Sh*t I'm Afraid to Ask My Doctor

First, to dispel a bit of hypocrisy—human error, we’re all a little hypocritical. So I’m going to begin this article with a contradiction that should go without saying: there is no question you should be afraid to ask your doctor.

So if you ever find yourself sitting in the doctor’s office, biting your lip to keep from saying “honestly, I think it’s a sex-related injury,” spare yourself the anxiety. Not only is being open with your doctor often an empowering moment of taking agency over your health, it also helps your doctor treat you appropriately.

Though What the F’s standard Sh*it I’m Afraid to Ask My Doctor usually focuses on a question we ask so you don’t have to, we’ve decided to flip the script. Here is some clarification on why your doctor asks you some of the things you maybe cringe over. Or lie about. Ideally, your doctors should be creating an environment where you feel open and honest to ask and answer as you please. If not, hopefully this information alleviates some of that tension.

Why do they ask about my drug and alcohol use?

Many pediatricians will start asking kids if they’ve had any experience with drugs and alcohol when they hit their pre-teen years. And for many kids, this question sends the blood rushing out of their faces, making them feel as if they’ve been accused of a crime they don’t remember committing. There’s a reason they start asking before they would ever expect to get a “yes.” Part of this comes down to checking up on your home environment: making sure that your guardians aren’t giving you access to substances, unwittingly or otherwise. Another reason is that for those who struggle with substance abuse, experimentation tends to start young. One of the most important reasons, however, is that drugs and alcohol can interact negatively with certain medications you may be taking. The trouble is, doctors tend to start asking these questions when parents are still present in the examination room, and it turns us into liars. So, when you’re finally flying solo you may find yourself with a lie on the tip of your tongue (or point of your pen, if you’re filling out that survey at UHS) when asked to report how much you drink, how often, and if it’s ever gotten you into trouble. This may be easier said than done—I know because I’ve had that moment of hesitation myself, that moment of wondering if they really need to know about that one time things got a little out of hand—but just tell the truth. The reality is, we think we know ourselves better than we do. For many people, especially the invincible teen and young-adult populations, this means overestimating our ability to recognize a problem and confront it. By answering your doctor’s questions honestly, you may find that there are indications of a potential problem that you didn’t even recognize were there. This is so important, because the key to preventing substance abuse issues is early intervention.

Why do they ask how many hours I sleep on average?

I often find myself at a loss for an answer when I come across this question on patient surveys. And there’s a certain irony in feeling unable to report how many hours you sleep, something so fundamental to our health. For me, this is often a reminder that I’ve been out of touch with my body and, as someone who struggles with anxiety-induced insomnia, it’s so important to keep track of how many hours I’ve actually been able to sleep. Sleeping too much or too little can indicate a huge range of possible health complications, both mental and physical. So, consider keeping a log of how many hours you’ve slept each night, along with any stressors you may have been experiencing on those nights where you slept too little or found yourself struggling to get out of bed. You may be surprised to find a pattern that a lapse in mindfulness allowed you to overlook.

Why do they ask about the symptoms of depression instead of just asking me if I’m depressed?

There’s a trend here: asking seemingly circuitous questions to potentially identify a warning sign you didn’t even know was there. Sometimes, taking away the stigma behind different health concerns can help doctors better evaluate what is actually going on. If you can answer without any preconceived notions, you’re less likely to vary your answers. You may find yourself (that is, if you’re following our first rule and reporting honestly), ticking off more red-flag boxes than you would have expected. And that’s okay! They ask so that if there is a concern, they can equip you with any tools and resources you may need. After all, all of these questions are only to help.

Why do they ask how many partners I’ve had?

You might have seen that horrifying video that explains how, from a health standpoint, when you sleep with someone, you’re really sleeping with their previous partners, and their previous partners’ partners, and so forth. It’s extreme, but the sentiment isn’t entirely off-base. A health professional should never slut-shame you, but knowing that you’ll be accountable to someone might make you think twice before making a potentially risky decision. So, there’s some element of psychology here, and then, of course, the ever-important matter of testing. No need to preach here, but you should always make it a priority to ask your partners about their STI/STD history before engaging in any sexual activity. Mistakes happen, though. Even when you are diligent about asking, let’s just give people the benefit of the doubt here and say that they don’t always know their status (or they may think they do and accidentally misreport). As a general rule, you should be tested annually. Certain demographics, like people with penises who have sex with other people with penises, are recommended to get tested every 3-6 months when not in monogamous relationships. Go forth, have sex—or don’t! But know then when your doctor asks how many partners you’ve had, they should be asking as an educated cheerleader, not as a judge.

Bonus Question: Are the condoms really free?

YES! Grab them by the fistfuls unabashedly, or wait until that torturous 3-35 minute period between when the intake nurse leaves and the doctor appears from behind the curtain, to stuff your pockets full of them. Just remember to mind the expiration dates and never be afraid to go back for more! If you’re at UHS, then these are your tuition dollars at work.

By Sabrina Deutsch