2014 and prepares for Mother’s Day this Sunday. “Valentine’s Day was amazing. I was very afraid because I had taken a very big gamble and

bought lots of beautiful stock – which is very expensive at that time of year – but we ended up with nothing left. The shop was empty! Now we look forward to Mother’s Day. “For Mother’s Day, I will bring in some unusual flowers in reds, oranges and yellows, but let’s face it – Mother’s Day is pink. “We will have some beautiful

pink orchids in lovely vases, which will last a lot longer than a bunch of flowers. We will also have some beautiful bouquets, plants, knick-knacks or we can create something together – just come in and talk to me!”

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MAKE HER DAY Mothering Sunday should be all about celebrating the wonderful woman who has given you so much, and our Mother’s Day gift ideas do just that.

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SING THE BLUES Denim has always been a wardrobe staple, but now it’s taking centre stage. Black, blue and even the once-maligned ‘double denim’ is back with a vengeance.

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HEALTH&BEAUTY

HOME MADE HEALING Health & beauty If the idea of chemical-free skincare products appeals, there’s a Bristol-based brand using entirely natural and mostly sustainable ingredients. Kate Edser meets the highly ethical Faith Morton

ike food, music or clothing, scent is a highly personal thing, so it’s lucky that Faith Morton has brought such a variety of her products to tempt me. Opening the lids on the little metal pots, my olfactory system is in ecstasy, as I catch wafts of lavender, mandarin, peppermint, vanilla, honey and lime. Faith uses essential oils in a wide variety of natural skincare products, which she makes at home in St George and sells at local markets, in some shops and online. But what appeals to the nose is only half the story; it’s how these products feel to our skin and what they represent in terms of sustainability and wholesomeness that matters. The point is that all the ingredients are natural, the packaging is recyclable and biodegradable and everything is, as far as possible, sustainable. Explaining how she got started, Faith says: “I got into using essential oils when I was

16 because I loved the scents and learning about their therapeutic properties. It has been an interest of mine for years and years – I actually did work experience at The Body Shop when I was at school. “Then I studied herbal medicine, so I learned a lot about plants, and when I had my son I got into making skin salves when he was a baby and I really enjoyed it. “It’s like cooking in a way – though you’re blending ingredients for the skin instead of a cake. “Natural products are really important for skin. You don’t need to have all these chemicals in skin products, some of which are linked to cancer. “But not only are natural products good for us, but also much better for our environment as they are biodegradable and don’t contaminate our waters. “I think there is a growing trend toward natural products; you know they are good for you and there’s nothing in them causing you any harm.

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“I really feel passionately about it and being ethical is very important to me, too.” For the past 18 months, Faith has been producing the results of her experimentation for sale under the Faith & Betty brand (the business started with a friend, Libby Lane, who later decided she didn’t have the time to continue). The range includes lip balms, body butter, bath bombs and salts, soaps and foot balm, with more facial products in the pipeline. So far, the best seller is Super Salve – an earthy green concoction that works wonders on dry skin (honestly, I tried it). It’s a blend of organic hemp oil and beeswax, which comes from a beekeeping friend in Shropshire, plus olive oil,

vitamin E and essential oils of sandalwood and lavender. “I also make lots of different body butters,” says Faith, “including vanilla and rose geranium (with organic cocoa butter), which is luxurious for dry skin and it’s good for massage too, because its softens when it reaches body temperature. I’m working on a face salve to use before bed and also an eye salve.” Then there’s a heavenly smelling foot balm, made with rosemary, lavender and peppermint oils blended with shea butter. “I advise people to put it on before bed,” says Faith. “It’s good for cracked heels and it’s quite calming, too, because feet can work hard. Also, peppermint is good for feet

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because it’s fresh and also quite soothing.” And using her knowledge of herbal medicine, Faith has also produced a Soothe Salve. “It’s great for minor cuts, bumps and stings – it’s a good all-rounder,” she says. “It’s made with coconut oil, aloe vera extract, lavender and chamomile and a little bit of tea tree oil and calendula oil so it’s anti-inflammatory and soothing.” Among the lip balm “flavours” are peppermint and lavender, orange and cocoa butter, and shea butter and honey, while popular as presents are the bath bombs. Faith also runs bath bomb making workshops for women at the Bristol Drugs Project, on a private basis at parties,

particularly for children, who like exploring the different smells, and even at last year’s Glastonbury’s Festival, where hoards of the great unwashed were queuing up to have a go! Closer to home, it’s Faith’s friends and family, including her three children, who get to test a lot of her products. If you’d like to try any of the Faith & Betty range, you can find them at Born, 64 Gloucester Road, Bristol; the Stripy Owl, 138 Church Road, Redfield; Magpies and I vintage and handmade market in Southville; and via www.faithandbetty.co.uk.

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ADVERTORIAL

Bristol Childcare Author and Baby Store to Join Forces For The Day

ocal GP and baby book author Claire Winstanley is to appear in the popular baby store JoJo Maman Bébé on Saturday March 29th. In joint acknowledgement of the store opening its new premises at Clifton Mall and the book ‘Babies All Wrapped Up’ receiving great local interest, there will be a day of book signing with questions and answers provided by Dr Winstanley. Babies All Wrapped Up is ‘the must-have baby book for first time parents to be’. Based at The Whiteladies Health Centre in Clifton, Dr Winstanley spent three years researching and writing the definitive guide for new mums and dads to advise them in all areas of baby care and self-care following the baby’s arrival. Having received much acclamation from the national press and endorsements by Prima Magazine and ‘This Morning’s Sue Atkins, the book is going from strength to strength for the local author. JoJo Maman Bébé representative Victoria Doris says of the event “ We are really looking forward to welcoming Dr Winstanley to our lovely new Clifton store and giving our Customers an opportunity to speak to an expert as well respected as Dr Winstanley.”

Dr Winstanley will appear at JoJo Maman Bébé, 56 The Mall, BS8 4JG between 12pm and 4pm on 29th March.

What’s different about this book? Dr Winstanley offers succinct information in easy-to-find chapters; taken from her years of experience as both a senior GP and a mother of 3. The book provides both essential medical information and also tips on the smallest detail to help first time parents in an accessible and friendly way. Rather than offering an oversized coffee table book, Dr Winstanley has deliberately designed ‘Babies All Wrapped Up’ to be carried around in the changing bag; thus the right size to take with you anywhere for instant information when needed. Significantly, the book not only provides excellent hints and tips from both medical and alternative areas but also, why they work. Dr Winstanley recently stated “ I wanted to produce a completely invaluable manual for the first time parent without losing any of the warmth and cosiness felt when a baby arrives. It’s a bit like listening to a well-meaning friend who also happens to be a family GP with helpful tips to hand”. Approved by paediatricians and midwives, ‘Babies All Wrapped Up’ is an essential item for any nursery or changing bag.

As featured in Prima Baby magazine, The Baby Show – Earl’s Court and endorsed by This Morning’s Sue Atkins.

About Claire Dr Claire Winstanley is a GP currently based at The Whiteladies Health Centre in Clifton. She is also mother to 3 young children and has collected many years of information and research through first~hand experience. Her interests within Medicine are diverse and amongst other things have led her into researching all alternative therapies, Acupuncture and Chinese Herbal Medicine. When talking about ‘Babies All Wrapped Up’ she says : “I have written this book as after the birth of my first child, I sat on my hospital bed and felt totally overwhelmed. Although I had read some baby books I still felt bereft of decent information; even as a practising GP!’ ‘This is the book I wanted and needed when I sat there wondering what to do next! It prepares the mother for what happens to her own body just after the birth - a time few people talk about. This book gives parents options on how to look after the newborn and young baby from the offset.’

‘Babies All Wrapped Up’ is available from Amazon and Dragonweb Publishing Ltd. ©Tess Egerton 2014

20% OFF Babies All Wrapped Up by Dr Claire Winstanley

Voucher valid 29/03/2014 between 12pm and 4pm at JoJo Maman Bébé, 56 The Mall, BS8 4JG. Book available to purchase for £10 with this voucher RRP £12.99.

MoveGB offers

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e know how it goes: you decide to start exercising, you join a gym, use it regularly for about three months and then get bored or demotivated and your visits tail off – but it’s galling because you’re tied into a 12-month contract – paying for something you’re not really inclined to use. Wouldn’t it be great if you could pick from several gyms, and a selection of activities, perhaps a yoga class, swimming or tennis sessions and all under the same “membership” fee, but without the drawback of a contract? In Bristol and Bath you can do just that, thanks to MoveGB, which has been running for six months and already has 1,000 people signed up. The idea is to encourage more people to get active by offering convenience and variety, and several monthly payment options with no tie-in. It works like this: MoveGB signs up “partner” gyms, classes and

activities – everything from climbing to canoeing, ceroc dancing to real tennis; Move GB members then have access to all these activities via one of three different payment plans ranging from £1.25, to £7.99 and up to a maximum of £9.99 per week. You can cancel and sign up again any time you like, without penalty. MoveGB marketing and sales manager Steve Thomas explains: “Gyms are tying in people for 12 months and then people don’t use it, then they get annoyed they aren’t using it and that’s not how you should keep people active – you do that by offering them good deals and good rates and variety. “Variety is the ultimate key to getting more people active. We want to unlock the fitness industry to make it easy for everyone to be active and get out there and enjoy something. “The proven model is in Bristol and Bath. We have more than 70 partners in those cities. We pay our partners per new member and we’ve proved that we increase their member numbers

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because we get inactive people active again. “Their membership has increased by about 20 per cent since we started last October. “There’s no outlay for our partners and they can cancel at any time, as can our members – there are no tie-in fees. So if you’re going on holiday for two weeks you email and tell us and we don’t charge you until you tell us you’re back.” MoveGB is the brainchild of Bath-based Alister Rollins, who has helped the leisure and fitness industry to retain members before, through former company The Retention People. Steve continues: “Alister sold TRP on the back of knowing that variety and convenience are the two reasons why people keep active and MoveGB was born out of that. We aim to cater for all ages, all abilities, all interests and all budgets.” MoveGB is expanding to 11 cities in the UK this year and is just about to launch in New York, with longer term plans to roll out to Europe, Asia and Australia.

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GADGETS

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Interesting interviews

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ay back when the internet was young, there was a web browser called Netscape. It was the first widely used browser, and its code provided the basis for dozens of other browsers that followed after it. Netscape also created offshoots of itself, and one of those became Firefox. Although by no means the most popular browser, Netscape has always commanded loyalty among users. It’s fast, reliable, and it does the job. Now it’s also becoming a phone: no-one expected that. Yet Firefox OS (mozilla.org/firefox/os) is a new operating system for smartphones, based entirely on open standards. It’s a reaction to the dominance of so-called “walled garden” systems like Apple’s iOS or Microsoft’s Windows Phone. Why should that matter? Because open standards mean

the system is open to all. You don’t need any special software or hardware to create apps for Firefox OS. The data they create is saved in open formats, so it’s portable, and not tied to a particular device or system. Mostly, a Firefox OS prototype looks like most other phones. You tap on a circular icon to open an app; it has a little search box at the top of the screen, and there’s a shop for getting more apps, the Firefox

Marketplace. Using open standards also means the whole thing costs less, and can be sold for less too. As such, Firefox phones – if and when they ever make it into the shops, and let’s hope they do – should be a lot cheaper than their better-known rivals. Of course they might not offer as much in the way of apps and services, but if all you want is the basics, maybe the Firefox phone is just what you need.

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TECH ON YOUR SLEEVE Introduced by Google’s Glass, but quickly followed by everything from fitness gadgets to T-shirts, the buzz phrase of 2014 is ‘wearable tech’. This week even saw the first ever Wearable Technology Show in London, so we went along to find the pick of the best kit.

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here was once a plan to concrete over large parts of Bristol’s Harbourside. A short stroll around the area now on a sunny day makes that plan seem extremely foolish. But a harbour is not much without boats, and Bristol has been blessed with rising numbers of vessels large and small making the city their base over the past few years. From old metal ships, to wooden affairs with masts and sails, right up to modern catamarans and speedboats, there’s plenty to look at and some you can take a trip on. You can’t have missed Kaskelot, whose masts tower 30

metres high, currently moored by the Lloyds Amphitheatre. Built in Denmark, she is one of the few of her kind – trading three-masted barques – still running. Building ships out of wood went out of fashion because things like woodworm and rot often cut short their working lives. But in the cold waters between Greenland, the Faroe Islands and Denmark, where she operated, Kaskelot’s beams survived intact, and at 450 tonnes and 50m long, she’s a beautiful reminder of easy-on-the-eye shipbuilding. She’s registered in Bristol now, and there may well be plans for organised sailing trips on her in the near future. The Irene, built in 1907 in

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Bridgwater, will return to the city in the next week or so, to be moored by the Arnolfini. She is another vessel whose crew are looking forward to the summer when they can take to the open water again. The Irene is returning to the city, but three ships – the Mayflower, Pyronaut and John King – are a permanent feature of the Harbourside. Part of the moving exhibitions at the MShed Museum, they regularly steam out into the Harbourside so members of the public can see them in action. The Mayflower is a steam tug built here in Bristol in 1861, and many believe she is the oldest surviving tug in the world. After a varied working life, she was sold for scrap in 1967. After 14 years slowly rusting at a mooring in Gloucester, she was bought by Bristol Museums and Art Gallery and, like the ss Great Britain, enjoyed a homecoming to Bristol. On the Mayflower and the John King, visitors are allowed to inspect the engine workings as they make their journey from the MShed down to the other end of the Floating Harbour and back again. The John King was built in Bristol in 1915 to tow cargo ships from Bristol City Docks to the mouth of the Avon, steering them around dangerous bends in the river. She had some close shaves in the Second World War, helping to fight fires in Pembroke Dock and being attacked by German aircraft on her way back to Bristol. Trade from the docks declined over the years, but she had one major honour left to perform, towing the ss Great Britain on the last leg of her journey from the Falkland Islands, from Canons Marsh to her dry dock, watched by thousands of people lining the banks. Pyronaut is a fire boat, a crucial part of the city’s docks for 40 years when Bristol was a thriving port. Put up for sale in 1973, she also caught the eye of the city’s museums service and was saved. Unlike her two sister boats which operate from the MShed, you can’t see her engine during voyages, but you might, just might, get a display of her waterworks.

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EATING OUT

Reviews by Mark Taylor

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t might sound more like a city centre gastropub but The Pig is arguably the coolest, most relaxed country house hotel the Bristol area has ever seen. Owned by the luxury boutique hotel specialists the Lime Wood Group (part-owned by Robin Hutson, the co-creator of Hotel du Vin), The Pig opened last week in Hunstrete House, the handsome Grade II-listed Georgian house off the beaten track between Bristol and Bath. A hotel that had been in gradual decline under previous owners for many years, it has been restored to its original splendour and given an elegant makeover. Surrounded by more than 20 acres of woodland and deer park in the rolling Mendip Hills, the hotel oozes luxury without prices that bring tears to the eye. Although there are 29 bedrooms here, it feels as much a restaurant with rooms than a hotel, with the emphasis on home-grown produce and a menu that tries to stick to a “within 25 miles” philosophy. On the back of the menu, a map of suppliers reads like a who’s who? of great local producers and artisans, from Ruby & White butchers of Bristol to Bath’s wonderfully named Pong Cheese. The restaurant mirrors the link to the garden with creeping plants, Victorian prints and the conservatory-style terrace area overlooking the garden is styled on a rustic potting shed with terracotta pots, wooden seed trays of herbs and plants, aluminium watering cans. Unclothed wooden tables are

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decorated with bottles of “garden infused” oil and home-smoked salt. Friendly, chatty young restaurant staff dressed in crisp pink shirts, jeans and Converse trainers add a wonderful informality to proceedings and it’s a world away from the stuffy, arm-behind-the-back country house restaurant style of old. The menu is divided into tantalising sections such as “piggy bits” (the ham hock Scotch eggs with Coleman’s dressing are exceptional), “literally picked this morning” (early spring leaves with Hunstrete pigeon breast and pickled quail eggs being one dish created entirely from produce in the grounds) and “The Mendips” (the Somerset sprouting broccoli and smoked Godminster cheese with chorizo and roasted walnuts is already a best-seller). I kicked off with the home-smoked salmon and Somerset cider dressing (£8), a generous starter of thickly sliced, deep-flavoured and fleshy smoked fish topped with razor-thin shavings of fennel and a punchy dressing. My friend seemed equally pleased with his home-soused sardines with warm braised beans (£6). A main course loin of home-reared venison (£22) was beautifully cooked, the pink, tender lozenges of Bambi virtually dissolving in the mouth. It was served with cavolo nero and a fruity sloe sauce, but it wasn’t the largest of main courses and I was glad I had ordered a portion of the excellent triple-cooked chips (£3.75), quirkily served in a terracotta flower pot. The venison

worked particularly well with the Zorzal Terroir Unico Malbec from Argentina – a soft, smooth blackberryish red from an outstanding wine list. Across the table, my friend was struggling to finish his “Kentucky” fried wild rabbit (£15) – a real hunter-size portion of crisp-coated bunny served with a silky, sweet and earthy carrot purée. Desserts are an afterthought in too many restaurants, but certainly not here. A baked-to-order apple pie (£7) was well worth the 15-minute wait. Beneath the buttery pastry, the hot, chunky apples were heady with cinnamon and clove spice. The Somerset brandy and walnut ice cream was perfectly balanced, while blitzed nuts added a pleasingly rough texture. Caramelised rice pudding (£7) was hailed as one of the best my friend had tasted, the brulée-like topping revealing the creamiest, plumpest grains of rice and the tartness of the blackcurrant jam (made by Keynsham’s Heavenly Hedgerows) slicing through the richness.

