Westender – September 3, 2015 by Westender

SEPTEMBER 3-9 // 2015

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NEWS // ISSUES

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INSIDE THIS WEEK News3 Vancouver Shakedown3 Style File4 Shop Talk4 A Good Chick to Know5 Nosh6 Fresh Sheet6 By the Bottle8 The Growler9 What’s On10 Fringe Fest14 Arts14 Music15 Reel People15 Real Estate16 Whole Nourishment20 Horoscopes21 Sex with Mish Way21 PUBLISHER DEE DHALIWAL DDHALIWAL@WESTENDER.COM

COVER: KAITLIN WILLIAMS AND MACK GORDON STAR IN SHAKE THE SHEETS! AT THE VANCOUVER FRINGE FESTIVAL. BRANT HARDY PHOTO

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You’re All Just Jealous of My Jetpack by Tom Gauld

RANT//RAVE email: rantrave@westender.com ALL RANTS ARE THE OPINION OF THE INDIVIDUAL AND DO NOT REFLECT THE OPINIONS OF THE WESTENDER. THE EDITOR RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT FOR CLARITY AND BREVITY, SO PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT AND (BITTER)SWEET.

NO RESPITE FROM THE NOISE I’ve experienced some minor power outages while living in the West End, but none that lasted as long as the one this past weekend. Power outages can deﬁnitely bring problems into our lives – stopped elevators, blackened stairwells, darkened hallways, cold showers, warm refrigerators, soggy freezers, blank computer screens

and drained cell phones. If we’re lucky, these problems are inconveniences, not threats to our health and safety. While troublesome, there can be a bright side to power outages (no pun intended): newfound time to read, candlelit dinners, good conversations, camaraderie amongst neighbours, additional exercise, and quiet. One of the things I’ve always enjoyed about power outages is the dampening effect they have

on the city – like someone has turned the volume button down a few notches. Sadly this was not the case this past weekend. Much to my surprise, many buildings in the West End ran generators during the entire power outage. Presumably this power ran emergency lights, allowed for parking garage doors to function and, in some cases, ran elevators.While arguably safer and more convenient, I have to say it was loud…very

loud…at times unbearably loud.These are unhoused diesel-fuelled generators located on the sides of buildings and in underground parking areas.The sound echoed off of the surrounding buildings all day and all night. It was like trying to sleep next to a pressure washer. Are there not better alternatives? LED emergency lighting? Manual overrides for garage doors? Improved sound mufﬂing? I went to bed Saturday night hoping the power would be on by morning. Halfway through the night I didn’t care if the power came on, I just wanted the generators to stop. So much for the bright side to power outages.To quote the Grinch: “That’s one thing I hate! All the noise, noise, noise, noise!” –Robin

THANKS LUCAS! As I was struggling with three full bags of camping equipment and dirty clothes, a nice young man asked if I needed help. He walked me from McDonald’s on Cardero to Harwood Street on Sunday, Aug. 30, carrying two very heavy bags and his groceries. It was out of his way. His name was Lucas (pardon the spelling if it’s wrong). Just wanted to say a huge thank-you to Lucas for your random act of kindness. Not all twentysomethings are self-entitled . –Geckogirl

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NEWS // ISSUES

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YOUR CITY

Hold on and enjoy the ride Grant Lawrence Vancouver Shakedown @GrantLawrence

I’m screaming for my life and all I hold dear as the roller coaster plunges to what seems like certain disaster, only to somehow remain on its ancient clickety-clack track. The coaster violently jerks us upward, thrusting us forward. The inertia yanks us right out of our seats, saved only for the safety bar across our laps. Ah, the PNE. It’s something my parents would drag me to once a year in the dog days of ourVancouver summer. It was an event I grew to actually fear as a suburban, nerdy, bespectacled child, afraid of any ride faster than the Honeybee Express kiddie train. The PNE seemed even grittier back then than it is now, when roaming bangers in mullets, jorts, and Judas Priest T-shirts seemed to rule supreme like dinosaurs, proudly parading across the sugarsticky pavement with their Playland conquests: gigantic stuffed animals they somehow managed to win from those seemingly impossible midway games. I would stare through my fogging Coke bottle-thick glasses in sheer envy, wondering if they actually were a PNE plant: paid employees hired to make kids like me believe winning one of those ridiculously large stuffed creatures was actually possible.

Thirty years later, I’m still being dragged to the PNE once a year, now by my two eager nephews Tanner (age 14) and Avery (age 10) who both love it all. Incredibly, so much of the noise, lights, people, and – ahem – comfort food seems exactly the same. All those rickety rides with names like “Starship 3000”, “Gladiator”, and the all-time classic “Tilt-A-Whirl”, are still run by generally surly carnies, some even complete with face tattoos. I’m not judging, though I did ﬁnd my ﬁngers tightly crossed when I noticed the adhoc hockey tape that was holding the electrical wires in place in our Ferris wheel bucket, as we teetered 70 feet above that infamously sticky pavement. Rock bands play throughout the two weeks of the PNE, and on our night it was Halifax indie pop heroes Sloan, who understood their audience by all but ignoring material from their new album and instead cranking out 75 minutes of their hits, mostly from the 1990s. And that seedy underbelly that I sensed as a child is still present: my wife spotted theVPD gang squad roaming the grounds, and later on in the evening a Vancouver punk rocker sustained multiple leg injuries and a black eye in an unfortunate tussle with security staff. But my nephews missed all that, distracted by the rides and the junk food, which I vowed to keep them away from. So much for that: by the end of the night the culinary count for the four of us

City Hall flooded with pot shop applications BOB MACKIN @bobmackin

Grant Lawrence photo included slushies, mini donuts, cotton candy, tacos, pizza, pretzels, deep fried Snickers bars, kettle corn, and frozen chocolate bananas. My nephews also challenged me onto rides I’ve never done before, including that supposedVancouver rite of passage that is the ancient wooden roller coaster, the grand dame of Playland and the PNE. It was sheer and complete spinealtering terror, feeling more like a runaway mechanic bull than a roller coaster, but yes, I’m glad I did it. Once. As we stumbled out of the west gate onto Renfrew Street, the clock nearing midnight, it hit me: I had a pretty good time at the PNE. Just like the roller coaster, many aspects of the PNE remain highly questionable, but sometimes, you just have to strap yourself in and go for it. W

When the City of Vancouver sparked the idea of regulating pot shops, an April 21 staff report said there were 80 operating without a business licence. Four months later, it says it received 176 applications under the controversial Medical Marijuana-Related Use bylaw. Sixty-nine are so-called “compassion clubs” that would pay $1,000 each for a licence, while the rest are businesses that would be charged $30,000 each if approved. “It’s not a surprise, it’s a cash cow,” said NPA Coun. George Afﬂeck. “It’s an opportunity to sell illegal drugs in our city, through legitimate retail space. It’s attracting a lot of interest.” City hall, however, is refusing to say who the applicants are. “City staff is in the process of assessing the applications, each applicant will receive a letter with zoning evaluation results and next steps within one to two months,” said Jason Watson of the city hall

communications ofﬁce. “A list of applicants will not be available prior to this assessment and appropriate communication with the individual applicants.” The applicants do not include Marc and Jodie Emery, the faces of Canada’s marijuana legalization movement. Jodie Emery said they did not apply because they have “no experience in that kind of enterprise” and are opting to focus instead on their Cannabis Culture head shops, vapor lounges and media company. “I hope the city will recognize the value in accommodating so many local, homegrown businesses, which create jobs and taxes that beneﬁt the entire community,” Jodie Emery said. The city staff report, issued the day after the annual 420 pro-pot festival at the Vancouver Art Gallery, conceded the city has no authority to regulate the sale of marijuana, but can regulate land use and businesses.The bylaw passed June 24 by the Vision Vancouver majority city council set a 300-metre minimum distance for marijuana shops from

competitors, schools, community centres and facilities for vulnerable youth. City hall seems to have left the door wide open for the industry to grow further.Those that did not apply by Aug. 21 may register for notice of the next round of applications, but must close or be subject to “ﬁnes and legal action.” Rejected applicants who are already doing business must close within six months but may reapply at a new location. Bylaw opponent Pamela McColl of Smart Approaches to Marijuana Canada said city hall is overstepping its bounds and “putting a lot of people at risk” because there are no standards for the marijuana being marketed at Vancouver storefronts illegally under the medical guise. McColl’s complaint earlier this year that the Vancouver Police Department is turning a blind eye to retail drug dealing will be heard at the Sept. 17 meeting. Police board is chaired by Vision Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson. W –Courtesy ofVancouver Courier

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STYLE // DESIGN

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FASHION

A fashion show with your Ferrari Niki Hope Style File

@NikiMHope Some of the stylish outfits on the runway at the Luxury & Supercar Weekend will rival the eye-catching cars. Many of the attendees at the lux affair know how to throw together an outfit that could comfortably slip behind the wheel of a Porsche or a Ferrari. “What is so wonderful is that the people that come to the event [go all out],” says stylist and fashion firecracker Tracey Pincott. “The looks are awesome. It’s just insane.” Pincott is styling outfits for Oakridge Centre, which is hosting the fashion shows. Oakridge, known for having top-of-the-line retailers, such as Hugo Boss and Max Mara, is in its second year of sponsoring the fashion show

component at the luxury car event – a garden party held on the Great Lawn of VanDusen Botanical Garden on Sept. 12 and 13 that features rare classic cars and modern super machines. Oakridge puts on three shows with men’s and women’s fashion over the course of the two days, with a different theme for each. The 1pm runway show will be styled with a 1970s-boho inﬂuence; 2pm is all about monochromatic tone-ontone looks; and 3pm looks will be ﬁlled with graphic pattern play and colour blocking. With the overall theme of the event being luxury, the focus is on showcasing the mall’s high-end brands, including Stuart Weitzman’s elegant shoes and designer wares from Blubird boutique, Boys’Co and Harry Rosen. “It’s a very fashion-conscious event. It’s beautiful

food, tents, champagne,” says Pincott, an independent stylist and fashion show producer who has worked with Oakridge for many years. If you want to see what cruises down the runway, get there early. Last year the shows were standing-room only. Fashion is one element in an opulent array of food, cars, cocktails and general all-around extravagant vibe at the luxury weekend. “The environment is gorgeous. The gardens are spectacular – and I don’t know a thing about a car, but cars are ﬂown in from all over the world,” Pincott says. “It’s insane.” The luxury car show also includes entertainment, hospitality tents, pop-up restaurants, wine and cocktails. Be warned, it all goes down on the grass, so organizers suggest ladies wear ﬂats or wedges for solid footing. For more info, visit LuxurySupercar.com. W

Stylist Tracey Pincott is organizing looks for the Oakridge Centre’s fashion show at the Luxury & Supercar Weekend. Jennifer Gauthier photo.

