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When Skies are Grey The Evertonian Fanzine since 1988 Contact us at whenskiesaregrey@btinternet.com Or @wsagfanzine

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Welcome to When Skies are Grey.

Well. Not much has happened since our last issue…

Nah. Ronald Koeman was sacked just as E044 was wiping its feet before entering your devices. Who would have thought that some five weeks later we’ve only just got around to appointing a successor.

And, BIGSAM. Not in our worst nightmares.

As you’d expect there’s plenty in this issue about the appointment – much of it critical but then that’s to be expected. But he’s here now and we are all going to have to get on it with it – he’s certainly not the first Everton manager to be unpopular that’s for sure. Maybe from day one though.

We thought about adopting a fresh start approach with this issue and jettisoning all the wsagmatch pieces but, you know, painful as it is to read them they are of value. They are a clear marker to show just how bad things got. For me the players – the senior professionals - have an awful lot to answer for.

We’re now on our third manager inside two years. It doesn’t look good. It’s got to get better.

I do wonder if we’ve swapped Kenwright’s overcaution for Moshiri’s itchy trigger-finger and we are going to see a stream of managerial appointments who never really have the opportunity to get themselves established.

Anyway, time will tell. Stop reading all this nonsense… get stuck in! There’s plenty of other people’s opinions to read as ever.

Thanks for buying WSAG. We appreciate each and everyone of you.

Remember WSAG welcome contributions from everyone. To get involved, just get in touch.

We have always been an open forum for all Evertonians to talk about our own club. It's what we do. It’s how we roll.

If you’ve said hello either on Twitter, Facebook, at the ToffeeArt stall in St Luke’s or on the street – thanks. Your continuing support is very much appreciated.

We are WSAG. You are WSAG. God bless you one and all

Graham & Phil

WSAG TOP TEN We’re still trying to accentuate the positive

1 The loyalty, commitment and class of David Unsworth. Great to see him get his just deserves with the 4-0 West Ham win as he did the best job he could have.

2 Wayne Rooney’s hat-trick v West Ham and in particular his brilliant third goal. Magic.

3 The shambolic capitulations against Lyon, Atalanta and Southampton – you really wondered how low things could go?

4 Speaking of low – Ashley Williams. A really solid season last season has seen him stink the gaff out regularly this term with his face and demeanour in the final minutes of the Atalanta match almost painful to watch.

5 A couple of goals from Gylfi Sigurdsson and although he is not there yet, there are flickers of why Koeman disrupted the latter part of our transfer window and spunked 45 mill on him.

6 The Watford turnaround – had to be seen to be believed but great character from Unsworth and the team and a nice pressie from Tom Cleverley.

7 Jordan Pickford’s penalty save v West Ham and him putting off Cleverley v Watford.

8 Aaron Lennon’s return to the team – he may be getting on but his work rate always gives us a chance.

9 The work rate and enthusiasm of Jonjoe Kenny and DCL – two genuine areas of optimism in amongst the shite of the last few matches.

10 The arrival of Sam Allardyce (and Sammy Lee.) It was never going to be a popular choice and there are loads of reasons to feel unhappy but he’s our manager now and if we ‘are Everton and we’ll be Everton forever’ then we have to get behind him and the team.

Onward Evertonians November Spawned a Monster It’s almost literally painful (the use of literally here is not to be confused with the modern usage of that word i.e. “It’s literally raining outside”; If it is raining outside of course it is literally raining you fucking weapon) for me to look back over the past month.

It’s been an awful period for the club where even wins felt like defeats. It began with a 3-0 away defeat to Lyon and ended with a new manager (who was few people’s choice given his colourful past and demeanour) watching from the stands and the win over West Ham. Let’s hope we can revisit some of the optimism that was a feature of the pre-season but I think we may well have an 18 month wait for that to return.

Meanwhile I suppose being the masochistic nature of most Evertonians we should look back and perform the depressing and self lacerating task of a monthly review.

After the spectacle of watching one of our own launch one of his own (the seed of his coke addled jism) at the opposition in the home tie, we were right to fear the worst against Lyon and we got solidly spanked in the away leg bringing this year’s European sojourn to an early and suitably derisory end.

A return to the Premier League with a home match against Watford, a team forever linked with the flowering of our greatest ever period of success (and whose manager we would later spend a month courting before settling on the elephantine one) and a team that looked set to heap even greater misery on our great club when they led 20 with 24 minutes to go.

It hadn’t helped that prior to the game something had gone on in training that had seen Mirallas and Schneiderlin omitted from the squad. Later denials from both manager and players did not help quell the idea that there was some mutiny in the ranks.

Mirallas later reportedly told the press he would see who the new manager was before deciding on his future, to which my response would have been to banish him to the reserves for the rest of his contract the cheeky cunt.

Fortunately, the one player treated so miserably

by Koeman, Oumar Niasse managed to, by default, score with his arse having fallen onto it whilst contriving to miss in the first place. Never mind, at times like this you take what you can and when Calvert Lewin equalised it seemed inevitable that we would go on and win.

When Baines slotted the vocalised relief felt around Goodison was immense if not a little

embarrassing. This was after all Watford. This was not Manchester City, nor Chelsea, nor the Shite, and most definitely not Juventus, Real Madrid or Barcelona.

After the outlay and optimism of July and August I sat questioning how the season had reached such a low point. I was however happy for David Unsworth who had displayed his true Blue credentials for all to see and was conducting himself in the manner expected of an Evertonian.

An away trip to bottom side Crystal Palace was fraught with danger because, y’know, we are Everton, and it had a big fat ‘L’ written all over it, so to come away with a draw especially after conceding in minute one, was a positive result in some respects.

We equalised through a penalty that was given for a frankly embarrassing Gerrard/Owen/Suarez like dive by Niasse.

Like the attempt by Tom Davies earlier in the season, it’s not Everton and I can’t imagine Sam Allardyce encouraging that sort of palaver given his reaction to Swansea’s Chico Flores’s lamentable effort whilst His Fatness was manager at West Ham, so that is a plus, a bit like the manager’s wardrobe.

Niasse grabbed a goal before his impending ban for his theatrics, but that was only to cancel out Zaha’s earlier effort. 2-2 was about all two shite sides deserved.

Who could possibly have imagined Everton Football Club as managed by Sam Allardyce at any point over the last quarter of a century? If the epitome of a nonEverton manager were to be drawn up, it would look and sound and shit exactly like the Dudley born ex centre half.

A dead rubber against Italian side Atalanta saw a chance for Unsworth to rest a few players before the forthcoming Southampton match given the fact that we were already out of Europe.

Nevertheless he still fielded a side that really should have showed more fight than they did. On an abject night at Goodison witnessed by an undeserving hardcore of seventeen and a half thousand, there was little fight as the team was webbed all over the park by a more talented and far more deserving Atalanta who also had nothing much to play for.

It was a reminder of the bad old days of 1983 and 1994 (although the crowds were still a good size to witness Mike Walker’s shitness) and the players looked all at sea.

You have to fear for the effect this period is having on the progress of the likes of Tom Davies who looks a shadow of the confident and vibrant pulse of the team he briefly became last season. We are also undoubtedly missing Barkley although whether he will ever be seen in a Blue shirt again is shrouded in doubt.

The demise of this team within four months, which lest we forget cost a small fortune to assemble under our last two managers, has been undeniably spectacular.

Given Unsworth was still in with a shout of keeping the job until the end of the season, it was a funny way for the players to show their loyalty or help push his case.

The Southampton match felt like his last opportunity to impress Moshiri who it could be sensed through the media was becoming exasperated in his search for a new boss, and again the players were found wanting. The aerial prowess of our back four was akin to having Jeanette Krankie and Herve Villechaize in their

ranks and the only bright spot from the match was Sigurdsson’s goal which was a tremendous effort.

At this point most Evertonians realised David Unsworth was not the answer to our problems although the blame has to be shouldered by the players who seemed reluctant to perform for him.

I think most of us realised a new broom would have to be got in sooner rather than later as Unsy seemed incapable of inspiring the sort of fight he was looking for, and the current crop seemed unwilling to engage in the tiniest scuffle for the caretaker manager. He must have felt betrayed but kept his counsel.

The home game against West Ham saw the end for Everton’s search for a new manager in the gargantuan form of Big/Fat Sam. Who could possibly have imagined Everton Football Club as managed by Sam Allardyce at any point over the last quarter of a century?

If the epitome of a non Everton manager were to be drawn up, it would look and sound and shit exactly like the Dudley born ex centre half.

Allardyce took his position in the (hopefully reinforced) stand to preside over proud David Unsworth’s last game in charge (for now).

Allardyce is obviously Moshiri’s choice as Bill has not been on the scene for the last few days, and Allardyce must be relishing the thought of how many kebabs and pints of wine his reportedly six million pound eighteen month contract might buy.

On the subject of Kenwright, there has been some outrageous abuse on social media aimed in his direction that even (kudos to him) ex player Don Hutchinson felt compelled to challenge.

Of course, true to form, the shithouses we refer to as our players turned up for the new boss, most notably Rooney who it is fair to say I am not relishing being back in an Everton shirt.

If Allardyce is seen as a backward step by the club regarding where we were hoping to be under the Moshiri revolution then so was Rooney’s signing.

I really can’t imagine him being a force for positivity in the dressing room when he doesn’t get his own way as we have seen when he was first with us, at United and with England.

The fact he scored a hat-trick to “impress his new boss” seemed almost typical of the man. We won, and other than the result the game was most notable for Wayne Rooney’s long range open goal (I am the only one who was underwhelmed by it) [Ed. erm… yes.], which technically was not a patch on Sigurdsson’s v Southampton.

For me the highlight was David Unsworth’s ecstatic celebration despite the fact he had just had it confirmed that he had been passed over for his dream job.

Sam Allardyce’s first game in charge was against Huddersfield whose gobshite manager (soon to be seen in the Evostik) David Wagner claimed prior to the game that he knew exactly how to deal with a Sam Allardyce team. The fact he then lost the game 2-0 says all you need to know about that jumped up Klopp wannabe.

Six points in two games sees us sat in tenth position now, eight points clear of relegation and seven shy of a European place.

I honestly think Unsworth could have done the job and was heading in the right direction, but the owner obviously got the jitters and got in Allardyce, so we must get behind him (although not too close because I bet his farts are fucking rancid).

With a mixed bag of games coming up Allardyce’s focus will no doubt be on seeing us not conceding.

Assuming he gets funds in the January window we are likely to see a striker arrive, maybe one in the twilight of his career or a journeyman type.

Naturally, I hope Allardyce steadies the ship, but I also hope the Club reviews his position in the summer because, given both his personality and ethics, it does not sit right with this Evertonian having him here.

KOKO Peace ‘N’ Love I Zheet ‘N Kopitez Cave No. 1878 Qandahar Afghanistan

Ich Bin Ein Evertonian

by Terry Smith There is a whisper on the MSM steel breeze whirling around Finch Farm that paradise has not been lost.

Those Russian winds now have ‘change’ as their clarion call. The financial fist of the Mighty Moshiri is finally shifting the immovable Kryptonite Kenwright.

Well we know where we're goin' But we don't know where we've been.

And we know what we're knowin' But we can't say what we've seen.

And we're not little children And we know what we want.

And the future is certain Give us time to work it out.

In years to come, we may stir like haunted, hollow husks across the grey, grimy River Mersey and remember the failed vision of our dreams: a Meis mirage as illusory as the royal blue waters lapping endlessly below. Overlooking the desolate waterfront wasteland that was once the footprint of our future, will be the decadent, decaying edifice of Moshiri Towers.

Alongside the disaster of the King’s Dock and the aborted Bramley-Moore, carving an ugly scar of failure across the dying Liverpool skyline, this will be known as Everton’s Three Follies, the tragic triple beacons of hope forever dimmed and diminished.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Preventing the Twitter dogs from barking their endless moan.

Silence the podcast and with Z Car drum, Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead, Trailing their banners of disaster and dread.

Pour away the Mersey and the Goodison wood, For nothing now can ever come to any good.

But wait. The scavenging viral vultures, warned off by the flickering twitch of life, are repelled by the Phoenix corpse, and there is one last chance for the dream to be reborn and rebooted.

Maybe the waters are blue. Maybe Bramley-Moore is not a mirage.

Maybe that road leads to somewhere.

Is it blindness or blind faith?

It’s like I’m perched on the handlebars of a blind man’s bike.

With the wind on our backs and a bit of luck to help us avoid the tricky obstacles on the rocky road ahead, we could pick up the torn map of Moshiri’s dream and continue free-wheeling down the road into paradise postponed.

Or we could listen to the nihilist blind man as he hurtles headlong into an imagined vista of fraud, fume and relegation … a very different ‘panorama’ of paradise.

If an anthropologist did an ethnographic study of the Everton tribe, he would observe a disparate group believing in myths, with individual perspectives and some factions desperate to control the narrative of what being an Evertonian constitutes.

What’s your view of being an Evertonian these past few months? If you were perched on that blind man’s handlebars, unsure of what direction we were heading, seeing only what the blind man sees, without any official communication to tell us where we’re going, who could not forgive you for being frightened of the distorted dystopian vision you were being presented with? Do you see what they see or do you still have blind faith?

Nobody in their right mind would have wished for the current situation we Evertonians find ourselves in.

Nobody except gleeful, expectant Kopites, journos excluded from the inner Goodison sanctum, and maybe a handful of self-appointed, selfcongratulatory, self-publicising ambulancechasing desperados desperate to chronicle every cockup and catastrophe.

The virtual reality of Twitter presents us with alternative perspectives of paradise or purgatory (sometimes within the same 95 minutes!). Truth and lies, fact and fiction, are refracted through a kaleidoscope of media – some official and some user-generated.

Picking polar opposites is often a pre-requisite to ‘conversations’ on Twitter. ‘Glass half-full’ can be seen as “deluded”; ‘glass half-empty’ can be seen as “myopic”. Optimism is a variable state, but negativity and positivity often get conflated with this. So, supporting a team is misconstrued with “happy clapping”, and booing players in the warmup is justified as “caring about the club I love”.

Some views are hysterical (as in very funny); some are hysterical (as in taking a ridiculously exaggerated irrational doolally stance on some McNulty click-bait or Barton bollocks). There may be a fine line between banter and bile, but there’s a fair distance between apoplectic and apocalyptic.

In the communication vacuum created by the club, in the barren wasteland of fume not fact, irritable tiny knobs (I think that’s what ITK stands for) sow seeds of malignant discontent.

Some have agendas which masquerade as “wanting the best for the club”, but some are not contrarians, they’re just clowns.

All the fun (and fume) of the Circus. Bring on the Clowns!

Ah, the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd!

Everybody loves the magic of the circus. Illusion and delusion. Comedy and cruelty.

And, of course, the King and the Fool of the circus is the Clown.

The evil clown, cake in hand, wears the mask of comedy and lures you into a laughing nightmare with his fake hand of friendship. But there’s a fist of fume in that velvet glove.

So-called ‘banter’ is the white-faced circus makeup that hides the hate. It’s the anonymous Twitter handle masking the identity and the jeers of the cruel clown.

Roll up! Roll up! Come and witness the agenda of the sneering Clown Cloud Chaser.

He sees a calamity of clowns in the Boardroom. He sees happy clapping clowns on the terraces. He sees ‘cranky’ clowns in polls of post-positivity. He sees players as frauds or locker-less losers/heroes.

If Everton had followed the vision of the podcast clown, Gareth Barry would never have “played another game in a Blue shirt” and we would not have witnessed Wayne Rooney, as Everton Captain, scoring the most sublime goal in the Gwladys Street end.

The clown is schizophrenic. He rejoices in “the greatest team the world has ever seen” and at the same time is happily pimping for the click-bait hate hacks of Talkshite and the malevolent media with retweets and heart-shaped endorsements of spite and bad news.

He is the blind clown riding his bike down his long and whining road like a deranged psychopath shouting: “Relegation”. “Call out the Happy Clappers”. “He’s shite”. “He’s a fraud”. “He’s a clown”.

When you’re trapped in the circus, you can’t escape the clown. But they’re not custard pies he’s throwing. Twitter brickbats are bricks of hate. The motive is often little more than just bullying, boorish, bear-baiting masquerading as Lad Bible nastiness and aggression.

Moshiri has the money but, for now, clowns have the hegemony.

Is it the democracy of unsocial media which has given voice to the madcap, malevolent clown or is it the Everton Ringmasters who have created this circus?

Black Noise.

times,

White

In the vortex of what is manifestly bi-polar communications from Everton Football Club, the consequent communication vacuum has created relationships with fans which are strained to say the least.

The sound of silence is deafening but it resonates.

Initially, the absence of communication by owners and management implied strength (see ‘The Quiet Revolution’ referred to in earlier WSAG editions) but the lack of trust shown in 'official spokespeople' is now perceived as either arrogant or ignorant.

Transmitted communications – from club to fans – have been ludicrously channelled through the hysterical, hyperbolic White-faced Talkshite clown and yet some people who complain about the White noise of Talksport then have the temerity to endorse other people on that Murdoch-infested, whorehouse of in-bred, in-fighting scum.

At such a crucial time, disconnect between fans, de facto 'semi-official' opinion leaders & official @Everton Communications is counter-productive.

It has created a toxic monologue which promotes content by anyone on anything, with or without substance.

Counter-intuitively, a vacuum can create a space for ‘free speech’ which is not always helpful. The blind want to be led and they are often led by the blind. That’s where the clown thrives. Makes things up. Tweets without knowledge. Throws Paddy Power custard pies.

In this intersection between B2C and communications, meaning is negotiated.

C2C

Each solitary soundbite is deliberately misinterpreted. There’s no room for nuance where nonsense is received as wisdom.

A billionaire owner should know better than to make any public pronouncements, especially in the amateurish naive direct way he chooses, but do you think if he'd said: "fixtures in which we realistically didn't have high hopes of a result" it would have sounded better than “expected losses”?

Imagine if Twitter had been around when the President of the United States said: “Ich Bin Ein Berliner”, a symbolic gesture of unity and an

expression of the supposed new freedom.

Unbeknown to Kennedy, not dropping the indefinite article ‘a’ meant that he was actually saying: “I am a donut”.

The symbol of the ‘donut’ would have been his red Christmas Tree baubles. These days, pictures of Homer Simpson would have been retweeted ad infinitum.

Which is why I get annoyed when “expected losses” is misconstrued as “lack of ambition” and interviewing all available candidates is presented as a “shambles”.

In fact, everything is presented as a “shambles”.

Everything isn’t a “shambles” but saying it repeatedly is definitely trying to “control the narrative”. It’s what I’d call Goodison Gaslighting.

To be fair, some bloggers do have a certain vision.

Some can see the future in numbers. Some provide excellent analyses and insight.

But some regurgitate untruths or gossip and pass it off as knowledge. Some have been intoxicated by their moments of fume fame and have mistaken encouragement for endorsement.

But in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

“I look DOWN on you because you’re a Kopite. But I look UP to you because you’re an Evertonian”.

Our visions for the club and the views we have of ourselves are often expressed in exaggerated metaphors: School of Science. Blue-hearted emogis. Happy Clappers. Cloud chasers.

“Born not manufactured” is an odd one.

Is Sammy Lee, born an Evertonian, any less welcome than Peter Reid, born a Liverpudlian?

Were Kevin Sheedy, Peter Beardsley and – my personal favourite – Johnny Morrissey all sent from the dark side as replicants, as Kopite agent androids?

Does Sam Allardyce have to “get the club” or do Evertonians have to get him?

If Martinez and Koeman were like some mad Grand Designs’ architects with their “head-in-theclouds” arrogance and delusion, Allardyce and his team are the lads from DIY SOS who’ll get everyone to roll up their sleeves and help rebuild the team in a more solid, sensible fashion.

His mission isn’t beating relegation, it’s building a foundation. Not so much Fireman Sam as Bob the Builder.

But this is just my view. My optimism for lost causes has been well documented. If I believed in Roberto’s dream, I disbelieved Koeman’s nightmare.

