Westender - February 5, 2015 by Westender

FEBRUARY 5-11 // 2014

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NEWS // ISSUES

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INSIDE THIS WEEK

You’re All Just Jealous of My Jetpack by Tom Gauld

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News3 Vancouver Shakedown3 Fashion4 A Good Chick to Know4 Shop Talk5 Valentine’s Day6 By the Bottle6 Follow Me Foodie7 Nosh8 Fresh Sheet8 The Growler9 Music10 Arts11 What’s On12 16 Reel People14 Movie reviews14 Whole Nourishment16 Play Outdoors16 Real Estate17 Drive20 Horoscopes21 Sex with Mish Way21 WESTENDER IS A DIVISION OF LMP PUBLICATION LIMITED PARTNERSHIP. ALL MATERIAL IS COPYRIGHTED AND CANNOT BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF THE PUBLISHER. THE NEWSPAPER RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REJECT ANY ADVERTISING WHICH IT CONSIDERS TO CONTAIN FALSE OR MISLEADING INFORMATION OR INVOLVES UNFAIR OR UNETHICAL PRACTICES. THE ADVERTISER AGREES THE PUBLISHER SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR DAMAGES ARISING OUT OF ERROR IN ANY ADVERTISEMENT BEYOND THE AMOUNT PAID FOR SUCH ADVERTISEMENT. WE COLLECT, USE, AND DISCLOSE YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION IN ACCORDANCE WITH OUR PRIVACY STATEMENT WHICH IS AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST.

RANT//RAVE email: rantrave@westender.com

ALL RANTS ARE THE OPINION OF THE INDIVIDUAL AND DO NOT REFLECT THE OPINIONS OF THE WESTENDER. THE EDITOR RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT FOR CLARITY AND BREVITY, SO PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT AND (BITTER)SWEET

HOMELESS DESERVE RESPECT TOO

Re: Rant/Rave, Jan. 29, 2015 I’ve taken all I can stands, I can’t stand no more. As a person who works for the City of Vancouver, my job entails that I, on a semi-regular basis, walk the streets of our fair city. I walk through the richest and the poorest neighbourhoods and I can tell you without hesitation that the people of ﬁlth that the condescending Calvin Pitre refers to are some of the most thoughtful and respectful human beings I encounter on a regular basis. I will walk the length of Robson Street at peak hour and be totally ignored; I can walk the same distance in the Downtown Eastside and I am frequently met with smiles and “good morning” and “lovely day isn’t it?” With all their shortcomings and personal hygiene issues that you so vigilantly attest to, I will say these people are twice the human being you are, Calvin. I see acts of charity and kindness between persons

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Smoke Shop Light it up

that have a bare minimum and I have yet to see any judgment being passed around like you so self-righteously throw around. Mental health and drug issues are hugely prevalent in the lives of the ﬁlthy people you refer to and to suggest that your inconveniences are relatable to the life these people have to endure shows me how unbelievably out of touch with reality you are. Have some compassion and humanity for God’s sake and take your self-righteous head out of your pretentious ass and be thankful you only have to suffer some dirt and inconvenience and not a life of pain and disdain from assholes like you. –Rob Hewitt

DRUG ADDICTS AT LIBRARY NEED TO GO

Re: Rant/Rave, Jan. 29, 2015 Thank you for speaking up so wonderfully and so well. We are certainly long overdue for a big change. Libraries are not a crash pad, nor a drug den, nor a

place to conduct deals. Time for the criminals and crackheads and so-called homeless to go! Like lots and lots of other Vancouverites, I am sick of open drug use, outdoor toilet habits, ﬁlth and disgusting behaviour, non-sto panhandling and vagrants with a serious sense of entitlement. Write to the police chief and the mayor and the pre mier! This has got to stop. –Betty Atwell Power

SMALL TOWN LIFE HAS MUCH TO OFFER

RE: Back to the land 2.0, Jan 29, 2015 I have just read the artic and was very pleasantly surprised to see the very positive reference to life in Lillooet. We purchased 10 years ago and although we love our part-time life there, it has been quite a rollercoaster ride. To read about newcomers (especially younger ones) movin in and praising what it has rather than has not, made me very happy. –Linda Quinn

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Hot Tickets Spring A&E Guide February 12

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NEWS // ISSUES

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YOUR CITY

It’s a Vancouver Shakedown! Grant Lawrence Vancouver Shakedown @GrantLawrence

The City of Vancouver rolled out its plan Tuesday to support a Yes vote in the spring plebiscite on a transit and transportation plan that aims to cut congestion across the region. Dan Toulgoet photo

City gears up for transit vote MIKE HOWELL @howellings

The City of Vancouver will host neighbourhood meetings, use social media and reallocate some of its staff as part of its campaign to educate voters and help secure a region-wide Yes vote in the spring plebiscite on transit and transportation. But the city will not spend any extra money in its drive to urge voters to support a 0.5 per cent tax hike to help pay for a $7.5 billion plan that includes a subway along the Broadway corridor, said Jerry Dobrovolny, the city’s transportation director, who outlined the city’s role in the Yes campaign at a city council meeting Tuesday. “We’ll use existing city staff and we’ll use existing budgets,” said Dobrovolny, noting the mayors’ council on regional transportation will do “the lion’s share of the work” in engaging and educating the public about the plan. The mayors’ council devised the $7.5-billion, 10-year plan and created a secretariat to steer aYes campaign that includes three staff from Van-

couver. Five other city staff continue to do presentations on the plan and will meet with groups of 10 or more, if they have questions. “Call us and invite us out, we’re happy to meet in person,” Dobrovolny said. “It’s a valuable way to have the conversation because we can drill down into your neighbourhood and be more speciﬁc [about the plan].” In addition, he said, all the city’s 311 operators are equipped with information regarding the mayors’ plan, including how to access the mayors’ council website and ensure a person is registered to vote in the plebiscite. Vision Vancouver Coun. Andrea Reimer pointed out that in early 2013 there were 300,000 unregistered voters in BC. Reimer said Elections BC was able to register 170,000 of those but she was concerned the balance never did get registered and won’t vote in the plebiscite. “The answer from Elections BC is, in fact, ‘We don’t know yet,’’’ replied Michael Buda, executive director of the mayors’ council, who was present at city council. “They’re wait-

ing to hear ﬁnal regulations from [the provincial] cabinet. They’re ready to work quite closely with us to come up with some good solutions to that.” Vision Vancouver Coun. Kerry Jang said he was worried the need for aYes vote will be lost in non-English speaking communities, particularly in the Chinese community where they aren’t hearing both sides of the debate on the proposed tax hike. “I want to make sure that we have ample opportunity to reach out to the Chinese media and that we give them plenty of opportunity to meet all sorts of folks and there’s a real strategy for ethnic media,” Jang told city staff after learning the city’s 311 system has access to 165 languages and includes staff who can translate. The city is pushing aYes vote because city council went on record last month of supporting the 0.5 per cent tax hike, saying there was an urgent need to cut congestion in the region. Metro Vancouver’s population will increase by more than 1 million people and

600,000 jobs over the next 30 years.The plan calls for a subway along Broadway, a light rail transit system in Surrey, a new Pattullo Bridge and 25 per cent more bus service, including an 80 per cent increase to night bus service across the region. If theYes side wins, the tax hike translates to about $125 a year for an average household and $50 per year for low-incomes households, both averages depending on how much people purchase. The No TransLink Tax group leading the No campaign says municipalities could use revenue collected from future growth instead of pushing a 0.5 per cent hike to the seven per cent sales tax. “TransLink, Metro Vancouver and municipal revenues are going to grow by an average of 4.8 per cent a year,” says a statement on the No side’s website. “They can fund the whole plan if they only grow at 4.3 per cent. No programs need to be cut, spending just has to grow a little slower.” Voters will begin receiving ballots in the mail by midMarch. W

Am I... dreaming? Am I… actually writing a weekly column for the legendary Westender? The very weekly I have read religiously ever since moving out of my parents’ home in West Vancouver, and into my first roach-infested dump of a downtown apartment? The Westender, the very paper that felt like my only downtown friend for those first few years, until I was finally able to find a job at burgeoning indie label Mint Records? The Westender, that paper I would grab in the lobby every week when I was finally able to move into a respectable-yet-tiny apartment on Beach Avenue after landing a job at the CBC? Needless to say, it’s an honour for this old Vancouver kid to officially be writing for the city’s longest-running entertainment weekly. Full disclosure: this isn’t my first time gracing the Westender’s pages. That Beach Avenue apartment of mine was featured in the long-running “My Digs” column a couple of embarrassing times. I’ve also called in more than a few rants and raves over the years (How utterly barbaric is it that Vancouver allows actual WHALES to still be kept in captivity?!… How incredibly awesome are those new bike lanes, eh?!). My garage rock band, The Smugglers (which attempted to rock the clubs of Vancouver from 1988 all the way through to 2005,

during which I was the lead “singer”), even managed to land on the cover of the Westender, way back in February, 2000. And “Shakedown!”, for which this Vancouver Shakedown column is named, is the title of a bombastic Smugglers tune about the time I was caught in the teenage act of attempting to spray paint our band name on the side of a dumpster, and was arrested on the spot. All these years later, somewhere in the Downtown Eastside, there’s a dumpster with the words “The Smug” spray-painted on its side. These crime-free days, my wife Jill and I live happily in Hastings-Sunrise, in the furthest reaches of East Vancouver, with our hockey-obsessed toddler Josh. I traded English Bay Beach for New Brighton, the Fish House for Tacoﬁno, and Denman for Renfrew. My day job is still miraculously at the CBC, where I have been a host and music journalist for the past 15 years. Late at night, I try to write books, managing two so far, both of which feature Vancouver as prominently as possible. It’s this city that I will write about in the Vancouver Shakedown, week in, week out, about our triumphs and failures, our warts and our beauty, typed with as much piss, vinegar, and passion as this old punk can muster. I love this town. I always have and probably always will, and now I get to share that passion with you, in the pages of the Westender. I couldn’t be prouder. And if this is a dream, don’t wake me up just yet. W

Grant keeps storage service open for DTES homeless NAOIBH O’CONNOR @naoibh

The First United Community Ministry Society landed a much-needed $40,000 grant last week to help its popular storage facility for the homeless continue operating for another year.The welcome news also highlighted the annual effort non-proﬁts exert to ensure program costs are covered. “Multi-year funding is a challenging thing to get and that is true for lots of people

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in the non-proﬁt sector. It is something we do have to put energy into year-to-year,” explained Heather Forbes, First United’s communications coordinator. “For this program, and for other programs, it’s always something we have to plan time for, but that’s just part of the world we live in and I don’t think we’re in a unique situation with that.” First United earned the $40,000 grant through the Aviva community fund.The public votes on nominated projects and, if the project

earns a place in the ﬁnals, a panel of judges chooses grand prize winners, according to criteria such as longevity and sustainability. The storage facility program, which launched at the end of 2009, was established through one-time-only City of Vancouver funding related to the Olympics. It operates seven days a week and provides 200 units of storage for use by homeless people or those with precarious housing. Users are assigned a storage unit – a rubber bin that can

hold up to 50 pounds, or a place for their cart or luggage. They must check in once a day so staff can ensure they haven’t abandoned their belongings. The facility is in First United’s underground parking and takes up about four to six parking spots. It costs roughly $60,000 to operate, with the bulk of the budget going towards staff who manage access during operating hours. W –Stories courtesy of Vancouver Courier

Grant Lawrence and The Smugglers on the cover of Westender back in 2000.

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STYLE // DESIGN

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FASHION

Dace’s spring collection includes a loose-fitting denim jumpsuit, the Magic pant with the Maxine tank, and the striped Logan sweatshirt with the Piper skirt. Contributed photos

Back to basics with Dace NIKI HOPE @nikimhope

In an era where sustaining a small owner-operated design business that uses local labour (no sweatshops to see here, folks) and quality fabrics get ever-more costly, Dace Moore continues creating some of the most well-crafted clothes to come out of our city. But Moore acknowledges the challenge of doing so. Manufacturing costs, in particular, have gone through the roof in recent years, Moore says. In Van-

couver, it’s especially tough because of steep rents. Many people have suggested she slice costs by shipping production overseas, but Moore has held ﬁrm to keeping production local, though it is a challenge ﬁnancially. Moore is known for creating well-made basics that move effortlessly from yearto-year. She works mostly with solid fabrics, not prints – a move that started for practical purposes. “I never used prints back in the day because we had to buy local, and I never wanted to have the same

prints as anybody else,” Moore explains. Now she avoids using a lot of prints because she wants women to be able to keep her chic, minimalist pieces in their closets for years to come. “Prints get old fast,” says Moore, whose first job in the industry was as a designer at streetwear outfit United Snow and Skate. These days those solids define her clothes, giving a sophistication and simplicity that appeals to women of all ages. But what really makes her clothes special is the way they feel. A particularly

popular trouser – aptly called Magic – is a perennial favourite because of its ﬂattering ﬁt. “I usually do a lot of repeats for each season because that’s what sells,” Moore explains from her spacious and bright Hastings Street studio on a sunny afternoon. But she also designs new pieces, which are often inspired by whatever she is into at the moment. For example, spring 2013 was all about Japanese cotton buttonup shirts, because she was breastfeeding at the time. There are other standouts in the 2015 spring collec-

tion, including the Magic pant paired with the Maxine tank – an all-black slimming look; the striped marine blue and white Logan sweatshirt with the mid-length brûléecoloured Piper skirt; and the loose-ﬁtting denim Bernie jumpsuit. Another gem includes the all-white Nicolette jumpsuit, though it remains to be seen if that one (my personal favourite) will go into production. Spring styles are yet-toarrive, though be on the lookout at Dace’s website (Dace.ca), for the latest looks. Also at Dace’s studio,

Home is where the art is: Jamie Bizness Jennifer Scott A Good Chick to Know

@Jennifer_AGCTK We’ve seen this column transition from a fashion-focused piece, to a discussion on what décor trends are inspired by street style, and now we’re seeing it develop into a look at what is driving our local art scene. Each month I’ll be sitting down with a local artist and delving into what drives them and inspires them, offering a peek into their work and how it is inﬂuencing design.

