WEIGHING IN

WORDS BY OTTILIE YOUNG IMAGE BY YUSUKE64 VIA PIXABAY

When I walked around the Freshers Fair, a tall student stopped me and said, ‘have you thought about rowing?’ My first thought was, are you joking? Despite a significant lack of sporting knowledge, I knew that rowers needed to be tall and broad, two things of which I was neither. However in an effort to make a good first impression, I simply replied, ‘No, I think you’ve got the wrong girl.’ He then went on to tell me about coxing, which is what he had in mind all along.

A cox is very short person who sits at either the front or the back of a rowing boat. They help the rowers to keep in time, lead drills and steer the boat. Oh, and they shout. Coxes are glorified human microphones.

So, I joined the rowing team. I was coxing the novice men’s and women’s squads and we were having a good season… until the regattas began. You see, coxes tend to be very short because the smaller you are, the less dead weight there is for the crew to have to move. In winter, we tend to layer up to stay warm during early morning sessions and some coxes even bring hot water bottles in the boat with them. During training this isn’t an issue—in the winter it is to be expected. However as summer approaches, how much you weigh becomes important.

During regatta season, coxes are required to stand on the scales before every race. This is to ensure smaller people are not getting an advantage, in which case, they must bring a weight with them in the boat. For me, that was never an issue. Coxes can never weigh too much, technically, however the minimum weight for female coxes is 50kg. That’s nothing, really. On a weekly basis, coxes are reminded of the number on the scales, constantly striving to be as close to that 50 as possible. This is encouraged by the crew members (who aren’t subject to the same scrutiny) and the coach, making you feel like you are letting people down for every extra kilo you weigh—that is not okay.

I found it too difficult. Constantly being reminded of how much I weighed and feeling like the number was letting people down made me feel uncomfortable. I am usually someone whose weight fluctuates anyway, but when this was open to judgment from other people, it became a problem. I wasn’t happy with my weight being other people’s business and I needed out before things took a toll in a more drastic way, such as developing a disorder. Body positivity is important in society today, however when this becomes a way of celebrating things that are unhealthy, it is wrong. If I were to weigh 50kg, I would be too skinny and very unhealthy. This may not be the case for someone else, but if we are all held to the same standard, then we are constantly being reminded we are not good enough or that we should be doing more to lose weight.

Personally, I want to prioritise my work, friends and mental health. Coxing didn’t work out for me because all it did was make me feel like the unwanted, deadweight girl and no one should feel that way. All bodies are beautiful and numbers are an arbitrary measure which shouldn’t define you. I’m still working to accept my body, but weighing in and feeling the pressure of whatever number turned up was too much, and I got away. It didn’t work for me, or my mental health, and that’s what is important.