APR
8
28 2011
CHORAL CONTEST PREDICTIONS GgG¾9i¾iPG¾ 9BWe9NG¾\wwQBG ¾qG¾D\Z¼i¾Vkhi¾hQi¾9g\kZD¾q9iBPQZN¾¹ i¼h¾ æXq9sh¾+kZZs¾QZ¾(PQX9DGXePQ9º¾9ZD¾9hW¾eG\eXG¾i\¾ekXX¾\kg¾wQZNGgh§¾qG¾ XQWG¾ i\¾ hi9s¾ ke²i\²D9iG¾ \Z¾ iPG¾ hikwM¾ P9eeGZQZN¾ QZhQDG¾ iPG¾ 4PQiY9Z¾ Bubble. We have been informed that the 85th Annual Whitman Cho² g9X¾ \ZiGhi¾Qh¾P9eeGZQZN¾iPQh¾ gQD9s¾ZQNPi¾QZ¾ \gDQZGg¡¾ QpGZ¾\kg¾gGe² ki9iQ\Z¾M\g¾gG9XZGhh¾9ZD¾QZi\XGg9ZBG¾\M¾ekhhs¾A\kgNG\Qh¾QDG9Xh ¾qG¾DG² BQDGD¾i\¾AgG9W¾iPQh¾D\qZ¾M\g¾s¼9XX
BETA
Why They’ll Win: They can smoke cigarettes and sing at the same time. Why They’ll Lose: They’re Beta.
KAPPA
Why They’ll Win: They’re hot. Why They’ll Lose: Hotness doesn’t always equate with sounding good.
PHI
Why They’ll Win: They’re tall. Why They’ll Lose: Pot brownies beforehand might not be the best pre-contest warm-up.
SCHWA
Why They’ll Win: They’re Schwa. Why They’ll Lose: They won’t.
DG
Why They’ll Win: They do not accept defeat. Why They’ll Lose: Too many people rollin’.
TKE
Why They’ll Win: They’ve been practicing while pole dancing. Why They’ll Lose: Not enough contestants.
SIRENS
Why They’ll Win: Azns r cute. Why They’ll Lose: Their song choice will be off a “Now That’s What I Call Music!” album.
THETA
Why They’ll Win: Their Queen medley last year rocked. Why They’ll Lose: They’re singing “Friday”. FUN FUN FUN NO.
SIG T-TONES INDY WOMEN
Why They’ll Win: They actually practiced. Why They’ll Lose: Too many goons. Why They’ll Win: Matching outfits. Why They’ll Lose: No one a-capella group should have so much power. Why They’ll Win: They can actually sing. Why They’ll Lose: What’s with those robes?
INDY MEN
Why They’ll Win: They intend to kick ass and take names. Why They’ll Lose: They run the chance of literally kicking ass.
WINNERS
Indy women, Indy men, Schwa
ILLUSTRATION BY JOHNSON
Pornographers Mix-up LETTER FROM WEB
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kanye tweet of the week
To the students of Whitman College,
In a scheduling snafu which could otherwise be described as a giant fuck-up by one of the members of the Whitman Events Board, the upcoming New Pornographers concert will not be going exactly as planned. Instead of booking the indie rock musical group of that title, a certain member of our staff accidentally booked actual pornographers. Due to contractual obligations, the fact that we’ve already invested time and effort into advertising, and the fact that the guy who booked this already paid the wrong “Pornographers”, we’re gonna have a show anyway. Same time, same place.
kanyewest
This will still be a stage performance, as the pornography production company we hired specializes in real time, exhibitionist pornography. For that reason, your presence is greatly appreciated! The biggest changes we expect from our shift in acts is that onstage performance can be variable, and the music is going to likely suck balls. The actors and actresses are also likely to do just that. Nonetheless, it’s going to be a huge spectacle! Hope to see you there, ,PG¾4PQiY9Z¾ pGZih¾ \9gD¾+i9wM
Real Talk:
Women shave them
Kanye West
Cherry and apple, to name a few
I could never do stand-up ‘cause I tell jokes better when I’m sitting.
COMIC
THE TRIATHLON
Papal name
,PQh¾qGGWGZD ¾iPG¾4PQiY9Z¾ \XXGNG¾+egQZN¾,gQ9iPX\Z¾Qh¾P9e² Relieve oneself in a vulgar manner eGZQZN ¾ GgG¾9gG¾h\YG¾iPQZNh¾s\k¾Y9s¾Z\i¾WZ\q¾9A\ki¾iPG¾AQ² Decline 9ZZk9X¾igQ9iPX\Z¾9i¾4PQiY9Z Ѧ Pre-present The men are actually judged on
how well they pull off shirtlessness. Spectators vote online Having muchcan celerity polling via SurveyMonkey. clenched hand Ѧ A There is a strong correlation be-
Ѧ The swim team doesn’t harbor
judgments for those people who aren’t very good at swimming, but try anyway. This is unless, of course, those people really suck.
tween the money raised through this event andpoint how sexy the swim The main team will look in the following season. They swear it’s not inTop 10, for example versely correlated.
Ѧ It’s funny if the people manning
that’s code for that it’s not flat. Will-o'-the-_____ Ever. You go uphill both ways.
o-n. Did anyone else think it was "triathalon" up until just now?
the course point you in the wrong direction. So loosen up a bit and have a laugh.
Ѧ The arrows are a lie. Ѧ Characteristic When they say thatofthe por- accent a bike Spanish tion of the triathlon is a false flat, Ѧ Triathlon is spelled t-r-i-a-t-h-lILLUSTRATION BY ALDEN
Sagacious
WORD LADDER
Women shave them
Sun action
Hey all,
Cherry and apple, to name a few
Ceremonial act
Papal name
Plentiful
Relieve oneself in a vulgar manner
Whitewater vessel
Decline
Float gently, as a smell
Pre-present
Whitman or Disney
Having much celerity
Die, as a flower
A clenched hand
William Wallace's garb
The main point
Rotate slightly
Top 10, for example
Scrabble piece
Characteristic of a Spanish accent
Beer _____
Will-o'-the-_____
Tick relative
Sagacious
South American tea-like drink
I’m finding myself with a lack of time necessary to make a crossword yet again, so I thought I’d try something new: a word ladder! Each consecutive answer varies by one letter from the previous answer. For example, if the clue were alluding to what I am, the answer would be slut. The next clue might ask what you do with a baseball bat, and the answer would be slug. Get it? Hope you enjoy it! Adam
ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK’S JUMBLE OSPREY MUSKET PLAINS MARTEN FLAUNT Q: What is life without geometry? A: POINTLESS
Sun action