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EATING IN Spice up your life with flavours from around the world

he World’s Best Spicy Food is the latest gastronomic travel guide from Lonely Planet and it shows you where to find some of the fieriest foods around the globe and how to make them. The follow-up to 2012’s The World’s Best Street Food, the book showcases dishes from every corner of the world, from familiar favourites like Thai green curry to lesser-known delicacies such as Tunisian Shakshouka and Devil’s Curry from Singapore. There are detailed histories about the dishes alongside recipes to recreate them at home and the book takes the reader on a tour of culinary hotspots, listing restaurants and markets where you can find the best versions. The book’s forward is written by food writer Tom Parker-Bowles, who talks passionately about his love of spicy foods. He says: “This book is not about chillies alone, rather ‘spicy’ food in its every guise; the pungent, nose-clearing honk of wasabi, mustard and horseradish; pepper’s pep and paprika’s punch; the warming allure of cinnamon and mace, the bracing crunch of piccalilli. “These are dishes to make the taste buds punch the air with elation; flavours that kick-start the palate and infuse every sense with joy.” One of the dishes featured in the book is dan dan noodles, a classic Sichuan dish featuring a tangle of yellow al dente egg noodles tossed in a fiery red chilli, Sichuan pepper and sesame sauce. Yellow egg noodles are poached then doused in a sauce made from sesame paste, chilli and sesame oil, chilli paste and Sichuan peppers. This combo is topped with minced pork (or beef) fried with ginger, garlic and spring onions, and finished with a sprinkling of dry-roasted peanuts. The dish is commonly served as a side in a communal spread and is a Sichuan staple. The dish was inspired by the street vendors, who carried their kitchens in baskets hanging on “dan dan” – bamboo poles slung across their shoulders. At the request of hungry passersby, this mobile kitchen could be unharnessed for a fast-food noodle feast. The unique spicy-nutty noodle concoction soon became known as dan dan noodles, or dan dan mian, which translates as peddler’s noodles. When made for the Western palate, the familiar nutty taste of sesame paste can win out over the chilli hit. The Taiwanese version is probably the best example of this. American-Chinese versions, where peanut butter is often a substitute, are slightly sweeter.

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THE ART OF THE PASTY UK travel Tim Davey heads to St Ives to check out paintings, pasties and a rather nice place to stay.

e had initially decided to leave the car at home and take the train for our trip to St Ives. Anyone who has ever headed for this Cornish tourist magnet will vouch for the fact that it’s most definitely not automobile heaven and as the season progresses and visitor numbers grow the increasing traffic volumes are not great. Also, the final leg of the rail journey, from the junction at St Erth along the branch line right into the centre of St Ives just happens to be one of the best little rail rides you can wish for as the train clings to a track twixt headland and the sea. But, as you might have guessed, our travel

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plans to St Ives needed some hasty re-arranging, thanks to Mother Nature’s devastating damage to the railway line at Dawlish. It was a shame, as the final leg of that journey into St Ives by rail just heightens the anticipation of arriving in somewhere so nice for a few days. And we were going to stay somewhere very nice indeed, as it turned out. Our “home” for three nights was Beach, a three-bedroomed duplex self-catering apartment within a cleverly designed development known as The Sail Lofts. It was stunning. Holiday homes have come a long way in Britain in recent times but this one is seriously good. First of all there’s the location, with the beaches of Porthmeor and Porthgwidden on

the doorstep and the harbour a couple of minutes away. Then there’s the Sail Loft accommodation itself. Two-storey Beach sleeps six in its three bedrooms and stands on one side of the development’s sub-tropical courtyard. Two of the three bedrooms are en suite, while the third bathroom comes with the added bonus of a TV over the taps! For the gadget minded there’s free wi-fi, Apple TV, iPod docking station, Nespresso coffee machine, washing machine and tumble dryer and dishwasher. On hand, throughout the day, is a concierge service which will quickly sort out any problems (we didn’t have any!), arrange tickets, restaurants, baby-sitting and so forth and proffer loads of local advice for

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getting the most out of a stay here. Integral to the complex is the Ocean Spa, offering a range of indulgent Elemis treatments. Sail Lofts are also partners with the Tate Gallery, literally around the corner door, so there’s discounted admission available for anyone staying. Having parked the car we decided to do not very much for a few days… just ambling, we said. And that’s what we did. We ambled, along the myriad miniscule highways and byways which constitute St Ives. Around every exposed corner came a glimpse of the sea and some stretch of sand. The nearest beach, in fact, is just across the road from the accommodation and when you head home from a day surfing, wave boarding, swimming or plain old mucking about on the sands there’s a very useful wet room for all who stay at the Sail Lofts. We were not up for anything so energetic or aquatic and most of our rambles around the town always mysteriously seemed to end up somewhere with a menu to read. We really loved the Porthgwidden beach café which was about 100 yards away from our apartment. A really welcoming place with fabulous views over the beach to the

coastline beyond. The menu was excellent and the staff equally so. The same goes for the Queens Head in the centre of town where my wife proclaimed the seafood risotto to be one of the best ever. Another gem was Albi on the harbour front. Think of St Ives and you think art. It has long been a haven for anyone who daubs paint on canvas and as a consequence it also has a generous supply of galleries. The biggest is the Tate which was closed for major work when we were there but will be open from early summer onwards. No matter, not far away, thanks to a very worthwhile Sail Lofts connection, we enjoyed free admission to the Tate offshoot, the Barbara Hepworth Museum. The world-famous sculptor made St Ives her home and the diminutive museum was where she lived. It’s a fascinating place with a garden packed full of her creations. St Ives seems to have a gallery on every

corner. It is a dangerous game to go into one because, unless you possess some serious willpower you can find yourself digging deep into that bank balance to secure yourself a limited edition print. I know. I have gone down this road before. The temptation can be overwhelming. So, too, can the desire to consume a Cornish pasty. But which pasty? There seem to be dozens of emporiums dedicated to this work of Cornish culinary genius. After trawling the tiny streets for a couple of days I chanced upon a bakery called SH Ferrell and Son on Fore Street which just seemed to ooze character. You got a gut feeling that here was somewhere which knew how to make a proper pasty. And they did. And did I manage to return home from St Ives having avoided the temptation to acquire yet another work of art? Of course not. I bought three of those pasties! Nyvt Nypkh 4 Uhyjo :@4 :89<

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Illuminating the precious, tender, sad and funny

resent Tense, the fourth album from Cumbrian four-piece Wild Beasts, takes its cues from the most intense and effervescent electronic music of the 1980s and 1990s but recalibrates it for a 21st century audience. Longer in creation than any of its predecessors, band members Hayden Thorpe, Tom Fleming, Chris Talbot and Ben Little took almost a full year away from touring to conceive and construct the 11 tracks on Present Tense. Recorded at Konk Studios in London and at The Distillery in Bath, the band worked in close collaboration with co-producers Lexxx and Brian Eno protégé Leo Abrahams to create a record of astounding intricacy, coherence and emotional resonance. Alongside its breathtaking leap in production, Present Tense also finds the band at the peak of their songwriting powers – each one of the album’s 11 tracks illuminating the precious, tender, sad and funny moments

of modern life in their trademark plain-spoken poetics. Present Tense sees the group’s ever-restless collective muse lead them to remarkable new heights – boldly embracing new production techniques and songwriting forms whilst retaining the thrilling idiosyncrasies that have made them so beloved over the course of three well-received albums to date. And despite the coherence of its sweeping song structures, it wasn’t written, so much as meticulously constructed from the ground up from tiny phrases and rhythmic fragments, before being layered together in the studio by the band and their co-producers. “We spent ages programming and piecing individual parts together,” says drummer Chris Talbot. “It was built on computers rather than played first, and we had the feeling that anyone in the band could do anything without feeling they had one role to stick to.” Yet somehow the album retains all of the coherence that can only come from years

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playing together in basements and on stages; Wild Beasts seem to have created their own world. Present Tense is a political record in a sense: full of the pride of those who can make their own world and make it beautiful, despite lack of material wealth – as made explicit in the lead single Wanderlust. It’s romantic, too, packed full of appreciation of precious moments in a tough world, like the dancefloor-friendly Mecca, with its off-centre groove and breathless energy. Wild Beasts have spent their career deconstructing exactly what it is to be a band, trying to escape the constraints of what is expected from four lads playing together – and more so than ever on this deliberately synthetic, instrument-swapping new album. But here they are, four albums down and more than eight years since they first played together in this line-up, still feeling like a gang, still feeling like a band as it is supposed to be, with a single clear vision and sound. How have they managed this?

These four young men from the same rural Cumbrian town have known each other from childhood and they haven’t allowed anything outside their world to distract them since they made their debut album, Limbo Panto, when they were still all only 21. “You can’t try and recapture the past – you have to accept that it’s now a matter of craft, and maturing and getting better at that however you can, and accept that’s what you’ve got going for you now,” says frontman Hayden Thorpe. Over the course of four albums, Wild Beasts have certainly retained their integrity – intellectual, emotional, personal and creative – and the band works as a whole. As bass player Tom Fleming says: “It’s not like we all have one brain, but we recognise that we are what we are, and that decisions have to be made as a band or there’s no point to it. Why be in a band if you’re not going to do that? There are plenty of other ways to make music.” David Marks

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reated almost 60 years ago by Jim Henson, Kermit The Frog and his hand-operated chums gained a new lease of life in 2011 with the release of the seventh feature film, snappily entitled The Muppets. Combining an irreverent script, tongue-in-cheek cameos and uproarious song-and-dance numbers, James Bobin’s film was a treat for fans of all ages. Muppets Most Wanted is the inevitable sequel and harnesses some of the same charm and zany energy including original compositions by Bret McKenzie from Flight Of The Conchords, who garnered an Academy Award for Best Original Song for the first film. The New Zealand-born comedian and musician delights with his pithy worksmithery including a rousing opening number featuring Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga that declares, “We’re doing a sequel, the studio wants more/While they wait for Tom Hanks to do Toy Story 4!” The ramshackle plot bounces along at breakneck speed, providing a hook for hare-brained set pieces replete with Celine Dion as Miss Piggy’s Fairy Godmother.

40 Weekend Nyvt 40 FromNypkh 4 Friday,Uhyjo March:@4 28,:89< 2014

The world’s most deadly criminal, Constantine (voiced by Steve Whitmire), who bears an uncanny resemblance to Kermit (Whitmire again) except for a facial mole and strong eastern European accent, escapes from Gulag 38B in Siberia. Commander Nadya (Tina Fey) and her men give chase and mistakenly apprehend Kermit, believing him to be the amphibian mastermind. While Kermit languishes behind bars, Constantine poses as The Muppets’ leader to orchestrate a series of daring robberies with the help of his second in command, Dominic Badguy (Ricky Gervais). French Interpol inspector Jean Pierre Napoleon (Ty Burrell) is hot on their heels and hooves. Miss Piggy (Eric Jacobson), Gonzo (Dave Goelz), Fozzie Bear (Jacobson again) and the gang don’t notice that their beloved green ringmaster has been replaced by an imposter. They embark on a world tour that takes them from Berlin to Madrid, Dublin and London – “home of the Crown Jewels... and good manners”. Thankfully, Kermit has a daring plan to escape and expose the diabolical doppelganger. Muppets Most Wanted doesn’t quite scale

the dizzy comedic heights of the first film but the sequel is peppered with belly laughs and droll in-jokes. Thus when the newest member of the Muppet fold, Walter (Peter Linz), abandons the world tour, Rowlf is incredulous. “We just spent a whole movie watching him join The Muppets!” he laments. Bobin doesn’t tarry on holes in the narrative or flimsy sub-plots like Miss Piggy’s desire to make an honest frog out of Kermit, and hopes we’ll do the same with grins on our faces. The sequel is preceded by a delightful computer-animated short, Party Central, which revisits Monsters University favourites Mike (voiced by Billy Crystal) and Sulley (John Goodman) and the misfits from Oozma Kappa fraternity as they attempt to outwit the bully boys from Roar Omega Roar once more.

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ast and present collide in Anthony and Joe Russo’s action-packed sequel to the 2011 blockbuster, which continues to expand the sprawling Marvel Comics universe. Addressing timely concerns about unrest in the Middle East and the corruptibility of the political establishment, Captain America: The Winter Soldier is a bombastic, big budget thriller that’s every bit as entertaining as the opening chapter. Screenwriters Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely are duty bound to deliver a miasma of explosive thrills, and they don’t disappoint. A crunching car chase involving S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury (Samuel L Jackson) is edge-of-the-seat stuff and a climactic showdown involving the titular hero and diabolical Hydra lets loose the special effects wizards. Amidst the death and destruction, Markus and McFeely flesh out characters and back stories, fanning an air of fear and paranoia that harks back to Cold War thrillers of a bygone military age. The canny casting of Robert Redford in a

meaty supporting role conjures fond memories of Three Days Of The Condor, which also explored skulduggery within the corridors of power. Set two years after The Avengers, The Winter Soldier opens with Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) acclimatising to life in present day Washington DC. In his heroic guise as Captain America, he leads a daring rescue mission at sea, flanked by sexy spy Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson) and S.H.I.E.L.D.’s counter-terrorism unit. Soon after, Nick Fury escorts Rogers into the bowels of the agency’s headquarters, which houses three state-of-the-art heli-carriers. These aerial warships, codenamed Project Insight, will extinguish threats to global peace from the skies, killing terrorists before they have a chance to strike. “I thought the punishment usually came after the crime,” observes Rogers. “We can’t afford to wait that long,” retorts Fury coldly. Alexander Pierce (Redford), a senior member of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the World Security Council, echoes Fury’s grave concerns. “To build a better world, sometimes you’ve got to tear the old one down,” he warns

Rogers, who seems to be the person concerned about the moral implications of playing judge, jury and executioner with the push of a button. Captain America: The Winter Soldier is cut from the same tried-and-tested cloth as the first instalment. Evans and Johansson enjoy verbal jousting in between their fight sequences while Anthony Mackie proves a likeable addition to the team as winged warrior Falcon, who looks at Captain America’s superhuman efforts and quips, “I do what he does. Just slower”. There’s an inescapable feeling throughout that this is an appetiser to the main course of a third film in 2016 and sure enough, the Russo brothers’ picture ends with a cliff-hanger. As fans would expect, there’s an extra scene during the end credits that hints at next year’s The Avengers: Age Of Ultron.

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hey may be used to high-flying acrobatics, but The Invisible Circus is taking a bold leap into the unknown with Bristol Old Vic. In the first collaboration of its kind, Bristol Old Vic is helping the ground-breaking and popular Bristol company, The Invisible Circus transform their successful circus show Under The Dark Moon into a full-scale touring theatre production. Based in Bristol since 2002, the Invisible Circus draws much of its approach from its history as a troupe of travelling street performers and has grown to produce unique circus theatre in a variety of unusual locations. As the company has developed and evolved, it has attracted more and more creative impetus, drawing a diverse range of visual artists, performers, actors, directors, dancers, filmmakers, choreographers, musicians and technicians to collaborate on its productions. Its most recent production, Under The Dark Moon at Creative Common’s inaugural Bristol Circus Festival last year, was a bold statement of intent which was rewarded with a sell-out run. The show took inspiration from the dreams and fears of its artists, creating a performance that drew on the darker side of fairy tales and twisted the idea of a circus freak show.

Mixing spectacular circus techniques, eerie old movie footage and a live musical score, the hauntingly beautiful and technically impressive show received phenomenal reactions and outstanding reviews. Now, with close support from Bristol Old Vic’s artistic director Tom Morris and the technical team at Bristol Old Vic, they plan to raise the theatricality and scope of their performances even higher. Doug Francis, director of The Invisible Circus, said: “Under The Dark Moon was previously created in three weeks on a shoestring budget. “It ran over five nights in 2013 to a sell-out crowd and had a phenomenal response, but we knew there was a lot more we could do with the show. “With the support of Bristol Old Vic we have the opportunity to work with internationally respected directors and producers to create a brilliant show.” Moving from big top to theatre stage, The Invisible Circus will perform the re-vamped Under The Dark Moon in the Bristol Old Vic’s Main Theatre for three nights next week, before a UK tour. Tom Morris, artistic director of Bristol Old Vic, said: “This extraordinary company employ a huge range of industrious and creative artists to produce imaginative work that is unlike anything else on the Bristol scene. “We are thrilled to be able to help them explore new artistic possibilities and reach a new audience as well as bringing their unique brand of visual thrill-seeking to our theatre.”

