Westender February 16 2017

FEBRUARY 16-22 // 2017

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EVERYTHING VANCOUVER

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WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH THE VIADUCTS? + GRANT LAWRENCE’S LOST BOOK + BLUE WATER’S UNSUNG HEROES

JFL NorthWest Truth-teller Barry Crimmins on moving past his demons, and more comedy fest highlights

PLUS: T&T SHOPPING GUIDE // HOME SHOW RAINBOWS // ‘RIVERDALE’ // LEGO BATMAN // WOLF PARADE JANUARY 26-FEBRUARY

1 // 2017

EVERYTHING VANCOUVER

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A-Z: YOUR GUIDE TO HEALTH

+ FESTIVE CHEERS FOR CHINESE NEW YEAR + THANKS, HANK: SALUTING LUTING HENRIK SEDIN’S 1,000TH EVERYTHING FEBRUARY 2-8

VER VANCOUVER

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NEWS // ISSUES

INSIDE THIS WEEK

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Vancouver Shakedown2 News3 A Good Chick To Know4 Style File4 Nosh5 Fresh Sheet5 The Growler6 The Alchemist6

By The Bottle7 Cover Story8 Arts8 Reel People9 Movie Review9 Music10 Real Estate11 Sex with Mish Way14 Pet of the Week14 Classifieds15 COVER: cz|`b e{ derrk cr || {q_ cz{pr dop`b y zpz WESTENDER q e b m q z{ z^ }|y yod} cep z{ } | p`b yerp{`rq y_ e}} |ep`r e} q czykr p`b e{b ce{{zp d` r`yrzboc`b l p zop y`r| qq z{ z^ p ` yod} q `r_ p ` {`lqyey`r r`q`rm`q p ` r p pz r`~`cp e{k ebm`rp q { l c p cz{q b`rq pz cz{pe { ^e}q` zr | q}`eb { {^zr|ep z{ zr {mz}m`q o{^e r zr o{`p ce} yrecp c`q_ p ` ebm`rp q`r e r``q p ` yod} q `r q e}} {zp d` } ed}` ^zr be|e `q er q { zop z^ `rrzr { e{k ebm`rp q`|`{p d`kz{b p ` e|zo{p ye b ^zr qoc ebm`rp q`|`{p_ l` cz}}`cp oq` e{b b qc}zq` kzor y`rqz{e} {^zr|ep z{ { ecczrbe{c` l p zor yr meck qpep`|`{p l c q eme }ed}` oyz{ r`so`qp_

The curse of the overhead bin Grant Lawrence Vancouver Shakedown

@GrantLawrence

I have a problem with overhead bins on airplanes.

As soon as I shove my precious belongings up there and sit down for the flight, my brain shuts off and I forget I’ve put anything in it. When the plane eventually lands, I amble off without a second thought of my personal effects. I work very hard on never forgetting, but it’s happened often, and again very recently.

Once, I was responsible for remembering my wife’s dress. She was supposed to wear it at an awards ceremony in Halifax. Instead, because of me, the dress remained on the plane and flew onward to Paris.

Another time, I left my precious custom-knit CBC Cowichan-style sweater in the overhead bin after disembarking in Calgary.

The sweater went on a winter journey around the frozen scape of small-town Western Canada before

ending up in what airline employees have called “The Black Hole”: Air Canada’s lost-and-found department.

You never want your lost item to end up there.

According to one employee who spoke off the record, the national lost-and-found centre resembles a cross between Sadam Hussein’s vault and the trash compactor from StarWars. It’s apparently so impenetrable and massive that there is no direct phone number.

By a few strokes of fate, more than a month after I stupidly left it onboard, my CBC sweater was miraculously returned to me.

Cut to last week: My family was on a flight to visit the in-laws for a few days. As per usual, I stowed my suitcase in the overhead bin and promptly forgot about it while my three-year-old son went wild in the seat beside me.

It was like sitting beside a hyena. I disembarked with my son and without my suitcase.

The bag was filled with clothes and toiletries, but, much more important to me, it also contained the

hard-copy manuscript of DirtyWindshields, my forthcoming new book.

This was the final printed proof – all 328 pages’ worth. I had already diligently read through about 250 pages or so, marking detailed notes within the margins: little mistakes, additions, credits. When I realized I’d forgotten my suitcase, after I was past security, I freaked out. My mind raced back to the month-long saga of the CBC sweater. My manuscript didn’t have time for 30 days in purgatory – the deadline for the final proof changes was the following week.

This time I was flying WestJet. The baggage attendee in the luggage area dutifully radioed back to the plane, which was just about to return to Vancouver. The crew checked and re-checked the overhead bins. “No suitcase,” they said. Sweat poured from my face. I knew that if I left the airport without it, there was a high chance I would never see the manuscript again: unchecked baggage is untraceable.

I tweeted WestJet, ask-

ing if I had a hope in hell.

Dave Bidini, an author friend from Toronto, saw the tweet and sent out one of his own: “Authors!

Please RT @WestJet to find @GrantLawrence’s manuscript!” Suddenly, my Twitter feed was filled with encouraging messages, all of which tagged WestJet. Later that night, my phone rang. It was a friendly WestJet employee in Vancouver named Riccia. She found my suitcase in the damn overhead bin!

Not to worry, she assured me; it would be on the first plane out the next morning. Riccia was good to her word. Despite a major dumping of snow that delayed all sorts of flights, the suitcase got out. Then Hilda from WestJet called and told me to come get my recovered suitcase and my manuscript. Phew!

A lot of us love to gripe about airlines, but I must give credit where credit is due: Thank you, WestJet, for coming through for me.

I promise I’ll never touch another overhead bin.

And yes, I made my deadline. W

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NEWS // ISSUES

@WESTENDERVAN

YOUR CITY Big plans proposed for Italian Cultural Centre NAOIBH O’CONNOR @naoibh

What’s happening with the viaducts?

City Council considers third connector route for Georgia, Dunsmuir viaducts SARAH RIPPLINGER @sarahripplinger

Strong opposition from businesses along Malkin Avenue has prompted the introduction of a third possible connector route along William Street to redirect traffic east of Main Street once the Georgia and Dunsmuir viaducts are demolished.

“I think the city [council] would be playing with fire if they [chose] Malkin, because of the backlash,” said Kelly Ready, owner of Black Suns Gallery/Studio, which provides industrial art programs to disadvantaged youth.

Ready said he and several other area business owners would rather see anything but the Malkin connector option, which includes a train track overpass between Raymur Avenue and Clark Drive, aligning with Charles Street, that could negatively impact their businesses.

The Georgia and Dunsmuir viaducts were designed in the 1970s as part of a freeway system that was never built.

In October 2015,Vancouver City Council voted in favour of removing the viaducts. At the time, city staff presented council with two primary options for the new arterial route that would sit between Main Street and Clark Dr: a major thoroughfare along National or Malkin avenues – with National almost double the price tag of Malkin.

The William Street option, which staff had previously ruled out, was reintroduced after businesses in the area, particularly those along Malkin Avenue’s Produce Row, voiced their opposition.

Produce Row businesses move over $700 million worth of food annually to independent grocers, cruise ships and restaurants in Vancouver – as well as to other parts of Canada – and provide over 1,000 jobs in Vancouver.

“Produce Row is a critical part of our food economy and our economy in general,” said City of Vancouver Councilor Geoff Meggs. “So, an option

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[for the new arterial] has to be found that protects Produce Row.” Three of the 12 Produce Row businesses will likely have to move if the William option is selected, said Damien Bryan, a spokesperson for Produce Row and general manager of Discovery Organics, a Produce Row wholesaler, but the Malkin route would probably signal an end to the entire Produce Row in Vancouver.

Bryan said National has been their preferred route, “but, ultimately, if the city [council] and parks board came to an agreement and it [the connector route] went down William Street, we would be supportive of that.”

Another hitch in theWilliam connector plans is that it would cut into Strathcona Park.

A City of Vancouver report released in January 2017 notes that the proposed William Street expansion would have a significant impact on Strathcona Park, something that has received substantial pushback from nearby residents and members of community gardens.

“Losing a significant section of our [Strathcona] park to put in a new road only adds insult to injury,” commented Dan Jackson, a council member with the Strathcona Residents’ Association. He said the association would like the City of Vancouver to “figure out how to make National work, or find a way to compensate the community for the loss of green space.”

The Vancouver parks board is assessing the impact the proposed routes would have on park space and potential new allotments should sections be lost.

“Because the new [William connector] option goes through Strathcona Park, the parks board is going to have to look at alternatives to make sure the city doesn’t lose green space, and find different areas to maybe put green space,” said Vancouver parks board Chair Michael Wiebe.

Both the parks board and city council will vote on the three proposed connector routes: Malkin, National or William, before one is approved.Voting dates have yet to be scheduled. W • Have a news tip? Email editor@westender.com

first generation created and hoping to move it forward,” he said.

The cultural centre is working with Bosa Properties and Henriquez Partners Architects on the redevelopment project, which still needs members’ approval before a rezoning application is submitted to the city. Plans have been underway for several years and the preliminary design concept envisions the existing Floor Space Ratio [FSR] of .55 going up to

2.7 FSR.Three new buildings would be connected through piazzas and atriums, and the parking lot would go underground, but the overall goal is to maintain the Italian feel.

Members will vote sometime in the spring on whether to move forward with the rezoning application. An open house, the second of two, is set for Feb. 18. For details, go to ItalianCulturalCentre.ca. – Story courtesy of the Vancouver Courier

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Discovery Organics on Produce Row. Kelsey Klassen photo

An ambitious proposal could see the Italian Cultural Centre transformed into an extensive complex featuring everything from recreational amenities, a theatre and restaurants, to piazzas, a library, a daycare and rental housing.

The cultural centre, located at 3075 Slocan St., is going into its 40th year – the buildings are aging, there is a large

under-utilized parking lot, and a desire to improve its longterm financial sustainability.

In the 1970s, the vision for the 4.3-acre property was to create an Italian village that was a home away from home, according to Mauro Vescera, the centre’s executive director.

Thirteen Italian associations came together to build it with sweat equity and help from the city and province.

