The Mighty Loveable Mary Gauthier by Mandy Haynes

The Mighty Loveable Mary Gauthier by Mandy Haynes

I think the overarching thesis, theme, and big idea of the book is that music and song can be more than just entertainment. That in my life, it literally has been a form of salvation.

Mary Gauthier’s list of achievements for her songwriting and performances are a mile long. She’s been racking them up since 1998 but here’s a few of her latest awards. In 2019 her album, Rifles & Rosary Beads, was nominated for a Grammy for Best Folk Album of the Year, was named Best Album of The Year at the International Folk Music Awards, was nominated for Album of the Year by The Americana Music Association, and Mary was named International Artist of the Year by The Americana Association UK. In 2018, Rifles & Rosary Beads was named #1 Best Singer/Songwriter Album of 2018 by LA Times and War After The War was named #1 Song of the Year by NPR/Malcolm Gladwell.

Mary’s songs have been recorded by dozens of artists, including Jimmy Buffett, Dolly Parton, Boy George, Blake Shelton, Tim McGraw, Bettye Lavette, Mike Farris, Kathy Mattea, Bobby Bare, Amy Helm and Candi Staton and have appeared extensively in Film and Television, most recently on HBO TV’s Yellowstone.

In 2021 Mary published Saved by a Song: The Art and Healing Power of Songwriting. Part memoir, part philosophy of art, and part nuts and bolts of songwriting, Saved by a Song is a discussion of the art and healing power of songs and songwriting. It hit the shelves with some great endorsements like these:

"Generous and big-hearted, Gauthier has stories to tell and worthwhile advice to share." ―Wally Lamb, author of I Know This Much Is True

“Think Anne Lamott meets Julia Cameron meets Patti Smith… Anyone who can still write from the heart about writing from the heart after being in the music business as long as Gauthier has is the real deal. Her book invites seasoned artists to deeper authenticity, new artists to deeper craft and all readers to deeper self-reflection." ―BookPage

“A thoughtful meditation by one of the finest practitioners around on what makes a song matter and the hard lessons she's learned...This is a treasure of a book as well as a love letter to songs and songwriters and the people who listen to them.” ―Booklist (Starred)

I’ve been a fan of Mary’s music for years and I was very excited to get my hands on her book. I reached out to her to see if she had time to share the story behind the stories and I couldn’t believe my luck. She was on a gig, she said, but she would be more than happy to talk when she got back to Nashville. A week later, just off a thirty day tour in Europe and the UK Mary was a little jet lagged but that didn’t stop her from finding time to talk with WELL READ.

“It’s a big difference isn’t it? Writing a song and writing a book?”

Mary laughed. “It’s a massive difference between writing songs and writing a book! The book took six years to put together. And you know after thirty to thirty-five days the publisher is done with promotion. Getting the book into the hands of people who would appreciate it is hard work.”

I asked Mary when she knew she wanted to write a book.

“I’ve been an avid reader my whole life and I’ve always fancied myself a writer, but I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t gotten a book deal. That gave me a deadline and the motivation. I just admire and love writers so much. I’d written some short stories and essays for different magazines and anthology contributions but until I sat down to write a proper book, I really had no idea just how challenging it is to do it and do it well.”

You might be thinking, someone gave her a book deal? How did that happen? Well, Mary’s story is a powerful one. Born in New Orleans, Mary spent the first year of her life in St Vincent's Women and Infants Asylum before she was adopted. Her family had its share of struggles and Mary ran away at the age of fifteen. Her life was a roller-coaster ride until she finally made the decision to get sober at the age of twenty-seven, and she got serious about writing songs at the age of thirty-two.

Her songs are stories that prove she is a writer and a storyteller, and they receive over two hundred and nine thousand listens each month on just one of the streaming platforms alone. Her publisher knew Mary had an audience.

I asked if there was one story that had previously been published that she was extra proud of.

“Melville House put out a collection called Amplified. It’s an anthology of short stories written by songwriters and I thought that was a good running start for me as a writer of something other than songs. I’m pretty proud of that one. It’s called At the Holiday Inn Again and it’s a look into the early days of my life and my parent’s struggle with each other and what me and my brother and sister lived with back then. My mom would get pissed and leave my dad and we’d all go to the Holiday Inn. I’d have to pack up my brother and sister and all of their school stuff and all the things’ kids need for the next day… It’s a look back into dysfunctional family, which I think as a Southerner we’re experts at. But I am proud of that story because I got into the voice of a nine-year-old who was in charge of her brother and sister.”

I commented that it’s true, Southerner’s do have plenty to pull from. “When I tell stories about my childhood to my Southern friends we’ll laugh, while my friends who aren’t from down here are horrified. But all of my writer friends tell me I’m damn lucky because my childhood gave me lots of fodder for stories.”

“We have material!” Mary laughs.

While Mary was writing Saved by a Song, she was also traveling and playing gigs nonstop.

“You don’t take breaks do you?” I asked.

“I don’t have time to slow down. I’ll slow down when I die. I have a lot of ambition and a lot of motivation. And I love my job,” says Mary.