44 Weekend From Friday, March 28, 2014

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olk tales have always been a part of my life. But it’s only recently that I’ve become fascinated with them, and why they retain their power.” The speaker is Martin Cornish, a Bath-based painter and sculptor of extraordinarily vivid, colourful scenes that draw on myths, fairy tales and religious parables, re-arranging them in the artist’s own unique style. Working in oil, graphite and sculpture, Martin blends elements from dozens of folk tales and narratives to create homages to those stories that, although often dismissed as superstition or children’s fiction, refuse to lose their power. Martin has been inspired, in part, by observing how much these folk narratives have in common with each other. “The same ideas come up again and again in these universal narratives: the creator, death and the destroyer, animism, initiation, journey and trial. Whether these ideas developed spontaneously or were passed between early cultures, I don’t know. I like the idea expressed by [writer and mythographer] Marina Warner, that fairy tales, myths and fables are ‘the language of our imagination’: they just seem to make sense, whoever, and whenever, you are.” Martin grew up on Dartmoor, and has had no formal art training. “I have always painted and drawn, but when I was growing up being an artist seemed like something other people did. It is very much a personal passion – and the more

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passionate I’ve become about it the more personal my work seems to have become.” So, Martin, why are these fairy tales are so important to us? Do they show us a more righteous way to live, or do they open up (and help us to live with) the darker corners of our psyche? “To me, folk tales, fairy tales, parables and myths are important because they are a product of the way we think. “We have always been

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problem solvers, and when we were faced with the unsolvable problems of death and chaos we invented stories to help us cope. “These coping stories were passed on, each storyteller looking for the best ways to engage his or her listener. “From there, some key themes developed – death, creator, hell, heaven. But then, Martin explains, something strange happened. “These early stories developed

from solely helping us to cope with death and chaos, to showing us how to be ‘good’ – and not just practically good, but impossibly so. It seems that once death and chaos was wrapped up we invented new unsolvable problems for ourselves – as if we needed complications. “Folk tales show us how to be good, but they also highlight our failure to achieve that goodness. They help us open up the darker corners of our psyche, but then judge us for exposing them – and yet we still appear to need them. This complicated relationship with folk tales is what the exhibition is all about.” And which folk tales have always resonated with you? “Beauty and the Beast is one of the best known, most potent folk tales. And, as with all the best stories, it can be read on a number of different levels. Yes, it’s about not judging someone by their appearance – but it’s also about coming to terms with our sexuality. It also, unusually, reassures us that once we accept those darker corners of our psyche, they lose some of their fearsomeness.” Bright, almost bubblegum colours predominate in Martin’s vivid paintings. “To me, these are the colours of childhood, when these stories have the greatest power – before we forget that we can both believe and not believe at the same time,” he explains. “I also love European folk costumes – both the vivid colours and the time and effort that goes into making them. It’s reassuring that, despite how hard life is for some people, there is still a place for the beautiful and the irrational. But most of all, I just love colour.”

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Don’t miss Richard Woods: Bad Brickwork

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Don’t miss The Energy of Painting

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BS Mowers Ltd • New & Used Lawn Mowers • Professional Machinery • Garden Tools • Servicing / Repairs / Spare Parts • Children’s Toys / Collectables • Workwear Clothing

• Petrol & Push Lawn Mowers • Chainsaws / Strimmers / Blowers • Ride On Lawn Mowers • Gators & ATV’s • Part Exchange Welcome • PowaKaddy Service Agent

All types of lawn mowers & garden equipment sold and repaired.

Bristol’s ONLY Authorised John Deere Dealer! PowaKaddy Service Agent

We are now open all day Saturdays and Bank Holidays (9am – 4pm)

BS MOWERS LTD

www.bsmowers.co.uk | 0117 977 0951

Unit 16 Avonside Industrial Park, Feeder Road, Bristol, BS2 0UQ Turf Machinery Specialists Opening Times: Monday - Friday 8.30am-5.30pm Saturday 9am - 4pm ©LW

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COMEDY Downbeat but hugely enjoyable

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Bristol Folk Festival

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Robin brings his new show home

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BOOKS

The Republic of Pirates

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A tale of family, friendship and lies Jvvr vm {ol ~llr \ol Uh Jypkl i [| huuho L|uu 0hiv}l14 w|ispzolk pu ohykihjr i Tp{{sl4 Jyv~u4 ô9:6AA6

he May Bride is a novel by Bradford on Avon author Suzannah Dunn and told from the perspective of Henry VIII’s third wife, Jane Seymour. Jane Seymour is a quiet, reserved and obedient girl of 15 when her brother, Edward, brings his new bride, Katherine, home to Wolf Hall. Vivacious and beautiful, Katherine charms the Seymour family into loving and accepting her. Jane begins an intoxicating friendship with her new sister-in-law, while Edward works to establish a life at court in order to ingratiate himself with Henry VIII. For Jane, Katherine provides a warmth and closeness that she has always longed for, and she begins to trust and confide in Katherine, sharing her deepest secrets and desires. But after a blissful summer, Jane notices that all is not right between her

revered brother and his captivating bride, and soon the Seymour family is rocked by shocking allegations, which tear the family apart and threaten all whom Jane holds dear. Katherine was only married to Edward for two years before she was harshly separated from her two children (one of whom was later disowned by Edward), and thrown in a convent to live in solitude for the rest of her life. To this day, there is no confirmed explanation for this, and, even in Tudor times, this treatment of Katherine was very rare and considered unusually cruel. The May Bride depicts a crucial period in Jane Seymour’s life, revealing a previously unexplored perspective to the most beloved of King Henry VIII’s wives. Jane died less than two weeks after the birth of her only child, a son who reigned as Edward VI. The May Bride book follows four other best-selling historical

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novels from this author, The Queen of Subtleties, The Sixth Wife, The Queen’s Sorrow and The Confession of Katherine Howard. Suzannah and is currently working on a new novel based on the life of Lady Jane Grey, the great-granddaughter of Henry VII who was executed for treason in 1554.

The Legacy of Elizabeth Pringle

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PROPERTY

BARN BEAUTY Property of the week The Lodge, Court Farm Road, Longwell Green

veryone can conjure a mind’s-eye picture of their perfect property. For many, that image will contain an old country house, with beamed ceilings, huge inglenook fireplaces and a traditional kitchen with a range cooker. If that’s what you crave, then put this unique Grade II Listed barn conversion on your list of “must sees”. It has all the key features listed above, and plenty more, including a patio idea for outdoor dining and a landscaped garden. There’s also a very interesting piece of history associated with a neighbouring barn conversion concerning a stone statue erected on its roof in 1839. Thought to have come from the ruins of Keynsham Abbey, the statue represents Ceros, but it known locally known as “Sally on the Barn”. Rumour has it that Sally was a serving girl killed by the Roundheads in the Civil War after she refused to reveal the whereabouts of some Cavaliers. It’s thought she tried to escape through the trap door on to the barn roof, which is where her ghost is reputedly seen. To my knowledge, there are no such

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ghost stories associated with The Lodge, but it is no less historic. Let’s start our tour in the kitchen, which is fitted with cream painted solid wood units, including a dresser, granite work surfaces, a Belfast sink and a pale tiled floor. There’s space for a range oven, while in the next door utility room are slots for a washing machine and fridge/freezer. A cloakroom can be reached from the utility room, while through an archway is the breakfast room. Reached off the kitchen is the stunning living room, dominated by a stone inglenook in which sits a log-burner. Glazed, oak-framed double doors open to the garden and further glazed double doors reveal the formal dining room, where natural light floods in thanks to huge windows set into stone-framed arches. A door in one of the arches opens to the paved patio that leads on to a circular gravelled area enclosed by a low stone wall. The master and second bedrooms are both on the first floor, the former with a beamed ceiling, window seat, fitted oak wardrobes and en suite shower room (with white suite) and the latter with a cast iron

fireplace and a circular stained glass window that helps light one of two staircases to the second floor. Also on the first floor is a stunning white-themed bath/shower room, with a roll-top claw-foot bath. Up on the second floor are two more double bedrooms, each accessed separately from their own staircases. Each has a sloping, beamed ceiling and a stone-framed window shaped like a four-leafed clover. So that concludes the internal tour, which leaves the remainder of the outdoor space to describe. The mainly paved front garden is enclosed by a stone wall and a wooden gate and there’s a side courtyard with that aforementioned circular gravelled area. The main portion of garden has a further patio, lawns and an open-fronted stone shelter, while space for several vehicles has been created on a smart paved parking area. Kate Edser

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AL FRESCO ATTRACTIONS Looking for some deals to spruce up your home? Alison Cork, from HomesAndBargains.co.uk, has put together these latest offers.

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VINTAGE VALUES Sam Wylie-Harris takes a walk down memory lane and selects some pretty vintage-style homewares

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TV PICKS

CASUALTY 9.20pm, BBC1

Former director of surgery Connie Beauchamp returns to the hospital as a consultant in the ED and makes quite an impression on her first day.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 7.00 Live Formula 1 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Malaysian Grand Prix: Qualifying (S,HD). 9.30 Saturday Kitchen Live (S,HD). 11.00 James Martin: Home Comforts (S,HD). 12.00 Football Focus (S,HD). 12.45 Saturday Sportsday (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 1.15 Formula 1 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Malaysian Grand Prix: Qualifying Replay (S,HD). 3.30 Reflex Celebrity Special (S,HD). 4.15 Final Score (S,HD). 5.15 Film: Shrek (S,HD) (2001). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

FILM RATINGS â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Excellent â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Very good â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Good â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? Average â&#x2014;? Poor

THE PLANTAGENETS 8.30pm, BBC2

Professor Robert Bartlett continues the story of Englandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s longest-ruling royal dynasty, examining how it fought to expand its power across the British Isles and win back land in France. The historian reveals how a clear sense of Englishness emerged in this golden age of chivalry, and looks at the creation of a national parliament.

BBC2

6.05 Film: The Saint in New York (S) (1938). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 7.15 Film: The Saint Strikes Back (S) (1939). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 8.20 The Living Planet (R,S). 10.10 The Nature of Britain (R,S). 11.00 Fred Dibnahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Made in Britain (R,S). 11.30 Great British Railway Journeys (R,S,HD). 12.00 James Martin: Home Comforts (S,HD). 12.30 Mary Berry Cooks (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Hairy Bakers (R,S,HD). 1.15 Film: The 39 Steps (S,HD) (1935). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 2.40 James Mason: Talking Pictures (R,S). 3.20 Film: North By Northwest (S,HD) (1959). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 5.30 Mountain Gorilla (R,S,HD).

THE VOICE UK 7pm, BBC1

Emma Willis and Marvin Humes present the semifinal, in which the remaining acts perform individually and with their coaches. Plus, performances by Enrique Iglesias and Shakira.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 10.25 Dinner Date (R,S). 11.25 ITV News and Weather (S). 11.35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S). 12.05 The Unforgettable Gordon Jackson (R,S). 12.35 Film: Junior (S,HD) (1994). Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 2.35 The Chase (R,S,HD). 3.35 Midsomer Murders (R,S). 5.30 ITV News West Country (S). 5.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

GREATEST KIDSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; TV SHOWS 9.10pm, Channel 5

Countdown of the 50 best-loved British childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV shows, looking back on a host of hugely popular programmes including Blue Peter, Bagpuss, Captain Pugwash, Going Live, Tiswas and Peppa Pig. Featuring contributions by many of the famous faces involved, including Phillip Schofield and Chris Tarrant.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 6.35 The Grid (S). 7.00 Trans World Sport (S). 8.00 The Morning Line (S,HD). 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 9.55 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 10.50 How I Met Your Mother (S,HD). 11.40 The Simpsons (R,S). 12.40 Undercover Boss USA (R,S,HD). 1.40 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). Live coverage of races from Doncaster and Kempton Park. 4.20 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 5.50 Channel 4 Racing: The Dubai World Cup (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access (S). 10.05 Meerkat Manor (R,S,HD). 10.35 Film: The Bridge at Remagen (S) (1969). Second World War adventure, starring George Segal. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 12.55 Film: A Bridge Too Far (S) (1977). Fact-based Second World War drama, with Dirk Bogarde. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 4.15 Film: Joe Kidd (S,HD) (1972). Western, starring Clint Eastwood. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 5.55 Film: Columbo: Mind Over Mayhem (S) (1974). Detective drama, with Peter Falk. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

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â&#x2013;ź

6.35 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 The Voice UK (S,HD). 13/14. See Choices Above.

7.30 Dadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Army (R,S). 6/14. Wilson struggles to get the platoon out of the pub and on parade, leaving Mainwaring to tackle a suspected IRA terrorist. Comedy, starring Arthur Lowe.

7.00 Ant & Decâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Saturday Night Takeaway (S,HD). 6/7. See Choices Above.

7.05 Marvelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Agents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 13/22. The team boards a mystery train heading for certain destruction.

7.20 Longmire (S,HD). 2/10. The discovery of a womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s body leads Walt and Vic to the seedy strip bars of an oil-rich town in the next county, where they find a link to a Mennonite community.

8.00 The Perfect Morecambe & Wise (S). 5/9. The duo put a new spin on making breakfast. 8.30 The Plantagenets (R,S,HD). 2/3. See Choices Above.

8.25 The Cube (S,HD). 5/6. A Londoner hopes to win enough money to take his family to Australia, while a police officer from the West Midlands thinks she is tough enough to walk away with the jackpot.

8.00 Hostages (S,HD). 12/15. Brian decides to go to the police, Duncan makes a decision he will bitterly regret, Logan gives Sandrine one more chance and Nina hears shocking news.

8.10 NCIS (R,S). 24/24. Gibbs tries to find out why the agents are being forced to take polygraph tests, while Tony and Jeanne are held hostage by a drug dealer.

9.30 QI (R,S,HD). 5/18. Jeremy Clarkson, Jimmy Carr and Bill Bailey join regular panellist Alan Davies as host Stephen Fry asks a range of unusual questions on the topic of kings.

9.25 Law & Order: UK (R,S,HD). 3/8. Ronnie and Joe find a skeleton that has been hidden inside the boot of a car in the River Thames, and discover the manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s death dates back to the 1980s Brixton riots.

9.00 The Mechanic (S,HD) (2011). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

9.05 5 News Weekend (S,HD). 9.10 Greatest Kidsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; TV Shows (R,S). See Choices Above.

10.25 The Americans (S,HD). 3/13. The spies infiltrate a military contractorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s facility to complete their deceased comradesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; mission, while Stan tracks the KGBâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s walk-in, but Nina is put at risk.

10.45 Beverly Hills Cop III (S,HD) (1994). Maverick cop Axel Foleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s investigation of a murder leads him to a counterfeiting ring operating from a theme park. Comedy adventure sequel, with Eddie Murphy and Judge Reinhold. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

â&#x2013;ź

Hostages, 8pm

6.00 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! Top 100 Shockers (S). Memorable videos not for the fainthearted, with Harry Hill.

9.10 The National Lottery Live (S,HD). With music by Lisa Stansfield. 9.20 Casualty (S,HD). 31/48. See Choices Above.

â&#x2013;ź

The Cube, 8.25pm

6.30 Flog It! (S,HD). /75. From the Sheldonian Theatre in Oxford.

10.10 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 10.30 Match of the Day (S,HD). Gary Lineker presents highlights of the latest Premier League clashes, including Arsenal v Manchester City at the Emirates Stadium and Crystal Palace v Chelsea at Selhurst Park. Followed by National Lottery Update.

â&#x2013;ź

Stewart Leeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Comedy â&#x20AC;Ś 10pm

6.40 Regional News (S,HD).

11.55 The Football League Show (S). Including highlights of Burnley v Leicester City.

â&#x2013;ź

6 7 8 9

Match of the Day, 10.30pm

â&#x2013;ź

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

2.15 (BST) Weatherview (S). 2.20 BBC News (S,HD).

10.00 Stewart Leeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Comedy Vehicle (S,HD). 5/6. The comedian explores the topic of London. 10.30 We Need to Talk About Kevin (S,HD) (2011). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

NCIS, 8.10pm

11.25 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather. 11.40 Through the Keyhole (R,S,HD). 1/6. Eamonn Holmes and Martine McCutcheon join Dave Berry on the panel. 12.15 Film: I Am Love (2009). Drama, starring Tilda Swinton. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 3.10 (BST) This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

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12.35 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 4.00 (BST) In Plain Sight (R,S,HD). A homeless man enters witness protection. 4.40 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

12.50 Film: Notorious (S,HD) (2009). Biopic of Notorious B.I.G., starring Jamal Woolard. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 3.50 (BST) Abductees (R,S). Short animated film about UFOs. 4.05 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus.

12.10 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 4.00 (BST) Wildlife SOS (R,S). Newly hatched ducklings are rescued from a drain. 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hanaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Hanaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Helpline (R,S). 5.50 Hanaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Helpline (R,S).

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ARROW 9pm, Sky1

Oliver discovers that Slade has been spotted in Starling City â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and disturbingly, his friendturned-enemy has decided to visit the rest of his family. Meanwhile, further flashbacks from the island shed light on the roots of the pairâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s relationship as they and Sara attempt to take over the freighter.

The Geordie duo take control of Peter Andre in Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a Celebrity Get Out of Me Ear and Little Ant and Dec talk politics with London Mayor Boris Johnson.

ITV2

6.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). 11.00 The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (R,S,HD). 12.55 The Only Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). 2.30 Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Got More Talent: Cutest Moments Ever (R,S,HD). 3.30 Kylie Minogue: The Hot Desk (S,HD). 3.45 Film: Honey (S,HD) (2003). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 5.40 Film: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (S,HD) (2008). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

Whip It, 7.50pm

7.50 Whip It (S,HD) (2009). A misfit teenager tired of her small town and pushy mother takes up the fast-paced sport of roller derby. Comedy drama, starring Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore, who also directed. Including FYI Daily. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 7.10 Make It or Break It (R,S,HD). 8.00 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 9.00 Charmed (R,S). 10.00 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 10.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 4.00 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club. 9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00 Soccer AM. 12.00 WWE Superstars (HD). A round-up of all the latest wrestling news. 1.00 Ashley Banjoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). A team of dinner ladies from Kent. 2.00 Sinbad (R,S,HD). 3.00 Futurama (R,S). 4.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

ANT & DECâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SATURDAY NIGHT TAKEAWAY 7pm, ITV

THE MECHANIC 9pm, Channel 4

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN 10.30pm, BBC2

A solitary hitman teaches his murdered mentorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s son the tricks of the trade. Action thriller remake, starring Jason Statham and Ben Foster.

GOLD

6.15 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 8.05 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.45 One Foot in the Grave (S). 1.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 3.00 Film: Carry On Regardless (1961). Slapstick comedy, starring Sid James. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 4.50 Jeeves and Wooster (S). Bertie declares his affection for Bobbie Wickham.

Because I Said So, 9pm

Revolution, 10pm

Calendar Girls, 7.40pm

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 20/23. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 21/23.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 6/24. 6.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 7/24.