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STYLE // DESIGN

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FASHION & HOME

Design darling Tiffany Pratt colours Vancouver happy

1.

Jennifer Scott A Good Chick to Know

@Jennifer_AGCTK

It’s always an exciting time for designers when industry celebrities come to town to chat about the ins and outs of what we do. It’s a serious treat to have the opportunity to be inspired by peers that we don’t often get to see, and I love when the strongest design personalities hit Vancouver and bring their striking perspectives to the city’s relatively safe aesthetic.

A true ‘Jane of all trades’ when it comes to style,Tiffany Pratt will be taking on our city’s muted design palette and making her premier appearance at the BC Home and Garden Show on Feb. 25 and 26. Famous for her fearless approach to colour, the Toronto-based designer will be hitting the show’s Main Stage to share her connection to rainbows and how they influence her renowned designs.

“Get ready for a little spectrum of inspiration!” she exclaimed, when reached by Westender by email. “I will be sharing how to fearlessly bring a bright range of colours into your life and home and how easy and accessible this colourful way of life can be.”

Tiffany’s inspiring use of brights and patterns have not only influenced colourminimalist designers like myself, but many at-home décor-enthusiasts, as well,

Inside the beauty department of a T&T. Contributed photos

2.

Vancouver is set to see the magic of rainbows as Tiffany Pratt takes the Main Stage at the BC Home & Garden Show this month. Contributed photo through her numerous shows on HGTV and appearances as a style expert on CityLine.

Guided by her connections to colour,Tiffany also recently launched her first book, named after her personal design mantra, This Can Be Beautiful.The vibrant tome takes readers on a personal style journey via 45 beautifully photographed projects, ranging from home décor tweaks to DIY to styling a party.

“I want to give the audience the real story of my connection to colours, rainbows,”

she explained, “and why I feel injecting colour into your life is so healing and transformative.”

While I have an admitted weakness for design books, I particularly appreciate this publication because it shows readers how to use what we already have to create beautiful end-result items for the home; from refreshing your old sheets to giving new life to old wallpaper. If you’re looking to be in rainbows,Tiffany shows us how we can give our spaces a facelift without breaking the bank on design. W

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Why (and how) to shop for beauty goodies at T&T Aileen Lalor Style File @AileenLalor

T&T is a Canadian supermarket chain known for its wide selection of Asian foods. So why shop there for beauty products? It’s simple: Asian beauty brands are at the cutting edge of skincare science and many of the products we now use daily, such as BB creams and cushion foundations, were developed there. As well as innovative and hi-tech items, they also do a great selection of fun, kitsch, bargain products. But in reality, shopping in an Asian supermarket for cosmetics can be bewildering because you’re dealing with unfamiliar brands, and while all products will have French and English ingredient labels, it still might be tricky to figure out exactly what each is for.

Sylvia Lu, buyer for T&T, advises that you dip your toe (or face) in the water with a hydrating sheet mask, since extra moisture is something all of us need. Sheet masks are mainstream now, but T&T has literally hundreds, mostly aimed at brightening and hydration.

If you’re intimidated by the choice, Lu suggests shopping at the Metrotown store, which has the biggest beauty section and a full-time advisor who can give recommendations for your skin type and let you know about promotions. “The best bargains are around

Christmas and Mother’s Day, but there are always promotions, samples and gifts with purchase,” says Lu. How does T&T stay ahead of the game when there are so many other beauty retailers now? “We’re constantly aware of what’s going on in countries like Korea, Japan and Taiwan and will immediately bring the hottest products here so Canadians can experience them,” says Lu. “One of the reasons we need to be on top of the trends is because our Asian customer base is very discerning and forward-thinking.”

What’s going to be trending next? Lu says that cushion products for the lips, lip tints and oils will be big, and sheet masks are just going to get more popular.

1. Biore Marshmallow Face Wash, $11.99 Asian skincare brands usually advise you to lather facewash on your hands and apply the foam to their skin, rather than rub the product on your face to create bubbles, which can apparently tug at the skin. This Japanese product self-foams so you don’t need to bother with that pesky lathering step at all.

2. Dr. Wu Intensive Renewal Serum with Mandelic Acid, $59.99 This serum from Taiwanese brand Dr.Wu contains mandelic acid, which acts as an exfoliant to address acne, acne scarring and hyperpigmentation. Surprisingly gen-

tle for a product that offers a mild peeling effect, it’s still best to use a hydrating serum and rich moisturizer, too.

3. Hada Labo Goku-jyun Clear Lotion, $23.99 On a trip to Japan a few years back, we saw women buying this hydrating toner by the half-dozen. Extremely high in hydrating hyaluronic acid, you put a couple of drops on your face after cleansing and pat till the liquid is fully absorbed, then apply serum.

4. SK-II Facial Treatment Essence, $249.99 The so-called miracle ingredient in this Japanese essence is Pitera, a rice ferment rich in amino acids and minerals. It was discovered when scientists noticed the youthful hands of elderly sake brewers. Apply a teaspoonful all over your face, morning and night, before serum. Cate Blanchett swears by it for its hydrating, brightening, smoothing properties.

5. Tsubaki Head Spa Massage Spa Mask, $14.99 In Asia, Tsubaki (Japanese for camellia) is a drugstore hair-care brand owned by beauty juggernaut Shiseido.

Its massage mask is designed to revive parched tresses and rebalance dry scalps.

Massage into the scalp and down the lengths of the hair, and leave on for 10 minutes, once a week. It’s supposed to be particularly good for coarse, frizzy locks. W

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EAT // DRINK

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DINING OUT

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Left: Slipper limpets with hand-pulled noodles in broth.

Above: Giant red sea cucumber with black Himalayan rice.

Leila Kwok photos

Blue Water seafood festival highlights obscure delights Anya Levykh Nosh

@FoodgirlFriday

It’s been well over a decade since chef Frank Pabst launched the first Unsung Heroes menu at Yaletown’s Blue Water Cafe. The idea was – and still is – to bring awareness to local and unique seafood, and avoid species that are over-fished or harvested in ways that damage ocean beds and surrounding life. It was a laudable if slightly revolutionary goal at the time, but was perfectly apropos for a chef who helms the kitchen of one of the founding members of Vancouver Aquarium’s Ocean Wise program.

Pabst is celebrating the 13th anniversary of Unsung Heroes this month, and the partnership with Ocean Wise is still going strong; in fact, the restaurant donates 10 per cent of the proceeds from its Unsung Heroes menu to the

Anya Levykh Fresh Sheet

@FoodGirlFriday

Acclaimed taco purveyor La Taqueria will be opening its fifth location in April, downtown at 586 Hornby.

The new outlet will be the largest of the group, seating 90, with both take-out and dine-in. Expect a similar menu to other locations, but with the addition of burritos.

LaTaqueria.com Paramount Foods, a popular Ontario-based restaurant chain (with additional locations in Alberta, the US, Lebanon and Pakistan) that focuses on fast-casual Middle Eastern dining, will be opening its first West Coast location in Vancouver in late March. Look for a halal menu that includes mezze, saj wraps, shawarma and more.

ParamountFineFoods.com

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initiative’s ocean-conservation efforts every year.Thanks to the various species Pabst has championed over the years, items like Humboldt squid, octopus and sardines are now commonly found on menus all over town. More recent menus have introduced Vancouverites to the joys of previously obscure ingredients such as red sea urchin, periwinkles and gooseneck barnacles.

This year’s menu is no different. Ever heard of a slipper limpet? You have now.

It’s a sea snail that is native to eastern Atlantic waters, but was accidentally introduced into Pacific coastal waters and is now considered an invasive species. Its habit of attaching itself to oysters makes it damaging to local oyster beds and a prime candidate for gluttonous feasting. Pabst serves the limpets in a bowl of hotand-sour broth loaded with hand-pulled noodles, wood ear mushrooms, tofu, bok choy and Chinese parsley.

It’s a warm, comforting

bowl of slightly salty and rather earthy goodness that banishes the bone-deep chill that’s been haunting us since early December.

Sturgeon liver is given a foie-like facelift, served as a silky-smooth mousse that spreads over toasted slices of baguette with ease. Even when more dishes arrive on the table, we can’t let the remains go, nibbling away throughout the evening until the last dollop is licked clean.

Herring is back this year, served in cool slices with beets, fingerling potato and pistachio crumbs, and drizzled with some housemade buttermilk ranch dressing.

Smoked mackerel (one of my great loves) is layered with a horseradish mousse that has only a light bite, perfectly picking up the pickle in the quail egg.

Each dish has a suggested wine pairing chosen by restaurant director Stephan Cachard. The excellent taramosalata –made from carp roe and served with

squid ink-tapioca crackers – is paired beautifully with a glass of brut cava from Sant Sadurni d’Anoia, while jellyfish salad is matched to Sea Star Vineyards’ Stella Maris, a white blend heavy on Gewürtztraminer and Pinot Noir.

Most of the dishes hover around $9-$12, with a couple topping out at $13-$14, so it’s a menu that’s both wallet- and ocean-friendly.The wine – or cider, in one case – pairings range from $7.50 to $17.50, with most between $10-$13. It’s a fantastic deal, and the plates are ideal for sharing.With almost a dozen dishes, you could share the entire menu between two to four people and leave comfortably full and not noticeably poorer. Singing the sustainability song has never been so easy. W

Sad news. After more than three years in business, Bambudda has announced it is closing its doors on Sunday, Feb. 19. Its Gastown home, which houses Bambudda and another restaurant, is being renovated to add a new lobby, underground parking and further amenities. Until closure, the restaurant is running an extended happy hour daily, from 5:30-7:30pm, that offers $4 bottles of Asahi and Tiger beer, $5 glasses of red or white wine, $7 classic cocktails, and 50 per cent off small plates, including house-made BBQ pork buns, sesame noodles, and XO prawns. Bambudda.ca

spätzle and mushrooms, for $22 each. As well, on Fridays only, enjoy the wiener schnitzel with a German beer, also for $22. BauhausRestaurant.com

café (3742 W. 10th), and will see Gunawan demonstrating the preparation of each dish served during the dinner, plus a pasta workshop. Tickets $150 per person, with all proceeds going to Project Chef. NourishVancouver.ca

Also in Gastown, Bauhaus has a new weekday lunch special that includes featured items such as meatballs with rice and caper sauce, wiener schnitzel with potatoes and cucumber salad, and veal with

Mamie Taylor’s is offering a special Mardi Grasthemed menu from Feb. 17 to Mar. 3, in addition to its regular dinner menu, that features a daily fresh sheet with items such as turtle soup, jambalaya, gumbo and king cake. All items are available à la carte. MamieTaylors.ca On Mar. 4, chefs David Gunawan (Farmer’s Apprentice) and Dan Cheung (Nourish) will be teaming up for the four-course “Eat. Learn. Gather.” dinner, in support of Project Chef, a school program that teaches kids from kindergarten to grade 7 about healthy food.