An unfortunate metaphor that feeds into the nihilists’ narrative is personified by the use of the Titanic Hotel, next to the unforgiving Royal Blue Mersey.

It represented a metaphorical iceberg to Koeman, a giant of the game, who had left Southampton on a perfect wind and with high hopes, tragically crashing into oblivion.

Most of us wanted Koeman. Most of us applauded his hard-line, no-nonsense attitude to “getting the job done”. Koeman’s iceberg was made of arrogance, incompetence and an indifference to both club and supporters.

For him, it was a professional disaster.

But it wasn’t a disaster for Everton. Not everything Everton is a “shambles”.

At the risk of being seen as complacent, I'm afraid that I don't subscribe to the 'disaster' scenario being touted.

We can all see the iceberg up ahead. Moshiri’s ‘project’ is certainly heading for it. And yes, some of us are trapped below stairs not knowing where we’re going, with the equivalent of a screaming Corporal Jones panicking us by telling us not to panic.

But Moshiri still has a vision to take us towards NSNO and I still believe in it.

Maybe it’s blind faith or maybe it’s just blind stupidity.

I've always believed the adage "Out of the debris of despair we build our character" but there's a danger that it'll become the reverse: out of our character we build our despair.

But some of us are adding to the confusion and panic. Some of us are destroying the lifeboats!

I don’t subscribe to the ‘born not manufactured’ self-congratulatory slogan. People follow teams and some people follow their families into the mad world of Evertonia.

But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.

“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here.

I’m mad.

You’re mad.”

“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.

“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”

For me, it’s not so much how you “get the Blues”, it’s how you accept your responsibility as a Blue.

That’s the fine line between blind faith and sitting on the blind man’s handlebars.

@terry__smith

Not So Random Thoughts…..

Welcome to the Pleasuredome….

So, I told myself – and Graham to be fair – that if I knocked anything up for this edition it wouldn’t be about Everton. Anything but. But then, you know, it’s a bit like Silvio on The Sopranos doing that impression of Michael Corleone: “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in…” Hard to ignore the goings on. I don’t hate Sam Allardyce. If anything he’s to be admired. He’s made a good living out of football. He’s never been with a “fashionable” club (despite what West Ham think of themselves) and yet he’s hardly ever been out of the headlines. By and large he’s done the job he’s been employed to do. Even if it was with the help of the occasional brown envelope. He even managed England for a day. Or am I getting mixed up with Mike Bassett? I remember walking out of The Riverside for Walter Smith’s last game and thinking, “Well, that’s the back of him and it will never be as bad as that again…”

Southampton was though. A mate said that whilst overall it had been a good day out – apart from the match – enough was enough and he wanted Allardyce now. I didn’t want him though, for three good reasons:

Big Sam..? ?

1) His style of play. People point to the fact he had good players such as the likes of Anelka and Okocha amongst others at Bolton. But what is your memory of how they played? Had some decent players at West Ham. Ask West Ham fans how negative their style of play was when he was there.

2) What it says about us. In my head his appointment identifies us as a new addition to that band of clubs who play musical chairs with the same group of managers. Allardyce, Pardew, Redknapp being the leading lights.

Moyes has become a recent addition. The mentality at these clubs is “We are never going to win anything but we’ve got to stay up”, and that’s what these fellas are hired to do. The Red Adair’s of the Premier League.

3) What it means for the youth. We’ve got a lot of young promise at the club. Doesn’t mean it will automatically translate into talent coming through into the first team. But I can’t see Big Sam encouraging it through. Will Beni Baningime get another game and will Henry Onyekuru and Kieran Dowell get their chance to come back and shine or will it be today’s equivalent of Kevin Davies and Stelios Giannakopolou? Someone with an 18 month contract has clearly had his targets defined and I don’t think the longer term development of the club is at the top of the list. With the benefit of hindsight and 6 points against West Ham and Huddersfield pushing us up to lofty heights his appointment could be considered something of a panic buy. But most of us were panicking by that stage. And although we could tell you who we didn’t want, it wasn’t so easy to identify who we did want.

Nonetheless, whilst it’s left me feeling underwhelmed it is what it is and I won’t be booing him or calling for his head after a few games. He’s the Everton manager and should be afforded the same respect we gave Rhino over the last couple of months. And as for Sammy Lee, what do I care if he drinks his own piss? If he does as well for us as Johnny Morrissey, Kevin Sheedy, Peter Beardsley, etc. then that’s fine by me. And as I shouted back at those singing that ditty in the Street End the other night, it’s better than Chang. Might be as well to cancel his rumoured appearance at the Anfield legends night on the eve of the Derby though. And far be it for me to be the pessimist, but wins against West Ham and Huddersfield have done nothing to convince me we won’t get malletted over there. Cue Dominic with a Graham Sharp type vibe….

TommyBoy

WSAG CHANTS T-SHIRTS One in a set of five.

See then all at http://wsagfanzine.bigcartel.com

STRANGE DAYS Well who would have thought it eh?

Sam Allardyce, the butt of so many jokes and insults, the embodiment of one dimensional, long ball football and a man tainted by rumours of alleged financial impropriety is now the manager and head coach of that fine old institution Everton Football Club.

From Roberto Martinez to Big Sam in under two seasons. I wonder if anyone is planning any imminent ‘School of Science’ chants….?

That is the way it goes in business where companies try to groom an internal successor but it is fairly difficult to line someone up externally when your incumbent is doing so well. So, if a CEO ever gets fired or resigns suddenly, companies tend to appoint the CFO on an interim basis whilst they go to Head Hunters for very costly and often time consuming searches.

Personally, I would have looked at Eddie Howe but that’s me….

It wasn’t quite Diego Simeone was it?

In fact, whereas some of us were defending the Everton board in the light of agent provocateurs like old Filthy McNasty and their spreading of mass panic amongst the Evertonian social media nerds, whilst it wasn’t quite a shambolic managerial search as Agent Johnson’s 1997 search for a world class manager, it wasn’t far off.

I have some sympathy with Moshiri and Kenwright however having worked in that area for too many years to remember.

It is clear than no-one expected Koeman to implode as fast as he did. Given that he was only in the second year of a three year contract and we had just finished seventh, I am not surprised they didn’t have a successor in mind.

And the end result with Jim White’s best mate seemingly turning to Allardyce in panic after being knocked back loads by Watford for Marco Silva and the debacle at Southampton and the arrival of an ex red as Assistant (who according to several Blues refuels in a similar way to Sarah Miles…) certainly did not go down particularly well generally amongst the Blue masses.

In fact, that is an understatement that compares to saying that the British Government seem to be slightly struggling with the Brexit process….

And of course with social media being the stage for balloons the world over, we had the sorry spectacle of some holier than thou Evertonians telling all and sundry that they were so

disgusted by the two Sam’s that that was it and that on principle they were now boycotting Goodison.

wholeheartedly have fallen for the cult of the manager as God ever since Bill Shankly set foot into Anfield.

My response to that?

But us Evertonians have always been far more surly and judgment reserving when it comes to our managers.

Good, fuck off then and there will be more room for others…

Let’s take Harry Catterick as an example.

Harsh?

I don’t think so.

You see I cannot think of any situation where I would boycott going to the match or actively stop supporting Everton. As Tony Soprano said, ‘you’re in this shit for life..’

Why would the choice of a manager (however objectionable his personality and whatever allegations there have been about him) stop you actively supporting your club, the club that I am betting that several generations of your family supported??

Ditto an ex Liverpool player/coach who whilst a figure of fun is hardly up there on the list of most hated reds. I mean, imagine someone bringing in McMahon, Aldridge or Case?

And don’t give me all this shit about how your principles are too important and the rest of us are just (by accepting the Board’s choice) worser Evertonians who are dragging the club down.

I mean what are we talking about here? He is a football manager. That’s all.

He hasn’t mutilated anyone as far as I am aware and whilst he certainly wasn’t in my Top 5 of choices (and yes I felt distinctly ill at ease when I saw him speaking to the Press as our new manager) I can’t see anything in him or Sammy Lee that would ever lead me anywhere near to consider not going to watch Everton.

The reality is however is that there is little chance of Allardyce being welcomed in the bosom of the majority of Evertonians hearts.

So what’s new?

Going back in time it is actually the minority of Everton managers who have been idolised by the supporters unlike our red cousins who

Despite two championships and an FA Cup and creating two or arguably three exciting teams, he was never truly adored by the Goodison faithful unlike the messianic adoration LFC fans gave Shankly.

Much of that could maybe be out down to Catterick’s less media friendly personality but as Rob Sawyer’s excellent biography illustrated, despite his overwhelming success he wasn’t adored and as the Blackpool alleged pushing incident highlighted, sometimes despised.

Billy Bingham and Gordon Lee were both managers who were also never loved and despite reaching fourth and third in the league respectively, I can remember the joy my Dad had when both were sacked.

Howard Kendall and Colin Harvey were both respected and in some circles adored which was obviously based upon their contributions as players and in Harvey’s case as Kendall’s coach in the eighties glory years.

Those of us of a certain vintage will remember however the garage daubing in Kendall’s first spell and the lack of trust around him in his

second spell because he had quit in ’87 to go to Athletico fuckin’ Bilbao.

I can also remember the ‘Lions led by donkeys’ piece on Harvey and his backroom team as it became apparent in ’89 that we were in a long term decline.

Mike Walker was never here long enough to be truly loathed (although based upon what we know now he really should have been) and Joe Royle, despite his ignominious last few months, would always be mostly loved for his escapology and Cup winning antics in 1995.

Let’s be honest, many of us (me included) never loved Walter Smith and that again is an understatement and even though David Moyes lasted 11 years and very quickly had a song named after him and received a rapturous reception when he left, there was a sizeable group of Blues who always felt we were being held back by his more defensively minded coaching methods and mentality.

Similarly, whilst Roberto Martinez initially inspired hero worship with a combination of a great first season, his more charismatic (versus Moyes) personality and his playing to the gallery regarding the club’s tradition, the goodwill factor soon unravelled as results went pear shaped in the winter of 2014/15 and by the end?

Well you saw the rented aeroplane…

And it is fair to say that Ronald Koeman never really warmed to the hearts of the Everton public.

His direct Dutch-ness, his inability to talk about Everton as ‘we’ and (pathetically) his red Christmas decorations meant that he was always questioned and the well of sympathy was not very full when he hit his second successive difficult Autumn/early Winter.

So the reality is that the evidence seems to suggest that Evertonians have always been a sceptical bunch of surly arses when it comes to our manager/ So what is the relevance to (dare I call him it…..?!) Big Sam??

Well it doesn’t seem to matter whether we like managers or not, what matters is performances on the park and ultimately results.

Catterick was never really liked but his success bought him immunity from mass criticism.

Bingham and Lee’s dourness and their style of play was tolerated because we were high up the table and the lack of support for them only became an issue when the points tally dwindled.

And in terms of style of play, many Blues will say that the ‘Dogs of War’ season and a half was one of the their most enjoyable because Everton won a trophy and whilst it could be seen as a bit brutal at times, at its best it was a great combination of defensive nous and aggression with attacking skill in the right areas.

Sounds a lot like Sam Allardyce’s philosophy to me……

My hope is that our new supremo’s gargantuan ego will work in our favour as he sets out to prove to all and sundry that he has been a decent manager, that he was harshly treated with England and that they’d have better off with him than that boring, robotic prick Southgate.

His best way to prove this is to make us more solid, climb the table and who knows (although I have just seen the draw for the FA Cup Third Round) win something which hasn’t happened for nearly 23 friggin years…

Stranger things have happened…

Kieron

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#wsagdiary Phil Redmond’s diary is back to give a day by day, blow by blow account of these turbulent Starting from where we left off last time.

October 29 Leicester City 2 Everton 0: The optimism of the last few days come crashing down as Leicester comfortably brush aside a frighteningly poor Everton team.

Unsworth goes with an attaking line up featuring Lennon and Mirallas in wide positions supporting Rooney who is just behind Calvert-Lewin.

It’s a brave idea aimed at taking the game to the Foxes however it leaves us light in midfield and before we get to grips with the

line up, Leicester tear through our pedestrian defence and Jamie Vardy is on hand to fire the foxes in front.

The game is virtually over as a contest after half an hour when Jonjo Kenny slices horribly into his own net. Within seconds Aaron Lennon is flattened for as clear a penalty as you could wish to see but when your lucks out, it’s out and ref Andre Marriner doesn’t want to know.

Unsworth changes things at the break bringing on Beni Baningime (who looks like he should be a member of Cameo) and Oumar Niasse. The blues improve but never really look like getting back into the game.

So, Leicester move gracefully away from the bottom three, whilst the Blues remain deep in the mire. Where do we go from here?

October 30 Afterwards, David Unsworth accepts that the first half performance wasn’t good enough but feels we were much better after the break.

He feels we only need a couple of wins and everything will change. He’s right of course but that’s the problem, getting those wins.

Currently we look like a team that has forgotten how to defend and who rarely look like scoring.

Not a good combination.

Unsworth also stressed the importance of a positive result from next Sunday’s game v Watford before the international break.

You suspect they’ve already written off the Europa league.

Understandable perhaps but I’m sure the thousands who are going to Lyon on Thursday won’t be thrilled if that’s the case.

October 31 Sky are going big that Everton are set to approach Sean Dyche for the Everton job. Predictably social media is alive with people objecting to the possible appointment of someone who apparently isn’t fit to manage Everton. I would hope that the fans who actually go the match will get behind whoever’s

unclear how many blues are travelling to Lyon but given the 3000 allocation went as soon as it went on sale and nobody I know who’s going has got a ticket, you’d imagine that the travelling support will rival the reported 9000 who went to Lille three years ago.

appointed whether its Unsworth, Dyche or Theresa fuckin May. You do get the impression that some cranks would be moaning if we got a Jose Mourinho/Pep Guardiola joint management dream ticket.

In other news, the under 21’s exit the Checkatrade Trophy after a third straight defeat. This time 1-0 at Mansfield.

November 01 The latest man to be linked with the Everton job is the fantastically named Wolves boss Nuno Espiritu Santo.

This rumour is quickly shot down by the top of the Championship table club.

David Unsworth’s blues meanwhile fly out to France for their Europa League tie with Lyon. Joining the squad is 18 year old centre back Morgan Feeney.

You do get the impression that the club can’t wait to get knocked out of this competition so that we can concentrate on the league.

In his press conference, David Unsworth denies this saying we’re going there to win and given the support we’re taking, he’s really got no choice. It’s

Now I may spend too much energy in here berating our entitled, internet element but our travelling support is incredible. Our fans have been given absolutely fuck all by our team this season yet they still travel in numbers that nobody can beat. Imagine if we ever got good again.

tweaks at half time and Everton come out after the break firing Gana misses a sitter and Sigurdsson another decent chance.

However, with 20 to go, Lyon take advantage of a lucky bounce in midfield and it’s the same old story. Heads go down, more goals are conceded and Morgan Schneiderlin gets himself sent off for a stupid tackle. A sad end to an ignominious European campaign. You really begin to wonder where this is all going to end.

November 03 November 02 Lyon 3 Everton 0: A new low as the blues crash out of Europe after a late collapse in Lyon.

Unsworth goes with a team as mad as anything Koeman ever came up with. He goes with a solid 5 in midfield with none other than Gylfi Sigurdsson leading the line.

Unsurprisingly, we spend the entire first half camped on the edge of our own box. A few

The morning after the night before. Unsworth reveals he tore a strip off the team for their collapse last night.

You get the impression that there’s some players there going through the motions before a new full-time appointment is made.

In the bottom 3 and now out of both Europe and the league cup.

It’s been a truly horrible start to the season. As bad as anything in living memory. Suddenly Big

Idrissa Gueye in the centre of midfield.

The first half offered no hint of the drama to come as a grim struggle ensued.

Leighton Baines missed our best chance whilst Richarlison wasted Watford’s best opening.

Within seconds of the restart though, the young Brazilian attoned for his miss and waltzed round Pickford to score after the returning Michael Keane had allowed himself to be bullied by Andre Gray.

Sam’s grim brand out pragmatism doesn’t sound that bad an option after all.

Personally I don’t care who gets it as long as they can sort this mess out.

them getting any more than a draw.

In other news, Panorama screening a two part probe the tax affairs of the super which includes a look at affairs of Alisher Usmanov Farhad Moshiri. Ace.

are into rich the and

November 04 Watford come to Goodison tomorrow no doubt confident that they can rectify their record of never having won here in their history.

Their boss Marco Silva is being talked up as a future Everton manager and he does seem to be building a decent team there with the likes of Richarlison and Doukore looking decent buys.

Like a number of teams who we’d usually expect to beat, think Newcastle, Brighton, Huddersfield, Burnley etc, they’re well organised and each player seems to know their role, unlike the shambles that we’ve been all season.

This is an absolutely massive game for Everton and Unsworth faces a monumental task in lifting his battered squad after Thursday. Honestly, I can’t see

November 05 Everton 3 Watford 2: Once every so often, a game takes place that is so mad that it’ll never be forgotten. Remember that Blackburn game when reserve goalie Ian Turner got sent off in the first five minutes and we ended up with a 19 year old John Ruddy between the sticks.

Well today was one of those and a massive reminder of why we love the bastards and why Goodison is so special.

Unsworth again went with a young team with Beni Baningime making his full league debut alongside Tom Davies and

With the Blues in disarray and Tom Cleverley bossing the midfield it was no surprise when one of their grocks headed in from a simple set piece.

It was all too much and quite a few people got off with 65 minutes on the clock.

If Everton hadn’t replied quickly, I shudder to think what might have happened, but Oumar Niasse, who was lively throughout took advantage of indecision in the Watford defence to bundle the blues back in the game.

By this time, Unsworth had injected more pace into the team, in the form of Lookman and Lennon and they began to stretch the Watford back line.

Shortly afterwards the third sub Dom Calvert-Lewin headed home his first league goal of the season from a Baines corner.

At this point it became end to end with the Hornets piling forward and Everton looking dangerous on the break.

In the final minute of normal time came the decisive moment with the blues getting the benefit of the doubt after Aaron Lennon fell over Jose Holebas.

Leighton Baines fired home confidently and that should have been that. Unfortunately, we had 12 minutes of injury time to get through after an injury to Watford keeper Heurelio Gomez.

With our defence and 35000 punters panicking all over the place, it was proper hearts in the mouth stuff and with about two to go, Jordan Pickford brought down Richarlison as the striker looked to finish in another goalmouth scramble. So, there it was, the chance for Tom Cleverley to cap, possibly his best ever Goodison performance with a point saving spotkick.

Incredibly he blazed wide and the Toffees hung on to sheer delirium. I’m getting too old for all this.

November 06 Afterwards Unsworth was bursting with pride at his players and the fans for the victory which takes us into the international break up to the heady heights of 15th.

It’s a great boost for everyone at the club and I’m made up for Unsworth who’s been hung out to dry in some respects by the fixtures he’s faced, the mess he’s been left and by the actions of some of his senior players.

It’s revealed that both Kevin Mirallas and Morgan Schneiderlin were sent home from training on Saturday for a lack of effort and frankly both need fucking off. Mirallas has

now played up for three managers whilst Schneiderlin has been a disgrace this season.

they’ve not dragged him over there.

It’s likely though that these two won’t be Unsworth’s problem for much longer as a new managerial appointment will probably be in place before our next match at Palace in a fortnight. That’ll be another huge game.

November 08

November 07 According to the media, it looks like it’s going to be big Sam on a short-term deal until the end of the season, whilst we try and sort out a “name” manager. I can’t say I’m thrilled but there’s no point pontificating until it happens.

In other news, Morgan Schneiderlin has denied being sent home from training at the weekend and insists he’s fully committed to the club. He would say that though wouldn’t he.

Something clearly went on and the Frenchman needs to buckle down and prove his commitment on the training ground and on the pitch, if selected.

James McCarthy meanwhile is out of the Ireland squad for this weekend’s World Cup play off with a hamstring injury. He must be proper goosed if

Sky now reckon we’re trying to get Diego Simeone from Athletico Madrid. To sum up, they haven’t got a Scooby.