6.00 â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Allo! (S). 2/8. Rene conceals a valuable painting. 6.40 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. 1/13.

7.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 10/22. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 8/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 16/22. Mr Burns tries to become a superhero. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 21/22.

8.00 The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD). 12/22. John agrees to keep an eye on Astrid after Hillary makes veiled threats about her.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 8/12. James Corden welcomes Alastair Cook and Kevin Bridges to the sportsbased comedy quiz.

7.10 Harry Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s TV Burp. 2/13. A dog fights a ghost. 7.40 Calendar Girls (2003). Members of a Yorkshire branch of the Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Institute cause controversy when they pose nude for a charity calendar. Fact-based comedy drama, with Helen Mirren and Julie Walters. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

9.00 Because I Said So (S,HD) (2007). A meddling mother tries to find a suitor for her youngest daughter on the internet, leading to a series of misunderstandings. Comedy drama, starring Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

9.00 Arrow (R,S,HD). 15/23. See Choices Above.

A mother picks apart her troubled relationship with her teenage son after he commits a terrible crime. Drama, starring Tilda Swinton.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 6.30 Ringside (HD). 7.30 Premier League Preview (HD). 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 FL72 Live (HD). 2.30 Saturday Team Talk (HD). 3.00 Soccer Saturday (HD). 5.00 Live Saturday Night Football (HD). Arsenal v Manchester City (Kick-off 5.30pm).

Live Football, 5pm

(HD). Sarah-Jane Mee presents a full re-run of the dayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s top Premier League match.

9.55 Bottom (S). 4/6. During a night at the fair, Richieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wallet is stolen. But that is the least of his problems as a fortune teller declares that he is going to die in three nightsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; time. 10.35 The Young Ones (S). 10.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice 3/6. Squalid students (HD). Sarah-Jane Mee Vyvyan, Rick, Neil and presents extended Mike try to liven up a highlights from the boring day with a trip to Premier League, the pub, and have to allowing viewers to contend with their access the latest round of landlordâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s insane top-flight fixtures, nephew. including Crystal Palace v Chelsea.

11.05 Rude Tube: All Things 11.20 The Butterfly Effect Weird and Wonderful (S,HD) (2004). (R,S). 2/3. Internet Supernatural thriller, videos, including two starring Ashton Kutcher. camels in a car. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

11.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 7/10. With John Bishop, Victoria Pendleton and Sarah Millican.

11.30 The League of 11.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). Gentlemen (S). 3/6. Mr Burnley v Leicester City. Chinnery has an accident with a tortoise.

2.30 (BST) Dads (R,S,HD). Eli questions his and Warnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s friendship. 2.55 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

12.00 Footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Funniest Moments (R,S,HD). Comical incidents from the Premier League. 2.00 (BST) Street Crime UK (R,S). 2.30 Street Crime UK (R,S). 3.00 Border Invasion USA (R,S,HD). 4.00 Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD). 5.00 Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD).

12.10 Extras (S). With guest star Samuel L Jackson. 12.50 Extras (S). Patrick Stewart guest stars. 2.25 (BST) The Young Ones (S). Guest starring Madness. 3.00 Close

12.10 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.35 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2.05 (BST) How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.35 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 3.05 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.50 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 4.40 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

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7.00 Great Movie Mistakes III: Not in 3D (R,S). Memorable movie mishaps of 2011. 7.20 Doctor Who (R,S,HD). Part two of two. The fate of the universe rests with one girl. Last in the series. 8.15 Top Gear (R,S,HD). A trip to Ukraine in small cars. 9.20 Old School (S,HD) (2003). Comedy, starring Luke Wilson and Will Ferrell. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 10.50 Family Guy (R,S). 11.10 Family Guy (R,S). 11.30 Family Guy (R,S). Quahogâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s local news station announces the end of the world. 11.55 Family Guy (R,S).

12.15 Family Guy (R,S). 12.40 Family Guy (R,S). 2.00 (BST) Pramface (R,S,HD). 2.30 Pramface (R,S,HD). 3.00 Pramface (R,S,HD). 3.30 Pramface (R,S,HD). Pramface (R,S,HD). 8.00 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Game of the Day 4.00 4.30 Pramface (R,S,HD).

10.00 Revolution (S,HD). 14/20. Monroe and Connor find themselves at Gouldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mercy following their disastrous heist, and things deteriorate further when the casino boss organises a brawl between them.

10.00 Celebrity Juice: The Big Reunion Special (R,S,HD). 3/10. Featuring some of the music showâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stars. 10.50 Crazy Beaches (R,S,HD). 1/8. Hedonism and drunken fun had by tourists in Malia.

BBC3

BBC4

7.00 David Attenboroughâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s First Life (R,HD). Part two of two. How animals began to survive on dry land. 8.00 Shipwrecks: Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sunken History (R,HD). The development of the â&#x20AC;&#x153;women and children firstâ&#x20AC;? protocol. Last in the series. 9.00 Inspector De Luca. A highprofile job in Bologna awaits reluctant hero De Luca. 10.50 Chas & Dave: Last Orders (R,HD). The duoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s career in the music industry. 11.50 Squeeze: Take Me Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Yours (R,HD). 12.50 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 2.25 (BST) Sounds of the 70s 2 Rock â&#x20AC;&#x2122;nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Roll Revisited â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Get It On (R). 2.55 Shipwrecks: Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sunken History (R,HD). 3.55 David Attenboroughâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s First Life (R,HD).

SATURDAY March 29

12.00 Saturday Reloaded (HD). A round-up of the latest football goals. 2.00 (BST) SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League. 3.30 SNF â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Match Choice (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League. 5.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 5.30 Champions League Weekly (HD).

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LOUIS THEROUX’S LA STORIES 9pm, BBC2

TV PICKS

ENDEAVOUR 8pm, ITV

Louis explores the American attitude to death Shaun Evans returns as as he visits Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre in West the young Inspector Hollywood, where he meets people battling Morse in the first of against serious illnesses. He talks to patients four feature-length and their families as they face whether to episodes. A baffling accept death and die in relative comfort, or to suicide throws Morse in at the deep end as he returns to work. gamble on further, possibly painful treatments.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 8.00 Live Formula 1 – Malaysian Grand Prix (S,HD). 11.15 Sunday Politics (S). 12.30 MOTD2 Extra (S,HD). With Mark Chapman and the Match of the Day team. 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15 NoRuz: The Persian Spring (S,HD). 1.45 Formula 1 – Malaysian Grand Prix Replay (S,HD). 3.45 Deadly on a Mission: Pole to Pole (S,HD). 4.15 Regional Programme (S,HD). 4.45 Songs of Praise (S,HD). 5.20 Pointless Celebrities (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

BBC2

6.00 Countryfile (R,S,HD). 7.00 Gardeners’ World (R,S,HD). 7.30 Match of the Day (R,S,HD). 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show (S,HD). 10.00 The Big Questions (S,HD). 11.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (S). 12.30 Living Famously (R,S). 1.30 Film: Foreign Correspondent (S) (1940). Alfred Hitchcock’s spy thriller, starring Joel McCrea. ●●●● 3.25 Film: I Confess (S) (1953). Alfred Hitchcock’s thriller, starring Montgomery Clift. ●●● 5.00 Flog It! (S,HD).

SURPRISE SURPRISE MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL 7pm, ITV

Holly Willoughby meets a mum who invented a romper suit for babies in neonatal units, and Boyzone surprise a radio station founder.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Unforgettable Kenneth Williams (R,S). 11.00 ITV News and Weather (S). 11.10 River Monsters (S,HD). 12.10 Agatha Christie’s Marple (R,S,HD). 2.05 Big Star’s Little Star (R,S,HD). 3.05 Film: Moonraker (S,HD) (1979). James Bond spy adventure, starring Roger Moore. ●● 5.35 ITV News West Country (S). 5.50 ITV News and Weather (S).

TOP 40 ULTIMATE ACTION MOVIES 9pm, Channel 5

Footballer-turned-actor Vinnie Jones presents a show packed full of car chases, catchphrases, stunts, pyrotechnics and villains in a countdown of the best films from the action genre as voted for by viewers. Featuring contributions by actors Gary Busey and Steven Berkoff and actress Tia Carrere.

Channel 4

6.10 Arenacross (R,S,HD). 7.30 Mark Webber Tasmania Challenge (S). 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 9.30 Sunday Brunch (S). 12.30 Secret Eaters (R,S,HD). 1.35 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2.35 How I Met Your Mother (S,HD). 3.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 4.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). Beatthe-banker game show. 5.30 Film: Home Alone (S,HD) (1990). Family comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin. ●●●

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Power Rangers Super Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.35 Power Rangers Megaforce (R,S,HD). 11.10 Film: Hoodwinked (S,HD) (2005). Animated comedy, with the voice of Anne Hathaway. ●● 12.35 Film: Gremlins 2: The New Batch (S,HD) (1990). Comedy sequel, starring Zach Galligan. ●●● 2.40 Film: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (S,HD) (1992). Comedy, starring Sylvester Stallone. ● 4.20 Film: A Bug’s Life (S,HD) (1998). Pixar animation. ●●●●

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7.00 Countryfile (S,HD). Matt Baker helps out on his family farm in Co Durham, and Jules Hudson visits the Severn Valley Railway. Including Weather for the Week Ahead.

7.00 Great Barrier Reef (R,S,HD). 1/3. Monty Halls explores Australia’s underwater ecosystem, beginning with a look at the many species of wildlife that inhabit it.

7.00 Surprise Surprise Mother’s Day Special (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.30 Channel 4 News (S).

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after

6.00 Catchphrase Mother’s Day Special (S,HD). 3/12. A celebrity edition, with Kimberley Walsh, David Walliams and Emma Willis.

8.00 Antiques Roadshow (S,HD). 15/26. Fiona Bruce and the team visit Scone Palace, near Perth, where items include an ugly family brooch, a 15th-century book, 30-year-old T-shirts and a 230-year-old tea caddy.

8.00 Border Country: The Story of Britain’s Lost Middleland (S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. Historian and MP Rory Stewart examines the impact and legacy of Hadrian’s Wall, exploring the landscape, oral history and archaeology of the region.

8.00 Endeavour (S,HD). 1/4. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Dambusters’ Great Escape: Secret History (S). The story of the RAF’s successful mission to sink the German battleship Tirpitz in November 1944, with eyewitness accounts from surviving crew, fighter pilots and sailors.

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Piers Morgan’s Life … 10.15pm

6.00 The Hairy Bikers: Restoration Road Trip (R,S,HD). 3/3. The biggest locomotive restoration in Britain. Last in the series.

9.00 The Musketeers (S,HD). 10/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 Louis Theroux’s LA Stories (S,HD). 2/3.See Choices Above.

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Louis Theroux’s LA Stories, 9pm

6.05 Blandings (S,HD). 7/7. Connie plans to marry Freddie off to Sir Gregory’s niece. Last in the series. 6.35 Regional News (S,HD).

10.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 10.25 Match of the Day 2 (S,HD). Fulham v Everton and Liverpool v Tottenham Hotspur. Mark Chapman introduces highlights of the Premier League matches at Craven Cottage and Anfield respectively.

10.00 QI XL (R,S,HD). 9/16. Extended edition. With Julia Zemiro, Sue Perkins and Ross Noble. 10.45 Top of the Pops 1977: Big Hits (R,S). 3/43. Archive performances from 1977, including Rod Stewart, the Jacksons, Queen, the Stranglers, David Bowie, Bob Marley and Elvis Costello.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather. 10.15 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Geri Halliwell (R,S). 5/6. The former Spice Girl talks to the host about her love life, family and fame, and her decision to leave the globally successful group to pursue a solo career.

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6 7 8 9

Antiques Roadshow, 8pm

11.25 Football League Trophy Highlights (S). Chesterfield v Peterborough United.

11.45 War Requiem (S,HD) (1989). Drama, starring Nathaniel Parker. ●●●●

11.15 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S). /26. The alligators cause problems during mating season. 11.45 Premiership Rugby Union (HD). Highlights of the latest top-flight matches.

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(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

12.00 Weatherview (S). 12.05 BBC News (S,HD).

1.10 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). Ellie Harrison heads to the beaches of Norfolk. 2.10 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). Harry tries to charm the new consultant pharmacist. 3.10 Sign Zone: Silk (R,S). Martha defends a friend in a gangland killing. 4.10 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.40 The Store. Home shopping. 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 4.10 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

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Deal or No Deal, 4.30pm

Mum of the Year 2014, 6.10pm 6.10 Mum of the Year 2014 (S). Awards ceremony honouring courageous and inspirational women.

9.00 The Woman in Black (S,HD) (2012). See Choices Above. ●●●●

7.05 5 News Weekend (S,HD). 7.10 Bulletproof Monk (S) (2003). See Choices Above. ●●

9.00 Top 40 Ultimate Action Movies (S). See Choices Above.

10.50 Orphan (S,HD) (2009). A couple adopt a nine-year-old Russian girl from an orphanage, but the wife begins to suspect the child may be dangerously disturbed. Horror, with Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard. ●●●

11.55 Point Break (S,HD) (1991). Kathryn Bigelow’s thriller, starring Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Gary Busey and Lori Petty. ●●●●

1.00 The Good Wife (R,S,HD). 1.45 The Hotel (R,S,HD). An undercover hotel inspector visits the Grosvenor. 2.40 Secret Removers (R,S,HD). A design-conscious couple in Aberdeen. 3.40 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (R,S,HD). 4.00 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 4.55 Hugh’s 3 Good Things (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

2.20 SuperCasino. 3.05 Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

A drunken Athos takes a woman hostage in the town square and his friends are shocked to discover it is none other than Milady â&#x20AC;&#x201C; but when it turns out that dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Artagnan knows her, a rift develops.

ITV2

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R). 6.45 Kylie Minogue: The Hot Desk (R,S,HD). 6.55 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.40 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 12.10 The Xtra Factor Winnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Story 2013 (R,S). 1.10 Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Got More Talent: Cutest Moments Ever (R,S,HD). 2.15 Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.45 Film: Kangaroo Jack (S,HD) (2003). â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 4.35 Ant & Decâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Saturday Night Takeaway (R,S,HD).

HAWAII FIVE-0 9pm, Sky1

Things are far from merry at Christmas for the Five-0, particularly Chin. Danger looms for the detective when the discovery of a dead body bearing the hallmarks of a professional hit-job leads him onto the trail of a serial killer. Meanwhile, Danny and daughter Grace find a mysterious puzzle box.

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 Make It or Break It (R,S,HD). 7.15 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 10.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Revenge (R,S,HD). 1.35 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 2.30 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Hour of Power (S,HD). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 9.00 Captain America: The Winter Soldier Special (S). 9.30 Muppets: Most Wanted Special (S,HD). 10.00 WWE Superstars (R,HD). 11.00 WWE: Experience (HD). 12.00 Sinbad (R,S,HD). 1.00 Ashley Banjoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). 2.00 Futurama (R,S). 3.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

FILM PICKS

THE MUSKETEERS 9pm, BBC1

THE WOMAN IN BLACK 9pm, Channel 4

BULLETPROOF MONK 7.10pm, Channel 5

Premiere. A lawyer visits a village to put a deceased clientâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s affairs in order, but finds her house haunted by a vengeful ghost. Horror, with Daniel Radcliffe.

GOLD

6.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 7.40 One Foot in the Grave (S). 9.45 The Vicar of Dibley Story (S). A behind-the-scenes look at the popular sitcom. 11.10 Film: Carry On Regardless (1961). Slapstick comedy, starring Sid James, Charles Hawtrey and Kenneth Williams. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 1.00 The Vicar of Dibley (S). 3.30 Keeping Up Appearances (S).

A mysterious Tibetan monk battles modernday Nazis while training a thief to be his successor. Martial arts thriller, starring Chow Yun-Fat and Jaime King.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Football Gold (S). 6.15 Football League Gold (S,HD). 7.00 Ringside (HD). 8.00 Game Changers (HD). 9.00 The Sunday Supplement (HD). 10.30 Goals on Sunday (HD). 12.30 Live Super Sunday (HD). Fulham v Everton (Kick-off 1.30pm). 3.30 Live Super Sunday (HD). Liverpool v Tottenham Hotspur (Kick-off 4.00pm).

Two Weeks Notice, 8pm

Grease, 8pm

Hawaii Five-0, 9pm

The Vicar of Dibley, 7.30pm

Live Super Sunday, 3.30pm

6.00 Casper (S,HD) (1995). A paranormal expert moves into a haunted house where his daughter befriends the amiable ghost of a young boy . Family comedy, starring Christina Ricci, Bill Pullman, Eric Idle, Cathy Moriarty and featuring the voice of Malachi Pearson. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

6.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 11/22. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 9/24.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 15/22. Homer gets a new wife. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 14/22.

6.10 The Vicar of Dibley Story (S). A behind-thescenes look at the popular sitcom.

6.30 Live Spanish Football (HD). Real Betis v Malaga.

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 22/23. 7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 23/23. Penny gets drunk and seduces Leonard.

7.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 7/24. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 12/22. Groundskeeper Willie is forced to move in with the family.

7.30 The Vicar of Dibley (S). 1/2. Part one of two. The vicar is swept off her feet by a handsome new arrival to the village.

8.00 Grease (S,HD) (1978). A rebellious teenager falls for a shy girl â&#x20AC;&#x201C; but risks losing her by trying to act cool. Musical set in the 1950s, with John Travolta, Olivia NewtonJohn and the late Sid Caesar. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5/22. Marge buys a tandem. 8.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 4/22. Three Halloweenthemed tales.

8.45 The Vicar of Dibley (S). 2/2. Part two of two. Dawn French stars in the last-ever episode, which sees the vicar preparing for her wedding. But there are hitches even before the big day arrives.