The event takes place at Nourish cooking school and

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Thursday, February 23, 7:00 – 8:30pm Choices Kitsilano Floral Shop & Annex 2615 W. 16th Ave. Vancouver

Optimizing the Gut-Brain Connection with Dr. Olisa Mak, ND, Inspirit Health Group Learn about the most common signs and symptoms of poor gut health and naturopathic solutions to improving and maintaining gut health. Free event but registration is required.

Register online at choicesmarkets.com/event. /Choices_Markets

Helping you find balance.

"All your healthy lifestyle needs for body, mind + spirit under one roof"

• The Unsung Heroes menu is available through Feb. 28.

BlueWaterCafe.net

Get ready for an epic curry fight! On Mar. 13, chefs Vikram Vij (Vij’s, Rangoli, My Shanti) and Angus An (Maenam, Fat Mao) will face off in a culinary showdown at My Shanti in South Surrey. The two chefs will collaborate on canapés and dessert, but will duel it out in the meat, seafood, rice and noodle courses, highlighting the differences and similarities between Indian and Thai curries. The one-night-only “Mae Shanti” meal will include five courses and wine pairings; tickets $125 per person. Email namaste@ myshanti.com with the subject line “Mae Shanti” for reservations. W

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EAT // DRINK

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COCKTAILS & CRAFT BEER

Brew Kid on the Block: Boundary Brewing Co. Robert Mangelsdorf The Growler

@TheGrowlerBC Arm yourself with expert advice from 14 indispensable bartending books. Contributed photos

Essential books for the home bar Joanne Sasvari The Alchemist

@TheAlchemistBC Stocking your home bar?

Before you invest in spirits, tools and glassware (not to mention that handy bar cart), you should get some expert advice. Luckily, there are plenty of great cocktail books out there to help you make the right choices.

Here are the essential tomes to quench your thirst for both well-made cocktails and the know-how to make them.

FOR THE BEGINNER

If you’ve never hoisted a shaker before, there’s no better beginner’s guide than The Bar Book: Elements of Cocktail Technique by Jeffrey Morgenthaler.The Portland bartender and blogger takes you through all the tools, techniques and basic recipes you need.

Whether you’re a beginner or a pro, you should have The Craft of the Cocktail on your shelf. Loaded with 500 indispensible recipes, this was the first guide of the cocktail resurgence, published back in 2002 and written by legendary bartender Dale DeGroff, who brought cocktails out of the wilderness in the 1990s.

FOR THE CLASSICIST

Classics are the foundation of all cocktails – even the mo-

lecular ones made with naught but a whiff of smoke and a puff of foam. Every home bartender should have at least one good guide to the classics.

Start with Vintage Spirits and Forgotten Cocktails by Ted Haigh. This is a lively journey through time, paired with excellent recipes for drinks like the Hanky Panky, the Vieux Carré and the Monkey Gland.

Another great storytelling historian is David Wondrich. Imbibe! is his salute to “Professor” Jerry Thomas, the larger-than-life 19th-century barman who created countless drinks and authored the first cocktail guide, 1862’s How to Mix Drinks or the BonVivant’s Companion, which you should also have in your library.

FOR THE TIKI LOVER

If your ideal drink is made with lashings of rum then lit on fire, you’ll want to turn to Jeff “Beachbum” Berry for all the classic tiki recipes in Beachbum Berry’s Grog Log, Intoxica! and/or Beachbum Berry Remixed.

But for a really thoughtful overview of the mid20th-century “Polynesian” trend and its rebirth, check out Smuggler’s Cove: Exotic Cocktails, Rum, and the Cult of Tiki by Martinand Rebecca Cate, owners of the acclaimed San Francisco tiki bar.

FOR THE ADVENTURER

It seems that all the

greatest bartenders at the world’s greatest cocktail bars are penning books these days. These beautiful volumes offer luxe imagery, sophisticated bartending techniques and innovative new recipes. They also make great gifts.

Books that any cocktail lover would be thrilled to receive include Death & Co by David Kaplan, The PDT Cocktail Book by Jim Meehan, The Dead Rabbit Drinks Manual by Sean Muldoon, and The Canon Cocktail Book by Jamie Boudreau.

FOR EVERYONE ELSE

Are you a proudly Canadian drinker? Try A Field Guide to Canadian Cocktails by Victoria Walsh. Feeling the Nickand-Nora vibe with your swish new bar cart? Check out The Bar Cart Bible by Media Adams. Have an unshaken loyalty to a specific cocktail? There are books about the Caesar, the Old Fashioned, the Spritz, the Negroni, tequila cocktails, and more.

Loving it all and want more of it? Cocktails: The Bartender’s Bible by Simon Difford comprises 3,000 recipes, 800 of them new. That should keep you busy for a while. W • See this week’s Cosmopolitan recipe at Westender.com

Kelowna is further staking its claim as a craft-beer destination with the recent opening of Boundary Brewing Co., one of six breweries and brewpubs now operating within the city limits.

Started by rugby enthusiast Oliver Glaser with the help (and money) of his teammates in the Kelowna Crows rugby club, Boundary Brewing promises a wide variety of German-inspired old-world beer styles. It’s a modest enterprise, but what it lacks in size, it more than makes up for in character.

I spoke with Glaser about what he has brewing, and why Kelowna is a great town for craft beer.

First off, congrats on opening! Tell me a bit about the process that led you to where you are now.

Glaser: Thank you. I’m pretty happy and excited as we get going. The process was crazy... pure insanity. I think one should only do this if one is insane, and I am.

Where we are is open – selling and having fun!

When did you open?

I guess we officially [soft opened] on Jan. 4, but that wasn’t the first time beers were consumed here. Now to plan a grand opening!

Hmmm...

Why beer? What got you interested in craft beer enough to open your own brewery?

Is there any drink you prefer [more]? Me neither.

I loved drinking it, loved making it. I made lots of shitty beer as I learned and I got better. And having

Boundary Brewing Co. has opened in Kelowna with a focus on German-style beers. Contributed photo always been an entrepreneur, I decided that it would be a good business to get into, and I convinced a bunch of rugby friends to invest. They are mostly as nuts as me.

Kelowna is quickly becoming a craft-beer destination.

What makes it a good place to brew?

There is lots of room for growth in the beer scene here, great food and wine and spirits scenes, close to suppliers of the malt and hops that I use, and it’s a fun place to live, so it made sense. Plus it’s where my kids are, so that’s the main reason, personally. I think good products marketed properly can sell anywhere.

How has the local response been so far?

So far the response has been amazing! It’s growing quickly.

In a matter of a couple of weeks, I have gotten tap space at some of the best places to eat and drink in the city. It’s nice to get messages from not only the craft-beer connoisseurs out on the town, but also other brewers congratulating me and complimenting the brews on tap.

It’s validation for me and my vision. Re-orders and people coming to the brewery to fill growlers are the best compliments, though.We are fast getting regulars, which is cool.

Continued on next page

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EAT // DRINK

@WESTENDERVAN

CRAFT BEER & WINE Continued from page 6 How big is your operation?

What size batches are you brewing?

We are super-tiny, nanosize, but extremely scaleable due to the system that I built. We currently use two electric single-vessel 140-litre systems that, as demand increases, can be run several times a day.

But I’m already thinking to the future about the next system I’ll build in here – probably a five-hectolitre [500-litre] version of what I have now. We always have about 20 to 30 hectolitres of beer in the fermenters, though. The major pro of the small system is the variety of beers I can experiment making.

Is there a tasting room onsite? Will your beers be available outside of the Okanagan?

We have a “cozy” – meaning “small” – tasting room onsite, which stays pretty busy through the week. For the time being, we’ll be focusing on the Okanagan and a couple spots in the Kootenays, but eventually we’ll be looking for a few taps around the coast. One step at a time.

What beers will you be offering?

I make beers that I like to drink, but primarily, due to my heritage and connection to my family, I’ve been focusing on German styles, of which there are hundreds. Balanced, if not more malt-forward, beers.

Mainstays like our Altbier and KRC Crows Kolsch, Weizen and Dunkelweizenbier, Jewel Creek Pilsner, as well as seasonal offerings like our Double Baltic Porter, Lil’ Tart Orchardweisse, Juniper Gruit, Gos-eh Vienna Lager, Roggenbier, Spruce Tip Ale and many, many more.

There is always something new to try.

What makes Boundary Brewing Co. unique?

We experiment. Our system is small. Our taste is big and our varieties are many. I guess it’s just how small and passionate we are about making tasty beer that makes people happy. What makes anyone unique? I guess it’s just our take on classic styles.

Anything else you want to share?

My beer! With as many people as want to consume it! W

Reds to survive February Michaela Morris By the Bottle

@MichaelaWine

These last few months have been a particularly long slog.

By mid-February, I usually start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but, this year, all I can visualize is another dump of snow.

Rather than wishing away these final dark days before the blossoms burst, look on the bright side.There’s still time to bundle up at home by the fire with a hearty meal and a glass of gutsy red! Short of leaving town, it’s the best remedy for the winter blues.

Chances are you’re already quite familiar with this therapy. So much so, in fact, that you may be growing weary of your usual repertoire of warming wines.

Need some rich and ripe suggestions to survive the final dreary stretch? My research spanned an arsenal of sturdy contenders, from seeking comfort in familiar favourites like Cab, Syrah and Malbec, to searching out

exciting lesser-known gems to escape the doldrums.

Before long, we’ll all be lightening up with salads and refreshing whites. In the meantime, here’s a few more robust reds to keep the morale high.

