Tuesday, February 12, 2019 - Romance

FEB 12, 2019 | VOLUME 112 | ISSUE 20

Romance Issue

TABLE OF CONTENTS WELCOME

2 Letter from the editor

ON CONNECTION

3 4 6 7 8

The morning recap Confessions of a demisexual Flying blind Call off the search for true romance and just chill On mixing porn and romance: Good or bad?

LOVING TODAY

10 Dating as a millennial 12 All tied up in London’s BDSM scene 13 Drunk in love 16 Inside the relationship decisions lab 17 Your guide to being respectful at a gay bar 18 Sex survey 20 The most overlooked romance: Self-love 22 Attachment gallery

LOOKING OUTWARD

26 Allies on campus 28 Sex and religion 30 Ford’s policies crash into Western’s LGBTQ2+ community

LOVER’S LANE

33 Horoscopes for singles on Valentine’s Day 34 Great sex-capades of history 36 Three easy steps to writing a popular sex song 37 What Nickelback taught us about love 40 Keeping rosy with London flower

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

Welcome loved ones…

gazette presents February 2019 Volume 112 • Issue 20 ROMANCE ISSUE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Michael Conley DEPUTY EDITOR Lucas Sonke MANAGING EDITOR Mike DeBoer PHOTOGRAPHY Saxon Lane Lucy Villeneuve Adam Ibrahim Liam Afonso Michael Conley Noah Fainer Samit Khalsa Josh Merifield WRITERS Judy Basmaji Samantha Bloom Hannah Diebold Gabrielle Drolet Roveena Jassal Kristin Lee Maggie Little Carmen Mallia Charlie Marshall Katrina McCallum Drew McWhirter Stephanie Orlando Chris Paul Nousherwan Siddique Emily Tayler MODELS Janelle Allan Holly Clemas Victor Weitao Li Eric Sun GRAPHICS & LAYOUT Sissi Chen Kyra Karakatsanis Anastasiia Fedorova Kristin Lee Lucy Villeneuve COPY EDITORS Gabby Glasier Kaitlyn Lonnee Hope Mahood Shelby Rubin COMPOSING Ian Greaves, Manager Maja Anjoli-Bilic Robert Armstrong ADVERTISING Diana Watson FRONT COVER Lucy Villeneuve

... To the Gazette’s 2019 Romance Issue. Traditionally, this has been a Sex Issue, but we’re going for something fresh; like a Tinder bio you came up with yourself or a glass of water after a night of drinking cheap liquor.

Our theme this year is attachment.

We’ve aimed to present ways we associate with things inside and outside of relationships and how they relate to modern romance.

Through topics such as self-love, dating, allyship and Nickelback, we’ve attempted to provide a holistic view of attachment.

KRISTIN LEE GAZETTE And before we go further, a plug: as far as attachment goes, there’s no greater partner than your community. And there’s no better vehicle to get Western University students to theirs than the Gazette. From breaking news to indepth features to captivating videos, we are your main media source for all things Western. Student life makes us tick, today and forever.

Now, it seems our campus-based lives are governed by attachments. Caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, THC, sugar, porn and social media move our distracted souls from one day to the next until we reach nirvana (or a summer internship). As eight-hour sleeps, kale smoothies, daily exercise, platonic relations and phone-free lifestyles look down on us disapprovingly, we reach for higher habits in spite of the simple, sensual pull of our vices.

But hell, who can blame us? Students’ lives are stressful. High expectations, stiff competition, huge workloads and financial instability birth a condition that makes everyday life hugely challenging. We’re going to unpack. Whether it’s bingedrinking on Richmond Row or a three-hour workout followed by a slow, purposeful masturbation session, by God we’re unpacking.

Though, in a romantic sense, this can make things interesting. Our romantic pursuits may even be governed by the attachments we carry: does one pursue binge-drinking on Richmond Row because they long for one-night stands, or do they long for one-night stands because of their habitual binge drinking? Does it matter? I’m not sure, but I do know hangovers suck.

And that’s not to say that attachments are necessarily bad. If someone regularly watches porn to gain confidence before trying sex themselves, they should. If someone smokes weed daily under the recommendations of a doctor, more power to them.

We’re going to connect with something. Perhaps we need to individually police what those things are. And if they’re restricting our abilities to form healthy relationships, whether with ourselves, friends or intimate partners, maybe then we reconsider these connections; take a breath, turn the phone off, take a long hot shower (wait, is that a vice too?) and regroup before another day of deadlines and awkward conversations.

And with that, we hope you enjoy. Pour a coffee, pack a bowl, grab a treat or put in headphones and get comfortable.

This one’s for you, in all that you are.

• Michael Conley, Editor-in-Chief

You wake up in the morning, completely unaware of what time it is or how you got there. You try to open your eyes but struggle, because your crusty-ass mascara from the night before is holding them shut. You hit up the house group chat and send out that message: “WTF happened last night?” And that’s when the morning recap begins.

Every girl knows what I’m talking about when I say “the morning recap.”

It’s like a combination of a Sportsnet highlight reel and the misplays of the week all in one. It’s that blissful morning meet-up where girls remember (or try to forget) the events of the night before.

Eventually all your roommates make it to your room. One spent the night somewhere else, one lost her Juul, one yacked, one rolls in fully dressed in her outfit from the night before and one just straight up remembers absolutely nothing at all.

After a night out, we always ask ourselves those classic questions like “How did I get so drunk?” or “How did

The Morning Recap Stephanie Orlando

we even get home?” or even “Wait…

Oh my god… Did I stick my finger in his ass?”

While you’re all sitting together, each bringing up different parts of the night, the blackout moments suddenly start coming back. Your roommate looks at you and asks, “Why the fuck did I go up to him and ask him why he stares at me at the library?” And suddenly you remember that you also told the boy your roommate has been talking to that “he is no stranger to the group chat.” Then everyone dies because one of you literally went up to a guy and said, “I’m going to fuck you tonight.”

Sorry, what? Since when did everyone get so confident? It must have been all fun and games the night before, but it’s terrifying when you discuss it during the morning recap.

The liquid courage was potent the night before. And you start to question everything — the biggest questions being, who the fuck do we think we are and what gives us the right?

So then your roommate — who is

complaining that her ass cheek is burning — pulls down her pants and reveals a bruise in the shape of a handprint.

Yep, full palm and all five fingers. It’s all coming back to her now, and she gives you the run down on the wackass sex she had the night before. Then your other roommate comes running into the room, dying laughing, because a condom literally just fell out of her vagina… for the second time. Everyone rips on her for how gross that is, but I mean, hey, at least she used protection this time, right?

Everyone’s laughing at the stupid shit that was said and done the night before, when suddenly, someone gets a text from an unknown number: a boy.

I’m not going to lie, boys — if you bought a drink, talked to or even made some kind of eye contact with one of the girls, you’re going to be part of the recap. No one is safe from the morning recap.

You get the guy’s first name, and suddenly all the girls become Inspector fucking Gadget, trying to figure out who he is. We’re stalking Instagrams; we’re checking Facebook; we’re looking for mutual friends. We might even check out your LinkedIn. But then, finally, someone strikes gold, and this motherfucker is found.

So we establish if we’re into it or not. And when I say “we,” I seriously mean “we.” If you text a girl the next day, you are texting the entire friend group. Every text you receive has gone through at least two to three other girls before it gets to you.

I could go on for days about the shit we talk about during the recap. So much so that I can’t even fit it all in this article. Not even close. And now, no boy is ever going to talk to me or my roommates again. But, hey, being ignored is just another thing to talk about during the morning recap.

February 2019 ON CONNECTION 3

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

D A F O S N O I S S E F N O C ASMA J U DY B

L A U X E E MIS

JI

Truth or dare. The game of shameless questions and brazen actions we all played growing up.

While others unabashedly shared what celebrities they wanted to kiss (or fuck, when we got a little older) and hotness ratings of people we knew, over and over again, I would be stuck explaining why I simply could not answer these questions.

How could I make them understand that the idea of being physically intimate in any way with someone I don’t personally know is really repulsive to me, no matter how “hot” they are? How could I explain that how “hot” people are to me is deeply, intimately intertwined with how much I like them as people? That, in my mind, it is impossible to detach hotness from personality?

“What does that even mean?” my friends would say, rolling their eyes.

“Stop overthinking everything and just answer the question!”

As my girlfriends would share and gush over shirtless images of sweaty

4 ON CONNECTION February 2019

men with six-pack abs and carefully tussled hair, I would look away with blatant indifference and, in retrospect, a lack of comprehension. I had no idea what they were talking about, and I did not care to understand.

From a young age, I could never naturally describe people of the opposite sex as “hot” or “sexy.” In fact, the words made me somewhat uncomfortable because they felt too sexual. Rather, I would use words such as “cute” or “attractive” as I would develop romance-dominated, intense crushes.

That is not to say that I don’t experience sexual attraction — only that it is limited to the select few individuals I’ve liked liked in my life. And this is certainly not to say that my sexual drive is weaker than others’, but that I can only express it with a handful of people. Otherwise, the concept of getting physical with someone is cringe-worthy.

Needless to say, the workings of hookup culture are beyond me. Onenight stands, make-out

sessions with strangers and summer flings are all baffling wonders of life that I have come to accept.

Flirting is not a language I speak, and emotional and physical connection are so interconnected for me, they seem to be almost one and the same.

I recently found out there is a word for people like me: demisexual. It was eye-opening to realize my tendencies are shared by more than a few others, as I read article after article about signs of demisexuality, thinking “OMG, that’s me! That’s SO me!” Finally, it all made sense.

But I must say, the realization and the label do not mean very much to me for the simple reason that I was never particularly made to feel like a misfit.

While the people around me realized I was unique in some ways, they’ve accepted me the way I am.