Kevin Mirallas has now taken to Twitter to deny being sent home from training but also to apologise to his team mates, the chairman and the fans for his actions, which were caused by “frustration”.

November 09 Apparently it’s Unsworth who’s now back in the box seat with the various rumour men mooting a deal until the end of the season.

Tom Davies meanwhile has withdrawn from the England under 23 squad with a “slight” hamstring injury.

Whatever, it must make him a doubt for the crunch clash with Palace, a week on Saturday.

In other news, Chelsea are thought to be planning another bid for Ross Barkley. It’s all gone quiet since Unsworth spoke about wanting to persuade Ross to stay at Everton. I certainly won’t be surprised if he goes in January.

More on p28

The Comedy of Errors – or is it All’s well that ends well?

Well, with Craig Shakespeare coming in you didn't expect a Bard free piece did you? It has been a turbulent start to the season, and the whole sorry episode has indeed been a comedy of errors.

The search for a new manager had started with excitement about the possibility of a Tuchel, Ancelotti or Simeone (though no one really believed the second two were realistic options).

Then there was the cautious optimism about someone like Silva or Dyche – though there was divisions in the fanbase about them. Relief it wasn't Moyes or Allardyce…. But then in the end it WAS Allardyce.

A terrifying prospect for many.

I myself am hardly doing cartwheels at having him in charge of our club. Uproar probably describes the reaction of most blues, with a few saying that they will never go again whilst Allardyce is in charge. A couple of our number in the Chorley Toffees are adamant about that. And bringing in Sammy Lee only fans the flames. I suppose at least it wasn't Pulis or Pardew. But perhaps it's just been much ado about nothing?

On the face of it, the appointment of ‘Big Sam’ is a step backwards, in keeping with the whole season.

A season that promised so much has rapidly turned to ratshit. A promising start to the transfer window ultimately left us weaker. A defence that offered promise of being solid in the first 5 or so games became the most porous in recent memory.

The fear of being impotent up front after losing Lukaku was realised. The promise of spreading the goals around never materialised. Uninspiring performances in the early fixtures became horror shows.

Our Midsummer Nights dream eventually resembled loves labours lost. The winters tale (ok I’ll stop soon, honest!) became a tragedy of epic proportions for Evertonians.

With Koeman gone, our own knight in shining armour, Unsy came in and despite the promise of the second half v Chelsea in his first game, it showed us that despite Unsy instilling more passion in the side and more structure, the cracks ran very deep and it seems too big a job for a manager of limited experience.

So, enter Samuel Allardyce the man from Dudley.

An appointment that goes against everything most blues believe in. A man with a (perhaps unfair) reputation for hoofball. A man sacked by England for some alleged dodgy behaviour that surprised no one. An uncompromising man who does not fit in with our dream image.

He isn't what the majority of Evertonians want.

But is he what we need? We aspire for better, for the best. Our motto is our standard and all that.

And so it should be.

But right now we are in a mess. Can we afford to take a risk on an unproven manager or a manager who hasn't managed in the PL? Can we afford the luxury of pretty football? Can we afford to work with managers who only work with the very best players and may not be able to work with an underperforming band of lesser talented players?

Is Sam the man to recognise where these lot are going wrong, motivate them and rectify the situation? Could he get a song out of the talented but this season truly dreadful Schneiderlin or Mirallas?

Our defence has been awful – Sam starts from the back and his teams have a reputation of being hard to beat. I am trying to convince myself as much as I am you dear reader. And the more I think about it, little snippets of hope appear.

Could the two Sam’s -the two noble kinsmen – and Craig Shakespeare turn our nightmare start into a dream that ends up at Wembley and a good placing in the league? Only time will tell. Bolton fans loved him. Sunderland fans likewise. But he was hated at West Ham and Newcastle. We are indeed a bigger side than all of the

aforementioned, with due respect, with very exacting standards.

He had a reputation of ‘saving’ his previous clubs and even managed to exceed all expectations with Bolton getting them to fifth.

It wasn't always pretty but there was also some quality in those teams – Okocha, Djorkaev, Anelka, Campo immediately spring to mind.

At Everton he will be working with probably the most talented set of players he has ever worked with (once certain positions have been addressed). I don't go with the ‘worst Everton team in 30 years or whatever’ nonsense. It is, however, the worst performing side in 20 years or so. We still have a very good squad that needs a lot of strengthening but once everyone is fit, and those areas are addressed we could be back challenging in the top half.

It's all about confidence and mental strength and the players have totally lacked those qualities this season. A few set backs and their heads have gone down.

We saw at City in our one good performance (prior to West Ham) that even without Lukaku we can be a good side. We have some good experienced players and a lot of exciting raw talent.

Unfortunately, not many players in our squad are at that peak age of 24-30. And certain players seem to have simply bottled it this season and lost confidence. Others have started the decline in their careers due to age and just at the time our talented kids needed support and leadership, it was found to be lacking.

But I could see in the West Ham game, after the Pickford save and Wayne’s hat trick goal, that the confidence flowed back. Passes and flicks were coming off. Where there was hesitation surety was now returning.

Ok it was a baby step but maybe that was the turning point. Maybe we will start improving now and Sam will get the plaudits for the revival that Unsworth was striving to ignite. Which is a shame for Unsy but he and us won't care who gets the credit as long as the blues are winning.

It's all if buts and maybes and of course it could simply be one of those false dawns that us Toffees are so familiar with. We will see.

One thing for certain is that Sam will not have the benefit of a ‘honeymoon period’ that we usually afford managers (thanks Ric George). The first

sign of things going tits up and the two Sams and the Bard of Leicester (well, Birmingham) to be precise) will get it both barrels off the fans.

But imagine…

Just imagine if they can get this side going, playing great football and succeed where Koeman, Martinez and Moyes failed by winning at Anfield, winning a trophy.

No one will care any more about who is in charge.

He said it in his press conference.

What type of football will you play – winning football. We do want style and class but we also want trophies and to beat our rivals.

If we achieve that under Sam I don't think we will be holding him in the same esteem as a Kendall or a Catterick or a Royle but that won't matter as long as it's alls well that ends well.

Trevor Edwards @blackrodblue

#WSAGmatch LEICESTER CITY (AWAY) #WSAGmatch continues. Match comments by Lee Molton alongside comments posted by you on WSAG's twitter and Facebook following the match. Get involved look out for the #wsagmatch LEICESTER CITY 2 EVERTON 0 Seven things to take away from today’s game 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Lack of goalscoring threat - from anybody today and never looked like scoring.

Schneiderlin a big miss - left us exposed too much.

Unsworth got it badly wrong – but at least he changed it at half time.

Defending too high up field - Vardy had a field day.

Why play old and slow centre-backs against pace? - It was a big mistake.

Rooney floats around the pitch too much needs to be more disciplined and stay in his position, at times he is even at left-back with the ball.

Leicester fans happy clappers - annoying little tits.

@Carl0sAlbert0 Looking forward to Colin Murray and Chris Iwelumo covering us on Five next season. @GerMcK1976 Is Mike Walker available? @Jodaruya Naive team selection. Need to hold on to what we've got. @arniestevens2 I can’t think of a positive, apart from we didn't concede more than 2. Its gut wrenching to watch and hurts. Laughing Stock @NeilMorris18 We need a world class manager quick. @bobbybefc Made early mistakes got punished plenty of good play without the end result move on to Lyon @_doshiri Been a while since I’ve looked at the first division to see who we will be playing next year. @Gareth_Watts11 We are in serious trouble.

Twitter not giving enough space to raise all the issues we have. @sectorreport The team is beyond parody @Phoenix20387 Insert all synonyms for abject here [•]. @paulking1965 Senior pros letting the kids down!

@ToffeeArt We can’t keep clean sheets. We can’t score. We all know what happens to teams like that… @PROwens1979 Hard to think of 3 teams worse than us. Older players look geriatric and youngsters look like kids. @senor_azul1878 We have no balance, poor defence, we need a striker and play our inform players. @B_Mac1878 Anyone need a dock? @Marillionmark We have one foot in the championship! @AndyKayley We need a manager ASAP, sadly not Unsy, or we will be relegated. Stop wearing the shite grey away kit too!

@FinKitch Absolutely and utterly clueless.

@Liverpool_Bay Default action. Solid 442. We don't have the basic personnel. Shit @thecrosbyfonz Utter dogshite, covered in dogwank.

Dogitty wank, chequebook and pen.

Phil Redmond Time to face facts we’re in big trouble Trevor Edwards Can't fault the effort and generally better organised but the lack of pace and genuine quality at the back and upfront clearly exposed.

Unsy - or whoever takes over has a hell of a job on his hands.

David Mcmullen It's beyond repair by that I mean we are in deep shit.

Mick Upfield It rhymes with trucking flight.

Paul O'Callaghan No chance of scoring or keeping a clean sheet. Worrying times.

Stuart Whittle Awful. We're in big big trouble Steve Kirkham We look like a championship side playing a premier league side. Lots of running but absolutely no quality going forward. Difficult to watch.

Terry Maher Shocking I'm sorry to say but this could be the end championship football next season Alan Geoghegan Same shite different day Jonathan Wallace Losing to Daily Mail FC another low Darren Owens Joey Barton absolute disgrace on Radio commentary slagging Usworth for 90 mins and whole club. Yes you can give us some stick /criticism but there's a certain barrier you don't cross. Absolutely raging with Joey GOBSHITE BARTON. Ian Fisher I had to listen too. Let's hope he was doing it for effect. If only he lived and played as to his critique of David Unsworth.

Mike Griffith Davies and Gueye can't play together ...both have no idea about keeping shape!!

Jo Lewis am I deluded in thinking that the team we had last season didn’t need a massive overhaul but needed a few quality additions plus a suitable replacement for Lukaku - instead it looks like we have been ruined and those with promise look desperate

Matt Jones My thumb would hurt with what I have to say Carl Owens Dark days indeed. Didn’t see this coming. I really don’t know who can turn this around. It’s got big Sam written all over it but really who’d want to take this disaster on.

Stuart Guy Exactly what has Walsh brought to the club? We have gone backwards, I have seen worse (screensport super cup anyone?) but this is plain embarrassing.

Kevin Rogers Been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to write something. I literally got nothing.

I’m done Andy Wilcock Marching on together....

Bernie Crilly No away since January is totally unacceptable, as is starting every game home and away slowly. They put us on the back front immediately today and we never recovered. The players are letting everyone down it really is as simple as that.

Sam McPartland I don't know what to say anymore - we look totally out of our depth Julian Connor I'd take 17th now. We need a Super Kev type January signing to keep us up. We might even need Large Sam. Dire. Pen decision was woeful, but I think if we'd have got that and scored we'd have pushed forward more and been torn apart.

Michael Veskovich I was extremely generous predicting we’d finish 11th this season. How wrong I was! This is an absolute nightmare!

Andrew Bannon Same old shite, no running off the ball, no game plan, no threat up from, childlike errors and no passion from Rhino on the sideline Phil Jones Baines. I love him but he’s finished.

Fuck was he doing taking that free-kick on the right? Rooney has to be dropped for Sigurdsson and what’s Lookman got to do to get a game?

Julian Connor I've defended Baines this season on the basis that he's had nobody to link up with, but his set pieces today were atrocious, no pace on them, so easy for the keeper / defenders to deal with. He's been dealt a bad hand by us not signing a deputy for him, expecting him to play twice a week is madness.

Michael Thomas Shite. Not sure who will get us playing again and up the table. It's not Unsworth.

Being an Evertonian is not enough I'm afraid.

Antony Green Players are clearly trying, the organisation looks like it’s has been ripped out of them - a lot of chasing, a bit headless, getting picked off. Can be sorted. Not time to panic yet.

Richard Osborne Where were our senior players giving an arm around the shoulder of Kenny? The lack of ANY kind of leadership on the pitch is the biggest concern for me. Baines is a shell of himself and Jagielka and Williams look like pub players.

Stuart Guy Baines and Jags have never been leaders so not likely to start now. Williams is a huge disappointment and god knows how he captains any side let alone an international one.

Hope the confidence of the younger players isn’t damaged too much by this current state of affairs Adrian Gregory Poor again going to be a long season Daniel McKay We need to keep a clean sheet in our next game. Number one priority Richard Madden They were ok imho Alex Bentley Looked better than we have done.

Still shite, like.

Peter Aldridge Total lack of pace from front to back - that was painful to watch - if we are getting overrun by the likes of Leicester ( no disrespect intended) then we are in trouble.

Alex Bentley At fault for their first, scored their second, didn't once look like scoring one of our own. Ace. Antwan Clayton Dismal. Don’t know what Unsey or anybody else are going to do.

Neil Mckeown Get Allardyce in. It's that bad

John McPartland Begins with s and ends in e ???⚽ Brian Steve Smart Fucking shite again simple as that I'm a fan of Davies but let's be fair he has been woeful last few games yes he runs around like a mad man but let's face it his decision making is terrible simple balls he gives away all the time we need to start playing vlasic personally I think he would be more of a threat John Holt We need new manager Asaph! Someone with a great winning mentality and proven managerial back ground ! I'd try for AMadrids manager tbh pay the compensation to get him !

Mark Ellis Need a new manager really quickly. This cannot drag on for long, or we will be dead men walking. Making shit teams look like world beaters every week.

Russell Jonjo Laverty As it became clearer just how fucked we looked under Koeman (about a month ago) I became very edgey and surprised myself by thinking our best move was to get “an Allerdyce” in to shore things up and just get points on the board. I genuinely fear for u...See more Antwan Clayton I agree mate. The body language on the senior players is WHAT THE FUCK? And the younger lads look shell shocked.

Paddy Howlin Other than Pickford, I’m struggling to think who else in our team today who would get in to another Premier League team. This is as grim as 1994 or 1998. I can’t see where the next win is coming from.

Mike Badger You cannot talk relegation in feckin October. I think Unsy should be given a chance COYB Michael Harris Lot of bad panic merchants on social media. Mark my words we’ll finish on page 1 of ceefax and have a good run in the FA Cup. Why? Because we’re fucking Everton, aren’t we! Let’s start the turnaround by setting fire to the Watford bus this weekend. COYB

Early in November, Everton’s majority shareholder, Farhad Moshiri, featured heavily in a BBC documentary about the ‘Paradise Papers’ - an investigation into the offshore financial activities of politicians, celebrities, corporate giants and rich accountants who buy Premier League football clubs and Liver buildings. Here are some of the distractions that appear to have made us forget all about it: • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Brexit Atalanta, er, Ultras on Spellow Lane The John Lewis advert and Elbow’s tepid cover of Golden Slumbers Wirral hunk Paul Hollywood’s marital breakdown Martin O’Neill Robert Mugabe Charles Manson Paddington Bear Morgan Schneiderlin, Kevin Mirallas and Big Dunc Brexit England and Panama England and Roberto Martinez’s Belgium Romelu Lukaku’s drought Blue Planet II Everton Brexit Martin Keown and ‘the biggest game in Everton’s history’ against West Ham Black Friday The Queen being in the Paradise Papers Everton Heritage pyjamas being reduced to a bargain £15… (just me?)

Bramley-Moore Dock land-lease contracts ‘Britain First’ Yannick Bolasie in training Oumar Niasse Oumar Niasse’s ban Denis Stracqualursi interview in the Independent http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/footb all/premier-league/denis-stracqualursiexclusive-interview-everton-career-goalscity-chelsea-tigre-a8073216.htm

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The Brighton Kop in the Guardian https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_con tinue=13&v=LWhU3BmNk1A Snow Rodney Bewes RIP Beni Baningime Coleen forgiving Wayne Jeremy Corbyn on the front of GQ Brexit Charlie Austin The Ashes Neville Southall’s social conscience on Twitter Joey Barton on Twitter Jim White on Twitter Twitter David Unsworth’s small tie The return of Peaky Blinders Damian Green’s porno stash Brexit Meghan and Harry Meghan Morgan Schneiderlin and Kevin Mirallas being dropped Jordan Pickford’s penalty save Wayne Rooney’s goal Farhad Moshiri’s thumbs-up “Rhino” chants Little Sammy Big Sam

Al Ledward

#WSAGmatch EUROPA LEAGUE: OLYMPIQUE LYONNAIS (AWAY) #WSAGmatch continues. Match comments by Lee Molton alongside comments posted by you on WSAG's twitter and Facebook following the match. Get involved look out for the #wsagmatch

@Paddock_View recruitment this summer has left the club high and dry. No striker, lack of defenders. meaning we are as leaky as the Titanic

OLYMPIQUE LYONNAIS 3 EVERTON 0

@bobbybefc On the game writing was on the wall with the lads left behind shows how seriously we took the comp but played well up to first goal. Glad we are out of that competition complete waste of time stupid Thursday games at least for the last two games the kids can play

Seven things to take away from today’s game 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

A poor away display - We did not really trouble the Lyon defence tonight and were easily beaten.

Why was no striker picked - Unsworth made a few changes and rested some players and played without a striker – why was this?

The travelling Evertonians deserved so much better - Over 3,000 Evertonians made the long trip to Lyon for another embarrassing display.

How long will it be before we are back in Europe – it could be a while.

Another second half collapse - We were in the game until the second half when we conceded a couple of goals quickly.Again.

What now for Unsworth? - how much longer will we have to put up with leaking goals and losing matches?

Schneiderlin not committed - stupidly sent off for two yellow cards making it even harder for the Blues to win.

@ste_topbalc Out of Europe with two games still to play tells it's own story.

@BryanMiddlemass This is just pathetic. From Walsh and the board down to the players. No tactics, no shape, no heart, no desire. Something needs to be done @five15design These imposters (not all) should be treated same as pitch invaders & given life bans from football fields across UK. @molloy_tommy How shite are Everton just now? Let down by "experience" tonight in my opinion. Schneiderlin, Williams. Struggling to see a way through this @IanRyder10 Not just inept but now got no effort hang your head in shame Everton players you don’t deserve to wear the shirt David Mcmullen Well Unsworth lost his audition.

We are really in the shit. Anyone who says were not need to wake up.

Julian Connor Can you see this meek bunch scrapping to stay up? Going, going, gone.

@ToffeeArt I’m losing the will to watch/support this shite. Overpaid millionaires not giving a flying fuck while we struggle to pay our bills. @gibmaister I’ve got a teenager who doesn’t even want to go the match it’s so bad thanks Everton @ellieq What this game is really missing is Michael Keane @DanielOG82 Lyon looks a decent city. #wsagmatch @docefc Sigurdsson, Schneiderlin and Williams not up for the fight.

Bernie Crilly I can't take anymore … seriously I can't take anymore Matthew Keenan I’m done Steve Brown Shit at the back shit up front only Everton could spend 155 million and go from looking decent to utter shite in 6 months Barry Otoole Big Sam or go down Phil Jones Allardyce to the rescue. Yeah, we’re that bad.

Kevin Rogers I can’t fucking believe how I felt when we were buying all an sundry a few months ago to how I’m feeling now it’s Sam Allardyce or we go down it’s that simple.

Everton outdoing Everton Mick Jones I can't think of three worse teams currently in the Championship, let alone the Premiership. I'm thinking of next season, forget this one.

Trevor Edwards I can actually give a couple of positives: Beni and Ademola. JohnJoe did ok. But ultimately a side with no striking potency, no left back, defensive inadequacies and an inexperienced manager will get spunked by a quality side - or by pretty much anyone really.

Paul George Horatio Malcolm Some bad shit houses in that team.

Neil Mckeown Switched off at 2. Omelette for tea though so not all bad Phil Redmond Can't ever remember feeling this depressed about Everton. However shite they are though, they're our shite. What's our name Alan Crotty The whole set up is a complete mess!

Absolute Chaos from top to bottom! What the actual fuck has Steve Walsh done? Is he a closet Kopshite!

Mick Abrams People laughed at Koeman pursuing the world's only #9 in Giroud and the only #10 in Sigurdsson. Now some say the only manager on the planet who can save us is Allardyce. Couldn't make it up Tim Healiss Saving ourselves for the league push, "bottom or bust."

