The Pioneer ISSUE 2 FEB 3, 2011
*giggles*
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8
Things Jan Starts should know
Backpage
The Backpage decided to do Whitman a kindness and give the Jan Starts a heads-up. We've compiled our wisdom into a handy little list. 1. If you’re not into white guys, transfer. Transfer now. 2. Don’t be ashamed about drinking in or before Encounters. Drink every time the overeager kid who is “majoring in philosophy” raises his hand and repeats what the professor just said. 3. Whitman actually does not have a uniform. All those people are wearing plaid of their own volition. 4. If you notice a weird silence on your way to dinner at Jewett, don’t be alarmed. That’s just Lyman. 5. Creeping on People Search is basically a minor at Whitman.
Salute the
major
6. BSU will host a dance with a title that should strike you as perpetuating stereotypes, but you end up deciding it’s probably okay since they came up with it. 7. Despite what your awkward roommate might try to tell you, Magic Cards were never cool. 8. About once a semester, Whitman will bring a band to campus. It’ll be that one band that you pretended to like in order to hit on that hipster girl at the record store. You have to go to a state school for Macklemore.
Inftf_ofon: On¡ L¡ss Lkn¡ls Gfrl This week, The Backpage had our own reporter get down to the nitty gritty of I-week. Here, she interviews an anonymous newly-initiated first-year:
cuts. How does this strengthen the bonds of sisterhood? JBD: It’s really helpful not having hair in my face during the naked candle ceremony! Pio: Wait. What? JBD: Huh? Pio: You just said “naked candle ceremony.” JBD: No, I didn’t. Pio: Pretty sure you did. JBD: Naked Super Smash Bros. tourney. Pio: What? JBD: No further comment. (Subject runs away from interviewer, shiny locks of Bieber hair whipping back and forth)
Pio: So, do you guys undergo any physical changes? I noticed you’re rocking the J-Biebs style hair, yet we haven’t seen you on lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com (awkward pause), so we’re forced to believe these are Greek shenanigans. Is this true? Justin Bieber Doppelganger: I can neither confirm nor deny that we were all forced to get bowl cuts. Although, I do believe Prentiss Dining Hall is missing a large quantity of bowls. Pio: Okay, so let’s just say you had to get bowl
Reasons to study abroad
Are you wondering what your major translates to in the real world? Maybe you are just regretting having switched out of BBMB into theater. In any case, we're offering a sampling of what some popular Whitman majors truly mean.
Asian Studies: You are probably Asian. Biology: You are pre-med and/ or uncreative. Chemistry: You don’t value your afternoons, and you definitely are not getting laid. Economics: Hustlenomic$ English: A degree to lay down sick beats that flow like a river. Environmental Studies _____________: Adding ES to a major means nothing more than the regular major would, you just have to do more (bullshit) work. Gender Studies: Seriously? Math: The square root of 69 is 8 somethin’, right? ‘Cause I’ve been tryna work it out, oh! Philosophy: The only major that really counts. Race and Ethnic Studies: You are a white girl.
JOHANSON
kanyewest Kanye West I just threw some bassoon on this muthaf**ka.
kanye tweet of the week
COMIC
SONG
CROSSWORD by ADAM BRAYTON
1
ACROSS 1. Flightless bird 4. Muqtada al-_____ 8. Minute or house 12. Ghana capital 14. Sword, to Pierre 15. Rick’s flame in “Casablanca” 16. What the Sustainability Committee took? 18. Deceiver 19. The white of the eye 20. “_____ for one … ” 21. Lois of “Superman”
22. _____ Bizkit 24. A pyramid, for one 26. His Noodley Appendage, abbr. 29. “Shucks!” 31. Liver or brat 34. Hoppy alc. bev. 35. “_____ the Wild” 37. Unprocessed chocolate 39. Noah’s worst fear come true on Ankeny? 43. “Don’t _____ on me” 44. Loveseat or divan, for example 45. For, to Juan 46. Prefix to porosis 48. “_____ Get Together”
50. Sea-Tac stat. 51. Tail-less cat 53. What statistics draw on 55. Johnny Bravo’s parent 58. Collection 60. Cantaloupe or honeydew 64. Actor McGregor 65. Second semester starter for the Greeks? 67. Tear 68. Native dwelling 69. Musa of medieval Mali 70. Brother of Jacob 71. State of comfortability 72. “I like _____”
DOWN 1. New England NCAA grouping 2. One thousand two hundred fifty 3. “Family Matters” character Steve 4. “_____ what I mean?” 5. Sports medicine org. 6. Distributed 7. Till again 8. San Francisco suburb 9. Shawkat of “Arrested Development” 10. Northeastern Thai province 11. Challenge 12. Sit-up muscles
13. Medieval Catholic courtyards 17. Vice president Hannibal 23. Flashes of hunger 25. Excessive 26. Black power symbol 27. Vice president Agnew 28. Like lion fur and some facial hair 30. Bar seat 32. Rune or land 33. A gypsy’s hand? 36. Murdered, to Don Vito 38. Gumbo must 40. Nepal capital
41. “That’s the right ______” 42. Japanese mat 47. At the location itself 49. It might be blown off 52. Ancient Greek etiquette 54. Mongolian range 55. Nothing better than 56. Dread 57. Energy to cast spells, in Magic 59. Paycheck supplements 61. Babe’s utterance? 62. The front end of a jet 63. Airport of the O.C. 66. It’s often worn with a vest
Puzzle Slut
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