SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE THROUGH MENTAL ILLNESS

By Samantha Reynolds

When a loved one is dealing with a mental illness, you may be at a loss for what to say. We want to offer comfort and support, but often don’t know what that looks like.

Not all mental health challenges or mental illnesses look the same, but the key thing to understand when supporting a loved one through mental illness is that it’s not about changing the individual, but rather about changing how you view mental illness.

Educate Yourself About Symptoms Related to Their Illness This will help you to see certain situations from their point of view, which in turn will help you to understand what they are feeling during difficult moments. The more you understand, the more you can be there for them without questioning, belittling or judging.

Listen One of the best things you can do to help your loved one is to simply offer your presence. Let them know you are there to listen to them. Show empathy, and avoid trying to solve the problem or offering unsolicited advice. While it’s natural to want to find a solution to your loved one’s pain, doing so may minimise their feelings and discourage them from opening up again. Instead, validate and remind them that it’s okay to have these feelings. Offer reassurance and hope, and don’t criticise or blame them for their behaviour. Instead of offering advice or misguided ‘tough love’, ask what you can do to help and what they need from you.

Encourage Them to Seek Professional Help As much as you may want to, you cannot help your loved one all on your own. While you can provide some emotional support, mental health experts can help on a deeper level. Your loved one may lack the motivation or energy to take this step, so offer to assist them by finding a therapist or therapy that resonates with them, booking an appointment and perhaps going together.

Be Patient Recovering from a mental illness is not a linear path. It takes time, and may require trying more than one approach. The last thing your loved one needs is pressure to ‘get better’ or ‘feel better’. This pressure can be a huge additional burden to carry on top of their feelings of guilt, blame, shame and frustration. There is no magic wand. This is a marathon, and your loved one needs you to be present and patient.

Do Practical Things for Them Mental illness makes everything feel exhausting and overwhelming. Acknowledge this by doing practical things for your loved one like grocery shopping, cooking meals or household chores. Alleviating the mundane and seemingly simple everyday tasks can be hugely helpful.

Don’t Get Discouraged You may feel helpless when you’re supporting a loved one who is struggling, and you might not see them making progress. Just because you feel helpless doesn’t mean you can’t be helpful. Your loved one doesn’t expect you to find them the magic solution or to be perfect. Instead, they just need you to be present.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Samantha Reynolds is the owner of My Bliss Co, and passionate about helping people to live happy and fulfilling lives. Follower her on Instagram at @my_bliss_co.

WHAT TO SAY TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT

- “I’m here for you.” - “What is the best way I can support you?” - “I love you.” - “You will never be a burden.” - “Your feelings are valid.” - “I value and appreciate you just as you are.” - “I may not understand how you’re feeling, but you’re not alone.” - “That sounds so hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

WHAT NOT TO SAY

- “Snap out of it.” - “Think positive.” - “I know exactly how you feel.” - “It could be worse.” - “What’s your problem?” - “It’s just in your head.” - “It’s your fault.” - “If you really wanted to feel better, you would.”