2017-05-24-senior by West Side Story

TH E L AST STO RY

WA N T M O R E ? Go to tinyurl.com/md4vdft to listen to a WSS Class of 2017 Throwback Playlist. COMPILED BY CHARLIE CODE & MICHAEL MOONJELY DESIGN & ART BY SIMRAN SARIN COVER PHOTO BY PAREEN MHATRE COVER DESIGN BY SIMRAN SARIN

A DV E R T I S E M E N T S

MAY 24, 2017

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SENIOR ISSUE MAY 24, 2017

WHAT IS YOUR GENDER?

SENIOR

38.7% 0.9% OTHER

DID YOU ENJOY HIGH SCHOOL?

225 S E N I O RS SU RVE Y E D

DO YOU FEEL A TEACHER HAS HAD A SIGNIFICANT IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE?

NO 24%

YES 16%

NO 84%

YES

80%

20%

FEMALE

MALE

SURVEY IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE, WOULD YOU GO TO LIBERTY HIGH?

60.4%

YES 76%

ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?

POLITICAL AFFILIATIONS: DEMOCRAT

59.1%

HAVE YOU EVER ATTENDED A... SPORTING EVENT

92%

YES 90%

NO 10%

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?

22.2%

MAYBE

27%

24%

REPUBLICAN CONCERT

OTHER

63%

YES 27%

18.7%

WHICH YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL WAS THE HARDEST? PLAY / MUSICAL

87%

27%

58%

DANCE

84% NONE OF THE ABOVE 2%

FRESHMAN

SOPHOMORE

JUNIOR

SENIOR

HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU SHOWER A WEEK?

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED MARIJUANA?

SENIOR ISSUE

ARE YOU SEXUALLY ACTIVE?

NO YES 67% 33%

3-5

63%

45% 55%

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER?

5-10

>10

YES NO

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DRUNK?

24%

NO 53%

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CHEATED ON BY A SIGNIFICANT OTHER?

YES 47%

20%

80%

HAVE

NO YO

YES 40%

YES

HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON A SIGNIFICANT OTHER?

YES

93%

ER EV

NO 60%

VAPED?

YES

36%

64%

HAVE YOU EVER SNUCK OUT?

YES NO 52% 48% HAVE YOU EVER PARTICIPATED IN A FIGHT AT WEST?

HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON A TEST?

98% 2%

YES

65%

35% HAVE YOU SEEN A FIGHT AT WEST? HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER STUDYING?

WHAT WAS YOUR LONGEST RELATIONSHIP IN HIGH SCHOOL? > 2 YEARS

YES

38%

62%

18%

YES

82%

23%

1-2 YEARS < 1 YEAR

12%

HAVE YOU BEEN CAUGHT IN THE LIBRARY WITH FOOD?

15%

< 6 MONTHS < 1 MONTH

MAY 24, 2017

NO YES 27% 73%

ALWAYS SINGLE

36%

DID YOU LIE ON THIS SURVEY?

YES

92%

DESIGN & GRAPHICS BY LEAH DUSTERHOFT

A DV E R T I S E M E N T S MAY 24, 2017

SENIOR FUTURES

T H E L A S T S TO R Y

MAY 24, 2017

R e m e m b e r w h e n y o u w e r e s u p p o s e d t o t u r n i n y o u r s e n i o r fu t u r e s t o We s t S i d e St o r y? Yo u c a n r e a d a b o u t t h e p e o p l e w h o re m e m b e re d to d o s o b e l ow. I f yo u fo rg ot, yo u r n a m e i s j u s t s ta n d i n g a l o n e . DESIGN BY SIMRAN SARIN

Emina Abdagic My plans were ruined. I wanted to go to the U of I to major in astronomy but they told me astronomy wasn’t a part of the 2 + 2 program (the Kirkwood classes I’m taking). That means my completed classes and credits earned won’t matter and I’ll have to retake them. The U of I wants me to choose a different major but I refuse. I am working with a professor there to get into the major I desire. So I suppose it’s either a year off for me unfortunately or Kirkwood it is. Fatuma Abdalla I will be majoring in Public Health at the University of Iowa. Mohamed Abdalla Elisa Abram I’m going to Kirkwood to become a veterinarian technician. Nathan Abramoff I will be going to the Air Force Academy to major in engineering. Osbaldo Abrego Nasim Abu-Dagga I’m planning on going to the university of Iowa’s college of engineering. Currently an undeclared engineer but leaning towards software engineering as of now. Israa Adam Marlon Adams Marshay Adams Audrey Adamson I’m going to Cornell college but I don’t know what I’m majoring in or really anything else. Alex Aguirre I will be going to Iowa. Go hawks! Alaeldin Ahmed Sarah Ahmed I’m going to be taking a gap year and moving to LA this summer to work on film and develop my skills and meet with directors I know that live out there Khalid Ahmed-Abdelmutalab College-bound. Ali Ali I shall become a shining knight where I shall study the natural philosophy of biotechnology. In-shaallah. Yaser Alkaram Jordan Amelon I will be going to St. Catherine’s University to study business. Yes I’m going to an all girls school Asma Amin Alexander Andersen I will be going to Drake University to continue my soccer career and study business. I think I am going to take classes along the lines of entrepreneurship and business management. Jalin Anderson Richard Anderson Samantha Anderson I will be attending the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minnesota and take part in their pre-med program Nathan Armstrong I’m planning on taking a year off to save up money for college Noah Armstrong I’m planning on taking the year off to make money so I can pay for college Ahmed Awad I’m going to the University of Iowa and I’m planning on studying physiology!

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Julia Baker I will be going to Western Illinois University and majoring in nursing. I will also be the feature twirler for the marching band! Ramatoulay Balde Kasey Baller I am going to the University of Iowa to study biochemistry. I am minoring in dietetics. I plan on going to medical school (I’m not sure what I want to do career specifically yet). I would love to also work as a personal trainer on the side someday. I plan on joining the ROTC program at Iowa also. Kelsey Baller I’m going to the University of Iowa to pursue a degree in psychology. Cornelie Banguid Nia Basabe I will be going to Kirkwood this fall for nursing. Yousif Bashir Ally Bauer I’m going to the University of Minnesota to study kinesiology. Marc Beaver Samma Behnami I will be attending the University of Iowa this fall with an open major. Teagan Bell Brandon Berner Jacob Birely Safi Birindwa Coy Blair I will be attending Iowa State University to major in animal ecology. Jaya Blanchard I will be attending Bowdoin College in Maine, as far away from Iowa as possible, to study computer science or something mathy like that. Benjamin Bliven Mackenzie Bonner I will be going to the University of Iowa this fall to major in sports marketing. Ty Bopp I’ll be going to Cornell College in the fall to double major in aerospace engineering and secondary education while playing baseball. Ritani Bos Keasten Boyer Katie Bozer I will be attending Montana Tech of the University of Montana this fall to major in metallurgical and materials engineering. Go Orediggers! Madison Brenner I will be going to the University of Iowa to major in elementary education. Nathan Bretz Olivia Bristow Max Brown I will be attending the College of Engineering at the University of Iowa this fall. De’Ja Bunyan West Point Academy. Conner Burns Delaney Burt I will be attending UNI to major in business. Allison Bys Ashley Bys

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Cameron Carroll Sidney Castle Angela Causevic I plan to attend Kirkwood in the fall for criminal justice. Samuel Cayler U of I sport and rec management Shanthi Chackalackal I will be attending St. Olaf College in Minnesota where I plan to major in anthropology and French and eventually pursue medicine.

Oliver Chalkley Elise Chang I’m going to the university of iowa for prepharmacy and hope to eventually become a pharmacist Irena Charles I will be attending Kirkwood for two years and then transfer to the University of Iowa for my final two years and study at the Tippie College of Business. Kaitlyn Chelf Interior design at Kirkwood Community College Eugenia Chen I will be going to the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign to study computer science. Sean Chi I will be attending the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill this fall. I plan on majoring in chemistry and doing the pre-pharmacy program. Andrea Childs I will be attending the University of Iowa this fall to major in secondary education and English. Michael Cho Sam Choi I will be attending Washington and Lee University this fall. Alyssa Clark I will be going to Brigham Young University in Idaho this fall to major in vocal performance and music education with a minor in psychology. Bailey Clingan I will be going to Kirkwood for 2 years to figure out what I want to do in the future. Antonio Clipperton I will be going to Loyola University this fall to major in marketing. Charlie Code I will be attending Indiana University where I am directly admitted to the Kelley School of Business to study finance and entrepreneurship . Reed Coiner JJ Colgan I’m going to Loyola next year to major in biology on a pre-med track. Thomas Connolly Bryant Conquest Cameron Cook I will be attending Northwestern University and hitting up Whole Foods frequently. Madison Cookman I will be going the the University of Iowa in the fall to study business. Emma Cooper I’m going on to play soccer at the University of Michigan. Shatiana Cooper Rhiannon Coulter Abigail Cram I’m going to the University of Iowa this fall where I’ll be majoring in social work or anthropology or maybe I want to be a teacher. Ahh, I haven’t really decided yet! Abbi Crane I’m going to the U of Iowa for nursing and psychiatry. Caleb Crossett I’m going to DMACC in Ankeny to get my culinary degree. Armand Crouch I plan on attending the University of Iowa. Dillon Crowell I will be attending the University of Iowa next year to continue my frisbee career. Wing up.