Miles Shackley Everton there, showing us exactly what a swift Brexit looks like.

Steve Gilligan Fuckin shite. Fight and die for that shirt or fuck off now. Quickly. UTFT Chris Walsh If Rhino was trying to keep his "best" players fresh for our 6 pointer on Sunday he should have excused Pickford the humiliation of tonight.

Schneiderlin should be given the Niasse treatment after that.

Mark Ellis Nice to see Rhino still giving Martina a chance ffs. Hope his head didn’t fall off though Paul Hennessey Unsworth hasn't helped a bit.

This was a period for him to play in his opinion the best team and stick with it for 3 games (international break coming up so no need to rest players) instead we are even more confused about our best team that before if it was possible John Thompson Thank fuck I missed it with work!! That's how bad it was...apparently Eoin O Cuilleain Can concentrate on getting beat in the league now.

Edgar Chadwick So the only nailed on place in the whole team is young Mason Mick Upfield Very poor. Even the brighter performances dim with the mundane.Schneiderlin, what the fuck were you thinking?

Carl Everton Reddish Nothing to say....buying my away tickets now for Barnsley, Villa, Birmingham.etc....

Stephen Blease I feel sorry for the fans who went out there and watched it and had hope given to them at 0-0 at half time. Unsworth can't be the new manager now sad to say.

Everton’s Greatest Games: The Toffees’ Fifty Finest Matches by Jim Keoghan Book Review by Paul Owens At 5:25 pm on Bonfire Night this year, as the dense mist descended on a part-depressed, part-apathetic Goodison Park, where Everton had just gone 0-2 down to an average-at-best Watford side, I was sitting in the Upper Bullens at the Old Lady, wondering what the hell I was doing there.

Freezing to death in just my tracksuit top (my daughter was wearing my big coat as she had forgotten hers in all the excitement of going for a kick-about in Stanley Park and then on to watch Jordan Pickford et al.), I started to panic about how I was going to get us back to our East Yorkshire home that night in a car whose warning light had come on earlier that day.

Never again.

At 6:02 pm on Bonfire Night this year, as fireworks lit up the sky above a jubilant Goodison Park, where Everton had just beaten an in-form Watford side 3-2, thanks to a 91st minute penalty (and an even later penalty miss by an ex-Blue), I was standing in the Upper Bullens at the Old Lady, hugging my daughter tightly, singing songs (with others who’d kept the faith) about Everton being by far the greatest team the world had ever seen, and not giving a second thought to how we were going to get home that evening.

I won’t lie. I felt like crying. Football.

I won’t lie. I felt like crying.

Bloody hell.

As these things so often come in threes, everything pointed to this becoming a real nightmare of a day, as unholy a trinity as any Evertonian travelling the width of the country could possibly experience: a poor performance from a team that had lost its way, a shocking result (which would keep us in the relegation zone) and surely a breakdown on the M62 in Baltic conditions somewhere around Ainley Top at approximately 8:30pm on a Sunday evening.

Football.

When’s the next game?

In the introduction to his excellent book Everton’s Greatest Games: The Toffees’ Fifty Finest Matches, Jim Keoghan highlights how subjective the whole topic of great games is and how difficult it is to achieve a complete consensus with something like this.

Indirectly, in those opening pages, Keoghan poses the following question: what is it that makes a game so special and memorable?

Bloody hell.

Some supporters would argue that each match can be judged on its individual merits – judged solely on the events that unfolded during those ninety minutes, whereas others would argue that there needs to be real significance attached to the result.

Indeed, I’m in two minds as to whether the game I watched last month

can be put into the ‘special’ category.

After all, no trophies are ever up for grabs in November and we were pretty dreadful for over an hour.

What’s more, it didn’t turn out to be the season-changing game (the ‘Kevin Brock moment’) that many of us thought it would be.

Nevertheless, we did win a match we were 20 down in with less than half an hour left to play, the winner came in added time and the opposition missed a penalty with the last kick of the game.

I can’t remember too many cup finals ending that way, can you? Oh, and I also got my daughter home safely that evening.

Many of the fifty games covered in this book focus on key moments in the club’s history.

Starting with an early FA Cup tie against Bolton, which had us hitting the headlines for both the right and wrong reasons, and ending with our first win at Old Trafford in over twenty years, Keoghan’s book takes us on a trip through the weird and wonderful world of Evertonia, including that magical night against Bayern Munich in 1985, loads of derby-day victories (remember them?) and those final-day scraps with Wimbledon and Coventry City.

In many ways, it’s the sequel to Jim’s first book (which every Evertonian should own) and could’ve been called Highs, Near-Lows and Bakayokos.

Not every selection is an obvious one, though, and I really do feel as though I have learned a great deal by reading this book.

Particular favourites of mine are the chapters covering Dean and Lawton’s demolition of Leeds United in 1937 (Master and Apprentice), the Battle of Goodison against the same opposition in 1964 and the first-ever European Cup penalty shoot-out (Penalty Kings), games I was aware of but not ones I knew a great deal about prior to reading this book.

As well as being a book about Everton’s splendid history, Keoghan’s latest offering is a history of football journalism in general.

Some of the lines from the very early reporters working for the likes of the Liverpool Mercury, the Accrington Observer and Lancashire

Evening Post included here are just fabulous and show how much sports reporting has changed over the years, not necessarily for the better: “The play at once became of an earnest character, the ball being impelled quickly from end to end. Excitement was thus aroused from the outset.”

Marvellous.

Buy Everton’s Greatest Games: The Toffees’ Fifty Finest Matches for someone this Christmas so that they can learn even more about our proud history, reminisce about glorious games they attended in person and have the odd grumble about Jim not including their personal favourites.

Everton that.

UTFT. @PROwens1979

#WSAGmatch WATFORD (HOME) #WSAGmatch continues. Match comments by Lee Molton alongside comments posted by you on WSAG's twitter and Facebook following the match. Get involved look out for the #wsagmatch EVERTON 3 WATFORD 2

Michael Veskovich That’s more like it! It’s been so doom and gloom. The last 20 or so was enjoyable to watch! The lads showed a lot of passion and that is all we really ask for isn’t it?

David Shortall Massive confidence boost and agent Cleverly, I fucking love you. đ&#x;’™

Seven things to take away from today’s game

Paul McCready I'd take a draw

1. Calvert-Lewin - made such a difference when he came on in the second half.

2. Niasse inspired the comeback - never stopped running especially for the first goal.

3. The Evertonians were brilliant - the noise was unbelievable and inspired the team.

4. Apart from those who left early – have a word with yourselves eh?

5. Baines cool as ever – did anyone think he was going to miss?

6. Watford gave it a good go though - played with pace and were too quick for us in the first half.

7. Has there ever been a penalty miss cheered so much? – thanks Tom!

Alex Bentley Rooney off the pitch, players in the right positions... And we score. Fancy that...

@nickellis_music Mind-bending, Spice influenced comeback. @DrSwaff An ugly win to get the monkey off their backs. Now they just need to start believing in themselves. @essayeff Nurse. The defibrillator. Now! @General_Zod_PE1 Where's our Dave Watson? It's Oumar effing Niasse!! Hard work and commitment, lads. It can do wonders.

Nikolas Heyes Never in doubt, UTFT Andrew Bannon The Subs made the difference, lessons learned. Passion in the 2nd half was a refreshing change!

Tony Fitzpatrick Perfectly Everton!

Antony Green It’s only the result that matters at times like this, well done the lot of them....

Mick Palin Left at half time to light a fire for my two girls who now can't be arsed with a fire cos they are on Simms Julian Connor Massive 3 points and hopefully a confidence boost, but we are still in trouble. Kopite levels of fortune in their keeper going off injured, being awarded the pen, scoring the pen, and them missing the pen, how often to all of those things go in our favour?

Neil Gribbin The most Everton game of the last 12 months Mick Upfield Just another day at the office for he players who finally gave a shite. As a fan I’m beaming that we won. I hope it continues and that it shuts up the keyboard warriors. #UTFT

Mark Ellis Kenny, Calvert-Lewin and Lookman all excellent. Good cameos from Oumar and Lennon.

Still heard a few nobheads moaning after the game like.

Hopefully confidence can return.

But a vital 3 points. Biggest 3 points in years.

Graeme Holmes Memories of Wimbledon 94. Great comeback and hopefully kick on - with 2 up front and width

Tony Rogers Niasse must start every game Carl Yates Niasse is rubbish but he has the ability to make a nuisance of himself and given that he doesn’t know what he’s going to do next, the opposition don’t know either.

For now it seems to be working so more power to him.

Chris Walsh My chest is sore, I skinned my shin in the seat in front at some point, got no voice left and my heads still spinning. That game goes into my top 10.

Sam McPartland Niasse seemed to wake the others up into giving a shit too - agree with a Trevor Edwards about Kenny Paul Morgani Needed that badly, I’m hoping that’s a turning point but going to hard till we get players back and hopefully sign a couple in January

Tony Wileman Tony, he’s not very good but he never gives up and he always seems to find the net

BennyBlue So that’s that’s Marco Silva’s audition tape is it? Well, don’t call us, we’ll call you. Fancy throwing away a two goal lead at one of the league’s worse teams. Oh hang on…

BennyBlue Tom Cleverley’s best game at Goodison. He bossed the midfield.

Paddy Howlin Relief at winning at last. Hopefully onwards and upwards.

Trevor Edwards JonJoe Kenny showed more leadership qualities than more senior players. Our coach buzzing. A Kevin Brock moment? Certainly the consequences of a defeat would have been unthinkable. Passion and width saw us through.

Carefulwatcher Did you run out of tweets and messages to fill up two pages? I wonder why people are always more prepared to have their say when things go wrong rather than when we win.

#WSAGmatch CRYSTAL PALACE (AWAY) #WSAGmatch continues. Match comments by Lee Molton alongside comments posted by you on WSAG's twitter and Facebook following the match. Get involved look out for the #wsagmatch CRYSTAL PALACE 2 EVERTON 2 Seven things to take away from today’s game 1.

2.

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Niasse leads the line so well - he did very well today against a big Palace defence.

A great comeback twice - we showed great spirit to come back and get a point today, hope for the future.

Look what happens when you run at a defence in the box - Niasse runs with the ball to win a penalty, we need to do this more. It was a dive like.

Another slow start to the game – always the way.

Palace looked far quicker than us - caused us a lot of problems which is a worry considering they are bottom of the League.

Defence needs to improve quickly - poor again today, we are conceding far too many goals.

Little lucky to get a point - Palace looked the most likely.

@terry__smith Another great game for Barkley. @kevsauno Can you take a break from the match stuff and let me know about the order I placed with you. @mickupfield A point is better than none. Niasse fast becoming a hero. @Wazza23666 The problems arise in midfield, as neither Gueye or Schneiderlin do what they’re suppose to, that’s protect the back

4, breaking down the attacking options, losing Barry was massive @StanWorth2016 The Palace intro of ‘Glad all over’ was never more appropriate. Our defensive setup scares the shit out of me. @TheStreetEnd An element of fortune in 4 of our last 5 goals. We were lucky today against the bottom side. Clearout needed. @davothkelly Niasse, deffo @Phoenix20387 A point is a point but we’ll go down if we carry on like that first half. @conrad187 have it now piss poor lucky draw if ends 2-2 @jennoefc If I can breathe..... @bluemonkey1878 Got to be happy with a point but largely utter bollocks. Need to defend the area in front of the box much better. And as for Keane.... such a soft shite for a CB @bennyblue Shocking penalty. We’d be kicking off for weeks if that was against us.

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Please sir, I want some more…

It’s somewhat serendipitous that in the week a new film comes out, entitled ‘THE MAN WHO INVENTED CHRISTMAS’ that we discuss the most ludicrous of Kenwright’s theatrical productions; what with exactly a month to go before the yuletide season, the managerial search continues apace and the man with the grey hair promises gifts aplenty.

between 1966 and 1982 and the role that the prime minister played in their success in Spain. A period of time just before my interest in football was piqued – though one I enjoy reading about and then watching, just before tournaments every four years. It was delivered by John Foot, an eminent writer whose excellent Calcio I read next to the pool in Sorrento on our honeymoon.

Yes, it’s funny that the film should come out this week, when Oliver Twist is playing heavily on my mind. However, it’s not been funny trying to make sense of the surreal developments in and out of L4 this past month or so.

He explained at length the suggestions of media manipulation by Pertini, photo opportunities and TV directors cutting to him at every opportunity during the final, even the glorious homecoming – at odds with the rotten tomatoes Italy had faced on their return back in 1966.

First, the character analogies: far be it from me to accuse BK of being like Fagin, but he knows large accounts don’t grow on trees and that – (without any solid foundation whatsoever) according to many suspicious fans – you’ve got to pick a pocket or two, boys (where’s the Arteta money etc) or maybe he should take the role of Mr Bumble, given how this search for a manager is currently panning out?

Similarly, Farhad Moshiri could be the Artful Dodger – given the strange response he gave to the Panorama questioner in the Park End car park – or, more hopefully, the rich and generous embodiment of gentlemen, Mr Brownlow.

Still… it’s the season of goodwill and we need to stay positive. Going back to the last issue deadline, there was little happiness or optimism during the grim defeat at Leicester, but it was nearly Hallowe’e’n and we all assumed the darkness would soon disappear. Liam Fray, an acoustic gig in town on a Monday night, offered some respite and a polite reminder that life still goes on for many people who aren’t stuck in a rigid routine and who can afford to take the next day off with hangovers.

A nice little hint that life goes on elsewhere, then… especially useful if your team is in the doldrums.

The next day, I attended a fascinating lecture on Italian football and its history

Food, glorious Food!

All in all it was a great evening – and restored my faith in football and its positives.

The next night, I thought we were a little unlucky to lose so heavily in Lyon, but this rollercoaster of emotions was akin to Oliver’s journey out of the workhouses, into the madness of Fagin’s den and then the luxury of Pentonville… As there next came the madness of the match against Watford.

Fireworks and family business meant I could only watch from a distance, but as my kids marvelled at the pyrotechnics on display around us, I mistakenly shouted ‘Oliver!’ at the wrong referee, and was nervously pacing up and down during the dozen minutes’ injury time, wondering if this was the corner turned.

The following week brought with it illness and shock redundancies – reflecting society’s problems, just like the context of Dickens’ work from 170 years ago. There were some positives: excellent news of births and glimmers of hope for

I was at his first game, saw some stellar displays, and felt sad that we didn’t get longer with him (for whatever reasons) though I conveniently forgot the way he left the club and his last appearance. Still, he was a gent, smelt of chewing gum, and despite spelling my son’s name wrong when signing said autobiography it was a pleasure to meet him.

the future. We even allowed ourselves to get slightly excited by the notion of Diego Simeone being mentioned for the job… the most ‘Everton’ of coaches around, in the present author’s opinion, given his passion, mentality and ability to get players to run all day for him and the shirt.

A pipe dream maybe, but, talking of shirts, we had the sad departure of Buffon as Italy were knocked out of the play offs and a plethora of international new kits harking back to the 90s were released.

The international break had come and gone, then; just like Bill Sikes’ botched job, the chance to get a new boss in to ‘bed in’ before the vital three pointer was messed up so Unsworth was given a second chance to impress and although I couldn’t watch the Crystal Palace game – bad stream probs mixed with fitting a toilet seat (somewhat aptly) and cooking a rabbit paella – I got the feeling this was a game we should have won and the ban for Niasse meant it felt more like a defeat.

The manager search took a few twists and turns before the Atalanta nadir. I’d shared a message with our WhatsApp group three weeks previous that ‘the night is darkest just before the dawn’ which is a favourite quote of mine from Harvey ‘Two Face’ Dent but, when I shared it, I honestly didn’t think it was going to get this bad.

‘I shall scream!’ I thought.

With Silva apparently out of the running O’Neill, Fonseca and good old Ralf Rangnick were then thrown back into the mix and whilst others said they weren’t interested, it felt like the worst talent show going – from ‘consider yourself one of us’ to “I’d do anything not to manage Everton” – meanwhile poor Unsworth appeared to be struggling somewhat.

To avoid the gloom and hark back to happier days, I went to meet Andrei Kanchelskis who was doing a signing of his book locally.

I loved Andrei Kanchelskis.

As I told him and my oblivious son, he was a hero when I was sixteen. It took me back to a good time in my past: ‘’it’s a fine life’, I thought back then. How we could do with someone like him ‘on his day’ now (although not the state he is on – so many people didn’t recognise him from this photo) and again, the links to Oliver Twist were clear when Brownlow notices the similarities between the boy and the painting on the wall, just like his current appearance evoked classic WSAG covers of yesteryear.

Those happy days of the mid Nineties felt a lifetime ago the next day, when the woeful Southampton performance and result sank in. For the first time as long as I can remember, I had a real fear that things might not go in our favour this season, no miraculous last day escape and certainly no glorious transformation as happened the last time things were so bleak, in 1994-1995.

Back then, of course – twenty three years ago this very week – a derby changed everything.

I’d like to think I could be the same this year but I really doubt it. Over time, the divide in our city has regrettably widened and – whilst this shouldn’t be the case – feels more like a chasm than a narrow gap. It’ll soon be twenty years since we last won there: it’s nice to think we’ll ‘be back soon’ but I’m not so sure.

I won’t take the piss out of him, ‘as long as he needs me’ as a fan… he actually played for Preston in my first ever live match I attended, thirty years ago when said Dad could only take me to Deepdale and he was something of a cult figure.

Many other cities across European football in that time, have had similar diversity in their two teams’ fortunes: Turin, Glasgow, Munich, Genoa and Barcelona to name but a few. Meanwhile, in Sheffield, Milan and more, the teams have shared similar fortunes. Finally, I would argue we should look to the likes of Madrid and Manchester for hope that the underdogs can make up the imbalances and inferiority complexes and maybe even usurp them.

“Oom Pah Pah!” I think, excited at the thought.

It shouldn’t be the case, but however bad they’ve been, we’ve found ways to be even worse, so maybe a fresh face can make the difference…

Talking of which, the manager quest finally announced itself with ‘my name’ today, and tonight, we are playing West Ham, from the East End of London: the setting of Oliver, of course.

Before the game, we watched Allardyce walk in somewhat sheepishly – surely the call could have waited? – and afterwards, left with extra security.

This means that the first impression we get is of Mr Bumble, or even Mr Sowerberry – the dour funeral director, played very nicely in the musical version by Evertonian Leonard Rossiter – and my feelings towards Allardyce are mixed, I’ll be honest.

It’s a sad indictment on the club and its situation, yes, but then I said the same to my Dad when he (Sam) was appointed England manager and although he has made lots of mistakes, the pragmatic fan in me would say it makes sense even though it enhances my disappointment with events at Goodison over the last few years.

Romance is dead: long live the king... King Sam.

Bad shirts aside – who will buy them, with him as a model? - I will give him time, but his pending appointment is the latest in a long line of signs that, after ‘reviewing the situation’, I am the final character from ‘Oliver’: the put upon, loyal and trusty Nancy who is ultimately the victim of an abusive relationship in which her partner calls the shots and makes her life miserable.

“We’re all Nancies!” I hear you cry.

Well, she’s brave and caring and loved by many, so that’s ok by me.

The finale of this stormy period is that November often spawns a monster but I’d like to think, this year anywhere, the month brings an advent when we don’t have to ask for more but are instead grateful for what we’re about to receive – however begrudgingly.

God bless us, everyone.

Robert Blincoe

#wsagdiary Phil Redmond continues his daily diary from earlier in the issue.

November 10 There’s still nothing from the club in the way of an update on the Everton managerial situation.

In some respects, I can understand that, as they have said that Unsworth is in temporary charge with no stipulated time limits. However, this doesn’t stop speculation and the situation has hardly been helped by leaks by “Sky Sources”.

If, as it’s been mooted, Unsworth has got the gig for the rest of the season, why not announce it, instead of allowing the various outlets to speculate that we’re putting in laughable bids for Simeone etc.

