BACKPAGE
PAGE
8
NOV
7
ELEVEN DOLLARS
2013
A Manifesto
W
e The Backpage, a conglomeration of Whitman students committed to providing comedy and coincidence to the student newspaper experience, are entitled to and deserving of social and financial equality within the Whitman College Pioneer writer’s staff. Students, community members and alumni value The Backpage. Yet, within the newsroom, it is frequently the subject of dismissal, ridicule and half-page advertisements. The Backpage does not bother students about passivity in the green energy movement, missing “great” lectures on climbing Kilimanjaro, the exact route a dining hall banana took from Chile to it’s metal basket, scores of an under-under-underdog baseball team or a recently graduated student who still is not earning that much money but is pursuing their dreams regardless. The Backpage is a creative and yet constructed break. The Backpage requires tact and wit. While other writers are given words during interviews they can copy-and-paste into an article, Backpage writers must create these dialogues. While other writers are given photos of events that are taken for them, Backpage writers must communicate with illustrators to create the visual experience of an article. While other
writers are given a direction, Backpage writers must forge their own path. The Backpage writers not only get less pay; they also get less page, and yet they are still required every week to have enough material for an entire page even if it is not used. The Backpage does not have the right to enter any writing competitions and cannot garner formal praise. The Backpage is under-appreciated, ridiculed and underfunded. Therefore, the Backpage proposes that The Whitman College Pioneer institute a three-step solution to resolve this great injustice. 1. The Backpage will have a $1 raise. 2. The Backpage will have an official Backpage Appreciation Week. 3. The Backpage will have a bi-yearly competition for best article. If all of these demands are met, The Backpage will cease the strike and resume working as individual and equal contributors to The Backpage section of the Whitman College Pioneer. Sincerely, The Backpage Writers
we demand
Stand up for Justice
Sit down when tired W hile the rest of The Backpage writers are on strike, I’ve decided to conduct a one-woman sit-in to present the administration with the visible face of our struggle. I will not leave the Pio office — even to go to class — until this travesty of unequal pay is remedied.
Day 1— Got pretty bored after half an hour. Went to the Bon App coffee stand to buy a frappucino. Was $1 short. How long will this injustice stand?? Still no word from administration except that they were vaguely surprised that I actually came to work today. Burned my bra. Set off fire alarm. Day 2— All articles submitted were funny, but not “haha” funny. Death to the Fascist Oppressors. The people will not stand for injustice. Power to the worker. Working men of all nations unite! Overthrow the capitalist pigs. Write to your Congressman. Cascadia will rise again for the first time. Took a nap. Realized I’ll never win an Oscar for comedy. Started work on the next Great American Novel. Thinking of calling it “The Sound and the Fury of Not Getting a $1 Raise, You Jerks.” Sure to win Oscar now. Maybe even a soundtrack by Adele. Day 3— Made tea. Read a book. Forgot I was involved in a sit-in. Went for a walk. Locked myself out of the Pio office. Checked my mail. Got an Opinion writer to let me back in. Made more tea.
Realized that I am probably being paid less because I am a woman. Burned my bra. Set off fire alarm. Man, I could buy 1/15 of a Bon App meal with that extra dollar. I should have brought more food.
Day 4— Administration suggested a fullpage ad in(stead of) the humor section. This is not part of the gag, they actually do this. As it is, many of us don’t get paid some weeks because they consistently run half page ads instead of our stories. Not bitter, just going to passive-aggressively write this in my article. Chained myself to a chair with a bike lock. Now I am stuck to a chair and someone made off with my bike. Picked a fight with the Sports writers. Lost. Next time I’m going after Opinion. Day 5— Wanted to sing protest songs, started with Buffalo Springfield, realized I only knew a few words and ended up singing Adele’s “Someone Like You” for several hours until ASWC came in and told me to stop. Started a hunger strike. Ate a burrito. “Never mind I’ll find someone with booooooooooooooze!” Day 6— Realized I am probably being paid less because society thinks women aren’t funny. Burned my bra. Set off fire alarm. Glad I wore so many bras. Day 7— Wrote a number of very clever articles. Published this instead in protest.
11 >10
COMPENSATION!
We, the writers of The Backpage, demand proper compensation for our hilarity. For years our comedic genius has been taken for granted, but no more! We demand recompense. To supplement our monetary compensation, here is a list of ways you can repay us (enclose list with donation campus mailed to box 769, 729, 640 or 912): __Hot beverages: including but not limited to tea, coffee and cocoa from the Colville Street Patisserie __TKE abs (and/or T Gavs) __Half-finished knitting projects, but only if they’re good __Dark chocolate, fair trade, organic, 75% cacao with sea salt __Lightly used copies of “Harry Potter” __Kittens __Nordic sweaters hand-knit by grandmothers (not necessarily your grandmother) __Honeycrisp apples with a diameter no less than three inches and no more than 4.5 inches __Pony-riding lessons with Rim Teed __French fries: curly or waffle but not regular-shaped __Sparkly tiaras __Boyfriends __Miniature horses wearing miniature hats __Highlighters in pink, green or orange but no yellow because we already have too many __Trees and benches dedicated in our honor so long as the trees are maple and the benches are wood __Cooked fusilli pasta with vodka sauce and your choice of cheese __Adult beverages __Carrier pigeons __First-born children __Well-imagined cardboard box spaceships, planes, trains or automobiles __Boas: snake or feather variety acceptable __Glow-in-the-dark stars __Larger than life-sized bronze statues of the Backpage writers triumphantly astride miniature horses __Pudding pops __Vanilla yogurt, carrots, mushrooms, a can of tomato sauce, long-grain rice and a loaf of sourdough bread (I just don’t feel like going grocery shopping this week) __More episodes of “Firefly” or “Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23” __Formal thank you notes hand-written in calligraphy delivered by chanting Gregorian monks __Hugs
ALSO-TISEMENT
We surveyed the campus and found out what we were really missing on campus. Eleven is more than ten. Prentiss Dining Hall: $11 - Thanksgiving dinner $10 - Canadian Thanksgiving dinner Jewett Dining Hall: $11 - Ribeye steak $10 - Ice-cream cone Whitman Bookstore: $11 - Signed copy of Whitman alumni’s most recent book $10 - Chocolate bar
Café 41: $11 - Curry chicken salad sandwich $10 - Small container of peanut butter Café 66: $11 - Deluxe double hamburger $10 - Parfait cup
Writers wanted The Pioneer is now hiring writers for the backpage. Must be funny (negotiable), and must be willing to work for $10 per article (non-negotiable). Must be able to start immediately. Expect no raises. Ever. Email your application to: pio.backpage@gmail.com
ADVERTISEMENT
Career Accelerator Panels Leading employers want your talent. You just need to develop the skills, experience and networks to differentiate yourself in the job market.
Kairos is a brand new education program designed to help graduates make the leap from college into a meaningful career. More info at kairos4.com sponsored by
With Kairos Co-Founders: Kristen Hamilton, CEO Josh Jarrett, CLO and Courtney Stanford ‘12, Kairos program participant
Monday, Nov. 11 4:00 & 7:30 PM Maxey 207 Food Provided for those who RSVP at http://www.whitman.edu/student-life/ student-engagement-center/kairosinfo-sessions