Maggie Dahlstrom I will be going to The University of Iowa this fall to major in nursing. Christina Dai I’ll be going to Washington University in St. Louis to major in psychology and reach the level of bubble tea connoisseur. Evan D’Alessandro

T H E L A S T S TO R Y MAY 24, 2017

Emma Davenport I will be attending the University of Iowa, majoring in nursing with a psychology minor in hopes of serving in the Peace Corps with my degree. Cole Davis I’m going to Kwood for two years and then going to Iowa to be an elementary school teacher. Ryan DeKeyser I will be attending the University of Iowa this fall as a direct admit into the business school and plan on majoring in finance. Gabrielle Delsing Aaditya Deshpande I will be going over the river and up the hill the University of Iowa. Samuel Deyak Michael Dion Nathan Disterhoft Studying finance @ Iowa. Danetta Dobre I will be going to the University of Iowa, major undecided. Braedyn Dochterman I will be going to the Minneapolis College of Art and Design to become a graphic novelist for my own series, adapt classic books and make illustrated textbooks. Darby Donovan I’ll be attending the University of Iowa with an open major. Victoria Dove El Alejandro Drey I will be attending Kirkwood Community College because I‘m livin’ that broke life, then some university after. I really wanna be a pediatric nurse or own a clothing company. Dejah Dunson I’m taking a gap year, but I’ll be an intern for Jaun and other events in Chicago. Leah Dusterhoft Leah will be venturing to the University of South Dakota on a discus and shot put scholarship. She will be studying graphic design and sports media/marketing, and trying to not barf every time she has to wear the color red. GO YOTES!

Blake Ealy I will be attending Iowa State University to major in mechanical engineering. Mohamed Elhag Salma Elimam Alexis Elliott I will be going to the University of Northern Iowa this fall to major in elementary education. Hani El-Zein Kelvin Encarnacao Going to the University of Iowa to major in computer science. Cole Enyart I will be attending the University of Iowa this fall as an open major. JaeHee Eom Bernard Erb John Ervin Ethan Esgate

Harrison Fairfield I will be attending Iowa State and will be a part of their ROTC program. Shahabeddin Fakhari Kaitlyn Fangmann I will be attending Iowa State University this fall to major in criminal justice. Nicol Farias Madison Fay I am attending South Dakota State and will play volleyball there. I am thinking about majoring in nursing. Austin Flanegan Anthony Fletcher Laura Fletcher I am going to Brigham Young Univer-

sity and majoring in either music or bio education. Katherine Fliehler I will be attending Mount Mercy University this fall to major in nursing. Krislyn Flora Madison Ford Kyle Frei Zachary Frisbie I will be going to the University of Iowa to study business and run the intramural games. Sierra Frost I’m going to the University of Iowa for photography and marketing. Katarina Fuhrmeister I will be attending the University of Binge Watching Netflix, and will be majoring in welcome to your tape, with a minor in un-ironic memes. Ned Furlong I will be attending Princeton University this fall to major in art history or economics.

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Dylan Gao I will be attending the University of Iowa majoring in biochemistry. Yiwen Gao I will be in New York City to study biomedical engineering at Columbia and eat KBBQ in K-town. Nafahat Gawy Kreshnik Gerxhaliu Faith Geyer I will be attending Kirkwood to get my associates in science and then will transfer over to the U if I to study Psychology! Bianca Gilliams Audrey Gillitzer I will be going to the University of a Iowa to major in dance. Justin Glenn Don’t have plans. Samuel Goldman Seth Goldman Maeven Goodno James Goods Olivia Goodwin Zofia Goska Audrey Gossiho Alex Granfield I will be attending Luther College in beautiful and mildly chilly Decorah, Iowa, where I plan on studying music education and continue to pursue my passion of being a huge choir nerd. Go Norse! Micaela Gravelin Reagan Grieser-Yoder Kaylee Guymon I will be attending Brigham Young University (BYU) in Provo, Utah this fall to major in Mathematical Education.

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Emily Halverson I will be attending North Dakota State University on a full ride scholarship for volleyball. Ariel Halvorsen I’ll be studying surgical technology at Kirkwood. Raneem Hamad I will be going to Columbia University in New York City this fall to major in bio/pre-med. Matt Haney Layla Hannaford I will be attending Columbia College of Chicago to get a major in film and post-production. Alex Hanson I will be going to University of Northern Iowa to major in management information systems. Kevin Hanson I’m going to Loras and double majoring in education and history with a minor in coaching. Jordan Harper I will be attending Kirkwood for two years and then attending the University of Iowa to ma-

jor in criminal justice then going into law enforcement after college. Mohaned Hassan Artie Henderson Hirsche Henstrom Evan Hermiston Max Hill I will go to University of Iowa to study econ. Megan Hill Isabelle Hingten I’m going to the University of Iowa with plans to pursue a liberal arts degree. Connor Hird I am going to Kirkwood for a degree in criminal justice and then will continue my education from there. Eleanor Ho I will be attending Boston University to study journalism, eat lobster, shop at Uniqlo and watch lots of hockey fights. Jacob Hoffman Trevor Holley Kamea Holmes I plan on studying music performance and Japanese language at the University of Iowa. Danny Hong I plan on opening my own music production studio and co-owning a wedding planning service. I am going to go to Kirkwood then Morningside or Mount Mercy for audio engineering and computer science. Sebastian Hough-Lecuona I will be going to Cornell and getting babes. Kaitlyn Housenga I will be going to the University of South Dakota this fall. I will be double majoring in criminal justice and medical biology. I also will be continuing my swimming career with them. Katelynn Hovencik Molly Howes I will be attending the ever so prestigious University of Iowa and majoring in the art of nothing (political science). Matthew Huff I’m going to wartburg college to study physical therapy and play football Madelyn Huinker

Ahmed Idris Gabriel Ingersoll Weng Asha Irani I will be attending UCLA’s School of Theater, Film, and Television while majoring in film and television production. Catch my work on the big screen in a few years? Darius Irani

Artesha Jacques I will be taking off a semester to just sit on my butt and relax. Then I will continue my education like society thinks I should. Abbigail Jans I’m going THE Ohio State University planning to major in nursing. Bucks>Hawks. O-H Nathanial Jelinek Kyle Jenkins I’ll be going to the University of Iowa this fall to major in civil engineering. Annika Jensen Mara Jensen I will be going to Iowa State University this fall. Janiya Johnson Ryan Johnson I’ll be going to the University of Iowa this fall to major in civil engineering. Mikayla Johston I will be attending the University of Iowa in the fall to study nursing and pre-med.

T H E L A S T S TO R Y

MAY 24, 2017

Julian Jones I will be going to Kirkwood to major in business and marketing. Justin Jones Wyatt Jones Either joining the Navy or starting an apprenticeship in welding or CAD. Khalloe Jordan Jiung Jung I will be attending Swarthmore College to play tennis and become a Liberal Arts tool. Noelle Jung I will be attending Brown University to possibly study public health. Hana Jwaied I will be going to the University of Iowa to major in psychology

Jerviny Kamaya I will going to Iowa Central this fall and playing rugby over there. Also, I am opening my online business that would be very beneficial in years to come. Fatoumata Karembe Omar Karim Nicholas Kean Diaba Keita I’ll be attending the University of Iowa College of Nursing with a minor in French. I’ll also be doing pre med as I plan on going to a med school Claire Keller I will be going to the University of Iowa to major in Psychology Khaled Khalid Albara Khalil John Kihura Alexander Kinlein Byose Kiray Alex Kleinow Gabrielle Klemme I will be going to Iowa State University this fall to major in biochemistry. Jaxon Klosterman I will be attending the University of Iowa and majoring in health and human physiology with a pre-med focus. Carsyn Knebel I will be attending Chapman University in Orange, California. Romeo Kollie Working on music to expand my knowledge on it. Annika Kopf I will be attending Buena Vista University this fall to major in education. Elizabeth Kovar University of Iowa! Jennifer Kuehn I’m planning on attending the University of Wisconsin at Madison and majoring in elementary education. Michael Kurth Joshua Kwok I’m going to Northeastern University to major in computer engineering and computer science.

