Gazette Spotlight Magazine, October 28, 2015

OCTOBER 2015 • VOLUME 1 • ISSUE 1

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OCTOBER 2015 • VOLUME 1 • ISSUE 1

WHAT IS IDENTITY

HOW IS IDENTITY FORMED?

EXPLORING OUR RACE

STUDENTS REFLECT ON THEIR RACE AND LIFE ON CAMPUS

4 6

I AM A MUSLIM. I AM CANADIAN

10

LOSING MY RELIGION

11

EMBRACING MY RELIGION

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T BELIEVE BUT YOU CAN’T SAY SO

6

14

13 SINGLE MOM AND STUDYING 14

ON MY OWN TWO FEET

FINDING MY IDENTITY BACK

JASMINE IS A FULL-TIME STUDENT, PART-TIME EMPLOYEE AND A MOM ALL THE TIME

STUDYING IN CANADA

THE STORIES OF INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS AT WESTERN

20

30 LIFE AS A TRANSGENDER STUDENT 34 BEING BI

THE CHALLENGES OF BEING BISEXUAL

20

FINDING YOUR TRUE SELF IN UNIVERSITY

HOLDING IT IN, LETTING IT GO

TRYING TO CONFORM TO SOCIETY’S EXPECTATIONS OF FEMININITY

39 39

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IAIN BOEKHOFF EDITOR-IN-CHIEF @IAINATGAZETTE

OLIVIA ZOLLINO PRINT MANAGING EDITOR @OLIVIAATGAZETTE

NATHAN KANTER DIGITAL MANAGING EDITOR @NATHANATGAZETTE

CONTRIBUTORS HALA GHONAIM RICHARD JOSEPH MANPREET KAUR KATIE LEAR REBECCA MEHARCHAND MOSES MONTERROZA AMEERA ZARRAR COPY EDITORS CLAIRE CHRISTOPHER RUI SHI PHOTO EDITORS JENNY JAY TAYLOR LASOTA KYLE PORTER GRAPHIC EDITORS JENNIFER FELDMAN JORDAN MCGAVIN COMPOSING IAN GREAVES, MANAGER MAJA ANJOLI-BILIC ROBERT ARMSTRONG DIANA WATSON, ADVERTISING FRONT COVER ILLUSTRATION JORDAN MCGAVIN BACK COVER ILLUSTRATION JORDAN MCGAVIN 2 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

Dear Readers, Welcome to the first-ever issue of our magazine. With a central theme to each one, we hope to put the spotlight on students, faculty and staff and their life experiences, interests and hobbies.

For this first issue, we’re exploring the multi-faceted concept of “identity.”

What is identity? How is it formed?

How does it differ when you factor in a person’s race, gender, sexuality or religion? These are just some of the questions we set out to explore.

When we walk around campus, we see so many different faces; when we go to class, we hear so many different stories. We wanted to find out what the story was behind the people of this campus and hear about their lives, successes and struggles.

Each one of us has an idea of who we are. There is the concept someone else has of each one of us.

We find out identity is formed from an early age and is impacted by those closest to us — our parents, grandparents, siblings, school friends, teachers [PAGE 4]. There are all sorts of aspects to any one person’s identity, from the things they are born with to the things they choose to be.

Race and religion have a huge impact on almost every person’s life. Our society has its roots in colonialism and religious teachings. For those of use who are not a part of the dominant race at Western, life can be tough but still rewarding [PAGE 6].

Most of us are born into our parents’ religion. For some of us, we celebrate and treasure our faith despite the slights made toward us [PAGE 10].

Others find religion isn’t for them but because it would hurt those they love the most, won’t tell them and lead a double life [PAGE 11].

Then there’s the story of what hap-

pens when you lose your identity to someone else and have to find yourself back [PAGE 13].

There’s the story of a single mother working her way through school, worrying about her child’s needs and a job all while she’s a full-time student [PAGE 14].

Keeping your identity is difficult enough when you’re at home but when you’re an international student, finding out who you are and how you fit in is more difficult. With such an increased emphasis on attracting international students in the past five years, we see more and more faces from overseas than ever before [PAGE 20].

Finally, we get into the most intimate parts of a person’s identity: their sexuality and gender.

There are the stories of bisexual students on campus, who struggle to affirm their identity and be taken seriously [PAGE 30].

With increasing awareness and acceptance, transsexual students on campus have found a welcoming and freeing environment at Western [PAGE 34].

Finally, we have the story of what it’s like trying to conform to society’s ideas of femininity and finding out what happens when you break them [PAGE 39].

Of course, identity reaches far beyond any of these stories, we’ve just scraped the surface. The concept of identity is so unique to each individual that we would never possibly be able to explore it all.

To those who offered to share their story with us, thank you. It is not easy to bare yourself before the world.

This magazine theme is only a starting point in a much larger conversation about what makes us who we are.

So what does your identity look like?

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October 2015 SPOTLIGHT  3

SPOTLIGHT Identities

What is

IDENTITY?

By Katie Lear

Photo by Jenny Jay 4 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

My soul, like some heat-maddened summer fly, Keeps buzzing at the sill. Which I is I? • In a Dark Time, Theodore Roethke

O

ne of the most common questions we ask each other is “who are you?” It’s often one of the first things we say to people we’ve just met, but even if they introduce themselves that way, most people would say that who they are is more than their name.

Identity is defined as “the fact of being who or what a person or thing is,” and there are two main components: the definition of one as a distinct self from others and who that self is. Recognizing that someone is a someone at all is a feature of early childhood development.

“The infant really learns, or develops their own sense of self through the mirroring of the mother’s response to him or her,” Paul Frewen, associate professor in psychiatry at Western, explained.

“The child in some ways doesn’t really know they exist on their own but learns to know that they exist as a result of a mirroring of a figure, like a mother, or the powers that are caring for him or her.”

As development continues, the child begins to display a sense of not only who they are

but recognition of similarities of the self in the outside world.

“The beginnings of identity can be identified as early as 18 to 24 months when you’ll notice that boys and girls will typically select gender-specific items of clothing, toys, activities, peers and so on that compliment their gender identity,” explained Bruce Morton, associate psychology professor at Western.

According to Morton, a child’s primary frame of reference is their parents as their social world is limited until the ages of four or five.

“As they grow older, peer influences become more salient and parents less so, and at that point in development obviously there’s an opportunity for children to begin modelling or imitating the values and activities of their peers,” he explains.

Media influences also play a large role in how children perceive a likeness between themselves and celebrities and other prominent figures. Morton asserts that identity is partially built by taking on the values of others, adopting that part of an identity to be their own.

“The extent that [the child]

perceives a likeness between themselves and this other person is the extent to which they will tend to want to imitate or assume as their own the values and behaviours of other people,” says Morton.

These theories of identity formation find roots in Sigmund Freud’s work on the id, superego and ego. While the id — the self that is biologically driven to self-preserve — is present from birth, the superego — the self that is constructed to say what should be said or done in accordance with societal values, is developed over time through social interaction as the child decides which values to take on.

Ultimately, the ego is the balance between these two selves.

But identity isn’t just social — it can come from someone’s race, gender, religion or sexual orientation, or from what someone likes, their career and their relationships to other people.

And they may be all of these, none of these or a few of these; identity is more than taking on labels. Someone may be a female, for example, but it may not be a part of who they see their true selves as.

So, who are you? ■

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 5

SPOTLIGHT Identities

Exploring our race

By Hala Ghonaim Photos by Taylor Lasota

Students share their stories about their race, culture and campus life experience.

6  SPOTLIGHT October 2015

Lwam Berhe S

he is rooted.

She is persistent.

And she has a community that understands what that means.

“There is definitely something about black individuals and having that black community.... There is a beauty, there is a liveliness, there is a music, almost, that you see when we’re all together with the way we laugh.”

However, Lwam Berhe is worried about being stereotyped when displaying her personality publicly.

“When you try to transfer your culture towards other people or you try to make them understand, it can be very difficult,” she said. “We don’t want to be existing in that space forever. The reason why we get together is so we can develop ourselves to navigate our systems better.”

The fourth-year Western student realized very quickly that being a person of colour means being a minority, regardless of where or how she grew up. Therefore, she focused her time on the development of her minority community in order to strengthen the members when facing the harsh realities of everyday microaggressions, even at Western.