8.00 Two Weeks Notice (S,HD) (2002). A lawyer walks out on her job with a self-centred property tycoon, forcing him to pull out all the stops to win her back. Romantic comedy, with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant. Including FYI Daily. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.15 Rude Tube: All Things (S,HD). 11/12. Reality Weird and Wonderful programme following a (R,S). 2/3. Featured clips group of people in include formation Essex. shepherding, two camels in a car, and sex 10.50 Party Wright Around tips from a cantaloupe the World (R,S,HD). 5/6. melon. Mark Wright visits hiphop producer Ski Beatz in New York

9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (S,HD). 11/24. See Choices Above.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD). 10/24. Emotions run high for Deeks and Kensi during a tense operation triggered by the murder of a Pentagon consultant and a stolen thumb drive.

10.00 Extras (S). 5/6. With guest star Samuel L Jackson. 10.40 Extras (S). 6/6. Patrick Stewart guest stars.

8.00 Live Spanish Football (HD). Valencia v Getafe (Kick-off 8.00pm). All the action from the La Liga encounter at the Mestalla.

7.00 The Voice UK (R,S,HD). Emma Willis and Marvin Humes present the semi-final, in which the remaining acts perform individually and with their coaches. 9.15 Hair (R,S,HD). The four remaining contestants fight for a place in the final. 10.15 Family Guy (R,S,HD). The residents of Quahog try to solve a murder mystery. 11.00 American Dad! (R,S). 11.25 Bluestone 42 (R,S,HD). 11.55 Bluestone 42 (R,S,HD). 12.25 Wilfred (S,HD). 12.50 Wilfred (S,HD). 1.10 Wilfred (S,HD). 1.30 Wilfred (S,HD). 1.50 Wilfred (S,HD). 2.15 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 2.45 Bluestone 42 (R,S,HD). 3.15 Bluestone 42 (R,S,HD). 3.45 Kerry (R,S,HD).

10.00 Football Special (HD). Fulham v Everton and Liverpool v Tottenham Hotspur. Highlights of the two Premier League matches at Craven Cottage and Anfield respectively.

11.20 My Mad Fat Diary (R,S,HD). 6/7. Rae sees things from Chloeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s perspective.

11.20 Nighty Night (S). 3/6. 11.00 Border Invasion USA Cath tries to mend her (R,S,HD). 1/5. The work marriage. of Arizonaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s police units.

11.30 Spanish Football (HD). Athletic Bilbao v Atletico Madrid and Real Madrid v Rayo Vallecano.

1.20 Mom (R,S,HD). Christy and Bonnie discover hurtful secrets about each other. 1.45 Mom (R,S,HD). 2.10 The Vampire Diaries (R,S,HD). Caroline, Bonnie and Elena attend a ball. 2.50 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.25 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.55 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.25 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 1.55 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.20 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.45 Bobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.05 Bobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD).

12.00 Border Invasion USA (R,S,HD). The work of Arizonaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s elite police units. 1.00 Border Invasion USA (R,S,HD). 2.00 Border Invasion USA (R,S,HD). 3.00 Border Invasion USA (R,S,HD). 4.00 Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD). 5.00 Emergency Abroad (R,S,HD).

12.30 Football Special (HD). 2.00 Spanish Football (HD). 3.00 Football Special (HD). 4.30 Footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Greatest (S). 5.00 Football Gold (S). 5.15 Football League Gold (S,HD). 5.30 Football League Gold (S,HD). 5.45 Football League Gold (S,HD).

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7.00 Timeshift: Full Throttle â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Glory Days of British Motorbikes (R,HD). Motorcycling in Britain. 8.00 The Review Show (HD). With guests Sarah Churchwell, Sarfraz Manzoor and Paul Morley. 9.00 The Poet Who Loved the War: Ivor Gurney. The story of the First World War soldier and poet who broke all the rules. 10.00 Mark Lawson Talks to Julian Barnes (HD). An interview with the author. 11.00 What Do Artists Do All Day? (HD). 11.30 Pendle Witch Child (R,HD). 12.30 Timeshift: Full Throttle â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Glory Days of British Motorbikes (R,HD). 1.30 Robert Plant: By Myself (R). 2.30 The Genius of Bert Jansch: Folk, Blues & Beyond (R).

March

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BBC4

SUNDAY

11.50 The Big Reunion 2014 (R,S,HD). 8/8. The pop bands perform. Last in the series.

12.00 Getting On. Kimâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hopes of a quiet night shift are dashed. 12.40 Rev (S). Adam feels the pressure during his first Christmas at St Saviourâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. 1.20 Nighty Night (S). Cath tries to mend her marriage. 1.50 Getting On. 2.20 The Black Adder (S). Edmund is accused of witchcraft. 3.00 Close

BBC3

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TV PICKS

SILK 9pm, BBC1

Martha struggles to build a defence for ex-boyfriend Sean, forcing her colleagues to worry about her emotional stability. Maxine Peake and Rupert Penry-Jones star.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom (S,HD). 11.45 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 More Creatures Great and Small (S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

EASTENDERS 8pm, BBC1

Mick’s family quiz him about his attack and while he manages to convince them it was just kids, he still wants answers himself and goes to visit his dad Stan in hospital. Denise isn’t sure whether she can trust Ian and Jane, so to put her mind at rest she arranges a family dinner, with help from Shabnam.

BBC2

9.05 Sign Zone: The Restaurant Man (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Great British Railway Journeys (R,S). 10.35 Click (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Cash in the Attic (R,S). 1.30 The Nature of Britain (R,S). 2.30 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.15 Himalaya with Michael Palin (R,S). 4.15 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S,HD).

THE PLANTAGENETS 9pm, BBC2

Robert Bartlett charts the events that led to the dynasty’s downfall, with four kings being violently deposed in the last century of the Plantagenets’ reign.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With actor Richard E Grant. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

NIGEL FARAGE: WHO ARE YOU? 7.30pm, Channel 4

According to some commentators, Nigel Farage could lead UKIP to victory at the European elections in May, and yet, only a few years ago, he was largely unheard of. In a programme filmed over the course of six months, producer and director Martin Durkin finds out more about the man.

Channel 4

6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss Canada (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 River Cottage Bites (R,S,HD). 12.10 Film: Reap the Wild Wind (S,HD) (1942). ●●● 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). Receptionist Maureen Santana retires after 24 years on the front desk. Last in the series. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.20 Access (R,S). 3.25 Film: The Pledge (S) (2008). Western, starring Luke Perry. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Mary Berry Cooks, 8.30pm

The Agenda, 10.35pm

Shop Secrets: Tricks of … 8.30pm

The Gadget Show, 7pm

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6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 8/25. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Finn worries Sinead might be to blame for Katy’s declining health.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Bianca has a disastrous first day back at school. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

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7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Alex Jones and Matt Baker. 7.30 Bang Goes the Theory (S,HD). The team explores the possible physical and mental effects of ageing. Followed by BBC News.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 26/30. 6.30 The Voice: Louder on Two (S,HD). 6/10. With the four contestants eliminated in Saturday’s semi-final. 7.00 Antiques Road Trip (R,S). 23&24/30. Thomas Plant takes a financial gamble and James Lewis talks to animals as they continue their trip around Scotland.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Belle is charged with murder. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Carla is desperate to tell Peter her news but cannot get him alone.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.30 Nigel Farage: Who Are You? (S). See Choices Above.

7.00 The Gadget Show (S,HD). The presenters use technology to take on sports stars at their own game. Followed by 5 News Update.

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6 7 8 9

The Michael McIntyre … 10.35pm

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). See Choices Above. 8.30 Panorama (S,HD). In-depth reports.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD). 36/37. The second semi-final. 8.30 Mary Berry Cooks (S,HD). 5/6. Recipes for a weekday supper.

8.00 I Never Knew That About Britain (S,HD). 5/8. The origins of the oil industry and London Stock Exchange. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Peter vows to stand by Carla – only to get another shock.

8.30 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade (S,HD). 3/8. How supermarket shoppers are drawn to products on the shelves.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD). Twenty officers descend on a hotel to arrest members of a gang, Jon and Maya raid a cannabis farm, and Sgt Carlin stops a man with a gun hidden in his vehicle. Last in the series. Followed by 5 News at 9.

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(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Silk (S,HD). 6/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Plantagenets (S,HD). 3/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Widower (S,HD). 3/3. DS Henry discovers Malcolm and Simone are planning a transatlantic trip and fears the killer could use this opportunity to murder his fiancee. Last in the series.

9.00 One Born Every Minute (S). 6/10. Specialist doctors try to save a newborn with serious medical complications, while a 20-year-old expectant mother races to the maternity ward before her baby arrives.

9.00 Conned, Fleeced and Left for Broke (S,HD). The stories of three people who were defrauded by close friends, including a woman who was persuaded to put £320,000 into a bogus investment fund.

▼

10.00 Rev (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 The Agenda (S,HD). 8/10. Tom Bradby and guests look to the week ahead.

10.00 Our Gay Wedding: The Musical (S). A chance to see one of the first same-sex weddings to take place in the UK – a musical ceremony featuring performances, messages and appearances by celebrity guests.

10.00 The Disappearance of Flight MH370 (R,S,HD). The fate of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, which was lost during its scheduled journey from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing on March 8.

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). 10.35 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show (S,HD). 4/6. With Gary Barlow, Bear Grylls and Nigella Lawson.

11.20 Regional Programme (S). 11.50 Regional Programme (R,S,HD).

11.15 Weather (S). 11.20 Louis Theroux’s LA Stories (R,S,HD). 2/3. Louis explores the American attitude to death at Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre.

11.10 Inside Death Row with Trevor McDonald (R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. The broadcaster meets inmates of Indiana State Prison.

11.05 Gogglebox (R,S). 4/12. Viewers’ thoughts on recent TV.

11.00 Blood Work (S,HD) (2002). See Choices Above. ●●

12.35 Weatherview (S). 12.40 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Viking Art: A Culture Show Special (R,S). 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly (S,HD). 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 4.10 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.10 Random Acts (S). 12.15 Film: Little Children (S,HD) (2006). See Choices Above. ●●● 2.30 Hostages (R,S,HD). 3.15 The Good Wife (R,S,HD). 4.05 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (R,S,HD). 4.10 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). Spring-cleaning tips for students. 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show.

1.10 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.05 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild (R,S,HD). People who have moved to remote locations. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). A 200-year-old cottage in the Cotswolds. 4.25 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). Life-enhancing changes to a home. 5.10 Nick’s Quest (R,S). 5.35 Nick’s Quest (R,S).

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after

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ITV2 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

Cam is determined to lead the Dolphins to victory in a big football game, showing no mercy to the opposition despite the fact they are playing with an unexpected disadvantage. Off the field, Phil tries to teach his kids about optimism, but nothing seems to be going his way.

E4 10.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 4.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Sky1 6.00 UK Border Force (R,S,HD). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

MODERN FAMILY 9pm, Sky1

REV 10pm, BBC2

Adam is put on the spot when two gay friends ask him to marry them, and signs up for a course in the hope of rescuing St Saviour’s from the axe. Tom Hollander and Olivia Colman star.

BLOOD WORK 11pm, Channel 5

LITTLE CHILDREN 12.15am, Channel 4

A former FBI agent recovering from a heart transplant tracks down his organ donor’s killer. Thriller, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood and Jeff Daniels.

GOLD 9.10 As Time Goes By (S). 9.50 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.30 One Foot in the Grave (S). 11.10 Waiting for God (S). 11.50 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 1.10 To the Manor Born (S). 1.50 The Green Green Grass (S). 2.30 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Two parents in unhappy marriages seek solace in an affair, while a paroled sex offender inspires paranoia in their community. Drama, with Kate Winslet.

Sky Sports 1 10.30 Football Gold (S). 11.00 Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Final (HD). 12.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 12.30 Football Gold (S). 12.45 Football League Gold (S,HD). 1.00 Football Special (HD). 2.30 Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Final (HD). 3.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 4.00 Game Changers (HD). 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).

American Pie … 10pm

Revenge, 9pm

Modern Family, 9pm

Harry Hill’s TV Burp, 8pm

Live Football, 7pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9/30. A woman from Bristol takes part in the dating show.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 2/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 15/22. Homer becomes a missionary.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 2/10. Rumours abound of ghosts in nearby woodland.

6.00 FL72 Review. A roundup of recent matches.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 3/18. DIY disasters and parachute problems. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 8/18.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Sinead rushes to reach baby Katy at the hospital. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 15/22.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 2/22. The town’s graveyard is moved. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 20/22. Lisa tries to become a dancer.

7.00 Bring Me Morecambe & Wise (S). 3/5. A compilation of the comedy duo’s sketches.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 10/22. Charlie tries to broach the subject of a pre-nuptial agreement. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 11/22. Jake cheats on his girlfriend.

8.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 11/22. Peralta is put in charge of Holt’s security after he receives death threats. 8.30 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 8/24. Caroline and Max go to a new restaurant.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 17/22. Guest starring Richard Dean Anderson. 8.30 Modern Family (S,HD). 8/24. Phil breaks into Jay’s secret room.

8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 1/13. Comic view of television. 8.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 2/13. A dog fights a ghost.

7.00 Live Monday Night Football (HD). Sunderland v West Ham United (Kick-off 8.00pm). Coverage of the Premier League match at the Stadium of Light, as the hosts look to ease their relegation worries.

9.00 Modern Family (S,HD). 9/24. See Choices Above. 9.30 About a Boy (S,HD). 1/13. New series. Comedy based on the film of the same name.

9.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S). 4/7. More of the duo’s favourite moments, including the Mastermind sketch and more of the Phantom Raspberry Blower’s nefarious deeds.

9.00 Mom (S,HD). 16/22. 9.00 Revenge (S,HD). 13/22. Christy becomes As the tension builds attracted to a man who between herself and spends all his time Daniel, Emily makes it partying. clear that she is not giving up – but her 9.30 Mom (R,S,HD). 6/22. current instability is Christy takes things threatening to thwart slowly in her relationship her plans. with Adam.

10.00 Stella (R,S,HD). 10/10. 10.00 American Pie Presents 10.00 My Mad Fat Diary The nurse is dealt Band Camp (S,HD) (S,HD). 7/7. Part two of another blow when (2005). A teenager with two. A crisis with Chloe Michael decides to get dreams of directing leads Rae in a dark place back with Jan. Karl porn films is packed off without the help of her returns for the wedding to a summer band camp, friends, and having – and is none too where he causes even alienated everyone, Rae pleased to hear about more mischief. Comedy, has to sort out her Emma and Marcus. Last starring Eugene Levy. problems. Last in the in the series. Including FYI Daily. ●● series.

12.10 Life and Death Row (R,HD). 1.10 Kris: Dying to Live (R,HD). 2.05 Impractical Jokers (R,HD). 2.35 Fuzzbox (R,HD). 3.00 Life and Death Row (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD). 8.00 Hidden Killers of the Victorian Home (R,HD). 9.00 Mission to Mars: A Horizon Special (R,HD). 10.00 Storyville: Which Way Is the Front Line from Here? (HD). A profile of British war photographer and film-maker Tim Hetherington. 11.15 Fossil Wonderlands: Nature’s Hidden Treasures (R,HD). 12.15 The Walshes (R,HD). 12.45 Brushing Up On – Street Furniture (R). 1.15 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD). 1.45 Mission to Mars: A Horizon Special (R,HD). 2.45 Hidden Killers of the Victorian Home (R).

March

10.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 3/8. Del becomes a showbiz entrepreneur after discovering a sensational Tom Jonesstyle singer – but it turns out the artist is not all he is cracked up to be. David Jason stars.

11.10 Men Behaving Badly 11.00 How I Met Your 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 11.00 FL72 Review. A round(S). 2/6. Gary’s wedding Mother (R,S,HD). 6/24. (R,S,HD). 13/24. A vehicle up of recent matches. day arrives. Robin realises Nick is not transporting Jada very clever. Khaled is ambushed. 11.50 Early Doors (S). 6/6. Mel celebrates her 21st 11.30 How I Met Your birthday. Mother (R,S,HD). 14/22.

12.25 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Jake cheats on his girlfriend. 12.55 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.20 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 2.25 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 Revenge (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.20 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 2.45 Being Erica (R,S,HD). 3.30 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 4.20 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). A family crisis results in Betty being torn between work and home.

12.30 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina and Patsy fall out. 1.10 Men Behaving Badly (S). Gary’s wedding day arrives. 1.40 Early Doors (S). Mel celebrates her 21st birthday. 2.10 The Black Adder (S). Edmund plans to steal the throne. 3.00 Close

7.00 The Women’s Football Show (S,HD). 7.30 Would I Lie to You? The Unseen Bits (R,S,HD). 8.00 Junior Paramedics (R,S,HD). A teenager is trapped under a car. 9.00 Life and Death Row (S,HD). Students take on so-called “crisis cases”. Last in the series. 10.00 Growing Up Down’s (R,S,HD). Documentary following a group of young actors with Down’s syndrome. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 Family Guy (R,S).

MONDAY

11.55 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 10/22. Charlie tries to broach the subject of a pre-nuptial agreement.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). A diplomatic service van is hijacked. 1.00 An Idiot Abroad 3 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD). 5.00 Football’s Funniest Moments (R). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

BBC3

12.00 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). Highlights of Saturday’s show. 1.30 Monday Night Football (HD). Sunderland v West Ham United. 4.00 FL72 Review. A round-up of recent matches. 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). Highlights of Saturday’s show.