Gage Lake-McNeese I plan on investing into publishing a couple comics with a good friend of mine as well

as investing time into my youtube channel. I hope by the end of next year I can make both those things steady jobs. Getting paid to make super heros and play video games would be pretty awesome. Andrew Lamkins Going to Iowa State to major in engineering. Jory Lamp I will be going to the University of Iowa this fall to major in psychology. Devontae Lane I’m going to Indian Hills Community College for 2 years, then hopefully committing to a D1 school after that. Nathaniel Lang Nicole Lange I’m going to the University of Iowa to major in Biomedical Engineering and go through the premedical program Yusuf Leach Carter LeaVesseur I’m going to Iowa Stephanie LeBlanc I will be going the University of Iowa as I plan to major in biology. My career goal is to be an orthodontist. John Lee I’m going to the University of Iowa next year Seungjin Lee Shea Lewis I will be going to Iowa State University this fall to major in fashion merchandising and design. Lydia Leyden I’m going to be attending the University of Iowa with an interest in nursing! Jia Ying Lin Joseph Lin Yiming Liu Zachary Logsden I’m going to the U of I and majoring in computer science and engineering. Akaya Lokas Sarah Longmire I will be attending Iowa State University and majoring in industrial engineering. Chris Low I’m attending Northwestern University with a major in biomedical engineering. Lily Lucas I’m going to Iowa state in the fall. Zayetzy Luna Alexander Lynch Do a two and two with Kirkwood and Iowa for engineering. Natalie Lynxwiler Dontae Lyvers I’m going to Iowa to double major in finance/accounting.

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Andre Magalhaes I’m going to Iowa to major in excessive debt. Christopher Mallard I plan on going to Kirkwood. Roza Mamona *SHRUG EMOJI* Oliver Martin I will be attending the University of Michigan as a student athlete participating in football and plan on studying kinesiology. Hezekiah Martin-Solis Laudia Martinez Elaina Martz I will be attending Wartburg College next year to major in neuroscience or biology.

Connor McCaffery Erin McCain Kalen McCain I’ll be studying political science at U of I, and using that as my pre-law degree to study labor law. Casey McClenathan I will attend MIT in the fall and plan to major in math and possibly computer science. I hope to get a concentration in music or linguistics, join an a cappella group and become a certified pirate. Anaya McCutcheon Breyton McDole Isabel McDonald Molly McGoldrick Katherine McGrane I plan to attend the University of Northern Iowa to study athletic training. Ian McKay Bridget McKenna I will be attending the University of Minnesota - Twin Cities next year as a member of the Freshman Nursing Guarantee Program. After graduating, I hope to work with babies in the NICU or as a labor and delivery nurse! Go Gophers! Caitlyn McKenna In the fall I will be attending THE Ohio State University to pursue a minor in dance and a major in health sciences in hopes of becoming a physical therapist. -IO! Cole McKillip I will not be continuing on with college. I will be planning on working full time wherever and partying REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY hard. Ashley McMahon I will be attending Cornell College this fall to study elementary education and French in hopes of becoming an ELL teacher. Logan McNeal Marissa Meade I will be attending the University of Iowa this fall to major in biology and psychology on the pre-med track. Emily Mergenthaler Jade Merriwether Rachel Meyer Isabel Miene Carson Miller Nicholas Mirabito I will attend the University of Iowa and major in human physiology. Jeanneth Miranda Abdalrhman Mohamed Ala Mohamed I will be going to the University of Iowa this fall to major international studies. Brett Molina Mary Mondanaro I’m going to vegan cooking school in LA! Then I’m either going to Iowa and majoring in business or going to India to study yoga. Maybe both. Word, assholes. Annie Mons I will be going to Coe College to major in international studies! Go Kohawks! Susie Mons I’m going to UNI to become a math teacher. Michael Moonjely I will be attending Georgetown University in Washington D.C. to major in unpaid in-

T H E L A S T S TO R Y MAY 24, 2017

ternships. Lindsey Moore I will be attending the University of Iowa in the fall. Olivia Moore I will be attending the University of Iowa this fall, majoring in biology. Yesenia Morales Sukhpreet Mundra I will be attending the University of Iowa this fall to major in pharmacy. Andrew Murley I will be going to the University of Iowa to major in computer engineering and science. Claire Murray I will be attending Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio, where I will be a part of the swim team! Go Lords and Ladies! Andrei Musetescu Emmanuel Muyaya I will be going to the University of Texas to major in chemical engineering.

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Asel Nasr Mulhim Nasr Andrew Neel Trevin Neels Braden Nelson Once I graduate from West High School, I will be pursuing my dream of becoming a firefighter and saving lives. Jada Newman Calvin Newson Rayven Newson Danielle Nicks Nicholas Niehus Jacquelyn Nielson Going to the University of Oklahoma to major in southern accents and supporting Trump. Might learn some medicine and save some lives too, ya never know. Yuhka Niki I’ll be majoring in biochemistry and economics at Northwestern University this fall. #wildcats Christopher Nora Emma Norris Hayley Nowotny Attending Kirkwood for a liberal arts education to get an AA for teaching Derek Nugent I will be attending the University of Central Missouri this fall to run track and field and majoring in education Arlene Nyambura Nathaniel Nyberg I will be attending Northwestern University

Ryotaro Ohashi I will be attending the University of Pennsylvania next year Masumbuko Omari Izaya Ono-Fullard Mustafa Osman Aidan O’Sullivan I’m going to Kirkwood for fire science and eventually criminal justice

Olivia Pacha I will be attending Kirkwood Community College for a year or two and then transfer to Iowa State University and major in apparel merchandising

and business. Jack Paradee I will be attending ISU to major in computer science Jacquese Parks Marina Paul I will be attending Central College to major in education. Megan Paulson I will be attending Oral Roberts University to major in ministry and leadership with a focus on missions. Miriam Perez I’m going to the university of Iowa and majoring in cinematography. Sofia Perez I’ll be going to the University of Iowa to study Theatre and Education Jaime Perez-Oliver Leaving. Jacob Peters Emma Petersen I will be going to Iowa State and majoring in political science. Jacob Peterson William Peterson I will study mechanical engineering at Iowa State. Kortnilyn Pfeiffer-Williams Willem Philibert Wyatt Phipps I will be going to Kirkwood to study automotive mechanics. Cole Piercy I will be attending UNI in the fall to major in education. Jenny Pigge In the fall I will be going to Vanderbilt University as part of the Ingram Scholarship Program to study computer science with a pre-law interest. Faraja Ponga Kennedy Posey I will be attending the University of Iowa to major in caffeine and sleep deprivation (biology and chemistry).

Shay Raffensperger I will be going to Kirkwood Community College to study psychology. Nicholas Raley Dane Randall I will play baseball somewhere close for college! Bruno Rangel Huerta I will be attending Iowa State to study aerospace engineering. Michael Rash Olivia Read I will be attending the University of Southern California in Los Angeles to major in biology and East Asian language with an emphasis in pre-medicine. Leah Reisinger Leah Rhodes I will be attending the University of Iowa and majoring in health and human physiology in hopes of becoming a nutritionist someday. Kalen Rios I am undecided on schools as I have scholarships for bowling, but I’ll be studying criminal justice. Kaylub Ripperton Nicole Ritchey Haley Roach I will be attending Iowa State University to study architecture, design and sustainability. Lexee Robbins Isabelle Robles I’ll be crossing over into SEC territory to attend the University of Missouri at Columbia (Mizzou). There, I’m hoping Truman the Tiger, the cutest college mascot in existence, will help me figure out how to decide on a journalism/psychology/sociology/social work double major and minor as I want to go into soci-

ology-related journalism or social work. Gage Rodgers-Bergerud Jordan Rogers I will be going to Kirkwood Community College with an open major. Carter Rohweder I will be wrestling at UNI and studying engineering and physics. And wearing a lot of denim. Andrew Rompot Going to Iowa State to study software engineering. Gerardo Rosales Adam Rose I will be studying Mechanical Engineering and Business Management at the University of Iowa. Samuel Ross Erica Roth I will be going to Iowa Central Community College to study secondary education. Zachary Rouse Molly Ruden I will be attending South Dakota State University pursuing my undecided major. Go Jacks! Joseph Runge Alex Ruppert I will be going University of Iowa to study pre-med for dentistry. Janesha Rush Janiya Rush Skylar Ryan I will be going to Kirkwood Community College this fall to major in elementary education and to play softball, and then planning to go to the University of Iowa for my last 2 years.

Travae Sanders Rebecca Sandhu I will be attending the University of Missouri to study pre-professional health science/premed. Simran Sarin I will be attending the University of California Berkeley to dabble in crippling depression and embrace the phenomenon of grade deflation. I hope to assume a leadership position on UCBMFET and in my free time I will follow a pre-med track. Morgan Saylor I’m going to Kirkwood in the fall to study something, but I have no idea what yet. Bethany Schillinger I’ll be living it up at the University of Northern Iowa while majoring in elementary education! Cole Schneider I will be going to Luther College next fall to continue my academic and tennis careers. Abbie Schooley I’ll be attending the University of Iowa to major in secondary education and minor in English. Brett Schroeder Irene Schulte Alison Schwitzer Brynn Scott Nicholas Sehr I will attend Kirkwood for two years and then transfer to the U of I to study criminal justice. Eben Senft I’ll just be kickin it man. Alexis Shaffer I will be attending Wartburg College to major in neuroscience and play soccer. Meldia Sharpe I will be attending UW Platteville to pursue a degree in industrial engineering and parttime job as a professional sober person in the land of cheeseheads. Jena Shaver Taylor Shelfo I’m attending the University of Iowa this fall to double major in journalism and mass communications and economics.