“When you go to class and you

don’t have professors of colour. When you read literature and it’s very biased in the way it tells stories about African people especially … or the lack of depth they go into when [professors] bring up issues that surround people of colour,” she said. “When you’re faced with that all the time, you need to go back to a community of what you know … and we are not illusioned by some of the things we learn.”

Berhe has devoted her time to the Black Students’ Association for the last three years, but not everybody is as passionate as she is.

“If you have certain privileges, why would you want to know about something like that? There is no incentive for you there to understand, aside from wanting to be there for your fellow human beings. Living a very privileged life is living a sheltered life. You don’t know a lot about a lot of things.”

Ending black racial inequality requires the cooperation of all races to understand that being black is beautiful, but it’s the perception of blackness that’s misconstrued. Nonetheless, Berhe wants to be treated as an individual based on the content of her character and not just the colour

of her skin.

“At the end of the day when everyone sees you as a black person, that’s how they treat you before they treat you as anything else," she added.

"They change the way they talk to you … it’s the slang that imitates stereotypical black slang. Or people will want to touch your hair."

Berhe says the topic of hair is very traumatic for black women. “Things like that will invade your space and also invade your identity.”

Even though it’s tough at times, Berhe can always find spaces where she can be her very true self.

“It sucks to go through bullshit on this campus but at the end of the day we get together, we talk about it and the joy we get from understanding each other … you feel like you are home. This is the space I can exist in.”

Learning how to navigate as an “othered” student should not be limited to the boundaries of what is familiar. In order for a black student to excel outside of those barriers, people need to listen without prejudice in order to learn without fabrication.

Lwan Berhe is black, but she is so much more than that. ❱❱ •••••

“At the end of the day when everyone sees you as a black person, that’s how they treat you before they treat you as anything else.”

SPOTLIGHT Identities

Stevie Jonathan H

er warm eyes give you a virtual hug as she speaks, cautious of never missing a chance to smile at every passerby.

One of the first cultural teachings Stevie Jonathan learned as a young girl was about the Creation story and how the Creator said to have “love between them.” Ever since, she’s lived her life with this teaching in mind.

“My culture means love and respect for all living things,” she said. “[From] every other human being in the world [to] every organism — from plant to tree to animals. Those beings are all equal and they’re all connected.”

The devoted student chose to double major in First Nations studies and sociology after growing up closely connected to her community. She hoped her area of study would allow her to better contribute to her nation’s future – the Mohawk nation of the Six Nations Confederacy. Its cultural values remain present in modern life through the maintenance of verbal teachings and continued practices passed down by the Creator.

The Haudenosaunee people are matrilineal, which means that heritage is passed down through one’s mother.

Therefore, women are given a high level of power and status. “[The Six Nation’s] heritage follows the mother’s line, so your nation, your clan, all come from the mother, whereas Western society is all patrilin8 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

eal,” she said. “Being a woman means you have a lot of responsibility and control and say of what happens ... but that’s not to say the men don’t have any control either. We are a very balanced people.”

The passionate maintenance of culture and identity derives from aggressive past conflicts of displacement and colonialism. However, Stevie attempts to live a life acknowledging the history of conflict without focusing heavily of the negative aspect of resistance.

“My culture is very beautiful…. I don’t think [people] realize how loving that culture is – and inclusive,” she said. “The media representation of us is often very negative. We are mostly portrayed as violent or aggressive or angry. Peace, love and respect are the foundations of our culture.”

Stevie struggles with breaking down the stigma surrounding traditional Kanienkehaka people who value historical identity and maintain cultural beliefs. The young Kanienkehaka woman combats the misconceptions surrounding violence, brutality and intrusiveness. This results in a better relationship with the Creator as she holds tighter onto the words “love between them.” Regardless, she has always felt safe strictly within the boundaries of campus during her five years as a student.

“At Western University itself, I have always had a very positive experience

from everyone around me,” she said.

“Outside of school, it’s not always positive.”

Despite the vast numbers of diverse indigenous people scattered across North America, many individuals are facing the realities of racism while their true cultural values are being neglected. With the aggression on a people comes the threat of loss of identity, culture and language. During difficult times, Stevie becomes nostalgic and remembers the true elements of her identity.

“I love my community. It is so nice to go home,” she said. “I was just driving through the community and they have signs everywhere saying ‘our culture is based on love and respect.’ ” For many Kanienkehaka people, loving one another is a powerful action used to transmit spiritual values and traditional beliefs onto future generations to come. It doesn’t matter whether Stevie is located within the school walls or outside of her safe haven, her cultural lessons always comfort her.

She continues to motivate herself to push past the stigma and focus on the purity of her identity, which embraces acceptance, forgiveness and compassion. She can only hope that others can ditch the horoscope and see her for what she preaches simply by living as an example. ❱❱ •••••

Xuanyi Bai Xuanyi Bai. It’s what her mother used to call her during breakfast. Now, her roommate calls out to “Stephanie.”

“When I first received my English name, I couldn’t figure out if people were calling me,” she says. “It took time for me to adapt to this name. As long as I live here, the English name is good.”

Stephanie Caetano is a Chinese international graduate student. She left the familiarity of her home in Beijing and travelled 11,000 kilometres only to sit in one of Western’s classrooms. One of the first things she missed about her homeland was the greater emphasis on social relationships and networking ties. Stephanie gave up her birth name one year ago in order to integrate into Western’s modern society; however, the distance only continues to grow between her colleagues.

“If I had the choice I would want them to call me by my nickname. It’s closer,” she says “I would feel like our relationship is closer than if they just called me Stephanie.”

Chinese culture is rich in countless faiths, historical landmarks and rooted relics. Despite the maintenance of these traditional elements, the gradual modernization of Chinese culture is progressing more rapidly in recent years.

The eager student adapted well to

Western culture while holding tightly onto a traditional system of values as a result of close family relations.

“We are very family-oriented. We are all very close. Our grandparents, our parents and our cousins, especially, because of the one-child policy, which makes us even closer because we don’t have siblings.”

Although she may have been unprepared for extreme Canadian independence, she was aware of privileges that were also common in modern China.

After witnessing China’s progression, Stephanie began to harbour anger towards the misconceptions of her identity.

“Our generation has the opportunity to exercise its rights with the mass media and different cultures, which opens up our horizons to new ideas [to] accept different types of behaviour.”

Stephanie’s rooted Chinese identity includes an extension of modern principles; however, she continues to preserve something that will never be valued similarly in Western culture: food.

“Dinner and lunch are big meals, but in Western culture they only have big dinners and don’t focus on breakfast and lunch.… We have to prepare everything and cook a good meal for ourselves to eat,” she says. “It’s because of our history, because we have an abundant amount of material used for cooking.”

“There are 56 different nationalities in China and that makes our food very multicultural.”

Canada’s diversity allows Western University to accept thousands of international Chinese students annually.

The students who have benefited from this exchange experience several difficult life transitions but one of the most familiar struggles include fitting in.

“Many Chinese students are interested in making Canadian friends here and getting involved with Western culture … but because the cultural background is just so different we don’t have common topics,” she said, “But we still want to know Western culture.

More Chinese students are checking YouTube and watching American movies and shows.”

“Outspoken” and “enthusiastic” are words Stephanie’s friends may use to describe her. However, no matter how passionate the young student is about integrating into Western society, she won’t jeopardize the traditional aspect of her identity.

“The best way to fix these misconceptions isn’t by us only trying to learn your culture, but if you have an interest to learn our culture to understand us as well,” she says.

Even though Stephanie is comfortable in Canada, she’ll only answer to in China. ■

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 9

I am Muslim.

I am Canadian.

I

was approached by one of the custodial staff at my apartment as I waited for the elevator on my way out into one of those winter days in London that hurt your face.

“I bet the weather back home isn’t this bad,” he said.

“Well, back home is Ottawa so it’s actually worse,” I replied.

It didn’t surprise me that he assumed I was an international student because it made sense. Hijab, check. Brown skin, check. But the feeling of being asked where I am from is not the same as the feeling of someone assuming where I am from. The feeling of knowing that no matter how long I stay a citizen of Canada, how much I contribute to society, I will still be assumed to be from elsewhere.

I immigrated to Canada when I was 14.

Back then the question “Where are you from?” was an expected one and I loved answering it. I still do. What is not welcomed is an assumption like the one above. Everyone else was forming their identity and trying to do that when my life was all about moving around seemed difficult.

I was born and raised in Abu Dhabi to Pakistani parents, I have lived in Ottawa for more than a decade, I am a Muslim, I wear the hijab and these form my identity.