What’s needed now is clear direction and you wonder if we’ll ever get that now that Moshiri’s got the whip hand.

November 11 Jordan Pickford made his England debut in last night’s 0-0 draw with Germany. He did pretty good as well, making two important saves that kept the three lions in it. No doubt he’ll need to join a “big club” to

ensure his career continues to develop.

November 12 Apparently Diego Simeone has shown “interest” in the “Everton project” but his Atletico bosses say he’s “untouchable”.

Given that it’s clearly Unsworth until the end of the season unless results continue to go tits up, when it’ll be big Sam with a decision as to Koeman’s long term successor not being made until the summer, the club really should be thinking about making some sort of announcement, if only to give the players some sort of direction.

November 13 The forgotten man Yannick Bolasie returns to full training today although it’s unclear as to when he’ll be ready for a return to first team action.

In hindsight, Bolasie’s injury was a massive blow to Koeman’s plans particularly when coupled with the horrific injury sustained

by Seamus Coleman a couple of months later. Certainly we hadn’t seen the best of the Congolese front man before his injury but he’d shown enough pace and trickery to suggest he was going to be a good addition to the squad. You would hope he’ll be able to pick up the threads of his Everton career in the near future.

November 17 An interesting press conference today. Unsworth said he’s happy to continue in the roll of caretaker and confirmed he remains in close contact with both Kenwright and Moshiri.

Another player looking for a new start is Liam Walsh who has returned early from his loan spell at Birmingham after falling down the pecking order at St Andrews following the sacking of Harry Redknapp. Often tipped as one for the future, Walsh has found himself overtaken by Tom Davies and Beni Baningime in the queue for a first team midfield place in the past 12 months. You get the impression he might struggle to break through any time soon.

November 14 It’s being widely reported that Everton have had a bid for the Watford boss Marco Silva turned down.

This is the problem when you make a decision to dispense with an unpopular manager mid season. Replacements are not always readily available. If we don’t get Silva, will other prospective candidates be put off the job. If Everton have decided that Marco Silva is the man they want then maybe they should have undergone due diligence as to whether he was available. As it is the club remains under a vale of uncertainty. This needs sorting one way or another.

November 15 Neither Seamus Coleman or James McCarthy will be going to the World Cup after Ireland were

dry bummed 5-1 by Denmark at the Aviva last night.

One man who will be there is Tim Cahill who led the line for Australia last night as they qualified for Russia. At 38, what an achievement that’ll be.

Big Sam has now formally distanced himself from the Everton job with the Blues still reportedly chasing after Marco Silva. Watford aren’t interested though and whilst Silva reportedly is, he’s hardly likely to push for a move after only 11 games in charge down there.

November 16 It’s looking increasingly likely that David Unsworth will be in charge for Saturday’s monumental game with Palace at Selhurst. Watford are not budging on Marco Silva and it looks like the Blues will be forced to look elsewhere.

It’s all very reminiscent on our summer search for a striker, ie: a fuckin mess. There certainly seems to be a lot wrong behind the scenes at Goodison these days. Hopefully Unsworth is up to the job because if we slip up in the next few weeks, we really will be in trouble come Christmas.

When asked about Sam Allardyce’s situation he expresses amazement that anybody would want to distance themselves from the Everton job.

He confirms that Cuca Martina is fit again and that both Schneiderlin and Mirallas have been training well and are available also. Pointedly he states that there are no question marks against either players commitment. In terms of the long term injured players, there’s still nothing concrete.

Bolasie’s training with the under 23’s, Barkley’s in the gym and Coleman is kicking a ball again.

Finally, he acknowledges the importance of tomorrow’s game but points out that nothing is decided in November, whatever the media say.

There’s no getting away from the fact though, that tomorrow is a huge game. Palace remain anchored to the bottom of the table but have shown signs of

its vital we continue to pick up points and build confidence.

November 19 Unsworth was happy with the desire and character shown yesterday and it’s clear that the players are having a go for him.

improved form in recent weeks.

Wilfried Saha is their one stand out player and will clearly need watching closely.

They also have the bonus of the return to fitness of Christian Benteke who is also always a threat.

Hopefully Everton have been suitably boosted by the Watford game and can approach tomorrow’s game confidently.

Three points tomorrow will push us right up towards the top ten, whilst a defeat will leave us right back in the mire. I reckon it’ll be a draw.

November 18 Crystal Palace 2 Everton 2: A battling point for the blues as they twice come from behind to peg back the bottom of the table Eagles.

Unsworth goes with an attacking line up with Lookman and Lennon providing the width with Sigurdsson filling in behind Niasse. Morgan Schneiderlin meanwhile is restored to the centre of midfield. The Blues have the worst start possible, falling behind inside the first minute when latest flavour of the month Rueban Loftus-Cheek is given far too much space by

Michael Keane and after his tame shot is fumbled by Pickford, James McArthur picks up the pieces. The Blues do bounce back though and inside five minutes Oumar Niasse falls theatrically in the box and Leighton Baines does the necessary from the spot.

With Niasse being an unfashionable player from an unfashionable club it’s a blatant dive that should result in retrospective action. If it was Morata, Aguero or Sanchez the pundits would be talking about “feeling contact”. As it is he’ll no doubt get a ban.

From there Palace are the more convincing of two bad teams.

Wilfried Zaha converts a Joel Ward cross, whilst Niasse slots home after being played in by Sigurdsson after the type of defensive mayhem that may sink Woy’s Palace.

In the second half, CalvertLewin and Benteke miss decent chances for their respective teams and Palace generally dominate in difficult conditions.

Everton are still hopelessly out of form but they’ll count this as a decent point. With a run of winnable fixtures on the horizon,

Most attention today is on Marco Silva as his Watford outfit turn over David Moyes’ West Ham. Afterwards, Silva refuses to be drawn on anything regarding to Everton but pointedly doesn’t commit himself to anything but his next Watford training session.

He’s clearly desperate to come to Everton but until his bosses play ball the impasse will remain. In other news Franny Jeffers is far from pleased with his under 23 team after they were comprehensively whupped 4-0 in Saturday’s mini derby.

Apparently, they showed more passion and desire.

November 20 There’s no show without fuckin punch.

That horrible hair weaved prefect Mark Clattenburg has waded into the Oumar Niasse debate claiming it was a clear dive and that Niasse should be the first player to receive a retrospective ban under the new ruling. The cheeky cunt was never bothered when Stevie G was doing it every other game.

fuck off, but you know as well as I do that this is cut and dried.

In other news, West Brom sack Tony Pulis. That’s Big Sam sorted then.

November 21 Today’s tenuous managerial link is with ex United flop Louis Van Gaal. That’s just what we need another stand offish Dutch fella.

That’d go down well. File under shite. houghts are now turning to Thursday night’s dead rubber against Atalanta in the Europa League. The Italians are meant to be bring thousands over as they aim to top the group.

They’ll probably have the ground to themselves as virtually everyone I’ve spoken to is swerving it.

In other news, and wouldn’t you know it, Oumar Niasse has been charged with “deceiving the referee” after the penalty incident at Palace on Saturday and now faces a 2 match ban.

It doesn’t sit right defending someone for “simulation” and it’s clear the striker “went down easy” but I’m not having it that this is the first clear case of diving in the Premier league this season.

The natural reaction is to say that Everton should tell them to

The Premier League has a new piece of legislation and this is the ideal opportunity to look strong whilst not upsetting the “big clubs”.

November 22 Everton are contesting the Oumar Niasse ruling.

The problem is that the maggots at the FA have got the full weight of the media telling them that the Senegalese should be banned.

One hopes that if the appeal is thrown out they don’t throw another game on top of the ban.

In his press conference for the Atalanta game, David Unsworth defends Niasse saying he’s a player who wants to score goals and doesn’t dive (hmmm) and that he defends the clubs stance in appealing the FA charge.

He does go on to say that they will accept the outcome of the tomorrow’s tribunal. One game

Niasse will miss is tomorrow’s match against Atalanta. The Italians will be well up for it, knowing a win could mean them topping the group.

Unsworth says he’ll be picking a strong team which will be aiming to win. He feels both results and performances are on the up and that he’s confident of a positive result tomorrow.

He confirms that there’s no update on the managerial situation and Yannick Bolasie is back in full training, which has to be good news.

Later on, it’s confirmed that Everton’s appeal has predictably been dismissed and Oumar Niasse has been banned for the games against Southampton and West Ham. The FA have blown open a huge can of worms here and it is to be hoped that all future incidences are treated in the same way, whoever the accused plays for.

To put a top hat on today, UEFA have fined Everton £30 grand for the nonsense against Lyon last month.

More on p28 p48

#WSAGmatch EUROPA LEAGUE: ATALANTA (HOME) #WSAGmatch continues. Match comments by Lee Molton alongside comments posted by you on WSAG's twitter and Facebook following the match. Get involved look out for the #wsagmatch EVERTON 1 ATALANTA 5 Seven things to take away from today’s game Fuck that. Straight to the comments.

@Rich2160Gordon Wigan will be a decent away next season @EfcGruff Give Bramley Dock back we ain't going to need it... @RichKent3 Problems and frailities laid bare for all to see. Beginning to look/feel a lot like '93/'94 when Howard left for the 2nd Time. Need a new Manager in - and quick. @platty1878 Let’s face it the whole entirety of EFC currently is utter SHITE, can’t be surprised when the cracks have been papered over for years FFS @matteusjack Kenwright, Moshiri and Elstone should hang their heads in shame for this, two of those should be ousted from the club‌the Iranian can stay

@_Sho_Nuff It took ÂŁ225,000,000 to make a team that bad. Impressive when you look at it. @DirtyMouseUK Confidence.... gone @Capt_Johnson Disturbing capitulation. Unsy has got a serious team talk ahead of him. @bobbybefc Also the Atalanta fans were superb unlike the stay in the house with there slippers on fans- tip my hat to the fans who made the effort and went the gameđ&#x;˜ł @terry__smith Agree. They sang from start to finish. There were more Away fans in the Paddock than regulars! @GaryOwen3 I've got more confidence in us defending penalties than corners @bobbybefc All I can say is I was there when Sandro scored his first competitive goal for Everton better side won move on Happy Days @redrummer001 Should of played the bouncers @PeterMcCole An unfit team of kids and has-beens with no structure, leadership or management but worse of all no passion. @mjellisuk Worst caretaker since Happy Harry at Rainhill High in the 80s. Players to blame really though.

@jamesmurphy444 Williams must never play for our club again! @DeanoBarron I reckon Everton’s 1994 team were better than the 2017 version, thank fuck it’s the end for Unsworth tho. @stemac1878 At least the teams we had to endure in the 90’s had fight and passion and knew what is meant to wear the blue shirt. This will destroy the younger players if this rudderless ship is left to drift on much longer with experienced players failing to step up. @newviolencenews Could RK could have done any worse than Unsworth?? @Phoenix20387 Koeman was axed, but the same inept clown coaching staff have been left running

Steve Kirkham Embarrassing.

Something needs to change and quick. Sorry Unsy it’s over for you.

Kevin Arthur knew we would get beat tonight but to roll over like that is embarrassing Matt Redmond Koeman's team.

Unsie will be glad to get back to his boys.

Paul McCready I'd take a draw...

Mick Myers I fear for us the rest of this season

the shop for a month. Time for a change from top to bottom. And a pox on anyone who suggest Roooooobles the flapping clown > Pickford. @paulwillow Left at 1-2, anything happen afterwards? @_phil_j_Make Watford an offer they can’t refuse and get Silva in by next week. Love Unsworth but he’s totally out of his depth and clearly doesn’t have the respect of these gutless cunts masquerading as our senior players. Complete shambles. @flart83 If Peter Johnson took this long to sort a manager out we'd have stuffed DJ Spuddles up his Kopite arse. @thecrosbyfonz wankity fckn wank chequebook and pen. Utter dogshit, and we are now worse defensively than under Martinez. Fucking sack Walsh. Now. Tonight.

Mark Ellis We’d be better off with Happy Harry our old school caretaker in charge. Good for fixing the lightbulbs and that too.

Jonathan Wallace Fucking shambles need a manager appointing tomorrow.

Damian Kenney Not fit to wear the shirt.

Andrew Lloyd Shite from top to bottom.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

Phil Jones Make Watford an offer they can’t refuse and get Silva in by next week. Love Unsworth but he’s totally out of his depth and clearly doesn’t have the respect of these gutless bastards masquerading as senior players. Shambles.

Dawn Harrison Don't think you want my comments as every other word would be a profanity

Paul Murray I’d take Pulis at the moment David Woodhead I would mate - I'm seriously worried about rest of our season... if we don't do something quick we'll be doomed :( Michael Veskovich Big Sam would have saved us!

Those fans that did not think so don't get football!

Sam saw through our owners BS, he's not stupid enough to come now.

Steven Arnott Williams should never play in the first team again Thomas Nation Disgraceful from all the senior players.... Rooney supposed to be a leader??

Williams and Keane have fallen off the wagon! And the only player driving the team forward is an 18 year lad! We becoming a Joke!

Adrian Gregory The club is a basket case from top to bottom they were right when they said nothing will be the same Simon Kirkham Never let Williams wear the shirt again.

Michael Harris Jesus. Fucking. Wept. Just when you think it can’t get any worse.

Andy Collins Less pace than a disabled snail, Williams can fuck off, hope he never wears the shirt again, Martina the same, Unsworth not the man for the job, Kenwright and Moshiri need to sort their shit and get the manager sorted John McHugh Fucking embarrassing. Unsworth is and never was the answer. The board are a shambles no leadership whatsoever. If they want Silva, pay the money now and get him in.

Miles Shackley He’s got to go. Insert any name you want, here.

Michael Thomas Shite. Problems from top to bottom through the club. Manager needs sorting now...Unsworth can't be in charge this weekend.

Tim Healiss He's messed around with it every single game, shipped goals with monotonous regularity and tonight he's experimenting again.

For what? Not the game to give the kid his debut unless we were winning and comfortable. Woeful.

Paul Thomas Can we get the tories to manage our club at least we would still be in Europe Steve Brown Drinking again on a school night ...

Just when you think it can't get any worse you watch that shite Neil Mckeown didn’t watch it but the jungle was last - AGAIN! Emeka Onuora Every single one of the senior players needs to have a long hard look at themselves. Rooney, Williams, Keane, Martina, Mirallas should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. The centre backs bullied all over the pitch, Rooney giving the ball away time and time again Mirallas going missing not for the first time.

As a team how we are carved open so easily is seriously fucking scary. Much as I love Unsworth's commitment to youth bringing Feeney on was a vanity substitution. With Kenny on we had a semblance of organisation and were just about still in the game. What little organisation we had went when he went off. An utterly shit performance one of the worst I've ever seen and I remember Bingham, Walker, Smith and some seriously poor sides. Baningime, Sandro's goal and the fact that surely this must be a low point that can't get any worse are the only positives.

Antony Green Necessity is the mother of all invention. Somebody grab hold of this club, do something creative to get us a manager who can make the players to give a fuck. £10m? 12m? What next £13m??? pay whatever they want and sort it now...

John Coyne When you are going through hell... keep going.

John Gray Supported this team for over 60 years, never seen anything like this, need a new manager in before it is too later and also a big clear out. Never mind about replacing The main goal scorer, we need to sort out the defence Sam McPartland Horrible night at Goodison just feel horrible Ian Jay it's like fucking Ripping Yarns in my house...fucking awful...fuck the board off...!!!!!!

Michael Hazard Cannot put two passes together.... moth.... fu...

Danny McGuinness At least Sandro scored...

Richard Gillham Well there's something running deep in the club and we have too many hangars on start at the top , we miss a captain, Ben I was the best player on the pitch. Robles bin. Martina bin.

Williams bin. Mirallas bin Ben Williams Wow what an utter shambles!

Paddy Howlin We are heading towards an all time low. The worrying thing is, you can just feel we are going to sink even further. I just hope Moshiri and Kenwright pull their fingers out now and find a solution, because I’m buggered if I have any answers to this mess.......

Michael Veskovich You really expect them to? We are in this mess because of those cunts! Moshiri was hailed by many, and there's a few of us that can see he is nothing but a fraud! Those two are absolutely destroying Everton! :( Alex Bentley DIY SOS was good tonight Trevor Edwards Kids looking for guidance from senior players and not getting it. Gonna destroy them if we are not careful. Plenty there to bin off because they are like a cancer poisoning our club.

Players that get managers sacked.

Mick Upfield On a positive note............

Sean Rostron Sunday morning shite.

Embarrassing.

Paul Gahan That's a bit unfair on Sunday morning footballers, at least they put some effort in.

#wsagdiary Phil Redmond concludes his daily diary from earlier in the issue…

November 23 The Morning rises and it’s been widely reported that Everton are abandoning their move for Marco Silva.

Watford have made it clear they’re not going to release him and the Portugese fella has shown no sign that he’s going to resign so they have little choice. The whole thing is turning into a massive fiasco and really raises questions about the way the club is going under Farhad Moshiri.

Ahead of tonight’s game there’s apparently been iron girder in town last night with a mass brawl on Wood Street with 10 arrests. Apparently, Atalanta’s

skins have one of those phoney alliances, in their case with Frankfurt’s boys and 8 of the arrested are Germans. Gang of balloons.

Everton announce they’ve signed a 200 year lease on Bramley Moore Dock and will be looking to progress with a funding agreement and a planning application in the new year. We just need a manager now.

Everton 1 Atalanta 5: In a season of lows, we’re really into snake’s belly territory here as the blues melt away like a snowflake on a radiator. In truth the Blues needed this dead rubber like the proverbial hole in the head but the manner of our the eventual collapse was just terrifying.

Atalanta needed the win to qualify but they’re currently the 12th best team in Serie A, a league that is a pale shadow of the star haven it was 25 years ago.

Unsworth put out a much changed team that still contained enough full internationals and experience to be competitive. Once again it was the seniors who were found wanting, especially in those calamitous last few minutes when we conceded three. The likes of Rooney, Williams and Martina were an absolute disgrace and something needs to happen at the club to ensure that this doesn’t happen again.

November 24 After the game, Unsworth was highly critical of his team saying the capitulation was unacceptable and that he’d learned a lot about certain players who’d been moaning about not being in the team but didn’t want to know when they were given the chance.

If he gets another game in charge, his selection could be very telling.

In truth, Unsworth does do a good press conference. He certainly knows the club inside and out and his comments are usually in tune with the support.

after the shambles that was Everton’s summer recruitment programme.

So it should be.

November 26 Southampton 4 Everton 1: I’m beginning to get an inkling as to how Villa and Sunderland fans have felt in recent seasons.

Sadly, it appears that there’s a number of the senior players who don’t particularly give a shite. They know that in the absence of a permanent appointment, it doesn’t really matter.

Unsworth will soon be back managing the stiffs and they’ll be given a clean slate by the new boss. I’d love Unsworth to be a success but in his 6 games in charge we’ve conceded 16 goals. That’s relegation form.

We desperately need a new boss who’ll come in and organise them and we need them now.

For me, and I might end up laughing at this in the future, I think we really need to stop being snobby and bring in an Allardyce or Dyche because make no mistake we’re in deep, deep trouble here.

According to Jim fuckin White, Moshiri reckons we’re close to a managerial appointment, whatever that means. Whoever gets it will have my full support but I have to say I’m really concerned about how this whole situation is being managed. If we get this wrong, I shudder to think where it’ll leave us.

I feel like a broken record as the Blues plummet even further into trouble after yet another gutless collapse against a team who’d scored 8 league goals up to this point.

In his Southampton press conference, Unsworth says the managerial situation needs sorting out as soon as possible.

He’s still fuming over last night, though he feels this was the first time he hadn’t received 100% effort. He says his team selection on Sunday will reflect what he saw. Interesting.

November 25 The Blues travel to the South coast for a clash with a Southampton team that are almost in as bad a state as we are. After the slightly strange sacking of Claude Puel, The Saints went with some fella who briefly played for Liverpool and it’s been a struggle. They’ve hardly scored any goals and sit one point above us in the league. If we can show at least a semblance of defensive stability, surely a point isn’t beyond us.