T H E L A S T S TO R Y

MAY 24, 2017

Shaye Shelton I will be attending Kirkwood for two years and the University of Iowa for business. Sydney Shie I will be going to the University of Iowa this fall to study public health. Kenna Short I will be going to Iowa State University to major in mechanical engineering. Marvin Sims Gabriella Skopec I will be attending the University of Northern Iowa to study business administration and run cross country and track. Jessica Skopec I’ll be going to the University of South Dakota, where I will major in nursing and continue to run in circles. Zaylonda Slayton Allisha Smith Derek Smith I will be going to Northwestern University, but I’m still undecided on my major. Erik Smith I will be attending Luther College to study business or Personal training. Gisela Smith I will be attending the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities this fall to study nursing. Micah Smith I will be attending University of Northern Iowa to study pre-occupational therapy and major in studio art. Taleah Smith I will be attending the University of Northern Iowa to play softball and major in sports medicine. Mitchell Sorge Aubrey Sowers I will be going to Missouri University of Science and Technology this fall to play volleyball and major in biological sciences. Najha Spivey-Jones Cassandra Staib I will be going to Grinnell and majoring in bio, probably. Orion Staskal I will be attending Iowa State University to major in aerospace engineering Emma Steffen I will be attending the University of Iowa in the fall. Regan Steigleder I’ll be going to Northwestern next year to play soccer and haven’t decided yet on what I want to study. Kalei Strabala I will be going to Upper Iowa University this fall, but my major is undecided. Logan Stuart I will be attending the University of Kansas pre-law with an undecided major. McLean Sunderland I will be attending Grinnell College this fall, but have not decided what I will be studying. Anna Tafolla I will be attending Iowa State University this fall to major in fashion marketing and business.

Leena Taha Majid Taha Sadig Taha Ali Tauchen Jared Termini I will be going to the University of Iowa this fall to major in astrophysics.

Maggie Terry Off to Smith College in Massachusetts to study econ, eat croissants and miss my dogs. Reid Thoeny Nathan Thomas I will be attending Iowa State University to study engineering. Spencer Thompson Caleb Thurman Jordan Tiegs I’m gonna go to Kirkwood for 2 then the university of IA for 2 and probably gonna major in Graphic Design in hopes of becoming a wrap designer for racecars. Katherin Toft I will be attending Iowa Western Community College to receive my associates degree in criminal investigation. I then hope to work towards earning my master’s degree in serology and/or toxicology. Grace Tovar I will be taking a year off to work and travel. Kiera Tran I’m honestly going to become a god of memes and also own cats if I end up dropping out of college (which I wouldn’t be surprised). Natalie Trout I will be attending Iowa State University and majoring in meteorology. Be sure to catch me on the news giving you your daily weather report. Grace Tshibanda

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Ethan Upchurch

Joshua Van Roekel Cescily Vance I am going to the University of Iowa and look at some kind of music major. Addison VanDePol I will be going to Iowa State University this fall to major in biology to hopefully become a veterinarian. Kate Vander Leest I will be attending Florida State University where I’ll major in musical theatre and work on my tan. Go Noles! Chanel Vidal I will be attending Iowa State University to major in space rocks - geology with a focus on other planets. Crissy Vigil I will be attending Iowa Western Community College in the fall for the Art program and hope to transfer to a 4 year college for Art after that. Mackenzie Voigt Amar Vukovic

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DeDieu Wabwende Hunter Waite Going to Iowa State for chemical engineering. Ian Wallace

Alexandra Walton I will be going to Iowa State this fall to study engineering. David Wang I will be attending the University of Iowa to major in computer science and to minor in other things. Henry Wang I’m going to the University of Iowa next year with a major in biomedical sciences. Julie Watkins I will be attending DePaul University in Chicago to study vocal performance with a minor in Spanish. I also plan on dabbling in comedy. Megan Weisenbeck I will be attending the University of Iowa in the fall and will major in business. Valerie Welch I’ll be skoing to the University of Skolorado Boulder sko I can sko run my body into the ground. Alexander Wemmie I will be attending the University of Iowa to major in music and and some science. Jacob Wenck Lily Westemeyer Austin White Mesan White Madison Whitehead I will be traveling super far from home to attend the University of Iowa with a major in psychology and a minor in jamming to sick beats. Javonte Williams I will be going to midland to study education and play sports. Alexandria Willis Robert Wise I’ll be going to Iowa State this fall to pursue some kind of engineering and possibly vocal performance. After dropping out of engineering I might pursue physics or something. Eh. Maybe become a doctor. Who knows. David Wu I will be going to the University of Iowa this fall for their pre-pharmacy program.

Y Y

Amy Yan I will be going to the University of Iowa as a Presidential Scholar this fall. I’m planning to get a biomedical engineering major on the premed track and a music minor. Marshawn Yarbrough Caitlyn Yoder-Cook I will be going to Kirkwood to study history. Tyler Yeorger Attending Wartburg College to pursue nursing of anesthesia and play football. Nathanael Youngquist Rasha Yousif

Conor Zielinski I will be going to Penn State this fall with an open major. Myla Zimmer I will be going to the University of Iowa this fall to major in chemistry. Abigail Zimmerman I will be going to Iowa State University this fall to major in industrial engineering Alondra Zuniga

A DV E R T I S E M E N T S MAY 24, 2017

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T H E L A S T S TO R Y MAY 24, 2017

SENIOR SUPERLATIVES MOST I NVOLVE D MOST ATH LETIC SOCIAL M E DIA SAVAGE

MICHAEL MOONJELY JENNY PIGGE

OLIVER MARTIN ALI TAUCHEN

MAJID TAHA REAGAN GRIESER-YODER

MOST SWOLE

BREYTON MCDOLE TALEAH SMITH

MOST PARE NTAL

JOSH VAN ROEKEL KATIE MCGRANE

T H E L A S T S TO R Y

MAY 24, 2017

ALEX GRANFIELD JULIE WATKINS

ANTONIO CLIPPERTON MARY MONDONARO

ZACH FRISBIE ELLIE KOVAR

ETHAN UPCHURCH KATE VANDER LEEST

CHARLIE CODE ASMA AMIN

TYLER YEOGER CARTER LEAVESSEUR

MOST M USICAL MOST SASS BIGGEST PARTY AN I MAL MOST LI KE LY TO BE FAMOUS MOST LI KE LY TO FORGET TO SHOW U P AT GRADUATION DYNAM IC DUO

T H E L A S T S TO R Y MAY 24, 2017

STAFF SUPERLATIVES Cameron: most likely to critique your brownie recipe

Leah: most likely to accidentally kill her love with a discus

Charlie: most likely to forget...? Maggie: most likely to adopt all dogs names Maggie and rename them

Michael: most likely to get impeached

Christina: most likely to be eating a five course meal during class Sarah: most likely to intentionally start a war with the librarians Layla: most likely to work for TMZ Asha: most likely to put you on blast on Twitter

Katie: most likely to be Gossip Girl

Jiung: most likely - wait. Wait ... what?

Braedyn: most likely to have his artwork appear on an AP Gov test

Claire: most likely to share a Lisa Murray fact Eleanor: most likely to have an existential crisis on a daily basis Molly: most likely to name her children after fictional characters

Olivia: most likely to Already Know That Meme

Ala: most likely to deliver your college commencement speech Simran: most likely to die for Taylor: most likely to the aesthetic be a â&#x20AC;&#x153;seniorâ&#x20AC;? Ryo: most likely to become a fascist dictator

Isabelle: most likely to host a journalism convention

Gabby: most likely to be that old lady who takes her cats on runs DESIGN BY RYO OHASHI

ART BY BRAEDYN DOCHTERMAN

SENIOR ISSUE

MAY 24, 2017

DI ATHLETES BY G A B BY S KO P E C & I S A B E L L E R O B L E S

16 seniors will advance to play Division I athletics in college after successful high school careers. They shared with us their favorite memory from their high school athletic careers.

EMMA COOPER

ALEX ANDERSEN

MADDIE FAY

LEAH DUSTERHOFT

soccer // Michigan

soccer // Drake

throwing // South Dakota

“My favorite memory was when I scored the winning goal in our state championship our sophomore year.”

“Playing against City and winning [on April 21] because it was my first win against City. That game is always fun, but to have an assist in it was really special.”

volleyball // South Dakota State “I think it was this year in the regional final. [The game] was really close. It was within a set and then Bettendorf hit it out and we all got so excited. We were worried we were going to lose because we were all so close, so that was really fun, winning that game.”

“Regionals my freshman year when it was announced that we had gotten second to City High. Then they went through and retallied the team scores and we ended up winning by a point and it was just so much fun, and everyone was just so happy.”

SENIOR ISSUE MAY 24, 2017

REGAN STEIGLEDER

KAITLYN HOUSENGA

volleyball // Drake

soccer // Northwestern

swimming // South Dakota

“Probably just staying in the hotels at tournaments and just hanging out with the team and messing around.”

“Sophomore year we were playing Waukee to go into semis and it was double overtime and I scored the game winning goal, so that was cool.”

“I transferred schools midway through high school, but sophomore year [at Pleasant Valley] I went into the 500 [at the state meet] ranked kind of low, but I did decent for what I wanted.”