I travelled throughout the United Arab Emirates, Pakistan, Toronto, Maldives and New Brunswick. I experienced an amazing four years of high school and five years at the University of Ottawa before enrolling in Brescia University College.

It was in Canada where I was put in a position where explaining my religion was priority and my knowledge of anything else

was secondary or never entertained. I have experienced being a Muslim in an Arab country and it is very different from being a Muslim in Canada. Wearing the hijab in Abu Dhabi when I was 11 was accepted, celebrated and void of the question, “Was it your choice?” I remember my father telling me that if I wanted to I could remove it, but it had already become a part of my identity and I felt like a part of me would be missing without it.

In one of my many conversations with my mother, I mentioned that my culture may be different from hers because I did not live and breathe the culture she was born into unless it was during Eid, at family dinners and the occasional time I felt like speaking in Urdu. I was born in Pakistan, the schools I attended were multicultural and the people I surround myself with are multi-everything.

My experience as a student in different countries made me appreciate the verse from the Qur’an: “O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted” (49:13).

I am Muslim. I am Pakistani.

I am Canadian. ■

Photo by Jenny Jay

By Ameera Zarrar

That’s me in the spotlight, losing my religion

By Tayyab Ahmed

I

sat on the floor of the mosque with my head bowed, packed between men there to pay homage to the divine Creator.

The Friday sermon blared over the speakers as I continued to stare down at the communal prayer mat that was becoming increasingly crowded with worshippers waiting for the imam to begin Jumu’ah prayers.

The ceiling fans were pitched in a hopeless battle against an unforgivingly hot and humid South Asian summer. I looked up and glared at the wall clock across the room – 15 more minutes before I could leave the house of a God I no longer believed in. After 20 years of practicing my parents’ religion, I realized I didn’t

belong here anymore.

I grew up in a relatively liberal family in a moderately conservative Muslim country.

I say “relatively liberal” because even though I was allowed to do most things, there were a few staple axioms: Allah is the only true God and Islam is the absolute truth. It is your identity.

I was never very religious.

But I was inquisitive. It also helped that even though my mom is a devout Muslim, she focused more on the theoretical aspects of Islam than the blind faith and worship that is ubiquitous amongst most Muslims I know. This meant my questions about faith and God were never shut down with assertions to accept what I was being told. ➤➤

SPOTLIGHT Identities

I

looked for answers when religion contradicted evident truths and I got whatever faith could offer in response. I explored Islam and gathered as much knowledge as I could. I read the Holy Book, listened to talks and sermons by prominent progressive scholars, and studied a plethora of religious texts. I was never an authority on the subject matter, but it’s safe to say that I knew more about the faith than the average believer. I still wasn’t satisfied.

Over the years, however, I realized it wasn’t Islam that was failing to answer my questions. I was losing faith in the idea of faith itself. I wasn’t convinced by the singular perspective on the world it presented. It was getting impossible to reconcile my thoughts with what I was supposed to think.

For me, losing faith was like falling out of love with a long-term partner. There was sadness, uncertainty and a realization that things would never be the same. The internal struggle has been painful. There have been times where I have been dejected and very miserable. I wrestled with some fundamental questions of life — morality, right and wrong, death. My life’s compass had lost its bearing and I knew I was facing an identity crisis.

••••• Religion’s convenient answers were no longer available to me anymore and I felt scared and isolated. But in its own way, it was also liberating. Free from looking at the world through the prism of faith, I was finally able to make my own decisions and evaluate my own distinctions of right and wrong without consulting a bequeathed constitution of life. I realized I still possessed morals, a capacity for compassion and humanity without religion. I felt powerful. I felt I could fill the vacuum left by my loss of religion.

But the internal struggle is wearisome enough without the burden of social isolation. Responses to a friend or family member’s loss of faith vary by culture and the level of religious devotion in the community of the apostate. It can range from grudging acceptance to death threats.

I’m writing this essay under a pseudonym

12 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

because I’m afraid. It’s not the idea of being attacked for my lack of faith that I’m afraid of; rather, I’m fearful of the familial and social ostracization that will follow. I know I will lose lifelong friends, cousins I grew up with and, most of all, my beloved parents. For all they have done for me in my life, I don’t think I can put them through the pain they’ll experience if I profess my loss of faith to them. I’m not a militant non-believer. I don’t want people to look at things my way, but I do crave acceptance from those important to me.

••••• I feel doomed to a life of dishonesty. I have to lie so much. I go through the motions of prayer whenever I visit my parents. I have to censor myself during conversations with old friends so as to not let my true feelings out on something they feel so strongly about. I’m forced to show undue reverence for beliefs I don’t care much for anymore and I feel so distant from people I do care about deeply. I have had to carve multiple identities for myself — the person I’m supposed to be — and one where I have lost what was so central to my former self.

Thousands of former Muslims and people of other religions go through similar struggles across the world. I find comfort in the fact that I’m one of many but I feel for those whose internal conflict and existential crises sometimes lead them to the worst outcomes. Everyone needs someone to tell them it’ll all be okay, but it’s not easy to find that support when you have to hide your sentiments from those whom you seek solace.

A person who was and remains to be my rock is my girlfriend of five years. A Muslim herself, she saw how my views developed and changed over the past few years. Her support and acceptance is vital for me and I am immensely grateful to her for it. I guess faithless miracles do happen.

I still go to the mosque. But I know I don’t belong anymore. I know I don’t believe anymore.

I might even be blasphemous on many accounts.

But I will keep on pretending for the sake of those whom I love. I don’t feel I have a choice. ■

On my own two feet

F

or a very long time, I felt like I wasn’t independent.

The little that I did do for myself didn’t make me happy anymore. If I got a good grade, I would shrug my shoulders and not acknowledge it. If I got a bad grade, I would punish myself.

When I dropped a nine year ballet career in grade 12 to focus on school it was as if I lost a part of me. Everything slowly just went downhill and nothing made me feel competent. I became so dependent that eating alone, going to class alone and even shopping alone made me feel lonely. I forgot what it was like to have only your own company. I lost my individuality and didn’t have my own identity anymore.

I depended so much on other people that it became super unhealthy. I turned from being a leader to being a follower.

I was always so scared to take risks on my own and always had to be pushed to do something. It felt like I was imprisoned, I couldn’t breath anymore. It felt as if I had to constantly live up to people’s expectations and had to seek permission before doing anything. Nobody held me back, I held myself back and all I had to do was get out of my own way.

••••• Three months ago I was treated like a toy. I gave up everything for someone else: my goals, my future, my passion, my success, my self respect, my friends, and my family. I didn’t prioritize any of these things, not even myself.

In a matter of weeks I was picked up and thrown onto the curb as if I was just garbage that had been lying around. I cannot explain to you in words how used and unappreciated I felt. I felt like I was

useless, like I wasn’t good enough, as if I was a horrible human.

I trusted someone so quickly and so deeply that I gave up my own identity and eventually lost it. I didn’t think I was smart anymore, I didn’t think I was talented anymore and I didn’t think I was a good person anymore. A lot of things piled up and eventually I didn’t know what to do or who to talk to, leading me to become so vulnerable.

I would stand in front of a picture of my God and question what I did wrong.

I even remember saying “God why don’t you ever listen to my prayers?”

••••• Then one day I was sitting in my room in silence. I was staring at the wall and thinking about everything and I was just so angry. Angry with myself for putting myself in this situation and letting myself fall so hard.

I just wanted to stop fighting myself and just wanted to do something that would make me stand on my own two feet again. I opened up Pages and began writing.

I decided to not fight my struggles but to embrace them. I decided to admit that yes I made mistakes and yes, I am not perfect. I started to live in the moment and tried to make the best of each day. I wake up now and pray, study, laugh, try my very best and repeat.

••••• Today I can proudly say that I do everything on my own and can spend every second of my life for myself. I am not obligated to text someone, call someone or spend time with anyone. I don’t need to put in effort for anyone but MYSELF. I forgot how it felt to be alone and this really hurt me. When I was finally

Photo by Taylor Lasota

By Manpreet Kaur

forced to be alone, it was intimidating at first but now that it’s been almost two months since school started, I wouldn’t change a thing.

You know what the best feeling in the world is? Being able to just depend on yourself. When you know that you are capable of anything on your own, you really have unlocked success. You can always trust yourself and rely on yourself but you can never fully trust or rely on somebody else. When you can live life without being in any unnecessary relationships, you know the sky is the limit. When your own presence is enough to make you happy, nothing can stop you.