In other news, pantomime villain Martin O’Neill is apparently the new favourite for the Everton job. Nothing surprises me these days. Meanwhile, Steve Walsh’s job is apparently under review

On the touchline David Unsworth looked like his dog had just been run over as the likes of Schneiderlin strolled around with a titty lip as if he’d been told he had extra maths homework to do.

The Saints were nothing special but were given every encouragement by a pitiful Everton team who couldn’t even take advantage of the massive psychological boost they should’ve been given by Gylfi Siggurdsson’s blinder right on halftime.

The second half was truly hideous as Southampton showed off their tricks and Charlie Austin notched his annual goals against Everton.

Andy Carroll is currently rubbing his hands together ahead of Wednesday night.

of war with nostalgia yet get all sniffy about big Sam. Basically, because he’s a slightly dodgy, badly dressed wooly with a bit of an ego he gets the piss took out of him. If he gets the job, he’s got my support.

November 27 After the game, David Unsworth urged Moshiri and Kenwright to get their act together and sort out the managerial situation. I couldn’t have put it better myself.

The absolute pantomime that has been our search for a new boss should be an object lesson to all.

There’s no way that Koeman should’ve been sacked without some sort of a contingency in place. All of the talk about needing a Simeone or an Ancellotti to take us “to the next level” seems like a sick joke.

People need to get real. What we need now is some hard bitten, pragmatist who knows how to survive in the Premier league and first of all how to motivate and organise a team. It might not be what some signed up for but at the end of the day, that’s what’s needed and needed quickly.

In other news both Leighton Baines and Michael Keane are doubts after going off injured yesterday. Normally, I’d be concerned but both are so hideously out of form you wonder what difference it’ll make.

In the afternoon, Sky breaking news has us back in talks with Sam Allardyce, whilst Andre

Villa Boas and the Benfica boss are also heavily linked.

Meanwhile Marco Silva is hardly distancing himself from the job given his comments in his pre match press conference.

Whatever, hopefully somethings happening. My one hope is that if it’s Big Sam for example, people will give him a fuckin chance rather than spending all day on the internet going on and on about why he’s a bad appointment. As I’ve said a million times, I’d have Jason fuckin McAteer if he could guarantee safety. Surely what’s important is the outcome of the club, not some employee.

November 28 The talk on various social media overnight is all about Allardyce with some punters going as far to say they’ll pack the match in if he gets the Everton gig.

I’m not overjoyed by the prospect but I do wonder if some people actually support Everton or the manager. Big Sam’s obviously a bit of a blagger but his managerial record has been excellent albeit with teams in the type of situation we find ourselves in. His football also isn’t anywhere near as bad as its painted.

Evertonians of a certain vintage will look back to Joe Royle’s dogs

The other candidate seems to be the Shakhtar Donetsk boss Paulo Fonseca who I confess I’ve never heard of. He’s meant to have a similar pedigree to Marco Silva but you wonder how quickly he’ll adjust to the Premier League.

In his West Ham press conference, David Unsworth confirms that the club is in talks with a couple of candidates. He doesn’t know if he’ll be in charge after tomorrow but he’s honoured to have been given the chance. He says he’ll have no problems with going back to the under 23’s.

It really is impossible not to feel sorry for Unsworth, as he’s clearly been let down by the players, but unfortunately we need somebody now who can make a difference.

For now, Unsworth confirms that both Baines and Keane are massive doubts for tomorrow’s “must win” clash against the Irons. West Ham and David Moyes will fancy their chances and you can’t blame them. The West Ham players certainly had a go against Leicester on Friday and you’d think they’d be targeting Andy Carroll up against our paper thin defence.

I’d be made up with a draw.

November 29 The farce continues as Jim White announces on sky this afternoon that Sam Allardyce has agreed to become the new manager of Everton. This really has been an absolute shambles and things

December 01 In his first pre match press conference, Big Sam revealed he’d turned down a number of jobs prior to his appointment to the Everton job.

Apparently there’s some sports science fella coming in who’s central to his plans. Both Niasse and Keane are back in the squad for Huddersfield tomorrow but Baines is still out.

get better with the news that his assistant will be none other than Sammy fuckin Lee. The club rush out a brief supporting statement about an hour later.

Strangely enough there was no mention of his back room team, which is thought to include both Sammy Lee and Craig Shakespeare.

Later on, Big Sam is at Goodison to witness Everton 4 West Ham 0, probably the most enjoyable 90 minutes of the season.

Allardyce reckons he’s reenergised after his break from the game and says he couldn’t turn the Everton job down.

The night will long be remembered for Wayne Rooney’s hat trick and especially his third goal, a fantastic strike from inside his own half which gave David Unsworth a great send off in the last game of his caretaker reign.

There’s been a hysterical reaction in some quarters to the Allardyce news but he’s here now and it’s time everybody put their fears to one side and got behind him and his squad

The Blues dominated apart from a fifteen minute spell just after the break which culminated with Jordan Pickford saving a penalty from Lanzini.

Apart from Rooney there were excellent performances from Kenny, Holgate and Sigurdsson against an admittedly dreadful West Ham outfit. David Moyes clearly has his work cut out there.

November 30 Sam Allardyce is appointed as the New Everton manager on an 18 month contract. Again, Jim White is first with the news.

The Terriers have done well on their return to the top flight but in recent weeks have started to experience how tough the premier league can be, indeed on Wednesday they were dicked 5-0 by Arsenal.

Hopefully that result will have jolted their confidence and the blues will take advantage. 3-1 Everton More next time

#WSAGmatch SOUTHAMPTON (AWAY) #WSAGmatch continues. Match comments by Lee Molton alongside comments posted by you on WSAG's twitter and Facebook following the match. Get involved look out for the #wsagmatch SOUTHAMPTON 4 EVERTON 1 Seven things to take away from today’s game 1. Good strike from Gylfi - he may not do much in a game but when he does they are special goals.

2. Jonjoe Kenny has so much passion for the club the only player today with any sort of commitment and even tried to rally the players a number of times.

3. Shit defensive marking for two of the goals - a cross into the box and an unmarked header.

Great. .

4. Sigurdsson not disciplined enough to play on the left - kept roaming inside leaving Martina exposed all afternoon.

5. Kenny looked heartbroken at the end – he was gutted at the full time whistle when applauding the fans, not many others did, 6. Saints given far too much space - Everton did not get near Southampton all game.

7. Lack of fight - we collapsed far too quickly and easily, not for the 1st time this season.

@ToffeeArt Twat of a team @retrobluecolly #EFC ruining some real good young potential & managing to make every team we play look like Barcelona. No fight, no backbone, no pride & seemingly no shame as they view their bank balances. Show even 50% commitment of EFC fans & that would lead to a massive improvement @_Sho_Nuff If you say you're an Evertonian and you're slagging the club off on the Internet.

Regardless of if its right. You're an attention seeking kopite @ianocally Turned it off ages ago, I’m as arsed as they are.

@ChrisCantyPhoto Even if I had more than 180 characters it wouldn’t be enough to explain, as once again more questions than answers & the board need to sort it out now @trcalder Let’s be honest, who the hell would touch us at this moment in time? Why would anyone want to be involved with us? @newtownnick71 Enough is enough manager annoucement after game please! Never been more embarrassed to be a blue! Oh and moshiri you best refund tickets paid for by loyal fans who travelled today! NSNO x @PurpleMas1 The Southampton fans left early.

That's how shit we are. @newviolencenews There’s no way keepin RK until they had someone better lined up would have been worse than this. Certain players clearly taking piss out of unsworth and his bonkers team selections don’t help @rich_efc They couldn't give a toss - any of them. They are all rats who are just shrugging it off and picking up the pay. No professionalism or pride in themselves even. @stesanders Think we’ve established it wasn’t RK at fault and it’s probably not DU. Issues aint going to be fixed until new blood arrives... @scepticrealist As a long time Unsworth admirer, I can't believe his team selections and tactics.

Mirallas and Schneiderlin shouldn't be anywhere near this team. Two defensive centre mid's doesn't work. Sigurdsson more effective in the centre.

Baningime and Vlalasic are both ready for this.

bottom. But at least Jim White has his finger on the pulse.

Jonathan Wallace Hello darkness my old friend ..

Miles Shackley Get that black cover dusted down.

Matthew Keenan A team who can’t score put 4 past us. There’s too many things broken to be able to sort this mess out. We are utter, utter shite and we are going down.

@adlam1964 Gotta ask now wether it was Koeman who was the problem @gjevans70 Where has the spirit gone? First time on 20 years I actually fear the worst. @IanRyder10 Speedo Mick in tears is it that Everton are shite or the cold weather shrinking his hors d’oeuvres? @PaulRezon I thought Everton were marvelous at making a below average Southampton team look like Real Madrid. I particularly liked the way some senior players strolled around the pitch and moaned at kids who have been ruined in this majestic run we are on. Oh 4-1.. #FuckoffEverton @coppelli1878 No direction, no idea, no fight.

Going down we are. @brunoandkia 5 weeks without a manager if not more needs to be sorted tomorrow or we are deffo going down no pride no passion piss poor @thecrosbyfonz They should be ashamed of themselves. Fckn robbing a living. Our fans traveling down there should all be reimbursed, makes me so angry to see the effort/passion of people like @speedomick put in and then see that shower of shit on the pitch @tonyhickson21 What an absolute disgrace, they should hang their heads in shame @wesbo15 Spineless, vomit-inducing, incompetent, individuals.

Mark Ellis FFS how hard is this to watch? Feel bad for the lads who went down to watch. Ship is sinking quickly, what the fuck are the board waiting for?!

Richard Osborne I just don't see how anyone is going to get more out of this lot. It's basically the blind leading the blind. A disgrace from top to

Antony Green Somebody do something.

Win your individual battles on the pitch is all we ask - too easy to get away with doing nothing.

Pete Cotgrave Where do we start. The club is a fucking shambles. The only people that care about our club are the fans!

Joe Farrag Trump and Kim will ensure we are not relegated !

Steve Grimes Honestly think we are the worst side in the league, if we get involved in a relegation battle with this squad we've had it.

Andrew Hughes And we can't even blame Lukaku any more we not even creating any changes this is the worst team I've ever seen even Mike Walkers team showed a bit of commitment I expect a new manager by 5 tomorrow Jay Kent Can’t remember a positive passing display of any note. No possession I watched looked comfortable. We’re blaming the defence but we can’t pass it 5 yards to relieve any pressure.

Which is more concerning because we could let 4 goals per game Carl Owens Where to begin. A shambles from top to bottom. We’re now letting in 4 goals a game.

The manager situation needs sorting out ASAP. We need to stop thinking certain managers aren’t good enough. We are in a desperate situation and need some kind of strategy to get out of this. It’ll be an absolute miracle if we get out of this.

Trevor Edwards We are, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst team in the PL and will be relegated if they don't do something soon.

Paul McMonnies Agree with every word. We're absolutely abject - no signs of improvement *anywhere* - it's a massive rebuild job that's needed, but firstly we've got to stop the rot and I can't see how we can do that with this squad :(

John Matthews This disgrace of a board we have are more to blame than the hopeless Unsworth. Sitting around with their fingers up their arses why we are falling to bits.

Mick Abrams There's nothing we learned today we didn't already know. Whatever triggers there are in Moshiri's share option can't be exercised quickly enough Paddy Howlin This is worse than anything we faced in the 1990’s.

Far worse. We are not equipped to stay up with this bunch of Lilly Livered cunts representing our club. Let’s this sink in: Unsworth has picked 2 separate teams this week. Both have disgraced the shirt.

Julian Connor Allardyce or Pulis in now. We need someone who is used to a relegation battle. Can't believe it's come to me saying that.

Neil Rathbone Beyond repair. We'll be all but relegated by 2018. Damage looks to be done.

Chris Walsh Team selection poor, Lennon and Mirallas? Two relegation 6 pointers coming this week now, we need to create some fucking noise to help their shot nerves and scare the opposition.

Lee Melbourne Shocking! So sad to see a bunch of tossers on the pitch wearing Everton shirts! But nevermind as long you get paid every week! Just think of the fans who spend their well earned money on watching you punch of cunts! End ov!đ&#x;˜ Adrian Gregory They tried for 20 mins against Watford and seems they feel that was enough to justify their money

Ian Everton Taylor Love, love will tear us apart.

Again

Tony Rogers Fact is If Niasse would have started every game since the beginning of the season we wouldn't be in this predicament. That's how bad it is. I am actually pinning my hopes on Oumar.

Denis Keenan Worst Everton squad I've ever had the misfortune to watch. It's really bad when Ashley Williams looks one of our best defenders.

Only light at the end of the tunnel is a bloody great express train coming the other way.

Michael Veskovich It’s like watching someone you love pass away and there is nothing you can do about it.

Stephen Kenwright The players should be made to pay all those Evertonians who had to endure that shite their money back Darren Owens Sit in ground will be empty by half time when West Ham are 2/3 up. Moyes must be buzzing he's got us next we piss goals against us. 9 in 2 games. Play all the fucken under 23 s the kids at least they'll try harder. Sad sad times too be a blue. Absolute disgrace where's the board. 5 weeks and counting pricks.

Mick Upfield What a gutless group of players we have. No urgency or pride and none of them today deserved to wear the shirt. Singling any of them out would be unfair, they were all shite as a team. I feel sorry for the travelling supporters let down again.

Tony Laven Wanted them to show as much fight as them Concert Square bouncers. They shaped up like the lad who got fucking Tombstoned.

Damian Kenney It's got so bad I've gone past getting pissed off every game. This is definitely the worst team I have seen in 40 years of following the blues. Nothing we can do until January either but sad fact is who can we attract?

Naresh Kaushal Why does siggurdson only get 20 minutes at a time in his position? Seeing miralas central & him wide was infuriating. It’s completely stupid and not getting us anywhere.

Maria Springsteen Not a pair of balls between them...our captain looked like he was gonna burst out cryin all through the game!

Andy Wolstenholme Didn't even get out of bed to watch this crap, a first for me. Even when sick as a

dog, like I am right now. I can not believe we concede like a sieve, first rule of avoiding relegation, set yourselves up to be hard to beat.

Bring in Besic, Davies and Gueye as Midfield, play Keane and Holgate in CD, and try and stay strong at the back.

Andy Wilcock Said for years now, while Kenwright has any influence at the club it'll be one fuck up after another, surprised Moshiri didn't have a cull straight away, starting with that uber knobhead Elstone. People at the club, including the players, are far too comfortable.

Adrian Gregory The club has become a bigger joke since Moshri tipped up. The feller speaks to Jim while more than the man currently managing us Tony Fitzpatrick Clueless and gutless. From boardroom to players. Complete and utter shambles Rich Kent Not good when your Majority Shareholder and Chairman have ALLEGEDLY fallen out over who our next Manager Should be. Another 2nd Half Cave-in, and totally unacceptable. The Players should reimburse those Fans who travelled, and had to endure that shite. A new Manager please - like tomorrow.

Michael Harris Typed on the train back from Southampton. Half cut and really fucking angry. We are now a soft touch. This week has been my lowest point in 35 years following our club. Time to crack some heads, break some legs and generally remind people who we are.

Mark Stirrup Are there really people out there any more that believe we can’t get relegated? Because you’re very very wrong. Comfortably the worst side in the league. Heartbreaking Russell Jonjo Laverty Using McNabb type vernacular: “It’s like a super slow motion car crash involving every member of your family, but with the car on fire before it slams into a big fuck off brick wall...” They have showed not one minute of football this season, that says they don’t deserve to go down. This is real folks. We’re gone.

Paul Melarange No fight, no pride, no team spirit shower of shite 2 massive home games coming up that we must win even in the relegation near miss seasons we had fighters in our team sadly no more.

Paul Hennessey The worst team we've ever had.

Completely spineless, no pace, no leaders, nothing.

Need a new manager tomorrow and do what we can to stay up. We are the worst team in the league currently, we cannot sustain possession or pressure against anyone and it's getting worse how we aren't in the bottom 3 is nothing short of a miracle. Keane, Williams and Schneiderlin deserve special mentions - gutless John McPartland Come on Mr.Trump. Start that world war now !!!

Mike Williams Being almost 51 years old it does amuse me that people are declaring this to be the worst Everton squad/team they've ever seen. I witnessed Mike Walker's team start the 94/95, believe me they were worse but Joe came in and reorganised them and we all know what happened next. O'Neill for me.

Raining Inside My Head (or *simply shakes head*) This article almost didn’t make it to WSAG Towers because on a recent shopping trip I was mesmerised by this monstrosity, stood motionless in the emporium that peddles such filth, in a catatonic state.

league every time. Give me Manchester United or Chelsea and I would do the same, it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s not where I’m suited to, it’s just where I’ve been for most of the time. It’s not a problem to take me into the higher reaches of the Champions League or Premier League and would make my job a lot easier in winning it.”

Then again, he is the son of a bizzie so that could well be a lie.

Eventually one of the cleaners, realising I wasn’t a shop fixture dumped me outside allowing me to continue a somewhat normal (but never the same) existence.

More on this appalling creature later.

The Edge of Existence Fucking hell that was a grim month wasn’t it? Even at the denouement of our manager-less period the light at the end of that particular shitty tunnel is a barely perceptible glimmer (or with apologies to Half Man Half Biscuit “The light at the end of the tunnel is the light of an oncoming uncouth, flabby, Brummie”). Well he is here now and has the chance to put his money where his overworked (in so many ways) mouth is. He now has a job that offers a blank cheque, a strong fan-base and current personnel that should be doing so much better. It can only be hoped that Sam Allardyce (just saying the name makes me wince) can sort us (double wince) out, although whether he was actually needed in the end is a moot point. It might just be that the West Ham game was where David Unsworth had turned things around, but we will never know now.

Instead we now have a manager who once said; “I’m not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter Milan or Real Madrid. It wouldn’t be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I would win the double or the

Big Sam’s first dealings with the media were canny in that he got a message out to the L4 4EL massive by using some of his Everton mates (Reid, Gray et al) to illustrate that he is well aware of the Everton way. Jamie Carragher wrote a really good piece (I know!) on the challenge that Allardyce faces at Goodison (Allardyce must tone Big Sam act down to win over hostile Everton fans – Daily Telegraph 1/12/17) and yet there is the possibility that Allardyce could do good things here. He had all the attributes of an Everton centre forward himself (aside from being shite in front of goal), he has had flair in his teams in the past with the likes of Djorkaeff and Okocha, and I am pretty certain he will get Everton players up for bear pit nights at Goodison. However, the last thing we want is a cut price Big Ron. Humility is a valued commodity in an Everton manager. We don’t do brash or flash, so if he bears that in mind he could well do what we want him to do at Everton and move us onto the next level, enhance his reputation and then move on whilst we get a manager more befitting of our history.

In the meantime, David Unsworth conducted himself with dignity especially in the face of provocation from the likes of Joey Barton (more of whom later...unfortunately) and loyalty. It must have been hard for him watching the club explore managerial options avenues before settling on the underwhelming choice they finally made, all the time knowing how much he wanted the job. If Allardyce can bring the same standards of behaviour and level of dignity that Unsworth brought to the role he could do well. I can’t see it though.

To assist him in his objective (whatever that may be: safety, top six, top four, drinking ten tubs gravy in one sitting) he has brought in alleged backstabber Craig Shakespeare and little Sammy Lee who is looking more and more like Sandi Toksvig with each passing day. Hardly a team you expect any silverware to be won under especially given for all his talk and bluster and considering he has had a career operating in the lower

echelons, Allardyce’s honours in twenty six years as a manager amount to a League of Ireland First division title with Limerick twenty five years ago and the Football League Third Division with Notts County twenty years ago. Somehow he wangled the England job on that record. He is like a used car salesman in oh so many ways and he is now at our proud club. It is a frightening proposition.

More Hole Than Soul To remove myself from the worry and stress of our current plight (and new managerial incumbent) I have dedicated myself to a splurge of retail therapy, eating, and music listening, and being a Welsh Evertonian, some sheep bothering.

when he was younger but decided to concentrate on television presenting”.

