Overcoming the Need to Be PERFECT

By Sandra Bolan

Have no fear of perfection–you'll never reach it.

Perfection is impossible. Just strive to do your best.

– Angela Watson

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.

– Michael J. Fox

From the minute you took your first test in school, the goal was to always score 100%. For some, anywhere between 75% and 98% is an acceptable grade, but for others, anything less than 100% is considered a fail.

“Perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card,” says Psychology Today. No matter how accomplished perfectionists are, they always find a way to be critical of their successes and look for ways they could’ve done it even better. Perfectionists may also base their self-worth on their external accomplishments and the opinions of others.

When people strive to be perfect, they typically end up suffering from low self-esteem and having virtually no self-confidence. Perfectionists may procrastinate and avoid trying anything new for fear of failing. They set the bar so high for themselves that their goals become impossible to achieve. This can make their worst fear – failure – a reality.

High Achiever or Perfectionist?

Perfectionists and high achievers both want to reach the pinnacle of success, but they’re motivated very differently. High achievers are compelled by doing their best. Perfectionists, however, are consumed by a fear of failure.

Some characteristics of a perfectionist include feeling frustrated, depressed, anxious or angry while trying to meet self-imposed standards; setting unreasonable goals for themselves, which may get in the way of meeting deadlines; reluctance to complete the most basic of tasks; and fear of doing anything spontaneous.

Tame the Perfectionist in You

Knowing you’re a perfectionist is the first step in figuring out how to alter your mindset.

Step one: whenever a goal is reached, focus on that, not on any errors you may have made along the way. Worry less about the details and look at the big picture – you’ve achieved your goal.

Next, become comfortable with making mistakes. Humans are inherently flawed creatures, so to expect perfection in every aspect of life is impossible. In learning to accept this, tell yourself, “No one is perfect. All I can do is my best.”

Then ask yourself, "What’s the absolute worst thing that can happen if I do screw up? Will the error result in the downfall of the planet?" The answer to those two questions are, "I'll have to try again, and no, this won’t destroy the world."

Think of mistakes as opportunities for growth. An exercise to help with this is to take up a new hobby, one that is completely out of your wheelhouse. While learning this new skill, you will mess up. That’s OK. Shift your focus from getting it perfect and just enjoying the process. In the end, you’ll have learned, not mastered, something new. Celebrate that.

Set Realistic Goals

We all have things we want to achieve in life and career, but goals should be realistic, or you may be setting yourself up for failure.

Lowering your standards doesn’t mean you’ve given up on wanting to achieve some pretty lofty goals, it just means they’re actually doable. When