“But with that being said–I’m not going to rush out another book. Let’s let this one sit around for a few years.”

Mary is a full time songwriter, author, and performer who runs her own business. She’s also a teacher.

“Yeah, I teach a lot. I work with songwriters of all ages several times a year in small groups. That’s part of my joy–helping songwriters see their talent and show them where their courage is and encourage them to be brave enough to tell their stories. Especially older songwriters who haven’t really dedicated themselves to it because life got in the way but now they have time. Oh man, that’s my favorite student right there.”

“They’ve got the best stories.”

“Yeah, they’ve got something to talk about. The challenge is for them to be vulnerable and brave.”

I asked Mary what she wanted readers to take with them after they read her book.

“I think the overarching thesis, theme, and big idea of the book is that music and song can be more than just entertainment. That in my life, it literally has been a form of salvation. I’ve heard many other songwriters say the same thing and I’ve heard many, many listeners say the same thing. So there’s escapism and checking out–pure entertainment and those kinds of are great. Everybody needs to check out every now and then and just dance and have a good time. That’s perfectly fine. It’s needed. But then there’s these other kinds of artists and songwriters whose job it is to get people to check in – not check out. We can all live together harmoniously, one is not better than the other.

With that said, the idea of the book is that music and song can be alchemy. And this alchemy is a type of transformation around trauma. Having worked with veterans for a decade I saw music and song alchemize some of the worst trauma. Does that mean cure it? No. It means create something that generates empathy so that the trauma becomes a springboard for something useful for others. And in that purpose there’s some healing that can occur when a soldier realizes that their story can help others. Or when a songwriter like me, long before I worked with veterans, started to realize–Wow, people are resonating with my songs and their telling me that it helps them. I know it’s helping me. That’s my big idea.”

I had to tell Mary what I felt the first time I heard one of her songs. I was driving into work and thought I was going to have to pull off the interstate. “I was going through a tough time and this song came on that was so powerful it hit me really hard and I started crying. It felt like Mercy Now was written for me,” I laughed, “I bet many people feel the same way and that’s got to be a great feeling.”

“It is a great feeling. Honestly, I wrote that song for me! But I put it in the world and people claimed it, and that’s what you want as a songwriter–for people to say, Mary, play my song! Yeah I’ll play your song because it’s of service to you at a time when you needed it. And that to me is a higher calling. It’s a bit of a ministry – it’s more than a show business enterprise.”

I pointed out that’s exactly what Saved by a Song: The Art and Healing Power of Songwriting is. A bit of a ministry.

Mary is an inspiration to so many. I had to know, “Who inspires you?”

“I have respect for so many creative types, so many veterans I’ve worked with, so many strong smart women in politics… I’m inspired by people who exhibit courage. When I know that what they’re doing is scary and they’re doing it anyway–man, that’s inspirational. Courage is contagious just like cowardice is contagious, and I want to be around people who have courage. People that put their ass on the line and say something and do something and are willing to take the blowback and the risk of saying and doing something. Those are the people I’m inspired by and they help me to be brave.”

I agreed.

“I’m with the great John Lewis–if you see something, say something.”

I asked Mary, “If you could go back in time and tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?”

Amen to that.

“I think I would tell little Mary that she’s loveable. It’s going to take a while to find the people that are capable of loving her but they will come. That people’s inability to love little Mary didn’t make her unlovable. ‘Cause I would’ve changed my life if I knew I was lovable as a little person. I probably wouldn’t have ended up a drug addict and an alcoholic if I’d known.

But on the other hand all of this is part of my mission and it’s what drives me as an artist and I probably had to go through it to get to the songs and to get to an understanding of who I am. It’s part of my spiritual journey. But if that wish could be granted, I would go back and convince her that she was indeed not unlovable.”

That’s powerful advice for everybody.

“Kids need love and they need consistency and when they’re surrounded by addiction and mental illness they’re not safe. They internalize it and for a child, they almost always think it’s their fault. That’s what happened to me. But nobody did it to me–they were just doing it.”

Mary’s words hit me hard–just like when I heard Mercy Now for the first time, I felt that connection to what she had to say.

“It gets passed on until someone says enough. It stops here. I’m going to do whatever work it takes for it to stop here. I got sober when I was twenty-seven. I’m still in therapy–probably always will be–but when you take a stand and plant the flag and say no, it ends here–it can end here. It’s a very difficult life-long commitment because when you’re raised in the chaos of addiction, mental illness, and high level dysfunction, you’re wounded. It’s not easy to do it differently but I’ve grown a lot and continue to grow every day.”

“My experience is that writing–both the book and songs–has really helped me to see it and once you see it, you’ve got choices."

And Mary is giving everybody plenty of choices with her words. The last question I had for Mary is what’s she working on next.

“I just finished a tour and I’m not in a creative mode right now. My life partner Jaimee is about to release her record so I’m focused on being supportive and being a cheerleader for her. I imagine once I slow down and put myself in the supportive role I’ll become creative again. I know I want to write another book, but I’m not in any hurry. I just want to support Jaimee and be home, which I’m looking forward to.”

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