New jogging fashion boutique up and running shop recently opened a new storefront and is holding a party to celebrate its opening and new 2016 wedding gown collection, which features a cool-toned palette inspired by Vancouver’s grey winter days. Designer and owner Gaby Bayona uses silvery shimmer and metallic details for 2016 brides. French lace, handbeaded bodices and dainty double straps are just a few of the charming details in the new pieces.Visit Truvelle.com to see the bridal beauties.

Niki Hope Shop Talk

@NikiMHope

Had a chance to check out the runners’ paradise in Kitsilano? Vancouver Running Company offers a sleekly curated retail experience for runners with apparel, shoes, and accessories from brands like Oiselle (Seattle), adidas (Germany), Ciele Athletics (Montreal), and Newline (Langholt, Denmark).The recently opened running store, founded by husband and wife Rob and Becky Smith, also acts as a community hub, hosting group runs and educational events. Time for a new handbag? Go local with Jola V. Designs’ fall/winter 2015 capsule col-

Vancouver Running Company in Kitsilano offers a sleekly curated retail experience for runners with apparel, shoes, and accessories, along with a running support group called VRC Flight Crew. lection, which contains six new handbags, including a belt bag that switches to a cross body and a sleek, gender-neutral

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backpack, and cases featuring charming textile stamping. See the collection and more at JolaVDesigns.com.

Truvelle Bridal store is saying “I do” to a new location in Gastown.The bridal

On Saturday, Sept. 26 UBC Robson Square (800 Robson) will play host to Vancouver’s Etsy: Made in Canada event, featuring popular local Etsy sellers showcasing their handmade and vintage goods. Seventy-eight local artists will be taking part in the second annual event, which runs

from 10am to 5pm. Entry is free.Thirty-three cities across Canada will also hold Etsy marketplaces. See Etsy.com for more info.

It’s a seasonal event that fashion lovers line up for.The Vancouver AritziaWarehouse Sale returns Thursday to Sunday at theVancouver Convention Centre, and Aritzia is calling this year’s event its “biggest warehouse sale ever,” featuring clothes that are 50 to 90 per cent off their original retail prices from brands like Talula,Wilfred, Community, Babaton,TNA, and more. New products will be put out every day of the sale, which includes spring/summer and fall/winter merchandise. Visit Aritzia.com and search “warehouse sale” for hours and directions. Be prepared to brave the masses for this one. W

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My Digs: Megan Close of The Cross Décor & Design

really little. I really love every single piece I own.

Jennifer Scott A Good Chick to Know

The story behind the art/ antiques/collectibles: They really are from all over! My grandmother had fabulous taste and some of my favourite things were passed down from her collection.Working atThe Cross, I have ﬁrst access to some really incredible newer pieces too. I’m very lucky.

@Jennifer_AGCTK

In this second installment of our “living with the pros” take on My Digs, we’re sneaking into the bachelorette pad of one of the city’s most design savvy industry insiders; Megan Close is one of the key figures behind The Cross, Vancouver’s most desired destination for beautiful treasures and housewares. Spending her days surrounded by stunning décor finds, it’s no wonder that Close totally nailed the chic appeal of her West End condo – small space living definitely didn’t mean downsizing in style in this 400 square-foot suite.What I love the most about Close’s home is the use of personal and sentimental items to create a sense of story and warmth within the space; by taking pieces that have emotional importance and incorporating them into her design allows the suite to show off her personality and be a literal reflection of her love for an eclectic style.

Downsides: The size. I can’t ﬁt a single other thing in this space. When I get something new, something old has got to go and I have a hard time parting with anything! Neighbourhood haunts: Lolita’s, Greenhorne Café, Adesso, Bayside Lounge, XY, Nelson dog park, the Seawall, English Bay.

Megan Close of The Cross Décor & Design proves small spaces can be beautiful with her 400-square-foot condo. Janis Nicolay photos up. It gets great fresh air and so much sunlight.

What is it?: It’s a small studio apartment in a 1960s building in the West End.

First thing I changed: I added a small counter top on the pass-through. It’s the perfect little ledge when entertaining.

Who are you?: I am the marketing and communications manager (and some other stuff) at The Cross Décor & Design.

Feature I brag about: The space planning. When you only have 400 square feet to work with you have to get really creative.

Major selling feature: The open concept and the big windows that open right

That one conversation piece: The headboard. Since my bedroom was going to

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Favourite apartment activity: Entertaining. It may be small but you sure can cram a ton of girlfriends onto that couch. W

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The décor: I love an eclectic look and I’ve been collecting my favourite things since I was

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alley, took it home, sanded it down, stained it and cut it down to ﬁt exactly in the spot. It’s perfect.

be right in my living room I wanted the headboard to be something really special. I found a concrete pallet in an

Compared to your last place: I had never lived alone before so it’s nice that every single thing belongs to me and every choice is mine. It truly is a reﬂection of my personality.

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EAT // DRINK

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DINING OUT

Clockwise from bottom left: Summer vegetable salad; Sockeye salmon with mussels; The patio at Beach Bay Café. Contributed photos

Beach Bay capitalizes on location for view and food Anya Levykh Nosh

@FoodgirlFriday BEACH BAY CAFÉ & PATIO

1193 Denman 604-685-7337 BeachBayCafe.com Open Tuesday-Sunday, 2pm-5pm for happy hour, 5pm-11pm for dinner. Brunch Sundays, 11am-2pm. When the old Raincity Grill used to still be open at Denman off Davie, it was considered one of the best views and locations in the city, advantageously sitting right across from English Bay, with vistas of water, wood and mountain. In the end, the view was all that was left of this once mighty dining

Anya Levykh Fresh Sheet

@FoodGirlFriday Several BC restaurants are among the ﬁnalists selected by Enroute magazine for Canada’s Best New Restaurant awards. AnnaLena, Bauhaus, Grapes & Soda, and Sai Woo are the four Vancouver contenders, along with Pilgrimme on Galiano Island and Wild Mountain Food & Drink in Sooke.You can vote for your favourite(s) at EatAndVote.com Fans of Mr. Red rejoice… the popular Vietnamese restaurant on East Hastings is expanding operations west, and will be opening a second

institution, which is why I heaved a sigh of relief when the room was taken over by the same group behind Cibo/ Uva and completely gutted and redone. Gone is the carpet and dark walls, and in its place is a bright room more in keeping with its seaside location. White walls and chairs set off the light wood table tops, and create a perfect backdrop for the depiction of the English Bay of a century ago that covers the entire back wall. The bar is just past the kitchen as you enter, so you’re greeted by two groups on your way to your seat. The names on the stationary make for an impressive group. Andrea Vescovi (formerly of Blue Water Café) is GM (Vescovi will also be running the soon-to-open Ancora on False Creek), Luc

Trottier is restaurant director, and the kitchen is run by executive chef Scott Korzack (L’Abattoir, Bambudda). Add in Adrian Lindner behind the bar (he’s also a sommelier), and it seems like an all-star line-up. Initial impressions were positive. Service is excellent, and the cocktail and wine lists are smart and good value. A lot of BC labels, but some impressive Italian and French selections round things out, as does one sake from Granville Island and a couple decent sherries. The menu is divided into snacks, starters, salads, mains, desserts and sides.The $8 snacks were approachable items like fried, salty pork ribs, nicely dry on the outside, and falling off the bone.These were served with a honey and grainy mustard mayo that

was a bit bland on its own, but set off the saltiness of the ribs perfectly. Salmon tartare was another excellent choice, topped with crispy kale.The housemade bread ($2), a pain au lait served with housemade butter that’s topped with elderflower syrup and salt, seemed at first like a typical brioche, but the crumb is excellent and the thick triangles hold up well to the butter. The prices belie the casual feel of the room, but they’re not excessive. Starters hover around $14 and mains range from $22 to $32. My ling cod one night ($26) was excellent, grilled and served with perfectly fried cauliflower florets, smoky eggplant, local mushrooms, and roasted grape vinaigrette that I almost licked off the plate. Gnocchi ($22) was disappointing.The gnocchi themselves were too soft

and mushy, and completely tasteless.The yellow squash and zucchini it was topped with were nicely cooked, and the poached egg on top was perfectly runny, but the shavings of black truffle did nothing for the dish, and the whole effect was too boring to bother finishing. Desserts were also hit-andmiss.Yogurt panna cotta ($9) with basil-apple compote, dulce de leche cream, and bits of financier cake was a solid choice, with a nice balance between tart and sweet. The flourless chocolate cake ($10), however, was inedible. The cake didn’t have enough chocolate flavour, the lemonrosemary ice cream tasted of neither, and the cherries that dotted the coffee cream were surprisingly tasteless. There are some great ideas and innovations on the menu

here, like the unique striploin ($32) stuffed with plum, mushroom and barley treviso, or the “gin and tonic” dessert ($10) with lime-almond cake and cucumber sorbet, but a little more focus and polish would do wonders to balance out the occasional dips. Anya Levykh is a freelance food and travel writer who covers all things ingestible. She has a regular segment every Monday on CBC Radio One’s On the Coast and is a judge for the Vancouver Magazine Restaurant Awards. Find her on Twitter @foodgirlfriday and Facebook. com/FoodGirlFriday. W

location on West Broadway at MacDonald. Look for service to start sometime in October. Facebook.com/ MrRedVanCity

are priced around $5.90$6.60. SoftPeaks.ca

The 12th annual Corn Festival will take place on Sept. 6, 11am-6pm, at Britannia Community Centre. This free, family event celebrates the importance of this grain to the Latin American community. Vendors will serve up tamales, pupusas, paletas, tostadas, and more. There will also be music, dancing and cultural performances. GWFoodConnection.Wordpress.com

$50 for ages 13 and up, children under 12 are free, but must be registered. JoyOfFeeding.com

ing up European beers and German foods like schnitzel, späztle and other delicacies. HarvestHaus.com