Translation: Couldn’t get a deal because he was utter shite.

“Apparently Nick opted “instead to play his music privately or occasionally joining his musician brother on stage at his gigs”.

Translation: No fucker would pay money to listen to that cunt. Even his brother doesn’t really like him but had to let him play or his Mum would have had a cob on.

“It was at one of these intimate performances earlier this year that a music executive heard him sing ‘Make Me Feel My Love’. Spotting his natural talent, they insisted on introducing him to an A&R contact and 20 years after he was first spotted, Nick signed to UMC/Universal Music”.

Translation: The record company realised that although he was gash, this jumped up brickie had a bit of a following among a certain demographic (mature desperate ladies with dementia) and that they are the sort of imbeciles who will buy any old shite over the Christmas period because they are pissed/have no taste.

Nick explained: “Music has always been a major part of my life since I picked up a guitar when I was 14 but it’s always been a private thing. I’ve turned up at gigs without anybody knowing and plugged in my guitar.

The former was the reason I came across that vile product at the top of this article.

Translation: “Three drunks, a smackhead and a deaf barmaid have heard me play, and like me, thought I was boss”.

Nick Knowles, aside from being a television celebrity (ahem), obviously considers himself something of a dish to the ladies, and now a bona fide rock star.

“Weirdly when I’m away filming with the BBC, lots of the crew play guitars and we sing when we are in hotels rooms”.

I hate these cunts.

Yeah. Dead weird that Nick.

Music should be a creative force, not just a soulless money making venture which this piece of vile rancidity undoubtedly is. If you have an empty stomach, just revisit that CD cover again. There he is, smiling away knowing that a multitude of morons are going to buy songs that should never have been given birth to.

Listen to this pile of steaming turd; “The much-loved TV presenter learnt to play the guitar when he was just 14-years-old and music has always been a huge passion in Nick’s life. So much so, that he very nearly signed a record deal

I even found myself on the rooftop of a Soho hotel with Biffy Clyro after the NME Awards and ended up playing songs until 5 o’clock in the morning.

Woah! 5 a.m. Nick? How rock n roll are you? If you weren’t snorting coke off a teenagers arse crack, bludgeoning an NME journalist to death with a Biffy Clyro member’s err member, or getting sucked off by a dozen of the most astonishing whores this side of the equator, it doesn’t count.

Staying up a bit late doesn’t make you rock n roll..

“We were playing everything from their tracks to will.i.am to John Denver”.

Translation: I have no musical taste whatsoever.

Nick’s album is made up of cover songs. So even though he has been playing the guitar since he was fourteen and was on the verge of signing a record deal (course he was) he has no original songs of his own to astonish the listening world with. I had the displeasure of meeting this man once. He was wearing jeans with designer rips in and was the rudest person I have ever met in my entire life.

I was totally convinced that Nick must be a Kopite because he has all the attributes but incredibly, he isn’t. He is actually a follower of the Kopites of the South, Tottenham. I hope that when they move grounds they bury him and his minty album so deep beneath White Hart Lane he can smell the fires of Hades.

Last Stop Enlightenment So, football has been shit this month and so has this month’s music releases, or so I thought until Morrissey’s latest offering dropped onto the cave floor here at Chez ZNK. I think Low in High School is ace. Morrissey may not be everybody’s cup of Ceylon (as he might be heard to say) but regardless of what you think of him and his dodgy views (which I think are overplayed anyway), the new album is lyrically and musically very good indeed, and don’t let the naysayers tell you different. He has returned to writing laugh out loud lyrics “I’m not my type / Wrap your legs around my face just to greet me” and there is some really though provoking content on their regarding British Foreign Policy and the Middle East conflict.

In fact, as I write this he has just come on the television here on BBC Qandahar. I think it is the video for his single Spent the Day in Bed. Ah... very funny...haha... he is being led into the hall in a wheelchair. Hang on...what the... who the...fuck! Is that that cunt Joey Barton?

Morrissey is a friend of that ultimate cockswallower and untermensch Barton? The turd responsible for stubbing a cigar out in a kid’s eye?

The man who stole a living whilst being an utter twat at the same time? The prick who did time for assaulting someone in town? The dick who thought speaking French was speaking English with an Inspector Clouseau accent? The twat who had the temerity to criticise a professional, decent and upstanding Evertonian like David Unsworth?

Scrap what I said. Morrissey’s a cunt too and the album’s shit.

Happiness and Peace of Mind Fortunately, relief from what has been the shittiest of shitty months was eventually to come and as expected it was via an Evertonian. The final musical release to find itself in my possession was an unheralded little beauty entitled Cosmic Lullabies by Professor Yaffle (Lee Rogers).

In direct contrast to Nick Knowles album release, Professor Yaffle’s twenty two songs of psychedelic folk and sea shanty whimsy with echoes of some of the best acoustic music produced within these shores (a bit of Nick Drake here, a nod to Michael Head there (including a laid back cover of Newby Street)), has understated passion pouring from its grooves. Cosmic Lullabies will soothe you during troubled times, so for Evertonians currently it is a must have. It arrived with a little hand written note of thanks from Lee (remember what I said about Evertonians and standards and dignity?) and a promo badge which was a nice touch. Of all the quite beautiful and lovely tracks on the CD a notable mention must go to Put it Out. I won’t tell you why. Just get it.

I have only had a couple of encounters with Kopites this month which, given our current position and a delectation for battering said types when vexed, is a good thing. Encounter one was in a supermarket bog. That sounds a bit George Michael I know, but it was an innocent encounter as was the activity being indulged in by said Redshites, well initially. I had whopped out my massive Blue truncheon (it is a 100% verifiable fact that every single Evertonian is massively well endowed, even some of the women) when a Dad and lad came in. I say lad but he would best be described as an infant and his Dad was helping him learn the pleasure of using the urinal. My mind slipped into a reverie about when I performed the same ritual with my own offspring and a little smile came over my face until the little lad’s coat moved to one side and I saw he was wearing a red abomination with Standard Chartered emblazoned across it. It was at this point I zoomed in on the conversation going on.

“Then you get this (produces a rolled up newspaper from pocket) and pop that into the man in front of you’s pocket, and then you start pissing”.

I left the lavatory feeling soiled, angry and humiliated to know that such practices still continue. I may put in a claim.

Put It Out My second Kopite encounter of the month was at a Manchester eatery. Fortunately I didn’t have to

say a word as a waiter did all the hard work for me. I was happily sat in a Curry Mile restaurant which was heaving with people, but facing the door my gobshite radar spotted a kitted out Kopite enter with his friend.

getting into trouble with both the Redshite and Mrs Zheet N Kopitez.

Speaking of she who must be obeyed, she recently suggested that given Everton’s current plight and the general perviness of the average Evertonian, the readers of When Skies Are Grey might want to see a lady in a WSAG shirt instead of the usual beery, unshaven types that the magazine generally uses to push such products. I think she also quite fancied making her debut in the pages of such a fine and upstanding journal. I wrote a “Dear Jim/Dear Graham” type letter to the editor and if there is a picture accompanying this paragraph then you will know she has been successful in her quest. Stay calm boys and buy the shirt. It’s an Everton classic.

Trained in such matters I quickly scanned the room and to my horror realised that the only two table space was next to me. Sure enough they were being guided towards us and were seated within yards of where I was trying to eat. The overwhelming smell of piss naturally affected my appetite and despite kicks under the table from Mrs ZNK I was just about to say something astonishingly cutting and witty, only for mein Manc host to beat me to it.

The waiter sidled up to their table and politely asked “What the fuck are you doing in here wearing that?”

I have been to see three shit films this month (IT, The Ritual and Jigsaw – all three far less scary than seeing Ian Rush up close) and so for wont of nothing else being on we went to see the Jordan Henderson biopic that has recently hit the cinemas. It’s called Wonder and the plot centres around young Jordan’s early trials with his facial disfigurement. It is a typical schmaltzy Hollywood effort with a feel good ending (the RS miss out on the title again), but fuck me they don’t half hammer out the grief before we get to the clichéd ending. We see young Jordan bullied, we see his friends desert him, we see how he must feel being constantly stared at due to his unfortunate physiognomy but when even his dog died (nothing to do with Jordan I don’t think) I felt like doing myself in. The kids will love it I am sure, but Hollywood really is a formulaic pile of shite these days.

His mate responded as you would if you were in charge of someone with special needs.

“I know, I told him but he wouldn’t listen and insisted he wear it”.

“Well tell him to zip it up and I don’t want a word out of the cunt.”

The fact the waiter wouldn’t even talk to the miscreant was a fabulous spectacle and saved me

Diet Diary update I am one of those weirdo vegetarians but still find myself back at 15 stone despite cutting out bread, booze and loads of bad stuff. I am gaining weight by being good. However, in honour of the appointment of our new manager I intend to destroy every cake shop and ice cream parlour in the locale. I may even grow a spiv moustache too.

Everton have been making me give up on things lately. I will back the Blues as I always do but I can’t deny I feel our club has denigrated itself with its most recent appointment.

Roll on Summer 2019 and the end of Big Sam’s contract.

KOKO Peace ‘N’ Love I Zheet ‘N Kopitez Cave No. 1878 Qandahar Afghanistan

You probably don’t remember me, but…

Last time I wrote something for the mag, Roberto Martinez’s dashingly fine debut season was drawing to a close. The comfortable 3-0 twatting of United chez nous meant that while our season still had legs in it, David Moyes’ did not. I took no pleasure in seeing our former gaffer tossed around for the media’s pleasure, but I wasn’t losing much sleep about his sacking either. Instead, I was eulogising that our own exciting new manager, fresh from delivering a wonderful eulogy to the families of the Hillsborough victims, had slipped his beautiful brown brogues under the table with genuine panache.

Given an opportunity, Time would make dickheads of all of us, although admittedly I’ve given it plenty to work with over the years.

It was, fleetingly, an exciting time to be a Blue, regardless of the fact that we’d once again blown a position of relative strength, ballsing up the opportunity to qualify for that European Champions and Chums Jug. But as Martinez’s second season moved into plain sight, I was finalising my plans to emigrate.

My Good Lady could do a lot better in many, many ways. One such area of her excellence – her professional qualifications – gave her the opportunity to plug a skills shortage in Australia.

For my part, I stuck around with her long enough for them to let me sneak in on the back of her talents. My ability to write one sentence in coherent English, and then follow it up with another to form a paragraph of sorts has subsequently cemented my position in Melbourne society as “a man who can say things relatively clearly, and is therefore employable”. And so, it

was that at the start of October 2014, we packed our bags and headed to Melbourne to start our new lives, just in time for me to watch it all turn to shite, again.

I’ve probably seen more of us since I’ve been here than I had in the previous five or six years. I’d got a little bored of Moyes’ hang-dog “well what do you expect, given our resources” reaction to anyone who dared suggest we might ask for more than a just the perennial head-bumping against the glass ceiling.

Martinez looked like he might be able to make a mockery of that kind of expectation dampening, just a couple of seasons before Leicester did the unthinkable and put together a run of results that saw them picking up more points than anyone else.

This season aside, it really does sound quite simple when you put it in those terms. We should have a go, perhaps. Just a thought.

But despite the fact that over that period we’ve gone from being genuine champions league contenders to genuine relegation candidates – come on, we’ve all got eyes, this is going to be a fucking horrible few months – going out to watch us here is still an event worthy of the name.

There are many reasons for this, the first being that going into town in no-one’s company but your own at the age of 42, at midnight, to a bar filled with attractive young women (and, admittedly, outdoorsy handsome men – the worst fucking kind) which always shows Everton… well, that’s fucking ace. No bother, no conversation that you don’t want, just two hours of you, a couple of pints

and that bunch of clueless fucking knobheads shuffling around like extras at a Walking Dead audition.

Admittedly, there’s always one bellend. The tryhard – the Brit abroad who has to show everyone in a bar where there’s live music, attractive women, sports of all types, a few pool tables and a vast array of ale ranging from half decent to really rather good that he’s there to watch the ‘footy’.

We all know one, and I won’t go all 606 and explain in hilaaaaaarious detail what he does and where he’s from and lalala. Suffice it to say, when Chelsea lost 3-2 at home to Burnley this season, they were on the other telly. And there was One Bellend. A table-slapper. A yelper. Someone who had to draw attention to himself at every fucking opportunity. Barking at the telly – which to this day, stoically ignores every fan who does the same – when they were three down, horseyroaring when they got one back, bellowing when it got to 3-2, slapping the table when they had a goal disallowed.

Mercifully, the Gods of Fate decreed that Everton’s game finished a minute or so before Chelsea’s, which gave me the knowing luxury of asking “how did you get on”.

“We lost 2-3 [seriously, who under the age of 90 puts the lower score first in that context? It’s always 3-2]. Ghaaatted”. And there you have it.

He got his little bit of attention, and I got to laugh at a bellend who’s supported Chelsea ever since they got good. Which brings me to my next reason why going out to watch us here is still an event.

It just reminds me of home. Diluted, but nice nonetheless.

The current crop Jesus. I won’t dwell too much. Moyes rolls back into town in less than seven hours times, and the outcome of that game could render almost everything I was weighing up writing here completely irrelevant. So, I’ll save it until next time.

All I will say is that Koeman always behaved in a way that suggested he felt we were lucky to have him. To all those who berated Barkley for not signing a contract – seriously, the way Koeman spoke to and about him in public was nothing short of disgraceful. Not everyone responds to a public pillorying, and it’s pretty fucking obvious that Barkley falls into that category. So once again, we’re in the position where we’re probably about to be waving goodbye to yet more exceptional (for he will be) home-grown talent.

Looking forward to signing him 12 years down the line, when Mourinho has turned him into a more

disciplined left midfielder and burned him out in the name of team success.

We never fucking learn.

Oh, one last comment on the team. I saw a comment on the twitter reel which said something like “patting yourself on the back and being all I Told You So-ish about Everton doesn’t help anyone”. Very true.

But I just can’t let it go with Rooney. I thought it was an unimaginative signing at the time (I CAN FIND IT ON FACEBOOK!!! I BOOKMARKED IT!!!), but to my mind it’s more than that– he got off pretty fucking lightly. Waltzed out in a shitehawk way (I don’t care how old he was, I wouldn’t have shit on Everton the way he did at any age), and breezed back in once he’d played away. Good for him, he’s won shitloads and his trophies vindicate his decision. I don’t contest that. But he got very lucky that most of us are sentimental and forgiving. Me? Not until he publicly says sorry and apologises.

Where are you? Are you sitting down?

Decisions to make this sort of move overseas rarely come without a cost. The geographical distance between here and my friends and family is tempered by the smooth, black-glass screen of modern technology, but there’s still no true substitute for face-to-face company. Friends have children, loved ones get married, landmark birthdays come and go. You know I would have been there if I could’ve been, I’m really sorry.

Hope you have a great day. Love as always. Speak soon.

And then sometimes, you get a phone call from a name you haven’t spoken to in a long time, and you know it’s not to exchange pleasantries.

I last spoke to my mum on Mother’s Day. I can’t even remember what we talked about. Nothing exciting, it never really is. Usually her work, sometimes mine; a bit of laughter, but more often than not it’s just an hour’s worth of comfort conversation. Still alive, still ticking on by; fattening up plans for the next visit, later this year; I’ll give you a buzz next week on your birthday. Speak soon. Still love you, still miss you.

Bye. Her birthday weekend comes and goes, bookended by a series of unanswered text messages and unreturned phone calls. It’s not unusual, she lives on her own and work is pretty demanding. She travels, she’s in hotels a lot, her career is mentally taxing and it’s the kind of work of which none of us would want to be taking home the cerebral baggage. It never seems to take its toll in that way, thankfully, but she’s always tired, quite often run down, poorly a fair bit. I worry about her.

Call. Text. Call. Text. Text. Text. Is everything ok?

Just drop me a line to let me know you’ve got this even if you can’t talk. I worry.

About two hours after I send it, my mum’s cousin calls. When her name lights my screen up at about 12:45am, I just know. Where are you? Are you sitting down? Is your girlfriend with you?

The rest is white noise. It’s not real. She’s only 63.

Wait – was she still 62, did she make it to her birthday?

That detail upsets me.

Was she sick on her birthday? Was she cursing the fact that she’d been looking forward to her birthday only to be feeling like shit when it arrived?

Or was she feeling like shit but at least weighing up making birthday plans to see her aunt in the next few days? From Australia, we begin to make the calls you never imagine making until you have to make them.

So, what, you just ring the coroner up? What about funeral directors? She wouldn’t want a church thing would she? How does this all happen?

Who takes the lead?

Who tells you what to do?

I land back home a few days later to well-wishing text messages and FaceBook stuff. It’s now my birthday. Honestly, I’ve forgotten.

Time passes, things happen, and then we remember her, and it’s fucking great. My mum isn’t a religious person. She isn’t big on fuss, grandeur or deference to protocol. She likes

sausage rolls, JD and coke, nice get-togethers, a bit of telly, abysmal puns, dreadful films. She adores a lot of the finer things in life, but she also takes pleasure in the simple. The every day.

Family. So it makes sense to have a humanist ceremony, somewhere that the family has regarded as its own church of sorts for generations.

Everton were brilliant. The venue was perfect, for all of us, even though she hated football. She had a sense of humour, she’d have appreciated us taking advantage of the opportunity her passing had given us to see Goodison when it was closed to the public. Besides, it’s her fault I’m a blue.

Growing up without a dad, she was keen to make sure I got a bit of male influence in my life, so she threw me at her match-going cousins as soon as she felt comfortable in entrusting me with them.

She thought it’d toughen me up a bit.

Alright, fuck off!

John, the humanist host, talks to me and my Good Lady for a couple of days, and then talks about mum like he’s known her all her life. It’s beautiful.

Pitch perfect. Sandra tells us about Work Mum, a side of her we knew of but that we didn’t actually know. Her colleagues are in awe of her knowledge and skills – that’s lovely to hear. I stand up and say stuff. There’s a lot of laughing, but that was the point, that was what I needed and that’s what she would have wanted. We’ve got a lifetime to miss her, but we won’t often get the chance to all remember together the brilliant, awkward, contrary, personable pain in the arse she was. It was the best possible worst day of my life, and trite and shoehorned as it might sound, the club became part of the family that day.

Anyway. Thanks for listening to that. I know it’s self-indulgent, but it’s also been cathartic. I haven’t really talked about it much to anyone and it’s nice to be able to get it off my chest.

Huddersfield If we want to succeed this season – and by that I mean get away from the dotted line that separates 17 from 18 – turn your frustrations on Huddersfield. Let those showerless bastards know what it is to meet Everton when it is in full fury.

For there are few scarier, more beautiful sounds than Everton hating that which stands before it.

Terrify them. Make sure that when they write their articles for their fanzines this season and next, those in attendance report as one that “fookinell, Evtun wor terrifayyyyyn”.

I can’t do the accent.

Milo

#WSAGmatch WEST HAM UNITED (HOME) #WSAGmatch continues. Match comments by Lee Molton alongside comments posted by you on WSAG's twitter and Facebook following the match. Get involved look out for the #wsagmatch EVERTON 4 WEST HAM 0

@litanyoftittery Aside from the obvious, really commendable efforts by Kenny, Davies & Lennon there. Davies' confidence to keep playing was ace, on a booking & having made a few missteps @TheRealPeteLaw 2 or 3 wins before Christmas, 10th or above by the end of the season and we're winning the FA Cup. And whoever came up with 'Hot Dogs of War' earlier,‌

Seven things to take away from today’s game

@SirDaveStephen We’re not that bad and thankfully teams like West Ham are far worse.

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@ianjacques68 Wugggahummffdamuff!!!!

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A wonder goal from Rooney - a terrific strike from inside his own half by Rooney for his hattrick goal.

Rooney given so much space all night- in a deep role tonight he had 5 yards space all the time to control the game.

West Ham are the worst team in the League worrying times for Moyes already.