Although this acceptance might not have always stemmed from the right places, it served its purpose. My apparent lack of sexual expression and preference for com-

mitted relationships is considered a virtue for a woman in the conservative culture I grew up in. Oftentimes, it even seemed to appease the egos of men who have not made peace with the fact that women have sexual desires as strong and diverse as their own.

And yet, this acceptance and my response to it makes me wonder whether individuals from sexual minorities would feel less of a need to identify and label their tendencies if they had been shown more acceptance in their lives. Perhaps they would feel less of a need to find a category where they fit in and to seek comfort from those who are like them if they did not feel like they had to fight for that acceptance.

Before I am a demisexual, I am simply a person who experiences sexual attraction in a unique way, as do countless others. There will never be enough categories to encompass the infinite uniqueness of people’s experiences — so let’s just embrace them.

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February 2019 ON CONNECTION 5

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

I was a little skeptical about going on a blind date at first, but I figured it could be a new and interesting experience. Besides, this is probably the only time it will ever happen, considering how easy it is to lurk people on Instagram or Tinder. The only thing I was told was that he had a really nice personality, so I was hopeful, to say the least.

Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case for our sever at Toboggan.

Before leaving, I messaged to make sure he was all good to go, but to my surprise, he was already at the restaurant.

When my Uber got there, I rushed to open the big wooden doors of the restaurant and quickly apologized to him for coming late. He was very sweet and understanding about it.

We sat down and immediately started talking, but the waiter seemed a little sassy when we hadn’t decided what we wanted to order for drinks or food yet.

He was easy to talk to, and it was nice getting to know a new person. Beyond the basic questions about our programs and home life, our common interests, such as sports, were what held the conversation. Fun fact:

6 ON CONNECTION February 2019

he and his roommates have collectively created a 400-can beer wall.

It was still pretty early by the time we finished dinner so he suggested we go to Roli Poli, an ice cream shop in downtown, but it was pouring rain. Instead, we sprinted over to Marble Slab.

By the way he offered to pay for ice cream and dinner, I could tell he was really generous. We sat down with my chocolate brownie ice cream and his own creation and continued talking.

I wasn’t sure if it was the horrible weather or our dislikeable faces, but the staff here was also not very hospitable.

We ended the night by contemplating going to Jack’s, so I decided to invite him and his friends to my house to predrink. Instead, we both went our separate ways, to my relief, since my roommates would have scared him away anyway.

I barely saw him at the bar later because I was being a friend-sitter all night, so I hope he understood. Besides, chicks before dicks. Even if luck wasn’t on our side at any of the places we went to, it was better than my awkward Grade 12 date to the movies.

When I was first asked if I wanted to go on a blind date, I was open to it. It honestly sounded like fun, and I figured I might as well give it a chance. I thought it would be a good idea to try it out and meet someone new while doing it. I don’t see why I wouldn’t go on another blind date in the future, as this one, I would say, was an overall success.

I think there’s something special about the pre-date mix of excitement and nervousness that’s a little different with a blind date than a regular date.

I had no reason to resist going, really, so I thought “Why not!”

This being the first blind date that I had ever been on, I was both nervous and excited. I was nervous mostly because I didn’t know what to expect, but at the same time, I was excited for the same reason — not knowing what to expect. My nerves subsided when we first met each other.

When I got to the restaurant, I remember thinking she was cute when she first walked in, and I liked how she said hello and went in for a hug — it was comforting and a warm way to start a date. Unfortunately, the restaurant we went to was

closing down early, giving us only about an hour for our date, which was a bit of a curveball. It ended up not being a big deal, because we were done by the time they started closing and we went to get ice cream afterward since we didn’t have time to sit and chat after eating. It was unexpected, but it worked out in the end! Overall, the whole date was as comfortable as it could’ve been given the situation.

Both of us were probably slightly tense at the beginning, but overall the night started off well. I was glad that conversation never really ran dry, which often happens during first dates. Luckily the classic, “What year are you in? What’s your program?” led to lots to talk about, so I don’t remember there ever being an awkwardly long period of silence. We both kept the conversation going smoothly, which was great!

I think the date was an overall success; other than the restaurant being closed early, everything went really well. I had a really good time with Drew and we enjoyed the night.

I’m thinking there’s a good possibility of a second date!

Call off the search for true romance and just

chill

Carmen Mallia

Having a number of single friends who go out to clubs and bars for the sole purpose of finding short-term romance in the form of hookups and one night stands, I have a piercing insight into the hopelessly romantic individual.

The ones who dream up a hypothetical relationship with a partner they have yet to meet: “the one” who will change their lives forever. The typical fairytale story starts with a friend locking eyes with their soonto-be partner-in-crime, either at the nightclub or online through Tinder. Next thing you know, they’re dreaming up the rest of their lives with this individual.

Sure, they may be successful in solidifying one or two dates at a coffee shop or the mall, but beyond that, the relationship usually fizzles away like a deflated balloon.

These impassioned friends aren’t simply looking for a string of promiscuous sexual opportunities, but to meet the person they’ve dreamed about.

Yet, most times these late-night hookups and one-off dates will end with them breaking it off over a trivial argument or, even worse, being ghosted, left in the dark to decipher how things fell apart.

If you ask me, you’re setting yourself up for failure if you think this fantastical romance is something that’s tangible, because the reality is that it’s not something (or someone) you can hold in your hand, especially if you’re pursuing such attraction on a belligerent dance floor or through dating apps, which are much more frivolous than the online world says they are.

Love, an intense feeling of deep affection, is incredibly different from romance. Sure, romance is a major part of love, but love can thrive without romance. In contrast, romance doesn’t last long without love. While a healthy relationship may consist of the coexistence of love and romance, the latter pales in comparison during a relationship to the former.

Romance can be dramatically destructive.

It’s the impulse to ditch your friends for a girl you spent less than 20 minutes with at Frogs. It’s the urge to use the rest of your overdraft money to dish out for a romantic night at an Italian restaurant. In short, it’s a foolish path, unless you truly find happiness in short-term hookups or the walk of shame. But the romantic daydream of the unmet lover is simply a refuge from the true feeling of love.

The desire of romance — the feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love — is only a small part of a long-term relationship. If you’re really looking for an

abiding relationship, lock yourself in for a rollercoaster of emotions from boredom to sexual allure and anger to cheerfulness.

Psychologists maintain that the dizzying endurance of intense romance can only last between 18 months to a maximum of four years. While the rush of romance may be euphoric, this dream is inevitably always broken — for better or for worse.

We live in a world of increasing sexual and social isolation — online porn has been around for as long as millennials can remember, there are dating apps for just about every demographic imaginable and Toronto even has its very own sex doll brothel. Innovations in technology make the possibilities of romance seem endless, but these are just a facade — smoke and mirrors — hiding the true reality of love. They are alienating us from our real desires and manipulating us into a benign romantic illusion that inevitably leads to disappointment.

But romance continues to endure. People think that they can find the love of their life by scrolling left and right for hours, sifting through hopeful smiles from attractive potential partners. But as noted by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, professor of business psychology at University College London in England, digital eligibility exceeds physical eligibility. Put simply, the “rocket” you found on Tinder will inevitably fall short of your expectations. Your parents probably told you to believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. Well, if you’re using a dating app, just call bullshit on everything.

It may seem like you’re spoiled with choices, but you’re still single, right?

Well, my suggestion? Just chill. Eventually you’ll meet someone. I’m not discouraging you from seeking out those romantic flings, but don’t expect to find your soulmate online or at The Ceeps.

From my experience, a great relationship is about honest communication, patience, loyalty and amusement. For me and my girlfriend of two-and-a-half years, the romance continues to persist in waves, entangled with a number of other emotional feelings and activities, like chatting endlessly about nerdy movies or long-term goals, joking around about stupid shit and always trying to understand each others’ perspectives.

Just keep your head up this Valentine’s Day and try not to think about your singleness as an existential void you have to fill with a desperate romance. Just chill out, and the love of your life will come your way. You won’t see it coming, but once you realize that you have something special with them, you won’t want to turn back.

February 2019 ON CONNECTION 7

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

On mixing porn and romance: good or bad?

Judy Basmaji Have you ever experienced guilt for watching porn while in a relationship with a significant other or even felt the need to hide the fact from them? Like many others, you are likely the unwitting consumer of deeply embedded cultural misconceptions that emphasize the negative impacts of pornography use on the quality of romantic relationships.

The internet seems to be jammed with arguments on why you should not let your partner watch porn, what it means for your sexual attraction to one another and, even, why it is a form of virtual infidelity. Science, on the other hand, begs to differ with these widespread beliefs, according to Western University professor and pornography expert Taylor Kohut.

Kohut’s research shows that people report more positive than negative effects of using pornography within relationships. Although pornography use is correlated with poor relationship functioning to some extent, it is unclear whether this is directly caused by porn consumption.

“One possibility is that using pornography decreases your satisfaction with your sex life; another possibility is that when you have low satisfaction with your sex life, you turn to pornography as a substitute,” explained Kohut. “And currently, not just in my research, but in the research that exists in the published record, we don’t do a good job of disentangling those two possibilities.”

8 ON CONNECTION February 2019

Kohut emphasized other research gaps in terms of considering third-effect confounding variables that might be mediating the relationship between porn use and relationship quality.

For example, he explained a recent study showed that frequency of masturbation is correlated with lower relationship happiness, and once it is controlled for, the negative association between porn use and relational happiness not only disappears, but evidence points to a slight positive association.

Kohut’s more recent findings indicate that relationship functioning tends to be lower when one partner views porn and the other does not, compared to cases where either both or neither partners use porn.

“If people are similar in their behaviours with respect to porn use, it appears that they don’t suffer these detriments that you might expect,” he said.

In terms of pornography’s positive effects, people report it introduces novelty and elements of exploration to sexual relationships and helps them learn what they like and don’t like.