The third annual Monogram Dinner by Design is back on Sept. 21 in support of CANFAR and Emily Carr University of Art + Design. Fifteen local designers will be creating extraordinary tablescapes to showcase the food of Taryn Wa of Savoury Chef Foods. Tickets $300. And don’t miss the Cocktail Art event on Sept. 20, featuring some of Vancouver’s top mixologists. Tickets for Cocktail Art are $50 per person. DinnerXDesign.com

On Oct. 17,Whistler Search and Rescue’s popular annual Wine’d Up fundraiser will take place at Dusty’s Bar and Grill in Whistler Creekside. Five chefs will be creating individual dishes, all paired with notable wines. Participating chefs include James Walt of Araxi, Dean Hossack of Nita Lake Lodge, Kreg Graham of Fairmont Chateau Whistler, Dustin Harkness of Whistler Cooks Catering, and Steve Bjormark of Whistler Blackcomb. There will also be live and silent auctions.Tickets are $170 per person. Facebook. com/WinedUpWSAR W

Osteria Savio Volpe, the new venture from L’Abattoir co-owner Paul Grunberg, acclaimed restaurant designer Craig Stanghetta, and chef Mark Perrier (Cin Cin, Cibo), is slated to open this October for dinner nightly in the Fraserhood, at 615 Kingsway. Brunch is apparently not far behind. SavioVolpe.com Soft Peaks Ice Cream in Gastown has launched their new milkshake menu. Flavours include chocolate, caramel latte, vanilla, coffee, matcha, and original. All come in 14 oz. servings and

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The Irish Heather is reviving its popular Long Table Series. On the ﬁrst and third Monday of each month, enjoy a communal meal for $18 per person. Each meal includes a hearty main course, like chicken ballantines or oven-roasted steelhead trout, along with a craft beer pairing. Reservations recommended. LTSMenu.Blogspot.ca Siena has introduced a new happy hour from 8pm to 10pm nightly. Enjoy selected wines, beers, cocktails and plates for $6 each. Dishes include arancini, bruschetta, cheeses, desserts and more. EatSiena.com

On Saturday, Sept. 19, come out and support UBC Farm at Joy of Feeding, an outdoor food and family festival that features 16 home cooks dishing up their family favourites. Beer and wine will be available for purchase. Tickets are

Harvest Haus is back at the QE Theatre Plaza Oct. 1-3 and Oct. 9-11, serv-

Food: !!!!! Service: !!!!! Ambiance: !!!!! Value: !!!!! Overall: !!!!!

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The Province of British Columbia is home to fantastic wineries and winemakers, producing quality wines that speak to the beauty of BC. Join us at the Harvest Table with our featured winery and winemaker, and enjoy the fruits of their labour while learning about the winemaking process. This is a free event and seats are limited, so make sure you:

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EAT // DRINK

WINE

The Judgement of BC Michaela Morris By the Bottle @MichaelaWine

presents the 8th Annual

Four Seasons Hotel, 791 West Georgia Street, Vancouver Sunday, October 4th, 2015, 11am-1pm

A benefit to support AIDS Vancouver Tickets $88 each, $800 for a table of 10. www.aidsvancouver.org/celebritydimsum

BOSA FOODS NOW OPEN ON COMMERCIAL DRIVE

We welcome you to visit our newest location on Commercial Drive! Offering the finest selection of imported Mediterranean specialty foods. Hours: 8am – 5:30pm Monday – Saturday Closed Sunday.

956 Commercial Drive at Parker Street, Vancouver.

For years British Columbia has been touting that we make world-class wine. At a certain point though, you need to put your money where your mouth is. Finally, the BC Wine Institute did just that, inviting renowned British wine expert and journalist Mr. Steven Spurrier to weigh in on our local wares. Among all of his activities and accomplishments throughout his illustrious career, Spurrier was responsible for staging the Judgement of Paris in 1976. This monumental blind tasting pitted California Chardonnay and Cabernet Sauvignon against examples from some of France’s most revered Burgundy and Bordeaux producers. Results shocked everyone when California wines claimed the top spot in both categories. Almost 40 years later, Spurrier graciously accepted to participate in our own Judgement of BC. On Tuesday, Aug. 25, he joined 20 local wine professionals (including yours truly) for a tasting modeled after his historic 1976 event. Well-curated by BC-based wine consultant and educator DJ Kearney, the tasting consisted of two blind ﬂights, one featuring Chardonnay, the other Syrah. Each included six wines from BC and six from benchmark regions around the world, almost all

retailing between $25-70. Our primary task was to rate them in order of which we thought was the best.The results of all judges were tabulated to determine a collective ordering of the wines. Kearney reminded us that it wasn’t about “win or lose, good or bad, best or worst.” Instead, the purpose was to measure BC wine against its international peers. So, did we make history with the Judgement of BC? Certainly, the result of the Syrah flight provoked gasps and cheers from the panel. C.C. Jentsch’s 2013 Syrah from Okanagan Valley took the number one spot, triumphing over Northern Rhône examples from CrozesHermitage and Cornas as well as Shiraz from Barossa and Hunter Valley. Beyond first place, BC Syrah also earned the fourth (2012 Nichol) and fifth (2013 Le Vieux Pin, Cuvée Classique) positions. “I think that was a very successful tasting,” Spurrier enthused. “There wasn’t a dud wine in there. Syrah always has a wonderful exuberance and a wonderful expression and I found that the British Columbia Syrah were very expressive.” As for my own personal preferences, the gorgeous 2013 Vincent Paris, ‘Granit 60’ Cornas earned my top vote followed by Tyrrell’s 2011 ‘Vat 9’ Shiraz from Hunter Valley. But my third, fourth and fifth favourites hailed from BC. Along with the C.C. Jentsch and Le Vieux Pin, I singled out Jackson Triggs’ 2010 Sunrock Shiraz.

BC didn’t fair quite as well in the Chardonnay ﬂight. “I was a bit disappointed that BC didn’t do better because I really loved the Chardonnays; lovely acidity and not too much oak,” expressed Spurrier. He went on to note the tough competition that they were up against. Collectively, the top four wines in order were the 2013 Soumah Single Vineyard from Australia’sYarra Valley, the brilliant 2012 Kumeu River Hunting Hill from New Zealand, 2014 Hamilton Russell from South Africa and 2012 Jean-Marc Brocard Chablis Premier Cru Montmains from France.Though my ordering was slightly different, these were the same four wines that stood out for me. BC didn’t weigh in until the number six position with the 2013 Blue Mountain Reserve Chardonnay. Despite its lower ranking, I would happily have a glass of this along with the examples from Meyer,Tantalus and Quails’ Gate, which were also included in the competition. Local wine authority David Scholeﬁeld calls it “a reality check. It just means that we all have to work harder than we already are.” There is no defeat in that. Just the potential for even better Chardonnay and BC wines in general. Undaunted, BC is up for the challenge again. Next year, Pinot Noir and Riesling will be put to the test and Spurrier predicts a strong showing from BC for both of these grapes. W

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Yeast Van is real, now let’s make it official Stephen Smysnuik The Growler @StephenSmys

Vancouver in general is in transition, but there’s a whole swath of East Vancouver that’s coming to life right now. Like, right now.You can actually see it growing. It’sYeast Van, baby. The craft beer industry’s influence on this neighbourhood is already staggering. If you don’t knowYeast Van, it’s a cute nickname – coined by Parallel 49 employee Paul Gibson-Tigh in 2012 – for the area of East Vancouver with the highest concentration of craft breweries.There are nine in total, seven of which have opened in the last three years.That’s about 10 per cent of BC’s breweries clustered within short cycling distance, and I’ve heard of at least two more in the works. Yeast Van’s borders are fuzzy, since it’s not official neighbourhood, but it fits squarely in the GrandviewWoodland district. I’ll define the borders right now: Clark Drive to the west,Venables to the south, Semlin Street to the east, and Powell Street to the north. Strange Fellows is situ-

ated two blocks south of Venables, so it’s technically outside Yeast Van, but whatever, I’ll count them in. Because of these breweries, this mostly industrial neighbourhood is humming with cultural activity that hasn’t been seen here in decades, if ever. Right now, it’s an empty canvas in which the City of Vancouver, if it were so inclined, could help cultivate a district for tourists and locals, centered on the single most authentic cultural industry to emerge out of Vancouver in two decades: y’know, beer. We could call itYeast Van, with ﬂags on streetlamps and everything. “The breweries have brought this new life in to this area, but what would be really beneﬁcial from a tourism standpoint is, for people to want to come in and open cool little bars, restaurants and other things,” says Chris Bjerrisgaard, Parallel 49’s perennially-quoted-in-this-column marketing manager. “If the Waldorf continues to live, [that’s] another aspect of this.” The Waldorf is central to this, both logistically – as a funky bar/restaurant and East Vancouver’s only boutique

Steve Kitchen/Parallel 49 illustration hotel that can (and has) service beer tourism in the neighbourhood – and as a spiritual guide for howYeast Van can (and should) shape up as Vancouver’s designated brewery district.The fervor that followed the Waldorf’s almost closing back in 2013 was a cry from Vancouver’s disparate cultural communities – groups of people starving for something authentic in a neighbourhood that can grow and sustain creative enterprise. The Waldorf was a beacon and a sign that this neighbourhood can provide that.The brew-

ing industry has carried that further, almost by accident. “This area has the making to be as good, if not better, than South-East Portland, and that is a mighty big statement, but we need the support,” Bjerrisgaard says. Is the city interested in offering that support? Sort of. Tom Wanklin, City of Vancouver’s senior planner for Downtown Eastside and False Creek Flats, says that from a general perspective, the city is aware of the booming industry, but that creating a designated brewery district isn’t really necessary.

“If we as a municipality start trying to influence where people should locate their breweries in a particular area like that, we could actually find ourselves fiddling around in the economies of scale and find that it is actually a mistake to the needs of the brewers themselves,” he says. Their approach is to wait and see, basically, and to support whatever crops up organically. If the market wants funky retail and restaurants in that area, it’ll happen, and Wanklin says it’s their policy to support that. If the neighbourhood shapes up in to a Portland-style beer district, then so be it. Portland, to be fair, doesn’t have a designated beer district either, but South-East Portland is considered as its unofficial brewery town.You go there for the beer, but there’s a wealth of other experiences that go along with that: various food options, a blend of retail spaces, art projects, etc. Vancouver already has something similar in the

Brewery Creek / Mount Pleasant area, and while Brewery Creek is great in its own right, it’s an area that likely can’t sustain many more breweries than it already has due to the relative lack of appropriate industrial space in the area. Yeast Van is far more suitable, for a few reasons: 1) The name is awesome and totally sellable from a tourism perspective. 2) The beer industry has room to grow, since the neighbourhood has a surplus of warehouse space zoned for light industrial, increasingly left vacant by businesses ﬂeeing for cheaper rent in Burnaby or Surrey. 3)Yeast Van is underdeveloped in the culture department. Its proximity to Strathcona and Commercial Drive means there’s potential to merge these two culturally diverse neighbourhoods into, like, one super hip neighbourhood, with food and bars and entertainment. So let’s make it happen.

