Father’s Favorite Flapstacks Recipes For Living

I recently attended a high school art show. There was the usual assortment of pieces which displayed the bare minimum of effort. Then there were quite a few which had involved a lot of work. Unfortunately, they just didn’t exhibit much skill.

However, the use of materials and time was not wasted as there were a few items which showcased real talent. In fact, some were truly inspiring. As a result, I dusted off my tools and paintbrushes and attempted to create a masterpiece of my own. I said attempted. The final results remain to be seen. At times, I think I can do this. Then there are other days when I think I should stick with writing.

After all, what I do can be considered artistry. It is Artistry of Words. The following is an interesting and fun example of this. There are several versions available on the internet, but as far as I can tell, the original author is unknown. This is an appropriate time to use it in honor of Father’s Day.

Feeling footloose, frisky and fancy-free, a feather-brained fellow forced his fond father to fork over the family finances. He fled far into foreign fields and frittered away his family’s fortune with faithless friends. Flooded with flattery, he financed a full-fledged fling with fabulously-fine food.

Finally, fleeced by his fellows in folly and facing famine, he found himself a feed flinger in a filthy farmyard. Feeling frail and faintly fuzzy from being fully famished, he fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from the fodder fragments.

“Forsooth!” he figured, “my father’s flunkies fare far fancier.” The frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing facts. Finally, frustrated by failure and filled with foreboding, but following his feelings, he forthwith fled from the filthy foreign farmyard back to his family.

Faraway, the father focused on the fretful and yet familiar form approaching on the footpath. He flew to him and fondly flung his forearms around the fatigued fugitive. Falling at his father’s feet, the fugitive floundered forlornly, “Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited family favor.”

Forestalling and forbidding further flinching, the faithful father answered, “Fooey!”

Then he frantically flagged his flunkies. “Fetch forth the finest fatling and fix a feast.”

Faithfully, the father’s firstborn was in a fertile field fixing fences while father and fugitive were feeling festive. The foreman felt fantastic as he flashed the fortunate news of a familiar family face which had forsaken fatal foolishness. Forty-four feet from the farmhouse, the firstborn found a farmhand fixing the fatling feast.

The fugitive’s fraternal faultfinder frowned on the fickle forgiveness of the former folderol. He found his fond father and fumed, “Flawed fun with floozies from frittered family funds and you fix a feast following the fugitive’s folderol?” His fury flashed, but fussing was futile.

The frugal firstborn felt it was fitting to feel ‘favored’ for his faithfulness and fidelity to family, father and farm. In foolhardy fashion, he faulted the father for failing to furnish a fatling and feast for his friends.

His fundamental fallacy was a fixation on favoritism, not forgiveness. Frankly, the father felt the frigid firstborn’s frugality of forgiveness was for- midable and frightful. But the father’s former faithful fortitude and fearless forbearance to forgive both fugitive and first-born flourished.

The far-sighted father figured, “Such filial fidelity is fine, but what forbids fervent festivity? The fugitive is found! Unfurl the flag! Follow with fanfares! Let fun and frolic freely flow! Folly is forsaken! Furthermore, failure is forgotten. A Father’s forgiveness forms the foundation for former fugitive’s future fortitude. Let fervent feasting begin. Fond frater has returned.”

None of the versions of this story indicated what they ate along with the fatted fatling, but

By Kandy Derden Things to Do Editor

I’m sure this recipe would have been quite tasty when paired with whatever they served.

FATHER’S FAVORITE FLAPSTACKS

½ lb. bacon, coarsely chopped

1 ¼ c. flour

¾ c. cornmeal

3 tsp. baking powder

¾ tsp. salt

1 ½ c. milk

½ c. shredded cheddar cheese

2 eggs

2 tbsp. melted butter

3 tsp. sugar

Fry bacon in a large skillet, stirring occasionally. Drain, saving the grease. Mix flour, cornmeal, baking powder and salt together in a large bowl. Add drained bacon and rest of ingredients listed. Stir just until smooth and let the batter rest while heating griddle. Grease griddle with reserved bacon grease. Drop batter on the griddle by ¼ cupful. When bubbles form and edges begin to dry, flip and cook until browned. Serve with butter and maple syrup.

I have relatives who insist the best way to enjoy these is with chopped onions sauteed along with the bacon. They also add pepper to most of the foods they eat. Believe it or not, it has been suggested that a hint of black pepper and/or cayenne pepper be added to the batter before cooking. I’m a bit of a skeptic, but that’s not the strangest ingredient I’ve ever seen in a recipe. I found one which suggested adding chipotle powder to the syrup. If you get brave enough to try it, let me know how it turned out.

Either way, I’m sure Father’s Favorite Flapstacks will be frequently requested. This is how I turn Artistry of Words into Edible Artistry on a Plate.