2015 Paul Mas Gardemiel Vineyard, Malbec • IGP Pays d’Oc, France • $13.99 BC Liquor Stores If you are a fan of Malbec, then check out this one from its motherland of France. Subtle earthiness but suitably forward and friendly, with loads of blackberry, dried herbs and licorice. And the price is right for a midweek beef stew on a cold and rainy night.

2013 Majella, ‘The Musician’ Cabernet Shiraz • Coonawarra, Australia • $18.99 BC Liquor Stores Here, classic Coonawarra Cab with cassis and mint nuances is plumped up with Shiraz for some added intrigue of chocolate and blueberry. This full-bodied, crowd-pleasing red offers great value for the money and will bring excitement to humble Shepherd’s Pie.

Rich and full-bodied reds to make it through the end of winter.

2012 Casajus, ‘Seleccionada’ Ribera del Duero DO • Spain • $20.99 BC Liquor Stores Ribera del Duero’s hot arid days and nippy nights make for a particularly robust expression of Tempranillo. The Casajus offers roasted coffee and vanilla with wild strawberry and boysenberry. It’s a chewy mouthful that deserves a rib-sticking braise or juicy steak.

2013 Casale del Giglio, Cesanese, IGT • Lazio, Italy • $23.99 BC Liquor Stores Take this introspective time to discover something new. Cesanese is yet another worthy example of Italy’s fascinating native grapes. Ripe

and fleshy red cherries, cinnamon and lifted violet notes meet soft, plush, mouthcaressing tannin. Perfect for an equally exotic Moroccan lamb tagine.

2015 Domaine des Lises, Crozes-Hermitage AOC • France • $33.99 BC Liquor Stores If you’re in need of a serious antidote to inclement weather, this Northern Rhône Syrah bridges the seasons. Dark brooding plums and snappy black pepper are countered by floral fragrances hinting at spring.

Firm and full yet polished and elegant, it is a treat with lentils and duck sausage.

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ARTS // CULTURE

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JFL NORTHWEST

Crimmins & punishment Tortured comedian Barry Crimmins lays down his demons KELSEY KLASSEN @kelseyklassen

If you can count John Oliver’s LastWeek Tonight, Real Time with Bill Maher, or any incarnation of The Daily Show among your television viewing habits, then you should lend an ear to Barry Crimmins.

A politically menacing party of one (many say he originated the truth-telling style of comedy so popular now), Crimmins began his career shouting out the hypocrisy and foolishness of government from the rooftops. His anger – virulent and, at the time, of somewhat mysterious origin – was unnerving. (To this day, he counts two goals in life: overthrowing the US government, and dismantling the Catholic Church.) And, as chronicled in the moving documentary Call Me Lucky, it alienated as many as it inspired as he spearheaded the Boston-area underground comedy scene in the hardliving ’80s.

Then, in the mid-’90s, Crimmins made a dramatic detour from the comedy spotlight into US Supreme Court as an advocate against online child pornography – a subject so personal and traumatic (Crimmins publicly revealed in the early ’90s that he was raped several times as a child) that he says being its spokesperson nearly destroyed him.

As he waged his crusade – and almost singlehandedly changed how the law dealt with these heinous crimes – time slowly overwrote Crimmins’ name in the popular consciousness and replaced it with today’s satirical offspring. Amongst comedians of a certain ilk, however, it has lived on, and, now, his confrontational style of political commentary seems more relevant than ever (be sure to check out his recent Louis CK-produced special, Whatever ThreatensYou).

We caught up with the comedian by phone at his rural homestead in upstate NewYork, prior to his appearance in Vancouver next week as part of the JFL NorthWest comedy festival. At the time of our interview, he was just recovering from a fresh trauma: being hit by a truck en route to a gig.

I understand you had a terrible accident. How are you feeling?

Crimmins:That’s a long story. It could take up a lot of the interview. [Laughs] But yeah, I’m alive. We’re alive.

That’s the main thing.

Now we have to live.That’s the hard part.

Barry Crimmins had a life-changing epiphany in January. And then he got hit by a truck. Contributed photo How was your experience with the hospital?

Terrible. It’s the United States.We have a couple of things going on here that are ridiculous. I mean, I’m the passenger in the back seat of a car and they’re asking me for my auto insurance. It’s just like… I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I needed to be a licenced, insured driver to ride in the back seat of a car.You know? I didn’t realize that.

Everything is cross referenced, and somehow they’ll end up charging me more money, for being hit by a truck. I didn’t have a lot to do with it except I got in the car, like I have a million other times, as a performer who gets taken from one place to another. [...] Personal responsibility is very important, but self-scapegoating is a serious mistake to make. I didn’t do anything wrong. I got hit by a truck. [Laughs] Speaking of personal responsibility, what do you do with a president who denies that true things even happened?

We just had a pretty good census of how many truly selfloathing people there are in the United States.You know?

“Hate yourself?”

“Yes, I do.”

So, now there’s Donald Trump.Well, it’s about time we had someone who hates us as much as we hate ourselves as the president.That’s what we have. He’s the abusive patriarch of the country.

And people, even when something’s horrible, they have comfort zones. So, really, rather than be kind to victims [...] it’s easier to just cover up for the one perpetrator.That’s how incestuous families work.

That’s how horrid work places [function].They cover up for the serial bullies.We take care of the serial bullies and form lynch mobs for the victims.

So it’s less that he’s a mirror of the American voter, and more that he’s the bully they’ve been waiting for?

Right. And if the bully likes you, that’s even easier.

When someone like Donald Trump comes into power, do

8 W February 16 - February 22, 2017

your comedy chops start salivating? Or do you ever grow weary of the grind?

No, no, not at all. My friend Eddie Pepitone says anybody who’s not in show business is a coward. Because anyone who’s ever seen it thinks in terms of it.Thinks what they would do. So the first thing people think about is what would I do if I got on stage, what would I use for material? And then they get kind of desperate:What do I have to say?

Well, I’ve had a lot to say for a long time. I have a lot of ideas and takes on a lot of things, and to just try to turn it into something cohesive and loving and of some value to people, and figure out the proper sequencing of it, is everything.Thinking of the little jokes, I mean my brain already thinks in humour, and it’s a way to smuggle content and ideas to people, and they drop their guard a little bit.

It’s not that all humour is truthful, but the truthful stuff, really, is the best.

Do you see comedy as a means of social change?

It’s certainly a means to social change. My dear friend and mentor, the late Howard Zinn... it was a rare time that I spent with him that he didn’t tell me how important it was to do this kind of work. And he would just say, you are so much more effective than three hours of boring speakers with all sorts of gravitas.You connect. And if you tell them the truth, and they laugh, you’ve made the connection and you know that you’ve given them something.

The other really important thing is that it shows people that it can be fun to stand up to injustice and oppression and greed and abject stupidity.

What will you be bringing to your show in Vancouver?

I got a new piece that I will at least be doing a chunk of up there called Atlas’s Knees.

What does that name mean?

When I disclosed in print that I had survived rapes as a young boy, that’s when, anecdotally, I began to collect the

world’s largest collection of anecdotal information about child abuse. Because everyone comes to you.Then, I did a piece about child pornography that got a lot of notice back in the ’90s, so I started to hear from a lot more people and got asked to comment on a lot of things. And you know, I kind of ended up in a bit of a role of – I don’t like the word leader, because leader implies you’re a moron. It sounds like you’re on a field trip, you know? Like, I know how to go to the museum on my own.

[Laughs] But I’ve sort of been on the forefront of what I would call the children’s rights and safety movement, which is the world’s most overdue and necessary human rights initiative. And we’re still in the nascent stages of it.

As I kept collecting people’s [stories], I’ve been telling people forever that children, to make sense of the world, someone has to tell them that what happened to them is wrong:You were innocent and this shouldn’t have happened to you. Instead, generally nobody says anything, so the kid is thinking they did something wrong. Eventually that turns into:There’s something wrong with me. And the self-loathing and self-destructive behaviour to corroborate the self-loathing can come along.

So, when everyone kept coming to me, what happened is my self-loathing kicked in, in the sense that I apparently decided I didn’t deserve to be healed until everyone in the world was going to be healed.

Which means I was never going to be healed. [...]

And then, in the movie [Call Me Lucky], we encouraged people to talk about what happened to them [...] and a lot of people interpretted that as, they should talk to me. So, basically until about last week, for 23 years, I had been running a one-man rape crisis centre 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I had so many worlds full of demons that I was carrying around, and it was catching up with me. I started having flashbacks. I couldn’t do it any more.

When I did the child pornography investigation and blew the whistle on that in 1995, that’s a lot more than most people ever do, and I put in another 22 years after that.Then, with the big push after Call Me Lucky, I realized I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I had done enough.

So, I felt really free and happy for the first time in years... And then I got hit by an 18-wheeler four days later.

• You can catch Barry Crimmins Feb. 23 at the Biltmore Cabaret.Tickets and info at JFLNorthWest.com.This interview has been edited and condensed. W

Sarah Silverman.

Contributed photo

Top picks for JFL NorthWest

MICHAEL WHITE @westendervan

FORTUNE FEIMSTER

An alumna of LA’s famed Groundlings improv/sketch troupe (see also: Will Ferrell, Paul Reubens, the core cast of Bridesmaids), the North Carolina native rose to prominence as a regular Chelesa Lately panelist, reliably spouting outrageous R-rated observations as offhandedly as if she were ordering from a dinner menu.

Feb. 17, Biltmore Cabaret, 6pm

JIM GAFFIGAN

One of only 10 stand-ups to sell out Madison Square Garden, Gaffigan has, alongside Louis CK, made is acceptable again to joke at length about fatherhood after the myriad crimes – real and alleged; comic and otherwise – of Bill Cosby.

Case in point: his bestselling non-fiction book, Dad is Fat. Feb. 24, Queen Elizabeth Theatre, 7pm and 9:30pm

MOSHE KASHER

If all comedy is borne of darkness, this Bay Area transplant excels better than most – his memoir is titled Kasher in the Rye:The True Tale of aWhite Boy from OaklandWho Became a Drug Addict, Criminal, Mental Patient, and Then Turned 16, a fitting companion to his debut album, EveryoneYou Know is Going to Die, and ThenYou Are! Arguably JFL’s best kept secret.