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We’re kicking off this new artist series with one of the most prominent creatives on the scene right now, Jamie Bizness (JamieBizness.ca): surrealist illustrator, skilled painter and one of the best tattoo artists in the biz. What I love about working with Jamie’s art is the strong visual interest.The initial graphic appeal of his illustrations adds a gallery-chic element to any décor (I’ve used a large grouping all framed out in white). But it’s more about the intricate details that invite, engage and intrigue you; no matter how long you look, there’s always new details to ﬁnd and you just can’t help but want to see more.

Who is Jamie Bizness? Jamie Bizness is art.

How did you get started as an artist? I was first inspired by my aunt, who was also a professional artist. At a young age when I showed interest, she taught me artistic techniques (I remember when I was four or five, being fascinated with her ability to draw Ninja Turtles). I guess this is where it sort of all started.Throughout my childhood art was everything; in high school I sold my first piece, giving me a taste of what being an artist as a career was all about. From there I created a line of custom painted hats called

Thinkink, and this is in some ways what brought me from Alberta to Vancouver. I sold a lot of street art when I was ﬁrst starting out here, and was introduced to Red Gate Studios, a local art society. Red Gate opened up opportunities for me to explore collaborating with other artists. Some of my favourite artistic unions have been working with Rylsee on a show in Brazil, and collaborating with Caroline Weaver. What mediums do you work with? Art for me has always been about drawing. I recently completed a year-long project in which I created an illustra-

tion every day; the result was a good number of notebooks ﬁlled with my illustrations that I intend to translate into a book at some point in the future. A collection of these illustrations are being shown at Red Gate studios (855 East Hastings), for a show called “Works on Paper” opening on Thursday, Feb. 5. It was after I had established myself as an artist that I discovered and developed my parallel career as a tattoo artist. I sort of stumbled into tattooing, rather than pursuing it with the traditional paths: an artist lent me his tattoo machine and I played around with the discipline, tattooing both myself and anyone who

located at 725 East Hastings, Sunja Link is selling her curated vintage and design pieces. Link and Moore recently launched their collaboration, called The Workshop, which functions as a storefront and workshop for the twosome. Anyone looking to add some quality, ethically made threads to their closet for spring, needs to take a peek at the Dace collection. Locally, Dace is available at The Block, Eugene Choo, Oliver and Lilly’s, Charlie and Lee, as well as the Dace online store. W

was interested in a free tattoo for me to learn with.Tattooing takes up my main focus these days, although I make sure to create time for drawing everyday; I’m seeing more of my illustrative art inﬂuence my tattooing. I’m moving away from straight interpretations of other people’s [tattoo] ideas, more into an artistic style of my own that people seek out. I now have an independent tattoo business that I’ve been running out of the Lords of Gastown compound in Railtown for about a year; I’ve also worked with them designing Tshirts for their clothing brand.

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STYLE // DESIGN

@WESTENDERVAN

HOME Continued from page 4 If you could describe your artistic style in one word, what would it be? Trippy. Do you have a favourite place in the city that inspires you? Strathcona as a whole, but speciﬁcally MacLean Park, provides a place of calmness and balance for me. I strive to achieve these things in my daily life, so spending time in this environment is super important to me. I also love hanging out at Beer Island. What colour best describes your personality? Black. It’s what I use primarily in both my work and in my wardrobe. How would you describe Vancouver’s artistic community? Vancouver has a lot of artists; a lot of great artists. And a lot of potential. However, I see a lack of collectiveness between groups of artists.

Vancouver could offer a stronger art scene if it were more of a full community of artists banded together; we would have more to look at and be a stronger force. If you weren’t doing this for a living, what would you be doing? I have a strong interest in sociology, what people do and why they do it. Social change is a big focus for me and I try to incorporate that into my art, but if I had a different path it would deﬁnitely be motivated by social change. Art is about consciousness, making people aware; if I wasn’t doing this through art, I’d be doing it in some other way. What is your goal with your art? I think it would be for me to work with as many mediums, forms and artists as possible. To put my work everywhere on everything. Collaboration is a huge focus for me right now. W

Thick as Theives Tattoo owner Jamie Bizness at Lords of Gastown. Rob Newell photo

Lululemon founder moves on

NIKI HOPE @nikimhope

• Chip Wilson, founder of yoga-wear manufacturer Lululemon, announced this week that he is stepping down from the company’s board of directors.Wilson, who founded Lululemon in 1998, led the company through many business cycles as he expanded the company from a small storefront in Vancouver to an international brand with more than 250 stores. Wilson is stepping away from

Lululemon to work with his wife and son as they grow their new business, Kit & Ace, which produces technical luxury products by using cashmere blends.

• A new Vancouver-based distribution company called Elpidio Apparel Trading is the exclusive distributor locally for international brands: French fashion house Pantone Colorwear; Oh Dawn, a lifestyle brand from Copenhagen; and Garment Project, a high-

2.00

end sneaker brand from Denmark. Rob Lytle and Thiago Roberti Paes are the team behind Elpidio Apparel Trading. Visit ElpidioTrading.com, to see more on the lines they represent.

protection. A report from the CBC reports suggests Target Canada liquidation sales this Thursday, Feb. 5 will be “like Black Friday.” W

There is more online

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• US-based retail giant Target proved that it was off the mark in its predictions for success in Canada. The company announced last month that it was closing its 133 stores in Canada and laying off 17,600 employees. It is also seeking bankruptcy

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EAT // DRINK

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DINING OUT

Eight romantic meals for you and your lover ANYA LEVYKH @FoodGirlFriday

There are – quite literally – hundreds of dining options for courting couples. How then, does one choose a place that fulﬁlls “romantic” aesthetic requirements and also delivers delicious food that satiates both the palate and the soul, and inspires thoughts love and lust? There is more than one aspect to what makes a restaurant a solid choice for romance and fun, but here, in no particular order, are 10 spots that should make for some lucky nights all around. So, eat, drink and enjoy the pleasures of the night.

L’ABBATOIR

This lively spot may not initially scream “intimate,” but that’s only because you haven’t seen the new private dining room, physically separated from the main restaurant, and set up this V-Day weekend for tête-à-tête convos and some serious ﬁnger grazing.The menu also plays its part. Smoked salmon, fraîche and roe, prime rib with potato gratin; and honey cake with white chocolate cremeux. LAbbatoir.ca

THE FAT BADGER

For some girls – and guys – romance is best served with a beef pot pie and a pint of ale. That’s no reason, however, for the pie to be anything but

excellent.The jovial room and upbeat vibe is happy-making, and the miniYorkshire puddings with roast beef are the stuff of legend. Plus, it’s a refurbished heritage house with some intimate nooks and crannies. FatBadger.ca

LUPO

Another heritage house redux, Lupo is intimate yet cheerful. Forget white tablecloths and focus on the excellent wine list and stellar Valentine’s menu (offered Feb. 13-14).Three courses for $75 or four for $95 covers items such as wagyu beef carpaccio, burrata, lamb shank osso buco, short rib ravioli, smoked ricotta gnocchi and housemade sorbetto with madeleines or tiramisu for dessert. LupoRestaurant.ca

THE PEAR TREE

Scott and Stephanie Jaeger have been quietly and successfully serving up Burnaby’s ﬁnest food for well over 15 years. The intimate 50-seat dining room serves up local, seasonal, sustainable and organic fare that varies according to what’s available and fresh. Items like the slow-cooked Maple Hills chicken breast or the twicecooked Berkshire pork belly will make for a heady and lusty night. PearTreeRestaurant.net

THE PARKER

Vegetarians and vegans need love, too. At The Parker,

Wines to woo with Michaela Morris By the Bottle

@MichaelaWine

As much as I love dining out, for me nothing beats the romance of being wined and dined at home on Valentine’s Day. I vividly remember my heart melting one February 14th when I came home to a surprise dinner of

crab and Champagne; two of my favourite things. If you are the one treating, you’ll need to make more of an effort than simply heating up leftovers. Candles and well-chosen music add atmosphere and wine will further your cause immensely. You could also try incorporating amorous ingredients to whatever you whip up. Cherries, pomegranate,

Clockwise from top left: Roast cauliflower with red pepper purée from The Parker; The Pear Tree’s elegant dining room; Delicious dessert from Lupo. Contributed photos the modern, clean, softly-lit room is the perfect backdrop for the excellent nosh served up by Michelin-starred Felix Zhou and front of house and beverage program by owner Steve da Cruz.The rotating menu offers solid gluten-free options as well.TheParkerVancouver.com

BISTRO WAGON ROUGE

Rather be in Paris? No reservations at this tiny East Side bistro, but the dimly-lit room, excellent food, highly

red chili peppers, honey, almonds, vanilla, avocado and even salmon are all said to be aphrodisiacs. (I’d add trufﬂes to that list.) The sexiest food has to be oysters though. Just make sure you have a bottle of sparkling wine chilling. Chocolate deserves a special mention. While it might be tempting to sip on a Cabernet Sauvignon, a word of warning. A sweet chocolate dessert will likely make the wine taste bitter and excruciatingly dry. Best

approachable prices, and standout service make a little waiting in line worthwhile.The daily rotating features winners like lamb belly with celeriac tortellini, venison osso buco, fantastic pork rillettes, plus classics like French onion soup, cassoulet and duck conﬁt. Deﬁnitely order the duck butter with bread, if it’s available. BistroWagonRouge.com

ZEST JAPANESE

Elegance and minimalism, when done right, can also to go with a dessert wine like Port. Now that’s truly a match made in heaven! Among wine’s many attributes, it is also falls into the aphrodisiac category, particularly red. So here’s a few to up the ante. Louis Bouillot, Perle d’Aurore’ Brut Rosé • Crémant de Bourgogne AOC, France • $26.99 at BC Liquor Stores Think pink and bubbles are cliché? Stop being such a curmudgeon! If these are remotely important to

lead to unforgettable and inspiring evenings. The modern Japanese fare created by executive chef Tatsuya Katagiri is both innovative and highly comforting, and ranges from daikon beer pickles to steamed monkﬁsh liver with mizori ponzu vinaigrette. Don’t miss the roasted duck breast carpaccio or any of the outstanding sushi selections. Better yet, say “omakase” and leave yourself in the hands of a master. ZestJapanese.com your sweetie, you better not disappoint. Packed with wild strawberries and pink grapefruit, this elegant and sophisticated sparkler is the whole package. And it’s in the same league as oysters. 2010 Pasíon de Bobal • Utiel Requena DO, Spain • $18.99 at BC Liquor Stores I get it, sometimes looks matter. I’m referring to the label of course. This one has Valentine’s appropriate hearts all over it. Luckily its charms go well beyond ap-

CAMPAGNOLO

Sometimes, it’s all about the dough. Pizza dough, that is. The thin, slightly crispy crusts at Campagnolo are not Verace Napoletana, but they are delicious and well-laden with fennel sausage, mortadella, pork trotter and other house-butchered and cured delights. Taglietelle with pork ragu is perfect for sharing, à la Lady and the Tramp. CampagnoloRestaurant.ca W pearance. Bright raspberry, red licorice and vanilla ﬂavours are enveloped in plush soft tannins. And for those of you less gifted in the kitchen, just pick up ready-made duck conﬁt at Oyama and roast up some potatoes in all that delicious fat. A side salad of arugula and cherries balances the meal (both of these are said to improve the mood, by the way).