No bad eggs tonight in the team - the two ‘supposed’ trouble-makers in Schneiderlin and Mirallas did not feature tonight and we won comfortably – is this a coincidence?

Why are players starting to try now? - does it take a new manager to come in for the players to be committed and put a good shift in – how annoying for Unsworth!

Confidence could be restored now- hopefully It looks like we are getting a new manager – what a terrible choice though? What will happen to us now?

Colin Regan The nightmare might be over...

Margaret Walsh Harrison Scott The only way is up đ&#x;?ž Jamie Yates Rooney really hates Moyes doesn't he đ&#x;˜‚đ&#x;˜‚đ&#x;˜‚ David Woodhead Pleased for Unsworth he's done more than his best in wot was difficult situation. He will make a good up and coming manager ;) Michael Veskovich A clean sheet!!! A friggin’ clean sheet! At least I’m feeling positive, for once!

No negative vibes here tonight. Up the fucking Toffees!!

Antony Green Interesting how a new manager watching changes the attitude... in every job!

Pete Walton I enjoyed myself tonight.

Terry Owen Thrilled for Unsworth, he deserved that more than anyone. And what a fucking goal!

@ATW1062 GIVE IT TO RHINO TILL THE END OF THE SEASON

Paul Morgani At last things went for us ... ref was still a twat

@redrummer001 Breathing stable. Blood pressure stable, pulse settling. Dogs come out the cupboard, wife’s come home from sisters.đ&#x;˜œ

Mick Upfield Smiling from ear to ear. I want more like this please. Big Sam not sure, munchkin Sam NO WAY!!

@Lierse10 West Ham must be REALLY shit

Lee Coalbourne Papered over the cracks, Fat Sam is not the answer. It is going to waste another 2 years.

@Gra783 Seven Englishmen and a Welshman in our starting line up. @Messofmy He pinged it @Rich2160Gordon Pints of wine for my man. We stopped at four

Russell Jonjo Laverty Pyar Everton.

Miles Shackley So we’ve got a new manager, have we?

Mike Williams Is it too late to withdraw the contract offer?

Jay Kent Better. But Davies passing was poor.

Calvert Lewis passing was poor. Rooney gave the ball away too much and passing was poor. But his shooting was perfect and deserves us to forget an bout the passing. Pickford decent. đ&#x;˜‚đ&#x;˜‚đ&#x;˜‚ Mick Upfield Why so generous?

Paddy Howlin Great result. Pickford MOTM for his penalty save - without that the game could have been very different. Onwards and upwards hopefully.

Darryl Wiffen Great result just annoyed they could not have done that for Unsworth a month ago, might have saved a lot of unnecessary hastle Carl Boardman Much better albeit West Ham were woeful but let's not get carried away. Three points against Huddersfield cateca must and then let's see how the team shape in the derby ! Well done for tonight though and Wayne Rooney in particular Dave Weaver So, as we enter an uncertain new era, it took a local lad and boyhood blue to step up and show everyone how it's done. Jonjoe Kenny, I salute you!

Chris Hayes Sammy Lee drinks his own piss the kopite goblin Julian Connor So glad we didn't bring Moyes back in. Playing a team low on confidence and shipping goals galore and he sets up to keep it tight with no intention of attacking us. Clueless. The win was more about West Ham being absolutely useless than a resurgence from us I reckon, but Kenny was brilliant, Rooney looked like he benefitted from his rest, and Pickford is fucking superb. Joe Hart on the other hand, wow, he's done.

Adrian Gregory Good win to end an embarrassing day Richard Osborne It was like watching a different team to the one dragging their sorry arses around the pitch. Hopefully a bit of belief and aggression comes back from now on. West Ham though?

About as much use as one of the chocolate flavoured, novelty cocks sold by that utter melt in the Russian clobber.

Andy McNicholl A bright spark at the end of probably one of the my most depressing days as an Evertonian. I can take relegation battles, twattings in derby's and no trophies in how many years but having him in charge with Shakespeare and Sammy fucking Lee boils my piss.

Mark Ellis Keep the same fucking team. Apart from Martina of course. Oh and Williams John Matthews I think we saw the 'new manager effect' before even Allardyce has been officially given the gig. Unsworth is out of his depth but I'm glad he can step back to the u 23s with a resounding win. Also, that Sammy Lee 'chant' from the Street End was nothing short of an embarrassment and I'm firmly in the camp of not wanting him here either.

David Bennett A couple stray passes. But Rooney gave a master class tonight Chris Walsh I was critical of Unsy’s starting line up but the players owed him that win. Good luck in future Rhino lad.

Sean Rostron It’s sad that there are cunts so bitter that they can’t enjoy that Rooney hat trick and in particular the third. Support the players for fucks sake. If you’re so bitter about what’s past that you can’t, then YER A FUKIN WOOL. Paddy Howlin Great result. Pickford MOTM for his penalty save - without that the game could have been very different. Onwards and upwards hopefully.

Joe Farrag Panic employment of Gobshites...

#WSAGmatch HUDDERSFIELD TOWN (HOME) #WSAGmatch continues. Match comments by Lee Molton alongside comments posted by you on WSAG's twitter and Facebook following the match. Get involved look out for the #wsagmatch

Darryl Wiffen Another win and clean sheet things maybe looking up

EVERTON 2 HUDDERSFIELD 0

Chris Walsh I’ve got nothing to moan about now, thanks a fucking lot Everton.

Seven things to take away from today’s game

Antwan Clayton Our Jonjoe played another #blinder

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Another clean sheet - 2nd one in a week Niasse could be a regular on the bench - looks like he may not fit into the manager’s style of play Blues looked a more solid unit -the players stayed in their positions throughout the gamel.

Calvert-Lewin is learning all the time – he deserved his goal today.

A mixed bag of a game – they weren’t great but neither we were at times.

The Blues looking up not down - up to 10th in the League and only a few points off 8th, this looks a lot healthier now.

Now for the derby - where can I hide for a few hours?

Antwan Clayton Amazing what a bit of confidence can do.

Paddy Howlin Solid performance. We looked organised and up for the battle. Sigurdsson also starting to look like the player we paid £45m. Long way to go, but this is the best I’ve felt on a Saturday night for a long time!

Paul Morgani We did the job Mark Ellis Kenny, Holgate and Calvert-Lewin all excellent today. Big Sam can make himself a hero next Sunday Eoin O Cuilleain As they said about Spartacus: con grande cojones. No denying old 'sandbag-head' Allardyce has a pair of bollocks. Just what our shithouse players need.

Kenny Sweeney Oh Sammy Sammy Sammy shitehouse Lee. Did ok today

@Gwladruns sometimes may be good, sometimes may be shit @RobertW82323012 can I start watching MOTD again yet? @DrSwaff Unsworth's team did him proud again today.

Mike Williams Looking up rather than down :) Paul Long Much better Trevor Edwards The Big Sam effect? - Williams and Cuco looking like good players. Williams was excellent. A very professional performance, built on a solid defence. Made up for Calvert-Lewin- hard work rewarded.

Robert Stephen Larkin Passing was a bit off at times but they put the graft in . Kenny and Lennon excellent Jonathan Wallace Top half in shock up the toffees Julian Connor Rooney playing deeper and being captain works for me. A lot more vocal than Jagielka in organising the team especially first half, and refs are bound to give him more credence than Jagielka. I know it's limited opposition but Holgate having a bit of recovery pace makes a difference to the defence, should be him and one other at CB until Jan at least.

Ian James Mahoney Rooney is class and Jon Joe excellent

WSAG Winter Playlist saturdaynight Strings of the Strings of Life - Derrick May Music 4 My Mother (Underground Resistance Mix) – Funkadelic Do Ya (Carl Craig Build Up Remix) - Inner City & Carl Craig Big Fun (Simian Mobile Disco Remix) - Inner City & Simian Mobile Disco Somebody New (Original Mix) – MK Funky Funk Funk (Original Mix) – Reese Sueno Latino (Illusion First Mix by Derrick May)- Sueno Latino (with Manuel Goettsching) You Got the Love – The Source (feat. Candi Staton) Into You – Funkadelic I Got Clothes (ACR:MCR Rework) - Barry Adamson sundaymorning Semicircle Song - The Go! Team Peppercorn Boy – TVME Go As You Are - Curtis Harding West Wind Drift - J-walk Baby - Os Mutantes All That Ever Mattered - Orange Juice Porpoise - Pale Saints Songbird in a Cage - Charlotte Gainsbourg New York Morning – Elbow The Blue Soul - Nick Ellis What – Judy Street Heaven Help You Now (12" Remix) - Paul Haig From Now On - Linda Clifford FORMATION – Beyoncé Hold Back the Night - The Trampps I Wish - Stevie Wonder

For more music follow WSAG on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/user/1130593024/playlist/11qy5MLv5rliayLzmA707L

listen to this...

A selection of the things we’ve liked this year which we’ve indulgently cobbled together to fill a few pages 5 BEST ALBUMS OF 2017 1. Adiós Señor Pussycat Michael Head & The Red Elastic Band 2. CTRL – SZA 3. Rest – Charlotte Gainsbourg 4. Home Counties – Saint Etienne 5. A Kind Revolution – Paul Weller ® Let’s start with this one. We’ll be honest, Mick’s album would have been No.1 in any year for loads of reasons – many of them sentimental.

As it was, it was a fantastic album in its own right and if you don’t own it we haven’t done our job properly.

Having said that, the SZA (pronounced Scissor apparently) ran it close. And a very late comer was Charlotte Gainsbourg’s fifth album

which landed in mid November. A startling piece of work.

box-set or Netflix. The best was C4’s …Fucking World which was twisted and very funny. Can’t not mention Stranger Things though – wonderful.

5 BEST TELEVISION PROGRAMMES OF 2017 5

BEST FILMS OF 2017

1. The End Of The Fucking World 2. Stranger Things 2 3. Black Lake 4. Big Gold Dream 5. Trip To Spain

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Baby Driver Personal Shopper T2: Trainspotting Detroit Good Times

® A funny year for TV. I don’t think there’s anything that I’ve watched which hasn’t been on catch-up, a

® Very difficult category. There was only Baby Driver we agreed on. K was quite keen on T2 and I was a

big fan of Personal Shopper – but that was probably last year. We’ll be honest, Detroit is in there because it looks like our kinda film.

5 BEST GOALS OF 2017 1. Wayne Rooney – West Ham 2. Tom Davies – Man City 3. Gylfi Sigurdsson – Hajduk Split 4. Ross Barkley - Bournemouth 5. Romelu Lukaku – Bournemouth, his 1st ® The first of our footy categories – well we had to add a few. Again, another late winner with Rooney’s goal only hitting the net a few weeks away.

Surprisingly, given that we’ve been shit for ages there’s been loads of great goals.

5 BEST PLAYERS OF 2017 1.

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Tom Davies Idrissa Gana Gueye Jordan Pickford Ross Barkley Phil Jagielka

® Hard one this and it could be said that no one played consistently well throughout the calendar year. We

excluded Lukaku because we wanted to and left Barkley in but demoted him. Jordan Pickford scored highly.

5 BEST EVERTON MOMENTS OF 2017 1. Bramley Moore Dock lease deal confirmed 2. Under 23s winning the league 3. Wayne Rooney’s return 4. The 48 hour spending spree in July.

5. The final whistle at the Man City game – oh what could have been? ® Yes folks there have been some good moments. The BMD won because of what it promises for the future. Ditto the U23s. Rooney’s return is in there just for us old romantics.

‘Lions, Tigers & Bears’ and it will be out in 2018 on Oriel Records. It’s something Graham has been involved in for about a year and it’s only now that things have reached a stage where it’s safe to start telling people what it’s all about. There will be more about this in the next issue.

TeenCanteen’s ‘Something On My Mind’ is amazing.

5 BEST BOOKS OF 2017 1. The Story of The Face: The Magazine that Changed Culture – Paul Gorman 2. Faith of Our Families: Everton FC an Oral History – James Corbett 3. This Is Memorial Device – David Keenan 4. Montpelier Parade – Karl Geary 5. The Fall Guy – James Lasdun

5 BEST SONGS OF 2017 1. Something On My Mind – TeenCanteen 2. Call The Police – LCD Soundsystem 3. Dream Girl – Curtis Harding 4. Bad Liar – Selena Gomez 5. Another Dimension - Toy ® Well, here’s a bit of news. The No.1 is a track from a forthcoming collection of Mick Head songs covered by various artists – all reMicks if you like. It’s called

® We’re being a bit contrary here as Faith of Our Families is by far and away the best book that’s come out this year. Neither of us actually own The Face book but we’ve included it here in the hope that our wives buy it as a surprise Christmas present.

Back to Everton… James Corbett has produced some fantastic Everton books over the years but he has surpassed himself with this oral history. It is truly wonderful, full of bits of information that you didn’t

know and stories you haven’t heard.

Frankly, if it’s not in your Christmas stocking then no one loves you.

5 BEST RADIO PROGRAMMES OF 2017 1. The WONDERFULSOUND Libraries, Soho Radio 2. 70s Heaven – Radio Merseyside 3. Craig Charles’ Funk & Soul Show 4. The Music Show with Jenny Lee Summers – Radio Merseyside 5. BBC Introducing with Dave Monks – Radio Merseyside ® Does it say something about our age that we are listening to more and more Radio Merseyside – perhaps.

Then again, it has to be said that the majority of the musical output is rubbish – you’re only ever ten minutes away from another Bryan Adams or Queen track. The three shows featured are different because they don’t slavishly follow the restrictive playlist. 70s Heaven is great because it plays songs from right across the decade so you’ll hear The Clash alongside Earth Wind & Fire. Jenny Lee Summers has taken over from Billy Butler on a Monday and Tuesday and while the music is sometimes a little bluesy for my tastes it is refreshing to hear such a wide range of music in the afternoon. Dave Monks you’ll know about. Having said all that, our friend Miles Copeland is still No.1 with his Soho

Radio show - the brilliant WONDERFULSOUND Libraries. The show is broadcast fortnightly on a Thursday morning but it’s immediately available on Mixcloud or the Soho site. We love it and there’s always at least two or three songs from each show that we nick for the WSAG Playlist.

5 WORST EVERTON MOMENTS OF 2017 1. The final whistle at the Tin Mine. April Fools indeed.

2. Around 10.30pm 31/8/17 on Sky Sports as Moshiri chats to his bezzy Jim fuckin White and no forward is signed 3. Half way through the Hajduk Split away Europa match when our lack of pace was obvious 4. The end of the Atalanta match - a real fuckin hell moment 5. Ditto Southampton away ® So much choice...This season's ones are obvious but the Derby stung yet again due to our complete lack of fight. Moshiri stating we wouldn't sign a striker was one of those moments when deep down you knew the next few weeks would not be pleasant – it was an extremely disappointing end to what had seemed an excellent transfer window.

It’s also true to say that this failure sowed the seeds for what become our disastrous start to the season.

5 BEST EVERTON GAMES OF 2017 1. Man City (Jan) 2. Bournemouth (Feb) 3. Leicester City (Apr) 4. Crystal Palace (Jan) 5. Watford (Nov) ® Difficult to argue that Koeman's finest moment was when we annihilated City's posse of ponces and the Catalan Kojak lost the plot.

Forever remembered for the Ketweg Kaiser's wonder goal despite Lukaku's shithouse attempt to steal it. Palace was our last away win, last January with who in charge???!

5 BEST LABELS OF 2017 1. Universal Works 2. TRiCKETT 3. 6876 4. J.Keydge 5. LA panoplie ® It has been a hard list to compile this year given that much of our hard earned wedge has solely gone to those Nottingham hipsters UW who continue to redefine workwear.

We still love Kenneth at 6876 and his recent sweatshirts are fantastic..

TRiCKETT continue to tempt us with great scarves and socks and the French gems of J Keydge (see John Simons) and the innovative LA panoplie are well worth checking out.

5 WORST EVERTON GAMES OF 2017 1. Liverpool Away 2. Atalanta Away 3. Lyon Away 4. Atalanta Home 5. Tottenham Home 5 MORE WORSERER EVERTON GAMES OF 2017 1. Southampton Away 2. West Ham Away 3. Swansea Away 4. Apollon Limossol Home 5. Arsenal Home ® You know what? This list could have gone on and on so apologies if we’ve missed your favourite. The games we have featured cover both the end of last season and the start of this so maybe hint that things haven’t been right for a while. There are some massive defeats in there but there are also games such as West Ham away last April which was so mindnumbingly dull that the vast majority of the crowd fell asleep. It says something that the most entertaining thing of the day was Pixie Lott on the pitch at halftime.

5 EVENTS OF 2017 1. Trump vs the World 2. Election 2017 3. Sex Scandals everywhere 4. Grenfell Tower 5. Manchester Arena bombing ® Not a great year for events – this year finally proved once and for all that the Funboy Three were right – the

lunatics have taken over the asylum.

Trump is just fuckin nuts. Elsewhere it seems that almost everyone in the public eye has been caught out sexually harassing women and men.

It’s ridiculous, why can’t they just keep it in their kecks. We have no sympathy for them here at WSAG. No means no and anyone who abuses the power they have over overs is an arsehole. Oh, the Election nearly went well. Then again it’s almost been worth losing to see the Tories make a complete fuckin mess of Brexit. They should be unelectable for decades 5 CELEBRITY DEATHS 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Glen Campbell Rodney Bewes Walter Becker Sean Hughes Batman

® Some notables from stage and screen left us this year. Perhaps not as many as the last few years but RIP to them all.

TOP 5 MOST ENTERTAINING EVERTON TWITTER ACCOUNTS 1.

2.

3.

4.

@wsagfanzine @ETCWC18 @NevilleSouthall @reid6peter

5. @EFCFrance ® Twitter is full of strange cats but there's some good stuff in there like them nice lads at No1, ahem. The Everton Twitter Crank Cup (no 2) was genuinely hilarious and managed to deliberately offend loads of people.

Big Nev seems as peanuts as he was when he played for us and both him and Reidy have plenty of anti-Tory bile which is OK by us. Finally we haven't a scooby what EFCFrance are saying having not paid attention in French lessons in class but they seem to make more sense than a hell of a lot of Everton fan twitter sites in recent weeks....

Send anything and everything to us here at WSAG and if we like it or think that our readers might like it we’ll happily review. Send to: whenskiesaregrey@btinternet.com

WHEN SKIES ARE GREY is an independent Everton fanzine.

Written by supporters for supporters.

WSAG used to be only on sale around the ground on match days. It's now on sale all over the world. Any time, any place, anywhere.

WSAG is now produced monthly.

You can subscribe for this season for ÂŁ20.00 and you will receive 10 issues over a year. Subscriptions are available here: http://www.freewebstore.org/WSAG/Digital_Subs/cat150030 _1892561.aspx On subscription we will send you confirmation and full instructions on how to download WSAG. As part of your subscription you will also receive all digital back issues free.

WSAG is a celebration of all things Evertonian. A celebration of this thing of ours. It's a shared experience and we want to make it an inclusive as possible. Join us. You can see a sample free copy here: http://www.exacteditions.com/read/wsag If there's anything else you want to know about WSAG contact Graham at whenskiesaregrey@btinternet.com.

The forty fifth digital issue of When Skies are Grey (E045) was produced in November and early December 2017 by Graham Ennis, Phil Redmond, Kieron and Thomas Regan.

Cover by Mark Mordecai Thanks to the following for their words, pictures and stuff: Jonathan, Greg, Lee Molton, Benny Blue, Terry Smith, Trevor Edwards, Stan Getz, TommyBoy, Dean Gannon, Mark Mordecai, archie styles, Jimmy Gatz, Milo, Paul Owens, Jim Keoghan, and all those who have sent messages and tweets in the last month.

Thanks also to: All our subscribers, all at Exact and Mixam, Tim & Lee at Weavers Door, All at Violette, Ian @ Last Night From Glasgow, Miles @ WONDERFULSOUND Tom @ Shoot Music.

As ever much love to: Julie, Louis and Ruby; Nikki, Danny and Lauren

The next digital issue will be uploaded: E046 in early January 2018

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