EMMA NORRIS

EMILY HALVERSON

JESS SKOPEC

MADI FORD

volleyball // Western Illinois

volleyball // North Dakota State

xc & track // South Dakota

“My most favorite game was when we played Bettendorf this year to go to state. Because we were ahead two sets ... They came back the next two sets to tie it 2-2, so it went into the fifth. I remember it was super duper intense, and it was 14-14 and I came in and was super nervous. But then it was 15-14, and then we won 16-14 after a girl hit it out. I just remember falling to my knees because everyone just put in so much work, and that was probably the best game I ever played in high school.

“Probably beating Bettendorf this last year to go to state. It was our third chance at revenge, it took five sets and went into overtime. ... We beat them by two. It was the best feeling because we were going to state and we beat our rivals to get there.”

“When our team went to Coach Parker’s house for the camp we do every year. I remember the workout around his house in the makeshift course he had was extremely hard and one of my least favorite ever. But afterwards, Tia [Saunders] and I asked coach if we could jump in his parent’s pond for a cool down. He laughed and said yes, but I don’t think he thought we actually would. We ran some of our cool down and then almost the whole team jumped in [the pond] and we swam for awhile.”

SENIOR ISSUE

MAY 24, 2017

ALEX KLEINOW

VALERIE WELCH

OLIVER MARTIN

football // Iowa State

track // Colorado

football // Michigan

“In the dome against Washington, being the underdog and just going in there and just basically destroying them the entire game, and going on to the state championship game.”

“Drake last year for shuttle [hurdle relay], Waukee fell, and it was pretty exciting, and it was super rainy. We ran a PR and got second place.”

“The moment when the West football team recovered a fumble to seal the win in our playoff game against Bettendorf this year, and the moment after I won the 50 freestyle at the state swimming meet and my longtime goal was fulfilled.”

TALEAH SMITH

GABBY SKOPEC

CONNOR McCAFFERY

softball // Northern Iowa

xc & track // Northern Iowa

basketball & baseball // Iowa

“Winning conference two years ago because we just worked really hard for it, and it wasn’t really expected. That season we were just focusing on having fun. So I guess winning conference was just a shock, and we played a 15 inning game to win.”

“When I was a sophomore during track at the state qualifying meet I ran the 3000. I didn’t know if I would qualify for state or anything because you have to be in the top two to automatically qualify. But, for the whole race I was sitting in about third or fourth place. With a lap to go, Stephanie Jenks took off, so it became a race between me and a City High girl for second place, and with 100 meters left I passed her and got second to qualify for state which I think was my first big break.”

“Winning state [basketball]. My senior year [was my favorite] because it was the best way to go out. And I got MVP of the game, and then of the tournament. And then celebrating with my teammates in the locker room after the game was really fun.”

DESIGN & GRAPHICS BY LEAH DUSTERHOFT

T H E L A S T S TO R Y MAY 24, 2017

READY TO

SERVE

From serving on the front line to becoming medical professionals, seven seniors will attend various academies and schools to receive military training and go on to serve in the U.S. military. BY CHARLIE CODE & ISABELLE ROBLES

SAM DEYAK, GUSTAVUS ADOLPHUS COLLEGE ROTC

am Deyak has been inspired by his father to pursue a career in the army and will be going into ROTC at Gustavus Adolphus College next year. “My dad was in the army for 24 years, so I grew up around that atmosphere . . . all my life that’s all I’ve wanted; to be in the army,” Deyak said. Deyak hopes to have a career in either the army’s infantry or armor fields, and ROTC serves as an excellent start to that goal. “My dad has said his best job he’s ever had was the army, and I see it as the coolest job I could have . . . ROTC allows me to get a degree and continue swimming in college,” Deyak said.

JUSTIN JONES, MARINE CORPS (INFANTRY)

e’ja Bunyon will move to Greensboro, North Carolina to join the ROTC program and be a cheerleader. She says the fact that the school was a historically black college or university (HBCU) was an important factor in her decision. “As a young educated black woman, I feel that having a firm foundation in my cultural values and sense of self will prepare me to be successful in any work environment, especially the military.” Bunyon wants to be close to home, and she will be able to at North Carolina A&T, as her father is active in the military and will be stationed in Ft. Brag, North Carolina, less than a two hour drive away from Greensboro. “Like any loving parent, they want to make sure their kid has options … then they let the DE’JA BUNYON, child decide. That is exactly what my father did,” NORTH CAROLINA A&T she said. “I will always be thankful for [my dad] exposing me to all the opportunities life has to STATE UNIVERSITY ROTC offer.”

n October of 2016, Justin Jones decided to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps, as he will enter a Marine Corps boot camp in September. After the two-month training program, he will graduate and move on to combat training for three months, and then be stationed and begin work. “I didn’t really have plans in the future for school because I don’t really like school and it's what everyone else is doing and this is something different,” he said. “I’ve always liked military things and guns.”

PHOTOS COURTESY OF DE’JA BUNYON, JUSTIN JONES & REBECCA SANDHU PHOTOS BY SARAH LONGMIRE DESIGN & ART BY SIMRAN SARIN

ebecca Sandhu plans on pursuing a career in the medical field through involvement in the Officer Candidate School at the University of Missouri. She will major in public health, then attend a medical school that will be paid for by the Navy, contingent on her work as a doctor on a base for five years. “My dad was in the army in college and now he’s in the Air Force and I really respect him,” she said. “I’ve just always wanted to serve my country, and medical school is expensive, so if they were going to pay for it, why would I not?”

T H E L A S T S TO R Y

MAY 24, 2017

REBECCA SANDHU, UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI OFFICER CANDIDATE SCHOOL

KASEY BALLER, UNIVERSITY OF IOWA ARMY ROTC

fter meeting a sergeant at a college fair, Kasey Baller’s interest in the army and ROTC program was sparked. After meeting with him over the summer, she decided to take the physical assessment test for a scholarship at the University of Iowa to be in the Army ROTC program. She will take normal classes alongside her training and will work for the army for eight years after when she chooses to, which she hopes to spend as a medic. “On the medic end of things, you help the ones that are serving your country. I don’t necessarily agree with war, but it’s here and I want to help with it in any way I can,” she said. “I think I would like to be more on the battlefield side because of the travelling and getting different experiences.”

NATHAN ABRAMOFF, UNITED STATES AIR FORCE ACADEMY

HARRISON FAIRFIELD, IOWA STATE UNIVERSITY ROTC

arrison Fairfield will be attending Iowa State University, where he plans to participate in the school’s ROTC program. “ROTC is a means to commission into the military . . . I want to commission because you are given more responsibility and say in how your platoon is run,” Fairfield said. “I want a position of leadership, and being an officer in the Army, Marines or Coast Guard would give me that.”

athan Abramoff will be attending the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs and hopes to pursue aerospace engineering during his time there. “I’ve always been interested in engineering since I was a little kid, and it’s always been a dream of mine to fly,” Abramoff said. “They have one of the better aerospace engineering faculties in the U.S., so I’m probably going to go into something like that, something with space, because that lends itself well to a lot of jobs out there.” Abramoff looks forward to following in his grandfather and brother’s footsteps in enlisting. “My grandfather was born in the Netherlands, but he served in the American army. Growing up in the Netherlands, he always told me how it made a big impact on his life and that he has a lot of friends who he still has and how it helped him become who he was,” Abramoff said.

T H E L A S T S TO R Y

SENIOR CONFESSIONS

MAY 24,, 2017

DESIGN BY OLIVIA READ PHOTO BY SARAH LONGMIRE

I took apart a library computer, took 4GB of RAM from it, then put it back together again. I also did this for a Wi-Fi card.

Every time I suspected somebody of hitting my car with their car door I unscewed the air caps on their tires.

I ran around the back lot naked after getting back from winning a football game.

I voted illegally in the presidential election.

I peed in a science lab sink.

Freshman year I refused to go to the bathroom at West so I peed my pants on my way home from school once.

I took shots out of a tampon flask in the bathroom at a football game with my best friend.

Whenever I lose a book from the library, I steal another copy from the shelves, then rip out the bar code page and turn it in to a librarian saying, “My dog chewed up the first page, so sorry” so I don’t get fined for losing the book. I’ve done this more than once.