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EAT // DRINK

VALENTINE’S

E XC E P T I O N A L I TA L I A N C U I S I N E

Join us for Every Thursday, Friday & Saturday starting February 12th, 2015. Come and hear some of the finest Jazz musicians in the country. FEATURING: Feb 12 - 14 Olly Gannon Trio

March 5 - 7 Cory Weeds Quartet

Feb 19 - 21 Steve Kaldestad

March 12 - 14 Mike Allen Trio

Feb 26 - 28 Cam Ryga Trio

March 19 - 21 Jodi Proznick Trio

You can melt hearts with melt-in-your-mouth food, starting with the Lobster Miang at Maenam.

Three orgasmic dishes to try this Valentine’s Day Mijune Pak Follow Me Foodie

@FollowMeFoodie Sure, I could talk about oysters, chocolate, chilies, bananas and vanilla, but you all know about these aphrodisiacs, right? Well, maybe not all of them, but you can indulge in as many of those listed and your sex drive still might not kick in. Valentine’s is the one day of the year I can play on the character of Carrie Bradshaw meets Nigella Lawson, so I’m not holding back. There are endless options for romantic three-course dinners and heart-shaped chocolates, but when it comes down to it, nothing beats a genuine foodgasm – an orgasm in your mouth. Yes, I’ve had it many times, and if you haven’t… you’re just eating at the wrong places or ordering the wrong things. I may not have been as

dramatic as Meg Ryan indulging in her pastrami sandwich at Katz’s Deli in Harry Meets Sally, but foodgasms are uncontrollable. And after you ﬁnish, you can’t wait to tell the world about it. God bless social media. So whether you’re taken or single, here are three orgasmic dishes to have over and over again.

Hy’s Cheese Toast for Two at Hy’s Steakhouse It’s a classic. “Famously irresistible since 1955.” It’s bread and melted cheese; it’s almost too easy. As many versions as you’ve had, this one makes you not want to ever order it anywhere else again; nobody makes it like they do here. It’s the George Clooney of the cheese bread world. It just ages so well. I want to cry thinking about it. Baked oyster with truffle and whipped garlic butter at L’abattoir It was a featured canapé at the recent Visa Inﬁnite

Lobster Miang at Maenam It was verbally introduced to the menu late last year, but you have to preorder it. Do it now. It’s a poached lobster with ginger, lime, toasted coconut and galangal dressing served with betel leaves. I call it a “Lettuce wrap 2.0” and it’s one of my favourite lobster dishes in the city. It’s sweet, salty, sour, spicy (as Thai food normally is), full of texture and just pops ﬂavour and freshness. I wouldn’t need anyone to enjoy this one. Lobster for one… yes, please! W Find out more about Mijune at FollowMeFoodie.com or follow her on Twitter and Instagram @followmefoodie.

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dinner at L’Abattoir and I fell in love at ﬁrst bite. I wanted half a dozen to myself – only half because they are super rich. They are actually offered on the à la carte menu at the restaurant, so don’t miss out. Oysters are aphrodisiacs after several, but just one of these will make you quiver.

Continued from page 6

2011 Hendry, Block 28 Zinfandel • Napa Valley, California • $57-62, available at private wine stores only When the most romantic meal for you is a rib-eye steak for two then a full bodied red is in order. Think fruit-driven, concentrated and complex Zin. Bursting with brambly

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black raspberry, plum and pepper, Hendry is ﬁrm yet suave and oh so satisfying. Look for it at Kits Wine Cellar and Everything Wine. Liberty Wine Merchants also has half bottles. 2007 Quinta do Crasto Late Bottled Vintage Port • Portugal • $26.99 at BC

Liquor Stores Luscious dark ﬂavours of blackberry, dried ﬁg and chocolate are corseted by grippy tannins. Sweet and intense enough to stand up to the richest, most dense chocolate dessert.You’ll likely have plenty left over to keep romancing the day after as well. W

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Tacofino Gastown expands their cantina line-up Anya Levykh Nosh

@FoodGirlFriday TACOFINO GASTOWN

15 West Cordova 604-899-7907 Tacofino.com/Gastown-Home Open Sunday-Wednesday, 11am-10pm; Thursday-Saturday, 11am-midnight. It started as a tiny truck on the Pacific Coast, parked near a surf-heavy beach, offering up simple, soft, handheld tacos that took the edge off after a few hours of shredding. Tacofino has been a success story ever since. Since opening their commissary café on East Hastings a few years back, Vancouverites have been able to get their ‘fino fix without making the trek north. Now, the restaurant has expanded to a new flagship location in Gastown. A new “burrito bar” take-out window is happily located inside off Cordova Street, so you have a chance to dry out while waiting for your tempura ling cod burrito

Anya Levykh Fresh Sheet

@FoodGirlFriday R&B Brewing’s third release in their popular Chef Series is chef Robert Belcham’s Burnt Citrus Fruit Pork Bone Charcoaled Filtered Black ESB. The beer is ﬁltered through 30 pounds of charred pork bones, with notes of burnt lemon, orange and grapefruit. Available in private beer and wine stores in 650mL bottles and on tap at participating restaurants, including Campagnolo, Upstairs at Campagnolo and Campagnolo Roma. R-and-B.com Thomas Haas has created a special chocolate work of art designed to mark theYear of the

Tacofino founders Kaeli Robinsong and Jason Sussman have brought their signature take on Mexican classics to Gastown. Rob Newell ($10) or taco ($6). In case you’re wondering why a single taco would cost $6, take note: the tacos here are not the one-palm offerings you’ll ﬁnd at La Tacqueria et al. The larger price is

indicative of the larger size, not only in terms of the soft tortilla base, but also of the heap of toppings that are stacked on top. Head down a short hallway, and in you’re in

the main restaurant space, The Taco Bar, an 80-seat room (including a 20-seat bar) that boasts a beautiful tiled ﬂoor and custom booths lined with what look like hand-knotted rugs. The

Sheep.The sculpture features a chocolate backsplash inset with a red-accented Chinese character denoting “sheep” and a coloured edible mandarin orange ﬁlled with eight goldfoiled chocolate coins, which symbolize the sheep’s place as the eighth sign in the Chinese zodiac. $38 at the Kitsilano and NorthVancouver locations. ThomasHaas.com

vanilla red wine jus, followed by dessert of mountainberry and vanilla rooibos tea-infused cream puffs with chocolate ganache.WildRiceBC.ca

as well as specially selected wines for each course.Tickets are $125 per person, and include all beverages, taxes and gratuities. LAbbatoir.ca

Salt Tasting Room in Gastown is also offering up a lovely deal. $60 per person gets you a starter, tasting plate and a shared dessert. SaltTastingRoom.com

Valentine’s Day deal…Wild Rice is offering a special dinner for $60 per couple (two Kir Royales can be added for only $10 more).The dinner includes a seared scallop amuse, a family-style platter of seared shrimp with jasmine rice pilaf; asparagus, radish, cucumber, green onion and potato salad with sesame vinaigrette; and braised organic beef shortrib, parsnip puree, grilled scallions and

L’Abbatoir is offering a special three-courseValentine’s menu in its new private dining room. Dishes include smoked salmon with fresh sourdough, crème fraiche and roe; roasted prime rib of beef with potato gratin, mushrooms with sauce perigord; and honey cake with white chocolate cremeux, grapefruit and lime. Also included is a welcome cocktail from bartender Shaun Layton,

The Vancouver Winter Farmers’ Market will be holding its annual Food Truck Fest, which serves as an audition for its busy summer markets rosters, every Saturday in February.The market will also be moving from Nat Bailey Stadium to Riley Park on Feb. 14. EatLocal.org

space has a lovely glow and the acoustics are decent, meaning you can hear your dining partner across the table, even on a busy night. There’s also a 15-seat patio space on the Blood Alley side that is sure to be a draw in Gastown come spring. The menu includes some of the long-standing favourites, as well as a healthy line-up of new items. Shishito peppers ($9) were a bit bland on their own, until dipped into the tiny mound of tamarind salt. I would rather see these tossed in the salt before serving. Oaxacan corn fritters ($6) were crunchy, perfect patties of starchy goodness, topped with cotija cheese. Chicharones ($12) were also a hit. The large, puffy, fried pork rinds sat like Mount Vesuvius over a bed of crispy and fatty pork belly, crunchy yucca bits, and a bright, creamy slaw. The pozole ($9) was decent, a hearty, aromatic soup made with a beef and pork stock ﬂavoured with epazote, a herb also known as Mexican or Jesuit’s tea. Truly outstanding was the

margarita-fino ($10).The lime- and orange-infused El Jimador was laced with Cointreau, Fino Sherry and fresh lime. Lip-smacking a-plenty here, and the vanilla salt rim was the cherry topping. Next time I’m trying the kaffir lime-infused pisco ($11). Don’t leave without dessert. The key lime pie in a jar, aka lime curd vaso ($4), is a classic from the commissary menu, but the churros ($6) are the real stars, glazed with agave, dusted with slightly spicy cinnamon, and fried to a perfect crisp around the creamy interior. They’re served in a paper bag, making them perfect to order again as a snack for later – like five minutes from now. W

seafood, sushi, omelette station, wok station, steamed rock cod, grilled quail, dim sum, carving station and dessert buffet. $52 per person, $26 for kids aged six to 12. PanPaciﬁcVancouver.com

Chef Lee Humphries, formerly of Local Lounge & Grille in Summerland, has been appointed director of culinary operations, and Damian Mischkinis, Humphries’ sous chef at Local, is now chef de cuisine at Burrowing Owl Estate Winery’s The Sonora Room Restaurant. BOVWine.ca

Food: ★★★★★ Service: ★★★★★ Ambiance: ★★★★★ Value: ★★★★★ Overall: ★★★★★

The Eat! Vancouver Food & Cooking Festival has expanded this year to a full week, with over 35 unique culinary events, as well as the three-day tasting festival. New events this year include collaborative chef dinner series; hands-on workshops at restaurants, chefs’ private homes and artisan kitchens throughout the city; a Canadian Flavours Gala and a hospitality symposium, as well as 250 exhibitors at BC Place. Tickets go on sale March 5. Eat-Vancouver.com

Café Paciﬁca at Fairmont Waterfront Hotel is offering a special Chinese NewYear brunch on Feb. 22. Menu includes a variety of salads, Chinese cold cuts including pork hocks, beef shank and jelly ﬁsh; smoked meats, juice station, baked goods, chilled

Okanagan Crush Pad is releasing a special Haywire Pink Bub for Valentine’s Day, with crisp green apple and light cherry notes, as well as the Baby Bub, a pale rose bubbly with strawberry, raspberry and lime notes. $24.90/$13.90 respectively, with $2 from every bottle sold donated to Paciﬁc Assistance Dogs Society. HaywireWinery. com W

DITERRANEAN

Find Anya Levykh on Twitter @foodgirlfriday and Facebook.com/FoodGirlFriday. FoodGirlFriday.com

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DINING OUT

Will the macro breweries ever get it right? Stephen Smysnuik The Growler @StephenSmys

It’s a funny thing, this idea that all craft beer drinkers are fussy. Have you seen Budweiser’s Super Bowl ad? The implications are strong. The words, “NO FUSS” fill up the screen in big white letters, over the image of a mustachioed hipster sniffing a tulip of dark beer. Look, some craft beer drinkers are extremely fussy, but in my experience these are fussy people by nature: they’re fussy about music, about the weather, about life in general. I’d say the definite majority of people filling up Brassneck’s tasting room on a Saturday night are there for a good time and not to dissect what it is exactly they’re drinking. And yet, the words “NOT DISSECTING” flash across the Budweiser commercial, over top of three nerdy white males squabbling over flights of beer. Have you seen the commercial? If not, here’s the full text: “Proudly a macro beer. It’s not brewed to be fussed

over. It’s brewed for a crisp, smooth ﬁnish. This is the only beer beechwood aged since 1876. There’s only one Budweiser. It’s brewed for drinking. Not dissecting. The people who drink our beer are people who like drinking beer. To drink beer brewed the hard way. Let them sip their pumpkin peach ale. We’ll be brewing us some golden suds. This is the famous Budweiser beer. This bud’s for you.” Never mind that this ad reeks of the sort of elitism that it’s trying to make fun of in craft beer. It’s very clear – with the music, the “humour” and the young, pretty faces – that this ad was designed to target a younger, hipper audience that needs encouragement to come back to the familiar embrace of Bud. Instead, it stinks of desperation. But it’s a failed ad for three reasons. First, the music is indefensible. Second, it paints macro beer drinkers in a negative – that macro beer drinkers are people who aren’t craft beer drinkers. As Canadians, we should understand the limits of identifying as not being something else. Finally, and far more important, the ad attempts