Feb. 18, Rio Theatre, 7pm

TREVOR NOAH

Stepping into the role vacated by Jon Stewart simultaneously catapulted this South Africa native to overnight fame and gave him very large shoes to fill. But the latter-day Daily Show host has obviously abetted himself well; the program continues to thrive, while Noah simultaneously draws

acclaim for stand-up, the forum in which his career began.

Feb. 25, Queen Elizabeth Theatre, 7pm and 9:30pm

TOM SEGURA

Having graduated in larger cities from clubs to theatres, Segura’s popularity is blossoming thanks to his two Netflix specials (the most recent of which, Mostly Stories, is tremendous) and the podcast Your Mom’s House, which he records with his wife and fellow comedian, Christina Pazsitzky.

Feb. 25,Vogue Theatre, 6pm

SARAH SILVERMAN

Ricky Gervais confessed to being rendered speechless when he saw Silverman’s 2005 concert film, Jesus is Magic – he had never heard a comic go where she did. It was indeed a game-changer for no-holds-barred stand-up, and although Silverman has mellowed slightly since then, she still knows how to push buttons in ways that provoke conversation even among those who don’t follow comedy. This is a compliment.

Feb. 25, Queen Elizabeth Theatre, 6pm

SUNDAY SERVICE

This Vancouver improv five-piece has been holding down a Sunday night residency at the Fox for years, so this performance’s relationship to JFL is a mere formality. But if you haven’t seen them before, consider this your opportunity to be introduced. Few local comedic talents are able to consistently fill a room every week – they’re clearly doing something right.

Feb. 19, Fox Cabaret, 7:30pm • Times listed are when doors open.Visit JFLNorthWest.com for tickets and the full festival line-up. W

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FILM & TV

Welcome to Riverdale CW series re-imagines Archie characters – like Moose – for a Millennial audience Sabrina Furminger Reel People

@Sabrinarmf

[Reel People note: This article contains some spoilers from the first three episodes of Riverdale, but not so many as to be a dick about it.]

When The CW first announced that it would be bringing comic book icon Archie Andrews and his townie friends to television for a tonally dark teen drama series, some critics and fans were skeptical: How well would the kooky 76-year-old comic book franchise translate to the small screen?

The answer? Pretty damn well indeed. Riverdale – which premiered in January and stars Kiwi actor K.J. Apa as the red-headed teen – is a dark and twisted Millennial off-spring of Beverly

REVIEW // THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE

Starring Will Arnett, Zach Galifianakis Directed by Chris McKay After the massive global success of 2014’s The Lego Movie, it’s fair to say there was some trepidation about a spinoff seeking to capitalize on one of the flick’s main scene-stealers.Thankfully, you can put your anxiety to rest because The Lego Batman Movie quells many fears that this latest venture is merely a merchandiseladen cash grab.

Drama ensues after The Joker (Galifianakis) hatches

Hills 90210 and Twin Peaks (which is a relevant comparison, given that 90210’s Luke Perry and Twin Peaks alum Mädchen Amick play Archie’s dad and Betty’s mom, respectively).

In the Vancouver-shot series, Archie attends Riverdale High School with BFF Jughead (Cole Sprouse), girl-next-door Betty (Lili Reinhart), and worldly Veronica Lodge (Camila Mendes).

They drink milkshakes at the Choklit Shoppe and dance to Josie and the Pussycats at the school dances. The town sign says, “Welcome to Riverdale, the town with pep!”

Except these aren’t your grandma’s Archie and Friends. Veronica’s daddy is on trial for embezzlement.

Jughead – who narrates the series – is moody and sardonic. Betty’s family is all kinds of dysfunctional.

Josie’s music explores what it means to be a woman of colour in 21st century America.

Riverdale’s students wrestle with slut shaming, mental illness, and statutory rape – as well as the shocking death of a classmate that drains the town of that cherished pep.

a plan to willingly surrender to authorities, only to be banished to the Phantom Zone. Soon enough, Batman (Arnett), Robin (Michael Cera), and Batgirl (Rosario Dawson) team up with a merry band of recognizable superheroes to take on the iconic villain and an army of diabolical foes.

Perhaps the most amazing feat accomplished by the film is how the writers have managed to delicately balance a new and somewhat original installment in the crowded universe, while lampooning the hell out of every incarnation over the decades. No iteration of Batman is safe from mockery here – from the swinging

“I like that they reimagined it in a subversive, darker, modern world,” says Cody Kearsley, the Vancouver actor who plays athlete Moose Mason on the emerging hit. “It makes it more approachable for the younger generation who didn’t grow up on the comics like we did, and it’s still nostalgic for [older people] as well. And all of the characters have a darker back-story.”

Even the character of Moose – portrayed in the comic books as a lumbering jock who regularly comes to blows with Reggie Mantle over steady girlfriend Midge Klump – has been re-imagined for the Millennial age.

In the pilot, Moose – now a closeted gay teen – propositions openly gay character Kevin Keller in the boys’ washroom. Later, as Moose and Kevin amble down to the lake for some skinny-dipping, Moose says he’s open to everything but kissing, to which Kevin replies, “I love a good closet case.”

“As Kevin says in the second episode, sexuality is fluid,” says Kearsley. “I love exploring that idea, especial-

’60s Adam West days, to the horribly campy Joel Schumacher era, to Christian Bale’s brooding treatment, the meta-jabs are peppered throughout.

Admittedly, Lego Batman is one giant toy commercial; this will come as a surprise to virtually nobody who saw the first Lego flick and, although its intentions are admirable, an air of cynicism persists.

Quibbles aside, The Lego Batman Movie is an often uproarious crowd-pleaser.

What the movie lacks in originality, it makes up for in action, surefire humour, and, most importantly, an emphasis on character over spectacle. W – Thor Diakow

ly as a jock character.”

Kearsley is a relative newcomer to the Vancouver screen scene (two years), and to film acting (his first time on set was last year for the upcoming Power Rangers movie, in which he has a small speaking role), but not to performing. “When I was three-years-old, I went to my cousin’s dance recital and kept trying to get up on the stage,” says Kearsley, who grew up in the Okanagan.

“So the next year, my mother put me in dance lessons.”

Kearsley spent the next 15 years training hard in ballet, jazz, tap, and hip hop, before discovering a proclivity for acting while attending a Fame-type performing arts college in Los Angeles.

Like Moose, Kearsley played sports throughout high school, and for the most part, his peers didn’t know that he was also a competitive dancer. “I actually danced in a town over because I didn’t want my friends to know that I was doing ballet,” says Kearsley, who spent the years between college and Vancouver immersed in the theatre world.

“It wasn’t until grade 11 or 12 that I did a musical and I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m into the arts.’ So I can relate to the

Vancouver actor Cody Kearsley portrays Moose Mason – now a closeted gay teen – on CW’s ‘Riverdale’. Contributed photo struggle of hiding this softer side from other people and putting on this façade of being the jock. When you’re 16, it’s hard to be who you truly are. “ Riverdale – which uses Lord Byng High School for its eponymous high school exterior shots – features a bounty of Vancouver talent in nostalgia-laden roles, including Martin Cummins as Sheriff Keller, Colin Lawrence as Coach Clayton, and the prolific Lochlyn Munro (Scary Movie, A Night at the Roxbury) as Hal Cooper, Betty’s dad.

Kearsley recounts the surreal experience of sitting next to Munro at the initial table read. “He took the time to talk to me about what it’s like to be on set, and he gave me some advice,” says Kearsley. “I think a lot of the older cast came into it with open arms for the younger generation.” W • Riverdale airs Thursdays at 9pm on The CW; new episodes are posted hXXxwf tv {Xt]Wg_ ^vwwvh Riverdale jcl\rWiXuY[wX_

Growing community with energy.

lds

Introducing seed.

Vancouver is one of the greenest, most livable cities in the world. Our population is growing and so is demand for energy. In fact, demand for electricity in Vancouver is expected to grow by 75% over the next 30 years. We can provide the clean renewable power that Vancouver needs, but our substations serving downtown Vancouver are aging and need to be upgraded or replaced.

Our usual way of doing things would be to find and buy a piece of land and build a substation on it. But that means putting a substation on land that could otherwise be used for housing, businesses, schools, or parks. A substation that neighbours would always see.

A better idea?

Instead, what if we used money and land more wisely and built two new electricity substations below ground, while using the space above them for new schools, new daycare spaces and improved parks.

There are several ways for you to get involved:

O

Read the discussion guide and complete the online feedback form at bchydro.com/seed

O

Provide a submission to seed@bchydro.com

O

Attend an open house in your neighbourhood:

Yaletown Wednesday, February 1, 2017 5:00-8:00 p.m.

West End Saturday, February 18, 2017 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017 5:00-8:00 p.m.

Monday, February 20, 2017 5:00-8:00 p.m.

Elsie Roy Elementary School 150 Drake Street, Vancouver

St. Paul’s Anglican Church

O

1130 Jervis Street, Vancouver

Attend a small group roundtable discussion in your neighbourhood. Please email seed@bchydro.com to sign up, as space is limited:

That’s our idea. That’s seed.

Are we on to something? Provide your feedback between January 20 and February 28, 2017.

West End

Yaletown

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Thursday, February 16, 2017

*All 6:00-8:00 p.m.

*All 6:00-8:00 p.m.

bchydro.com/seed

Westender.com

February 16 - February 22, 2017 W 9

ARTS // CULTURE

WESTENDER.COM

MUSIC

Wolf Parade: the pack is back

ALEX HUDSON @westender

When Wolf Parade’s Dan Boeckner is reached on the phone, the singer-guitarist is in the midst of a mixing session at a Seattle recording studio. The purpose of our call is to talk about the Montreal indie-rock band’s recent comeback. Instead, we spend the first half of

the 30-minute conversation discussing US politics. This train of thought includes a lengthy explanation from Boeckner about the similarities between Russian political advisor Vladislav Surkov and current White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon. “I kind of feel like America gets to live in the dream of a nihilistic alcoholic who seems to just want

to die,” he says, with a wry laugh. “Sorry, I could go on.

It’s been weird being here [in the US] for this week.