A DV E R T I S E M E N T S

MAY 24, 2017

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T H E L A S T S TO R Y MAY 24, 2017

BY RYO OHASHI

ou see, I would look back and vaguely trace through all of my highschool years, make vague jokes that only elitist AP students would understand, arrive to a vague understanding of “the high school experience” and present it as a vaguely deep message to underclassmen to chill. However, after rereading

COLUMN TITLE

the senior columns from the last 3 years I realise that: A) 99% of senior columns are like this, and B) no one cares about the graduating seniors. Maybe I’m missing the point of senior columns. Maybe it is supposed to be like a letter to these “I have senioritis and I’m not even a senior!” noobs. But being the boy that always strives to be that 1%, I will go against this establishment and present a message to the seniors. Dear seniors: congrats. We’re done with highschool and we are all hopefully going to be pursuing our future diligently, striving to become whatever thing we want to become. As we mentally prepare to throw our grad caps in the air we will all be telling all of our friends, both senior and non-senior, that we will stay in touch and remain friends throughout the rest of our lives like the “That 70’s Show” crew. High school friends are for life amirite? Well, we’re wrong. Sure we all got along in the past 4+ years when we were crammed into this small building, but once we escape and find ourselves in completely new environments things just can’t be the same. Like Locke (@ michaelmoonjely), I believe that our surround-

ings affect who we are. When our surroundings change completely, we are all going to be different people and will have different relationships with each other. In the shift in character and relationships, many friendships will end and it is inevitable. By now you probably hate me for slapping you with reality when we are all getting sentimental about our last four years. But don’t fret. I only said that we will only lose most of our friends, not all. As we flourish in our respective environments we will all develop our new characters. The adjectives that we use to describe ourselves will be painted over with new descriptive words that weren’t there before. We will only befriend people who we are naturally compatible with. So don’t go out of your way to force yourself to maintain old friendships. Instead, just allow yourself to be with the people who you think represent you the best. If your high school friends are not included in that list, good. If your high school friend(s) is(are) included in that list, good. Either way, you now have a better understanding of yourself and that’s the most important.

ally wants to hear about that?? Though you will get away with only doing 20 notecards instead of 50). Lose some of the friends you thought you’d be friends with forever--not because of any reason particularly, but because that’s how life goes. 10th Grade Audition for an All State quartet and actually make one, even though you didn’t make the real thing. Don’t worry, your chance for that will come. Be in a school musical. “Cinderella” will end up being your favorite, so savor that one. You’ll realize that upperclassmen really aren’t as bad as they seem (at least some of them). Throw a surprise birthday party for a girl who will become one of your best friends. At the time, you kind of just wanted to throw a surprise birthday party lol. Know enough seniors to go grad party hopping (thanks, WSS). Convince your parents to get a Netflix account, which will actually end up being the source of all your procrastination, but at least you know the wonders of the “The Office” now. 11th Grade Go to both homecoming and prom. In your first two years, you’ll boycott by hanging with friends instead, but it turns out there’s a reason why everyone else goes. Consistently wear makeup for two months straight. Though brief, it was fun while it last-

ed. You value sleep too much, though, so even though you’ll try to start again, it won’t ever happen. Learn how to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious by heart. Go to your first funeral. 12th Grade Join the robotics team. Turns out it’s ridiculously cool and you’ll actually be missing out on some amazing things until senior year. Actually make All State this time!!! Your whole quartet will, actually. #wecreatedpeace Watch episodes upon episodes of “Criminal Minds” and still get to sleep at night fine. Realize you’ve changed, along with everyone else who started out as a freshman in 2013. There’s a lot to look forward to, good and bad. Cheers to an amazing four years you have yet to dig into. DESIGN BY OLIVIA READ

INFINITESIMALLY SMALL

BY CHRISTINA DAI

ear Freshman Christina, You entered high school with no vision of the future. I remember you saying that your first day was surprisingly boring, not much different than eighth grade was. I guess that things changed in such an incremental way that you didn’t notice how much they actually did (and now all I can think of is dy/dx, which you haven’t even heard of yet). Pretty much everything changed, from your friend group (multiple times) to your favorite color (red to ~periwinkle~). Speaking of friend groups, you and your friends will nearly form a cult before realizing things have gone too far. The dissolution of that will be a bittersweet thing. Bitter because you had some great times together, but sweet because you could leave that cringe life behind. So let’s go year by year and list some things you could have never guessed you’d do back on that first day of freshman year. 9th Grade Quit dance in favor of show choir??? To be very fair, you knew you weren’t really any good at dance anyways. Start hanging out with that group of Asians that were always at that one table in the library after school which will become the cult-like group (all hail the holy trinity, Dom-Don-Dun). Do your Symposium over the trade imbalance between the U.S. and China (who the hell actu-

GENUINE APOLOGIES BY MICHAEL MOONJELY

o all of the kids who still reference AP Euro in senior year class discussions, I’m sorry I rolled my eyes at you. It’s not your fault that you are smarter than the rest of us. Just know that you suck if you ever start a sentence with “This is kind of like Locke vs Hobbes from AP Euro”. To the attendance secretary who thought I had a genuine illness when I kept getting called out for “appointments” during my sophomore year. To anyone who followed me on Twitter when I was an underclassman and, to be honest, anyone who follows me on Twitter now. Pro tip: Get in a Twitter fight with a senior your freshman year. It will be the peak of your social existence in high school. To everyone I accidently hit with my lunch-

BY OLIVIA READ

ist of inevitable high school happenings - you realize no one actually knows what they're doing. they just pretend to until

T H E L A S T S TO R Y

MAY 24, 2017

box in the hallway during my four years of high school. Sorry my mom loves me more than your mom loves you. To Mitch Gross for quitting tennis during my senior year. Actually never mind, you’re welcome. It was a blessing for the both of us. To anyone I made edit my college essays. Especially for all the times I said, “it will only take ten minutes” and it ended up taking two hours. To all the parents who flex about their children on Facebook. My mom and I talk shit about you. Congrats to your son for getting into National Honor Society. To Biozone, Everfi and The Sound and the Fury. I have never bullshitted anything so hard in my life. To all of the Webkinz, Tamagotchis and pet fish that I vowed to never let die. RIP. To my parents for complaining about Iowa for

for the past 13 years. It wasn’t that bad and it isn’t everyday when you get to meet Bill Clinton at your junior high school.

something good comes out of it - in keeping with your lowkey transformation, you turn off auto-capitalize on your phone - you stop using all punctuation whatsoever and end every message with lmao - you try to be someone you're not for a good few months until you figure that someone out there will dislike you no matter what - your camera roll transitions from photos with friends to screenshots and pictures of homework - you never read another book for enjoyment - you waste hours in Instagram explore and do all your homework during school instead. - you only have 5 friends - a point comes where you can describe your entire life with 4 memes - you binge at least one Netflix series in the

span of 3 days - your motivation disappears and you think it’s early senioritis. trust me, you don't have it yet - your standards for every aspect of your life drastically lower - you and your group of friends who think they're really cool. they're not - you try to overachieve and end up dead - you realize everything you did in high school amounts to nothing once you get into college - you fail a test. yes it will happen if they haven't happened yet, enjoy what you have right now. the biggest lesson I've learned is you only realize the good times when they're gone; so, savor your mundane, daily life since some of the most trivial experiences become some of the best.

THIS IS REALLY IT

THINGS CHANGE BY KATIE FUHRMEISTER

rowing up, the only thing I ever wanted to be was a vet. I loved animals, and blood never scared me. In fact, I rather enjoyed seeing blood (creepy, right?), and was fascinated by the wounds and scrapes I would get being a rambunctious child. I often recall rarely crying when I got hurt, and instead would stare in wonder at the bloody wounds. But as you know, things change. While I liked blood and whatnot, I decided I could never be a vet, as I would be hurting animals in the process of helping them. So I decided to throw that idea away, and instead focused on technology and being some sort of engineer, as I really liked computers and technology. But as you know, things change. From there on, it was a multitude

of small ideas of what I wanted to be, but each time, as you know, things change. I finally became a senior in high school, and still had absolutely no clue as to what I wanted to be. I had considered everything from the army, to a teacher, to tech support. But I was still clueless, and that’s okay. It’s okay to not know who you want to be when you grow up if you aren’t actually grown up yet. Even as seniors, we are all still kids with a dream. And that dream may change as we go to college, and discover new things. On average, a college student will change their major 5 to 7 times. This is because we are told to decide our future when we are still kids. And as kids, we haven’t gone out and discovered the world yet. Basically, just go out and discover new things in college. Experience new things, and slowly

narrow in on the major you want by eliminating things you don’t like. And remember, you don’t know for sure if you hate something until you try it, and maybe you used to hate something but like it now. As you know, things change.

T H E L A S T S TO R Y MAY 24, 2017

BY ELEANOR HO

don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career”–Qui-Gon Jinn, Taken. Yes, in my search for wisdom during my four years pacing the glaringly off-white linoleum floors of West High, I’ve arrived at this singular

HO: THE ART OF TOTAL BULLSHIT

quote, one you should know if you haven’t been living under a rock since 2012 (yes, I know, also the last time that meme was cool). No, this is not just a quote from the only part of “Taken” I’ve actually seen. This quote is me. Every single part of it (indeed I am a broke ass bitch). The point you’re now supposed to be at is wondering what my very particular set of skills exactly consists of. Getting enough sleep and a parking spot at the front? Nope. Always being within spectating distance of a fight? I wish. Getting an A on a calculus test? HAHA nice one ! The most important thing I have learned in all of my high school career is in fact none of those things. The most crucial skill I learned that got me through the past four years is my uncanny ability to spew forth absolutely senseless garbage onto a page and somehow get away with it. It’s fondly known to me, and I’m sure a few others, as bullshitting. Now part of me is nodding along with you here, as you might be saying I’m giving myself too much credit. Yeah, teachers can probably tell

that what I hand in is not high quality work. But (teachers, avert your eyes) when it comes down to it, all that matters is I got the grade. Teachers who didn’t listen to me and read the rest of that sentence, I’m sorry. And I understand how you feel. I want school to be about the learning too. But these days, on top of homework, you have to spend hours at practice, extracurriculars, volunteering, holding down a job, and still find time scarf down a banana while frantically messaging your friends to maintain some semblance of a social life. Those student athletes always on the grind know what I mean, right?? If I can throw a load of crap together, call it an essay, get a passing grade and keep my sanity, you’re goddamn right I’ll take it. I’ll even be proud of it. So come on. Take this tiny gold nugget of advice out of the dumpster that is all the shit decisions I’ve made in my life. Learn how to bullshit; I promise it’ll save you from a lot of other bullshit down the road.