“to pitch mass market as its niche,” as the Atlantic writes. It’s a faulty idea because Budweiser’s far too big to facilitate any of the community benefits that niches inherently provide. Budweiser’s marketing team, just like Anheuser-Busch’s team behind the Shock Top campaign, fails to grasp what makes craft beer so appealing to begin with. It’s what those three white male nerds are sharing: a sense of belonging.You know how hard it is to find that these days? Look: I got in to craft beer back in 2012. I’d just moved back to Vancouver, to the Hastings-Sunrise neighbourhood, and heard that this new brewery had opened up nearby. I’d tried Parallel 49’s beers a few times before and liked what they were doing. The tasting room was another thing entirely. The zany cartoon figures as tap handles. The staff drinking and cracking jokes at, like, 4pm. These were young people, people my age, running the show. It was like a group of monkeys had taken over the zoo. I found this immensely appealing. The following year, Brassneck opened and that

was it. Vancouver was now a beer town. But for me, it was never about the beer itself. That has always been secondary. It was always about place. About community and my identity within it. It was about standing in the growler ﬁll line, among other people who generally seemed to like the same things as me. It was – and still is – about the ritual of ﬁlling the growler. About choosing. About chatting with the stranger behind the counter, making small talk about the new brews on tap. I felt connected to my city in a way I’d never felt growing up in and around Vancouver. I’m aware I’m a bit hung up on this “my-identitywithin-the-beer-scene” trip, but it’s fascinating how little effort local craft breweries have to work to facilitate this sense of community and belonging for their customers. There’s nothing fussy about it. They just have to be there and make, at the very least, passable beer. And it’s funny how hard Budweiser has to work – and how much money they need to spend – just to maintain the what it hasn’t already lost. W

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February 5 - 11, 2015 W 9

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MUSIC

Freak Heat Waves explore a new ‘State of Mind’

Victoria band decamps to Pender Island to create ambient kraut-rock masterpiece

LOUISE BURNS @_louiseburns_

Upon hearing Freak Heat Waves’ new album Bonnie’s State of Mind, it’s hard not to assume that they spend most of their time lurking in Berlin disco dive-bars, circa 1982. In reality, the trio reside in Victoria, a city known for its beauty, nature and relaxed anglo charm, making the kraut-rock Freaks one of the most ambiguous bands the West Coast has seen. We chatted with Stephen Lind of the band to ﬁnd out who Bonnie is, and, you know, what is her state of mind? “That title came from a Contortions tape I bought at Value Village here, and someone had scribbled inside the tape ‘Bonnie’s state of mind,’” says Lind. “Who is this person? So we started using ‘Bonnie’s state of mind’ as a slang, like an in-joke [between] us.” Bonnie is the trio’s sophomore record, following their 2012 self-titled debut (produced by the late, great Christopher Reimer of Calgary art-rock band Women). It explores their signature kraut-rock beats, icy synthesizers and post-punk guitars, compliments of Scott “Monty” Monroe of Viet Cong, their occasional tour mates. Widely inﬂuenced by the band’s strengthened musicality after years of extensive touring, they spent the better part of eight months recording the album on Pender Island, as well as a couple days in Medicine Hat. While production credit is shared with Monroe and Calgary’s

Arran Fisher, the Freaks found themselves taking on a more experimental, hands-on approach. “The biggest change for this record is that we had more of our own studio to work with. We spent more time writing songs in the studio, which we didn’t really do on the first record that much.” The isolation of being sequestered on their Gulf Island compound allowed the band complete creative freedom to explore their own sound, which may explain why their music is completely free of geographical labelling. Each experimental noise they’d make was a direct channel to Bonnie’s state of mind, “creating a weird soundtrack to this mystery person.” The instrumental songs have a smokey sway, à la Vangelis’ soundtrack to Bladerunner (“Sinking in a Pale Cloud”) while others take a more John Foxx-like monotonous approach to abstract lyricism (“Design of Success”). “Lyrically each song is kind of taking on a different subject matter but it’s all part of the same scope, creating one kind of world,” says Lind. “There’s definitely a theme to it, but nothing too concrete. It’s like a window into the reality that we are trying to comment on or create. It’s more involved for the listener to not be getting told just one thing, [but questioning it]. It’s interactive.” This listener-first attitude translates into their live shows, which are surprisingly synthesizer-free. “When we tour we just perform as a three piece-

REVIEWS // A PLACE TO BURY STRANGERS

Transfixiation (Dead Oceans) There are two sides to being a band with a “deﬁnitive” sound. The good? You’ll get a loyal fan base who appreciate predictability. The bad? You run the risk of one album sounding like every album. Brooklyn’s A PlaceTo Bury Strangers are a very good rock band with a very deﬁnitive sound.Their music hits you like a relentless explosion of metal and stardust, leaving you in a mild state of discomfort – the way rock should be.

10 W February 5 - 11, 2015

Transﬁxiation, their fourth studio album, is no exception. Second track “Straight” begins with what sounds like the revving of jet engine that you somehow hear in your throat before your ears. “What We Don’t See”, perhaps the most melodic of the batch, has a wonderful

Victoria’s Freak Heat Waves are Steven Lind, Thomas Di Ninno, and James Twiddy. Contributed illustration guitar, bass and drums, and reinterpret our songs into that format,” says Lind. “We’ve played around with live loops and synths before so we could end up doing it again, but we generally prefer to play as a rock band. That’s the most fun thing for us to do.” Freak Heat Waves create their own reality, so while we are busy trying to ﬁgure

psychedelic bounce, smashed into tiny fractals by guitarist Oliver Ackermann’s signature chain-link effect pedals that he is so well known for that he builds custom pedals for the likes of Nine Inch Nails and the late Lou Reed. Recorded at the Brooklyn art-space-warehouse Death By Audio (which Ackermann founded) before its unfortunate demise in 2014, you can hear the DIY spirit behind the music. It is messy, it is muddy, it does not give a fuck about what you think. So much so that this album does not add nor detract from their repertoire, it simply blends into it. –Louise Burns Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

out why they sound European, or how they don’t perform with synthesizers live (I had to ask Lind three times in disbelief), they are already a step ahead of us, building their next masterpiece and leaving us in a state of over-analytical wonder. “We are already back in the studio right now working on new stuff,” Lind

explains. “We’re doing the same thing where anything goes, and throwing a lot of ideas out there, recording as much as we can, and we’ll get to a point where we know what its gonna be.” Bonnie’s State of Mind, where everything goes and whatever happens, happens. West Coast inﬂuence: identiﬁed. W

BJÖRK

Vulnicura (One Little Indian) When Björk’s ninth studio album leaked all over the internet two months early, we patiently waited to see how the Icelandic singer would react. Instead of erupting like the Eyjafjallajökull volcano, she did what any savvy businesswoman would do. Keep calm and rush-release it with the grace only one with 30 years in the music industry could possess. Vulnicara is nine tracks of explosive emotion, exploring the process of a breakup: the tears, the fear and the recovery period.

She opens her wounds in opening track “Stonemilker”, where her voice kneads around the lyric, “We have emotional needs”, recalling her 1997 love letter to Iceland “Joga”. As the album progresses, we settle into the melodrama and revel in the heartache. She sings, “My shield is gone, my protec-

FREAK HEAT WAVES • Hockey Dad Records presents Freak Heat Waves release party at Fox Cabaret, Saturday Feb. 7, 8pm with Dada Plan, Woolworm, Wet Face and DJs.

tion is taken”, pulling us into the metaphorical deep end of “Black Lake.” By the seventh track “Atom Dance”, you get the feeling you’re sitting in on a therapy session with Björk as she wades through the stages of heartbreak like an open heart surgeon. The mood elevates, the heart begins to beat again, and by the end track “Quicksand”, there is relief. Raw, vulnerable and slightly carnal, she is a warrior of repressed emotion. Vulnicara is Björk is at her best, when she becomes a reﬂection of all of us –Louise Burns Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

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One Man, four stars

KELSEY KLASSEN kelsey@westender.com

Koerner Quartet’s Joseph Elworthy (cello), Emilie Grimes (viola), Jason Ho (violin), and Nicholas Wright (violin). Contributed photo

String ensemble offers Valentine’s antidote Koerner Quartet to perform Elvis Costello song cycle Feb. 15 KELSEY KLASSEN @kelseyklassen

The coming together of a string quartet is surely a marriage of passion. And, much like a marriage, a successful string quartet is also the product of patience and time. “String quartet is famously long-journeyed,” says cellist Joseph Elworthy, cofounder of Vancouver’s Koerner Quartet, “so we wanted to spend the ﬁrst couple of years really ﬁnding our voice and working on our craft before we, kind of ... publicly presented ourselves. “Strictly speaking it’s our third season together, but this is our début season in many ways.” Elworthy, speaking by phone from his post as executive director of theVancouver Academy of Music (VAM), sounds more like a bashful suitor than a man discussing Mozart and Brahms, but there’s a reason he and his three contemporaries have approached this season with such caution: String quartet is not a commitment to be taken lightly. “The iconic string quartets have been around for 40 or 50 years,” says Elworthy. “[Often] with the founding members still in place. But longevity isn’t the only aim. Elworthy viewsVancouver as an emerging cultural mecca, and says he hopes that Koerner will become the string quartet synonymous with the city. “Growing up inVancouver, the string quartet of note was

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the Purcell String Quartet. Sadly,” he explains, “that name is not so familiar with concertgoers anymore, but they were really the resident string ensemble here inVancouver. And it’s been almost 30 years since there’s been a successor.” “I’m not saying that we’re necessarily that successor yet, he adds, “but that’s certainly our goal.” Perhaps when we’re checking in with Elworthy in 40 or 50 years time, a secret of success in hindsight will have been ‘keeping things interesting’. Case in point, on Feb. 15, the Koerner Quartet won’t be lulling lovebirds with the opuses and concertos of long gone Romeos – they’ll be sending out Notes of Love & Protest. This unconventional program – a sure antidote to any accidental exposure to the saccharin – opens with the pixellated crimson shards of Vermillion by Jocelyn Morlock, one of Canada’s most commissioned new composers and the newly appointed composer in residence at theVSO. “I read all these different descriptions of vermillion and thought, ‘This is perfect,’” says Morlock of the name. “Brilliant red, cinnabar, scarlet orange, red lacquer with ﬂashes of acid green… I think it’s not so much about a love relationship as maybe one that went awry!” she jokes. “Jocelyn always comes up with very inventive titles,” adds Elworthy. “Most of her titles, I have to look them up!” Elworthy and Morlock are long-time collaborators themselves, Morlock having approached Elworthy to perform one of her most celebrated arrangements – an angelic double cello concerto called Aeromancy – and Elworthy having commissioned Morlock

to compose a cello tribute to hisYale mentor Aldo Parisot. Morlock is also currently the copyist and arranger for Elvis Costello, so it’s not surprising that the quartet’s musical valentine includes Costello’s acclaimed The Juliet Letters, an uncommon vocal work, sung in this performance byVAM baritone Alan MacDonald. “There’s not a lot of works that incorporate voice and string quartet,” says Elworhty. “I think the string quartet as a genre is just such a perfect vehicle.You have literally the four voices of music that are merged together, so it’s always sort of like, why mess with perfection?” he laughs. “But it’s fun. It’s really nice to add this extra element in a work that, let’s be honest, is not a classical work. It’s genre-bending in a really unique way.” Elworthy ﬁrst heard Costello’s 1993 Brodsky String Quartet concept album while in university, and sawValentine’s weekend as the perfect time to ﬁnally program it. “Love letters can ramble in such a beautiful way,” he explains. “I love the text – it’s so immediate and direct.The fact that [Costello] is expressing love in its many different forms – some of the songs are quite mundane, you know, from just peculiarities of someone’s taste in food, or how they brush their hair, to another basically saying ‘my life is meaningless without you in it’. “I love the gamut of the emotions expressed and I love the interplay of how you have the lead voice, but the quartet has a lot to say in the work, too,” he adds. Costello is out of the country and won’t be able to attend this rare performance, but Morlock will. Rounding out the afternoon

as a challenging counterbalance is Benjamin Britten’s deeply moving String Quartet No. 2 InTime ofWar – a muted cry on the state of the world from the paciﬁst composer. “This is a program that we were unabashedly daring in putting together,” says Elworthy. “Three 20th-century works, basically; a chamber music program that doesn’t have Brahms or Beethoven or Mozart....” W

It’s February, the shiftless month for which we’ve created not one but two holidays to distract ourselves with. But if you’re looking for better relief from the rain, hopefully you ﬁnd yourself at One Man,Two Guvnors, the hilarious Arts Club romp through Brighton, England. Based on an Italian commedia dell’arte from 1753, British playwright Richard Bean has shifted the slapstick to 1963 and run wild, rifﬁng on historical hindsight and the pettiness of the Commonwealth with a whiff of something plucked from the gutter. Struggling busker Francis Henshall thinks he’s scored big when he gets employed as muscle for gay gangster Roscoe Crabbe.What Francis doesn’t know is that Roscoe is dead, and currently being impersonated by his twin sister, Rachel. Tragically for her, Rachel is in love with Stanley Stubbers, the handsome halfwit who killed Roscoe and is currently on the run from police. In a sleepy town like Brighton it’s inevitable that all parties shall meet, and soon

Francis finds himself haplessly employed by both Rachel and Stanley (unbeknownst to them), and the comedy of errors ensues. As Francis, Andrew McNee is a swaggering stallion, a sex and food-starved lothario with enough charm to break the fourth wall and wade wickedly into the audience, lapping up the heckled adoration. As the lovelorn Stanley, Martin Happer fills the stage with rakish appeal and delivers even the most absurb oneliners with an endearingly collegiate arrogance. Ryan Beil, playing affianced thespian Alan Dangle with all the misguided melodrama of a Dudley Do-Right, is another standout – a dark island of angst amongst a sea of pastel. As Roscoe/Rachel, however, Celine Stubel struggles to pick an accent, and the 150-minute run time, flanked by dreary set pieces, feels a bit long. But then in dashes the mop-topped skiffle band of the opening act to take you back to the boardwalk, back to the ‘60s, and back to your seat at the Stanley, where it’s definitely not raining tonight. W • One Man,Two Guvnors is at the Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage until Feb. 22.ArtsClub.com

VALENTINE’S DAY W/ JOSEPH ELWORTHY What is the most passionate instrument? Oh, the cello, hands down.What other instrument can you hold and caress while you play, and you gauge the production of sound based on the amount of vibration it creates in your body? The most romantic note on the scale? B flat. For me, that tingles because it can chafe so nicely against E natural. The most romantic classical song? If you Youtube the opening of Maurice Ravel’s Daphnis et Chloé, and you listen to the first minute of that work, which is depicting two star-crossed lovers experiencing sunrise...The word orgasmic is overused but this is so appropriate. Don’t do it in the office, wait unit you get home.

