ANNIE ASKS Shawn Nocher

ANNIE ASKS Shawn Nocher

Shawn Nocher (pronounced “No-Shay”) is the author of the critically acclaimed novels A Hand to Hold in Deep Water and The Precious Jules. Her short stories and nonfiction articles have been published in SmokeLong Quarterly, Pithead Chapel, MoonPark Review, Writer’s Digest, and Electric Literature, among others. She teaches in the Master of Arts writing program at Johns Hopkins University, has given wings to two children, and lives with her husband and an assortment of sassy rescue animals in Baltimore, Maryland, where she writes in a room of her own.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

My husband brings me coffee in bed every morning and is such a loving and caring gesture—my favorite part of the day!

What is your greatest extravagance?

Definitely getting my nails done. I had a floral design business for twelve years before I sold my first book. My nails were always a hot mess and I was embarrassed about them—but there was nothing to be done. Floral arranging is messy, nail-breaking, and often dirty work with your hands in water and floral foam all day. I always told myself that if I ever closed my business I would start investing in my nails. It feels very extravagant to me but makes me happy!

On what occasion do you lie?

I only lie by omission. Seriously, I don’t outright lie but I might not fully share if I think the truth might hurt someone. I’m not one to fabricate a big story to cover my own tail but will try and stick close to the truth. Fabricating a lie only leads to complications. I learned this from my husband years ago when I tried to wiggle out of an event, if only because I was feeling overwhelmed, by saying I had to go out of town. My husband warned me it would catch up with me—and it did. The couple I lied to later ran into my mother and wanted to know how my trip went. I should have simply said I couldn’t make the event for personal reasons. Next thing I know I’m fabricating a lie to cover my lie—and, well, it didn’t end well. So, I vowed to never do that again. I have an inventive nature and love weaving an outrageous tale, but now I save it for my fiction!

What is the quality you most like in a person?

An openness to new ideas. To me, that indicates a willingness to change and evolve.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I met my husband when I was seventeen and we’ve been married for forty-two years. But longevity doesn’t necessarily make a marriage a good one. We’ve had our rough patches—children, finances, health scares, losses—but always we come out the other side feeling like together we can conquer anything. Ours is a relationship that empowers rather than drains. I’m lucky and I know it but a lot of this is just that—luck. Sometimes I think it also boils down to the fact that we trust one another to have our best interests at heart. I couldn’t ask for more.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I’d be taller. That way my weight would be more appropriate for my height.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

That’s a hard one. My head (and my heart) go right to my children—both of them adults now with their own families, but at the same time I realize that who they are probably has nothing to do with me. I made a lot of mistakes, and they turned out to be happy healthy adults in spite of me. So, really, I can’t claim them as an achievement! That said, I am so proud of my first novel if only because it took me nearly twenty years to write. I had no idea how to write a novel, only felt a scalding story inside of me. I stuck with it through dozens of rewrites and finally, in my 50s, went back to get a masters in fiction writing. When I finally sold it, I couldn’t help but sit back and think “Oh, so THIS is what it feels like to believe in myself and be willing to do the work.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

I can’t even imagine. I would just say to the universe, surprise me!

Where would you most like to live?

Right where I am. I’ve thought about this a lot. But my network of friends and family are also the greatest joy in my life and so long as they’re here, so am I. Travel satisfies my wanderlust but it’s always good to be home.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

I co-founded an organization that supports families of those who have lost a child to Substance Use Disorder or are struggling with a child in addiction or early recovery. www.loveinthetrenches.org. Having been through this awful disease with one of my own children (now in recovery for ten-plus years) I can confidently say that addiction is the worst hell I’ve ever known or been witness to. The collateral damage to families is gut-wrenching. The shame and secrecy, the anger and the blame are so destructive. I urge anyone who is going through this to reach out for help and support. Getting through this requires the love and support of others who have been through it.

What is your motto?

I am a work in progress. This motto also allows me to say, “lesson learned” and forgive myself when I make a mistake, and it leaves me open to change. It’s a win-win when it comes to moving forward in a healthy way in my life.