BLOOD ON A PAINTBRUSH BY BRAEDYN DOCHTERMAN

am terrified yet fascinated with the sight of blood. I remember macabre events that involved blood – scraping knees on concrete to cutting off the top of a soda can with scissors, which results it to slip. And then there were movies about sharks, and war, and cut scenes of actual surgical performances. And then slasher movies. And then the blood drive, for which I am a blood donor. The most influential source that inspired me for blood color interpretation is the movie Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn, for which I analyzed a variety of blood colors shown for Mr. Lindsey’s Vampires/Zombies Unit from my junior year. Nevertheless, blood has been emphasized in my artistic world as a significant symbol. I plan to use the fluid in my artwork. After all, blood and horror are more aesthetic than abusing the human figure in “art.” Well, as long there is a meaning behind horror. I don’t want to be the Marquis de Sade or a devastated emo. The blue-blooded are the beautiful and powerful who seek enlightenment. The red-blooded are the destructive and barbaric who advocate

anarchy over the higher status in the social hierarchy. The octopus symbolizes the blue-blooded because the eight-tentacle creature is intelligent and creative. Since they live under of sea, the ocean represents power and strength, and other times chaos and emotions, in art and dreams. An oxygenated animal symbolizes the red-blooded. A descendant of the wild animal, the red-blooded are in a herd of conformity and often go into angry and physical meltdowns. There are the purple-blooded. However, they are identified rarely due to that the blue and red-blooded are imitating the Montagues and Capulets, the bourgeoisie and proletariat all together. The purple-blooded contains the traits of leadership and intelligence, but errors await that cause psychological breakdowns. The symbol: the worm; because they contain hemerythrin that turns into a violent-pink color when oxygenated. Will there be rainbow blood? Most likely. If so, your ancestors are promiscuous. Remember: blood is our life forces, so when you’re sucked dry you’re dead. The variety of colors for blood is a metaphor

for god versus animal, metaphorically, and other themes. In reality, we all have red blood, so we’re acting like freaking lunatics. With all these artistic and literary theories for my blood idea, this could work out perfectly. After all, an artist has to be controversial at times. With the experiences and memories between me and blood, my ongoing fear that I’m still squeamish and disturbed sometimes, they had helped me conquer everything.

WELCOME TO YOUR TAPE S BY SIMRAN SARIN

o you’re a freshman, you think you’re all that, going to a school where ‘Excellence is a Tradition.’ “WEST HIGH BEST HIGH,” you screech unironically. You hang out in the courtyard after school and you’re a proud Student Athlete. The bitterness of high school has not tainted you yet-you are fresh, young, clean. This year will be the last time you have a genuine interaction with another human being and feel legitimately happy, so cherish it. As a sophomore be aware that if you do not take AP Euro, you will be excluded from here on forth; every class from now on will consist of AP European History Scholars making vague references and flexing their intelligence. Your first day of school will consist of you digging under rocks at dusk, frantically trying to find insects because wow Ms. Harms was not joking when she said bring 50 pill-bugs to class tomorrow. Do not forget to maintain an air of pretentiousness this year for taking AP classes, because that makes you really unique and people will really admire you for it. Be wary, however, for your Childhood Acquaintance will plagiarize your English essay and proudly walk away with an A. Never again will you trust a person who asks to “peer review” your paper and you’ll come to realize that the phrase “no tolerance for plagia-

hen I picture life, I see a book: a story comprised of many different chapters, each with its individual ups and downs. My time at West High has become an incredible chapter in that story. It started off rough, with a guy who didn’t quite know where he belonged. However, as my time at West High progressed, that fact changed. Over time I was introduced to opportunities like show choir,

MAY 24, 2017

rism” carries zero significance these days. Junior year you will brand yourself as Typhoid Sim. Nice. You will also realize 97% of the people in your life are toxic as hecc and you will cut them out . This year is synonymous to Self-Induced Pain, but you brought all this suffering upon yourself. Realize it, accept it, complain about it endlessly. Your life will be nothing but Fear and Trembling until you realize that sometimes you need to take the L to stay sane and be a functioning human being. The difference between a 103% and 90.02% is literally meaningless unless you’re a slut for validation and need Ms. Wikner to gift you with a Silver Flask to prove that your life actually has meaning (It doesn’t. Just accept that and move on). Your Hardest Year of High School™ is behind you and the rest is a breeze! Please. Nothing in your life will be a breeze; you should understand by now that you were brought into this world to amuse Greater Beings. This year, you will lose all motivation and will to do anything. You will lose all your pride and walk with no shame as your grades plummet and you consistently submit garbage content to your teachers. You will find yourself saying “oh my god he curved my 3/10 up to a 5/10 this is the best day of my life, an omnipotent being must exist.” You will only come to school to get P.E. points and you will reach the lowest point in your life but will also enjoy

life more than you have in a long time. But hey, ya made it through The Horror! While you may not have had The Ideal High School Experience, you did have an experience of some sort through which you grew and become slightly more of a functioning member of society??? You’ll look back on the things you did last year (and every other year of your life) in shame, but also acknowledge the fact that you’re going to hate yourself for this column a couple months from now when you reread it and realize how cringe it is. But honestly who cares, you’re blastin outta here anyway.

golf and S.P.I.T that have allowed me to grow and interact with countless incredibly diverse and kind people. These people have provided me a community to be a part of, one where I have found a comfortable and happy place to live my life. Like many of my peers, I have finally found my stride and am living life to the fullest in senior year. Sadly, I know that this fact is going to change soon. The incredible chapter in my life that is West High is coming to a close. In less than a month, I won’t see the friends and peers that have impacted my life on a daily basis anymore, and will likely say a final goodbye to some on May 27. I don’t know what the next chapter will be like and quite frankly that scares me. I can only base my expectations off of what has been passed down from those who have experienced college before me. I don’t know who I’ll meet or who from this chapter of life will continue this journey alongside me. Yet, I know that our individual stories will go on. My life has been permanently impacted by the time that I have spent here. During my time at West, I’ve looked out breathlessly into an audience of hundreds after a show choir per-

formance, I’ve participated in the hilarious camaraderie of exporting night and have hidden countless fits of laughter shared with friends during class. I know that these experiences have shaped who I am as a person. They have changed me from a reserved introvert into someone who is willing to jump into a new opportunity headfirst and have shown me the benefits that follow. I have tested myself socially and academically in ways that I never could have imagined at the start of freshman year. I have experienced the satisfaction of having hard work pay off and subsequently have had a positive, and devoted work ethic instilled in me. As seniors we are entering into the unknown. Many of us will be in new places surrounded by new people. We are leaving this chapter and are voyaging into a new one, but I know that I can safely look back on this time and smile. I am proud of my time here. I am proud of the people I’ve met and the incredible things that we have accomplished together. I am proud to say that, while I don’t know what the story of my life will be, or where I’ll end up at the end of it, that I can say that my time at West has been a damn good chapter.

THE NEXT CHAPTER

BY CHARLIE CODE

T H E L A S T S TO R Y

T H E L A S T S TO R Y MAY 24, 2017

BY GABBY SKOPEC

ello wee ninth grader Gabby, Despite your expectations, your high school experience will not at all resemble High School Musical. However you will have some fun and also make some questionable decisions (see #10) and have your fair share of embarrassing moments. But, never fear, there will be a few bright spots in your high school career leaving you with a partly-cloudy or maybe even

12 THINGS THAT HAPPENED partly-sunny forecast of high school. 9th grade 1. I signed up for newspaper about a week before school started. 4 years and 18 copies of the West Side Story later, it turned out to be a pretty good choice. :) 2. When it was cold out I insisted upon running in a pink fleece hat with a ponytail hole. I even took my headshot for state cross country in it. Lol. 3.One time when I walked into the bathroom in the art hallway, two out of the three stalls were occupied, and the third one had not been flushed. I decided to flush the third toilet and it overflowed and looked like it was me who did it. So embarrassing. 10th grade 4. In a very confusing pattern of events where my sisters told me they “got my bags from the car”; it so happens that getting my bags meant that they set them in the parking lot, not in the back of coach’s truck. Unfortunately, we departed for state cross country, and the little mishap was not discovered until about 7:30 p.m. as we unloaded our bags from the truck at the Fort Dodge Hotel. I had nothing- no uniform, toothbrush, nothing except my backpack so I could

conveniently work on homework. Fortunately, a teammate’s parents were able to deliver my bags before the race. 5. On my first box jump of our strength training for track, I hit the box with my shin, splitting it open. I needed 13 stitches. Yikes. 6. At the state qualifying track meet, I ran a 40 second personal best time to qualify for the 3000-meter run. 11th grade 7. In the first cross country meet of the season, I won my first ever XC meet. It’s probably my favorite race memory. 8. I carried around a plastic stick that had flashing lights at all the cross country meets, lol. 9. Sleeveless hoodies #nuffsaid. 12th grade 10. I peer pressured my pal @livmoore to buy a plastic toad at Michael’s for $20. Said toad then traveled with us to every cross country meet. #Trevor4evor 11. After my senior cross country season, I committed to UNI to run cross country and track and field! 12. This 12 is only here for symbolism.