This is particularly true for sexual minorities, explained Kohut, who often come to understand their sexual differences and other identity-related information through pornography. Further, porn use can help facilitate sexual relationships under specific conditions, such as sexual dysfunctions.

Why do we think porn is bad for relationships?

Considering the limited research that links porn use to relationship ruin, the prevalence of these beliefs can be startling. Kohut attributes these misconceptions to several factors. Specifically, research on popular media discussions of pornography use shows they often centre on its harms with respect to sex addiction and porn addiction, as well as relationships.

“We are what we eat,” he said. “If you’re consuming media every day, that’s telling you that you should be scared of porn, you’re going to be more scared of porn.”

Further, he explained the fear of sexual representations stems from the Judeo-Christian roots of Western culture. The Roman Empire was replete with pornographic imagery presented on walls, murals, pottery and mosaics, all of which was censored once the empire was overcome by Christianity.

For this reason, views of sexual morality are tied to dominant religious views.

Other factors that shed a negative light on pornography and contribute to these misconceptions involve concerns over the role of pornography

in promoting the devaluation and subjugation of women in both sexual and non-sexual ways, explained Kohut.

In addition, recent years have seen a rise in concerns and discussions over sex addiction, which has created a booming industry for treatments.

“There is now a fairly large and lucrative treatment industry that is based around treating people with sex and pornography addictions, and it is in their best economic interest to continue to promote the idea that pornography is harmful in various aspects of people’s lives, including their relationships,” said Kohut.

While these factors all shed a far-reaching negative light on porn use, only you can judge the impact of pornography on your relationship with your partner.

Kohut explained the significance of considering whether it is truly problematic or you just think it is because of the guilt or anxiety that you might feel.

He emphasized the importance of having these discussions early on in a committed relationship.

“The best advice is to talk to your partner, find out what their expectations are and, if you disagree with your partner, to negotiate boundaries on your behaviour that you both find acceptable,” he said.

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February 2019 ON CONNECTION 9

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

Dating as a millennial Kristin Lee

G

hosting, orbiting, Tinder, Grindr, Snap map?

Relationships have always been confusing, but with social media, they’re downright cryptic.

Logging in to the world of social media is part of most of our lives. From posting MSN statuses with our significant other’s name to officializing our relationship on Facebook to finding the perfect match on Tinder, technology and social media have also found their way into our romantic lives, allowing us to meet new romances or connect with people regardless of physical location, and it’s a good way to communicate with others instantly.

However, when it comes to the pervasive nature of technology in our dating lives, it’s not all roses and butterflies, like the kind you get when you’re in love.

These apps and platforms, which facilitate instant communication, also intrudes on our romantic ideals as ghosting and orbiting become more common.

Ghosting — when someone ends a relationship and all communication with no explanation — can happen in-person, but according to students who’ve experienced this social media phenomenon, it can hurt your self-esteem more significantly when it happens on social media.

“In person, it doesn’t really matter because you see people you know every day, and you never talk to them, so it’s the same thing,” says Jahleel Mckenzie, a second-year student in health sciences student of Western University, who has been ghosted before.

“I feel like, with social media, … it becomes a lot more clear when you’re actively trying to avoid someone, so I feel like it almost hurts someone more,” says Zoe Rajwani, a fifth-year management and organizational studies student at Western.

With orbiting, which the New York Times defines as “digitally observing a prospective love interest or an ex online,” you’re seeing a lot more people who are unable to move on from their love lives because social media makes it possible for you to access people’s profiles instantly.

“I definitely know friends who very strategically do stuff like that,” says Rajwani, who feels that social media enables this behaviour. “It’s harder to move on and develop positive relationships from there. If you’re constantly fretting about what your ex is doing or trying to make them feel jealous, it’s kind of toxic for your own mental health.”

10 LOVING TODAY February 2019

People orbit because they want to know what their lovers or exes are doing. Jennifer Miller, a first-year kinesiology student, knowing that orbiting her ex meant she was hanging on to them too long, deleted that person off her Snapchat.

“My best friend back home is constantly lurking her ex on Snapchat and looking at his Snap map, and it’s very unhealthy,” says Miller.

Snap map is a feature on Snapchat that allows you to see where your friends — or exes — are at all times.

Mckenzie, who does not take dating apps seriously and would prefer to look for love in real life, also points out that these are things you wouldn’t notice if you didn’t have social media, so in a way, he says we’re playing into it as well.

Miller feels peple are too scared to talk to others in-person, so they are more inclined to do it hiding behind a screen. She’s concerned we’re starting to lose communication through face-to-face interactions and replacing them with interactions through technology, where we fuss over whoever our number one Snapchat best friend is.

As a result, we aren’t able to thoroughly express how we feel — the lack of visible body language being one of the big reasons why we encounter miscommunication, as Miller experiences. In other words, your words could easily be misinterpreted by the other person based on the way they read it, causing tension that wasn’t there to begin with.

But our words aren’t the only things susceptible to misinterpretation. Our intentions could become misunderstood as all parties struggle to decipher what each Snapchat and message could mean, and orbiting tends to have this effect. “[People] will do certain things, like watch your story or post on their story, but it’s all subliminal messages. So they’re kind of hinting at you, but they don’t want to necessarily say that they are,” says Mckenzie, previously in a four-month relationship initiated through Snapchat.

With dating separated from social media, there’s more face-to-face interaction, making it less likely to have miscommunication issues. It does take longer to build relationships, but it ensures your partner’s physical presence and doesn’t leave you wondering what’s taking them so long to reply.

W

ith technology in the picture, relationships are built a lot quicker because of the constant and instant communication.

But if you think you’re getting to know a person on social media, chances are that you still don’t know who they really are. Mckenzie believes technology-based modern dating limits how far your relationship can go because you can’t fully know someone through their social media profile, and Rajwani agrees.

“It’s important to ground yourself and understand that social media only presents part of the story,” says Rajwani. “With real life interactions, they’re more rich.”

As social media becomes a prominent place to display life’s best moments, it’s likely skimming the surface of the lived reality, which might have more stress, pressures and problems. So getting to know someone quickly wastes less of your time and allows you to determine if this person could be a potential match for you; on the flip side, things could be moving too fast and the next thing you know, you might be trapped in a 50-day streak with an obligation to stay.

But even in a relationship, you aren’t in the clear. And believe it or not, it can get more toxic.

“Because we’re so involved with technology, relationships don’t get that space to be away from each other,

so it doesn’t enhance that whole missing feeling,” says Mckenzie. “It can also cause people to get bored of each other really quickly.”

Since social media mediates such instant communication, Rajwani experiences pressure to constantly communicate and finds it difficult to find personal time.

Mckenzie is also concerned with the fact that social media enables people and couples to deceive each other, making lying easier to do as their partner isn’t directly in front of them.

On social media, everything appears to be perfectly normal, but things rarely seem to match up with reality — so much so that we lose touch with who we really are and start to live our reality through social media.

“It’s really hard to separate social media from your real life, but if you can separate the two, it can have a positive effect, because if you don’t take social media like it’s real life and you treat it as just social media, the things that happen on there are less likely to affect you in your everyday life,” says Mckenzie. “Sometimes, you can just take a break and delete the apps and just allow yourself to connect with your reality, and that could have a positive effect.”

Maybe it’s time to log off.

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D O N’ S N O L N I P A L L TI E D U

B DS M SCE NE

Emily Tayler

* Names have been changed to protect the privacy of individual COURTESY OF SPOT OF DELIGHT

BDSM, representing bondage, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism, isn’t all Fifty Shades of Grey cuts it out to be.

BDSM has become a household term thanks to the popular franchise, but it’s not all contracts and private jets like the movie. In fact, according to Mina*, a fifth-year microbiology and immunology student interested in BDSM, the movie only perpetuates stereotypes.

“I think it puts a lot of expectations on the male side of a partnership to have knowledge or be a specific role in a relationship,” she explains. “And I think that it really doesn’t play to men who want to be dominated or to men who want to switch.”

Although she’s glad the movie has piqued an interest in exploring sexuality, she hopes people don’t take the movie at face value. Her biggest concern isn’t with the unrealistic nature of Christian Grey’s demanding contracts, but rather with Anna’s, the protagonist of the franchise, lack of education and research on BDSM. “She should be educating herself as much as he’s educating himself,” Mina exclaims.

Similar to studying biology, Mina makes sure to read up on new BDSM activities before attempting anything. After stumbling upon a kinky adult book series as a teen, Mina was interested in BDSM as a sort of secret fantasy. She only started to actually consider it as a realistic option after reading everything she could on the topic about two years ago.

“You would never want to jump right into a scene, in my opinion, because there’s a lot that could go wrong. You can never learn too much about something, even with something like rope play;… there’s different types of rope stitch,”

12 LOVING TODAY February 2019

Mina says.

Doing research is important even in a situation where people assume they know what to do. As Mina explains, rope play seems simple enough, but you may end up using the wrong kind of rope if you don’t research it beforehand.

“If you use a silk rope, that knot’s going to tie really tight, and you’re potentially cutting off circulation, so you don’t want to use a silk rope,” she instructs. “Same thing with cotton; you want to use a nylon rope or if you want it to be a little scratchier, you want to use a hemp rope.”

Mina conducted most of her research online and by connecting with members of the local BDSM community. She mentions the website FetLife as a sort of Facebook for kinky people, allowing members of the community to connect online — either to meet in person or to spread factual information about how to safely explore different fetishes. About once a month, people interested in BDSM meet for a munch: going to lunch together to form a community and disseminate information.

Mina has had a positive experience with the online BDSM community, saying that BDSM has forced her to become more open about discussing sex. Communication is a key pillar in all sex, but especially when there’s kink involved.

Exploring fetishes requires open communication and conversation between partners. Mina says that this increase of connection has made her more confident sexually and, overall, more sex-positive.