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TV PICKS

NEW WORLDS 9pm, Channel 4

Drama set in the 1680s, following four young idealists who commit their lives to a fairer future. The people of Hadley, Massachusetts, are attacked by Native Americans.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom (S,HD). 11.45 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 More Creatures Great and Small (S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE MENTALIST 9pm, Channel 5

Jane and Fischer head out to a small town in Texas to investigate the mysterious death of an anti-fracking protester. Meanwhile, Rigsby and Van Pelt travel to state capital Austin to look into a recent string of attacks on former CBI members that bear an uncanny resemblance to the methods of Red John.

BBC2

6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom (R,S,HD). 7.50 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S,HD). 1.00 The Super League Show (S). 1.45 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 2.30 Cash in the Attic (R,S). 3.00 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.45 Himalaya with Michael Palin (R,S). 4.45 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S,HD). 5.55 Party Political Broadcast (S,HD).

GEORGE MICHAEL AT THE PALAIS GARNIER, PARIS 10.35pm, BBC1

The singer recorded in 2012 at the French opera house for his live album Symphonica, with behindthe-scenes footage of George rehearsing.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective, with guest Zoe Ball. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

THE NIGHTMARE NEIGHBOUR NEXT DOOR 8pm, Channel 5

Documentary using eyewitness testimony and footage from camcorders, CCTV and phones to examine traumatic, shocking, humorous and occasionally bizarre experiences of people who have become involved in disputes with neighbours.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss Canada (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 12.10 Film: The Cowboys (S,HD) (1972). See Choices Above. ●●● 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). Alex Polizzi visits the Waterhall Country Hotel, Crawley. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.20 Film: Another Man’s Wife (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. Thriller, starring Rena Sofer. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Belle is released on bail. 7.30 Live UEFA Champions League (S,HD). Manchester United v Bayern Munich (Kickoff 7.45pm). Coverage of the quarter-final first-leg clash at Old Trafford, where the Red Devils welcome the reigning champions.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun (R,S,HD). The airport’s radar is turned off for maintenance and duty manager Daniel Acris has to deal with the fallout. Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 Kirstie’s Best of Both Worlds (S,HD). 6/7. Kirstie Allsopp searches for a property in the south of France and meets a couple who want to balance their busy careers in London with a more tranquil home life outside the city.

8.00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 New Worlds (S). 1/4. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Mentalist (S,HD). 14/22. See Choices Above.

▼

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Oscar attempts to bring Evelyn and Denny closer together. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

▼

The Mentalist, 9pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 9/25. Sideshow Bob escapes from jail. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Sinead rushes to reach baby Katy at the hospital.

▼

Kirstie’s Best of Both Worlds, 8pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.25 Party Political Broadcast (R,S,HD). By the Labour Party. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 25/52. Jonny and Bonnie’s big day arrives, but when the groom is forced into theatre with Jac, he begins to have doubts. Zosia struggles to cope on the anniversary of her mother’s death.

8.00 The Great British Sewing Bee (S,HD). 7/8. The four semifinalists face three tasks without the aid of patterns, having to fit a dress to a mannequin, add sleeves to a gown and make a copy of a favourite item of clothing.

9.00 Shetland (S,HD). 4/6. Part two of two. Perez suspects the two deaths are linked, a theory backed up by the forensic investigator. Then further evidence arrives from an unexpected source.

9.00 Horizon: Living with Autism (S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 George Michael at the Palais Garnier, Paris (S,HD). See Choices Above.

10.00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme (R,S,HD). 4/6. With Dr Christian Jessen and Game of Thrones stars John Bradley, Finn Jones and Kristian Nairn. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time (S,HD). Highlights from the opening two quarterfinal first-leg matches, which were Manchester United v Bayern Munich and Barcelona v Atletico Madrid.

10.10 8 Out of 10 Cats (S). 7/9. With Adam Hills, Phil Spencer and Henning Wehn. 10.55 Alan Carr: Chatty Man (R,S). 1/15. The host returns for another slice of light-hearted chat, comic features and music, with guests musician Gary Barlow, comedian Ricky Gervais and actress Jessica Hynes.

10.00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (S,HD). 9/24. A woman claims to have been raped by a fellow student, but the accusation is difficult to prove as there is neither clear evidence nor witnesses.

▼

11.35 Skin (S) (2008). Fact-based racial drama, starring Sophie Okonedo. ●●●

11.20 Border Country: The Story of Britain’s Lost Middleland (R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. The impact and legacy of the building of Hadrian’s Wall.

11.35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S). The zoo’s first alligator babies hatch.

11.55 Random Acts (S). A short film about snooping on internet search terms.

11.00 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 14/20. The owner of an Italian restaurant is found dead in a freezer.

1.20 Weatherview (S). 1.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Royal Cousins at War (R,S). 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD). 4.00 Schools – Acting Around Words (R,S,HD). 4.30 Arena: National at 50 (S,HD). 5.00 Schools – History Hunt (R,S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Loose Women (R,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective, with guest Zoe Ball. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.00 Poker (S). The Pokerstars.com EPT Super High Roller event in London. 1.05 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). 1.30 Trans World Sport (R,S). Featuring a profile of former American diver Greg Louganis. 2.25 The Grid (R,S). 2.50 Arenacross (R,S,HD). 3.15 Mark Webber Tasmania Challenge (R,S). 4.10 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). A corpse is found in the boot of a car. 12.55 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.05 Killing Spree: Suffolk Strangler (R,S,HD). 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.25 House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.10 Nick’s Quest (R,S). 5.35 Nick’s Quest (R,S).

▼

after

Emmerdale, 7pm

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 27/30. Spin-off from the popular quiz. 6.30 The Voice: Louder on Two (S,HD). 7/10. Zoe Ball is joined by Will.i.am and his finalist. 7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S). 25&26/30. Thomas Plant and James Lewis complete their trek across Scotland.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Live chat and topical reports. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). The Carters are upset by Tina’s decision to bring Stan to the Vic. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

10 11

The Great British Sewing Bee, 8pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.55 Party Political Broadcast (R,S,HD). By the Labour Party.

▼

6 7 8 9

The One Show, 7pm

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Uhyjo :@4 :89<

Damon’s brother intervenes when his dangerous behaviour escalates, and Matt and Nadia have a heart-to-heart and seek help to protect Elena – but their discussions end in a violent confrontation. After the argument, Stefan comforts Caroline – but the pair uncover something horrific.

Developmental psychologist Uta Frith talks about her pioneering work on autism, revealing the ways people with the condition perceive and interact with the world.

ITV2 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

E4 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 10.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 4.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Sky1 6.00 UK Border Force (R,S,HD). 7.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES 9pm, ITV2

HORIZON: LIVING WITH AUTISM 9pm, BBC2

THE COWBOYS 12.10pm, Channel 4

AMERICAN PIE PRESENTS: THE NAKED MILE 10.50pm, ITV2

An ageing rancher finds himself short-handed for a 400-mile cattle drive, so reluctantly recruits a group of schoolboys for the job. Western, starring John Wayne.

GOLD 8.50 As Time Goes By (S). 9.30 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.10 One Foot in the Grave (S). 10.50 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? (S). 11.30 Waiting for God (S). 12.10 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 1.30 To the Manor Born (S). 2.10 The Green Green Grass (S). 2.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.30 As Time Goes By (S). 4.10 Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.50 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.30 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

A timid teenager attends a raucous college party. Comedy, starring John White, Steve Talley and Jake Siegel.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Monday Night Football (HD). Sunderland v West Ham United. 11.30 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 12.00 FL72 Review. A roundup of recent matches. 1.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 5.00 Premier League Review (HD). A look back at recent fixtures in the English Premier League.

The Vampire Diaries, 9pm

Bodyshockers ... 10.05pm

Disney’s Greatest ... 8pm

Men Behaving Badly, 11.10pm

Live UEFA ... 7pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 13/30. Mark from Middlesex chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 4/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 21/24. Sideshow Bob and Selma get engaged.

6.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). Highlights from La Liga.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Camcorder clips, including a flying dog. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 9/18. Kung-fu crotch kicks.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). The O’Connors receive devastating news. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 16/22.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 15/22. Homer gets a new wife. With the voice of Ricky Gervais. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 6/22.

6.10 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 4/10. 6.50 Only Fools and Horses (S). 3/8. Del becomes a showbiz entrepreneur after discovering a sensational Tom Jonesstyle singer - but it turns out the artist is not all he is cracked up to be. David Jason stars.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 12/22. Jake tries to win Celeste back. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 13/22. Charlie tries to get out of seeing Chelsea’s parents.

8.00 Star Trek: Insurrection (S,HD) (1998). Captain Picard uncovers a plot to take over a peaceful world and turns renegade to protect its inhabitants. Sci-fi adventure sequel, starring Patrick Stewart and F Murray Abraham. ●●●

8.00 Disney’s Greatest Moments (S). The 30 best moments from Disney movies, voted for by the public. Featuring contributions from Michael Sheen, Jonathan Ross, Jeremy Irons and Bruce Forsyth.

9.00 The Vampire Diaries (S,HD). 14/22. See Choices Above.

10.00 About a Boy (R,S,HD). 10.00 Celebrity Juice: The 10.05 Bodyshockers: My 1/13. Comedy based on Big Reunion Special Piercing Hell (R,S,HD). the film of the same (R,S,HD). 3/10. Featuring 2/4. Katie Piper meets a name. David Walton some of the music girl with a tattoo, stars. show’s stars. piercings and stretched earlobes who wants to 10.30 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 10.50 American Pie restore her natural look. 11/24. The discovery of a Presents: The Naked dead body bears the Mile (S,HD) (2006). See hallmarks of a Choices Above. ●● professional hit-job. 11.10 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 15/24. (R,S,HD). 10/24. Emotions run high for 11.40 The Big Bang Theory Deeks and Kensi during (R,S,HD). 16/24. Howard a tense operation. is torn between Bernadette and his mother. 12.55 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Jake tries to win Celeste back. 1.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Charlie tries to get out of seeing Chelsea’s parents. 1.45 The Vampire Diaries (R,S,HD). Stefan intervenes when his brother’s behaviour escalates. 2.30 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

12.10 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.40 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.05 Rude Tube: Total Fails (R,S,HD). 2.15 Bodyshockers: My Piercing Hell (R,S,HD). 3.05 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.30 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.50 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 4.40 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

12.30 The Smoke (R,S,HD). 1.30 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.20 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.10 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 4.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

8.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (S). 4/7. More of the duo’s favourite moments, including the Mastermind sketch and more of the Phantom Raspberry Blower.

7.00 Live UEFA Champions League (HD). Barcelona v Atletico Madrid (Kickoff 7.45pm). Coverage of the quarter-final first-leg match at the Nou Camp, where the La Liga teams meet for the fourth time this season.

9.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 3/13. Comic view of Casualty. 9.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 4/13. Comic view of the week’s small-screen highlights.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses 10.00 UEFA Champions (S). 4/8. Del is invited to a League Highlights school reunion at the (HD). Manchester United Nag’s Head organised by v Bayern Munich and old adversary Roy Slater Barcelona v Atletico (Jim Broadbent), who Madrid. Action from the has recently been opening two quarterreleased from prison. final first-leg matches, staged at Old Trafford and the Nou Camp. 11.10 Men Behaving Badly (S). 3/6. Deborah gets passionate with Tony. 11.50 The Young Ones (S). 1/6. First episode of the anarchic comedy.

11.00 Premier League Review (HD). A look back at recent fixtures in the English Premier League.

12.35 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Patsy and Edina experience rebirth. 1.10 Men Behaving Badly (S). Deborah gets passionate with Tony. 1.40 The Young Ones (S). First episode of the anarchic comedy. 2.15 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Patsy and Edina experience rebirth. 3.00 Close

12.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). 1.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 1.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 1.30 Football Asia (S). 2.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). 3.00 Premier League Review (HD). 4.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 5.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.30 Football Asia (S).

BBC3

7.00 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD). Ellie Taylor visits Cardiff. 7.30 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD). Ellie Taylor visits Liverpool. 8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). An eccentric groom plans his wedding. 9.00 Hair (S,HD). The three remaining stylists battle in the grand final. Last in the series. 10.00 Killer Magic (S,HD). Pilot of a challenge show in which five magicians compete. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.10 Hair (R,S,HD). 1.10 Killer Magic (R,S,HD). 1.40 Life and Death Row (R,S,HD). 2.40 C-Bomb (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hair (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD). 8.00 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD). 8.30 Weird Nature (R). Drug use in the animal kingdom. Last in the series. 9.00 Building Burma’s Death Railway: Moving Half the Mountain (HD). 10.00 The First World War (R). 10.50 Could We Survive a MegaTsunami? (R,HD). 11.50 Timeshift: Full Throttle – The Glory Days of British Motorbikes (R,HD). 12.50 Madness in the Desert: Paris to Dakar Rally (R). 1.50 Weird Nature (R). 2.20 Weird Nature (R). 2.50 Building Burma’s Death Railway: Moving Half the Mountain (R).

TUESDAY April 1 ��’� ��

Bristol Times �� ’� ��

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TV PICKS

MONKEY PLANET 9pm, BBC1

COLLECTAHOLICS 8pm, BBC2

George McGavin explores the world of primates, meeting an orang-utan that washes using soap and mandrills that wear warpaint.

Jamesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s obsession with Star Wars means that his three children have to climb over heaps of memorabilia just to get into their beds, so Mel Giedroyc and Mark Hill try to find a solution that would allow him to keep control of his collection while giving his wife and kids their home back.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Get Done, Get Dom (S,HD). 11.45 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 More Creatures Great and Small (S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

BBC2

7.45 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: Wanted Down Under (R,S). 9.00 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow (R,S). 10.00 Sign Zone: Food & Drink (R,S). 10.30 Animal Park (R,S). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 Daily Politics (S,HD). 1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45 Cash in the Attic (R,S). 2.30 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.15 Planet Earth (R,S,HD). 4.15 The Great British Bake Off (R,S,HD). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S,HD).

KIM PHILBY â&#x20AC;&#x201C; HIS MOST INTIMATE BETRAYAL 9pm, BBC2

Ben Macintyre examines the life and career of the Soviet double agent, arguing Philbyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s friendship with MI6 colleague Nicholas Elliott was crucial to his success.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). Finding a new home for a blue-eyed cat. 3.00 Dickinsonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

FIRST DATES 10pm, Channel 4

Bank manager Ross hopes it will be third time lucky as he plays icebreaker games with primary school teacher Sarah-Jayne. Beauty salon owner Kenny is confident he will impress Jess, while sales manager Yemiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s date looks promising with DJ Chelsea, who shares his love of music.

Channel 4

6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss Canada (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 River Cottage Bites (R,S,HD). 12.20 Film: The War Lord (S,HD) (1965). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Mystery Woman: Oh Baby (S) (2006). Drama, starring Kellie Martin. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Lauren is forced to re-evaluate her relationship with her mother.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Mum of the Year 2014 (R,S). Emma Willis presents highlights of the awards ceremony honouring courageous and inspirational women. Followed by 5 News Update.

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7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Val fears her secret is out. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Peter drinks to forget his problems.

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6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Denny prepares to leave the Bay. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

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NCIS, 9pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 10/25. Compilation, introduced by Troy McClure. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

8.00 MasterChef (S,HD). 4/24. Another six hopefuls are put to the test, preparing a plate of food that represents them and rustling up a dish from a choice of two surprise sets of ingredients.

8.00 Collectaholics (S,HD). 3/3. See Choices Above.

8.00 Big Starâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Little Star (S,HD). 2/8. Gary Lucy, Kaye Adams and Neil Fox are each joined by their daughters in the studio for an insight into their home lives and a chance to win ÂŁ15,000 for charity.

8.00 Secret Eaters (S). 4/8. In Birmingham, two sisters have their diets scrutinised in an attempt to explain their expanding midriffs, and lunchtime eating behaviour at a busy sales agency is also monitored.

8.00 Killing Spree: Terror in Paradise (S,HD). The events leading to Anders Behring Breivikâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s actions in July 2011 when he killed 69 people in a mass shooting. Followed by 5 News at 9.

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First Dates, 10pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

9.00 Monkey Planet (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 Kim Philby â&#x20AC;&#x201C; His Most Intimate Betrayal (S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Law & Order: UK (S,HD). 4/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 Dead Famous DNA (S,HD). 2/3. Scientist Mark Evans sets out to obtain genetic samples from some of historyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most important figures, hoping to extract DNA and shed new light on their lives.

9.00 NCIS (S,HD). 9/24. Gibbs teams up with TC Fornell after an attempt on the FBI agentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life and the pair encounter their mutual ex-wife Diane while investigating. With Joe Spano and Melinda McGraw.

â&#x2013;ź

Big Starâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Little Star, 8pm

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 28/30. Spin-off from the popular quiz. 6.30 The Voice: Louder on Two (S,HD). 8/10. Zoe Ball is joined by Tom Jones and his finalist. 7.00 The European Union: In or Out? (S). David Dimbleby chairs a debate between Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg and UKIP leader Nigel Farage.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Matt Baker and Alex Jones present the live magazine show. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 The Popeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Revolution â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Panorama (S,HD). See Choices Above.

10.00 W1A (S,HD). 3/4. Ianâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s salary comes under intense scrutiny in the press. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 The Holiday (S,HD) (2006). See Choices Above. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?

10.00 First Dates (S). 8/8. See Choices Above.

10.00 Castle (S,HD). 15/24. One of Castleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s schoolmates is suspected of murder when his wife is found dead, and the author digs up evidence from the past to try to convince Beckett his friend is innocent.

11.15 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show (R,S,HD). 4/6. With Gary Barlow, Bear Grylls and Nigella Lawson.

11.15 Weather (S). 11.20 Horizon: Living with Autism (R,S,HD). The pioneering work of developmental psychologist Uta Frith.

11.00 Embarrassing Bodies Down Under (S,HD). 3/8. Addressing menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s health issues in Melbourne.