Every day is some fresh hell on Twitter.”

Despite his concerns about the current political climate, Boeckner is cheerful when talking about Wolf Parade’s recent comeback, which follows a five-year hiatus. When the quartet

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returned to the stage in New York last May, they discovered that their audience had expanded to a new generation of fans who had been too young to attend their 21-plus shows the first time around. “It was humbling, because we never had radio play,” reflects Boeckner. “We didn’t appear on a lot of television shows. We didn’t even do a lot of licensing. But the band seems to have resonated with people that I would hope it would resonate with.”

Considering Wolf Parade’s enduring success, why did the members go on hiatus in the first place? Boeckner explains that the musicians’ DIY ethos caused them to become exhausted during the promotional cycle for their 2010 album, Expo 86.

“Our band is self-managed, so that adds a whole other layer of stress to essentially

Cedar Cottage

3599 Lakewood Dr., 3 bdrm, $1,798,000, Sat & Sun 2-4pm

11

running a business,” he notes. “Putting food on the table and paying your fucking rent – all of that, combined with the amount of touring we were doing, it was going to negatively impact our friendships with each other.”

Although the musicians took a step back from their best-known project, they all remained active musically: Boeckner played electro-rock under a variety of guises (Handsome Furs, Divine Fits, Operators), singerkeyboardist Spencer Krug pursued his shape-shifting solo vehicle Moonface, guitarist Dante Decaro released a 2016 EP under his own name, and drummer Arlen Thompson played in what Boeckner calls “a bunch of experimental bands that don’t really have anything to do with rock.”

In the lead-up to their comeback gigs, the musicians got together for some freeform jam sessions in which they began to work on new material. “The first jam was fun but pretty awful, musically speaking,” Boeckner remembers. “But we had a blast. The second one was better, and we started writing songs and booked shows.

That was that. It was on.”

The band’s onstage return coincided with a new EP,

Liana’s Showcase

simply titled EP 4, which highlights the band’s jittery post-punk tendencies at their catchiest and most upbeat.

Now, less than a year since EP 4, Wolf Parade are putting the finishing touches on a full-length, which Boeckner promises will be “lushsounding, I think, compared to a lot of our other stuff, and heavy.”

Naturally, the new tunes were partly inspired by American politics. “When I started writing the lyrics for a lot of my songs on the upcoming record, Trump had been elected, so he does figure on the record,” says Boeckner. “It’s very of the moment when we wrote it.

Spencer and I have had a lot of conversations about this: Some of the songs on the record address the idea of: what is art’s function in a time of unprecedented political instability and potential authoritarian clampdowns?”

We’re living in alarming times, but Boeckner is happy to have his Wolf Parade allies at his side. With a chuckle, he says, “I wouldn’t rather be spending these protoapocalyptic days with anyone else.” W • Wolf Parade play Feb. 22, 23 and 24 at the Imperial. Tickets $31.50 at TicketWeb.ca.

2% of all sales proceeds benefit WAP, IFAW & BCSPCA

www.LianaShowcase.com

liana@lianashowcase.com | 604.729.2126 NEW LISTING

NEW LISTING

SEASCAPE LANDING LANDING, $428,880 105 131 W 3RD ST

THE CANADIAN CANADIAN, $709,900 1406 1068 HORNBY ST

Open, Spacious, Live/Work designated, New York Loft Styled One Bedrm+Den in Prime Lower Lonsdale.

This above ground South facing unit features soaring 11ft ceilings, radiant in floor heat, stainless appliances, gas fireplace, and a sun drenched south facing private patio. This floor is solid concrete up and Down. This boutique low rise building itself is very well managed with a newly renovated lobby and common areas. Steps to transit, coffee shops, and restaurants, and a short stroll to the seabus. 1 parking and an extra large storage locker. Mtnc fee includes cable/hot water/gas/mngmt. 2 cats or 2 dogs Allowed, 1 Rentable spot avail.

Location, location, location! The Canadian - situated in the heart & center of downtown Vancouver, close to transit, close to shopping & all amenities. Fabulous layout in this 2 bdrm/2 bathroom suite + den, 754 sq ft. Wonderfully appointed with gourmet kitchen, top of the line finishes & more.

Parking & storage also included.

Access to Wall Centre gym/pool for a small fee. Great building, great location, great management.

This is a pet friendly buidling & also NO rentral restriction - great revenue property!

THE CARLYLE, $538,880 1510-1060ALBERNIST

SOLD FOR $42K OVER THE LIST

Sutton Group - West Coast Realty

THE SHAUGHNESSY $338,880, 301-2789 SHAUGHNESSY ST

BRAVA TOWER 1, $629,900 906-1199 SEYMOUR

THE CARLYLE, $1,073,000 PH 8-1060 ALBERNI

JUST SOLD

SOLD FIRM AT $27K OVER THE LIST!

SOLD FIRM AFTER THE FIRST OPEN HOUSE

RECENT SALES 419-350 E 2ND AVE 305-1288 ALBERNI 301-2799 SHAUGHNESSY 1209-1783 MANITOBA ST 201-66 W GEORGIA ST 608-250 E 6TH AVE 801-140 E KEITH ROAD 3796 COMMERCIAL ST

INTERURBAN, $379,000 1006-14 BEGBIE ST, NEW WESTMINISTER

ARIA 2, $689,000 2104-400 CAPILANO RD, PORT MOODY

SOLD IN 4 DAYS

SOLD

BELLEVUE PLACE 603-2203 BELLEVUE AVE $1,488,800

SOLD FIRM

908-188 KEEFER ST 1041 GROVELAND ROAD 605-619 STATION ST 1-1633 W 8TH AVE 110-2665 MOUNTAIN HWY 2302-989 BEATTY ST 1301-2203 BELLEVUE AVE 2203-550 PACIFIC ST 2488 WEST 49TH ST

SHINE, $499,900, 321-289 E. 6TH AVE

ARIA 2, $589,900 804-400 CAPILANO RD,, PORT MOODY SOLD

SOLD FIRM FOR $67K OVER LIST

206-2033 W 7TH AVE 203-919 STATION ST PH1-868 KINGSWAY AVE

THE CARLYLE, $438,880 1210-1060 ALBERNI

SOLD FIRM FOR $46K OVER THE LIST!

CRUMPIT WOODS $757,000 38595 HIGH CREEK DRIVE, SQUAMISH

JUST SOLD

1603-1128 QUEBEC ST 902-907 BEACH 102-118 ATHLETES WAY 1576 E 26TH AVENUE 901-1501 HOWE ST 8-3437 WEST 4TH AVE 305-1188 QUEBEC ST 741/743 E 10TH AVE PH1-868 KINGSWAY 206-2033 W 7TH AVE 406-3225 TUPPER ST

10 W February 16 - February 22, 2017

Westender.com

REAL ESTATE //

@WESTENDERVAN

Rob Joyce West End Specialist MLS Diamond Master Medallion Award 2016

Top Producer Rob Joyce

Sales Associate Roger Ross

Nobody knows the West End better!

New Listing 1251 Cardero #402 The best priced English Bay West-facing one bedroom in the West End at The Surfcrest. Has some views to English Bay and the North Shore mountains, an open kitchen and hardwood floors.

Heated lap pook and sauna. 592 sq. ft. Rentals OK. No pets. $235,000.

New Listing 1251 Cardero #1707 English Bay view studio which has been converted into a one bedroom. Dynamic views to the city, water and mountains and an open balcony. Move in or keep the good tenants or rent it out. Building has pool and sauna. 505 sq. ft. Won’t last! $219,000.

List

your home

nding Offer Pe

OFFER PENDING 1108 Nicols #601 West End studio with beautiful renovations, city views and open balcony at The Chartwell, a well managed and pet friendly strata building in the heart of the West End. New kitchen, new bath and bamboo hardwood floors. 485 SF of living space. $349,900.

WEST COAST

Waterfront 1995 Beach #203 Huntington West Live the great life on English Bay in this prime 4th floor suite at the iconic and well maintained strata on the beach and steps to the Stanley Park seawall. Truly amazing building rooftop deck (see photo above), large juccuzi and gym. $678,000.

with a proven West End seller!

It is a great time to sell!

604.623.5433 www.robjoyce.ca robjoyce@telus.net

CARNEY’S CORNER

3599 Lakewood Drive, Vancouver

3 beds, 2 baths, 2,174 sq.ft.

OPEN HOUSE SAT/SUN 2-4PM

Charming 1912 character house overlooking Trout Lake featuring breathtaking views of the north shore mountains. A post and beam renovation has created wonderful flow on the main floor while windows encircling the living area provide the feeling of bringing the outside in.

Wraparound balcony on the main floor is perfect for BBQing and entertaining while the upper balcony provides a sublime sunset experience.

This house exudes warmth and character with extensive slate and hardwood throughout, and a fully landscaped yard with mature fir trees make this property a true oasis. Very desirable location, just 2 blocks from Trout Lake, a short 5 minute walk to the Nanaimo Skytrain station and close proximity to restaurants and shops on Commercial Drive. House also features a ground level suite currently rented to excellent tenants who are amenable to staying. Unique houses like this rarely come on the market — don’t miss the chance to get your own private paradise!

LUNAR NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS A sweet suite for your honey, whether for your first or retirement home or investment! Spacious no waste space one bedroom in pet and rental friendly strata in sought after location featuring practical, insuite laundry, gourmet kitchen, king size bedroom with semi-ensuite bath, romantic gas fireplace and extra large deck for year round gardening, bbqs and entertaining!

ALL TYPES OF PROPERTIES, ALL AGES, ALL BUDGETS. We have been assisting families upsize, downsize, invest and retire for many years.Whatever your plans, we have the expertise to create your next successful move!

WEN

West End Neighbours

New info always available on the website; an opportunity for community to stay in touch and keep up on local issues. www.westendneighbours.ca

TALK TO LIZ CARNEY 604 685-5951/603-3095

liz.carney@century21.ca • www.vancouvercondo.com Century 21 In Town Realty • 421 Pacific • 1030 Denman

$1,798,000

LAWRENCE SICCIA

Call me today for details In Town Realty

604-315-5085

WESTMAR

More pictures and listings at www.lawrencesiccia.com

Macdonald Realty Westmar | #203-5188 Westminster Hwy. Richmond

Westender.com

February 16 - February 22, 2017 W 11

REAL ESTATE //

WESTENDER.COM

STEPHEN BURKE YOUR SUITE

SOLD HERE!