We all hit rock bottom but that doesn’t mean we won’t recover. You can only fail so many times before you succeed and for me that meant failing many times. We don’t need opportunity, we don’t need time, what we need is compassion, dedication and passion. What we need is the burning desire to succeed.

Don’t be afraid to stand on your own two feet. Trust me, it’s the best feeling in the world. ■

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 13

SPOTLIGHT Identities

Juggling Act Full-time student, part-time employee, mother all the time. Meet family studies student, Jasmine Maynard.

By Olivia Zollino Photos by Taylor Lasota

14  SPOTLIGHT October 2015

I

t’s two o’clock in the morning.

Jasmine Maynard, a first-year student at Brescia University College, is just finishing her family studies homework. Her alarm clock will wake her up in six hours and she will have another busy day ahead of her. In addition to being a full-time student, she is also involved in the work study program. She enjoys getting her nails done and going shopping. In many ways, Jasmine is like most students — except Jasmine is a mother to her 36-month old autistic child, Théo.

From the moment Jasmine wakes up, her day is centred on keeping Théo on a schedule he is comfortable with.

“My son is autistic, which makes things a teeny bit harder sometimes,” she says.

While Théo is not high on the autism spectrum, he is fixated on time and sticks to a strict schedule. If that schedule is disturbed, he becomes upset.

“If I’m past four o’clock [to pick him up from daycare], he notices because of his autism,” she says. “So even if I have class past 4:20 p.m. … I’m thinking about my son and I’m like ‘I need to go and get there,’ so it’s mom’s guilt kicking in a little bit.”

Today’s especially tough. Théo broke out in hives and it’s all Jasmine can think about. Switching from mom mode to student mode isn’t the easiest

for Jasmine, but she has to prioritize.

“Once I’m in the class, I’m in the class,” she says. “It’s only when something’s wrong. When I drop him off [at daycare], he’s there, I’m here. If I want good grades, I have to concentrate. But it can be tricky.”

The road to Brescia was difficult. Jasmine lives on her own in London with her son. The 24-year-old doesn’t have any family nearby and Théo’s father is not in the picture for the most part.

“I was put in a situation where my son’s father left; he just decided he had enough and walked out, and I didn’t have the education to come to school,” she says.

Jasmine went back to school to get the credits necessary to enrol in a post-secondary institution. But that was a challenge within itself. Jasmine recalls the difficult first few weeks of going back to school after having Théo.

“When I was there, I had weeks where I didn’t last a week at school,” she says. “If something were wrong or slightly wrong, I would go home and pick him up because he was my security blanket.”

But she persevered — for Théo.

“I needed a better life for my kid,” she says. “I wasn’t the type of person who would settle for what you call the ‘welfare life.’ I wanted to shoot high and I’m here.” ➤➤

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 15

SPOTLIGHT Identities

J

asmine ultimately chose to attend Brescia because of the smaller class sizes and the atmosphere.

She says the professors are more personable in the intimate class setting, so she feels more comfortable disclosing her situation as a full-time student and mom. It’s an ongoing process, however.

“Some professors I’ve told, some I haven’t and I know I have to tell them because I’m different and that’s the reality — I am different [from other students],” Jasmine admits.

Because of her busy schedule, she often finds herself behind in class. To make matters more difficult, Théo does not deal well with being left in the care of new and unfamiliar faces. As a result, when he is sick and cannot attend daycare, Jasmine must stay home with him. However, it’s not catching up that bothers Jasmine — it’s the perception of being helpless.

“What I struggle the most with is feeling like a charity case,” she says.

“I hate going up to my professors and saying I’m going to miss classes. I’m behind more than other students but I hate feeling pity — I hate that.”

Jasmine financially supports herself entirely on her own. In fact, she made the decision to enrol in her program full-time for financial reasons. The ben-

16 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

efits associated with being a full-time student have made her financial situation easier, such as receiving a bus pass, her main mode of transportation.

However, there remains a dichotomy in how she thinks of herself.

“I feel like an adult because I have all the responsibilities but I feel like I’m still living like a 24-year-old in an apartment,” she says. “I would like to have my own home and a car. But everything comes at its own pace.”

While Jasmine understands the importance of pace, she also has her sights set on long-term goals. She wants to graduate in the next four years and create a stable living environment for her son.

She throws around the idea of being an adoption counselor in New Brunswick in order to get back to her French roots, joking that she does not want to die in London. She also wants to learn how to drive. But ultimately it always goes back to Théo.

“I want a better setup for my son,” she says, grinning. Like a nice, big town house with space and — oh my god — a study room!”

She adds that she loves being in a classroom setting so much that she’s not ruling out the idea of continuing school after graduation. ➤➤

“

I was put in a situation where my son’s father left; he just decided he had enough and walked out and I didn’t have the education to come to school.

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 17

SPOTLIGHT Identities

“

“I want a better setup for my son. Like a nice, big town house with space and — oh my god — a study room!”

18 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

D

espite her love of academia, Jasmine says she does not resemble what she believes is the typical student.

“There’s no way I can be viewed as a student and not as a mom,” she says. “There’s no way, even if I tried, there’s no way. If [peers] want to go out, it’s obvious.“ Making friends has been the most difficult part of being both a student and a mother, and it’s an on-going battle she struggles with.

“I can’t get my nails done or go to Forever 21 and buy this or go to Jack’s, I can’t do it. I have to buy diapers and buy wipes,” she says. “There’s no way you can’t not say [that I’m a mother]. I’m at a disadvantage — when you’re around those types of friends, anyways.”

Jasmine recalls how upset she was on Homecoming when the people she was supposed to meet up with ditched her during the morning concert because she arrived later than them.

“When I feel discouraged, all I need to do is look at my son,” she says. “It sounds so stereotypical, but seriously, when I feel like I can’t do it I look at him … and I tell myself I need to do it for him.”

There are many moments when Jasmine struggles with where she feels like she cannot do it anymore. She’s straightforward and honest about her experience, noting her situation has not been easy and is not always fun.

The feeling of isolation that comes with being a full-time student and mother is something Jasmine continues to work on. She attends mature student groups in hopes of connecting with other single mothers.

Despite the hardships single mothers may encounter, Jasmine wants them to know they can overcome these adversities.

“You’re not alone,” she says. “I would tell [single mothers] you’re not alone and don’t give up. You can do it.” ■

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 19

SPOTLIGHT Identities

Over the past five years, the number of international students at Western has more than doubled. Find out why this is happening and hear some of their stories.

By Richard Joseph

I

t’s the mid-1980s in Vancouver. A student from the University of British Columbia forgets to take his foot off the pedal as he backs out of a driveway and careens into a passing car.

When the RCMP arrive at the scene, he’s shaking with fear. An international graduate student who is new to the country, he’s never taken driving lessons in Canada.

The student’s name is Amit Chakma, current president of Western University and lifelong advocate of international education.

“In my village, you just avoided the police or it could be [a] disaster,” he says. “I told the officer: ‘I’m scared of you, who knows what you’re going to do to me?’

20 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

“He gave me a ticket. I said, ‘that’s it?’ He says, ‘that’s it,’ but tells me not to get behind the wheel without formal driving lessons,” he continues. “That was my intro to freedom here and I cherish it. It’s one of the greatest things about my Canadian citizenship — my freedom.”

Born in Bangladesh, Chakma studied as an international student in Algeria for five years. In a foreign country where he didn’t speak a word of the language, separated from friends and family, he survived and adjusted. Inspired by his own experiences abroad, Chakma became one of the driving forces in international education in Canada. Under his guidance, Western is becoming a hub for students all over the world, with the international student population more than doubling since his arrival.

•••••

A

mere 50 years ago, it might have been possible to live a full, happy life without ever leaving your town. In fact, many are perfectly happy to stay in their home and native land their whole lives. But in the modern global village, with the Internet and international commerce bringing faraway lands to your doorstep, it’s hard to ignore the great big world. International travel is enriching, both in terms of education and culture; you can watch movies set in France from your couch, but nothing compares to visiting Paris.

That desire for cultural enrichment often goes hand in hand with ambition. International student Luis Luque, pursuing his PhD in chemical and biochemical engineering, is one of those high achievers at the forefront of international education. Luque seized the opportunity to study abroad when he received and accepted a full-ride scholarship to Western.