Thank You Vancouver!

Koerner Quartet presents Notes of Love & Protest, Feb. 15, 2pm at the Vancouver Academy of Music (1270 Chestnut). Tickets $18/$15; VAM.ca

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WHAT’S ON Th/05

Sa/07

Fr/06

Su/08

Mo/09

MUSIC

ERIC JOHNSON & MIKE STERN One of the greatest guitarists of this century teams up with one of the most esteemed electric guitarists of his generation to support their collaborative recording Eclectic. 8pm at Vogue Theatre. Tickets at NorthernTickets.com

THE DEVIL MAKES THREE American bluegrass band on tour to support their latest release I’m A Stranger Here with special guest Joe Pug. 8pm at Commodore Ballroom. Tickets $27 at Ticketmaster.ca

JAMES KEELAGHAN Singersongwriter, poet, and storyteller known for his brilliant craftsmanship, distinct voice and storied songbook. 8pm at St. James Hall. Tickets $24 at Highlife, Red Cat, Rufus’ Guitars, Prussin Music and RogueFolk.bc.ca

FROM A DREAM Vancouver’s Juno-nominated Orchid Ensemble presents a program of works featuring new and past commissions from Canadian composers and unique interpretations of traditional Chinese music for an early celebration of the Chinese New Year. 2pm at Pyatt Hall. Tickets $20 at BrownPaperTickets.com

DENGUE FEVER LA based indiefusion psychedelic rockers on tour in support of their latest release The Deepest Lake. 8pm at Biltmore Cabaret. Tickets $13 at Red Cat, Highlife and TicketWeb.ca

Andy Shauf, Feb. 5

ANDY SHAUF Canadian singersongwriter on tour to support his upcoming release The Bearer of Bad News. 8pm at Fox Cabaret. Tickets $13 at Red Cat, Zulu and NorthernTickets.com

COMEDY MIKE WILMOT Former Canadian Comedy Award winner, and star of The Foundation. 8:30pm at Comedy Mix. Tickets $15 at TheComedyMix.com

THEATRE/DANCE THE ROAD FORWARD A multimedia musical inspired by the groundbreaking movement of the Native Brother and Sisterhood of BC, created by awardwinning performer, playwright and director Marie Clements. 8pm at Vancouver East Cultural Centre. Tickets at Tickets.TheCultch.com. Runs until Feb. 7. ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS A side-splitting update of the Italian comedy The Servant of Two Masters, this unique blend of satire, songs and slapstick set in 1963 Brighton sees our hapless hero Francis Henshall juggle two jobs and two bosses. 8pm at Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage. Tickets at ArtsClub.com

ART PIÑATA inspired by many of the good and bad habits we bring into relationships, some of which deserve to be hit over the head. An original work by Meaghan Kennedy and Ali Bruce at Hot Art Wet City. Runs until Feb. 14.

MORGAN DELT Lo-fi psychedelic California rocker on tour to support debut, self-titled release with special guests Strange Things and The Secrets. 8pm at Electric Owl. Tickets $10 at Red Cat, Zulu, Neptoon and TicketWeb.ca PETUNIA & THE VIPERS Combining rock ‘n roll with country and blues, Vancouver’s own ‘saviour of country music’ is joined by Miss Quincy and the Showdown. 9pm at The Imperial. Tickets $18 at Neptoon, Red Cat, Zulu, Highlife and TicketWeb.ca

RICH HOPE & HIS EVIL DOERS Low down and dirty blues rock and soul takes centre stage at the finale of the Marpole Curling Club’s mixed bonspiel. 9pm at Marpole Curling Club. Admission by donation.

Rich Hope, Feb. 7

CONTRA DANCE WITH THE SYBARITES High energy ensemble play their traditional, contemporary and original fiddle tunes with styles ranging from Celtic to Quebecois to Klezmer. 8pm at St. James Hall. Tickets $15 at RogueFolk.bc.ca

JOHN STEINBERG A perennial favourite on CBC radio’s The Debaters, taping his second gala performance for the Winnipeg comedy festivals with appearances on CTV and Global. 7&9:30pm at Yuk Yuk’s. Tickets $20 at YukYuks.com

BERNERLAND: SONGS OF GEOFF BERNER Ten different artists each cover three of their favourite Berner tunes with a n ensemble finale set featuring Rae Spoon, Ford Pier, The Creaking Planks and others. 8:30pm at Wise Hall. Tickets $15 at BrownPaperTickets. com or $20 at the door.

THEATRE/DANCE

ECHO NEBRASKA If REM and Father John Misty spent a night in the woods, it’d sound like local indie rockers on tour to support debut EP Send The Ships with special guests The Works and Cat Blonde. 8pm at Media Club. Tickets $12 at the door. LOGIC RattPack member, Maryland rapper (aka Sit Robert Bryson Hall III) performs on his Under Pressure world tour. 7pm at Vogue Theatre *Moved from original venue of Rio Theatre. Tickets $25 at NorthernTickets.com. All ages show.

COMEDY MIKE WILMOT Former Canadian Comedy Award winner, and star of The Foundation. 8:30pm at Comedy Mix. Tickets $15 at TheComedyMix.com

TOMBOY SURVIVAL GUIDE Part anthem, part campfire story and part instructions for the dismantling of gender as we know it. 8&10:30pm at Performance Works (1218 Cartwright). Tickets at PushFestival.ca DANGER THRILL SHOW Join the sideshow troupe for another mind boggling bout of bizarre stunts and stupidity featuring ‘Fatt’ Matt Alaedinne, the world’s fattest contortionist, burlesque beauty Melody Mangler and Neil E. Dee the ‘sideshow madman’. 10pm at LanaLou’s. Tickets $15 at LanaLou’s and BrownPaperTickets.com. Runs until Feb. 7.

ART WITH LOVE - A LOVE LETTER PROJECT Originally an online, written community project, eighteen local artists have interpreted and created visual responses to letters that resonated with them. Opening reception from 6:3010pm at Omega Gallery. Tickets at EventBrite.ca. Runs until Feb. 14.

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LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER Steven Reineke conducts vocalists Betsy Wolfe and Mike Eldred with the VSO in a program of works by Cole Porte, Irving Berlin, Henry Mancini and Barry White among others. 8pm at Orpheum Theatre. Tickets at VancouverSymphony.ca SLEEP Self-described ‘stoner doom metal’ band from San Jose appears with special guest Bell Witch. 8pm at Commodore Ballroom. Tickets at LiveNation.com

COMEDY IS THIS A JOKE? Dino Archie hosts the monthly comedy showcase featuring three top stand up comics and members of the cast of Undateable, Ron Funches, Brent Morin and Rick Glassman. 8pm at Rickshaw Theatre. Tickets $25 at TicketWeb.ca

PLATYPUS THEATRE: LATIN BEATS, HEROIC FEATS Gordon Gerrard conducts Platypus Theatre and the VSO in a kid friendly concert tha t tells the story of a young boy on a magical journey after finding an ancient scroll. 2pm at Orpheum Theatre. Tickets at VancouverSymphony.ca

THEATRE/DANCE PRIVATE LIVES Divorced couple Elyot and Amanda, each happily remarried, find themselves in adjacent hotel rooms on their respective honeymoons in France and when the two couples meet, the atmosphere begins to crackle. 8pm at Jericho Arts Centre. Tickets at JerichoArtsCentre.com BEAUTY AND THE BEAST The classic Disney tale of Belle, a young woman in a provincial town and the Beast, a young prince trapped in a spell by an enchantress. 7:30pm at Queen Elizabeth Theatre. Tickets at Ticketmaster. ca. Closing performance.

THEATRE/DANCE

CHEAP & FUN

POST SECRET: THE SHOW A million anonymous secrets provide the impetus for this visual, auditory and emotional journey through the beauty and complication of our deepest fears, ambitions, and confessions. 8pm at Firehall Arts Centre. Tickets at FireHallArtsCentre.com. Closing performance.

COSPLAY LIFE DRAWING Come in and draw models dressed up as your favourite video game, anime or geek culture icons. 2-4pm at Mount Pleasant Community Centre. Admission is free.

EVENTS 24 HOURS OF WINTER Celebrate on the slopes from sundown to sunrise! The doors are open for 24 connective hours of winter fun at the Peak of Vancouver; dance until 4am under starry sk ies or bring the kids for family-friendly fun. Tickets at GrouseMountain.com

EVENTS SECOND ANNUAL CHOCOLATE AND BEER TASTING BJCP Master Judge Julian Zelazny and chocolate maker Becks D’Angelo pair six local craft beers with six local handcrafted chocolates to create unique flavour profiles. Tickets $50 at Parkinson15273.ThankYou4Caring.org with proceeds to the Parkinsons Society of BC.

FAMILY DAY CONCERT WITH ALEX Jewish artist and children’s performer Alex Jonyves and his band present their interactive musical show to get you and the kids moving and grooving with guitar, bass, drums and even the didgeridoo! 10:30am at the Jewish Community Centre. Tickets at TicketPeak.com

COMEDY THE LAUGH GALLERY WITH GRAHAM CLARK Legendary weekly stand up show of East Vancouver’s biggest and brightest comics. 9pm at Havana Theatre. Tickets $5 at Eventbrite.ca

Graham Clark, Feb. 9

THEATRE/DANCE BULLET CATCH A theatrical experience unlike any other, writer/performer Rob Drummond attempts the death-defying stunt before your very eyes. 7:30pm at Revue Stage. Tickets at ArtsClub. com.

CHEAP & FUN FAMILY DAY AT ARTSTARTS Explore your imagination on family day with arts based activities like yoga, storytelling, art-making and a movie. Ideal for children ages 5 and up, but everyone is welcome. 11am at ArtStarts (808 Richards St). Admission is free. SICK BOSS MONDAYS AT THE LIDO Every Monday night in Mount Pleasant there’s avantgarde, improvised jazz and rock accompanied by warped analogue visuals, good beer and German pretzels. 9pm at The Lido. Admission is always free.

West End Veterinary Clinic Now offering FULL SERVICE SURGERY AND DENTAL CARE. To celebrate, we’re offering significant discounts on all surgical and dental procedures. Call us today to take advantage of this special offer. Our updated equipment, highly trained staff and our loving attitude to pets and their people will ensure a safe and successful visit. See you soon! FIND US AT West End Veterinary Clinic 773 Denman Street • 604.685.4535 www.carepetwellness.com

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ARTS // CULTURE

WHAT’S ON Tu/10

Th/12

We/11

MUSIC

ASH GRUNWALD Australian most beloved indie-blues man on tour in support of his latest release Gargantua with special guests The Wayward Hearts. 9pm at Fox Cabaret. Tickets $15 at EventBrite.ca

ARIEL PINK LA based singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and record producer on tour in support of new solo release pom pom with special guest Jack Name. 8pm at Rickshaw Theatre. Tickets $20 at Red Cat, Highlife and TicketWeb.ca

COMEDY

BRETT DENNEN American folk-pop singer-songwriter tours in support of Smoke and Mirrors with special guest Willy Tea Taylor. 8pm at The Imperial. Tickets $25 at LiveNation.com

WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED LOVE The Borealis String Quartet invites you to a musical celebration featuring the divinely romantic music of Cole Porter in one of the most stunning historic mansions in Vancouver. 8pm at Hycroft Manor. Tickets $50 at BrownPaperTickets.com

IMPROV FIGHT CLUB The Fictionals Comedy Co. is back in action with the Vancouver Improv Fight Club, where the city’s top improvisors battle for comedy glory dictated by audience votes. 8pm at Café Deux Soleils. Tickets $7 at TheFictionals.com

THEATRE/DANCE GASTWOWN CABARET: FABRUARY The fun doesn’t stop just because the long weekend is over; this month’s show features belly dancing, juggling, burlesque, drag queens, contortion and comedy presented by April O’Peel and Sweet Munish. 8pm at Guilt & Co. Admission by donation with all proceeds to the artists.