11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S,HD). 4/22. The body of a famous music historian is found stuffed inside a piano.

12.00 Blandings (R,S,HD). Connie plans to marry Freddie off to Sir Gregoryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s niece. Last in the series. 12.30 Weatherview (S). 12.35 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Horizon: How You Really Make Decisions (R,S). 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD).

12.00 Random Acts (S). 12.05 Music on 4: Music Nation (S). 12.35 Film: I Killed My Mother (S) (2009). Drama, directed by and starring Xavier Dolan. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 2.20 Film: Paper Moon (S) (1973). Drama, starring Ryan and Tatum Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Neal. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 4.10 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). The Oak family from Nottingham takes on the challenge. 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (R,S,HD). The team investigates the abduction of two girls. 12.55 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.05 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief (R,S,HD). 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.25 House Doctor (R,S). 4.50 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

10 11

W1A, 10pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

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6 7 8 9

MasterChef, 8pm

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after

1.00 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

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ITV2

Panorama examines Pope Francis’s shake-up of the Catholic Church. A year after he was elected following his predecessor’s resignation, Jane Corbin travels to his homeland of Argentina to find out what drives him and whether he is raising expectations by promising reforms that some will not allow him to carry out.

FILM PICKS

THE POPE’S REVOLUTION – PANORAMA 10.35pm, BBC1

LAW & ORDER: UK 9pm, ITV

The hunt for the killer of a seemingly innocent family man brings Ronnie into contact with his old boss, former DI Natalie Chandler, whose father is accused of the crime.

THE HOLIDAY 10.35pm, ITV

THE WAR LORD 12.20pm, Channel 4

Two single women from opposite sides of the Atlantic each find love after they swap houses over Christmas. Romantic comedy, starring Cameron Diaz.

GOLD 10.10 One Foot in the Grave (S). 10.50 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? (S). 11.30 Waiting for God (S). 12.10 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 1.30 To the Manor Born (S). 2.10 The Green Green Grass (S). 2.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.30 As Time Goes By (S). 4.10 Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.50 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.30 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

An 11th-century Norman knight takes another man’s wife, leading to a potential civil war. Medieval drama, with Charlton Heston.

Sky Sports 1

10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Cutest Moments Ever (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

10.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 4.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm

The Tomorrow People, 9pm

Duck Quacks … 10.30pm

Morecambe & Wise, 9pm

What’s the Story?, 10pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 12/30. A man from London takes part in the dating show.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 6/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 6/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 10/22.

6.00 Boots ’n’ All (HD). Super League review.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Featuring fights between cats and dogs. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Bridesmaids who run riot.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Peri decides to live her life to the full. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 17/22.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 14/22. Charlie and Evelyn hire an attorney for Alan. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 15/22. Charlie questions Chelsea’s friendship with Brad.

8.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 8/24. The conflict between Robin and Loretta escalates. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 9/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 16/22. Homer suffers a bout of incontinence. 7.30 Live UEFA Champions League (HD). A quarterfinal first-leg match (Kick-off 7.45pm). Coverage of this key fixture in Europe’s premier club competition.

6.10 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 6/10. Howard finds it difficult to hide his new bike from Pearl. 6.50 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4/8. Del is invited to a school reunion.

9.00 Party Wright Around the World (S,HD). 6/6. Mark Wright heads to the Australian surfing paradise of Byron Bay to hang out with 23 yearold hippy chick Anna while getting a taste of the beach bum lifestyle. Last in the series.

9.00 The Tomorrow People (S,HD). 13/22. Upset with Jedikiah for not keeping his word and leaving him to face the Founder, Stephen makes a dangerous deal to bring in a powerful new break-out in a bid to protect Astrid.

8.00 Steptoe and Son (S). Harold makes plans to spend Christmas in Majorca – but does not tell Albert. Festive edition from 1973, starring Harry H Corbett and Wilfrid Brambell.

11.00 Premier League Review (HD). 12.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.00 Revista De La Liga (HD). 2.00 Football Asia (S). 2.30 Premier League Review (HD). 3.30 Spanish Football Gold (HD). 4.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 5.00 Football League Gold (S,HD). 5.45 Football Gold (HD).

7.00 Live UEFA Champions League (HD). A quarterfinal first-leg match (Kick-off 7.45pm). Coverage of this key fixture in Europe’s premier club competition.

9.00 Bring Me Morecambe & Wise (S). 4/5. Celebrating the comedy duo’s series of sketches based around plays that Ernie wrote. Plus, a look at the movies the duo appeared in and the actors who guest-starred on their show.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.00 Rude Tube: Total Fails 10.00 About a Boy (R,S,HD). 1/13. Comedy based on (S,HD). 12/12. Reality (R,S,HD). 2/8. Alex Zane the film of the same programme following a counts down 50 internet name. David Walton group of people in video hits in which the stars. Essex. Last in the series. subjects’ attempts to perform stunts or 10.30 Duck Quacks Don’t 10.50 The Big Reunion 2014 demonstrate skills end Echo (R,S,HD). 8/8. (R,S,HD). 8/8. The pop in disaster, including an Highlights of the bands step out on stage aspiring rapper who comedy panel game. in front of thousands of passes out. Last in the series. fans. Last in the series.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses 10.00 What’s the Story? (HD). (S). 5/8. Uncle Albert falls Sarah-Jane Mee presents victim to muggers, so a discussion show Del-Boy resolves to take focusing on recent sports the law into his own developments. hands. Comedy, starring David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst.

11.10 Men Behaving Badly 11.00 My Mad Fat Diary 11.30 NCIS: Los Angeles 11.00 Football Gold (S,HD). (S). 4/6. Tony is forced to (R,S,HD). 7/7. Part two of (R,S,HD). 16/24. Part one Liverpool v Arsenal from hide in a water tank. two. A crisis with Chloe of two. Kensi is a suspect the 1992/93 season. leads Rae to a dark in the murder of a 11.50 The Young Ones (S). 11.15 Football Gold (HD). place. Last in the series. marine sergeant. 2/6. The guys strike oil in 11.30 Football Gold (S,HD). their basement. 11.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.45 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.15 Party Wright Around the World (R,S,HD). Mark Wright heads to Byron Bay, Australia. Last in the series. 2.05 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). 2.30 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

12.10 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 12.40 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 1.15 The IT Crowd (R,S). 1.50 The IT Crowd (R,S). 2.15 Rude Tube 2012 (R,S,HD). 3.05 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.30 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 3.55 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 4.45 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

12.30 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 About a Boy (R,S,HD). 1.30 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.20 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.10 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 4.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

12.35 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina appears on daytime TV. 1.10 Men Behaving Badly (S). Tony is forced to hide in a water tank. 1.40 The Young Ones (S). The guys strike oil in their basement. 2.15 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina appears on daytime TV. 3.00 Close

12.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 2.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 2.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 2.30 Football Gold (HD). 2.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 3.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 4.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 5.00 Football Gold (HD).

BBC3

BBC4

7.00 Total Wipeout (R,S). The top three contestants from each previous show return for the final. 8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A space enthusiast plans the wedding for his fiancee. 9.00 Invasion of the Job Snatchers (S,HD). New series. Trainees learn what is expected of them in the workplace. 10.00 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 10.30 Impractical Jokers (S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 11.50 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD). 8.00 African Railway (R). Sean Langan rides along East Africa’s Tazara railroad. 9.00 Versailles: The Dream of a King (R,HD). Docu-drama re-creating the life and loves of Louis XIV. 10.00 David Attenborough’s First Life (R,HD). 11.00 Parks and Recreation (HD). 11.20 Parks and Recreation (HD). 11.40 The Walshes (R,HD).

12.10 Invasion of the Job Snatchers (R,S). 1.10 Impractical Jokers (R,S,HD). 1.40 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 2.10 Hair (R,S,HD). 3.10 The Cariad Show (R,S,HD). 3.30 Pramface (R,S).

12.15 Shipwrecks: Britain’s Sunken History (R,HD). 1.15 Great British Railway Journeys (R,HD). 1.45 African Railway (R). 2.45 Versailles: The Dream of a King (R).

WEDNESDAY April 2 ��’� ��

Business

Week �

�� ’� ��

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Uhyjo :@4 :89<

TV PICKS

PERSON OF INTEREST 10pm, Channel 5

15,000 KIDS AND COUNTING 9pm, Channel 4

Documentary following the adoption process, meeting social workers, foster carers, birth parents and adoptive parents as tough decisions are made about the future of some of Britainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most vulnerable children. The first edition hears from those whose job it is to remove youngsters from their homes.

Carter struggles to dispose of the DNA evidence. Meanwhile, Finch goes undercover as a teacher at a Brooklyn high school.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Get Done, Get Dom (S,HD). 11.45 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 More Creatures Great and Small (S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

BBC2

6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Get Done, Get Dom (R,S,HD). 7.50 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S,HD). 1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45 Cash in the Attic (R,S). 2.30 Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.15 Planet Earth (R,S,HD). 4.15 The Great British Bake Off (R,S,HD). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S,HD).

SPRINGâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SUPERMARKET SECRETS 9pm, BBC1

Gregg Wallace finds out how retailers manage in spring, including what it takes to provide millions of eggs for Pancake Day and the technology behind Easter chocolate.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With The Voice UK judge Ricky Wilson. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). A woman hopes to rehome her African grey parrot. 3.00 Dickinsonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

ITâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;LL BE ALRIGHT ON THE NIGHT 9pm, ITV

Griff Rhys Jones presents a collection of outtakes featuring stars including Ant and Dec, This Morningâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield, Harry Hill and Bradley Walsh. Also rescued from the cutting-room floor are unscripted moments from Doc Martin, Celebrity Juice and Come Dine with Me.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.00 The Morning Line (S,HD). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss Canada (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 River Cottage Veg Heroes (R,S,HD). 12.35 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 1.35 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief (R,S,HD). Advice for a north London charity shop and a Glasgow off-licence. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: NYC: Tornado Terror (S) (2008). Disaster thriller, starring Nicole de Boer. â&#x2014;?â&#x2014;? 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

The Voice: Louder on Two, 6.30pm

Edge of Heaven, 10.35pm

How to Win the Grand â&#x20AC;Ś 11.05pm

Hercules the Human Bear, 9pm

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6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 11/25. Bart is caught shoplifting. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Peri decides to live her life to the full.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Roo tries to persuade Spencer and Maddy to forgive Harvey. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

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7.00 The One Show (S,HD). 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Mick suspects someone has been trespassing in Stanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s empty flat. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 29/30. Spin-off from the popular quiz. 6.30 The Voice: Louder on Two (S,HD). 9/10. Zoe Ball is joined by Ricky Wilson and his finalist. 7.00 Antiques Road Trip (S). 27&28/30. Charlie Ross and Catherine Southon search the south of England for antiques to sell at auctions in Wareham, Dorset.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Debbie is arrested for assault. 7.30 Looking After Mum & Dad: Tonight (S,HD). Julie Etchingham reports on the cost of elderly care.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). A stick of dynamite is brought into Carlisleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s main police station. Followed by 5 News Update.

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6 7 8 9

MasterChef, 8pm

8.00 MasterChef (S,HD). 5/24. Six more amateur cooks compete for a place in tomorrowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s quarter-final, preparing a plate of food that represents who they are and rustling up a surprise dish in the Invention Test.

8.00 Natureâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Weirdest Events (R,S,HD). 1/3. Chris Packham investigates peculiar natural events, including dogs commuting on the Moscow metro and sharks living in a lake at a golf course in Australia.

8.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Pete pays Debbieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s client a threatening visit. 8.30 Ade at Sea (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Hoarder Next Door (S). 5/10. A retired man proves a challenge for psychotherapist Stelios Kiosses in Milton Keynes, while a woman in Uppingham, Rutland, tackles the clutter in her threebedroom cottage.

8.00 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief (S,HD). Richard Taylor and Will Davies show staff at a London music shop and a Bedfordshire garden centre ways to deter the thieves who are reducing their profits. Followed by 5 News at 9.

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9.00 Springâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Supermarket Secrets (S,HD). 4/4. See Choices Above.

9.00 Kim Philby â&#x20AC;&#x201C; His Most Intimate Betrayal (S). 2/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll Be Alright on the Night (R,S). See Choices Above.

9.00 15,000 Kids and Counting (S). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 Hercules the Human Bear (S,HD). The story of Andy and Maggie Robinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 25-year relationship with a grizzly bear they bought as a cub from an Aviemore zoo, and which went on to become a star of TV and films.

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10.00 Mock the Week Looks Back at Law and Order (R,S). 5/10. A selection from the showâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s archives on the theme of law and order. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 Edge of Heaven (R,S,HD). 6/6. Alfie contemplates how to reveal his infidelity to Michelle without destroying their relationship â&#x20AC;&#x201C; but Donkey and Spanner urge him to keep it secret. Last in the series.

10.00 Jockey School (S,HD). Three teenagers with troubled backgrounds undertake an intensive 10-week course at the Northern Racing College near Doncaster, one of the toughest jockey schools in Britain.

10.00 Person of Interest (S,HD). 11/22. See Choices Above.

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10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). 10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 27/38. Business Secretary Vince Cable is among the panellists facing questions from the audience in Bristol.

11.35 This Week (S). The past seven days in politics.

11.20 Who Murdered Maxine? (S). A campaign to find those responsible for the 1974 Birmingham pub bombings. 11.50 Sign Zone: Panorama (R,S). In-depth reports.

11.40 Regional Programme (S).

11.05 How to Win the Grand National (R,S,HD). Mark Evans explores what it takes to claim victory in the horse race.

11.00 CSI: NY (R,S,HD). 8/17. An elite prep school student is found dead in the library.

12.20 Skiing Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.25 This Is BBC Two. Preview of upcoming programmes. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD). 4.00 Nowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Hour (S,HD). Teenagers look ahead to the Scottish independence referendum. 5.00 Schools â&#x20AC;&#x201C; You Too Can Be an Absolute Genius (R,S,HD). Fran Scott meets young inventors. 5.30 Fazerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Urban Takeover (R,S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Looking After Mum & Dad: Tonight (R,S,HD). Julie Etchingham reports on the cost of elderly care. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

12.10 One Born Every Minute (R,S). 1.05 Three Wives, One Husband (R,S,HD). 2.00 Random Acts (S). 2.05 First Dates (R,S). 3.00 Katie: My Beautiful Friends (R,S). 3.55 Nigel Farage: Who Are You? (R,S). 4.50 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 5.20 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade (R,S,HD). 5.50 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.05 Mysteries of the Bermuda Triangle (R,S,HD). An analysis of stories linked to the region in the north Atlantic. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). Highlights of the series. 4.25 House Doctor (R,S). How to make small rooms appear bigger. 4.50 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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Adrian Edmondson sails along the north-west coast of England and down the Mersey to Liverpool, starting his journey at Eastham, where the Manchester Ship Canal connects with the river

ITV2 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

Author Ben Macintyre concludes his examination of the life of the Soviet double agent. As the net begins to close on Philby, he is summoned back to London from Washington and faces interrogation on suspicion of being a spy.

Sky1 6.00 UK Border Force (R,S,HD). 7.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD). The overhaul of Gatwick Airport. 3.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

Satellite Picks

KIM PHILBY – HIS MOST INTIMATE BETRAYAL 9pm, BBC2

ADE AT SEA 8.30pm, ITV

THE SMOKE 9pm, Sky1

CELEBRITY JUICE 10pm, ITV2

A flammable tanker overturns on one of London’s busiest roads, and Kev faces a race against time to prevent a potentially devastating explosion.

Comedy quiz hosted by Keith Lemon, with Sam Bailey, Alex Brooker and Tom Daley joining captains Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 10.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 11.00 PL 100 Club (S,HD). 12.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 1.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 2.00 Premier League Years (S,HD). 4.00 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). 5.00 FL72 Preview.

Tricked: Favourite ... 9pm

How I Met Your ... 7.30pm

Arrow, 8pm

You, Me & Them, 8pm

Live Premier League ... 7pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 25/30. Londoner Luan chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 7/24. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 8/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 8/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 11/22. Lisa creates a social network.

6.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Camcorder calamities. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 20/23. Featuring animals behaving badly.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). The Roscoes mark Joe’s 30th birthday. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 18/22.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 22/22. With the guest voice of Lady Gaga. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 5/24. Homer prevents a nuclear meltdown.

6.10 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 8/10. Smiler takes up dancing to impress a woman. 6.50 Only Fools and Horses (S). 5/8. Uncle Albert falls victim to muggers, so Del-Boy resolves to take the law into his own hands. Comedy, starring David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 16/22. Charlie returns from Vegas with a new wife. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 17/22. Charlie and Chelsea have a onenight stand.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (S,HD). 10/24. Sheldon is bothered by the attention following a scientific discovery. 8.30 How I Met Your Mother (S,HD). 9/24.

8.00 Arrow (S,HD). 16/23. Diggle agrees to help Amanda Waller track down a deadly warlord he once crossed paths with – but regrets that pledge when he meets the rest of the team.

8.00 You, Me & Them (S). 4/6. Ed and Lauren attend a funeral. 8.40 Outnumbered (S). 5/7. Sue and Pete go out for a meal together.

9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 9.00 Tricked: Favourite (S,HD). 12/22. Peralta Tricks (R,S,HD). Magician tries to make a deal with Ben Hanlin looks back at a suspect to catch a car highlights from the thief. series, including his pranks on the public and 9.30 The Inbetweeners his most popular (R,S). 5/6. Will is left celebrity tricks. home alone.

9.00 The Smoke (S,HD). 7/8. See Choices Above.

9.20 Outnumbered (S). 7/7. The Brockmans have a restless night when a thunderstorm breaks over the house – and in the morning a policeman comes knocking at the door.