“I was never happy back to ron s o T e of ti ity versi nts s r e ni ud ve l Uniario u al st tota e r h n t i T — ds On natio f the o a r e e l int ion in port on a as ulati pop

home, I always wanted something more,” he says. “I visited my family in the States and experienced a few different cultures.… After that, I was excited to get out and explore a bit of the world, so I became an international student.”

•••••

T

he international education isn’t just a personal preference, it’s a Canada-wide mandate. Chakma himself served as chair of the federal government’s advisory panel on Canada’s international education strategy, culminating in the 2014 release of “Canada’s International Education Strategy: Harnessing our knowledge advantage to drive innovation and prosperity.” One of the goals of the plan was to double Canada’s international student population. The advisory board also posed the question: what are the attractive features of this country?

“We said, first of all, Canada is multicultural and welcoming,” says Chakma.

Multiculturalism is a term often thrown around in our classrooms, but it’s more than

a political buzzword — Canada, at least in the urban centres, really stands out when it comes to the cultural mosaic. Toronto is a good example, a veritable microcosm of the world; visitors passing through Brampton and Mississauga might forget they’re in North America. This sort of exposure to the world is valuable cultural exposure for incoming students.

“In Colombia, we’re pretty open-minded but we don’t have a lot of immigration…. We’re not used to getting people from different places,” Luque explains. “It’s not intolerance, just that there’s nobody new to tolerate. Getting to know those different cultures was a big challenge for me.”

On the other hand, Canada’s not a cultural vacuum, either, as it has its own fundamentally liberal ideology. Third-year HBA student Nafisa Haque, an international student from Bangladesh, decided to study here because she believed there were better opportunities for women in Canada.

“Back home, it’s definitely a male-dominated society…. ❱❱

% 7 1

CLAUDIO LIRA CHEMICAL ENGINEERING GRADUATE STUDENT FROM BRAZIL

Know people. In general, in London everything happens in cliques, people have their own parties in their homes. So my advice would be try to know people, talk to people, engage in conversation…. For international students, being social is crucial if you want to make the most of your trip.

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 21

SPOTLIGHT Identities

•••••

D

ifferent value systems in each culture can manifest themselves in education; each country has a different set of priorities in the classroom.

Haque, for example, enjoyed her business classes at Western because she was encouraged to talk and take an active role in the class rather than passively observing. ❱❱

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22 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

a ti

I made friends with a lot of exchange students, a lot of international students, so I see people come and go. I make friends every semester; we become really close, like best friends, and then they have to leave. The first two semesters I was really sad, I couldn’t move on. But then I learned — that’s life. You have to see these people come and go. You have to get used to that.

op

GEOGRAPHY UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT FROM SINGAPORE

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21.4%

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GLORIA TANDIPAYUK

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eflective of the federal government’s international education strategy, Western has its own mandate of internationalization. The 2014 Strategic Plan, entitled “Achieving Excellence on the World Stage,” aims to “[transform] Western from being ‘Canada’s best’ into being a truly global university.”

“Internationalization was always a priority for me,” Chakma explains. “I believed I could make a difference; I believe in it, I’m passionate about it and Western is ready for it.”

Since Chakma became president in 2009, the number of international undergraduate students has increased from 631 students comprising 3.1 per cent of the undergraduate population to 1,895 students comprising 8.4 per cent, steadily approaching Chakma’s goal

a

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graduate engineering program.

What makes Western so attractive internationally?

Above all, it’s the “student experience” — the words forever associated with Western and the reason people from all over the country flock to London for our Homecoming. We know an increasing number of our students are international, but that’s just a line on a graph. To hear their stories, to understand what it means to be an international student — well, we just asked them.

n’s intarn

•••••

of 15 per cent. International graduate students have also seen a modest increase, rising from 834 students comprising 18.9 per cent to 1116 comprising 21.4 per cent. This shows the international demographic has been growing not only in terms of raw numbers but in proportion as well.

Of course, besides all the enrichment and ingenuity that result from a diverse and far-ranging student base, there’s the cold hard fact that international students are incredibly lucrative.

Tuition for international students is about four or five times the domestic tuition and it’s only going up from here.

Western’s current operating budget states Western’s international fee rates are “below the average of our peer … institutions in Ontario” and must therefore “continue on the path to narrowing the gap with our peer institutions.”

But despite the climbing international fees, Western is still on the rise as an international school. In fact, there are currently more international students than domestic in the

ul

Women are expected to get married and take care of the family,” she says. “There’s still inequality here, but I can network and progress in my career.

I can have a better life here than in Bangladesh.”

Nafisa Haque, HBA 1 student from Bangladesh with her peer guide mentee Photo by Jenny Jay

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT  23

SPOTLIGHT Identities

“It was a really good learning experience,” she explains. “Back home, people just listen to the teacher…. Here, the whole interaction with the class is what made me like the education system.”

But this cultural divide can also cause issues of compatibility. Different values in education can lead to different curricula. For example, a university in Canada might have one set of requirements for graduation while a university in China might have different criteria.

And there’s never a perfect overlap as far as courses go.

For Luque, that mismatch resulted in many of his courses being “an utter waste of time.” He explains biology is being introduced into chemical engineering courses, but at a very basic level — the students don’t have a background in it, so they’re just taught the fundamentals.

But Luque already has a microbiology degree from Colombia, meaning he’s been through the course material in great detail.

“I expected more advanced, more engaging classes in grad school,” he says. “I was disap-

pointed.”

Value systems also affect how universities evaluate their students. Claudio Lira, another international PhD student in chemical engineering, explains how the grading system works in Brazil.

“At the end of your degree, you give a one hour presentation on your thesis. You learn how to speak [publicly], be clear and lay out how you got there,” he says.

“You worked towards it as the final objective — people had to get comfortable with their topic and really defend what they were doing.”

The thesis in Brazil is a public presentation, open to the floor for comment and criticism. It requires immediate and intuitive knowledge and a quick wit.

By contrast, the Canadian PhD is reliant on written work often put together over several years of intensive research.

•••••

T

he academic aspect is only one part of university, and it’s fraught with red tape and bureaucracy. The human story emerges when we look at the

38v5s 28

8

— Internat ional graduate st udents vs. domesti c students in the Faculty of Engineer ing

socio-cultural experiences, particularly important for international students in a new country.

Culture shock is the obvious issue but it doesn’t have to be unpleasant. Haque remembers being astounded at Canadian behaviour during her O-Week.

“If I bumped into someone, they apologized to me! People hold the doors open from miles away and then you have to speed up, that’s always awkward,” she laughs. “But it’s a good thing.

People are very pleasant to one another and it’s something I can take back.”

Quite a few international graduate students also have families to support when they move here, which introduces a whole new dynamic.

MARK-SHANE SCALE LIBRARY AND INFORMATION STUDIES GRADUATE STUDENT FROM JAMAICA

If it is possible at all, bring your family. [It gives you] peace of mind when they’re here with you. If you have children, bring them with you.

I know it’s not always financially possible, but if you have to communicate by Skype, email, and you spend all your money to go back to your country and visit your family on holidays … I think it takes away from the experience.

24 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

Western society that you can’t quite pick up immediately.

“If you’re not watching certain TV shows, playing certain games, those references go over your head,” Scale explains.

In the spirit of learning, he would often stop a conversation to ask what someone meant.

Luckily, his friends in FIMS were happy to help him get in touch with the world of Canadian media. But if an international student doesn’t have that resource, how are they supposed to learn and decipher these unwritten rules? Something as trivial as a reference to a TV show can exclude or include when you’re new to the country.

“It’s the little things,” says third-year geography student Gloria Tandipayuk, an international student from Indonesia.

“Sometimes I won’t get a joke [about] some movie, a TV show you guys grew up with.”

Tandipayuk explains that while she had no problem making friends with other international students, this sort of problem made it harder to socialize with Canadians. Luque suggests it has to do with Eng-

lish fluency and how outgoing you are.

“Domestic students are really nice, helpful, but sometimes they think they can’t communicate on the same level with international students,” he says.

The clique mentality isn’t just a problem on the end of the domestic students, though — it’s a common problem between international students as well.

Chakma notes that there was a tendency, even when he was in university, for international students to try and find their comfort zone. For example, a large portion of our international student population at Western comes from China, so you might see them grouping together socially.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing in itself, but it limits the cross-cultural exchange of ideas. In his time at UBC, Chakma deliberately reached out to students from different backgrounds than himself.