One Man, Two Guvnors, Feb. 10

COMEDY JUST FOR LAUGHS SHOWCASE An amazing evening with some of Vancouver’s top stand up comedians, hosted by none other than Graham Clark. 8:30pm at The Comedy Mix. Tickets $10 at TheComedyMix.com

THEATRE/DANCE NTU/SKWATTA International renowned South African choreographer Vincent Mantsoe combines traditional and contemporary dance reflecting the poverty stricken life in SA’s squatter camps. 8pm at Firehall Arts Centre. Tickets at FireHallArtsCentre. com. Runs until Feb. 14. LOVE LETTERS A fifty year correspondence between a woman and her childhood-friend-turned-love-interest is the story behind A.R. Gurney’s play, a Pulitizer Prize finalist performed in theatre spaces worldwide. 8pm at The Shop (125 E. 2nd). Tickets at EventBrite.ca. Runs until Feb. 14.

EVENTS ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS A side-splitting update of the Italian comedy The Servant of Two Masters, this unique blend of satire, songs, slapstick and sparkling wit set in 1963 Brighton sees our hapless hero Francis Henshall juggle two jobs and two bosses. 7:30pm at Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage. Tickets at ArtsClub.com THE KEEFER BAR’S 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY Drawing from the very best of previous talented performers and musicians combining burlesque, live music, strip-hop, dub-vibes and of course, delicious cocktails. 8pm at The Keefer Bar. Admission is free.

ENTER TO WIN

...a pair of tickets to see The Mountaintop at the Arts Club. To enter, go to westender.com and click on contests. Contest closes at 9am on Tuesday, February 10.

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CHLOE ANGUS DATE NIGHT FASHION SHOW Peruse a variety of swoon-worthy looks from the exclusive Custom Chloe Angus line as well as one-of-a-kind costumes from I Wanna Date U: The Movie. A silent auction to follow benefitting the Aboriginal Mother Centre Society. Red carpet at 7pm at Performance Works. Tickets $30 at BrownPaperTickets.com

CHEAP & FUN CANADIAN AUTHORS VANCOUVER LITERARY EVENT Poet Jean Kay hosts this open mic night featuring 20 local authors reading from their work in a variety of genres. 7-9pm at Alliance for Arts & Culture (100-938 Howe St.). Tickets $10 or members free.

BEN CAPLAN Halifax folk-roots singer-songwriter warms up for the release his upcoming studio record with an exclusive west coast show with guests The Tourist Company. 8pm at Fox Cabaret. Tickets $13 at Zulu, Red Cat and NorthernTickets.com BILLY IDOL Legendary rocker appears as part of the Kings & Queens of the Underground tour in support of his long awaited new album with special guests Broncho. 8pm at Queen Elizabeth Theatre. Tickets at Ticketmaster.ca LUCINDA WILLIAMS American rock, folk, blues and country singer-songwriter on tour in support of her latest release Down Where The Spirit Meets The Bone. 8pm at Vogue Theatre. Tickets at NorthernTickets.com

COMEDY NORTHWEST COMEDY FEST Some of the biggest names in comedy assemble for this all-star week of comedy that includes a tribute to Robin Williams, and an evening of comedy shorts. Various Vancouver venues. Tickets at NorthWestComedyFest.com. Runs until Feb. 21.

THEATRE/DANCE THE MOUNTAINTOP Dr. Martin Luther King’s last night on earth in a Memphis hotel is reimagined in this lively drama that looks both to the past and the present. 8pm at Granville Island Stage. Tickets at ArtsClub.com. Opening performance, runs until March 14.

ART HOME IS LOVE Local artist Jazmin Sasky asked fifty single mothers, what does it take to make a home? The result is this heartfelt exhibit, a window into tales of hardship, hope, love and inspiration. Opening reception 6-9pm at WestSide Grand Gallery. Runs until Feb. 15.

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FILM & TV

Vancouver’s Ryan Robbins (second from left) stars as Duke Vanderhaus alongside Al Sapienza, Tiffany Lonsdale, Brandon Paul, Tricia Helfer, Brian Van Holt, Jacquelien Byers, P.J. Boudousqué, and Andrea Roth in science fiction mystery Ascension. Diego Uchitel/Syfy Photo

Vancouver actor goes old school in ‘Ascension’ Ryan Robbins builds career playing “that guy” Sabrina Furminger Reel People @Sabrinarmf

Ryan Robbins is That Guy: that guy in that show, the one who was in that other show – you know, that guy. Not every actor can be That Guy. You’ve got to be versatile, and humble, and have an almost chameleonlike ability to explore the crevices and nuances of whatever role you’re taking on. But the Vancouver actor is very much That Guy. He’s been the scheming romantic rival (on Republic of Doyle). He’s been the tech-savvy werewolf (on Sanctuary). He’s played complicated characters in gritty period pieces (Hell on Wheels), space adventures (Battlestar Galactica), crime dramas (The Killing), and

a time travel procedural (Continuum). The characters are vastly different; no two portrayals are alike. The only thing linking them together is, well, That Guy. “I’m really fortunate that I get to go and play all of these types of characters, and I have yet to be pigeonholed as one particular type,” says Robbins in a recent phone interview. “I don’t want there to be a Ryan Robbins type of role. I just want to be playing them all. I want to try everything. I’d take a crack at a rock opera if I could.” With his latest role – Duke Vanderhaus in the sci-fi series Ascension, which next week kicks off its CBC run after a successful stint on the SyFy network south of the border – Robbins is adding yet another nuanced character to his lexicon of distinctly different roles: that of a Chief Safety Officer firmly rooted in 1960s morals and ethics. “He’s like an old school cop: He’ll go in and toss you around a little bit, and

REVIEWS // A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT

Starring Sheila Vand, Arash Marandi Directed by Ana Lily Amirpour

It seems that every time the vampire genre threatens to grow moribund, someone unveils an inspired new

14 W February 5 - 11, 2015

take on the lore surrounding the most seductive of the undead. Writer-director Ana Lily Amirpour’s A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night not only offers a bewitching vision of bloodsucking predators, it also heralds the arrival of an astonishing new talent who weds her stylish vision with an ear for pitch-perfect soundtracks.

then ask you a few questions,” says Robbins. “Cops can’t be that way anymore, nor should they be. We’ve seen what kind of trouble that leads to these days, but in that time, it was a more pugilistic era. Everything was solved with ﬁsts.” In the six-part series, the Ascension of the title is a space ship inhabited by 600 men, women, and children. The vessel was covertly launched by the United States military in 1963, and as the series opens, it’s more than 50 years into its 100-year journey to a livable planetoid. Reel People is a spoilerfree zone (and Ascension’s got some pretty big twists in its arsenal), so for safety’s sake, here’s how the CBC describes the show in the press release: “As the mission approaches the point of no return, the mysterious murder of a young woman causes the ship’s population to question the true nature of their mission.” Thus, the aesthetic of the ship – not to mention the attitudes, fears, word pat-

terns, and hair and clothing styles of its inhabitants – are still rooted in that bygone, Camelot era. “One of the things we’ve heard often is that we’re like Mad Men in space,” says Robbins. Unlike a lot of sci-fi fare on TV these days, Ascension is more science fact than science fiction, according to Robbins. “[Ascension co-star Gil Bellows] and I were talking about the show, and I had said, ‘It’s not really sci-fi like we’re used to,’ and he said, ‘No, no, it is science fiction

in its truest form, like that old school ﬁction of science,’ and I thought, ‘that’s amazing, that’s exactly what this show is,’” says Robbins. “[Humans] attempted to do this,” he adds. “We were really, legitimately thinking of doing this at one point in our history, so it’s pretty incredible, when you really think about this, that this isn’t so far from the truth. We’re still thinking about doing this, a very real journey in the not so distant future.” And contemplating just how true to life Ascension could be is one of the plea-

Set to the strains of English post-punk, Middle Eastern electronica and spaghetti western-inspired instrumentals, Amirpour’s ﬁlm unfolds in a dreamy realm that’s a swirling melange of inﬂuences and goes by the evocative name of Bad City. An industrial outpost that’s home to countless oil wells and a single ditch forebodingly

ﬁlled with bodies, this is the stage upon which a bad-ass boy (Arash Marandi) who pilots a vintage Ford Thunderbird meets a lonely undead girl (Sheila Vand) who navigates the desolate streets by skateboard as she seeks out morally dubious prey. The early ﬁlms of Jim Jarmusch are routinely turned to as a point of

reference for those attempting to describe the heady milieu that Amirpour has masterfully conjured here. It’s an apt comparison, not only because of the sense of deadpan surrealism that’s evoked but also due to the ineffable coolness the ﬁlm radiates. It’s ultimately this dizzying atmosphere that ensures that Girl is considerably more than the

Vancouver actor Ryan Robbins stars in CBC’s science fiction mini-series, Ascension.

sures of watching the show, says Robbins. “I think it’s really easy for the audience to relate to these characters, and identify with them,” says Robbins. “I think it’s easy for an audience to transport themselves into that world of Ascension, and you immediately think, ‘What would I do? How would I behave in that situation?’” Ascension was shot in Montreal. The international cast includes Brian Van Holt (Cougar Town), Battlestar Galactica alum Tricia Helfer, Brandon P. Bell, and Tiffany Lonsdale. The series is an acquisition for the CBC; a co-production of Lionsgate and Sea to Sky Studios in association with Quebec-based Lift Off Productions and Blumhouse Productions, it was originally commissioned by American network SyFy. W Ascension airs Mondays at 9pm on CBC, beginning Feb. 9. CBC.ca/ascension

sum of Amirpour’s impeccable inﬂuences. Having described cinema as “an altered state” in interviews, the ﬁrst-time feature director upholds her end of the bargain, creating a richly detailed phantasmagoric fairy tale that’s an enticing alternative to reality. W Screening at theVancity Theatre on Feb 7, 8, 20 and 21. –CurtisWoloschuk

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MOVIE REVIEWS

‘Anti-Putin’ Oscar nominee tackles Russian corruption in Leviathan

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LEVIATHAN

West End

Starring Aleksei Serebryakov, Roman Madyanov, Vladimir Vdovichenkov Directed by Andrey Zvyagintsev

Anyone who’s ever wondered how the story of Job could possibly be rendered even more sombre now has their answer: relocate it to contemporary Russia, a place that can make the trials of the Old Testament look like glorified pillow fights. Recognized as one of his nation’s leading filmmakers (and a recent recipient of a Golden Globe for Best Foreign Language Film), Andrey Zvyagintsev delivers a stirring indictment of the endemic corruption of the country’s powers-that-be and the anguish inflicted on the Russian people. Nikolay (Aleksei Serebryakov) – an everyman in nature, handyman by trade – whose land has been unceremoniously wrested from him by Vadim (Roman Madyanov), the mayor of his coastal town. When the kangaroo court ruling is read

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Andrey Zvyagintsev’s latest film, Leviathan, delivers a “stirring indictment of the endemic corruption of the country’s powers-that-be.” aloud in rapid-fire, monotone fashion, it confirms that the fix was always in and what low regard the working class is held in. (It also serves as one of the darkly comic reprieves that Zvyagintsev weaves into this tragedy.) Nikolay recruits an old army buddy turned influential

Teen time-travel flick a worthy trip

PROJECT ALMANAC

If you can get past the shaky found-footage format and the inane dialogue, Project Almanac is actually quite the intelligent little film and a worthy addition to the time travel canon. After rummaging through his deceased dad’s possessions, a brilliant teen (Weston) stumbles across a time machine that his late father was constructing. Being a science aficionado, he easily figures out what components are still needed and, with the help of his sister and two best friends, actually gets the device working. It’s just one of many convenient plot devices used throughout the movie but director Dean Israelite, after a rather extended setup, manages to keep Almanac engaging and hits some thematic notes effectively.