7.00 Live Premier League Darts (HD). Coverage of round nine from the Motorpoint Arena in Cardiff, where matches include Adrian Lewis v Raymond van Barneveld.

10.00 Celebrity Juice (S,HD). 10.00 The IT Crowd (R,S). 5/6. 10.00 Revolution (R,S,HD). 14/20. Monroe and 4/10. See Choices Above. Jen tries to escape Bill Connor find themselves Crouse’s amorous 10.50 Dads (S,HD). 9/19. Eli at Gould’s mercy advances. attempts protect his following their comic-book collection. 10.35 The IT Crowd (R,S). 6/6. disastrous heist, and Moss and Roy display things deteriorate curious symptoms. further when the casino boss organises a brawl between them.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses 10.30 FL72 Preview. A look (S). 6/8. Rodney and ahead to the latest Albert worry the flat will round of fixtures in the get overcrowded once Championship, League Raquel and Del’s baby One and League Two. arrives. Starring David Jason.

11.10 Rude Tube 2012 11.20 Mom (R,S,HD). 16/22. (R,S,HD). 3/6. Internet Christy becomes videos showcasing attracted to a man. unusual talents. 11.45 Mom (R,S,HD). 6/22. Christy takes things slowly in her relationship with Adam.

11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 18/24. A man is gunned down outside the Vietnamese Consulate.

11.10 Men Behaving Badly (S). 5/6. Dorothy’s nephew comes to stay. 11.50 The Young Ones (S). 3/6. Guest starring Madness.

11.30 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine.

12.15 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.45 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.10 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). A Navy intelligence officer is murdered. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 4.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

12.35 You, Me & Them (S). Ed and Lauren attend a funeral. 1.10 Outnumbered (S). Sue and Pete go out for a meal together. 1.40 Men Behaving Badly (S). Dorothy’s nephew comes to stay. 2.10 The Young Ones (S). Guest starring Madness. 3.00 Close

12.30 Sporting Greats (S). A look back at the career of Sugar Ray Robinson. 1.00 Premier League Darts (HD). Round nine at the Motorpoint Arena in Cardiff. 4.30 FL72 Preview. A look ahead to the latest round of fixtures. 5.30 Spanish Football Gold. 5.45 Spanish Football Gold.

12.15 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 12.45 Revenge (R,S,HD). 1.45 My Mad Fat Diary (R,S,HD). 2.40 Fresh Meat (R,S,HD). 3.25 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.45 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 4.35 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). Fashion week causes problems for the staff at Mode.

BBC3

7.00 Top Gear (R,S,HD). Testdriving cars in Romania. 8.00 Hair (R,S,HD). The three remaining stylists battle in the grand final. Last in the series. 9.00 Junior Paramedics (S,HD). The student paramedics must impress as they complete their final shifts. 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). Brian and Stewie set out to get revenge against Santa. 11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Killer Magic (R,S,HD). 1.00 Junior Paramedics (R,S,HD). 2.00 Invasion of the Job Snatchers (R,S). 3.00 Junior Paramedics (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. 7.30 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 8.00 Sounds of the 70s 2 Rock ’n’ Roll Revisited – Get It On (R). 8.30 Brushing Up On – British Schools. 9.00 Alexander Armstrong’s Real Ripping Yarns. 10.00 Ripping Yarns (R). 10.30 Some Irish People with Jokes (HD). 11.00 Building Burma’s Death Railway: Moving Half the Mountain (R,HD). 12.00 The Poet Who Loved the War: Ivor Gurney (R). 1.00 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 1.40 Some Irish People with Jokes (R,HD). 2.10 Sounds of the 70s 2 Rock ’n’ Roll Revisited – Get It On (R). 2.40 Alexander Armstrong’s Real Ripping Yarns (R).

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TV PICKS

MARTIN CLUNES & A LION CALLED MUGIE 9pm, ITV

THE VOICE: LOUDER ON TWO 6.30pm, BBC2

The actor heads to Kenya to meet wildlife conservationist Tony Fitzjohn at the Kora National Reserve.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom (S,HD). 11.45 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 More Creatures Great and Small (S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

In an hour-long edition, Zoe Ball is joined by mentor Kylie Minogue and her remaining act to talk about their experiences in the series so far and reveal their plans for the final. Zoe is then joined by remaining mentors Tom Jones, Ricky Wilson, Will.i.am and their finalists, as well as presenters Emma Willis and Marvin Humes.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom (R,S,HD). 7.45 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: Wanted Down Under (R,S). 9.00 Sign Zone: The Great Interior Design Challenge (R,S). 10.00 Sign Zone: Pound Shop Wars (R,S). 10.30 Live Davis Cup Tennis (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S,HD). 1.00 Live Davis Cup Tennis (S,HD). Italy v Great Britain. 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S,HD).

HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU 9pm, BBC1

ICE ROAD TRUCKERS 8pm, Channel 5

New series. Jennifer Saunders hosts the current affairs quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop joined by panellists including Richard Osman.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet (S,HD). 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

The battle for the load-count title gets personal between Darrell Ward and Jack Jessee, while Austin Wheeler embarks on his first solo heavy-haul mission as he takes a new snowplough up the Dalton. Alex Debogorski transports a trailer of tungsten ore worth around $1million.

Channel 4

6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.00 The Morning Line (S,HD). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss Canada (R,S,HD). 11.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 River Cottage Veg Heroes (R,S,HD). 12.35 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 1.35 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). 4.30 Four in a Bed (S). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Conned, Fleeced and Left for Broke (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Finding a Family (S,HD) (2011). Fact-based drama, starring Jared Abrahamson. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

7.00 Channel 4 News (S). 7.30 A Very British Mission (S). Ade Adepitan explores the rise of Pentecostal West African churches in the UK.

7.00 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). The presenters use technology to take on sports stars at their own game. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Ian spoils Eric and Val’s romantic lunch. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Peter is horrified when he realises he has told Steve about his affair.

▼

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Heath gets an unexpected visitor. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

▼

Ice Road Truckers, 8pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 12/25. Homer forms a bowling team. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). The Roscoes mark Joe’s 30th birthday.

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Linda feels threatened by the opening of Sharon’s bar. 8.30 MasterChef (S,HD). 6/24. The quarter-finalists recreate John Torode’s chicken liver pate.

8.00 Mastermind (S,HD). 28/31. The fourth semi-final, with subjects including Black Sabbath and Adolf Hitler. 8.30 Gardeners’ World (S,HD). 5/31. Monty Don offers advice on ornamental grasses.

8.00 Student Nurses: Bedpans and Bandages (S,HD). 8/8. Helen faces challenging children. Last in the series. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Peter tells Tina he does not want any more children.

8.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (S,HD). 14/22. Coulson goes on the attack to save a gravely injured Skye by enlisting the aid of Ward’s former senior officer John Garrett – and uncovers some shocking truths in the process.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD, 8pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

9.00 Have I Got News for You (S,HD). 1/9. See Choices Above. 9.30 Outnumbered (R,S). 1/6. The family spends a day sightseeing in London.

9.00 A Very British Renaissance (S,HD). 3/3. Dr James Fox explores how the tension between European and British cultures contributed to England’s descent into civil war in the mid-17th century. Last in the series.

9.00 Martin Clunes & a Lion Called Mugie (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Gogglebox (S). 5/12. Capturing viewers’ instant reactions and lively discussions on what they are watching on TV from the comfort of their own sofas. Narrated by Caroline Aherne.

9.00 The Limbless Mountaineer (S,HD). Documentary following an attempt to climb the Matterhorn by quadruple amputee mountaineer Jamie Andrew, who lost his hands and feet to frostbite 15 years ago.

▼

Coronation Street, 7.30pm

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead (S,HD). 30/30. Spin-off from the popular quiz. Last in the series. 6.30 The Voice: Louder on Two (S,HD). 10/10. See Choices Above. 7.30 Antiques Road Trip (S). 11/20. Philip Serrell and Charles Hanson set off on a buying trip.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Chris Evans and Alex Jones. 7.30 A Question of Sport (R,S,HD). With Steve Harmison and Louise Hazel. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 BBC Regional News and Weather (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 The Graham Norton Show (S,HD). 1/13. See Choices Above.

10.00 The Trip to Italy (S,HD). 1/6. New series. Comedy, starring Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man (S). 2/15. Enrique Iglesias chats and performs his single I’m a Freak from his latest album, Will.i.am talks about the final of The Voice and Ruth Jones discusses her comedy drama Stella.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD). 6/24. A marine is thought to have killed himself after falling to his death from a rooftop bar, but Sam and Callen are brought in to re-evaluate the case after an appeal from his family.

11.25 Would I Lie to You? (R,S,HD). 7/9. With Greg Rutherford, Kirsty Young, Joanna Scanlan and Henning Wehn. 11.55 EastEnders (S,HD). Omnibus.

11.00 Weather (S). 11.05 Michael Clayton (S,HD) (2007). See Choices Above. ●●●●

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 ITV News West Country (S); Weather. 10.35 National Lampoon’s Animal House (S,HD) (1978). The members of a student fraternity face expulsion from college for their raucous antics, so mount a rebellion against the authorities. Comedy, with John Belushi and Tim Matheson. ●●●●

11.05 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S). 7/9. With Adam Hills, Phil Spencer and Henning Wehn. 11.55 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S,HD). 12/22. Peralta tries to make a deal with a suspect to catch a car thief.

11.00 Longmire (R,S,HD). 2/10. A murder leads the team to a Mennonite community.

1.45 Weatherview (S). 1.50 BBC News (S,HD).

1.00 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S). With Business Secretary Vince Cable. 2.00 Sign Zone: Davina: Beyond Breaking Point (R,S). The story of Davina McCall’s punishing Sport Relief challenge. 3.00 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.35 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service.

12.25 Random Acts (S). 12.30 Film: Coming to America (S,HD) (1988). See Choices Above. ●●● 2.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 2.55 Franklin & Bash (S,HD). 3.35 The Good Wife (R,S,HD). 4.25 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (R,S,HD). 4.40 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 5.05 River Cottage Bites (R,S,HD). 5.15 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.45 The Hoobs (R,S).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.05 On Benefits & Proud (R,S,HD). People living on benefits and not currently seeking employment. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). A Manchester loft apartment. 4.25 House Doctor (R,S). A cluttered property in the Cotswolds. 4.50 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

10 11

Gardeners’ World, 8.30pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

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EastEnders, 8pm

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STAR-CROSSED 8pm, Sky1

New series. Graham returns with a star-studded line-up, comprising Oscar-winner Russell Crowe, pop princess Kylie Minogue, actress Cameron Diaz and actor-director Richard Ayoade.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.55 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

New series. V meets Twilight in this sci-fi adventure about the blossoming romance between a human girl and an alien boy when he and others of his kind are integrated into a suburban high school, 10 years after their spacecraft crash-landed on Earth. Aimee Teegarden and Matt Lanter star.

E4 6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 10.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 4.30 Happy Endings (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Sky1

FILM PICKS

THE GRAHAM NORTON SHOW 10.35pm, BBC1

MICHAEL CLAYTON 11.05pm, BBC2

COMING TO AMERICA 12.30am, Channel 4

A troubled attorney takes on a high-profile case, and uncovers a conspiracy that endangers his life. Legal thriller, starring George Clooney.

GOLD

6.00 UK Border Force (R,S,HD). 7.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD). The work of passenger assistants. 3.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

6.00 Yes Minister (S). 6.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 6.55 To the Manor Born (S). 7.30 The Green Green Grass (S). 8.10 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 8.50 As Time Goes By (S). 9.30 Goodnight Sweetheart. 10.10 One Foot in the Grave 10.50 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? (S). 11.30 Yes Minister 12.10 Last of the Summer Wine 1.30 To the Manor Born (S). 2.10 The Green Green Grass 2.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.30 As Time Goes By 4.10 Goodnight Sweetheart. 4.50 One Foot in the Grave 5.30 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

An African prince journeys to the USA to escape an arranged marriage and search for a worthy wife. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 FL72 Preview. 10.00 Ringside (HD). 11.00 Premier League Darts (HD). 2.30 UEFA Champions League Highlights (HD). Paris Saint-Germain v Chelsea and Real Madrid v Borussia Dortmund. 3.30 Premier League World (HD). 4.00 FL72 Preview. 5.00 Football Gold (S). 5.30 Premier League World (HD).

The Butterfly Effect, 9pm

Rude Tube … 11.05pm

Flintoff’s Road to … 9pm

Romy and Michele’s … 9pm

FL72 Live, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 18/30. Camelia from Surrey chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 9/24. Penny’s dad pays a visit. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 10/24.

6.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 12/24. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). 14/22.

6.10 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 1/11. 6.50 Only Fools and Horses (S). 6/8.

6.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). Quarterfinal review. 6.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7/18. Wedding day disasters. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 19/22. Barney hijacks Marshall’s bachelor party plans.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 8/24. Homer buys Lisa a pony. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 15/22. Homer traces his long-lost half-brother.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 18/22. Charlie hooks up with Chelsea’s best friend. 8.30 Two and a Half Men (S,HD). 19/22. Jake’s new friend has a bad influence on him.

8.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 9/24. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 10/24. Sheldon is bothered by the attention following a scientific discovery.

8.00 Star-Crossed (S,HD). 1/13. See Choices Above.

9.00 Because I Said So 9.00 The Butterfly Effect 9.00 Flintoff’s Road to (S,HD) (2007). A (S,HD) (2004). A college Nowhere (S,HD). 1/2. meddling mother tries to student discovers he can Part one of two. Former find a suitor for her travel into his past and cricketer Andrew Flintoff youngest daughter on change events, but his cycles along the the internet, leading to a meddling has unforgiving terrain of series of unforeseen Brazil’s Trans-Amazonian misunderstandings. consequences. Highway, alongside selfComedy drama, starring Supernatural thriller, confessed “bikeaholic” Diane Keaton. ●● with Ashton Kutcher and Rob Penn. Amy Smart. Including FYI 10.00 Modern Family Daily. ●●● (R,S,HD). 8/24. Phil breaks into Jay’s secret room. 10.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9/24. Cam is determined to lead the Dolphins to victory in a big football game.

8.00 Bring Me Morecambe & Wise (S). 4/5. Celebrating the comedy duo’s series of sketches based around plays that Ernie wrote.

9.00 Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997). Two friends attend their 10th highschool reunion, and try to pass themselves off as successful businesswomen. Comedy, starring Lisa Kudrow, Mira Sorvino and Janeane Garofalo. ●●●

7.30 FL72 Live (HD). Leicester City v Sheffield Wednesday (Kick-off 7.45pm). Coverage of the Championship fixture at the King Power Stadium, where the hosts continue their title quest.

10.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). John Fendley and Paul Merson present a discussion on key fantasy football issues, as well as the weekend’s Premier League matches.

11.20 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 8/10. An engineer, an entertainer, an estate agent and a solicitor take part.

11.05 Rude Tube: Ultimate Champions (R,S). 3/6. The bizarre champions of the online universe.

11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 11.00 Premier League (S). 6/6. Gary gets rid of (R,S,HD). 20/24. A former Preview (HD). A look his sofa. marine is suspected of ahead to the weekend’s creating a chemical 11.40 The Young Ones (S). fixtures. bomb. 4/6. Mike gets hold of an 11.30 Champions League atom bomb. Weekly (HD). Quarterfinal review.

12.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Charlie hooks up with Chelsea’s best friend. 1.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Jake’s new friend has a bad influence on him. 1.30 Mom (R,S,HD). 1.55 Mom (R,S,HD). 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.10 The Midnight Beast (R,S,HD). 12.45 Little Box of Horrors (R,S). 1.15 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 1.45 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 2.15 Balls of Steel Australia (R,S). 2.40 Rude Tube: Ultimate Champions (R,S). 3.30 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 4.20 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). Kensi and Deeks go undercover. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). Max’s attempt to woo Sabrina is ruined. 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 4.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

12.30 Film: Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997). Comedy, starring Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino. ●●● 2.15 Men Behaving Badly (S). Gary gets rid of his sofa. 3.00 Close

12.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 1.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 2.00 Premier League Preview (HD). 2.30 Champions League Weekly (HD). 3.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 4.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 5.00 Premier League Preview (HD). 5.30 Champions League Weekly (HD).

BBC3

7.00 Great TV Mistakes (R,S). 7.30 Doctor Who (R,S,HD). 8.15 Doctor Who (R,S,HD). 9.00 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD). 9.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 10.00 Life and Death Row (R,S,HD). Students take on so-called “crisis cases”. Last in the series. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). The residents of Quahog try to solve a murder mystery. 11.50 Old School (S,HD) (2003). Comedy, starring Luke Wilson and Will Ferrell. ●●● 1.20 Impractical Jokers (R,S,HD). 1.50 Killer Magic (R,S,HD). 2.20 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 2.50 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD). 3.20 Great TV Mistakes (R,S). 3.30 Bluestone 42 (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather. The day’s leading stories. 7.30 Transatlantic Sessions (R,HD). 8.00 Darcey’s Ballerina Heroines (R,HD). Darcey Bussell explores the changing role of the ballerina. 9.00 Arena: The Brian Epstein Story – Part One (R). Part one of two. A profile of the Beatles’ manager. 10.15 Arena: The Brian Epstein Story – Part Two (R). Part two of two. Concluding the profile of the Beatles’ manager. 11.30 Sounds of the Sixties (R). 12.00 Sounds of the Sixties. 12.25 Sings the Beatles (R). 1.25 Arena: The Brian Epstein Story – Part One (R). 2.40 Arena: The Brian Epstein Story – Part Two (R).

FRIDAY April 4 ��’� ��

Homes &Living �� ’� ��

Nyvt Nypkh 4 Uhyjo :@4 :89<

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