“I’m always interested in knowing the unknown instead of settling on what I’m comfortable with,” he explains. ❱❱

inte r n a n’s r e

Enjoy the experience, because university goes by super fast. I’m going into third year and it feels like I was at O-Week just yesterday. I would definitely tell you to live in dorm, make friends, be open to new experiences. Try to get to know different kinds of people and just be open to the whole experience and be culturally curious.

d

8.4%

ation. We ul st op

THIRD-YEAR IVEY STUDENT FROM BANGLADESH

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October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 25

tudent te s p

NAFISA HAQUE

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ua

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Mark-Shane Scale, from the University of the West Indies in Jamaica, is finishing up a PhD in library and information science; he reflects on his years at Western fondly.

Married with children, Scale often had to juggle between spending time with his family and his friends. He advises other people in his position to bring their families, at least for peace of mind — he is glad to have his children and wife with him.

He joined a few clubs and built social networks both within and outside of his program.

Scale especially enjoyed team dodgeball, as he’d never played it in Jamaica.

“I learned a lot about Canada from the clubs, what is acceptable and not acceptable,” he says. “In my culture, we are very outspoken and bold when we say certain things. We really give a piece of our mind to people. I had to learn everything anew.

Eye contact, certain phrases — they all mean different things.”

The other challenge for international students is adjusting to the undercurrents of pop culture. It’s certainly an aspect of

SPOTLIGHT Identities

Claudio Lira, chemical engineering graduate student from Brazil, surrounded by the international students he mentors.

Photo by Taylor Lasota

26  SPOTLIGHT October 2015

•••••

I

n accordance with its internationalization mandate, Western offers a comprehensive range of services for international students. This ranges from pick-ups at the airport to writing support and conversation circles.

“The International and Exchange Student Centre offers a ‘transition to Canada’ series [and] all sorts of programs that would provide students the opportunity to integrate into Western and the Canadian environment,” says Julie McMullin, Western’s vice-provost international.

The peer guide system is another important resource for international students. Experienced Western students at the IESC are paired with new international students and act as mentors throughout the year, helping out with the cultural transition.

Lira, a peer guide himself, goes into some of the benefits.

“It’s help with everything — where to buy groceries, what kind of bank to go to, cellphone plans, what kind of Internet you should have…. Being a

peer guide is all about sharing knowledge,” he says. “I always, always tell new international students to enrol and get a peer guide because it is really useful.”

The IESC also hosts various orientations and events for international students. On top of that, there are the writing services and career services open to all students, invaluable especially to those with English as a second language.

However, we still have a long way to go to become an international school, and Chakma is the first to admit it.

“We’re behind [other universities] and we need to change that,” he says.

Luque agrees.

“Despite the scholarships, I think the resources allocated to international students are very low compared to the Canadian norm, compared to Waterloo and U of T,” he says. “If Western wants to be a top competitor as an international university, they have to keep their grad students happy.”

Haque would like to see a bigger budget for the IESC’s peer guide program. Currently, they only have 70 peer guides, which is woefully inadequate to

15% — Target goal for Western’s undergraduate student body international student population

deal with the massive influx of international students. She suggests an improved international orientation week and residence events for international students alongside Canadians, as well as events held when campus is closed for the holidays to accommodate those who couldn’t go home.

•••••

“T

he first challenge was trying to adjust to Canada,” says Scale. “Just learning how to file my taxes was a struggle, but I got support from the IESC. The next challenge shifted to my academic studies, trying to get my rules done and proven so I could move to the next stage and collect more data.”

Now, he explains, his challenge is moving back to Jamaica. ❱❱

LUIS LUQUE CHEMICAL ENGINEERING GRADUATE STUDENT FROM COLOMBIA

You have to adapt. A lot of international students … come from different places and try to make people adapt to them, whereas they should be adapting to the Canadian culture.

So that’s my main thing, you have to be really open-minded to a different society and a different culture. That’s what Canada is about, being really liberal and open minded. If they don’t have that, they will struggle for sure.

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 27

SPOTLIGHT Identities

Luque plans on staying in Canada for the short term, but returning to Colombia in the long term. “I would like to stay here for a while…. It’s just fair, to repay the country that has invested in me. I think I have to give back in some way what I got. However, I do eventually want to go back to Colombia and apply my knowledge, see what can be done.”

The rest of the international students interviewed have a similar plan — to work in Canada for a while but eventually go back to apply their skills in their own countries.

Tandipayuk is studying urban planning in geography because she hopes to address the various issues with urban planning in Indonesia. Haque explains that her experience in Canada will make her skills more in demand

in Bangladesh.

And that’s the way the modern world works. It’s no longer a matter of bringing in students and hoping they stay here forever to generate money. A globalized economy means educated students could apply for a job in a completely different country. For example, if Western graduates with a degree in education can’t find a teaching job in Canada, they’re always in demand in South Korea.

“Talented people will go where they can realize their full potential,” Chakma explains.

“You can’t restrict the movement of people anymore and that’s a good thing.

“There’s nothing wrong with moving around, you see. They might come from Africa, get educated in Canada and go on to work in China,” he contin-

ues. “The whole world benefits.

That’s the beauty of the global village — when China progresses, it’s good for the world, it’s good for Canada.”

“The global village.” The digital age has removed the limitations of geography but cultural exchange is at an alltime high. It’s not just about taking in international students, it’s about making Western a more international school in general, ensuring that even the students who don’t go on exchange experience a diversity of culture and are exposed to issues on a global scale. It’s about broadening horizons all around. Both as an institution and as a student body, diversifying our population is the greatest choice we could make for our education. ■

Photo by Taylor Lasota

28 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

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30 SPOTLIGHT

Photo by Kyle Porter

Being bi

T

his summer was a huge victory for LGBTQ individuals across America as gay marriage was legalized nationwide. The Supreme Court decision acted as a beacon of hope for LGBTQ persons in other countries where their love is currently illegal.

In the past few years, awareness campaigns have swept across North America and Europe as trans* rights and trans* issues came to the forefront in the fight for gender and sexual equality. However, there is still much work to be done in terms of LGBTQ visibility and acceptance — particularly that of bisexual persons. Living in a fluid, liminal space, bi persons are often either lumped in with heterosexuals or homosexuals but are rarely seen to be a separate, queer group. In fact, they’re rarely seen at all.

Bisexuality is a difficult term to define. Western psychology professor William Fisher says “the classic definition of bisexuality, looking at the Kinsey scale and other conceptualizations, would be an individual who’s — to a certain extent — equally attracted to members of both sexes.”

The Kinsey scale is arguably one of the more well-known scales of sexuality, but as Fisher pointed out, “there’s no place on the Kinsey scale for an asexual individual who really doesn’t have too much attraction or romance or arousal.”

As such, he preferred to define bisexuality in relation to the Storms Sexuality Axis. Plotted on this diagram, “a person who’s high in heterosexual attraction and low in homosexual attraction would be your ‘garden variety heterosexual.’ A person who’s high in same-sex attraction and low in opposite-sex attraction would be your ‘garden variety homosexual.’ A person who is high in both would be one conception of the bisexual individual.”

Bisexual persons face different kinds of challenges than monosexual — homosexual,

By Rebecca Meharchand heterosexual,or being attracted to one kind of gender — persons do.

Women’s studies professor Jessica Cameron says that when thinking of queer culture, bisexual individuals “are in a really complicated position because on the one hand, they don’t have straight privilege but on the other hand, there is a certain amount of straight privilege.”

“I think that when a bisexual person is with somebody who’s of a different gender than they are, there’s a certain kind of ‘passing’ that happens and a certain kind of privilege that does happen,” Cameron says. “But in that very privilege, there’s an erasure of identity — an erasure of one’s sexual history, one’s sexual desire.”

Unless a bi person is polyamorous, which may very well be the case for some individuals, but not all, it is hard for bisexual people to constantly reaffirm their bisexuality. ➤➤

H

ow can someone be ‘visibly bisexual’ in a monogamous relationship?

When discussing her past relationship with her ex-girlfriend, second-year English literature student Sophia Bruce-Burgess says people considered her to be a lesbian despite the fact that she was still interested in men.

Bisexual individuals are constantly — whether consciously or not — pressured to “pick a side” when it comes to their sexuality.

“Within the gay community, which is ostensibly about being accepting and being open about everything, lines have kind of been drawn,” says Rainer Hilland, fourth-year geography student.

“There’s a lot of people who just don’t believe that you can actually be bi. I think that’s the most annoying thing about it,” Hilland adds.