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MUSIC

BOYZ II MEN The Grammy Award winning iconic R&B group return to town in celebration of their 20th anniversary, as part of the Summer Concert Series. 8pm at PNE Amphitheatre. Admission is included with PNE ticket.

BABES IN TOYLAND American punk rock band from Minneapolis swing through town playing the first of their reunion shows with special guests FEA. 8:30pm at Biltmore Cabaret. Tickets $25 at Red Cat, Zulu, Highlife and TicketWeb.ca

THE MELVINS American punkmetal trio, now four piece with two drummers, play tunes from their latest offering, Hold It In. 7pm at Venue. Tickets $25 at Red Cat, Zulu and BPLive.ca

ON AN ON Experimental pop band out of Minneapolis, on tour in support of their latest release, And The Wave Has Two Sides with special guest Dosh. 9:30pm at The Cobalt. Tickets $12 at Red Cat, Zulu and TicketWeb.ca

MIKAL CRONIN Singer-songwriter from California, on tour to support his latest release, MCIII with special guests The Cairo Gang. 9pm at Biltmore Cabaret. Tickets $14 at Red Cat, Zulu and TicketWeb.ca

EAGLES OF DEATH METAL American rock band from Palm Desert, California play in support of their forthcoming album, Zipper Down. 8pm at Commodore Ballroom. Tickets $25 at Red Cat, Zulu and Ticketmaster.ca and LiveNation.com LIVING WITH LIONS Vancouver punk outfit returns to the East Van stage to play new material from their upcoming album with special guests Broadway Calls, Youth Decay and Grease Thieves. 8pm at The Cobalt. Tickets $10 at Red Cat, Zulu and TicketWeb.ca JOHN NOLAN American musician from Long Island, of Taking Back Sunday fame, returns to Vancouver for a solo show. 8pm at Media Club. Tickets $15 at Red Cat and LiveNation.com SEAN CONWAY Peterborough multi-instrumentalist, singer-songwriter performs with Gratia Leitch on trumpet and keyboards. 9pm at Railway Club. Tickets $5 at the door.

THEATRE/DANCE PAUL ANTHONY’S TALENT TIME The launch of the eighth season of the hilarious talent-variety show features the return of Gary Oliver from Cinemazoo, a performance from the Cindy Yange Dance Academy and laughs from Chris James, all hosted by Ryan Beil of The Sunday Service, as well as the live house band and a chance to win $100. 8pm at The Rio. Tickets $10 at RioTheatreTickets.ca or $12 at the door.

COMEDY KEVIN FOXX The sought after public speaker and MC, hot on the smash success of his irreverent Toronto radio show, The Kevin Foxx Show brings his cleverly written humour to the stage with Erica Sigurdson and Steph Tolev. 8:30pm at Comedy Mix. Tickets $15 at TheComedyMix.com

MODIFIED GHOST LAUNCH PARTY Death metal, psychedelic rock bands share the stage including Cult of Luna, Minsk, Subrosa, Anciients, Bushwacker, If We Are Machines and Astrakhan. 6pm at Rickshaw Theatre. Tickets $26 at Scrape and TicketFly.com

BIG SCARY Indie-rock duo from Melbourne, Australia, play tunes from their upcoming release. 8pm at The Cobalt. Tickets $12 at Red Cat, Zulu and TicketWeb.ca DEVOTCHKA Multi-instrumentalist rock ensemble from Denver return to town and bring their gypsy punk, dark cabaret style folk rock with them. 9:30pm at The Imperial. Tickets $25 at Red Cat, Zulu, Highlife and TicketWeb.ca MADBALL New York City-based hardcore punk band hit the stage with special guests Acquitted, and Youth Decay. 9pm at Rickshaw Theatre. Tickets $20 at Red Cat, Zulu, Neptoon, Scrape and TicketWeb.ca BEN HARPER & THE INNOCENT CRIMINALS Reuniting for their first tour in seven years, in support of their forthcoming album. 6pm at Malkin Bowl. Tickets $50+ at LiveNation.com and Ticketmaster.ca. All ages show. RAEKWON American hip-hop artist and Wu-Tang clan member performs with special guests Juvi Dizzle, Mic Dreams, JuLs, Ill-Legitimate, and Flipout. 7pm at Venue. Tickets $30 at Red Cat, Zulu and BPLive.ca

COMEDY BYRON BERTRAM Vancouver actor, street performer and stand-up comic, known for his uncanny accents and impressions headlines with openers Chris Gaskin and Jason Rouse. 8pm at Yuk Yuk’s. Tickets $20 at YukYuks.com RICHARD LETT An international touring headline comedian with 25 years in the game, having shared stages with Robin Williams, Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle, and Zach Galifanakis, the Toronto comic also boasts a starring role on the WebSeries, Pay Up. 10:30pm at Yuk Yuk’s. Tickets $15 at YukYuks.com

Babes in Toyland Sept. 4

THEATRE/DANCE PEKING DREAMS Direct from Beijing, the National Circus and Acrobats of the People’s Republic of China team up to bring the breathtaking feats of these world-renowned athletes, one of the longest running and most distinguished circus troupes in all of China. 7:30pm at Orpheum Theatre. Tickets at VancouverSymphony.ca TREES ARE PORTALS Aeriosa Dance Society and Spawkus Eagle Song Dancers present this collaborative performance exploring the notion that trees are living portals to the past. 1pm at Lumberman’s Arch in Stanley Park. A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS Based on the infamous work of Robert Bolt, director William B. Davis’ production focuses on the battle of principles between Sir Thomas More, Lord Chancellor of England and Henry VIII, who wishes to divorce his wife in the climate of the 16th century Catholic Church. 8pm at Jericho Arts Centre. Tickets at fs7.formsite.com. Runs until Sept. 27.

EVENTS TAIWANFEST A four-day line-up of programming celebrates Taiwanese street food, fashion, film, contemporary dance and Taiwan’s top EDM band, Magic Power. 11am-9pm at 700 Granville St. Runs until Sept. 7.

THE CHAINSMOKERS New York City-based DJ-producer-songwriter duo of Andrew Taggart and Alex Pall, known for their hit single, “#Selfie” bring their electro and progressive house to town. 9pm at Commodore Ballroom. Tickets $45+ at Ticketmaster.ca

COMEDY IMPROV AFTER DARK This edgy, fast-paced, no-holds-barred comedy for grown-ups – or at least those who make the age requirement – heats things up with a roster of all your favourite improvisers, and a fully-stocked bar. 11:15pm at The Improv Centre. Tickets at VTSL.com

THEATRE/DANCE KING LEAR Shakespeare’s magnificent tragedy tells the story of an aging king who divides his kingdom between two daughters, but leaves out the third, failing to understand it’s she who loves him most of all. 7:30pm at Vanier Park. Ticket at BardOnTheBeach.org. Runs until Sept. 20.

CHEAP & FUN SERBIAN DAYS FESTIVAL Experience the authentic sights, sounds and smells of Serbia at this annual event attracting thousands each year to savour delicious foods, enjoy traditional dances, live music and kid’s activities as well as volleyball, chess, bowlong and football to take part in. Noon at St. Sava Serbian Community Centre (505 East 63rd). Admission is free. Runs until Sept. 6.

MACHINE GUN KELLY Cleveland rapper and hip-hop artist whose mobster attributed name represents his rapid-fire lyrical flow, hits the stage with special guest opener King Los. 7pm at Vogue Theatre. Tickets $45+ at Red Cat, Zulu and BPLive.ca BLOODY DIAMONDS Toronto’s goth-tinged, dark rock fourpiece rock n’ roll monster swings through town with special guests Elizabeth and Caustic Sodapop. 8pm at Studio Records. Tickets $12 at TicketWeb.ca DANNIC Progressive house DJproducer from the Netherlands, host of his own radio show, Front Of House takes the stage in support of his newest releases. 9pm at Venue. Tickets $20 at Beatstreet and VenueLive.ca SONNY DIGITAL Atlanta rapper and record producer known for his collaborations with Drake, 2 Chainz, and Kanye West hits the stage with special guests DJ Rashad Rawkus, Floetic and Hustle. 9pm at Fortune Sound Club. Tickets $15+ at FortuneSoundClub. ElectroStub.com

THEATRE/DANCE EGGS OF BLESSINGS Jade Dance Theatre and Taiwan Fest present this performance celebrating the Taiwanese custom of giving red eggs in celebration of the birth of a child. 3pm at Vancouver Playhouse. Admission is free.

CHEAP & FUN

COMEDY EIGHT AND A HALF INCHES OF COMEDY Every Monday Devin Alexander and Alex Sparling throw a stand-up comedy show to let you in on the best local comedians in Vancouver, and a rotating door of major touring headliners. Drink and food specials. 9pm at Eight 1/2 Lounge (151 East 8th). Cover is $5. THE LAUGH GALLERY WITH GRAHAM CLARK One of Vancouver’s brightest comics hosts this weekly, wonderfully eclectic show where you get to laugh AND win a great prize! 9pm at Havana Theatre. Tickets $5 at EventBrite.ca QUEER PROV The Bobbers have returned to the Davie Village and are performing hilarious queer improv comedy every week with a whole new format and a new cast! 8pm at 1181 (1181 Davie).

CHEAP & FUN EAR MUFFS KARAOKE Fast becoming the place to be on a Monday night, hosted by Drew Waldorf, bring yourself, bring a crew and belt out some tunes where drink specials and no cover make it some good, cheap fun. 9pm at The Cobalt. SICK BOSS MONDAYS AT THE LIDO Every Monday night in Mount Pleasant there’s avantgarde, improvised jazz and rock accompanied by warped analogue visuals, good (craft) beer and German pretzels. 9pm at The Lido. Admission is always free.

