CLI-MATES: INTRODUCING THE NEW DATING APP FOR THE END OF THE WORLD

Tinder and Bumble have had their moment and aren’t really hitting the spot for love seekers anymore, what with the end of the world and that. But never fear! Dr Happy Feet, expert in lurrrvvv, has just the app for you!

Cli-mates will help you to bond with fellow singletons on the hunt for ‘the one’ in the midst of melting icebergs. No longer will you be a polar bear on cracked ice whilst all your mates float away with their significant other. Wessex Scene were fortunate enough to snag an exclusive interview with the founder to give you a little sneak peek of just what you can expect from this totally-not-morbidand-very-inclusive app.

Hey Dr Happy Feet, could we start off learning about the algorithm a little bit? How exactly do you match the perfect mates?

Ooof now that would be letting you into a cheeky secret, wouldn’t it! I suppose because it’s almost the end of the world... what do I really have to lose? Essentially, Cli-mates doesn’t really have an algorithm. It’s not really the time to be picky with your high standards when the world is falling apart, is it? However, if you’re mainly concerned about icebergs, the three R’s, or whether a penguin like me is going to be preyed upon by a sea lion, there’s the opportunity to plug your qualms in your bio.

Does the app use the usual swiping left and right on potential suitors?

So, whilst I said there was no algorithm, the app won’t actually show you potentials that are out of your league. I just couldn’t have that on my conscience man, not when the world is ending. This should reduce the amount of potentials you’re swiping left on and give you the ego boost you need. Never fear, we will find you a companion.

What’s an example of a bio that would get you all the matches your lovestruck heart desires? Nothing worse than swiping on a fit mammal and not matching.

The best bio I’ve seen on the app may or may not be mine. Here’s something to whet your appetite: ‘I may not be able to fly, but I can guarantee I will take you to places you never thought you’d go.’

Hmmm I’m not really sure I have any captivating pictures for my profile.

Honestly, there are bigger concerns like, hmm, climate change? Just be daring and take a selfie there and then, you don’t exactly have time to waste. I feel for you though, not everyone is totally radical and able to whip out some pics from their surfing days.

How about the dreaded openers? How do users break the ice?

Let’s not get cold feet, now is your chance to reel them in! How about, ‘You have 48 hours left on earth. What do you do?’ Appropriate considering the concept of the app, but also leaves some room for their imagination *smirk*.

Disclaimer: Dr Happy Feet lacks the real qualifications of a doctor. The title of an expert in love comes purely from his own experiences falling for a penguin out of his league - not the biggest success story, huh?

WORDS BY ALICE MACARTHUR IMAGE BY ETHAN THOMAS

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