Though the erasure of identity is a harmful thing when talking about representation and visibility, the silver lining that results because of this erasure would be what Cameron referred to as passing. Because bisexual people have the ability to be involved with members of their opposite sex, these relationships make it easier for them to “blend in” or “pass as straight.” Essentially, “you don’t really have to come out,” as Bruce-Burges admitted.

In a later interview, Hilland elaborated on this, saying, “I never really did the whole ‘come out’ thing.... I think that it can be a little bit easier, perhaps, for bi people. If you’re like me, you can still be dating women and stuff and then have this other identity that you don’t really have to make explicitly clear. And you can sort of switch between the heterosexual and homosexual identity if you want to.... I think there’s a bit more fluidity with what you can do and show.”

While this ability to “hide” or “pass as straight” may be essential for some people who are not in a safe space to come out as bisexual, this sense of “passing” is really a double-edged sword. Yes, bisexual people may not feel as though they necessarily have to come out to their friends and families, but ultimately, this only contributes to the erasure of identity and adds to the current lack of bisexual visibility.

Erasure of identity is just one of the problems bisexual persons face on a daily basis. However, when the existence of bisexuality as a true and legitimate identity is validated, there are often harmful stereotypes unique to bisexual persons because of their ability to become romantically and sexually involved with more than one gender. A prominent one would be the stereotype of bisexual persons as being inherently promiscuous. ➤➤

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 31

Photo by Taylor Lasota

SPOTLIGHT Identities

“

32  SPOTLIGHT October 2015

[I dated a female] for over a year and at the time, people considered me to be a lesbian, but in reality I still liked guys.

Sophia Bruce-Burgess

C

ameron speaks to this, saying “I think that there’s a stereotype that bi persons are less able to commit, that if you’re bi, you’re necessarily going to want to be with the gender that you’re not with at that particular point in time.”

This is something that Bruce-Burgess echoes in her interview, describing how her boyfriend “is uncomfortable with [bisexuality] because he thinks I want to talk to other girls. And then he has to worry about guys and girls. So I think that’s kind of the uncomfortable thing - people think you’re gonna be attracted to them.” After a pause, she adds, “That’s the same with any LGBTQ person or someone who identifies as that. A lot of people just fear.”

••••• When in a monogamous relationship, there isn’t a lot one can do to reaffirm their bisexual identity, and the only thing they can do seems like a bit of a catch-22. In a monogamous relationship, someone is only dating one person and the gender of that person’s significant other will dictate how their sexuality is interpreted by other people. If a woman is dating a woman, she’s a seen as a lesbian; if she’s dating a man, she’s seen as straight. Conversely, if a man is dating a man, he’s seen as gay; if he’s dating a woman, he’s seen as straight. The only way that one can constantly reaffirm their bisexual identity while in a monogamous relationship would be to talk about their attraction to members of the sex that they’re not currently dating — or alternatively, to talk about their past romantic and sexual history. But while this may affirm the existence of their bisexual identity, it may hinder them in the sense that it would only reinforce the notion that bisexual people are inherently more promiscuous.

Constantly having to remind others of one’s identity is an exhausting thing and doing so may only play into stereotypes or other preconceived notions that people may have about bisexual individuals.

•••••

Of course, one of these other preconceived notions about bisexual individuals is that it is inherently more common in women than in men.

Cameron speaks to this by saying “I think that there’s something to do with queer expression between women being more socially accepted. The eroticization of lesbian porn, these kinds of things, you’ll see a lot of straight persons eroticizing lesbian activity, but you won’t see a lot of straight persons eroticizing gay male activity.”

Admittedly, she says, “the roots of that are sexism,” with female same-sex expressions of sexuality being seen as something that exists for male pleasure, or seen as not genuine attraction. The flip side of this hyper-sexualization of bisexual and lesbian women, of course, is an even further erasure of bisexual men.

“I think there is perhaps a bit more of a stigma,” says Rainer. “It might be a bit harder for bisexual men because that’s something a lot of people really don’t believe. I think heterosexual men get why women would be with men, and they get why women would be with women because they also find women hot.

But they don’t really understand why a man would want to be with a man.”

When considering why bisexuality appears to be more common in women than in men, Fisher brought up something that one of his students had proposed in class: “It might have something to do with the incredibly pervasive sexualization of women. We live in a stimulus environment, a media environment, an everything environment where women are highly sexualized.

“We talk often about how this affects men and how men relate to women as sexual beings and how the environment portrays them. And one of my students very wisely said, ‘well maybe this is taking to women. That women are learning to sexualize other women,’ ” says Fisher.

Bisexual identity continues to be a contested identity, even here on campus.

••••• When talking about how bisexual individuals fit into the LGBTQ community here at Western, Bruce-Burgess said she has not personally met anyone who identifies as bisexual, speculating that this is the case because of the aforementioned stereotypes and preconceived notions.

Oftentimes, when someone admits to being bisexual, people think of them as “fence sitters” or as people who just haven’t “picked a side” yet. However, many campus support services run educational programs with the goal of making campus a more inclusive space — particularly for LGBTQ individuals.

Residence staff and sophs receive extensive diversity training, using figures like the “genderbread person” to understand and explain sexuality and gender identity. While many great initiatives are taken to ensure the comfortability of all students, it seems that with such a complex and contested identity, there needs to be more programs specifically created in order to reaffirm and destigmatize bisexual identities here on campus. ■

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 33

SPOTLIGHT Identities

Illustrations by Jordan McGavin & Jennifer Feldman

By Moses Monterroza

34  SPOTLIGHT October 2015

The divide between how you feel inside and how people see you is fraught with fear, turmoil, rejection and now, finally, acceptance.

What it’s like to be a transgender student.

M

aking her way down those steep plane stairs and onto the tarmac of the New York airport, Christine Jorgensen finally returns from Copenhagen, Denmark. In front of her is a mob of reporters armed with cameras and notepads shouting inaudible questions. Dressed as elegantly as any 1950s woman, Jorgensen stands tall behind a podium and a row of microphones and says: “I’m very happy to be back, and I don’t have any plans at the moment and I thank you all for coming, but I think it’s too much.”

These words would go on to become famous, as they were spoken by the first man that successfully transitioned into a woman. They would

“

also symbolize the public struggle to wrap their heads around what they believed to be an oddity.

The questions, assertions, theories and medical pathologies that followed would all indefinitely become too much.

But things have changed since then. Very gradually, we are beginning to understand the complex and multifaceted nature of gender. We are slowly peeling away at the old-fashioned male and female binary and are exploring the reality of how people truly feel inside.

But while the momentum is good, we still have a long way to go. People continue to struggle with the idea that some simply cannot identify with the gender assigned to them at birth, and part of it is because of the infamous gender binary. ➤➤

I knew early as a kid that there was a difference and I began to experience it in public school where I had an inclination to play with girls as opposed to boys.

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 35

SPOTLIGHT Identities

W

omen’s studies professor Wendy Pearson has spent the bulk of her career studying and researching questions of identity, citizenship and belonging. She believes the notion of the gender binary is limiting and dangerous for those who cannot identify with it.

“The world doesn’t work for everybody,” she says. “If you keep people in a position where you’re forcing someone who feels masculine to act feminine or vice versa, you put them in a really difficult situation and the end results are often not very good. I think everybody has a right to live in a world that’s livable for them.”

And she’s right. Many people find themselves trapped in the worlds perceived by others. They are forced to play a part that they know isn’t who they are and in some cases this has proven to be detrimental.

Christine Jorgensen

“The rate of suicide amongst young people, both for reasons of sexuality and for gender identity, when they’re in oppressive situations, is so much higher,” Pearson says. “We should be trying to make those people’s lives better. We shouldn’t be trying to make them worse.”

At Western, however, the situation isn’t so dire.

For Noah Reid, a first-year engineering student, the campus and residence staff was incredibly welcoming.

“The residence people made sure I got in the right room,” Reid says. “They made sure everything worked out. If I got stuck in the traditional style with communal washrooms and if I had a roommate it would’ve been really uncomfortable.” For Reid, the challenge wasn’t so much the external pressure, but the internal conflict of discovering his true self. It wasn’t about how others perceived him, but figuring out who exactly he was. ➤➤

Stonewall Riots

first trans woman to become publicly famous in America

Riots that would cascade into a new demand for acceptance

1952

1969 John Hopkins Medical Centre opens first Gender Clinic

36 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

1966

The Compton Cafeteria Riots Trans women fight back against oppression and discrimination against police

1972 Sweden Legalizes Gender Reassignment

First country to allow people to legally correct their gender

I got lost for a while in trying to be more like a guy, you know? It can be kind of intimidating when you’re new to it, seeing that there’s stud, femme, butch, trans*, trans-masculine – there’s so many different kinds of people and sometimes it’s scary being new to it and just figuring it out, trying to find where you lie,” he says.