CORN FESTIVAL Delicious tamales, pupusas, paletas and tostadas! Celebrate the ancient Latin American grain at the 12th annual festival with vendors serving up delicious dishes, with music, dancing and cultural performances. 11am-6pm at Britannia Community Centre. Admission is free.

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MUSIC WEIRD AL YANKOVIC America’s favourite pop-music parodist swings through town on his Mandatory World Tour. 8pm at Queen Elizabeth Theatre. Tickets $47.50+ at Ticketmaster.ca. All ages show.

COMEDY COMEDY AT THE BILTMORE Homegrown talent Dan Quinn brings his weekly comedy mashup to the stage with a rotating cast of guest comics, both local and international favourites, for this “all-pro comedy show”. 9pm at Biltmore Cabaret. Tickets $10 at TicketFly.com

THEATRE/DANCE GASTOWN CABARET: SEPTACULAR April O’Peel, along with Sweet Munish, Sparkle Plenty, Scarlet Lux, Vixen Von Flex, Shirley Gnome and DJ K-Tel present this monthly evening of hi-jinks, where even the audience gets to play a role. 8pm at Guilt & Co. Admission by suggested donation of $10, with all proceeds directly benefiting the artists.

CHEAP & FUN DROP IN ROCK CHOIR No auditions, no need to even read music, just come hang out with like-minded people who love to sing classic and contemporary rock, pop, and indie songs in this non-traditional, fun-loving, vibrant, drop in choir. 7-9pm at WISE Hall. Admission is $10. VANCOUVER STORY SLAM Bring your ears to listen, your brains to be entertained and inspired, and your hands for clapping as ten storytellers take the stage to compete for cash, and a spot in the annual finals. 8pm at Cottage Bistro. Admission is $5.

JULY 2-8 // 2015

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MUSIC

PASSENGER English folk-rock singer, aka Michael David Rosenberg, plays tunes from his latest release, Whispers II with special guest Gregory Alan Isakov. 7:30pm at Orpheum Theatre. Tickets $35+ at LiveNation.com and Ticketmaster.ca

FRONTLINES BEAT PIPELINES II A fundraiser for the Unist’ot’en Camp Healing Center shows love for all Indigenous, Black and POC spoken word, song and hip-hop featuring Abyssinian Creole, Kimmortal, JB the First Lady, Jillian Christmas, Rup Sidhu, Christie Lee Charles and more. 7pm at WISE Hall. Ticket $25 at Frontlines.BPT.me

DEVESTATION ON THE NATION A blistering one-two punch of death metal greats, Origin and Krisiun co-headline with special guests Aeon, Alterbeast, Soreption, and Ingested. 6pm at Rickshaw Theatre. Tickets $25 at Scrape, Zulu, Red Cat, Neptoon, Highlife and TicketWeb.ca

COMEDY THROWING SHADE The hysterical duo of Erin Gibson and Bryan Safi take their podcast on the road, and stop in to The Biltmore Cabaret. 8pm. Tickets $23 at TicketFly.com

THEATRE/DANCE VINCENT RIVER Osimous Theatre presents this unforgiving, lyrical, and hysterical drama about a bereaved mother and the tormented young man who crashes into her life, exploring classic themes of the power of narrative, loss, repression, bigotry and prejudice, and fierce honesty. 7:30pm at Little Mountain Gallery. Tickets at Osimous.com THE COMEDY OF ERRORS The hilarious Shakespeare classic that has everyone seeing double is the story of two sets of long-lost twins who meet up unexpectedly, creating hilarious confusion for their friends, loves ones, and even themselves! 7:30pm at Vanier Park. Tickets at BardOnTheBeach. org. Runs until Sept. 26.

CHEAP & FUN SNAG Come hang out while The Dark, Victoria Sieczka, Jace Kim, and Arden Marrow Ross paint live, and then give their work away, all based on a $5 raffle. Music by Bikes, donuts by Glazed and Confused, hosted by Nick Pound and curated by Drew Young. 9pm at The Cobalt.

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JUNE 18-24 // 2015

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THE CRIBS English indie rockers, on tour in support of their latest release, For All My Sisters. 9:30pm at The Cobalt. Tickets $17 at Red Cat, Zulu and TicketWeb.ca

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LISA LEBLANC Acadian folk-rock singer-songwriter on tour in support of her latest EP, Heartaches and Time Well Wasted. 8pm at Biltmore Cabaret. Tickets $15 at Red Cat and TicketFly.com MARK KNOPFLER Legendary musician and songwriter celebrates the release of his new record, Tracker with a North American tour kicking off in Vancouver. 8pm at Queen Elizabeth Theatre. Tickets $65+ at LiveNation.com and Ticketmaster.ca

COMEDY GRAHAM CLARK ‘The hardest working, lazy comic’, the East Van royalty of comedy, is a threetime Canadian Comedy Award nominee with appearances on CBC’s The Debaters, HBO’s Funny As Hell and the creator of BeardPaintings.com, where he sells the art work of yes, his beard (and donates proceeds to charity!). 8:30pm at The Comedy Mix. Tickets $15 at TheComedyMix.com

ART HALBERDS ARMY The second comprehensive exhibition of one of the leaders of the abstract movement in Canada, Bradley Harms of Vancouver, Harms combines the look of digital image-making techniques with postmodernism for pieces precise, clean and impeccably crafted. Opening reception 6-8pm at Winsor Gallery (258 East 1st). Runs until Oct. 10.

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Top 13 picks of Fringe KELSEY KLASSEN @kelseyklassen

Fringe artists are especially adroit at selling themselves. They have to be – the Fringe Festival does no direct marketing for the artists, and the only way they make money is if people come to their show (out of 107 other shows...).Which might be why, based on their compelling descriptions alone, my long-list of picks swelled to 27 shows deep. A hearty vetting and some tough decisions later, I’ve narrowed it down to the absolute must-sees, the instinctive best bets, and the most wonderfully weird (it IS the Fringe after all).

FIRE IN THE METH LAB

Three isn’t always a crowd: Eleanor O’Brien stars in Lust & Marriage, a one-woman show about being monogam-ish. Contributed

Modern love, Fringe-style

The Fringe Festival offers a provocative look at our favourite four-letter word KELSEY KLASSEN @kelseyklassen

Very little inspires madness and mania like the quest to ﬁnd (and keep) love. From stage classics like Romeo and Juliet to self-help essentials like He’s Just Not That IntoYou, artists and authors have long sought to bring their thoughts on the subject to the fore. Which makes the trifecta of love, dating, and relationships a deliciously rich topic for Fringe Festival performers to explore, with many mining their diaries, family histories and Twitter feeds for inspiration. And, this being Fringe, the results aren’t your typical romantic romps: if you’re looking for the passionate, PG embrace of Ryan Gosling,

you’re more likely to ﬁnd Michael Fassbender’s big swingin’ dick. Case and point, on stages across Vancouver this year you’ll see courting serial killers, Catholic sex talks and Kama Sutra-loving clowns. Meanwhile, an Australian single woman dives into the world of online dating in The Situation; Buy Me Dinner First reveals dating’s “disgusting side” through sketch comedy; and, in Mrs. Singh and Me, we ﬁnd a Hindu man in love with a Sikh woman, but instead of winning her parents over with rousing dinner conversation, he kidnaps her mom. In topical fashion,Vancouver single and Fringe newcomer Christina Andreola tackles the tech-fueled dating apocalypse with The Dudes of My Life, including such lowlights as letting her Italian parents Tinder for her, and live-Tweeting a disastrous date. And on the more poignant end, anchoring all that is right with romance, former

CBC radio director Susan Freedman tells the story of her parents’ 64-year relationship through their love letters in Spilling Family Secrets. But one of the most compelling offerings this year is Eleanor O’Brien’s Lust & Marriage, the true-ish tale of meeting her soul mate at Burning Man, and ﬁnding out he’s not a one-woman kind of guy.They eventually get married, but O’Brien struggles with being in open relationships. “A lot of what I make art about is what I am wrestling with in my own life,” says O’Brien, calling from the road on a summer-long tour. “My husband and I have been in an open relationship from the beginning.This show is working through a lot of my issues with polyamory and monogamy, and the nature of love and lust.” The play was also inspired by the widely read sex column Savage Love. “It was this inﬂuence of

Dan Savage asking for calls in his column from people who had successful open relationships,” explains O’Brien. “We don’t hear those stories as often as we hear the stories where it didn’t work. “I struggle with the concept with success or failure in relationships,” she explains. “We have this idea that, if it lasts it’s a success, if it ends it was a failure...” O’Brien’s company, Dance Naked Productions, is dedicated to sex-positive performance. The Portland actress was last in town in 2005 with her BDSM piece GGG: Dominatrix for Dummies, which evolved from a one-star disaster into a spectacular Fringe success. Dominatrix, O’Brien recalls, was about self-acceptance; Lust & Marriage – featuring dramaturgy by Fringe favouriteTJ Dawe – focuses on the essence of jealousy and desire.

Continued on page 16

Free music keeps the Fringe party rockin’ The Vancouver Fringe Festival isn’t just about pushing the limits of performance art and theatre; it’s also a great opportunity to discover some of Vancouver’s best up-and-coming bands. Over the course of the 11day festival, from Sept. 1020, Fringe will be presenting a nightly lineup of live music and DJs at the Barefoot Wine & Bubbly Stage at the Big Rock Brewery Fringe Bar on Granville Island (1369 Railspur Alley). The best part? All the shows are absolutely free to attend.

Adrian Teacher Local acts like Adrian Teacher & the Subs (Sept. 10), Colin Cowan & the Elastic Stars (Sept. 11), SAVVIE (Sept. 12), Cloudsplitter (Sept. 13), Uptights (Sept. 17), and Wintermitts (Sept.

14 W September 3 - September 9, 2015

18) will be taking the stage nightly to entertain the aftershow crowd. If you’re looking to move your butt, there are plenty of danceable options as well, including Paul Silveria’s annual Fringe Square Dance (Sept. 13), seven-piece funk outfit Love You, Miss You (Sept. 19), and DJs spinning sets to close out most nights of the festival. The Fringe Bar will also host the inaugural performance of Phantom Signal, an homage to old radio programs from Fringe greats, Andrew Bailey (The

Adversary, Limbo), Jayson McDonald (Giant Invisible Robot, Magic Unicorn Island), and Tara Travis (Til Death: the Six Wives of Henry VIII) on Sept. 15. Doors open every night at 7pm. Sorry kiddos, it’s 19+ only. And don’t forget about the Fringe’s Opening Night Dance Party on Sept. 8 with Tonye Aganaba and Tanga. Tickets are $20 for the opening party, which kicks off at 9pm. For the full music lineup, visit VancouverFringe.com/ fringe-bar. W

Melbourne,AU Nervy and acclaimed Australian storyteller Jon Bennett uses his brother’s drug addiction and incarceration as the vehicle to explore the siblings’ fraught relationship. Expect to laugh at inappropriate times.