SUTTON GROUP - WEST COAST REALTY

301-1508 W BROADWAY

604-714-1700

www.stephenburke.com

604-551-4190

B U Y T H E B AY B U Y T H E PA R K

• • • • • • • • • •

Steps to English Bay & Stanley Park Acclaimed Mid Century Modern bldg Concrete construction circa 1957 Refurbished Modernist exterior Impeccably maintained equality co-op 35% down. No pets or rentals. NS Cottage style bachelor w/se sleep alcove Original oak HW floors. California Shutters A little paint would go a long way here Rare: 1 large indoor parking. Prof. Mgmnt.

1975 PENDRELL

$298,000

BIG SQUARE FEET

FIXER UPPER

S • • • • •

D L O

++ • • • • • • • • • •

2 BR+flex 1 Bath 834 sf strata fixer Vacant. Priced below assessment. No rental 1 Pet ok, close to Denman shops, beach Gas FP, good size semi-enclosed patio Some bath upgrades. 1 parking lrg. storage

1631 COMOX

1439 sf 2 BR + office + solarium Open concept for entertaining Very bright SW corner exposure Xtra large Chef’s kitchen-storage++ Granite counters–breakfast bar Large laundry/storage + storage down Huge master BR suite w/ ensuite 2nd BR w/ frosted glass French doors Lrg guest bath, sep laundry room Steps to Seawall, Skytrain, Pool, GYM

$485,000 1188 QUEBEC

$998,000

www.dexterrealty.com 604-689-8226 Yaletown 604-336-3539 Main Street 604-263-1144 Kerrisdale Marty Pospischil 604-263-1144

Adam Pospischil 604-263-1144

1005-811 HELMCKEN ST.

$674,800

Taking our Listings Global Chris Spotzl

Pouya Ghazi

604-263-1144

604-782-5896

703-68 SMITHE ST.

$648,000

Rarely available 03 unit with False Creek Vista! Luxurious living at the brand new One Pacific. This south facing 1 bed - 1 bath and flex offers water views and is perfectly situated not only steps from the Tranquility of the seawall and False Creek, but also Yaletown’s trendy Restaurants and boutique shopping. High-end finishes and features include wide plank flooring, European tile, quartz countertops, a gourmet kitchen and air conditioning. Along with its industry leading quality construction Canada’s premier developer, Concord Pacific, has provided an Optimal layout with this suite by incorporating both a solarium looking out on the iconic outdoor pool deck and False Creek beyond. 24 hours concierge service.

FULLY RENOVATED fabulous northwest facing corner 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom executive condo with BALCONY! This home is ALL NEW with brand new bathrooms (fixtures, Italian 24x24 marble, etc.), completely rebuilt kitchen (new cabinets, quartz counter, appliances, lighting/ flooring), all new flooring in suite and fully painted. This beautiful home is ready to move into and enjoy, it’s all been done! This CONCRETE Building has gym, games room, and terraced garden located above Starbucks and blocks to water, restaurants, theatre district and all Vancouver has to offer. Strata allows 2 pets with limited rentals at max. Comes with one underground parking stall (#217 on P2) and additional storage locker. Balcony size: 6’2x6’3.

Tony Ioannou & Kelly Lindahl 604-263-1144 905-1328 MARINASIDE CR.

12 W February 16 - February 22, 2017

604-263-1144

$3,288,000

$299,000

Amazing renovated unit ready to move in! This very practical 1 bedroom in the heart of the West End has an excellent layout and is not ground floor.

Highlights include: lots of natural light (facing south); updated kitchen with stainless steel appliances; spa-like bathroom with soaker tub and large sink; walnut hardwood floors; open concept; and rooftop swimming pool.

Building is very well managed and in great shape. Prepaid leasehold until 2073. Parking and locker available on rental basis. Pets not allowed, rentals permitted. Extraordinary turn-key investment.

Marty Pospischil

Rarely available 03 unit with False Creek Vista! Luxurious living at the brand new One Pacific. This south facing 1 bed - 1 bath and flex offers water views and is perfectly situated not only steps from the Tranquility of the seawall and False Creek, but also Yaletown’s trendy Restaurants and boutique shopping. High end finishes and features include wide plank flooring, European tile, quarts countertops, a gourmet kitchen and air conditioning. Along with its industry leading quality construction Canada’s premier developer, Concord Pacific, has provided an Optimal layout with this suite by incorporating both a solarium looking out on the iconic outdoor pool deck and False Creek beyond. 24 hours concierge service.

Check out our website, www.dexterrealty.com for current market condition updates.

107-1250 BURNABY ST.

Marcus Maia 604-263-1144

315-788 HAMILTON ST.

Adam Pospischil 604-263-1144

$488,000

TV Towers One - Downtown Vancouver 1 bedroom! This unit is located right in the center of it all. Grab coffee and a croissant en-route to stroll the seawall, or dinner/ drinks at one of Yaletown’s prime nightlife spots on the way to catch the game at Roger’s Arena. Walking distance to Expoline/ Canada-Line sky train stations. The building offers executive level amenities that would make a sports club jealous, including: full length lap pool, hot tub, sauna, party room, concierge, and an awesome gym. The unit is very private, and features a very functional floor plan.

Rentals allowed, and pets allowed. Includes one parking in underground. Perfect home for a first time buyer, investor, or for your Vancouver pied-a-terre.

Commercial Real Estate Needs? Dexter Associates Realty’s commercial team will answer all of your questions and will help with all your commerical needs. Whether you need office space, somewhere to set up your business or retail store, or are looking to buy an investment property we can help you. Call us at 604-689-8226 today.

Westender.com

REAL ESTATE //

@WESTENDERVAN MAUREEN YOUNG

PERSONAL REAL ESTATE CORPORATION

Certified Senior Agent & Luxury Marketing Specialist

Senior Mortgage Advisor

Thanks to All Our Clients,Associates & Friends For Helping Rank Us Top 0.4% on the Greater Vancouver Real Estate Board in 2016!

A Sophisticated Approach to Lifestyle Attainment.

Professional Advisement and Marketing of Fine Vancouver Properties.

Number One Realtor in Downtown Office Last 5 Years in a Row! 2016 #1 in Transactions for the RE/MAX Crest Westside Group of Companies & #3 in Sales Volume (Individual Category) 2014-2016 RE/MAX Chairman’s Club & Titan Club Award Winner

CURRENT RATES 5 Year Fixed 5 Year Variable

2.59% 2.10%

(Prime less 0.60%)

Rates subject to change without notice. O.A.C.

AREYOU A FIRSTTIME HOMEBUYER? The BC government has a new program to help you with your downpayment and it’s interest and payment free for the first 5 years.

Contact me for all of the details.

Contact me for all your purchase, refinance and renewal options.

Other rates and terms available.

CALL 604-805-5888

maureen@maureenyoung.ca | maureenyoung.ca

An Independently Owned & Operated Corporation

CURRENT LISTINGS:

TINSELTOWN/ DOWNTOWN NEW LISTING

WESTWIND, RICHMOND

JUST LISTED & SOLD OVER ASKING IN 48 HOURS 510-58 Keefer Place, “Firenze,” $488,800

• Beautiful 2009 Built 1 Bed & Den/ Office 631SQFT • Faces Park With Balcony • Excellent Clean Condition, Updated Paint & Carpets • 3 Elevators, Huge Pool, Gym, Spa • 24/Hour Concierge Security • 1 Parking, Storage Avail • Can Be Sold Fully Furnished!

• Rentals & Dogs Welcome!

• Near TNT, Costco, Skytrain, Gastown, Chinatown & Seawall!

Crest Westside Ltd.

JUST SOLD! 23-11100 Railway Ave, “Westwind Terrace,” $1,018,000 • Inside/Duplex-Style 2000SQFT Townhome!

• Gated Community, 52 Homes • Great Location In Westwind near Steveston • 2-3 Bedrooms, 3 Bath • Nice Sunny Private Yard • 2-Car Attached Garage • Close to Schools, Shops,Transit

Prepare to be MOVED™.

Over 60 sales in 2016!

FALSE CREEK NEW LISTING

SOLD 3419 Pritchett Place, “Summit View Estates,” $1,588,800 • Summit View Estate Gem! • Stunning 4000SQFT 5 Bed, 2 Bath, 2 Car Garage • Brand New Home, Reputable Builder, No GST! • Panoramic, Breathtaking Views • Quality Finishings, High Ceilings • 1 Bedroom Legal Suite.

• 2-5-10 Warranty

SOLD IN 1 DAY OVER ASKING 309-1470 Pennyfarthing Drive, “Harbour Cove,” $698,000 • “Harbour Cove” On Seawall, Strata Concrete Mid-Rise • Huge 1036SQFT One Bedroom & Solarium • Stunning Views and Gardens • End Unit, Bring Reno Ideas • Incredible Resort-Like Spa Facilities • Walk To Granville Island, 4th Ave, Kits • Rentals Yes, Pets No • Welcome Home

BRAND NEW, BEAUTIFULLY FURNISHED 1,450 SQ.FT. 2 BDRM, 2 BATHROOM WITH BALCONY, 65 INCH 4K TV, SURROUND SOUND SONOS SYSTEM AND A/C AT THE SHANGRI-LA This stunning furnished 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom suite exudes luxury! Newly renovated with brand new, highend furnishings including a 65 inch 4K TV as well as a hi-fi sonos sound system with speakers in every room.

The open floor plan boasts over 1,450 sq feet of living space including a gorgeous fireplace, electric blinds, hitech suite lighting controls and partial mountain views.