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The movie’s meta-script references to ﬁlms like Looper and Timecop add a refreshing element of cheekiness and once the kids start messing with the space-time continuum, the plot gets intriguing. After all, wouldn’t you try to win the lottery if you had the power to go back in time? As stories in this genre go, things soon get dark once the past is altered and repercussions begin to materialize.The group quickly learns too many jumps back can drastically alter their present and the coherence becomes a little muddled. The ride isn’t as fun by the end but still manages to be compelling.The usual time travel narrative problems arise and some are more headscratching than others, but the team behind Project Almanac does craft a nifty mindbender that should appeal to young audiences. W –Thor Diakow

lawyer (Vladimir Vdovichenkov) to assist but his presence soon only invites more misery on our po-faced protagonist. Leviathan is so sturdily structured and rooted so ﬁrmly in its thematic foundations that you’re initially inclined to admire it as you

might a piece of architecture. However, Zvyagintsev’s painterly compositions have the capacity to astonish, rendering mundane images iconic, be it a forlorn woman surveying the Barents Sea or a foreboding summit between agents of church and state. And while the director

employs poetic ﬂourishes, there’s little question about the sense of outrage that drives his ﬁlm (and has incurred admonishments from the Russian Culture Minister). As ruggedly beautiful as it is bleak, this is an undeniably powerful piece of cinema. –CurtisWoloschuk

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Project Almanac

Starring Jonny Weston, Virginia Gardner Directed by Dean Israelite

FEBRUARY 13TH - 21ST 2015 February 5 - 11, 2015 W 15

LIFESTYLES //

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HEALTH

Try these delicious aphrodisiacs this Valentine’s Day Patty Javier Gomez Whole Nourishment

@WholeNourishBC When we think of Valentine’s Day, the image of a winged baby-like creature with a penchant for archery pops into our head: Cupid, the matchmaker. This is the popular depiction that we have been brainwashed to associate with V-Day, along with red hearts, candy, chocolate, romance and sex. But where did the Valentine’s day traditions begin? Some historians say that it originated from the roman festival of Lupercalia, a fertility celebration where it was customary for eligible bachelorettes to write love letters that would be picked by unwed man who would start courting. Or did it start with the pagan tradition of whipping women to promote fertility? Then there’s the story of St. Valentine, who wed couples in secret and met a terrible fate... Regardless of how it came to be, we make this day an excuse to treat the special someone in our lives with

some extra love and food. Since the beginning of time, men and women have sought out aphrodisiacs to arouse or increase sexual response or desire. But how do they work? There are a few different ways depending on the substance. Some work by increasing blood ﬂow to your nether regions, stimulating sexual arousal, and there are others that help our bodies produce chemicals that are associated with sexual desire. Either way, you are going to want to light some candles and listen to some Barry White. Or whatever the equivalent of that is for the younger generation... Bruno Mars? Justin Beiber? I don’t know. Here are the go-to aphrodisiacs that have been used to get into sexy activities for centuries.

CHOCOLATE

Dark chocolate will actually spike up your dopamine levels inducing feelings of pleasure. Cover some fruit with it, it’s delicious, pretty to look at and actually quite easy to make to my surprise!

OYSTERS

This classic aphrodisiac

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can be a little on the pricey side, but so worth it! Fresh on the half shelf is the way to go. Find a fancy restaurant or just grab your own at your local ﬁshmonger or Granville Island and shuck away. Also, they contain amino acids that trigger production of sex hormones. So there’s that.

triggers testosterone production, and the B vitamins in it will elevate your energy levels, helping you get it on all night long! They also taste pretty good and can be the main attraction of many desserts.

Peppers stimulate endorphins and make you sweat mimicking the way you feel when you are aroused. Don’t overdo it though! There is nothing sexy about having to take constant bathroom breaks on a date.

AVOCADO

VANILLA

Another win for avocado! It’s sexy uses can be traced back to the Aztecs, in fact the Aztec word for avocado means testicles because their shape resembles balls (yeah, I said it). They are high in vitamin E which boosts the immune system and helps give your skin that youthful glow we all look for in cosmetics.

BANANAS

Not only is it a phallic shape, but it contains the enzyme bromelain which

What better way to lower your inhibitions and get a little freaky with the one you

RECIPE //

This a great post dinner treat, not the bean itself but perhaps something infused in it like ice cream or another desert. It will mildly stimulate the nerves increasing sexual sensations.

CHOCOLATE COVERED FRUIT Ingredients • Dark chocolate or carob • Fruit (mango, strawberries, pear, apple, grapes, bananas)

STRAWBERRIES

These vitamin C-ﬁlled little wonders will help keep the blood ﬂowing in all regions of the body (ALL regions). Dress them up with chocolate and feed them to each other, or yourself. Self love is important too.

Directions • Place chocolate in a bowl set over (not in) a saucepan of simmering water. Stir occasionally, until melted,

Adventures for couples

STEPH FLORIAN @playoutdoorsvan

Couples who play together, stay together. Can you recall the last time you and your lover tried something out of the box in the romance department? Currently working overtime, Cupid takes a minute to share his top Vancouver picks.The hardest part of all will be making a commitment. Some of these adventures for couples are offered but once a year and sell out fast, so don’t be disappointed if you go to register and ﬁnd you’ve missed the love boat. Thankfully, Mother Nature doesn’t charge admission.

love? It is also ﬁlled with the antioxidant resveratrol which will help improve circulation before, after and during... W

HONEY

Filled with nitric oxide which is released in the blood during arousal, honey has been a suggested aphrodisiac for a number of centuries, even Hippocrates would prescribe honey for sexual vigour. So I guess ﬁnd creative ways to use honey this year? Other than tea...

CHILI PEPPERS

RED WINE

Yyoga instructor Chris Brandt offers Yoga Date Nights at Yyoga’s Kitsilano and Downtown Flow. He believes the number one selling factor is that students learn an orgasm-strengthening yoga mudra which comes complete with homework. Couples will leave the workshop with basic contact poses that can be done on beaches and at festivals come spring and summer when outdoor practice replaces studio or home settings. The translation of the word yoga is union, and Brandt explains that contact yoga offers an “opportunity to support,

trust, and play with each other. On a scientiﬁc level, studies show skin-to-skin contact generates higher levels of oxytocin between partners, referred to as the “love hormone”. On the opposite end of the spectrum, both Mt. Seymour and Grouse Mountain offer Snowshoe Fondue Tours around Valentine’s Day. Mt. Seymour’s outdoor education manager Kevin Woodward believes couples beneﬁt from activities like snowshoeing because, “it’s a good pace for companions and non-competitive types”. Mt. Seymour has been hosting their candlelight couples tour

three to five minutes. Remove from heat. • Line a baking sheet with waxed paper. One at a time, dip each piece of fruit in chocolate, twirling to coat and place on waxed paper. • Chill chocolate-dipped fruit at least 15 minutes to set chocolate. (Should not be stored in refrigerator longer than one hour as condensation drops may collect on the chocolate.)

for years, but says the event will not likely run this year due to lack of snow coverage. Grouse, on the other hand, will continue to run tours as planned. For $65 per person (plus taxes and gratuities) you’ll get Grouse admission, snowshoe and headlamp rentals, a tour guide and chocolate fondue (pass holder price is $55). If these don’t turn you on, Cupid always loves to throwback to some old school classics. Set a course for adventure around Stanley Park on a tandem bike with your partner rain or shine. Kissing in the rain and cruising around the city on a lovecycle is always exciting and new. Be sure to factor in the après! W

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The Gift of Love The Gift of Love: The Hazeltones for Our House West Coast Society

Saturday, February 14 at 5:00pm St. Paul's Anglican Church 1130 Jervis Street, Vancouver

Singalong benefit concert, with funds raised to purchase a home for the Our House West Coast Society Recovery Program, a charitable organization helping homeless addicts off the streets of Vancouver for the past 10 years. Interactive and wholesome fun for you and your sweetheart, friends, or the whole family on Valentine’s Day. Snack/Dessert Buffet following concert as well as a raffle. Tickets $15. Kids are free. Reserve your tickets early by contacting Samantha Andrews, Assistant Program Director, 778-886-1168 or email andrews.samantha@gmail.com.

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REAL ESTATE //

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Rob Joyce & Sales Associate Roger Ross

West End Specialists Nobody knows the West End better! MLS Diamond Master Medallion Award 2014

g din n Pe r fe Of

Penthouse 2 1855 Nelson West of Denman Houselike 18’x16’ patio deck 2 bdrm + den + loft. 20 ‘ cathedral ceilings, 1219 sf. & 3 patio decks. Everything you desire. Pets OK. $669,900.

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Whistler Style Strata 1924 Comox #412 West of Denman

Unique West facing suite, skylights, 20’ ceilings at The Windgate. New rainscreen & windows. Pets welcome. 728 sq. ft. $488,000.

D L LD O S S 1855 Nelson #301 West of Denman 1 bdrm + den + 2 patios.

12’6 x 9’ solarium can be 2nd bdrm. Wood f/p, almost no common walls & windows on 3 sides. Steps to the park. Pets OK. $444,000.

WEST WEST COAST COAST

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with city and mountain views, nice upgrades, laminate floors in this resort type English Bay highrise. Pool & roof deck. $329,900.

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Refinished red oak harwood floors, large kitchen and a lush view to gardens at the Art Moderne heritage Harcrest Apts. $173,000.

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www.MichaelDowling.ca February 5 - 11, 2015 W 17

REAL ESTATE //

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DEXTER ASSOCIATES REALTY 604-689-8226 604-263-1144 Kevin Skipworth Managing Broker

Layla Bamford

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104-1010 CHILCO ST.

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OPEN SAT 1 - 3PM

VIEWS TO ENGLISH BAY. Bright SouthWest top floor unit. Completely updated with re-designed kitchen & full-sized appliances. Breakfast bar, sleeping nook & easy care finishes. Enjoy the view from large bay window with skylight and balcony. Great investment property. Check out our website, www.dexterrealty.com for current market condition updates.

Steps to the seawall and all that Yaletown has to offer, this beautiful 2 bedroom plus den apartment in Parkview Gardens, with 1260 SF offers amazing views of False Creek and the city. Amenities include swimming pool, hot tub, sauna and gym. Conveniently located steps to the Canada Line, 1 block from the seawall, Urban Fare, restaurants and shops in the heart of Yaletown.

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West of Denman – steps to English Bay, Stanley Park & seawall. Garden level 2 bdrm, 2 bath 1,048 sq.ft. suite that feels like a small house. Some updating, leaving room for your personal stamp. Private street entrance, parking & storage included. Pets welcome, rentals unrestricted in this well-maintained, smoke-free building. Commercial Real Estate Needs? Dexter Associates Realty’s

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43 17

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18 W February 5 - 11, 2015

• Spacious 1160 sq. ft. North West corner plan • 2nd BR w/built-in queen wall bed & office • 2 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom custom plan • Fully upgraded kitchen w/ tons of windows

1743 sq. ft. fab floorplan + 257 sf terrace • Sub-penthouse w/gorgeous Bay & mtn view • Stainless steel appliances and granite 2 - 9’ x 9’ ensuites w/ soaker tubs & sep shwr • Well-separated bedrooms both with ensuite • Rare - 2 side by side parking stalls Spacious 3rd bedroom for office or guests • Master with soaker tub & Bay view • Pet friendly-2 dogs ok. Great community! Entertainers’ living. Dining for 8-10 guests COMING SOON....... Bring your house-size furniture along Custom kitch, cabs, granite & stainless steel Rainscreened/warranty/new plumbing New common areas, gym, pool. 2 prkng, pet ok

$1,250,000

• • • •

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Top floor remodeled studio Original oak hardwood flrs Steps to Beach and Park Well managed co-op bldg

• • • •

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Concrete bldg 2 BR 2 Bath Sunny Southeast corner New kitch w/stainless steel FP, WD, pet ok. 1 parking

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Approx 1100 sf 2 BR 2 bath Mountain, park & bay view Wood floors, new windows Great co-op. No rentals. 1 cat

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February 5 - 11, 2015 W 19

LIFESTYLES //

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DRIVE

Today’s Drive: 2015 Acura TLX it’s not overbearing.The most distinguishing feature is its chrome grille flanked by the LED headlights. Short front and rear overhangs hint at the TLX’s sporting potential. The profile lines give the cabin a teardrop appearance and reinforce both its athletic pretentions and its refinement.

TLX introduces two new engines, two new transmissions and comes standard with high-tech features like LED headlights. As a result, the TLX competes with premium stalwarts such as the Audi A4, Lexus IS and Inﬁniti Q50. The styling of the TLX is modern and distinctive, but

DAVID CHAO @westender.com

Seeking to move more upmarket and streamline its lineup, Acura replaced and combined two established models, the TL and TLX, into one model that is supposed to represent the “best of both worlds.” The

Inside, the TLX is luxurious but not over-the-top. It is one of the most comfortable in this segment and is ﬁlled with latest high-tech features. The TLX is available in three models, a four-cylinder with FWD, six-cylinder with FWD, and a six with AWD. Two packages,TECH and ELITE, are available to

choose from. The base engine is a 2.4-litre four-cylinder producing 206 hp and 182 lb-ft of torque, thanks to direct injection. This engine is mated to an eight-speed dual-clutch transmission. This is the industry’s ﬁrst such gearbox with a torque converter and provides good performance and fuel economy while making smooth, quick shifts.