“I think sex-positivity is all about BDSM. Because to be able to be submissive to someone, you have to be really confident in who you are as a person and confident in your body, and you have to be really trusting in the other person,” she says. “And same thing goes for being

a dom; you have to gain that trust — you have to give that trust back to them.”

Mina also attributes this growth of confidence to the focus on pleasure in BDSM. Since there is the opportunity to openly communicate sexual preferences, whether that be pleasure or pain, there is an increased focus on performing acts tailored to their partner’s likes and dislikes.

“Female pleasure is way destigmatized in BDSM. When you’re doing things like, you know, licking feet or anal or dripping wax on someone,… all of a sudden, the vagina is not so intimidating. It sort of normalizes [female pleasure] a bit more.”

That’s not to say that BDSM is completely stigma-free in society, but Mina suggests that members of the BDSM community like it this way. She suggests that part of the fun is knowing you’re partaking in something subversive to society.

“You get a bit of a high from doing what’s not allowed,” she suggests. “Like when you’re a kid and you steal from the candy jar. It’s not candy, but what you did was bad, and it gives a little bit of extra sweetness to the candy because you had to work for it.”

BDSM is about consent, communication and safety as much as it’s about enjoying pleasure, which is often a misunderstanding both within and outside of the community. According to Mina, the main point is getting to explore the taboo part of society and sex. “[BDSM]’s not, in my opinion, even necessarily about sex; there’s a lot more about the lead-up to sex and the activities and the connecting to each other and the give and take of the control and your interaction with that person,” Mina says.

“And then, you know, if you have sex afterward, that’s cool.”

n i k n ru e

Littl e i g g a M

D

Navigating sex and relationships as a young adult, in or out of a university setting, can be nuanced, fun, frustrating and sometimes overwhelming. A plethora of factors go into initiating sex for young adults. Am I attracted to them? What’s the atmosphere like? Do we have common interests? When was the last time I had sex? Are they playing hard to get? Did they like my Instagram photo?

Alcohol is often blamed as a factor that impairs sexual decisions, which often means liquid courage becomes liquid scapegoat. But does alcohol play as big a factor as we think?

If we were to exclusively evaluate the influence of booze on sex from country lyrics, the answer would undoubtedly be, yes, alcohol is a major factor.

Lyrics like, “Hold my beer while I kiss your girlfriend,” or Carrie Underwood’s infamous line, “Right now, she’s probably saying ‘I’m drunk,’ and he’s a-thinking that he’s gonna get lucky,” directly correlate instances of cheating and unclear consent to drinking.

The truthful answer of this correlation is, as always, more complex than a simple yes or no.

When asked if alcohol affects her romantic or sexual decisions, Olivia*, a fourth-year Ivey student, laughs and responds.

“Yeah, I’ll get drunk and kiss you,” she says. A comical answer, but people may be surprised that the causation of alcohol and riskier sex is not as strong as we’ve been conditioned to believe.

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ROMANCEMAGAZINE

B

ill Fisher, a Western University professor of psychology, obstetrics and gynaecology, emphasizes that prior to the involvement of alcohol, the romantic engagements of Canadians aged 15 to 24 are already quite risky.

Looking at four specific categories — consent, contraception, cheating and pleasure — the Canadian university demographic performs poorly even while stone-cold sober.

Contraception is not used 100 per cent of the time, and sex generally does not involve affirmative consent, has low pleasure ratings and often involves excursions outside of relationship boundaries.

“The question of whether alcohol impairs an already problematic pattern of behaviour is one I would put into perspective,” Fisher remarks.

Direct physiological effects involve diminished cognitive processes, unclear thinking, blurred vision and slurred speaking, which isn’t news to anyone who has had a few beers.

Alcohol also causes an increase in risk-taking behaviours, which is compensated for when an individual is aware of their consumption.

Indirectly, alcohol creates a psychological expectation that impairs cognition and increases risk-taking.

One study found that the mere belief that one had consumed alcohol (when they had in fact received a placebo) exhibited slower reaction times and attention deficiency. The results support the notion that thinking you’re drinking facilitates the same cognitive impairment and behaviour as actually drinking. There haven’t been any conclusions on whether risk-taking after alcohol consuption is also driven by a psychological component.

Another consideration is the environment in which alcohol consumption often takes place: nameless bars, fraternity houses, costume parties — often the architecture of these spaces is designed to depersonalize and dehumanize.

The sensory overload — deafening music, bright lights and cramped spaces — also amplifies these effects. The resulting anonymity of the atmosphere is liberating and promotes sexual risk-taking, regardless of the involvement of alcohol.

14 LOVING TODAY February 2019

“I don’t think drinking helps people engage in safer sex, but it’s probably not as robust a cause as people think; let’s just be clear that we are already in a setting where we could improve consent, contraception and relationship boundaries,” says Fisher.

Fisher is all too familiar with poor performance from young people in rudimentary categories of sexual health. Over the course of his teaching career, he’s had students ask him for advice about safe sex or consent and be surprised with his simple and rational answers; such as, yes, you should use condoms and consent should be explicit.

Unfortunately, the Canadian university demographic walks a dangerous line between being comfortable enough to engage in sex and too apprehensive to openly discuss it.

For example, expressing and obtaining consent should be at the forefront of our sexual endeavours. Instead, the language used among young people to initiate sex is coded and indirect. These fundamental issues in consent conversations are not improved by alcohol, but are also not eliminated when individuals are sober.

When asked about pursuing girls, Chris*, a fourth-year management and organizational studies student at Western, could not identify strong differences in methods when he is intoxicated. “I would say my pick-up lines are pretty much the same when I’m drunk [versus sober].” Chris says he uses indirect one-liners to initiate an attempted hookup.

Chris refers to pick-up lines like, “Want to get out of here?” or, “What are you doing later?” as his go-tos. These are commonplace lines that young adults may think are coy and playful, when in reality they leave both parties confused and possibly on different pages.

In terms of contraception, it’s widely joked about among young adults that condoms shouldn’t be used.

There are many things that fuel this belief, such as a lack of education or notions that protection interrupts the mood and makes sex less pleasurable.

In 2010, Statistics Canada found that 68 per cent of sexually active 15- to 24-year-olds reported using condoms the last time they had sex. Another study did not find any correlation between alcohol consumption and less frequent condom use in any population studied.

W

hen examining relationship boundaries, there are no studies to date that have causally related drinking to cheating. Without alcohol, Fisher’s survey research shows about a 20 per cent chance of university age students having sex with someone outside of their relationship.

A third-year Ivey student, Samir*, believes that the correlation between alcohol and cheating is minimal.

“Relationship boundaries should be pre-determined and, [even when intoxicated], should not be strayed from,” says Samir.

Physiologically, things are more clear.

Research correlating sexual pleasure and alcohol consumption is far more conclusive. In men, everything slows down: orgasms take longer, are more difficult to achieve and the overall experience is less pleasurable. Similarly, women take longer to and have higher difficulty orgasming. The overall experience for women, however, is more pleasurable.

It may be that woemen experience more pleasure due to lower inhibitions translating into confidence. This is true of Olivia, who immediately attributed her ability to be sexually assertive with intoxication.

Overall, alcohol certainly works as a social lubricant that liberates

inhibitions. It doesn’t improve aspects of sex with respect to contraception, consent boundaries and physiological response. But is alcohol a major factor in impairing sexual decisions?

Fisher doesn’t believe so. “We’re not doing very well on any of those fronts, anyway.” *Names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

February 2019 LOVING TODAY 15

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

Inside the Relationship Decisions Lab Judy Basmaji

”

People expect to regret the relationships they don’t pursue even more than they expect to regret asking someone out and being rejected.

SAMANTHA JOEL

Assistant psychology professor at Western and director of the Relationship Decisions Lab

F

rom first dates to new commitments to keeping the spark alive, many people spend the better part of their lives in a hopeful search for a romantic partner. When do people choose to invest in a partner? to give up? to try again? How do they determine “the one”?

Samantha Joel, assistant psychology professor at Western University and director of the Relationship Decisions Lab, attempts to answer these questions by studying relationships choices through a scientific lens.

“Most people wind up in long-term relationships, and to wind up in that relationship, you have to make this very specific series of decisions at every juncture. You have to choose that person, and I want to understand why,” says Joel.

As one might expect, however, answers concerning matters of the heart can be difficult to pin down. People are nowhere near as predictable as they believe themselves to be, as Joel’s research shows.

She explains that people say they have standards and deal breakers — a list of traits they would ideally want in a partner. In one study, Joel had participants answer a series of questionnaires about preferences before matching

16 LOVING TODAY February 2019

them with each other for four-minute dates. She found that zero per cent of who liked whom could be predicted by their answers.

“These things that people say they’re making these decisions based on don’t actually seem to be factoring into their decisions,” says Joel. “So what are the decisions based on? We don’t know, but it’s probably some feature of the interaction itself, like you meet someone and you either click or you don’t.”

While Joel’s findings can challenge common conceptions related to romance in this way, they can also align with them on other occasions. In particular, one study on people’s fear of rejection when starting new relationships provided validity to the saying “Better an ‘oops’ than a ‘what if.’ ” Participants asked to recall a regrettable dating experience were more than three times as likely to recall a missed opportunity than a rejection. They were also more likely to risk rejection than missed opportunities in both hypothetical and actual romantic decisions.

“People expect to regret the relationships they don’t pursue even more than they expect to regret asking someone out and being rejected,” says Joel.

More significantly, one of Joel’s most consistent findings doubles as a pos-

itive and negative: people’s altruistic nature. Simply put, people really care about their present or potential partner’s feelings. This can lead to a range of behaviours from agreeing to dates they don’t want to go on to staying in unfulfilling or even miserable relationships for the sake of a dependent or committed partner.

