The POWER of Friendship

By Sandra Bolan

Friendship can mean many things to different people and can be affected by age, background, culture, lifestyle, personality and gender. As friends, you have a common bond and mutual affection for each other that’s not romantic.

Almost 25 years ago, social media launched with the noble intention of reconnecting dispersed friends and family. It quickly grew into enabling people to make “friends” with others who have similar interests.

Social media has brought the world closer together, but it has also ironically increased people’s feelings of isolation and loneliness, even in those with thousands of “friends.”

Fifty-two percent of Americans expressed feeling lonely and 47 percent reported they had no meaningful relationships, according to a 2019 survey by Cigna.

Depression and anxiety are also on the rise, which has been linked to social media and how it exacerbates feelings of inadequacy.

This is why we still need friends in person. We’re pack animals. Our ancestors hunted in groups because there was safety in numbers, which led to several families living in close proximity to each other, thus forging bonds and friendships. Back in the day, when people became ostracized or isolated from the group, the chances of their survival lessoned.

Today, we don’t require friends to help us gather food and protect ourselves from predators, but we do need them for our mental wellbeing. Connecting with people in person can improve your confidence and self-worth, help you make it through tragedy, trauma, break-up, illness and job loss, as well as sharing some laughs. Friendship also provides a sense of belonging.

Historically, friendships were put into three groups: utility, pleasure and virtue. Friendships based on utility have one or both of you getting something out of the connection. For example, one helps the other with a career move. Pleasure-based friends are the girls you have fun with, while those rooted in virtue share your beliefs.

Glenda D. Shaw, author of the book Better

You, Better Friends: A Whole New Approach to Friendship, breaks down friendship levels even further: essential, collaborative, associate and mentor/mentee. She claims knowing each role your friend plays in your life provides clear expectations and boundaries, which leads to more fulfilling relationships.

Essential

This is your core group of besties with whom you share your secrets. They’ve been through all of your life's highs and lows, and you stick together no matter what. Sure, you may argue, but the friendship is strong enough to get past any differences.

Collaborative

You share an emotional connection for a specific period of time based on your physical proximity to each other. Examples of collaborative relationships include college friends and those who help you adjust to a new city.

As you become more comfortable with your surroundings, graduate college or move away, these people may naturally fall away from your life.

Associate

Your connection is rooted in work, common interests, hobbies and very little else. You don’t confide in each other and rarely talk about

770.462.5005 anything other than your shared connection.

You may hang out together socially at an after-hours office party, chat while attending a workshop or cooking class, or work out together at the gym.

Mentor/Mentee

Friendships are give and take. In the mentor/mentee relationship, it may not be equal because the relationship is rooted in the mentor providing guidance to the mentee. The mentor usually decides how much time will be spent on this relationship. The mentor may be a high-level executive in your company or other organization in which you're a member. You most likely won't share intimate details about your family or romantic partners.

Toxic Friendships

Every once in awhile, we become friends with someone who makes us feel “less than.” That’s typically not how the relationship starts, but that’s where it may end up.

Toxic friendships encourage and enable harmful behavior, such as alcoholism, substance abuse, stealing or lying – actions that are not rooted in who you are. Most likely, your relationship is