A common misconception with transgender people is that they’re changing themselves for others around them — that they desire to escape their true identity by completely altering their persona.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Transgender people are those who choose to manifest what has always been inside of them. It’s about the schism that exists between how you see yourself and how the world sees you. Hence for some, transitioning is the means of bringing out that inward identification that was once trapped.

Ann Teve, a fourth-year mature student at

Western, knows in an incredibly deep sense what it means to be a transgender person. She is 63 years old and transitioned at 55.

“I have the lived experience of a man,” she says.

Growing up in London, Teve describes herself as “the zenith of privilege.”

“Wherever I went everything was made to fit me,” she says. “I was white, reasonably good-looking, male, affluent and an educated person.”

Teve graduated from Western with an economics degree and thrived in a business world that seemed made for her. But ultimately, it wasn’t who she was. The difference Teve felt from within herself was something that slowly caught up to her in the later stages of life; however, she’s always dealt with that growing uncertainty.

“I knew early as a kid that there was a difference and I began to experience it in public school where I had an inclination to play with girls as opposed to boys,” Teve . ➤➤

Transgender Law Center Founded

Changing the laws and policies, the TLC made the first strides in creating equality

Kye Allums

First NCAA transgender athlete

2002

2010 2003 National Center for Transgender Equality Founded A group advocating for the equality of transgender people

2015 Ontario Makes Changes to Jail Housing System sexual traits

Inmates will be housed according to their own gender identity and not their physical sexual traits

October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 37

SPOTLIGHT Identities

But there was a point going into high school where all of a sudden, one’s inclinations became really important. You know, you should want to rough house and you should want to like football.”

It shouldn’t be a surprise that high school was the place where Teve’s conflict began. For many of us, we can remember with vivid accuracy the ways in which our personalities were regulated. Trying to be cool or trying to impress a girl or a guy, it is a time where we cling to an identity just to fit in.

University, on the other hand, takes that same premise and flips it. We come here to discover our true selves and to realize where our passions and beliefs truly lie. That is why when Teve returned to Western, she realized how incredible the university experience is.

“One of the interesting things about university is that it is a precursor of the development of identity because it throws in your face all sorts of people who are not the same as you,” says Teve.

“They’re from all over the world, from different ages, intellects and political attitudes.”

You’re consequently forced to restructure how you view the “other,” those who you know very

“ 38 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

little about. And in that moment there is a “dislocation [that] a person feels every single time they bump into somebody and say ‘wait a minute, that’s not what I was told,’” says Teve.

She continues, “We’re evolving as a society to be able to accommodate the variability of the population. And along with that is identity.”

The reason there is a clear opposition to the transgender community is the lack of that realization that is so commonly experienced in university. For many people, accepting that the foundations of our world are changing is a very scary thought.

But it shouldn’t be. We’ve made strides in civil rights and progressed exponentially in technology and science — hell, we’ve even seen Pluto and Mars. If in your mind there is a shred of doubt when it comes to accepting the changes of these times, you’re only doing yourself a disservice.

In the end, we all see ourselves differently than how others see us. We all search inwardly and endlessly for an identity that we can trust and feel comfortable in and we all expect a level of respect and decency from our fellow human beings.

In the end, we’re not so different after all. ■

One of the interesting things about university is that it is a precursor of the development of identity because it throws in your face all sorts of people who are not the same as you.

Holding G it in, letting it go

By Katie Lear

rowing up, I’d always loved my parents’ bedroom.

I think the allure had something to do with the transformative effect it had on them. Even from a young age, I could see the moment my mother stopped being a working woman and became my parent again, simply by changing into more comfortable clothes.

I remember one time in particular that I joined my mother upstairs to tell her about my day at school. Nothing of interest happened, but I was telling her anyway when I saw her, after exchanging slacks for sweatpants, let out a deep exhale.

Her posture relaxed, her stomach expanded and I was mystified — she looked like a different person. My mother saw my confusion but her explanations, while patient, did nothing to clear up the situation.

“Don’t worry,” she finally said to me, turning to go downstairs, “when you’re older, you’ll get used to sucking your stomach in.”

“Holding it in” would later become a theme for me.

I came of age in a sea of identical forest-green kilts and knee socks, attending an all-girls school in the heart of Toronto. It wasn’t the image of private schools that a lot of people conjure — we never had to take etiquette classes, thankfully — but it did encourage femininity in a few ways: Some of my earliest memories include mandatory ballet classes, I had to say a very bitter goodbye to the pants I loved as part of my uniform after grade six, the father-daughter dance was one of the highlights of the year and instead of graduation robes, our instructions were to wear white dresses when we finally reached the end of our high school days.

Predictably, I hit a bit of a culture shock when I reached Western, but not the kind everyone expected. I didn’t think guys were these martians that I couldn’t understand; I actually find it easier to make friends with guys, in some strange twist of irony. But I was distinctly aware of the difference between them and me. At school, we were all the same — all girls — so it was easier to be different within that context. I didn’t have to worry about being seen as a girl because that understanding was inherent within the school’s walls. I had more freedom to be the kind of woman that I wanted to be — which wasn’t the most feminine. It was easy to push against the “feminine” ideas I didn’t like back then, but now I felt the need to exhibit my gender. ➤➤

Photos by Kyle Porter October 2015 SPOTLIGHT 39

SPOTLIGHT Identities

S

o I sucked my stomach in. I had never worn a lot of makeup beyond formal dances, but I traded my cackling laugh for a tightly-wound smile and a tube of mascara. It wasn’t that I was trying to be stuffy — all the warnings in the world couldn’t keep me from gleefully swearing, despite how unladylike my mother said it was. But now that I was rubbing up against a very clear boundary between what my gender was and was not, I had to make my distinction clear.

I don’t know what the sense of urgency was. With long blonde hair and feminine features, I was in no danger of being mistaken for a guy, nor did I have the sense that such a mistake would be an epic disaster. My social circles didn’t encourage me to be feminine either. The only times I would be reminded of my gender from my friends would be from a place of concern, like little reminders from my male friends to text when I made it home, a reminder that the guys didn’t get.

I had grown up with these reminders from my parents and female friends, of course, but the dangers seemed more like a bogeyman than anything real. Instead of being smart about hearing these warnings from my male friends, I pushed back. I told them they were fretting, insisting on the lack of danger that came from walking along well-lit and busy roads.

It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate the concern, or didn’t hear the underlying message of “I care about you — be safe.” My resistance came from a place of deep personal shame.

The fact that a piece of who I was, a sex that had been assigned to me instead of chosen, could have an effect on my safety was infuriating. It presented me with limitations on what I could and could not do, how I could and could

40 SPOTLIGHT October 2015

not be seen and I took those limits as coming from a place of personal failing. Who I am is more than my gender, but who I could be had to fall into those lines.

The shame had never been just one thing; I could simultaneously pay strict mind to being the “right” kind of feminine had been instructed to be while actively resisting other pieces of gender identity I didn’t want to play by.

It’s interesting to see how common this shame is. As women, everything we’re told about being ‘feminine’ has to do with collapsing inwards. Suck your stomach in, swallow your words, make yourself smaller, don’t take up space. As if the end goal is to slip under the radar and, if you’re lucky, escape notice entirely.

But shame and anger are exhausting. Keeping track of self-imposed rules and fighting against breaking them is a task I performed every day for years, and the inner labour is fatiguing. Unhelpfully, there is no external recognition for playing by internal rules — no acknowledgement of the labour I was doing or any indication that it was the right thing to do after all.

On the flip side, when I did slip up, I saw that the world didn’t end. There was no gender police to break down the door and my mother certainly didn’t appear behind me the first time I had dared to say the word “fuck.” And for brief periods of time, I forgot to be shamed by my transgression and enjoyed a deep, personal sense of relief.

That’s the funny thing about human nature: Who you are has a habit of making itself known no matter how deep the hiding place. I found myself laughing — really laughing, for the first time in years, maybe — at a dumb thing a co-worker said and it didn’t sound like a warning siren.

I exhaled. ■

SPOTLIGHT Identities

4 SPOTLIGHT Wednesday, October 28, 2015