“People have basic pro-social tendencies, and it’s really not that surprising in retrospect that they extend to romantic relationships,” says Joel. “I think that, in Western culture, we have an assumption that people make decisions in a really self-interested way,… but that’s not the case.”

Currently, Joel is in the recruitment stage of a large-scale project that looks into how people decide to invest in new relationships and how they develop over time. The study will track the relationships over six months through weekly surveys.

Joel explaines this field of research is fairly new and significantly understudied thus far. She hopes to find some satisfying answers to why and how people pair up over the next few decades.

“I think there’s a lot more we don’t know than we do know,” says Joel.

“We’ve really just scratched the surface of understanding relationships.”

r a b y a g a t a l u f t c e p s e r g in e b

YOUR GUIDE TO

GABRIELLE DROLET

Y

ou’re at a gay bar. A drag queen is lip-syncing to Britney Spears on stage and you’re drinking your vodka cranberry, when suddenly you hear it: across the crowd, someone yells “I’m not gay, but my roommate is! And I just love RuPaul!”

If you’re a member of the LGBTQ2+ community, these types of proclamations can be both repetitive and exhausting. Because while allyship is important, it’s equally important for straight people in queer spaces to be mindful of those around them.

Here’s a brief guide to being respectful as a straight person spending their night out at a gay bar — because while you might think you’re playing it cool, chances are you’re making people uncomfortable.

CHECK YOURSELF

Remember where you are. Because while you’re more than welcome to spend your night out at a Lavish drag show, you have to keep in mind that this space wasn’t designed with you in mind. Gay bars have a long and important history — they were hard-fought for, and they continue to be important for people who don’t always feel safe at straight bars (read: most bars).

QUIET DOWN

We get it — you’re straight! You’re here because you love

RuPaul’s Drag Race and you’ve seen every episode of Queer Eye, and that’s just fine. But you don’t have to yell it at the top of your lungs while those around you are just trying to enjoy their night. If you need to remind people of your sexuality every time a stranger approaches you or worry that someone might mistake you for a queer person, you might want to take a step back and reevaluate.

DON’T COME LOOKING FOR A GAY BEST FRIEND

No, we don’t want to be your GBF (but thanks for asking). Remember that queer people aren’t defined by their relationships and friendships to straight people; it’s inappropriate to go into a queer space and tokenize the people around you.

DON’T BE WEIRD IF YOU GET HIT ON

Please, don’t be weird! If someone hits on you and you’re not into it, that’s fine — but just say so politely and move on.

HAVE FUN!

Dance! Sing along to Carly Rae Jepsen! Be respectful!

And, all in all, don’t be weird about it.

Sex Survey ROMANCEMAGAZINE

1,122 people responded to the survey

45% in a relationship

35% have had 1-3

21% have had 4-7

13% have had 8-12

9% have 9% have had 13-19 13% have had 20+ had 0

46% single

2% married 7% it’s complicated

Relationship Status

21% prefer morning sex

79% even prefer ing s ex

Number of Sexual Partners

ot ave n D h % 88 /ST n STI a d a h 9% have 30% other 25% have sex 2-3 times a week

20% have sex monthly

13% rarely 14% sometimes

18% have sex weekly 7% have sex daily

16% never

52% haven’t had a threesome 38% would consider it

51% have trimmed pubic hair

10% have had a threesome

84% have not cheated on their partner

13% have cheated on their partner 3% are uncertain 18 LOVING TODAY February, 2019

3% are uncertain

Regularity of Using Protection

34% always

23% most of the time

13% have full pubic hair

53% never use dating apps 12% use them monthly 11% other 10% use them 2-3 times a week 7% use them weekly 7% use them daily

1% asexual 1% other 2% pansexual 5% gay 36% have no pubic hair

13% bisexual

Sexuality

78% straight

40% masturbate 1-2 times a week 20% masturbate every other day 14% masturbate every day 13% never masturbate 9% other

38% have

62% have not had sex with someone from a dating app

4% masturbate multiple times a day

40% lost their virginity between 15-17

37% lost their virginity between 18-20

3% lost it younger than 14

5% lost it between 20-23

1% lost it after 24

14% haven’t lost their virginity

Favourite sex position:

76% prefer monogamy

18% are 6% don’t prefer uncertain monogamy

1% other

1% non-binary

33% male

Gender

1. Doggy Style 2. Cowgirl 3. Missionary

Our three favourite outrageous hookup stories:

1. “My boyfriend and I snuck out of a Soph Rally to hook up in SSC. We were both sophs at the time in different buildings.

We devised an escape plan in case the janitor on the floor below us unknowingly walked in.

Luckily, we made it back before rally ended.”

2. “Had sex on my parents’ bed and forgot to change the sheets the next day.”

65% female

3. “TMI but involves finding out the guy has a BDSM fetish and a toe fetish in the same encounter... IDK why I didn’t leave.”

Our three favourite sexual fantasies: 26% have had sex on campus

43% haven’t had sex on campus

31% would consider having sex on campus

1. “Right now, it’s simple: hooking up with my friend even though we decided to just be platonic.”

2. “Getting pounded by a big hunky military stud in his bunker (and slapped and choked and dominated).”

3. “Being able to have sex without my roommates around.”

February, 2019 LOVING TODAY 19

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

THE MOST OVERLOO ROMANCE ON VALE Roveena Jassal

20 LOVING TODAY February 2019

Indeed, love is in the air this Valentine’s Day, so why not celebrate that love with yourself? Self-love is about inner confidence and acceptance. It’s all about looking inside and feeling secure without external approval. Many university students may struggle with this, so it’s important to know how to celebrate an often overlooked relationship on this special day: the relationship we have with ourselves.

OKED ENTINE’S DAY BE PRESENT

QUIET YOUR INNER CRITIC

DAILY SELF-CHECKS

When there is acceptance and gratitude, there is love. By practicing mindfulness, you allow yourself to live in the moment without judgment. In this manner, it is encouraged to be aware of your thoughts and react accordingly. Remind yourself that you are in control of your emotions; you’re the only one who has the power to associate feelings to your thoughts.

Sometimes feeling certain emotions can be difficult, but to feel is what makes us human. It’s important to recognize — rather than suppress — how you feel in any given moment. This allows self-awareness, rather than guilt. Choose activities this Valentine’s Day that require focus, relaxation and patience: meditating to a relaxing love song, watching a favourite rom-com in peace or going for a refreshing walk.

Ruminating on negative thoughts often yields negative results and actions.

To avoid this, simply accept that you are feeling a certain way, and move on with whatever needs to be done for the day. For mistakes, understand what went wrong, what you did well and how to improve, but also realize that it is not the end of the world.

Though it is important to be honest, it’s equally as vital to be kind and encouraging. Head to the store on V-Day and enjoy that box of chocolates without guilt, savouring every scrumptious bite!

We are surrounded by and interact with other people on a daily basis, but it can be difficult to remember to communicate with ourselves as well. Take some time out of the day to relax and unwind alone. Think about how the day went, what you did well and what you can work on. It is important to reflect on your behaviours or attitudes to understand and appreciate yourself more.

HEALTHY BODY, HEALTHY MIND Foods is linked to evoking different moods, feeling and emotions. But it isn’t necessary to adopt a specific diet or eat salads for all meals of the day; it is however, important to include a variety of vegetables, grains, fats, fruits, proteins and treats in moderation. When you feed yourself quality foods, you feel good and more positive about yourself. Don’t forget about exercise either. Exercise has consistently proven to increase mood and include numerous health benefits.

Love your body to love yourself: eat the colour of love this Thursday by incorporating some bright red berries, cherries or tomatoes in a new recipe.

STRESS MANAGEMENT Stress is natural and doesn’t have to be shunned. However, a lot of university students struggle when it comes to dealing with it. There are many healthy methods to cope, but it’s about finding what you like best and being consistent with it. For some, it may help to call home to talk to a loved one, converse with a friend or talk with a counsellor. For others, taking action and partaking in movement helps. So if that midterm seems to be overwhelming or Valentine’s Day doesn’t seem to excite you, try meditating, exercising, journaling, playing an instrument, drawing or whatever enjoyable activities come to mind.

TREAT YOURSELF Last but certainly not least, reward yourself. This is important because the daily study or work grind can become redundant, potentially leading to exhaustion and demotivation. Rewards can help prevent burnout and vary in size and frequency.

Try small daily rewards like a short nap, a hot cup of tea, a steamy bath or one episode on Netflix. Larger rewards can be weekly or even monthly, like going for a massage, hanging out with friends, going out for ice cream or going to a movie. Celebrate when there are things to celebrate to balance working hard. Celebrate V-Day by dressing up to look hot for yourself, take some cute pictures and explore new parts of the town or take a hot shower and jump in bed with The Notebook, some snacks and your favourite PJs. There is no shame in unconditionally loving yourself. Valentine’s Day is all about celebrating friendship and love, which are both essential components to a vibrant relationship with yourself. Go out for walks alone. Pick a table for one. Buy yourself roses. Self-love is a never-ending process and it is a new type of romance because it will last forever if you let it.

February 2019 LOVING TODAY 21

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

ATHLETES FACILITATING SOLUTIONS IN SEXUAL VIOLENCE PREVENTION HANNAH DIEBOLD

All too common on university campuses and especially problematic among athletes, sexual violence is a heinous issue. But some of Western’s leaders in sport are looking to change this narrative for the better.

On Saturday Jan. 27, a group of male varsity athletes completed the foundational training for a 12 week program that educates athletes to actively practice sexual violence prevention on campus.

The program, Allies on Campus, is an adaptation of the Male Allies initiative that was engineered by the Sexual Assault Support Centre of Waterloo Region in 2008. As it is now, the Male Allies initiative is looking to expand its 26 LOOKING OUTWARD February 2019

movement across Ontario. The sociology PhD candidate piloting this program at Western University, Leona Bruijns, speaks to the uniqueness of the Male Allies initiative.