THE MIDDLE OF EVERYWHERE

Portland, US Nine-time Best of Fest winners theWonderheads return with their larger-thanlife masks and captivating wordlessness, taking you on a cosmic journey back to before the Big Bang.

THE EXCLUSION ZONE

Brooklyn, US Gonzo storyteller Martin Dockery (The Dark Fantastic) journeys to the very heart of irradiated Chernobyl in search of a legendary room.

IN SEARCH OF CRUISE CONTROL

Toronto, CA It’s dangerous to rely on out-of-town reviews, but stars are following James Gangl’s true tale of giving his nephew the sex talk he’ll never forget by the ﬁstful.

GOD IS A SCOTTISH DRAG QUEEN II

Nashville Hurricane

PETER N’ CHRIS PRESENT: HERE LIES CHRIS

Vancouver, CA Ditto for three-time Canadian Comedy Award-winners Peter n’ Chris.

THE INVENTOR OF ALL THINGS

Camberley, UK Jem rolls explores hidden history through the true story of forgotten peacemaker, physicist and genius Leo Szilard.

LOVE IS FOR SUPER BEASTS

Vancouver, CA From Dexter to Criminal Minds, modern audiences are obsessed with portrayals of murderers... but how accurate are they? Join a panel of media and academic experts and meet two serial killers in love.

BLACKBIRD

Vancouver, CA Aenigma Theatre tackles Blackbird, named one the best British plays of the decade by the Chicago Tribune. Inspired in part by the crimes of sex offender Toby Studebaker, Blackbird depicts a young woman confronting a middleaged man 15 years after they had a sexual relationship, when she was 12.

SHAKE THE SHEETS!

Vancouver, CA The story of a couple exploring the power of words, featuring music byVancouver’s Jordan Klassen and a cameo by a different Fringe celeb every night.

CAMEL CAMEL

Victoria, CA After selling out theatres across North America, “Vancouver’s favourite deity in a power suit” returns to skewer everything from Mormons to Scientology. Nominee for the 2014 Just For Laughs Best Comedy Award.

California, US David Lynch meets Abbott and Costello in this sublimely absurd comedy starringThe Camel Sisters, born from “the surrealist poetry of Ukranian prisoner Oleg Navolska”.

THE BIRDMANN IN MOMENTOUS TIMING

Vancouver, CA Ten-time Best of Fest winners James & Jamesy (High Tea) “delight” themselves into existence in their playground of discovery and imagination. Some of the circuit’s best physical storytellers – an absolute must-see.

Queensland,AU Melbourne Comedy Fest darling and Edinburgh Fringe nominee for Most Original Comedy, this ingenious oneman art-house experiment features a man searching for love in a stiletto.

NASHVILLE HURRICANE

Portland, US Go see anything with Chase Padgett and his ﬁnger-picking fury in it.

JAMES & JAMESY IN THE DARK

And if you miss any hot tickets, there’s still hope! Pick of the Fringe brings back the festival’s most popular shows Sept. 2327. Selections are announced at Awards Night Sept. 20. W

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Juan Riedinger flies high with Narcos

Vancouver actor plays Nazi-sympathizing drug-runner on new Netﬂix drama Sabrina Furminger Reel People @Sabrinarmf

Juan Riedinger and Carlos Lehder both have German fathers and South American mothers, but that’s pretty much where the similarities begin and end. In the 1980s, Lehder was a big player in the Colombian drug trade. He ﬂew cocainepacked planes for Pablo Escobar, the notorious kingpin of the Medellín Cartel. Lehder somehow managed to love both John Lennon and Adolf Hitler (to display his adoration for the latter, he had a swastika tattooed on his arm). He’s currently serving life without parole (plus 135 years) in an American prison. Riedinger, on the other hand, grew up in Banff and wanted to be a veterinarian, until he volunteered in a vet clinic during his post-secondary biology studies and realized how heartbreaking it can actually be to care for animals in crisis.

And so, via a winding path that took him through English literature studies and the service industry, Riedinger ended up an actor and storyteller instead. These two vastly different life paths – the drug-runner and the actor – intersect for ten episodes in Netﬂix’s original series, Narcos, which hit the mega-popular streaming service last week. Narcos tells the larger story of Escobar – who, in 1987, was identiﬁed by Forbes Magazine as the seventh richest person on the planet, with a fortune of more than $30 billion USD – and his lengthy battle with Colombian and American authorities. Filmed on location in Colombia, the international co-production marries high drama with documentary footage and a Goodfellas-esque narration provided by DEA agent Steve Murphy (portrayed by Boyd Holbrook). Brazilian actor Wagner Moura has already received a heap of praise for his portrayal of Escobar. In Narcos, Riedinger plays Lehder, a man who is introduced on screen as “a crazy nutjob.” “Carlos Leider is half German, half Colombian, and I’m half German, half Peruvian, so it’s very similar genetically, and I think that helped in a way,”

Vancouver actor Juan Riedinger appears in Netflix’s Narcos. says theVancouver actor during an interview in his trailer on the set of Romeo Section, the upcoming CBC espionage drama from renowned showrunner Chris Haddock. “There’s a blood memory there.” Riedinger is a veteran actor now (his long list of credits includes Jennifer’s Body, Fringe, Supernatural, and Leo Awardwinning turns in RL Stine’s The Haunting Hour and the web series Pavement), but even veteran actors get asked to try something new from time to time. And Narcos required him to

do something he’s never done before: deliver a role entirely in Spanish. “It was scary at ﬁrst to act in Spanish, because I hadn’t really had the opportunity to do that before, but I feel like they were happy,” says Riedinger. “We had a dialect coach on this show to make us sound Colombian, which was really nice.” Filming on location in Colombia meant that Riedinger got to see a lot of the historic South American country: from Medellín to Bogota, from the jungles that ﬁgured so prominently into Escobar’s

empire, to an array of locales throughout Cartagena. The role also required Riedinger to get high: as in, physically high. Lehder was a pilot, and in Narcos we see Riedinger at the helm of a small airplane. He got a little more method with his piloting than he’d probably be allowed to in Canada. “I don’t remember a single green screen on that show. It was one of those little passenger planes.We were up in the air. I was ﬂying that thing. At times, it felt like a videogame,” laughs Riedinger. “They had a co-pilot, but I had control of the plane at times. I was steering that thing in the air – which is the kind of stuff I don’t know you would get away with up here, and I loved every minute of it. It was such a rush.” Much like his career. Riedinger’s journey to Narcos (and Romeo Section) has been built from a wealth of adrenaline-ﬁlled, eyebrowraising moments: an audition for Godiva’s for which he spontaneously decided to freestyle rap in character (and won what ended up being a recurring role; he was working at Takis’Taverna on Davie Street at the time); the two months he spent sleeping in his car in LA so that he could experience as many different sets as

possible; the dozen or so short films he’s directed since 2008; that one week he learned editing in an Apple store. “I signed up for AppleCare because we got a new computer, and I decided to take advantage of that,” says Riedinger, who (among other projects) edited the Vancouvershot short Fade Out written and directed by his wife, actress and filmmaker Agam Darshi (Sanctuary, Played). “I went to the Apple store from opening until close for about a week, and I spent my entire day editing my short film in the Apple store so that I had somebody on standby every time I had a question.” As for Romeo Section, Reel People will have a lot more about that new series closer to its October launch date, but in the meantime Riedinger reveals that “it [feels] like we’re shooting a cable show, in terms of the subject matter, and I feel like it’s really cutting edge for the Canadian market, and they’re really pushing boundaries with it,” says Riedinger. “They’re doing things that people aren’t used to seeing on Canadian networks.” W

NARCOS is avaible right now on Netflix.

Frog Eyes frontman survives cancer, records new album

ROBERT MANGELSDORF @robmangelsdorf

For Carey Mercer, mastermind of the indie avant-rock band Frog Eyes, his new album Pickpocket’s Locket is one he thought he might never get to make. After watching his grandmother and father pass away within months of each other in 2013, he, himself, was faced with the possibility of his own imminent demise. And while there is likely no good way to get the news that the growth on your neck is, in fact, cancerous, perhaps the worst is from a specialist unaware that your non-existent family doctor hasn’t informed you of the news, ﬂippantly remarking, “Cancer.What are the odds, huh?” And so it was that Mercer,

REVIEW //

father to his then three-yearold son and husband to his wife (Frog Eyes drummer) Melanie Campbell), found himself faced with the very real possibility that he might not be around much longer. “I’m not a crier, but I bawled up,” he says of that moment. “I was gasping for air. I thought of my son, I thought of my wife, I thought of my family. “It was such a profound shock.” And what about his music? Would he ever get to record another album? Even if the treatment was successful, would the damage to his throat mean that he could never sing again? “There was a huge weight on me,” says Mercer. That weight was com-

pounded by the responsibilities he had to his record label, Dead Oceans. The advance he had received for his justcompleted album, Carey’s Cold Spring, was already spent on recording and mastering, and he would be unable to tour in support of the record. Dead Oceans would likely never make their money back on their investment. Mercer could have reneged on his obligations, and given the circumstances, few would have blamed him. Instead he vowed to pay back every penny of the advance, releasing the album himself online by donation. “Within a month I was able to pay it all back,” says Mercer. “I even had a little left over for me. I bought a sweater.”

DESTROYER

2011’s Kaputt return and are pushed to near operatic levels, with often frustratingly pretentious results. That’s not to say there aren’t some absolute gems on this album.The leadoff single “Dream Lover” – which was released three months ago to whet the public’s appetite for Poison

Poison Season (Merge) After 11 full-length albums and four EPs, Destroyer’s Dan Bejar shows us he still has the capacity to grow as an artist, and on Poison Season we see him at his most audacious, for better or worse. The horns and strings from

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Mercer says the response from the public and the press was overwhelming. “It was a really salient couple of months,” he says. “I felt like I really existed.” Mercer, of course, survived his ordeal with cancer. After close to two months of radiation therapy and another two months of recovery, he was back to a somewhat sluggish version of his normal self. Today he is cancer-free with no longterm side-effects. “There was a lot of pain and morphine,” he says. “I can’t ride past the cancer centre without a sense of dread and radiation queasiness.” At the risk of sounding cliché, Mercer admits the ordeal helped him put many aspects of his life into perspective.