ple have stuck by my side. If you looked at all of us and our personalities, you may not think we would mesh very well, but these people are the best friends in the entire world. We never have to do much to have fun, in fact one time we spent two hours just sitting in the dark of Charlie’s basement laughing at the fact that we were just sitting in the dark. I learned a lot in high school, but these five have taught me more than I could ever learn in a classroom. Andre taught me what good hair looks like, that Frolf is a real sport, that family goes past blood relation, and how to tell it straight. He taught me that to stop reading AP Psych was okay, and that we would get through it together. He taught me not to care about what other people think. Charlie taught me that fights over if navy and black go together don’t have to tear a friendship apart and how to go to Panch 11 times a week. He taught me sleeping in until 2 o’clock one day and then pulling an all nighter the next two days will mess up your sleep schedule. Ryo taught me that it’s possible to excell in the classroom and still have a social life. He’s taught me how to dress well and be able to sleep anywhere. He’s taught me to be romantic and creative. Julie taught me how to laugh until my stomach hurt and to be able to go up to anyone and start

a conversation. She taught me how to go after what I want and to not place limits on myself. She taught me unconditional positive regard. Nina taught me how to be passionate about the things I love and work extremely hard for what I want. Nina taught me to challenge myself and to make friends with others from different social groups, ages, and lifestyles. She taught me everyone has a story. Next year will be weird and different for all of us as we spread out across the country. We will keep the Squid playlist and group message intact. I wish you all the best, and I hope you all know I’ll always be there for you if you need some mothering or a friend. Call me with your problems, and I’ll always pick up.

I’LL MISS MY SQUID BY LEAH DUSTERHOFT

uring October of eighth grade, Julie Watkins and I bonded over painting paper cowboy boots for a school dance. We gossiped about her crush on Andre Magalhaes, who would later go on to become one of our closest friends. We three commonly stayed late after school to work on Northwest Student Council things with Mr. Carlson. It was after the Adventureland trip that year that we first hung out with Nina Elkadi. Nina was a year younger and told us a story about Nair as we sat on Julie’s porch, while we heard creepy noises from Julie’s park. I remember laughing a lot with Nina and Julie that night. Jump to Julie’s sophomore birthday party and we three hung out with Ryo Ohashi. We decided we had a good group going on. We hung out a week or so later at Andre’s house where we made Rice Krispies and I made some bad AP Euro joke about point of view. Ryo also *accidentally* stuck his hand in Julie’s mouth. Sophomore year I had three classes with Charlie Code. I commonly called him Cody on accident when we first met. I had to mother him quite a bit, too. One night we decided to invite him over with everyone else, and our squad (or Squid) was complete. And ever since sophomore year these five peo-

13 REASONS WHY (HIGH SCHOOL WAS TRAGIC AF) BY ISABELLE ROBLES

n the four-ish years, many fun (and not so fun) things have come and gone. Let’s applaud ourselves for our perseverance and survival throughout these tough, tough times in pop culture. 1. Perfect365: Let’s face it, all girls used the beloved app for at least one selfie we spent way too much time taking in freshman year. We tried our darndest to make it subtle, but there’s just no hiding the overly pixelated look it gave us. (*Reporter’s note: I did this once as a joke and posted it as an answer on AskFm in which I got 50+ likes. So, yeah, bow down.) 2. AskFm: Q: Like for a truth is?(: A: okie FINE but this is the LAST one I swear(; GAG. 3. Backwards smileys in general: Let’s be honest, (: is wayyy creepier than than :). Only f*ck boys use these now. 4. Saying stuff was “fire:” “Bro, hand me the aux, this song ‘We Dem Boyz’ is fire” - everyone. 5. PE 9-12: You met some true homies, but there are only so many days you should be re-

quired to do 40 minutes on a stationary bike. 6. Saying “Bae:” Extra nast if Netflix or Nutella were referred to as this. 7. Flash tattoos: Somehow we thought the .5 seconds these looked cool was worth the $35 package from Dry Goods. 8. Kylie Jenner lip challenge: Raise your hand if your lips were personally victimized by a suctioned-on shot glass. 9. Pretending to be a hipster: “No, I’m not trying to be a hipster. These chunky, oversized, black Wayfarer Ray-Bans just fit my personality” - everyone. 10. Miss Me jeans: Please, for the love of all things good in the world, save the seats from being scratched by your rhinestoned bum and sell these to Plato’s closet. You’ll get like $30 dollars. Buy yoself somethin’ nice. Like a pair of plain jeans. Or some mac and cheese with the crunchy bread bits on top. 11. Crop top Pink sweatshirts. We all were a little insecure and wanted to be comfy AND “cute” during freshman year, but we knew better. Dou-

T H E L A S T S TO R Y

MAY 24, 2017

ble points if you combined this with leggings that have the lime green/pink/zebra print and colorful Uggs. 12. Using “v” in place of “very:” We def still do this bc we are children. 13. Frozen: Wait, jk, that movie is way too freaking good.

AH HIGH SCHOOL. THE BEST 4 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE! BY MAGGIE TERRY

hings I’ve failed to learn: My lunch number How to return library books How to be chill about anything, ever. Anything and everything about existentialism Pretty much all of calc Clauses; I have no idea what they are or where you use them but I know I tend to let them dangle? Or is that participles? Acids and bases Getting out of the back lot before the bus loop empties My locker combo How to walk into first period with a cup of coffee and your bag and sunglasses and your keys and not spill or drop something The spelling of shultz sholtz? Shoultz? shoualtz? The purpose of the front green The lunch line Sneaking food into the library without the librarians noticing Everything involving the present participle or

whatever it is Things I”ve learned Parking When you get a mocha at Pump It Up, ask for it with columbian roast cause then it tastes better. Best napping spot in the school For some books, you can do a test, an essay and a presentation all without reading more than a few pages (must be level 10 upperclassman to unlock this power) Grades don’t matter as much Grades do matter What piano is the good one Naps are good Procrastinating probably shouldn’t be done as much as I do it No one really cares what you wear Dying your hair is a lot of fun and you should do it The word for seal in other languages is really funny Your guidance counselor is totally your best friend Plays and musicals are fun and you should to-

tally try to go to them Stop worrying about what other people think of you It's been an interesting four years. I can’t say I’ve enjoyed all of it or even most of it. But I’ve learned a lot. If anyone can benefit from these things I’ve learned, then listen to the advice of a wise senior. If not, then ignore it, goodness knows most people do.

BREAKING FREE

T H E L A S T S TO R Y MAY 24, 2017

BY MOLLY HOWES

am such a cheesy person, mozzarella might as well be my middle name. I spent ages looking at this blank screen (aka taking Buzzfeed quizzes and watching food videos) trying to write something that isn’t sentimental, but here we are. In my time here at West High I have left behind the annoying little girl who talks too

much to become the annoying young woman who cries too much that I am today. All jokes aside, there are several things my time at West has taught me. I remember the first day of my freshman year. I was walking from band to English and accidentally ran into this huge guy. I felt my nose directly hit his nipple and was immediately terrified as heck. I ended up looking like a deer in headlights while he walked away laughing at me. The hallways never get less crowded, you never stop bumping into people. But now, I know that the guy probably doesn’t even remember me, and it goes to show that you worry about yourself more than others worry about you. My sophomore year, things were a little rough. I took too many classes I couldn’t handle, my mental health went to shit and I was just overall very overwhelmed by life in general. You are going to fail a test. You are eventually going to lose your 4.0. You are going to be alone. But, you will make it through whatever hardships you face. That year, I learned that no matter what life throws at you, and no matter how hard it feels,

you can make it through. No matter how many people leave you, no matter how alone you feel, you can survive it. Junior year, I learned that it’s okay to indulge yourself. Find the things you love and do them with as much passion and as much commitment as you can. It doesn't matter what you do, just find something you love and let it consume you. When you are happy, all the other puzzle pieces seem to fall into place. As my senior year comes to a close, I have realized two things: the importance of being kind and the importance of letting go. Whatever happens to you, whoever hurts you, remain kind. It is so hard to care about someone who doesn’t care about you, and if you are kind to others they should be kind to you. If they aren’t, then you need to let them go. Let go of the things that hold you back, and hurt you. There is no need to hold onto things that are just memories. It is okay to let go of high school, of the activities and people you are leaving behind. Once you drop that weight, just think of how high you’ll be able to soar.

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