West Hartford Magazine - Winter 2024/25 v1

Caring for Aging Parents

Thanks to healthier lifestyles and advances in modern medicine, the worldwide population over age 65 is growing. In the past decade, the population of Americans aged 65 and older has grown 38% and is expected to reach 94.7 million in 2060. As our nation ages, many Americans are turning their attention to caring for aging parents.

For many people, one of the most difficult conversations to have involves talking with an aging parent about extended medical care. The shifting of roles can be challenging, and emotions often prevent important information from being exchanged and critical decisions from being made.

When talking to a parent about future care, it’s best to have a strategy for structuring the conversation. Here are some key concepts to consider.

Knowing ahead of time what information you need to find out may help keep the conversation on track. Here is a checklist that can be a good starting point:

• Primary physician

• Specialists

• Medications and supplements

• Allergies to medication

It is also important to know the location of medical and estate management paperwork, including: 2

• Medicare card

• Insurance information

• Durable power of attorney for healthcare

• Will, living will, trusts, and other documents

Remember that if you can collect all the critical information, you may be able to save your family time and avoid future emotional discussions. While checklists and scripts may help prepare you, remember that this conversation could signal a major change in your parent’s life. The transition from provider to dependent can be difficult for any parent and has the potential to unearth old issues. Be prepared for emotions and the unexpected. Be kind, but do your best to get all the information you need.

The earlier you begin to communicate about important issues, the more likely you will be to have all the information you need when a crisis arises. How will you know when a parent needs your help? Look for indicators like fluctuations in weight, failure to take medication, new health concerns, and diminished social interaction. These can all be warning signs that additional care may soon become necessary. Don’t avoid the topic of care just because you are uncomfortable. Chances are that waiting will only make you more so.

Remember, whatever your relationship with your parent has been, this new phase of life will present challenges for both parties. By treating your parent with love and respect—and taking the necessary steps toward open communication—you will be able to provide the help needed during this new phase of life.

1. ACL.gov, November 2022

2. Note: Power of attorney laws can vary from state to state. An estate strategy that includes trusts may involve a complex web of tax rules and regulations. Consider working with a knowledgeable estate management professional before implementing such strategies.

This conversation is probably not the only one you will have with your parent about their future healthcare needs. It may be the beginning of an ongoing dialogue. Consider involving other siblings in the discussions. Often one sibling takes a lead role when caring for parents, but all family members should be honest about their feelings, situations, and needs.

The words “winter” and “celebrate” don’t often appear together in a sentence, particularly not together with the word “plants.”

But true gardeners—or even those who just want a little greenery around them in all four seasons—don’t let cold weather deter them from gardening.

While the scope of growing a true outdoor winter garden is something to explore in a different article, I want to focus on something different that can lift the spirits and soothe the senses.

One group of plants that I realize that I have not talked about in quite a while is herbs. Herbs are tough little plants that don’t get enough love from gardeners. If we think about them at all, we think about them as edible plants. But they are much more than that. They can be decorative and most of all, this time of year, they can be fragrant as well.

I have two different lavenders growing among my houseplants this winter. Just to brush by them and to breathe in that wonderful lavender scent. Of course, you need either full sun or grow lights to grow something like lavender but there are other choices that are not as demanding that might work nicely for you.

Other herbs that are incredibly fragrant and not unreasonably demanding for the winter are rosemary, thyme, sage and bay. As an added bonus, you can cook with them if you are so inclined.

If you do have full sun, I highly encourage a citrus plant. Winter is the time when they bloom. And you have choices—lemon, calamondin orange, lime or something more exotic like the smaller oranges (satsumas) and kumquats are often obtainable. Most of the indoor citrus are grafted onto rootstock to keep them dwarf so you don’t need to worry that you will wind up with a nine-foot tree in your home.

And the blooms smell absolutely wonderful. They are worth growing for that alone. Last year I had a whole bowl full of lemons at the holidays. This year, my tree hasn’t been so generous. But I am looking forward to the blooms nevertheless!

Another plant that is often available because the retailers know that we are not only starved for greenery but also that we are trapped indoors in winter, is jasmine.

The jasmine that you will most often find is jasminum officinale. It’s a vining plant with wiry stems and pointy leaves. It is sold on a hoop to control its vining habit. Its buds may begin with a pinkish tone, so it’s a lovely plant to look at, as well as to grow. If you put it outdoors in the summer, it will really grow vigorously, so it’s best to cut it back hard when you put it outside—or to be prepared for a really large plant to take over.

A different variety of jasmine, Jasminum sambac, stays more compact. It has double flowers and, to my nose, and even sweeter fragrance. Both jasmines like full sun but I have grown them in an east window when my south windows were too overcrowded to accommodate them.

Fragrance can be a personal thing and not everyone wants sweetness—or paperwhites—perfuming their homes.

Finally, even a snake plant (dracaena trifasciata) can bloom in the correct lighting. Most people love snake plants because they can be grown in a dark corner. But if you grow them with more light—mine are in a west window—and if you permit them to become pot-bound—they will bloom for you.

Their blooms are borne on a spike and they covered in sticky sap. They are wispy and mine have always been white, although I understand that they can bloom in burgundy as well, depending on the plant species.

Overall, as gardeners, winter is usually a dormant season for us. Houseplants can enhance and extend our enjoyment—and fragrant houseplants can add something extra to our homes in the winter.