Season – might be Bejar’s best work to date. It explodes with visceral passion and bombast and it’s impossible not to grin ear-to-ear while listening to it. “Times Square”, one of the few songs with any guitars, rocks withYoung American swagger. The comparisons to Bowie are apt: Bejar’s arrangements

(L-R) Frog Eyes are Terri-Lynn Upton, Carey Mercer, Melanie Campbell, and Shyla Seller. The priority he places on being a father and husband, for instance, and the preciousness of music. “Music is very important to me. I protect it. I try to be careful, because it can suck you dry.” Thankfully, his position as a substitute teacher with the Richmond School District allows him the ﬂexibility and ﬁnancial independence to make music on his terms. “[Teaching] works well are every bit as bold as the Thin White Duke’s, while the faux British accent and love affair with the saxophone draw further connections. But make no mistake, Bejar is no Bowie. For every future classic like “Dream Lover”, there are frankly embarrassing missteps like “Hell is an Open Door” or “Midnight

with playing music,” says Mercer. “You can step out of it if you have to. It affords you a bit of patience. And I get to pick and choose how I want to engage. “I don’t have to go on a 40day tour of the US if I don’t want to.” There are many parallels between the the stage and the classroom, he notes.

Continued on page 21 Meet the Rain”. It’s frustrating, because this album could have been so much better had Bejar been able to exercise a modicum of restraint. Instead Poison Season aims too high and falls too short. –Robert Mangelsdorf Rating: !!!!!

September 3 - September 9, 2015 W 15

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Continued from page 14 “I read The Ethical Slut [A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Adventures] when I was in college, and the idea of having sexual autonomy really appealed to me,” explains O’Brien. “I’d always been really interested in sex, and I think also fearful of being cheated on, and had this suspicion in my mind that, you know, monogamy doesn’t really make sense. [Polyamory] appealed to my sense of freedom and fairness. “Which is not to say that it doesn’t sometimes really suck ass!” she laughs. The character of Emily, then, is completely entwined with O’Brien’s own experiences – positive and negative. “It’s not a prescriptive show. It’s not like, ‘Here’s how to make polyamory work.’” she asserts. “What I’m trying to do is suggest that you have a choice.You get to design what works for your and your partner. Or partners...” Tonya Jone Miller has her own intimate experiences with the illusion of monogamy.The Portland-based phone-sex veteran has turned a career of whispering fantasies into the ears of single, dating, and “happily” married men into a one-woman show called A Story of O’s. The performance begins

Thinking of Selling Your Home? Call any of the agents in the Westender Real Estate Section and your home could appear here.

with the ﬁrst phone call Miller ever received. “I just jump right in,” says Miller, calling from the Indianapolis Fringe, where she is touring Threads, the story of her Vietnamese-American heritage. “It lasted about a minute, maybe,” she recalls with a chuckle. “I had just gotten to the good stuff when I heard him have a ginormous orgasm and hang up on me.” Miller began working as a phone-sex operator in 2003, after a classmate at the Portland Actors Conservatory mentioned she was looking into it. Miller applied to a service, and two months later started receiving calls.Within a year, she co-owned the company. “A) I’m really good on the phone, and B) at any job I do, I always work my way up pretty damn quickly,” says Miller, who, at her busiest, was grossing upwards of $80,000 annually. “I have a really strong work ethic,” she adds. And indeed, Miller ultimately had to end our conversation because she was expecting a call from a client. Some of what Miller hears in her line of work is dark, some of it – fantasies of incest, bestiality, rape – is illegal, and she admits it can be draining to work so much in her head. But A Story of O’s is, at its core, a glimpse at intimacy

! TheVancouver Fringe festival runs from Thursday Sept. 10 to Sunday Sept. 20.Tickets and schedule atVancouverFringe.com

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through an industry few understand. “It’s not at all what people expect, and that’s part of why I wrote the show,” says the four-time Best of Fest winner. “Phone-sex is the last bastion of the extreme, of the really extreme, or illegal.You can pay a ‘cam girl’ to do exactly what you want, but if you have a fantasy like a vampire succubus masturbating while you’re chained up in a cage and she’s drawing your life force out of you? I mean, no cam girl is going to be able to pull that off.” Through an extended erotic improv, Miller acts out her experiences with a wide variety of clients, some of whom have been calling her for 10 years, including a handful she’s met in person. “I do the calls so that people can hear my side of things for themselves and draw their own conclusions,” says Miller. “I know what people want to hear when they ask questions like, ‘What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever talked about?’ … They want the really outrageous crazy story.They want the really extremely disgusting horrible stuff. [These men] are paying me three dollars a minute, but I love them.” W

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IMAGINE waking up in the West End to views of English Bay, walking out onto your 9th floor balcony, looking left towards the water and right towards the mountains, experiencing the best of what B.C. has to offer every morning! This could be you living in your 1 bed & 1 bath apartment in the coveted Sandpiper building! COMING SEPTEMBER 2015

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HEALTH

The truth behind food labels Patty Javier Gomez Whole Nourishment

@WholeNourishBC In this modern world full of food options like vegan, gluten-free, free-range and all-natural, choosing what to eat has never been more confusing.The more information that gets put out there, the less we know what to do with it all. Should I be eating Paleo like a caveman? Is all-organic the way to go? What the hell is a GMO and should I be juicing everything and abstaining from solid foods? Is drinking my own urine really a good idea? (It’s not.) Our grandparents certainly

did not have to worry about this, food was food and it came from a farm. Like, a real farm with rolling hills and meadows and stuff, not a factory that very closely resembles a torture chamber where food goes to die. Understanding food labels can help you make better food choices, not only for your health, but for the environment as well. But are health labels just all hype? An eager marketing scheme to get you to jump on the healthy bandwagon? I really wish the answer was no, but for some companies it’s a heck yes.This is why it is very important to educate yourself on how to read past the bullcrap and get some healthy food to your plate.

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products are a bunch of junk, and getting gluten-free chips or cheezy poofs doesn’t make them the healthier option. There are lots of things that are healthy and glutenfree, how about veggies and fruits? They don’t have gluten and they are delicious, and healthy.

NATURAL FLAVOURS VS ARTIFICIAL

Don’t believe everything you read when it comes to food labels. Thinkstock photo. For most of us, the words “natural”, “organic” or “real fruit” make us feel better about what we’re eating, even if we pay an arm and a leg for it. Unfortunately, you can’t put your trust in what the packaging says: you are being misled and by a procedure called Greenwashing. Labels that say “all-natural” or “organic ingredients” give you a false promise of health, when in reality, companies

are just trying to make a buck off your healthy living regime. There is nothing we can really do about it except educate ourselves and read more. Here are some of the popular words that you will see to make you believe you are making the better health choice.

FAT-FREE

If it’s fat-free, chances are that it’s loaded with sugar. Don’t mistake this label for

the pinnacle of health, when something is taken out of a product it’s usually ﬁlled with things you don’t want, which in most cases is sugar and preservatives that don’t do anything good for your health.

GLUTEN-FREE

Be it health or fad, if you choose to go gluten-free, don’t assume that this label on the box means it’s good for you. A lot of gluten-free

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What’s the difference? Hardly anything, apparently. In an interview with CNN, David Andrews, senior scientist at the Environmental Working Group, explains that, “the largest difference is that natural flavors are coming from natural sources. The original ingredient is found in nature and then purified and extracted and added back into the food.” Wait, do you mean that “natural” is actually “artificial”? Andrews states, “the mixture will often have some solvent and preservatives — and that makes up 80 to 90 per cent of the volume [of the flavoring]. In the end product, it’s a small amount, but it still has artificial ingredients,” So yes, basically natural and artificial are one in the same.

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SEX

Free Will Astrology Ask Mish: Cunnilingus By Rob Brezsny “Excess is the common substitute for energy,” said poet Marianne Moore. That’s a problem you should watch out for in the coming weeks. According to my astrological projections, you’re a bit less lively and dynamic than usual. And you may be tempted to compensate by engaging in extreme behavior or resorting to a contrived show of force. Please don’t! A better strategy would be to recharge your power. Lay low and take extra good care of yourself. Get high-quality food, sleep, entertainment, art, love, and relaxation.

For a pregnant woman, the fetus often begins to move for the first time during the fifth month of gestation. The sensation may resemble popcorn popping or a butterfly fluttering. It’s small but dramatic: the distinct evidence that a live creature is growing inside her. Even if you are not literally expecting a baby, and even if you are male, I suspect you will soon feel the metaphorical equivalent of a fetus’s first kicks. You’re not ready to give birth yet, of course, but you are well on your way to generating a new creation.

“Since U Been Gone” is a pop song recorded by vocalist Kelly Clarkson. She won a Grammy for it, and made a lot of money from its sales. But two other singers turned down the chance to make it their own before Clarkson got her shot. The people who wrote the tune offered it first to Pink and then to Hillary Duff, but neither accepted. Don’t be like those two singers, Gemini. Be like Clarkson. Recognize opportunities when they are presented to you, even if they are in disguise or partially cloaked.

“Going with the flow” sounds easy and relaxing, but here’s another side of the truth: Sometimes it can kick your ass. The rippling current you’re floating on may swell up into a boisterous wave. The surge of the stream might get so hard and fast that your ride becomes more spirited than you anticipated. And yet I still think that going with the flow is your best strategy in the coming weeks. It will eventually deliver you to where you need to go, even if there are bouncy surprises along the way.

“Money doesn’t make you happy,” said movie star and ex-California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. “I now have $50 million, but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.” Despite his avowal, I’m guessing that extra money would indeed make you at least somewhat happier. And the good news is that the coming months will be prime time for you to boost your economic fortunes. Your ability to attract good financial luck will be greater than usual, and it will zoom even higher if you focus on getting better educated and organized about how to bring more wealth your way.

