Sh*t I'm Afraid to Ask My Doctor

Whether used solo or with a partner, ‘adult’ toys can be regular participants in a healthy sex life. Unfortunately, the subtitle of this article could just as well be: “Stigma Stigma Stigma.” Prime example: four twenty-one-year-old, sexually active women, squirming with simultaneous guilt and giddiness as they visit Babeland.com for the first time (source: my living room last Tuesday night).

If we’ve learned anything over the course of the past year, it’s that self-care (in all of its many forms) is paramount. 2018 is for reclamation and reparations. So, if Babeland.com is calling your name, we’re in the age of communication, pick up the phone.

Using sex toys can be both pleasurable and empowering, but there are still important considerations to keep in mind to make your experience as safe as possible. Before you get to playing, let's get to the questions you may be too afraid* to ask anyone else.

*Note: fear around discussing sex toys arises out of social stigma around sexual bodies. Ask away, break the stigma.

What are the do’s and don’ts when it comes to choosing sex toys?

Sex toys come in a remarkable number of shapes, sizes, materials, and functions. One of the most important considerations when purchasing a sex toy, especially if you plan on using it with a partner(s), is the material. Certain materials, like most soft plastics and even some hard plastics, are porous. This means that they can harbor dirt and bacteria within the microscopic pores of the material. Consequently, porous materials are difficult to disinfect and increase the risk of transmitting infections. This is not to say that you should stay away from plastics altogether. ABS is a type of hard plastic that is non-porous and sanitizable. If softer (or squishier) plastics are more your speed, there’s no need to rule them out entirely. It is best, however, to reserve these toys for solo-play or for use with a monogamous partner.

If you’re looking for something softer that can still be used with a partner, you’ll want to check out silicone products. Silicone is nonporous, easy to sanitize, and tends to have good heat transfer. With proper care these products last longer than most others, but as with all good things, there’s a catch. In order to maintain the integrity of even the best silicone toys, you’ll need to care for them properly. For example, silicone is degraded by oil lubricants and soaps.

Don’t be afraid to check out a variety of materials to determine which properties are best suited to your needs. Though we tend to think of those bright, colorful, silicone and plastic products, sex toys are also made from glass, metal, and wood. Glass and metal tend to be easy to sanitize, and wood can even be specially treated to make it nonporous. At the end of the day, you’ll want to do your research about the product you’re buying, keeping in mind how and with whom you intend to use it.

How do I clean them?

Sex toys should be cleaned after every use, but how you go about cleaning them will depend on both function and material. For example, motorized toys should never be totally submerged for cleaning.

Washing your toys is not only necessary for safety purposes, but it actually helps them last longer. Think: vagina = acidic environment.

Most nonporous toys can be washed with mild soap and water. With silicone, just make sure that this is not an oilbased soap (i.e. castile oil soap). Alternatively, many nonporous toys can even be placed in the dishwasher, as long as they’re not motorized or sensitive to extreme temperatures. Porous toys tend to be heat sensitive so you’ll want to wash them by hand. Mild soap and warm water will do the trick here as well.

Can STIs be transmitted from person to sex toy (and vice versa)?

Yes, yes they can! This is why we cannot place enough emphasis on knowing your toys, buying from reputable sources, and using condoms with them when engaging with partner(s). Porous materials can harbor infection-causing bacteria in their pores and cannot be totally sanitized.

The first step, as mentioned above, is to consider whether or not you intend to use the toy with a partner when deciding which type to buy. Next step, condoms-- they’re versatile! Whether you’re uncertain of your toy’s material or intend to use it with multiple partners, you should always use a condom on the toy. Important to keep in mind with this is that you should never use a condom with silicone-based lubricant on a silicone toy as you can also run into issues of material breakdown here. Condoms significantly lower the risk of transmitting infection, but they’re not perfect and there’s always a risk that a toy may have been exposed to infection-causing bacteria despite condom use.

As with all matters of sex and sexuality, if a partner suggests bringing toys into the bedroom, remember that you have agency to decide whether or not you’re comfortable bringing sex toys into your sex life.

Is it safe to buy sex toys online?

Due to persistent stigma, many people prefer the anonymity of buying sex toys online. While we absolutely need to dismantle that stigma, know that shopping online is a legitimate option. This can be done safely, as long as you do your research and buy from a reputable company. One thing to look out for when vetting options is the company’s return policy. A reputable company will not allow returns of sex toys, given the nature of their use. According to Bedsider.com, Babeland and Good Vibrations are both well respected and provide supportive environments for people looking to begin exploring this potentially unfamiliar world.

So go forth and have fun folks! ‘Toys, they’re not just for kids anymore.”

By Sabrina Deutsch