“Sexual violence prevention work is often focused on women and led by women,” said Bruijns. “It is innovative to reach out to men to bring them into the prevention effort, not by engaging them as potential perpetrators but as allies in helping prevent sexual violence.”

During the week of Jan. 27, self-elected participants consisting of male athletes from the rowing, swimming, track and field and soccer teams completed the first portion of the training.

It evoked a deeper understanding of the issue of

sexual violence and gave the participants tools to identify and prevent situations they encounter. The initial training will be followed by supplementary program components that include weekly informative emails and an online module.

Additionally, in partnership with Western’s Upstander program, a “captain’s training” will be provided for selected team leaders. The Upstander program is a bystander intervention effort that gives people the skills and motivation to intervene in cases of sexual violence. The captain’s training will give team leaders the tools to conduct weekly prevention exercises within their individual teams. Bruijns indicated that the captain’s training — better known as the “allyship component” — is what makes the program so distinctive. Within the team, it gives calls to action and shows how individuals can make a difference. It also shows how the team can mobilize to make a difference on campus.

“A lot of men actually care deeply about the issue, but do not know what to do,” said Bruijns. They see it happening to people they care about, but they don’t know how to be engaged; they don’t know how to take action.

This program gives them the tools to brainstorm solutions to this problem.”

By leaving men out of the discussion entirely, it alienates them from the problem, and as Bruijns indicates, that is not the goal. Men need to be made to see themselves as partners and facilitators in the solution. Bruijns believes that varsity athletes are the

natural leaders on campus, and because of this, they are a prime group to engage in this initiative.

The ultimate goal is that this program will become a customary tradition for every male athlete on all Western sports teams, and eventually female teams too. By working coherently to tackle the issue, it is Bruijns’ hope that men, too, can be motivated and prepared to take leadership in preventing sexual violence on campus.

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February 2019 LOOKING OUTWARD 27

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

Samantha Bloom

Sex. Only a three-letter word, yet one that carries so much weight and meaning in today’s society. Human interactions throughout history have been marked by sexuality. Wars have been

28 LOOKING OUTWARD February 2019

started over sex (*cough cough*, Helen of Troy).

Being that sex is such a huge part of our lives, it’s only natural that religions would see fit to address how sexuality should fit into them.

Religion is something many see as archaic; however, a 2011 study showed that 76 per cent of Canadians considered themselves affiliated with a religion.

Despite being an overall more “modernized” population, religion is still an institution for many Canadians and could go so far as to influence their sex lives So, how Fifty Shades does religion get? Pleasure, pain, anal, bondage, oral — imagine asking about these to a clergy member! These sex acts are taboo but, at the same time, not completely uncommon in everyday language. Interestingly enough, while sex has probably changed a lot since the holy texts outlining the Jewish, Islamic, Christian and Hindu faiths were written, they all have guidelines surrounding raunchier sex acts.

In Judaism, pretty much anything goes (technically speaking), as long as sperm ends up in the vagina and the act of sex occurs within the confines of marriage. However, sex is considered very holy in Judaism, so being respectful and considering the holiness of the act is important, leading to a more reproachful position regarding “dirty” sex.

Nechamie Silberberg, co-director of the Chabad House at Western University, touches on this idea.

“When you hear the word sex, it’s not thought of as a clean word. We in Judaism recognize that as much unholiness

that there is connected with the word, there is holiness as well,” she says.

This brings us to an interesting view on sex that vastly differs from the appetitive and primitive sex often advertised in the porn industry — sex is holy and it is sacred. In the religion of Islam, this view of sex is mimicked, yet the underlying reason of its “holiness” is different from Judaism.

“When [sexual] acts are fulfilled in a manner that is permitted and is conditioned, it can bring one to a higher state,” says Abd Alfatah Twakkal, a community faith leader of the London Muslim Mosque. “This, for Muslims, can be a reminder for what is to come in the hereafter. People limit [sex] or reduce it to something that is solely of the physical nature, when in fact, it does have deeper meaning.”

Sex in the Islamic tradition, then, acts in a way to bring you closer to God. This leads to more clean-cut laws in regards to some taboo sex; more plainly, anal is generally a no.

The holiness echoed in Islamic and Jewish faiths diverges when we look at Christianity. Sex is looked at as a material attachment, like food or clothes, that can actually serve to bring followers further from God. St. Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament, preached celibacy when possible, for it allows one to concentrate on their spirituality.

The relationship between

sex and God differs in Judaism in that sex can allow you to almost mimic God. Nechamie describes sex as “essentially bringing life into the world,” and since God is the creator of life, sex allows you to approach him in a transcendental way.

Pleasure in sex is not overlooked by Islamic, Jewish or Hindu faiths and is actually considered very important — especially the woman’s pleasure, in Judaism and Hinduism.

Hinduism attributes meaning to pleasure derived from sex, in that it is one of the religion’s four human aims.

Yet physicality is not the most important aspect of sex in any of the four religions at hand, outlined by Rabbi Mordechai Silberberg, director of Western’s Chabad House: “Uniting is a buildup of many other facets of the relationship: respect, how you treat one another, acting selflessly and then, when they come together in one union, that’s the climax.” That sounds like a pretty incredible climax to me!

Religion is something that is ever-present, and the holy works, whether from the Torah, the Quran, the Bible, or the Vedas, hold value. Yet it is important to acknowledge that the world has evolved, people have changed and what is accepted has shifted drastically as well. At the same time, perhaps looking at sex as more than just a bodily transaction could make it more meaningful and, in turn, make it better.

February 2019 LOOKING OUTWARD 29

ROMANCEMAGAZINE

‘FOR THE STUDENTS’

Ford’s policies crash into Western’s LGBTQ2+ Community NOUSHERWAN SIDDIQUE

2019 has barely begun, but already, Ford seems to be on a warpath to damage student life as much as possible.

Modifications to the Ontario Student Assistance Program mean that not only has free tuition for low-income students been cut, but now students can also choose to opt out of the fees that fund groups on campus like clubs and student newspapers.

Unfortunately, that’s not all. Last summer, Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced he would repeal the 2015 provincial sex-education curriculum, reverting back to the 1998 curriculum. The old curriculum doesn’t cover cyber-sex and social media, consent, nor LGBTQ2+ representation, meaning that topics such as gender identity and same-sex marriage will no longer be addressed.

“My sister is still in public school,” Rosa Kniivila, a fourth year history and middle eastern studies student and a Pride Western representative, elaborates. “And her classmate once asked her teacher to just explain what trans people are or express any manner of support, and the teacher said that they’re not allowed to talk about it.”

As a trans individual, Kniivila considered it horrifying, as a lack of education led to her own issues regarding gender identity and sexual orientation.

“I was in the Catholic system my entire life, and I never got to hear about what ended up being my identity growing up,” she says.

These two Progressive Conservative education changes will severely affect some groups on campus, such as Pride Western and Spectrum, two LGBTQ2+ groups on campus.

By allowing students to opt out of any fees deemed non-essential, Ford has simultaneously cut funding from many clubs and groups across

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Western University. With less funding available, LGBTQ2+ groups on campus will have less support services and outreach available to members of their community. The repeal of the sex-ed curriculum may also mean that queer students in high school will not be able to learn more about themselves and their identities.

“I think it’s particularly dangerous because it keeps people uninformed,” says Grace*, a fourthyear psychology student at Western.

She also mentioned that members of marginalized identities don’t have the same political power and privilege as many others in society and that a lack of information would lead them to find misinforming details on the internet about their sexual identities — something she considers dangerous.

Misinformation is not the only issue faced by these groups. A lack of funding means a tighter budget, and it doesn’t appear that this issue will be fixed anytime soon.

“I don’t think our budget is high enough as is, so it’s not great news,” Kniivila says.

Due to the option to opt out of ancillary fees that fund clubs, Kniivila suggested that over the long term, Pride Western’s services may be reduced, stating they might be forced to implement a purely volunteer-based staff for their services.

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I think LGBTQ students kind of receive the message from the government that we don’t matter to our provincial government with these cuts.

ROSA KNIIVILA

A representative from Pride Western

“We provide support systems for LGBTQ folk on campus,” Grace* continues. “And with these cuts impacting what we do, perhaps in the future, a lot of LGBTQ students on campus will not have access to a support system that you’re supposed to have when you go to university. I think that’s particularly concerning.”

The OSAP changes, which have reduced the amount of money most students will receive, has also caused controversy.

“I won’t be returning to Western because I can’t afford to,” Kniivila says.

“And I know a lot of LGBTQ people will also struggle to return — if they return at all. It might just be that we’re representing a smaller and smaller population on campus, as marginal-

ized students who are most likely to be impoverished can no longer attend university.”

Several years ago, Doug Ford was the only Toronto councillor to vote against establishing a homeless shelter for LGBTQ2+ youth. He also attempted to pass a policy that would have removed gender identity from Ontario’s sex-ed curriculum, although he repealed it.

“I think LGBTQ students kind of receive the message from the government that we don’t matter to our provincial government with these cuts,” Kniivila says. “Because this is a message that these services aren’t valued, and they very much are, and they’re very much needed by LGBTQ students on campus.”

According to a 2014 General Social Survey on Canadians’ safety, Canadians aged 18 and older who identified as lesbian, gay or bisexual were much more likely than their heterosexual counterparts to be victims of violent crime. The study found that out of 1,000 heterosexual Canadians, 69 were victims of violent crime. This number rises to 142 for homosexual Canadians and further to 267 for bisexual Canadians.

Ford does not appear to have the interests of students in mind — including the LGBTQ2+ community of Canada. Ford has undertaken measures that impact the marginalized communities on campus negatively, through direct or indirect measures, and from what he’s shown so far, there seems to be few signs of stopping these policies anytime soon.