“I stand up next to a mountain, and I chop it down with the edge of my hand.” So sang Jimi Hendrix in his raucous psychedelic tune “Voodoo Child (Slight Return).” We could view his statement as an example of delusional grandiosity, and dismiss it as meaningless. Or we could say it’s a funny and brash boast that Hendrix made as he imagined himself to be a mythic hero capable of unlikely feats. For the purposes of this horoscope, let’s go with the latter interpretation. I encourage you to dream up a slew of extravagant brags about the outlandish magic powers you have at your disposal. I bet it will rouse hidden reserves of energy that will enhance your more practical powers.

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It’s the phase of your cycle when you have maximum power to transform yourself. If you work hard to rectify and purify your inner life, you will be able to generate a transcendent release. Moreover, you may tap into previously dormant or inaccessible aspects of your soul’s code. Here are some tips on how to fully activate this magic: 1. Without any ambivalence, banish ghosts that are more trouble than they are worth. 2. Identify the one bad habit you most want to dissolve, and replace it with a good habit. 3. Forgive everyone, including yourself. 4. Play a joke on your fear. 5. Discard or give away material objects that no longer have any meaning or use.

I hope you’re not getting bored with all of the good news I have been delivering in recent weeks. I’m sorry if I sound like I’m sugarcoating or whitewashing, but I swear I’m simply reporting the truth about the cosmic omens. Your karma is extra sweet these days. You do have a few obstacles, but they are weaker than usual. So I’m afraid you will have to tolerate my rosy prophecies for a while longer. Stop reading now if you can’t bear to receive a few more buoyant beams. This is your last warning! Your web of allies is getting more resilient and interesting. You’re expressing just the right mix of wise selfishness and enlightened helpfulness. As your influence increases, you are becoming even more responsible about wielding it.

When 16th-century Spanish invaders arrived in the land of the Mayans, they found a civilization that was in many ways highly advanced. The native people had a superior medical system and calendar. They built impressive cities with sophisticated architecture and paved roads. They were prolific artists, and had a profound understanding of mathematics and astronomy. And yet they did not make or use wheeled vehicles, which had been common in much of the rest of the world for over 2,000 years. I see a certain similarity between this odd disjunction and your life. Although you’re mostly competent and authoritative, you are neglecting to employ a certain resource that would enhance your competence and authority even further. Fix this oversight!

If you have ever fantasized about taking a pilgrimage to a wild frontier or sacred sanctuary or your ancestral homeland, the next ten months will be an excellent time to do it. And the best time to plan such an adventure will be the coming two weeks. Keep the following questions in mind as you brainstorm. 1. What are your life’s greatest mysteries, and what sort of journey might bring an awakening that clarifies them? 2. Where could you go in order to clarify the curious yearnings that you have never fully understood? 3. What power spot on planet Earth might activate the changes you most want to make in your life?

and wax jobs Sex with Mish Way

@MyszkaWay My boyfriend rarely goes down on me and when he does, I just can’t get there. Maybe it’s me, but maybe it’s him and his lack of skill. I don’t want to be bossy, but this is really starting to become an issue. –Clit Catastrophe Remember that great scene in Chasing Amy when Banky, Holden and Alyssa are at the bar discussing eating pussy? Banky tells Alyssa (a comic strip-creating lesbian played by Joey Lauren Adams) that he has given up on trying to go down on women. Alyssa, being both a pussy eater and owner herself, says, “If you say the smell I will slug you.” “It’s not the smell.The smell is good. It’s the matter of not knowing how to do it properly,” Banky replies. “Chicks never help you out.They never tell you what to do. Most of them are all self-conscious about the ‘smell factor’ that they sit their frozen like a deer in headlights.When a chick goes down on me, I let her know where to go and what the status is.You gotta handle it like CNN andTheWeather Channel: constant updates.” I know that when I was in high school there was an enormous pressure on girls to suck dick. It was like a rite of passage to becoming sexually fulﬁlled and mature. However, there was zero pressure for the boys to reciprocate. All they had to do was jam their dirty ﬁngers into our pussies, let us suck their dicks and then,

Continued from page 15 When he died at the age of 77 in 1905, Aquarian author Jules Verne had published 54 books. You’ve probably heard of his science fiction novels Journey to the Center of the Earth and Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. He was a major influence on numerous writers, including Jean-Paul Sartre, JRR Tolkien, and Arthur Rimbaud. But one of his manuscripts never made it into book form. When he finished it in 1863, his publisher refused to publish it, so Verne stashed it in a safe. It remained there until his great-grandson discovered it in 1989. Five years later, Verne’s “lost novel,” Paris in the Twentieth Century, went on sale for the first time. I suspect that in the coming months, you may have a comparable experience, Aquarius. An old dream that was lost or never fulfilled may be available for recovery and resuscitation.

“I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation,” says stand-up comic Arnold Brown, “but I’m not very good at it.” Your task in the coming weeks, Pisces, is to undermine your own skills at self-deprecation. You may think they are too strong and entrenched to undo and unlearn, but I don’t – especially now, when the cosmic forces are conspiring to prove to you how beautiful you are. Cooperate with those cosmic forces! Exploit the advantages they are providing. Inundate yourself with approval, praise, and naked flattery.

Sept. 3: Shaun White (29) Sept. 4: Beyonce Knowles (34) Sept. 5: Freddie Mercury (69) Sept. 6: Idris Elba (43) Sept. 7: Gloria Gaynor (66) Sept. 8: Pink (36) Sept. 9: Michael Buble (40 )

“When the bell rings, you walk out in front of people you don’t know, and you have a short period of time to build rapport,” he says. “And if you go out on stage in a good space, you just have to plug in and people will respond to that.” Mercer already had four songs recorded for Pickpocket’s Locket when he was diagnosed with cancer, and completing the album became a motivating force for him through his treatment and recovery. “I had left this unﬁnished task, and that created an impetus for me,” Mercer says. “When the new record arrived, I had a real moment. It was a symbol of my present health.” Pickpocket’s Locket has a noticeably different sound than previous Frog Eyes records. Gone are

eventually “have sex” with us, and they were bowed to like knights by their peers. I highly doubt much has changed.This is a double standard. And perhaps the most irritating one. In Chasing Amy, Alyssa continues to talk about her past: she was all nervous in high school when someone was going down on her. She never gave directions about what made her cum (probably because she did not know then), yet when she got to college all that changed and she became “one of those guys at the airport with the big flashlights, waving them this way, directing them that way, telling them when to stop.” It’s hard to get to the point of being totally comfortable with yourself to become that airplane traffic controller, but you got to do it. Don’t you like a little instruction when you are doing the work? I do not speak every person’s individual dialect of groans and I highly doubt you do either. I’m not saying to bust in there like the Kool-Aid Man demanding how your puss be eaten…wait. Actually, maybe I am.That would be hilarious. Be the encouraging, airport control traffic girl guiding the plane onto the runway. Love, Mish

I’ve never had a bikini wax in my life, but I really want to try it. I don’t think I necessarily need to (I have never had any complaints), but I want to do it. Do you have any suggestions of where I should go in Vancouver? How painful is it? Do men really care about pubic hair? –Bush Baby If you want to rip all the hairs out of your vagina, then the crashing drums and frenetic electric guitars. Instead the drumsticks are replaced with brushes, and in the absence of distorted guitars are strings, horns, piano, and pedal steel. The manic energy remains, but the arrangements are more complex, more nuanced. It’s a contemplative album to be sure. “I felt the electric guitar was covering up a lot of things. It has the tendency to cut right through everything,” he says. “I value softness… If you listen to [loud] music all day, it wears you down.” However, Mercer admits he had his doubts about the record. His expectations were so high after everything he had been through, that perhaps a letdown inevitable. “When the record was all done and it was all mastered, I was very sad,” he says. “I thought that I had

that is all you. Some people feel great with the Jesse Jane look and in fact, waxing it all out gets easier over time.Your pubic hair is just like the hair on your head: you will find your own style.You may even get a cut you really don’t like that you saw on some “actress” in a “movie” and think you can handle it, but you can’t. After 30 years of life, I have realized that my pubic hair is pretty mellow and I can deal with just a detailed trimming. I feel good, fresh and happy. Just like a tampon commercial. For your first time I can not stress going to Sugarbox Waxing Boutique inYaletown enough.The staff is kind and patient.They are so gentle and everything in the place smells like roses, champagne and sugar. I remember going there with my friend who was getting her first bikini wax. She was so nervous, but Sugarbox made her feel completely calm.The waxer even distracting her by punching the side of the table every time she had to rip off another piece. Never cheap out on a wax. If you are going to pay someone to pour hot wax on your precious skin and rip out your hair with a flap of soft fabric, then you should not be doing this in the back of a “massage parlour” that smells like doughnuts and meth.Treat yourself to that extra $20 it’s going to cost for the professional experience. Love, Mish W

EMAIL MISH Send Mish your own sex questions and queries to sex@westender.com

made my record, I thought this was the one. But imperfections started to present themselves. Those realizations and moments of doubt and insecurity are really hard.” But time offers perspective. With 10 albums to his credit as Frog Eyes, as well as another half dozen with side projects like Swan Lake and Blackout Beach, Mercer knows there is no such thing as a “perfect” record, and says he is happy to have created something imperfect. “[If it was perfect], where would I be able to go after that? Thank God I have those nagging doubts.” W

FROG EYES Pickpocket’s Locket is available now through Paper Bag Records. Frog Eyes plays the Commodore Ballroom with Destroyer on Oct. 17.

September 3 - September 9, 2015 W 21

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BACK TO SCHOOL Prices Effective September 3 to September 9, 2015.

100% BC Owned and Operated PRODUCE

MEAT BC Russet Potatoes

BC Organic Field Tomatoes from Sundance Organic Farm

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Together in the Kitchen: A Family Cooking Series with the Choices Nutrition Team Class 1: Sat., September 26, 10:30 am – 12:00 pm | Stuffed Pasta and Zucchini Noodles Class 2: Sat., October 17, 10:30 am – 12:00 pm | Yogurt Parfaits with Homemade Granola

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Including children, grandchildren, nieces & nephews in the cooking process is a great way to get them excited about eating healthy. Cost $30 per class OR all four for $100. Price of registration covers 1 caregiver and up to 2 children—over the age of 5. Preregistration required and spaces are limited. For full details, visit choicesmarkets.com, call the number listed at the host store or inquire at Customer Service. Class Locations: Choices Floral Shop & Annex, 604-736-0009 Choices South Surrey, 604-541-3902 Choices Kelowna, 250-862-4864

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