101 WAYS TO BE A BIT MORE HOT TO TROT Y
oung singles! Do you want your appearance to be attractive? Do you want more people to fawn over your dazzling beauty? Do you want people to be able to count your sensuality in hands? Follow this guide to find out how to be exactly everyone’s prize steed!
1. Say nay You want? You don’t want? It doesn’t matter! Spewing negative reactions to questions will increase your attraction. Skipping out on activities makes you seem mysterious, ergo sensual. If you don’t want to use your words, push your lips out, blow with a bit of spittle and shake your head. Gallop away. They’ll know what you mean.
2. Be led to water but don’t have a drink Famous sayings exist for a reason. What you take from them can alter depending on what you want them to say. To become more hot, you must allow yourself to be taken to the water, aka the place of life. You must allow people to show you how to live, but don’t surrender yourself to a vulnerable position. Remain strong, even if you’re well thirsty. You own your decisions. Just say nay. Stay dehydrated. Be confident.
5. Stand up when it counts Get those haters off your back by rearing and standing up for yourself. Everyone will fall at the sight of your mightiness and with that terrified awe comes attraction. People won’t know what to think when they look at you - it’s so wrong, but oh so right. Not sure when to buck up and go for it? Pick the time when everyone is most relaxed, when it’s unexpected. You’ll get their attention, and with it, you’ll capture their hearts.
6. Enjoy the ride We all know attraction is a rollercoaster ride of excitement and hormones and hope. Being yourself, horsing around, having fun - that’s what it’s all about. That’s all it’s ever been about. Saddle up, it’s gonna be a walk into the sunset from now on. Editor’s note: 7 - 101 have been removed from the list as they are all just different varieties of apples and not actually advice. WORDS BY EMILY DENNIS IMAGE BY FRANCES ROSE
3. Jump higher Don’t set your sights so low. Those who chose to step over a stile fail in life. Leap further. Raise ambitions. Those who can do the double jumps are always rewarded. Damn do you look impressive when you achieve so much, and settling for a second rosette will only make you look like a loser.
4. Lick salt cubes Maybe taking a page out of the giraffe’s book from Zoo Tycoon, but salt blocks are sensuous and can improve your appearance. There is nothing worse than a hungry fellow, nor one whose tongue is coated with the day’s mucus. Kill two birds with one salty stone and lick away. Just be careful if it makes your tongue too rough, nobody likes a roughtongued lover. Unless they do. Salt is also very good for coating wounds, so to add to your attraction appeals, go around and lick people’s sores. You’ll gain friends and followers, while also showing off your kind-hearted nature.
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