The kitchen features stainless steel appliances and comes fully equipped with everything you need for a comfortable stay. The master bedroom features a king size bed, walk-in closet and master en-suite with deep soaker tub and separate stand alone glass shower and his and her sinks. Towels, linens and in-suite laundry are all included for your convenience. Your rent includes cable, internet, hydro, gas, one underground parking spot and bi-weekly maid service. The Shangri-La is Vancouver’s premier luxury residence and 5-star hotel, located in the heart of downtown Vancouver. Guests of the Shangri-La will have access to the hotel amenities including concierge and valet service, 5-star dining, and residents’ 48-seat theater, fitness center, yoga studio, outdoor pool, and access to the Chi Spa. For more information contact: NAN KUMLIN 778-822-6030

DOWNTOWN SOUTH NEW LISTING

WEST END NEW LISTING

SOLD OVER ASKING IN ONE WEEK! 1603-1325 Rolston Street, “The Rolston” $578,000 • Ocean View 1 Bed and Den 600sqft • Beautiful Layout and Balcony • One Parking, Insuite Storage, Pets and Rentals OK • Gym and Amazing Rooftop Deck • Steps to Seawall,Yaletown, Skytrain in Hot New Dowtown South Neighbourhood - Welcome Home!

JUST SOLD 1 DAY OVER ASKING! 908-1250 Burnaby Street, “The Horizon,” $288,000

Call Us Today for a Confidential Needs Assessment and Market Analysis

dexter pm 1909-1111 ALBERNI ST. $8,500/MONTH

More on My Website at: www.MichaelDowling.ca

BURKE MOUNTAIN, COQUITLAM

• Gorgeous Renovated Junior 1 Bedroom • Ocean Views • Fully Furnished • Concrete Misread Leasehold • Rooftop Pool • Rentals Allowed • Financing Available • Leasehold Property.

604-787-5568

www.MichaelDowling.ca

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT A DIVISION OF DEXTER ASSOCIATES REALTY 778.996.1514 | DEXTERPM.CA

405-1238 SEYMOUR ST $3,800/MONTH

401-12 WATER ST. $2,300/MONTH

YALETOWN | UPSCALE FURNISHED TWO BEDROOM ONE BATHROOM 2-LEVEL LOFT WITH 400 SQ.FT. PRIVATE PATIO, PET FRIENDLY AT “SPACE”

GASTOWN | UNIQUE & SPACIOUS UNFURNISHED, PET FRIENDLY ONE BEDROOM LOFT AT GARAGE

Welcome to Space in Yaletown. Situated in Vancouver’s most trendiest neighbourhood. Just steps to seawall, Canada Line, Choices Market and wide variety of eateries & amenities. This exquisite 1,150sq ft furnished 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom and 2-Level loft boasts hardwood floors throughout, 16 ft ceiling, floor-to-ceiling windows ensure ample natural light and a 400sq ft private patio with BBQ & Fire pit. The living space features contemporary design & decors including a large couch, flat screen TV, automatic roll down blinds and dining table with seating for 4.

For more information & to see the full listing contact: LILY HSIEH 778-881-1191

This heritage gem is located in the heart of Historic Gastown, one of Vancouver’s most vibrant neighbourhood. Surrounded by the city’s best restaurants, unique shops, transit and all other amenities. This spacious 625sq ft one bedroom loft boasts beautiful polished concrete floors, over height ceilings, front loading washer & dryer and hardwood flooring in raised living room. The liner kitchen features an island, integrated appliances, including a fridge, stove, dishwasher and plenty cabinetry for storage. The bathroom is complete with modern vanity, tile floorings and a large soaker tub . This suite is Pet-Friendly. However, as per strata bylaw ONLY 1 dog or 1 cat is allowed. Your rent includes water and gas.

For more information & to see the full listing contact: NAN KUMLIN 778-822-6030

4506-777 RICHARDS ST.

$4,500/MONTH DOWNTOWN | BRAND NEW, UNFURNISHED 2 BEDROOM, 2 BATHROOM, 2 PARKING, PET FRIENDLY SUITE WITH MOUNTAIN & WATER VIEWS AT TELUS GARDEN

This 45th floor 1,112 sq ft unfurnished two bedroom two bathroom plus two flex suite boasts sweeping ocean and city views from every room. This luxurious home features a gourmet Kitchen, including a Miele appliance package: dishwasher, integrated fridge and bottom-mount freezer, gas range cooktop, high-powered hood fan and convection oven. This apartment has air-conditioning, Bamboo hardwood flooring that sweeps the main living area and 100% thick wool carpet in the bedroom with roller shades for ultimate privacy. The contemporary state of the art en-suite bathroom features an integrated vanity mirror with built in television and oversized soaker tub with contemporary tiled backsplash. For more information contact: LILY HSIEH 778-881-1191

ASK US ABOUT OUR - FREE RENTAL RATE ASSESSMENT -

Westender.com

February 16 - February 22, 2017 W 13

LIFESTYLES //

WESTENDER.COM

HEALTH & PETS PET OF THE WEEK //

This mother-and-son pair has been waiting patiently for adoption.

Adopt Dasher & Vixen NOA NICHOL @adopteezpleez

With the holidays behind us, Olga Betts of Vancouver Rabbit Rescue and Advocacy (VRRA) remains hopeful that Dasher and Vixen, a sweet son and mother with festive names who landed in her care in 2012, will finally find their forever home.

“These lovely little dark lionheads have been languishing in our shelter for four years,” Betts said, adding that Dasher and Vixen were taken to a vet to be euthanized when Vixen was five months and her son, Dasher, was about four weeks, just because they were unwanted.

“They are nice little bunnies,

though they tend to be a bit shy and they hate to be handled,” she said. “But once they know you and trust you they will hang out with you, and even climb up on your lap.”

Vixen, Betts adds, was given as a gift to a family who “kept her in the backyard and pretty well just let her eat the grass, not much else.”When she had babies, all but three died and her owners decided to put her and the surviving kittens down.That’s when VRRA intervened.

“The vet they were taken to said two were in poor shape, one was near death,” she explained. “But that vet did not normally see rabbits so I told them to direct the people to my

vet out their way.The very sick baby died there, and Vixen’s daughter, Dancer, was small and weak but lived for two or three months before she died.”

Now, all Vixen and Dasher have are each other.

“They are sweet, with no nastiness in them,” said Betts.

“They are neat and non-chewy, but do need a little grooming and nail clipping, which they are very good about.”

The one other issue she’d like a potential adopter to know about is the fact that both bunnies have an upper respiratory infection that comes and goes – nothing serious, but a problem that hasn’t had a good chance to be resolved in the shelter environment.

Betts also emphasizes that Dasher and Vixen are a pair that “must stay together.”

“The best adopter would be someone with rabbit experience and no small children – unless the children were the quiet, obedient kind who would not chase or try to grab them,” she said. “I do think Dasher and Vixen would make great pets; they simply have never been given a good chance. Can’t someone take them home and love them?”

• Are you able to give Dasher andVixen the loving home they’ve been waiting so patiently for? Read their full profile and find adoption info on theVRRA website,VRRA.org. W

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PATIENT WITH TWO MISSING TEETH

Sex with Mish Way

@MyszkaWay When I was 14-years-old the movie “American Pie” came out. I wasn’t allowed to see the movie because of my strict religious upbringing. My school yard buddies were dying to see it, though. Eventually, it went to video and our friend’s older brother rented it for us. I vividly remember the movie. Hormones were flying at that time in my life, but coming from a religious background and living with just my mom, I had to find a way to deal and was definitely not going to talk to her about it.

Since I had never had a girlfriend at that point, let alone actually kissed a girl, I was curious. The scene that really got me going was where one character is caught having “relations” with a warm apple pie. According to the movie, that’s what a woman’s “area” feels like. And while hot pie is obviously a bad idea, I wanted to know for myself.

I started practicing kissing on balloons. I’d draw lips on them at just practice in my room at night. I was getting really good at it, but I needed more practice if I was really going to impress the girls, right?

There was some schoolyard gossip about men having “relations” with cantaloupe. Fruit is God’s gift to the world, so it was okay by my beliefs.

So, I started practicing my “relations” with this cantaloupe. I was about 17 at this point. Fast forward to 2017: I am 31 years old and I have my

first date in a couple of weeks with a nice lady from Helena, which is a city south of my home town of Great Falls, Montana. I am excited and I can’t wait to meet her for dinner. We have been talking for about two months and our schedules finally align. My question for you is, will the transition from cantaloupe to a real woman be hard? Is it going to be much different than what I am used to? If she asks why I am so good at “relations” should I tell her I have had a lot of experience with fruit or just let her believe I have had multiple partners before?

Wow! My good sir, your history of “relations” is quite something. May I say, it’s unfortunate that your mother let your religion get in the way of your sexual education.You’re a little fucked, but then again, there is someone out there for everyone.

Although I am not a deeply religious person – I am agnostic – I do believe that there should be a common respect for spirituality.Whatever one choses to believe is their own business. However, in your case, you now need an education in a little thing called reality.

I’m trying to remember the last time I had cantaloupe. I think it was last week.There is nothing like a really beautiful piece of cantaloupe.When it’s good, it’s excellent, and when it’s bad it’s awful, which is a nice parallel to draw with the human genitals.Your main difference between the vagina and the cantaloupe is going to be the complexity of it: mainly, the clitoris. I imagine this is

something that you have not considered and if you want to be good at “relations”, you better go to clit school.

May I suggest that you go pick up Hustler magazine?The latest issue is great, including an excellent feature on a sexy cannabis farmer, Meg Champion, by yours truly, but I digress. Inside the pages of Hustler you will find nothing but pink, pink, pink. Study the vagina.Take a good, hard look – pun intended – at the variety.

Then, do as much Googling as you can about female anatomy, female masturbation videos, Madonna and the bottle, whatever. Perhaps even look into some sex books. I suggest Sex: HowTo Do Everything, She Comes First:AThinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring aWomen or Sex for Dummies.You missed sex school, so now you have to cram for that final exam.

The main transition that you will have to overcome is that, unlike a cantaloupe, a real woman has a face, neck, shoulders, breast, arms, legs and, most importantly, a brain.

I can’t even begin to list the ways in which a woman is so much better than a cantaloupe. It’s going to be a weird transition at first and she will probably notice.

I wish you the best of luck.

You are going to need it. And remember, do NOT tell her you have had sex with cantaloupe. Fruit is the past and women are your future. Another thing, if you murder her, I have your I.P. address, full name and email. I’ll be keeping an eye out on the news.

Best!

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