“The way things are looking right now, I’m expecting to work a minimum wage job for the rest of my life, and that is terrifying to me, just because I know a number of people who can’t even manage that,” Kniivila says. “It’s just horrifying to me.” *Names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals

I think it’s particularly dangerous because it keeps people uninformed.”

GRACE*

A fourth-year psychology student at Western

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Horoscopes for singles on Valentine’s Day

Katrina McCallum

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Aries (March 21-April 19)

The water-bearer is known for balancing their intellectual capacity with their desire for a greater good in their community.

Aquarians are great at making, and keeping, friends; they also thrive in group environments. Aquarians also have the drive to achieve their goals, making them good at seeing their own future.

RECOMMENDATION: Spend a night with your close friends and make vision boards.

You love helping people and are able to see your own future — so why not help others see this? This is not only a great bonding activity but can help yourself and others focus and visualize your goals.

Compassionate, empathetic — this water sign cares tremendously about the people in their lives. Not only are they selfless, but they are also forgiving of others and tend to put others before themselves. Pisceans are also imaginative and add a little dash of fantasy into every part of their life through creative endeavours.

RECOMMENDATION: Take this night for yourself! You care so much about others, so let your self-love come through this Valentine’s Day by doing something you love. Maybe try doing some painting or art: express yourself and treat yourself.

This natural-born leader is ready for anything that comes their way. Aries are known to be active, dynamic and impossible to ignore. If their life was a movie, it would be The Fast and The Furious.

However, Aries often act quickly, making their decisions a little rash.

RECOMMENDATION: Valentine’s Day should be a night to indulge interests. Perhaps get a group to go to The Rec Room or another arcade. Have some fun competing and maybe win a prize too.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Taurus is represented by the bull, shown through its stubbornness and commitment. They are known to be loyal; they depend on their rational, reasonable outlook on life. However, they are also able to appreciate the finer things in life, like cooking, gardening and art.

RECOMMENDATION: You probably have something you have been wanting to do for a while — a meal to cook, art to make, a movie to watch. Well, just do it on Valentine’s Day, then! It will be nice to indulge your finer senses while also following through on an idea.

This sign is most well-known for being two-faced. But that is not all that Geminis are; they are also fun and curious. They are known for being good communicators through all facets, like writing and movement. However, this day might be especially hard for a single Gemini, as they feel their other half is missing.

RECOMMENDATION: Don’t let the blues get you down tonight! Find something adventurous that indulges your need to find your person. Try to find a blind date or go to a singles event. Maybe you’ll find the one.

Cancers are known for being family-centric, whether through actual family or through tight bonds with friends. They are sensitive and emotional, but in a way that makes them in tune with their emotions and those around them.

RECOMMENDATION: Being that sensitive can be quite a burden, and helping people can get tiring. You should do something that makes you feel at peace, like a nice warm bath. And since Cancers feel best when near water, a bath would make for a perfect night.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Leos are natural leaders and tend to be warm-hearted. They are also funny, smart and kind, but they tend to be a little full of themselves — maybe for good reason. One flaw Leos can have is ignoring others for personal gain.

RECOMMENDATION: Valentine’s Day could be the perfect time to reconnect with friends that may be slipping off your radar recently. Getting together and doing something fun could be a way to spend your night and to make sure your big heart doesn’t hurt.

Detail-driven and methodical, Virgos tend to ignore their feelings. They also seem closed off to people around them as they struggle to communicate their feelings.

RECOMMENDATION: This Valentine’s Day, you should do something to forget about the feelings you can’t express. Do something that pleasures your detail side like an escape room or, if you want to be alone, try a crossword.

As a sign who enjoys partnership, this day may be particularly hard. But their peaceful persona may help comfort others.

Libras enjoy sharing, especially when it comes to a creative pursuit like music or art.

RECOMMENDATION: Try to organize a paint night or movie night with close friends.

Your calming presence will help them while sharing with people close to you will bring you joy.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Scorpios are passionate, driven, assertive and active. They have big personalities, and they let you know all about it. They are driven by emotions and value honesty above all else. Scorpios want to see below the surface in people and love being the centre of attention.

RECOMMENDATION: You should host a Valentine’s Day party. What’s better than fun games, wine and food to bring together you and your friends on this night?

Sagittarii are known for their generosity, optimism and motivation. This sign is ready for anything, anywhere. They love to travel because freedom is something they hold close to heart.

RECOMMENDATION: Maybe spice up your week with a road trip. If you don’t have a car, just try exploring somewhere new. It may be cold outside but winter wonderlands can be beautiful.

This sign is also one that is practical and stubborn. However, Capricorns lean more toward being responsible. This often clashes with their love for material goods.

RECOMMENDATION: Indulge your deepest desires. Do some online shopping. You may be practical but allow yourself to get something you will love.

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GREAT SEX-CAPADES OF HISTORY Michael Conley History is full of affairs. They happen every day. But when they happen to royals and Hollywood A-listers, they seem to carry a little more weight. Here are four affairs that have stood the test of time: CLEOPATRA AND MARK ANTONY This is one of those not-so-casual hookups that leads to a war, so we’d be remiss to start elsewhere. Egyptian queen Cleopatra was the lover of Julius Caesar, king of Rome, when he was assassinated in 44 B.C.E. Three years later, Cleopatra and Mark Antony, a powerful Roman military leader and former supporter of Caesar, began an affair in Egypt. In Antony, Cleopatra saw an opportunity to maintain widespread influence outside of Egypt; in Cleopatra, Antony saw connection to client states that would buoy his military ambitions.

In 32 B.C.E., Octavian, a military leader and Caesar’s posthumously adopted son, had the Roman Senate strip Antony of his powers after political misgivings and launch war against Cleopatra. Antony sided with Cleopatra, and the conflict climaxed in the Battle of Actium in Greece.

Antony was outnumbered and outmatched, and surrendered to Octavian.

In the Roman tradition, Antony died

by suicide, falling on his sword. Upon hearing the news of Antony’s death and Octavian’s plans to parade her through Rome’s streets, Cleopatra died by suicide too. Accounts as to how vary, with one stating she snuck a cobra into her cell to bite her and another saying she took a poisonous ointment. Regardless of the method, both Cleopatra and Antony saw their love take them to their death.

NYSSIA AND GYGES Candaules, Lydian king of the early 7th century B.C.E., was weird by most standards. He expected those around him to ogle his wife, Nyssia, and often discussed how beautiful he found her. On one occasion, he ordered a military officer, Gyges, to hide in his bedroom and watch his wife undress. Unfortunately for Gyges, Nyssia caught him hiding.

She gave him two options: kill Candaules and become king, or be executed.

Being survival-oriented, Gyges chose the former. He entered the king’s room and stabbed him in his sleep.

VIA WIKIMEDIA COMMONS WILLIAM ETTY’S 1830 PAINTING, CANDAULES, KING OF LYDIA, SHEWS HIS WIFE BY STEALTH TO GYGES, ONE OF HIS MINISTERS, AS SHE GOES TO BED.

CATHERINE THE GREAT AND GRIGORY POTEMKIN Russia’s Catherine the Great was empress of Russia for over 30 years. Shortly after her husband, Tsar Peter III, took power in 1762, he was overthrown for alleged ineptness. Catherine, a savvy politician, became empress. It was a short while later that Peter was killed in his home, with Catherine’s rule over Russia already affirmed.

Grigory Potemkin, a lieutenant general in the Russian army who fought with distinction, advanced ably through the military ranks. He was allegedly in-

volved in the overthrow of Peter and had Catherine the Great’s eye. They began an affair as he dominated military and political life in Russia. The two ended their affair in 1776, though she respected his judgement — apparently even in the selection of her lovers.

ELIZABETH TAYLOR AND RICHARD BURTON These two actors seeded their raucous affair in Rome on the set of the 1963 film Cleopatra. Perhaps they placed value in historical precedent (or not, given the former’s ending). Despite both being married at the time, this didn’t

stop them from pursuing their romance.

They divorced their spouses and got married in 1964. Their rocky relationship kept them in the tabloids for the next decade, until a divorce in 1974. Not quite done, they remarried in 1975 only to break up again a year later. In total they acted in 11 films together, offering a public viewing into one of Hollywood’s most famous relationships. A few days before Burton’s death, he mailed a letter to Taylor which she kept private.

Despite what was surely an emotionally draining period in their lives, at least they kept snakes and swords out of it.

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Thr ee easy steps to

wr iting a popular sex song Chr is Paul

In February 2017, Spotify released a list of the 10 most popular songs to have sex to.

They compiled the list by surveying over 2 million of their sex playlists and calculated the top 10 based on two factors: how often the song landed on one of these playlists and how many streams the song received strictly from these playlists.

At first glance, the list possesses some obvious uniformity. The Weeknd, Trey Songz and Jeremih all appear on the list twice, nine out of the 10 songs have extremely popular music videos and nine out of the 10 songs are performed by male artists.

After listening to these songs countless times, it’s clear that the similarities run much more deeply than they appear. In fact, I believe I have discovered the formula required to make a universally successful sex song. I’ve boiled the formula down into three easy steps which, if followed properly, will guarantee the success of a song made for people to listen to during sex.

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Step One: Picking an instr umental The key focus in choosing an instrumental is to find one that blends seamlessly into the background. Sex music is background music, and backgrounds are to be ignored. This is doubly important because, in order to gain as many streams as possible, the song must fit in with any and all sex playlists. Luckily, mimicking the music of other artists has never been easier, because all it requires is a quick YouTube search.

First, simply type in the name of an artist who makes popular sex music, like Jeremih. Next, add the words “type beat” to the search.

A near-infinite number of “Jeremih type beats” will now appear, each one nearly indiscernible from the next. After choosing any one of them, it’s time for step two.

Step Two: Choosing a theme For the song to be popular, it can’t just be about sex. It has to be about a certain kind of sex.