Ranging in price from $34,990 to $47,490, the TLX is available with several trim packages. Standard equipment includes heated seats, dual zone automatic climate control, keyless entry with push-button start, a moonroof, and a multi-angle rearview camera with dynamic guidelines. The 2015 Acura TLX deﬁnes smart luxury and provides strong value quotient. W

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New info always available on the website; an opportunity for community to stay in touch and keep up on local issues. www.westendneighbours.ca

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604 VAN OFFICE: #202-5704 BALSAM STREET 604.683.8399

liz.carney@century21.ca • www.vancouvercondo.com Century 21 In Town Realty • 421 Pacific • 1030 Denman

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W W W . L I A N A S H O W C A S E . C O M THE OLIVE $419,000 406-3225 TUPPER ST

• Great 1 BR + den w/ gourmet kitchen w/ granite counters, quality cabinetry, KitchenAid s/s appl. • Fabulous north views & a balcony ideal for BBQs • Unit has a cozy living room with wide plank h/w flooring & fireplace • Great lifestyle unit in South Cambie steps to transit, shopping, cafes & restaurants • Pets & rentals welcome

NEW PRICE YALETOWN PARK II, $367,500 703-909 MAINLAND ST

• Renovated & immaculate junior 1 bdrm +den • One in only 5 with an oversized 125sf south-facing deck w/full privacy • Tree lined, quiet street steps to the best Yaletown has to offer: shops, restaurants, parks, seawall, business district etc. • Open kitchen w/granite counters + tile flooring + new laminate hardwood floor throughout, new designer paint, new lighting • 24 hrs concierge, gym • Great entry price point for Yaletown prime • Ready to move in.

OPEN SAT. FEB. 7, 1-3PM & SUN. FEB. 8, 2-4PM

20 W February 5 - 11, 2015

OFFER PENDING

SOLD IN 1 DAY

SOLD FIRM

LOWER LONSDALE TUDOR WITH VIEWS, $217,500, 210-310 W 3RD ST, NORTH VAN

PALISADES GEM WITH VIEWS, $569,900 1205-1200 ALBERNI ST

SPECTRUM TOWNHOME, $530,000 676 CITADEL PARADE

Great starter unit for first time homebuyers • A lovely and spacious south facing one bedroom with views to downtown and the bridge • Updates include newer carpet, and paint • This property comes with one secure underground parking & one full size storage locker • Excellent building that allows rentals with restrictions and no pets • Ready to move in.

Open concept, partially and recently renovated and bright 2 bed + den, 2 bath contemporary home in the iconic Palisades Building • Partial Coal Harbour water, mountain, and city views from the floor to ceiling windows • This unit features over-height ceilings, new hardwood floors, new paint, granite counters, and a large master bedroom with ensuite • Steps to everything on Robson and located directly on Alberni • 2 parking and a storage locker • Pets and rentals are permitted • 24 Hr concierge, gym, meeting room, library-experience the lifestyle in the Golden Triangle...

This gorgeous, quiet end unit townhome with its own private gated, secured entrance has been upgraded within the last few years with granite countertops, stainless steel appliances & boasts 10’ ceilings • Living room accommodates house sized furniture • Patio is ideal for al fresco dining/entertaining • Access to another outdoor secured play area & green space off the upstairs flex space • To see is to fall in love.

TOWER GREEN AT WEST IN FALSE CREEK, $362,241 317-159 W 2ND AVE

PACIFIC COVE $618,880 410-456 MOBERLY RD

THE SHAUGHNESSY $478,000 318-1235 W 15TH AVE

LD! SOLD! O S ! D L O S TOWER GREEN AT WEST IN FALSE CREEK $371,900 617-159 W 2ND AVE

SOLD!

RECENT SALES 1201-125 COLUMBIA ST 201-710 CHILCO ST 608-250 E 6TH AVE 1977 RIVERGROVE

THE JACOBSEN LOFTS PENTHOUSE, $499,000 506-256 E 2ND AVE

PATINA, $1,140,000 2103-1028 BARCLAY

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LIFESTYLES //

@WESTENDERVAN

SEX

Free Will Astrology By Rob Brezsny In 1979, Monty Python comedian John Cleese helped direct a four-night extravaganza, The Secret Policeman’s Ball. It was a benefit to raise money for the human rights organization Amnesty International. The musicians known as Sting, Bono, and Peter Gabriel later testified that the show was a key factor in igniting their social activism. I see the potential of a comparable stimulus in your near future, Aries. Imminent developments could amp up your passion for a good cause that transcends your immediate self-interests.

Hall-of-Fame basketball player Hakeem Olajuwon had a signature set of fancy moves that were collectively known as the Dream Shake. It consisted of numerous spins and fakes and moves that could be combined in various ways to outfox his opponents and score points. The coming weeks would be an excellent time for you to work on your equivalent of the Dream Shake, Libra. You’re at the peak of your ability to figure out how to coordinate and synergize your several talents.

In the film Kill Bill: Volume 1, Taurus actress Uma Thurman plays a martial artist who has exceptional skill at wielding a samurai sword. At one point, her swordmaker evaluates her reflexes by hurling a baseball in her direction. With a masterful swoop, she slices the ball in half before it reaches her. I suggest you seek out similar tests in the coming days, Taurus. Check up on the current status of your top skills. Are any of them rusty? Should you update them? Are they still of maximum practical use to you? Do whatever’s necessary to ensure they are as strong and sharp as ever.

In 1837, Victoria became Queen of England following the death of her uncle, King William IV. She was 18 years old. Her first royal act was to move her bed out of the room she had long shared with her meddling, overbearing mother. I propose that you use this as one of your guiding metaphors in the immediate future. Even if your parents are saints, and even if you haven’t lived with them for years, I suspect you would benefit by upgrading your independence from their influence. Are you still a bit inhibited by the nagging of their voices in your head? Does your desire to avoid hurting them thwart you from rising to a higher level of authority and authenticity? Be a good-natured rebel.

French Impressionist painter Claude Monet loved to paint the rock formations near the beach at Étretrat, a village in Normandy. During the summer of 1886, he worked serially on six separate canvases, moving from one to another throughout his work day to capture the light and shadow as they changed with the weather and the position of the sun. He focused intently on one painting at a time. He didn’t have a brush in each hand and one in his mouth, simultaneously applying paint to various canvases. His specific approach to multitasking would generate good results for you in the coming weeks, Gemini. (PS, the other kind of multitasking – where you do several different things at the same time – will yield mostly mediocre results.)

The crookedest street in the world is a one-way, block-long span of San Francisco’s Lombard Street. It consists of eight hairpin turns down a very steep hill. The recommended top speed for a car is five miles per hour. So on the one hand, you’ve got to proceed with caution. On the other hand, the quaint, brickpaved road is lined with flower beds, and creeping along its wacky route is a whimsical amusement. I suspect you will soon encounter experiences that have metaphorical resemblances to Lombard Street, Sagittarius. In fact, I urge you to seek them out.

In 1849, author Edgar Allen Poe died in his hometown of Baltimore. A century later, a mysterious admirer began a new tradition. Every Jan. 19, on the anniversary of Poe’s birth, this cloaked visitor appeared at his grave in the early morning hours, and left behind three roses and a bottle of cognac. I invite you, Cancerian, to initiate a comparable ritual. Can you imagine paying periodic tribute to an important influence in your own life – someone who has given you much and touched you deeply? Don’t do it for nostalgia’s sake, but rather as a way to affirm that the gifts you’ve received from this evocative influence will continue to evolve within you. Keep them ever-fresh.

“What happens to a dream deferred?” asked Langston Hughes in his poem “Harlem.” “Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore – And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over – like a syrupy sweet?” As your soul’s cheerleader and coach, Leo, I hope you won’t explore the answer to Hughes’ questions. If you have a dream, don’t defer it. If you have been deferring your dream, take at least one dramatic step to stop deferring it.

Virgo author John Creasey struggled in his early efforts at getting published. For a time he had to support himself with jobs as a salesman and clerk. Before his first book was published, he had gathered 743 rejection slips. Eventually, though, he broke through and achieved monumental success. He wrote more than 550 novels, several of which were made into movies. He won two prestigious awards and sold 80 million books. I’m not promising that your own frustrations will ultimately pave the way for a prodigious triumph like his. But in the coming months, I do expect significant progress toward a gritty accomplishment. For best results, work for your own satisfaction more than for the approval of others.

In the baseball film The Natural, the hero Roy Hobbs has a special bat he calls “Wonderboy.” Carved out of a tree that was split by a lightning bolt, it seems to give Hobbs an extraordinary skill at hitting a baseball. There’s a similar theme at work in the Australian musical instrument known as the didgeridoo. It’s created from a eucalyptus tree whose inner wood has been eaten away by termites. Both Wonderboy and the didgeridoo are the results of natural forces that could be seen as adverse but that are actually useful. Is there a comparable situation in your own life, Capricorn? I’m guessing there is. If you have not yet discovered what it is, now is a good time to do so.

Mixing Kegels and pleasure Sex with Mish Way

@MyszkaWay Miss VV (or as her Canadian passport would say Véronique Perreault) is a bold entrepreneur. She’s a self-made woman who had had more careers in her short 27 years than most will have in a life time. Miss VV got her Bachelor of Commerce in management from McGill University and from there did time working in aviation, banks, schools, retirement homes, hotel and dentist offices clocking administrative work, but her true passion as always belly dancing. “I was fascinated with Shakira when I was a teenager,” she tells me. “It helped me become independent and improve my self-confidence. Next thing you know, I did one show and started to get contracts. I was able to share my passions with amazing women and eventually was approached by a gym to teach.” For Miss VV, belly dancing was a place to gain self-esteem and help other women explore their sexual confidence and physical health as well as get in touch with their sensuality. She finds empowerment in her sexuality and grew up in a household that was kept an open dialogue about sex. While the other teenagers were giggling nervously in sex ed class, Miss

VV was attentively listening and absorbing the information without a hint of blush in her cheeks. With such a conﬁdent and curious outlook about her own sexuality as well as her acute business sense, it was only a matter of time before Miss VV got involved in the sex industry. Her latest venture is an interactive vibrator she’s named “Miss On The Go”. The unique tech sex toy connects to an app on your iPhone that allows you and your partner to play at any distance and promotes healthy Kegel exercises on a regiment you design for yourself with the app. “I have been doing my Kegel exercises for years and when I talked about them with my friends, they barely knew what they were,” she says. “For those of us with a vagina, toning your pelvic muscles is important for increases your level of orgasms during intercourse, prevent leaking and it is also very crucial before and after giving birth.” Miss On The Go lets you go wild on the pleasure whenever you want. The small vibrator is inserted into the vagina and can be kept in anytime of day. Not only does it work to tone your pelvic muscles, but also pops in pleasurable vibrations to keep you stimulated. With ﬁve vibration settings and 25 hours continuous use this discreet and quiet sex toy is made from medical grade

silicone. The product is still in its development stages and is expected to hit the market May 2015. Currently, Miss VV is running a campaign to raise money for the project. There are a million sex toys on the market right now. Everything from Vajankles to wands to revamped, modernized versions of the classics we all know, but this toy is not only about keeping a healthy, active vagina, but also being able to keep pleasure going with your partner (or without, Miss VV herself is currently single) when you are not in the same room. Yes, it seems totally space-age and a little intimidating to have a device connecting you and your sexuality to your iPhone, but this is the world we live in now. Even our god damn G-spots can be mobile. I mean, why not? “When one is sexually fulfilled it reflects in every sphere and your confidence,” Miss VV states. The conversation surrounding sexually pleasure is open wide (pun totally intended) and I think this is good. You go to the gym and work out your arms, abs and thighs, so why wouldn’t you strengthen your sex muscles? Fact: orgasms are awesome. W

EMAIL MISH Send Mish your own sex questions and queries to sex@westender.com

In 1753, Benjamin Franklin published helpful instructions on how to avoid being struck by lightning during stormy weather. Wear a lightning rod in your hat, he said, and attach it to a long, thin metal ribbon that trails behind you as you walk. In response to his article, a fashion fad erupted. Taking his advice, fancy ladies in Europe actually wore such hats. From a metaphorical perspective, it would make sense for you Aquarians to don similar headwear in the coming weeks. Bolts of inspiration will be arriving on a regular basis. To ensure you are able to integrate and use them – not just be titillated and agitated – you will have to be well-grounded.

According to the Bible, Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Author David Foster Wallace added a caveat. “The truth will set you free,” he wrote, “but not until it is finished with you.” All this is apropos for the current phase of your journey, Pisces. By my estimation, you will soon discover an important truth that you have never before been ready to grasp. Once that magic transpires, however, you will have to wait a while until the truth is fully finished with you. Only then will it set you free. But it will set you free. And I suspect that you will ultimately be grateful that it took its sweet time.

Feb. 5: Duff Mckagan (51) Feb. 6: Bob Marley (70) Feb. 7: Deborah Ann Woll (30) Feb. 8: Nick Nolte (74) Feb. 9: Zhang Ziyi (36) Feb. 10: Laura Dern (48) Feb. 11: Jennifer Aniston (46)

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