This is the part of the song that requires a little bit of creativity — not too much creativity, mind you. Any unnecessary originality will only serve to take the listener’s attention away from the task at hand.

A good example of a theme can be found in the song “Slow Motion” by Trey Songz, which came in at number five on Spotify’s list. This song works because it’s not just about sex; it’s about slow sex. The theme will also serve as the chorus, just as it does in “Slow Motion,” in which Trey Songz repeats “Slow motion, we can take our time, baby” over and over again until the song seemingly lulls itself into ending. This minimal amount of creativity is essential in assuring the song a spot on the go-to playlist of any young couple looking to get it on.

Step Thr ee: Wr iting vag ue lyr ics This is the final and most laborious step of creating the song.

The key here is to, again, make sure that none of the lyrics have any conscious effect on the listener. The easiest way to do this is to write about sex in the most vague terms imaginable.

The artist aims to write about sex as if everything they know about sex is what they’ve learned from listening to other songs about sex. That is to say, they are not writing about a personal experience of sex, but instead about an experience of sex in general. The lyrics must simultaneously be universally applicable and completely impersonal. While it may seem difficult to write lyrics that meet these criteria, keep in mind that they don’t necessarily have to make sense. No one is going to be sitting down at a desk dissecting these songs — except for me, apparently — and so narrative structure is of little importance.

In the number seven song on Spotify’s list, Trey Songz’s “Neighbors Know My Name,” the following lyrics are sung: “So the music gon’ be loud, you gon’ scream and shout. Girl, your body’s a problem, they call me the problem solver.” These lyrics make just enough sense to be comprehensible, without venturing too far into the realm of meaning so as to provoke any thoughts that might distract the listener from the sex they will surely be having to it.

That’s all it takes. So long as these three steps have been followed closely, the song is sure to rack up millions of streams as couples around the world forget that it’s even playing.

What Nickelback taught us about love Mike DeBoer In the 40,000-plus years of the existence of music, few artists have undergone the critical and popular malignation faced by Albertan postgrunge band Nickelback.

For Nickelback haters — and there are many — the band is essentially indefensible; engaging their music in even a neutral way is a morally reprehensible act void of humanity. For these critics, Nickelback is neither cool nor deliberately uncool; if middling or bad, they don’t defer to the so-bad-it’s-good ethos of contemporary reflexive irony. They lack a champion, much like Mr. Sub sandwiches or Logan Paul or the collected works of Dean Koontz.

And, yes, at least from a musical standpoint, their work warrants criticism. Their riffs are formulaic; their lyrics, banal. They have a scrubbed-down, corporate-ish, hard-rockwith-a-haircut sound that is a byproduct of the bizarro nu metal radio blip of the early aughts.

Indeed, the band entered popular culture at the same time that baggy jeans, oversized suits and flip phones took over — a time not too soon forgotten.

But listening to Nickelback can also often feel like a big middle finger to pretentious urbanite snobbery, a pushback against the cafe music crit-

ics who reserve their ears for independent musicians who probably never made it because their music isn’t that good. And Nickelback has taught us so much about life, regardless of the band’s hackneyed songwriting. Lead singer Chad Kroeger urges us to look at this photograph — to reminisce on the carefree days of yesteryear as our adult lives slip by like sand through the fingers of existence. He waxes poetic to a former fling that she reminds him of what he really is, an idealistic commentary on lost love and the cold, dark nights when memories keep us awake.

In fact, it is in their love ballads that Nickelback really makes their mark, illustrating the heartbreak and romantic mundanity of middle-aged men who never left their small hometowns, facing the melancholia of those dreams they gave up on long ago, reserved to the fact that this is their life now with, cold Labatt Blues the only escape from the ultimate nightmare of unattainable ambition.

So on this Valentine’s Day, we thought it might be beneficial to reflect on what Nickelback — the songbirds of our generation — have taught us about love, romance and the relationships that make us whole through an analysis of their greatest love songs.

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On my knees, I’ll ask last chance for one last dance ‘Cause with you, I’d withstand All of hell to hold your hand I’d give it all I’d give for us Give anything, but I won’t give up ‘Cause you know, you know, you know • “Far Away” (2005) In the age of Netflix and chilling and hookup culture, Kroeger tells us here about old-school, perhaps antiquated, early-2000s relationship mores. Despite his deepest masculine urges, in resistance to a culture that tells him to suppress his emotions deep inside, Kroeger lays it all out.

At the very least, he will fall to his knees — a reverential act of worship often reserved for gods and monarchs — to get back the woman that he loves. But he will also go beyond that, to the deepest depths of hell (much like Perseus in his quest to the Underworld to kill the Gorgon Medusa in her temple) to simply hold his lost love’s hand.

What won’t this guy do? Building from the impassioned yearning of a suitor to the quiet desperation of a distant lover, Kroeger understands the infinite heartbreak of a gap that can never be bridged.

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And now, as long as I can, I’m holding on with both hands ‘Cause forever I believe that there’s nothing I could need but you So if I haven’t yet, I’ve gotta let you know You’re never gonna be alone • “Never Gonna Be Alone” (2008) Perhaps one of their most recognizable hits, here Kroeger waxes about one of the ultimate existential crises; that at any moment, the ones you love can be taken away from you. From his realization that time is fleeting, Kroeger comes to the personal conclusion that, in a world void of meaning, it is the one he directs love toward that is what he truly needs as the hourglass of existence slowly trickles away its contents. See his use of “forever” — in a world in which, as we read in Job 10:18, we travel from the womb to the grave, it is love that really comprises the journey in-between.

Side note: the music video for “Never Gonna Be Alone” features a daughter and her father, so our analysis may potentially be off.

Now the story’s played out like this Just like a paperback novel Let’s rewrite an ending that fits Instead of a Hollywood horror • “Someday” (2003) In “Someday,” Kroeger touches on the tensions in relationships, where the daily ups and downs of love often leave grievances and misunderstandings left unsaid. It is only through tragedy that this tension is released and love truly realizes its full potential. As a distinctly forward-looking song — both lyrically and in the destination-oriented pacing provided by Mike Kroeger’s driving bassline — the band teaches us that action must be taken in relationships so that their scripts can be rewritten… before it’s too late.

Gotta be some way That I can make it up To you now, somehow By now you know that I’d come for you • “I’d Come for You” (2008) Here Kroeger returns to the sacrificial ethos that seems to populate most of Nickelback’s love tracks. However, this particular song seems to promote a kind of conditional love — while seemingly comparing himself to a soldier on the

COURTESY OF @_URBAN_DANCE | TWITTER

field of combat running back to save a fallen comrade, Kroeger qualifies that this “saving” love will only be given when the recipient realizes that Kroeger truly is the one that they want. For Nickelback, love isn’t always selfless — once jaded, it has to be kept in a safe, taken out only when it’s guaranteed to be reciprocated.

Now that the world isn’t ending It’s love that I’m sending to you • “Hero” (2002) Imagine living in a time where a major motion picture looking to transcend film and break into mainstream cultural discourse chooses Chad Kroeger to sing its defining anthem. While not necessarily a love song, and not necessarily a Nickelback song, “Hero” does teach us a lesson on love: that if, regardless of all his flaws, Chad Kroeger is able to send his love efficiently and successfully after saving the world in his role as a superhero, I think the rest of us can engage more effectively in our relationships.

This Valentine’s Day, keep Nickelback in mind. Despite their 50 million albums sold and hundreds of millions of dollars in net worth, what will remain their lasting legacy will be the lessons they taught us, about love and friendship, sacrifice and the tribulations of fame. So, please, look at those photographs and hang out in those private rooms. And remember, this Valentine’s Day, you’re never gonna be alone.

COURTESY OF @AMYANGEL911 | TWITTER

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Keeping rosy with London flowers Charlie Marshall

40 LOVER’S LANE February 2019

A

timeless classic of Valentine’s Day has been, and always will be, flowers for your significant other.

No matter how much one may try to buck the trend, it’s truly an everlasting tradition. And diversion from this expectation will likely cause nothing but harm.

However, as students have more and more obligations, and less and less money to spend on food — let alone flowers — we at the Gazette have tried to find the best flower deals in London, all in the interest of saving our fellow Mustangs some time and hard-earned money.

A quick Yelp search reveals that about 15 stores offer flowers in the city.

Unsurprisingly, the highest ranked flower shop, Forget Me Not Flowers and More, appears one of the more expensive options. For a bouquet of red roses, the store charges from $58.95 to $114.95. Surely high quality given their ranking, students can weigh the cost-benefit of paying for some of London’s favourite flowers.

However, just slightly beneath Forget Me Not (in terms of yelp ranking) is Gammage Flowers. The second ranked shop may be more appealing to cost-conscious students; for half a dozen roses, the store charges $40 or $75 for a full dozen.

The fifth ranked, Daisy Flowers, may price out student budgets with some higher listing costs, but if they only want a few staple red roses, then their $36.25 option will do nicely.

Being in London’s north end, it’s also important for students to consider distance. In the thick of mid-term season, Western students will either want to have these gifts delivered or travel a short distance to retrieve them.

Some stores further away, such as Gammage Flowers, may cause difficulties for Mustangs. The store is located on Commissioners Road in the Byron area. In terms of one-way transit, the store would be about 10 to 15 minutes by car and over half an hour by bus.

But if Western University students are comfortable having their flowers delivered, Gammage charges $11.95 for delivery.

In comparison, Forget Me Not Flowers offers free same-day delivery and is conveniently located downtown in Covent Garden Market.

Another option for ease of travel and relatively low cost is Boxwoods, located just off the Oxford and Richmond intersection. This flower shop offers a dozen roses for about $100.

Additionally, the store’s close proximity to campus allows for in-person selection in comparison to buying online.

So this Valentine’s Day, stick with a timeless tradition that works. A little bit of research and the right spot can make your Valentine’s Day extra sweet.